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Speaker 1: I said inmenopause dot dot dot any questions menopause, I

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Speaker 1: am too young for that.

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Speaker 2: Tamson Fidel is an Emmy Award winning journalist and New

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Speaker 2: York Times best selling author of How to Minopause, with

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Speaker 2: millions of followers on social media, delivering the information women

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Speaker 2: desperately want to hear.

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Speaker 1: Menopause is inevitable, but suffering is not. Like you do

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Speaker 1: not have to suffer.

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Speaker 2: But this time we're opening the door wide because her

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Speaker 2: message isn't just for women. And Tamson's brought the one

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Speaker 2: man brave enough to sit in the hot seat, her husband,

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Speaker 2: Ira Bernstein.

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Speaker 1: Oh and he's a.

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Speaker 3: Man of the pause.

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Speaker 1: That's what I call him. Men who understand menopause.

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Speaker 4: I have one word sweaters. Sweaters for the men.

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Speaker 1: Martin space healers.

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Speaker 4: I've learned how to learn.

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Speaker 2: It's a conversation where nothing is off limits.

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Speaker 5: What are three things that the life partner should never say?

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Speaker 5: Behalf of all men?

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry, and no question is too uncomfortable to ask.

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Speaker 6: And you have also spoken openly about how menopause can

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Speaker 6: change intimacy and closeness.

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Speaker 1: This was probably the most shocking part for me.

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Speaker 2: Joint host Martin Winser King the third, Rdrea Waters King,

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Speaker 2: Mark Kilberger and Craig Kilberger for an unfiltered, eye opening,

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Speaker 2: hilarious and deeply empowering conversation about menopause, unlike anything you've

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Speaker 2: ever heard.

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Speaker 1: Before, because now we're bringing men into this conversation because

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Speaker 1: we have to, because we can't just pretend that visit.

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Speaker 5: Welcome to My Legacy. Today's guest is journalist and health

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Speaker 5: advocate Tamsen Fidel, who is shadowing the silence around menopause,

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Speaker 5: calling out the medical gas lighting, and using her own

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Speaker 5: story to inspire millions of women to demand better. Tamson,

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Speaker 5: we're so excited for you to join us here today,

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Speaker 5: and of course, on My Legacy, we always ask our

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Speaker 5: guests to bring someone who knows them well and can

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Speaker 5: share the inside story on their journey. Tamson, would you

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Speaker 5: do us the honor of introducing your plus one with

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Speaker 5: you today?

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Speaker 1: Yes? My plus one is my husband, Ira Bernstein. We

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Speaker 1: met about seven or eight years eight years ago. We

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Speaker 1: always we always argue yours that over that we met

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Speaker 1: and it's a second marriage for both of us. Ira

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Speaker 1: is the co founder of DeMar Mercury, which is a

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Speaker 1: television distribution and producing company. And yeah, we got married.

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Speaker 1: I got remarried at the age of fifty. And he's

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Speaker 1: my plus one and I've.

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Speaker 4: Had to accommodate being a plus one because I wasn't

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Speaker 4: really used to that.

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Speaker 1: Oh he's a man of the pause. That's what I

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Speaker 1: call him. Men who understand menopause? Ooh wait? How long though?

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Speaker 3: How long does it take for a man to gain

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Speaker 3: that honor?

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Speaker 1: I know it. It's taken him a long time. It's

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Speaker 1: been eight years.

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Speaker 4: To be fair, it didn't start eight years ago. And

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Speaker 4: if you're living with someone who wakes up at seven

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Speaker 4: to doing work and goes to bed at eleven, still

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Speaker 4: doing work, you know, it's easier to I don't catch

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Speaker 4: on quick, but a lot of repetition I eventually figure

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Speaker 4: it out.

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Speaker 7: Sounds like me, Yeah, thank you, we love that you

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Speaker 7: and Tamson have this beautiful midlife love story. What was

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Speaker 7: it about Tampson that made you say that's my person?

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Speaker 4: I haven't told this too many people, but I think

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Speaker 4: when we started dating and Tamsen was a journalist and

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Speaker 4: she was, you know, on TV every day primetime, everybody said, oh,

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Speaker 4: she's so beautiful, and she's primetime newsperson and it's amazing.

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Speaker 4: And we started dating, and I started flying. I lived

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Speaker 4: in Los Angeles. I was flying back and forth quite

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Speaker 4: a bit. And uh, at some point she looked at

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Speaker 4: me and she said, are you in love with me?

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Speaker 4: Or falling in love with me because I'm a newscaster?

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Speaker 4: Is that why? And I looked at her and I

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Speaker 4: put my hand on her chest and I said, I'm

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Speaker 4: falling in love with you in spite of the fact

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Speaker 4: that you're in So that sort of set the stage.

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Speaker 5: Well, Tamsen, you've had a remarkable career, of course, both

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Speaker 5: as a journalist and as a newscaster to the point

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Speaker 5: that you made, but also of course now as a

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Speaker 5: woman's health advocate. But your whole life has been spent

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Speaker 5: asking questions, challenging the system. So can you bring us

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Speaker 5: back because this is my legacy. We want the origin

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Speaker 5: stories back in your early days that young Tamsen when

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Speaker 5: she was was there a moment when she was asking

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Speaker 5: questions or a hero in her life, someone who helped

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Speaker 5: inspire her to set her on this path of always questioning.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I don't know. You know, it's interesting. I lost

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Speaker 1: my mom at a young age and she was you know,

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Speaker 1: she was a stay at home mom, but she wrote

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Speaker 1: for the newspaper, like our local newspaper. So I think

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Speaker 1: that she was always asking questions. But I don't know

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Speaker 1: what it was. I think I was just really always curious.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I think I even did that when I

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Speaker 1: was young. I was constantly the one that, you know,

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Speaker 1: when they would have the report card. I've even looked

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Speaker 1: back at some like she's too talkative, She's always askings

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Speaker 1: a flash like that was my you know, whatever problem,

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Speaker 1: talks to everybody next to her and so. But I

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Speaker 1: definitely know that. When I got into college, I was

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Speaker 1: the college newspaper at the time, and I was just

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Speaker 1: fascinated by people's stories and I couldn't get enough of them.

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Speaker 1: And I loved how reporting and journalism could really change

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Speaker 1: narratives and really you know, expose things and bring things

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Speaker 1: to lights. So I did a lot of investigative journalism

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Speaker 1: early on in my career. I traveled overseas to Afghanistan

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Speaker 1: during the war, and then you know, eventually, when I

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Speaker 1: came to New York, I was I was doing more

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Speaker 1: behind the desk. But that's I've just always loved stories,

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Speaker 1: no matter what they are, just because I think that

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Speaker 1: that's that's the only way we change and learn.

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Speaker 3: Tamson, let's talk a little bit more about your mom.

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Speaker 3: I too lost my mom, although in I was in

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Speaker 3: my forties and through cancer as well, and I always

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Speaker 3: think about the fact of I think it was Maya

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Speaker 3: Angelou that said that no matter what your relationship is

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Speaker 3: with your mom, that when they're no longer here, you

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Speaker 3: will miss them more than you know. Your mom was

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Speaker 3: suffering silently with menopause, yeah, as she was battling cancer.

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Speaker 3: But tell me, just tell us a little bit more

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Speaker 3: about your mom.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's interesting. I think I probably know her maybe

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Speaker 1: or understand her a little more now than I did

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Speaker 1: then because I didn't know what was going on. She

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Speaker 1: was diagnosed when I was fourteen years old with breast cancer,

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Speaker 1: and she went through quite a bit. She went through

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Speaker 1: a mess sectomy and then a second one, and you know,

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Speaker 1: really fought for a long time. But what she always

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Speaker 1: was was very family like. That was the most important

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Speaker 1: thing to her. The only thing she ever wanted to

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Speaker 1: do was really see us grow up, you know, and

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Speaker 1: be around us and have a larger family. And so

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Speaker 1: that was a lot of what she instilled in me.

