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Speaker 1: Hey guys, and welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive.

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Speaker 2: Sweetie.

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Speaker 1: I am Christah Renee, and today we are talking about

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Speaker 1: dating in your forties. And when I think about dating

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Speaker 1: in your forties, the first song that came to mind

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Speaker 1: was Destiny's Child. Independent women and women independent, throw your

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Speaker 1: hands up at me. And when I think of that

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Speaker 1: is because I feel like once women get to their

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Speaker 1: forties and they're still dating, they're definitely independent.

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Speaker 2: I know.

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Speaker 1: For me, I just turned forty in October, and it

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Speaker 1: was something that clicked. It was something that clicked. It's like,

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Speaker 1: literally the day I woke up after my party, I

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Speaker 1: was like, WHOA. I had so much clarity on things,

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Speaker 1: and I was very sure about what I wanted to do,

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Speaker 1: how I wanted it and all those things. But leading

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Speaker 1: up to that, I work in a very vain industry,

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Speaker 1: and the industry that's always looking for the youngest and

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Speaker 1: the hottest and the next, and I was worried, like, lord,

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Speaker 1: am I getting older? Like, and we also have an

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Speaker 1: industry where we don't tell people our age, so like,

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Speaker 1: even on my invitation, I was very strategic about not

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Speaker 1: putting that I was turning forty because I just didn't

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Speaker 1: want to put that out there, but everybody found out anyway,

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Speaker 1: so now everybody knows. But when you're dating in your forties,

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Speaker 1: there's so many factors that come to place.

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Speaker 2: Your biological clock is ticking.

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Speaker 1: Society has put so much stress on you need to

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Speaker 1: get married by this age, you need to start having

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Speaker 1: children by this age. And my acting career got started

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Speaker 1: very late, and what I thought was late. With then

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Speaker 1: I realized some of the greatest artists there are started

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Speaker 1: in their forties. So I'm actually as insecure about that

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Speaker 1: as I was before. But I was worried about that

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Speaker 1: my biocological clock is ticking. I found myself attracting like

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Speaker 1: twenty year olds and I.

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Speaker 2: Was like, what is this guy? I know, I don't

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Speaker 2: look forty. That was the first thing. I don't look

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Speaker 2: like how old I am.

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Speaker 1: But I was attracting young people, and with that it

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Speaker 1: became a stress because I knew they wanted children.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, these are conversations we have to have.

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Speaker 2: And I always wanted to date.

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Speaker 1: Somebody that's either my age or a little older, and

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Speaker 1: honestly they'd already had children. Because I didn't want that pressure.

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Speaker 1: I don't want the pressure of Okay, if he wants children,

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Speaker 1: I can't give him that, Like what if I've passed

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Speaker 1: that stage in my life. And another thing that's really

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Speaker 1: hard about dating in your forties is for me, is

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Speaker 1: finding a man that's not intimidated.

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Speaker 2: I've dated and.

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Speaker 1: Then men see how I'm living and it's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I can't keep up with that, and I'm like, I

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Speaker 1: don't need you to keep up the things I need

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Speaker 1: from you. Of Course, I want someone who has something

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Speaker 1: going on with for themselves.

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Speaker 2: Of course I want.

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Speaker 1: Somebody who can do the things for me that I

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Speaker 1: can do for them, but it doesn't have to always

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Speaker 1: be on the level that I do it, because that's

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Speaker 1: not what I need you for.

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Speaker 2: I need love. I need affection.

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Speaker 1: I need the love languages and when there's five and

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Speaker 1: I need all of them. I need someone that is

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Speaker 1: emotionally supportive to me, someone that supports my career. And

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Speaker 1: I've found that a lot of men are not in

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Speaker 1: a space of maturity or even have the bandwidth to

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Speaker 1: give me that they're so used to just buying women

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Speaker 1: and oh, I'll go do this, I'll pay for this

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Speaker 1: and everything's gonna be okay. No, like I need some

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Speaker 1: like I need you to be my homie, my lover,

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Speaker 1: and my friend. And that's where I feel like, even dating,

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Speaker 1: I just haven't found all three of those things in

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Speaker 1: a man.

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Speaker 2: When I think about some of my like worst and

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Speaker 2: best dates.

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Speaker 1: One of the best dates I ever had, I was

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Speaker 1: living in DC and this was when The Delaware's Pride

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Speaker 1: was out. Anybody who knows me knows I can quote

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Speaker 1: the Delaware's product from top to bottom, like I.

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Speaker 2: Love that movie.

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Speaker 1: And we I had never taken a train ride before,

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Speaker 1: so we took the train from DC to New York.

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Speaker 1: He took me to Nobu fifty seven. And this is

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Speaker 1: like when Nobu was like just starting to pop because

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Speaker 1: it was in every rap song, so like it was

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Speaker 1: like all we want to know voo tonight. So we

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Speaker 1: went to Nobu and then the next day he took

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Speaker 1: me to see The Color Purple. After the play, he

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Speaker 1: took me to Smith and Lewinsky, which was the restaurant

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Speaker 1: that Meryl Streep had Anne Hathaway go get her lunch.

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Speaker 1: And when she brought it, she goes, oh, I don't

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Speaker 1: need that. I'm going to have lunch with Demachier and.

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Speaker 2: She was like pissed.

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Speaker 1: So she takes the plate and throws it in the sink,

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Speaker 1: and the plate cracks and all this stuff.

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Speaker 2: So we went there.

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Speaker 1: We got the exact same steak that mal Streep had ordered,

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Speaker 1: or that Anne Hathaway had ordered for mel Streep, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, this is the most thoughtful Valentine's Day

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Speaker 1: I've ever had and probably still won the most thoughtful weekends.

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Speaker 1: Somebody's like really planned out for me. And then we

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Speaker 1: got back home. He bought me my friend Louis time.

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Speaker 2: Bag and I was like, okay, yeah, this is great.

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Speaker 2: And then I found out that he was a scammer. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: They always say when things seem to be too good

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Speaker 1: to be true, they probably are, and it was I

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Speaker 1: was like, Lord, how does man work for the government

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Speaker 1: and he's scamming. He had this man and I don't

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Speaker 1: want to be stereotypical, because we if you're living in

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Speaker 1: in Atlanta, we know there's a lot of scammers and

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Speaker 1: most of them are of African descent. So he had

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Speaker 1: this African friend who he's like, he owed him some

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Speaker 1: money and he's like, hey, baby, can whatever his name

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Speaker 1: was put this money in your account?

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Speaker 2: So I was like sure, So I wake up.

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Speaker 1: One morning and there's like, no, oh, I wake up

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Speaker 1: and there's like a million dollars, a negative million dollars

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Speaker 1: on my bank statement. I'm like, a negative million dollars.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, first of all, I'm working for the governor.

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Speaker 1: I know I ain't making no million dollars. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: and what is who put out a million? It wasn't

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Speaker 1: saying negative? So I called the bank and they were like, oh,

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Speaker 1: that's because there's a fraddler on your account because the

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Speaker 1: money that was deposited the other day was actually stolen.

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Speaker 2: What y'all? I cannot make this shit up. So like,

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Speaker 2: oh my lunch wrick.

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Speaker 1: I had to go to make of America and put

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Speaker 1: out an affidavit to let them know it wasn't me,

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Speaker 1: and they're like, no, we know it wasn't you. But

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Speaker 1: I couldn't have an account with them for like years

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Speaker 1: because of that.

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Speaker 2: It was crazy.

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Speaker 1: So you gotta be careful who date and get to

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Speaker 1: know people, because that was it turned.

