1 00:00:02,840 --> 00:00:12,799 Speaker 1: This is Teddy Teapot. Hello, Well, I am super excited 2 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:18,680 Speaker 1: today to co host with Brandy Glanville. Hello, I mean, 3 00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:22,520 Speaker 1: is it bad to say my cheat or expert? I 4 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:27,040 Speaker 1: am the face of the scorned woman. I'm sad. Oh no, 5 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:29,360 Speaker 1: But I love that you're so open and that you're 6 00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:31,760 Speaker 1: able to share with us, because that's you know, so 7 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:34,559 Speaker 1: many people. I can't even tell you how many questions 8 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:37,920 Speaker 1: people have written in in regards to cheating, about privacy, 9 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:42,040 Speaker 1: about is my husband cheating? So there's just so many 10 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:44,960 Speaker 1: things out there that people are interested in, and also 11 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:47,279 Speaker 1: that they don't want to feel alone well, because I mean, 12 00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:50,200 Speaker 1: if you think about it, cheating happens, it's a universal situation, 13 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:54,200 Speaker 1: happens to everyone. It's man, women, not children obviously, but 14 00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:56,160 Speaker 1: it happens to all of us. It can happen to 15 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:58,600 Speaker 1: all of us. So it's something that is an age 16 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,960 Speaker 1: old problem. Then it will forever be an issue. Do 17 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:04,120 Speaker 1: you mind just to start, like giving us a little 18 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:12,520 Speaker 1: bit of backstory on your experience. I'd try that too, 19 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:17,200 Speaker 1: but later, okay, okay, um So I was with um 20 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:21,080 Speaker 1: an actor Eddie Cibrian for thirteen years and we had 21 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:24,640 Speaker 1: two small children two years old and six years old, 22 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:27,520 Speaker 1: and he was off doing a movie with Land Rhymes 23 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:31,600 Speaker 1: and they developed a relationship, and uh, I kind of 24 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:33,839 Speaker 1: and I always um a scorpio. I have a little 25 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:38,720 Speaker 1: crazy intuition. I knew something was going on. But all 26 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:40,800 Speaker 1: my friends are like, you're crazy, Brandon, You're just at 27 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:44,240 Speaker 1: your crazy side. Just stop, he adores you. Come to 28 00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:46,840 Speaker 1: find out, yes, they were having an affair. I was 29 00:01:46,959 --> 00:01:49,320 Speaker 1: told that it was a one time thing, and I 30 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,960 Speaker 1: was by him, yes, of course, and he denied it 31 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:55,080 Speaker 1: publicly and all of these things, and so I really 32 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:57,520 Speaker 1: really wanted to believe him because I had, you know, 33 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:01,240 Speaker 1: loved my life and two small children. So I thought, 34 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:04,440 Speaker 1: let's go to counseling. Let's figure this out, because if 35 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:06,960 Speaker 1: it's a one time thing, I can deal with it. 36 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,679 Speaker 1: Because if you watch the Nature Channel, like like men 37 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:12,800 Speaker 1: like to spread their seed, monogamy is not normal, and 38 00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:16,240 Speaker 1: especially with the industry that he's in acting, you're supposed 39 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:17,880 Speaker 1: to go and be on TV and make out with 40 00:02:17,919 --> 00:02:21,200 Speaker 1: all these attractive women and some unattractive women as well. 41 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:28,320 Speaker 1: And I'm just joking. I'm joking. Um, And we're good though, 42 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:30,160 Speaker 1: but you know, you have to roll around in bed 43 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:32,120 Speaker 1: with these people and kiss them and then you're supposed 44 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:34,799 Speaker 1: to not you know, follow through with that. So it's 45 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:36,680 Speaker 1: it's a you know, it's a hard thing to be 46 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:39,560 Speaker 1: in for him. And so we went to counseling and 47 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:41,200 Speaker 1: I was like, you know what, I'm gonna get over 48 00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:44,160 Speaker 1: it because I you know, he left up and it 49 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:46,560 Speaker 1: is what it is. And then I found out about 50 00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:50,360 Speaker 1: other women prior to her. Did you find out through 51 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:53,880 Speaker 1: counseling or through you had to you had to change 52 00:02:53,919 --> 00:02:56,600 Speaker 1: things up with approach. I found out through act with 53 00:02:56,720 --> 00:03:00,519 Speaker 1: Hollywood and Perez Hilton, So that was fun um, but no, 54 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:03,120 Speaker 1: and when I found that out, I took the knife 55 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:06,000 Speaker 1: and slashed the motorcycle tires. I went and that's it happens. 56 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:09,240 Speaker 1: What I don't blame you. He's lucky he was not 57 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:13,200 Speaker 1: home at that point because I was livid and leading 58 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:16,919 Speaker 1: up to that, did you have any idea? You know, 59 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:21,560 Speaker 1: I was always suspect because he had two phones and 60 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:23,600 Speaker 1: he didn't really he wasn't working at the time. You 61 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:25,119 Speaker 1: know actors that you know if you get to work 62 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:26,720 Speaker 1: and then you don't have work, And I was like, 63 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:28,920 Speaker 1: what the hell do you need two phones for? Like 64 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:32,040 Speaker 1: why and what was his excuse. He's just like once 65 00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:36,120 Speaker 1: for business, what what are you doing? Did you have 66 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:39,360 Speaker 1: access to the two phones? You know what I could 67 00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:41,240 Speaker 1: have if I wanted to, but I was so afraid 68 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:44,280 Speaker 1: of what I would find. I never looked. See That's 69 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:46,120 Speaker 1: what I heard a lot, like a lot of the 70 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:49,480 Speaker 1: questions coming in where yes, my husband did does give 71 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:50,760 Speaker 1: me all of his codes, but I don't want to 72 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:53,080 Speaker 1: look because I already have that feeling. Well, if you're 73 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,400 Speaker 1: looking for something, whether it's there or not, I feel 74 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,120 Speaker 1: like you're going to find it. It could be like 75 00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:59,480 Speaker 1: something like a from a friend that means nothing, but 76 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:01,120 Speaker 1: you're going to eat into it because if you have 77 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:03,640 Speaker 1: that idea in your head, and I know I'm already crazy, 78 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:05,840 Speaker 1: so I know like if I I will spiral out 79 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:07,720 Speaker 1: of control. So I'm like, you know what, I just 80 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:09,600 Speaker 1: don't want to check. So I have to believe my 81 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:11,960 Speaker 1: husband and trust him. And do you believe that men 82 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:15,200 Speaker 1: and women can be friends? Um, if it's not something 83 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:17,159 Speaker 1: from like a long time friend, like I have friends 84 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:18,960 Speaker 1: from like you know, the fourth grade that I grew 85 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,320 Speaker 1: up with that if they came to down they're still pals. 86 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:24,600 Speaker 1: But like I don't go to dinner with males no 87 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:28,919 Speaker 1: like like like absolutely not. I mean, as a single person, 88 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:30,960 Speaker 1: most of my male friends I've slept with. But that's 89 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:33,160 Speaker 1: my point, Like, I just don't think it exists. And 90 00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:35,960 Speaker 1: some people in this room don't necessarily agree with me 91 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:40,400 Speaker 1: on this topic, but I don't agree. I have plenty 92 00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:44,040 Speaker 1: of very platonic male friends. I also have male friends 93 00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:46,359 Speaker 1: where there might be like an undertone of alert, but 94 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:49,840 Speaker 1: that's the whole point. But there's that they're married, then 95 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:51,560 Speaker 1: that's an like, and you go to dinner with him 96 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:53,320 Speaker 1: and there's an undertone of flirt. I'm going to murder 97 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,200 Speaker 1: you in your sleep. And I took a poll on 98 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:57,720 Speaker 1: my Instagram how many of you would be upset if 99 00:04:57,720 --> 00:05:00,560 Speaker 1: you're a significant other went to dinner with somebody of 100 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:04,320 Speaker 1: the opposite sex without telling you, even if it is business, 101 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:08,200 Speaker 1: and it was would be upset. So, if there's nothing 102 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:11,040 Speaker 1: wrong with it, why aren't you telling your significant other? Exactly? 