1 00:00:00,760 --> 00:00:02,080 Speaker 1: Hi, it's Kadija. 2 00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:05,600 Speaker 2: In this episode, we're going to explore what it's like 3 00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:09,320 Speaker 2: to be in a community healing and the aftermathter trauma. 4 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:12,959 Speaker 2: We'll talk about our hosts for the future and show 5 00:00:13,039 --> 00:00:16,639 Speaker 2: how sisterhood can get us through the darkest moments of 6 00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:22,759 Speaker 2: our lives. But that conversation will include discussions of suicide, murder, 7 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:28,080 Speaker 2: substance abuse, and sexual assault. This series is here to 8 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:31,160 Speaker 2: offer tools and support to victims and their loved ones, 9 00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:34,360 Speaker 2: but please do keep in mind that we are not 10 00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:38,080 Speaker 2: mental health professionals. We would always encourage you to seek 11 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:41,559 Speaker 2: out professional mental health support if you are struggling with 12 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:46,519 Speaker 2: the issues we are discussing today. If you or someone 13 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:49,800 Speaker 2: you love have been affected by any of the themes 14 00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:52,640 Speaker 2: that come up in this episode, we've left the links 15 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:57,240 Speaker 2: in the description that offer resources and support, take care 16 00:00:57,280 --> 00:01:05,640 Speaker 2: of yourself. In this episode, we're talking about recovering from trauma, 17 00:01:06,319 --> 00:01:09,320 Speaker 2: whether you're seeking help for yourself or a loved one. 18 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:12,680 Speaker 2: This episode is about sharing the twos to move forward 19 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:17,080 Speaker 2: and how you can help those around you. In this series, 20 00:01:17,319 --> 00:01:21,360 Speaker 2: we've shared some of the darkest stories of our lives, violence, 21 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:27,080 Speaker 2: police brutality, and a corrupt justice system. Have all contributed 22 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:31,360 Speaker 2: to the trauma crisis in the city. We love Kansas City, Kansas, 23 00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:34,720 Speaker 2: but the pain runs deeper. We still live with the 24 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:38,600 Speaker 2: legacy of Jim Crow. The past cast a long shadow. 25 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,920 Speaker 2: Something I've learned over the years is that if you 26 00:01:42,959 --> 00:01:46,720 Speaker 2: don't work through your trauma, it can consume and destroy you. 27 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:50,600 Speaker 2: But the girlfriends we met on this journey have never 28 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:55,640 Speaker 2: stopped fighting, fighting to heal, and fighting for justice. There 29 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:59,120 Speaker 2: have been inspiring women activists who have shown us the way, 30 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:03,800 Speaker 2: like Bill Hooks, whose story reminds us healing is an 31 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:07,960 Speaker 2: act of resistance. Now we're taking on that mantle and 32 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:15,560 Speaker 2: inviting you to join us. I'm Kadida Heartaway from the Teens, 33 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:20,000 Speaker 2: a novel, and iHeart podcasts. You're listening to the Girlfriends 34 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:41,120 Speaker 2: Untouchable by Honest episode too, the Girlfriend's Guide to Healing 35 00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:54,680 Speaker 2: in the Aftermath of Trauma. I want to start this 36 00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:57,560 Speaker 2: conversation off with the reasons why it's so hard to 37 00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:01,200 Speaker 2: begin healing a lot of women who are traumatized don't 38 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:04,800 Speaker 2: have the twos to recover. This is something that we've 39 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:08,520 Speaker 2: witnessed all too much in our work at Justice for Wyandotte, 40 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:11,640 Speaker 2: and it's something me and my girlfriend on this journey, 41 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:17,560 Speaker 2: Nicki Richardson have discussed countless times. Nicki, you know, we 42 00:03:17,639 --> 00:03:19,799 Speaker 2: came together on this kind of like as a spark, 43 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:21,200 Speaker 2: right to just glided together. 44 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:23,320 Speaker 1: That's exactly how it happened. 45 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:28,919 Speaker 2: We started out the idea that Wyandot County needed therapy 46 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:32,840 Speaker 2: because that's what the crimes happened. By the time of 47 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:36,080 Speaker 2: his death in December twenty twenty four, there had been 48 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:40,720 Speaker 2: two convictions tied to Detective Roger Galuspi which had been overturned, 49 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:44,520 Speaker 2: and as we're recording this, one hundred and fifty five 50 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:47,720 Speaker 2: more cases are under review by the Kansas City, Kansas 51 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:52,360 Speaker 2: Police Department. A twenty twenty three civil lawso claims Galusi 52 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:56,360 Speaker 2: ran a such trafficking ring while on duty, raping and 53 00:03:56,480 --> 00:04:00,920 Speaker 2: coercing women. He was specific in who went after two. 54 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:07,320 Speaker 2: Glusy's victims were overwhelmingly Black girls and women. Many black 55 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:10,640 Speaker 2: women in Windock County continue to live in fear, and 56 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:13,720 Speaker 2: decades of abuse still leaves a mark on the collected 57 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:17,680 Speaker 2: lives of our community. Black residents are almost three times 58 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:20,640 Speaker 2: more likely to be arrested for low level offenses than 59 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:25,479 Speaker 2: white residents in Windock County. Additionally, black youth are three 60 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:29,000 Speaker 2: times more likely to be arrested than white youth, with 61 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:32,239 Speaker 2: revictimization a constant threat for so many of the women 62 00:04:32,279 --> 00:04:36,080 Speaker 2: in Windock County. Healing from past trauma is, to put 63 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:38,360 Speaker 2: it bluntly, really hard. 64 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:44,320 Speaker 3: When you've had years and years and years of being exploited, 65 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:48,840 Speaker 3: being overlooked, to nobody hearing your story. On top of 66 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:51,320 Speaker 3: these systems in place that are supposed to be built 67 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:54,560 Speaker 3: to protect you and just not doing it, the trust 68 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:59,039 Speaker 3: breaks down. We've seen people who have resorted to substance abuse, 69 00:04:59,279 --> 00:05:02,040 Speaker 3: even if they gotten better, and then they get triggered 70 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:05,120 Speaker 3: and they go right back into it. What we noticed 71 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:10,120 Speaker 3: when we were trying to help people find their pathway 72 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:14,240 Speaker 3: to healing and finding their pathway to justice was that 73 00:05:14,279 --> 00:05:17,600 Speaker 3: there were a lot of obstacles to just getting there. 