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Speaker 2: It was real good and then it got real bad.

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Speaker 2: Let's see another bad date.

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Speaker 1: I want to tell y'all some funny stories and honest,

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Speaker 1: i'mna be honest with you guys. I haven't really like

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Speaker 1: been in a serious relationship since twenty seventeen, so the

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Speaker 1: dating has been very far and few bets queen, But

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Speaker 1: I dated this other guy who was a little older,

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Speaker 1: and one of my biggest pet peas is someone.

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Speaker 2: Who doesn't tip. Well, judge me if you want to.

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Speaker 1: But I feel like when there are people in hospitality,

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Speaker 1: you should take care of them, especially if they look

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Speaker 1: out for you, and especially if I'm taking to because

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Speaker 1: I made I actually set the reservation up because that.

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Speaker 2: Was another thing I was always having to set up everything.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, dog, like, can you do anything?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 2: What is going on? Like?

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Speaker 1: I don't understand that about men who like don't It's

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Speaker 1: like the courtship has been lost. Like how men used

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Speaker 1: to like send flowers. We're gonna talk about that too.

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Speaker 1: How many used to send flowers, make to take time

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Speaker 1: in advance to set up, Hey, I want to take

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Speaker 1: you out on this day? They wait till the day

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Speaker 1: of Oh what are you doing tonight? There's no initiative anymore.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna talk about the flowers real quick. So I

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Speaker 1: love flowers. Anybody who knows me knows that I love flowers.

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Speaker 1: Do you know how I dated this guy and he

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Speaker 1: literally looked me in my face and said, do you

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Speaker 1: know why I haven't got any flowers?

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Speaker 2: And I was like, why, I do want to know?

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Speaker 1: Actually, yes, he said, because he'd said because that because.

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Speaker 2: You want them. What sense does that make?

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Speaker 1: He said, But when I do do it, he said,

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Speaker 1: it's gonna be so elaborate.

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Speaker 2: You're gonna be like, oh my gosh. And I was like,

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Speaker 2: you're making no sense.

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Speaker 1: If you know, this is a part of my love language,

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Speaker 1: and this is something that makes me happy.

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Speaker 2: Do it because I do that for you.

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Speaker 1: And that's another thing understanding like how people need to

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Speaker 1: be loved because the way I love may not be

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Speaker 1: the way my man needs to be loved. So understanding that, Hey, okay,

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Speaker 1: Chrystal's love language is all the love languages. So let

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Speaker 1: me make sure at some point I'm touching her. Let

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Speaker 1: me make sure at some point I give her affection.

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Speaker 1: To make sure at some point I give her affirmations,

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Speaker 1: I give her gifts, I do access service for her.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not I feel like that's all encompassed in

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Speaker 1: a relationship. And I'm not saying do all those things

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Speaker 1: every single day, but like just consistently let me know,

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Speaker 1: hey babe, I.

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Speaker 2: See you, I hear you, and I feel you. And

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Speaker 2: when he did that, I was just like, okay, this

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Speaker 2: is crazy. I was like, you're not my guy, you

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Speaker 2: can go.

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Speaker 1: Then the other guy who didn't tip, well, it was

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Speaker 1: just like, you know, if you don't treat I feel

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Speaker 1: like you don't treat the way you treat like waiters

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Speaker 1: and people who are there to serve you. If you

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Speaker 1: don't treat them right, that's and immediately dismissal for me.

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Speaker 1: Even when I think about like the dating process as

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Speaker 1: a forty year old woman, it's not the same as

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Speaker 1: it was in my thirties, Like since don't have time,

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm like, okay, what are we doing? Like

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Speaker 1: I'm not applying the pressure like they won unless I

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Speaker 1: really really like you.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, is he my husband or my guys?

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Speaker 1: And because I need to know what are we doing?

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Speaker 1: Apply the pressure because I like you? But I am

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Speaker 1: I do like to take time to get to know

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Speaker 1: my person. I am big on referrals. I really do

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Speaker 1: not like meeting strangers. I want to know somebody that

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Speaker 1: knows you to be like to vouch for you and

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Speaker 1: say okay, Yeah, this person isn't crazy or this is

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Speaker 1: his past, it's what he's been through. I need a

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Speaker 1: little little backstory, background check on.

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Speaker 2: You just need to feel safe.

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Speaker 1: And then even with my success, like I have to

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Speaker 1: be more strategic about the type of men that I

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Speaker 1: even am around. You know, I have to make sure

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Speaker 1: that you just don't have a lot going on, that

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Speaker 1: you're here for the right reasons. Even like the dating phase,

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Speaker 1: like before, I could go a year and still be

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Speaker 1: wondering like what are we doing now after a few months,

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Speaker 1: Like Okay, we know each other, Like what are we doing?

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Speaker 2: Like are we gonna make something official? You're trying to

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Speaker 2: put a ring on it, You're trying to be my

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Speaker 2: life partner. What.

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Speaker 1: But it's definitely a situation where I'm open. I had

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Speaker 1: to get I used to like to stay in the

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Speaker 1: house all the time, and I was like, Chris, so

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Speaker 1: you're never going to find a man if you don't

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Speaker 1: leave the house.

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Speaker 2: But y'all, even that.

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Speaker 1: Even just getting ready, putting a makeup on, doing your hair,

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Speaker 1: finding an outfit, going to shop for an outfit because

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Speaker 1: you feel like I don't have nothing to wear, and

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Speaker 1: then you get out there and nobody approaches you.

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Speaker 2: What am I doing?

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Speaker 1: I find myself coming home. I done spent two hundred

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Speaker 1: dollars on a meal and drinks.

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Speaker 2: And still ain't got no action. What's going on?

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Speaker 1: I'm still trying to figure it out, and people like

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Speaker 1: men don't approach him, Like no nobody approaches me.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't know if I look like I

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Speaker 2: mean or.

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Speaker 1: Some people say I'm unapproachable. Other people say, oh, you

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Speaker 1: look like you already got a man.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't. I don't. I don't if I

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Speaker 2: need to put a sign on bag.

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Speaker 1: I'm single, ready to mingle and maybe somebody will holler.

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Speaker 1: But like, I try to be more conscious of like

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Speaker 1: smiling at people starting conversation or been saying hello just

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Speaker 1: so the guy can know like okay, she's interested, or

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Speaker 1: that was an invitation to have a further conversation.

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Speaker 2: But y'all don't get it, like I don't understand. Help me.

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Speaker 1: I need somebody to respond to this and tell me

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Speaker 1: what I need to do, because your girl need't tell.

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Speaker 1: And one of the biggest things for me is being intentional.

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Speaker 1: And I let people know straight out the gate listen,

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Speaker 1: if you're not intentional, I'm in a very intentional space

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Speaker 1: in my life right now. I know what I want,

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Speaker 1: I know what I'm ready for, I know what I

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Speaker 1: bring to the table. So when you come into this table,

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Speaker 1: I need you to understand, ain't no half ass and

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Speaker 1: ain't no like or.

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Speaker 2: I'll call it when I want to call her. I'm

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Speaker 2: gonna carry her any kind of way.

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Speaker 1: Certain times, like in my thirties, I feel like I

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Speaker 1: had a little more grace or I feel like I

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Speaker 1: put up with more because I wasn't as secure a

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Speaker 1: who I am. But now I'm not putting up with it.

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Speaker 1: I need you to come in knowing what you want

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Speaker 1: and saying, hey, I see you, and I know you're

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Speaker 1: a good woman. I know I need to take that serious,

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Speaker 1: even if it's just as a friendship. I need to

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Speaker 1: come in here knowing that I need to get to

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Speaker 1: know you. I'm not playing with you, and where it

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Speaker 1: goes is where it goes. I may have even put

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Speaker 1: up with like cheating.

