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Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here. If you like this

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Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me

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Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation

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Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more.

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Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot

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Speaker 1: fm to get started on.

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Speaker 2: This week's episode. In her Space, our.

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Speaker 3: Body feels like it's betraying us because it's not doing

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Speaker 3: what we want to do. Really, the bot, they just

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Speaker 3: trying to keep you safe. And so when it's triggered

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Speaker 3: and it says, oh, I know how we're going to

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Speaker 3: survive this. So a lot of times what happened is

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Speaker 3: then tightens up. It tends to up, which is the

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Speaker 3: opposite of what we want during sex.

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Speaker 4: Right, So if it's.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, Welcome to her Space, a podcast dedicated to

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Speaker 1: uplifting women like you. We're your hosts doctor Dominique Broussard,

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Speaker 1: a college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techy and motivational speaker in a

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Speaker 2: world where Black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood. Please

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Speaker 2: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 2: fibroids to fake friends and create a safe space where

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Speaker 2: black women can just be Now, Lady, today, we're diving

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Speaker 2: into a topic that's taboo for many, but oh so

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Speaker 2: necessary to a fulfilling and joyful existence. Let's talk about sex, baby.

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Speaker 2: Do you have questions about your sexuality? Are you wondering

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Speaker 2: why your sex drive is low? Is intercourse painful for you?

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Speaker 2: Or maybe you just want to learn how to make

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Speaker 2: yourself orgasm? Okay, well, today's guest is a licensed marriage

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Speaker 2: and family therapist, relationship therapist, and sexuality expert. She's the owner, founder,

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Speaker 2: and primary psychotherapist of the Flow and Ease Healing Center,

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Speaker 2: and she specializes in working with relationship and sexuality challenges.

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Speaker 2: But wait, there's more. She's also the co founder of

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Speaker 2: Melanin and Mental Health and co hosts on the podcast

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Speaker 2: of Between Sessions. Elisa Fokine helps people heal from shame

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Speaker 2: and trauma so they can have healthier pleasure field, mutually

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Speaker 2: satisfying relationships and guess what we have? Her here in

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Speaker 2: her space to get her gems and insight just for you.

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Speaker 1: He'ing that introduction, I'm just so excited about our conversation

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Speaker 1: that's going to come up for today. So I'm going

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Speaker 1: to start us off with our quote of the day,

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Speaker 1: which is, of course, none other than a quote from

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Speaker 1: Salt and Pepper. Let's talk about sex, baby, Let's talk

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Speaker 1: about all the good things, the bad things that come up.

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Speaker 1: Let's talk about sex. And I'm gonna read that one

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Speaker 1: more time just so that we can really get in

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Speaker 1: the spirit of it. Let's talk about sex. Let's talk

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Speaker 1: about all the good things, all the bad things that

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Speaker 1: may be. Let's talk about sex. Are you ready to

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Speaker 1: dive in?

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Speaker 2: Talk about I have some selfish questions and hear from

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Speaker 2: myselfs so let's do it.

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Speaker 1: Don all right, all right, all right, Alisa, are you

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Speaker 1: ready to dive in?

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Speaker 3: I'm ready, Yes, Let's talk.

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Speaker 1: About it, all right, So tell us, you know, talking

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Speaker 1: about sex is often pretty taboo, So talk to us

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Speaker 1: a little bit about how you decided to pursue a

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Speaker 1: career in sex therapy.

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Speaker 3: Sure, so, I knew that I wanted to be a therapist,

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Speaker 3: actually my second career in life. But I knew that

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Speaker 3: I wanted to be a therapist and quickly learned that

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Speaker 3: I really enjoyed working with couples, and I also really

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Speaker 3: enjoyed working individually with women who were healing from some

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Speaker 3: sort of sexual trauma sexual abuse.

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Speaker 5: In their history.

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Speaker 3: And as I was working with the couples, as to

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Speaker 3: be expected, a lot of times some of the issues

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Speaker 3: that would come up with being around around their sex life.

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Speaker 3: And you know, Graduchool can only prepare you so much

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Speaker 3: that I gave you a general overview of everything, and

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Speaker 3: so I wasn't prepared. I wasn't prepared or knew how

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Speaker 3: to navigate those conversations with my clients when they were

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Speaker 3: going to be bringing up these challenges with sexuality. Then

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Speaker 3: I didn't fully know how to help these women heal

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Speaker 3: either from any sexual trauma, and a lot of the

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Speaker 3: times trauma was also.

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Speaker 5: Somewhere in there as to why they might.

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Speaker 3: Be suffering or struggling just with experiencing pleasure in relationships.

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Speaker 3: So kind of being this overachiever, you know, where it's like,

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Speaker 3: if I'm going to do this, I want to do

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Speaker 3: it really, really well. So I hear that I'm more

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Speaker 3: training and being able to help clients with that, So

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Speaker 3: went to the University of Michigan Sexual Health program that

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Speaker 3: they have there to be years worth of training to

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Speaker 3: be able to help people with issues around sexuality.

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Speaker 1: That is so, that is so awesome. And you know,

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Speaker 1: it's interesting that you said that you didn't feel like

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Speaker 1: you got enough training in grad school because my dissertation

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Speaker 1: actually kind of focused on that, where where I surveyed

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Speaker 1: different therapists across the country, mostly in the Southeast, and

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Speaker 1: that was one of the findings was that therapists were

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Speaker 1: saying that what would help them feel comfortable talk to

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Speaker 1: parents who are trying to have conversations about sex with

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Speaker 1: their adolescents, which is a whole different ballgame than just

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Speaker 1: talking about our own stuff. Most of the therapists said

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Speaker 1: not having the adequate training. So I think that there's

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Speaker 1: like a big gap in our graduate programs, a huge

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Speaker 1: piece that we're missing, Perrige, you.

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Speaker 3: Know, And I think what you just highlighted was not

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Speaker 3: knowing how to talk to the parents. And you know,

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Speaker 3: it's not that are removed from why we struggle to

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Speaker 3: talk about it as adults, right, like right, there's this

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Speaker 3: inability to have healthy conversations about sex and then somehow

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Speaker 3: as adults were expected to know how to have these healthy, satisfying,

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Speaker 3: passionate sex life. You know, so we're really kind of

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Speaker 3: I think, going into it as arapist and not being

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Speaker 3: fully prepared. It really is just sort of a reflection

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Speaker 3: of how it is for all of us, you know,

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Speaker 3: just not having the information exactly.

