WEBVTT - 12 Hard Lessons I Learned In The Last 12 Months - Birthday Special 0:00:01.880 --> 0:00:06.800 Let's be honest. Life is stressful, its work, its relationships 0:00:06.840 --> 0:00:09.240 and the state of the world. But there's a way 0:00:09.280 --> 0:00:12.760 to bring that stress level down. Calm. It's the number 0:00:12.760 --> 0:00:15.280 one app for mental wellness with tons of content to 0:00:15.360 --> 0:00:20.720 manage anxiety, promote concentration, and help you unwind. There's music, meditation, 0:00:20.960 --> 0:00:23.840 a more Calm makes it easy to de stress. You 0:00:23.880 --> 0:00:27.720 can literally do a one minute breathing exercise. Personally, I 0:00:27.760 --> 0:00:31.560 love the soundscapes. Nothing like a little rain on leaves 0:00:31.560 --> 0:00:34.840 to help soothe my nervous system. I've actually been working 0:00:34.840 --> 0:00:36.880 with Calm for a couple of years now, and I'd 0:00:36.920 --> 0:00:39.360 love for you to check out my series on reducing 0:00:39.479 --> 0:00:44.600 overwhelm eight short practices quick relief. Right now, listeners of 0:00:44.640 --> 0:00:47.960 On Purpose get forty percent off a subscription to Calm 0:00:48.080 --> 0:00:52.159 Premium at Calm dot com. Forward slash j that's c 0:00:53.000 --> 0:00:57.760 LM dot com Forward slash jay for forty percent off. 0:00:57.920 --> 0:01:02.360 Calm your mind, change your life. Remember the seeds you 0:01:02.480 --> 0:01:06.440 planted in the past will grow into flowers or weeds today. 0:01:06.520 --> 0:01:08.880 Not everything is about what you did in the last 0:01:08.880 --> 0:01:11.880 thirty days. We think of things as quite short term. 0:01:11.920 --> 0:01:15.520 We think of things as quite instant and right now. 0:01:16.160 --> 0:01:18.880 A lot of what we're experiencing is from a long 0:01:18.920 --> 0:01:22.839 time ago. The number one health and wellness podcast sid 0:01:23.040 --> 0:01:31.520 Jay Sheidjou. Hey, everyone, welcome back to a very special 0:01:31.640 --> 0:01:37.000 episode of On Purpose. Today is my birthday, and so 0:01:37.200 --> 0:01:41.880 I wanted to do a very special reflection birthday episode 0:01:42.160 --> 0:01:45.920 where I get super deep, super vulnerable and open up 0:01:45.959 --> 0:01:50.440 to you about the lessons I've learned, insights I've gained, 0:01:50.800 --> 0:01:55.080 purification I've had to go through, and challenges I've overcome 0:01:55.360 --> 0:01:59.120 in the last twelve months. Now, I'm really excited to 0:01:59.160 --> 0:02:01.880 dive into this episod, but before I do that, I 0:02:01.920 --> 0:02:04.040 want to thank each and every one of you for 0:02:04.160 --> 0:02:07.920 choosing On Purpose this year. It has made a huge 0:02:07.960 --> 0:02:11.000 difference to our community, It's made a huge difference to me, 0:02:11.600 --> 0:02:14.600 and I hope that you will subscribe, leave a review, 0:02:14.960 --> 0:02:18.880 and share this episode with a friend. I am so 0:02:18.960 --> 0:02:22.120 grateful for your ongoing support and I couldn't do this 0:02:22.240 --> 0:02:26.160 without you. Now, as I sat down to think about 0:02:26.200 --> 0:02:31.280 this episode and introspect, I realized that there were twelve 0:02:31.800 --> 0:02:36.960 key lessons that I've learned in the last twelve months, 0:02:37.400 --> 0:02:42.040 and I think it's important. I challenged myself to think 0:02:42.080 --> 0:02:46.639 of twelve lessons because I believe that every month has 0:02:46.680 --> 0:02:50.120 something for me to learn. Every month of the year 0:02:50.840 --> 0:02:56.400 has something for me to have to encapsulate into a 0:02:56.400 --> 0:03:00.800 line of wisdom, a quote, a thought, a reflection that 0:03:00.919 --> 0:03:04.560 I can carry on into the next. The reason why 0:03:04.600 --> 0:03:08.200 we make the same mistakes again and again is because 0:03:08.320 --> 0:03:11.959 we don't learn the lesson we need to learn again 0:03:12.000 --> 0:03:16.240 and again. We miss the signs, we miss the opportunity, 0:03:16.680 --> 0:03:20.040 we miss the chance to learn and grow, and so 0:03:20.080 --> 