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Speaker 1: If we say what our fears are to a woman,

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Speaker 1: a woman oftentimes will lose respect for us. If we

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Speaker 1: say it to other men, the men whose respect for us.

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Speaker 1: So where is the incentive to open up and to

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Speaker 1: get in touch with our feelings? The most important single

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Speaker 1: thing is Dad's understanding that children benefit more from dad's

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Speaker 1: time than dad's does.

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Speaker 2: For the past thirty years of my life, I have

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Speaker 2: been dedicated towards trying to understand what aspects of the

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Speaker 2: human condition enable us to succeed or what drives failure.

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Speaker 2: Now a massive part of my learning, my education has

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Speaker 2: been focused on training young men since I was a

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Speaker 2: seal instructor to an instructor at Blackwater, instructor for the CIA,

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Speaker 2: running my own private training motivational company, working with pro athletes,

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Speaker 2: mentoring young dozens of young men in terms of their

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Speaker 2: dreams of either becoming athletes or becoming Special Operations Force members.

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Speaker 2: And I'm here to tell you that in all of

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Speaker 2: that experience, one of the most profound impactful things that

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Speaker 2: I've ever come across in terms of my research and

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Speaker 2: my understanding of the core problems is through doctor Ferrell

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Speaker 2: in his book The Boy Crisis. This book has been

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Speaker 2: one of the most impactful pieces of literature and pieces

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Speaker 2: of information that I've ever found. And it is a

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Speaker 2: distinct honor for me to have you on today with us, Doc,

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Speaker 2: So God bless you and thank you for coming on.

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Speaker 1: Well, I have to say it's an honor for me

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Speaker 1: to be with someone who has gone through the incredible

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Speaker 1: trials and tribulations of becoming a Navy seal and the

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Speaker 1: dedication that that shows towards the country and what you did,

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Speaker 1: what you must have done inside of yourself to overcome

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Speaker 1: barrier after burrier after barrier, and something I could never

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Speaker 1: even begin to think about doing. You know what I do.

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Speaker 2: Well, I'll tell you what man as a fighter, from

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Speaker 2: where you've been in your life, whether it was the

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Speaker 2: early you know, powerful feminist movement of the seventies, back

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Speaker 2: when it's it was in its purest forms, to to

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Speaker 2: what you've been doing lately, you know, in the multiple

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Speaker 2: books that you have out and and you know, uh,

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Speaker 2: and I want to talk about those at the end

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Speaker 2: for sure. But one of the things that really just

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Speaker 2: kind of pushed me over the edge. Not only was

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Speaker 2: it my buddy Dan at the Citizens podcast for sure,

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Speaker 2: who I love dearly, but also it's your your course

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Speaker 2: on the Peterson Academy. I was I think I signed

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Speaker 2: up for that that the Academy in the first month

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Speaker 2: that was available and saw your course there, and I

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Speaker 2: was just overwhelmed that so many people would have access

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Speaker 2: to your information in that capacity. So, you know, I'm

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Speaker 2: really excited. But let's jump right into this. So you know,

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Speaker 2: if I'm pretty sure everybody has has heard you, that's

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Speaker 2: listening to.

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Speaker 1: Me right now.

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Speaker 2: So I don't want to I don't want to spend

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Speaker 2: too much time giving your background, but I want jump

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Speaker 2: right into these key themes and just kind of go

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Speaker 2: down the list. And so we'll start with the crisis

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Speaker 2: of education. And for me, COVID was a particular moment

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Speaker 2: where things got exaggerated on all levels for mental health,

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Speaker 2: but in particular for children. Right we saw girls teenage

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Speaker 2: suicide increase by fifty percent. Now I have four daughters,

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Speaker 2: so a static like that like was shattering to me.

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Speaker 2: And then you know, we saw all different types of

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Speaker 2: increases and you know, pharmaceutical applications, doctor's visits in particular

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Speaker 2: with boys, boys suicide shot up as well too. So

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Speaker 2: based on that post COVID experience with you. Where do

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Speaker 2: we sit in the crisis of education with boys in America?

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Speaker 1: We're in a very serious place. The crisis of education

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Speaker 1: happens especially in among boys who do have minimal or

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Speaker 1: no father president but boys that I call dad deprived.

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Speaker 1: We can't say fatherless boys, because every boy has a father,

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Speaker 1: but some boys are deprived of involvement of their father.

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Speaker 1: And oftentimes successful men are just devoted to their family

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Speaker 1: that they experience what I call the father's cash twenty two.

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Speaker 1: They learn to love their family by being away from

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Speaker 1: their love of their family and being successful. But it's

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Speaker 1: but what really ends up being of value to boys

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Speaker 1: is not the success of the dad, but rather the

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Speaker 1: involvement of the dad, the taking of the of the

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Speaker 1: the rough housing every day, the teasing, even though mom

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Speaker 1: may sort of say, you know what, rough housing, I

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Speaker 1: feel like I have just one more child demonitor, or

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Speaker 1: the you know, the treath like you know you made

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Speaker 1: Jimmy or Jane cry, why did you do that? You're

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Speaker 1: so insensitive? But you know, it's it's understanding the value

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Speaker 1: of dad style parenting that leads to boys being so

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Speaker 1: much more able to to handle life, to overcome barriers

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Speaker 1: to to know how to and to know how to empathize,

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Speaker 1: and you know, and believe it or not, the rough

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Speaker 1: housing on the part of a parent ninety nine percent

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Speaker 1: of the time, usually it's the father, but it can

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Speaker 1: also be the mother. The rough housing leads to empathy.

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Speaker 1: So can you imagine a dad saying, you know, sweetie,

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Speaker 1: I want to sweedie, meaning the mom I want to

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Speaker 1: I know, I want a rough house with whether my

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Speaker 1: three kids because you know they're going to be really

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Speaker 1: that I'm going to want to increase their empathy. And Mom, ago,

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Speaker 1: you must be kidding, And you know how many dads

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Speaker 1: would even know that rough housing is connected to empathy.

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Speaker 1: But the reason it's connected empathy is let's say you

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Speaker 1: have three kids and you have you say you put

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Speaker 1: them on the couch and say, okay, you know your

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Speaker 1: job is to jump on my back and pin me

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Speaker 1: down before I bend the three of you down, And

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Speaker 1: they get all excited, and mom is looking on and going,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, what's going to happen here? Somebody is

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Speaker 1: going to get hurt sooner or later. But on the

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Speaker 1: other hand, I don't want to interfere. I don't want

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Speaker 1: to be controlling, and I can see to be having fun.

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Speaker 1: I just hope Dad will know not to be too

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Speaker 1: rough with him. And you know, but I just fear

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Speaker 1: that somebody's going to get hurt. And your chances are

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Speaker 1: about ninety nine percent. Mom's right. Somebody gets hurt eventually

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Speaker 1: the first time, the second, and you know, Mom goes,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, I should have interfered. I should have

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Speaker 1: said something. Now I feel guilty that it didn't say something,

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Speaker 1: but I guess you know, Dad will you know now

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Speaker 1: you can see that somebody did get hurt, so it'll

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Speaker 1: he'll stop. But you know, the dad says, okay, you know,

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Speaker 1: if you do this again, if you put your elbow

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Speaker 1: into your sister's eye like that, you know you're going

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Speaker 1: to be you know, there'll be no more rough housing.

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Speaker 1: And Mom goes, what, you're giving them another chance? You

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Speaker 1: must be crazy and so and then sure enough Mom's

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Speaker 1: right again. The kids, you know, forget the boundaries, and

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Speaker 1: and they somebody hurts the other one, and now Dad

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Speaker 1: says everything that's crucial. He says, okay, you're He doesn't

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Speaker 1: set the boundary, he enforces the boundary and said, I

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Speaker 1: gave you that boundary. Now you violated it. Rough housing

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Speaker 1: over It's like telling a puppy dog, okay, you did

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Speaker 1: exactly the opposite of what I told you to do.

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Speaker 1: You know, pooped in the house, and so now there's

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Speaker 1: no treat, and so now is where the change begins

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Speaker 1: to happen. The next time the rough housing happens, and

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Speaker 1: dad says, you know, consider your sister and brothers feelings,

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Speaker 1: don't you know, don't put the don't be too rough.

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Speaker 1: The kids know that they're going to lose the rough

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Speaker 1: housing because they have lost that rough housing last time.

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Speaker 1: Dad didn't set a boundary. He enforced a boundary. And

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Speaker 1: one of the biggest differences between dads and moms on average,

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Speaker 1: and sometimes this is reversed, is that moms set more boundaries,

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Speaker 1: so they'll set bedtimes let's say at eight thirty, and

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Speaker 1: supervised by dads, we'll set boundaries a little bit later,

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Speaker 1: like nine o'clock. But the children supervised by dads are

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Speaker 1: more likely to get to bed earlier, not because the

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Speaker 1: boundaries were set earlier, but rather because the boundaries were enforced.

