Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea.
Speaker 2: Hi, I'm straight off of Texas. I just got from
Speaker 2: home from Texas and you actually had fun. It seems
Speaker 2: like we had a great time. That Texas crowds were amazing, Houston.
Speaker 3: Dallas, Austin. It was really fun.
Speaker 2: I had Yaminika was my special guest this weekend. She's
Speaker 2: fucking crazy. We're gonna have her on the podcast. She
Speaker 2: is crazy. She should be a mental institution, which is
Speaker 2: why I'm going to stay very close by her side.
Speaker 1: I'm so glad.
Speaker 3: Dylan Mlvani was telling me that we ran into her.
Speaker 2: We ran into Francis Tfo, the tennis player who I love,
Speaker 2: who's such a great tennis player. We ran into my cousins,
Speaker 2: friends everywhere. It was a real fun weekend in Texas.
Speaker 2: I had a lot of tacos, but only one decent one.
Speaker 2: We stopped at Bucky's. We have course, didn't travel with
Speaker 2: any drugs there that would be illegal.
Speaker 3: Oh but they have drugs there now. They have Delta nine.
Speaker 1: Oh what does that?
Speaker 3: That's that?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 3: I feel like it's like uzu.
Speaker 2: For you know, when they don't have real alcohol at
Speaker 2: restaurants and they have uzu.
Speaker 3: That's what I feel like deltonne is I'm not really
Speaker 3: sure what Dalton nine is.
Speaker 2: Actually, it's like cannabis, like if it's legal in Texas,
Speaker 2: it's not.
Speaker 3: I can't be real.
Speaker 5: Is it like you get it from a gas station
Speaker 5: sort of thing two from the nineties or that.
Speaker 2: I don't know where you get it from, I mean
Speaker 2: the pseudo fed Maybe I'm not sure. I'm not the
Speaker 2: person to ask. I mean my study of cannabis has
Speaker 2: like kind of taken.
Speaker 3: A back seat. Yeah, you use the real stuff. But
Speaker 3: and then I was just dealing with Yaminika.
Speaker 2: I mean really, yeah, you know, she's a mess, and
Speaker 2: she wants she's horny. She's horny all the time. She
Speaker 2: loves to get action all the time. And I felt
Speaker 2: like if she didn't get it from a man, she
Speaker 2: was gonna come to me, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: And I was like, like we were it was getting
Speaker 2: very physical, and I was like, listen, I'm not the one.
Speaker 1: Can you provide?
Speaker 2: No, no, no, I can't. I'm not going down on anybody.
Speaker 2: So that's what she was specifically looking for, Okay, and
Speaker 2: then she stays at these terrible motels or hotels to
Speaker 2: get points. I don't know where the points are going
Speaker 2: or how you could even accumulate points at these places,
Speaker 2: but whatever.
Speaker 5: I mean, if you stay at a terrible motel to
Speaker 5: get points, you can just get more stays at a
Speaker 5: terrible motel.
Speaker 3: I guess so, yeah, I guess so.
Speaker 2: But we had a great time and then we came home,
Speaker 2: and now we're home and then I'm shooting my I'm
Speaker 2: shooting my special this weekend.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're going next home?
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, great, I am so, I'm going to a
Speaker 2: new wave here seek and Doug flipped out.
Speaker 3: You know, it was funny.
Speaker 2: I was in the car on the way home from
Speaker 2: the airport and watching Instagram and there was this video
Speaker 2: of this dog. It was in New Finland, so it
Speaker 2: wasn't Doug like a chow, but New Finland black Newfoinlands
Speaker 2: look a lot like Doug.
Speaker 3: And the dog had the zoomies when his mom.
Speaker 2: It was a video called Mama's Mama's Home and he
Speaker 2: the dog went nuts and nuts and nuts. And I
Speaker 2: literally walked in the door and that's exactly what Doug did.
Speaker 2: So it was like life imitating art.
Speaker 3: That's incredible. Yeah, yeah, he went nuts.
Speaker 2: I mean he was airborne a couple of times, just
Speaker 2: jumping over things.
Speaker 3: So that was exciting.
Speaker 1: It's nice to have a man who was just like,
Speaker 1: so excited to see you.
Speaker 2: And also when I don't put the pressure on the
Speaker 2: relationship with Doug, when I'm not like, of course, I'm
Speaker 2: all over him and I want, you know, to be
Speaker 2: with him, inside of him. But when I don't put
Speaker 2: the pressure on it and I let him do his thing,
Speaker 2: he is actually much more. Like he came into bed
Speaker 2: twice the night before last, and last night he came
Speaker 2: into bed and that was so sweet, Like I didn't
Speaker 2: ask him to, he just hopped up and wanted to cuddle.
Speaker 3: I love that.
Speaker 1: That's very sweet.
Speaker 5: I feel like Chow personalities are a little more cat like. Yeah,
Speaker 5: they're like them alone, they come to you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you have to leave them alone.
Speaker 2: And you know, I didn't learn that lesson with Burton Bernice,
Speaker 2: but I'm learning it with Doug.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, this says I'm excited about our guest today.
Speaker 2: She's responsible for catastrophe Bad Sisters. Bad Sisters is in
Speaker 2: season two on Apple right now, so please give a
Speaker 2: warm welcome to Sharon Horgan.
Speaker 3: Who's a lucky duckling. Today we are me.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, where are you? You look like you're
Speaker 2: It's such a nicely designed studio.
Speaker 3: Room in a Where are you in it?
Speaker 1: Carlton?
Speaker 3: It smells like a ritz Carlton from where I sit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it really does. It's thirty seventh floors up, which
Speaker 1: means your soup's cold when he gets here.
Speaker 2: Sharon, Are you drinking a cocktail at eleven in the
Speaker 2: morning or where are you?
Speaker 1: I wish I was as soon as I finished this.
Speaker 2: Well, first of all, I would always recommend having a
Speaker 2: cocktail when talking to me. But I was on a
Speaker 2: plane yesterday at like nine am and they this guy
Speaker 2: next to me ordered a bourbon and coke and I
Speaker 2: almost threw up in my mouth. I was like, why
Speaker 2: does it have to be a bourbon and coke at
Speaker 2: nine o'clock in the morning.
Speaker 1: That's not one of the designated breakfast drinks, you know,
Speaker 1: because exactly right, Memosa is a breakfast drink. Acceptable. Let
Speaker 1: me marry is a breakfast drink if you could drink
Speaker 1: of bourbon. Breakfast is Christmas Day when old drinks are
Speaker 1: old drinks are legal.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Sharon, speaking of early morning drinking, I mean you
Speaker 2: are Irish and isn't that where.
Speaker 3: Early morning drinking began in Ireland?
Speaker 1: I think so that's what the scriptures say, the ancient ones.
Speaker 1: We're very we are very good at drinking. I quit
Speaker 1: for nearly three years, though, so that was a weird
Speaker 1: sort of landscape to be in. Whenever I go back home,
Speaker 1: that was an odd one.
Speaker 2: Why did you quit for three years?
Speaker 1: Why? No, there was a good reason, I tell I'll
Speaker 1: tell you why. It was at the end of COVID
Speaker 1: and every everyone's drinking had just gotten out of control.
Speaker 3: I think, I know, but three years is a long commitment.
Speaker 1: I know. I had, like in fairness, I had like
Speaker 1: if someone got married, I'd have a glass of champagne
Speaker 1: and drink like half of it. I suddenly just became
Speaker 1: freaked out that I wasn't like if I had a
Speaker 1: drink then I'd sort of get professional again. And we
Speaker 1: were just partying all through COVID, and one night I
Speaker 1: was this is sounds so middle class. I was shocking oysters,
Speaker 1: and I put the thing with the shukka through my hand.
Speaker 1: It's not the scar and I was just like, oh
Speaker 1: fuck it, and I'm carried on with the knives. I
Speaker 1: woke up the next morning and I couldn't move my hand.
