WEBVTT - Episode 248: Doc n da Dude (Feat. Dr. Kendell and Kainon Jasper) 0:00:02.160 --> 0:00:05.200 What's up? What's up? It is lip service on Angela. Yee, 0:00:05.240 --> 0:00:08.719 I'm stopping in Santiago. I'm Lauria and we have docting 0:00:08.760 --> 0:00:11.200 to do here dot to kend go Jasper and Kanan 0:00:11.280 --> 0:00:15.440 Jasper are here with that's what's up, guys, just to 0:00:15.560 --> 0:00:17.759 get some contexts. These are the people I called during 0:00:17.840 --> 0:00:22.520 asking when things are above me, I have to call 0:00:22.600 --> 0:00:25.800 these guys to step in. And you know, especially right 0:00:25.840 --> 0:00:28.000 now with coronavirus, is a lot of things going on. 0:00:28.040 --> 0:00:29.720 A lot of people are at home dealing with things 0:00:29.720 --> 0:00:32.800 they've never had to deal with before. You know. Just recently, 0:00:32.840 --> 0:00:34.959 I had a woman crawling to the show that's going 0:00:35.000 --> 0:00:37.840 through a breakup. Found out her husband had a side 0:00:37.880 --> 0:00:39.919 a piece and she was really going through it. So 0:00:40.360 --> 0:00:43.879 people are discovering all kinds of things right now, right, Yeah, 0:00:44.240 --> 0:00:53.040 And he discovered He's gonna discover some things too, right, Wait, 0:00:55.320 --> 0:00:59.120 discover more than that. You're gonna You're gonna discover that. 0:00:59.800 --> 0:01:04.080 You know, he ain't the only one. There's always two 0:01:04.120 --> 0:01:06.320 sides of the stories. That's why you gotta hear it all. 0:01:06.640 --> 0:01:10.440 And sometimes people tell you a lot of things but 0:01:10.480 --> 0:01:12.520 that they didn't mention in the first go around and 0:01:12.520 --> 0:01:15.000 they caught up in their feelings. It's all hid it. 0:01:15.080 --> 0:01:19.039 When you settle them down, the truth really comes out. Wow. Well, 0:01:19.080 --> 0:01:21.200 you know, it is a tough time for relationships right now. 0:01:21.240 --> 0:01:22.920 We've been hearing that people are in the house with 0:01:22.959 --> 0:01:25.280 each other discovering they don't lucky to each other as 0:01:25.360 --> 0:01:27.880 much when they have to spend so much time together. 0:01:28.080 --> 0:01:31.040 So should people be considering breaking up or is this 0:01:31.200 --> 0:01:33.800 something where you know you kind of should wait until 0:01:33.840 --> 0:01:37.679 this pandemic is over with all this addage, stress and anxiety. Wow, 0:01:37.959 --> 0:01:41.520 well some people shouldn't. Some people really knew they should 0:01:41.520 --> 0:01:44.920 have broke up a long time ago, right, So you 0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:48.920 know this is just you know, exacerbating the situation that 0:01:49.280 --> 0:01:52.920 already existed, right, and it's just making it worse. So, 0:01:54.080 --> 0:01:56.240 you know, obviously things are at a stand still. So 0:01:56.360 --> 0:02:01.320 the formality of a breakup or divorce or leaving separation, Um, 0:02:01.360 --> 0:02:04.880 you know, I can't really go through you can't commit 0:02:04.920 --> 0:02:08.240 to something like that. But obviously people have to identify 0:02:08.400 --> 0:02:11.640 and decide what kind of relationship we're gonna have moving forward, 0:02:12.160 --> 0:02:16.079 right and and hopefully having honest discussion about what type 0:02:16.120 --> 0:02:18.720 of relationship we're gonna have moving forward, is this gonna 0:02:18.760 --> 0:02:21.720 be uh you know, I'm we're gonna sleep in separate 0:02:21.720 --> 0:02:26.080 bedrooms type of situation right on some real you know, 0:02:26.440 --> 0:02:28.760 I'm not just gonna say black people ship because because 0:02:28.840 --> 0:02:33.480 other people do it too. Real, Yeah, other people do 0:02:33.560 --> 0:02:37.280 it too like you know, look, personal disclosure. My mom's 0:02:37.280 --> 0:02:39.960 and pops with beaving. My Pop's built the whole sheep 0:02:40.040 --> 0:02:45.480 rock wall at one point up stairs. Really talk right now. 0:02:45.520 --> 0:02:53.560 They figured it out. You know, it's