WEBVTT - Gabby Reece 0:00:04.880 --> 0:00:08.160 This constant fear of like what other people think. There's 0:00:08.200 --> 0:00:10.760 no audience, Like who do you think is watching? 0:00:10.840 --> 0:00:13.280 If you really want to oversimplified, it's like we're not 0:00:13.360 --> 0:00:17.840 hearing that long for real. Therese like just let's roll 0:00:17.920 --> 0:00:20.520 even when it gets hard and bad. I agree with you, 0:00:20.560 --> 0:00:22.599 and it's like, hey, listen, this is hard and bad. 0:00:22.600 --> 0:00:25.720 And by the way, that's okay too, Like that's part. 0:00:25.360 --> 0:00:27.920 One hundred percent and it's going to pass like everything else, 0:00:28.280 --> 0:00:29.480 like including our lives. 0:00:29.560 --> 0:00:33.360 Yeah, hello, I'm mini driver. 0:00:33.960 --> 0:00:38.320 I've always loved Proust's questionnaire. It was originally in nineteenth 0:00:38.360 --> 0:00:41.840 century parlor game where players would ask each other thirty 0:00:41.840 --> 0:00:45.520 five questions aimed at revealing the other player's true nature. 0:00:46.440 --> 0:00:49.360 In asking different people the same set of questions, you 0:00:49.360 --> 0:00:52.720 can make observations about which truths appear to be universal. 0:00:52.920 --> 0:00:55.720 And it made me wonder, what if these questions were 0:00:55.800 --> 0:00:58.480 just a jumping off point, what greater depths would be 0:00:58.520 --> 0:01:02.560 revealed if I asked these questions as conversation starters. So 0:01:02.800 --> 0:01:05.480 I adapted Pru's questionnai and I wrote my own seven 0:01:05.560 --> 0:01:08.880 questions that I personally think are pertinent to a person's story. 0:01:09.200 --> 0:01:12.319 They are when and where were you happiest? What is 0:01:12.319 --> 0:01:15.800 the quality you like least about yourself? What relationship, real 0:01:15.959 --> 0:01:19.560 or fictionalized, defines love for you? What question would you 0:01:19.600 --> 0:01:23.679 most like answered, What person, place, or experience has shaped 0:01:23.680 --> 0:01:26.440 you the most? What would be your last meal? And 0:01:26.480 --> 0:01:29.040 can you tell me something in your life that's grown 0:01:29.120 --> 0:01:30.400 out of a personal disaster? 0:01:31.360 --> 0:01:35.800 And I've gathered a group of really remarkable people, ones 0:01:35.880 --> 0:01:38.240 that I am honored and humbled to have had the 0:01:38.319 --> 0:01:39.240 chance to engage with. 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:42.039 You may not hear their answers to all seven of 0:01:42.240 --> 0:01:46.039 these questions. We've whittled it down to which questions felt 0:01:46.120 --> 0:01:50.480 closest to their experience, or the most surprising, or created 0:01:50.600 --> 0:01:55.200 the most fertile ground to connect. My guest today is 0:01:55.240 --> 0:02:00.840 the athlete, podcaster, and wellness oracle Gabrielle Reese. Gabby is 0:02:00.840 --> 0:02:03.440 an Olympian, which tells you right away a lot of 0:02:03.440 --> 0:02:06.040 what she is made of. We live in the same 0:02:06.120 --> 0:02:09.320 small beach community in California where she has these legendary 0:02:09.360 --> 0:02:14.040 workout sessions that leave people stronger, fitter, having physically achieved 0:02:14.080 --> 0:02:15.119 things they never. 0:02:14.919 --> 0:02:18.760 Thought they could. I've never run into her and been 0:02:18.800 --> 0:02:21.880 met with anything less than her wonderfully direct gaze, her 0:02:21.919 --> 0:02:25.480 warmth and her presence. There aren't many people who I 0:02:25.520 --> 0:02:28.960 really believe one hundred percent about health, wellness and fitness, 0:02:29.160 --> 0:02:31.280 because there always seems to be some kind of Hollywood 0:02:31.320 --> 0:02:33.720 snake oil attached to it. But Gabby Reese and her 0:02:33.800 --> 0:02:37.680 husband Led Hamilton are the real deal. Gabby's been living 0:02:37.720 --> 0:02:40.519 what she talks about on her podcast, The Gabby Reese 0:02:40.520 --> 0:02:43.000 Show since she was a kid training for the Olympics. 