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Speaker 1: If there was one thing she instilled, it was the

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Speaker 1: importance of family and friends. There was no question about that.

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Speaker 1: And I think that, you know, her support is what

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Speaker 1: made me feel like I could be very vocal quite frankly.

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Speaker 1: I mean she was She allowed that questioning all the time,

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Speaker 1: allowed that curiosity all the time, and that was something

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Speaker 1: super super special. But what happened when she went through

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Speaker 1: breast cancer, which is what I didn't realize, is she

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Speaker 1: would get hot all the time, just dripping sweating, not

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Speaker 1: be able to go to restaurants. We'd all laugh it

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Speaker 1: off as a family, her included. And it wasn't until

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Speaker 1: about two maybe maybe it was like three years ago.

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Speaker 1: My dad and I were talking and I said, He's like,

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Speaker 1: do you think I'm reading all this stuff about menopause?

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Speaker 1: He was eating too at the time. He said, do

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Speaker 1: you think that your mom was going through that? Because

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Speaker 1: she was hot all the time and could never sleep

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Speaker 1: and could not like he was like, you know, we

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Speaker 1: were parallel the pieces together, yeah, putting the pieces together.

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Speaker 1: And so I think I you know, I dedicated the

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Speaker 1: book to her because I had no idea. That was

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Speaker 1: never a word used, that was never anything we talked

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Speaker 1: about growing up, which I think happened with a lot

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Speaker 1: of women in their moms. And yeah, so I think

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Speaker 1: I fell close to her in these later years because

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Speaker 1: she died at fifty one. So when I passed fifty one,

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Speaker 1: it was a big mark. You know, it's like a

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Speaker 1: I don't have my roadmap anymore of what happens next.

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Speaker 1: So I've felt that closeness more than I really, more

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Speaker 1: than I ever have.

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Speaker 3: And it sounds like she fought. She fought to see

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Speaker 3: you all grow up, and once once you were set,

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Speaker 3: she was like, Okay, yeah, she really did fight.

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Speaker 1: She it was a six year battle, and she did

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Speaker 1: everything from you know, traditional to experimental, to do anything

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Speaker 1: that she could do to be there longer. And I

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Speaker 1: I don't. I've asked myself. It's interesting you say that,

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Speaker 1: because I've asked myself that question, like would I have

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Speaker 1: done all the things that she did when I had

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Speaker 1: a diagnosis like that and then got a second diagnosis,

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Speaker 1: you know, to keep doing that? But that's what was

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Speaker 1: important to her, was you know, she really appreciated life.

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Speaker 3: Did you read Judy Bloom growing up? Of course, because

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Speaker 3: I have this theory you and I are around the

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Speaker 3: same generation that we were, you know, the Judy Bloom generation.

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Speaker 3: We must, we must, we must increase our bus. We

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Speaker 3: were the generation yes, yes.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I love it.

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Speaker 3: Yes, And we were the generation I think that really

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Speaker 3: kind of bought in the into the popular culture, even

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Speaker 3: the whole dialogue of a minstrual cycle and saying the

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Speaker 3: word period. And you know, and I think this our

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Speaker 3: same generation. We're the ones that are also having these

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Speaker 3: conversations that have not been had before with now paramenopause

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Speaker 3: and menopause like we are and we're so so here's

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Speaker 3: my thing to you as well. We have to find

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Speaker 3: a chant like we must, we must increase it. We

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Speaker 3: have to find some kind of menopause chant. Yeah, so

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Speaker 3: do that with you. Okay, so let's let's figure it out.

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Speaker 3: But but I want to go to the moment that

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Speaker 3: so many of us women dread. Right, You're on a plane,

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Speaker 3: You're flying on a plane. IRA's next to you, just

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Speaker 3: relaxed and scrolling, you know, just looking through the yeah

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Speaker 3: movie options, and then you get an email from your doctor.

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Speaker 3: So can you talk us through that moment? And what

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Speaker 3: went through your mind?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Uh, that email that I got was it was

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Speaker 1: my patient portal and it said, you know, you've got

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Speaker 1: a notification being in your patient portal And I opened

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Speaker 1: it up because I had done these blood tests and

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Speaker 1: it said inmenopause dot dot dot any questions, and that

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Speaker 1: was it. And I was like, the diagnosis, the the

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Speaker 1: beginning of this. What did this menopause? I am too

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Speaker 1: young for that. I am forty nine. This is not possible.

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Speaker 1: So what went through my head were a couple of things.

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Speaker 1: One is I'm too young for that, even though the

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Speaker 1: average age is fifty one, so I wasn't too young

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Speaker 1: for it. Two, I don't know anything about this. And three,

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Speaker 1: I can't have children anymore. And I said that to Aira.

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Speaker 1: And the irony of that is we had already I

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Speaker 1: had already made that decision in my life. We had

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Speaker 1: already had that conversation in our lives. But the finality

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Speaker 1: of that, and in the fact that it was no

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Speaker 1: longer you know, my option or my my you know

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Speaker 1: something I could do, I think that was a that

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Speaker 1: was a very pivotal like that. There's a there's something

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Speaker 1: about that that I don't think I've talked about very much,

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Speaker 1: and I don't know that many of us have but

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Speaker 1: it was it's you know, it's it's a transition. There's

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Speaker 1: no question about that.

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Speaker 3: And I like what you just said too, that we

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Speaker 3: feel like we don't have that option, you know, like

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Speaker 3: throughout our childbearing years before then, we have the option,

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Speaker 3: you know, in some way or level. But it is

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Speaker 3: something about feeling like that option that you know that

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Speaker 3: that is and we didn't We didn't have a say yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like that. Wait a minute, I didn't say

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Speaker 1: that that was okay for that to be taken from

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Speaker 1: me exactly.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, So we need your help here. We have about

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Speaker 6: a million and a half active followers on social media

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Speaker 6: on my legacy platform, including hundreds of thousands of men,

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Speaker 6: and so we need your assistance and coaching if you will.

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Speaker 6: So I re you know, going back to that plane

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Speaker 6: moment when Tamsen sits next to you, it has that

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Speaker 6: conversation and then you respond, what was your reaction in

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Speaker 6: that moment and going back to your former self was

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Speaker 6: at the right reaction and or coach all these hundreds

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Speaker 6: of thousands of men, including myself and Martin and Craig

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Speaker 6: in terms of how does one respond to their loving

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Speaker 6: partners if they have that conversation.

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Speaker 4: Well, because we were on the plane doing what you

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Speaker 4: described very accurately, I didn't know. I just knew it

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Speaker 4: was something she was upset about. And I the only

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Speaker 4: thing I knew to do for sure was stop watching

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Speaker 4: Jason Bourne for the APOD.

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Speaker 1: Good call.

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Speaker 5: I can take that advice.

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Speaker 6: I got to write that down one second.

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Speaker 4: Stop watching Jason Bourne and listen. And I mean kidding,

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Speaker 4: but it's sort of I knew she was upset, but

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Speaker 4: I'm not professing any great knowledge of you know, oh well,

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Speaker 4: you don't have to worry. This is what's happened. Like

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Speaker 4: I didn't know anything, and so I just knew she

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Speaker 4: was upset. And it's just about listening. It's just about

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Speaker 4: hearing what's going on and struggling with not having the

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Speaker 4: solution because as men, that's our instinct is, you know,

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Speaker 4: if you have a headache, I'll get you tyl and all.