really talk. So like, 0:02:53.960 --> 0:02:56.000 you know, people have to determine. Okay, we need to 0:02:56.000 --> 0:02:58.920 set some guidelines about what we're gonna do, especially if 0:02:58.919 --> 0:03:04.280 they're children involved like that, children's finances, property, all kinds 0:03:04.320 --> 0:03:06.359 of things are involved. How are we gonna manage through 0:03:06.400 --> 0:03:10.000 this without us being in here arguing every five seconds, 0:03:10.600 --> 0:03:14.919 being very you know, verbally aggressive and potentially physically aggressive 0:03:15.120 --> 0:03:17.519 towards each other. I'm sorry, I got to get a 0:03:17.600 --> 0:03:19.959 little you know, good energy spreading around here. This ship 0:03:20.040 --> 0:03:23.360 is starting to get a little thick. Man talking about 0:03:23.400 --> 0:03:26.160 ship that I pops then when he's growing up, you're 0:03:26.160 --> 0:03:29.440 giving me bad trauma right now, my bad Kate. But 0:03:29.480 --> 0:03:32.320 I will say right now like even for like like 0:03:32.480 --> 0:03:35.560 for me, I live alone, and I have family that 0:03:35.680 --> 0:03:38.760 lives close to me, and like, um like saying my 0:03:38.760 --> 0:03:41.760 mother shall come by, and like I love my mom. 0:03:41.880 --> 0:03:44.600 But like even in this space and time, it's like 0:03:44.600 --> 0:03:47.720 like you said, and it's like so much like tension, 0:03:47.880 --> 0:03:50.880 so much anxiety that like even I get to the 0:03:50.920 --> 0:03:53.200 place where I'm like I don't want nobody around me. 0:03:53.480 --> 0:03:55.560 But then when you're alone, you're like, damn my mo 0:03:55.720 --> 0:03:58.760 by myself. So it is like a confusing time right now, 0:03:58.760 --> 0:04:01.520 and then it's still scary because we're losing people and 0:04:01.560 --> 0:04:04.640 stuff like that. So like say you are up underneath 0:04:04.640 --> 0:04:07.880 somebody twenty four seven, right, what do y'all think is 0:04:07.920 --> 0:04:11.240 a good thing? Um, that you could do together to 0:04:11.360 --> 0:04:14.160 kind of get through it? Because technically you are going 0:04:14.160 --> 0:04:17.160 through the same thing together and it's it may be 0:04:17.320 --> 0:04:19.960 something small that's making it tick, you know what I mean? 0:04:19.960 --> 0:04:21.919 But is there something that like I don't know if 0:04:21.960 --> 0:04:24.040 it's just like sitting there, I'm talking maybe playing a 0:04:24.040 --> 0:04:26.360 game or like something that you could kind of like 0:04:26.480 --> 0:04:31.000 recommend would be good for something watch some free Porne 0:04:31.760 --> 0:04:35.800 of course would say, is that together or separate? Is 0:04:35.800 --> 0:04:38.880 the poem watching together? Right? What are we doing? Yeah? 0:04:38.920 --> 0:04:43.160 But what's better. Yeah, well but that might that might 0:04:43.160 --> 0:04:44.960 turn into an argument too, because she might not like 0:04:45.040 --> 0:04:58.880 the poem. You try to watch right right? You like 0:04:59.000 --> 0:05:04.560 the Spanish girl else high, you know, you put it 0:05:04.560 --> 0:05:06.640 on you and you're watch on your phone. I watching 0:05:06.720 --> 0:05:09.799 my phone. I feel like, um, I feel like even 0:05:09.839 --> 0:05:12.279 in this time because I was just I was just 0:05:12.320 --> 0:05:14.240 with my man, and I feel like in this time, 0:05:14.279 --> 0:05:17.400 you just give each other space, like let him go 0:05:17.480 --> 0:05:19.760 do his thing in the house and go do your 0:05:19.800 --> 0:05:22.559 thing in the house and meet in the middle. Well, 0:05:22.720 --> 0:05:26.520 that's considered. That, that's considering if you have space. That 0:05:26.600 --> 0:05:28.719 depends on you know, some people may live in a 0:05:28.760 --> 0:05:31.080 one bedroom apartment. Some people may live in the studio. 