Speaker 1: There was a little of my pillow, and I went
Speaker 1: to hospital. I thought I should probably just like CHILLNKH,
Speaker 1: just chill out for a bit and then and then,
Speaker 1: you know, the way if you're someone who is a
Speaker 1: bit you know, I just got really into it. I
Speaker 1: got really into not drinking, the way people who like
Speaker 1: to drink get into drinking. So I found that I
Speaker 1: was really good at it. And then, you know, I
Speaker 1: guess the novelty wore off a little bit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think everything's good to experiment with for a
Speaker 2: few years here and a few years there, sobriety included.
Speaker 3: I like it sometimes.
Speaker 2: I mean sometimes I feel like I think everyone had
Speaker 2: a very similar experience in COVID unless you were sober
Speaker 2: and your and your sobriety was probably challenged or threatened.
Speaker 3: But yeah, I mean, there wasn't much going on.
Speaker 2: I took lots and lots of drugs, mushrooms, edibles. Throughout
Speaker 2: my COVID experience. I went to heights I had never
Speaker 2: seen before.
Speaker 3: I just wanted to see it.
Speaker 2: At a certain point, like I just started experimenting with
Speaker 2: my own body. I'm like, what can I handle? Like
Speaker 2: I felt like a mac truck. I'm like, can anything
Speaker 2: take me down? But I want to make sure everyone listening.
Speaker 2: That's not for everyone, that's just for me. So, Sharon,
Speaker 2: I first caught wind of view in a big way
Speaker 2: with Catastrophe, which is still to this day. You and
Speaker 2: Rob Delaney in that show was so fucking funny. Every
Speaker 2: scene in that show was so ridiculous and so well written.
Speaker 2: I was like, who is this woman? And I wanted
Speaker 2: I have to do something with you. At some point,
Speaker 2: you have to put me in one of your shows
Speaker 2: because I just want to hang out and be stupid.
Speaker 3: Yes, please do but and then she chops that off.
Speaker 1: Hang on, didn't we ask you to be Rob sister?
Speaker 1: I think we did in Catastrophe? Im No, I don't know,
Speaker 1: not that I know about it. I think so, well,
Speaker 1: next offer you, I just switched agents.
Speaker 2: That's probably why. Next time you have something for me,
Speaker 2: go to wm ME. They'll let me know.
Speaker 1: All right, we'll do.
Speaker 2: But after that I saw the next time I was
Speaker 2: so you left that show.
Speaker 3: Sorry.
Speaker 2: How many seasons was catastroph.
Speaker 1: We did four, which is a lot for the UK.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it felt like you could have done more.
Speaker 2: But probably wise to leave before.
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, I think that sort of stage of having kids,
Speaker 1: we sort of felt like we'd done it, you know,
Speaker 1: we'd said everything we wanted to say about that particular
Speaker 1: era of having young children. But like maybe we always
Speaker 1: sort of talked about down the line, whether teenagers or something,
Speaker 1: we might revisit it. It's different now, though, I think
Speaker 1: we'd both feel a bit like, oh shit, what do
Speaker 1: we do? I'd rather write something new with him because
Speaker 1: we had such a great time.
Speaker 3: I know, I knew could get together. It was such
Speaker 3: an unusual.
Speaker 2: Show for that time because it was very unique idea
Speaker 2: about these two people just hooking up, not knowing each
Speaker 2: other and getting pregnant and then staying together, which is
Speaker 2: just so crazy to even think about doing. But your
Speaker 2: chemistry together, you should definitely be doing more stuff together.
Speaker 3: It's so fun to watch as if you were.
Speaker 2: And as a comedian, you know, I don't find many
Speaker 2: things funny because I'm I guess I don't know why
Speaker 2: that is.
Speaker 3: I get it.
Speaker 1: I mean, we were obsessive about the amount of jokes
Speaker 1: that had to be in it. We were quite we
Speaker 1: had really strong opinions about how many jokes there had
Speaker 1: to be in her page, and I think my sitcom
Speaker 1: background was funny, really funny sitcom, and Rob's background was
Speaker 1: stand up and you know, he's just a naturally one
Speaker 1: of the funniest people you could ever meet. So we
Speaker 1: would sort of read it out all the time, and
Speaker 1: if it didn't feel like there was a high level
Speaker 1: of jokes through about sort of we would get panicky.
Speaker 1: And it was kind of the first one of the
Speaker 1: first things we thought about. I mean character obviously, but
Speaker 1: then it was just jokes.
Speaker 2: I feel like true comedians just care more about the
Speaker 2: comedy and then the character comes after and if there's enough,
Speaker 2: like I know, that's the opposite way of professionally like
Speaker 2: as any writer would look at anything, they're always like, no,
Speaker 2: this character wouldn't do. I'm like, but it's not funny.
Speaker 2: Let's make it fucking funny. That's what the relief is
Speaker 2: for viewers to really be laughing at something, you know,
Speaker 2: at the absurdity.
Speaker 3: You left that show. You guys were done with that.
Speaker 2: So for those of you who have not seen it,
Speaker 2: Bad Sisters is out season two, but please watch season
Speaker 2: one first, because this show talk about original concepts and
Speaker 2: talk about great characters. I mean, I'm from a big family.
Speaker 2: I know, Sharon, you're from a big family as well.
Speaker 2: I love nothing more than sisters. I have two sisters.
Speaker 2: Whenever I we have sisters call into the show with problems,
Speaker 2: I am so sister positive. And this show is so
Speaker 2: fucking funny because there are five sisters five or four four.
Speaker 1: Five five all together?
Speaker 2: Yeah, five sisters altogether, Okay, five sisters who are all
Speaker 2: very different, who all and they have one sister who
Speaker 2: has a total douchebag for a husband. And this guy
Speaker 2: plays this role to a tea. I mean, he is repugnant.
Speaker 2: He like you, you are your vagina closes when you
Speaker 2: watch him.
Speaker 1: It's amazing. It's amazing because he's a handsome mom. Like
Speaker 1: he's a you know, tall, dark, handsome mom, but he
Speaker 1: is he absolutely does close your I know, like as
Speaker 1: same as.
Speaker 2: Because totally the sisters are all plotting together to figure
Speaker 2: out a way to get their sister away from this man.
Speaker 2: And then it becomes and it's also set in Ireland,
Speaker 2: so it's so beautiful to see and so refreshing to
Speaker 2: see another backdrop like that. Just even the architecture and
Speaker 2: your houses and the design.
Speaker 3: Of being in a different country.
Speaker 2: It's just so refreshing from American television, you know, and
Speaker 2: our an American La La Land. Our new fad, which
Speaker 2: I'm sure you're very well aware of, is everything needs
Speaker 2: this gorgeous backdrop, you know, it's that got to be
Speaker 2: like a white lotus or perfect couple, like everything's in
Speaker 2: Nantucket and it's like, I don't like that. That's not
Speaker 2: relatable at all. It's very real and gritty. As what
Speaker 2: I'm saying, it.
Speaker 1: Is real, and I guess you know, there's an aspirational
Speaker 1: element to it and that you know, people want to
Speaker 1: be part of a big family, and there's sort of
Speaker 1: a wish fulfillment that comes with deciding that you'll kill
Speaker 1: someone That awful plenty to sort of look at and enjoy.
Speaker 1: But we always thought it has to look real, like
Speaker 1: the women have to look real in it, because if
Speaker 1: it's not real, and if people don't believe this setup
Speaker 1: and these women and their connection, they're not going to
Speaker 1: get behind them in the same way you kind of
Speaker 1: had to get behind them every episode they tried to
Speaker 1: kill them, so in order to sort of make that
Speaker 1: conceit work and to really feel like you were behind
Speaker 1: killing a man, I think it had to be truthful
Speaker 1: as much as.
Speaker 2: Possible, which is something I've always dreamt of doing with
Speaker 2: my own family group, you know, picking one of our
Speaker 2: like my sibling spouses and just getting rid of them forever.
Speaker 2: Like that sounds like it's such a how did you
Speaker 2: come up with that concept?
Speaker 1: Oh? Well, I can't. I can't take credit for that.