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Speaker 4: If you have this, we'll do that. Like just stop

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Speaker 4: being upset, and we want to fix it and move

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Speaker 4: on and go back to watching Jason Bourne. And so

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Speaker 4: that's what we want to do. And it's not so simple,

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Speaker 4: and so it just involves being patient and listening.

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Speaker 2: I'm curious is it.

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Speaker 3: Was it shocking for you, because I know that when

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Speaker 3: Martin and I talked about it, Martin was, I think

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Speaker 3: kind of shocked.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 3: It almost was like that moment from Father of the

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Speaker 3: Bride too, when Diane Keaton tells Steve Martin he's like,

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Speaker 3: and she's like, oh, I think I'm going through menopause.

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Speaker 5: You know.

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Speaker 3: He was like, my mom went through menopause. I think

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Speaker 3: you were like, I think it also was a shock

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Speaker 3: to you. I think it was fair to say when

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Speaker 3: we started talking about it in our home, right, So

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Speaker 3: were you, I.

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Speaker 4: Guess, But it was just I'm more whatever. Less aware

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Speaker 4: is maybe an advantage in some ways if you're aware

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Speaker 4: that you're less aware. So I just added it to

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Speaker 4: the list of stuff I don't know anything about. Oh

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Speaker 4: so this is happening.

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Speaker 1: But did you feel like it would symbolize somebody older? Like,

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Speaker 1: I think that's the question.

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Speaker 7: Like that really.

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Speaker 8: Because I was more, perhaps at that moment, more comfortable

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Speaker 8: with the decision of not going to have children, So

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Speaker 8: I wasn't looking at that as something was taken away.

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Speaker 4: I was like, not cavalierly, but me be a little too.

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Speaker 4: We've already had that discussion, so what's the difference? Like,

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Speaker 4: I'm not thinking about any other symptoms, anything else.

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Speaker 1: It's just the.

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Speaker 4: Finality of that decision biologically had a big effect on you,

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Speaker 4: and it didn't do it biologically. I was like, well, okay,

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Speaker 4: so what else? Like, so can we fix it now?

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Speaker 4: And there's something.

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Speaker 1: I'm working at my watch. We can stop by the

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Speaker 1: pharmacy on the way to the Earth.

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Speaker 5: You've both just proven why this book is a massive success.

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Speaker 5: So why do you have a cult following? Why millions

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Speaker 5: and millions of Americans women and men clearly need your message?

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Speaker 2: Coming up? The question every man is afraid to ask,

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Speaker 2: what should a partner never say during menopause? And what

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Speaker 2: actually helps?

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Speaker 3: Now back to my legacy.

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Speaker 7: So so, Tamson, some men might since the partner is

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Speaker 7: going through menopause, but but have no idea how to

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Speaker 7: bring it up. What's your advice for starting that conversation

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Speaker 7: without her feeling judged or misunderstood.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's such a good question. I especially like the

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Speaker 1: not feeling judged because I think that we judge ourselves

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Speaker 1: already a little bit. I mean I definitely did, and

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Speaker 1: I felt like I didn't even understand what was going

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Speaker 1: on myself because we you know, to your point, haven't

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Speaker 1: talked about this. We talked about you know, I talked

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Speaker 1: about a lot of other things we have not really this.

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Speaker 1: This wasn't a word I even said in news. You know,

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Speaker 1: I did news for all these years. I certainly never

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Speaker 1: said perimenopause and definitely don't remember saying menopause. I think

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Speaker 1: I think it's it can go a couple of different ways,

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Speaker 1: you know. I think it can be a you know,

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Speaker 1: if somebody's not comfortable with it, it could be a

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Speaker 1: conversation that is Listen. I you know, I was reading

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Speaker 1: looking listening to this podcast, and there were these the

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Speaker 1: woman talking about some of these symptoms she's dealing with,

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Speaker 1: like not being able to sleep and feeling like she's

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Speaker 1: not like herself. You know, if you are ever feeling

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Speaker 1: like that or I noticed maybe felt like that, you know,

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Speaker 1: maybe it's something to look at. I think that because

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Speaker 1: the good news is we have so much information out there, right,

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Speaker 1: so I think bringing it up that way is a

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Speaker 1: nice way to do it. And then I think also

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Speaker 1: making sure that it's not a oh gosh, is it

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Speaker 1: are you in menopause? Or is this your hormones talking

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Speaker 1: or because I think we've done that for a really

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Speaker 1: long time in this in how we talk about this, right,

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Speaker 1: We've laughed about it, We've joked about it. And while

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Speaker 1: there are some really funny, crazy things that come with it,

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Speaker 1: there's also the shame that I think that a lot

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Speaker 1: of women have been have felt like they had to

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Speaker 1: feel during this time because it means like our better

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Speaker 1: years are behind us, and maybe if we don't have

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Speaker 1: we're not in our reproductive years, we're not as as

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Speaker 1: viable as somebody that's younger than us. I mean, there's

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Speaker 1: no there's no question that you know, finally, this this

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Speaker 1: time in life is getting you know, attention. I think

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Speaker 1: it's deserved for a long time.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, just on that. And I was a good student.

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Speaker 6: I did read and it was very helpful. By the way,

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Speaker 6: I may have a big shout out to your a

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Speaker 6: guide or a kit for a menopause for men, So

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Speaker 6: thank you. I appreciate it on behalf of three men

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Speaker 6: around the table at a minimum, very very very very grateful.

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Speaker 6: And in your guide you speak and you have also

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Speaker 6: spoken openly and candidly about how menopause can change intimacy

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Speaker 6: and closeness. So could you help us understand that, and

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Speaker 6: how did you to navigate that within your relationship and

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Speaker 6: create connection beyond the physical?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Absolutely, Yeah. I think that's always really one of

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Speaker 1: the tough conversations to have, you know, because when we

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Speaker 1: talk about all the symptoms of menopause, and there's like

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Speaker 1: over one hundred symptoms of menopause really that you know,

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Speaker 1: it affects joint pain and sleep and weight gain and

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Speaker 1: hot flashes and brain fog, but low libido is a

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Speaker 1: big one and painful sex is a big one. And

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Speaker 1: I think that both of those are difficult because I

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Speaker 1: don't know any doctor that I've ever had, ever gone

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Speaker 1: into for this conversation happening saying like, how's everything going,

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Speaker 1: you know, with your your sex life or with intimacy

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Speaker 1: or you know, is everything is everything normal there? Whatever

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Speaker 1: normal means. So you don't really know who to talk

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Speaker 1: to about that part, right, And I think that it's

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Speaker 1: really important that partners have this kind of conversation and

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Speaker 1: outside the bedroom, not inside the bedroom, but be able

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Speaker 1: to open that line of communication because during menopause, when

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Speaker 1: you know, when you have a reduction in estrogen and

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Speaker 1: progesterone and testosterone, that leads to things like painful sex

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Speaker 1: because it's not as comfortable because all of your body

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Speaker 1: you're dry, and it leads to a lack of a

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Speaker 1: libido quite frankly, where you're not interested. And I think

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Speaker 1: it leaves a lot of partners thinking like what happened?