0:05:31.560 --> 0:05:38.599 So that's come on here, it's hard, but go ahead, 0:05:38.600 --> 0:05:42.880 hold on. The thing is this containment when none of 0:05:42.920 --> 0:05:46.360 us are meant for containment. That's a that's a an 0:05:46.360 --> 0:05:49.840 adjustment that we all have to make, period, you know 0:05:49.960 --> 0:05:51.960 what I mean. So this is gonna definitely be some 0:05:51.960 --> 0:05:57.160 some hurdles and some hiccups involved. Institute some patients, a 0:05:57.200 --> 0:06:01.320 little more patients. But you do need to separate it. Nope, 0:06:01.800 --> 0:06:04.440 body said you can't go outside, right, You can take 0:06:04.480 --> 0:06:06.719 a walk you're just not supposed to be interacting with 0:06:06.760 --> 0:06:08.960 people and stuff like that. Yeah, But the other the 0:06:09.000 --> 0:06:11.520 other part of that that you lose, right, and and 0:06:11.560 --> 0:06:14.680 this is whether in a we're in a pandemic or not. Right. 0:06:15.640 --> 0:06:21.440 A valuable lesson of this is considering someone other than yourself, right, 0:06:21.839 --> 0:06:25.919 engaging in and thought and activities that are somewhat selfless. 0:06:26.480 --> 0:06:28.719 Right and it and it originates with the idea that 0:06:29.680 --> 0:06:34.800 the physical distancing and the the tracking of who you're 0:06:34.839 --> 0:06:37.760 around is of course for yourself, but also considering the 0:06:37.760 --> 0:06:40.680 other people who are in your circle. Because I may 0:06:40.680 --> 0:06:44.240 be someone who contracts this and maybe asymptomatic. I may 0:06:44.320 --> 0:06:48.279 get around someone like a parent or a sibling or 0:06:48.320 --> 0:06:52.520 an extended relative who has a pre existing condition who 0:06:52.720 --> 0:06:56.359 will respond to this virus in a vastly different way. So, 0:06:56.480 --> 0:06:59.000 on the face of it, let's make that a more 0:06:59.240 --> 0:07:06.479 general um practice in a time of intense anxiety and 0:07:06.480 --> 0:07:11.560 and fear and trepidation for people, consider other people. Well, 0:07:11.640 --> 0:07:13.720 I was gonna say, what what if you're okay, let's 0:07:13.720 --> 0:07:16.400 just say you're significant other cheats on you, you find 0:07:16.400 --> 0:07:19.360 out and he comes back in the house, What should 0:07:19.360 --> 0:07:27.600 you do? I would say? Anyway, I would still say 0:07:27.640 --> 0:07:34.520 consider him hold on, hold on, hold on? Who said 0:07:34.560 --> 0:07:40.920 bad advices? Hey, listen to the worst vices advice? So 0:07:41.360 --> 0:07:43.080 I don't do that. I ain't built for that hour. 0:07:43.440 --> 0:07:47.080 So I also, however, I think that there is some 0:07:47.160 --> 0:07:51.280 consideration given to the activity right now. I'm not saying 0:07:51.320 --> 0:07:55.240 be you know, listen, don't be a bo zone. Okay. However, 0:07:55.920 --> 0:07:59.000 what you also have to understand is that people's circumstances 0:07:59.040 --> 0:08:03.640 are different. Right, So what I advised people to do 0:08:03.840 --> 0:08:07.000 number one, Right, here's what people do and they go wrong. 0:08:07.560 --> 0:08:10.280 Your spouse, you're significant of that's cheating on you. You 0:08:10.320 --> 0:08:13.800 know what you do. You're running. You tell everybody, right, 0:08:14.200 --> 0:08:19.280 you call your you calling, you tell your girlfriend. That's 0:08:19.280 --> 0:08:22.640 what people do, right. I can't believe. I can't believe 0:08:22.680 --> 0:08:26.080 what this this b did to me. Right now, what 0:08:26.120 --> 0:08:28.400 you do is you back yourself in the corner. You 0:08:28.440 --> 0:08:31.640 don't create space or an opportunity to say, hey, I 0:08:31.720 --> 0:08:34.400 may want to work this out. Now I have him 0:08:34.440 --> 0:08:36.360 or her around the same people that I just told 0:08:36.360 --> 0:08:40.360 that they did me dirty, And now there's some there's 0:08:40.400 --> 0:08:44.640 some animosity that's going on or some some tension. Right, 0:08:44.920 --> 0:08:50.320 certain things are not for everybody's consumption. It's not everybody's business. No, seriously, 0:08:50.360 --> 0:08:53.400 not to interrupt, Like I don't tell my friends when 0:08:53.440 --> 0:08:57.120 my man cheats on me until like months later they're like, 0:08:57.200 --> 