1 00:00:01,880 --> 00:00:07,720 Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer, an iHeartRadio podcast. Is fubbing 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:11,000 Speaker 1: ruining your relationship? Well, here's how to fix it. So 3 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,160 Speaker 1: we all know our phones aren't great for our relationships, 4 00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:15,840 Speaker 1: but that doesn't stop us reaching for them dozens of 5 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:20,960 Speaker 1: times a day. That's how so called fubbing unintentionally snubbing 6 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:24,479 Speaker 1: someone in favor of your phone, creeps into everyday moments. 7 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:27,360 Speaker 1: This can impact your relationships with making partners feel ignored 8 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: and parnal phone use can really affect children from weakening bonds. 9 00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:32,840 Speaker 1: Why are you laughing? 10 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:36,200 Speaker 2: Just fubbing sounds like a sexual thing. 11 00:00:37,159 --> 00:00:39,680 Speaker 1: I was thinking it sounded like pubes and I was like, 12 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:44,240 Speaker 1: this is weird. Yeah, I'm like, this is just weird. 13 00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:48,479 Speaker 1: But the doctor so, rather than criticizing yourself about your 14 00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:51,360 Speaker 1: lack of self control, focusing on being more intentional about 15 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:54,800 Speaker 1: when we pick up our devices can be more effective, 16 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:59,520 Speaker 1: according to one psychologist. So doctor Raker suggests, every time 17 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:02,240 Speaker 1: you reach your phone, tell the other person why you're 18 00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:04,759 Speaker 1: doing it, and when you're done, put it down and 19 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:07,319 Speaker 1: re engage by naming it. I need to check my 20 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:10,360 Speaker 1: train times or I'm replying to my mom. You interrupt 21 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:13,600 Speaker 1: the automatic habit of checking your phone, and it also 22 00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:16,440 Speaker 1: signals to the person beside you that they still matter. 23 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:21,280 Speaker 1: It stops the other person feeling ignored. Do either, So 24 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:27,520 Speaker 1: do you feel like fubbing is an issue in our marriage? 25 00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:27,960 Speaker 2: No? 26 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:32,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean it makes you penancy on things, But 27 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:36,880 Speaker 3: I don't think it's an issue. No, maybe one sometimes, 28 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:39,080 Speaker 3: you know, sometimes I need to be reminded on it, 29 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:42,040 Speaker 3: But I don't I think it's an issue. 30 00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:43,920 Speaker 2: What were you? 31 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:50,600 Speaker 1: I mean, I think it's I think one person, it 32 00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:52,800 Speaker 1: sometimes can be on their phone a lot, like I 33 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:55,120 Speaker 1: know you mentioned to me a while ago, like you're 34 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:57,560 Speaker 1: on your phone a lot. Or I think there's seasons 35 00:01:57,560 --> 00:02:00,920 Speaker 1: of when things are you have a lot more on 36 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:02,840 Speaker 1: your plate and you have to look at your phone more. 37 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:08,280 Speaker 1: But I personally don't like. There's things where I'm like, 38 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:10,880 Speaker 1: I don't like phones, like at the dinner table. It's 39 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:13,160 Speaker 1: a big no. No, I don't like it. I think 40 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:17,200 Speaker 1: it's disrespectful. And you know, I think that's something where 41 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:21,800 Speaker 1: at first, you know, we you weren't as accustomed to 42 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:25,440 Speaker 1: that like you would you would have no problem. I 43 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:27,359 Speaker 1: think texting like during dinner. 44 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:29,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe at the beginning. 45 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:34,640 Speaker 1: Yet yeah, I left on my own up well, yeah, 46 00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:37,000 Speaker 1: and I's just I yeahs to me, like family dinners 47 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,079 Speaker 1: are just so important. But also when you're on a 48 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:42,320 Speaker 1: date with someone too, I think it's I personally think 49 00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:45,240 Speaker 1: it's rude to be on your phone when you're at 50 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:48,680 Speaker 1: dinner with someone. So where I agree with I don't 51 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:51,480 Speaker 1: think every time we're in the house I have to 52 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:53,920 Speaker 1: announce or you have to announce why we're picking up 53 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,440 Speaker 1: our phone. I think that's a bit of an overkill. 