103 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:15,680 Speaker 1: I'm one percent on board with you on that processing, 104 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:18,680 Speaker 1: but I'm like, but maybe it's just human nature, and 105 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:24,120 Speaker 1: it's like everyone has a line and maybe crossing the line. 106 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:28,080 Speaker 1: But also, why aren't you invited to dinner if you're friends? 107 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:30,760 Speaker 1: With my husband, and you guys are close friends, I 108 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:32,400 Speaker 1: should be your friend too, and maybe if I don't 109 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,760 Speaker 1: like y'all, say go ahead and go. But in general, 110 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:38,080 Speaker 1: I think most of the wives know I'm buddies with 111 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:41,880 Speaker 1: their husband, and they could come solely business. Then most 112 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:45,120 Speaker 1: of the time, isn't there another person there? Yeah, I've 113 00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:47,719 Speaker 1: had businesses where there's just like a slight undertone of 114 00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:51,640 Speaker 1: like flirty flirt, flirt, but it's not anything bad. And 115 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:55,440 Speaker 1: I actually going to dinner with edwin Amy, I've been 116 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:59,520 Speaker 1: flirting with him, But I actually think healthy flirting is okay. 117 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:02,080 Speaker 1: I agree with you. But if it's if it's a 118 00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:04,560 Speaker 1: friend that you see more than like, I think, I 119 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:06,760 Speaker 1: think healthy flirting is fine. If it's like the girl 120 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,680 Speaker 1: at Starbucks that you maybe see, you know, once a week. 121 00:06:09,839 --> 00:06:12,200 Speaker 1: It's not that you will never see outside of her 122 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,560 Speaker 1: being behind the counter, but once it shifts over to 123 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:18,080 Speaker 1: a d M or a dinner or dinner or I've 124 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,440 Speaker 1: learned that like the way that men are cheating now 125 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:24,120 Speaker 1: is through like Snapchat because they don't have any social media, 126 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:27,440 Speaker 1: so then their wife never suspects Snapchat and that's where 127 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:29,800 Speaker 1: they're going and sending all their messages. Don't try. I say, 128 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,719 Speaker 1: all the players I know are not on social media 129 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:37,240 Speaker 1: because that is how you get caught period. You know what, 130 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:39,599 Speaker 1: you just dropped some truth bomb there, and I just 131 00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:42,080 Speaker 1: want to know what a message out to all you women. 132 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:45,960 Speaker 1: They're my friends. This guy's are horrible. So once it 133 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:47,880 Speaker 1: was kind of blatant in your face, and it was 134 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,880 Speaker 1: multiple I don't know how many people, but it was 135 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:54,080 Speaker 1: like plenty of people. Were you then just done or 136 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:55,840 Speaker 1: you still wanted to work on it? And this is 137 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:58,000 Speaker 1: a judgment free zone. Oh no, I mean, I'll tell 138 00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,760 Speaker 1: you truth. I was still madly in love with my 139 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,440 Speaker 1: high spend. He was the love of my life and 140 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:05,080 Speaker 1: to this point he still has been so I but 141 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:07,360 Speaker 1: I couldn't be with him. Was he still telling you 142 00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:09,400 Speaker 1: I love you, I want to be with you, Yes, 143 00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:12,120 Speaker 1: and to the point where he was saying that to me, 144 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:14,520 Speaker 1: but also still behind my back when we were in 145 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:19,000 Speaker 1: counseling seeing Leanne. So and when I found out this 146 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:21,240 Speaker 1: girl asked weekly that I became friends with called me 147 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:24,679 Speaker 1: and she's like, I have something to tell you. Um, 148 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:27,880 Speaker 1: there's pictures of edding lean this weekend. I'm like, that's impossible. 149 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:29,920 Speaker 1: I was with him all weekend except for this one 150 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:33,160 Speaker 1: window of two hours, and that's when I was like, 151 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,880 Speaker 1: you know what, I'm out, like, no matter what, I 152 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:40,240 Speaker 1: have two kids and I'm you know, thirty six years old, 153 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:43,400 Speaker 1: and I have to figure this out for them. It's 154 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:46,080 Speaker 1: not fair. I'm like, I feel like Leanne in a 155 00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:49,640 Speaker 1: way saved me probably a decade of heartache. What if 156 00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:52,640 Speaker 1: I didn't find this out publicly and then forever and 157 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:54,200 Speaker 1: then all of a sudden one day and there's like 158 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:56,480 Speaker 1: a hundred women and I'm an idiot in my life 159 00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:59,360 Speaker 1: as somebody else is pregnant, and like, what the hell 160 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:02,680 Speaker 1: do you think? Just because this is happening a lot 161 00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:05,520 Speaker 1: where people are saying, oh, well, it was an emotional 162 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:09,840 Speaker 1: affair to an affairs an affair, it does not matter 163 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:13,600 Speaker 1: to me if it's sex. Emotional emotional is leading to sex. 164 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:15,600 Speaker 1: In my opinion, I would prefer it just be a 165 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:18,600 Speaker 1: sexual affair. Hit didn't quit it once time in Vegas, 166 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,880 Speaker 1: never talked to her again. Emotional affairs. I think that 167 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:25,320 Speaker 1: hurts me more than then. I feel like I've been 168 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:27,240 Speaker 1: through this because oh, when you find out, oh I 169 00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:30,239 Speaker 1: met the mother, I helped her move, I'm like, wait, wait, 170 00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:32,959 Speaker 1: you're leaving a double life, Like, what the heck? I 171 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,280 Speaker 1: would prefer it just to be some hooker somewhere. I 172 00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:37,880 Speaker 1: never figured it out, you know. I just not that 173 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,439 Speaker 1: I want that. But if you have to pick one 174 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,719 Speaker 1: or the other, for me, I I just emotions are more. 175 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:46,840 Speaker 1: It's just my heart, you know. Yeah. And I mean 176 00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:49,480 Speaker 1: because there's now been we've seen a lot in the 177 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:54,480 Speaker 1: press about Jim and Megan Edmonds. Oh gross, I can't 178 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:56,559 Speaker 1: even with either one of them. I mean. The thing, 179 00:08:56,679 --> 00:08:59,640 Speaker 1: here's the thing, I don't. Actually, it doesn't matter to 180 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:02,640 Speaker 1: me if he hooked up with the nanny or not. 181 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:06,960 Speaker 1: To me, if Edwin was going to events or doing 182 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:13,520 Speaker 1: things with my mommy's helper, he would be dead, like dead. 183 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:16,160 Speaker 1: And even when I read his thing where it said like, 184 00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:20,600 Speaker 1: oh um, I I support her, I'm helping her grow 185 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:24,400 Speaker 1: and mature into a woman, I'm like, no, that is 186 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:27,600 Speaker 1: a hard no. It is so weird. And the fact 187 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:31,560 Speaker 1: that it's he's justifying that behavior to me, the cheating, 188 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:34,240 Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. You're obviously living in your own world, 189 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:37,119 Speaker 1: but they're not. They're living They're doing it all publicly, 190 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:40,440 Speaker 1: and I'm sorry, but no one cares I'm not to 191 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,760 Speaker 1: be rude, but this is the point where they're like, 192 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:46,319 Speaker 1: we have two narcissists. Very clearly, They're like, they're calling 193 00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:48,719 Speaker 1: each other narcissists. But they have to play this out 194 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:51,360 Speaker 1: in the public in order to fill some sort of 195 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:53,560 