0:09:01.040 really happens? Because I don't want my friends to look 0:09:01.040 --> 0:09:03.960 at my man like he's an asshole, because I'm gonna 0:09:03.960 --> 0:09:06.680 stay with him anyway. You know what I feel like 0:09:06.720 --> 0:09:09.640 when I tell someone is when I decide I'm really 0:09:09.679 --> 0:09:12.480 gonna know when it's done, you know, if I and 0:09:12.520 --> 0:09:15.559 then that's when I'll tell everyone, because I know at 0:09:15.559 --> 0:09:17.720 the end of the day, I want myself to feel 0:09:17.760 --> 0:09:21.200 so crazy that like I can't go back, you know 0:09:21.240 --> 0:09:23.520 what I mean. The only thing you could do is 0:09:23.640 --> 0:09:27.600 you see somebody, Right, that's when you go and the 0:09:27.640 --> 0:09:34.960 next access out. But real talk, but real talk. Sometimes 0:09:35.000 --> 0:09:37.839 you gotta see you gotta speak to somebody who can 0:09:37.880 --> 0:09:41.440 help you better understand your counterparts mindset, not somebody who 0:09:41.440 --> 0:09:43.640 necessarily trying to fuck you, you know what I'm saying, 0:09:43.679 --> 0:09:47.000 for somebody who has your best interest at heart and 0:09:47.000 --> 0:09:52.880 who could be somewhat unbiased, right, so and bad advice. 0:09:53.760 --> 0:09:57.360 I mean, it's sometimes it helps you see something in 0:09:57.400 --> 0:10:01.920 a different way. What do you do, like like honestly, 0:10:02.720 --> 0:10:04.760 if I got an issue, if I have an issue 0:10:04.760 --> 0:10:07.760 with my lady, I'm not asking my boy about it 0:10:08.640 --> 0:10:11.280 because he doesn't know. He doesn't have her type of 0:10:11.320 --> 0:10:13.920 mindset you have. If you want advice on a woman, 0:10:14.160 --> 0:10:16.120 more times than not, you should ask a woman who 0:10:16.160 --> 0:10:20.240 has some No. No, no, no no, because you know 0:10:20.280 --> 0:10:23.319 what I mean. I gotta be honest as a as 0:10:23.360 --> 0:10:26.120 a woman. I would be so mad if my man 0:10:26.240 --> 0:10:32.160 want to ask another woman that wasn't his sister or right, 0:10:33.000 --> 0:10:35.880 you know, that's that's a tough one because you know, like, 0:10:35.960 --> 0:10:37.719 for instance, right, I have a really good friend who 0:10:37.720 --> 0:10:39.880 I grew up with, went to school with, and he 0:10:39.880 --> 0:10:43.280 would always ask me for advice on his girlfriend who 0:10:43.280 --> 0:10:46.200 became his fiance. But they broke up. But she got 0:10:46.240 --> 0:10:48.120 really mad about it when she found out, and she 0:10:48.160 --> 0:10:50.880 hated the fact that I knew a lot of his business. 0:10:50.920 --> 0:10:55.360 Me and him never have dealt with each other at all. Never. 0:10:55.440 --> 0:10:57.240 He actually was when I was younger and my best 0:10:57.240 --> 0:11:00.120 friend's boyfriend, so we were all like family. But that 0:11:00.160 --> 0:11:04.280 says more about her, says more about her. Yeah, I 0:11:04.280 --> 0:11:07.640 would recommend a professional. Right, let's if we're gonna get 0:11:07.679 --> 0:11:10.000 a safe space, let's get an objective person that doesn't 0:11:10.040 --> 0:11:14.280 know anybody, right, and if they're good professional, what they're 0:11:14.280 --> 0:11:17.760 not gonna do is uh kind of tell you what 0:11:17.840 --> 0:11:21.640 decision you need to make. They're gonna allow you to 0:11:21.640 --> 0:11:23.960 find the decision that you you need to make on 0:11:24.000 --> 0:11:27.360 your own right and then support whatever decision that you make, 0:11:27.760 --> 0:11:30.440 and then help you spell out the pros and cons 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:34.480 of what whatever decision you decide. Yeah, but that there's 0:11:34.480 --> 0:11:38.000 some there's some nuances in between there that you know, 0:11:38.080 --> 0:11:40.360 the lions can get blurred with the professional because the 0:11:40.400 --> 0:11:44.439 professional might not have the personal experience of your situation, 0:11:44.880 --> 0:11:47.880 the person who never been in a relationship or can't 0:11:47.920 --> 0:11:51.280 understand the contextual you know, nuances that then it would 0:11:51.280 --> 0:11:53.840 be difficult for them to give you some backstory. You 0:11:53.880 --> 0:11:59.800 don't know that person personally, like like, but if you ask, 0:12:00.040 --> 0:12:04.679 if you asked, let's say our mother, or let's say 0:12:04.720 --> 0:12:07.920 one of our cousins, a female cousins who had some 0:12:08.000 --> 0:12:11.640 experience there and they know both parties, she can give 0:12:11.679 --> 0:12:14.840 you an idea of a woman's mindset to some degree. 