1
00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,480
Speaker 1: Hey everyone, I'm so excited because we're going to be

2
00:00:02,560 --> 00:00:05,560
Speaker 1: adding a really special offering onto the back of my

3
00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:09,080
Speaker 1: solo episodes on Fridays. The Daily Jay is a daily

4
00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:12,160
Speaker 1: series on Calm and it's meant to inspire you while

5
00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:16,120
Speaker 1: outlining tools and techniques to live a more mindful, stress

6
00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:18,880
Speaker 1: free life. We dive into a range of topics and

7
00:00:18,920 --> 00:00:22,480
Speaker 1: the best part is each episode is only seven minutes long,

8
00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:25,400
Speaker 1: so you can incorporate it into your schedule no matter

9
00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:28,840
Speaker 1: how busy you are. As a dedicated part of the

10
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:32,199
Speaker 1: on Purpose community, I wanted to do something special for

11
00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:35,640
Speaker 1: you this year, so I'll be playing a handpicked Daily

12
00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:39,000
Speaker 1: Jay during each of my Friday podcasts. This week, I'm

13
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:42,600
Speaker 1: sharing an inspiring story that motivates me and hopefully can

14
00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:45,360
Speaker 1: motivate you too. Of course, if you want to listen

15
00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:48,159
Speaker 1: to The Daily Jay every day, you can go subscribe

16
00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:50,840
Speaker 1: to Calm. So go to calm dot com forward slash

17
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:55,920
Speaker 1: Jay for forty percent off your membership today.

18
00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:00,880
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.

19
00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:01,240
Speaker 1: You know.

20
00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:04,720
Speaker 2: Obviously, Burning in Hell is a mental health comedy podcast

21
00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:07,520
Speaker 2: and we have a lot of hilarious comedians on. We

22
00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:10,800
Speaker 2: have a lot of insightful people, but we've never had

23
00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:16,120
Speaker 2: a man who was a monk, and he's been everywhere

24
00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:19,680
Speaker 2: and now he's finally, you know, hit the top. He's

25
00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:22,360
Speaker 2: come to burning in hell, he's found the mecca of

26
00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:25,880
Speaker 2: mental health. Welcome Jay Sheddy to the pot.

27
00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:28,440
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for having me. I'm so glad

28
00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:30,440
Speaker 1: that I get to be with you today. Honestly, thank you.

29
00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:32,400
Speaker 2: You have very good energy.

30
00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:35,000
Speaker 1: Thank you because you never know.

31
00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:37,360
Speaker 2: I was. I thought I might be intimidated by you,

32
00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:41,440
Speaker 2: like he's all knowing, he's also very famous. There's like

33
00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:43,840
Speaker 2: a lot of things that could be intimidating, but you

34
00:01:43,959 --> 00:01:46,479
Speaker 2: kind of you have a very warm, warm energy that.

35
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,320
Speaker 1: Means the world to me. That's that's the best thing

36
00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:49,400
Speaker 1: I could have had Today's.

37
00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:50,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I'm like, do people just like him because

38
00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:53,160
Speaker 2: he has blue eyes? Or is he actually you know?

39
00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:56,080
Speaker 2: I mean, you are on this book tour and you

40
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:59,040
Speaker 2: sent it to me The Eight Rules of Love and

41
00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:01,560
Speaker 2: you're married, yes, which I kind of love because there's

42
00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:04,320
Speaker 2: a lot of like dating you know, people out there

43
00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:08,160
Speaker 2: and they've like never had a relationship before. But I

44
00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:10,320
Speaker 2: like that your book is not only like your teachings

45
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:13,200
Speaker 2: and your research over the years, but you also say

46
00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:16,280
Speaker 2: a little bit more about yourself. So what I want

47
00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:18,240
Speaker 2: to bring into this podcast today, because I feel like

48
00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:21,320
Speaker 2: you have so much amazing knowledge everywhere, is to get

49
00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:23,200
Speaker 2: to know you a little more, get to know your

50
00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:25,760
Speaker 2: hell a little bit and that you've been through. Why

51
00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:27,720
Speaker 2: have I not been asked to become a monk yet? Like,

52
00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:30,280
Speaker 2: how do you get into the monk ship? How did

53
00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:32,840
Speaker 2: you get in? Because no one's I'm not on the

54
00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:33,440
Speaker 2: email list?

55
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:35,360
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah you didn't. You didn't get the memo. No

56
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,720
Speaker 1: I'm not. You subscribed, Yeah no, I didn't swipe up,

57
00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:41,920
Speaker 1: Yeah no. And it's and for me it was the same.

58
00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:45,880
Speaker 1: It was I met a monk for the first time.

59
00:02:45,919 --> 00:02:48,000
Speaker 1: His name's Gouranga Das. I met him when I was

60
00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:51,280
Speaker 1: eighteen years old, and I met him because you still

61
00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:53,760
Speaker 1: had to go to events to meet people because there

62
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,600
Speaker 1: was no YouTube podcasts, you know, it was it was

63
00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:59,040
Speaker 1: a while ago, and so I would go to events.

64
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:03,480
Speaker 1: I'd love hearing from CEOs and athletes and musicians about

65
00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:06,639
Speaker 1: their rags to riches stories. And I wasn't fascinated by

66
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,440
Speaker 1: the rags and the riches. I was fascinated by what

67
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:12,880
Speaker 1: you're fascinated about here, like people's challenges and their mindset

68
00:03:12,919 --> 00:03:15,880
Speaker 1: and how they got there. And one night my friend

69
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:17,520
Speaker 1: said to me, hey, we should go and hear this

70
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:20,040
Speaker 1: monk speak. And I said to them, I said, well,

71
00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:21,560
Speaker 1: what am I going to learn from a monk? I'm

72
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,560
Speaker 1: fascinated by people who've gone from nothing to something, not

73
00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:26,600
Speaker 1: nothing to nothing, like what am I going to learn

74
00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:28,880
Speaker 1: from this guy? And they said, no, we should go,

75
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,360
Speaker 1: and I said, okay, I'll only go if we go

76
00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:34,840
Speaker 1: to a bar afterwards. Like that was my negotiation tactic,

77
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:38,440
Speaker 1: so to prove how spiritual I am. Yes, that's what

78
00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:39,760
Speaker 1: I was like as an eighteen year old, and my

79
00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:42,119
Speaker 1: friends were highly convincing. They said, yeah, sure, sure, sure,

80
00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:44,160
Speaker 1: we'll go to a bar afterwards. And so I went

81
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,520
Speaker 1: to this event and I went there with very low expectations.

82
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,040
Speaker 1: I thought I was going to walk in, walk out,

83
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,560
Speaker 1: We're going to hit up this bar. And I walked

84
00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:53,200
Speaker 1: there and I found something I wasn't looking for. I

85
00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:55,760
Speaker 1: wasn't looking for spirituality, I wasn't looking for meditation, I

86
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:59,040
Speaker 1: wasn't looking for well being. And the way this monk spoke,

87
00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:02,400
Speaker 1: he was talking about how serving others with your skills

88
00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:07,080
Speaker 1: is the purpose of human life, using your gifts to

89
00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:10,000
Speaker 1: impact and help other people is what we're meant to do.

90
00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:12,480
Speaker 1: And I'd never heard that before. So eighteen year old

91
00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:15,160
Speaker 1: me stayed behind wanted to shake his hand, like meet him.

92
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:17,480
Speaker 1: I ended up traveling with him that whole week in London,

93
00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:20,080
Speaker 1: going to all his events. Then I spent all my

94
00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:24,240
Speaker 1: summer vacations and Christmas vacations traveling to India to live

95
00:04:24,279 --> 00:04:27,240
Speaker 1: with him in the monastery. And then when I graduated,

96
00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:29,520
Speaker 1: I lived as a monk for three years. And so

97
00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:32,520
Speaker 1: it was a very long journey of spending time with

98
00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:34,320
Speaker 1: this one monk, to then spending time with the monks,

99
00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:37,000
Speaker 1: and then actually living as a monk. Holy Sorry, that's

100
00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:37,640
Speaker 1: the quick version.

101
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:40,479
Speaker 2: No, that was that was beautiful. Oh and were you

102
00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:42,280
Speaker 2: in where were you based when you weren't in.

103
00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:44,799
Speaker 1: Two hours outside of Mumbai? And then we traveled across

104
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,200
Speaker 1: Europe as well, so we'd live it different.

105
00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:48,360
Speaker 2: And where were you living when you were like with

106
00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:49,440
Speaker 2: your friends and stuff?

107
00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:51,600
Speaker 1: I was. I was in London, So I went to

108
00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:55,840
Speaker 1: university London Town, from London, from corner, raised in London. Yeah.

109
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,640
Speaker 2: Very cool. And I also feel like you've transcended like

110
00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:01,960
Speaker 2: traditional what we think it is, which is honestly like

111
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:06,200
Speaker 2: not relatable, and you've put it in this such like

112
00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:08,000
Speaker 2: like even your book, like you talk about boys and

113
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,920
Speaker 2: stuff and it's the kind of stuff that we information

114
00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:15,960
Speaker 2: that we could retain. So you kind of have figured

115
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:20,120
Speaker 2: out how to talk about love. But what did you

116
00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:21,719
Speaker 2: when you're a monk? Right?

117
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,760
Speaker 1: No, you're not, definitely not. So you're like a ce

118
00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:28,839
Speaker 1: celibate and you don't talk too well for me the

119
00:05:28,839 --> 00:05:32,599
Speaker 1: opposite sex, but you don't talk to the sex that

120
00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:37,080
Speaker 1: you're attracted to. So I'm completely living a celibate life.

121
00:05:37,279 --> 00:05:39,840
Speaker 1: I haven't spoken to a woman for those three years.

122
00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:43,200
Speaker 1: And the point isn't repression of suppression. The point is

123
00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:45,800
Speaker 1: to redirect your energy. And I always like to clarify

124
00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:48,200
Speaker 1: that because a lot of people think that monks think like,

125
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:49,960
Speaker 1: oh women are bad or this, and it's not. Yeah,

126
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,800
Speaker 1: it's actually a side of can I dedicate my mind

127
00:05:52,839 --> 00:05:55,200
Speaker 1: to mastering my mind? Like can I focus on that?

128
00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:58,120
Speaker 2: We do like really hot showers, so people think we're

129
00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:00,240
Speaker 2: connected as Satan sometimes as well men.

130
00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:02,720
Speaker 1: Right, yeah, oh yeah, I got it. We did cold

131
00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:06,119
Speaker 1: showers and months for that music there you got.

132
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,880
Speaker 2: You know, they do say the cold shower thing like

133
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,440
Speaker 2: gets your mind, right, but I'm like, I'm like, that was.

134
00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:14,320
Speaker 1: The original that we were taking cold showers, like that

135
00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:17,040
Speaker 1: was that was a normal part of life, and and yeah,

136
00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:19,360
Speaker 1: it was just what I found that I got from

137
00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:22,080
Speaker 1: that experience is from age fourteen, which is when I

138
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:25,159
Speaker 1: started dating, to age twenty one, I don't think I

139
00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,960
Speaker 1: ever had a gap between seeing someone or meeting someone

140
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:31,240
Speaker 1: withing with someone, Like, yeah, your teen years, you're like

141
00:06:31,279 --> 00:06:34,680
Speaker 1: constantly moving relationship to relationship to relationship, and those three

142
00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:36,560
Speaker 1: years and if you think about it, even for yourself

143
00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:39,640
Speaker 1: maybe anyone who's listening, how many days have you actually

144
00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:43,080
Speaker 1: spent not in the pursuit of someone or not being

145
00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:44,920
Speaker 1: pursued by someone in your entire life.

146
00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:45,680
Speaker 2: It's such a drug.

147
00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:48,719
Speaker 1: It's it's very littal, it's so mental, so many.

148
00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:51,680
Speaker 2: Because I always say, like I'm a creative genius as

149
00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:54,000
Speaker 2: an I give me anyone and in my head, I

150
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:57,040
Speaker 2: will make up something that I want, like put them

151
00:06:57,080 --> 00:07:01,000
Speaker 2: on any pedestal. Because having your crushes like it gives

152
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:01,960
Speaker 2: you a purpose.

153
00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:05,560
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, it gives you a purpose, like waking.

154
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:06,919
Speaker 2: Up in the morning is easier when you're like, I

155
00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:08,919
Speaker 2: hope I run into Jeremy at the cooler.

156
00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:12,040
Speaker 1: You know, Well, I ran into my first crush. I

157
00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:14,560
Speaker 1: still remember I was like eleven years old. How old

158
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:15,800
Speaker 1: were you when you had your first crush?

159
00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:17,800
Speaker 2: Oh, I was desertive from a young age.

160
00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:19,720
Speaker 1: Cool. Yeah, it took me to eleven. So I was

161
00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:23,160
Speaker 1: the late bloomer by your standard. But I remember having

162
00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,559
Speaker 1: this crush and every guy in school had a crush

163
00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:28,120
Speaker 1: on this girl. And I was overweight growing up. I

164
00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,680
Speaker 1: was also pretty much one of the only Indians in

165
00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:32,920
Speaker 1: my whole class, and so I got bullied a lot

166
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:35,080
Speaker 1: for both of those things. And so I remember turning

167
00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,200
Speaker 1: up to school late one day and everyone in the

168
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:39,080
Speaker 1: class was laughing at me and pointing and giggling, and

169
00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:41,760
Speaker 1: I was like, what do they know? And then I

170
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:43,360
Speaker 1: got a little slip from one of my friends and

171
00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:44,920
Speaker 1: I opened it up when you used to send notes

172
00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:47,120
Speaker 1: in class when you can text, And I opened it

173
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,640
Speaker 1: up and it said she knows, and I was like,

174
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:52,560
Speaker 1: she knows what? And so basically everyone in class had

175
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:54,520
Speaker 1: told the one girl that everyone had a crush on,

176
00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,960
Speaker 1: that only I had a crush on her. And so

177
00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:59,040
Speaker 1: for the less rest of the day, all the girls

178
00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:01,720
Speaker 1: stood behind like the playground in class and we're just

179
00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:04,160
Speaker 1: shouting like you're not in her league, She's out of

180
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:08,120
Speaker 1: your league. It was terrible. So that was my first experence.