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Speaker 1: And I think if we don't have the information as

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Speaker 1: therapists and they're looking to us as experts, then how

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Speaker 1: can we help and it just becomes this vicious cycle.

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Speaker 5: Yes, yeah, And.

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Speaker 3: You're so right because a lot of that was the

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Speaker 3: thing for me is that I knew if clients were

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Speaker 3: bringing up the topic of sex, then they were probing

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Speaker 3: a very vulnerable place, you know, because clients will kind

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Speaker 3: of gauge to feel what your comfort level is, what

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Speaker 3: you're willing to addrest.

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Speaker 5: And so I felt like.

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Speaker 3: Because I love this work so much, because for me,

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Speaker 3: this work is sacred, and I truly feel honored and

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Speaker 3: privileged when clients are able to open up and trust

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Speaker 3: me as part of their process, and I felt like

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Speaker 3: I just wasn't doing of justice by not having some answers.

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Speaker 5: Maybe I wouldn't be able to have all the.

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Speaker 3: Answers, but I would have the resources, I would know

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Speaker 3: how to direct it. So I really wanted to be

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Speaker 3: able to meet their vulnerability.

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Speaker 5: And they're trusting in me with some more competence in

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Speaker 5: that area.

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Speaker 2: ALSA A really quick question for you, So, as someone

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Speaker 2: that is an abuse survivor, how would you recommend someone

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Speaker 2: have a conversation with their partner around those things that

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Speaker 2: they've experienced that may impact their sex life?

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Speaker 4: Like, is there any do you have.

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Speaker 2: Any tips on how to even initiate that conversation, because

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Speaker 2: I know sometimes if someone hasn't experienced it, they're like,

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Speaker 2: I don't really know what to do with this information,

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Speaker 2: Like I want to be there and support you, but

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Speaker 2: what do you know? How do I even help you?

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Speaker 1: Know?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Well, I think a big part of it starts with

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Speaker 3: really taking care of yourself first.

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Speaker 5: If you have a history of trauma.

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Speaker 3: And so that may look like doing some trauma therapy,

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Speaker 3: doing some work with the therapists to really work through.

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Speaker 5: Some of this trauma.

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Speaker 3: Because what we know about trauma is that trauma gets

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Speaker 3: stored in our bodies. It requires our brains, the responses

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Speaker 3: that we have when we're triggered, which we may not

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Speaker 3: even know what the triggers are, become involuntary responses, and

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Speaker 3: so you may have this willing desire and want to

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Speaker 3: move past it, and yet your body doesn't maybe cooperate

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Speaker 3: the way that you want it to, and so you

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Speaker 3: can't outthink trauma. You cannot outwish trauma or part of

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Speaker 3: the think trauma away. It's a really delicate process that

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Speaker 3: requires disentangling. And so the first thing I would do

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Speaker 3: is taking care of yourself.

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Speaker 5: What is it that you may need to work through.

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Speaker 3: And then I always tell couples, particularly when they come in, seeing.

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Speaker 5: This as our issue.

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Speaker 3: This is our issue that's impacting our sex life. So

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Speaker 3: we're going to address it as a team. Because when

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Speaker 3: it becomes you know, well that's your issue or that's

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Speaker 3: your stuff.

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Speaker 5: You know, there's less.

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Speaker 3: Success sometimes in that way. So how can you be supportive?

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Speaker 3: That may mean that you need somebody who's a professional

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Speaker 3: right to kind of highlight the different ways that your

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Speaker 3: partner can be supportive if you know what your triggers are,

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Speaker 3: right like explaining that getting more psycho education around trauma,

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Speaker 3: there's the courage to heal. I believe it's what it's called.

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Speaker 3: And there's a companion book to that for the partners.

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Speaker 3: I'm trying to remember what it's called, but there's a

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Speaker 3: companion book to that that specifies for people who are

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Speaker 3: partnered with someone who maybe has had some sexual abuse

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Speaker 3: or trauma in their history, how they can be supportive

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Speaker 3: because I think one of the things that often happens

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Speaker 3: is the person the other person will personalize when the

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Speaker 3: person who maybe has undergone the trauma, they'll begin to

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Speaker 3: personalize why that person doesn't want to have SAgs or why.

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Speaker 5: They're being triggered.

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Speaker 3: And they came into it with that. It's an involuntary response.

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Speaker 3: It's not their issue. But having to understand how you

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Speaker 3: can be supportive versus triggering is going.

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Speaker 5: To be really important.

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Speaker 2: Wow, that is so powerful, and we're going to add

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Speaker 2: that in the show notes because we definitely want to

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Speaker 2: provide that as a resource. That is amazing and it's

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Speaker 2: so powerful that that energy can be lodged in you

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Speaker 2: and impact the way that you show up in the world.

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Speaker 2: And I've chatted with women in my family, even older women,

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Speaker 2: who have been raped or molested, and they have not

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Speaker 2: shared it with anyone, and it has impacted their life

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Speaker 2: because they really haven't had a chance to really express

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Speaker 2: that and heal properly, right, absolutely of the way.

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Speaker 5: You know, one of the things that trauma does.

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Speaker 3: And how it impacts us physically is you think of sex.

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Speaker 3: If you think of sexual experiences in this healthy exchange, what's.

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Speaker 5: Really requiring for us to have these.

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Speaker 3: Deeply satisfying, passionate experiences is a whole lot of vulnerability, right, Okay,

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Speaker 3: So we have to be able to be really vulnerable

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Speaker 3: and relax into the situation we let go, right, and

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Speaker 3: so we let go, so we let our bodies go,

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Speaker 3: and we were open to the experience. So there's vulnerability

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Speaker 3: and there's trust. What happens when we have undergone trauma.

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Speaker 3: And so trauma can be sexual, it can be physical,

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Speaker 3: it can happen from it can be medical, right like

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Speaker 3: for a lot of women, some of their most traumatic

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Speaker 3: experiences been at their obgyn.

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Speaker 5: Right, like getting a patsmear for the first time or

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Speaker 5: what have you.

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Speaker 3: That can impact us witnessing the trauma of others, hearing

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Speaker 3: about the trauma of others.

