Speaker 1: Welcome to Can'tflee Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio and
Speaker 1: the Black Effects.
Speaker 2: Oh shit, we want to hear.
Speaker 1: Okay, welcome back to yet another episode of Canfully Reckless
Speaker 1: Season four. We're in season four, guys, I'm so excited
Speaker 1: to announce that we're gonna jump straight into it. We
Speaker 1: have no voice memos. Y'all just don't respect me at
Speaker 1: this point. Y'all want me to read and mess up
Speaker 1: and try to catch all errors before y'all even my gosh,
Speaker 1: y'are so stressful. I'm done before even start. But I'm
Speaker 1: about to start right now. So this story Cater's Surprise Month.
Speaker 1: I'm very proud to announce that as well. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm not gay, but I'm proud to announce that. Okay,
Speaker 1: so here we are. I'm a longtime listener, so you
Speaker 1: were the first one I thought about when I heard
Speaker 1: this news.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm going to make this short. Sweet.
Speaker 1: I've been dating this guy for about four years now,
Speaker 1: and he recently told me that he had a couple
Speaker 1: of sexual experiences with transsexual women when he was in
Speaker 1: his twenties.
Speaker 2: We are both in our forties.
Speaker 1: I am definitely an open minded person and believe that
Speaker 1: everyone has the right to explore. I also don't necessarily
Speaker 1: like the double standard when it comes to women exploring.
Speaker 1: But am I wrong for feeling a little bit weird
Speaker 1: about the fact that he had an entire dick in
Speaker 1: his mouth?
Speaker 2: Damn No, you're not. Sis.
Speaker 1: He says that it was just an exploration and that
Speaker 1: he is not attracted to men. Would you believe that?
Speaker 1: What would you do in this situation? I really need
Speaker 1: some other opinions about this. Please keep me anonymous, and
Speaker 1: thank you so much. Oh baby, I definitely wouldn't be
Speaker 1: like so Shara said, hard nigga be having big dix
Speaker 1: in his mouth. No, I'm not going to ever put
Speaker 1: you all day like that, okay, But her name is
Speaker 1: not Charrey, y'all. That was just me giving an example
Speaker 1: of me Aaron out who tells me their stories.
Speaker 2: I would never do that.
Speaker 1: That's why you remain anonymous, Okay. The fact that you
Speaker 1: are open minded and that you said you believe that
Speaker 1: everyone has the right to explore. I do understand that,
Speaker 1: but that goes to a certain extent because while you're
Speaker 1: that way, you also said you just m you just
Speaker 1: can't get over the fact that he had an entire
Speaker 1: dick in his mouth, although he said that he was
Speaker 1: just exploring how many dicks did he have in his mouth?
Speaker 1: They'd lets you know that, Oh, was this just you know,
Speaker 1: a one time, little dingling thing, like you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like, how many times did he actually do this?
Speaker 1: And then two that shouldn't even be a question, sis,
Speaker 1: because he actually did keep it a buck with you,
Speaker 1: and he told you that he had a couple of
Speaker 1: sexual experiences with transsexual women, you know, and transsexual women
Speaker 1: they still have the penis, you know, transgendered women, they don't,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, So we Yeah, he at
Speaker 1: one point was attracted to transsexuals when he was in
Speaker 1: his twenties. Now y'all both in y'all forty, so this
Speaker 1: was twenty years ago, of course. And I mean, I
Speaker 1: love the fact that he was honest with you, and
Speaker 1: I I'm and I'm assuming that he was honest upfront
Speaker 1: and that this didn't come after y'all started fucking and
Speaker 1: catching feelings and y'all were already intimate with each other
Speaker 1: and already were in a relationship something like that. I
Speaker 1: hope that that wasn't the case. However, you did not
Speaker 1: let me know, so I'm just going to assume that
Speaker 1: he told you that shit up front. You know, a
Speaker 1: lot of guys they feel like they don't need to
Speaker 1: bring up their past, especially about something like this that was,
Speaker 1: you know, over twenty years ago.