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Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: I dealt with that, and I would forgive and be

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Speaker 1: like it's okay because I struggled with.

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Speaker 2: And I still kind of struggle with this. I'm still

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Speaker 2: trying to figure this part out.

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Speaker 1: How we put marital expectations on dating.

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Speaker 2: So we were not married.

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Speaker 1: But I don't want you. I want you to be monogamous, exclusive.

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Speaker 1: I want you to treat me like your wife, and.

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Speaker 2: I want all the all the rewards of a husband,

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Speaker 2: and we're not married.

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Speaker 1: So I had a friend of mine she was like,

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Speaker 1: I just believe that you're singing until you're married. Until

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Speaker 1: you're married, Like it's not under God, but we know

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Speaker 1: at some point it has to be like, Okay, this

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Speaker 1: is decision.

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Speaker 2: This is what I'm doing.

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Speaker 1: And I would put up with a lot of things

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Speaker 1: because I was like, well, like he's got to get

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Speaker 1: to have a system.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 1: And I would make excuses for him, and then I

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Speaker 1: would also try to justify, well, yeah, we're not made,

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Speaker 1: so technically you can do what you want to do

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Speaker 1: until we get married. But at what point does the

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Speaker 1: man say, you know what, I'm ready to go ahead

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Speaker 1: and start practicing being a husband, because I know you

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Speaker 1: gonna want me to cook, you want me to clean,

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Speaker 1: keep the house right, keep my body right, you want

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Speaker 1: me to put it down right. You're gonna want me

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Speaker 1: to carry myself in a certain way, and all that

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Speaker 1: encompasses a wife, and I feel like that was something

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Speaker 1: that I dealt with it I would I probably wouldn't

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Speaker 1: deal with in my forties. Something else I dealt with

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Speaker 1: in my forties was inconsistency.

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Speaker 2: I mean in my thirties.

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Speaker 1: Something I felt dealt with in my thirties was inconsistency.

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Speaker 1: I would allow man to just kind of come in

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Speaker 1: and come out. I had a lot of relationships where

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Speaker 1: it was off and on, and whenever he called back,

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Speaker 1: we were back on.

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Speaker 2: We'd fade out and I would do what I was doing.

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Speaker 1: He would do what he was doing, and then he

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Speaker 1: call and say he missed me, and it was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: we're back.

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Speaker 2: You know. I had a guy that I did that

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Speaker 2: with for like six years.

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Speaker 1: He was like off and on, off and on, and

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Speaker 1: to this day it's funny and they're like, you know

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Speaker 1: that's your husband.

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Speaker 2: I'm like no. They was like, well, he's still like

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Speaker 2: with nobody, and I'm like yeah, because he got issues.

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Speaker 2: He has commit me issues, and I was like, this

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Speaker 2: is not my husband.

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Speaker 1: Something else that I dealt with in my thirties that

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Speaker 1: I would not do now is the line like I

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Speaker 1: just let's just say this. I put up with a

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Speaker 1: lot of shit that I would not put up with now.

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Speaker 1: And that's because I don't have the tolerance. I have

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Speaker 1: a zero tolerance for blind cheating, for inconsistency, for someone

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Speaker 1: who a deal break for me is someone who's not

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Speaker 1: like a man of God, who doesn't want to go

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Speaker 1: to church, like I need somebody that I can do

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Speaker 1: everything with.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to just we man.

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Speaker 1: We go on vacations together, we go to dinner together,

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Speaker 1: we go to ball games together, we do all the

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Speaker 1: things together. But when it on Sundays, I'm the only

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Speaker 1: one going to church. That ain't gonna work for me.

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Speaker 1: I need somebody that's like, baby, we're gonna pray together

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Speaker 1: to because we gotta keep this thing tight. And that's

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Speaker 1: for me, is like one of the biggest, biggest things.

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Speaker 1: I always say that when people are like, what are

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Speaker 1: you looking forward to?

350
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Speaker 2: Man?

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Speaker 1: And I always say, I want a man that has

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Speaker 1: to seek God to get to me. When they see me,

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Speaker 1: they're like, ooh, I can't go about the same way

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Speaker 1: I didn't want it with all these other women. I

355
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Speaker 1: gotta go with this woman different. Lord help me secure

356
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Speaker 1: this because I know if I do it, I'm gona

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Speaker 1: mess it up.

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Speaker 2: I need you to seek him first before you step

359
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Speaker 2: over here. Okay. Secondly, how he treats his mother.

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Speaker 1: I want him to like if my mother always said,

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Speaker 1: watch how man treats his mom, because that's how he's

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Speaker 1: gonna treat you.

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Speaker 2: And it's so true.

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Speaker 1: I look at how he is around his friends, the

365
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Speaker 1: friend the company that he keeps, how he is when

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Speaker 1: I bring my friends around, because a lot of times

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Speaker 1: you can kind of tell when you bring them in.

368
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:58,440
Speaker 2: A different environments. You're like, okay, I see how you

369
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Speaker 2: carry yourself.

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Speaker 1: I want somebody that I can in any room, whether

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Speaker 1: we with the president of the Atlanta Hawks suite or

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Speaker 1: we are at a children's center helping some kids. Like

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Speaker 1: I want to know that I can put you in

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Speaker 1: any room when you're gonna adapt, and I can go

375
00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:16,680
Speaker 1: to the bathroom, you're not gonna embarrass me, okay, because

376
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Speaker 1: some folks you cannot leave unattended. Another thing that I

377
00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:26,879
Speaker 1: look for in a man is honesty and integrity. Integrity

378
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:30,800
Speaker 1: is so important because if you don't have that, it's

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00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:35,600
Speaker 1: just everything else starts to crumble. The way he handles himself,

380
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:40,040
Speaker 1: takes care of his body, that's important. And I've noticed that,

381
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Speaker 1: like the older I get, it's less about the physical.

382
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Speaker 2: Don't get me wrong, that's we got eyes.

383
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:47,520
Speaker 1: That's the first thing you do is you see, you

384
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:50,679
Speaker 1: see the person like dang, okay, what's up, daddy. And

385
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Speaker 1: then it's like, okay, well what else you got? You're

386
00:17:53,359 --> 00:17:55,720
Speaker 1: saying as of that, but I still want to be like, Okay,

387
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:58,720
Speaker 1: I see you. But I've noticed that the older I get,

388
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:03,040
Speaker 1: the the less important the physical is. It's more about

389
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,160
Speaker 1: your spirit and your soul. And I've found like I've

390
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:09,080
Speaker 1: given guys who may not be worldly, like the quote

391
00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:13,400
Speaker 1: unquote like world definition of fine, and then I get

392
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:16,600
Speaker 1: to know and I'm like, wow, you really are fine.

393
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,800
Speaker 1: You may not be like what the world deems beautiful,

394
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,959
Speaker 1: but like your spirit is so beautiful. I dated this

395
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:28,080
Speaker 1: one guy and he was Muslim, and my parents were

396
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:31,439
Speaker 1: so mad. They were like, you are that's unequally yoked,

397
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:35,359
Speaker 1: Like you shouldn't date somebody who's not Christian. And I

398
00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:37,960
Speaker 1: was like, and this is really kind of what changed

399
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:39,840
Speaker 1: my view on religion. But we'll talk about that in

400
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:43,240
Speaker 1: a second. And I was like, but nobody's ever loved

401
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:48,640
Speaker 1: me the way he has. This guy was the kindest person.