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Speaker 5: So all of this then gets stored in the body,

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Speaker 5: and then what happens is the.

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Speaker 3: Body then tenses up. It becomes restrictive, right. So, if

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Speaker 3: you think about it in those terms, if my body

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Speaker 3: is storing this trauma, if.

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Speaker 5: It's sting storing the stuff that keeps.

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Speaker 3: Me on guard, right, Because even though trauma feels our

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Speaker 3: body feels like it's betraying us because it's not doing.

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Speaker 5: What we want it to do.

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Speaker 3: Really, the body just trying to keep you safe when

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Speaker 3: it's triggered and it says, oh, I know how we're

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Speaker 3: going to survive this, and so a.

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Speaker 5: Lot of times what happened is then tightens up.

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Speaker 3: It tenses up, which is the opposite of what we

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Speaker 3: want during sex.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 3: So if it's this involuntary response, and you might be willing, right,

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Speaker 3: sometimes what can happen is we freeze or we disassociate, right,

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Speaker 3: like just we're there, but we're not there. And so

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Speaker 3: what really happens is we're disimbodied. And in order for

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Speaker 3: us to really experience pleasure, we have to be embodied, right,

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Speaker 3: We have to be in our bodies.

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Speaker 5: So working through.

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Speaker 3: The trauma with somebody that can help you work there

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Speaker 3: with a professional, what it.

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Speaker 6: Does is you begin to be in your body, You

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Speaker 6: begin to make peace and really come home to yourself again.

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Speaker 1: Wow, the way you explain it. It resonates and it

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Speaker 1: makes sense to me. And as I'm hearing you talk,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, so I want to refer people to you,

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Speaker 1: like like I'm just thinking of people like off top

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Speaker 1: that I'm like, oh, yes, they need to go see

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Speaker 1: her definitely. Like there's so much powerful work that it

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Speaker 1: sounds like you're doing. So to talk to us a

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Speaker 1: little bit about when a couple or maybe even an

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Speaker 1: individual is coming to you for the first time, what

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Speaker 1: are some things that you would suggest for them to

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Speaker 1: get comfortable with the idea of diving into this work.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so the first thing is you don't dive into trauma, right.

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Speaker 4: Thank you, thank you.

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Speaker 3: You don't dive into trauma because just the idea.

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Speaker 5: Of that can be too much for people.

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Speaker 4: Right, I'm so glad you said that.

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Speaker 3: It's yeah, yeah, it's I love somebody I remember reading somewhere.

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Speaker 5: Is if you can think of it as.

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Speaker 3: This ticking time boone with and you wouldn't just go

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Speaker 3: in there and try to disentangle it, right, you very

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Speaker 3: gently and intentionally disentangle it.

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Speaker 5: And so that's what trauma is, Like.

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Speaker 3: I think if if you have sometimes that's the other

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Speaker 3: thing is even being able to identify one. I think

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Speaker 3: the word trauma traumatize gets thrown around a lot, and

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Speaker 3: so I think we don't always know what actually.

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Speaker 5: It is, or we minimize our.

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Speaker 3: Experiences and say, well, I was a trauma. That was

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Speaker 3: just how I was raised, right, Like, that's just that's.

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Speaker 5: Just what people go through for you, like, just keep

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Speaker 5: it moving.

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Speaker 3: Right, right, And so, really, trauma is really specific to

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Speaker 3: an individual. It's a very personal thing because what might

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Speaker 3: be traumatizing.

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Speaker 5: To me may not be traumatizing to you.

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Speaker 3: And it's just when there's an overwhelming event and the

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Speaker 3: body is not able to fully release or go through

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Speaker 3: the response cycle that is wired into us to survive, right,

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Speaker 3: we get stuck in it. Yeah, And so what is

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Speaker 3: important to know is sometimes what trauma can look like is.

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Speaker 5: Apathy, right, like maybe that they just don't care.

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Speaker 3: So what that might look like in a relationship is

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Speaker 3: let's say your partner has a.

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Speaker 5: History of trauma. Maybe it's physical trauma. Maybe it wasn't sexual, right,

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Speaker 5: so maybe it was physical trauma, emotional trauma. What happened?

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Speaker 3: So maybe when you get into arguments, they just check out, right.

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Speaker 5: Like they're just not responding.

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Speaker 3: They and you interpret that as them just they just

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Speaker 3: don't care, right, where you just don't care, you don't

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Speaker 3: have nothing.

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Speaker 5: To say, right, right, you know, And really what it

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Speaker 5: is is hey disassociated. Right.

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Speaker 3: You triggered something in them that maybe it was physical

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Speaker 3: verbal of heusa home, and the way they learned to

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Speaker 3: survive that.

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Speaker 5: Was to just stay quiet, right, So.

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Speaker 3: Identifying that there might be some trauma there.

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Speaker 5: It can be also anger, right, you might see anger.

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Speaker 3: Or irritability, right, like just always angry, you know, and

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Speaker 3: just kind of reactive.

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Speaker 5: So identifying that there may be some trauma. And sometimes

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Speaker 5: that's hard for people. That's hard for people to even say,

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Speaker 5: what do you mean that was trauma? Right?

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Speaker 1: And yeah, because we've been taught to not we've been

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Speaker 1: taught to deny it, and like you said earlier, we've

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Speaker 1: been taught that, you know, we normalize these things as well,

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Speaker 1: this is just how you were raised and or you're

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Speaker 1: being weak if you are bringing up these issues. A

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Speaker 1: strong woman is supposed to take it and keep going.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, that's that's one of the narratives that just makes my.

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Speaker 3: Blood curl, right, because you're you're the measure of your

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Speaker 3: strength is and how much pain you can endure and

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Speaker 3: tolerate and extra points if you don't complain.

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Speaker 5: Right, right, Like the complain you went.

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Speaker 3: Through all that, right, whoa what you were like? You

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Speaker 3: were an extra extra level of good.

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Speaker 5: Woman, right, And so.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's how we're conditioned. And also you know there's

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Speaker 3: been so much research about how trauma also gets.

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Speaker 5: Passed in our DNA.

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Speaker 1: Yes, right, So coming into the world already some trauma, right.

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Speaker 5: So part of this is even identifying what it is

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Speaker 5: and why it's significant. Is not for us to play.