181
00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:12,360
Speaker 1: Was very traumatizing. It's very traumatizing. But so it wasn't

182
00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:14,560
Speaker 1: a drug for me. It was, Yeah, it was. It

183
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:15,880
Speaker 1: was a bad drug exactly.

184
00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:18,440
Speaker 2: There is a thin line between like the joy it

185
00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:21,160
Speaker 2: could bring you and the pain. And I do like

186
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:23,840
Speaker 2: in your book that you talk about not only just

187
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:26,440
Speaker 2: the joy, but like the joys of being alone, the

188
00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:29,720
Speaker 2: joys of a breakup, that there are positivities in it

189
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:32,320
Speaker 2: is your book, how much is a gender based like

190
00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:34,600
Speaker 2: in terms of if you're a woman or a guy

191
00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:35,200
Speaker 2: reading it.

192
00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:37,960
Speaker 1: So I tried to take gender out of it because

193
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,720
Speaker 1: I really feel that a lot of what we're experiencing

194
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:43,840
Speaker 1: today is a complete mixture of experiences. I don't think

195
00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:45,600
Speaker 1: you could say, well, this is the same experience that

196
00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:48,160
Speaker 1: old women have. Yeah, Like, I just don't think that's

197
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:50,600
Speaker 1: the case anymore. Like I have so many more of

198
00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:52,760
Speaker 1: my female friends that are like the breadwin is in

199
00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:54,920
Speaker 1: their relationship now and they're leading the way, or they're

200
00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:57,559
Speaker 1: more driven and ambitious than some of their partners. And so, yeah,

201
00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:00,560
Speaker 1: the stereotypes are all Yeah, they're all blood. And so

202
00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:02,640
Speaker 1: for me, I was trying to write a book that

203
00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:05,640
Speaker 1: anyone could pick up in this generation and go, Okay,

204
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:07,400
Speaker 1: whether I'm looking for love with, whether I'm trying to

205
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:09,800
Speaker 1: hold onto it, or whether someone just broke up with

206
00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:12,440
Speaker 1: me and hurt me, this book's going to help that person.

207
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:15,240
Speaker 2: What I love about this book and I think you

208
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:18,040
Speaker 2: might have said it on Call Her Daddy, Okay a girl, Alex,

209
00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:21,680
Speaker 2: we love is you were like, there's so much stuff

210
00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:24,079
Speaker 2: that are not taught to us in school, and it

211
00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:27,040
Speaker 2: sounds like you almost had whatever education you had and

212
00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:30,280
Speaker 2: then thought this wasn't enough for me. And then you

213
00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:33,760
Speaker 2: have gone into your own studies and research and experiences.

214
00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:38,000
Speaker 2: If you could have a j shuddy like high school,

215
00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:42,280
Speaker 2: what classes do you think are essential to living a

216
00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:43,200
Speaker 2: fulfilled life?

217
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:46,359
Speaker 1: It is such a good and honestly a little.

218
00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:48,960
Speaker 2: Too deep, and you know, well, I'm trying to challenge you.

219
00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:52,920
Speaker 2: Make it funny, Yeah, I'm trying to challenge you.

220
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,720
Speaker 1: Most of us should not start a high school, including me, Like, like,

221
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,440
Speaker 1: first of all, let's just put it out there. Starting

222
00:09:57,440 --> 00:09:59,960
Speaker 1: a high school or a primary school, I sorry, element

223
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:03,319
Speaker 1: school as you call it here is such a deep

224
00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:06,920
Speaker 1: important task that no one should just start schools. I

225
00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:09,720
Speaker 1: think it's highly dangerous. And so even what I'm about

226
00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:12,760
Speaker 1: to say, it's caveatd with the fact that I don't

227
00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:15,240
Speaker 1: think even I know enough at this point to start

228
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:17,079
Speaker 1: a school. I think that's unhealthy.

229
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:20,040
Speaker 2: Yes, but if you were like ire on a townhall meeting,

230
00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:24,240
Speaker 2: can we add these classes? Yeah, this is our town meeting.

231
00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:27,160
Speaker 1: First of all, my biggest class would be emotional regulation.

232
00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:29,800
Speaker 1: That would be the number one class. And the reason

233
00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:31,440
Speaker 1: I say that, and it comes back to the Book

234
00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:34,960
Speaker 1: of Solitude, is that it's said that our heartbeats and

235
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:38,520
Speaker 1: our heart rates they synchronize when we're close to other people.

236
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:41,079
Speaker 1: And so first our caregivers, whether it's your mother or

237
00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:43,120
Speaker 1: your father, your uncle or your aunt, whoever took care

238
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:45,959
Speaker 1: of you, your heartbeat and your heart rate synchronizes with theirs.

239
00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:48,160
Speaker 1: And so the study says that the best thing for

240
00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:51,280
Speaker 1: your nervous system is another human being, but the worst

241
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,600
Speaker 1: thing for your nervous system is another human being.

242
00:10:53,679 --> 00:10:56,920
Speaker 2: Okay, that sounds like a pyramid scheme, and I hate

243
00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:58,439
Speaker 2: that life has done this to us.

244
00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:01,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, And so what I find is that your heart

245
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:04,240
Speaker 1: rate gets SYNCD up to your partners where you're now

246
00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:06,319
Speaker 1: sharing a mood. And so if you don't know how

247
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:08,480
Speaker 1: to self regulate, if you don't have to regulate your

248
00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:12,240
Speaker 1: own emotions, you're just going to become dependent on whoever

249
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:15,040
Speaker 1: you're around. And that's why codependency takes off because we

250
00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:17,400
Speaker 1: never learned to regulate our own emotions. So that's class

251
00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:17,880
Speaker 1: number one.

252
00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:19,440
Speaker 2: And if you grew up with a parent who also

253
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:22,640
Speaker 2: had trouble, then you could be anxious like they are,

254
00:11:22,679 --> 00:11:25,040
Speaker 2: anxious based on things that are out of your control.

255
00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:28,440
Speaker 1: Absolutely, and that's class number two. Healing from parents and

256
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,960
Speaker 1: healing from first loves, because whether it's your parents who,

257
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:33,280
Speaker 1: whether it's the first guy or girl or person you dated,

258
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:37,400
Speaker 1: all of those first love experiences completely transform what you

259
00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:40,520
Speaker 1: want in a relationship. Maybe the first person you dated

260
00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:43,680
Speaker 1: like made you insecure about how you look. Now anyone

261
00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:45,720
Speaker 1: that tells you look good is like the next attractive

262
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:46,520
Speaker 1: human beings.

263
00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:48,760
Speaker 2: When that person was projecting their own down to.

264
00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:51,640
Speaker 1: You exactly exactly. And the person who's being complimentary to you,

265
00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:53,640
Speaker 1: they may not even deeply like you. They may like

266
00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:56,840
Speaker 1: you only for that. And so I think unraveling the

267
00:11:57,040 --> 00:11:59,280
Speaker 1: gifts and gaps as I put in the book that

268
00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:01,640
Speaker 1: our parents get is class number two.

269
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:06,360
Speaker 2: I'd like to call it reparenting. Yeah, where it's kind

270
00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:09,520
Speaker 2: of like the voices in your head are those negative

271
00:12:09,559 --> 00:12:12,280
Speaker 2: things where you can say, actually, how would I want

272
00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:16,320
Speaker 2: to have spoken to my inner child? What's the third class?

273
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:19,120
Speaker 1: Well, I'm allowed another one? Yeah, all right, okay, class

274
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:22,640
Speaker 1: number three. Class number three would have.

275
00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:25,240
Speaker 2: To be do you think meditation should be on it?

276
00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:27,760
Speaker 1: I was Actually I would put meditation there. I might

277
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:30,439
Speaker 1: add that as a tool in emotional regulation. Yes, it's

278
00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:31,760
Speaker 1: a tool and a practice.

279
00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:32,160
Speaker 2: True.

280
00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:35,640
Speaker 1: I would say that's an after school program. Yeah, that's regular.

281
00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:38,840
Speaker 1: If you're smart, you get signed up. Yeah. No. The

282
00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:44,080
Speaker 1: other one that I'd add is financial master and financial training.

283
00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:46,680
Speaker 1: I just think that no one has any clue about

284
00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:49,079
Speaker 1: how much they should spend on rent, whether you should

285
00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:50,640
Speaker 1: get a mortgage or not, should you buy a house

286
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:52,719
Speaker 1: or not, should you save up for one? Do you

287
00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:54,400
Speaker 1: save or do you invest? What do you invest in?

288
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,920
Speaker 1: How do you know? Like, I think we have no idea.

289
00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:58,920
Speaker 2: Until you're like thirty four and someone goes, why haven't

290
00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:01,080
Speaker 2: you been putting this into an And you're like, is

291
00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:01,679
Speaker 2: that a STD?

292
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:01,920
Speaker 1: Like?

293
00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:05,800
Speaker 2: What is an IRA? So that is so true. I'm

294
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:08,360
Speaker 2: actually I grew up from a family of teachers, Like

295
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,520
Speaker 2: my grandpa was a gym teacher, my mom was a principal,

296
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:13,960
Speaker 2: my grandma was a librarian, and they I think about

297
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,800
Speaker 2: teaching a lot, and I just think there's so many

298
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:19,640
Speaker 2: holes because I was a people pleaser, and I always

299
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:22,200
Speaker 2: I was a perfectionist. I just wanted straight a's. So

300
00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:25,120
Speaker 2: I wasn't like consuming it. I was just trying to

301
00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:27,560
Speaker 2: win the game and then I would forget it. And

302
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:30,440
Speaker 2: then I entered life and it didn't matter that it's

303
00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:34,880
Speaker 2: straight a's. I was battling, you know, my perfectionism, anxiety depression,

304
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:38,120
Speaker 2: performing so that I feel lovable. Look at this a

305
00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,480
Speaker 2: turn to a therapy session, but that's what it always does.

306
00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:45,840
Speaker 2: And within yourself, how is your levels of anxiety depression?

307
00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:48,079
Speaker 2: Do you deal with a cocktail of them? What is

308
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,200
Speaker 2: your journey with that been?

309
00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:53,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like I really rebelled growing up against

310
00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:56,120
Speaker 1: what my parents or what my community wanted me to do.

311
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,360
Speaker 1: So I kind of started dealing with that early on.

312
00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:02,520
Speaker 1: So I had the anxiety almost as a young teenager.

313
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,319
Speaker 1: Of my parents wanted me to be good at maths

314
00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:06,480
Speaker 1: and sciences, yes, and while I was okay at those,

315
00:14:06,559 --> 00:14:08,400
Speaker 1: that's not what I wanted to do. What I wanted

316
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:12,680
Speaker 1: to do was philosophy, aren't design psychology Economics was definitely

317
00:14:12,679 --> 00:14:14,840
Speaker 1: a part of that, And so those are the subjects

318
00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:17,120
Speaker 1: I loved, and so I started rebelling early on, saying

319
00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:19,280
Speaker 1: I'm going to do what I want and pushing for

320
00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:22,880
Speaker 1: what you want. When you're thirteen fourteen years old, it

321
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,200
Speaker 1: kind of creates this really interesting place because now you're

322
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,680
Speaker 1: on your own because now it's like, well, you're the

323
00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:29,360
Speaker 1: only person doing that. Everyone's kind of following the trend.

324
00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:31,960
Speaker 1: And so I feel like that was it. But the

325
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,800
Speaker 1: biggest when you talk about depression of anxiety, the hardest

326
00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:38,360
Speaker 1: part where I experienced that was just before I went

327
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,080
Speaker 1: to become a monk and when I came back. So

328
00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:44,120
Speaker 1: I experienced it before I went anxiety because everyone in

329
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:47,000
Speaker 1: my community was telling me, you've been brainwashed. You know,

330
00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:49,440
Speaker 1: you're wasting your time, No one's ever going to marry you,

331
00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:51,120
Speaker 1: You're never going to make any more money again. Like

332
00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:54,440
Speaker 1: imagine everyone in your community and your family extended family

333
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:56,760
Speaker 1: going at you and just telling you that this is

334
00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:59,360
Speaker 1: the worst decision of your life. And you've just turned

335
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,600
Speaker 1: down your job and have decided to make this thing,

336
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:03,600
Speaker 1: and so there was a lot of anxiety attached to

337
00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:04,160
Speaker 1: the decision.

338
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:08,040
Speaker 2: But it takes a real strong, like inner voice to

339
00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:11,040
Speaker 2: go against what you're Like you think your parents are

340
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:11,920
Speaker 2: God's growing up?

341
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:12,240
Speaker 1: Yeah?

342
00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:14,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, So where did that come from? For you to think?

343
00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:16,000
Speaker 2: I know and they don't know.

344
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,360
Speaker 1: I feel my inner voice was so loud since I

345
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:21,040
Speaker 1: was fourteen and I could not ignore it. Like it's

346
00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:23,120
Speaker 1: just been so and I feel like it's got louder

347
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:24,720
Speaker 1: or stayed steady because I've listened to it.

348
00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:26,320
Speaker 2: Well, you don't live the kind of life you live

349
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:30,960
Speaker 2: like following rules. Yes, because you have a very unorthodox career.

350
00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:34,560
Speaker 2: I mean you're kind of like a superstar in like

351
00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:37,560
Speaker 2: the I don't even want to say spiritual, but it's

352
00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:40,680
Speaker 2: just like this the self help community. How do you

353
00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:44,400
Speaker 2: do you ever get like hate from more like traditional

354
00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:48,160
Speaker 2: monks or spiritual people because you are so on the

355
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:51,640
Speaker 2: internet and putting your face out there and making money.

356
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:52,200
Speaker 1: Yeah.

357
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,440
Speaker 2: I think this because they're kind of transcending traditional I think.