0:12:15.240 --> 0:12:17.120 Or if you have a real close friend, as like 0:12:17.160 --> 0:12:20.480 Angela said, they're not romantically involved, so he can be 0:12:20.520 --> 0:12:22.560 like Yo, I know this is what he said, but 0:12:22.720 --> 0:12:24.920 this is what he that's what he meant, you know 0:12:24.920 --> 0:12:28.960 what I mean. You gotta put your own insecurities aside sometimes, Yeah, 0:12:29.000 --> 0:12:31.440 but you also have to understand that we talked about feelings, like, 0:12:33.720 --> 0:12:37.000 so we're talking about we talk about feelings and emotions, right, 0:12:37.960 --> 0:12:40.959 So I think that that professional. Again, if they're good, 0:12:41.440 --> 0:12:47.280 they should have a good grasp of the discussion about emotions, 0:12:47.360 --> 0:12:51.240 feelings and the management of those, right, Because even those nuances, 0:12:51.520 --> 0:12:54.880 what we're talking about is how this made me feel 0:12:56.160 --> 0:12:59.839 your decision made me feel this way, right, and it 0:13:00.440 --> 0:13:04.560 meant itself to a lack of trust, you know, some 0:13:04.760 --> 0:13:08.679 aggressive thought towards you, right, all of those things. So 0:13:08.840 --> 0:13:12.400 even with those nuances, right, I may not fully understand 0:13:12.400 --> 0:13:15.600 the scope of it, but what I do understand is, hey, 0:13:15.640 --> 0:13:19.559 what are you feeling. Let's work through those feelings. How 0:13:19.559 --> 0:13:22.480 do you feel as it pertains to this decision versus 0:13:22.520 --> 0:13:26.720 that decision? And what's the what's the pushback there? Right? 0:13:26.920 --> 0:13:32.679 Because keep it, you know, because there are no right 0:13:32.720 --> 0:13:35.800 there's no rules. Right. People people always come with the 0:13:35.880 --> 0:13:39.720 idea like you know, people always say if if he 0:13:39.840 --> 0:13:43.400 or she did this to me, I'm leaving like I'm leaving. Yeah, 0:13:42.880 --> 0:13:49.240 I like miss me with all right, case is different. 0:13:49.480 --> 0:13:51.960 What do you think about virtually cheating right now? Let's 0:13:51.960 --> 0:13:55.160 just say everybody's stuck in the house. You know, they're bored, 0:13:55.200 --> 0:13:58.560 they're not going outside. But people might be online having 0:13:58.559 --> 0:14:01.800 conversations with people or FaceTime and things like that. I 0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:04.640 asked this question. If you saw your dude's phone and 0:14:04.679 --> 0:14:08.480 he was texting somebody, how would you feel that. I 0:14:08.520 --> 0:14:11.440 feel like virtual cheating. Cheating is the problem before all 0:14:11.480 --> 0:14:14.880 of the social distancing, like I don't, I don't. I 0:14:14.920 --> 0:14:17.560 don't want my man talking to anybody on the internet, 0:14:17.840 --> 0:14:20.520 on the text all of that. I feel like it's cheating. 0:14:20.560 --> 0:14:24.400 Even if you don't see them, there's something that I'm 0:14:24.440 --> 0:14:26.920 not supposed to see. You're cheating on me. I feel 0:14:26.960 --> 0:14:29.760 like it's increased though it has right because a lot 0:14:29.800 --> 0:14:32.440 of people are online more because they have nothing else 0:14:32.480 --> 0:14:34.960 to do. A lot of people are joining only fans 0:14:35.520 --> 0:14:40.320 and stuff like that. It's true, thinks that I do 0:14:40.400 --> 0:14:43.280 feel like that's that's still cheating to me. I don't know, 0:14:43.840 --> 0:14:49.800 it's just making it. Hold on, listen. If there's been 0:14:49.800 --> 0:14:52.240 a few people I thought about killing but I ain't killing. 