0:03:25.000 we fall fail and make the same mistake again. The 0:03:25.040 --> 0:03:27.400 reason why I do this episode, and I recommend you 0:03:27.440 --> 0:03:31.320 do it around your birthday as well, is because it 0:03:31.360 --> 0:03:35.720 gives you the opportunity to make sure that you're carrying 0:03:35.760 --> 0:03:39.800 the wisdom of your last year into the next. And 0:03:39.840 --> 0:03:41.640 for those of you who are wondering, yes, I'm a 0:03:41.720 --> 0:03:45.600 virgo in case you hadn't forget it out just yet, 0:03:46.240 --> 0:03:48.800 and I'm just so happy that I get to share 0:03:48.840 --> 0:03:53.600 these lessons with you. Here's lesson number one. The seeds 0:03:53.640 --> 0:03:57.920 you planted in the past will grow into flowers or 0:03:58.040 --> 0:04:03.600 weeds today. What you experience is what you planted a 0:04:03.720 --> 0:04:09.080 long time ago. This is how karma works. Don't be 0:04:09.240 --> 0:04:14.480 mad at what grows focus on planting good seeds. How 0:04:14.520 --> 0:04:17.040 many times have you had it when something happens and 0:04:17.080 --> 0:04:20.160 you're thinking to yourself, I've been doing everything right, I've 0:04:20.160 --> 0:04:24.320 been doing good, I've been working hard, I've been acting appropriately, 0:04:24.400 --> 0:04:27.479 I've been really focused on service and making a difference, 0:04:27.760 --> 0:04:30.760 And all of a sudden, some surprise comes in your way, 0:04:31.320 --> 0:04:35.560 something that you weren't expecting, something that feels like you 0:04:35.600 --> 0:04:38.359 don't deserve it, and you probably don't. But what you 0:04:38.520 --> 0:04:42.960 realize when you recognize the power of karma, is that 0:04:43.320 --> 0:04:50.520 there was a weed you planted years ago, and today 0:04:50.640 --> 0:04:54.320 that weed has grown and is now affecting your life. 0:04:54.640 --> 0:04:58.480 And sometimes the most beautiful things happen to us. We 0:04:58.560 --> 0:05:02.640 meet someone amazing, we get an amazing opportunity in our careers, 0:05:03.200 --> 0:05:07.960 someone spots our talent, something phenomenal happens for us, and again, 0:05:08.640 --> 0:05:12.280 we didn't do anything different. Now, it was a seed 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:17.240 that we planted many months, many years ago. So our 0:05:17.360 --> 0:05:21.640 life is like a garden, and the seeds and weeds 0:05:21.640 --> 0:05:25.600 that we planted months and years ago are growing today 0:05:26.520 --> 0:05:32.279 into either flowers or weeds, and then we're experiencing either 0:05:32.320 --> 0:05:37.279 the beautiful scent of that flower or we're experiencing the 0:05:37.360 --> 0:05:42.360 tightness of that weed around us in that moment. It's 0:05:42.400 --> 0:05:45.680 so easy to get bitter in that moment, it's so 0:05:45.880 --> 0:05:49.520 easy to be angry, and all of those feelings are valid, 0:05:49.880 --> 0:05:53.880 they're okay. But the behavior we want to see is 0:05:53.920 --> 0:05:57.680 the acceptance. The Vaders talk about this idea of one 0:05:57.680 --> 0:06:03.520 who can accept something as a reaction of their karmas 0:06:03.600 --> 0:06:05.920 of a seed that they planted a long time ago. 0:06:06.440 --> 0:06:10.599 To that person, they experienced liberation and peace. It's the 0:06:10.680 --> 0:06:14.640 acceptance that maybe there's somewhere in my journey that I 0:06:14.680 --> 0:06:18.159 acted in a certain way. Maybe there's some conversation that 0:06:18.240 --> 0:06:20.520 I said something. Maybe there was one period where I 0:06:20.520 --> 0:06:25.599 did something, and now there's a reaction to that action 0:06:25.760 --> 0:06:30.920 that I took. And instead of focusing on that, I'm 0:06:31.000 --> 0:06:35.479 going to start planting even better seeds, and I'm going 0:06:35.480 --> 0:06:39.240 to uproot this weed by figuring out how it was 0:06:39.279 --> 0:06:41.760 planted in the first place. If you've ever tracked a 0:06:41.800 --> 0:06:44.800 weed through a garden, you start pulling it out and 0:06:44.839 --> 0:06:48.120 you can actually follow it