358
00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:59,680
Speaker 1: There's definitely a perspective around like, you know, is this

359
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:03,040
Speaker 1: being you know, watered down or is it being put

360
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,920
Speaker 1: out there in a way. But I think that overall,

361
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,200
Speaker 1: I find that the people who really know me, or

362
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:11,120
Speaker 1: are the people that I've gotten to know deeply, they

363
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:16,120
Speaker 1: understand that I love the idea of making things simple, accessible, digestible,

364
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:20,600
Speaker 1: relevant like me. That's how I was taught about this wisdom,

365
00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:23,040
Speaker 1: and that's what made it so it has to be demystified.

366
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:25,280
Speaker 2: Well, like, look at me, I have it, HD. I'm

367
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:29,160
Speaker 2: not reading a book, yeah, but I will stop at

368
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:32,800
Speaker 2: a clip of you where you're looking, you know, and

369
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:34,960
Speaker 2: you have the cool font and maybe some good music

370
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:36,080
Speaker 2: in the back, and it's fifteen s.

371
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:38,359
Speaker 1: That's one of us, and that's most of us today.

372
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:41,080
Speaker 2: And that's a smart like marketing brain of yours.

373
00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:43,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I don't think we should be looking down.

374
00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:45,840
Speaker 1: It's not like, oh, you're getting the watered down version. Actually,

375
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:49,280
Speaker 1: there's this beautiful statement by a writer named Ivan Pavlov

376
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:53,200
Speaker 1: where he said that, well, he wrote this story. He's

377
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:55,120
Speaker 1: not writer, but he wrote this statement that I love.

378
00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:57,320
Speaker 1: And he said that if you can't explain something simply,

379
00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:01,560
Speaker 1: you don't understand it well enough. Me. I'm constantly like

380
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:03,920
Speaker 1: grappling with ideas, going how do I explain this simply, like,

381
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:06,840
Speaker 1: how can I make this really accessible for myself because

382
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,000
Speaker 1: then I can live it and for others so they

383
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,639
Speaker 1: can live it. Like to me, that's a sort of compassion,

384
00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:14,359
Speaker 1: Like it's empathy. Like to me, compassion and empathy is like,

385
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,400
Speaker 1: how can I make this so easy for anyone to understand,

386
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:19,600
Speaker 1: because then I'll be able to live it and change

387
00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:21,560
Speaker 1: my life and they'll be able to do the same.

388
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,919
Speaker 2: Well, even in your book you reference, is it Sands

389
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:24,480
Speaker 2: grat Y.

390
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:27,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, so I've liked the book.

391
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:31,880
Speaker 2: I mean she scammed, but like I loved like when

392
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:35,120
Speaker 2: you talked about karma, and like as someone who loves yoga,

393
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:38,240
Speaker 2: like I see these things kind of connecting. What is

394
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:40,160
Speaker 2: your current religion?

395
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:44,800
Speaker 1: So I have taken different practices from different traditions that

396
00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:48,640
Speaker 1: I find fascinating. Overall, I follow a text called the Vaders,

397
00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:52,920
Speaker 1: which is a universal text which doesn't have a religion

398
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:56,159
Speaker 1: or particular spiritual path aligned to it. It's just speaking

399
00:17:56,240 --> 00:18:00,159
Speaker 1: universally about practices like meditation and wisdom and knowledge. And

400
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:03,640
Speaker 1: so for me, I practice three different forms of meditation,

401
00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:07,280
Speaker 1: breath work, visualization, and mantra, which is the repetition of

402
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:10,360
Speaker 1: sacred sound A lot of what I practice is inspired

403
00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:12,880
Speaker 1: out of India because that was the tradition I lived

404
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:15,760
Speaker 1: in as a monk, and so to me. But I honestly,

405
00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:19,120
Speaker 1: having said that, you know, I've loved pretty much every

406
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:22,479
Speaker 1: spiritual text I've picked up. I tell and read stories

407
00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:26,719
Speaker 1: from so many different traditions. I consider myself a practitioner,

408
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,760
Speaker 1: you know, like a citizen of the world when it

409
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:31,639
Speaker 1: comes to culture and spirituality because I feel like I

410
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,200
Speaker 1: can genuinely learn from any part and any tradition.

411
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:37,320
Speaker 2: Well, that's why your book is interesting to me about love,

412
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:41,000
Speaker 2: because I feel like you've had so many different cultural experiences.

413
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:45,000
Speaker 2: So to write a universal book was that hard at all?

414
00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:47,879
Speaker 2: Because I mean, like how Americans view sex versus like

415
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:50,520
Speaker 2: how like the Middle East view sex, or the Brits

416
00:18:51,119 --> 00:18:54,199
Speaker 2: or you know, the Chinese. Who knows, how did you

417
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:55,920
Speaker 2: kind of globalize that?

418
00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:58,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I'm always trying to put ancient wisdom together

419
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:03,120
Speaker 1: with modern science pop culture, right, So, yeah, that's kind

420
00:19:03,119 --> 00:19:04,879
Speaker 1: of like my world and that's me too. Like I

421
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:08,000
Speaker 1: love movies, I love monks, and I love media and

422
00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,400
Speaker 1: marketing like I love all of that, and so I'm

423
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,600
Speaker 1: just embracing all of those worlds that I live in

424
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,400
Speaker 1: and putting them all together, and to me, there's such

425
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,639
Speaker 1: a beautiful synergy in harmony that comes from that. So

426
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:20,560
Speaker 1: if something was true five thousand years ago, and if

427
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:23,040
Speaker 1: science proves it today, and if you can see it

428
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:27,000
Speaker 1: in mainstream media, then there's chances that it universally exists.

429
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,280
Speaker 1: And so to me, I'm trying to create things that

430
00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:33,000
Speaker 1: are timely and timeless because to me, something that's timeless

431
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:35,760
Speaker 1: is always timely. So I'm not trying to be so

432
00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:37,600
Speaker 1: in the now that it's a trend and it won't

433
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:39,159
Speaker 1: make sense. I would hope that someone could pick up

434
00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:41,240
Speaker 1: this book in ten twenty years and it would still

435
00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:44,600
Speaker 1: hold true. Yes, some of the examples of phones and

436
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:47,680
Speaker 1: names may change, but the wisdom or the thought behind

437
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:49,320
Speaker 1: the book will make sense because a lot of the

438
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:52,080
Speaker 1: ideas are five thousand years old, but science is proving

439
00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:55,480
Speaker 1: them today. And so that's kind of like the cocktail

440
00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:56,480
Speaker 1: that I like to put together.

441
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:59,119
Speaker 2: Oh I love a cocktail. Are you sober?

442
00:19:59,240 --> 00:19:59,960
Speaker 1: I should have said them up?

443
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:00,800
Speaker 2: Are you still right?

444
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,720
Speaker 1: Yes? Yeah, I'm not. I don't know how everyone defines

445
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:06,280
Speaker 1: that word. So, yeah, I don't drink alcohol, huh, but

446
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:08,960
Speaker 1: I only ever was a social drinker or a games drinker.

447
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,359
Speaker 1: That's how I drank the most. And my friends they

448
00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:13,840
Speaker 1: me and my friends would play too many. Well, we

449
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,679
Speaker 1: all started drinking very early. Yeah, I drink here like

450
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:19,280
Speaker 1: thirteen and fourteen years old. Yeah, and we played a

451
00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:22,160
Speaker 1: lot of drinking games. Ring of Fire was my personal favorite,

452
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:25,760
Speaker 1: and we just yeah, we just drank our way to

453
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:28,880
Speaker 1: quitting early because it just yeah, I just got into

454
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:30,600
Speaker 1: it so young. But yes, I don't drink anymore.

455
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:35,119
Speaker 2: Do you have any insights on like hook up culture.

456
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:36,800
Speaker 2: A lot of girls are in their twenties, and I

457
00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:39,680
Speaker 2: feel like a lot of people talk about like energies

458
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:42,600
Speaker 2: of like a quick hookup versus like you have to

459
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,840
Speaker 2: wait five dates before you have sex. What's your theory

460
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:49,280
Speaker 2: on the exchange of like physicalness in this world?

461
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, correctly. I think it depends on what you want

462
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:54,320
Speaker 1: and what you're looking for. Like to me, if someone's

463
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:59,200
Speaker 1: just exploring and enjoying and expressing themselves, that's awesome. If

464
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:02,520
Speaker 1: someone's trying to build something serious and want something to

465
00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:04,879
Speaker 1: last long term, I think there's a different tactic and

466
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:07,840
Speaker 1: a different approach, and ultimately anything can kind of end

467
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:10,119
Speaker 1: up anywhere because of how it evolves and grows. But

468
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:13,120
Speaker 1: I think the biggest mistake people make is they think

469
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:17,240
Speaker 1: there are set guidelines yes, as to how it should

470
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:17,680
Speaker 1: be done.

471
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:19,600
Speaker 2: You see it all over the place, and it.

472
00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:21,760
Speaker 1: Doesn't make sense because yeah, like you just said, if

473
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:24,119
Speaker 1: someone's like, oh, don't have sex still date five, or

474
00:21:24,119 --> 00:21:25,959
Speaker 1: don't have sex still date twenty, or don't you know,

475
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,440
Speaker 1: I think all those kind of things actually just make

476
00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:30,840
Speaker 1: you focus on that even more and they stop you

477
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:32,600
Speaker 1: from focusing on everything else you should be looking.

478
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:34,880
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, if you're putting your energy towards that, are

479
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:37,480
Speaker 2: you really being your authentic self totally? Or are you like,

480
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:40,919
Speaker 2: have a little checkbook and me and you both know

481
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:43,160
Speaker 2: if you just look at a checkbook or a list,

482
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:46,800
Speaker 2: that's not authentic love. That's not intimacy, not at all.

483
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:48,520
Speaker 1: And I would go on to say this, and again

484
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:50,560
Speaker 1: I'm diving too the science here. If I get too dorky,

485
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:52,959
Speaker 1: you can let me know, nice, But it's really interesting.

486
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,760
Speaker 1: So chemistry that we feel with someone of a spark

487
00:21:56,359 --> 00:22:00,600
Speaker 1: is described as experiencing stress and excitement at the same time.

488
00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:03,359
Speaker 1: So it's the excitement of I just got her number,

489
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,400
Speaker 1: but the stresses is she going to text me right,

490
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:09,399
Speaker 1: or the excitement is oh my god, Oh my god,

491
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:11,760
Speaker 1: he just text me. The stress is, oh my god,

492
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:14,560
Speaker 1: what do I text back? Right? So chemistry is actually

493
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:17,320
Speaker 1: us feeling excitement and stress at the same time. Now,

494
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:20,760
Speaker 1: when you get to know someone, the stress drops because

495
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:23,000
Speaker 1: you've become more comfortable with them. Now we think the

496
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:26,480
Speaker 1: excitement's gone, but it hasn't it You've become more comfortable

497
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:29,399
Speaker 1: with them in a healthy way. So the interesting about sex,

498
00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:31,800
Speaker 1: getting on back to that topic, is that all the

499
00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:36,200
Speaker 1: studies show that when oxytocin is released during and after sex,

500
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:41,800
Speaker 1: you feel closer, but you're not actually emotionally closer. And

501
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:46,160
Speaker 1: the chemical oxytocin also has a temporary memory block, which

502
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:48,199
Speaker 1: means if you just had a massive argument about how

503
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:51,280
Speaker 1: you don't trust that person, now that that chemical is

504
00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:56,160
Speaker 1: released like crazy, they're amazing. I love them. So it's

505
00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:58,560
Speaker 1: really interesting, and that's where I think a lot of

506
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:02,960
Speaker 1: these ideas about delaying sex come from. What I hope

507
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:04,680
Speaker 1: they do. I mean, if they don't, then that would

508
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:07,240
Speaker 1: be the only reason is that you don't make as

509
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:09,960
Speaker 1: good a decision about someone when you're in that kind

510
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:13,040
Speaker 1: of illusion of we're so close that actually it's a

511
00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:13,960
Speaker 1: chemical reaction.

512
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:15,240
Speaker 2: Wow.

513
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:17,199
Speaker 1: So I really looked into this stuff because I was

514
00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:19,639
Speaker 1: fascinated by like, why do we feel close? And that's

515
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:22,000
Speaker 1: why so many people have makeup sex or break up

516
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:24,200
Speaker 1: sex and then get back together back yes, because it's

517
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:25,880
Speaker 1: this idea of like, oh no, no, but we are

518
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,360
Speaker 1: really close. We don't have any problems. There's a temporary

519
00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:29,399
Speaker 1: memory block going on.

520
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,440
Speaker 2: And I love what you said about like the connection

521
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:35,359
Speaker 2: of fear and sometimes getting that combined with like excitement,

522
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:37,600
Speaker 2: and then when you lose that fear, you think like

523
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:39,720
Speaker 2: am I not excited about this person anymore?

524
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:40,120
Speaker 1: Yeah?

525
00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:45,160
Speaker 2: And I learned that, like, love has so many different meanings,

526
00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:47,520
Speaker 2: and I like i'd argue when you ask someone what

527
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:51,359
Speaker 2: does love mean? You'll get tons of different answers based

528
00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:54,440
Speaker 2: on different people. But I just got married in May.

529
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,200
Speaker 2: I know you're married, thank you. And there is that

530
00:23:57,240 --> 00:24:02,480
Speaker 2: feeling of like comfort that you could never feel within

531
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:05,600
Speaker 2: like the first month or two. But it's a different

532
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:09,760
Speaker 2: kind of high, of like a stability and a safeness

533
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:13,600
Speaker 2: and understanding that I don't think we talk about a lot.

534
00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:16,399
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I think if you're looking for chemistry, you

535
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:19,159
Speaker 1: should change who you see every month or every day.

536
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:20,960
Speaker 2: Like you have you heard the birth control drama?

537
00:24:21,119 --> 00:24:22,720
Speaker 1: No tell me people are saying.

538
00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:25,600
Speaker 2: That birth control sometimes people get off birth control and

539
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:31,600
Speaker 2: be attracted to different men really because of the different hormones.