Speaker 1: So it's based on a Belgian series called Clam, which
Speaker 1: was a marvelous same conceit. I mean, it was completely
Speaker 1: different execution that it was way crazier, Like there was
Speaker 1: a lot more murders than a lot like you know,
Speaker 1: collateral damage, whereas I was kind of really interested in
Speaker 1: the emotional side of it, you know, and the impact
Speaker 1: that being in that kind of abiece of relationship would
Speaker 1: have on Grace and on the sisters. And they hired
Speaker 1: hit men and dead bodies ended up in dog food
Speaker 1: sort of factories, and you know it. It was kind
Speaker 1: of ott. But the central conceit of these five sisters
Speaker 1: and their bond and one of them being married to
Speaker 1: a prick, and just like, we've got to save her
Speaker 1: before we lose her entirely that that already existed, So
Speaker 1: I was really lucky to get that. For the second season,
Speaker 1: I had to think it up myself.
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, So how did you tackle that?
Speaker 1: I suppose I was really interested in what would happen next,
Speaker 1: Like the end of the first season, I loved, you know, great,
Speaker 1: he's dead and they're back together and they saved her
Speaker 1: and she jumps into the water into the forty foot
Speaker 1: with and it was lovely, but it was also kind
Speaker 1: of a fairy tale, I guess, fairy tale ending for her,
Speaker 1: And I think the idea of what would really happen
Speaker 1: and how someone is as good as Grace would be
Speaker 1: able to just get on with their life after that,
Speaker 1: like how the guilt with eat her up. And also,
Speaker 1: you know, someone like that who would have isoolated herself
Speaker 1: for all those years and sort of would try and
Speaker 1: hide the kind of relationship she was in and how
Speaker 1: abusive it was, wouldn't be very good at like going
Speaker 1: to her sisters then and opening up if something, if
Speaker 1: something else terrible happened. So so yeah, I just actually
Speaker 1: felt it was closer to the kind of things I
Speaker 1: used to write, you know, Like I loved writing the
Speaker 1: first season and the thriller and the Caper and all that,
Speaker 1: but actually the real true fallout of being in a
Speaker 1: situation like that, I found kind of easier, you know, naturally,
Speaker 1: kind of easier to dig into.
Speaker 2: It's also great that you write all your stuff and
Speaker 2: then you star in your own stuff and you're a
Speaker 2: fifty four year old w I would like to say, so,
Speaker 2: I grew up in this industry when I was coming up.
Speaker 2: I'm going to be fifty next year, when I grew up.
Speaker 2: Every when I grew up, but when I was coming
Speaker 2: up and all my actress friends were I had one
Speaker 2: specific actress friend who was like, everyone becomes invisible when
Speaker 2: they're forty, Like you are no longer valuable, You will
Speaker 2: no longer be looked at the same way. And I
Speaker 2: always thought, no, that can't be true, Like that depends
Speaker 2: where your value was coming from.
Speaker 1: I had thought exactly the same thing. I thought exactly
Speaker 1: the same thing. I remember my agent taking me out
Speaker 1: for lunch on one of the visits to LA I
Speaker 1: used to make lots of pilots and nothing got picked up,
Speaker 1: and I started getting more and more like panicky. And
Speaker 1: I remember taking out for luncheon. I think I was
Speaker 1: only like early forties Max, and I was like this
Speaker 1: is we got with the time because very soon no
Speaker 1: one's gonna want to see this. But I think that
Speaker 1: must have been what I was seeing around me. You know,
Speaker 1: there was that huge jump where women just sort of
Speaker 1: disap heed until they were you know, Judy Dunch or
Speaker 1: Maggie Smith or it kind of felt like you could
Speaker 1: be up to a certain age where you were acceptable
Speaker 1: and then you kind of had to just fuck off
Speaker 1: for a bit and then you can come back when
Speaker 1: you're a crone. And so I guess that's all I
Speaker 1: say nervous about. But I mean, that's not entirety change,
Speaker 1: but it is. I think it's changed a lot, and
Speaker 1: I think it changed.
Speaker 2: I think, especially when we consider like where we are
Speaker 2: politically right now. The reason why men are so you know,
Speaker 2: so scared of female empowerment and female success is because
Speaker 2: it threat you know, that's threatening to them, right because
Speaker 2: we wouldn't be at this moment if they didn't really
Speaker 2: see women succeeding in ways that we hadn't been before.
Speaker 3: We obviously have way more work to do, but.
Speaker 2: It is it is a threat to this male white
Speaker 2: supremacy idea that so many females are in charge of
Speaker 2: their own lives, that are single, that are business women,
Speaker 2: that are creatives, and in all sorts of areas of business,
Speaker 2: not just Hollywood so exactly.
Speaker 1: I mean, when it comes down to it comes down
Speaker 1: to commerce all the time, doesn't it. And there was
Speaker 1: definitely their their cava point where you just couldn't deny
Speaker 1: the fact that female content, whether it was created by
Speaker 1: or written or starring was was getting watched by not
Speaker 1: just a specific demographic of women of a certain age.
Speaker 1: You know, I had this wide audience and somebody comes
Speaker 1: once it, Once it comes down to that, I think
Speaker 1: they have to sort of believe it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and women there's more women than men, and women buy.
Speaker 2: I spend more money than men, and.
Speaker 1: We live longer spending it for me.
Speaker 3: Because we're happier once the men are gone.
Speaker 2: We can live even longer because it's less stressful for
Speaker 2: anyone who's married.
Speaker 3: You're not married though, right, you're divorced.
Speaker 6: I I don't. Yeah, I got I got my graduate boards,
Speaker 6: I got my uh, I forget what it's called decree
Speaker 6: absolute yesterday.
Speaker 1: Wow, thank you. You deserve a party. I know I am
Speaker 1: going to party tonight. I have good boyfriend there and
Speaker 1: that's lovely, but it took so long. I mean COVID
Speaker 1: came in the middle of it all and all sorts
Speaker 1: of shit, but it just came through. Yes, I was
Speaker 1: sitting in a cab and it came through and it
Speaker 1: was just such a nickel kidman moment.
Speaker 2: Yeah, underful, totally. How long were you married for? How
Speaker 2: many years?
Speaker 1: I can't remember. No, I think fifteen or something fifteen
Speaker 1: a while.
Speaker 3: And you have two children?
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, I have two amazing girls. I've got a
Speaker 1: twenty one year old daughter and a sixteen year.
Speaker 3: Old Oh nice. Oh that's nice. And they're even almost cooked.
Speaker 1: Yeah it's handy now, yeah, they can look after each other. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's great.
Speaker 2: I would suppose it's meaningful for you to be able
Speaker 2: to go and shoot in Ireland, right.
Speaker 1: It's huge. I mean it's something I was looking to
Speaker 1: do for years. You know. I left Onland when I
Speaker 1: was really young, like twenty, and it took so long
Speaker 1: for me to get my career off the ground. But
Speaker 1: when I did start filming, but it'd start start writing
Speaker 1: my own stuff. It was just something I was slightly
Speaker 1: obsessed with doing, like getting back there and filming something
Speaker 1: at some point. But it took a long time, like
Speaker 1: it took until I was fifty to find the thing
Speaker 1: that that would be. But Bad Sisters happened to be
Speaker 1: the perfect thing because it really studed harden because we
Speaker 1: all have big families. No one used any precautions. Everything
Speaker 1: kind of made sense in terms of setting it there.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I was thrilled.
Speaker 3: And so when you let's go back to that.
Speaker 2: I like to think this will be very important for
Speaker 2: our listeners since they're all women about your success. You
Speaker 2: were talking to you when you're talking to your agent
Speaker 2: and your forties, like, okay, time is sticking.
Speaker 3: Let's go.
Speaker 2: What when did you first experience your big first success.
Speaker 1: My big first break I think was when I got
Speaker 1: my first sitcom made. I mean before that, I was doing,
Speaker 1: you know, writing for a bit for radio and doing
Speaker 1: like some sketch comedy and that kind of thing. But
Speaker 1: I think I was thirty eight.
Speaker 2: I love that I didn't get successful until I was
Speaker 2: thirty twoish. It was when I really started to like
Speaker 2: people started to know who I was.
Speaker 3: But many years led up to that.