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Speaker 3: A victim role. Some people are like, I don't I'm

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Speaker 3: not a victim. Great, but we have to call it

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Speaker 3: with what it is. We're gonna heal what right, you

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Speaker 3: can't you cannot feel it, right.

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Speaker 4: Is mm hm.

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Speaker 5: And And so that's why it's important to know.

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Speaker 3: And it can really rob us of having the full

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Speaker 3: range of experience in life. That's what trauma does, is

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Speaker 3: it's a base and it rives us from the ability

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Speaker 3: to be in our bodies, feel safe in.

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Speaker 5: Our bodies, be present in our bodies, and to show

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Speaker 5: up for life fully. And that's why it's important to

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Speaker 5: be able to heal from it.

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Speaker 3: And sometimes I can start with just getting in your

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Speaker 3: body again.

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Speaker 5: I know, I'm going on and on and.

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Speaker 2: On, and it's so good you're doing.

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Speaker 5: You can't see us.

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Speaker 2: And we said we're doing a praise dance over points.

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Speaker 5: Okay, oh my gosh. Yeah, So any any time you

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Speaker 5: can begin to get in your at again.

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Speaker 3: So right, Peter Levine, who one of his books is

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Speaker 3: I believe, Waking the Tiger, he sort of is the

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Speaker 3: one who created somatic experiencing, trauma healing through somatic experiencing.

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Speaker 5: And so sometimes what happens is trauma robs us of

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Speaker 5: memory also, right, and it.

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Speaker 3: Also robs us of our ability sometimes of even vertilizing.

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Speaker 3: So that's why, like if you've gone through a traumatic event,

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Speaker 3: like let's say a car accident, and after the car accident,

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Speaker 3: you're just kind of like, I don't even have words,

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Speaker 3: right because that part of your brain that's kind of

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Speaker 3: getting hi jecked. And so sometimes it's less it's less

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Speaker 3: about retrieving those memories and more about what happens when

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Speaker 3: we're triggered and learning how.

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Speaker 5: To stay in our bodies again.

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Speaker 3: So yoga yoga trauma informed yoga. Yes, it's a wonderful

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Speaker 3: way that you can start experiencing this because there are

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Speaker 3: certain positions forms that you kind of take in yoga,

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Speaker 3: they can actually open up and help release some of

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Speaker 3: the trauma that may be stored in your body. So

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Speaker 3: if you've ever gone to a yoga class and for

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Speaker 3: some reason you feel emotional after you do.

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Speaker 5: A hip opener or a heart and opener, you're like,

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Speaker 5: why am I crying?

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Speaker 3: There is an actual release of emotional energy that is

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Speaker 3: taking place.

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Speaker 5: So trauma informed yoga in a wonderful avenue.

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Speaker 3: If one is not ready for therapy, you know, there's

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Speaker 3: equine therapy, you know, anything that can really get you

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Speaker 3: in your body, even just practicing a awareness when you are.

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Speaker 5: Walk walking right right.

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Speaker 4: That's so hard for some people to do. Re market.

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Speaker 5: That is start there, start in how oppressed can you be?

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Speaker 5: Any body?

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Speaker 3: Because it's not uncommon, it's not uncommon for people who

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Speaker 3: have undergone trauma, you know, to not even be able

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Speaker 3: to identify with.

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Speaker 5: Their feeling in their body.

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Speaker 3: So some of the work when I'm working with a client,

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Speaker 3: a lot of the times, you know, I will pause,

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Speaker 3: you know, throughout session and ask what's coming up for you?

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Speaker 3: And so my clients know that that means take a

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Speaker 3: minute and scan your body right what.

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Speaker 5: Am I feeling in my body? You know, is my

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Speaker 5: chest tightening, my stomach upset? My am I warm?

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Speaker 3: Notice your thoughts, what thoughts are coming up for me,

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Speaker 3: and notice your emotions.

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Speaker 5: And so that's something that you can be in doing.

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Speaker 3: And it can be really frustrated for people who have

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Speaker 3: who have a history of trauma that they sometimes can't

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Speaker 3: they don't know, and that's okay, and that's okay because

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Speaker 3: that can be shame and using for somebody, And it's

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Speaker 3: okay if you don't know.

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Speaker 5: That's what we're working towards.

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Speaker 3: So something as getting like an ice an ice cube,

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Speaker 3: or have a colleagen friend who would she keeps frozen

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Speaker 3: lines on hand for when we start to kind of

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Speaker 3: get triggered. Grab the line because often the extremities of

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Speaker 3: our body will keep sensation. So maybe grab that line

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Speaker 3: and hold that in your hand, okay, like with my notice.

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Speaker 5: So it's about getting back into our bodies.

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Speaker 2: That is just our jaws, like both of our jaws

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Speaker 2: like are on the floor.

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Speaker 4: I mean, this is this is so game changing.

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Speaker 2: And I guess I guess the one we want to

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Speaker 2: segue into some of the pleasurable things about that, the

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Speaker 2: ones we heal from the trauma in a good place

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Speaker 2: where we're like, we're open, we can we just get

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Speaker 2: right to it. Can we talk about because I know

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Speaker 2: when I grew up, you know, in the church, in

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Speaker 2: you know, a very religious environment, I was always taught like, oh, no,

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Speaker 2: masturbation is not a good thing you should not master.

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Speaker 2: But can we just talk about pleasuring ourselves and like

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Speaker 2: how to even learn and get started with that? If

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Speaker 2: you tried before and maybe you haven't had a good

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Speaker 2: experience and you're like it's not working, what do you do?

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Speaker 5: Tell us, let's talk about it.

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Speaker 3: Because you know, one of the things that I often

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Speaker 3: tell people when there is that religious sort of shame

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Speaker 3: or upbringing and individuals with a clitterist, right, if you

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Speaker 3: have a clitorist, then it's important to know that if

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Speaker 3: the religious sort of undertone, if I believe in a

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Speaker 3: power breader, then myself created with that design.

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Speaker 5: Intelligence, Well, the clitorist is the only.

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Speaker 3: Body part that is designed solely to experience sexual pleasure.

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Speaker 5: That's it. It doesn't serve any other function.

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Speaker 4: So there we go.

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Speaker 5: So created me to and design me.