540
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:36,679
Speaker 2: Because because your hormones changing, that your attractions could be different.

541
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:38,639
Speaker 1: So what so what changes? I'm fascinated.

542
00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:42,240
Speaker 2: I don't I don't read full paragraphs. I get sent,

543
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,959
Speaker 2: but I'm a skimmer. But it is something of the

544
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:50,000
Speaker 2: fact that like love and attraction is like scientific in

545
00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:52,720
Speaker 2: your brain, and it can be hormonal or like sometimes

546
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:54,600
Speaker 2: when you get pregnant and you hate your husband.

547
00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:57,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, a lot of my friends have been.

548
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:02,800
Speaker 2: Can you stop brea? In my direction? What I also

549
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:06,520
Speaker 2: liked is you delved into how to like fight? Well, yes,

550
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:08,560
Speaker 2: and I don't think we talk about that ever.

551
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:11,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, we never do, because I think it's an art form.

552
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:14,280
Speaker 1: It's kung fu it is, or it's MMA it's or

553
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:18,200
Speaker 1: it's wrestling or it's something. Yes, and not knowing whether

554
00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:21,200
Speaker 1: you're MMA or whether you're wrestling or whether you're kung

555
00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:23,040
Speaker 1: fu is where the issue comes from.

556
00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:26,040
Speaker 2: I do think in my relationship, once I understood them

557
00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:30,600
Speaker 2: more and learned not to take things personally, it really

558
00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:33,399
Speaker 2: helps because sometimes they'll say something and you're like, you

559
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:35,160
Speaker 2: don't even understand me, and then you realize, like, oh,

560
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,800
Speaker 2: that's how you know. His father spoke to him. That's

561
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:40,960
Speaker 2: all he knows. And and then you decide do I

562
00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:41,680
Speaker 2: want to deal with this?

563
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:43,879
Speaker 1: And he's never had the chance to even reflect on

564
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:46,119
Speaker 1: that because he may not be aware, or she may not,

565
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:47,840
Speaker 1: or they may not be aware. I think so many

566
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:51,280
Speaker 1: of us. If you've done a bit of work, you

567
00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:53,080
Speaker 1: can see it. But the problem is when you've done

568
00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:55,399
Speaker 1: a bit of self work, you start judging everyone else.

569
00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:58,720
Speaker 1: And she want to avoid that because it's a really

570
00:25:58,800 --> 00:25:59,520
Speaker 1: unhealthy way to do.

571
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:02,840
Speaker 2: Should got a therapist, Oh you go to therapy.

572
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:07,920
Speaker 1: At My therapist told me, yes, you my dad can

573
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:10,360
Speaker 1: be of your dad. Yeah, like in the playground, that's

574
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:12,080
Speaker 1: what it was. It's like my dad would take out

575
00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:12,520
Speaker 1: your dad.

576
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:14,560
Speaker 2: But the therapist knows what's going on.

577
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:19,000
Speaker 1: Usually, But John John and Julie Gotman, who have been

578
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 1: married for god knows how many years, but they have

579
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:25,160
Speaker 1: an amazing study called the Gotman Institute, which looks at

580
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:27,320
Speaker 1: all of this amazing research, and they found that the

581
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:31,120
Speaker 1: number one thing that keeps couples together is not date nights.

582
00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:34,160
Speaker 1: It's not walks on the beach. It's not dinners, it's

583
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:38,480
Speaker 1: not movie nights, it's not holidays. It's learning how to fight.

584
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:41,240
Speaker 1: And when I saw that, I was like, wow, Like

585
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:43,360
Speaker 1: learning how to fight is a skill, it's an art

586
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:45,680
Speaker 1: form and kind of like what you just said about

587
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:48,639
Speaker 1: taking things personally. So when me and my wife first

588
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:50,640
Speaker 1: started dating and when we got married in where we'd

589
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:54,320
Speaker 1: first argue, I want to talk about it now and

590
00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:56,320
Speaker 1: figure it out right now. That's the kind of fighter

591
00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:57,480
Speaker 1: I am, right, And.

592
00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:00,439
Speaker 2: Men could be very logical like, well, APUs bleaks, so

593
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:01,080
Speaker 2: what are we doing?

594
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:03,520
Speaker 1: And I'm very much like that. Yeah, and I call

595
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:05,040
Speaker 1: that in the book venting. It's like I want to

596
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:06,840
Speaker 1: figure out now, and I want to do it right now.

597
00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:09,320
Speaker 1: My wife is what I call a hider. She wants

598
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:11,119
Speaker 1: to go into a room. She wants to like not

599
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:13,040
Speaker 1: talk to me. She wants to think about it, she

600
00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:14,960
Speaker 1: wants to reflect on it, she wants to figure it out.

601
00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:17,480
Speaker 1: At the beginning of our relationship, I took that personally.

602
00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:19,000
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, wait, you don't care as much

603
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:20,960
Speaker 1: as I do. So I'm standing right here and you'll work.

604
00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:22,920
Speaker 2: I want to fix it. You're giving up.

605
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:25,720
Speaker 1: Exactly, and then only to realize that that's just how

606
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:28,440
Speaker 1: she dealt with it, because when she came back sometimes

607
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:32,440
Speaker 1: two days later there's a bit of a waiting outside,

608
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:35,879
Speaker 1: but like two days later when she came back, it's like,

609
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:37,879
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, she was actually in the place to

610
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:40,000
Speaker 1: process it. And so what we found is you need

611
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,879
Speaker 1: two days, I need one hour. Like now we're going

612
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:45,440
Speaker 1: to meet in twelve hours a day, like we're gonna

613
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:47,199
Speaker 1: meet in the middle and figure it out. And then

614
00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:50,200
Speaker 1: the third fight star I explain is exploding where it's

615
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:52,160
Speaker 1: like I want to talk about my emotions right now.

616
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:53,640
Speaker 1: So you're not trying to fix it, you're not trying

617
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:55,960
Speaker 1: to solve it, but you need to be heard. Neither

618
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:58,560
Speaker 1: of these is good or bad. It's recognizing that we're

619
00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:02,160
Speaker 1: all different and we all deal with stress and conflict differently. Yes,

620
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 1: And if you saw your partner for just a style,

621
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:06,200
Speaker 1: like you were like, that's this.

622
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:08,919
Speaker 2: That is so smart. I actually my husband and I

623
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:12,080
Speaker 2: once he like, upset me with something and I said

624
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:14,840
Speaker 2: that upset me. I want you to apologize, and he

625
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:18,800
Speaker 2: basically was like, you're overreacting. I'm not apologizing. So we

626
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:22,679
Speaker 2: sat there, and we just started dying laughing because like

627
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:25,080
Speaker 2: we were looking at it based on our styles, where

628
00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:28,320
Speaker 2: I was like, you're being stubborn and I'm being triggered

629
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:31,920
Speaker 2: and you're and we instead of fighting about the actual

630
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:34,240
Speaker 2: thing was very stupid me instead were like, Okay, how

631
00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:36,359
Speaker 2: do we long term fix this? Because I'm like I

632
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:37,919
Speaker 2: just want to hear you say sorry, and he's like, well,

633
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:39,640
Speaker 2: I don't want to admit to something I don't think

634
00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:42,280
Speaker 2: I did wrong. And the next thing you know, you're like, oh,

635
00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:45,239
Speaker 2: we are working on this long term relationship. I think

636
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:47,479
Speaker 2: relationships are just do you want to talk to this

637
00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:48,560
Speaker 2: person for the rest of your life?

638
00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:49,400
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah?

639
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:52,120
Speaker 2: And can you navigate that conversation, which is like what

640
00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:55,960
Speaker 2: you said, It's not about the fancy, extravagant vacations, It's

641
00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:58,440
Speaker 2: about are you on the couch? And can you tolerate

642
00:28:58,840 --> 00:28:59,800
Speaker 2: basic conversation?

643
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:02,400
Speaker 1: I can you solve problems together? And do you want

644
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:05,880
Speaker 1: to grow together? I read this research that kind of

645
00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:07,960
Speaker 1: goes exactly with what you just said. It was saying

646
00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:10,120
Speaker 1: that if you want to consider someone a casual friend,

647
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:12,560
Speaker 1: you have to spend forty hours with them. If you

648
00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:14,600
Speaker 1: want to consider someone a good friend, you have to

649
00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:16,960
Speaker 1: spend one hundred quality hours with them. And if you

650
00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 1: want to consider someone a great friend or a best friend,

651
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:21,440
Speaker 1: you have to spend two hundred hours with them of

652
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:24,520
Speaker 1: deep time. And so when I think about being with someone,

653
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:26,120
Speaker 1: or if you think about having a future with someone,

654
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:28,400
Speaker 1: it's like, do I want to spend two hundred deep

655
00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:31,680
Speaker 1: quality hours getting to know this person is a great

656
00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:33,880
Speaker 1: way of knowing whether there's longevity here.

657
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:35,880
Speaker 2: And I think nowadays we don't think like that. We're like,

658
00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:39,080
Speaker 2: if I post him on Instagram? Are the girl he's

659
00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:42,160
Speaker 2: gonna love it? Do you look at esthetically? And I

660
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:44,200
Speaker 2: learned from an I feel like everyone has that one

661
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:47,200
Speaker 2: relationship where you're with the person that society tells you

662
00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:49,080
Speaker 2: should be with. I always I have. I'm a stand

663
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:52,240
Speaker 2: up comedian, and I joke about Disney and how Disney

664
00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:54,480
Speaker 2: like who we should be attracted to. Like, as a

665
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:56,880
Speaker 2: young girl, it's like there's that one prince on a

666
00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:59,560
Speaker 2: horse with a stupid hairdoo and he's probably a narcissist,

667
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:01,160
Speaker 2: and he takes up all the space in the room,

668
00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:03,720
Speaker 2: and you're like, that's the one everyone wants me to marry.

669
00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:06,200
Speaker 2: And then you find that guy and he makes me

670
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:09,440
Speaker 2: feel horrible and you're unfulfilled and you're shelly yourself. And

671
00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:12,480
Speaker 2: then you're like, wait, I don't even have anything in

672
00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:14,800
Speaker 2: common with this man. And just because you know so

673
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:16,520
Speaker 2: and so thinks it's cool you're dating a guy on

674
00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:18,680
Speaker 2: the football team or something, and I think we all

675
00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:21,320
Speaker 2: have to overcome it's almost like an ego death with relationship.

676
00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:26,480
Speaker 2: How did you realize your wife was the kind of

677
00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:28,840
Speaker 2: person that you could spend the rest of your life with?

678
00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:30,600
Speaker 1: Deep?

679
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:34,000
Speaker 2: Question, Deep, she's listening.

680
00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:38,400
Speaker 1: So yeah, exactly. So I was attracted to from the

681
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:40,480
Speaker 1: first moment I saw her. So that was easy that part.

682
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:42,479
Speaker 1: That part was already taken care of. If you asked her,

683
00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:45,920
Speaker 1: she'd be like, eh, she wasn't. She wasn't.

684
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:47,880
Speaker 2: I feel like guys are pretty black and white with that,

685
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:49,920
Speaker 2: like they're either like I want to be with.

686
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:52,840
Speaker 1: Her, yeah, And then getting to know her, I think

687
00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:55,680
Speaker 1: I just found that she just made me laugh, like

688
00:30:56,120 --> 00:31:01,480
Speaker 1: is hilarious, She's adorable, she's she does funniest stuff.

689
00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:03,440
Speaker 2: That makes me so happy that you say that.

690
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:05,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like she ask any of my team and

691
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:07,200
Speaker 1: she's like that with everyone. It's not like she's just

692
00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:09,120
Speaker 1: like that with me, it's like that's just who she is,

693
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:12,320
Speaker 1: and she radiates this like pure joy and anyone who's

694
00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:14,240
Speaker 1: ever around it. It's almost like people become friends with

695
00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:15,360
Speaker 1: me and they're like, oh, Jay, I really like you,

696
00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:17,200
Speaker 1: and then they meet my wife and it's like, who's Jay.

697
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:19,160
Speaker 1: Like that happens every time.

698
00:31:19,240 --> 00:31:21,920
Speaker 2: Like that is even in a relationship where like you're

699
00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:24,760
Speaker 2: with someone and you're like, don't say that thing. We're

700
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,600
Speaker 2: like you're you're you can tolerate them alone, But then

701
00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:30,840
Speaker 2: in a circle you're like, oh, I just think he's tall,

702
00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:32,920
Speaker 2: but socially he's I actually don't like how he deals

703
00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:36,120
Speaker 2: with people. So to be proud of how your partner

704
00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:38,240
Speaker 2: exists in the world is huge.

705
00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 1: And I'm just jealous of her because she just feals

706
00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:42,880
Speaker 1: my friends. But no, I think she's very I think

707
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:44,720
Speaker 1: the thing about I love about my wife the most

708
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:47,440
Speaker 1: is I think she really knows me deeply m and

709
00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:49,560
Speaker 1: she accepts me for all that I am, almost cause

710
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:51,719
Speaker 1: all my mistake. So I feel like I've showed her

711
00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:54,560
Speaker 1: as time's gone on, more and more of myself. And

712
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:58,719
Speaker 1: I don't feel that I've ever felt judged, criticized, or

713
00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:02,360
Speaker 1: not been given compassion and grace at any of those points.

714
00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:04,520
Speaker 1: And I think that that's why I love her, because

715
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:08,560
Speaker 1: I know that whether we had anything or didn't have anything,

716
00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:10,479
Speaker 1: I know that she'd be right there. Yeah, she's been

717
00:32:10,480 --> 00:32:11,680
Speaker 1: with me since day one as well.

718
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:15,320
Speaker 2: So as a monk, there's not a lot of monks

719
00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:18,800
Speaker 2: who have become famous, and you are putting yourself out there.