54 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:59,000 Speaker 1: But naming it, yeah, like every time, like I'm picking 55 00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:01,160 Speaker 1: my phone to see if Cat text, I'm picking if Hannah, 56 00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:03,880 Speaker 1: I don't. I don't need to know why you're picking 57 00:03:03,919 --> 00:03:05,400 Speaker 1: up your phone, and if. 58 00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:06,040 Speaker 2: You do, you'll ask. 59 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:09,079 Speaker 3: Every time I would ask you, like what you're doing 60 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:09,800 Speaker 3: on your phone? 61 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:11,720 Speaker 1: But like, no, you wouldn't. Though, I don't feel like 62 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,560 Speaker 1: unless we were at dinner and I grabbed it, but 63 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:18,440 Speaker 1: I would always say something like if we're in couples 64 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,799 Speaker 1: therapy or if we're in you know, at dinner, I'd 65 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:24,000 Speaker 1: be like, hey, sorry, the kids are asking me a question. 66 00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:26,000 Speaker 1: I need to I need to respond really fast because 67 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:29,160 Speaker 1: I see it being buzzed, or at dinner, if something 68 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:31,920 Speaker 1: we have to respond to a sitter or something. I 69 00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:35,080 Speaker 1: feel like most times or you would be like, hey, 70 00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:37,800 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I got to check I have to check, 71 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:40,680 Speaker 1: you know, my phone to see the score of a game. 72 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:41,360 Speaker 2: Yeah. 73 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:44,520 Speaker 3: I think it's just being recognizing the other person is 74 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:48,840 Speaker 3: in your space and in the room and not prioritizing 75 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:52,120 Speaker 3: your phone. And I think we're okay at that. I 76 00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:55,080 Speaker 3: think if we go on my phones, I think there's 77 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:58,000 Speaker 3: there's a certain period or we'll probably go on my 78 00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:01,480 Speaker 3: phones together if we're in bed watching the movie. 79 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:03,120 Speaker 1: They actually don't like that. 80 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:05,880 Speaker 3: When we we check my phones for like five minutes, 81 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:08,360 Speaker 3: because we know we'll start in the movie. Yeah, and 82 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:10,360 Speaker 3: then we'll put them down and will be we won't 83 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:10,839 Speaker 3: check them. 84 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:16,560 Speaker 1: Yeah. I personally, I think it can be a slippery 85 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:19,159 Speaker 1: slope if you and your partner are on your phone 86 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:24,239 Speaker 1: in bed together at night, and because it's that time 87 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:26,920 Speaker 1: when you start to scroll. I mean, shoot, I did 88 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:30,560 Speaker 1: this the other day where I'm like, oh my god, 89 00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:32,320 Speaker 1: I've been on my phone for an hour. I am 90 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:34,520 Speaker 1: now super behind. I did not mean to do that, 91 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:36,640 Speaker 1: and I just got kind of stuck scrolling and looking 92 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:41,920 Speaker 1: at things close to it. Really yeah, and that's not 93 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:45,320 Speaker 1: really like me, but I think it can be dangerous 94 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:49,800 Speaker 1: if you're on your phone together, because then that's just like, 95 00:04:49,839 --> 00:04:54,080 Speaker 1: where's the connection in that if you're doing that every night, 96 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,440 Speaker 1: Like obviously it's not an every night thing. 97 00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:58,160 Speaker 3: Okay, do you feel like I go on my phone 98 00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:01,120 Speaker 3: too much when you're around me at times? 99 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:01,719 Speaker 2: Yeah? 100 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:07,800 Speaker 1: But also you know what I think is you go 101 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:09,719 Speaker 1: on your phone at the times that I would like 102 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:12,599 Speaker 1: never call someone, Like I wouldn't just randomly call someone 103 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:15,599 Speaker 1: when we're in the middle of playing something with the 104 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:17,800 Speaker 1: kids or playing with the kids. I would say, the 105 00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:20,440 Speaker 1: time in which you do your phone calls, I'm like, 106 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:22,039 Speaker 1: why would you be calling when we're in the middle 107 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:27,080 Speaker 1: of X, you know. But yeah, that's where I'm just like, 108 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:29,800 Speaker 1: I would never like call my friends in the middle 109 00:05:29,839 --> 00:05:31,240 Speaker 1: of a game night or something. 