and trace it to its 0:06:48.200 --> 0:06:52.200 root place. Remember, the seeds you planted in the past 0:06:52.839 --> 0:06:55.720 will grow into flowers or weeds today. Not everything is 0:06:55.760 --> 0:06:58.200 about what you did in the last thirty days. We 0:06:58.279 --> 0:07:01.320 think of things as quite we think of things as 0:07:01.400 --> 0:07:05.440 quite instant and right now. A lot of what we're 0:07:05.480 --> 0:07:10.000 experiencing is from a long time ago. Lesson number two. 0:07:10.920 --> 0:07:16.120 For some people in your life, envy is uncontrollable compared 0:07:16.160 --> 0:07:20.640 to their character. Make sure yours is the other way around. 0:07:21.600 --> 0:07:27.240 Envy will erode your life. It's a really interesting characteristic 0:07:27.360 --> 0:07:32.200 envy because it's that feeling of I wish I had 0:07:32.240 --> 0:07:37.520 that I deserve that they don't deserve, that they don't 0:07:38.120 --> 0:07:40.240 They shouldn't get that. Why did that happen to them? 0:07:40.280 --> 0:07:42.320 Why not me? And by the way we all go 0:07:42.400 --> 0:07:44.680 through this, I don't want you to sit there and 0:07:44.720 --> 0:07:48.040 shame yourself or make yourself feel guilty, or make yourself 0:07:48.040 --> 0:07:52.080 feel bad for this. We all experience envy in different ways, 0:07:52.480 --> 0:07:55.160 no matter how successful or how at the beginning of 0:07:55.200 --> 0:07:59.280 your journey you are. It's something that everyone experiences. Two 0:07:59.280 --> 0:08:02.640 of the questions I ask my clients when I'm first 0:08:02.680 --> 0:08:06.200 meeting them, the first is who do you envy? I 0:08:06.240 --> 0:08:08.880 always ask that because to me, it shows so much 0:08:09.480 --> 0:08:12.360 about what a person values. It shows so much about 0:08:13.040 --> 0:08:16.200 what they think is good, what they think is better 0:08:16.240 --> 0:08:19.880 than what they have, their level of gratitude, their level 0:08:19.880 --> 0:08:23.400 of character. And the second question I ask is who 0:08:23.640 --> 0:08:26.960 or what is your God? What do you idolize? What 0:08:27.040 --> 0:08:29.400 do you obsess over? And it's not just what we 0:08:29.440 --> 0:08:32.680 think in our minds, it's what we show by our actions. 0:08:33.440 --> 0:08:36.200 What I found is that for most of us, we're 0:08:36.240 --> 0:08:40.360 able to calm our envy. We're able to not act 0:08:40.400 --> 0:08:44.520 on it. We're able to coach ourselves talk ourselves out 0:08:45.240 --> 0:08:49.360 of acting on that feeling and emotion. But for some 0:08:49.559 --> 0:08:54.760 people it's uncontrollable. Their envy has reached such a height 0:08:55.280 --> 0:08:58.240 that they are prepared to do anything in order to 0:08:58.320 --> 0:09:01.559 express their envy. Now, if you're on the receiving end 0:09:01.559 --> 0:09:04.880 of this, it can be really difficult and challenging. It 0:09:04.920 --> 0:09:07.640 can be really hard to go through that. And if 0:09:07.679 --> 0:09:09.240 you have been, I know some of you have said 0:09:09.240 --> 0:09:11.080 to me in the comments before jay I had a 0:09:11.120 --> 0:09:12.959 friend of mine tell me that they were envious of me, 0:09:13.000 --> 0:09:15.559 and I struggle to be friends with them. Now, some 0:09:15.600 --> 0:09:18.120 people are bold enough to admit it to you, and 0:09:18.160 --> 0:09:20.200 some of you know, some of you know that there's 0:09:20.200 --> 0:09:23.120 someone in your life who's envious of your relationship. Someone 0:09:23.120 --> 0:09:26.600 who's envious of your promotion, someone who's envious of your 0:09:26.720 --> 0:09:29.800 recent vacation, envious of your wedding, and it can be 0:09:29.800 --> 0:09:34.000 a really uncomfortable feeling. What we have to recognize is 0:09:34.000 --> 0:09:37.720 that we don't want to meet envy with bitterness. We 0:09:37.760 --> 0:09:40.320 want to meet it with love. We want to meet 0:09:40.360 --> 0:09:45.520 it with a recognition that envy is eroding that person's life, 0:09:46.360 --> 0:09:50.200 and we don't want to partake in increasing our