0:02:43.600 --> 0:02:45.840 This was such a great conversation where someone I'm deeply 0:02:45.840 --> 0:02:54.600 inspired by and admire so greatly. So my first question 0:02:55.040 --> 0:02:57.600 is where and when were you happiest? 0:02:58.760 --> 0:03:01.680 Where and when was I happiest? I think for me, 0:03:02.280 --> 0:03:04.560 you know, I always joke about in a way there's 0:03:04.560 --> 0:03:06.520 a part of me, a lot of me that's very 0:03:06.600 --> 0:03:09.480 very simple, and this has happened multiple times when I'm 0:03:09.520 --> 0:03:13.399 in bed and sort of the immediate circle everybody's okay. 0:03:13.880 --> 0:03:16.359 I know that feeling right before I go to bed 0:03:16.440 --> 0:03:20.600 of sort of feeling really good. You know, no girls 0:03:20.639 --> 0:03:23.960 in an urgency, they're healthy, I sort of, they're tucked in. 0:03:24.480 --> 0:03:27.680 Larry and I were in a dance like we're not 0:03:27.720 --> 0:03:30.160 stepping on each other's toes. So I think for me, 0:03:30.240 --> 0:03:33.720 that feeling of happiness that you talk about has really 0:03:33.760 --> 0:03:35.960 shown up for me in that moment right before I 0:03:36.000 --> 0:03:38.440 go to bed. And I would say, I'm a person 0:03:38.520 --> 0:03:44.520 who doesn't really look at the past too much, so 0:03:44.840 --> 0:03:47.000 I don't think it occurs to me. Oh, I was 0:03:47.120 --> 0:03:50.200 really happy when I was playing volleyball, or of course 0:03:50.240 --> 0:03:52.760 I enjoyed when my kids were babies. But I think 0:03:53.200 --> 0:03:59.160 it's this idea of I also kind of look forward often. 0:04:00.000 --> 0:04:05.280 It's a function of also being like, quite literally and figuratively, 0:04:05.760 --> 0:04:09.040 you guys lead an action packed life, and then there 0:04:09.120 --> 0:04:12.600 is a huge amount of movement, both kind of where 0:04:12.640 --> 0:04:15.480 you are geographically and like the things that make up 0:04:15.480 --> 0:04:17.880 yours and lad's life, and I'm assuming you're girls too, Like, 0:04:18.080 --> 0:04:19.919 do you think that that the notion of action is 0:04:20.000 --> 0:04:25.279 kind of the stasis and then that piece calm, everybody's quiet, 0:04:25.320 --> 0:04:29.400 everybody's tucked in, that the space for that is where 0:04:29.440 --> 0:04:32.920 you can really sort of rest and feel centered. 0:04:33.560 --> 0:04:37.000 Yeah, I think that really supports that mentality. I think, 0:04:37.080 --> 0:04:39.160 you know, Lared heard a quote many years ago, never 0:04:39.400 --> 0:04:43.640 let your accomplishments be greater than your dreams. And I 0:04:43.680 --> 0:04:48.560 think both of us are sort of hardwired to go like, hey, 0:04:48.600 --> 0:04:52.160 what's around the corner and listen. It's it's great. You 0:04:52.200 --> 0:04:54.680 know this from your own experience to have had some 0:04:54.839 --> 0:04:59.479 semblance of hey, good job, well done. I could figure 0:04:59.480 --> 0:05:00.840 it out. I don't know how to I'm, you know, 0:05:00.880 --> 0:05:02.880 approaching something I don't know how to do. I have 0:05:02.920 --> 0:05:04.880 a body of evidence that I could probably try to 0:05:04.920 --> 0:05:07.880 figure something out. Those things are nice that give you 0:05:07.920 --> 0:05:12.200 that kind of confidence, but the hardwiring of that's not 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:15.400 in my control. I can't spend a lot of time there, 0:05:15.480 --> 0:05:20.520 So why not create new experiences or fun or challenges 0:05:20.720 --> 0:05:23.479 or things that will bring me satisfaction and purpose. I 0:05:23.520 --> 0:05:26.919 feel like that's something that is hardwired in lair Night individually. 0:05:27.080 --> 0:05:30.560 And then the fact that we're in this coupleton makes 0:05:30.560 --> 0:05:31.840 it maybe a little easier. 