Speaker 2: But people call into this show all the time thinking
Speaker 2: and being and these are twenty year old girls worried
Speaker 2: about when they're going to realize what their passion is.
Speaker 1: It's like, oh my god, oh listen, it frustrates me
Speaker 1: so much. But it's the same even with my own daughter,
Speaker 1: just seeing her, my eldest girl, like stressing out about
Speaker 1: not knowing what she wants. And I was like Jesus,
Speaker 1: I was working as a chamber made a bar made
Speaker 1: a waitress, working in a job center, selling bonds, selling powershowers.
Speaker 1: I did all of that right the way through my
Speaker 1: twenties into my early thirties before I figured out if
Speaker 1: I really try, then I can probably do this thing
Speaker 1: that might make me happy. But yeah, I remember someone
Speaker 1: saying to me when I was in my late twenties, saying,
Speaker 1: very very straight and truthfully, going, if you haven't made
Speaker 1: it by the time of twenty six year, make it.
Speaker 1: And I was terrified at hearing this piece of wisdom
Speaker 1: because I was like, well, I'm screwed them. But well,
Speaker 1: you know, I there's a part of me that kind
Speaker 1: of things. I wish i'd pushed myself a little harder,
Speaker 1: you know. I wish I'd sort of had the confidence
Speaker 1: to step out and try and make it happen sooner.
Speaker 1: But at the same time. I'm really grateful for everything now,
Speaker 1: like everything is a bonus, you know. And also I
Speaker 1: had so much more to write about. There was so
Speaker 1: much like living in low level accommodation, not having a
Speaker 1: part to piss in all those terrible jobs like otherwise.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I just feel like I feel like
Speaker 1: it so rooted me and gave me something real to
Speaker 1: write about and to draw on. So I should be
Speaker 1: grateful for that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think there's so much more of a
Speaker 2: groundedness that comes with success later in life, not prematurely.
Speaker 2: I mean we see what have and when people become
Speaker 2: successful prematurely, that's not a recipe for anything positive.
Speaker 1: I mean they're ruined, an't they they? I Mean, I
Speaker 1: know there's exceptions, but for the most part, Yeah, they're weirdos.
Speaker 3: Yeah they are.
Speaker 2: And I mean I always look back at my twenties
Speaker 2: and I like when anyone calls in from their twenties,
Speaker 2: I was like, I drank slept with me. My whole
Speaker 2: twenties was just craziness and crazy behavior, and thank goodness,
Speaker 2: like I had all those experiences the same thing. That's
Speaker 2: where I got all my stories from, you know, that's wheah.
Speaker 2: I started writing books and started doing stand up and
Speaker 2: started learning about storytelling and what makes a good story,
Speaker 2: you know, and all of those things are invaluable. So
Speaker 2: it's like, I know, we're always eager to get to
Speaker 2: the success part of our lives, but part of the road,
Speaker 2: you know, the road getting there. And this always sounds
Speaker 2: annoying coming from an older person, I know, but it
Speaker 2: is the ride. It's the ride to get where you're
Speaker 2: going that gives you all of the juice so that
Speaker 2: when you get where you're going, you have tons of
Speaker 2: fucking material.
Speaker 1: Exactly. That's it, exactly. I mean my twenties were gross.
Speaker 1: They smelt, they actually smelt.
Speaker 2: On that note, we're going to take a break and
Speaker 2: we'll be right back with Sharon Horgan. And we're back
Speaker 2: with Sharon Horgan. Okay, Sharon, we're taking some questions from callers.
Speaker 3: Okay, are you ready for this?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: I am.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 5: We have a very sister centric, almost exclusively a sister
Speaker 5: centric episode today in real life.
Speaker 3: Sharon, I need to know how many sisters do you have.
Speaker 1: I've got two sisters, two brothers. My sister's one younger,
Speaker 1: one older, and what number are you out of the
Speaker 1: five I'm the second eldest.
Speaker 5: Okay, all right, Well, before we go into questions, there
Speaker 5: was something that we wanted to get talking about. What's
Speaker 5: the craziest thing you've ever done for your sisters, A
Speaker 5: time you covered for a sister, or the most outrageous
Speaker 5: thing you did to protect a sister.
Speaker 3: I asked, my sister, is that this morning?
Speaker 2: I just flew in from Raleigh, North Carolina, where I
Speaker 2: saw Pink last night, and I was I knew we
Speaker 2: were going to talk to Sharon about and so I
Speaker 2: texted my sisters and they reminded me. I'm the youngest
Speaker 2: of six kids, and my sister was getting divorced and
Speaker 2: I was going on Safari and there were five of us,
Speaker 2: I think, and we had room for one more. And
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, Simon, you should come with us
Speaker 2: on safari. She's like Africa. Two weeks she was moving
Speaker 2: into her new house. She got a divorce, so I
Speaker 2: bought her a house. I want to just throw that
Speaker 2: out there, which I would do again in a heartbeat,
Speaker 2: and which I also ended up biting her in the
Speaker 2: ass because the house.
Speaker 3: She's like, I don't need a house like this.
Speaker 2: This is too stupid and too big, and she's like,
Speaker 2: and now I have to live in some house you.
Speaker 3: Designated for me. So yeah, I think twice when you're
Speaker 3: buying homes for people. But anyway, I said, come.
Speaker 2: To Africa and she's like, okay, Chelsea, but I have
Speaker 2: to be home by August fifteenth because we're moving into
Speaker 2: the new house. And I was like, no problem. The
Speaker 2: trip was going to go to August twentieth. But I
Speaker 2: just was like whatever, I'll just get her movers. She
Speaker 2: doesn't know what, you know, she doesn't have to go
Speaker 2: back for the move. But when she got there, she assumed,
Speaker 2: like you know that I had gotten her ticket to
Speaker 2: come home on August fifteenth, and I was like, I
Speaker 2: just went along with it until it was like August fourteenth,
Speaker 2: and I was like, by the way, you're actually not
Speaker 2: going home tomorrow.
Speaker 3: You're going home on the twentieth.
Speaker 2: And she's like, Chelsea, this is exactly why I don't
Speaker 2: trust you, Like you can't just this is not based
Speaker 2: on your desires to be around me. I have a responsibility.
Speaker 2: I have to move my three children into a new
Speaker 2: fucking house. I'm like, please, we'll hire movers for you.
Speaker 2: We'll make your ex do it. That's the least he
Speaker 2: could do. He's the reason for this divorce. And so
Speaker 2: she didn't want to stay. She wanted to be responsible.
Speaker 2: She had her three children. I convinced her. I was like,
Speaker 2: it won't be the same if you leave, Like we're
Speaker 2: in Botswana, Like, when are we going to come back here?
Speaker 2: This is the trip of a lifetime, And I said.
Speaker 2: I called my brother in law, my ex brother in law,
Speaker 2: and I was like, you have to step up. This
Speaker 2: is you're going to have to move them into the
Speaker 2: house that they're moving to get away from you. I
Speaker 2: was like, that's your responsibility. But she never forgave me,
Speaker 2: and she doesn't trust me now on making any travel
Speaker 2: plans because she thinks I'm only out for myself and
Speaker 2: that I can't be trusted.
Speaker 3: And she's not wrong. I'm totally out for myself.
Speaker 1: Was it was the rest of the holiday? Good? Was
Speaker 1: it worth? The right time?
Speaker 3: We had a blast. I mean, she had the time
Speaker 3: of her life.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, you can't come to Africa for eight
Speaker 2: days when you could stay for fourteen days?
Speaker 3: You know what I mean, We're in Africa. When are
Speaker 3: we coming back to Africa?
Speaker 2: Turns out we went back like two years later, but
Speaker 2: who knew then what was going to happen. So, yeah,
Speaker 2: so that was an extra outrageous thing that I've done
Speaker 2: for my sisters.
Speaker 3: What's the most outrageous thing you've done for your sister?
Speaker 6: Like?
Speaker 1: Nothing? Nothing? Oh my IY was thinking, I'm sure, pretty
Speaker 1: sure I held her hair the way when they vomited.