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Speaker 1: You know that this time you were, you know, excited

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Speaker 1: about being intimate with me, and now you know you

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Speaker 1: don't even want me to touch your back because you

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Speaker 1: don't want it to lead to anything, you know, And

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Speaker 1: those are real conversations that we've we've had with women

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Speaker 1: all across the country. I was where was. I was

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Speaker 1: late forties and you were in your fifties. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean I felt that I felt like I had

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Speaker 1: zero interests. I went from us dating and having like

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Speaker 1: these this fun you know, happy, you know, great, let's

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Speaker 1: go have a glass of wine and get together, to like,

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Speaker 1: don't come near me, don't touch my back, don't don't

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Speaker 1: look at me, don't look at me weird and and

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Speaker 1: you know, it had to be conversation so that I

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Speaker 1: felt like I was safe having a conversation with him

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Speaker 1: and not feeling like it meant I wasn't sexy anymore

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Speaker 1: sexual any more attractive. You know, I was already feeling

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Speaker 1: not attractive because of a lot of these other symptoms.

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Speaker 1: And we really did have some long conversations about it,

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Speaker 1: so we both felt comfortable and he didn't feel rejected

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Speaker 1: and I didn't feel like I was disappointing him.

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Speaker 6: Fabulously helpful, I wrote from your side, what was that

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Speaker 6: like for you? And how did it test your relationship

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Speaker 6: and how did you show up differently as a partner.

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Speaker 4: Well, I think over time I learned to ruber back

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Speaker 4: and not expect sex. But I think, I mean, we

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Speaker 4: make fun of it, but that's really I mean, it's

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Speaker 4: easy to say, it's hard to do. It's one of

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Speaker 4: those things. It's like, yes, it's about conversation. It's about

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Speaker 4: being more open about things that you were normally not

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Speaker 4: open because it was just natural and you were just

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Speaker 4: doing things and enjoying things. And it's about having the

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Speaker 4: conversation before. It's about you know, using other things and

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Speaker 4: all the stuff that's in the book and having that

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Speaker 4: the why the you know, why do you want to

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Speaker 4: do this now and how do you prepare for that

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Speaker 4: in this stage versus what you used to do?

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Speaker 5: You know, it's interesting we talked about the lack of conversation.

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Speaker 5: So the youngest person around the table, so, this is

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Speaker 5: the first time that I've actually ever had a meaningful

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Speaker 5: conversation about menopause in my life because wow, well we're

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Speaker 5: just not at that stage at in our relationship. And

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Speaker 5: so I imagine for a lot of men, this is

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Speaker 5: the first meaningful time that they've listened to an in

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Speaker 5: depth conversation about menopause. So I'm going to say this

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Speaker 5: question a little tongue in cheek, but also full seriousness, like, yeah,

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Speaker 5: you know, Tamsen, what are three things that the life

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Speaker 5: partner the husband should never say? No, I got, I

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Speaker 5: mean this was sincerity, and then what can we actually

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Speaker 5: say that is helpful.

437
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:23,000
Speaker 1: I think it's a really great question because I do

438
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:27,240
Speaker 1: think that we because we haven't had a conversation because

439
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:31,160
Speaker 1: women have just started a real learning curve unfortunately, because

440
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:33,680
Speaker 1: we've had to because we have to go into doctors

441
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:37,040
Speaker 1: that have not been informed. You know, there's many doctors

442
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:38,760
Speaker 1: by their own admission, so they didn't get this training

443
00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:40,879
Speaker 1: in medical school. So the ownus is on the woman

444
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:44,000
Speaker 1: to go be a partner or to you know, to

445
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:46,960
Speaker 1: be educated when they walk into the office was exactly

446
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:49,280
Speaker 1: what's going on with them, so they're not dismissed. So

447
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:51,560
Speaker 1: that's so it's a really fair question because now we're

448
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:54,080
Speaker 1: bringing men into this conversation because we have to, because

449
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:57,120
Speaker 1: we can't just pretend that this happens in a vacuum.

450
00:22:57,320 --> 00:22:59,160
Speaker 1: You know, I think that the one thing and while

451
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,119
Speaker 1: we do, you know, we do you are you know,

452
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,560
Speaker 1: I'm social media. I have my fair share of having

453
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:05,760
Speaker 1: fun with these things, but at the end of the day,

454
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:08,200
Speaker 1: we make sure that it's never in a shameful way.

455
00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:10,920
Speaker 1: So in a way like is this your hormones again?

456
00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:14,600
Speaker 1: Like is that what this is? Or you know, are

457
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:18,840
Speaker 1: you ever gonna want sex again? Or you know, like

458
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:20,359
Speaker 1: you know, what is it going to take to like

459
00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:23,080
Speaker 1: to get this? Like is this how long does this last?

460
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:27,480
Speaker 1: Because the truth is menopause is one day. Everything before

461
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:29,760
Speaker 1: that leading up to that is perimenopause, and that can

462
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:35,200
Speaker 1: last anywhere between four to ten years of hormonal shifts.

463
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:36,960
Speaker 1: All the guys at the table are like, all right,

464
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:37,400
Speaker 1: I'm out.

465
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:41,000
Speaker 3: I wasn't going to answer for your wife, but I

466
00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:44,439
Speaker 3: was thinking that with that question that but there's perimenopause,

467
00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:47,200
Speaker 3: you know, which could be like up to ten years

468
00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:52,760
Speaker 3: before Martha. What I love. It's like this, these guys

469
00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:55,760
Speaker 3: are like swans, Like at the top they're vary, but

470
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:58,719
Speaker 3: I know like at the table they're like, oh, like

471
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:02,760
Speaker 3: there's yes, I love it.

472
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:07,000
Speaker 1: So it's so true. But so the perimenopause is a

473
00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:09,560
Speaker 1: long period of time where there could be hormone fluctuation.

474
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:11,720
Speaker 1: So it would be changes in your cycle. It could

475
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:13,879
Speaker 1: be anxiety, it could be mood swings, it could be

476
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:16,840
Speaker 1: well we now you know refer to as brain fog,

477
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:18,800
Speaker 1: where you walk into a room you can't remember what's

478
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:21,280
Speaker 1: going on. That might make him the craziest about me

479
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:24,040
Speaker 1: is that I'm like in the middle of my sentence

480
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:25,800
Speaker 1: and then I stop and I go, what was it?

481
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:28,199
Speaker 1: What was I talking about? And he thinks I'm just

482
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:30,800
Speaker 1: not paying attention. But the truth is is that I mean,

483
00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:32,080
Speaker 1: some of it might be that, but the.

484
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,280
Speaker 4: Truth a zero.

485
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:38,760
Speaker 1: But the truth is is that there is you know,

486
00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:41,840
Speaker 1: there is actually when you lose estrogen, you know your

487
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:44,679
Speaker 1: you have estrogen receptors in your brain and so and

488
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:47,520
Speaker 1: I'm not a doctor, just so everybody out there knows,

489
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:51,199
Speaker 1: but I have researched this with two documentaries, in a

490
00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:54,800
Speaker 1: in a book and those estrogen receptors. You know, it

491
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:57,920
Speaker 1: changes during that time in perimenopause, and you can come

492
00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:00,560
Speaker 1: back out of it on the other side. But there, Arthur,

493
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:03,439
Speaker 1: things that I can understand would be frustrating to be

494
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 1: around because they're frustrating to deal with. And then I

495
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 1: think the things to say, do you want to handle

496
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:10,320
Speaker 1: this part?

497
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:13,439
Speaker 5: Oh no, A little bit's devices?

498
00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:15,960
Speaker 4: Well, thing is, don't pretend you know something when you don't,

499
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:16,760
Speaker 4: so let her go.

500
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:22,040
Speaker 5: There's a life advice in that statement, just metopause.

501
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:22,639
Speaker 6: Thank you.

502
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:25,320
Speaker 4: Bridge gaps.