720
00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:22,720
Speaker 2: You're putting all of your teachings and thoughts into the

721
00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:26,800
Speaker 2: world to be judged. Do you have any ever, there's

722
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:29,800
Speaker 2: so much fame going on nowadays. Do you have any

723
00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:34,160
Speaker 2: insight of how you deal with the public eye in

724
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:36,520
Speaker 2: a peaceful way.

725
00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:39,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a great question. And obviously I always say, like,

726
00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:42,160
Speaker 1: I'm not a monk anymore. So I teach from my

727
00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:44,760
Speaker 1: practice that I lived as a monk for three years,

728
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:47,080
Speaker 1: but now I'm married, I'm a business person and I

729
00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:50,479
Speaker 1: have a podcast, in books and everything else, and so

730
00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:52,760
Speaker 1: one of the biggest things for me and how I

731
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:57,680
Speaker 1: deal with the public eye is I am very open

732
00:32:57,720 --> 00:32:59,840
Speaker 1: and at the same time I understand what needs to

733
00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 1: be get private and confidential. So I don't believe in

734
00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:05,680
Speaker 1: living a life where everything's on show and everything's for display.

735
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:07,640
Speaker 1: I think there are so many experiences that are more

736
00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:11,640
Speaker 1: beautiful when they are truly between two people or a

737
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:14,000
Speaker 1: friend and a family member, whatever it may be. Like,

738
00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:16,400
Speaker 1: I don't live in a world where everything needs to

739
00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:18,520
Speaker 1: be out there. At the same time, I love being

740
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:21,600
Speaker 1: vulnerable and authentic and open with my community and my audience.

741
00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:24,440
Speaker 2: But certain things could be really tainted in the wrong

742
00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:27,320
Speaker 2: way when you just do it for attention or the

743
00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:28,760
Speaker 2: public eye grasp on to it.

744
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:31,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, exactly. And so I feel like I try

745
00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:34,160
Speaker 1: to create their healthy balance between what's truly for me

746
00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:37,160
Speaker 1: and what is it that I want to share. I'm

747
00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:38,800
Speaker 1: always thinking about what I'm sharing. I'm like, how does

748
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:41,600
Speaker 1: this add value to someone's life? A vanity shot of

749
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:45,040
Speaker 1: me is not going to add life, yes, But and

750
00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:47,200
Speaker 1: so I'm always trying to think, like, how does how

751
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:48,960
Speaker 1: does this really impact someone? How? How will this make

752
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:51,320
Speaker 1: someone's day better? That's what I think about a lot.

753
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:53,600
Speaker 1: And I also made peace with it, with the idea

754
00:33:53,680 --> 00:34:00,320
Speaker 1: that there is truth in people's commentary on some thing,

755
00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:04,040
Speaker 1: and there's also sting. Yes, And your job as a

756
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:06,640
Speaker 1: content creator, as an author, as a whatever you may be,

757
00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:09,280
Speaker 1: is to figure that out, is to take the feedback

758
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:11,680
Speaker 1: is to extract the parts that can help you and

759
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:13,680
Speaker 1: leave the rest. So it's almost like leave the sting

760
00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:16,520
Speaker 1: and take the feedback, And so you're almost extracting the

761
00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:20,040
Speaker 1: poison from the process. And there's a lot of good

762
00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:21,880
Speaker 1: out there that can help you. There's a lot of

763
00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:25,120
Speaker 1: even what you'd put as hate that could be very useful.

764
00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:27,719
Speaker 1: I found. I mean, I'm going very deep here, but

765
00:34:28,080 --> 00:34:29,920
Speaker 1: I think we've been kind of oscillating in a good

766
00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:34,800
Speaker 1: way between deep and silly, which is fine. The idea

767
00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:40,879
Speaker 1: that I find that fame being imperfect in the fact

768
00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:43,600
Speaker 1: that it comes with a lot of judgment or criticism

769
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:46,920
Speaker 1: is what detaches you from fame, which is what keeps

770
00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:51,640
Speaker 1: you humble, grounded, and also protects you from your inevitable

771
00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:54,560
Speaker 1: irrelevance one day. And so I think you can get

772
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 1: so attached and fixated to fame, and if fame didn't

773
00:34:57,640 --> 00:35:01,200
Speaker 1: have those stings, then you'd think fame was the best

774
00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:02,640
Speaker 1: thing in the world, and you would think that it's

775
00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:04,239
Speaker 1: the most amazing. In toxic, you.

776
00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:06,600
Speaker 2: Would lose touch with reality, which is that you're a

777
00:35:06,719 --> 00:35:07,520
Speaker 2: human exactly.

778
00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:10,319
Speaker 1: And I just had and obviously what to speak of myself, Well,

779
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:12,279
Speaker 1: I just had Kevin Hart on the podcast, and he

780
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:15,400
Speaker 1: was talking about this exact thing where, like his fame,

781
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:18,600
Speaker 1: he felt he was indestructible. At this point, he felt

782
00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:20,480
Speaker 1: that nothing could get at him. And he was like,

783
00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:22,800
Speaker 1: fame let him down, Like he was the same people

784
00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:23,319
Speaker 1: that were and.

785
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:25,279
Speaker 2: That's when the world's like, oh, you're ready to get

786
00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:27,520
Speaker 2: directly shown reality again.

787
00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:29,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, And so he was saying that when he was

788
00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:31,120
Speaker 1: popping the people that were popping bottles in the club

789
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:32,719
Speaker 1: with the same people that turned on him. And so,

790
00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:35,520
Speaker 1: you know, I think that that, to me is that's

791
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:37,440
Speaker 1: why we get these little reminders, and so I take

792
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:40,080
Speaker 1: them as a little reminded. Fame is imperfect. Fame is

793
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:43,120
Speaker 1: not the goal of life. It's wonderful, it's great, but

794
00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:44,640
Speaker 1: it's it isn't everything.

795
00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:46,680
Speaker 2: That's so powerful. Because I wanted to hear from your

796
00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:49,719
Speaker 2: perspective as someone who's like lived a life that was

797
00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:53,240
Speaker 2: so anti that, do you have any advice for social

798
00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 2: media usage? Also, because you both of us live our

799
00:35:56,680 --> 00:35:58,919
Speaker 2: lives on social media. We make money from social media.

800
00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:02,160
Speaker 2: We spread our life, try spread laughter and say and

801
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:06,200
Speaker 2: wisdom and wisdom a ton of wisdom. Do you how

802
00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:08,640
Speaker 2: do you monitor social media and living?

803
00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:12,200
Speaker 1: Yeah? I think that it's it's really interesting when you've

804
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:13,960
Speaker 1: come from a world like for three years, I didn't

805
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:15,640
Speaker 1: know who the Prime Minister of England was. I didn't

806
00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:16,600
Speaker 1: know who won the World.

807
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:21,640
Speaker 2: Cup, and I sot.

808
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:21,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, and so I've come for you know, that was

809
00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:23,560
Speaker 1: a long time ago, and I left the monastery ten

810
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:25,840
Speaker 1: years ago. Those three years I had no access.

811
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:27,720
Speaker 2: It's like Big Brother, but less drama.

812
00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:30,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's an interesting way.

813
00:36:31,080 --> 00:36:34,120
Speaker 2: I want a monk reality. It's just done like this.

814
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:35,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just like that the whole time. Like we

815
00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:39,400
Speaker 1: just don't move like your your teachers at midnight, turning

816
00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:42,000
Speaker 1: at midnight to see something and nothing's changed the same.

817
00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:46,960
Speaker 1: But but but I find that for me, like social

818
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:48,719
Speaker 1: media is something that I have to I have to

819
00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:51,759
Speaker 1: be very intentional unconscious. Yes, so I always make sure

820
00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:54,200
Speaker 1: that it's not the first thing I see every morning.

821
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:56,840
Speaker 1: So study show we have sixty to eighty thousand thoughts

822
00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:59,640
Speaker 1: per day. Now, if I asked you to control sixty

823
00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:03,600
Speaker 1: to eighty thousand thoughts, you couldn't. It's impossible. And eighty

824
00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:07,080
Speaker 1: percent of those are negative and repetitive. And so most

825
00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:08,799
Speaker 1: of us are saying the same negative thing like you

826
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:10,440
Speaker 1: look in the mirror in the morning, you go, I'm ugly,

827
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:13,480
Speaker 1: Why I don't look great today? Get to lunchtime, you

828
00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:15,560
Speaker 1: look at your phone selfie, oh god, I still look

829
00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:17,880
Speaker 1: the same. Right, You're like repeating a thought again and

830
00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:20,840
Speaker 1: again and again. It's like comfortable, exactly, and it's relatable

831
00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:23,160
Speaker 1: and its familiar. And so what I say to people

832
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:26,239
Speaker 1: is make sure that you choose intentionally your first thought

833
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:28,319
Speaker 1: of the day and your last thought of the day.

834
00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:31,279
Speaker 1: You can control two thoughts per day, and so my

835
00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:32,920
Speaker 1: first thought of the day, I don't want it to

836
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:36,840
Speaker 1: be based on news, negativity, notifications, or noise, which is

837
00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:39,000
Speaker 1: what my phone's gonna give me if I pick it

838
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:40,880
Speaker 1: up first thing in the morning. Yes, So, even if

839
00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:43,960
Speaker 1: you can create a seven minute gap between when you

840
00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:46,439
Speaker 1: wake up and picking up your phone, a five minute

841
00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:49,120
Speaker 1: gap to brush your teeth and like just get to

842
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:50,759
Speaker 1: that point of having a shower, Like, even if you

843
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:53,600
Speaker 1: can just do that, get there, because I promise you

844
00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:55,759
Speaker 1: it's going to give your time, your mind time to

845
00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:58,719
Speaker 1: warm up. And one of the things I often mention

846
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:01,799
Speaker 1: is that waking up and looking at a phone is

847
00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:04,719
Speaker 1: like letting a hundred people walk into your bedroom in

848
00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:07,759
Speaker 1: the morning before you've got up. You would never let

849
00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:08,480
Speaker 1: one hundred.

850
00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:09,600
Speaker 2: People walk literal nightmare.

851
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:11,880
Speaker 1: Literal nightmare. You'd be like, wait my makeup. You'd be like,

852
00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:13,360
Speaker 1: oh wait a minute, let me just put on some clothes.

853
00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:14,520
Speaker 1: You'd be like, oh wait, let me whatever.

854
00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:16,479
Speaker 2: Also like I don't want to know how everyone is doing,

855
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:18,280
Speaker 2: Like I can't take in all that energy.

856
00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:20,040
Speaker 1: Come on, you just need to get your energy right.

857
00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:21,440
Speaker 1: But when you pick up your phone, that's what it is.

858
00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:23,720
Speaker 1: A hundred people just walked into the bedroom of your mind.

859
00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:26,640
Speaker 1: And now you've set yourself up to be reactive to

860
00:38:26,719 --> 00:38:29,560
Speaker 1: all their needs, all their requests, and so I find

861
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:31,680
Speaker 1: giving yourself that gap. So for me, one thing is

862
00:38:31,719 --> 00:38:34,600
Speaker 1: giving myself that gap. The second thing is I consider

863
00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:36,400
Speaker 1: myself to be fairly present if I'm at lunch or

864
00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:38,960
Speaker 1: dinner and me and my wife had a rule that

865
00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:41,640
Speaker 1: we set a while ago in the home, which was

866
00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:47,040
Speaker 1: no technology homes and no technology times. Sorry let me

867
00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:50,920
Speaker 1: tell you again, no technology zones and no technology times.

868
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:54,839
Speaker 1: So for example, the dining table and the bedroom are

869
00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:57,600
Speaker 1: no technology zones. Oh wow, because I'd rather eat with

870
00:38:57,640 --> 00:38:58,960
Speaker 1: you and I'd rather sleep with you. I don't want

871
00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:01,040
Speaker 1: to be like you know, in this in between, yes,

872
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:04,200
Speaker 1: and then no technology times like after nine pm, let's

873
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:06,840
Speaker 1: not be on our phones, you know, before we finish

874
00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:09,120
Speaker 1: our meditation in the morning, which is something we do together,

875
00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:11,560
Speaker 1: We're not gonna look at our phones. And so I

876
00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:13,400
Speaker 1: find that, even and we're not perfect, we break those

877
00:39:13,480 --> 00:39:15,000
Speaker 1: rules all the time, Like, yes, do I have my

878
00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:15,479
Speaker 1: phone out?

879
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:16,240
Speaker 2: You guys are wild?

880
00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:18,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, like ten thirty pm, I'm on

881
00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:22,200
Speaker 1: my phone. Oh my god. But you know, I'm not

882
00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:25,200
Speaker 1: saying we follow those rules perfectly. But even having those yeah,

883
00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:27,560
Speaker 1: just sets better barriers and boundaries. But I think the

884
00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:30,439
Speaker 1: biggest thing is, please create a five to seven minute

885
00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:33,160
Speaker 1: gap between waking up and looking at your phone, because

886
00:39:33,480 --> 00:39:38,320
Speaker 1: your phone's just gonna bombard you with negativity, noise, notifications,

887
00:39:38,320 --> 00:39:40,600
Speaker 1: and news. And now you start your day on a

888
00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:42,880
Speaker 1: minus four and your whole day you're just climbing up

889
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:45,080
Speaker 1: the ladder trying to get back to zero. Yes, when

890
00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:46,279
Speaker 1: you could have set yourself up.

891
00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:49,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like immediately getting a punch in the gut

892
00:39:49,920 --> 00:39:52,560
Speaker 2: that you're kind of doing to yourself because you didn't

893
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:55,480
Speaker 2: have to look at the phone. I'm talking to myself

894
00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:57,879
Speaker 2: as I look at my phone. Wait, Okay, we're gonna

895
00:39:57,880 --> 00:39:59,839
Speaker 2: get a little darker. We're gonna play a final game.

896
00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:02,319
Speaker 2: But actually I've added this new question that I think

897
00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:06,680
Speaker 2: is fun. What is like your version of hell?