0:14:52.600 --> 0:14:55.560 Does that make me a murderer? That makes you a 0:14:55.600 --> 0:15:04.560 murderous mind, doesn't make you okay? But yeah, but if 0:15:04.360 --> 0:15:06.800 you're still using your words, so that still could be 0:15:06.840 --> 0:15:15.320 a physical connection, I mean right now, but you can 0:15:16.240 --> 0:15:19.720 you can make someone fall in love with words. You 0:15:19.760 --> 0:15:22.360 can't really tell someone with words, but you can make 0:15:22.400 --> 0:15:24.720 somebody fall in love with you with words. You ain't 0:15:24.720 --> 0:15:27.280 got the fund them and touch them. But I mean, 0:15:27.320 --> 0:15:33.520 you know, Tomato, I'm gonna talk a little, I'm gonna 0:15:33.520 --> 0:15:35.760 talking a little different terms. I think that it's all 0:15:35.800 --> 0:15:38.440 in what they're in the bounds of your relationship, right, 0:15:38.520 --> 0:15:41.160 what y'all what y'all making right? Because there are people 0:15:41.160 --> 0:15:43.920 out here with that have open relationships. There are people 0:15:43.920 --> 0:15:47.440 that have virtual open relationships where they might allow for 0:15:47.480 --> 0:15:51.360 them mate to get on upon live sight and engage 0:15:51.400 --> 0:15:53.880 somebody or talk to them and in that manner. So 0:15:54.040 --> 0:15:57.200 it's all within the boundaries of what you determine. Again, 0:15:57.240 --> 0:15:59.960 there aren't any rules, right. We come with these strict 0:16:00.120 --> 0:16:05.280 as Western cultures, cultural rules of relationships, and that's why 0:16:05.320 --> 0:16:08.480 our divorce rate is over six. And then you go 0:16:08.560 --> 0:16:11.120 to the Eastern part of the world and their divorce 0:16:11.240 --> 0:16:14.280 rates vastly different because they put different They put a 0:16:14.320 --> 0:16:18.840 different emphasis on sex and relationships and communications. A friend 0:16:18.880 --> 0:16:21.760 of mine, she has you know, she works hard. She 0:16:21.880 --> 0:16:25.920 works maybe fifty sixty hours a week. She works hard. 0:16:25.960 --> 0:16:29.080 And now she's working from home. But before that, she 0:16:29.200 --> 0:16:31.800 allowed her man to be on all those sites just 0:16:31.800 --> 0:16:35.080 to entertain himself while she was at work because he 0:16:35.160 --> 0:16:38.560 doesn't have a job, so so she didn't mind that 0:16:38.640 --> 0:16:40.720 he would be on these sites because she felt like 0:16:40.760 --> 0:16:45.840 he's not meeting them, so whatever. So she was okay 0:16:45.880 --> 0:16:49.240 with that, and I found that totally weird. Right and 0:16:49.320 --> 0:16:52.200 because he doesn't pay for those sites with her money, 0:16:52.840 --> 0:17:01.680 right exactly. Now, let me ask you this. Let's talk 0:17:01.680 --> 0:17:03.880 about sex drive right while you're at home. Let's just 0:17:03.880 --> 0:17:06.119 say now we're home a whole lot more. You know, 0:17:06.240 --> 0:17:08.159 my man wants to have sex all the time. I 0:17:08.160 --> 0:17:11.040 don't necessarily feel like it. What should we be doing 0:17:11.119 --> 0:17:13.240 to have that balance? Because sometimes we do it, we 0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:15.320 don't feel like it. We feel like if he's asking, 0:17:15.760 --> 0:17:17.639 we should give in, or sometimes we're like no, I 0:17:17.720 --> 0:17:19.440 just don't feel like it in his feelings and hurt. 0:17:19.440 --> 0:17:21.679 Where do you get that balance? I've never been in 0:17:21.720 --> 0:17:25.320 a position where a man ever asked me for sex, 0:17:25.359 --> 0:17:32.760 So I can't answer sex. Well, you go, wow, is 0:17:32.760 --> 0:17:35.280 that what we're doing? Yeah, but what would y'all like 0:17:35.320 --> 0:17:39.119 to hear? Let's look at what works for you? Is 0:17:39.160 --> 0:17:41.840 what is what happens right, more of than than not, 0:17:42.560 --> 0:17:44.320 more of than than not. What we come to find 0:17:44.320 --> 0:17:46.959 out is that women go to the