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Speaker 1: The child is more likely to come up to mom

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Speaker 1: and say, you know, oh Mom, I didn't get my

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Speaker 1: homework done. You don't want me to go into school

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Speaker 1: tomorrow without doing my homework to you, And Mom goes, oh,

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Speaker 1: I did tell you to get off the phone with

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Speaker 1: Jane or Jim whatever, you know, and you spend an

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Speaker 1: hour and a half in the phone. You should you

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Speaker 1: could have been doing your homework during that, but you're right,

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Speaker 1: I don't want you to go into school tomorrow without

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Speaker 1: having your homework done. Okay, do your homework, And so

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Speaker 1: the kid learns, aha, I can do home, I can

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Speaker 1: get away with it, whereas dad is more likely to

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Speaker 1: do They say the same thing the first time, but

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Speaker 1: the second time Dad will almost always enforce the boundary

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Speaker 1: to say, sorry, you're going to have to go in

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Speaker 1: tomorrow to school without doing your homework. That's the consequence

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Speaker 1: that you're paying now and are divorced. You know, divorced,

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Speaker 1: are separated. Can you imagine imagine the mom hearing that

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Speaker 1: the child was allowed to go into school without doing

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Speaker 1: the homework without understanding that that's part of boundary enforcement

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Speaker 1: and the consequence the kids learns that feels like a

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Speaker 1: dad that's neglectful of the child. And that's one of

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Speaker 1: the reasons that so many moms often feel like, I

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Speaker 1: don't want the dad to have father time because she

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Speaker 1: because no one understands the value of father time.

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Speaker 2: Hm. Wow, that that that well when you I mean,

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Speaker 2: obviously I did a little bit of psychology when I

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Speaker 2: was in school back in the day, and of course

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Speaker 2: you introduced to behavioralism and you're talking about BF skinner

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Speaker 2: and and and all the you know, the those consequences, right, pa,

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Speaker 2: aw that its origin and and you know, I think

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Speaker 2: what the interesting because I went through divorce and there

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Speaker 2: was definitely different types of things is taking place at

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Speaker 2: both houses, and so it was much more difficult to

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Speaker 2: rein in those consequences when I because I travel a lot.

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Speaker 2: I've always traveled a lot, So I'd come home and

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Speaker 2: I was kind of the dad weekend and the girls

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Speaker 2: would be like, Okay, you know, it's fun time with dad.

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Speaker 2: But then it was always that establishment. And one of

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Speaker 2: the things that you of those boundaries, one of the

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Speaker 2: things that I love that you integrate with it is

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Speaker 2: really the development of that empathy concept.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 2: It's it's teaching your sons to have a higher emotional

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Speaker 2: intelligence earlier. Why do you think that that's good instead

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Speaker 2: of more leaning into teaching your kid to be in

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Speaker 2: our world, we call it the warrior mindset, right, Why

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Speaker 2: do you believe that it has to be more of

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Speaker 2: a balance between those Yes?

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Speaker 1: Well, first, yes, I was just complete one thought there

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Speaker 1: that I realized I left out the empathy I was

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Speaker 1: saying at the beginning of that rough housing that Dad

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Speaker 1: was saying that I want to teach the children empathy.

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Speaker 1: Therefore I want to do rough housing. And that seems

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Speaker 1: like so counterintuitive, But what's happening there and the boundaries

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Speaker 1: being enforced, is that the children are required in order

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Speaker 1: to continue the rough housing, they're required to think of

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Speaker 1: their sisters and brothers feelings about being hurt. That begins

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Speaker 1: to create empathy. It also creates postpone gratification. Immediate gratification

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Speaker 1: will be pushing my brother and sister aside to be

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Speaker 1: able to win at the rough housing. Postpone gratification is

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Speaker 1: I want to push my brother and sister aside to

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Speaker 1: win at the rough housing, but if I do, I'll

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Speaker 1: lose the rough housing. So therefore, in order to get

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Speaker 1: what I want, I have to postpone the gratification of

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Speaker 1: pushing my brother and sister aside in order to get

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Speaker 1: what I really want, which is the continuation of the

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Speaker 1: rough housing and postponed gratification is the single biggest predictor

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Speaker 1: of success or failure in life. And boat genders too, right, yes, absolutely,

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Speaker 1: And so the females have a tendency to be able

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Speaker 1: to They're able to sit down longer, they're able to

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Speaker 1: obey rules, they're able to take notes. Guys have to

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Speaker 1: have much more physical activity before they're really able to

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Speaker 1: focus and concentrate. And getting to that point, I forgot

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Speaker 1: the question that you.

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Speaker 2: Know, it's all right, it's all right, the idea is right.

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Speaker 2: I think a lot of a lot of misconceptions is

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Speaker 2: that you know we if you don't, especially as we've

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Speaker 2: seen the pretty significant societal demasculization of young boys, right,

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Speaker 2: we've reduced rough house play in school, the punitive damages

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Speaker 2: on kids, right, And the one that kills me more

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Speaker 2: than I is more than anything, is the hyper diagnosis

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Speaker 2: of ADHD, the implementation of pharmaceuticals, putting these kids on

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Speaker 2: these drugs for long terms, which leads I mean the

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Speaker 2: rabbit hole we can go down. That it is a

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Speaker 2: whole nother show in and of itself, with mass shootings

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Speaker 2: and all that. But the critical nature of being able

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Speaker 2: to have that physicality matched by, like you said, that

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Speaker 2: delayed gratification, which in and of itself the emotional intelligence emerges.

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Speaker 2: How does that take place or where is it kind

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Speaker 2: of uh stilted in that next prepubescence and puberty phase

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Speaker 2: because I've I've fixated on that group more than any

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Speaker 2: other group. Right, because if you do have the fatherless

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Speaker 2: boys or however you want it, you know less that

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Speaker 2: what do you call it? You call it deprivation?

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Speaker 1: Right?

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Speaker 2: Sorry? You know these kids are the boundaries are never

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Speaker 2: in place, and so how do you where do you

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Speaker 2: focus with those things in terms of the emotional intelligence

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Speaker 2: while while sustaining the war your mindset or warrior ethos

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Speaker 2: if you will, in that critical prepubescence in puberty phase.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so much in the question there where.

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Speaker 2: We're have a tendency dot I'm so sorry.

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Speaker 1: No, that's great. So the first thing here is that.

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Speaker 2: Thank you so much for listening. Again, apologize for the interruption,

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Speaker 2: but I want to just tell you about our one

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Speaker 1: Where we need to go in the future is to

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Speaker 1: create this balance between heroic intelligence and health intelligence. And

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Speaker 1: heroic intelligence is wonderful up to a point, meaning that

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Speaker 1: it gives us the opportunity to know how to overcome

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Speaker 1: boundaries to do things that aren't easy for us to

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Speaker 1: do like you did with it. Every single step of

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Speaker 1: being a Navy seal is just like doubting yourself Okay,

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Speaker 1: no I can do it. Then maybe failing here or

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Speaker 1: at a time or two, instead of giving up and

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Speaker 1: saying I can't do it, having the resilience to come

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Speaker 1: back and try again, and to sort of you know,

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Speaker 1: and rather than hear people constantly around you complaining that

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Speaker 1: demoralizes you. Having people around you saying no, I can

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Speaker 1: do it, and focusing on that, that's you know, more

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Speaker 1: heroic intelligence. However, it's also important to know that to

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Speaker 1: become a hero. Let's say you're in boot camp and

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Speaker 1: the sergeant. Let's say you're Jewish, and the sergeant is

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Speaker 1: makes a comment like, okay, look at you know, he

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Speaker 1: makes some type of anti submitted comment, and you raise

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Speaker 1: your hand and say, excuse me, sergeant sir, But you know,

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Speaker 1: I was really I'm Jewish, and I was really offended

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Speaker 1: by that anti submitted comment. Now the response to the

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Speaker 1: sergeant will be something like, isn't that little sweet? Look?

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Speaker 1: We have a little Jewish boy here. Why don't you

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Speaker 1: do ten push ups? Jewish boy? If you can do

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Speaker 1: a push up. Do you know what a push up is, sweetie?

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Speaker 1: You know very much?

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Speaker 2: Sounds about right right there.

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Speaker 1: Maybe a little sergeant, there's.

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Speaker 2: Why in all of us you know that?

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Speaker 1: And so yeah, and so the boy and so why

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Speaker 1: is the sergeant doing that. The sergeant is doing that

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Speaker 1: because the sergeant knows that the war machine does not

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Speaker 1: operate well with squeaky wheels and when people complain, and

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Speaker 1: that that that your job is being part of that

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Speaker 1: war machine, is being willing to die and do everything

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Speaker 1: that you need to do without concern for yourself and

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Speaker 1: your feelings or your fears, but to overcome your fears

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Speaker 1: and to recognize that, yes you will, you have a

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Speaker 1: good chance of dying, and if you don't have a

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Speaker 1: good chance of dying, you'll come maybe back with PTSD.