Speaker 2: So I do respect him in that sense.
Speaker 1: However, just like you, some things I just can't get over,
Speaker 1: Like if you know, if I were you, you know,
Speaker 1: and in your shoes and open minded and you know,
Speaker 1: and I'm okay with dating someone who has explored that
Speaker 1: if that worthy case, I don't know. I can't even see.
Speaker 2: That's the thing.
Speaker 1: I can't even put myself in your shoes because I
Speaker 1: don't know.
Speaker 2: I can't. I just I really love to go there
Speaker 2: with you, guys.
Speaker 1: I love to put myself in your shoes, but I
Speaker 1: can't even imagine a man saying that to me, like,
Speaker 1: you know, hey, I just want to let you know
Speaker 1: when I was I'm you know, we're forty now, but
Speaker 1: when I was twenty, I did used to have sexual
Speaker 1: encounters with transsexual women. You know, I would be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm glad that you are honest, but this is either
Speaker 1: the last time you're ever going to see me or
Speaker 1: we just have to be friends from that, you know,
Speaker 1: because he gave you a choice. Honestly, he gave you
Speaker 1: a choice by telling you. I think that's what he
Speaker 1: was doing. He was not giving you a way out,
Speaker 1: but giving you an option because some men they won't
Speaker 1: tell you that shit. But now fast forward to y'all
Speaker 1: being y'all forties.
Speaker 2: You said that he said that he's not attracted the men.
Speaker 2: What about it?
Speaker 1: Don't you trust the fact that he did give a
Speaker 1: man oral pleasures before, like oral sex?
Speaker 2: Like what about it?
Speaker 1: I mean, because one part of it can't discuss you
Speaker 1: to the point where you just want to leave him alone.
Speaker 2: It has to be all parts, Like so, are you
Speaker 2: more okay with.
Speaker 1: Him bending one of the trans women over than you
Speaker 1: are about him having the penis of a trans in
Speaker 1: his mouth? Like I because it just seems like that
Speaker 1: that's the only thing in the back of your mind,
Speaker 1: like you suck to dick beffore, like that's what seems
Speaker 1: like it runs through your mind, but not him actually
Speaker 1: laying down having sex with a transsexual woman. And then
Speaker 1: it's like, I want to tell you, you can't like
Speaker 1: be upset about one part without being upset at all
Speaker 1: of it, or you know, or having second thoughts about
Speaker 1: one part without having second thoughts about all of it.
Speaker 2: But I mean, you asked me what you should do.
Speaker 1: I think if that's going to always be in the
Speaker 1: back of your mind, you have to be honest enough
Speaker 1: with him, like he was honest enough with you to
Speaker 1: let you in on his past.
Speaker 2: Because think about it, somebody else could have told you.
Speaker 1: Y'all could be out one day walking in the park,
Speaker 1: you know, and one of his ex exes or you know,
Speaker 1: former buddies come up and be like, yeah, I was
Speaker 1: fucking your nigga, and he'd be like, ah when and
Speaker 1: he'd be like, oh, it's twenty years ago. But yeah,
Speaker 1: Then what you're gonna do. You're gonna sit there and
Speaker 1: be like, well that was twenty years ago, you know.
Speaker 1: And what if he was like, no, he suck my deck,
Speaker 1: then you're like, oh my god. So girl, you gotta
Speaker 1: think about it. You gotta really really think about it,
Speaker 1: because maybe maybe you're not ready for what you thought
Speaker 1: you was, you know, and that's okay. As women, you know,
Speaker 1: we get a little confused sometimes. You know, maybe you
Speaker 1: do love him, but if that's going to be in
Speaker 1: the back of your mind, sweetheart, I say, move on
Speaker 1: and be honest with him, you know, because you do
Speaker 1: owe him that.
Speaker 2: Okay, keep me updated.
Speaker 1: If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and
Speaker 1: then we'll be right back.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: I am a seventeen year old woman who lives in Nigeria.