74 00:05:18,279 --> 00:05:23,440 Speaker 3: So first was just simply recognizing that you have you 75 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:27,599 Speaker 3: have a problem, and that these responses are tied to 76 00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:33,159 Speaker 3: your trauma. So accepting treatment is a big part of 77 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:35,880 Speaker 3: accepting that you have a problem. Trauma has them in 78 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:37,839 Speaker 3: such a space to where they can't get out of 79 00:05:37,839 --> 00:05:40,880 Speaker 3: bed in the morning, they can't even set up the appointment, 80 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:46,279 Speaker 3: they can't function and so that is an uphill battle. 81 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:49,200 Speaker 1: The trauma leads to disease. 82 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:53,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean your blood pressure is high, you're not 83 00:05:53,839 --> 00:05:59,160 Speaker 3: sleeping well, yeah, you're not sleeping well, you're in a 84 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:04,320 Speaker 3: constant state of stress. Your body just starts breaking down. 85 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:08,279 Speaker 2: When it really comes to individuals that we advocate for, 86 00:06:08,839 --> 00:06:12,920 Speaker 2: I think being consistent in what we tell them helps 87 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:16,840 Speaker 2: things resonate to a point where I can accept what 88 00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:20,680 Speaker 2: I've been through. People don't want to come out of 89 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:25,360 Speaker 2: victim into survivor because you no longer have any excuses 90 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:28,160 Speaker 2: why you can't change some of the things you want 91 00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:30,640 Speaker 2: or why you can't move towards And I'm not saying. 92 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:33,520 Speaker 3: That losing something too, you feel like you're losing the 93 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:34,360 Speaker 3: right to help. 94 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:38,839 Speaker 2: The barriers that black women can face to helen are many. 95 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:41,480 Speaker 2: The issues that get in the way range from denial 96 00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:46,400 Speaker 2: to depression to continue in trauma, and as Nikki just said, 97 00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:51,520 Speaker 2: people can become attached to the sympathy that comes with victimhood. 98 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:53,800 Speaker 2: Even if a person gets to the point where they 99 00:06:53,839 --> 00:06:56,679 Speaker 2: overcome those hurdles and they come to us for help, 100 00:06:57,040 --> 00:07:01,800 Speaker 2: there are so many more challenges beyond Okay, you've accepted. 101 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,720 Speaker 1: And you want it and you're ready for it. 102 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:08,120 Speaker 3: Now we are running around trying to find the resources 103 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:10,920 Speaker 3: because the uniqueness. 104 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:11,400 Speaker 1: And how we're set. 105 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:13,760 Speaker 3: Up and how we're set up. First of all, it 106 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,360 Speaker 3: needs to be paid for. They're not going to usually 107 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:18,560 Speaker 3: in a space to be able to afford their own therapy, 108 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:23,320 Speaker 3: and then care sociality care associated with and then therapy availability. 109 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:26,120 Speaker 3: There's just not a lot of therapists that are readily 110 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:29,880 Speaker 3: available to deal with these immediate triod situations. And even 111 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:33,000 Speaker 3: though when we tried to build networks, it's still a 112 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:35,480 Speaker 3: tough battle. We wanted to make sure that we had 113 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:38,040 Speaker 3: a place where they could feel safe, and so also 114 00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:40,920 Speaker 3: finding black women in therapy, you know, when you're getting 115 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:44,360 Speaker 3: that niche, it makes it limited to the amount of 116 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:45,560 Speaker 3: resources that you had. 117 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:48,040 Speaker 2: So one of the problems that we ran into is 118 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:52,760 Speaker 2: just the emergency triage. In one situation, we had a 119 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:57,200 Speaker 2: murder victim whose girlfriend was feeling suicidal. We went into 120 00:07:57,280 --> 00:08:00,960 Speaker 2: trying to find someone to help the young lady. What 121 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:04,080 Speaker 2: we ran into was roadblocks everywhere. The bands were full. 122 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:07,400 Speaker 2: In some points, we were building a strategy with the 123 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:11,200 Speaker 2: people on the phone as if we were therapists ourselves, 124 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:12,920 Speaker 2: and we just couldn't get the people help. 125 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:15,320 Speaker 3: In many cases, they would do that same thing with 126 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:20,160 Speaker 3: us being a therapist. Well, you're capable can this particular situation. 127 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,960 Speaker 3: I'm like, no, they're dealing with trauma and they need 128 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:27,800 Speaker 3: actual resources. Right, There's definitely enough resources out there. There's 129 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:32,319 Speaker 3: no reason why these women should have to ask for anything. 130 00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:36,880 Speaker 3: There were no resources for these women, nothing for them 131 00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:40,839 Speaker 3: to keep themselves up above water, right, sustain themselves. And 132 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:46,080 Speaker 3: we're talking about in the areas of therapy, legal representation, 133 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,560 Speaker 3: because it was hard for them to just keep a 134 00:08:49,679 --> 00:08:54,600 Speaker 3: job or occupation which nobody does its work, and to 135 00:08:54,679 --> 00:08:58,000 Speaker 3: keep without having some kind of like strife amongst themselves right, 136 00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:01,880 Speaker 3: Which for me when I talk about trauma, of course, 137 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:04,760 Speaker 3: I've had run ins with the police and have dealt 138 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:09,200 Speaker 3: with some issues with family that I just never really 139 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:12,960 Speaker 3: got any help with. Running our non for profit, we 140 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:15,440 Speaker 3: have worked with many women who are trying to get 141 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:18,800 Speaker 3: that help and move forward with their lives. One of 142 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,760 Speaker 3: the things we realize is, in the context of there 143 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:24,760 Speaker 3: being so much hurt around us, we had to protect 144 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:28,720 Speaker 3: ourselves first and look out for each other. It has 145 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:34,120 Speaker 3: generally been through this process that I've understood what sisterhood means, 146 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:38,480 Speaker 3: and not in just the most beautiful and positive sense, 147 00:09:38,559 --> 00:09:41,680 Speaker 3: but when it's hard and when it's difficult, and how 148 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:44,640 Speaker 3: to love each other even in those tough moments when 149 00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:48,040 Speaker 3: you're going through trauma and grief and you're able to 150 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:50,640 Speaker 3: look at each other and be able to see each 151 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:54,400 Speaker 3: other and wipe each other's tears. That's what real sisterhood is. 152 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:57,880 Speaker 2: We find ourselves in these situations where we're trying to 153 00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:03,920 Speaker 2: balance people's trauma keep them at an even keel. Balancing that, Nikki, 154 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:06,760 Speaker 2: I think was probably one of the most hardest things. 