402
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:50,800
Speaker 1: He loved the way I love. I love really hard.

403
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:54,560
Speaker 1: He loved hard. There was nothing that I didn't have

404
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:57,200
Speaker 1: to ask for anything. If he saw that I needed it,

405
00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:59,960
Speaker 1: it was done. I was like, he was so attend

406
00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:04,199
Speaker 1: and we're still good friends to this day. And he

407
00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:06,600
Speaker 1: came to my college graduation. He got to meet my family.

408
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:09,480
Speaker 1: After this man and my family they were like, oh

409
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:12,199
Speaker 1: my god, we love him because they saw what I

410
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:17,240
Speaker 1: saw and just a beautiful, beautiful soul. But taking it

411
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:21,840
Speaker 1: back to the religion part, because of that and the

412
00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:25,400
Speaker 1: way my parents reacted to that whole unequally yoked thing.

413
00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:29,240
Speaker 1: Because of the way the way he made me feel

414
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:31,840
Speaker 1: and the way he loved me, it started to make

415
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:34,560
Speaker 1: me think that religion was just put in place to

416
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:37,320
Speaker 1: give people rules to live by, to like, so that

417
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:40,520
Speaker 1: people could be good. And in all of all the religions,

418
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:43,280
Speaker 1: there's like one thing in common is love your neighbor

419
00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:45,960
Speaker 1: as yourself, Like be good to people. How you treat

420
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:48,119
Speaker 1: people is what's going to come back to you. And

421
00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:49,960
Speaker 1: if a lot if the whole world followed that, it

422
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,880
Speaker 1: would be such a loving world. And I don't get

423
00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:56,560
Speaker 1: I haven't studied like deeply all the different religions, but

424
00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,719
Speaker 1: I feel like it was all put into place so

425
00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:01,719
Speaker 1: that we can just be good people and have some

426
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:03,800
Speaker 1: type of rules to live by so we're not reckless.

427
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:06,120
Speaker 2: But that was mine.

428
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:10,000
Speaker 1: He's the only Muslim up dated, honestly, Like I used

429
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:14,240
Speaker 1: to want like the hot boy, you know what I'm saying.

430
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:16,600
Speaker 1: They had it going on the most popular. Even from

431
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:19,520
Speaker 1: like high school, I always dated like the start of

432
00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:20,160
Speaker 1: football team.

433
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:22,800
Speaker 2: College, I paid it the start of the basketball.

434
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:26,480
Speaker 1: Team, and then I it was a phase of my

435
00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:30,320
Speaker 1: life where I started to attract like dudes. It was

436
00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:32,679
Speaker 1: making a lot of money and I got I was

437
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:36,040
Speaker 1: in college and that was when I was exposed to

438
00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:39,719
Speaker 1: like my first like millionaire boyfriend, and I was like, whoa,

439
00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:42,960
Speaker 1: this is a different life. And being exposed to at

440
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:47,000
Speaker 1: a very young age was like it was a lot,

441
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:49,040
Speaker 1: you know, and then you get you get exposed to it,

442
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,960
Speaker 1: and that's what you It's almost like a drug. It's

443
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:55,880
Speaker 1: like you get addicted to the life, the access, everything

444
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:56,639
Speaker 1: that comes with that.

445
00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:58,760
Speaker 2: And I saw that like it was a trend.

446
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:03,000
Speaker 1: I continued to attract that type of man, somebody that

447
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:07,239
Speaker 1: was always like high end stature, and I think it

448
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:09,600
Speaker 1: was and I started to even look at me and like, Okay,

449
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:12,280
Speaker 1: Yashmas might take care of me. I had that mentality

450
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:15,280
Speaker 1: because I didn't have nothing going on. But when you

451
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,480
Speaker 1: when I started having something going on and the table

452
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:19,439
Speaker 1: started turning, I was making my own money. I was

453
00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:21,359
Speaker 1: standing on my own two feet. I didn't have to

454
00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:23,359
Speaker 1: pay on him to pay my bills. I could do

455
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:26,320
Speaker 1: it on my own. That's when I started looking for

456
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:29,320
Speaker 1: different things than a man. I was looking for somebody

457
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:31,320
Speaker 1: to take care of me when I was younger, But

458
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:33,640
Speaker 1: as I started to come into my own, I was like, no,

459
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:36,280
Speaker 1: like I need something deeper, Like it's not all.

460
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:37,680
Speaker 2: About the fame.

461
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:41,560
Speaker 1: It's not about the riches because those men I'm not

462
00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:44,840
Speaker 1: putting all men who make a lot of money or

463
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:49,000
Speaker 1: men of stature and high status in the same box.

464
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:52,399
Speaker 2: But it's a lot that comes with their life.

465
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:56,679
Speaker 1: And you deal with infidelity, you deal with ego, you

466
00:21:56,760 --> 00:22:01,840
Speaker 1: deal with a lot of loneliness because they're always busy,

467
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:04,639
Speaker 1: and those are things like okay, do I want that?

468
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:05,680
Speaker 2: Like is this a life I want?

469
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:07,880
Speaker 1: Do I want to be by myself all the time

470
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,960
Speaker 1: while he's out doing god knows what because he feels

471
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:12,480
Speaker 1: like he can because he's the one bringing all the

472
00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,720
Speaker 1: money in. So when I started making my own money,

473
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:18,679
Speaker 1: I started my whole idea of what I wanted and

474
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:19,200
Speaker 1: the man.

475
00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:19,919
Speaker 2: Started to change.

476
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:23,520
Speaker 1: And not saying that my success defines me, but I'm

477
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:24,840
Speaker 1: not gonna sit here on the line and say that

478
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:26,800
Speaker 1: it didn't boost my confidence and make me like I

479
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:28,280
Speaker 1: don't need you.

480
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:31,040
Speaker 2: You know, I can do this on my own. I

481
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:31,800
Speaker 2: want you.

482
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:36,040
Speaker 1: And there's a difference between needing somebody and wanting somebody

483
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:38,920
Speaker 1: when you want them. It's a choice. I'm making a

484
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:42,919
Speaker 1: choice to be with you when I need you. It's like, nigga,

485
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,560
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be able to survive if I don't

486
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:47,720
Speaker 1: have you. And the need turns into something different, like

487
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:53,639
Speaker 1: I need that spiritual connection. I need you mentally, like

488
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:56,479
Speaker 1: you have my heart and my soul. Now it's not

489
00:22:56,560 --> 00:23:00,480
Speaker 1: all like tangible things when now for what I am now,

490
00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:06,760
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's definitely changed. I look more on the

491
00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:10,359
Speaker 1: inside than the outside. It's not all about it's not

492
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:12,480
Speaker 1: all about what you can do for me at this age,

493
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:18,080
Speaker 1: It's about how you can feed me, and that's what

494
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:19,639
Speaker 1: it really is. How can you feed me? How can

495
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:22,159
Speaker 1: you feed my spirit? How can I learn from you.

496
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:26,640
Speaker 1: There's guys that like literally can be top NBA players

497
00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:30,560
Speaker 1: that like, Crystal, I will marry you tomorrow, And I'm.

498
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:34,000
Speaker 2: Like, bro, the conversation is horrible, Like.