Speaker 1: I was born in the US, but I am from
Speaker 1: Congo and have spent most of my life living in Africa.
Speaker 1: I'm in the serious need of your help. Oh wait
Speaker 1: a minute, is this about some money, because I don't.
Speaker 1: Oh well, okay, girl, Well you start off like that
Speaker 1: and it be like I'm in serious need of your help.
Speaker 2: It's like, oh no, no, no, no, okay, Okay.
Speaker 1: My dad is cheating on my mom, who is currently
Speaker 1: in North America trying to find a job so we
Speaker 1: can finance me going to university. Okay, this is not
Speaker 1: the first time my father has been unfaithful. Once my
Speaker 1: mom packed her bags and threatened to leave, he begged
Speaker 1: her on his dusty as knees not to go.
Speaker 2: I know it's right.
Speaker 1: I had to carry her thirty pounds suit up the
Speaker 1: stairs when she decided to stay, and I was only twelve.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: The same thing happened about two years later, but this
Speaker 1: time she went back to Cameroon, threatened to divorce him,
Speaker 1: but was magically cooking his favorite meal in the kitchen
Speaker 1: two months later.
Speaker 2: Oh, I see what are we going? Okay?
Speaker 1: My dad's infidelity has been a consistent issue in their marriage,
Speaker 1: and I know my mom will not leave him. He's
Speaker 1: a good father most of the time, and I could
Speaker 1: care less if they are together or not, because I
Speaker 1: honestly think they're better parents when they are apart. About
Speaker 1: two years ago, when we were moving to a new
Speaker 1: city in Nigeria, we lived alone with my dad. I
Speaker 1: had to do all the motherly duties which I am
Speaker 1: used to modern slavery type things. Girl, okay, okay, baby.
Speaker 2: He was cheating then too.
Speaker 1: I found condoms in the trash can and he was
Speaker 1: coming late every night. I decided to mind my own
Speaker 1: business as I had my own shit to deal with,
Speaker 1: and honestly, I was hoping my mother was doing her
Speaker 1: thing as well. This time is different, as I am
Speaker 1: too soon to leave the house and I can't have
Speaker 1: my brother having to pick up after my sloppy, horny father.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I do not mean.
Speaker 1: To laugh I'm just trying to figure out what is
Speaker 1: the problem, Like you know what I'm saying, Like, okay,
Speaker 1: because it seems like more of a ventcing session. But
Speaker 1: I got you, baby, I'm gonna keep going because it's
Speaker 1: about four more progress, all right. He is so disrespectful
Speaker 1: and does not even have the decency to cover his tracks.
Speaker 1: He bought cheap ass condoms when we went grocery shopping
Speaker 1: and thought he was slick making me go get salad
Speaker 1: while he quickly paid for it. We are a carnivorous family. Yeah, okay, girl,
Speaker 1: so do everybody else. You don't have to You don't
Speaker 1: have to say we are a carnivorous family.
Speaker 2: Oh, let me finish. Okay.
Speaker 1: Nobody in this bitch eats salads. Oh a girl. I'm like,
Speaker 1: all right, but you and I have to say we're not.
Speaker 2: We are a carnivorous family.
Speaker 1: Like, girl, okay, so technical, I know she's going to college.
Speaker 2: Okay, Nobody in his bitch eats salads.
Speaker 1: Later that night, he gave me the receipt to throw
Speaker 1: away and I saw condoms written at the top of
Speaker 1: the receipt. His first chaps were his priority before our
Speaker 1: school snacks. He has come home twice with dirty cheats
Speaker 1: that have wet spots on them, dirty draws you mean
Speaker 1: that have wet spots on them, and he asked me
Speaker 1: to put them in the washing machine so it can
Speaker 1: be ready for the next bitch. STDs still exist, they
Speaker 1: certainly did. I am not an idiot. I am not
Speaker 1: one of the boys, so I don't know why he
Speaker 1: thinks it's okay to.
Speaker 2: Be so oblivious with his adultery.