0:05:32.279 --> 0:05:33.560 How long have you guys been together? 0:05:33.920 --> 0:05:38.880 We have been together for almost twenty nine years. We've 0:05:38.920 --> 0:05:42.760 been married for almost twenty seven years. Wow, I know 0:05:43.080 --> 0:05:44.799 I am way too young, way. 0:05:44.600 --> 0:05:46.680 Too young to have been lit. 0:05:49.000 --> 0:05:52.200 I just kid, you know, listen, And having said that, 0:05:52.200 --> 0:05:54.279 that sounds like a grand number. I always joke laired 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:57.960 and I really almost got divorced to different times. You know, 0:05:57.960 --> 0:06:01.719 it's been a really good last fifteen years layered you know, 0:06:01.760 --> 0:06:06.359 stop drinking alcohol sixteen years ago. That really was really 0:06:06.400 --> 0:06:09.920 good for the relationships. So I never want to sell 0:06:09.920 --> 0:06:13.760 a bill of goods and like, yeah, it's just easy street. 0:06:13.800 --> 0:06:16.960 But I also think in some ways we are we 0:06:17.040 --> 0:06:19.680 have some things that make it easier to be together. 0:06:20.400 --> 0:06:22.640 So interesting. I think when your happiness is wrapped up 0:06:22.960 --> 0:06:26.920 with another human of how the parameters of that change 0:06:26.960 --> 0:06:29.680 and the stuff that becomes non negotiable about Yes, we 0:06:29.680 --> 0:06:31.880 always go I have to look to myself to kind 0:06:31.880 --> 0:06:35.160 of change to evolve in a relationship, but there are 0:06:35.839 --> 0:06:37.839 certain hard and fast things that you go, this is 0:06:37.880 --> 0:06:40.640 no longer working, and it's kind of like evolve or die. 0:06:40.960 --> 0:06:44.640 And I think it's amazing to be able to stay 0:06:44.680 --> 0:06:48.560 in that version of happiness with someone that accommodates sort 0:06:48.560 --> 0:06:54.640 of radical evolution and radical self knowledge to support kind 0:06:54.640 --> 0:06:57.359 of the organism of a family. Like it's it's a 0:06:57.400 --> 0:06:58.640 proper commitment. 0:06:58.839 --> 0:07:02.080 It is. And maybe one thing I do buy into 0:07:02.640 --> 0:07:08.240 coming from sports is there is good hard and I 0:07:08.240 --> 0:07:12.320 don't believe in making myself my life unnecessarily hard. I 0:07:12.360 --> 0:07:14.920 don't like to do that. I like to actually make 0:07:15.000 --> 0:07:20.040 things easy, but I do seek out good, hard, hard 0:07:20.240 --> 0:07:24.920 that I know goes to another level and not shying 0:07:24.960 --> 0:07:30.040 away from it. But at the end end of the day, 0:07:30.120 --> 0:07:32.840 it is still on each of us as individuals, like 0:07:32.880 --> 0:07:34.840 there's just no way around it. Like I could have 0:07:34.920 --> 0:07:37.920 the greatest partner who pushes me, you know, maybe I 0:07:37.960 --> 0:07:40.440 get some courage from laired to be kind of certain 0:07:40.480 --> 0:07:43.400 parts of my personality that I wouldn't, you know, even 0:07:43.440 --> 0:07:47.480 for my children. It's like it's on me to figure 0:07:47.520 --> 0:07:50.880 out what's going to make me feel good. And Byron 0:07:50.960 --> 0:07:53.600 Katie said to me once something one time years ago. 0:07:53.760 --> 0:07:55.760 She said, you know, if you want to change your environment, 0:07:55.880 --> 0:08:00.200 change yourself, And I thought, yeah, it's such a such 0:08:00.200 --> 0:08:04.160 a constant truth. And it's so hard because. 0:08:03.920 --> 0:08:07.240 You think I can visit them, I know, because it's 0:08:07.240 --> 0:08:09.480 so much that I need to see somebody else's shit 0:08:09.560 --> 0:08:11.680 than it is to see you or to offer up 0:08:11.720 --> 0:08:14.320 advice on how for them to fix it. The exo 0:08:14.400 --> 0:08:19.200 stuff is so much easier than the internal journey. And 0:08:19.320 --> 0:08:25.960 yet that's why we've got to do it. What is 0:08:26.000 --> 0:08:28.040 the quality you like least about yourself? 