envy 0:09:50.840 --> 0:09:55.800 or increasing our ego. If we take joy or satisfaction 0:09:55.880 --> 0:09:59.079 in the fact that someone envies us, our ego grows, 0:10:00.000 --> 0:10:04.640 and if we get really uncomfortable, then our bitterness grows. Instead, 0:10:04.720 --> 0:10:08.360 we meet you with love. We remind ourselves, I'm really 0:10:08.400 --> 0:10:10.560 grateful for what I have, I'm really fortunate for what 0:10:10.679 --> 0:10:12.920 I have. I'm really thankful and blessed for what i have. 0:10:13.880 --> 0:10:16.079 Please never let me be envious of others, and please 0:10:16.200 --> 0:10:18.959 let me not be the cause of envy for others. 0:10:19.120 --> 0:10:22.640 Let them be purified just as I wish to be purified. 0:10:22.760 --> 0:10:27.959 Let me also move towards love in this moment. Lesson 0:10:28.040 --> 0:10:33.040 number three. People forget things quick, do the right thing 0:10:33.400 --> 0:10:36.960 and what's meaningful to you. Sometimes when you're doing good things, 0:10:37.240 --> 0:10:40.280 I'm sure you felt this before. You're hoping that your friends, 0:10:40.320 --> 0:10:43.439 your family, they celebrate it. You're hoping that the people 0:10:43.440 --> 0:10:46.000 around you recognize it, that they notice it, that they're 0:10:46.040 --> 0:10:50.400 able to partake in your achievements, and where you've got 0:10:50.440 --> 0:10:54.120 to People forget things quick. You may have done the 0:10:54.120 --> 0:10:56.600 most amazing thing and someone will forget in the next 0:10:56.600 --> 0:10:58.920 twenty four hours. People forget in the next seven days. 0:10:58.960 --> 0:11:02.320 I often think about the great music artists of the 0:11:02.400 --> 0:11:06.120 last ten, twenty, thirty, forty fifty, sixty seventy years and 0:11:06.160 --> 0:11:12.480 how quickly people are forgotten. People forget things quick, both 0:11:12.480 --> 0:11:16.959 good and bad. Do the right thing and what's meaningful, 0:11:17.080 --> 0:11:21.560 what's truly meaningful, and do it for that reason. Sometimes 0:11:21.600 --> 0:11:25.560 it's the opposite. Sometimes we're dealing with negativity. We're dealing 0:11:25.640 --> 0:11:29.520 with other people's judgments, we're dealing with other people's assumptions, 0:11:29.679 --> 0:11:32.480 and it doesn't feel great, and we just wish that 0:11:32.520 --> 0:11:34.800 they could see the truth. But guess what. People forget 0:11:34.800 --> 0:11:39.199 things quick. Do the right thing and what's truly meaningful, 0:11:39.559 --> 0:11:43.040 and do it for that reason. I've often found that 0:11:43.040 --> 0:11:46.200 that's the test. If you're doing good things for validation, 0:11:47.240 --> 0:11:52.160 or if you're dealing with negativity, hoping to change people's perception. 0:11:53.040 --> 0:11:55.760 Then you can fail on both accounts because you may 0:11:55.840 --> 0:11:59.920 never ever shift what someone thinks of you. You can't 0:12:00.200 --> 0:12:05.160 change what someone thinks of you. You can't change how 0:12:05.240 --> 0:12:09.120 much someone thinks about you. You can't change their perception 0:12:09.880 --> 0:12:12.880 of who you are. All you can do is do 0:12:12.960 --> 0:12:17.200 the right thing and what's truly meaningful. And when you 0:12:17.320 --> 0:12:20.640 do it, because it's the right thing, and because it's meaningful, 0:12:21.120 --> 0:12:23.760 you get to feel that validation yourself. You get to 0:12:23.840 --> 0:12:27.600 experience it deep within your heart. People forget things quick. 0:12:28.400 --> 0:12:34.000 Stop giving them so much importance. People will forget the 0:12:34.040 --> 0:12:37.240 best thing you did in a moment. People will forget 0:12:37.280 --> 0:12:39.360 the biggest thing you did in a moment. People will 0:12:39.400 --> 0:12:42.880 forget the most amazing thing you did in a moment. 