Speaker 1: way that to get more attention exactly. But it's like 196 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:56,720 Speaker 1: what victim victim victim victims. I don't understand it. And 197 00:09:56,960 --> 00:10:00,959 Speaker 1: but also I'm sorry if you're after it was found 198 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,760 Speaker 1: out he had deleted all these photos of this nanny, 199 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:07,520 Speaker 1: I'm like, why are there photos of the nanny on 200 00:10:07,559 --> 00:10:12,480 Speaker 1: your Instagram? Anyway? Yeah, it's just he's not a good 201 00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:17,360 Speaker 1: He's not a smart player. Why do you on Instagram? Like, yeah, 202 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:21,160 Speaker 1: don't don't you know all cheaters are off Instagram. Smart run. 203 00:10:22,679 --> 00:10:26,200 Speaker 1: You think he caused damage with the sext thing that then, 204 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:30,640 Speaker 1: which is why this is so much bigger and more 205 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:36,200 Speaker 1: in the public eye and destroying the relationship. My gut 206 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:38,120 Speaker 1: is this is one of those situations that we were 207 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:41,120 Speaker 1: talking about that she kind of always knew because didn't 208 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:44,640 Speaker 1: she meet him when he had a wife? Yes, so 209 00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:48,600 Speaker 1: he's kind of always had this where he ends with 210 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:51,560 Speaker 1: one and is right into the other. So I think 211 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,040 Speaker 1: you kind of probably have that in the back of 212 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:57,480 Speaker 1: your mind to start. How do you not how do 213 00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:00,599 Speaker 1: you think you've changed the person? Right, I'm going to 214 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:02,640 Speaker 1: be the one that he doesn't do that too. Yeah, 215 00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:05,079 Speaker 1: And I think that's what happens is people can become 216 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:08,240 Speaker 1: addicted to that I can change this person. I am 217 00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:10,839 Speaker 1: going to be the one that you know, this this 218 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:13,679 Speaker 1: boy who's never been able to grow up because of 219 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:16,520 Speaker 1: this happened, or this challenge. It's a challenge. And then 220 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:21,719 Speaker 1: you know, I think so many lines were crossed that 221 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:24,000 Speaker 1: then you don't have any boundaries, and then you don't 222 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:26,120 Speaker 1: have any respect for each other. Well, once you cross 223 00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:28,800 Speaker 1: that line, the next fight it starts at that line 224 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:31,000 Speaker 1: that's already been crossed. It's like you don't get to 225 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:34,080 Speaker 1: go backwards. It already starts ugly at the next fight. 226 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:37,920 Speaker 1: So they I don't see this to be I don't 227 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:39,920 Speaker 1: think it can be repaired. I don't think so either. 228 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,880 Speaker 1: I mean, even the fact that he was like saying 229 00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:43,680 Speaker 1: he was on a group text with the nanny's and 230 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:46,360 Speaker 1: inviting them to do things or whatever it was. It's like, 231 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,320 Speaker 1: I feel for her because she's taking care of the 232 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:52,520 Speaker 1: child that has the health issues and has been traveling 233 00:11:52,559 --> 00:11:56,000 Speaker 1: to do that, and she's really working hard to take 234 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,839 Speaker 1: care of that child, and it seems like in her absence, 235 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:02,600 Speaker 1: I thing was happening, which is not fair. Well, I 236 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:04,960 Speaker 1: think that for sure. Obviously it's never fair, but I 237 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:09,240 Speaker 1: think that regardless of her having to travel, I believe 238 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,720 Speaker 1: this is something this man would continue doing. I agree, 239 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,920 Speaker 1: and for obviously, like you know, you choose to have 240 00:12:15,559 --> 00:12:19,520 Speaker 1: you know, children with someone and you know that you 241 00:12:19,559 --> 00:12:22,680 Speaker 1: know as a known cheater, and then you cry about 242 00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:24,920 Speaker 1: it after And yes, she's working hard. I feel bad 243 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:26,960 Speaker 1: for her situation and the fact that she has three 244 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,760 Speaker 1: small kids, but the fact that you're acting like you're 245 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:33,400 Speaker 1: shocked about this and and then sharing it like so 246 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:37,960 Speaker 1: intimately but in an a public forum, it's just I 247 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:42,160 Speaker 1: don't understand how that's going to help them repair anything, 248 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:45,520 Speaker 1: or you know, help the kids. I mean, I have 249 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:49,040 Speaker 1: empathy for her situation for sure. I also think this 250 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:52,080 Speaker 1: is the best thing for her that it's over, because 251 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:55,920 Speaker 1: I do not think at once that level of trust. 252 00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:58,360 Speaker 1: It's what you were talking about earlier, Once you have 253 00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:02,320 Speaker 1: zero trust and once you have zero respect for your partner, 254 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:06,440 Speaker 1: I don't believe you can heal from it. Now, I 255 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:09,160 Speaker 1: actually will defend her being open about it because I 256 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:11,560 Speaker 1: think once you guys, like you ladies know you've been 257 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:15,280 Speaker 1: on television on the Housewives, people are gonna talk about 258 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:18,880 Speaker 1: it and care. So I actually admire Megan for being 259 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:21,720 Speaker 1: so open about it. I see it from a different angle. 260 00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:24,959 Speaker 1: I like how transparent she is, even if it's her perspective. 261 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,920 Speaker 1: I get that we're only hearing her perspective, but I 262 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:31,480 Speaker 1: think it helps people. I think her blog. I read 263 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,720 Speaker 1: her blog and it was very touching and warm. That 264 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:36,840 Speaker 1: completely made sense to me. This selfie right when it happened. 265 00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:40,400 Speaker 1: Saying so raw that to me is kind of a 266 00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:43,880 Speaker 1: That's where I don't think I would cross that line. Like, 267 00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:47,080 Speaker 1: for example, I've been very open about my IVF struggles 268 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:49,480 Speaker 1: and miscarriages in those types of things, But in the 269 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:52,760 Speaker 1: moment in the hospital room right after I had a miscarriage, 270 00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:56,000 Speaker 1: I wasn't posting a selfie, you know, like, well, I mean, 271 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:58,440 Speaker 1: I guess I'm hypocritical and saying that because when I 272 00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:00,439 Speaker 1: was going through my divorce, I was like, f you 273 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:04,199 Speaker 1: and everything that was happening. We didn't have Instagram back then. 274 00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:05,720 Speaker 1: We had like a little bit of Twitter, and I 275 00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:08,280 Speaker 1: was constantly in Twitter, worse with everyone. But right at 276 00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:11,079 Speaker 1: the from the beginning, you were, um, well, because they 277 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:14,120 Speaker 1: were public, you know, I was not. I was just 278 00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,440 Speaker 1: a wife and mother. I was. I've never wanted to act, 279 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,480 Speaker 1: I never wanted to be on TV. I wasn't in 280 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:21,320 Speaker 1: the public eye, was his wife. But people were coming 281 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,600 Speaker 1: to me when they were doing all of these things publicly, 282 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:26,120 Speaker 1: and they were on outings, and I was like, he 283 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:28,080 Speaker 1: can suck it like they can suck. I was just 284 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:32,560 Speaker 1: very outspoken. So I guess, like, I understand your need 285 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:36,480 Speaker 1: to want to scream back. But this was not made public. 286 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:39,320 Speaker 1: We didn't know that this was happening until she put 287 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,520 Speaker 1: it out there. And I feel like, yes, on in 288 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:45,280 Speaker 1: certain occasions, it can help people, But I don't think 289 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:47,960 Speaker 1: that this is helpful for her if she wants to 290 00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:50,680 Speaker 1: recover from the situation with her husband, I don't think 291 00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:53,080 Speaker 1: making it public is going to help that. I think 292 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:55,600 Speaker 1: making a public means we're done, it's over, it's done, 293 00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:57,960 Speaker 1: and and and I get that, and this that was 294 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:01,080 Speaker 1: her line in the sand. I mean him an accountability 295 00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:05,040 Speaker 1: because I get that, like that, maybe she putting that 296 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:07,440 Speaker 1: boat up there that is me saying I'm not going back, right. 