Speaker 1: But like, so, you know, I don't have I mean nothing,
Speaker 1: I've got no big story like that. That's extraordinary. Thank you,
Speaker 1: thoughs thank you. I didn't even know what to say
Speaker 1: to that. I mean, it doesn't sound like you were
Speaker 1: doing it for.
Speaker 3: Her, No, it doesn't, it does it.
Speaker 2: I always think I'm going in for these things in
Speaker 2: an altruistic way, and it turns out I'm only trying
Speaker 2: to serve. I'm trying to service myself.
Speaker 5: So Alison says, Dear Chelsea, I've had a complicated relationship
Speaker 5: with my sister all my life. She's two and a
Speaker 5: half years older than me, and for the most part,
Speaker 5: we didn't see eye to eye until about fourteen years ago,
Speaker 5: when her life fell apart and she moved to the
Speaker 5: city where I live to start over. It was then
Speaker 5: that she seemed to make family a priority. And get
Speaker 5: into a better place in her own life. She met
Speaker 5: someone and ended up getting married. She and her wife
Speaker 5: relocated to another state and began fostering children. Over the
Speaker 5: last few years, they adopted four children, who are now
Speaker 5: all under the age of five. Over the years, she
Speaker 5: continued to take on more and more with her wife's family,
Speaker 5: her job, each adopted kid, and even additional foster care.
Speaker 5: Our family kept warning her that she was doing too much,
Speaker 5: and then a couple of months ago, she called to
Speaker 5: tell me her marriage was over. She had not been
Speaker 5: happy for the last couple of years, and she rekindled
Speaker 5: a romance with an ex who cheated on her. She's
Speaker 5: now trying to expedite a divorce and move in with
Speaker 5: her ex. She plans to move straight into her house.
Speaker 5: I'm so disappointed on so many levels with her. She
Speaker 5: worked so hard to build this family and now she's
Speaker 5: just throwing it all away. She's digging in her heels,
Speaker 5: which is probably why we didn't get along for many years,
Speaker 5: and treating her wife, my sister in law, like trash.
Speaker 5: To make matters worse, she has a drinking problem and
Speaker 5: has even begun taking amphetamines lately to lose weight. I'm
Speaker 5: at a total loss. Should I just let her destroy
Speaker 5: herself in her life or try an intervention? I'm grateful
Speaker 5: to be communicating with my soon to be ex sister
Speaker 5: in law so I can maintain a relationship with the kids.
Speaker 3: Should I just leave it at that?
Speaker 1: Alison? Oh my god?
Speaker 3: What a hot mess?
Speaker 2: Hi Allison, Hi, Hi, this is our special guest, Sharon Horgan.
Speaker 6: Hi.
Speaker 1: Share, nice to meet you. Y Wow, that's a loss.
Speaker 4: It is feels pretty wreck when.
Speaker 1: Where are all the kids? They're with her ex.
Speaker 4: Yes, they're all, believe it or not, still under one roof.
Speaker 4: For the most part. They haven't legally separated. But right
Speaker 4: now my sister spends a lot of time with her
Speaker 4: new girlfriend.
Speaker 1: And do you and your sister talk a lot anyway?
Speaker 7: No?
Speaker 1: Not for how long?
Speaker 4: Well we were up until this happened. And then once
Speaker 4: I found out like how quickly she was moving, how
Speaker 4: fast she wanted to go straight into this new relationship.
Speaker 4: You know, how she wanted to force my sister in
Speaker 4: law to move to Texas because that's where her girlfriend is.
Speaker 4: You know, I just felt like.
Speaker 2: Good luck with that, by the way, good luck with
Speaker 2: having your girlfriend in Texas.
Speaker 1: So exactly.
Speaker 3: Oh, she sounds pretty unstable in this moment.
Speaker 1: That's very accurate.
Speaker 2: And I think when people are in that kind of
Speaker 2: malstream of emotion like this, and they're using drugs and
Speaker 2: they're trying to lose weight, and they're newly in love
Speaker 2: and she just kind of ditched her family. Is she's
Speaker 2: spending time with her children at all?
Speaker 4: She is, I mean when she's there, but now spending
Speaker 4: extended periods of time away, so she'll go for eight
Speaker 4: and twelve days to go stay with her girlfriend.
Speaker 2: Feels like to me, your relationship with her ex and
Speaker 2: maintaining a relationship with all of her children is more
Speaker 2: of a priority than doing an intervention, because I feel
Speaker 2: like an intervention needs to happen at the last you know,
Speaker 2: like it's not going to be well received in this Yeah,
Speaker 2: she's not going to listen to you in this moment.
Speaker 3: She's in love.
Speaker 2: She's all over the map, and she's using amphetamines. Like,
Speaker 2: there's not a lot for you to grab on to
Speaker 2: you there right now, And I think it is paramount, right,
Speaker 2: do you want to maintain a relationship with her children
Speaker 2: and her ex probably could help with the support emotionally,
Speaker 2: And I would think you're better, your time would be
Speaker 2: better served focusing on them.
Speaker 4: Absolutely. No, My sister in law has been very open.
Speaker 4: She understands that I've been, you know, critical of both
Speaker 4: of them. I don't think it was all my sister's fault,
Speaker 4: and I knew that they were both making really bad
Speaker 4: decisions along the way that led to this. But I
Speaker 4: just kept pleading with my sister, like, get therapy, do
Speaker 4: something first. Don't feel like this is the answer that's
Speaker 4: going to change your life, because we all know that
Speaker 4: it's not.
Speaker 1: And but she was she always someone was your sister,
Speaker 1: always someone who like was very sort of steadfast in
Speaker 1: the idea of being right. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Is she that kind of a.
Speaker 4: Press Yeah, I would say, because she came out in
Speaker 4: pretty early in life. She came out in eighth grade.
Speaker 4: And this was back in the eighties when it was
Speaker 4: not acceptable. I grew up in a very traditional Catholic family,
Speaker 4: and so you know, my parents didn't know what to do,
Speaker 4: and it was almost like, even back then, she dug
Speaker 4: her heels in, became very rebellious. You know, she wasn't
Speaker 4: going to listen to anyone, and pretty much ever since then,
Speaker 4: that's been her approach, like I'm going to make you
Speaker 4: accept me type.
Speaker 1: Of right attitude. Yeah, this is all weirdly familiar to
Speaker 1: me my sisters. Okay, but you know in terms of
Speaker 1: someone's sort of moving on with something else and that
Speaker 1: being their absolute focus and deciding to themselves that this
Speaker 1: is the absolute right thing and this is what I
Speaker 1: should be doing and not really listening. So when you're
Speaker 1: kind of dealing with someone like that, it's sort of
Speaker 1: best to sort of get out of the way a
Speaker 1: little bit.
Speaker 2: I would just save the intervention for when she's in
Speaker 2: a different place. Don't blow that right now, because she's
Speaker 2: not going to She's not going to hear you right now,
Speaker 2: So I think you should have waited out, maintain the
Speaker 2: relationship with the children, try and be there.
Speaker 3: Are you in close proximity to those children.
Speaker 6: Now.
Speaker 4: I'm also in Texas, unfortunately, so.
Speaker 3: I get out of there. First things. First, you should
Speaker 3: get out of Texas. I'm trying.
Speaker 2: I'm actually I'm headed there this weekend. So it's funny
Speaker 2: I'm saying that because I'm doing a stand up there.
Speaker 2: I'm doing three shows in Texas, so I guess I'll
Speaker 2: bring my water gun for protection. Yeah, but yeah, I
Speaker 2: would just try and interfere with her life right now.
Speaker 2: I would focus on the kids and that maintenance and
Speaker 2: her ex and maintaining a relationship with her so that
Speaker 2: you have access to those children and that they have
Speaker 2: some stability, even if it's you face timing them or
Speaker 2: doing family zooms once a week. Just figure out a
Speaker 2: way to like extend yourself to them during this time
Speaker 2: because it's probably really difficult on them too.
Speaker 4: Absolutely, And at first, when my sister in law and
Speaker 4: I started talking, my sister became very angry, and of
Speaker 4: course she accused me of betraying her and things like that,
Speaker 4: and I don't know when she tried to force me
Speaker 4: not to talk to her, and I just said, look,
Speaker 4: that's not going to happen, like.