Speaker 1: I don't want to tell my mom as she won't
Speaker 1: leave him and she is just going to be stressed
Speaker 1: out on the other side of the world, all right,
Speaker 1: because your mom is in North America and your dad
Speaker 1: is somewhere else. Okay, this is none of my business,
Speaker 1: so do so what the fuck is you telling me for?
Speaker 1: But I am already stressed out with school and teenager shit,
Speaker 1: so him adding this to my plate is revolting. I
Speaker 1: already think men are trash, and he is just reinforcing
Speaker 1: that narrative for me. If I don't tell my mom,
Speaker 1: I also fear bad karma might come to me. But
Speaker 1: I also feel as though telling her selfish of me,
Speaker 1: as it would just relieve my guilt.
Speaker 2: Hmm.
Speaker 1: I need help, my friends ain't shit, respectfully, damn, And
Speaker 1: I go to a predominantly white school, so I could
Speaker 1: barely afford my scholarship.
Speaker 2: The counselors and teachers there are no use. Girl.
Speaker 1: You did a good job of making your life sound
Speaker 1: like the most shittiest of all shit lives in the world. Honey,
Speaker 1: hold up, Hold up. I know this shit getting good.
Speaker 1: But listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial.
Speaker 1: If you love me, you'll listen, Like, let me tell
Speaker 1: you something. I'm not gonna say we all have a
Speaker 1: cheating father, because you know, I don't know about everybody,
Speaker 1: but yes, I had a cheating father. And the reason
Speaker 1: why I say, hey, this is because he's not a
Speaker 1: cheater anymore. My mom end up getting the strength to
Speaker 1: leave after just you know, after many, many, many affairs
Speaker 1: or whatever. But like your mom will get the strength
Speaker 1: to leave. I do understand. I thought the same thing
Speaker 1: about my mom at first. You know, my mother gonna
Speaker 1: listen to this like bitch. First of all, don't try,
Speaker 1: you know, but yeah, I think that. You know, every
Speaker 1: woman has a breaking point, and who's to say that
Speaker 1: your mom is not doing her you know, but still
Speaker 1: in love with your father, you know, what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Who's to say that your dad is not in love
Speaker 1: with his wife but he's still doing him?
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: And who's to say that this is not this comes
Speaker 1: from This is deeply rooted.
Speaker 2: You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Like this is like generational although men at a certain age, man,
Speaker 1: you should know right for wrong. You got a woman
Speaker 1: that's down for you. You got a wife, you cannot
Speaker 1: cheat on her. That's just how some men are wired.
Speaker 1: You get what I'm saying. As far as you complaining
Speaker 1: about all the things you had to do for your mom,
Speaker 1: I get it.
Speaker 2: I get it. But you are a child just like
Speaker 2: she your mother. You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: You talk about carrying thirty pound bags up to the listen,
Speaker 1: let me tell you something right now, my son is
Speaker 1: twelve years old. I ain't lifting shit around that little boy,
Speaker 1: you understand. Yeah, so we gonna carry thirty forty fifty
Speaker 1: pound bags for me too. I get it, I understand.
Speaker 1: But I'm gonna let you know you do sound like
Speaker 1: a brad a little bit, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Because they still trying to figure out how they can
Speaker 1: pay for you to get to school. To get through school.
Speaker 1: I get it. Your friends ain't shit. Get rid of them,
Speaker 1: make some new ones. You understand what I'm saying. Everything
Speaker 1: you told me is solvable. Everything you told me is solvable.
Speaker 1: It just seems like the only real, real, real issue.
Speaker 1: And I'm not discrediting you for anything that you're going through,
Speaker 1: But the real issue is that you really really have
Speaker 1: a herding bone from your dad, like and I think
Speaker 1: that that should result to therapy whenever you're ready. I
Speaker 1: know you probably like, hell no, because you fed up
Speaker 1: with him. You only got one mom. He cheating on her,
Speaker 1: Ben cheating on her. She ain't strong enough to leave,
Speaker 1: what have you?