110 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:33,800 Speaker 2: I wouldn't call in the middle of a game. 111 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:37,040 Speaker 1: I mean, but like when we're around the kids, I'm 112 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:38,960 Speaker 1: very much like, get off the phone when the kids 113 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:39,440 Speaker 1: are around. 114 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:41,280 Speaker 2: No, Like I phoned my mate last night. 115 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:46,280 Speaker 3: You went up to run the bath, and I thought, 116 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:47,839 Speaker 3: I'll speak to my mate for five minutes. 117 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:49,080 Speaker 2: I was downstairs with a roman. 118 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:54,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, he was quite happy for these little individual playtime 119 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:58,800 Speaker 3: and yeah, and I don't think about a phone in 120 00:05:58,800 --> 00:05:59,640 Speaker 3: the middle of a game. 121 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:01,560 Speaker 1: No, But I mean even so, it's like you're walking 122 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:02,919 Speaker 1: in on the phone while I'm like back, and then 123 00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:04,120 Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm like, oh my god, I just hit 124 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:05,600 Speaker 1: his hat, you know, And I'm like, oh, sorry, you're 125 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:07,919 Speaker 1: on the phone. Like it's just you know, it's I 126 00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:11,280 Speaker 1: don't know. And again, I it's totally fine. It's just 127 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:14,440 Speaker 1: we're just different in that way, like I'm not going 128 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:17,719 Speaker 1: to catch up with KB or Kat or Sarah at 129 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:22,839 Speaker 1: past when school is done. It's just not what I would, 130 00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:24,920 Speaker 1: you know, because moms were doing things. 131 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:29,960 Speaker 2: Okay, i'd do things, but I get it. I get that. 132 00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:34,400 Speaker 1: Do you think I'm you said, I'm not on my 133 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:35,039 Speaker 1: phone as much? 134 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:38,800 Speaker 2: Or do I think you go on your phone too much? No? 135 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:41,320 Speaker 2: I don't. No, I don't. 136 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:46,320 Speaker 3: I don't remember thinking maybe there's maybe certain times on 137 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:50,720 Speaker 3: the phone or that much. Wonder if she's okay or 138 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:53,680 Speaker 3: if she's overloaded. But what I don't. I don't look 139 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:56,440 Speaker 3: at you and think you're ignoring me because you're on 140 00:06:56,480 --> 00:07:00,560 Speaker 3: your phone, or I'm getting less attention because you're on 141 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:01,120 Speaker 3: your phone. 142 00:07:01,279 --> 00:07:02,039 Speaker 2: I don't think that. 143 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:07,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I know what it's is like to feel. 144 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:11,280 Speaker 1: I just don't want anyone to ever feel like I'm 145 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:16,000 Speaker 1: giving my phone more attention than that, you know, because 146 00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:18,320 Speaker 1: I think we've all been on that other side where 147 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:19,640 Speaker 1: it doesn't feel great. 148 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,280 Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely. 149 00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:39,280 Speaker 1: Oliver Hudson has a no husband's wedding policy, so the 150 00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:41,520 Speaker 1: couple got married in a very small ceremony in Mexico, 151 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:43,520 Speaker 1: and ahead of the ceremony, he instructed his wife to 152 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:46,120 Speaker 1: invite her friends to the wedding, but not their friends, 153 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:49,840 Speaker 1: but not her friend's husbands. He explained, he's a pretty 154 00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:52,640 Speaker 1: private person and he came up with his no husband's 155 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:54,720 Speaker 1: rule because I didn't want to be introduced to someone 156 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,640 Speaker 1: at my own wedding. The couple's nuptials, he said, went 157 00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:01,240 Speaker 1: off without a hitch, but their husband's were content doing 158 00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:04,720 Speaker 1: their own things. So some of Drew Barrymore's viewers objected 159 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:07,200 Speaker 1: to Oliver Hudson's banning husbands from his wedding. I think 160 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:10,400 Speaker 1: it's strange to not invite the spouse, one person wrote. 