Speaker 2: No, no, there shouldn't be like boundaries. But that's not
Speaker 2: helpful either. To not to speak to someone is not helpful.
Speaker 1: The whole picking sides thing is like just a quogomire.
Speaker 2: Can you spend any time with them? Can you go
Speaker 2: and spend time with them there?
Speaker 4: Yeah, actually I'm going at Christmas. We just found out
Speaker 4: her dates when she's going to be gone, and so
Speaker 4: I'll go while she's not there.
Speaker 3: Perfect, Okay, Well that's good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, prioritize that in the meantime, okay, and then wait
Speaker 2: for an opportunity, you know, wait for a moment of
Speaker 2: vulnerability or a moment when her life really does get
Speaker 2: carried away.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: But with people who are always defensive and want to
Speaker 2: be right, you know, they're as long as you're like
Speaker 2: arguing a point, you're in defense mode. Because if you're
Speaker 2: an open person, you can actually hear anything anyone says
Speaker 2: without being defensive. And so until she gets there, there's
Speaker 2: really nothing for you to do.
Speaker 1: That's really true. Hey, what's your sister's new partner?
Speaker 4: Like, I mean, I don't know. I haven't talked to
Speaker 4: that woman in okay, fourteen fifteen years since she broke
Speaker 4: up with my sister the first time. And like I said,
Speaker 4: the only thing I know about how that relationship ended
Speaker 4: was she cheated on my sister, And so I don't
Speaker 4: know what she's like now or what she's been doing
Speaker 4: all these years. But I just feel like I know
Speaker 4: my sister needs therapy. She desperately needs to figure out
Speaker 4: what these demons are that have made her so unhappy
Speaker 4: even with you know, all the things that she's accomplished
Speaker 4: in life, and so running to someone else is not
Speaker 4: going to to make her suddenly happy or fulfill all
Speaker 4: her life dreams.
Speaker 5: There is like something I'm sniffing out here too, with
Speaker 5: the willingness to sort of dive into this chaos, the
Speaker 5: drug use, the alcohol use, that like maybe there is
Speaker 5: some mental illness, Maybe there's some just like emotional dysregulation.
Speaker 5: I don't know what else you can do about that
Speaker 5: other than to keep saying, like I love you, let's
Speaker 5: try therapy that sort of thing, because obviously throwing that
Speaker 5: at her is not super helpful, but just for you
Speaker 5: to maybe have kind of in the background of like
Speaker 5: maybe she's using this to sort of like help regulate
Speaker 5: some of this emotional cast that she's feeling.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, and also just talking to you.
Speaker 2: Obviously you're coming from a place of judgment, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean, You're disappointed in her choices and blah
Speaker 2: blah blah, and that's never helpful with that personality type.
Speaker 2: You know, you have to really come from a place
Speaker 2: of love and support, like I know what you can do,
Speaker 2: I know your potential, I know you're going to do
Speaker 2: the you can It's almost like you're flipping the script
Speaker 2: to try and make them believe in themselves a little
Speaker 2: bit more, because people like that. You know, everything you're
Speaker 2: describing sounds like she is masking a lot of stuff.
Speaker 2: So as long as you can try and really not
Speaker 2: pass judgment on her behavior and rather be a support
Speaker 2: system for her and someone she feels safe coming to,
Speaker 2: so that you can kind of build that trust back
Speaker 2: up and hopefully that can lead to something.
Speaker 4: It's obviously hard because I love my sister in law, and.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know it's your sister. I believe me. I'm
Speaker 3: so judgmental, but.
Speaker 4: You know I care about the kids, and I have
Speaker 4: been divorced before, and I know what that does and
Speaker 4: how it tears families apart. So I did try to
Speaker 4: a little bit come from that angle of like, look,
Speaker 4: if you don't want to be married anymore, that's one thing,
Speaker 4: but like figure that out before you just go right
Speaker 4: into something new.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, we'll keep us post it with whatever progress.
Speaker 3: Is made, Okay, let us know.
Speaker 5: All right, I will Okay, Thanks Allison, thank you, bye bye.
Speaker 2: I can't believe people are still living in Texas, like
Speaker 2: a lot of them, Sharon, aren't you so happy?
Speaker 3: You're not American.
Speaker 1: I really am. You know, it's it's not great in
Speaker 1: London at the moment either, I mean, honestly, it's it's
Speaker 1: I mean, all over the world is a bit of
Speaker 1: a shit show. But Ireland. Ireland's not bad at the moment.
Speaker 3: Oh, Ireland sounds like a great place. Are we moving possibly?
Speaker 2: I mean, I just want to go to an island
Speaker 2: where there is not going to be any no one's cares,
Speaker 2: you know, some tropical place where no one's we're not
Speaker 2: going to be involved in any of all of the
Speaker 2: ship that's happening globally.
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe we could man make one, you.
Speaker 2: Know, or or buy one together, one like pool our resources.
Speaker 1: I am. I've talked to my friends about my female
Speaker 1: friends about this a lot, Like I think the feature
Speaker 1: is some kind of commune of.
Speaker 2: These conversations I'm having all these conversations with my female friends.
Speaker 2: I mean, every different group of female friends says the
Speaker 2: same thing, like, why don't we all just pull our
Speaker 2: money together and you know, buy some property?
Speaker 3: Yeah, or so Ireland, that's why not.
Speaker 2: People are happy there, They're happy, they're drinking and happy.
Speaker 3: When do you get to experiencing those things together?
Speaker 5: Well, our next caller is Taylor.
Speaker 1: She is thirty six.
Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea, it is Taylor's sweet It is Taylor, she's
Speaker 2: thirty five.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, ooh, just got that tucked right away, Dear Chelsea.
Speaker 5: My sister and I were never close growing up, but
Speaker 5: became friends as adults. We now have lived in the
Speaker 5: same city for ten years, and over those years have
Speaker 5: felt like good friends.
Speaker 1: We have sister dates without the.
Speaker 5: Husbands, run errands together, and try our best to stay connected. Recently,
Speaker 5: I've felt a shift in our relationship. I've always been
Speaker 5: the one to initiate our hangouts. That never bothered me,
Speaker 5: as being the planner of the family has made me.
Speaker 5: That's been my self appointed role. I had a baby
Speaker 5: this year and have had less motivation and time to
Speaker 5: arrange hangouts. And now I don't hear from her sometimes
Speaker 5: for weeks at a time. It's become very apparent to
Speaker 5: me that I was really the one driving the relationship.
Speaker 5: I'm afraid to talk to her about this. In the past,
Speaker 5: I've had to have a hard conversation with her about
Speaker 5: not wanting to babysit her dog anymore. He marked in
Speaker 5: the house. That conversation went pretty badly and she didn't
Speaker 5: speak to me for a month. I'm really feeling her absence,
Speaker 5: but I just can't get myself to address it with her.
Speaker 5: Do I just accept that maybe things have changed and
Speaker 5: that's okay, Or do I need to get over myself
Speaker 5: and talk to her no matter what the outcome is, Chelsea,
Speaker 5: you have sisters, please help Taylor.
Speaker 2: Hi, Taylor, Hi, Taylor, Chelsea, Hi, this is Sharon Horgan,
Speaker 2: our special guest today too.
Speaker 1: What an honor fun you you have to you have
Speaker 1: to talk to your sister.
Speaker 7: Actually, there's been an update and I apologize and coming
Speaker 7: from my car, I just loved an acupuncture appointment. So yeah,
Speaker 7: I sent that email of you months ago. And my
Speaker 7: sister and I've always had a very good, strong, loving relationship,
Speaker 7: but as sisters go, there's been ups and downs as
Speaker 7: we've gone through life. For honestly, it's just gotten so
Speaker 7: much better.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna admit.