0:08:28.920 --> 0:08:32.920 Jeez, I think I'm not looking for fun and that 0:08:33.240 --> 0:08:37.280 sort of that's not great. I know, Lair looks at 0:08:37.280 --> 0:08:38.640 me on the side of his head so many days 0:08:38.679 --> 0:08:41.080 because he really is looking for fun, like the real fun. 0:08:41.120 --> 0:08:44.600 They'll like out in nature, you know, be in the moment, 0:08:44.679 --> 0:08:48.280 have the wind blowing, just like the good fun. And 0:08:48.920 --> 0:08:53.280 I'm sort of like, yeah, I'm looking for work and order, 0:08:53.679 --> 0:08:56.840 and maybe that's my version of trying to have some 0:08:56.920 --> 0:09:01.200 kind of control. I get a deep sense of fulfillment 0:09:01.360 --> 0:09:05.680 from Oh, okay, goal task completion. I love all that. Like, 0:09:05.720 --> 0:09:07.160 if you want to visit with me and talk, I 0:09:07.160 --> 0:09:10.520 can be funny and fun, but I'm not personally looking 0:09:10.600 --> 0:09:14.160 for like big fun, and I think that's a really 0:09:14.160 --> 0:09:16.120 important part of being human being. 0:09:17.280 --> 0:09:19.880 I really like that observation. No one's ever answered that, 0:09:20.040 --> 0:09:21.880 but it's sort of I think it makes for quite 0:09:21.880 --> 0:09:25.600 a good compliment with someone like Lad who is essentially 0:09:25.960 --> 0:09:30.040 Puck in the Shakespearean sense of just the mischief maker, 0:09:30.600 --> 0:09:34.280 the seeker of the fun and the naughtiness and the 0:09:34.760 --> 0:09:36.599 loves to get in trouble just to see how he 0:09:36.640 --> 0:09:40.080 can get out of it, Like Puck kind of needs 0:09:40.120 --> 0:09:43.360 to be with Eel. Yeah, someone who's taking it a 0:09:43.360 --> 0:09:44.600 little bit more seriously. 0:09:45.480 --> 0:09:48.080 Yeah, And it's funny because obviously at my age, I 0:09:48.120 --> 0:09:50.800 have really learned like it's hard to get me to react. 0:09:50.880 --> 0:09:54.120 I don't get aggravated. But as far as like, you know, 0:09:54.240 --> 0:09:56.720 do you want to go get you know, in trouble, 0:09:56.800 --> 0:09:59.560 I'm sort of like, yeah, I'll be ready at like seven, 0:10:00.160 --> 0:10:03.160 you guys when to get back. And maybe I intuitively 0:10:03.240 --> 0:10:06.760 chose Lair because I enjoy it through him. I know 0:10:06.840 --> 0:10:09.040 it's important, so I have a splash of it in 0:10:09.080 --> 0:10:11.560 my life, even if it's not all coming through me. 0:10:12.440 --> 0:10:14.320 I'll give you an example. I went to this gentleman 0:10:14.360 --> 0:10:18.160 named Peter Evans, and he said, you know you don't 0:10:18.160 --> 0:10:21.319 have wonder, and you know you have to get back 0:10:21.320 --> 0:10:24.240 to your bliss right, And I thought, I don't even 0:10:24.240 --> 0:10:25.800 know what the hell you're talking about. Like when he 0:10:25.840 --> 0:10:28.719 said that word bliss, when I see people that are 0:10:28.760 --> 0:10:32.000 like freely floating and like in my bliss, I thought, 0:10:32.960 --> 0:10:36.640 I don't know that I've ever experienced that. And I 0:10:36.679 --> 0:10:39.680 am very open minded. But when you talked about wonder, 0:10:39.720 --> 0:10:42.560 when you see a small child and everything is in wonder, 0:10:43.080 --> 0:10:46.280 I'm assessing, who's that, what's this? What does that mean? 0:10:46.920 --> 0:10:50.120 Versus wonder? And so that would be another kind of 0:10:50.520 --> 0:10:54.840 bolt on adjunct to this fun component that I really 0:10:55.520 --> 0:10:56.880 think I could do better. 0:10:57.040 --> 0:11:00.719 Have you ever actively gone and created your version of 0:11:00.800 --> 0:11:03.240 wonder and fun and what does that look like? 0:11:03.679 --> 0:11:05.960 No, because I don't think it's something you can fake, right, 0:11:06.520 --> 0:11:09.120 It's the way that the world hits you. So my 0:11:09.360 --> 0:11:13.720 version of that is I'm just gonna see, I'm gonna look, 0:11:13.800 --> 0:11:16.040 I'm not going to think, I know, I'm just gonna 0:11:16.080 --> 0:11:18.720 take it in. And so that has been the practice 0:11:18.720 --> 0:11:20.479 for me that has come out of that. 0:11:20.480 --> 0:11:38.920 That sounds incredibly fun to be actively present. What question 0:11:39.320 --> 0:11:40.880 would you most like answered? 