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Speaker 1: And that is your job. And you know, and if

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Speaker 1: if somebody and if you make close friends, it's going

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Speaker 1: to hurt all the more if a really close friend

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Speaker 1: dies in your hands or you or it gets you know,

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Speaker 1: shot and it is not quite killed, and you spend

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Speaker 1: a lot of time rescuing him or her, and maybe

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Speaker 1: you'll get killed in the process. But that's exactly what

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Speaker 1: your job is. So don't focus on your fears, don't

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Speaker 1: focus on your feelings. Now, that is extremely healthy for

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Speaker 1: people who are willing being trained to die to trying

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Speaker 1: to be disposable. And that was the male role, was

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Speaker 1: to be willing to be disposable. Men were really trained

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Speaker 1: to be the disposable sex, either in war or in

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Speaker 1: work either. As you know, all the hazardous jobs, ninety

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Speaker 1: three percent of the people that are killed on hazardous

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Speaker 1: jobs are males. I think of your construction workers, your

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Speaker 1: long haul truck drivers, you know your people who are

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Speaker 1: logging trees, all of your welders. Those are all male

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Speaker 1: dominated jobs because the males are much more likely to

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Speaker 1: be willing to risk their lives doing those jobs. And

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Speaker 1: so that, yes, that is useful for doing the jobs

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Speaker 1: that are necessary for survival, for the survival of the nation.

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Speaker 1: We are not being ruled by Nazis because we had

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Speaker 1: millions of men all over the world that have died

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Speaker 1: preventing us from having to be ruled by Nazis. And

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Speaker 1: so this is this is the positive value of that,

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Speaker 1: but it's also the negative value because those men learned

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Speaker 1: to repress their feelings and give no thought to themselves,

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Speaker 1: and so when they came home from if they did

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Speaker 1: manage to survive the process and came home, men are

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Speaker 1: twenty times as likely to die of suicide as they

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Speaker 1: are to die in any given year in a war.

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Speaker 1: And so that is really and so that means that

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Speaker 1: their emotional intelligence, their willingness to speak up and say,

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Speaker 1: you know, I really was offended by that, or I

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Speaker 1: really am hurt, or you know, my leg I think it,

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Speaker 1: you know, is infected, and it could come off and

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Speaker 1: say what we feel that has been that has been neglected,

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Speaker 1: and the result of that is twofold. You mentioned before

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Speaker 1: that you know that we that we're oftentimes lonely and

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Speaker 1: we don't have friends, and that that lowliness creates and

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Speaker 1: mental health problems, and especially during COVID, and so this

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Speaker 1: has been but even outside of COVID, if we say

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Speaker 1: what our fears are to a woman, a woman oftentimes

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Speaker 1: will lose respect for us because we're sort of talking

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Speaker 1: about we fear that a woman will lose respect for

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Speaker 1: us because we're showing vulnerability and she wanted a strong man.

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Speaker 1: If we say it to other men, the men lose

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Speaker 1: respect for us. So where is the incentive to be

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Speaker 1: to open up and to get in touch with our feelings.

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Speaker 1: We men are very bottom line, and we know that

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Speaker 1: if there's if we can't express our feelings in the

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Speaker 1: long run, why even get in touch with them in

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Speaker 1: the short run, because it's only going to go to

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Speaker 1: some place that's going to frustrate us. So we will

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Speaker 1: be able to do that. So we're not even in

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Speaker 1: touch with our feelings because we know that there's nowhere

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Speaker 1: down the line than anyone wants to know who we are.

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Speaker 1: So we spent the last half a century focusing on

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Speaker 1: women and women's problems with that, and women don't think

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Speaker 1: that we have problems, but I think that we're filled

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Speaker 1: with power and we're you know, we're the male patriarchy

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Speaker 1: and things like that, because we haven't said anything and

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Speaker 1: women can't hear what men don't say.

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Speaker 2: That's brilliant, that's brilliant, you knows. I as I think

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Speaker 2: about what you're saying, because I mean, I've I've lost

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Speaker 2: a last count, I think it's sixteen of my friends

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Speaker 2: have committed suicide in the last seven years alone, you know,

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Speaker 2: or I'm averaging about four or five a year, and

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Speaker 2: a lot of that is well, you know, we have

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Speaker 2: a concept. It's you know, a little bit more than PTSD.

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Speaker 2: It's called operator syndrome, and it's a unique constellation about

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Speaker 2: seventeen different medical mental health things, and one of those

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Speaker 2: in the metal health side is this existential shortfault. Right,

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Speaker 2: you get engaged in that deeper level purpose and then

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Speaker 2: when you come back to re engage in the more

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Speaker 2: mundane or you know, I don't I think mundane always

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Speaker 2: has almost a negative connotation, right, the application of skill

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Speaker 2: sets every day that make your life function, that take

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Speaker 2: care of your family or you know, to take care

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Speaker 2: of yourself, I think that you lose that the desire

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Speaker 2: isn't as much as it was when you're at the

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Speaker 2: higher level. And so I I see with young men

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Speaker 2: what I always try to do is I try and

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Speaker 2: you know, put them in a physical environment, break them

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Speaker 2: down physically, to create the space to where, hey, let's

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Speaker 2: have the discussion of why the motivation is coming up short?

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Speaker 2: Why are you not what right now do you want

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Speaker 2: to push yourself? What type? Is there something fatalistic that

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Speaker 2: it's not going to have no relevance long term. You

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Speaker 2: don't have the capacity all those things that you you

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Speaker 2: had talked about that definitely went through my brain and

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Speaker 2: training with the with young men right now, Where are

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Speaker 2: you seeing specific types of programs that are positively impacting

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Speaker 2: young men, that are that are teaching them these variables

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Speaker 2: from the emotional intelligence right to to the that sense

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Speaker 2: of relieving the economic presupposed pressure of your only the breadwinner,

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Speaker 2: you're only this, and then you know also you know

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Speaker 2: the consequences of society. I love that idea, the consequences

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Speaker 2: of society. I think, Brain, what programs are really working

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Speaker 2: well in your opinion that exists right now?

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Speaker 1: I think the most important single thing that's been done

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Speaker 1: is in Florida. There was the Speaker of the House

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Speaker 1: there did read the Boy Crisis and use them with

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Speaker 1: his kids, and when he found that it worked well

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Speaker 1: for he and he and his life were together, they

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Speaker 1: were married, they had three or four kids, and it

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Speaker 1: worked well there. They gave the boy Crisis to the

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Speaker 1: head of the Republican head and the Democratic head of

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Speaker 1: the family committees within the Florida legislature, and they ended

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Speaker 1: up passing a bill contributing seventy million dollars of funds

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Speaker 1: to help mothers understand the value of fathers and fathers

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Speaker 1: understand their own value, all the things that I mentioned

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Speaker 1: before about their rough housing, and in the Boy Crisis book,

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Speaker 1: there's just a whole list of things that dads tend

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Speaker 1: to do, like teasing, like taking kids camping, like letting

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Speaker 1: kids get lost, but not so lost that they can't

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Speaker 1: find the way back ultimately.

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Speaker 2: But now is my job as an instructor in the

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Speaker 2: seal teams. I let them get lost?

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Speaker 1: Wow? Yeah, and tell me about that?

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Speaker 2: What was the well, I mean, it's the consequence, and

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00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:02,960
Speaker 2: I think think you know the the you know, what

434
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:09,720
Speaker 2: I've found raising Ford daughters is that the the adaptation

435
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:14,399
Speaker 2: of the consequence into the behavioral shift happens so much

436
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:17,960
Speaker 2: more rapidly than any other of the young men I've

437
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:21,040
Speaker 2: mentored in my life. It's a it's a much more

438
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:25,439
Speaker 2: subtle process with them, but they require deeper level consequences.

439
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:29,119
Speaker 2: So in our training, you know, the consequence is death

440
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:33,080
Speaker 2: in our world, so we have, you know, these wide

441
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:37,359
Speaker 2: spectrums of allowing them to fail, and that failure so

442
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:40,640
Speaker 2: failure in my mind and in my world, and kind

443
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:43,720
Speaker 2: of how I teach it failure is this. I call

444
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:47,320
Speaker 2: it the positive application of pain, right, and I get

445
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:50,399
Speaker 2: the shift in perception of what pain actually is, and

446
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:54,280
Speaker 2: that we need those pain points, we need those consequences

447
00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:58,680
Speaker 2: to reverberate in that emotional state. Right, Yes, I'm afraid,

448
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:02,520
Speaker 2: but it's also co mingled with the idea of courage. Right,

449
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:06,000
Speaker 2: And so you have courage that draws the motivation. You

450
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:10,920
Speaker 2: go out, you fail, you learn profound lessons, then come back.