0:12:43.440 --> 0:12:46.560 And if you're hoping that they'll validate you, they'll recognize you, 0:12:46.600 --> 0:12:50.600 they'll believe in you. Because of it, you'll always be 0:12:50.679 --> 0:12:52.880 running out and you'll always have to keep filling up. 0:12:53.360 --> 0:12:58.600 People forget things quick. Don't place your value in how 0:12:58.679 --> 0:13:02.920 much they value what you're doing, because if you do, 0:13:03.760 --> 0:13:10.640 you'll always feel devalued. Lesson number four, everyone sets goals, 0:13:11.480 --> 0:13:16.240 not everyone chooses growth. I've realized as I've been coaching people, 0:13:16.280 --> 0:13:19.679 as I've seen people grow and seen people achieve their dreams. 0:13:19.760 --> 0:13:24.760 I've had the fortune of seeing some amazing comebacks to industries, 0:13:24.800 --> 0:13:28.760 have seen some amazing moments of brilliance of people in 0:13:28.800 --> 0:13:32.480 their field. And I've noticed that the people who do 0:13:33.440 --> 0:13:36.360 get to where they want are not the people who 0:13:36.440 --> 0:13:39.600 have goals. They're the people who choose growth. See a 0:13:39.600 --> 0:13:41.679 lot of people have goals. We know that the studies 0:13:41.679 --> 0:13:45.120 show that eighty percent of people don't meet their New 0:13:45.160 --> 0:13:50.240 Year's resolutions. Setting a goal doesn't make you amazing. Setting 0:13:50.240 --> 0:13:54.840 a goal doesn't ensure anything. It's those who choose growth 0:13:55.440 --> 0:13:58.800 that experience the success of a goal. And I've seen 0:13:58.840 --> 0:14:01.360 over the last twelve months people that have mentored, people 0:14:01.360 --> 0:14:05.880 that have coached that those who chose the discomfort, those 0:14:05.920 --> 0:14:10.800 who chose the uncomfortable path, those who chose growth achieve 0:14:10.840 --> 0:14:15.080 their goals. So I'm always asking myself, not what's my goal, 0:14:15.840 --> 0:14:19.120 but what's required of me from the perspective of growth? 0:14:19.560 --> 0:14:23.840 What growth have I not yet made? Which is why 0:14:23.920 --> 0:14:28.880 my goal feels so far away. Your goal will feel 0:14:28.960 --> 0:14:37.280 further and further away until your growth is constantly expanding. Right, 0:14:37.320 --> 0:14:42.360 your goals will feel closer when your growth grows faster. 0:14:43.240 --> 0:14:46.440 So I'm always asking myself, the thing that's blocking me 0:14:46.720 --> 0:14:51.680 from my goal is my growth. So let me figure 0:14:51.720 --> 0:14:54.840 out how I need to grow. What skill is it, 0:14:54.880 --> 0:14:57.240 What habit is it? What mindset is it that I 0:14:57.320 --> 0:15:01.080 don't yet have that is holding me back? This one 0:15:01.120 --> 0:15:05.000 has been a big lesson for me of late. Don't 0:15:05.040 --> 0:15:09.320 let anyone deter you from your purpose. There's a beautiful 0:15:09.880 --> 0:15:14.080 verse in the Vedic literatures that says, when you protect 0:15:14.120 --> 0:15:18.440 your purpose, your purpose protects you. And I love this 0:15:18.520 --> 0:15:21.960 statement because we often think of our purpose as something 0:15:22.000 --> 0:15:24.760 we have to find. We think of our purpose as 0:15:24.800 --> 0:15:27.920 something we have to build. We think of purpose as 0:15:27.920 --> 0:15:31.120 something we have to create. Our purpose is something we 0:15:31.200 --> 0:15:34.320 have to protect. You already have it, you know it, 0:15:35.000 --> 0:15:37.640 but you've been veering away from it because of other 0:15:37.680 --> 0:15:43.000 people's expectations, other people's judgment, other people's criticism, other people's negativity. 0:15:43.720 --> 0:15:46.520 And you've gone so far away from it that you 0:15:46.600 --> 0:15:49.040 feel like you have to find it again. But you 0:15:49.080 --> 0:15:52.400 don't have to find it again. It's already there. It exists, 0:15:53.160 --> 0:15:55.680 and we have to learn to protect it. So I 0:15:55.720 --> 0:15:59.000 want to ask you, what is something that you haven't 0:15:59.000 --> 0:16:01.560 protected for a while. What is a part of you 0:16:02.320 --> 0:16:06.880 that you haven't protected, that you haven't shielded, that you 0:16:06.920 --> 0:16:10.720 haven't created boundaries around Because when you protect your purpose, 0:16:10.760 --> 0:16:14.400 your purpose protects you. I found that