898
00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:13,040
Speaker 1: Oh? I think to know that everyone you loved had

899
00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:16,320
Speaker 1: like a terminal illness or like, you know, like everyone

900
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:20,279
Speaker 1: everyone you loved is like to disappear in the same way,

901
00:40:20,360 --> 00:40:22,200
Speaker 1: like if everyone of your family was traveling on a

902
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:24,400
Speaker 1: plane and then you never saw them again. Like to me, like,

903
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:29,360
Speaker 1: that's the worst thing that could happen, because you you know,

904
00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:31,840
Speaker 1: even with the you know you, yeah, that would be

905
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:32,640
Speaker 1: that would be hell.

906
00:40:32,719 --> 00:40:35,120
Speaker 2: Because I just watched The Last of Us? Is that

907
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:38,680
Speaker 2: what it's called The Last of Us on HBO? It's

908
00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:42,280
Speaker 2: the Oh my god, it's so good. I highly recommend,

909
00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:46,120
Speaker 2: but it's it's very apocalyptic, right, fun guy anyway.

910
00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:48,440
Speaker 1: But did you mean more like casually hell? That was

911
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:49,479
Speaker 1: that was a strong word.

912
00:40:49,719 --> 00:40:51,239
Speaker 2: The first time I've ever asked this. On this part,

913
00:40:51,239 --> 00:40:53,520
Speaker 2: it's like a new thing. I'm throwing it. It's deep.

914
00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:56,440
Speaker 2: It's I mean, yeah, you see what people like immediately

915
00:40:56,440 --> 00:40:59,040
Speaker 2: go to of like what they value and what they

916
00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:03,040
Speaker 2: don't want to lose. Time to play The Seven Deadly sins. Okay, yes,

917
00:41:03,200 --> 00:41:04,280
Speaker 2: what are you greedy about?

918
00:41:04,560 --> 00:41:09,120
Speaker 1: Oh? What am I greedy about? I'm gonna ask my

919
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:09,760
Speaker 1: team in a second.

920
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:14,480
Speaker 2: But and it could be something physical, and it could

921
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:15,360
Speaker 2: be something emotional.

922
00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:17,200
Speaker 1: Well, greedy, which I've had to work on a lot.

923
00:41:17,239 --> 00:41:20,960
Speaker 1: Is sugar. I love greedy about good chocolate, Like I'm addicted.

924
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:23,440
Speaker 1: Oh yes, before I met my wife. So yeah, chocolates.

925
00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:24,960
Speaker 2: She gets you onto like the dark.

926
00:41:25,160 --> 00:41:27,399
Speaker 1: No, my wife's kept me away from the darkness because

927
00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:31,759
Speaker 1: she's like extremely focused on chocolate. Just get me away

928
00:41:31,760 --> 00:41:34,200
Speaker 1: from dark and old chocolates. But yeah, probably chocolates.

929
00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:37,000
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I looked at her page. I mean she

930
00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:40,279
Speaker 2: looks very healthy and knowledgeable. Who are you envious of?

931
00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:43,359
Speaker 1: Oh that is such a good question. Okay, who am

932
00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:46,880
Speaker 1: I envious of? No, I'm gonna be honest. I'm envious

933
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:50,239
Speaker 1: if Christiano Ronaldo because I think he's amazing. I'm gonna

934
00:41:50,280 --> 00:41:53,040
Speaker 1: be straight up, if I could have been a football player,

935
00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:55,200
Speaker 1: I was never gonna He deals with a lot. He does.

936
00:41:55,239 --> 00:41:56,959
Speaker 1: And that's what you realize, right, Like, even the people

937
00:41:57,000 --> 00:42:00,360
Speaker 1: you look up to the most are dealing with so much.

938
00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:03,520
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, he deals with way too much more,

939
00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:05,120
Speaker 1: you know. And and I mean.

940
00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:06,640
Speaker 2: That's why I came up with the concept of burning

941
00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:08,000
Speaker 2: and hell, because I started to meet these people I

942
00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:10,840
Speaker 2: looked up to, and then you start to realize everyone's

943
00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:13,239
Speaker 2: living through their own Eveyone was thinking, like, why did

944
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:16,759
Speaker 2: Lebron like Lebron James? Is he that much happier than

945
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:20,440
Speaker 2: all of us? And then I realize, like, everyone has

946
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:23,759
Speaker 2: the card they're dealt and their own experience, and he

947
00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:26,719
Speaker 2: didn't doesn't have some like karmic thing that made him

948
00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:30,319
Speaker 2: like his hell is as painful as our health. It

949
00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:31,440
Speaker 2: just might be in a mansion.

950
00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:33,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. And and the thing with Christiana Ronaudo is

951
00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:37,520
Speaker 1: I don't and I'm obviously I'm half joking, but I

952
00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:40,239
Speaker 1: think it's I think he inspires me. And sometimes I

953
00:42:40,239 --> 00:42:42,680
Speaker 1: look at envy as not that I want what they

954
00:42:42,719 --> 00:42:44,799
Speaker 1: have or what he has. It's almost like that's what

955
00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:45,840
Speaker 1: I aspire.

956
00:42:45,520 --> 00:42:48,120
Speaker 2: For, and he's great in something.

957
00:42:47,719 --> 00:42:50,840
Speaker 1: He me by his mindset. He inspires me by his dedication,

958
00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:54,200
Speaker 1: like his hair. I wanna his hair. I mean maybe

959
00:42:54,239 --> 00:42:57,960
Speaker 1: I could. I could. I think my head is good,

960
00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:01,160
Speaker 1: but I think I think for me, it's more like

961
00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:04,520
Speaker 1: I aspire in so many ways to carry that spirit

962
00:43:04,560 --> 00:43:06,279
Speaker 1: for what he does for his love, that I can

963
00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:07,960
Speaker 1: do that for my love. So that's what I mean

964
00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:08,440
Speaker 1: by any.

965
00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:11,120
Speaker 2: Did you manifest this life for yourself?

966
00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:15,359
Speaker 1: Oh wow? I would say that when I started, I

967
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:18,120
Speaker 1: had no idea that it would ever get to this

968
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:19,240
Speaker 1: point and stage.

969
00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:19,680
Speaker 2: I love it.

970
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:22,640
Speaker 1: I would say, no, I love because I didn't really

971
00:43:22,760 --> 00:43:28,200
Speaker 1: ever believe that this many people would care about well being, mindfulness, meditation, health.

972
00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:30,880
Speaker 1: So I'm so grateful and humbled every day. Did I

973
00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:31,719
Speaker 1: get to live this life?

974
00:43:31,760 --> 00:43:33,279
Speaker 2: I love that because I almost think that if you

975
00:43:33,400 --> 00:43:36,719
Speaker 2: manifested like I want to be, like have millions and

976
00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:39,120
Speaker 2: mints of followers on Instagram, you wouldn't have gotten there.

977
00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:42,440
Speaker 2: You manifested I want to fully understand these teachings and

978
00:43:42,480 --> 00:43:43,640
Speaker 2: be able to teach people.

979
00:43:43,719 --> 00:43:45,719
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think what I manifested was I want to

980
00:43:45,760 --> 00:43:47,319
Speaker 1: do what I love every day, and what I love

981
00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:51,120
Speaker 1: is learning, teaching, sharing, experimenting, and living. And I'm going

982
00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:53,440
Speaker 1: to find a way to make that relevant, accessible and

983
00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:55,560
Speaker 1: helpful to people and practical to people.

984
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:57,680
Speaker 2: And that you love the journey of it absolutely And

985
00:43:57,719 --> 00:43:59,040
Speaker 2: if you don't love the journey, you're not going to

986
00:43:59,120 --> 00:43:59,560
Speaker 2: get anyway.

987
00:43:59,560 --> 00:44:02,360
Speaker 1: Absolutely powerful. He's a great question.

988
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:04,520
Speaker 2: Oh oh my God, thank you. When was the last

989
00:44:04,560 --> 00:44:06,680
Speaker 2: time you experienced extreme wrath or anger?

990
00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:11,080
Speaker 1: Oh that's a really tough one. Oh gosh, I so

991
00:44:11,120 --> 00:44:13,480
Speaker 1: I've never been. I grew up in a house where

992
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:16,239
Speaker 1: there was a lot of anger, and so I very

993
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:18,960
Speaker 1: early on was like, yeah, I'm not going to be angry.

994
00:44:18,960 --> 00:44:20,800
Speaker 1: And even when I met my wife, we were like,

995
00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:22,839
Speaker 1: we're never going to raise our voices. Even if we argue,

996
00:44:22,840 --> 00:44:26,240
Speaker 1: even if we fight, it's never abusive, it's never So

997
00:44:26,360 --> 00:44:29,080
Speaker 1: anger is like a rare, rare, rare emotion for me,

998
00:44:29,239 --> 00:44:30,640
Speaker 1: like irritable, Yes, from.

999
00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:33,279
Speaker 2: A man, that's powerful because I feel like a lot of.

1000
00:44:33,239 --> 00:44:35,799
Speaker 1: Men well, because my dad scared me when he was angry, right, Like,

1001
00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:38,440
Speaker 1: it's like, if you've seen anger at like it's peak

1002
00:44:38,480 --> 00:44:42,040
Speaker 1: and extreme, you don't want to go near that. So

1003
00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:45,040
Speaker 1: I can't. I really can't. And that's not me being instance.

1004
00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:48,480
Speaker 1: I just genuinely cannot remember the last time I was angry.

1005
00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:51,800
Speaker 1: Oh I can, but it wasn't wrath. It wasn't Rath's

1006
00:44:51,880 --> 00:44:55,680
Speaker 1: being half silly again. Yeah, when my wife for my

1007
00:44:55,760 --> 00:45:00,840
Speaker 1: birthday brought me a tablet that was an ass, not

1008
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:06,319
Speaker 1: an iPad. Right, Ass's no offense to aces, but when

1009
00:45:06,320 --> 00:45:08,560
Speaker 1: I said I wanted an iPad, it had to be

1010
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:09,680
Speaker 1: an iPad, but it was not.

1011
00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:11,839
Speaker 2: It was an ass you just threw it across the room.

1012
00:45:11,920 --> 00:45:14,759
Speaker 1: No, no, no, it wasn't. I was still polite. I

1013
00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:17,120
Speaker 1: was like, I was like, you got me an asis.

1014
00:45:17,640 --> 00:45:20,239
Speaker 1: I was like, I was like, really like an asis?

1015
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:21,279
Speaker 2: Can you?

1016
00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:23,280
Speaker 1: And she was like no, but my.

1017
00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:24,520
Speaker 2: Like, are we also Android users?

1018
00:45:24,520 --> 00:45:26,719
Speaker 1: Now? She was like, my family told me it's like

1019
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:28,360
Speaker 1: really good technologically, and it's.

1020
00:45:28,239 --> 00:45:30,000
Speaker 2: Like better, Like, well, your family hates me.

1021
00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:32,799
Speaker 1: I was like, well, your family doesn't know I wanted

1022
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:35,560
Speaker 1: an iPad. I honestly can't remember the last one.

1023
00:45:35,560 --> 00:45:38,000
Speaker 2: I was angry, but that's it's also the fact that

1024
00:45:38,040 --> 00:45:41,400
Speaker 2: you meditate every day is probably very helpful. Yes, yeah,

1025
00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:43,319
Speaker 2: because I joke that a lot of men whenever they

1026
00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:46,160
Speaker 2: experience anything besides anger, they like don't know what to do.

1027
00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:52,319
Speaker 2: So it's nice to have men feeling other emotions than

1028
00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:54,919
Speaker 2: just immediately making it like the most masculine.

1029
00:45:55,239 --> 00:45:57,640
Speaker 1: Yeah. And I think doing certain things that can express

1030
00:45:57,640 --> 00:45:59,160
Speaker 1: emotions that are healthy. I mean, I played a lot

1031
00:45:59,200 --> 00:46:01,200
Speaker 1: of rugby going on, and I feel like as a

1032
00:46:01,239 --> 00:46:03,840
Speaker 1: young man, if you did have any anger or frustration,

1033
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:08,560
Speaker 1: like you had an outlet whereas welcome to be physical

1034
00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:10,600
Speaker 1: and so like even today, if it's like I know

1035
00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:12,279
Speaker 1: a lot of my friends, like we'll lift or do

1036
00:46:12,360 --> 00:46:14,160
Speaker 1: tough workouts, or we'll go on a hike or like

1037
00:46:14,360 --> 00:46:18,839
Speaker 1: something that's challenging is often where you can channel that anger. Yeah,

1038
00:46:18,840 --> 00:46:20,920
Speaker 1: And I find like, if you don't channel your anger

1039
00:46:21,360 --> 00:46:24,000
Speaker 1: towards something that's challenging, you take it out and someone

1040
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:26,200
Speaker 1: you care about. And I think that's what hurts me

1041
00:46:26,239 --> 00:46:28,680
Speaker 1: the most is that the people that matter to us

1042
00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:31,480
Speaker 1: most get the worst of us, and the people that

1043
00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:33,520
Speaker 1: we say that are first in our lives get the

1044
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:36,560
Speaker 1: worst of us. And I would never want that to

1045
00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:38,040
Speaker 1: be the case. And I don't want to live in

1046
00:46:38,040 --> 00:46:41,279
Speaker 1: a world where I just treat my wife with anger

1047
00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:43,600
Speaker 1: and then i'm I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. And

1048
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:46,440
Speaker 1: I think once you've said something you don't mean, no,

1049
00:46:46,560 --> 00:46:49,479
Speaker 1: it never goes from someone's memory. It's always there. Yeah,

1050
00:46:49,520 --> 00:46:51,440
Speaker 1: And so I just I kind of take that very

1051
00:46:51,440 --> 00:46:53,960
Speaker 1: seriously that I don't want to say something that I

1052
00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:54,840
Speaker 1: don't truly believe.

1053
00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:57,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was a tennis player, and I definitely think

1054
00:46:57,200 --> 00:47:00,920
Speaker 2: like hitting a ball, well, like I would just go out.

1055
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:03,080
Speaker 1: On the ball the ball doesn't have feelings. Just go

1056
00:47:03,160 --> 00:47:03,440
Speaker 1: for it.