451
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:13,879
Speaker 2: And then if if you have the right role model,

452
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:17,560
Speaker 2: the right teacher, the right influence, they'll help you adapt

453
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:22,040
Speaker 2: that that the intensity that that intensity of that consequence

454
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:25,840
Speaker 2: to shift, but your change in behavior more rapidly. Yes,

455
00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:28,280
Speaker 2: And so I think for boys they have a much

456
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:32,400
Speaker 2: more intense need for the heavier consequence that that pain

457
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:35,360
Speaker 2: versus girls, they learn they adapt much quicker.

458
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:39,360
Speaker 1: You know, it's probably quite true. And and and that's

459
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:43,480
Speaker 1: and it's really so for a parent imagining this, Let's

460
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,800
Speaker 1: say here's a here here might be a typical scenario.

461
00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:50,840
Speaker 1: A child comes up to a mom and says, you know, mom,

462
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:54,119
Speaker 1: I'm gonna climb the tree in the backyard. And mom goes, uh, well, sweety,

463
00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 1: maybe in a few years, okay, but you know, don't

464
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,199
Speaker 1: you can't do that now. It's the tree is too

465
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:04,600
Speaker 1: tall and there's new branches and you could the branches

466
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:08,360
Speaker 1: could break and it's much too dangerous. So the child

467
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:10,639
Speaker 1: goes up to the dad and says, dad, could I

468
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:13,640
Speaker 1: climb the tree? I'm not telling her, not telling dad

469
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:16,480
Speaker 1: what Mom said. And Dad says, well, it's a big tree,

470
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:19,760
Speaker 1: so be careful, sweetie, but yeah, yeah, okay. And so

471
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:21,520
Speaker 1: then the cake climbs the tree and mom looks out

472
00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:23,520
Speaker 1: the window and says, wait, I told you you couldn't

473
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:25,800
Speaker 1: climb the tree. Well Dad said that could and so

474
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,399
Speaker 1: you know, and so what's happening there and what is

475
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:31,960
Speaker 1: needed and so we have a really good example of

476
00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:34,760
Speaker 1: the difference between mom style parenting and dad's style parenting,

477
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,040
Speaker 1: and the and the ideal is to have what I

478
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:41,159
Speaker 1: would call checks and balanced parenting, and so so the

479
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:45,640
Speaker 1: connection there needs to be something like this type of dialogue.

480
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:49,320
Speaker 1: You know, I told Jane she couldn't climb the tree

481
00:27:49,359 --> 00:27:51,199
Speaker 1: because it's, you know, too tall, and you just let

482
00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:54,160
Speaker 1: her go ahead and do that, well dad, and Dad

483
00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:58,120
Speaker 1: says what dads don't say because dads don't know these things.

484
00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:00,000
Speaker 1: And as I said before, moms can't hear what dad's

485
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:03,120
Speaker 1: and say. Is that when when kids take a risk

486
00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:07,600
Speaker 1: like that, they actually learn to balance what is a

487
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:10,840
Speaker 1: safe risk versus what is not safe risk and to

488
00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:14,159
Speaker 1: draw the line there. And then your neurons begin to

489
00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:17,320
Speaker 1: connect in ways that they're not needed to connect otherwise

490
00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:21,160
Speaker 1: you actually increase your intelligence. And that's you know, that's

491
00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:23,399
Speaker 1: study base, that's the data for that. It's in the

492
00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:27,240
Speaker 1: boy crisis, and so you and so, but so Dad

493
00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:31,240
Speaker 1: has to first inform himself of what is the actual

494
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:35,240
Speaker 1: value that is proven in Dad's style parenting and then

495
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:39,680
Speaker 1: kindly share that with the mom, while mom shares what

496
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:42,800
Speaker 1: the value of mom style parenting is, like I want

497
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:45,640
Speaker 1: to prevent our daughter or son from getting killed by

498
00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:50,680
Speaker 1: going up too high and falling too far or and

499
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:53,320
Speaker 1: and they're not old enough to make those decisions yet,

500
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:56,400
Speaker 1: and so what might be a good compromise there? Mom

501
00:28:56,520 --> 00:29:00,719
Speaker 1: might say some version of Okay, me or Jane can

502
00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:03,760
Speaker 1: climb that tree, but you need to be under that

503
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:07,400
Speaker 1: tree so that in case they do fall, you can

504
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:11,520
Speaker 1: cushion the fall. So when there's a risk that could

505
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:15,840
Speaker 1: end up being life or death or severe concussion risk,

506
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:19,920
Speaker 1: then or in the direction of being safe. But on

507
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:22,480
Speaker 1: the other hand, you want to have the ability to

508
00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:25,560
Speaker 1: take risk and to know how to avoid failure in

509
00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:28,640
Speaker 1: that type of deeper way and to increase the intelligence

510
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:31,640
Speaker 1: toward that end. So mom might say, you need to

511
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:33,800
Speaker 1: be under the tree, and by the way, give me

512
00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:39,400
Speaker 1: your cell phone while you're under that tree. And then

513
00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:42,480
Speaker 1: you have that the child getting the best of both worlds.

514
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:45,479
Speaker 1: They have a chance to sort of take risks, increase

515
00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:50,040
Speaker 1: their intelligence, understand where that fine line is between too

516
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:55,240
Speaker 1: much of a risk and not generating new brain cells

517
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:59,640
Speaker 1: that help you know where, where and when to take

518
00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:03,720
Speaker 1: a a risk. And so those are you know, that's

519
00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:07,480
Speaker 1: just an example of, you know, of how dads and

520
00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:12,160
Speaker 1: moms really need to understand the value of each child's parenting.

521
00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:15,800
Speaker 1: But a lot of what dads do looks like it

522
00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:19,480
Speaker 1: is dangerous or bad idea, a bad idea to the

523
00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:24,800
Speaker 1: mom who isn't informed this way. So from the mother's perspective,

524
00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:26,520
Speaker 1: you know, the dad that lets the child take too

525
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:29,400
Speaker 1: much of a risk is just not caring about the kid.

526
00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:33,800
Speaker 1: And so and that's why dads need to really inform

527
00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:37,520
Speaker 1: themselves as to what the value of that is. And

528
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:42,280
Speaker 1: like what they did in Florida is they develop programs

529
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:46,440
Speaker 1: that inform dads about their value and inform moms about

530
00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:51,760
Speaker 1: dad's value and dad involvement is actually a woman's issue.

531
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:55,880
Speaker 1: Every woman I dated between I was married for quite

532
00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:58,480
Speaker 1: a while and then divorced for a while, and then

533
00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:00,680
Speaker 1: thirty years ago I met the woman who became my

534
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:05,240
Speaker 1: wife and is my wife. And in between the almost

535
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:08,880
Speaker 1: all the women I dated were single moms, And every

536
00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:13,360
Speaker 1: single single mom used the word overwhelmed. And she was

537
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:17,080
Speaker 1: also disappointed in herself. She felt that there was you

538
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:21,200
Speaker 1: know that she she didn't do her job with children

539
00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:23,440
Speaker 1: well enough, and she didn't do her job at work

540
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:26,720
Speaker 1: well enough, and just sort of felt like disappointed in herself.

541
00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:30,760
Speaker 1: And she was constantly a lifelong juggling act. But her

542
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:34,120
Speaker 1: number one word was overwhelmed. Well, why should moms have

543
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:38,240
Speaker 1: to be overwhelmed? Moms should be inviting dads in to

544
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:41,360
Speaker 1: share that the joys and the burdens of raising children,

545
00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:45,440
Speaker 1: even if they're divorced and so and so. This is

546
00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:48,120
Speaker 1: part of what Florida was doing, and this is part

547
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:51,160
Speaker 1: of what you know that I'm working to create. A

548
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:54,040
Speaker 1: White House counsel and boys and men were putting out

549
00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:57,080
Speaker 1: a lot of messages to the Trump administration that there

550
00:31:57,120 --> 00:31:58,959
Speaker 1: needs to be a White House counsel and the family

551
00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 1: with sex for boys and men in sections for women

552
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:05,600
Speaker 1: and girls. And and this is what you know that

553
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:09,880
Speaker 1: needs needs to happen. Now that that's big programs. On

554
00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:13,160
Speaker 1: the level of small programs, there's there's programs like Mark

555
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 1: Schullinger's Young Men's Ultimate Weekend in California. There's programs like

556
00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:21,280
Speaker 1: Boys to Men, Uh this program. There there are things

557
00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:25,600
Speaker 1: called the sheds in many countries where men get together

558
00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:27,920
Speaker 1: and they talk about their feelings and their fears and

559
00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:31,960
Speaker 1: their and their strengths. And so all these types of

560
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:37,400
Speaker 1: things are needed. And uh, there's the there's so much

561
00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:40,400
Speaker 1: that there's a fair amount that's going on, but there's

562
00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:45,200
Speaker 1: not nearly enough that's going on. Many Christian schools and

563
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:50,200
Speaker 1: Christian efforts are being made to to work with boys

564
00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:54,120
Speaker 1: to help them become stronger young men, and and so

565
00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:57,200
Speaker 1: all of these things together are needed at the at

566
00:32:57,200 --> 00:33:02,480
Speaker 1: the but the most important single thing is dad's understanding

567
00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:07,600
Speaker 1: why their role. Once the family earns about fifty to

568
00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:11,600
Speaker 1: seventy thousand dollars a year, the Harvard Longitudinal studies show

569
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:16,160
Speaker 1: that the children benefit more from dad's time than dad's time.