297 00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:10,480 Speaker 1: She needed maybe she needed help. Yeah, maybe she needed 298 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:13,200 Speaker 1: to say like, because it's hard you, I mean think 299 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:15,520 Speaker 1: about it. You probably still and you know you said 300 00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:17,920 Speaker 1: he's still you still think about him in that way. Well, 301 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,720 Speaker 1: I mean, I think if it wasn't in the public 302 00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:22,600 Speaker 1: eye and no one knew, I might have not been 303 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:26,280 Speaker 1: as strong as I as I was to know, like 304 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:29,280 Speaker 1: I'm embarrassed, everyone knows I need to leave. It could 305 00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:31,480 Speaker 1: have taken me a lot longer to be like, oh 306 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,200 Speaker 1: my god, he's still love my life. I love him, 307 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:34,840 Speaker 1: but I hate him, and you know, like I can 308 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:36,920 Speaker 1: work through this, I can change him. Maybe it helped 309 00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:39,960 Speaker 1: force me through that door on that. Let's take a 310 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:49,880 Speaker 1: little break, okay, all right, So I need to get 311 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:52,240 Speaker 1: back to some of these listener questions. So I figured 312 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:55,480 Speaker 1: we could just ping pong them go through and all right, 313 00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:58,440 Speaker 1: So the first one, what is the main reason why 314 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:05,400 Speaker 1: women cheat? Uh? For D I mean, maybe they're getting 315 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:09,040 Speaker 1: what they need from home and they're probably unhappy and 316 00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:11,760 Speaker 1: they're scared to talk to their husband. I think it's 317 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:14,720 Speaker 1: the same reason anyone cheats, I would agree. Um, I 318 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:18,280 Speaker 1: think with women it's an emotional disconnect for sure, or 319 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:20,200 Speaker 1: men just want to stick their p I think. I 320 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:22,240 Speaker 1: don't know, but I think with women, the women I 321 00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:25,800 Speaker 1: find that are unhappy their marriages are completely disconnected emotionally 322 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:28,640 Speaker 1: and they want a way out, or they then work 323 00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:31,600 Speaker 1: on the relationships. That's what's hard. Are they trying to 324 00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:35,280 Speaker 1: get their husband's attention, No, definitely don't. They don't want 325 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:38,360 Speaker 1: this attention in that moment. They want somebody else's attention. 326 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:40,400 Speaker 1: I don't know. I feel like I don't know if 327 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:44,080 Speaker 1: I'm all women are different. I feel like women cheat 328 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:46,240 Speaker 1: for the same reasons men cheat, were unfulfilled in some 329 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:49,800 Speaker 1: ways sexually or emotionally. Agreed, Okay, the next one is 330 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:51,920 Speaker 1: how do you stop being mad at yourself for not 331 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:55,200 Speaker 1: figuring it out sooner? You can't, you honestly you can't, 332 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,600 Speaker 1: and you just have to forgive yourself and you have 333 00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:00,520 Speaker 1: to you have to move on. I mean the longer, 334 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:02,760 Speaker 1: the longer we wait and the more we cry, the 335 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,359 Speaker 1: older we get and the more wrinkles we get. To 336 00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:06,399 Speaker 1: just move on already. Well, that leads us to the 337 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:08,600 Speaker 1: next question is how do you get over the betrayal 338 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,880 Speaker 1: and move on? And then the woman says our man. 339 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:13,480 Speaker 1: I don't know. I just can't stop replaying it over 340 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:15,840 Speaker 1: and over and over. Um. I don't think it ever 341 00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,800 Speaker 1: fully goes away. I think it's a part of your story. 342 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:21,200 Speaker 1: It's part of who you are now, and it will 343 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:23,200 Speaker 1: always be a part of your story. But you can 344 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:26,520 Speaker 1: you can forgive. You'll never forget. It's always gonna I mean, 345 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,280 Speaker 1: you're gonna look at your kids or look at something. 346 00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:31,000 Speaker 1: It's always you're gonna be reminded. But the best thing 347 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,520 Speaker 1: that you can do is just stay busy and you know, 348 00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:36,080 Speaker 1: put yourself into other things, take a class, you'll meet someone, 349 00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:38,840 Speaker 1: you'll have new memories. But I don't think it ever 350 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:42,560 Speaker 1: really add percent goes away. I agree with that. And 351 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:46,040 Speaker 1: then which leads us to is our narcissistic personalities a 352 00:17:46,119 --> 00:17:48,040 Speaker 1: common trait in a cheater. And we just recently did 353 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:51,080 Speaker 1: a podcast on narcissism. And I would say, for sure, yes, 354 00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:54,159 Speaker 1: because you don't have any empathy. And I think you 355 00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:57,760 Speaker 1: also you can add sociopaths. No, because there are a 356 00:17:57,760 --> 00:18:00,280 Speaker 1: lot of people that can be different people like just 357 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:02,840 Speaker 1: it's not saying this is my situation, but I have 358 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:06,400 Speaker 1: friends that like people are leaving leading like different lives 359 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:09,119 Speaker 1: and not feeling bad about him. And I have a 360 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:13,320 Speaker 1: girlfriend where she has a whole situation where the husband 361 00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:17,800 Speaker 1: has a whole family somewhere else and and blames her 362 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:22,080 Speaker 1: exactly and you are and it's like, well, you know 363 00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:24,200 Speaker 1: what you did blah blah blah blah, And she's like, 364 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,480 Speaker 1: you never mentioned blah blah blah and blah before I 365 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:29,440 Speaker 1: found out about your other life. That's what narcissists do. 366 00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:32,080 Speaker 1: They turn it around and make it like it was 367 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:35,960 Speaker 1: your fault that I cheated. Mean, wait, what, like, oh, 368 00:18:36,119 --> 00:18:39,880 Speaker 1: obviously it's my fault. Um? And then how do how 369 00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:43,160 Speaker 1: does the other woman justify being with a married man? 370 00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:45,879 Speaker 1: I mean, I don't. I feel like it's not you 371 00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:48,600 Speaker 1: can never justify it. But that said, you can't help 372 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:51,040 Speaker 1: who you fall in love with. It's not how it's 373 00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:55,040 Speaker 1: how you act after that happens. It's it's like, are 374 00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:56,840 Speaker 1: you gonna keep doing it or are you gonn know? 375 00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:58,439 Speaker 1: If you're gonna be together? You're gonna be together, But 376 00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:01,320 Speaker 1: if you're gonna, then punish the ex wife or it's 377 00:19:01,359 --> 00:19:03,879 Speaker 1: how you take it after the relationship is formed. And 378 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,320 Speaker 1: let's say you know Eddie Landard together, then let's say 379 00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:09,240 Speaker 1: you know what be remorseful, Say I'm sorry, don't say 380 00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:11,720 Speaker 1: I can't wait to give your kids, make your kids lunch, 381 00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:16,800 Speaker 1: and I yeah. A big thing that somebody was asking 382 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:20,000 Speaker 1: is other women seem to always get away with murder. 