155 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:10,080 Speaker 2: I don't think if I had not had you, if 156 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:12,680 Speaker 2: I could not lean on you to tell you what 157 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:17,040 Speaker 2: I was experiencing with each case and you help me 158 00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:21,840 Speaker 2: set up healthy boundaries and even give them healthy boundaries 159 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:24,560 Speaker 2: to move forward, I don't think we would even be 160 00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:25,480 Speaker 2: in this space. 161 00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:27,520 Speaker 3: Because you know, we're no good to anybody if we're 162 00:10:27,559 --> 00:10:30,480 Speaker 3: not taken care of to just start establishing those boundaries. 163 00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:33,080 Speaker 2: I got a ton of calls, and it's just like, 164 00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:35,080 Speaker 2: I'm not Jesus baby, I'm not Moses. 165 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,520 Speaker 1: I can at all. I don't know what you want 166 00:10:37,559 --> 00:10:38,679 Speaker 1: me to do with all of this. 167 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:43,240 Speaker 2: How do you set these boundaries that don't retraumatize yourself 168 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:45,840 Speaker 2: while you're trying to help other people. This brings me 169 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:49,400 Speaker 2: to the sisterhood that we had to developed the protection 170 00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:53,000 Speaker 2: of one another. So what about the lessons we've learned 171 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:55,559 Speaker 2: and how we've come to function and heal in this 172 00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:57,240 Speaker 2: difficult environment we've been in. 173 00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:01,120 Speaker 3: There's a lot of trauma here that's creating an entire 174 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,600 Speaker 3: barrier that makes it hard for even function to get 175 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:07,560 Speaker 3: their own justice. You need to find something to root 176 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:11,240 Speaker 3: yourself in for your healing. We're very much rooted in 177 00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:14,360 Speaker 3: our faith, and I think that is what's kept us strong. 178 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:17,120 Speaker 3: If you need a therapist to help you with that journey, 179 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:20,080 Speaker 3: seek therapy. If you need a church family to find 180 00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:23,680 Speaker 3: that journey, find a church family. And it's okay if 181 00:11:23,679 --> 00:11:25,880 Speaker 3: you can't move as fast as you want to move, 182 00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:30,520 Speaker 3: if you need a second, take that second. Get yourself 183 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:32,680 Speaker 3: together and get yourself in a place to where you 184 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:36,000 Speaker 3: can actually fight. But that's the other thing about trauma 185 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:39,520 Speaker 3: and fear is that people don't seek out the knowledge 186 00:11:39,559 --> 00:11:42,360 Speaker 3: that they really need to take the next steps. For me, 187 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,680 Speaker 3: it was very healing and therapeutic, even though I don't 188 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:47,800 Speaker 3: have the justice at least I know the things that 189 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,920 Speaker 3: they were gased like me about the laws. When I 190 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,839 Speaker 3: talk about my church life, most of the ministries of 191 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,720 Speaker 3: my church are psychiatrists, and I remember going through my 192 00:11:56,760 --> 00:12:01,040 Speaker 3: own situations and having sessions with my pastor to get 193 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:02,800 Speaker 3: through and it was free of charge. 194 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,600 Speaker 1: So I was grateful for that. 195 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:13,160 Speaker 2: Not everybody has those channels, right Yeah. Mine and Nikki's 196 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:17,200 Speaker 2: work focuses on getting women their justice, and although the 197 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:20,280 Speaker 2: trauma they experienced is something we deal with, it's not 198 00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:24,560 Speaker 2: our professional expertise with justice were wind out. We did 199 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,120 Speaker 2: what we could, but there were limits on how we 200 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:30,319 Speaker 2: could help when it comes to healing. The problems in 201 00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:33,840 Speaker 2: the community were massive, and with the challenges of getting 202 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:37,440 Speaker 2: these women better to be honest, at times, we were 203 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:40,320 Speaker 2: out of our depth. So I decided to reach out 204 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,000 Speaker 2: to someone who could shed a light on the barriers 205 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:45,880 Speaker 2: we face when it comes to healing in the many 206 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:51,200 Speaker 2: ways to overcome them. That's coming up after the break. 207 00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:14,640 Speaker 2: Maisha Hill is a dedicated activist and Arthur fighting to 208 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:17,960 Speaker 2: get black women into therapy and on their healing journeys. 209 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:20,319 Speaker 1: Maysha is nice to meet you. 210 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:23,120 Speaker 2: If you could just give us a little bit of 211 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:24,800 Speaker 2: background on you. 212 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:28,319 Speaker 3: My background is just based rooted in my lived experience 213 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:32,800 Speaker 3: as a mental health activist, as a guide, as a writer, 214 00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:35,600 Speaker 3: as someone who just shares the journey of life with 215 00:13:35,679 --> 00:13:40,240 Speaker 3: many people. I'm a former deacon and pastor. I just 216 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:41,280 Speaker 3: preached occasionally. 217 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:45,920 Speaker 2: Bayisha is also the founder of Brown's Sister Speak, a 218 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:50,240 Speaker 2: non for profit organization founded a decade ago offering mental 219 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:54,240 Speaker 2: health empowerment and peer support to women of color. It 220 00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:57,160 Speaker 2: grew to become a platform for women of color to 221 00:13:57,240 --> 00:14:00,600 Speaker 2: support each other in their mental health and worse, to 222 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:04,520 Speaker 2: get black women access to therapy. If anyone can share 223 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:07,320 Speaker 2: some light on some of the barriers women face recovering 224 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:09,880 Speaker 2: from trauma, it's going to be Mayesha. 