Speaker 7: We never chatted about it directly, but my daughter turned
Speaker 7: one a few like a month ago, and a few
Speaker 7: months ago it's like she started reaching out and we
Speaker 7: started doing things, and so yeah, I don't know if
Speaker 7: it was just like the beginning of babies stuff and
Speaker 7: we needed some time or what. But you know, there's
Speaker 7: ebbs and flows to a sibling relationship. It's it's a
Speaker 7: lifetime relationship, right, So.
Speaker 1: And when you have a baby, you're so you know,
Speaker 1: exposed and emotional and sensitive. It's the only time I've
Speaker 1: ever full in that with my sister. Yeah, and we
Speaker 1: had to do I mean, and it was it was
Speaker 1: It wasn't a long time for that, but it freaked
Speaker 1: me out because we're so tight. And in fact, I
Speaker 1: always felt like my female friendships are so important to me,
Speaker 1: but I would kind of sideline them a little because
Speaker 1: my siblings were just everything. But I was very shit
Speaker 1: around about the time she had her second child, her daughter,
Speaker 1: and I just wasn't around. I think, I don't know
Speaker 1: what was happening, like marriage stuff and work stuff, but
Speaker 1: I was just not very present and I was just
Speaker 1: being a bit useless. And she was so hurt by it.
Speaker 1: You know, she really really felt it, and I was
Speaker 1: having a hard time herself. And it came to a
Speaker 1: point where like she she was like, I don't think
Speaker 1: I want to be around you at the moment, and
Speaker 1: I was just like straight on the phone. We we
Speaker 1: hashed it all out and was really tricky, you know,
Speaker 1: because you kind of have to, you know, swallow a
Speaker 1: lot of pride and say a lot of sorries and
Speaker 1: and just own up to the fact that you were
Speaker 1: being a bit rubbish. But I'm so so glad, we
Speaker 1: I'm so babbidiced. It was scary. Scary when you think
Speaker 1: you'renna fall this sister. Yeah, your sister.
Speaker 7: I mean, I can't imagine not having a sister, like
Speaker 7: she's my most one of my most important relationships. But yeah,
Speaker 7: to your point, I think so much changes when you
Speaker 7: have a baby, and there's a lot of raw emotion
Speaker 7: and you want this need to be like every all
Speaker 7: the women in my life stay close to me.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, you are.
Speaker 7: Busy and things are kind of falling apart and you're
Speaker 7: sleep deprived. So it was almost like we just needed
Speaker 7: a few months to kind of like find a new routine,
Speaker 7: and I feel like we've really gotten there.
Speaker 2: And also, don't forget when you have a baby, you
Speaker 2: know how hormonal you are and how sensitive that person is,
Speaker 2: Like you're overly sensitized to everything, and every and a
Speaker 2: small like infraction can feel like a big one. And
Speaker 2: you know, so you have to like allow yourself that
Speaker 2: but for future if you guys have any issues, And
Speaker 2: this is to anyone who's listening, I don't believe there
Speaker 2: is any ego involved with your sisters. Like it's not
Speaker 2: like a friend where there's some sort of gamesmanship or
Speaker 2: you don't know where the other person stands. You know
Speaker 2: at the end of the day that you love each
Speaker 2: other and that you have years and years of proof
Speaker 2: of that. So like, if you're feeling distant from her,
Speaker 2: there's nothing wrong with going I miss you, I need
Speaker 2: to see you. When am I going to see you?
Speaker 2: I love you, I miss my sissy. Whatever however you
Speaker 2: talk to each other, there's nothing wrong with that. I'm
Speaker 2: sure that probably would have put a big smile on
Speaker 2: her face too, you know, like, oh, you know, sometimes
Speaker 2: you don't realize how much distance. I mean, my sister
Speaker 2: just crashed my weekend this weekend and she's like, you know,
Speaker 2: we haven't spent time together. She's like, you're always with Simoe,
Speaker 2: my other sister. She goes, you know, we haven't spent
Speaker 2: time together like this in months. You're you know, you
Speaker 2: see Simone all the time. And I was like, but
Speaker 2: she invited herself on the trip. She's like, I'm coming
Speaker 2: with you from Brooklyn. I was doing shows all weekend.
Speaker 2: She's like, I'm coming to all shows and I'm sleeping
Speaker 2: in your hotel room with you. And I was like okay,
Speaker 2: And we had a great time.
Speaker 1: Hopefully relate to all of that. I remember that feeling
Speaker 1: of being jealous when one sibling would spend more time
Speaker 1: with than another, like sitting so hurt by it. And
Speaker 1: you know it's the circumstance for geographical reasons or whatever,
Speaker 1: but it's there's always like smaller allegiances within a bigger
Speaker 1: family anyway, you know, like the eldest and the youngest
Speaker 1: of a special thing, and like my brother's have a
Speaker 1: special dying and then as sisters and but yeah, god,
Speaker 1: I remember that terrible feeling of fomo, you know, feeling
Speaker 1: like you've been left. Yeah, some kind of sibling get together.
Speaker 2: It's more fomo than jealousy, Like you're not really jealous
Speaker 2: of your siblings spending time together. We're all part of
Speaker 2: the family. Like I don't own them and they don't
Speaker 2: own me. But you know, my sister invaded my weekend.
Speaker 2: We had a great time. We slept in bed, together.
Speaker 2: We giggled our asses off, We had our cousin there
Speaker 2: and it was totally fun and great.
Speaker 3: And that's how you have to act, you know, if.
Speaker 2: You're feeling a little bit, it's not like somebody, it's
Speaker 2: not like you're in a romantic relationship and it's new
Speaker 2: and you have to tiptoe around them. Just be upfront
Speaker 2: and be like, I miss you, I want to see you,
Speaker 2: I need a bond.
Speaker 5: And I think it's also as the planner, it's also
Speaker 5: okay to be like, I don't have the brain power
Speaker 5: to plan something right now, but I want to see you.
Speaker 5: Can you plan a little outing for us and like
Speaker 5: put the onus on her and have it move forward
Speaker 5: that way.
Speaker 7: So, Chelsea, you're talking about having a trip with your sister,
Speaker 7: My sister and I and my daughter, we traveled down
Speaker 7: to see my grandmother. My sister and I stayed up
Speaker 7: one night talking to like one thirty in the morning,
Speaker 7: and we again we didn't like address like I miss you,
Speaker 7: but it was like, oh, this is like what we needed.
Speaker 3: Since then, it's been really great, so so good.
Speaker 2: I'm glad everything's improved, and have fun and you know,
Speaker 2: good times ahead, Good times ahead.
Speaker 7: Only I told Catherine this, The world is very scary
Speaker 7: right now.
Speaker 3: America is very scary right now.
Speaker 7: So holding your family and your community and your friends
Speaker 7: like so close and really focusing on that kind of
Speaker 7: positive love that you get is like now.
Speaker 3: What I'm focusing on.
Speaker 7: So no matter what, I my sister's wonderful and she's
Speaker 7: empathetic and caring, and I'm like, I just have to,
Speaker 7: you know, we just had to like figure out our
Speaker 7: new relationship with the little baby involved.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, And that is your fault for having a baby
Speaker 2: in the first place.
Speaker 3: Take some responsibility. I really, why did I do this?
Speaker 3: One day you'll find out. But thanks for calling. You're yeah,
Speaker 3: thanks for calling. Have a great day. So nice to
Speaker 3: meet you.
Speaker 5: By when they figure out their own problem, I know.
Speaker 2: I love when we have callers that is like, oh,
Speaker 2: we were going to call in with this, but we've
Speaker 2: already figured it out.
Speaker 1: I was way easier than the lost one.
Speaker 2: Okay, we're going to take a break and we're going
Speaker 2: to come back and wrap up with Sharon Horgan.
Speaker 3: And we're back. We are back.
Speaker 5: I have one more quickie if we want to, let's
Speaker 5: do a quickie to close it out.
Speaker 2: We don't want to cut Sharon short of giving advice
Speaker 2: three times exactly exactly.
Speaker 1: We don't want to take that is my advice? Is it?
Speaker 6: Like?
Speaker 3: No, it's good listen.
Speaker 2: I think the most important advice anyone could give is
Speaker 2: being a good listener. And you're a good listener. So
Speaker 2: that's all. That's half the battle, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Actually care listening to people's problems, that's it's nice. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, it kind of takes everything away from yourself.