503
00:25:27,119 --> 00:25:30,879
Speaker 1: But I think that the the important thing is, like,

504
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:33,160
Speaker 1: you know, how how can I help? Like where can

505
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:35,119
Speaker 1: I sit in to help you through this? Whether it

506
00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:41,080
Speaker 1: is it could be something as small as she feels

507
00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:43,280
Speaker 1: like she's got to go, you know, start moving a

508
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:45,679
Speaker 1: little bit, or working out or you know, maybe go

509
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:49,480
Speaker 1: partner with her on that, or the patience of you know,

510
00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:53,880
Speaker 1: maybe she's tired because she's not sleeping. Maybe it's the

511
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:56,359
Speaker 1: you know, air conditioner that you're fighting over. But just

512
00:25:56,400 --> 00:26:00,200
Speaker 1: being understanding of some of those things.

513
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:00,159
Speaker 3: He's given up on that I.

514
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:07,480
Speaker 6: I did notice. I also he's like, yes, but you're

515
00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:10,879
Speaker 6: usually so engaging in these conversations, even very silently taking

516
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:11,680
Speaker 6: in this information.

517
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,280
Speaker 7: I'm very impressed I've learned how to learn.

518
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:22,639
Speaker 4: I have one word sweaters, Sweaters for the men. Like

519
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:25,000
Speaker 4: nobody ever talked about it with my parents' age, but

520
00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:28,359
Speaker 4: many years ago my parents were have been Florida or something,

521
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:31,480
Speaker 4: and my mother was always hot and my father was cold.

522
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:34,800
Speaker 4: So I go to visit them, and my father answers

523
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:39,560
Speaker 4: the door and it's like Florida, and he answers the door,

524
00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:42,600
Speaker 4: and he's wearing shorts and like a golf shirt and

525
00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:43,880
Speaker 4: a snorkel coat.

526
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:47,800
Speaker 1: Like, like, what are you doing?

527
00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:53,840
Speaker 4: He goes, it's just easier. So I look at that

528
00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:56,920
Speaker 4: as life advice, mother to a son, to whoever else.

529
00:26:57,920 --> 00:26:59,280
Speaker 5: Easier, that's what we're doing.

530
00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:01,080
Speaker 2: Get it, Martin.

531
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:05,400
Speaker 1: By space heaters, I.

532
00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:09,440
Speaker 7: Think that's just me, though I don't think.

533
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,720
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, So there you go. So men you can

534
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:15,879
Speaker 3: buy your space heater as well and just plug it

535
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:19,240
Speaker 3: in right next to you and everyone's happy. So Tamsen,

536
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,040
Speaker 3: what I love about you is that you weren't just

537
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:25,520
Speaker 3: looking for answers about what was happening to you, but

538
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:28,280
Speaker 3: like you're on a quest that you know, for all

539
00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:32,399
Speaker 3: women kind, and you were determined to share what you

540
00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:35,960
Speaker 3: learned with everyone else, with men and with women, you

541
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 3: launched a podcast interviewing medical experts that most women don't

542
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:45,199
Speaker 3: have access to, and for your very first episode, you

543
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:50,000
Speaker 3: set down with none other than Halle Berry right talking

544
00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:54,440
Speaker 3: about making menopause sexy. I mean, she was another woman

545
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:58,159
Speaker 3: that was refusing to stay silent about menopause. So what

546
00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:00,760
Speaker 3: surprised you the most about that conversation?

547
00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:03,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I mean that was like such an

548
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:06,480
Speaker 1: honor first of all. But I think what I loved

549
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:09,199
Speaker 1: about the conversation when I when I look back, you know,

550
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:13,280
Speaker 1: her honesty and and risk taking quite frankly in the

551
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 1: career that she's in is huge. And I think that

552
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:20,399
Speaker 1: sometimes that's glossed over because it is a risk in

553
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:23,359
Speaker 1: Hollywood to be like, hey, I'm in a menopause. You

554
00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:25,720
Speaker 1: know you don't You might get a smile at the

555
00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:28,040
Speaker 1: front end, but you know somebody might be like, Okay,

556
00:28:28,119 --> 00:28:31,200
Speaker 1: you know that's she's aged out. And she was not

557
00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:35,360
Speaker 1: afraid of that conversation and talking about that, and that's

558
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:38,640
Speaker 1: made a huge impact. I think the other part for

559
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:40,520
Speaker 1: me as I look back on it now, because it

560
00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:46,360
Speaker 1: is what I love, is that this has brought all

561
00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:49,160
Speaker 1: women together in a way that I have never seen before,

562
00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:53,560
Speaker 1: like women from all walks, Like on what earth would

563
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:56,520
Speaker 1: I ever be sitting down with halle Berry having a conversation,

564
00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:00,640
Speaker 1: you know, about anything, this coming together of the importance

565
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:03,719
Speaker 1: of community. Because the only way that this message has moved,

566
00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:06,200
Speaker 1: like it's moved from where we were five years ago,

567
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:08,160
Speaker 1: when I was having door slammed in my face about

568
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:10,840
Speaker 1: the documentary and no one wanted to talk about it,

569
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:12,600
Speaker 1: to being told that they didn't want me to do

570
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:15,760
Speaker 1: this on television, to please stop bringing it up in

571
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:19,760
Speaker 1: the newsroom, to where sitting there with halle Berry talking

572
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 1: about it has been like just such a it's unbelievable

573
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:28,560
Speaker 1: move a movement of women talking. And so that's been

574
00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:31,360
Speaker 1: the real incredible part of it, I think now. But

575
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:36,080
Speaker 1: her story of being misdiagnosed and her story of like

576
00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:39,800
Speaker 1: in a relationship, you know, being told like you know

577
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:42,480
Speaker 1: what you know, not doctors not knowing what's going on,

578
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:46,200
Speaker 1: and that she was told that it was, you know,

579
00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:50,720
Speaker 1: might be herpies and it's menopause or perimenopause. It's unbelievable,

580
00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:56,120
Speaker 1: Like it's maddening. And so that conversation with her and

581
00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:59,240
Speaker 1: her honesty is very motivating to me.

582
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:02,240
Speaker 4: Quite frankly, Well, it was sort of a great equalizer

583
00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:04,760
Speaker 4: for a lot of women because you're saying, halle Berry

584
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:10,720
Speaker 4: clearly has the access to whatever expert advice there might be,

585
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 4: to whatever the top doctor in whatever the field it is.

586
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:17,280
Speaker 4: It's you know, and if she has that issue. I mean,

587
00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:19,680
Speaker 4: when I go see Tams and speak, not every speech,

588
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:21,880
Speaker 4: but a lot of them, I'm in the back somewhere

589
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:25,920
Speaker 4: and then they do the Q and A and literally

590
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:28,400
Speaker 4: I was I think it was San Francisco, and a

591
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:31,320
Speaker 4: woman who was so grateful for the information. She raised

592
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:35,280
Speaker 4: a hand and she said, I'm a firefighter in Marin County.

593
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:38,360
Speaker 4: And so you have a woman who's a firefighter in

594
00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:41,680
Speaker 4: Marine County, and then you have Halle Berry. And I

595
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 4: think that that's you know, the range of because it

596
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,320
Speaker 4: affects all women. It doesn't matter whether you're a firefighter

597
00:30:48,360 --> 00:30:50,480
Speaker 4: or whether you're a mega movie star.