225 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:13,920 Speaker 3: A lot of my work is the intersection of oppression 226 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:19,280 Speaker 3: and liberation. First begin with brown Sister Speak, and that 227 00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:22,520 Speaker 3: was a project actually as part of my college course, 228 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:26,040 Speaker 3: to have black women talk more openly about their mental health. 229 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:29,160 Speaker 3: We talk as women about the importance of taking care 230 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:32,360 Speaker 3: of our mental health, and that it just evolved over 231 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:36,800 Speaker 3: time to me wanting to make therapy accessible, so raising 232 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:39,120 Speaker 3: funds to pay for people to go to therapy, and 233 00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:42,480 Speaker 3: twenty twenty we raised so many funds for Brown Sister Speak. 234 00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:45,560 Speaker 3: At the time, we were able to send like fifty 235 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:49,600 Speaker 3: people to therapy. We even had open mental health circles 236 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:53,240 Speaker 3: called First Black Friday through the summer of twenty twenty 237 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:55,800 Speaker 3: to help Black folks really have a space to process. 238 00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:59,400 Speaker 3: We started a community care campaign specifically for black folks. 239 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,880 Speaker 2: Do you think there is a space for healing in 240 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:06,000 Speaker 2: this time? I mean like I feel like there's you 241 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:08,360 Speaker 2: got to heal, But at the same time, you got 242 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,360 Speaker 2: to figure out a strategy to beat everything that is 243 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:16,560 Speaker 2: going on right now. We struggle before Trump got into 244 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:19,840 Speaker 2: office with with trauma and mental health. 245 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:22,880 Speaker 3: So how do I navigate what's happening right now with 246 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,920 Speaker 3: what healing truly looks like? And it's I remember when 247 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:30,040 Speaker 3: the ancestors would gather together either on a weekday or 248 00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:32,360 Speaker 3: a weeknight, and they would come together and circle. 249 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:36,320 Speaker 2: That's the kind of sacred community space where people sit 250 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:40,360 Speaker 2: together and talk our prey or take part in a 251 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:43,600 Speaker 2: ceremony in order to help one another to heal. 252 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,880 Speaker 3: Peer support is one of the most overlooked mental health 253 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:51,600 Speaker 3: practices that that's actually communal to Africa. So for me, 254 00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:54,560 Speaker 3: healing in this environment, we may have to go underground, 255 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:56,560 Speaker 3: and we know how to survive what's coming because we've 256 00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:59,480 Speaker 3: been here before, and so how do we heal forward? 257 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:03,240 Speaker 3: I think it really looks like us talking circles and 258 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:08,680 Speaker 3: finding psychologists. So there's the Association of Black Psychologists and 259 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:11,520 Speaker 3: also pulling together our money. If we have a black 260 00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:15,080 Speaker 3: therapist or black psychologists, we're paying for each other to 261 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:18,320 Speaker 3: have access to mental health services. Even with peer support. 262 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:24,840 Speaker 2: We have people who have been severely abused, treated like 263 00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:26,960 Speaker 2: animals in dogs. 264 00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:30,600 Speaker 1: These are the traumas of Wine Dot County. There are. 265 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:34,840 Speaker 2: Stories that would make you throw up after listening and 266 00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:37,800 Speaker 2: hearing the stories, and all of this is at the 267 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:41,080 Speaker 2: hands of someone who is supposed to protect them, allegedly. 268 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:45,280 Speaker 2: And so when we talk about sitting around in a circle, 269 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,680 Speaker 2: what do we do for people like that who just 270 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:50,240 Speaker 2: can't get that out of their mind? The only thing 271 00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:52,400 Speaker 2: that makes the function is medication. 272 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,640 Speaker 3: As someone who has similar deep traumas as you name 273 00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:58,440 Speaker 3: and have been medicated, the things that help me bring 274 00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:02,880 Speaker 3: me out of that darkness and off medication was community 275 00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:06,040 Speaker 3: and people point into me. Because we also can't do 276 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:09,480 Speaker 3: this by ourselves, which is why circle is so important. 277 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:13,320 Speaker 3: And it's also embodiment and somatic practices. So there's a yoga, 278 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,679 Speaker 3: there's movement, there's dance. So much of that gets stolen 279 00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:20,119 Speaker 3: from you when you are assaulted, when you are a victim, 280 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,520 Speaker 3: when someone's supposed to protect you and they cause harm 281 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:25,320 Speaker 3: to you. So how do we help each other reclaim that? 282 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:28,160 Speaker 3: And I think reclamation comes with a new circle of care, 283 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:31,840 Speaker 3: and that care is around food and nutrition. I think 284 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:36,359 Speaker 3: it's going to take a whole community of care model 285 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:39,000 Speaker 3: to do that, to help people who have experienced that 286 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:43,159 Speaker 3: level of trauma to get back to a sense of 287 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:47,159 Speaker 3: reclaiming their own humanity. What worked in my journey changing 288 00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:49,880 Speaker 3: what we eat, what we put into our bodies. It's 289 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:52,840 Speaker 3: going to take psycho therapy, which is one on one 290 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:57,040 Speaker 3: therapy or group therapy. Does someone need medication and how 291 00:17:57,040 --> 00:18:00,280 Speaker 3: do you help them wean off medication right? And how 292 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:02,920 Speaker 3: do they get in their bodies. I know it's possible 293 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:04,800 Speaker 3: to help people be rehumanized. 294 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:09,719 Speaker 2: In as I listened to you, it sounds like and 295 00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:11,719 Speaker 2: I like to use the word utopia. 