161 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:14,080 Speaker 1: Others applauded it, saying, you know who would want strangers 162 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:21,400 Speaker 1: at their wedding, and another etiquette person Elaine Swan's Book 163 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:24,440 Speaker 1: of Modern etiquette. She said. She weighed and said that 164 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:27,120 Speaker 1: she thinks his no husband's role was self centered and 165 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,280 Speaker 1: likely made some of his guests uncomfortable. What do you 166 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:29,920 Speaker 1: think of the role? 167 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:33,040 Speaker 3: I can see where he's coming from, because there's an 168 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,360 Speaker 3: element of it's your wedding. It should be intimate, and 169 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,480 Speaker 3: it should be people that are within your circle. And 170 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:43,640 Speaker 3: you know, I don't think. I think it is very selfish. 171 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:44,920 Speaker 3: I think it's selfish. 172 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:45,760 Speaker 2: You do, I do. 173 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:50,200 Speaker 3: Yeah, he's probably made these as to be your wife 174 00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:52,319 Speaker 3: feel a little bit awkward. I have to say to 175 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:54,920 Speaker 3: your friends, you guys can come, but you can't invite 176 00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:58,480 Speaker 3: your husbands. Yeah, I don't think it's I think it's 177 00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:02,160 Speaker 3: a I think it's a pretty selfish thing. I don't 178 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:05,000 Speaker 3: think I would ever do that. I understand you don't 179 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,800 Speaker 3: want to meet people on your wedding day, but what's 180 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:11,679 Speaker 3: the likelihood of you knowing that many of your wife's 181 00:09:11,679 --> 00:09:15,280 Speaker 3: friends and not having met the husband's already? Like if 182 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:17,920 Speaker 3: you if if you got ten friends that are coming 183 00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:20,600 Speaker 3: to the wedding and I've never met the husband's then 184 00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:21,440 Speaker 3: there's an issue. 185 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:25,280 Speaker 1: You didn't have meet Sarah's husband Kyle. Yeah, so you 186 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:27,600 Speaker 1: never met him before he came. That's a perfect example. 187 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:32,839 Speaker 1: You never met Kyle, you never met you know, Sarah 188 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:34,800 Speaker 1: Gretzky was also invited to the wedding. You would have 189 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:38,280 Speaker 1: never met Tie. There's actually quite a few people that 190 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:41,360 Speaker 1: we did invite that you didn't know their husband. 191 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,079 Speaker 2: I knew how important they were to you, so it 192 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:45,200 Speaker 2: wasn't an issue for me. 193 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:47,040 Speaker 1: Right, No, And I think that's what I mean. I'm 194 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:50,520 Speaker 1: not I don't want to. I don't want to call 195 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:53,120 Speaker 1: him selfish. I love Oliver Hudson, and I get what 196 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:57,840 Speaker 1: you're saying, and I think for the I do think 197 00:09:57,880 --> 00:10:00,560 Speaker 1: it's a very odd request because I think a wedding 198 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:04,680 Speaker 1: as okay. For example, my cousin Carl just got married 199 00:10:04,679 --> 00:10:08,760 Speaker 1: to his beautiful bride, Lucy, and my cousin Carl never 200 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:15,000 Speaker 1: met you before. And I would be taken back a 201 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:17,160 Speaker 1: little bit if they said, hey, you know, you can't 202 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:21,360 Speaker 1: have your husband come, or you can't have a I 203 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:23,920 Speaker 1: get the plus one thing. I do get that. I 204 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:26,760 Speaker 1: get you saying a plus one like you don't want 205 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:30,160 Speaker 1: some random friend that you don't know. That I would agree, 206 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:33,120 Speaker 1: actually one hundred percent agree with the plus one. But 207 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:36,600 Speaker 1: if it's your husband yeah, no, no, no, I know, 208 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:38,280 Speaker 1: and I'm going to get to that point. But it's 209 