499
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:37,120
Speaker 1: I'm gonna safe your sexual you get me here, You're

500
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:41,480
Speaker 1: gonna get me there, you gotta you gotta get the

501
00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:43,960
Speaker 1: mind first. I'm like, every time I'm on the phone

502
00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:49,600
Speaker 1: with you, I'm like, and I know you'll buy me

503
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:54,280
Speaker 1: every Chanel collection, everything in Gucci. You'll take me on

504
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:56,680
Speaker 1: every trip I want to go on. But when we're there,

505
00:23:56,920 --> 00:24:00,879
Speaker 1: what we're talking about, Like, it's something about that, Like

506
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:04,920
Speaker 1: I have to be stimulated mentally. So those are the

507
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:06,800
Speaker 1: things I look for now as a forty ye old

508
00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:07,840
Speaker 1: And that's what the difference is.

509
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:08,240
Speaker 2: For sure.

510
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:12,040
Speaker 1: A man that's hollering at forty year old Crystal needs

511
00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:17,720
Speaker 1: to come with some confidence, some swag. He gotta come knowing,

512
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:19,760
Speaker 1: like I need to see that you know that you

513
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:22,080
Speaker 1: can handle me, because I don't feel like you can

514
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 1: handle me. I'm like, okay, I'm not to run all

515
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:27,439
Speaker 1: over you, like I need to know that when you

516
00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:30,359
Speaker 1: come to me, you come with intention. It's like, listen,

517
00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:32,560
Speaker 1: like this is where in my life I want to

518
00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:34,800
Speaker 1: get to know you. I want to take you serious.

519
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:38,400
Speaker 1: Come to me single. Don't be having a whole bunch

520
00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:42,240
Speaker 1: of stuff going on. Okay some scragglists, go ahead and

521
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:44,600
Speaker 1: let them fall by the wayside before you come over here,

522
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:46,920
Speaker 1: because I need you to be open to receive all

523
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:48,880
Speaker 1: that your blessings that God has for.

524
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:52,359
Speaker 2: You, because I'm a blessing. Hey, I need you to

525
00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:54,000
Speaker 2: know I'm a blessing.

526
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:57,080
Speaker 1: I had one guy tell me he's like, you know, Crystal,

527
00:24:57,080 --> 00:25:00,160
Speaker 1: He's like, I just wonder sometimes, am I missing my blessing?

528
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:04,080
Speaker 1: Because I'm in a He's in a very like he's

529
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:06,639
Speaker 1: in a very evolutionary phase of his life where this

530
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:10,439
Speaker 1: I mean talking about he is doing amazing things. And

531
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:12,080
Speaker 1: he's like, and I wonder because of where I am

532
00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:13,280
Speaker 1: and I'm in a phase where I have to be

533
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,399
Speaker 1: selfish and there are phases in life where you have

534
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:18,400
Speaker 1: to focus on yourself. He's like, am I missing my blessing?

535
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:21,080
Speaker 1: And I looked up at him and I said, you are.

536
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,240
Speaker 1: But that's okay. You gotta do what you feel is

537
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:27,359
Speaker 1: right for you. And if the time is right and

538
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:29,359
Speaker 1: we're supposed to be together, we'll be together. When the

539
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 1: time is right, and if not, you're a great friend

540
00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:34,840
Speaker 1: and I'm here for you. I support you, but you're

541
00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:37,160
Speaker 1: not about to play with me. We can be cool.

542
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:38,879
Speaker 1: We got to keep it just like this, keep it friendly.

543
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:41,080
Speaker 1: Don't don't play with me when you know this is

544
00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:43,800
Speaker 1: not what you're ready for. So he's got to be intentional.

545
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:47,520
Speaker 1: He's got to be ready for open for something serious,

546
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:50,000
Speaker 1: because I'm telling you, like when you come oporate here,

547
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:52,119
Speaker 1: you're not You're gonna love it. You're gonna love it

548
00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:55,680
Speaker 1: here and you're not gonna leave. So yeah, he gotta

549
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:59,760
Speaker 1: come confident. He got to come intentional and ready. So

550
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:02,040
Speaker 1: I talked about it. I said that I like, I

551
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:06,880
Speaker 1: love referrals. But in two thousand and nineteen, my friends

552
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:08,679
Speaker 1: were like, Crystal, why are you single?

553
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:10,400
Speaker 2: Like you are such an.

554
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:12,959
Speaker 1: Amazing woman, Like there, I know there's somebody out there

555
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:15,600
Speaker 1: for you. And I had two friends that had met

556
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:20,320
Speaker 1: on Riah, which is just like high end elite dating site.

557
00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:23,280
Speaker 1: You gotta get vetted so like anybody just can't sign

558
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:23,920
Speaker 1: up for the site.

559
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:26,640
Speaker 2: And I was like okay, Like I felt.

560
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:28,919
Speaker 1: A little more comfortable and safe about it because for me,

561
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:31,840
Speaker 1: like I've heard the horror stories of people meeting on

562
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 1: dating sites and this is not everybody's story, but for me,

563
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:38,679
Speaker 1: in my scary behind, I'm like, that'll be my story.

564
00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:43,400
Speaker 1: It's like, I don't wanna be on the news because

565
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:45,920
Speaker 1: I went on dating site and met some crazy man.

566
00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:49,960
Speaker 1: But I got on there and I was scrolling through,

567
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:51,560
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my goodness. It took me like

568
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:54,159
Speaker 1: a week or two to even get approved. So I

569
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:56,359
Speaker 1: get on there and I'm like, uh, And then a

570
00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:59,080
Speaker 1: few guys that I did match with they never hit me.

571
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:01,320
Speaker 1: So I was just like, what, Okay, this is stupid.

572
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:04,960
Speaker 1: So I deactivated my account and hats off to anybody

573
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:08,359
Speaker 1: who does that, and it actually works, like because I

574
00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 1: feel like there are some good people out there who

575
00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:14,359
Speaker 1: use dating sites for the right reasons, and those are

576
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:16,960
Speaker 1: people who are You're all everybody's looking for a relationship,

577
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:19,400
Speaker 1: So it's not like you're going out there and we're

578
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:21,439
Speaker 1: not on the same page. We're we definitely have the

579
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:24,119
Speaker 1: same end goal in mind that we ready to be

580
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:26,199
Speaker 1: with somebody and we wanna get married or whatever the

581
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:29,840
Speaker 1: case may be. But I'm big on referrals. I'm not

582
00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:32,920
Speaker 1: too keen on the dating sites. Somebody asking for when

583
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:38,760
Speaker 1: I go on like a dating s a dating show. No, yeah, no,

584
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:42,240
Speaker 1: I would never go Somebody literally didn't do didn't somebody

585
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:44,320
Speaker 1: ask me to, Like, somebody did ask me about some

586
00:27:44,359 --> 00:27:46,520
Speaker 1: type of show, and we're like, well a hosted but

587
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:51,200
Speaker 1: we're not like coming on it. Yes I can, yeah,

588
00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:54,120
Speaker 1: all we were both like nah, I just I don't know,

589
00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:56,720
Speaker 1: Like it's something about that and and that's whatever you

590
00:27:56,720 --> 00:27:58,520
Speaker 1: do is your business. And I watch the shows. I

591
00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:00,879
Speaker 1: think they're fun to watch, and I'm very intrigued by it.

592
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:04,960
Speaker 1: But I'm not putting myself out there on live television.

593
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 2: I do that already through my work.

594
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:10,440
Speaker 1: I'm not about to put you like in that all

595
00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:13,400
Speaker 1: my business trying to find love. There was another show too,

596
00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 1: was it Looking for Love that will Packard producers.

597
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:20,119
Speaker 2: Yeah that my mom loves that show. But yeah, no,

598
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:22,320
Speaker 2: I don't think I would do a dating show or

599
00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:26,040
Speaker 2: anything like that either. When it comes to like dating

600
00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:30,439
Speaker 2: and that timeline of okay, we met, we get to

601
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:35,320
Speaker 2: know each other, you're courting me, Okay, now are we exclusive?