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Speaker 3: Solely to experience a sexual pleasure.

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Speaker 5: There, then pleasure is my divine birth friend and that right.

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Speaker 3: So part of it is again, there might be shame,

443
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:34,520
Speaker 3: there may be trauma, It may be difficult to even

444
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:37,960
Speaker 3: be get exploring your body in a sexual way.

445
00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:39,320
Speaker 5: So start with.

446
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:44,840
Speaker 3: Really exploring what feels good to your senses in a

447
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:48,800
Speaker 3: sensual way. Doesn't necessarily have to be sexual at the beginning.

448
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:52,960
Speaker 3: If you're not ready for self pleasure, that might be

449
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:56,840
Speaker 3: a worn fast But I'm talking about a luscious bass, right,

450
00:26:56,920 --> 00:27:00,280
Speaker 3: and get all these essential oils, tht some coconut weld

451
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:04,359
Speaker 3: in the water, feel the different temperatures, set.

452
00:27:04,119 --> 00:27:09,199
Speaker 5: The mood, and notice what your body responds to. What

453
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:12,440
Speaker 5: does your body respond to? Then, as far as self

454
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:13,920
Speaker 5: pleasure goes, I.

455
00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:17,639
Speaker 3: Think a lot of the times it's because don't fully

456
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:22,000
Speaker 3: understand within sexuality, and that because there's not a lot

457
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:25,200
Speaker 3: of concern around it. To be honest, there's not a

458
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:27,640
Speaker 3: lot of resims done. It's just not a priority.

459
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:33,520
Speaker 5: It's not a priority when when men, you know, when you.

460
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:37,159
Speaker 3: Have an individual whose penis is not working, I tell you,

461
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:40,600
Speaker 3: there's there's gonna be a doctor that knows what to do.

462
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:45,800
Speaker 3: There's gonna be a pill, there's gonna be research around it. Right,

463
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:48,800
Speaker 3: Like how will we get penis back to work? Not

464
00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:54,240
Speaker 3: the same with individuals with vaginas.

465
00:27:54,520 --> 00:28:00,399
Speaker 1: Right, it's pathologized oftentimes, absolutely.

466
00:27:59,880 --> 00:28:04,879
Speaker 3: And it's also because it's it's misunderstood the majority of

467
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:10,560
Speaker 3: individuals need extra stimulation to the literal area.

468
00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:11,240
Speaker 5: Right.

469
00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:17,080
Speaker 3: I think it's like seventy percent of women will experience orgasm.

470
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 5: As a result of literal stimulation. Right.

471
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:27,919
Speaker 3: But the focus often is in vaginal penetration exactly. So

472
00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:33,080
Speaker 3: it's about really taking the time to explore. So there's

473
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:37,719
Speaker 3: a resource, a website you may have heard of it.

474
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:43,440
Speaker 3: It's called oe g Yes, So Okay Yes is a

475
00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:45,680
Speaker 3: website that is.

476
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:49,280
Speaker 5: Dedicated so linked to women's.

477
00:28:48,880 --> 00:28:54,560
Speaker 3: Sexual pleasure and so it's kind of filmed in documentary style,

478
00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:59,880
Speaker 3: but it's women. It's a how to on different tech

479
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:03,480
Speaker 3: niques of self pleasure, and so you can watch it

480
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:07,040
Speaker 3: alone or you can watch it with your partner and

481
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:09,400
Speaker 3: even has like, you know, ways that you can kind

482
00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:12,840
Speaker 3: of practice you know here, like with if you're on

483
00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:16,160
Speaker 3: your phone or what have you. But og guess one

484
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:19,840
Speaker 3: of my favorite, absolute favorite books is Come as Far

485
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:23,600
Speaker 3: by Emily Legoalski, which is.

486
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:27,600
Speaker 5: I've recommended that book to women and don't come back

487
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:28,000
Speaker 5: and say.

488
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:31,840
Speaker 3: That book change my life because it's really thorough and

489
00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:37,080
Speaker 3: really dedicated to understanding women's sexuality. So what I would

490
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:40,200
Speaker 3: say is just start off by exploring.

491
00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:44,000
Speaker 5: Make it an event, like take your time explore.

492
00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:48,920
Speaker 3: If you're going to introduce toys and you've never used

493
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:51,960
Speaker 3: toys in the past, start off with something small.

494
00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:54,080
Speaker 5: Find something that does.

495
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:58,720
Speaker 3: Primarily stimulation to your glitterists, so like a bullet or

496
00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:01,040
Speaker 3: what have you, versus think that might be a little

497
00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:03,520
Speaker 3: more intimidating versus anything.

498
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:05,840
Speaker 5: That might be you know, penetrative.

499
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 3: Focus on that and really learning your own body first.

500
00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:16,960
Speaker 2: Seriously, I mean all I can we're going to just

501
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:20,240
Speaker 2: say wow, the whole episode. I mean we're taking notes.

502
00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:28,280
Speaker 2: I've taken notes from a selfish perspective. Over here another.

503
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:30,520
Speaker 5: Web, these these two amazing clinicians.

504
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:33,880
Speaker 3: They're in Saint Louis or they're they're sex educators, so

505
00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:39,000
Speaker 3: Afro sexology. They have a resource of book like an

506
00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:41,480
Speaker 3: ebook that is dedicated.

507
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:44,880
Speaker 5: Also primarily to orgasm and exploring.

508
00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:49,200
Speaker 3: So much of this is going to be about exploring,

509
00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:55,720
Speaker 3: taking your time, patience, giving yourself the time to explore,

510
00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:59,120
Speaker 3: because that's the other thing is that you know, if

511
00:30:59,120 --> 00:30:59,800
Speaker 3: you do have.

512
00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:03,920
Speaker 5: It will probably take a little bit more time. I

513
00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:04,520
Speaker 5: think on.

514
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:12,400
Speaker 3: Average it requires about seventeen to twenty minutes of direct

515
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:15,720
Speaker 3: literal stimulation for some women to orgasm.

516
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:17,800
Speaker 5: But what happens during.

517
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:21,920
Speaker 3: Partners that sex, primarily heterosexual partnered sex, is Oh, it's

518
00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:22,560
Speaker 3: taking too long.

519
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:24,640
Speaker 5: Why is it taking so long? Right?