Speaker 2: Whatever? You know what I'm saying, I understand.
Speaker 1: But you can clearly learn not to be that woman
Speaker 1: from your mom. But we don't know what all she
Speaker 1: dealing with either. Do you talk to your mom? Do
Speaker 1: you see what else she going through? All this moving
Speaker 1: back and forth and shit, trying to be a mom,
Speaker 1: trying to provide, still trying to be a wife.
Speaker 2: At the end of the day, you.
Speaker 1: Said she was cooking his favorite meal two months after
Speaker 1: catching him cheating. Trusting me, I get all of that shit.
Speaker 1: I've seen it myself, so I get it.
Speaker 2: I get it.
Speaker 1: Figure out how to get a job as well. Like
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. You got teenage shit going on,
Speaker 1: Go get yourself a job, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Because at some point, if we see we can't rely
Speaker 1: on our parents, we got to make a happen for ourselves.
Speaker 1: We can't sit in salk in misery. You understand what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. So fuck all that teenage shit. I understand.
Speaker 1: I understand. But if you got people that ain't shit,
Speaker 1: drop them. You're still young. You got a lot of
Speaker 1: life to live. Go get you a job. Help your
Speaker 1: parents put.
Speaker 2: You through school. Help your mother put you through school.
Speaker 1: I guarantee you you won't regret it, because this is
Speaker 1: your future.
Speaker 2: It ain't theirs, it's yours. You know.
Speaker 1: Sometimes as kids, we feel very entitled, you know, and
Speaker 1: we always say things, you know, we always feel that
Speaker 1: our parents should be doing this or should be doing that,
Speaker 1: And no, it's my parents' job, all right. If they
Speaker 1: ain't doing it, who's gonna do it? You?
Speaker 2: So get yourself together, you understand what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Figure out exactly what you need to do to man
Speaker 1: that relationship with your father. You know what I mean,
Speaker 1: and it has to be a two player game. It
Speaker 1: can't be just you. It don't even seem like it's
Speaker 1: gonna be just you. You know what I'm saying Now,
Speaker 1: I will say him putting you through shit like giving
Speaker 1: you a receipt where you did see that condoms were
Speaker 1: on there, or him making you go buy salad even
Speaker 1: though y'all be eating meat and shit, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, just so you wouldn't see him by the
Speaker 1: condoms and shit, or him making you wash his dirty
Speaker 1: drawers and shit, and all of that type of shit.
Speaker 1: These are the things that you can bring up to him.
Speaker 1: You get what I'm saying. You got to bring this
Speaker 1: type of shit up, whether you do it in a
Speaker 1: therapy session, whether you do it in a conversation with
Speaker 1: just you and your dad or whatever. You know. But
Speaker 1: I just want, I want, I need y'all to get
Speaker 1: past that hump one day in your life, because just
Speaker 1: like you get one mom, you got one dad.
Speaker 2: You know, you get one dad.
Speaker 1: Now they are father figures and they're our mother figures,
Speaker 1: but we get one set of.
Speaker 2: Parents that created us.
Speaker 1: You know, most high we have to think for that first,
Speaker 1: But we have parents that are responsible for our DNA,
Speaker 1: for you know, our living, our existence. So you might
Speaker 1: want to, you know, a little older, if you get
Speaker 1: a little older, because you are only seventeen, you get older,
Speaker 1: You're definitely gonna appreciate what I'm telling you. And I
Speaker 1: know you probably cussing my ass out, but sweetee, make
Speaker 1: it happen. You're seventeen, you about to be eighteen, Like
Speaker 1: I said, drop them goddamn friends to ain't shit, because
Speaker 1: if they ain't shit now, they ain't gonna be shpit later,
Speaker 1: you know, until they grow up too, you know, and
Speaker 1: then see somebody. I think, even just for yourself individually,
Speaker 1: you seem like you got a lot, a lot going on,
Speaker 1: and you being your head a lot and you amplify
Speaker 1: shit a lot. Amplifies just a fancy word for dramatize,
Speaker 1: like you seem like a drama queen. Dramatic as how
Speaker 1: in here talk about girl? You know what you wrote
Speaker 1: to me? You so dramatic, spoiled ass, but either way,
Speaker 1: either way talk about I had to do all the
Speaker 1: motherly duties girl, cook.