570
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:19,120
Speaker 1: The first fifty to seventy thousand, depending on where you're

571
00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:22,880
Speaker 1: living in the United States, is needed for survival, but

572
00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:27,360
Speaker 1: after that, the time with the father is more valuable

573
00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:29,640
Speaker 1: than the money that the father makes.

574
00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:35,760
Speaker 2: What I want to just talk to you a little

575
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:41,280
Speaker 2: bit about is our new Embrace Fear curriculum that's available

576
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:43,840
Speaker 2: on David Rutherford dot com. It's a part of the

577
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:47,720
Speaker 2: Frog Logic Institute, which is going to be an emerging

578
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:52,760
Speaker 2: group of core products or core curriculum that I've been

579
00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:55,560
Speaker 2: working on over the past thirty years. The first in

580
00:33:55,600 --> 00:34:00,200
Speaker 2: line is learning to embrace your fear. Fear is thenumber

581
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:03,760
Speaker 2: one emotion that impedes us from achieving anything that we

582
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:05,960
Speaker 2: truly put want to put our minds to right. It's

583
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:09,080
Speaker 2: that emotion that's wired in you've been taught at your

584
00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:12,239
Speaker 2: whole life. It's it's that that one thing that you

585
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:14,919
Speaker 2: really have to get a hold of. Now here's the deal,

586
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:18,640
Speaker 2: it's there's no such thing as fearless. So please go

587
00:34:18,719 --> 00:34:21,680
Speaker 2: to David Brotherford dot com, check out go to courses,

588
00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:25,360
Speaker 2: and sign up for your Embrace Fear Curriculum. This is

589
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:28,520
Speaker 2: a five week or five month course. I recommend it

590
00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:31,000
Speaker 2: doing it over the course of five months, and this

591
00:34:31,080 --> 00:34:33,959
Speaker 2: course is designed not only to help you understand your fear,

592
00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:37,759
Speaker 2: to accept your fear, to begin to uh retrain your

593
00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:40,160
Speaker 2: brain with the fear, to test your fear every day,

594
00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:42,759
Speaker 2: and then ultimately to live with courage and to deal

595
00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:45,759
Speaker 2: with your fear as a motivational component to go help

596
00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:49,319
Speaker 2: you achieve your purpose in life. So don't waste time.

597
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:52,239
Speaker 2: Go to David Brotherford dot com and check out our

598
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:59,000
Speaker 2: Embrace Fear Curriculum. Thank you. One of my favorite aspects

599
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:01,120
Speaker 2: of like your Ted Talk and I bust to watched

600
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:04,879
Speaker 2: it four times there's so much great information was that

601
00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:08,040
Speaker 2: when you did get remarried, you spent that first five years,

602
00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:11,839
Speaker 2: you know, just being with your son and you know,

603
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:15,759
Speaker 2: and spent really leaning in as that father figure, you know.

604
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:19,440
Speaker 2: But I do recognize there's that's not always the case.

605
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:22,760
Speaker 2: And we have a pretty high percentage of single mothers

606
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:26,280
Speaker 2: out there raising boys, and as a result, we see

607
00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:31,200
Speaker 2: the increase in connectivity, right, we see it through video games.

608
00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:33,759
Speaker 2: And then the one that really is the most disturbing

609
00:35:33,840 --> 00:35:38,640
Speaker 2: for me and what I'm I don't you know, I'm

610
00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:43,120
Speaker 2: trying to find the science on it, but the impact

611
00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:46,720
Speaker 2: of access to pornography at an early age, with young

612
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:52,279
Speaker 2: men decreasing their competency and intimacy, which makes them, you know,

613
00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:57,560
Speaker 2: less attractive to want to have good, more meaningful relationships

614
00:35:57,560 --> 00:36:00,000
Speaker 2: at younger ages. And it's just the hook up culture

615
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:04,160
Speaker 2: in that whole thing. Where do you see solutions in

616
00:36:04,239 --> 00:36:08,040
Speaker 2: those problems like what can a single mother do to

617
00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:12,560
Speaker 2: address a hyperconnective kid? And and well there's too many

618
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:15,520
Speaker 2: video games, too much pornography, or just you know, just

619
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:18,759
Speaker 2: messing around on social media, which is all you know,

620
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:24,080
Speaker 2: has a catastrophic effect on that neurological component as well too.

621
00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:26,720
Speaker 2: So I'd love to hear your thoughts on those things.

622
00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:32,239
Speaker 1: Number one is get the biological dead involved. If you say, well,

623
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:35,000
Speaker 1: the biological dad doesn't want to be involved, these irresponsible

624
00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:38,759
Speaker 1: take a look at all the contributions that a biological

625
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:41,520
Speaker 1: dead makes that we don't. We have no clue of

626
00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:45,280
Speaker 1: why the biological dead is important even before the child

627
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:51,560
Speaker 1: is born. How how to spend time learning why there

628
00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:55,360
Speaker 1: why there's in the dead brain. There's a whole series

629
00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:59,239
Speaker 1: of neurons that don't connect until the dead begins to

630
00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:03,480
Speaker 1: perceive that his role with the new born baby is

631
00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:06,600
Speaker 1: to be involved with that newborn baby, that role begins,

632
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:10,160
Speaker 1: and those those new neurons that are that might be

633
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:12,560
Speaker 1: called the you know, the seat of the motherhood instinct

634
00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:16,160
Speaker 1: the fatherhood instinct. They don't connect if the father only

635
00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:19,960
Speaker 1: perceives that his value is earning money, but if he

636
00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:22,759
Speaker 1: perceives that his value is being with the child and

637
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:25,680
Speaker 1: doing the things like the boundary enforcement, things like teasing,

638
00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:29,480
Speaker 1: things like letting the child have take risks but that

639
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:34,040
Speaker 1: are short of life death risks, teaching that child emotional

640
00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:39,200
Speaker 1: intelligence dad style, all those things are so necessary. And

641
00:37:39,239 --> 00:37:42,279
Speaker 1: when a father knows that he's needed, as you know,

642
00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:47,040
Speaker 1: men who are told they are needed, like during World

643
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:51,240
Speaker 1: War two or any important war, we will be willing

644
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:53,799
Speaker 1: to kill and be killed. And it's as dangerous to

645
00:37:54,400 --> 00:38:00,040
Speaker 1: it says, traumatizing. It's extremely traumatizing for a man to

646
00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:02,719
Speaker 1: to kill as well as it is to be killed, obviously,

647
00:38:03,640 --> 00:38:08,520
Speaker 1: And so that's so men. When when men know they're needed,

648
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:10,880
Speaker 1: they're willing to kill or be killed. But when they're

649
00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:14,480
Speaker 1: told that they're needed to love. It's a lot easier

650
00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:16,279
Speaker 1: to love and be loved than it is to kill

651
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:20,120
Speaker 1: and be killed. And so we so we when so

652
00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:23,600
Speaker 1: when a mom says, you know, I didn't realize there

653
00:38:23,640 --> 00:38:25,719
Speaker 1: was value to your rough housing. I didn't realize it

654
00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:28,400
Speaker 1: was rally to your teasing. I didn't realize there was

655
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:30,879
Speaker 1: value to what you to the things you do, even

656
00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:34,200
Speaker 1: though that you couldn't express what those values were. I

657
00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:38,080
Speaker 1: now understand what that is. You're needed now. And even

658
00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:40,520
Speaker 1: when I was, I ran for governor of California and

659
00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:44,320
Speaker 1: I spoke to prison populations and about ninety percent of

660
00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:49,680
Speaker 1: the prisoners were dad deprived prison males. And when I

661
00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:53,000
Speaker 1: told them of the importance of fathers, many of those

662
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:57,960
Speaker 1: men tattoos and muscles like I'll never have you know,

663
00:38:58,600 --> 00:38:59,879
Speaker 1: said you know it would come up to me and say,

664
00:38:59,880 --> 00:39:02,479
Speaker 1: doctor Ferrell, can I tell you that I never thought

665
00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:05,000
Speaker 1: I was for any use to anybody in my life,