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:41,800 Speaker 1: like it's I get, I totally get that. It's just 210 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:47,040 Speaker 1: the fact where the friend of your wife and the 211 00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:49,120 Speaker 1: friends that are not bringing their husbands, these are also 212 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:51,440 Speaker 1: people that are going to help support your marriage and 213 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,400 Speaker 1: be there for you, and you might not be close 214 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:57,199 Speaker 1: to them, but it's also that support of those people 215 00:10:57,240 --> 00:11:00,280 Speaker 1: as a couple too, you know, And I think think 216 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:04,640 Speaker 1: if we were ever in that spot, though you're not 217 00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:06,680 Speaker 1: close with Kyle and you've hung out with him a 218 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:10,080 Speaker 1: few times since, when they've come to visit, having those 219 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:12,480 Speaker 1: people be there in that intimate setting, those are people 220 00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:14,480 Speaker 1: that are also like the whole thing is a witnessing 221 00:11:14,559 --> 00:11:18,040 Speaker 1: a marriage, and they even say to the people out there, 222 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:22,120 Speaker 1: you have to help them keep this together. And there's 223 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:23,280 Speaker 1: that's I think beautiful. 224 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:26,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think there's a certain bond with I think 225 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:29,200 Speaker 3: there's a certain bond with people that come to your wedding. 226 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:32,240 Speaker 3: It is it's your most important day and those people 227 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:35,240 Speaker 3: are there for Therefore. I'm pretty sure because of that, 228 00:11:35,559 --> 00:11:37,960 Speaker 3: I could pick up the phone at Kyle's aalent here 229 00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:41,760 Speaker 3: even though I've only spent the wedding with him and 230 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:44,920 Speaker 3: one other time in person. I'm pretty sure I could 231 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:47,240 Speaker 3: pick up the phone about how you're doing because of 232 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:48,320 Speaker 3: the bond from the wedding. 233 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:52,040 Speaker 2: Sure, So I don't listen. I don't know Himan as 234 00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:52,800 Speaker 2: a person. I don't. 235 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:57,560 Speaker 3: I think that act and that vision for these wedding 236 00:11:57,640 --> 00:12:01,040 Speaker 3: is pretty selfish, just just because Pussy's wife in a 237 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:04,040 Speaker 3: precarious situation with finally explain our. 238 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:07,000 Speaker 2: And maybe our close friends. 239 00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:09,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, and I mean thinking back to our wedding too, 240 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:16,640 Speaker 1: our single friends. I mean, I I guess it's not 241 00:12:16,679 --> 00:12:18,720 Speaker 1: that there wasn't a plus one invite. Ours was just 242 00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:20,520 Speaker 1: so small and intimate, like all of us. So I 243 00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:22,120 Speaker 1: do get that piece of it where it was, like, 244 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:25,760 Speaker 1: you know, even Pam. I'm like, I don't want to 245 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:28,000 Speaker 1: say you can't bring somebody, But at the same time, 246 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:32,200 Speaker 1: I don't. This is just for you, you know, like 247 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:35,160 Speaker 1: I don't and and but unless you want to bring 248 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:37,560 Speaker 1: your daughter or something like, that's that's cool. But I 249 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:41,600 Speaker 1: don't want someone that, you know, random, a random girlfriend 250 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:44,440 Speaker 1: that like we don't know, like that didn't so like 251 00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:45,880 Speaker 1: and you know her and Sarah we're going to come 252 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:47,800 Speaker 1: together because Lee was gone out of town, but they 253 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:50,679 Speaker 1: know end up not working out. But you know, it 254 00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:55,600 Speaker 1: just that that no husband is not just like they're randoms. 255 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:58,120 Speaker 3: Well, would you go to a wedding if someone said 256 00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:01,319 Speaker 3: to you, Hi, Jianna really want you waiting, but with 257 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:03,840 Speaker 3: no may alan, so it would just be you. 258 00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:05,839 Speaker 1: I find that weird? 