same college when 0:17:47.040 --> 0:17:50.760 it comes to sex and sexual activity. They tend to 0:17:50.880 --> 0:17:55.719 use sex as a weapon, right and in many absolutely, 0:17:56.080 --> 0:17:59.240 in many forms, which means that you said you never 0:17:59.280 --> 0:18:03.399 heard that. Yeah, yeah, I bet you know so. So 0:18:03.440 --> 0:18:06.920 I think that, like most men are having a sexual 0:18:06.960 --> 0:18:11.960 thought every seven seconds, right, So it's not uncommon for 0:18:12.680 --> 0:18:15.320 men's sex drive to to to to be at a 0:18:15.400 --> 0:18:20.800 consistent well relatively healthy men to have a sex drive 0:18:20.920 --> 0:18:24.520 that is consistent, right, a baseline sort of consistency to it. 0:18:24.760 --> 0:18:27.680 Because men don't engage in or don't have as many 0:18:27.680 --> 0:18:31.480 physical changes as women do, um that will impact their 0:18:31.600 --> 0:18:35.679 drive at different times, right, like close to menopause. Older 0:18:35.720 --> 0:18:39.040 women will find themselves having their sex drive people as 0:18:39.080 --> 0:18:43.320 they get closer to that that reproductive change so to speak. Right, 0:18:43.440 --> 0:18:47.440 So we don't have those changes. However, what we end 0:18:47.480 --> 0:18:51.359 up with is it being utilized as a tool to 0:18:52.119 --> 0:18:54.640 maybe say, hey, listen, if you want to do this, 0:18:55.080 --> 0:18:58.520 or I'm going to punish you in that respect because 0:18:58.560 --> 0:19:05.399 you're not acting right clean like or like you know. 0:19:05.680 --> 0:19:13.280 I think that that's always the source of conflict in relationships, sex, finances, communication, right, 0:19:13.359 --> 0:19:15.600 we could we could stick those in the ground. There's 0:19:15.680 --> 0:19:20.600 always gonna be beef about sex, right because there isn't. 0:19:20.720 --> 0:19:24.959 There aren't many times where those drives physiological will matching, 0:19:25.119 --> 0:19:28.199 will match each other, right, So that's just more of 0:19:28.200 --> 0:19:31.760 a science issue. But I think that again in relationships, 0:19:32.160 --> 0:19:35.040 there's this conversation and communication that had to be had, 0:19:35.200 --> 0:19:36.960 and there's some deals that might need to be made. 0:19:37.040 --> 0:19:39.840 Listen to seven days in the week, Are we gonna 0:19:39.840 --> 0:19:42.600 agree to have sex? To three days? Four days? Like? 0:19:42.600 --> 0:19:45.520 How we doing this? Can we commit to it? Right? 0:19:45.600 --> 0:19:48.040 Is that's something that we can commit to and the 0:19:48.200 --> 0:19:51.600 weeks that we do fall off? You know, let's not 0:19:51.680 --> 0:19:53.960 beef about it because this week maybe we get it 0:19:54.000 --> 0:19:55.879 four or five times and this week we only did it. 0:19:55.960 --> 0:20:00.360 Was I never want to have to have that conversation. See, 0:20:00.680 --> 0:20:03.640 it's like this conversation helps to you know what I mean, 0:20:03.640 --> 0:20:07.919 because you know, we have our ideas or different ideas 0:20:07.960 --> 0:20:10.040 about sex. Some of it could be very impulsive, you know. 0:20:10.240 --> 0:20:11.520 You know I want to get in. I just want 0:20:11.520 --> 0:20:15.360 to I just want to quick right now. Yeah I'm 0:20:15.359 --> 0:20:31.680 ashamed if you can't in, but ahead, right right right 0:20:34.000 --> 0:20:40.480 right out quick. But but hearing, hearing your perspective helps 0:20:40.560 --> 0:20:44.080 us understand certain things too. It's like, Yo, look, I 0:20:44.119 --> 0:20:47.320 want me to tell you sometimes listen, sometimes I want 0:20:47.359 --> 0:20:49.879 to be I want to be wooed into this, you 0:20:49.920 --> 0:20:54.680 know what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, more than that. The mindset, 0:20:54.720 --> 0:20:57.600 you know what I'm saying, be set the temperament around 0:20:57.600 --> 0:20:59.680 here a little bit, set the atmosphere a little bit. 0:20:59.800 --> 0:21:03.440 But because I'm just not a destination for you like that, 0:21:03.840 --> 0:21:05.200 you know what I mean, I have a whole lot 0:21:05.240 --> 0:21:07.879 of things that allowed me to react to you too. 0:21:08.400 --> 0:21:11.080 That's so empower him be like, Yo, there's some things 0:21:11.119 --> 0:21:14.080 that you can control here too. It's like y'all do 0:21:14.200 --> 0:21:16.679 y'all have the power of seduction and things of that nature. 