everything in life 0:16:14.520 --> 0:16:16.800 is trying to get you to stop living your purpose 0:16:17.480 --> 0:16:19.400 because it's the only way the game wins. It's the 0:16:19.440 --> 0:16:24.160 only way the material world wins is by distracting you 0:16:24.200 --> 0:16:27.840 from your purpose. The material world wins when it takes 0:16:27.840 --> 0:16:30.280 you away from that which you were meant to do, 0:16:30.320 --> 0:16:33.240 that which you're born to do, that which you are 0:16:33.280 --> 0:16:38.480 made for. And for so many of us, I find 0:16:38.560 --> 0:16:41.440 that it's okay to get distracted, but we have to 0:16:41.440 --> 0:16:44.560 find our way back, find our way back to protect it. 0:16:45.160 --> 0:16:49.280 Less number six. Your challenge is designed for you to 0:16:49.360 --> 0:16:52.960 become who you're meant to become. Don't ask how do 0:16:53.040 --> 0:16:56.240 I get over this or through this? Ask who is 0:16:56.280 --> 0:16:59.760 this asking me to become? And why am I avoiding 0:16:59.760 --> 0:17:03.080 the co Whenever you meet a challenge, when you're ready, 0:17:03.640 --> 0:17:07.360 after you've experienced the emotions, experience the pain, experience the stress, 0:17:07.760 --> 0:17:10.840 ask yourself, who is this asking me to become? Who 0:17:10.880 --> 0:17:13.600 is this calling me to be become And whenever I 0:17:13.640 --> 0:17:16.720 avoided this in the past, chances are we only get 0:17:16.760 --> 0:17:22.600 a really strong alarm sound when we've resisted the call before. Right, 0:17:22.640 --> 0:17:25.000 your alarm gets louder and louder and louder and louder 0:17:25.000 --> 0:17:28.120 in the morning when you ignore it. What's the call 0:17:28.200 --> 0:17:32.200 you've been ignoring that just got loud? Who are you 0:17:32.320 --> 0:17:36.120 being asked to rise to become? Who are you being 0:17:36.320 --> 0:17:41.560 asked and challenged to become? Who are you required to become? 0:17:42.280 --> 0:17:45.240 And why are you avoiding the call? Whatever challenge you're 0:17:45.280 --> 0:17:49.600 going through, know that you are designed for it, and 0:17:49.760 --> 0:17:53.040 it is designed for you. And when you approach it 0:17:53.119 --> 0:17:56.400 in that way, you get the strength that you need 0:17:56.560 --> 0:18:00.360 because you recognize you're built for this. You're made for this, 0:18:00.920 --> 0:18:05.560 You're designed for this, You're created for this. The resistance 0:18:05.600 --> 0:18:07.840 makes us feel weak. This is not for me. I'm 0:18:07.880 --> 0:18:10.080 not for it. I can't do this. It's not possible. 0:18:10.240 --> 0:18:13.160 It makes you weak. In the fight. You can strengthen 0:18:13.160 --> 0:18:15.480 in the fight. You can build in the fight, you 0:18:15.520 --> 0:18:18.239 can grow in the fight. I've seen my friends this 0:18:18.320 --> 0:18:22.280 year fight some incredible things, truly fight some incredible things, 0:18:22.359 --> 0:18:26.399 really difficult, challenging, moments. And it's because they chose to 0:18:26.480 --> 0:18:31.080 become what that situation was asking them to be, not 0:18:31.160 --> 0:18:33.240 who they wanted to be, not what they wanted in 0:18:33.280 --> 0:18:37.200 the moment, but what was required of them in that moment. 0:18:37.880 --> 0:18:40.879 And that leads nicely on to lesson number seven. You 0:18:40.920 --> 0:18:45.280 will let things define you if you don't define them first. 0:18:46.000 --> 0:18:47.760 So we let things define us when we just go 0:18:47.840 --> 0:18:49.520 with the flow and we think, Okay, that happened to me, 0:18:50.240 --> 0:18:53.280 it defined me. No, let me define it. Let me 0:18:53.359 --> 0:18:57.600 decide and define how I want this to change my life. 0:18:58.280 --> 0:19:02.040 Let me decide and define, fine, how I want to 0:19:02.119 --> 0:19:04.320 speak about this. And this is a really important point. 