383 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,680 Speaker 1: They destroy a family and move on. How do people 384 00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:24,879 Speaker 1: live with this? Do you let karma take care of it? 385 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,320 Speaker 1: Or do you blast it all over the place. A 386 00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:30,440 Speaker 1: person once said to acknowledge the other woman only gives 387 00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:33,320 Speaker 1: her power, and then the person says, but I feel 388 00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:37,119 Speaker 1: like she deserves retribution. I don't. I always say it 389 00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:39,520 Speaker 1: takes two to tango. It's you have to look at 390 00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:42,800 Speaker 1: it's not just her. If he it's not like she 391 00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,280 Speaker 1: took his bands down, did what Maybe she did, but 392 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:48,920 Speaker 1: I mean he was part of the problem and he's 393 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:51,520 Speaker 1: in a marriage too, or like, it takes two to 394 00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:54,200 Speaker 1: tango at all times, and I feel like the other 395 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:58,480 Speaker 1: woman tends to get blamed for it. But if you 396 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,439 Speaker 1: really have to look, because you're an love with the 397 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,440 Speaker 1: person that you're with and you don't want to blame him, 398 00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:05,400 Speaker 1: you're like, oh, she's a husband stealer. No, he went 399 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:09,359 Speaker 1: I would I would definitely blame the husband first, my 400 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:12,920 Speaker 1: husband first, and then I would also go to there's 401 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,720 Speaker 1: probably something with this woman where she is getting off 402 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:18,840 Speaker 1: on knowing that she can get your husband. Of course, 403 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:22,399 Speaker 1: there's like it depends on the person, because I know 404 00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:27,600 Speaker 1: people that have have cheated and and survived and been okay, 405 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,160 Speaker 1: that are so remorseful and so like, oh my gosh, 406 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,800 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna step aside and let this happen. And 407 00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:36,000 Speaker 1: those are good, proper people. And then there's other people. 408 00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:38,760 Speaker 1: And then I find with like child stars in some 409 00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:42,280 Speaker 1: certain situations, narciss and all of that, they have this 410 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,840 Speaker 1: like then dead. I kind of like, oh yeah, I 411 00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:47,719 Speaker 1: got your man. I just it's a it's a child 412 00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:50,680 Speaker 1: like mentality. I think if they know the wife, which 413 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:53,639 Speaker 1: we read the statistics that most of the time it 414 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:57,879 Speaker 1: happens with somebody that knows you as a couple knows 415 00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:01,439 Speaker 1: the person. The statistic is actually they know let's say 416 00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:04,280 Speaker 1: it's a man. They know the man. It's not a stranger, 417 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:06,760 Speaker 1: but they may not know the couple. It could be 418 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,800 Speaker 1: somebody at work or a friend. But I don't have 419 00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:12,240 Speaker 1: the stats. If they know the woman, it's more that 420 00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:15,120 Speaker 1: they have a friendship or relationship with the man. They're 421 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:17,280 Speaker 1: not like but they raise a lady at the grocery. 422 00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:19,600 Speaker 1: But they know he's married. But it's not. It's not 423 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:22,000 Speaker 1: like they found him randomly on a dating site. We're 424 00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:24,040 Speaker 1: making that up because that wasn't in the stat But 425 00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:28,280 Speaker 1: if you listen to Ryan's roses a lot of times, 426 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:30,760 Speaker 1: I will tell you it is like the sister, like 427 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:33,840 Speaker 1: the girl knows the girl too. It is somebody that 428 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:35,720 Speaker 1: the woman knows as well. I mean I did get 429 00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:37,879 Speaker 1: repped up the other day on Ryan's roses. There was 430 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,639 Speaker 1: one about a guy who had told his wife he 431 00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:43,280 Speaker 1: had an awakening and that's why he needed to have 432 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:47,840 Speaker 1: a mattress on the floors seacrest. Ryan's roses just for 433 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:50,320 Speaker 1: people that are like, oh, yeah, you've got to listen. 434 00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:52,960 Speaker 1: You're gonna get hooked. The kids like every day on 435 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:55,159 Speaker 1: the way to school, like first ten years now we're like, 436 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:57,520 Speaker 1: oh my god, he's cheating for sure, we know, we 437 00:21:57,640 --> 00:22:03,480 Speaker 1: know he's lying. Oh no, he knows what Ryan's uncomfortable question. 438 00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:07,160 Speaker 1: But you led me to it because it was so public. 439 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:09,000 Speaker 1: Did you have to sit down with the kids and 440 00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:13,960 Speaker 1: explain because their teens now, well yes, they are teams. 441 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:17,280 Speaker 1: Um With Mason, he was six, so he remembers everything, 442 00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:20,119 Speaker 1: and he's, you know, they know now. I never I 443 00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:24,240 Speaker 1: really never. It's it is public. They know, but I 444 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:28,640 Speaker 1: never said and told them. It's just kind of I don't. 445 00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:31,080 Speaker 1: It's just I would never. I don't want to ever 446 00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:34,160 Speaker 1: put them off on their father because he's their father 447 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:37,520 Speaker 1: and vice versus. So they know everything now. And Jake's like, 448 00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:39,680 Speaker 1: if you were my wife, my youngest son, I would 449 00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:43,520 Speaker 1: never broken up with you, like oh, And so they're 450 00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:47,560 Speaker 1: aware and they definitely like they give me extra love 451 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:51,120 Speaker 1: and I love it, but um, yeah, I mean it's hard. 452 00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:54,640 Speaker 1: It's everything's on the internet, and my eldest he checks 453 00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:57,400 Speaker 1: all my my instagrams and it's like, I know when 454 00:22:57,400 --> 00:22:59,000 Speaker 1: you're doing it when someone else is doing for you, 455 00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:03,439 Speaker 1: Like yeah, I mean, so on that note, Uh, do 456 00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:06,000 Speaker 1: you believe that wants a cheater always a cheater? I 457 00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,600 Speaker 1: hope not. I think that people can screw up and 458 00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:11,560 Speaker 1: that you know. I think as men get older and 459 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:14,040 Speaker 1: they don't have the sex drive at the energy, they 460 00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:17,040 Speaker 1: get lazy and you're not trying to take a se alice. 461 00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:19,439 Speaker 1: I mean I feel like as they get older, like 462 00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:22,160 Speaker 1: in their sex drive goes down. Um, maybe they maybe 463 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:24,880 Speaker 1: they can chill. I think if they're willing to work 464 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:27,000 Speaker 1: on it and fully own up to it, then they 465 00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:29,840 Speaker 1: can change. But I think what oftentimes happens is they 466 00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:31,800 Speaker 1: brush it under the rug because they don't want anyone 467 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:33,840 Speaker 1: to know about it. And then if they brush it 468 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 1: under the rug and nobody finds out and nobody's really 469 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,040 Speaker 1: harmed and it, then they're going to do it again 470 00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:41,600 Speaker 1: because they're like, even even if their wife found out 471 00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:43,160 Speaker 1: and they had to work on it a little bit, 472 00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:46,600 Speaker 1: if they didn't really have to go through some hardships, 473 00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:50,360 Speaker 1: they're not going to change. And if it's a consistent pattern, 474 00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:55,159 Speaker 1: that's it's habitual, Like yeah, it's like come on, um, 475 00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:57,520 Speaker 1: all right. There are many married couples who cheat and 476 00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:00,280 Speaker 1: work it out. I find the person says, I find 477 00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:02,760 Speaker 1: that bizarre. How and why do they work it out? 478 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:05,719 Speaker 1: In my opinion is they're open and vulnerable and they 479 00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:10,240 Speaker 1: talk about it. I think if you hide within yourself, 480 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,639 Speaker 1: it's it's gonna eat you up. I think that it 481 00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:14,280 Speaker 1: can be worked out. It just depends on the It 482 00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:17,680 Speaker 1: depends on the couple. Everyone's different. It just really doesn't 483 00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:20,800 Speaker 1: and if you have kids or not, it really just 484 00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:24,200 Speaker 1: depends on how much one person can take. I felt 485 00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:26,359 Speaker 1: like I could have handled maybe the one don't cheat 486 00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:28,879 Speaker 1: on me if we're boyfriend girlfriend down the road, but 487 00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:32,200 Speaker 1: I could have handled after thirteen years there being one mistake, 488 00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:34,080 Speaker 1: like you know what, you slipped up, But then to 489 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,840 Speaker 1: find out it was habitual, I was like, you know what, 490 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:39,200 Speaker 1: it's going to keep happening to go. Yeah, it's it's 491 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:42,879 Speaker 1: exhausting to then try to catch them up every single time. Um, 492 00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:44,960 Speaker 1: this one, it's pretty obvious. They answer to me, why 493 00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:49,240 Speaker 1: do men find strippers so fascinating? I find strippers. I 494 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:52,040 Speaker 1: love them. I think they have fun and it's probably 495 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:55,040 Speaker 1: outside the norm of what they're getting at home. They 496 00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:59,160 Speaker 1: have glitter on, they smell good. Um, so many rights. 