602
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:37,640
Speaker 2: Are we doing this thing? What are we doing?

603
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 1: The most uncomfortable position to be in a relationship or

604
00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:43,960
Speaker 1: in a dating phase is to the point where you're

605
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:46,800
Speaker 1: like confused about what we're doing. I talked to this

606
00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:50,360
Speaker 1: guy for a year and didn't know what we were doing.

607
00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:52,280
Speaker 1: And when I finally asked him, I was like, so,

608
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:53,800
Speaker 1: what do we doing?

609
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:55,040
Speaker 2: I know guys hate that question.

610
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:57,360
Speaker 1: It's like a or they hate that we need to

611
00:28:57,400 --> 00:28:58,560
Speaker 1: talk and they hate that what are we doing?

612
00:28:58,600 --> 00:28:58,920
Speaker 2: It's like.

613
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:02,680
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I don't And I tried to use

614
00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:04,760
Speaker 1: my tone like so what are we doing?

615
00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:06,640
Speaker 2: Not so what are we doing?

616
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:09,280
Speaker 1: I tried to be very particular about how I said

617
00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:11,960
Speaker 1: it because I didn't want to like scare him or him.

618
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:13,360
Speaker 2: Be hrh to go in the shell and be like,

619
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:14,680
Speaker 2: oh God, I don't want to talk about this.

620
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:17,920
Speaker 1: And he was like we're I'm thinking we're dating and

621
00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:19,440
Speaker 1: he's like, oh no, He's like, we're getting to.

622
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:23,240
Speaker 2: Know each other. I'm like, bruh, how much knowing do

623
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:24,120
Speaker 2: we need to get?

624
00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:29,280
Speaker 1: Like, come on, Passadarius and pastor Shamika say collecting data.

625
00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:31,200
Speaker 1: I was like, it ain't that much data to collect.

626
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:33,360
Speaker 1: I showed you in three months what it was. If

627
00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:35,360
Speaker 1: you ain't catch it, you ain't catch it. So I'm

628
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:38,400
Speaker 1: thinking we dating. And that's the importance of communication because

629
00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:40,880
Speaker 1: women will be thinking one thing and a man will

630
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:43,520
Speaker 1: be thinking another. So I feel like at that point,

631
00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:46,000
Speaker 1: I was in my thirties and I waited a year

632
00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:47,400
Speaker 1: to kind of figure.

633
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:48,200
Speaker 2: Out what we were doing.

634
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:54,600
Speaker 1: But now I feel like, within within ninety days that

635
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:57,320
Speaker 1: three months hid we need to know what we're doing,

636
00:29:57,840 --> 00:29:59,400
Speaker 1: you know, Like I'm not gonna keep wasting my time

637
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:03,600
Speaker 1: if you're unsh sure because I'm an open book. When

638
00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:08,200
Speaker 1: my energy is very like penetrating, like you're gonna feel it,

639
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:10,280
Speaker 1: and it's either you're gonna feel it or you're not

640
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:13,000
Speaker 1: feeling it, So like, make a decision, don't stream me along.

641
00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:17,120
Speaker 1: I need you to be very vocal about how you feel.

642
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:21,040
Speaker 1: So yeah, I would say about three months is my

643
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:24,160
Speaker 1: like waiting period to kind of figure out where it's going.

644
00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:28,840
Speaker 1: At this age, I'm gonna have a man who I

645
00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:32,320
Speaker 1: don't have to ask. He's gonna tell me or I

646
00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:34,720
Speaker 1: might have to hit him with the I'm about to

647
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:35,800
Speaker 1: go go out tonight.

648
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:37,200
Speaker 2: Am I taking her a?

649
00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:39,920
Speaker 1: Cause I need to let these men know what it

650
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,160
Speaker 1: is because I know they're gonna be owe me, you know,

651
00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 1: or not because they don't be approaching me.

652
00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:47,600
Speaker 2: But am I taking her at all? You know? I

653
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:49,840
Speaker 2: need to know. I might hit him with that, you hear,

654
00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:51,200
Speaker 2: They'll probably catch them off guard.

655
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:55,560
Speaker 1: But no, like I at some point, like I feel

656
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:57,040
Speaker 1: at that point, I'll be like, so what are we doing?

657
00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:58,320
Speaker 2: Like this is where I.

658
00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:01,600
Speaker 1: Am, This is how I feel about you, and if

659
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:03,520
Speaker 1: I'm asking you that that means I feel safe with you.

660
00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:04,600
Speaker 2: I want to take this further.

661
00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:08,200
Speaker 1: But I hope that the men that I attract now,

662
00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:11,440
Speaker 1: I hope that I'm attracting likeness and people who think

663
00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:13,320
Speaker 1: like me that I'm not even gonna have to ask

664
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:15,400
Speaker 1: that too. He's gonna come to me and like, babe,

665
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:17,240
Speaker 1: like this is where I am. I want to take

666
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:19,600
Speaker 1: this to the next level with you, and I'm gonna

667
00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 1: speak that my next man. I'm not evenna have to

668
00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:25,160
Speaker 1: ask him, because he's gonna tell me, and he's gonna

669
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 1: let me know, baby, this is what it is.

670
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:28,880
Speaker 2: I got you, we and this thing.

671
00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:33,520
Speaker 1: And it's so funny because my parents got engaged within

672
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:37,600
Speaker 1: six months and they were married by the eighth month,

673
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:41,160
Speaker 1: so it was a very fast track marriage. And my

674
00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:43,880
Speaker 1: mom always says, they don't take nobody that law and

675
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:45,400
Speaker 1: to figure out they want to be with you or not.

676
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:51,520
Speaker 2: Now, I will say that. I go back and forth

677
00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:51,800
Speaker 2: to this.

678
00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:54,240
Speaker 1: Some days I want marriage, other days I want a

679
00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:59,959
Speaker 1: life partner. There's been a time where I wondered if

680
00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:02,760
Speaker 1: I just wanted a commitment ceremony because I wanted to

681
00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:05,440
Speaker 1: be I wanted to honor God and get married before God,

682
00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 1: but not in the law.

683
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:07,960
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.

684
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:10,600
Speaker 1: I feel like it just gets weird and technical when

685
00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:15,600
Speaker 1: it comes to getting married the way that the United

686
00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:17,560
Speaker 1: States and everybody else wants you to get married. But

687
00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:19,920
Speaker 1: I feel like that's between you and God. And if

688
00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:22,880
Speaker 1: we can honor God and live by those vals, that's

689
00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:25,240
Speaker 1: all I need. And what we do together, how we

690
00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:27,960
Speaker 1: build together, is ours. And if it don't work, you

691
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:28,480
Speaker 1: go your way.

692
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:29,000
Speaker 2: I go mind.

693
00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:30,760
Speaker 1: We slip what we've done together. I leave what I

694
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:34,400
Speaker 1: came with, You leave what you came with. But then

695
00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 1: the other time, it's like, Okay, let's get married.

696
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 2: I don't know. I still want my ring. Whichever way

697
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:41,680
Speaker 2: I do it. I need that ring. Okay, let's talk

698
00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:44,680
Speaker 2: about them minimum eight.

699
00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:48,600
Speaker 1: What Jaz said, right, so be it can't can't even

700
00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:49,760
Speaker 1: fit her hand in or do purse.