0:21:17.119 --> 0:21:19.680 Let us know that we got some things that could 0:21:19.960 --> 0:21:22.600 help influence you too that you would like. Yeah, Like 0:21:24.200 --> 0:21:29.240 I don't like the way you taste from the port. 0:21:30.400 --> 0:21:39.720 Maybe he just tas you. I'm not talking about ye, 0:21:39.960 --> 0:21:42.040 I'm talking about that. It could be the case of 0:21:42.200 --> 0:21:45.639 any man. You watch them. They don't be what they 0:21:45.680 --> 0:21:52.359 eat all the time. Sometimes it's hey, listen, no pineapples, 0:21:55.440 --> 0:21:59.000 gott gotta get your pH balance right. Drink some malcalin water. 0:21:59.080 --> 0:22:01.320 Do that that works. That that's work from men as 0:22:01.359 --> 0:22:04.480 well as women. Yeah. I don't know about the pineapple ship. 0:22:04.560 --> 0:22:07.280 But the other day, me and my man we was 0:22:07.320 --> 0:22:09.600 eating sour past kids and I sucked his dick and 0:22:09.640 --> 0:22:11.920 I swear to god, it tastes like sour past kids. 0:22:11.920 --> 0:22:19.360 It was amazing. That probably stuck in here too. Yeah. 0:22:15.640 --> 0:22:22.080 I like listen though, listen it kind of speaks to 0:22:22.119 --> 0:22:25.040 the point, right men, men. A lot of men probably 0:22:25.040 --> 0:22:27.000 won't say this, but they want to be wooed too, 0:22:28.520 --> 0:22:30.800 right like and and and a lot of that is 0:22:30.840 --> 0:22:33.520 about the idea that you know, more often than not, 0:22:33.800 --> 0:22:38.920 on birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, the pendulum is is swung in 0:22:38.960 --> 0:22:42.399 a way where women expect for men to do something 0:22:42.560 --> 0:22:45.840 for them. Right, it's our anniversary. What you're gonna do 0:22:45.920 --> 0:22:48.639 for us on our anniversary? Well day made it bothe 0:22:48.640 --> 0:22:51.560 It's both by anniversary, right, like we didn't. I didn't 0:22:51.600 --> 0:22:54.440 just marry you. You didn't just like we married each other. 0:22:54.520 --> 0:22:56.919 So let's figure out a way to meet in the 0:22:56.960 --> 0:23:01.040 middle and woo each other and du you know they 0:23:01.080 --> 0:23:03.200 want to. You know, some will say, okay, I gotta 0:23:03.240 --> 0:23:06.920 mat cheese. Mo. I ain't feeling that, Like, yeah, there's 0:23:06.960 --> 0:23:09.520 some there's some thugs out your singing Michael Jackson too, 0:23:09.920 --> 0:23:12.960 like knocking on, getting some sexy, geting some sexy loinger 0:23:13.119 --> 0:23:21.280 and fingure him. I don't know, we just got we 0:23:21.400 --> 0:23:27.720 just got nothing. You let me tell us, like what's 0:23:27.720 --> 0:23:30.000 the best guests? I haven't got? Because have you ever 0:23:30.080 --> 0:23:33.200 had a situation where you're woude and like when was 0:23:33.280 --> 0:23:39.920 the best? Like how can you describe it? I feel 0:23:39.920 --> 0:23:42.399 like I'm the total opposite, Like I don't expect for 0:23:42.520 --> 0:23:44.320 my man to do a lot for me for my 0:23:44.359 --> 0:23:47.800 birthday or for holidays. I like to be the ones 0:23:47.880 --> 0:23:50.439 to surprise him, like look, I got you this. Like 0:23:50.520 --> 0:23:53.640 I'll buy whoever I'm dating, I'll buy them a Father's 0:23:53.680 --> 0:23:58.400 Day gift, even if they're not a father. What yeah, 0:23:58.640 --> 0:24:03.399 because he's n daddy. So it's like, let's look, baby, 0:24:03.520 --> 0:24:06.080 his Father's Days is my daddy? I bore you a girl. 0:24:06.240 --> 0:24:10.760 It's actually I got something to tell you. Yes, to 0:24:11.040 --> 0:24:15.399 find out would be like really technically, kis, I just 0:24:15.440 --> 0:24:18.600 didn't want to say anything. I got to break it 0:24:18.640 --> 0:24:23.480