497 00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:03,359 Speaker 1: What about my husband texting other younger girls? Then no, 498 00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:07,119 Speaker 1: not good. Your husband shouldn't be texting any girls. The 499 00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:09,560 Speaker 1: word girls shouldn't be in the vocabulary for one, and 500 00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:15,240 Speaker 1: too no no, no, um, make it stop. Oh how 501 00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:20,320 Speaker 1: has being cheated on affected your dating life? Now? It's 502 00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:23,639 Speaker 1: it's really hard because, um, every guy that is my 503 00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:26,280 Speaker 1: age is dating a twenty year old. So I can 504 00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,879 Speaker 1: either date guys that are like thirty that asked me 505 00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:31,080 Speaker 1: out and then I'll be fifty and they'll be thirty 506 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:33,680 Speaker 1: two and I'll be like, look great, this sucks. Or 507 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,040 Speaker 1: the guy's eighty five and I can't do I can't 508 00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:40,560 Speaker 1: do old well. And I said, I think you could 509 00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:43,159 Speaker 1: say that on this podcast, but they'll be b it 510 00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:47,320 Speaker 1: out if need be. Um. Yeah, but do you have 511 00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:50,159 Speaker 1: when you have been in a relationship, do you have 512 00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:52,880 Speaker 1: different kind of trust issues than you maybe did before. Yeah, 513 00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:54,960 Speaker 1: for sure. I don't think that they ever really go away. 514 00:25:55,000 --> 00:26:00,200 Speaker 1: I think that when you're cheated on you, it's hard 515 00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:03,800 Speaker 1: because you we all have insecurities as it is, and 516 00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:06,280 Speaker 1: then they're just heightened and then you start to feel 517 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,639 Speaker 1: you you kind of I think everything back to that 518 00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:11,919 Speaker 1: relationship with someone cheated on you and you're like, okay, 519 00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:13,680 Speaker 1: so he's doing this, that's what he did. Is this 520 00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:18,280 Speaker 1: happening again? And I I will never be the same 521 00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:21,000 Speaker 1: person that I was as far as confidence goes in 522 00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:24,359 Speaker 1: a relationship and not having insecurities in a relationship. I 523 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:26,800 Speaker 1: was very confident with Eddie, you know, for a long time, 524 00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:29,240 Speaker 1: and then I started to get these you know, gut 525 00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:32,720 Speaker 1: feelings like something's wrong, and when you are in a 526 00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:35,240 Speaker 1: new relationship with somebody, else, are you vulnerable and kind 527 00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:37,600 Speaker 1: of open up about like, you know, I have new insecurities, 528 00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:39,040 Speaker 1: are gonna be a little bit crazy because of what 529 00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:41,080 Speaker 1: happened in my past? Or you just wait and let 530 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:45,560 Speaker 1: I did not show well, Unfortunately in my situation, everyone 531 00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:49,520 Speaker 1: knows I'm crazy. I have a very distinct situation because 532 00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:52,000 Speaker 1: if they can google me or they see old episodes 533 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:56,359 Speaker 1: of Housewives, they know him a little bit. That word crazy, 534 00:26:57,359 --> 00:27:04,520 Speaker 1: well you know, wonderful way. Um Okay. Another question, is 535 00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:08,920 Speaker 1: talking to someone online still consider cheating? Yes? Yes, if 536 00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:12,320 Speaker 1: you're asking the question, you are cheating. For those eight 537 00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:15,920 Speaker 1: percent of mail followers that follow me on the straight right, 538 00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:19,040 Speaker 1: we did have a lot. Didn't come to a definitive answer. 539 00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:22,879 Speaker 1: On flirting, I stay strong. On flirting is okay, flirting 540 00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:26,640 Speaker 1: with human nature. I think flirting like innocent flirting is okay. 541 00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:29,000 Speaker 1: We all need to know that we're desirable. But on 542 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:32,800 Speaker 1: text I think never okay. They shouldn't have your phone number, 543 00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:36,040 Speaker 1: hey babe, or are like you look pretty to anything 544 00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:40,040 Speaker 1: that is a no, no, no, there's altered but somebody 545 00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:42,280 Speaker 1: coming into the office and being like, well you got 546 00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:45,400 Speaker 1: a hot day tonight, I'm fine with that, or someone 547 00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:47,080 Speaker 1: makes a noise when you walk by, like oh girl, 548 00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:49,600 Speaker 1: I'm like you're gross, and I'm like, yes, I got it, stuff, 549 00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:52,600 Speaker 1: I got it. Though. That's kind of okay for me. 550 00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:55,800 Speaker 1: But if it turns over to becoming a text message, 551 00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:58,919 Speaker 1: becoming an email thing where you're flirting and it's written 552 00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:02,720 Speaker 1: to your phone, uber say to you via text, Eddy, 553 00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:06,800 Speaker 1: I saw your cute belly. But Easton isn't. Easton's our engineer. 554 00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:09,119 Speaker 1: He's right here, cute belly. I don't think it's like 555 00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:13,440 Speaker 1: it's flirting. If he was like, hey, Brandy, I saw 556 00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:17,000 Speaker 1: your hot ass, then I don't think that his girlfriend, 557 00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:20,960 Speaker 1: his wife as your wife, would be thrilled by the way. 558 00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:24,400 Speaker 1: It's just a wife. Don't worry if you're listening Easton's wife. 559 00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:27,720 Speaker 1: He didn't say that. He didn't say it not. I 560 00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:30,879 Speaker 1: don't think that's okay. No, I don't either. I feel 561 00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:33,359 Speaker 1: like there's some inness importations. But when it's somebody that 562 00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:35,919 Speaker 1: you see all the time, like you're in here all 563 00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:37,960 Speaker 1: the time you see him, then it can kind of 564 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:41,680 Speaker 1: be construed as like maybe the start of a relationship. 565 00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:44,960 Speaker 1: Like I have a girlfriend that whenever she sees my 566 00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:48,400 Speaker 1: husband kind of be like look at you don fan then, 567 00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:51,320 Speaker 1: and it's like so over the top, but I'm still like, 568 00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:54,680 Speaker 1: you're lucky. I like you because this is kind of obnoxious. 569 00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:58,160 Speaker 1: My brother's own all my friend's husbands like you're my brother, 570 00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:01,160 Speaker 1: like and like they're gross, Like I don't even look 571 00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:04,000 Speaker 1: at them in that way, like when they're like older. 