0:11:41.520 --> 0:11:44.520 I guess it's not unique. You know, you go through 0:11:44.520 --> 0:11:47.160 this life, and especially during this time when it's really 0:11:47.200 --> 0:11:53.360 wild and contentious, it's like when you see the lopsidedness 0:11:53.400 --> 0:11:56.400 of all the beauty and the injustice, I guess I 0:11:56.400 --> 0:11:59.280 would like to understand why that has to coexist. And 0:11:59.360 --> 0:12:03.040 I know bright light dark shadow, and you can't have 0:12:03.679 --> 0:12:07.520 light without dark, but I guess sometimes when you see 0:12:07.600 --> 0:12:11.040 such extreme I would love to understand is that the 0:12:11.040 --> 0:12:14.079 only way is that the only way that the one 0:12:14.320 --> 0:12:18.480 beauty and the magic can exist is with the sort 0:12:18.480 --> 0:12:22.160 of other side. I always look at that and think, man, 0:12:22.200 --> 0:12:24.920 that's a lot of suffering for some of this other stuff. 0:12:25.880 --> 0:12:29.120 I often wonder if it is I mean, I use 0:12:29.280 --> 0:12:32.440 the word God just some other force. Is that God made, 0:12:32.600 --> 0:12:36.280 force made? Or is that man made? Like I think 0:12:36.320 --> 0:12:39.480 about that often, Like you sort of see it in nature. 0:12:39.679 --> 0:12:43.800 You see the ostensible rawness, but there doesn't seem to 0:12:43.800 --> 0:12:46.880 be a rage behind it. You see that it's balanced 0:12:47.000 --> 0:12:49.160 the light and dark in nature, which is what makes 0:12:49.160 --> 0:12:51.800 me feel that we have a hand and just test savage. 0:12:51.880 --> 0:12:54.320 But is that our lesson? Right? Is that we have 0:12:54.360 --> 0:12:57.520 to go through that to tame the beast within ourselves? 0:12:57.600 --> 0:13:01.240 I don't It's so complex, right, you go, man, what 0:13:01.360 --> 0:13:04.640 is the real lesson? What is the real purpose of that? Because, 0:13:04.679 --> 0:13:07.360 like you said, in nature, it feels very straightforward. It 0:13:07.400 --> 0:13:12.480 doesn't feel personal, and it's freaking brutal at the same time. 0:13:12.960 --> 0:13:16.640 Yeah, maybe that's it. It doesn't feel personal. It feels 0:13:16.640 --> 0:13:20.320 like it's part of a rhythm that has always existed, 0:13:20.800 --> 0:13:24.600 whereas ours feels a lot more manufactured. And you're right, 0:13:24.640 --> 0:13:28.080 it's like, could we ever evolve from that? I wonder, like, 0:13:28.280 --> 0:13:31.800 is it possible for us to evolve beyond the savagery? 0:13:31.800 --> 0:13:35.319 I suppose of the way in which we whether it's 0:13:35.360 --> 0:13:39.079 treat each other or treat ourselves. I don't know. That's 0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:41.000 a good one. That's actually a really good one. I 0:13:41.040 --> 0:13:44.000 think about AI as well, and going is that part 0:13:44.040 --> 0:13:47.960 of the lure of that is this idea that you 0:13:48.080 --> 0:13:53.520 could fashion and create a program that doesn't have the 0:13:53.679 --> 0:13:56.160 kind of awfulness that is part of being human. 0:13:56.400 --> 0:13:58.840 I asked this gentleman who runs the Harvard study once 0:13:59.000 --> 0:14:01.959 it's a happiness study, right, and it's gone on for 0:14:02.240 --> 0:14:04.440 I think seventy five years, And I said, you know, listen, 0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:06.920 we've written books about it, and there's poems and movies 0:14:07.000 --> 0:14:11.920 and songs, like we know the answers. What is it 0:14:11.960 --> 0:14:14.080 about us that we just can't figure it out? And 0:14:14.120 --> 0:14:16.679 he looked at me and he was like, oh, Gabby, 0:14:17.240 --> 0:14:20.880 that's how we gained wisdom. And I thought, fair enough. 