520
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:26,840
Speaker 4: Yea, So it.

521
00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:32,920
Speaker 5: Really, people, is for the experience to be more pleasure

522
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:37,600
Speaker 5: focused versus goal oriented, orgasm being the goal.

523
00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:42,320
Speaker 3: It takes the time to experience the pleasure in it.

524
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:44,280
Speaker 4: Yes, have fun with it.

525
00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:48,200
Speaker 2: Yes, it's not about the destination, but about the journey, right,

526
00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:49,360
Speaker 2: It's about the journey.

527
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:50,360
Speaker 4: Oh my god.

528
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:54,680
Speaker 3: Well, you know sex is the adult version of play, right, Yes,

529
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:57,560
Speaker 3: that's a great way to think about it.

530
00:31:57,680 --> 00:32:01,320
Speaker 5: Yes, yeah, so take the time.

531
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:04,440
Speaker 3: It's when we have it's when we.

532
00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:05,880
Speaker 5: Place certain you know.

533
00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:10,200
Speaker 3: I like to say sexpectations on the experience that really

534
00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:11,760
Speaker 3: can produce more insight.

535
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:14,640
Speaker 5: The more anxiety, the more intense you're going to.

536
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:17,400
Speaker 3: Be, the more are the less you're going to be open.

537
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:20,480
Speaker 3: The less open, the more difficult it is for you.

538
00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:22,920
Speaker 5: To be able to experience pleasure.

539
00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:26,280
Speaker 3: And when I say open, I mean just generally speaking,

540
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:31,560
Speaker 3: your body just being open and not contracted intent.

541
00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:35,960
Speaker 2: This is just so amazing, Lisa. I feel like now

542
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:37,840
Speaker 2: that we're talking, we talked about play a little bit.

543
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:40,560
Speaker 2: I just want to transition into a sort of fun

544
00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:43,680
Speaker 2: segment where we ask you some fun questions, kind of

545
00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:44,560
Speaker 2: like rapid.

546
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:46,440
Speaker 4: Fire style, just to get.

547
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:49,479
Speaker 2: To learn more about you and your fun side. So

548
00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:52,120
Speaker 2: I'd love to just dive right in and let's do it.

549
00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:54,880
Speaker 2: So the first question I have for you is, would

550
00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:59,240
Speaker 2: you rather have unlimited sushi for life or unlimited tacos

551
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:02,920
Speaker 2: for life?

552
00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:07,240
Speaker 4: I think that yes sometimes.

553
00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:11,200
Speaker 2: Okay, what about let's see would you rather be able

554
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:14,480
Speaker 2: to see ten minutes into your own future or ten

555
00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:18,880
Speaker 2: minutes into the future of anyone but yourself mine?

556
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:23,800
Speaker 4: It's like, I want to know, right, tell me what

557
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:24,640
Speaker 4: to expect.

558
00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:27,920
Speaker 2: Would you rather go back to age five with everything

559
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:31,960
Speaker 2: you know now or know now everything your future self

560
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:32,520
Speaker 2: will learn?

561
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:38,680
Speaker 5: I would say no, I don't think my future self

562
00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:39,200
Speaker 5: would learn.

563
00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:40,840
Speaker 4: Yes, you are.

564
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:43,000
Speaker 2: I can tell you are a visionary and you like

565
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:46,000
Speaker 2: to know the details the same exact way I can

566
00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:46,280
Speaker 2: dig it.

567
00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:46,960
Speaker 4: So a few more.

568
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:49,560
Speaker 2: Questions and then we'll go ahead and get your contact

569
00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:52,440
Speaker 2: information so folks can learn where to find you online

570
00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:54,920
Speaker 2: and where to book their sessions, because I am sure

571
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:57,960
Speaker 2: you're going to have some new clients after our ladies

572
00:33:57,960 --> 00:34:01,800
Speaker 2: here this episode. Text mess at your call, it depends on.

573
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:07,200
Speaker 4: That is such a therapist response.

574
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:12,960
Speaker 3: That we'll take you. You know, if I really it's

575
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:14,799
Speaker 3: somebody that I really want to talk to.

576
00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:18,960
Speaker 5: I had a nice conversation. If I just need to

577
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:20,000
Speaker 5: get out the phone.

578
00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:28,359
Speaker 2: Text, singing or dancing, dancing, voter plane.

579
00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:32,160
Speaker 5: Boat because I love the ocean.

580
00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:39,720
Speaker 2: Yes, and last but not least, love or money, love, love.

581
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:43,160
Speaker 2: I know that's right, right, Lisa. You have dropped so

582
00:34:43,440 --> 00:34:47,360
Speaker 2: many gyms, so much knowledge. We've both taken notes. This

583
00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:49,360
Speaker 2: has been such a pleasure. Thank you so much for

584
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:52,800
Speaker 2: taking the time to share your gifts with us. We

585
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:55,680
Speaker 2: would love to connect our community with you. So if

586
00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:57,279
Speaker 2: you can just tell us where we can find you

587
00:34:57,520 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 2: all over the place on social media, we'll be sure

588
00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:02,600
Speaker 2: to get I'm connected to you, yeah, so you.

589
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:07,520
Speaker 3: Can find me on Instagram and on Facebook, slow and ease.

590
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:11,600
Speaker 5: With and I'm on Twitter e l I.

591
00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:14,120
Speaker 3: Z A g b o q u I n so

592
00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:21,600
Speaker 3: its g bocine and my website is flowing Healing dot com.

593
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:26,640
Speaker 2: That was amazing. I am still mentally processing our conversation

594
00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:29,839
Speaker 2: with Alisa, and I took some notes, so we got

595
00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:32,799
Speaker 2: we just gotta talk about it, like let's just do it.

596
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:33,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, let's do it.

597
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:37,160
Speaker 2: I don't even know where to start. I feel like

598
00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:39,480
Speaker 2: I got my whole life. I feel like I have homework,

599
00:35:39,560 --> 00:35:43,200
Speaker 2: personal homework. But it was just so deep, like some

600
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:47,920
Speaker 2: of the points that she shared. One and you emphasize this,

601
00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:50,680
Speaker 2: like what you said, you don't dive into trauma. And

602
00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:53,239
Speaker 2: it was like, oh, light bulb, Oh my gosh, because

603
00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:55,879
Speaker 2: in my mind, as this ambitious person, even my own

604
00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:57,480
Speaker 2: trauma's like, all right, let's dive in. Let's do it,

605
00:35:57,560 --> 00:35:59,680
Speaker 2: let's put it on the calendar, let's just dive in deep.