598
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:52,800
Speaker 6: Yeah, and at that point in the fact that it

599
00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:57,360
Speaker 6: does affect all women is a very obvious yet really

600
00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:01,440
Speaker 6: powerful statement. You know, we're all very passionate about health

601
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:05,080
Speaker 6: and wellness, and you know, we've talked extensively, both on

602
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:07,760
Speaker 6: the podcast and externally about the fact that most doctors

603
00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:10,920
Speaker 6: aren't trained sufficiently about the issues of nutrition TIMS, and

604
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:13,280
Speaker 6: we also love the fact that in your documentary and

605
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:15,760
Speaker 6: in your book you talk about the fact that doctors

606
00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:18,920
Speaker 6: are not trained sufficiently in understanding the issue of menopause. So,

607
00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:21,480
Speaker 6: first of all, thank you for sharing that. Yet, of

608
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:24,760
Speaker 6: course more than half the population will go through this,

609
00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:30,800
Speaker 6: so women are often perhaps not educated properly by their doctors,

610
00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:35,120
Speaker 6: perhaps they're not consulted adequately by their doctors, even gas

611
00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:38,080
Speaker 6: lit by their doctors. What words of advice? What do

612
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:40,320
Speaker 6: you tell them when the doctors who are there to

613
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:43,440
Speaker 6: help support them through this process are educated themselves.

614
00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:48,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, this was probably the most shocking part for me.

615
00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:51,600
Speaker 1: After I got that diagnosis or whatever that was from

616
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:54,520
Speaker 1: the doctor, I went, oh in my patient portal, I

617
00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:57,840
Speaker 1: was like, oh boy. And so when I dove into

618
00:31:57,960 --> 00:32:02,320
Speaker 1: it and realize that many doctors, and this is by

619
00:32:02,360 --> 00:32:05,960
Speaker 1: their admission and by statistically what they've talked about, get

620
00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:09,680
Speaker 1: like a little little little bit if anything, of training

621
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:12,360
Speaker 1: on menopause, and a lot of it is because there

622
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:15,000
Speaker 1: was a you know, a study twenty years ago that

623
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:18,280
Speaker 1: can that was a women's health initiative that had headlines

624
00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:21,640
Speaker 1: that were very, very scary talking about hormone therapy. But

625
00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:24,880
Speaker 1: it's also because midlife health quite frankly, just hasn't really

626
00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:27,720
Speaker 1: been a priority. You know, once women got past their

627
00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:31,320
Speaker 1: reproductive years, we kind of fall off the map here,

628
00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:36,720
Speaker 1: it doesn't continue on into that next chapter. So it's

629
00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:39,880
Speaker 1: been important for me to make sure that women feel

630
00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:42,000
Speaker 1: when they walk into a doctor's office and a doctor

631
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:44,160
Speaker 1: says something like, well, it's all part of aging, tough

632
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:46,280
Speaker 1: it out, or you know, there's all women are going

633
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 1: to go through this, or they're dragging their feet, or

634
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:52,320
Speaker 1: they're refusing their outright refusing to have these conversations that

635
00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:55,000
Speaker 1: a woman does you know, two different things. Make sure

636
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:57,640
Speaker 1: she knows what those symptoms are that she has, and

637
00:32:57,680 --> 00:32:59,640
Speaker 1: make sure she knows she does not have to wait

638
00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:03,800
Speaker 1: through and suffer until those symptoms get bad enough to

639
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:07,000
Speaker 1: seek some type of treatment. And whether that treatment is

640
00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:09,160
Speaker 1: in the form of forma therapy or whether that treatment

641
00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:11,520
Speaker 1: is in the form of you know, figuring out lifestyle

642
00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 1: or non hormonal option, which we're seeing more come on

643
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:16,440
Speaker 1: the market. I just want to make sure that they

644
00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:20,479
Speaker 1: are working with doctors that base their decisions on facts

645
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:22,600
Speaker 1: and not what they think might but they might have

646
00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:25,880
Speaker 1: heard twenty years ago. And that's really the reason for

647
00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:28,880
Speaker 1: all of these resources is because I feel like the

648
00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:31,720
Speaker 1: more women have access to them, the more that they

649
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:33,920
Speaker 1: can do a little pushback if they need to with

650
00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:36,760
Speaker 1: their doctor or find another doctor that they can talk

651
00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:39,840
Speaker 1: to about it and feel confident in their answers.

652
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:43,160
Speaker 3: Well, let's dig a little bit deeper into those resources,

653
00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:47,000
Speaker 3: because I know that you have interviewed forty two experts

654
00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:50,920
Speaker 3: on for your book and and countless more on your podcasts.

655
00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:55,520
Speaker 3: Is there one medical expert that you've interviewed whose advice

656
00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:58,440
Speaker 3: was a game changer for you personally?

657
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:02,680
Speaker 1: Oh that's a great Yeah, I think too. But I

658
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:05,480
Speaker 1: will start with doctor Sharon Malone. Like she is my

659
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:10,759
Speaker 1: she has been somebody who has really drilled down and

660
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:13,160
Speaker 1: explained it all to me in a way that makes

661
00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:16,759
Speaker 1: me feel safe. So I'll say that first, because she

662
00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:21,800
Speaker 1: has such an excellent way of taking really hard conversations

663
00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:26,120
Speaker 1: and making them clear and understandable. And she was the

664
00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:28,960
Speaker 1: one that said to me, you know, menopause is inevitable,

665
00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:31,800
Speaker 1: but suffering is not, Like you do not have to

666
00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:34,879
Speaker 1: suffer and I think I really that really was And

667
00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:37,040
Speaker 1: I think you even remember when I first met her, yea,

668
00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:40,839
Speaker 1: that that was really important to me to understand it

669
00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:44,040
Speaker 1: and be like, oh, I'm not being a weak, weak

670
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:46,960
Speaker 1: person because I have to rely on this. And then

671
00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:49,799
Speaker 1: she also explained to me hormone therapy when it came

672
00:34:49,840 --> 00:34:52,600
Speaker 1: to breast cancer because her sister had breast cancer and

673
00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:56,080
Speaker 1: she's very familiar in understanding it. And I didn't think

674
00:34:56,080 --> 00:35:00,000
Speaker 1: that I was an I was eligible for that, like yeah,

675
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:03,320
Speaker 1: and then I realized it was okay. So's she really

676
00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:05,160
Speaker 1: changed that conversation for me.

677
00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:10,040
Speaker 3: Scrolling won't change your life, but subscribing just might. We're

678
00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:13,880
Speaker 3: sharing real stories, heart won wisdom and unforgettable lessons that

679
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:17,120
Speaker 3: stay with you long after the screen goals. Start tap

680
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:21,080
Speaker 3: that button and stay connected to conversations that truly count.

681
00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:26,759
Speaker 5: Now back to my legacy.

682
00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:30,560
Speaker 7: Howrah are you used to see people recognize Tempson in

683
00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:33,960
Speaker 7: New York for being on TV? Now women stap her

684
00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:37,880
Speaker 7: because she is speaking up for them. What's that like

685
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:40,760
Speaker 7: to see and what makes you most proud?

686
00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:42,160
Speaker 1: Well?

687
00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:45,360
Speaker 4: I think it is it's literally night and day for

688
00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:49,840
Speaker 4: somebody who's a famous person. Start with that. Who was

689
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:52,920
Speaker 4: used to being recognized, as you said, because she was

690
00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:55,799
Speaker 4: on TV like that was sort of the beginning, middle

691
00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:57,960
Speaker 4: and end. Oh I saw you on the new you know,

692
00:35:57,960 --> 00:35:59,759
Speaker 4: oh you're times and Fidela you do the news, and

693
00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:03,680
Speaker 4: it was kind of a beginning middle end. That was great.

694
00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:07,759
Speaker 4: You got the validation. Somebody saw me, and that was it.