296 00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:15,040 Speaker 3: Depending on the level of trauma, A circle's not going 297 00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:17,560 Speaker 3: to just help. I think the circle is where you 298 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:20,480 Speaker 3: relate to your peers. You need more than a circle 299 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:24,119 Speaker 3: when you're having repetitive thoughts of suicide, you know you 300 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,800 Speaker 3: mean more than the circle when you're having nightmares about 301 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:30,240 Speaker 3: the trauma that happened to you. I think the circles 302 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:34,200 Speaker 3: are a definitely part of one's recovery process, and also 303 00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:37,000 Speaker 3: the severity of the trauma depends on how you would 304 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:40,399 Speaker 3: curate your wellness action plan. They used to talk about 305 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,760 Speaker 3: that when I was in the mental health hospital, like 306 00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:45,399 Speaker 3: you had to have a wellness recovery action plan before 307 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:48,520 Speaker 3: they let you go. And that's language that I don't 308 00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:51,479 Speaker 3: know if we're using even in our own community. How 309 00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:53,080 Speaker 3: do you know when you need more than a group? 310 00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:55,240 Speaker 3: And how do we help each other remind each other 311 00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:55,520 Speaker 3: of that? 312 00:18:56,480 --> 00:19:01,200 Speaker 2: Which leads me to talk about generational trauma. We once 313 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:04,200 Speaker 2: steed a program called Jim Crow two point zero and 314 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:07,480 Speaker 2: it was just basically like we never really left Jim Crow. 315 00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:10,640 Speaker 2: Do you not get where policing came from and where 316 00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:12,639 Speaker 2: we are now and why it looks the way it 317 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:16,040 Speaker 2: looks like, I mean, come on, take the blinders off, right, 318 00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:20,440 Speaker 2: So let's talk a little bit about black trauma and 319 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:24,400 Speaker 2: how we have I guess PTSD. 320 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:26,720 Speaker 3: One of the books that I really appreciate reading is 321 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:30,040 Speaker 3: doctor Joy de Grew, and she talks about post traumatic 322 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:34,960 Speaker 3: slave syndrome, and it basically comes from how a lot 323 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:38,879 Speaker 3: of our trauma is rooted and from being enslaved, and 324 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:40,760 Speaker 3: how we don't speak up right, We kind of sit 325 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,600 Speaker 3: and watch idly by out of fear. 326 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:45,239 Speaker 2: I did want to touch a little bit more like 327 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:49,760 Speaker 2: on this whole Jim Crow synopsis, because it looks like 328 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:55,159 Speaker 2: we're going back that way we struggled before getting people 329 00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:59,399 Speaker 2: in the right resources. It makes me feel horrible to 330 00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:02,719 Speaker 2: know that there are a lot of stories out here 331 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:07,679 Speaker 2: that I cannot help an individual because I don't have 332 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:08,880 Speaker 2: the resources. 333 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:11,080 Speaker 3: It's hard to make those patterns because then you got 334 00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:13,320 Speaker 3: to think about money. Where's the money gonna come from? 335 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:13,919 Speaker 2: So? 336 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,520 Speaker 3: How can you change a sick environment when you're already 337 00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:16,880 Speaker 3: in it. 338 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:20,879 Speaker 2: The challenges Black people face around the nation are in 339 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:25,840 Speaker 2: the bones of our system and our history. The environment 340 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,840 Speaker 2: is sick, and for many of the people in our community, 341 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:33,400 Speaker 2: we have turned that trauma in sickness and work blaming 342 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:38,280 Speaker 2: ourselves in each other. Most people shy away from individuals 343 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:41,440 Speaker 2: who have experienced that deep mental trauma because they don't 344 00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:42,240 Speaker 2: know what to do. 345 00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,160 Speaker 3: I remember the first time that I thought about they 346 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:46,479 Speaker 3: tell me I had depression, and I was like, that's 347 00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:49,399 Speaker 3: white people's stuff. Black people, we don't get depressed. What 348 00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:52,520 Speaker 3: is depression? I can pray it away. Every option that 349 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:54,200 Speaker 3: was offered to me, I just kept saying, no, only 350 00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,320 Speaker 3: white people do that. And I think the stigma is 351 00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:59,400 Speaker 3: really rooted in that post traumatic slave syndrome of being 352 00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:02,560 Speaker 3: resilient as a people, being a strong black woman, which 353 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:05,200 Speaker 3: is a stereotype, and not wanting to ask for help 354 00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:07,240 Speaker 3: or support because you think you can hold it all together. 355 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,400 Speaker 3: And I think over the last few years, I've slowly 356 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:13,840 Speaker 3: seen the stigma kind of slowly subside. You know, we 357 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:18,080 Speaker 3: have therapy for black girls, we have therapy for black men, 358 00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:20,920 Speaker 3: and I think given ourselves permission to say but I'm 359 00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:24,600 Speaker 3: not okay and challenging every norm that says that you 360 00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:25,119 Speaker 3: have to be. 361 00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:29,919 Speaker 2: Thank God, those stereotypes are fading. So much of what 362 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:33,639 Speaker 2: Mayosha had to say resonates with me. What we have 363 00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:37,000 Speaker 2: been dealing with in Kansas City, Kansas isn't just a 364 00:21:37,119 --> 00:21:42,440 Speaker 2: truly shocking case of injustice, but historic and economic issues 365 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:45,919 Speaker 2: as well, which deepened the challenges we as a community 366 00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:49,560 Speaker 2: face for many, they never find their way to recovery. 367 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:53,399 Speaker 2: With these individuals, we also need to show them love 368 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:57,800 Speaker 2: and understanding. It's sad that they face so many obstacles 369 00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:01,920 Speaker 2: to just living a normal life, the fycles of perpetuating 370 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:05,960 Speaker 2: the same thing over and over. It's just interesting the 371 00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:09,840 Speaker 2: compounding of this and how those cycles just don't seem 372 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:11,080 Speaker 2: to be able to be broken. 