0:14:21.400 --> 0:14:25.320 And so the AI think will be interesting because some 0:14:25.360 --> 0:14:28.000 of the lessons that's what's so great about experience. You 0:14:28.040 --> 0:14:30.200 can't hack it, you can't shortcut it. Right, It is 0:14:30.240 --> 0:14:31.680 yours to possess, to own. 0:14:32.080 --> 0:14:33.680 It's certainly going to speed stuff up. 0:14:33.800 --> 0:14:36.120 Oh hell yes, it is. 0:14:36.520 --> 0:14:40.000 Thinking about what the gentleman at Harvard said of the 0:14:40.120 --> 0:14:43.680 idea of getting wiser Is it just that we can't 0:14:43.760 --> 0:14:46.960 see our evolution because for us, it's it's generational, Like 0:14:47.040 --> 0:14:49.000 if you could look at it in a thousand years, 0:14:49.040 --> 0:14:52.080 would you be able to see this bell curve that 0:14:52.120 --> 0:14:55.280 we don't know that we're part of because we can't 0:14:55.320 --> 0:14:55.920 see it yet. 0:14:56.160 --> 0:14:59.840 Yeah, And the transitions are really really uncomfortable, and we 0:15:00.240 --> 0:15:04.880 obviously clearly in a wild transition because you know, is 0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:09.120 it a transition away from a biological into a hybrid. 0:15:09.880 --> 0:15:12.640 It's so funny, I said the laird. Today. I vacillate 0:15:12.720 --> 0:15:15.040 between I want to check out and just go live, 0:15:15.560 --> 0:15:18.400 you know. But we're of the age that we're supposed 0:15:18.480 --> 0:15:20.640 to be here and we're supposed to help, and we're 0:15:20.680 --> 0:15:22.960 supposed to usher in the next group. We're supposed to 0:15:23.200 --> 0:15:25.920 act like the adults. But then it's like, is the 0:15:25.960 --> 0:15:30.000 information or wisdom we have almost useless because is it 0:15:30.080 --> 0:15:36.520 moving away from biology towards a mashup with technology? So 0:15:36.640 --> 0:15:39.800 that is sort of an interesting question. I still think, 0:15:40.080 --> 0:15:42.960 because we're in our biology at this moment, that it's 0:15:43.040 --> 0:15:45.360 really nice to consider it because I feel like when 0:15:45.400 --> 0:15:47.800 we have a relationship with it, you feel better. 0:15:48.120 --> 0:15:52.280 I agree. I do think a lot about our carbon 0:15:52.360 --> 0:15:58.640 based NICs becoming potentially obsolete, or as you said, a hybrids. 0:15:59.320 --> 0:16:01.160 It just goes back to be what you said about 0:16:01.480 --> 0:16:04.680 just be present. It's forward moving. It is always forward moving, 0:16:04.760 --> 0:16:11.640 so we might as well be that way as well. Yeah, 0:16:12.160 --> 0:16:16.520 what person, place, or experience most altered your life. 0:16:17.000 --> 0:16:19.880 I've had a few. I lived with a couple from 0:16:19.880 --> 0:16:22.480 the age of two to seven. They recently, I actually 0:16:22.520 --> 0:16:25.360 both passed away. They were a couple from Long Island, 0:16:25.600 --> 0:16:28.320 New York, and they took care of me. And my 0:16:28.320 --> 0:16:30.440 mother was a young mother in her early twenties. She 0:16:30.480 --> 0:16:32.600 had sort of a far out. She was training dolphins 0:16:32.600 --> 0:16:35.440 at a circus in Mexico and she met my father, 0:16:35.440 --> 0:16:38.000 who's from Trinidad. I did not live with my parents, 0:16:38.240 --> 0:16:41.320 so they were really pivotal, and I grew up in 0:16:41.320 --> 0:16:43.520 the Caribbean. After that, I had some families that would 0:16:43.560 --> 0:16:45.080 take me in even though I was living with my 0:16:45.120 --> 0:16:48.560 mother at the time. I had a coach in college 0:16:48.600 --> 0:16:51.880 that was really really instrumental and sort of talking about 0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:55.400 personal accountability and help me. So I'd say I sort 0:16:55.400 --> 0:16:59.400 