606
00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:01,800
Speaker 2: But it's not, no, we gotta, we gotta sometimes you

607
00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:05,160
Speaker 2: got a tiptoe in there, right, And that's why I

608
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:06,960
Speaker 2: brought that up. That's why I said it like that,

609
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:09,920
Speaker 2: because I was like, I know that that's one of

610
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:15,200
Speaker 2: our usual taglines is to say, let's dive in. Oh,

611
00:36:15,239 --> 00:36:17,560
Speaker 2: and so I knew that this was like one of

612
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:20,360
Speaker 2: those things where it's like, no, we can't, We're gonna.

613
00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:22,440
Speaker 5: And then all.

614
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:26,160
Speaker 7: Into this is something that we really do have to

615
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 7: ease into and I wanted to kind of take away

616
00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:34,480
Speaker 7: that expectation that we sometimes placed on one another that

617
00:36:35,160 --> 00:36:39,160
Speaker 7: you have to be willing to go deep right away.

618
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:41,880
Speaker 7: This is not when we're trying to deal with trauma.

619
00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:46,280
Speaker 7: When we're trying to heal from trauma, it's not gonna

620
00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:52,000
Speaker 7: be something that's gonna happen overnight. And part of going

621
00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:56,040
Speaker 7: to therapy, even even if you're not going for a

622
00:36:56,200 --> 00:37:01,799
Speaker 7: traumatic experience, part of going to therapy can be painful.

623
00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:04,320
Speaker 4: It can be vulnerable, Like.

624
00:37:04,320 --> 00:37:07,000
Speaker 7: For myself, even like I've had times where I've gone

625
00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:10,480
Speaker 7: in and it's a sunshiny day and I'm in a

626
00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:14,120
Speaker 7: great mood, and then I get to therapy and we

627
00:37:14,239 --> 00:37:16,120
Speaker 7: start processing.

628
00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:19,160
Speaker 4: And next thing you know, I'm like crying.

629
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:22,960
Speaker 1: Well all in my eyes, a cry, clean access full

630
00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:25,879
Speaker 1: of snod, the whole deed, the whole bit.

631
00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:33,200
Speaker 7: And it's because therapy is that opportunity to release. It's

632
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:39,200
Speaker 7: that space where you can really be vulnerable and tap

633
00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:43,360
Speaker 7: into those things. But it doesn't have to be something

634
00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:46,640
Speaker 7: that you dive.

635
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:49,480
Speaker 2: Into that's so powerful. And one thing you said is

636
00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:51,839
Speaker 2: we have this expectation of others, but I also want

637
00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:53,719
Speaker 2: to add even ourselves, because I know for me, I

638
00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:55,880
Speaker 2: put this expectation on myself, like oh, I got to

639
00:37:55,920 --> 00:37:57,439
Speaker 2: dive into this and heal from it and be okay

640
00:37:57,480 --> 00:37:58,840
Speaker 2: and then move on and tell a story about it

641
00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:01,760
Speaker 2: and inspire people to say. WHOA, let's let you actually

642
00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:04,520
Speaker 2: process this and feel all the emotions without having to

643
00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:07,360
Speaker 2: attach how you're going to overcome, but just like feel

644
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:09,040
Speaker 2: those emotions like they're valid.

645
00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:11,759
Speaker 4: And I mean what she.

646
00:38:11,719 --> 00:38:15,879
Speaker 2: Said about trauma getting passed in the DNA like o MG,

647
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:18,480
Speaker 2: especially with okay, you you know, we always have to

648
00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:20,200
Speaker 2: go here. But I do want to say that I've

649
00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:24,160
Speaker 2: been just kind of skimming some research recently about slavery

650
00:38:24,239 --> 00:38:29,560
Speaker 2: and how the trauma of our ancestors, Yes, that has

651
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:32,279
Speaker 2: impacted us. So like the trauma getting pasted in DNA

652
00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:37,080
Speaker 2: is just like WHOA, like another mind blowing like point.

653
00:38:37,239 --> 00:38:41,719
Speaker 2: And then when you think about this part here, you

654
00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:44,080
Speaker 2: have to call it what it is in order to heal,

655
00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:45,680
Speaker 2: like you have to know what the wound is. If

656
00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:47,600
Speaker 2: you're walking around you're bleeding and you don't know where

657
00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:50,680
Speaker 2: it's coming from, like in the physical world, how how

658
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:52,520
Speaker 2: you going to bandage what's going on and you don't

659
00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:55,240
Speaker 2: even you haven't identified the cause and come to grips

660
00:38:55,239 --> 00:38:57,279
Speaker 2: with Okay, this is where I'm hurting, this is the

661
00:38:57,280 --> 00:38:59,520
Speaker 2: cause of this thing that happened, if you have an

662
00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:01,600
Speaker 2: open world. And so it's the same way when it

663
00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:03,839
Speaker 2: comes to trauma, and like you said, like we don't

664
00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:06,040
Speaker 2: have to dive in deep and you don't have to

665
00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:08,719
Speaker 2: do it all in one sitting, like it's a process,

666
00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:11,640
Speaker 2: and just to be a little transparent, I'm working through

667
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:16,520
Speaker 2: some traumatic experiences right now. For me, it's a process.

668
00:39:16,640 --> 00:39:20,319
Speaker 2: I've also been to therapy and I'll meet with the

669
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:22,080
Speaker 2: therapist and it's a great day and then by the

670
00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:23,640
Speaker 2: time i leave, I'm like, well, god damn it, I'm

671
00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:26,640
Speaker 2: depressed now. But it's part of the work, it is.

672
00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:30,040
Speaker 2: And the good thing is it's like there, it does

673
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:32,560
Speaker 2: get better, and these feelings won't last forever. And one

674
00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:35,520
Speaker 2: thing that one of my counsels that shared is that

675
00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:39,080
Speaker 2: I think she said something like emotions last for ninety seconds.