1057
00:47:03,480 --> 00:47:05,440
Speaker 2: Do you have a physical regimen too, Like do you

1058
00:47:05,560 --> 00:47:08,080
Speaker 2: do yoga or you run or what do you do.

1059
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:11,080
Speaker 1: For I've olcoated between a bunch of things. Right now.

1060
00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:14,120
Speaker 1: It's hiking every day, Wow, every single day for about

1061
00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:17,080
Speaker 1: an hour. It's really beautiful. I love it. Also gives

1062
00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:20,239
Speaker 1: me the sunlight in the morning, gets my circadian rhythm moving. Yes,

1063
00:47:20,760 --> 00:47:23,160
Speaker 1: there's enough of an incline where it's challenging. It's it's

1064
00:47:23,200 --> 00:47:26,440
Speaker 1: great cardiovascular health. I played tennis during the pandemic.

1065
00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:26,960
Speaker 2: Oh cool.

1066
00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:28,759
Speaker 1: That was really fun. But I realized when you take

1067
00:47:28,840 --> 00:47:32,040
Speaker 1: up a sport when you're older, you're good while you're practicing.

1068
00:47:32,360 --> 00:47:34,480
Speaker 1: I didn't play for a year. I am terrible. So

1069
00:47:34,520 --> 00:47:36,040
Speaker 1: I was like, I was like, I could play some

1070
00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:37,600
Speaker 1: tournaments now. And then I didn't play for a year,

1071
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:38,160
Speaker 1: and now I'm.

1072
00:47:37,960 --> 00:47:41,000
Speaker 2: Like, tennis is so like skill and timing and so.

1073
00:47:41,680 --> 00:47:44,839
Speaker 1: But I loved it. So I played tennis. I've broke it.

1074
00:47:44,880 --> 00:47:47,160
Speaker 1: I've been sometimes I'll be at the gym, sometimes I'll

1075
00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:49,480
Speaker 1: be hiking, sometimes I'll be playing tennis. I'll mix it up.

1076
00:47:49,680 --> 00:47:52,040
Speaker 2: It's good. I mean, I live a similar life to

1077
00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:54,400
Speaker 2: you and where like sometimes you're touring, sometimes you're on

1078
00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:56,920
Speaker 2: the road. So sometimes I have trouble with that like

1079
00:47:56,960 --> 00:47:58,719
Speaker 2: consistency that I used to have as a kid when

1080
00:47:58,719 --> 00:48:01,239
Speaker 2: I was like just training. But it is important to

1081
00:48:01,280 --> 00:48:02,080
Speaker 2: move your body.

1082
00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:04,719
Speaker 1: It is so important speaking.

1083
00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:05,960
Speaker 2: Of when was the last time you were a sloth?

1084
00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:08,080
Speaker 2: So like had like a real lazy day.

1085
00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:13,839
Speaker 1: Oh, probably like last weekend or maybe yeah, yeah, maybe

1086
00:48:13,840 --> 00:48:16,400
Speaker 1: a couple of weekends ago. I try and have a sloth.

1087
00:48:16,480 --> 00:48:18,920
Speaker 1: I try to have a sloth evening once a week

1088
00:48:19,239 --> 00:48:21,320
Speaker 1: where I could like order all the food that my

1089
00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:25,080
Speaker 1: wife would never condone. Hell yeah, go all out when

1090
00:48:25,080 --> 00:48:26,000
Speaker 1: she's not around.

1091
00:48:26,080 --> 00:48:29,319
Speaker 2: What's you like guilty pleasure? Like your least monk like

1092
00:48:29,360 --> 00:48:32,160
Speaker 2: thing about you that people would be surprised to now.

1093
00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:39,240
Speaker 1: Least monk like probably like addiction to like fried food, sugar, chocolate,

1094
00:48:39,280 --> 00:48:42,600
Speaker 1: fudge cake with extra chocolate topics, Like it has to

1095
00:48:42,600 --> 00:48:45,160
Speaker 1: be food related because yes, I have such a like, yeah,

1096
00:48:45,360 --> 00:48:48,840
Speaker 1: such a big sweet tooth. It's like burgers, fries, pizza,

1097
00:48:49,040 --> 00:48:52,239
Speaker 1: pasta with a ton of yeah, like I had it.

1098
00:48:52,360 --> 00:48:53,520
Speaker 1: I used to go to a place here in New

1099
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:56,759
Speaker 1: York called Terry's, Huh, And I invented a shake day.

1100
00:48:56,760 --> 00:48:58,839
Speaker 1: It wasn't named after her anything cool like that. I

1101
00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:00,520
Speaker 1: just used to go there and I'll have the usual

1102
00:49:00,560 --> 00:49:02,000
Speaker 1: and they'd be like, what, what do you want to

1103
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:05,000
Speaker 1: explain it? But I'd get them to grind up a

1104
00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:10,120
Speaker 1: brownie into their milk shape. I was like, I was like,

1105
00:49:10,120 --> 00:49:11,600
Speaker 1: can you grind it just perfect so I can still

1106
00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:14,000
Speaker 1: taste the brownie pieces? Like it needs to come up

1107
00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:16,799
Speaker 1: the straws And it's like, so that's yeah.

1108
00:49:17,160 --> 00:49:19,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're getting like too many emotions with it. Yeah,

1109
00:49:19,480 --> 00:49:21,319
Speaker 2: I get too connected talk about love.

1110
00:49:21,480 --> 00:49:22,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly.

1111
00:49:22,960 --> 00:49:25,239
Speaker 2: Okay, this is the hard one. When was the last

1112
00:49:25,239 --> 00:49:27,360
Speaker 2: time you let your pride or your ego get in

1113
00:49:27,360 --> 00:49:28,120
Speaker 2: the way of something?

1114
00:49:28,200 --> 00:49:30,320
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I mean every time I talked to

1115
00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:33,839
Speaker 1: my wife Like, so it's hard, it's hard.

1116
00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:37,080
Speaker 2: It's so good. By the way, you're killing a.

1117
00:49:37,080 --> 00:49:40,040
Speaker 1: Person who loved the most is the person who gets

1118
00:49:40,080 --> 00:49:41,760
Speaker 1: that side of you, like yeah, and they.

1119
00:49:41,680 --> 00:49:44,600
Speaker 2: Know you so easily to like know exactly your triggers are,

1120
00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:45,759
Speaker 2: like things that piss you off.

1121
00:49:45,880 --> 00:49:49,160
Speaker 1: Yeah. I I officiated Gen and Ben's wedding last year,

1122
00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:51,279
Speaker 1: and I've been asked about a lot. Oh yeah, that's

1123
00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:54,959
Speaker 1: on my mind. So I officiate this wedding last and

1124
00:49:56,360 --> 00:49:59,520
Speaker 1: I was practicing to my wife the day before and

1125
00:50:00,520 --> 00:50:02,840
Speaker 1: she saw me practice. I had my notes, I you know,

1126
00:50:02,920 --> 00:50:07,120
Speaker 1: rehearsed it for her, and she goes, that's terrible. She

1127
00:50:07,239 --> 00:50:10,120
Speaker 1: was just like that's really bad. Like she was like,

1128
00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:12,800
Speaker 1: you got to change that. And I was like, and

1129
00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:14,520
Speaker 1: my whole ego, I was like, do you know who

1130
00:50:14,520 --> 00:50:17,960
Speaker 1: I am? I was? I was like, I was like,

1131
00:50:18,040 --> 00:50:21,160
Speaker 1: I've been asked, like, don't you realize? And it was

1132
00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:22,759
Speaker 1: just really interesting because I was like and then I

1133
00:50:22,760 --> 00:50:24,560
Speaker 1: was like, all right, I didn't obviously, I said to her.

1134
00:50:24,600 --> 00:50:25,880
Speaker 1: I was like, no, no, no, it's really good. I

1135
00:50:25,920 --> 00:50:27,759
Speaker 1: mean I thought about this. She was like, no, no,

1136
00:50:27,800 --> 00:50:29,600
Speaker 1: you need to change the whole thing. And it was

1137
00:50:29,640 --> 00:50:31,360
Speaker 1: just really interesting because all my ego wanted to do

1138
00:50:31,400 --> 00:50:33,000
Speaker 1: is defend myself. But then I'm like, but she just

1139
00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:35,520
Speaker 1: wants me to be good tomorrow. That's all she wants.

1140
00:50:35,800 --> 00:50:37,640
Speaker 1: She's being honest with me when no one else would

1141
00:50:37,640 --> 00:50:38,279
Speaker 1: be honest.

1142
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:40,680
Speaker 2: With me true everyone else would literally be like, that's

1143
00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:43,040
Speaker 2: the greatest thing I've ever heard, Jay, You're amazing. Nobly,

1144
00:50:43,080 --> 00:50:44,319
Speaker 2: she just wants me to be good tomorrow, and she

1145
00:50:44,360 --> 00:50:45,760
Speaker 2: knows what you're capable.

1146
00:50:45,320 --> 00:50:48,319
Speaker 1: Of exactly, and so I rewrote it and it went

1147
00:50:48,360 --> 00:50:50,960
Speaker 1: really well and she was really happy with it. And

1148
00:50:50,960 --> 00:50:52,840
Speaker 1: I think that, for me is a perfect example of

1149
00:50:52,880 --> 00:50:55,960
Speaker 1: how every part of me was just defending myself and

1150
00:50:55,880 --> 00:50:57,440
Speaker 1: and I think we do that with our partners with everything.

1151
00:50:57,440 --> 00:50:59,640
Speaker 1: We defend ourselves because we want them to love us.

1152
00:50:59,760 --> 00:51:01,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, we care so much about what they think.

1153
00:51:01,680 --> 00:51:02,960
Speaker 1: We care so much about what they think, but we

1154
00:51:02,960 --> 00:51:05,319
Speaker 1: don't realize what they think is love. Like that is

1155
00:51:05,440 --> 00:51:08,040
Speaker 1: care them saying hey, I think you could be better

1156
00:51:08,040 --> 00:51:10,200
Speaker 1: at this. I think I know you can do better.

1157
00:51:10,239 --> 00:51:12,759
Speaker 1: I know how great you can be. That is the

1158
00:51:12,840 --> 00:51:15,319
Speaker 1: deepest form of love and care. Not someone pretending that

1159
00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:16,640
Speaker 1: you don't have something in your teeth.

1160
00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:20,320
Speaker 2: You're like, you're so right. I'm the person that tells

1161
00:51:20,360 --> 00:51:22,000
Speaker 2: you there's something in your teeth.

1162
00:51:22,040 --> 00:51:23,799
Speaker 1: Someone came up to me the other day and told

1163
00:51:23,840 --> 00:51:25,320
Speaker 1: me I was just about a film. Actually, I was

1164
00:51:25,480 --> 00:51:27,960
Speaker 1: doing an interview last week on my podcast, and my

1165
00:51:28,120 --> 00:51:30,239
Speaker 1: videographer is me, bro, You've got like cheer seeds all

1166
00:51:30,320 --> 00:51:31,040
Speaker 1: up in your teeth.

1167
00:51:31,280 --> 00:51:32,640
Speaker 2: And I was like, all right, all right, I'm gonna

1168
00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:37,920
Speaker 2: get the.

1169
00:51:35,360 --> 00:51:38,000
Speaker 1: There you go. I'm I'm silent, I'll take it.

1170
00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:42,600
Speaker 2: Okay, final question, what advice would you give to the

1171
00:51:42,640 --> 00:51:45,600
Speaker 2: listeners on how to cope with your hell when you're

1172
00:51:45,600 --> 00:51:48,120
Speaker 2: going through it. You're in your darkness, whether it's in

1173
00:51:48,120 --> 00:51:51,920
Speaker 2: a relationship, your job, what are some go to things

1174
00:51:51,960 --> 00:51:53,320
Speaker 2: that you like to turn.

1175
00:51:53,120 --> 00:51:55,560
Speaker 1: To the first thing that I've always said to myself

1176
00:51:56,120 --> 00:51:59,719
Speaker 1: is this only makes the story better. One day, you're

1177
00:51:59,719 --> 00:52:01,319
Speaker 1: going to tell your story. One day you're going to

1178
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:03,000
Speaker 1: share it. It may just be with a family, friend, it

1179
00:52:03,040 --> 00:52:04,960
Speaker 1: may just be it maybe be a child, it may

1180
00:52:04,960 --> 00:52:07,439
Speaker 1: be with a brother or sister, a parent, And when

1181
00:52:07,440 --> 00:52:11,000
Speaker 1: you tell that story, your hell is what's going to

1182
00:52:11,080 --> 00:52:13,800
Speaker 1: make the story really connect and impact and help people.

1183
00:52:14,160 --> 00:52:17,120
Speaker 1: And so don't lose that part of how amazing this

1184
00:52:17,160 --> 00:52:18,959
Speaker 1: will make your story. People will be able to relate

1185
00:52:18,960 --> 00:52:21,640
Speaker 1: to your hell far more than your heaven because your

1186
00:52:21,640 --> 00:52:24,439
Speaker 1: hell is something everyone can connect with. Everyone's been there.

1187
00:52:25,120 --> 00:52:30,080
Speaker 1: The second thing I'd say is what is this telling

1188
00:52:30,120 --> 00:52:32,839
Speaker 1: me I need to develop as a skill? Not what

1189
00:52:32,840 --> 00:52:35,200
Speaker 1: do I need to learn? What's the skill that I

1190
00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:38,239
Speaker 1: need to develop in order to break through this? Right?