of had these outside people, And what I learned from 0:16:59.400 --> 0:17:02.800 all that was we think our parents, like, oh my 0:17:02.840 --> 0:17:04.919 mom did or didn't do this, my dad did or 0:17:04.920 --> 0:17:08.480 didn't do that. But sometimes we have people that didn't 0:17:08.600 --> 0:17:12.320 have to step in and they do, and so we 0:17:12.400 --> 0:17:15.240 got bonus even though we felt like we got chinched 0:17:15.280 --> 0:17:17.399 on this one side. And so I think when I 0:17:17.400 --> 0:17:19.280 got a little older, I was like, man, I had 0:17:19.280 --> 0:17:23.679 some pretty stellar people who stepped in and really helped 0:17:23.680 --> 0:17:26.879 me navigate and create a really wonderful life. 0:17:27.160 --> 0:17:30.280 Do you think that by being able to acknowledge that 0:17:31.560 --> 0:17:35.520 these people were incredibly generous and wonderful to step into 0:17:35.520 --> 0:17:38.199 your life when perhaps they didn't necessarily have to in 0:17:38.240 --> 0:17:40.400 the way that we think parents should, did that help 0:17:40.440 --> 0:17:45.000 you let go of the hard things? So it became 0:17:45.040 --> 0:17:47.920 a bonus. It became something that was actually light filled 0:17:47.960 --> 0:17:49.800 as opposed to something that was dark and sad. And 0:17:49.840 --> 0:17:51.760 the idea of living with someone other than your parents 0:17:51.800 --> 0:17:54.199 at two to seven might like when you say that 0:17:54.240 --> 0:17:57.439 to me, it sounds sad. But did you just manage 0:17:57.440 --> 0:18:00.639 to reframe that later because there was a lot of 0:18:00.720 --> 0:18:01.240 light in it. 0:18:01.600 --> 0:18:05.480 Absolutely, and it's also maybe surrendering to maybe it was 0:18:05.560 --> 0:18:09.040 better for me. Maybe my life has turned out better 0:18:09.119 --> 0:18:12.600 even though there was a great deal of unknown and 0:18:12.680 --> 0:18:16.280 my hypervigilance comes from not living with my parents. My 0:18:16.400 --> 0:18:20.639 lack of fun, my lack of wonder comes from really 0:18:20.920 --> 0:18:25.720 being bounced from the nest very early. But what I 0:18:25.800 --> 0:18:28.440 came to a relationship with is Listen, I was out 0:18:28.480 --> 0:18:31.200 of my house at seventeen and totally independent at eighteen. 0:18:32.160 --> 0:18:34.280 I'm going to adult a lot longer than I was 0:18:34.320 --> 0:18:37.160 a kid. So let's take a few hard, shitty years 0:18:37.840 --> 0:18:41.160 for the opportunity to go like, oh wait, I have 0:18:41.520 --> 0:18:43.680 tools that I can build a life. I don't like stuff, 0:18:43.680 --> 0:18:45.800 I know how to change it. I have discipline, I 0:18:45.840 --> 0:18:49.560 can plan, I can navigate, and that came from that childhood. 0:18:49.600 --> 0:18:53.399 So it certainly took time. And I would also say 0:18:53.640 --> 0:18:57.040 today I have the best relationship with my mother. I 0:18:57.080 --> 0:19:01.200 completely accept and love and have no problem with her. 0:19:01.480 --> 0:19:03.879 But I only seek out the relationship with her that 0:19:03.960 --> 0:19:08.480 works for me. So I also have a brutality with 0:19:08.680 --> 0:19:12.520 that being able to reframe. So I can reframe it 0:19:12.560 --> 0:19:15.080 and I honor myself, and sometimes that's brutal. 0:19:16.359 --> 0:19:21.359 Well, you have extraordinary clarity around the tenets of your story, 0:19:21.359 --> 0:19:24.960 which perhaps is part of like again, what makes us 0:19:25.160 --> 0:19:28.000 the most human is our ability to really examine what 0:19:28.080 --> 0:19:31.080 our narratives are and to not ignore them or just 0:19:31.960 --> 0:19:33.840 seek out the bits that we like and ignore the other, 0:19:33.880 --> 0:19:36.639 but rather see the whole and then holistically move forward. 0:19:36.920 --> 0:19:39.879 It's really hard to do. I think it requires a 0:19:39.960 --> 0:19:43.919 kind of brutality, not brutal in the way that what 0:19:44.040 --> 0:19:46.040 I see in the world right now, but I mean 0:19:46.880 --> 0:19:48.520 clarified rather than brutal. 