373 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:12,600 Speaker 1: So if an. 374 00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:15,600 Speaker 2: Individual is really trying to get some help, how do 375 00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:20,760 Speaker 2: they remove themselves from the environment that they know so 376 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:22,320 Speaker 2: well every day? 377 00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:23,240 Speaker 1: In order to. 378 00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:26,919 Speaker 3: Make that happen, I think to get out of that environment, 379 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,919 Speaker 3: we all have to consider choice, like what can I 380 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,440 Speaker 3: choose to do? How do I what choices do I have? 381 00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:35,960 Speaker 3: My therapist had me do a genogram, which is basically 382 00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:39,479 Speaker 3: this chart where you track all your generational behaviors and 383 00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:43,040 Speaker 3: your whole bloodline and you're able to visually see where 384 00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:45,800 Speaker 3: the trauma can start with you. One day, I just 385 00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:47,760 Speaker 3: woke up and said, I got to stop. This has 386 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:49,199 Speaker 3: to stop with me. I don't want my daughter to 387 00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:52,000 Speaker 3: be a single mom. I see eight generations of single parents. 388 00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:58,640 Speaker 2: It's hard to take control when your trauma has put 389 00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:02,040 Speaker 2: you in the position of a victim and taking all 390 00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:04,480 Speaker 2: your power away. But we have to look for ways 391 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:08,159 Speaker 2: to confront our pain and move on. For example, the 392 00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:12,960 Speaker 2: geniogram maps out generational trauma over one hundred years. This 393 00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:15,320 Speaker 2: is a great way to show a victim that their 394 00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:19,359 Speaker 2: pain won't go away if they ignore it. Thevery wasn't 395 00:23:19,359 --> 00:23:21,879 Speaker 2: a solution for Black people in the past. People like 396 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:25,359 Speaker 2: ma Issua are working to make it more available, but it's. 397 00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:27,399 Speaker 1: Still not that accessible. 398 00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:32,359 Speaker 2: And days gone by the churches where people went for 399 00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 2: healing and support in a crisis. I wanted to speak 400 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:39,720 Speaker 2: to Mayisha about how this cornerstone institution of the black 401 00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:44,040 Speaker 2: community is walking with this flock and their journeys to healing. 402 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:48,680 Speaker 2: After the break, We're going to look at the role 403 00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:52,160 Speaker 2: the church can play and healing our wounds, where their 404 00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:57,160 Speaker 2: limits are, and how to avoid retraumatizing yourself by sharing 405 00:23:57,240 --> 00:24:22,399 Speaker 2: your stories. I'm a Christian and an active member of 406 00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:25,720 Speaker 2: my church. The church has supported me and sustained me 407 00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:29,040 Speaker 2: through rough times, but we have to be critical of 408 00:24:29,119 --> 00:24:32,840 Speaker 2: the main institutions in our communities and push them to 409 00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:36,680 Speaker 2: serve the flock better. I've seen improvements come in the church, 410 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,120 Speaker 2: but it has a huge role to play and heal 411 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:42,320 Speaker 2: in the community. So if it doesn't take that role seriously, 412 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:46,680 Speaker 2: it could end up doing more harm than good when 413 00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:50,760 Speaker 2: it comes to mental health, particularly people in urban cores. 414 00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:52,960 Speaker 1: How do you feel like the church. 415 00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:56,720 Speaker 2: Do you think they help or do you think that 416 00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:58,680 Speaker 2: they create more anguish. 417 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:01,879 Speaker 3: I've seen church is that have a special fund in 418 00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:04,720 Speaker 3: their church where their fund is just dedicated to mental 419 00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:07,840 Speaker 3: health and supporting members who need mental health services in 420 00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:11,000 Speaker 3: their church. When the church partners with their local health 421 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:14,880 Speaker 3: department because their health department can actually send teams out 422 00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:17,520 Speaker 3: to talk about mental health, that works. Then I'm seeing 423 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,920 Speaker 3: churches that think that just laying the hands on somebody 424 00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:20,760 Speaker 3: is gonna heal them. 425 00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:24,919 Speaker 2: So how would an individual set up some healthy boundaries 426 00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:30,879 Speaker 2: when it comes to participating in what we call church healing. 427 00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:34,840 Speaker 3: I love what you're asking. I think a person has 428 00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:37,320 Speaker 3: to set their own boundaries and know that the church 429 00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:40,560 Speaker 3: should not have power over them. If I know that 430 00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:43,040 Speaker 3: a pastor says to me, I'm gonna lay hands on 431 00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:45,840 Speaker 3: you and heals you, is gonna retraumatize and retrigger me, 432 00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:48,159 Speaker 3: because in the past that's never worked. I need to 433 00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:50,199 Speaker 3: write a letter to the deacon and elden board and 434 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:51,879 Speaker 3: say hey, it's a boundary for me. 435 00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:55,640 Speaker 2: Setting boundaries and understanding the limits of what can work 436 00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:59,840 Speaker 2: for us on our healing journey is crucial. Telling your 437 00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:03,520 Speaker 2: story can be powerful, but too much of it can 438 00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:07,000 Speaker 2: be triggering. One of the key areas we focus on 439 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:10,040 Speaker 2: is ensuring the welfare of the women we advocate for 440 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:14,840 Speaker 2: at Justice for Wyandotte, I protected them from being exploited. 441 00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:20,560 Speaker 2: When it comes to participating in church healing, it's not 442 00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:23,280 Speaker 2: the same. And even in when you're sitting in a circle, 443 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:27,080 Speaker 2: there needs to be a healthy dose of what I 444 00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:29,639 Speaker 2: can take and what I can't take. We have a 445 00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:32,000 Speaker 2: thing where you don't need to tell your story but 446 00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:36,320 Speaker 2: once or twice, and that's it, because we believe telling 447 00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:39,840 Speaker 2: your story over and over re traumatizes you. People want help, 448 00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:42,959 Speaker 2: they want relief, they want justice, and so they feel 449 00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:45,639 Speaker 2: compelled to tell these stories. But at the end of 450 00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:49,480 Speaker 2: the day, it's tearing them apart. And in most cases, 451 00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:53,080 Speaker 2: these church leaders are at the forefront of the fight 452 00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:58,240 Speaker 2: for justice. How do we balance what the church can 453 00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:00,240 Speaker 2: provide in those healthy boundaries. 