572 00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:06,640 Speaker 1: Let's say, like certain people like ken Nur something like 573 00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:10,560 Speaker 1: oh like jokes like jumping around. It's fine because obviously 574 00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:13,440 Speaker 1: I have zero interest in that person. BLUs. I think 575 00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:15,440 Speaker 1: things also start to get cross. Like let's say you 576 00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:17,880 Speaker 1: were good friends with Edwin and then Edwin and I 577 00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:20,200 Speaker 1: were having an issue and he started texting you advice 578 00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:24,840 Speaker 1: about me. That is I mean red flags all around, 579 00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:27,400 Speaker 1: because then all of a sudden, you're forming a relationship 580 00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:30,880 Speaker 1: with somebody outside of me. Absolutely not, and that is 581 00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:32,920 Speaker 1: going to create something else, I'm telling you. Okay, So 582 00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:35,360 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna throw this out to you guys. So 583 00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:38,520 Speaker 1: there was fires here, So I will preface it with 584 00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:42,080 Speaker 1: there was fires and people were evacuated. So an ex 585 00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:45,080 Speaker 1: boyfriend of mine had to come sleep over at my house. 586 00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:48,160 Speaker 1: He has a girlfriend. Is that like a hard no 587 00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:50,640 Speaker 1: for you, guys? Or you guys like did he tell 588 00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:54,800 Speaker 1: his girlfriend? I don't know, but well did you're asking? No, 589 00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:57,560 Speaker 1: I don't care. I didn't. I'm just like, nothing happened. 590 00:29:57,600 --> 00:30:00,640 Speaker 1: So it's like, there's nothing to worry about, but for you, 591 00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:02,920 Speaker 1: you don't care. But if I was the girlfriend and 592 00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:05,560 Speaker 1: I found out that my boyfriend was staying at your 593 00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:07,960 Speaker 1: house and he didn't tell me, that's what I would 594 00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:10,120 Speaker 1: be pissed about. It's you don't want to be left 595 00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:12,960 Speaker 1: in the dark and find something out after the fact. 596 00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:15,000 Speaker 1: And the other thing I will say about texting, I 597 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:17,760 Speaker 1: like my best girlfriend twenty five years she lives in 598 00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:20,120 Speaker 1: San Diego. Her husband's one of my best friends to 599 00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:23,440 Speaker 1: I don't text him ever unless we're planning a birthday 600 00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:26,200 Speaker 1: party for her, Like there's no reason for him and 601 00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:28,720 Speaker 1: I to be telling a group text is fine, Like, 602 00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:30,720 Speaker 1: if you're all on it together and you want to 603 00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:34,480 Speaker 1: comment back and forth, there should be no one on 604 00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:37,000 Speaker 1: weird thing on that that I love your thoughts on. 605 00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:39,360 Speaker 1: So I went to college with a guy and we 606 00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:44,840 Speaker 1: are friends from college. He has a wife. I'm friends 607 00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:47,240 Speaker 1: with her, but he's really my friend and I text 608 00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:50,440 Speaker 1: with him all the time. Are you guys weirded? Out 609 00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:53,640 Speaker 1: by that have you met the wife and she's in it? Oh, 610 00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:55,920 Speaker 1: I totally. I mean she knows we text all the time. 611 00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:59,560 Speaker 1: Then I think that's That's what I'm saying. Younger relationships 612 00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:01,760 Speaker 1: that start and you know, like I have two friends 613 00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:03,240 Speaker 1: that I grew up from high school that are still 614 00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:05,320 Speaker 1: my friends. They texted when they're in town, Hey, you 615 00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:07,800 Speaker 1: want to grab dinner. That being said, I'm not going 616 00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:10,480 Speaker 1: to grab dinner with them without my husband. I'm personally 617 00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:13,640 Speaker 1: uncomfortable with it. Wouldn't I wouldn't do that, but I 618 00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:16,160 Speaker 1: think it's okay for other people in their relationships. I'm 619 00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:18,760 Speaker 1: not comfortable because of what has happened to me in 620 00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:22,239 Speaker 1: my past. And also, like I just, I would never 621 00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:24,640 Speaker 1: want there to be any question. And I have friends 622 00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:28,200 Speaker 1: that have husbands that are douche bags, and it's like 623 00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:31,720 Speaker 1: I just it's it's murky waters, which kind of leads 624 00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:33,480 Speaker 1: me to the next topic, which a lot of people 625 00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:36,280 Speaker 1: are asking about. So I've been very vocal about the 626 00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:40,240 Speaker 1: fact that like I my husband, he is on like 627 00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:42,680 Speaker 1: I have his like on fine my friends, he has 628 00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:45,360 Speaker 1: my passwords to my phone. I have passwords to his phone. 629 00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:48,000 Speaker 1: We are an open book. That being said, I'm not 630 00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:51,680 Speaker 1: often checking it, but we have that option, and people 631 00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:54,360 Speaker 1: are like, that's crazy, that's an invasion of privacy. But 632 00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:57,040 Speaker 1: then today I did a poll and it's actually fifty fifty. 633 00:31:57,680 --> 00:32:01,360 Speaker 1: In my opinion, I have nothing that I ever need 634 00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:04,760 Speaker 1: to worry about that's on my phone. If your spouse 635 00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:09,600 Speaker 1: or significant other has a real issue with passing that over, 636 00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:12,720 Speaker 1: there's an issue. What do you think People are like, Teddy, 637 00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:15,400 Speaker 1: you're just stalker like and I'm like, no, I just 638 00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:17,520 Speaker 1: this is who I am. I think it's an individual 639 00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:20,480 Speaker 1: thing because I have like everyone, all of my friends 640 00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:22,840 Speaker 1: have my passwords to everything. I'm like, if you want 641 00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:24,360 Speaker 1: to post something, go ahead, like can I put this 642 00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:25,560 Speaker 1: up on? Like I don't know how to do it? 643 00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:29,160 Speaker 1: Go ahead? And even my guy friends I've not asked 644 00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:32,240 Speaker 1: for I haven't. I haven't had like a a full 645 00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:35,320 Speaker 1: on boyfriend boyfriend in a long time, so I haven't 646 00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:37,960 Speaker 1: been comfortable enough to ask anyone. And we didn't really 647 00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:40,760 Speaker 1: have social media back when Eddie and I were together. 648 00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:43,640 Speaker 1: So I mean, thank God, and like for me, and 649 00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:45,600 Speaker 1: I know people are gonna be like, you're just saying that, 650 00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:48,120 Speaker 1: but like, for me find my friends is very helpful. 651 00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:51,360 Speaker 1: Because my husband is chronically late. Like he'll be like, hey, 652 00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:52,840 Speaker 1: I'll be there in ten minutes, and then I'll like 653 00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:55,360 Speaker 1: texas assistant, She'll be like, you just left the that's 654 00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:56,800 Speaker 1: also what you do for a living. You have to 655 00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:58,880 Speaker 1: you're accountable and not only for you, for your husband, 656 00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:00,440 Speaker 1: for your kids, like you have to be acountable for 657 00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:02,560 Speaker 1: your whole family. But then now I have the app 658 00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:04,280 Speaker 1: and I can just say, oh, great, he's left the 659 00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:07,320 Speaker 1: office fourteen minutes ago. He'll be home in twenty minutes. Like, yes, 660 00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:10,160 Speaker 1: I get it. I see both sides. But I also 661 00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:14,200 Speaker 1: think if you are so against somebody having any act 662 00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:18,800 Speaker 1: that shall protest too much or whatever it is. Like 663 00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:20,880 Speaker 1: I have friends who their husbands are texting like this, 664 00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:23,320 Speaker 1: like they have their phone covered, like they bear, like 665 00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:26,479 Speaker 1: they have the black out screen. I'm like, really, now, 666 00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:28,440 Speaker 1: I want to look at your husband's friend and like 667 00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:30,160 Speaker 1: I have I don't even have skin in this game. 668 00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:32,800 Speaker 1: But I have one girlfriend that has like the location 669 00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:35,760 Speaker 1: shared for her husband and he's like, she constantly checks 670 00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:38,040 Speaker 1: the location. I do this to my children. I feel 671 00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:41,160 Speaker 1: like that's a little bit well because they've had infidelity 672 00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:43,840 Speaker 1: issues in the past, so I understand why she would 673 00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:45,680 Speaker 1: want to know, but I would not personally want to 674 00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:48,640 Speaker 1: live that way. I don't want to have to keep somebody, 675 00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:51,600 Speaker 1: keep track of somebody other than my children, and wonder 676 00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:53,760 Speaker 1: like where is he? Why is it not moved? And 677 00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:55,440 Speaker 1: I know he's in a different place, what is he doing? 