695
00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:11,120
Speaker 4: It's a very different conversation now. Where ever, I mean

696
00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:14,400
Speaker 4: literally every day, there's one or two women who stop

697
00:36:14,480 --> 00:36:17,319
Speaker 4: us walking into a restaurant, going into wherever it is,

698
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:21,520
Speaker 4: in an airport all the time, and it's an emotional thing.

699
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:24,319
Speaker 4: It's not oh you're TAM's and fidel It's so cool,

700
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:27,360
Speaker 4: I've met you. They come over to her and they

701
00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:31,320
Speaker 4: thank her for what she's doing because in many cases,

702
00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:33,959
Speaker 4: and I'm not exactly they say, you changed my life. Yeah,

703
00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:37,000
Speaker 4: that's very different than oh, I see you on the

704
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:40,200
Speaker 4: news and I'm seeing you now. It's literally a whole

705
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:43,080
Speaker 4: different ballgame. And what I admire about one of the

706
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:46,120
Speaker 4: things is that she is and she's changing many women.

707
00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:50,440
Speaker 4: For every woman that recognizes her, there's thousands that aren't

708
00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:53,640
Speaker 4: sitting in that airport with us and that feel the

709
00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:55,799
Speaker 4: same way. And that's what's really gratifying.

710
00:36:55,880 --> 00:37:01,160
Speaker 3: Wow, beautiful, so beautifully said TAM's. And for a lot

711
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:05,760
Speaker 3: of women, menopause doesn't just bring hot flashes, brain fog,

712
00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:12,440
Speaker 3: weight gain, mood swings. We like to call in our

713
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:17,799
Speaker 3: house the rage monster. He's laughing again. There you go.

714
00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:22,600
Speaker 3: It bringings this overwhelming feeling of of being being betrayed

715
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:25,320
Speaker 3: kind of in some ways by by by our bodies.

716
00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:28,799
Speaker 3: So how did you make peace with the changes that

717
00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:32,080
Speaker 3: you were experiencing. I mean, you even think about the

718
00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:36,480
Speaker 3: term menopause it's about pausing or stopping something, when actually

719
00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:39,040
Speaker 3: it also we never talk about what we are gaining,

720
00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:41,680
Speaker 3: you know, if on the other side of that, you know,

721
00:37:41,880 --> 00:37:46,360
Speaker 3: just the standing unabashedly powerful, you know, you're you know,

722
00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:49,440
Speaker 3: no more shrinking, you know, more standing in your truth.

723
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:53,000
Speaker 3: Is there any lifestyle shifts that helped you feel to

724
00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:57,239
Speaker 3: get to feeling empowered in this stage? Yeah?

725
00:37:57,320 --> 00:37:57,880
Speaker 4: I am.

726
00:37:58,360 --> 00:38:00,600
Speaker 1: It's interesting because I you know, and you're on that

727
00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:02,719
Speaker 1: one side of it when you're having all of those

728
00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:05,680
Speaker 1: symptoms and then you're you know, I when I started

729
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:07,880
Speaker 1: on this conversation, it was like, there's thirty four symptoms

730
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:09,720
Speaker 1: and then somebody who goes, no, there's actually one hundred

731
00:38:09,719 --> 00:38:11,759
Speaker 1: and two, and I went, well, we can't catch up.

732
00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:15,799
Speaker 1: But what I will say is this, I think now

733
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:17,520
Speaker 1: that i've kind of you know, I went past the

734
00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:20,920
Speaker 1: day of menopause, and now I'm postmenopausal, and now it's

735
00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:26,280
Speaker 1: been a few years, I definitely feel a I definitely

736
00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:29,200
Speaker 1: feel and I know we use word like empowered, but

737
00:38:29,320 --> 00:38:32,120
Speaker 1: I definitely feel like this like standing up straight, you know,

738
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:35,960
Speaker 1: like I feel more like, hey, I yeah, this is

739
00:38:36,040 --> 00:38:38,120
Speaker 1: like this is my someday. Like we've always said, like

740
00:38:38,160 --> 00:38:39,839
Speaker 1: someday I'm going to do this or that, and I said,

741
00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:43,040
Speaker 1: I'm living my someday today, like I I every day

742
00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:45,120
Speaker 1: is not perfect. I don't know exactly what I'm doing

743
00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:47,759
Speaker 1: every day, and some days I make lots of mistakes

744
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:51,840
Speaker 1: and some days are just incredible ones. But I know

745
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:55,319
Speaker 1: my purpose and I'm real like thrilled about it. And

746
00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:59,600
Speaker 1: I do feel that strength that's coming from here somewhere.

747
00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:03,200
Speaker 1: I guess maybe here somewhere, but I just feel a

748
00:39:03,239 --> 00:39:05,480
Speaker 1: strength that I didn't feel before. I don't feel afraid,

749
00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:08,680
Speaker 1: I don't feel very shrinking. I don't feel like all

750
00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:10,799
Speaker 1: the things that they said you were probably going to

751
00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:14,680
Speaker 1: feel at fifty four years old and so that's pretty amazing.

752
00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:17,200
Speaker 1: Somebody said to me, well, it's the golden years, and

753
00:39:17,239 --> 00:39:19,160
Speaker 1: I was like, no, it's actually the bolden years. Like

754
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:24,040
Speaker 1: this is I've never felt so bold and you know, clear,

755
00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:27,600
Speaker 1: I'm not smart about everything, but I'm clear you know

756
00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:29,239
Speaker 1: what I don't know, and then what I want to

757
00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:34,800
Speaker 1: keep doing. And there's something really beautiful about that freedom

758
00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:36,800
Speaker 1: of your thoughts, you know what I mean, where you're not.

759
00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:39,320
Speaker 1: I'm not so worried about who who, who's.

760
00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:41,720
Speaker 3: Who, what people think or what they're going to say.

761
00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:43,880
Speaker 1: Like so you yeah, I say everything.

762
00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:49,000
Speaker 3: Yes, Yes, that's such a beautiful way to walk through life.

763
00:39:49,080 --> 00:39:51,560
Speaker 3: And I think for us to be to be able

764
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:52,560
Speaker 3: to say we earned that.

765
00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:54,000
Speaker 1: Yes, I're okay.

766
00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:57,680
Speaker 3: You've talked about how Tamson focusing on her own health

767
00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:00,799
Speaker 3: and well being has been a positive infla on you.

768
00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:05,759
Speaker 3: What have you started to do because of her that

769
00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:07,440
Speaker 3: has made the biggest difference?

770
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:11,440
Speaker 4: Well, I think, look, every what's that phrase, every challenges

771
00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:17,120
Speaker 4: and opportunities? So what biology does two women doesn't happen

772
00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:20,319
Speaker 4: in the same way to men. We're slowly like we're

773
00:40:20,360 --> 00:40:25,080
Speaker 4: sort of slowly eroding away and older. I'm just saying,

774
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:29,880
Speaker 4: and so what Tamsen has done is it's really a

775
00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:33,359
Speaker 4: health issue. It's really a It sort of made me

776
00:40:33,440 --> 00:40:36,719
Speaker 4: feel like, however we age, whatever it is, that doesn't

777
00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:38,640
Speaker 4: mean you get a free pass of not taking care

778
00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:42,520
Speaker 4: of yourself. And so whether it's it's diet and exercise,

779
00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:44,800
Speaker 4: it's all those things, but it's to make you feel

780
00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:48,680
Speaker 4: better and that we're all sort of fighting the aging

781
00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:52,080
Speaker 4: process in different ways. But what a woman has to

782
00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:54,600
Speaker 4: go through sort of hits you in the face. So

783
00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:57,000
Speaker 4: you can either you know, shrink from it or grow

784
00:40:57,040 --> 00:40:59,400
Speaker 4: from it. And most women, thanks to tams In more

785
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:01,759
Speaker 4: and more women, men are growing from it, so they

786
00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:05,719
Speaker 4: become empowered on the other side. So while that, you know,

787
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:07,600
Speaker 4: I don't think there's a man that I would know

788
00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:09,839
Speaker 4: that would want to trade places to go through that,

789
00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:13,919
Speaker 4: I think you can learn from it. And nobody's raising

790
00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:14,400
Speaker 4: their hands.