0:19:04.320 --> 0:19:08.360 I think a lot of us don't use these as 0:19:08.359 --> 0:19:13.080 opportunities to expand our emotional vocabulary, to expand how we 0:19:13.119 --> 0:19:17.439 perceive this moment. How can you learn to define and 0:19:17.560 --> 0:19:21.240 make a decision about how you're going to let something 0:19:21.280 --> 0:19:26.520 affect you? Right? I can either use a life changing 0:19:26.600 --> 0:19:30.960 moment to actually change my life or to continue living 0:19:31.000 --> 0:19:33.800 life the same way after a few days. It's my choice, 0:19:34.040 --> 0:19:38.480 it's your choice. Less number eight. Help can come from 0:19:38.640 --> 0:19:43.800 unlikely sources in unlikely ways. This year I had a 0:19:43.800 --> 0:19:48.600 lot of random sources of help. And one thing I've 0:19:48.640 --> 0:19:52.800 really learned is to remember that in between us now. 0:19:52.800 --> 0:19:54.800 The in between Ers was a TV show in the UK. 0:19:54.880 --> 0:19:56.880 Maybe it wise to maybe you didn't. It was about 0:19:56.960 --> 0:20:00.240 a bunch of awkward people at high school. But to me, 0:20:00.320 --> 0:20:04.720 the in betweeners are the people that introduce you to 0:20:04.760 --> 0:20:07.919 someone that you're now best friends with. The in betweeners 0:20:08.040 --> 0:20:10.760 are the people who helped you get that job even 0:20:10.760 --> 0:20:13.439 though it didn't benefit them. The in betweeners are the 0:20:13.520 --> 0:20:16.840 person that maybe even introduce you to the love of 0:20:16.840 --> 0:20:20.240 your life and you're no longer friends with them. Who's 0:20:20.280 --> 0:20:22.840 an in between er in your life? Help can come 0:20:22.840 --> 0:20:26.760 from unlikely sources and unlikely ways. And I promise you 0:20:26.960 --> 0:20:30.280 have someone important in your life today, or something important 0:20:30.320 --> 0:20:33.680 in your life today, and you have it because of 0:20:33.720 --> 0:20:36.280 an in between us. Someone you've forgotten about, someone you 0:20:36.359 --> 0:20:38.960 no longer know or stay in touch with it, or 0:20:39.040 --> 0:20:41.879 someone that you don't ever really show that gratitude to. 0:20:42.800 --> 0:20:46.919 This is a reminder to express your gratitude to the 0:20:46.960 --> 0:20:50.520 person you forgot about, to the person who introduced you 0:20:50.560 --> 0:20:53.720 to an amazing friend, to the person who helped you 0:20:53.760 --> 0:20:57.360 with your last job, to the person who maybe introduced 0:20:57.359 --> 0:20:59.720 you to the love of your life. But somewhere along 0:20:59.760 --> 0:21:02.359 the way you fell out. You forgot about them, they 0:21:02.440 --> 0:21:06.159 forgot about you. You disconnected. But that in between he 0:21:07.280 --> 0:21:10.040 is one of the most important people you'll ever meet. 0:21:10.240 --> 0:21:12.520 And help can come from those in between us. Sometimes 0:21:12.520 --> 0:21:15.840 when we least expect it, help can come from unlikely 0:21:15.880 --> 0:21:19.440 sources in unlikely ways. We have to be receptive to it. 0:21:20.160 --> 0:21:23.960 Sometimes we go to the same sources for help. We 0:21:24.040 --> 0:21:26.399 have to be open to the fact that there are 0:21:26.440 --> 0:21:29.879 other people out there with wisdom, with insight, with so 0:21:29.960 --> 0:21:33.000 many things that can help us if we simply open 0:21:33.040 --> 0:21:37.760 ourselves up to it less Number nine. Try to see 0:21:37.840 --> 0:21:43.160 things as an invitation, not an impediment. I was speaking 0:21:43.200 --> 0:21:46.159 of my friend Aloak who actually said this to me. 0:21:47.160 --> 0:21:52.320 How can every impediment be seen as an invitation? What 0:21:52.359 --> 0:21:57.399 does that mean? An invitation is letting you in. An 0:21:57.440 --> 0:22:01.679 impediment often feels like it's keeping you out right. We 0:22:01.720 --> 0:22:05.480 often think as blocks, as rejections, keeping us out. We 0:22:05.520 --> 0:22:08.719 didn't make it in so an invitation. When you look 0:22:08.760 --> 0:22:11.479 at it as an invitation, what is it inviting you into? 0:22:12.280 --> 0:22:13.880 May not be inviting you into the room you want 0:22:13.880 --> 0:22:16.040 to be in. It may not be inviting you into 0:22:16.080 --> 0:22:17.520 the career you want to be in. It may not 0:22:17.560 --> 0:22:19.520 be inviting you into the relationship you want to be in. 0:22:19.720 --> 0:22:22.800 What is it inviting you to reading between the lines? 