701
00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:53,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, I need that. I need that thing. I need

702
00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:55,840
Speaker 2: the one that I like got to take off some days,

703
00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:58,959
Speaker 2: my baby, it's just too big. It's just too big.

704
00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:12,160
Speaker 2: Everything's to big. It's too big. It's too it's too strong,

705
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:13,960
Speaker 2: it won't fit.

706
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:16,360
Speaker 1: All the things.

707
00:33:16,360 --> 00:33:19,560
Speaker 2: It's just a big energy. Okay. They're young and a

708
00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:20,200
Speaker 2: fun boy.

709
00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:22,840
Speaker 1: They keep you young, They keep you young. You know

710
00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:25,800
Speaker 1: what I like about young men is that they're very confident.

711
00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:29,000
Speaker 1: If they're like attracted to an older woman, those little

712
00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:33,200
Speaker 1: boys be coming with some confidence, It's like, okay, they

713
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:34,800
Speaker 1: make you feel good about yourself.

714
00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:36,720
Speaker 2: They hype you up.

715
00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:39,280
Speaker 1: And I think we do the same thing for them

716
00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:42,120
Speaker 1: older women is like we struck their ego.

717
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:43,920
Speaker 2: We make them feel more of.

718
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:48,560
Speaker 1: A man, and it's like they feel like they're conquering something.

719
00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:51,720
Speaker 2: But little do you know we conquering them. We just

720
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:53,880
Speaker 2: let them think that they doing something.

721
00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:58,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, my date, I did go through a phase where

722
00:33:58,040 --> 00:34:01,080
Speaker 1: all I was attracting was twenty years old old, and

723
00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:03,520
Speaker 1: like even boys they be like, well, I'm twenty nine.

724
00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:05,600
Speaker 2: They went to twenty eight, twenty nine, and.

725
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:08,279
Speaker 1: Then I met a thirty year old and finally I'm

726
00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:10,640
Speaker 1: meeting like men in their forties where I'm like, okay,

727
00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:13,960
Speaker 1: been through some things. Have a better understanding of life.

728
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:16,760
Speaker 1: That's what I need. Me and young men, I realize

729
00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:19,839
Speaker 1: there's some good conversation, we have fun together, but when

730
00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:22,560
Speaker 1: it gets to that depth and what I really need

731
00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:25,399
Speaker 1: in a relationship, they can't really provide me with that.

732
00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:27,520
Speaker 1: And there are some young men that have gone through

733
00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:30,040
Speaker 1: enough in their childhood where they're like, I'm like, wow,

734
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:32,560
Speaker 1: like you actually have an old soul, and it's because

735
00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:35,279
Speaker 1: the things they've been been through. Look for me, I

736
00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:38,600
Speaker 1: definitely need somebody a little older, someone that's my age,

737
00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 1: that understands and has that maturity.

738
00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:42,240
Speaker 2: I feel like there are.

739
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:45,000
Speaker 1: Pros and cons, so like dating guys that are a

740
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:50,520
Speaker 1: little older than you, I personally wouldn't go over five

741
00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:52,399
Speaker 1: to eight years older than me. I kind of want

742
00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:54,960
Speaker 1: to keep it in that range because I feel like

743
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:58,000
Speaker 1: once you get like into the fifties and the sixties, that's.

744
00:34:57,880 --> 00:34:59,160
Speaker 2: Just we got it.

745
00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:01,880
Speaker 1: It's just too much and like as you my daddy,

746
00:35:02,040 --> 00:35:09,200
Speaker 1: like for real, I can't do that. But even like

747
00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:11,520
Speaker 1: the energy and like the fun. There's some fifties and

748
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:13,160
Speaker 1: sixty year olds that like, I like to have fun,

749
00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:16,200
Speaker 1: But I feel like my age range, like we're still young,

750
00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:18,200
Speaker 1: we still have a lot of vigor. We like to

751
00:35:18,239 --> 00:35:20,879
Speaker 1: go out, like to travel. I need somebody to keep

752
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:23,040
Speaker 1: up with me. Cause when I go out, like especially

753
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:24,719
Speaker 1: out the country, I like to have a good time,

754
00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:27,800
Speaker 1: and I'm out partying, I might be on the table.

755
00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:30,440
Speaker 1: I don't need you to be embarrassed, like I wanna have

756
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:33,840
Speaker 1: a good time and I don't feel like sometimes like

757
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:35,480
Speaker 1: older people, they just wanna stay in the house all

758
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:38,480
Speaker 1: the time or wanna do boring stuff like I.

759
00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:45,440
Speaker 2: Don't wanna go play bingo, like what I'm tryna know.

760
00:35:47,719 --> 00:35:52,920
Speaker 1: I'm tryna you know that's what old people be doing.

761
00:35:53,040 --> 00:36:00,000
Speaker 2: Don't fussy playing bingo, going to bingo night, No bruh.

762
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:03,239
Speaker 2: All right, go on, I'm gonna be over it. I'll

763
00:36:03,239 --> 00:36:04,640
Speaker 2: be at no boo. I'll let me.

764
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:09,799
Speaker 1: One of the first young boy I talked to we

765
00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:11,960
Speaker 1: met through a mutual friend. We had dinner together. We

766
00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:14,239
Speaker 1: pulled up on and we had dinner with him, and

767
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:16,919
Speaker 1: I thought he liked my friend. So then I get

768
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:20,600
Speaker 1: a call and my brother's like, yo, so and so

769
00:36:20,719 --> 00:36:22,640
Speaker 1: wants your number, And I was like me, I was like,

770
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:25,399
Speaker 1: cause my friend is like a lot younger than than

771
00:36:25,440 --> 00:36:27,239
Speaker 1: I am. So I just knew that he wanted my friend.

772
00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:29,120
Speaker 1: He's like nah, he said you and I said oh,

773
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,000
Speaker 1: I said okay. I was like, yeah, you can give

774
00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:33,200
Speaker 1: my number. So I hit him and he was like, hey,

775
00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:35,000
Speaker 1: what's up. He's like I want to fly you out,

776
00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:37,719
Speaker 1: Like I want to bring you to where I live.

777
00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:39,520
Speaker 2: If I say too much, people in the hotel about

778
00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:43,920
Speaker 2: but yeah, I want to bring you to where I am.

779
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:47,319
Speaker 1: And he was very like assertive in life, was very

780
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:49,719
Speaker 1: made plans all right, send me your birthday and all

781
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:51,760
Speaker 1: this stuff if you out, put you in the hotel

782
00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:53,480
Speaker 1: because I know we don't know each other like that,

783
00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:57,319
Speaker 1: and it was time to go eat. So like he

784
00:36:57,360 --> 00:36:59,479
Speaker 1: came and picked me up. He did all the things.

785
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:01,440
Speaker 1: It was like every thought out and I was like okay,

786
00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:05,680
Speaker 1: little boy, I see what you's doing. And he was

787
00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:07,040
Speaker 1: just like oh yeah, he's like I saw you.

788
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:08,839
Speaker 2: And I was like yo, Like who is that? He said?

789
00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:10,480
Speaker 2: Soon as you walked in. I was like who is that?

790
00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:13,480
Speaker 2: He's all that's Crystal and I was like yeah. I

791
00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:14,800
Speaker 2: was like, I'm a lot older than you. Said, I

792
00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:15,440
Speaker 2: don't care about that.

793
00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:18,360
Speaker 1: Where they say age ain't nothing but a number, y'all

794
00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:19,560
Speaker 1: love to use that line.

795
00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:22,600
Speaker 2: I was like, age is more than number. Once we

796
00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:26,120
Speaker 2: get down the line, Okay, we gotta right now.