454 00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:03,119 Speaker 3: For me, it would be explicitly knowing what my boundaries 455 00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:07,440 Speaker 3: are in the church and excusing myself when those boundaries 456 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:10,639 Speaker 3: are gonna be crossed. What is a boundary violation around 457 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:12,919 Speaker 3: my mental health? How do we hold the church accountable? 458 00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:15,399 Speaker 3: Another thing, if you're in a circle and your circle 459 00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:18,200 Speaker 3: doesn't have agreements of how y'all show up together, you're 460 00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:20,480 Speaker 3: not in the right circle. If you're in a circle 461 00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:23,160 Speaker 3: and they're making you tell your story over and over again, 462 00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:26,080 Speaker 3: that's not the right circle. So when I lead circle, 463 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:28,840 Speaker 3: it's we're gonna write your story, We're gonna speak your story. 464 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:31,919 Speaker 3: Then we're gonna rewrite a new story. Circle should always 465 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:34,199 Speaker 3: be for me, empowering you not to live out that 466 00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:37,760 Speaker 3: old story and rewriting a new one. What I also 467 00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:40,000 Speaker 3: learned was like having that faith in myself and the 468 00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:43,480 Speaker 3: power of affirmation allowed me to take steps forward to 469 00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:46,720 Speaker 3: want to heal on an even deeper level. It empowered 470 00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:49,160 Speaker 3: me to stop looking for someone to come and save 471 00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:52,240 Speaker 3: me or rescue me. It actually gave me the power 472 00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:55,920 Speaker 3: to believe in myself and the higher power God or 473 00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:58,480 Speaker 3: if maybe some people don't have that, but it allowed 474 00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:01,800 Speaker 3: me to believe that healing growth was possible. But it 475 00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:04,879 Speaker 3: starts with me, and I have to take responsibility for that. 476 00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:07,280 Speaker 3: Even in the darkest circumstance. 477 00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:11,719 Speaker 2: As unfair is in my sound. I agree with Maysha. Ultimately, 478 00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:15,600 Speaker 2: no one but you can start your healing journey. You 479 00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:18,840 Speaker 2: have to find the strength to affirm yourself. When you 480 00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:22,199 Speaker 2: do this, you'll find others stepping up to support you. 481 00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:26,439 Speaker 2: I think that Maysha's message is hopeful and it taps 482 00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:29,119 Speaker 2: into something NICKI and I have believed in with our 483 00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:32,800 Speaker 2: own work. When a victim takes those bow steps towards 484 00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:36,159 Speaker 2: healing and recovery, I imagine it would be useful to 485 00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:39,720 Speaker 2: know the signs of progress, So I put that question 486 00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:41,560 Speaker 2: to Mayusha when we talked. 487 00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:45,640 Speaker 3: For me, progress looks like setting goals with someone and 488 00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:49,160 Speaker 3: then we usually do like one life goal. I'll use 489 00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:52,520 Speaker 3: a person who is married and is learning how to 490 00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:54,360 Speaker 3: have goals for herself. So she'll have a goal for 491 00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:56,720 Speaker 3: her life and it go for her marriage, and over 492 00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:59,600 Speaker 3: a ninety day period, we'll check in about the goal. 493 00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:02,080 Speaker 3: We'll talk about communication styles, we'll talk about how she's 494 00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:05,760 Speaker 3: prioritizing herself in her marriage, and then how she's prioritizing 495 00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:08,440 Speaker 3: her partner. We'll just do a constant reporting and a 496 00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:11,240 Speaker 3: check in, and usually within a ninety day period, I'm 497 00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:13,040 Speaker 3: able to see people who are not able to set 498 00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:16,200 Speaker 3: boundaries and not able to speak for themselves, set boundaries 499 00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:18,760 Speaker 3: and start to speak for themselves. There are some women 500 00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:21,080 Speaker 3: that I've worked with for over five years that when 501 00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:23,520 Speaker 3: you go back to who they used to be, which 502 00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:27,600 Speaker 3: was very passive and feeling a sense of hopelessness, they're 503 00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:29,920 Speaker 3: learning to find more joy in their life. They're learning 504 00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:33,120 Speaker 3: to have their own boundaries and then speak up when 505 00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:34,480 Speaker 3: their boundaries are violated. 506 00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:38,600 Speaker 2: I recognize what Mayesha is saying in the healing journeys 507 00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:39,840 Speaker 2: of the many women I. 508 00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:40,960 Speaker 1: Have been involved with. 509 00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:44,560 Speaker 2: We have to build up those resources of self respect, 510 00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:49,680 Speaker 2: self worth, boundaries, and self love. Once we've built we 511 00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:53,800 Speaker 2: move to maintaining those elements. Even something as simple as 512 00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:57,280 Speaker 2: gardening can be a part of the healing process, and 513 00:29:57,320 --> 00:29:59,400 Speaker 2: it's something that Mayesha encourages to. 514 00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:03,080 Speaker 1: My mom had a garden. She love gardeners. 515 00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:06,920 Speaker 2: You name the flowers, name this, this is what this does, 516 00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:08,760 Speaker 2: and this is how it's going to bear fruit in 517 00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:12,240 Speaker 2: this time of the year. And so I understand the 518 00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:15,480 Speaker 2: importance of food from the ground. Do you think the 519 00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:20,800 Speaker 2: experience of like gardening and that bringing that into the 520 00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:24,720 Speaker 2: fold of a circle where people actually touching the earth 521 00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:25,680 Speaker 2: and touching each other. 