259 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:06,640 Speaker 2: Would you go? 260 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,560 Speaker 1: Would I go? I guess it depends who. 261 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:10,920 Speaker 2: I wouldn't go. 262 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:14,160 Speaker 1: No, But I mean if it's like a family person 263 00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:18,719 Speaker 1: or I mean a friend would never say that. A 264 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:21,440 Speaker 1: family member. A family member would never say that, So 265 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:21,960 Speaker 1: I mean. 266 00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:23,760 Speaker 3: Well a friend would too, because all of us said 267 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:26,280 Speaker 3: that as as wife and health. 268 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:27,719 Speaker 1: I mean I would I would say no, and I 269 00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:28,200 Speaker 1: wouldn't go. 270 00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:30,400 Speaker 2: That's exactly what I would say. 271 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:31,959 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm just I'm even trying to think of like 272 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:36,680 Speaker 1: what friend would say that, Like I can't even I 273 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:40,000 Speaker 1: can't even think. I can't even think of one. But listen, 274 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:43,880 Speaker 1: I get it. I'm also like I people don't want 275 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:46,640 Speaker 1: to buy kids to weddings, you know, like our kids. 276 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:50,160 Speaker 1: I understand that I do, and I don't you know 277 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:53,480 Speaker 1: what I mean, there's people that wasn't able to come 278 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:55,800 Speaker 1: in our because other people, you know, couldn't bring it 279 00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:59,120 Speaker 1: but I also understand why you don't want a slew 280 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:00,840 Speaker 1: of kids coming, because if you invite one, you got 281 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:05,200 Speaker 1: to invite all the kids, and on everybody's sides, you know, 282 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:06,880 Speaker 1: So I get I do get that piece too. 283 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:08,640 Speaker 2: What are we going to say, Let's. 284 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:10,400 Speaker 3: Say one of you, Let's say one of your agents 285 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,520 Speaker 3: is to get married, because I don't think I've met 286 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:15,000 Speaker 3: any of your agents. One of your agents get married, 287 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,880 Speaker 3: and like Johnna, really want you the wedding. You know, 288 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:20,200 Speaker 3: if we'd client and friends and stuff, but with no 289 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:22,600 Speaker 3: home and so it just be you at the wedding. 290 00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:26,400 Speaker 1: No, I wouldn't go, okay, I'd send them a nice 291 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,840 Speaker 1: little wedding gift and. 292 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:30,360 Speaker 2: She sort your shot out. 293 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:34,240 Speaker 1: No, I would to say, have a beautiful wedding. I 294 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:37,240 Speaker 1: don't like personally, I like to go with you. I mean, 295 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:40,800 Speaker 1: I guess I loved the wedding that we want to 296 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:44,120 Speaker 1: go celebrate Carl and it's it's nice to do that 297 00:14:44,240 --> 00:15:02,920 Speaker 1: together as a couple. Yeah, but oh yeah yeah, grandmother 298 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:06,200 Speaker 1: says family trips don't need sons or daughters in law. 299 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:10,640 Speaker 1: The backlash was immediate, So you can love your in 300 00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:13,800 Speaker 1: laws and still want special time with your own kids. 301 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:17,960 Speaker 1: Those two things can be true. So a Florida content 302 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:21,000 Speaker 1: creator known as Grandma Jan real name Janis Green posted 303 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:24,120 Speaker 1: an Instagram reel where she suggested that parents can and 304 00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:27,640 Speaker 1: sometimes should take their family vacations with their adult children 305 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:32,800 Speaker 1: without necessarily including a son or daughter in law. Thoughts. 306 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,280 Speaker 2: This one's confused me a little bit. 307 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:37,440 Speaker 1: She went on to describe the desire for time with 308 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:39,120 Speaker 1: your own kids, the one you raise, the ones you 309 00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:41,440 Speaker 1: survive life with, the ones you rock through teething and 310 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:43,720 Speaker 1: heartbreak with their first apartment. Listen, I kind of get it. 311 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:45,520 Speaker 1: If I want to go on a one on one 312 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:49,720 Speaker 1: with Jace when he's in his twenties thirties, that's a 313 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:53,600 Speaker 1: special one time off bond moment. And I would probably say, 314 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,080 Speaker 1: and same with Jolie, Like if I'm like, girlfriend, you 315 00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,600 Speaker 1: and mommy, let's go to Paris, just you and me, 316 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:03,560 Speaker 1: leave Joe Schmoe at home. Come on, I think it's 317 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:07,640 Speaker 1: important to have I think so yeah, no no sons 318 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:09,520 Speaker 1: or daughters in laws. I think it's just she just 319 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:13,120 Speaker 1: wants to take her her her her child. 