666
00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:07,319
Speaker 1: and therefore I might as well stay in prison. But

667
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:09,360
Speaker 1: now I want to do everything that I can to

668
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:11,719
Speaker 1: get out of prison as soon as possible, so I

669
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:14,280
Speaker 1: can prevent my children from becoming the type of person

670
00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:19,920
Speaker 1: I became, make the type of mistakes I made. And

671
00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:21,640
Speaker 1: so the first thing is to try to get the

672
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:26,200
Speaker 1: biological dad involved. If there's no option for that the

673
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:31,440
Speaker 1: dad is dead, then I ask you to get involved,

674
00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:35,640
Speaker 1: get a stepdad involved, but most step dads are reduced

675
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:39,959
Speaker 1: to the position of advisor. So learn in the Boy

676
00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:43,759
Speaker 1: Crisis Book how to create a real equal relationship with

677
00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:50,359
Speaker 1: the stepdad. And stepdads almost always love you and they

678
00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:53,600
Speaker 1: really want to care deeply for the children, but they

679
00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:56,560
Speaker 1: can't care for the children if they're told that all

680
00:39:56,600 --> 00:40:00,640
Speaker 1: their suggestions are secondary to your to your ideas. They

681
00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:03,279
Speaker 1: have to be equal partners, and you have to learn

682
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:05,839
Speaker 1: from them as well as them learning from you. And

683
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:10,320
Speaker 1: so that's step number two. Step number three is making

684
00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:13,239
Speaker 1: sure that if there's no possibility of a step dad,

685
00:40:13,239 --> 00:40:16,760
Speaker 1: and there's no possibility of the biological dad, is making

686
00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:20,479
Speaker 1: sure that you connect with the school and learn who

687
00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:27,520
Speaker 1: make sure the boy is involved in that I'm sorry,

688
00:40:27,719 --> 00:40:31,560
Speaker 1: make sure that you do the boundary enforcement, not the

689
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:34,799
Speaker 1: boundary setting, but the boundary enforcement that that dad doesn't do,

690
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:39,360
Speaker 1: and then contact the school and make sure that the

691
00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:42,160
Speaker 1: boy is involved in at least two or three of

692
00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:46,799
Speaker 1: the three types of sports that are so important what

693
00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:49,000
Speaker 1: I call the liberal arts of sports, and the liberal

694
00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:53,480
Speaker 1: arts of sports are pick up team sports, organized team sports,

695
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:58,400
Speaker 1: and sports where you focus on largely your own competence,

696
00:40:58,480 --> 00:41:02,520
Speaker 1: like in tennis, or gymnastics, but that contribute to the team.

697
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:06,520
Speaker 1: And so all three of those sports develop different skill

698
00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:08,640
Speaker 1: sets that I discussed in the Boy Crisis book that

699
00:41:08,719 --> 00:41:11,520
Speaker 1: you need to have your son be involved in. If

700
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:13,960
Speaker 1: your son is unwilling to be involved in those sports,

701
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:18,520
Speaker 1: deprive him of things or or her of things until

702
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:23,480
Speaker 1: they get involved in sports. You have the control. So

703
00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:28,480
Speaker 1: often when when moms are talking, they say some version

704
00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:31,520
Speaker 1: of you know, well, I can prevent my children from

705
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:34,920
Speaker 1: bringing elect electronics to the table. They just they just

706
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 1: do it. And the answer is, you can prevent the

707
00:41:37,719 --> 00:41:41,120
Speaker 1: children from doing that. You just take the electronics from them.

708
00:41:41,160 --> 00:41:45,200
Speaker 1: You don't resubscribe to their to their to their subscriptions.

709
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:48,320
Speaker 1: They're you know, they're there. They have their door closed

710
00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:50,640
Speaker 1: and there can and they are looking at porn on

711
00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:55,040
Speaker 1: the computer. Keep the door open. They insist on closing

712
00:41:55,080 --> 00:41:57,920
Speaker 1: the door. Take the computer out of the out of

713
00:41:57,960 --> 00:41:59,920
Speaker 1: the room and put it into the living room. And

714
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:03,960
Speaker 1: till they learn to do those things and have the

715
00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:07,840
Speaker 1: courage to be disliked by your children, who will in

716
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:14,400
Speaker 1: the long run deeply deeply appreciate the discipline that they

717
00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:17,920
Speaker 1: have gotten that has not led them to be to

718
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:20,000
Speaker 1: go down the road by the time they're addicted to

719
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:24,680
Speaker 1: porn or video games, that's down the line. You haven't

720
00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:29,839
Speaker 1: done the work of making it clear that there's no

721
00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:32,839
Speaker 1: option but for them to do their homework, to do

722
00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:36,000
Speaker 1: the chores. They can't manipulate their way out of it.

723
00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:39,200
Speaker 1: Children that learn to be able to manipulate their way

724
00:42:39,239 --> 00:42:41,920
Speaker 1: out of it because you've set boundaries but haven't enforced

725
00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:47,680
Speaker 1: them lose respect for you. Wow. And the deepest price

726
00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:51,200
Speaker 1: is not just losing respect for you, but them not

727
00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:54,440
Speaker 1: having the discipline to be able to do the things

728
00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:57,480
Speaker 1: that are necessary for their own growth and postpone gratification.

729
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:05,279
Speaker 2: That's fantastic. That's absolutely, uh phenomenal advice right there. I

730
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:10,279
Speaker 2: just uh, you know, I I see so many times

731
00:43:10,800 --> 00:43:14,600
Speaker 2: my friends that have been gone and years and years

732
00:43:14,600 --> 00:43:18,560
Speaker 2: of deployments, and the greatest thing that they they're challenged

733
00:43:18,600 --> 00:43:21,759
Speaker 2: with is they always say the same like they're like, hey,

734
00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:24,799
Speaker 2: rot man, I'm I'm now that I'm out, I have

735
00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:28,920
Speaker 2: to get to know my children again. I'm reintroducing myself

736
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:32,640
Speaker 2: into their lives and understand what they're doing, you know.

737
00:43:32,680 --> 00:43:36,120
Speaker 2: And that's a challenging thing for men that have been

738
00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:41,239
Speaker 2: entrenched in that sacrificial space. And but I guess you

739
00:43:41,280 --> 00:43:43,920
Speaker 2: know what I hear in you discuss a lot is

740
00:43:44,520 --> 00:43:47,000
Speaker 2: you know that's that pre program then that comes from

741
00:43:47,040 --> 00:43:49,720
Speaker 2: however you were raised, Like I'm just the bread earner.

742
00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:51,759
Speaker 2: I've got to go be the sacrifice. I got to

743
00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:54,799
Speaker 2: be the sacrificial lamb. If you will to come and

744
00:43:54,840 --> 00:43:59,000
Speaker 2: reintroduce the mindset is no. The greatest place I'm going

745
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:02,320
Speaker 2: to be fulfilled is the time I spend with my children,

746
00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:06,799
Speaker 2: my legacy and teach them as they merge, you know,

747
00:44:06,880 --> 00:44:09,640
Speaker 2: and and help shape them absolutely.

748
00:44:09,719 --> 00:44:12,560
Speaker 1: There. If if we ever do get to be able

749
00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:14,359
Speaker 1: to create the White House counsel and Boys and Men,

750
00:44:14,400 --> 00:44:17,319
Speaker 1: one of the first things that needs to happen is

751
00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:20,880
Speaker 1: to work to make sure that every veteran when he

752
00:44:21,560 --> 00:44:25,640
Speaker 1: comes or she comes back home, that there is that

753
00:44:25,719 --> 00:44:31,000
Speaker 1: there's important communication training about both the mother and the

754
00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:34,680
Speaker 1: father being able to understand what the other one's life

755
00:44:34,719 --> 00:44:39,360
Speaker 1: is like and how to integrate those two lives together,

756
00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:43,680
Speaker 1: because oftentimes it's the man that said the veteran, and

757
00:44:43,719 --> 00:44:46,920
Speaker 1: he comes home and the woman has her whole structure

758
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:49,480
Speaker 1: set up, she has the things that are her routine,

759
00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:53,400
Speaker 1: and from her perspective, the dad's ideas are all criticisms

760
00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:56,080
Speaker 1: of her. And you know she got along well enough

761
00:44:56,120 --> 00:44:57,680
Speaker 1: she did. You know she did what she did. And

762
00:44:57,719 --> 00:44:59,839
Speaker 1: the kids are the way they are, and so let

763
00:44:59,840 --> 00:45:02,320
Speaker 1: the be and stop trying to make them into something different.