797
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:27,840
Speaker 1: It's all cute, But when we get to the nitty

798
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:31,040
Speaker 1: gritty and you start wanting babies and talking other things, I'm.

799
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:36,960
Speaker 2: Like, uh, I'm forty years old. So he came with

800
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:39,360
Speaker 2: a real confident. It came strong. He was already booking flights,

801
00:37:39,520 --> 00:37:42,480
Speaker 2: playing dates, and I was like, Okay, I like that.

802
00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:44,400
Speaker 2: I like that.

803
00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:50,120
Speaker 1: All right, guys, here is one of my favorite parts

804
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:52,680
Speaker 1: of the show where we have positive outcomes, where you

805
00:37:52,719 --> 00:37:55,680
Speaker 1: guys right into me and I give you my advice.

806
00:37:56,600 --> 00:38:02,600
Speaker 1: So this one says miss Crystal. Hey, Crystal, I am

807
00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:03,640
Speaker 1: a huge fan.

808
00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:04,120
Speaker 2: Of your work.

809
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:07,400
Speaker 1: I'm forty three years old and recently divorced with a

810
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:10,919
Speaker 1: fifteen year old son. My marriage was over a long

811
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:12,719
Speaker 1: time before we decided to end.

812
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:13,759
Speaker 2: It ain't that it.

813
00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:17,360
Speaker 1: My son loves his father to death and took the

814
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:20,280
Speaker 1: divorce really hard. Now I'm single and ready to mingle,

815
00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:24,279
Speaker 1: but I'm scared to date today's man because I was

816
00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:26,440
Speaker 1: married for twenty years. I have no clue on how

817
00:38:26,440 --> 00:38:28,400
Speaker 1: to date, and I know my son is gonna give

818
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:32,279
Speaker 1: whoever I date the blues. Can you please give me

819
00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:34,919
Speaker 1: some advice on how to put myself back out there.

820
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:37,319
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, if.

821
00:38:37,280 --> 00:38:39,399
Speaker 1: You've been d married, if you were married for twenty years,

822
00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:44,000
Speaker 1: I totally understand because dating has completely changed and today's

823
00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:48,759
Speaker 1: man is not the man twenty years ago. So I'm

824
00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:51,080
Speaker 1: gonna tell you to buckle up, cause it's hard out

825
00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:52,280
Speaker 1: here for a pimp.

826
00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:53,279
Speaker 2: Like, it's real hard.

827
00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:56,800
Speaker 1: I'm telling you, like people think, I tell people honestly

828
00:38:56,840 --> 00:38:57,680
Speaker 1: who have.

829
00:38:57,800 --> 00:38:59,080
Speaker 2: Troubles in their marriages.

830
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:01,920
Speaker 1: I was like, do everything you can to work that

831
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:04,000
Speaker 1: thing out, because when you come out here, ain't nothing

832
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:06,120
Speaker 1: out here. So I'm gonna be honest with you. It's

833
00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:09,760
Speaker 1: gonna be hard, but I want you to be open minded.

834
00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:12,240
Speaker 1: I want you to get up, go to like restaurants

835
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:14,480
Speaker 1: where you feel like you can meet people sometimes like

836
00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:18,680
Speaker 1: nice hotel bars and nice places and meet people. You

837
00:39:18,719 --> 00:39:20,400
Speaker 1: want to go to places that attract the type of

838
00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:23,520
Speaker 1: man that you want. Don't just like go anywhere. You

839
00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:25,680
Speaker 1: gotta be very strategic about where you go. My friend

840
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:27,399
Speaker 1: used to tell me, like, go to Whole Foods, put

841
00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:29,080
Speaker 1: on a cute little workout outfit because that's where all

842
00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:31,520
Speaker 1: the doctors go for lunch. And I was like, what

843
00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:34,359
Speaker 1: you gonna I'm serious, whistle go to Starbucks in the morning,

844
00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:37,319
Speaker 1: because that's where everybody goes to get to get their coffee.

845
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:39,879
Speaker 1: And she was like, you think about it. You want

846
00:39:39,880 --> 00:39:42,480
Speaker 1: to strategically put yourself in the places that you want

847
00:39:42,520 --> 00:39:46,200
Speaker 1: to meet the caliber of man that you want. As

848
00:39:46,239 --> 00:39:49,319
Speaker 1: far as your son, sons are overprotective of their mother,

849
00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:51,840
Speaker 1: so I'm sure whoever you date your son's gonna.

850
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:52,359
Speaker 2: Give a hard time.

851
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:55,239
Speaker 1: But yeah, I would say just be open mind and

852
00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:57,200
Speaker 1: know this's not gonna be easy, that it's gonna be

853
00:39:57,239 --> 00:40:00,120
Speaker 1: a lot harder than it was twenty years ago. But honey,

854
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:02,359
Speaker 1: if that's what you want, you deserve it, and I

855
00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:03,480
Speaker 1: want you to go get your man.

856
00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:10,440
Speaker 2: Okay, keep it positive, Sleepy. What I'm going through and

857
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:14,560
Speaker 2: what I'm growing through in this season of my life

858
00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:18,080
Speaker 2: when it comes to dating in my forties, I am

859
00:40:18,120 --> 00:40:25,240
Speaker 2: going through developing patience.

860
00:40:26,120 --> 00:40:31,120
Speaker 1: For the timeline that God has me on to get

861
00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:33,359
Speaker 1: a man, because right now, I'm like, Lord, where is he?

862
00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:35,560
Speaker 2: And I feel like he's coming this year? I really do.

863
00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:36,480
Speaker 2: I feel like he's coming this.

864
00:40:36,480 --> 00:40:40,320
Speaker 1: Year, But Lord, where is he? And I'm growing through

865
00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:45,520
Speaker 1: this season learning myself and preparing myself for that man.

866
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:46,880
Speaker 2: So in therapy.

867
00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:49,520
Speaker 1: I'm really trying to unpack more things so that I

868
00:40:49,520 --> 00:40:52,239
Speaker 1: can be my full self when I do find or

869
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:55,480
Speaker 1: attract because I'm not fine, he gonna find me, find

870
00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:57,440
Speaker 1: my man. So yeah, that's what I'm going through and

871
00:40:57,480 --> 00:41:02,160
Speaker 1: what I'm growing through. Guys, this has been an amazing episode.

872
00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:05,360
Speaker 1: I hope you guys enjoyed it for the keep it blank, sweety,

873
00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:10,839
Speaker 1: what we gonna say, i'm'a say, keep it mm keep

874
00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:15,520
Speaker 1: it cute, sweetie, Okay, cause listen, we're forty, we're fabulous,

875
00:41:15,680 --> 00:41:18,719
Speaker 1: we're fine. Just keep it cute, have fun with it,

876
00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:21,480
Speaker 1: and stay open minded. Thank you guys so much for

877
00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:23,880
Speaker 1: tuning into this episode. If you wanna write into my

878
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:27,080
Speaker 1: Positive Outcomes Listening letter, make sure you write to Keep

879
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:30,200
Speaker 1: It Positive Sweetie at gmail dot com. You can find

880
00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:33,239
Speaker 1: me on All Things All platforms at love christ Orine,

881
00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:36,040
Speaker 1: follow me tap in and let me know how you

882
00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:38,279
Speaker 1: guys are enjoying the show. I hope it's blessing you

883
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:39,400
Speaker 1: as much as it's blessing me.

884
00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:42,640
Speaker 2: M wah. And in the meantime, you know what to do.

885
00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:53,879
Speaker 2: Keep it positive, Sweetie,