320 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:15,560 Speaker 2: So that's like me saying. 321 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:19,080 Speaker 1: That's like you saying to your son and not having 322 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:23,440 Speaker 1: his wife. Come when he gets married, and I think 323 00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:25,480 Speaker 1: that's important for you guys to have one on one things. 324 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:27,160 Speaker 1: I think this is how I'm reading it. 325 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,120 Speaker 2: Okay, I think the same thing. 326 00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:31,800 Speaker 1: If your parents wanted to just take you on a trip, 327 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:34,000 Speaker 1: I'd be like, go have fun with your parents. They 328 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:37,360 Speaker 1: deserve that time with you. You're you're a very inclusive 329 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:40,000 Speaker 1: and you want to include everybody into everything. But if 330 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,080 Speaker 1: it's a one on one, I think with your child, 331 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:45,720 Speaker 1: I think it's so beautiful. And I look, I cannot 332 00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:49,560 Speaker 1: wait to travel with our kids when they are adult age. 333 00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:53,400 Speaker 1: Cannot wait. I'm so excited, and I can't wait to 334 00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:56,640 Speaker 1: travel with their said spouse one day. But I would, 335 00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:59,360 Speaker 1: I would love. I think it's I think it's nice 336 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:02,840 Speaker 1: to do one with and one without. I think it's great. 337 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,520 Speaker 3: But so if Julie has goes and get smarted and 338 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:08,400 Speaker 3: have kids, they're not your en laws. 339 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:11,080 Speaker 1: Your Oh no, it's not about the grandkids. It's not 340 00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:15,400 Speaker 1: the husband. When Jolie gets married to let's say Sterling 341 00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:19,520 Speaker 1: or Elliott, because that's hot topic in the house right now. 342 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,480 Speaker 1: Let's say one of those two, okay, which is not 343 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:25,040 Speaker 1: gonna happen. But I'm just saying, like fourth grade. We're 344 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,240 Speaker 1: not talking about that. It's like we're shutting it down. 345 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:30,879 Speaker 1: So if that was to happen, I want to I 346 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:32,560 Speaker 1: wouldn't invite one of them. 347 00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:36,200 Speaker 2: So you would invite Julie and the kids and leave 348 00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:37,439 Speaker 2: Elliott of whoever's name. 349 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:40,200 Speaker 1: No, I'm just taking Jolie or and Jase, just Jolie 350 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:40,480 Speaker 1: and Jason. 351 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:45,400 Speaker 3: Wrong with that, zero, Absolutely nothing wrong with it. Don't 352 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:47,359 Speaker 3: see what the big fuss is about, to be honest, 353 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:48,160 Speaker 3: I don't either. 354 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:51,239 Speaker 1: Honestly. You know what I probably think the fuss is. 355 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:55,119 Speaker 1: I think that if it's she's wanting to, let's say, 356 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:59,840 Speaker 1: go with her son and daughter or whatever, the maybe 357 00:18:00,119 --> 00:18:04,960 Speaker 1: that spouse doesn't feel like the mom maybe likes her. 358 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:10,439 Speaker 1: So I could understand if your family only wanted you 359 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:13,160 Speaker 1: to go on vacations and exclude me the entire time. 360 00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:16,679 Speaker 1: If it's and then I would understand. I think you 361 00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:20,560 Speaker 1: have to do. You have to marry them both together 362 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:23,920 Speaker 1: at times where it's okay, we're going to go. I'm 363 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,520 Speaker 1: taking Joy to Paris with jas, I'm taking my kids 364 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:28,840 Speaker 1: on a trip, and you're also not coming either. I'm 365 