791
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:17,440
Speaker 3: None of these men are looking at I'm looking at

792
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:18,120
Speaker 3: all three of them.

793
00:41:18,120 --> 00:41:21,600
Speaker 4: They're all like, I can just tell. So nobody got it.

794
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:22,279
Speaker 1: We're moving on.

795
00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:25,879
Speaker 4: So because nobody wants to trade place is I think

796
00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:28,320
Speaker 4: there are other things And that has been the gift

797
00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:31,520
Speaker 4: of like, you know, I'm not just saying you're spinach,

798
00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:34,279
Speaker 4: but it's all of those things. It's not you know,

799
00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:36,600
Speaker 4: I don't need to have viill palmersan every night. That's

800
00:41:36,640 --> 00:41:37,880
Speaker 4: not a necessity anymore.

801
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:39,360
Speaker 1: He's actually not allowed.

802
00:41:41,239 --> 00:41:45,000
Speaker 4: This is getting away some of our internal rules and regulations.

803
00:41:45,040 --> 00:41:48,160
Speaker 4: But yes, yes, and I think in the bottom line

804
00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:49,719
Speaker 4: is you do feel better, and.

805
00:41:49,719 --> 00:41:53,520
Speaker 1: We've done things together. I think more too, which has

806
00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:57,040
Speaker 1: been nice. Like the pandemic did some of this too.

807
00:41:57,080 --> 00:42:00,239
Speaker 1: But like working out together or walking together, I would

808
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:00,719
Speaker 1: never walk.

809
00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:02,320
Speaker 4: I would never I mean, I would work out in

810
00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:04,640
Speaker 4: the gym every day, but that would be it. I'd go,

811
00:42:04,680 --> 00:42:07,200
Speaker 4: I'm very regimented. I go, I do this, I do that,

812
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:09,799
Speaker 4: I do the next thing. Stretch for eight seconds and

813
00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:14,400
Speaker 4: you're done. Now it's stretching is much more important. And

814
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:17,960
Speaker 4: she's taught me to be open minded, if I begrudgingly

815
00:42:18,040 --> 00:42:21,680
Speaker 4: or not, to try pilates, and to try other things

816
00:42:21,719 --> 00:42:24,520
Speaker 4: that are not just what you do every day as

817
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:27,360
Speaker 4: a guy. That's not how you grow up Martin.

818
00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:29,080
Speaker 3: Will you go to pilates with me?

819
00:42:29,239 --> 00:42:31,520
Speaker 5: Yeah?

820
00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:36,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, soo soom oh man, I'm sorry.

821
00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:42,000
Speaker 6: And I just love the fact that you've redefined your

822
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:45,640
Speaker 6: identity and talking about worth in midlife. I want to

823
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:48,000
Speaker 6: give you a big shout out, because you, sir, have

824
00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:52,200
Speaker 6: had an extraordinary career. Big syndication deals with you know,

825
00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:55,760
Speaker 6: shows like South Park, honored by the Broadcasting and Cable

826
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:59,360
Speaker 6: Hall of Fame. Seeing your amazing wife and partner and

827
00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:02,920
Speaker 6: love of your life reinvent herself. How has that influenced

828
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:06,240
Speaker 6: you as you've gone through your stages in your own career.

829
00:43:06,640 --> 00:43:09,439
Speaker 4: The issue we confront that I'm saying men and who

830
00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:13,040
Speaker 4: did the same career forever is complacency. I know how

831
00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:14,560
Speaker 4: to do what I got it. This is what we do,

832
00:43:14,960 --> 00:43:18,839
Speaker 4: and yet everything changes. Things are always changing, and so

833
00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:21,719
Speaker 4: it's made me sort of embrace that change and more

834
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:24,239
Speaker 4: aggressively look at whether it was a few years ago,

835
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:27,560
Speaker 4: social media and other things to sort of encompass that

836
00:43:27,719 --> 00:43:28,799
Speaker 4: in what we're doing.

837
00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:35,759
Speaker 5: Yay, it has been phenomenal watching the two of you.

838
00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:39,359
Speaker 5: I love the laughter, I love the honesty. So listen.

839
00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:42,480
Speaker 5: On a personal note for my first ever meaningful conversation

840
00:43:42,560 --> 00:43:45,560
Speaker 5: about menopause, I have learned congratulation, Thank you, thank you.

841
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:48,120
Speaker 5: I have learned a ton, I have to say. Probably

842
00:43:48,120 --> 00:43:50,920
Speaker 5: the biggest thing that I've learned, though, is I, you know,

843
00:43:51,080 --> 00:43:54,120
Speaker 5: candidly would think of menopause as something that happens to

844
00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:56,120
Speaker 5: a woman, But as I hear you speak about this,

845
00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:58,560
Speaker 5: I realize it actually happens to a relationship, It happens

846
00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:02,239
Speaker 5: to a family, It happens to the broader reaches of

847
00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:04,520
Speaker 5: all of us. And was awarefore we all must be aware.

848
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:06,880
Speaker 5: How are we good partners and husbands? And think you

849
00:44:06,920 --> 00:44:09,520
Speaker 5: said is that menopause is inevitable, but suffering is not

850
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:13,120
Speaker 5: the power of that statement, that idea that your own

851
00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:16,520
Speaker 5: confusion and fear in that moment where Ira, good on

852
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:18,880
Speaker 5: you to stop watching the Jason Brr movie led to

853
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:22,279
Speaker 5: this incredible book and movement, and the two of you

854
00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:25,960
Speaker 5: together and hearing you like my observations actually brought you

855
00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:29,040
Speaker 5: closer together. And so perhaps metopause can be that thing that,

856
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:31,960
Speaker 5: through the right coaching that you provide to couples, can

857
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:35,319
Speaker 5: actually bring people together. And Ira, I'm so glad that

858
00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:38,799
Speaker 5: you are the plus one in this conversation and just

859
00:44:38,880 --> 00:44:40,799
Speaker 5: how beautiful it is to see the two of you,

860
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:43,080
Speaker 5: And as we say here, thank you for living and

861
00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:45,280
Speaker 5: sharing your legacy with us today.

862
00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:48,799
Speaker 1: Thank you what a wonderful conversation.

863
00:44:49,080 --> 00:44:52,480
Speaker 3: I love this, this, this has been absolutely great fanbious.

864
00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:54,879
Speaker 5: Thank you for joining us.

865
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:59,120
Speaker 2: If you enjoyed today's conversation, subscribe, share and follow us

866
00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:02,880
Speaker 2: on at my life Legacy Movement on social media and YouTube.

867
00:45:03,480 --> 00:45:07,560
Speaker 2: New episodes drop every Tuesday, with bonus content every Thursday.

868
00:45:08,239 --> 00:45:09,000
Speaker 1: At its core.

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Speaker 2: This podcast honors doctor King's vision of the beloved community

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Speaker 2: and the power of connection. A Legacy Plus Studio production

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Speaker 2: distributed by iHeartMedia creator and executive producer Suzanne Hayward co

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Speaker 2: executive producer Lisa Lyle. Listen on the iHeartRadio app or

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Speaker 2: wherever you get your podcasts on