Speaker 2: And clean and on it. If you was out on
Speaker 2: your own, who the fuck would do it for you?
Speaker 1: Exactly exactly man, I remember when I was seventeen. Nah
Speaker 1: my main't cook dinner every night. I was making that shit.
Speaker 1: My brother five years older than me, we making that shit.
Speaker 1: Were trying to figure out how we feed ourselves a
Speaker 1: mom like you know what I'm saying. Like now, we
Speaker 1: weren't poor or anything like that, but our mom went
Speaker 1: to school, she worked, she had her own business, she
Speaker 1: was heavy in the church. Our dad worked two and
Speaker 1: three jobs. We had sometimes we had to fend for ourself,
Speaker 1: and our parents taught us how to do that. So
Speaker 1: just watching them taught us. You know, we were visual
Speaker 1: learners to this shit. So that's just how it is.
Speaker 1: My little sister now, she's twenty now, but my little
Speaker 1: sister been raising herself since she was like sixteen years old.
Speaker 2: You get what I'm saying. No, it ain't right, but
Speaker 2: it's okay.
Speaker 1: In the words of Whitney Houston, okay and ain't right,
Speaker 1: but it will be okay. And trust me, one day
Speaker 1: you're gonna look back and you can be like, man,
Speaker 1: I was able to do that shit myself, So check
Speaker 1: in with me. I'm sorry if I'm Ajor Loys mad,
Speaker 1: because I know you get mad. He said, we don't
Speaker 1: even eat sale it in this bitch as eat all
Speaker 1: types of shit high, he said, go get it, sell it,
Speaker 1: and go get a sell it for me.
Speaker 2: Ain't slipping my fucking connubs up in the beg sy.
Speaker 1: All right, my big but shit girl, I gotta make
Speaker 1: your laugh some type of way because you're gonna head
Speaker 1: give yourself a little all to tack, honey. But check
Speaker 1: back in with me, sweetheart, and pray so God can
Speaker 1: send help on Dewey. If you pray, help will be
Speaker 1: on Dewey. Remember that, if you pray, help will be
Speaker 1: on Dewey.
Speaker 2: Oh my God.
Speaker 1: Yes, Okay, y'all, we've come to the end of yet
Speaker 1: another carefully breakfast episode with your girl. Justs hilarious because
Speaker 1: what I be doing I be fixing mess, y'all, and
Speaker 1: again and again and again. I also fix mess on
Speaker 1: Breakfast Club every Wednesday or every Thursday, depend depends on
Speaker 1: the topic that we have.
Speaker 2: Make sure you call up.
Speaker 1: There if you want an immediate measure of advice, because
Speaker 1: I know it takes me a while to get to
Speaker 1: everybody's stories when I'm doing my podcast and the hiatus,
Speaker 1: I know I left y'all hanging real quick, y'all, but
Speaker 1: I am pregnant as hell, and I just you know,
Speaker 1: I'm just tired at times.
Speaker 2: And I got a lot of the shit going on too.
Speaker 1: I have to send to other businesses and all, like
Speaker 1: getting up at three forty five four o'clock every morning.
Speaker 2: That's a strain on my body and on my baby.
Speaker 1: So yeah, if you feel like you need immediate advice
Speaker 1: every Wednesday or Thursday, just listen to the show and
Speaker 1: call up to the show and I can give you
Speaker 1: instant advice right there. One eight hundred five eight five
Speaker 1: one oh five one. I was ready saying it's the
Speaker 1: breakfast Club. Good morning, bitch. I'm so I'm so sorry,
Speaker 1: Like no, it's not the breakfast Club. Jesus, all right, y'all.
Speaker 2: I love you. He's a can't.
Speaker 1: Fully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect.
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