Speaker 3: So I like this activity.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Well, our last question comes from Ariana. Ariana's subject line
Speaker 5: was how do I stop stressing that my baby's sister
Speaker 5: is pregnant? Dear Chelsea, I'm a twenty seven year old
Speaker 5: living six hundred miles away from home. Fairly intentionally, I'm
Speaker 5: the eldest of three girls, and I definitely identify with
Speaker 5: the pros and cons of being the high achieving, controlling
Speaker 5: fixer of an oldest sister. My middle sister and I
Speaker 5: have been slowly growing closer as we've gotten older, which
Speaker 5: brings me to my current problem. My twenty three year
Speaker 5: old sister has made a fetus with her twenty year
Speaker 5: old boyfriend. They've been together for about a year and
Speaker 5: are quote unquote definitely keeping it. And I'm holding so
Speaker 5: much stress about this. They've moved in with my parents,
Speaker 5: and I feel the stress and anxiety that caused me
Speaker 5: to want to get out of there. I know that
Speaker 5: so many young moms find their way, and none of
Speaker 5: this is to say that she can't be a great mom,
Speaker 5: but I just don't believe two kids basically without jobs
Speaker 5: should have a baby. So how do I get over this?
Speaker 5: Thank you? Ariana?
Speaker 3: First of all, this has very little to do with you.
Speaker 2: So your control freak, your self identified control freak, I'm
Speaker 2: here to confirm that you are. There's nothing you can do.
Speaker 2: She's pregnant. Is that what she means by fetus?
Speaker 1: I'm assuming it's not like on the rocks.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, it's so unless you're free, Oh
Speaker 2: that's done. Yeah, So she's not going to convince her
Speaker 2: to get an abortion, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: So how do you let it go?
Speaker 2: You have to actively surrender the idea that this is
Speaker 2: within your control. It is not within your control. You
Speaker 2: have no say in this matter. This is not your issue.
Speaker 2: Because it affects your family, it will affect you, but
Speaker 2: you still have no argument, you.
Speaker 3: Have no what's that duck in this race? This race?
Speaker 1: Duck race?
Speaker 2: No duck in this race? Okay, you can't. There's nothing
Speaker 2: you can do, So you have to just understand. You
Speaker 2: have to really understand that you are not in control
Speaker 2: of everyone's destiny. The only thing you could control is
Speaker 2: your own behavior and your response to things. And I
Speaker 2: would work really hard on trying to be supportive rather
Speaker 2: than being combative about this because it's already happening. There
Speaker 2: is nothing you can do, and if you can exercise
Speaker 2: restraint and the idea of letting go of something that
Speaker 2: is not your it's not your thing to control. So
Speaker 2: I don't know what to tell you, but you have
Speaker 2: to really understand that and also move forward in life
Speaker 2: understanding that as well.
Speaker 3: You don't get to be in control of other people's lives.
Speaker 1: Sharing any any thoughts there.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: It sounds like she's more sort of worrying about her
Speaker 1: parents having to, you know, get involved in the baby's
Speaker 1: life and do the looking after. So like I kind
Speaker 1: of get that a little bit, but yeah, what are
Speaker 1: you going to do?
Speaker 3: But I mean totally, but what's she going to do?
Speaker 2: The parents already let her move in with her boyfriend
Speaker 2: or husband is a husband and boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend, they'll
Speaker 2: have the baby, they'll probably break up in a few years,
Speaker 2: and then they're gonna have to clean up their own mess.
Speaker 3: And your parents already allowed them to move in.
Speaker 2: Again, not your decision, Like, you're not in charge of
Speaker 2: everyone in your family. You're not gonna force your sister
Speaker 2: to get an abortion, are you. No, you're not gonna
Speaker 2: force your parents to kick your sister out. No, So
Speaker 2: I would throw my hands up and look at a
Speaker 2: different direction to see to find a situation you can
Speaker 2: have an impact on.
Speaker 5: And I think Arianna is like kind of on the
Speaker 5: right track of like she knows it's her own thing
Speaker 5: to deal with. So I would get a therapist so
Speaker 5: you can gripe about this, like, no, it's it's not
Speaker 5: your problem, and it's not your responsibility to help them
Speaker 5: learn these lessons either.
Speaker 1: But the other thing, too, is the.
Speaker 5: Boyfriend is probably gonna go away at some point, like
Speaker 5: you said, But when there is this baby, and this
Speaker 5: baby actually does come into your life, you're gonna be like,
Speaker 5: holy shit, I love this little niece or nephew.
Speaker 1: So there will be like a good outcome of it.
Speaker 2: That's really hard to understand until they're physical right here exactly.
Speaker 1: It's true, it's true, but it did. I was the
Speaker 1: first person in my family to have a baby and
Speaker 1: wasn't planned in any way, but I remember bringing her
Speaker 1: home and my brothers and sisters just like it's a
Speaker 1: mental limit I have my head. So this day, like
Speaker 1: all of them just crowded around this tiny little thing
Speaker 1: in the middle of my parents' bed, and they were
Speaker 1: they immediately like fell in love and yep.
Speaker 3: And that's pretty undeniable.
Speaker 2: Like you know, once somebody in your family has and
Speaker 2: you obviously care about your family, so I would really
Speaker 2: start to just focus on the positive impact you can
Speaker 2: have on them moving forward in the future, rather than
Speaker 2: trying to prevent what's happening from happening.
Speaker 1: Also, you live one hundred and seventy miles away or whatever,
Speaker 1: so yeah, six.
Speaker 2: Hundred Yeah, find a new family if you want so bad,
Speaker 2: if you can.
Speaker 3: Six hundred miles of that bus. What did did you say, six.
Speaker 2: Hundred miles, six hundred miles that's a different country. Well,
Speaker 2: there's nothing six hundred oh, six hundred miles. I was
Speaker 2: saying six thousand there's nothing in this country six thousand
Speaker 2: miles away. Okay, I'm a geographical wizard and a mathematician. Okay, Well,
Speaker 2: I can't wait to see season two of Bad Sisters.
Speaker 3: Sharon Horrigan.
Speaker 1: I wait to see. I can't wait for you see
Speaker 1: it too. And so I love you and I'm so
Speaker 1: glad we got to do this. Me too, I've been
Speaker 1: an admirer for years.
Speaker 2: Likewise, and I hope to see you in person one
Speaker 2: day soon, so we can have a cocktail together now
Speaker 2: that you're back on the sauce, can we just.
Speaker 6: Do that.
Speaker 2: Tail?
Speaker 3: Yeah, in the early morning hours on a flight.
Speaker 1: At nine am.
Speaker 2: Okay, we will. We will share it. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2: Have a great day.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: Everyone needs to watch Bad Sisters. And if you haven't
Speaker 2: watched the first season, watched the first season first and
Speaker 2: then go to season two. It's on Apple and it's
Speaker 2: out now. Okay, guys, stand up shows that I have
Speaker 2: coming up. I am going to Texas this weekend. I'm
Speaker 2: going to Houston. I'm going to Austin, Houston and then Sugarland, Texas.
Speaker 2: Then I have my Specials taping and Montclair, New Jersey.
Speaker 3: Those are all sold out.
Speaker 2: I have San Diego on eleven twenty nine that has
Speaker 2: tickets available. Oh, I'm coming to Vegas on November thirtieth,
Speaker 2: right after Thanksgiving and their tickets available for that. And
Speaker 2: then I'll be in Des Moines, Iowa December fifth. December
Speaker 2: sixth is Omaha, and then December twenty eighth, I'm coming
Speaker 2: in New Orleans right before New Year's and then I'll
Speaker 2: be in Atlanta, Georgia on December twenty ninth.
Speaker 3: And those are the rest of my stand up dates
Speaker 3: for this year. It's over New Tour New Year. If
Speaker 3: you'd like.
Speaker 5: Advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at Dear Chelsea
Speaker 5: podcast at gmail dot com and be sure to include
Speaker 5: your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by
Speaker 5: Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law and be sure to
Speaker 5: check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com