1191
00:52:38,280 --> 00:52:42,839
Speaker 1: Maybe you're holding a blunt sword and you can't cut

1192
00:52:42,880 --> 00:52:44,319
Speaker 1: what's down in front of you, so it's like, Okay,

1193
00:52:44,360 --> 00:52:46,280
Speaker 1: let me learn to sharpen the sword. That's the skill

1194
00:52:46,320 --> 00:52:48,720
Speaker 1: I need right now. And I think often when we're struggling,

1195
00:52:48,719 --> 00:52:50,399
Speaker 1: we're like, why is this happening to me? I wish

1196
00:52:50,440 --> 00:52:52,520
Speaker 1: this wasn't happening, rather than going wait, wait, wait, what

1197
00:52:52,560 --> 00:52:54,880
Speaker 1: skill do I need to learn? Maybe the skill is mindfulness,

1198
00:52:55,040 --> 00:52:58,400
Speaker 1: Maybe the skill is resilience. Maybe the skill is learning

1199
00:52:58,400 --> 00:53:00,640
Speaker 1: how to fight. And if you focus on a skill,

1200
00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:02,680
Speaker 1: now you've got an amazing ammunition for the rest of

1201
00:53:02,719 --> 00:53:04,759
Speaker 1: your life. You pull it out of your toolkit whenever

1202
00:53:04,840 --> 00:53:06,879
Speaker 1: you need it. Yes, So I'd say that's the second thing.

1203
00:53:07,320 --> 00:53:09,000
Speaker 1: And the third thing that I say to myself when

1204
00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:12,359
Speaker 1: I'm going through a tough time or walking through hell

1205
00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:18,080
Speaker 1: is actually it's the opposite, reminding myself when I'm in

1206
00:53:18,120 --> 00:53:20,240
Speaker 1: heaven that hell is just around the corner, and reminding

1207
00:53:20,239 --> 00:53:22,280
Speaker 1: myself in hell that heaven is just around the corner.

1208
00:53:22,680 --> 00:53:26,080
Speaker 1: And both have to work together. That when things I

1209
00:53:26,080 --> 00:53:28,640
Speaker 1: always say to people, when things are bad, work hard,

1210
00:53:28,960 --> 00:53:31,279
Speaker 1: but when things are good, work harder. Yes, because we

1211
00:53:31,320 --> 00:53:33,600
Speaker 1: get so complacent when things are good, and when you

1212
00:53:33,640 --> 00:53:37,280
Speaker 1: get complacent when things are good, the hell feels much worse.

1213
00:53:37,760 --> 00:53:42,680
Speaker 1: And so just live in this equanimity of I'm just

1214
00:53:42,719 --> 00:53:44,400
Speaker 1: doing my purpose whether it's hell or heaven.

1215
00:53:44,680 --> 00:53:47,040
Speaker 2: Yes, instead of being so extreme with the light and dark.

1216
00:53:47,280 --> 00:53:48,360
Speaker 2: It's like you're existing.

1217
00:53:48,440 --> 00:53:51,399
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm existing. I know what I'm doing. Whether it's

1218
00:53:51,400 --> 00:53:52,680
Speaker 1: hell or heaven. I'm going to wake up and do

1219
00:53:52,719 --> 00:53:54,880
Speaker 1: the same thing anyway, whether it's Hello Heaven. I'm going

1220
00:53:54,920 --> 00:53:56,919
Speaker 1: to wake up and meditate, whether it's hell or heaven.

1221
00:53:56,960 --> 00:53:58,759
Speaker 1: I'm going to wake up and work out. Whether it's

1222
00:53:58,800 --> 00:54:00,560
Speaker 1: hell or heaven, I'm going to try and serve impact

1223
00:54:00,560 --> 00:54:02,760
Speaker 1: people because that's what I was born to do. Anyway.

1224
00:54:03,880 --> 00:54:08,959
Speaker 2: Oh wow, J Shetty just served it up in Hell.

1225
00:54:09,200 --> 00:54:10,000
Speaker 1: This is so fun.

1226
00:54:10,080 --> 00:54:13,560
Speaker 2: That was amazing. I was like, I want to push him,

1227
00:54:13,560 --> 00:54:16,439
Speaker 2: my own challenge him, and you knocked everything out of the park.

1228
00:54:16,800 --> 00:54:18,560
Speaker 2: Tell everyone where they can get your book, where they

1229
00:54:18,560 --> 00:54:20,520
Speaker 2: can follow you, where they can see you live. Give

1230
00:54:20,560 --> 00:54:20,960
Speaker 2: me all the.

1231
00:54:20,920 --> 00:54:23,240
Speaker 1: Tea, absolutely so. If you want to read the book

1232
00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:25,920
Speaker 1: or listen to the audiobook version, which I read out myself,

1233
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:28,440
Speaker 1: oh gorgeous. Eight rules of Love dot com the number

1234
00:54:28,480 --> 00:54:30,360
Speaker 1: eight Rules of Love dot Com. And if you'd like

1235
00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:31,799
Speaker 1: to see me on tour, I'm going on my first

1236
00:54:31,800 --> 00:54:35,560
Speaker 1: world tour ever. Very excited to sit near you. Head

1237
00:54:35,560 --> 00:54:38,440
Speaker 1: over to jshetdytour dot com and you can get tickets

1238
00:54:38,480 --> 00:54:39,399
Speaker 1: for the international tour.

1239
00:54:39,560 --> 00:54:42,160
Speaker 2: That is so exciting. Thank you for coming to Hell.

1240
00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:43,520
Speaker 2: We'll talk to you guys later.

1241
00:54:43,719 --> 00:54:55,279
Speaker 1: Bye, Thank you so much. Imagine the Lord of the

1242
00:54:55,360 --> 00:54:59,480
Speaker 1: Rings if Frodo never had to leave the shire? How

1243
00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:03,520
Speaker 1: about the is It of Oz with no tornado? Or

1244
00:55:03,640 --> 00:55:07,840
Speaker 1: picture Black Panther. If t'charlene never had to battle a

1245
00:55:08,000 --> 00:55:13,040
Speaker 1: challenger for the throne, they'd be totally boring, right. That's

1246
00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:18,440
Speaker 1: because every epic journey includes obstacles to overcome, mountains to climb,

1247
00:55:18,680 --> 00:55:23,239
Speaker 1: and magical rings to destroy. Okay, maybe not that, but

1248
00:55:23,280 --> 00:55:26,840
Speaker 1: you get the idea. The next seven minutes are about

1249
00:55:26,880 --> 00:55:32,000
Speaker 1: your story and how struggle makes you stronger. I'm Jay Sheddy.

1250
00:55:32,480 --> 00:55:37,040
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Daily Jay. Now, before we embark on

1251
00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:42,280
Speaker 1: this great adventure, let's get centered by taking three deep

1252
00:55:42,560 --> 00:55:59,000
Speaker 1: brats inhaling and exhaling, arriving and settling, connecting with this moment,

1253
00:56:01,200 --> 00:56:06,960
Speaker 1: and tuning in. So I'm going to let you in

1254
00:56:07,239 --> 00:56:11,600
Speaker 1: on the world's worst kept secret. I love the Dark

1255
00:56:11,680 --> 00:56:15,840
Speaker 1: Knight trilogy. I think Christopher Nolan's reboot of the Batman

1256
00:56:15,960 --> 00:56:21,480
Speaker 1: saga is absolutely epic. The characters are incredible, the story

1257
00:56:21,680 --> 00:56:25,560
Speaker 1: rich and engaging. One of the things I love most

1258
00:56:25,600 --> 00:56:28,440
Speaker 1: about Batman, aside from the fact that he gets the

1259
00:56:28,560 --> 00:56:33,160
Speaker 1: coolest gear ever, is that, unlike many other superheroes, he

1260
00:56:33,320 --> 00:56:37,480
Speaker 1: wasn't born with special powers. He didn't acquire them as

1261
00:56:37,480 --> 00:56:41,680
Speaker 1: a result of some freak laboratory accident or insect bite.

1262
00:56:41,719 --> 00:56:44,920
Speaker 1: Bruce Wayne is a regular human, just like you and me.

1263
00:56:45,920 --> 00:56:49,000
Speaker 1: He needed to battle those villains along with his own

1264
00:56:49,080 --> 00:56:53,799
Speaker 1: doubts and fears, in order to become Batman. The point is,

1265
00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:57,880
Speaker 1: there's a reason that we're captivated by the Batman movies

1266
00:56:58,239 --> 00:57:02,120
Speaker 1: and countless other epic te It's because they take us

1267
00:57:02,320 --> 00:57:06,480
Speaker 1: on a roller coaster ride. First, the main character is up,

1268
00:57:06,920 --> 00:57:10,840
Speaker 1: then they're down. They win sometimes, but they also lose.

1269
00:57:11,880 --> 00:57:17,360
Speaker 1: Their final victory doesn't come without significant struggle, and it's

1270
00:57:17,480 --> 00:57:21,680
Speaker 1: that wild ride that makes the triumph all the more inspiring.

1271
00:57:22,840 --> 00:57:26,480
Speaker 1: But here's the thing. While we love to read or

1272
00:57:26,600 --> 00:57:31,920
Speaker 1: watch a great story, we're sometimes afraid to live one.

1273
00:57:32,040 --> 00:57:36,280
Speaker 1: We've somehow been trained to believe that only good times

1274
00:57:36,520 --> 00:57:41,200
Speaker 1: are worth living, that happiness and joy are what life

1275
00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:44,919
Speaker 1: is all about. We've made an enemy of so called

1276
00:57:45,040 --> 00:57:48,440
Speaker 1: bad times. We don't see their value, and so we

1277
00:57:48,520 --> 00:57:51,360
Speaker 1: try to run away from them or erase them from

1278
00:57:51,400 --> 00:57:55,800
Speaker 1: our memories. But tough moments are there to give something

1279
00:57:55,840 --> 00:57:59,280
Speaker 1: to us. If Bruce Wayne had just gone about his

1280
00:57:59,400 --> 00:58:03,280
Speaker 1: regular life, if he'd never risen to the challenges set

1281
00:58:03,320 --> 00:58:06,400
Speaker 1: before him, he would have never become the person he

1282
00:58:06,520 --> 00:58:09,120
Speaker 1: is by the end of the story. He would have

1283
00:58:09,200 --> 00:58:13,400
Speaker 1: never become capable of saving Gotham City. He would have

1284
00:58:13,440 --> 00:58:17,600
Speaker 1: never become a hero. There's a Zen proverb that says,

1285
00:58:18,120 --> 00:58:22,720
Speaker 1: obstacles don't block the path, they are the path. I've

1286
00:58:22,760 --> 00:58:26,280
Speaker 1: gone through some really hard times. I'm sure you have too.

1287
00:58:27,000 --> 00:58:30,400
Speaker 1: And when I find myself resisting what's happening, or I

1288
00:58:30,440 --> 00:58:33,600
Speaker 1: start to question why I have a trick that helps

1289
00:58:33,640 --> 00:58:38,680
Speaker 1: me adjust my mindset, I pause, take a breath, and

1290
00:58:38,800 --> 00:58:44,800
Speaker 1: tell myself, this only makes the story better. So instead

1291
00:58:45,000 --> 00:58:49,560
Speaker 1: of resisting challenges, think of them as brilliant plot points

1292
00:58:49,840 --> 00:58:55,040
Speaker 1: that make your life richer and you stronger, maybe even

1293
00:58:55,080 --> 00:59:01,040
Speaker 1: a hero. On that note, let's do a visualized exercise

1294
00:59:01,160 --> 00:59:06,600
Speaker 1: together to provide you with motivation for your journey. Begin

1295
00:59:06,720 --> 00:59:11,360
Speaker 1: by getting a little more comfortable wherever you are landing

1296
00:59:11,720 --> 00:59:17,840
Speaker 1: in the here and now and letting distractions fade into

1297
00:59:17,880 --> 00:59:28,560
Speaker 1: the background. Taking a couple energizing breaths and grounding in

1298
00:59:28,640 --> 00:59:38,640
Speaker 1: the present, feeling your feet on the floor or your

1299
00:59:38,680 --> 00:59:50,800
Speaker 1: seat in the chair, solid and connected. Now, bring to

1300
00:59:50,880 --> 00:59:59,080
Speaker 1: mind a superhero that inspires you. Picture them in your

1301
00:59:59,160 --> 01:00:08,800
Speaker 1: mind's eyes, think about their traits, the heroic qualities that

1302
01:00:08,840 --> 01:00:14,320
Speaker 1: have helped them become who they are, and really connect

1303
01:00:14,800 --> 01:00:24,600
Speaker 1: with that source of inspiration. Now look inside of you

1304
01:00:25,640 --> 01:00:28,960
Speaker 1: and see if you can find any seeds of the heroic.

1305
01:00:30,800 --> 01:00:34,280
Speaker 1: It could be something as simple as feeling the stable

1306
01:00:34,440 --> 01:00:39,480
Speaker 1: power of your feet on the floor, or maybe a

1307
01:00:39,520 --> 01:00:45,320
Speaker 1: memory of a time you felt courageous, whatever it is,

1308
01:00:45,920 --> 01:00:57,680
Speaker 1: start to cultivate this quality within yourself. If you're feeling

1309
01:00:57,800 --> 01:01:04,480
Speaker 1: some self doubt or un certainty, that's natural. Bruce Wayne

1310
01:01:04,520 --> 01:01:10,560
Speaker 1: didn't become Batman overnight. I just hope you don't give

1311
01:01:10,640 --> 01:01:19,280
Speaker 1: up on the greatness within. And let's open this up.

1312
01:01:20,520 --> 01:01:24,680
Speaker 1: How do you generally view tough times or roadblocks that

1313
01:01:24,760 --> 01:01:36,040
Speaker 1: get in your way? Can you reframe your outlook on challenges? Finally,

1314
01:01:36,560 --> 01:01:45,040
Speaker 1: can you think of your personal story as a hero's journey?

1315
01:01:46,000 --> 01:01:49,880
Speaker 1: I hope you feel inspired by today's message, and if so,

1316
01:01:50,520 --> 01:01:53,600
Speaker 1: make sure to pass it along to an everyday hero

1317
01:01:54,120 --> 01:01:58,480
Speaker 1: that you know, in the words of Superman, you are

1318
01:01:58,560 --> 01:02:02,680
Speaker 1: much stronger than you think you are. Trust me, I'll

1319
01:02:02,720 --> 01:02:03,480
Speaker 1: see you tomorrow.