764
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:07,240
Speaker 1: Whereas he's whereas from his perspective, I finished one mission

765
00:45:07,560 --> 00:45:10,400
Speaker 1: where I was willing to die. Now I have a

766
00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:14,440
Speaker 1: new mission, and that mission is to be a good father,

767
00:45:14,640 --> 00:45:17,560
Speaker 1: a good husband, and I want to I want to

768
00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:20,880
Speaker 1: have something to contribute. And in fact, he has a

769
00:45:20,960 --> 00:45:26,080
Speaker 1: huge amount to contribute, that's potential to contribute, and now

770
00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:32,239
Speaker 1: it's and but those two, those two different worlds need

771
00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:36,480
Speaker 1: to be integrated, and time takes time and training to

772
00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:39,560
Speaker 1: know how the man and the woman can hear each

773
00:45:39,560 --> 00:45:42,759
Speaker 1: other's perspective. Or if it's two women or two men

774
00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:46,680
Speaker 1: in a gay situation, they need to hear each other's perspective.

775
00:45:46,719 --> 00:45:51,640
Speaker 1: It's on how that integration can be made so that

776
00:45:51,760 --> 00:45:53,920
Speaker 1: both the mother and the person taking care of the

777
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:59,480
Speaker 1: children can have heard her his job much more, much

778
00:45:59,520 --> 00:46:03,439
Speaker 1: more red in challenge, and that the person coming in

779
00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:06,640
Speaker 1: has something to offer, because they do have something to offer.

780
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:10,040
Speaker 1: It's not just a matter of making that person feel useful.

781
00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:14,359
Speaker 1: They can be very useful, or else the whole relationship

782
00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:18,879
Speaker 1: will fall apart. The children will be raised without their dead,

783
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:21,040
Speaker 1: that they will not know the value of their dead,

784
00:46:21,400 --> 00:46:24,400
Speaker 1: and the children's chance of doing well in life is

785
00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:25,800
Speaker 1: extremely reduced.

786
00:46:27,520 --> 00:46:30,480
Speaker 2: As you were talking about this, that integration and that

787
00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:33,480
Speaker 2: positive integration one of the things that I've seen happen

788
00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:36,200
Speaker 2: quite a bit. And it's not just within the veteran community.

789
00:46:36,200 --> 00:46:40,720
Speaker 2: I think it's with you know, whatever constitutes and quotations

790
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:44,759
Speaker 2: deadbeat dads. Right, the legal system has now you know,

791
00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:50,320
Speaker 2: really contorted itself to go after and kind of punish

792
00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:54,800
Speaker 2: those dads in particular cases, and we see these really

793
00:46:55,040 --> 00:47:01,719
Speaker 2: intense aggressive judges and different areas that that that will

794
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:06,480
Speaker 2: implement these kind of draconian challenges to fathers reintegrating with

795
00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:09,480
Speaker 2: their dads. Why do you think that's taken place? And

796
00:47:10,160 --> 00:47:13,600
Speaker 2: how do what can we do within from a a

797
00:47:15,719 --> 00:47:18,240
Speaker 2: you know, a system like you know, you know, Florida

798
00:47:18,280 --> 00:47:20,960
Speaker 2: passed that law, gave seventy five million. What can we

799
00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:24,720
Speaker 2: see within the judiciary system to begin to support those

800
00:47:24,800 --> 00:47:28,439
Speaker 2: dads and getting back integrated with those children too. Why

801
00:47:28,480 --> 00:47:29,240
Speaker 2: is it so important?

802
00:47:29,280 --> 00:47:34,200
Speaker 1: This is an extremely important question and answer the You know,

803
00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 1: by the way, in Florida, there were three bills passed.

804
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:39,840
Speaker 1: One was that seventy five million dollars that I mentioned

805
00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:44,120
Speaker 1: that passed the House in Florida by the vote of

806
00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:48,080
Speaker 1: every the unanimous vote of every single Republican and every

807
00:47:48,120 --> 00:47:50,120
Speaker 1: single Democrat. And this, you know, in this day and

808
00:47:50,160 --> 00:47:54,480
Speaker 1: age and finding that type of grads a miracle is

809
00:47:54,520 --> 00:47:57,520
Speaker 1: a miracle. Yes. Second, another bill that was passed it

810
00:47:57,560 --> 00:48:01,560
Speaker 1: by Florida was equals shared parenting, and that's been a

811
00:48:01,760 --> 00:48:07,040
Speaker 1: very hard that that is required as the predominant, the

812
00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:11,440
Speaker 1: go to starting place short of any parent being abusive

813
00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 1: or you know, alcoholic in some type of way. So

814
00:48:16,800 --> 00:48:19,480
Speaker 1: that's what needs to happen in every state. There are

815
00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:22,400
Speaker 1: about four or five states that have that now, but

816
00:48:22,480 --> 00:48:25,160
Speaker 1: most states do not. A number of states are moving

817
00:48:25,200 --> 00:48:28,680
Speaker 1: toward that now. You ask the question, why is there

818
00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:32,799
Speaker 1: just not the assumption of equal shared parenting everywhere. It's

819
00:48:32,840 --> 00:48:35,560
Speaker 1: because we grew up thinking that, you know, that moms

820
00:48:35,560 --> 00:48:38,880
Speaker 1: were so much more important than dad's. It wasn't until

821
00:48:38,920 --> 00:48:43,960
Speaker 1: about fifty years ago well, and the beginning of understanding

822
00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:47,120
Speaker 1: something differently was the Moyna Hand Report in nineteen sixty five.

823
00:48:47,680 --> 00:48:50,680
Speaker 1: And the Moyna Hand Report found that when they first

824
00:48:50,680 --> 00:48:54,120
Speaker 1: started doing the Moya Hand Report, there was the fear

825
00:48:54,200 --> 00:48:57,040
Speaker 1: that they would be blaming the black community of black

826
00:48:57,080 --> 00:49:03,319
Speaker 1: people for being really bad people or not having effectiveness

827
00:49:03,320 --> 00:49:06,719
Speaker 1: with their children. But the Moyna Hen Report found in

828
00:49:06,800 --> 00:49:11,480
Speaker 1: studying inner city violence is that the violence happened almost

829
00:49:11,560 --> 00:49:18,640
Speaker 1: six exclusively among that twenty five percent of black families

830
00:49:18,719 --> 00:49:21,560
Speaker 1: in which there was a minimal or no dad involvement.

831
00:49:21,600 --> 00:49:25,239
Speaker 1: That is, they were all dad The great majority of

832
00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:29,400
Speaker 1: children that were into problem situations that it committed crime

833
00:49:29,440 --> 00:49:33,360
Speaker 1: that we're dealing with, joining gangs that were dealing drugs,

834
00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:36,920
Speaker 1: those were dad deprived children. So it was not blacks

835
00:49:37,080 --> 00:49:39,719
Speaker 1: or negroes as they called them at the time, that

836
00:49:39,800 --> 00:49:43,520
Speaker 1: were the problem. It was the dad deprivation. Now, remember

837
00:49:43,560 --> 00:49:46,600
Speaker 1: I said there was twenty five percent at that time

838
00:49:46,760 --> 00:49:53,440
Speaker 1: of children were brought up in in dad deprived homes. Today,

839
00:49:53,560 --> 00:49:57,319
Speaker 1: in the black community it is seventy two percent, and

840
00:49:57,640 --> 00:50:02,439
Speaker 1: in the Caucasian community it is thirty two percent, which

841
00:50:02,480 --> 00:50:05,319
Speaker 1: is seven percent higher than the twenty five percent it

842
00:50:05,440 --> 00:50:08,759
Speaker 1: was in the black community in nineteen sixty five. And

843
00:50:08,800 --> 00:50:12,640
Speaker 1: it's in that group of people the dad deprived group

844
00:50:12,680 --> 00:50:18,080
Speaker 1: of people that the problems tend to occur. So in

845
00:50:18,120 --> 00:50:21,160
Speaker 1: the old days, we just assume that if there's a separation,

846
00:50:21,760 --> 00:50:24,280
Speaker 1: it should be the mother that takes care of the children.

847
00:50:24,320 --> 00:50:28,200
Speaker 1: In the very old days, in the eighteen hundreds, the

848
00:50:28,280 --> 00:50:32,239
Speaker 1: children stayed with the father and not the mother. But

849
00:50:32,560 --> 00:50:35,920
Speaker 1: then for a long period of history, the children were

850
00:50:35,960 --> 00:50:38,279
Speaker 1: assumed to be better off with the mother, And in

851
00:50:38,320 --> 00:50:42,360
Speaker 1: fact we find that the children do best off in

852
00:50:42,719 --> 00:50:44,520
Speaker 1: the boy Crisis. But I did the research for the

853
00:50:44,520 --> 00:50:47,560
Speaker 1: Boy Crisis book. I ended up with four must dos

854
00:50:47,640 --> 00:50:50,760
Speaker 1: after divorce. In case somebody's listening to this, The first

855
00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:55,080
Speaker 1: must do is approximately an equal amount of time spent

856
00:50:55,320 --> 00:50:57,560
Speaker 1: with the children by both the dad and the mom.