522 00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:27,640 Speaker 1: Food relates to that. 523 00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:31,440 Speaker 2: How do we get people in a mindset that they 524 00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:37,440 Speaker 2: understand that urban gardening and farming is an easy aspect 525 00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:40,400 Speaker 2: and an easy economic way to get there. 526 00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:43,240 Speaker 1: When it comes to your health. 527 00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:45,240 Speaker 3: You are going to need to connect to the earth. 528 00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:48,840 Speaker 3: You may need meditation and yoga and breathwork. You may 529 00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:50,840 Speaker 3: need a nutrition is to help us get eat really 530 00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:53,520 Speaker 3: good foods that will clear our minds. You may need 531 00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:55,640 Speaker 3: a holistic practitioner who can come in and tell you 532 00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:58,360 Speaker 3: what vitamins and supplements to take. You may need a 533 00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:01,480 Speaker 3: movement specialist. It's a whole community systems approach so that 534 00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:05,000 Speaker 3: the community can move towards healing and possibility. You have 535 00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:08,120 Speaker 3: to empower yourself and then find the support that you 536 00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:09,960 Speaker 3: need and ask for that help. 537 00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:11,880 Speaker 1: You don't have to do it by yourself. 538 00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:16,280 Speaker 3: I'm suggesting the circle and the food and the somatics 539 00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:19,120 Speaker 3: and getting your hands in the dirt. What I know 540 00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:21,479 Speaker 3: from history is that those of us who stay in 541 00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:25,720 Speaker 3: our imagination and dream and create, even in this system 542 00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:30,000 Speaker 3: of dysfunction, healing is possible. Healing is a lifelong journey 543 00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:33,479 Speaker 3: You're never fully healed, you're always becoming. Let's say your 544 00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:35,800 Speaker 3: first trauma was at five years old and you've been 545 00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:38,040 Speaker 3: living it with it, and now you're forty five. You 546 00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:40,880 Speaker 3: can't unlearn forty five years of trauma in like one 547 00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:44,520 Speaker 3: year or two years. It takes a constant practice because 548 00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:48,280 Speaker 3: you have to reaffirm those behaviors, unlearn, and relearn. And 549 00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:50,479 Speaker 3: it is just a marathon, not a sprint, because your 550 00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:53,520 Speaker 3: trauma will show up. It's how you react and respond 551 00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:55,400 Speaker 3: to it that makes the biggest difference. 552 00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:03,720 Speaker 2: I want to thank you for your insight and your contributions. 553 00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:08,560 Speaker 2: Thank you for sharing your wisdom and offering such powerful 554 00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:12,720 Speaker 2: tools for understanding how we can start to heal. Your 555 00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:18,440 Speaker 2: work is truly a gift for this community. My issue 556 00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:20,520 Speaker 2: is a part of a generation of women who have 557 00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:24,600 Speaker 2: given Black women more tools and more choices to get better. 558 00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:29,160 Speaker 2: This generation of women have been truly courageous and blazed 559 00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:33,000 Speaker 2: to trail. I hope you can take something from her 560 00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:36,920 Speaker 2: wise words and this girlfriend's guy. I wanted to touch 561 00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:41,040 Speaker 2: on multiple paths for healing for you listeners. I wanted 562 00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:43,560 Speaker 2: you to know that there are so many roads to 563 00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:48,360 Speaker 2: healing and ways to overcome. While the pain is real, 564 00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:53,080 Speaker 2: so is the possibility of healing. Not every solution will 565 00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:57,160 Speaker 2: work for everyone, but there are tools and help available. 566 00:32:57,840 --> 00:33:01,840 Speaker 2: Our communities have endorsed so much, but we also have 567 00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:07,080 Speaker 2: the strength to heal and grow. Let's take this journey together. 568 00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:21,320 Speaker 2: In the next episode of The Girlfriends Untouchable, Nikki will 569 00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:25,200 Speaker 2: be diving into police misconduct and speaking to the executive 570 00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:29,080 Speaker 2: director of the National Police Accountability Project to get some 571 00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:32,840 Speaker 2: tips for how to know your rights and navigate interactions 572 00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:33,520 Speaker 2: with the police. 573 00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:35,280 Speaker 1: Here's a sneak peek. 574 00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:39,040 Speaker 4: I don't think it's an option to say we just 575 00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:40,959 Speaker 4: have to deal with this, we just have to give up. 576 00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:42,680 Speaker 1: People are suffering right now. 577 00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:44,880 Speaker 4: People are dealing with police violence right now, and I 578 00:33:44,920 --> 00:33:46,800 Speaker 4: don't think it should happen to anybody else, and we 579 00:33:46,840 --> 00:34:04,480 Speaker 4: should stand by them and stand with them. 580 00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:09,160 Speaker 2: The Girlfriend's Untouchable is produced by Novel for iHeart Podcast. 581 00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:13,759 Speaker 2: For more from Novel, visit novel dot Audio. This episode 582 00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:17,160 Speaker 2: was hosted by me Kadija Hardaway. It was written and 583 00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:20,960 Speaker 2: produced by Mohammed Ahmed. The editor is Joe Wheeler. The 584 00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:25,520 Speaker 2: researcher is Zaiyana YUSA. Production management from Sharie Houston and 585 00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:29,840 Speaker 2: Joe Savage. The fact checker is Vindo Fulton. Sound design, 586 00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:34,919 Speaker 2: mixing and scoring by Daniel Kinsen with additional engineering by 587 00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:41,440 Speaker 2: Nicholas Alexander, Music supervision by Refriro Masurura, Nicholas Alexander and 588 00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:46,320 Speaker 2: Joe Wheeler. Original music by Amanda Jones. The series artwork 589 00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:50,480 Speaker 2: was designed by Christina Limku, Novels Director of Development in 590 00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:55,319 Speaker 2: Selena Metta. Willard Foxton is Novels Creative Director of Development. 591 00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:59,160 Speaker 2: Max O'Brien and Craig Strackton are executive producers. 592 00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:01,120 Speaker 1: For novel Kat and Nikki E. 593 00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:05,080 Speaker 2: Tour are the executive producers for iHeart Podcasts, and the 594 00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:09,040 Speaker 2: marketing lead is Alison Cantour And a special thanks to 595 00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:12,400 Speaker 2: Carly Frankel and the whole team at w ME