0:22:23.600 --> 0:22:26.800 What is this impediment inviting me to be a part of? 0:22:27.640 --> 0:22:29.080 It may not be inviting me to be a part 0:22:29.080 --> 0:22:30.240 of the thing I want to be a part of. 0:22:30.280 --> 0:22:32.840 But there is something else. I've seen this over the 0:22:32.920 --> 0:22:35.679 years in my work in life. I remember when I 0:22:35.680 --> 0:22:38.960 first came to LA, I had been reached out to 0:22:39.040 --> 0:22:41.280 by a production company this is seven years ago that 0:22:41.359 --> 0:22:44.560 wanted to make a TV show with me, and I'd 0:22:44.600 --> 0:22:47.600 come to LA and we pitched this TV show which 0:22:47.640 --> 0:22:50.200 I thought was pretty cool, and no one wanted it, 0:22:50.840 --> 0:22:53.600 and everyone got reject ive, got regientted over town. But 0:22:53.640 --> 0:22:55.440 I became really good friends with a lot of people. 0:22:55.480 --> 0:22:59.399 I met people at streamers and production companies, and it 0:22:59.480 --> 0:23:03.280 was really to me because I realized that because I 0:23:03.400 --> 0:23:06.480 didn't get the opportunity to do the TV show I wanted, 0:23:07.560 --> 0:23:10.960 I had time and energy to build the podcast that 0:23:11.000 --> 0:23:13.119 I really wanted to do. I had time and energy 0:23:13.160 --> 0:23:15.560 to create content that I really believed in. I had 0:23:15.560 --> 0:23:17.480 time and energy to write the books I cared about. 0:23:18.000 --> 0:23:19.840 And it's funny because I think, if seven years ago 0:23:19.880 --> 0:23:21.479 I was given that show, maybe I would never have 0:23:21.480 --> 0:23:24.760 done all of this. And today I'm so grateful because 0:23:25.080 --> 0:23:28.840 it was an invitation to say, be independent, be entrepreneurial, 0:23:28.960 --> 0:23:33.040 be creative. And I think about all this amazing stuff 0:23:33.040 --> 0:23:35.600 I've been able to do, and the connection I've been 0:23:35.640 --> 0:23:39.520 able to build up with you was because of an impediment. 0:23:39.960 --> 0:23:43.600 It was because something didn't work out. Most things that 0:23:43.720 --> 0:23:48.560 work out are because other things didn't work out. Most 0:23:48.600 --> 0:23:52.520 things are created because other things were blocked. Think about 0:23:52.520 --> 0:23:56.919 in your life where you're chasing the same thing and 0:23:57.000 --> 0:24:00.679 waiting for permission, when actually you can let go of 0:24:00.760 --> 0:24:05.560 the desire for permission and focus on making progress in 0:24:05.600 --> 0:24:08.720 the things that you see as potential less than number ten. 0:24:09.400 --> 0:24:12.840 Sometimes to get to your dreams, you have to take 0:24:13.760 --> 0:24:18.040 the stairs. Sometimes you get to take the elevator, and 0:24:18.080 --> 0:24:21.520 sometimes you have to come through the roof Mission impossible style, right, 0:24:22.600 --> 0:24:24.879 And I think a lot of us want the elevator. 0:24:25.760 --> 0:24:29.120 We might take the stairs, and we don't really want 0:24:29.119 --> 0:24:31.399 to have to jump through the roof. In that scenario, 0:24:31.440 --> 0:24:33.320 I want you to ask yourself, have you been waiting 0:24:33.320 --> 0:24:36.200 for that elevator for too long? Have you been waiting 0:24:36.200 --> 0:24:39.920 on that floor for that elevator to stop for way 0:24:39.920 --> 0:24:43.760 too long? And he keeps missing it, You keep missing it. 0:24:44.359 --> 0:24:47.760 How many of you have been resistant to take the 0:24:47.800 --> 0:24:51.720 stairs because of the climb, the steep climb. But now 0:24:51.760 --> 0:24:54.440 it's the time to go through that fire exit and 0:24:54.520 --> 0:24:56.879 take the stairs, even though it's twenty four floors that 0:24:56.920 --> 0:24:59.879 you've got to climb. And how many of you realize 0:25:00.520 --> 0:25:03.840 that now it's time to just go through the roof right, 0:25:03.920 --> 0:25:08.000