00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:30,480 Speaker 1: I'm gonna have that in I. 366 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:32,520 Speaker 2: Know that thought about it. Here's my views on it. 367 00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:35,600 Speaker 3: Okay, right, So I don't think it's strange for you 368 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:40,879 Speaker 3: to take Jolie right and Jace, no, listen, listen, listen 369 00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:45,080 Speaker 3: for you to take Jolie on a on a trip, 370 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:49,000 Speaker 3: on a mom daughter trip. I don't think it's strange 371 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:52,080 Speaker 3: for my dad to say to me, and you want 372 00:18:52,119 --> 00:18:53,320 Speaker 3: to go on a golf trip, I'll do. You want 373 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:56,400 Speaker 3: to go and watch two World Cup games in. 374 00:18:56,359 --> 00:18:59,360 Speaker 1: The US, we go to Scotland. 375 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:04,040 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it would be strange And this is 376 00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:06,920 Speaker 3: just me for my mom and dad to say, Alan, 377 00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:09,840 Speaker 3: we just want to take you and the kids on holiday. 378 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:11,639 Speaker 1: See, I do not at all. I think it's lovely 379 00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:14,120 Speaker 1: and I think parents, I think we should normalize. 380 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:14,760 Speaker 2: So we exclude you. 381 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:19,360 Speaker 1: If it was always like that, I would be hurt totally. 382 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:21,640 Speaker 2: That's not right. It's not right. 383 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:25,720 Speaker 3: If you if your mom and dad said, Joanna, we 384 00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:26,720 Speaker 3: want to take you and the kids. 385 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,680 Speaker 2: We don't want Alan, we come, I'd be like me, 386 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:30,560 Speaker 2: you have a what. 387 00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:35,480 Speaker 1: I mean? I think it's different when the husband, moms. 388 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:37,160 Speaker 2: And daughters, fathers and sons good. 389 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:41,359 Speaker 1: But when it's the you and I just taking and 390 00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:42,639 Speaker 1: not there are others people like it. 391 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:44,439 Speaker 2: It's weird. It's weird. 392 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:47,000 Speaker 1: It's not when it's our work. Foot in the bill. 393 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:48,920 Speaker 1: Think about that piece too, though. 394 00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:52,480 Speaker 3: So Dad saying to me, and we have the kids 395 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:56,520 Speaker 3: and meet us here without Joanna, I'd be like, no. 396 00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:59,000 Speaker 1: Y'all have a great time, and I would like to 397 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,080 Speaker 1: be invited on the next one. I think it's great. 398 00:20:02,359 --> 00:20:06,440 Speaker 2: There's no way. There's absolutely no way you would feel 399 00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:07,080 Speaker 2: like that. 400 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:10,360 Speaker 1: If I'm If it's the like, if I'm not invited 401 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:11,080 Speaker 1: the next. 402 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:14,840 Speaker 2: Time, you would wonder why I'm not invited that time? 403 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,680 Speaker 1: Well, I think it again, it's all how you set 404 00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:20,840 Speaker 1: things up. If it's a precedent, that's you know. Yeah, 405 00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:22,600 Speaker 1: speaking of our son, I need to go pick them 406 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:27,439 Speaker 1: up from daycare. Okay, Okay, good chat. Let's plan a 407 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:31,000 Speaker 1: trip with we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna. Can you 408 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:33,680 Speaker 1: book a flight twenty years from now and we're gonna 409 00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:34,359 Speaker 1: do all the kids? 410 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:36,040 Speaker 2: Good question. 411 00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:37,800 Speaker 1: I don't think you can. I think it's like a year, 412 00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:41,440 Speaker 1: year and a half. And right. This is like that 413 00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:43,119 Speaker 1: thing where you do in school where you put the 414 00:20:43,119 --> 00:20:46,080 Speaker 1: box of in twenty years you're going to open this. 415 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:53,280 Speaker 1: You guys don't do that. No a time whatever, time capsule. Yeah, 416 00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:56,760 Speaker 1: and then it's like it's gonna send you your box 417 00:20:56,840 --> 00:21:01,480 Speaker 1: of the things that you liked anyways. Okay, well that's that, 418 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:02,360 Speaker 1: see you next week. 419 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:12,360 Speaker 2: Bye hmm.