676
00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:42,440
Speaker 2: Like from a neurological standpoint, it doesn't last long. So like,

677
00:39:42,719 --> 00:39:45,560
Speaker 2: let yourself feel that emotion, get it out, Like it's

678
00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:49,160
Speaker 2: okay to be angry, right, Like that's okay, it's okay

679
00:39:49,239 --> 00:39:50,560
Speaker 2: to let's just.

680
00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:52,160
Speaker 4: Sit with that. It's okay to be angry.

681
00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:55,600
Speaker 2: What causes us issues is when you act on that

682
00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:57,480
Speaker 2: anger in a way that isn't productive. Right, So if

683
00:39:57,520 --> 00:39:59,520
Speaker 2: you go to harm someone or harm yourself, but it's

684
00:39:59,560 --> 00:40:00,440
Speaker 2: okay to be angry.

685
00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:04,480
Speaker 7: The other piece with that too, is if you don't

686
00:40:04,680 --> 00:40:07,279
Speaker 7: let yourself experience the emotions.

687
00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:09,360
Speaker 5: Yeah, So if you're trying.

688
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:11,960
Speaker 7: To fight the anger, or if you're trying to fight

689
00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:16,279
Speaker 7: the hurt, then that's only going to cause more pain

690
00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:19,960
Speaker 7: and discomfort for you. And for some of us, some

691
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:26,839
Speaker 7: of our anxiety stills from not dealing with our other emotions,

692
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:29,880
Speaker 7: not letting us feel the feelings.

693
00:40:30,480 --> 00:40:33,600
Speaker 2: Yes, and I want to share the two mantras that

694
00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:35,480
Speaker 2: I'm going to be like implementing in my own life

695
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:38,160
Speaker 2: now because the trauma that I'm working through now is

696
00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:42,000
Speaker 2: related to sexual trauma from a childhood and the thing

697
00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:43,959
Speaker 2: about and we definitely have to do an episode about

698
00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:45,960
Speaker 2: this in the future, But one of the things that

699
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:49,120
Speaker 2: I've been like trying to do is create a safe

700
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:52,000
Speaker 2: space to kind of call up my younger self, because

701
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:53,920
Speaker 2: I feel like my younger self has been like just

702
00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:55,760
Speaker 2: trying to like reach out or like get some closure,

703
00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:58,320
Speaker 2: and so speaking to that younger me and like letting

704
00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:02,320
Speaker 2: her know that one you, we're not wrong, It's okay.

705
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:05,960
Speaker 2: You can feel angry, like even like nurturing myself, hugging

706
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:08,400
Speaker 2: myself and letting myself don't know that it was okay.

707
00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:13,720
Speaker 2: I am safe now, I'm safe, you know, in my body.

708
00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:16,319
Speaker 2: I am at home in my body and things like that.

709
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:18,239
Speaker 2: That's kind of those are the mantras that I want

710
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:20,359
Speaker 2: to begin to repeat to myself so that I can

711
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:22,399
Speaker 2: heal from the things that I've been through that are

712
00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:25,319
Speaker 2: lodged in me, that I've suppressed so deep that it's

713
00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:28,160
Speaker 2: hard to just recall them and you know, bring it up.

714
00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:29,719
Speaker 2: And so we'll definitely have to dive into that. But

715
00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:32,880
Speaker 2: I think this episode was just I can't wait to

716
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:35,960
Speaker 2: listen to the episode and take more notes and have

717
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:39,200
Speaker 2: a conversation with you, lady, like, as you listen, wherever

718
00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:41,920
Speaker 2: you are in your life, just think about the experiences

719
00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:43,759
Speaker 2: that you've had, think about the questions that have come

720
00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:46,600
Speaker 2: up for you, and please, please please reach out to

721
00:41:46,680 --> 00:41:50,960
Speaker 2: us on Instagram, in the DM, on Facebook. You can

722
00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:54,200
Speaker 2: send us an email at her Space podcast at gmail

723
00:41:54,239 --> 00:41:57,600
Speaker 2: dot com, or you know, comments on Apple or wherever

724
00:41:57,640 --> 00:41:59,799
Speaker 2: you're listening to this like, leave us comments, let us

725
00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:01,520
Speaker 2: know because we want to have a conversation with you.

726
00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:04,400
Speaker 2: We're not just here to hear ourselves talk or just

727
00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:06,439
Speaker 2: to do this for fun, Like we want to heal.

728
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:08,480
Speaker 2: This is all about healing conversations.

729
00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:12,640
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, And share this with your partners.

730
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:17,480
Speaker 7: Let your partners hear this conversation so that even if

731
00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:20,759
Speaker 7: you were in a space where you don't quite have

732
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:25,520
Speaker 7: the words to articulate what you're thinking and what you're feeling,

733
00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:29,080
Speaker 7: just share this episode with them so that they can

734
00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:32,680
Speaker 7: kind of get a sense of how to help you

735
00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:38,680
Speaker 7: through this process. And like it was mentioned earlier, know

736
00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:43,320
Speaker 7: that it's a shared process when you're in a relationship.

737
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:47,840
Speaker 7: It's not just one of one of you, it's both

738
00:42:47,880 --> 00:42:49,880
Speaker 7: of you.

739
00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:54,120
Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us today in her space. Please note

740
00:42:54,239 --> 00:42:58,160
Speaker 1: that I show may contain conversations about self help, advice,

741
00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:02,240
Speaker 1: self empowerment, andntal health, but it is by no means

742
00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:05,640
Speaker 1: meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship

743
00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:09,480
Speaker 1: with a trained mental health provider. If you or someone

744
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:12,400
Speaker 1: you know is in need of mental health care, please

745
00:43:12,480 --> 00:43:16,799
Speaker 1: visit the Thera People, Black Girls Directory Psychology today or

746
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:18,680
Speaker 1: contact your insurance provider.

747
00:43:19,880 --> 00:43:21,960
Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

748
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:26,759
Speaker 2: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and

749
00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:32,640
Speaker 2: Twitter at her space podcast or check out our website

750
00:43:32,640 --> 00:43:37,480
Speaker 2: at herspacepodcast dot com. And before we meet again, repeat

751
00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:42,080
Speaker 2: after me, I release what no longer serves me to

752
00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:44,760
Speaker 2: manifest what I desire.

753
00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:49,880
Speaker 4: Thanks for joining us. We'll see you next week, Lady