857
00:50:58,719 --> 00:51:02,400
Speaker 1: Number two, the children are not able to detect any

858
00:51:02,480 --> 00:51:04,880
Speaker 1: bad mouthing from mom to dad or dad to mom.

859
00:51:05,600 --> 00:51:08,960
Speaker 1: When children, let's say a boy is hearing that his

860
00:51:09,080 --> 00:51:12,839
Speaker 1: father is irresponsible, a liar, and a narcissist. Well, that

861
00:51:12,920 --> 00:51:16,080
Speaker 1: boy looks in the mirror and he notices that my

862
00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:20,200
Speaker 1: nose and my hair and my body language is a

863
00:51:20,200 --> 00:51:22,719
Speaker 1: lot like my dad. Well, if I'm being told that

864
00:51:22,760 --> 00:51:25,360
Speaker 1: my dad is a narcissist and irresponsible in a liar,

865
00:51:25,400 --> 00:51:27,600
Speaker 1: well I have lied, and I am looking in the

866
00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:32,879
Speaker 1: mirror now and so maybe I'm that way. Also, so

867
00:51:33,719 --> 00:51:36,799
Speaker 1: when you bad mouth the other parent, you are bad

868
00:51:36,880 --> 00:51:41,120
Speaker 1: mouthing that half of the child that is biologically the

869
00:51:41,200 --> 00:51:46,360
Speaker 1: other parent. It is child abused to bad mouth the

870
00:51:46,360 --> 00:51:50,239
Speaker 1: other parent. And so the second must do is no

871
00:51:50,440 --> 00:51:54,880
Speaker 1: bad mouthing that the child can either hear or detect.

872
00:51:55,320 --> 00:51:56,839
Speaker 1: So if you said I had a great time at

873
00:51:56,840 --> 00:52:00,880
Speaker 1: mom's house last night, and you're the dad, you go, okay,

874
00:52:00,960 --> 00:52:03,840
Speaker 1: so what else did you do? And you and the

875
00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:09,600
Speaker 1: child gets the the gets the cue pretty quickly that

876
00:52:09,760 --> 00:52:12,239
Speaker 1: no positive attention is coming to me if I talk

877
00:52:12,280 --> 00:52:16,439
Speaker 1: about things that I liked about my mom, and so

878
00:52:16,840 --> 00:52:20,959
Speaker 1: that that's another form of bad mouthing. Third, the third

879
00:52:21,040 --> 00:52:24,400
Speaker 1: must do after divorce. In case of divorce is that

880
00:52:24,440 --> 00:52:27,760
Speaker 1: there's is that the mother and father live within about

881
00:52:27,760 --> 00:52:30,799
Speaker 1: a twenty minute drive time from each other. And the

882
00:52:30,840 --> 00:52:33,280
Speaker 1: reason for that is if they if if it's further

883
00:52:33,360 --> 00:52:36,840
Speaker 1: than that, then there's a Then oftentimes the child feels

884
00:52:36,840 --> 00:52:38,640
Speaker 1: like it has to give up the soccer practice, or

885
00:52:38,719 --> 00:52:42,200
Speaker 1: it has to give up going to it's it's friends recital,

886
00:52:42,920 --> 00:52:47,520
Speaker 1: not recital, you know, friend's birthday party, and so and

887
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:50,520
Speaker 1: therefore there's resentment in going to the other parents house.

888
00:52:51,120 --> 00:52:54,600
Speaker 1: And the fourth must do is that the parents be

889
00:52:54,719 --> 00:53:00,359
Speaker 1: involved at least once a month in couples counseling so

890
00:53:00,440 --> 00:53:02,919
Speaker 1: that so that they can learn to hear the other

891
00:53:03,040 --> 00:53:05,920
Speaker 1: partner's perspective on on things.

892
00:53:06,320 --> 00:53:10,600
Speaker 2: Wow, that's that's wonderful. That's exactly what I was looking for. Doc.

893
00:53:10,640 --> 00:53:14,960
Speaker 2: I can't thank you enough. Before we finish, can you

894
00:53:15,120 --> 00:53:19,520
Speaker 2: talk about your new book? What's going on? Uh? Where

895
00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:24,000
Speaker 2: people can find you and and and and then how

896
00:53:24,040 --> 00:53:27,920
Speaker 2: they can they support you? Trying to get uh President

897
00:53:27,960 --> 00:53:32,240
Speaker 2: Trump to initiate this, uh, this initiative in the White House.

898
00:53:32,960 --> 00:53:34,919
Speaker 1: Yes, on the on the initiative in the White House.

899
00:53:34,960 --> 00:53:38,280
Speaker 1: If you know someone who is connected with the White House,

900
00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:44,400
Speaker 1: that is a really good start to to to contact me.

901
00:53:44,640 --> 00:53:49,520
Speaker 1: My contact information is on my website Warrenferrell dot com,

902
00:53:50,080 --> 00:53:52,400
Speaker 1: w w W Warrentrell dot com, The Warren. It's like

903
00:53:52,520 --> 00:53:57,120
Speaker 1: Warren Buffett, but without the money.

904
00:53:56,560 --> 00:54:00,080
Speaker 2: Well, your your wisdom's invaluable.

905
00:53:59,400 --> 00:54:03,040
Speaker 1: Sir, Thank you. And the Pharaoh is f A R

906
00:54:03,239 --> 00:54:06,040
Speaker 1: R E l L. Some people do like Will Ferrell.

907
00:54:06,360 --> 00:54:09,759
Speaker 1: I'm not that funny, and so just it's f A

908
00:54:09,960 --> 00:54:12,640
Speaker 1: R R E l L dot com and there is

909
00:54:13,120 --> 00:54:17,240
Speaker 1: and then contact me from through my my email address

910
00:54:17,640 --> 00:54:20,640
Speaker 1: which is Warren at Warrenferrell dot com and let me

911
00:54:20,719 --> 00:54:26,360
Speaker 1: know about that. But the Boy Crisis book is available

912
00:54:26,480 --> 00:54:31,319
Speaker 1: both in audible and in and you know, in all

913
00:54:31,360 --> 00:54:33,840
Speaker 1: the other formats. And the most recent book that you

914
00:54:33,880 --> 00:54:37,440
Speaker 1: asked about was the book a book called Rolemate to Soulmate,

915
00:54:37,960 --> 00:54:41,839
Speaker 1: and the Rolemate to Soulmate is focused on how to

916
00:54:41,840 --> 00:54:46,520
Speaker 1: be able to hear personal criticism without becoming defensive and

917
00:54:46,719 --> 00:54:49,960
Speaker 1: seven other major problems that couples tend to get into

918
00:54:50,080 --> 00:54:53,239
Speaker 1: that lead to the divorces that lead to the boy crisis.

919
00:54:53,760 --> 00:54:56,920
Speaker 1: And so this is sort of stopping the boy crisis

920
00:54:57,640 --> 00:55:01,719
Speaker 1: at its root cause. But it's also learning to keep

921
00:55:01,760 --> 00:55:05,040
Speaker 1: marriages together. In my opinion, the best work and most

922
00:55:05,040 --> 00:55:07,560
Speaker 1: important work that I do is the work in role

923
00:55:07,640 --> 00:55:11,200
Speaker 1: Made to Soulmate, because I've seen more marriages kept together

924
00:55:11,239 --> 00:55:15,000
Speaker 1: and more relationships kept together as a result of learning

925
00:55:15,080 --> 00:55:18,560
Speaker 1: those skill sets, all of which are biologically unnatural to learn.

926
00:55:19,880 --> 00:55:25,200
Speaker 2: Doc you've you just keep helping man talk about service

927
00:55:25,320 --> 00:55:30,680
Speaker 2: and talk about that sense of blade gratification and that

928
00:55:30,840 --> 00:55:34,600
Speaker 2: sense of sacrifice for others and your epitome of that representation.

929
00:55:34,760 --> 00:55:37,680
Speaker 2: It's been an incredible honor to have you on my show,

930
00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:40,279
Speaker 2: and I wish you all the best and good luck

931
00:55:40,320 --> 00:55:42,839
Speaker 2: with what you're doing. And I will keep handling that

932
00:55:42,880 --> 00:55:44,400
Speaker 2: book out, I promise.

933
00:55:44,920 --> 00:55:47,680
Speaker 1: And I really feel honored to be on the show

934
00:55:47,719 --> 00:55:50,480
Speaker 1: with somebody who's who's lived life like you've lived and

935
00:55:50,560 --> 00:55:54,040
Speaker 1: raised three daughters and really contributed to the country and

936
00:55:54,160 --> 00:55:57,880
Speaker 1: overcome barriers that I can't even begin to imagine myself overcoming.

937
00:55:57,960 --> 00:56:02,320
Speaker 1: So thank you to God, bless you said don't stay

938
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:02,719
Speaker 1: Ba