0:19:48.760 --> 0:19:52.480 Well, because with that you can't blame anyone. You're not 0:19:52.520 --> 0:19:54.800 a victim of your own story. And really, the more 0:19:54.800 --> 0:19:57.840 people you meet, everybody's had a thing like I am 0:19:57.880 --> 0:20:00.920 not a victim. But having said that, but I also 0:20:01.119 --> 0:20:03.520 know how to ask for and put myself in situations 0:20:03.560 --> 0:20:06.359 that work and make me feel good, and so those 0:20:06.440 --> 0:20:08.400 can go part and parcel well. 0:20:08.480 --> 0:20:12.080 I mean also because you've clearly became an advocate for yourself, 0:20:12.119 --> 0:20:14.800 really yeah, or maybe we're encouraged you as well by 0:20:14.800 --> 0:20:18.480 your coach, like nobody can advocate for you better than you. 0:20:19.040 --> 0:20:20.520 I don't know. I think a lot of people want 0:20:20.560 --> 0:20:22.480 to be told what to do, and I mean that 0:20:22.600 --> 0:20:24.840 in the nicest way. Like I set up an art 0:20:24.840 --> 0:20:27.359 thing with a boyfriend when I was like nineteen, and 0:20:27.440 --> 0:20:31.119 the art piece was just the folding table in Portobello 0:20:31.200 --> 0:20:33.400 Market in London, and we just had a tent card 0:20:33.440 --> 0:20:36.439 that said advice. We just put up a chair and 0:20:36.480 --> 0:20:38.240 then we sat on two chairs and I was like, 0:20:38.520 --> 0:20:42.240 I'm nineteen. I barely know how to tie my shoelaces. 0:20:42.520 --> 0:20:44.119 I was like, how am I going to answer any questions? 0:20:44.119 --> 0:20:45.600 And he was like, you just do the best you can, 0:20:45.720 --> 0:20:48.560 because really most people want you to listen and offer 0:20:48.840 --> 0:20:51.280 a little bit of advice. And that's exactly what happened. 0:20:51.320 --> 0:20:56.119 Like we answer questions on infidelity and the people's mortgage rates, 0:20:56.280 --> 0:20:58.520 whether or not they should move in with someone. It 0:20:58.680 --> 0:21:02.040 was crazy. People really want someone else to tell them 0:21:02.080 --> 0:21:04.960 what to do. So I think those moments of being 0:21:04.960 --> 0:21:07.240 able to believe that you are your own advocate and 0:21:07.280 --> 0:21:10.520 that you actually can give yourself good advice, I think 0:21:10.560 --> 0:21:13.200 it's pretty rare, gabby to be able to do that, 0:21:13.320 --> 0:21:15.200 and kind of amazing to have cultivated that. 0:21:16.400 --> 0:21:19.760 But you have to question yourself also at every moment. Again, 0:21:19.880 --> 0:21:24.720 there lies another duality, which is if you're going to 0:21:24.800 --> 0:21:30.280 be a good steward of your story, you better pay 0:21:30.359 --> 0:21:34.520 attention and not think you're right. So it's this weird 0:21:35.200 --> 0:21:37.679 fine line of leaning into this is the way to 0:21:37.760 --> 0:21:42.960 go and keep paying attention keep questioning yourself, where is 0:21:43.000 --> 0:21:47.040 this decision coming from? So I think it's also staying 0:21:47.080 --> 0:21:51.000 awake the whole time. So you are steering the ship 0:21:51.119 --> 0:21:54.720 at least hopefully more times than not, towards the light 0:21:54.880 --> 0:21:55.880 or the right direction. 0:21:56.240 --> 0:21:58.879 Yeah, to be aware of what it is to be 0:21:59.000 --> 0:22:18.800 the captain of your ship. Yeah, what relationship, real or fictionalized, 0:22:19.280 --> 0:22:20.320 defines love for you? 0:22:22.200 --> 0:22:24.960 That's an interesting question. I know this is probably not great. 0:22:25.080 --> 0:22:27.639 I like to be surprised, but I don't want to 0:22:27.680 --> 0:22:33.440 be surprised, so like I'm great with oh I didn't 0:22:33.440 --> 0:22:36.600 see that coming, but I always sort of feel like 0:22:36.680 --> 0:22:39.199 with love for me, and I really hope to be 0:22:39.359 --> 0:22:43.119