678 00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:57,440 Speaker 1: What app does he have? Like Yeah, I feel like 679 00:33:57,520 --> 00:33:59,680 Speaker 1: that's a that's a different way if you're doing it 680 00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:03,040 Speaker 1: as the means to make sure that your relationship is 681 00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:07,720 Speaker 1: on track after there's been a problem, a problem, I 682 00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:10,160 Speaker 1: think that it can become almost an addiction. It is, 683 00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:13,200 Speaker 1: it is, I mean, it's it's horrible, and I feel 684 00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:14,719 Speaker 1: for her and she probably should have been out of 685 00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:16,120 Speaker 1: the marriage a long time ago and we talked about 686 00:34:16,120 --> 00:34:20,319 Speaker 1: this her and I so sorry, but yeah, I mean 687 00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:22,560 Speaker 1: you are. I think it really depends on like setting 688 00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:25,200 Speaker 1: the boundaries from the beginning, Like I from the beginning said, 689 00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:26,719 Speaker 1: like I'm the type of person where like if I 690 00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:28,319 Speaker 1: want to see your phone, I want you to. I'm 691 00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:31,080 Speaker 1: not the most trusting person in life, right No, Like 692 00:34:31,239 --> 00:34:33,200 Speaker 1: I've you know the way I was, you know everything, 693 00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:34,960 Speaker 1: Like I that's just who I am. I meet a 694 00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:37,360 Speaker 1: new friend, I'm not immediately like sharing all my deepest, 695 00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:39,719 Speaker 1: darkest secrets with them, I am like it takes me 696 00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:43,200 Speaker 1: a while. So I mean I am not the most 697 00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:45,719 Speaker 1: trusting person, But I also don't wouldn't want to live 698 00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:48,320 Speaker 1: my life in a panic constantly. See, I trust with 699 00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:50,960 Speaker 1: friends like I trust like everyone, I mean, like I 700 00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:53,240 Speaker 1: love them, are so great, and then I get burned. 701 00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:57,600 Speaker 1: But with guys like romantically, I'm the opposite. It's very weird. 702 00:34:58,239 --> 00:35:00,320 Speaker 1: I don't know why that is. I think I would 703 00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:03,640 Speaker 1: rather trust these people in my life and get burned 704 00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:07,240 Speaker 1: and like always be on high alert. Believe me, sometimes 705 00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:09,120 Speaker 1: it sucks always being on high alert. Like I meet 706 00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:11,320 Speaker 1: somebody immediately, I'm like, what are they going to do 707 00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:14,319 Speaker 1: to me? Like a founder coat on it all time. 708 00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:16,399 Speaker 1: But I'm like that dog is on high alert all 709 00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:19,759 Speaker 1: the time. I'm your dog, you know what I mean, 710 00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:22,800 Speaker 1: He's always like, what's gonna happen? Down? So I have 711 00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:24,439 Speaker 1: this weird thing, and I know we have to break, 712 00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:26,400 Speaker 1: But I have this weird thing where when I meet somebody, 713 00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:29,279 Speaker 1: I can feel like some kind of energy and I'm like, 714 00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:32,000 Speaker 1: like I'll know if somebody's about to get a divorce, 715 00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:35,120 Speaker 1: if somebody's pregnant. And people think I'm crazy, but I'll 716 00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:36,960 Speaker 1: tell one person. I'll be like, hey, just so you know, 717 00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:39,399 Speaker 1: I can feel this, and then it'll happen. I'm like, why, 718 00:35:39,719 --> 00:35:41,600 Speaker 1: this is why I have to be the way I am, 719 00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:44,600 Speaker 1: because I can truly feel when it's happening. But okay, yeah, 720 00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:55,359 Speaker 1: I digress. I guess we'll take another break. So we're 721 00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:57,680 Speaker 1: about to get Katie from West Side. Nancy's on who 722 00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:01,640 Speaker 1: we're speaking to because of you know, what's recently been 723 00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:04,799 Speaker 1: going on with Jim and Megan Edmonds, but truthfully, what's 724 00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:06,160 Speaker 1: been going on for a long time. I mean I 725 00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:09,560 Speaker 1: just did a Google search of celebrity men who were 726 00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:15,000 Speaker 1: allegedly with Nanny's or somebody that works in Yeah, Ethan Hawk, 727 00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:18,400 Speaker 1: Robin Williams, John Goslin, Kevin Rosdell, Arnold Schwartzenegger, like it. 728 00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:22,560 Speaker 1: There is so many that it almost feels like an epidemic. 729 00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:25,640 Speaker 1: So I feel like, yeah, I feel like, um, let's 730 00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:28,920 Speaker 1: get her on and start grilling her. Poor thing. She 731 00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:33,040 Speaker 1: doesn't know what's coming out. Great. Hello, Hi, how are you? 732 00:36:33,480 --> 00:36:35,920 Speaker 1: I'm good? Thanks, how are you? Thanks for joining us? 733 00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:38,440 Speaker 1: Of course with my pleasure, thanks for having me on 734 00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:42,160 Speaker 1: the show so out of curiosity, I know I can't 735 00:36:42,239 --> 00:36:46,960 Speaker 1: ask you know some of the deeper questions. But in 736 00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:51,760 Speaker 1: your experience, when it comes to placing nanny's inside of homes, 737 00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:55,120 Speaker 1: do you have to do you have a conversation with 738 00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:58,480 Speaker 1: the wife or the husband, like what would you like 739 00:36:58,560 --> 00:37:03,400 Speaker 1: the nanny to look like? Well, we have had some 740 00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:07,840 Speaker 1: requests regarding that um in the past, but our conversation 741 00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:10,440 Speaker 1: with parents is really like luck, it doesn't matter what 742 00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:13,000 Speaker 1: nanny looks like. It matters how great cheats with the kids. 743 00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:15,880 Speaker 1: So we've had parents requests pretty nanny's. We've also had 744 00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:18,560 Speaker 1: the requests ugly nannies for moms that are worried about 745 00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:21,479 Speaker 1: that UM. But the conversation we always go to his looks. 746 00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:24,239 Speaker 1: You can't discriminate based upon what simple looks like. It's 747 00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:27,879 Speaker 1: a protected characteristic and the reality is it shouldn't matter. UM. 748 00:37:28,239 --> 00:37:30,439 Speaker 1: You have to look for the nanny to scrape your kids, 749 00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:33,080 Speaker 1: that loves children, that's passionate about her job. That's really 750 00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:36,920 Speaker 1: what matters. But the statistics are there, it doesn't matter 751 00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:38,640 Speaker 1: because if you have a pretty nanny in the house, 752 00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:41,600 Speaker 1: Like if we just write down a bunch of celebrity 753 00:37:41,680 --> 00:37:44,640 Speaker 1: males that have cheated with their nanny's that were attractive, 754 00:37:44,719 --> 00:37:47,959 Speaker 1: So I think it does matter. I mean that being said, 755 00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:50,359 Speaker 1: I think it does matter too. But also there has 756 00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:52,319 Speaker 1: been men that have cheated with their nanny's when they're 757 00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:55,560 Speaker 1: not attractive nanny's. So if you want to cheat, you 758 00:37:55,719 --> 00:37:57,960 Speaker 1: kind of want to cheat regardless whole. As a whole, 759 00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:03,160 Speaker 1: cheaters are going to cheat. But I will say that 760 00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:05,920 Speaker 1: I don't really think it's about what nannie looks like. 761 00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:07,800 Speaker 1: I think there are other issues going on there. What 762 00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:12,120 Speaker 1: we talked to families about. Really it's boundaries because you know, 763 00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:15,920 Speaker 1: wearing the mate movements beat your special breastment claims. Parents 764 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:18,320 Speaker 1: need to be careful. Um. You know, if you have 765 00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:20,960 Speaker 1: an employee in your house, you need to be appropriate 766 00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:23,080 Speaker 1: and remember that it's a workplace. So what does that 767 00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:26,279 Speaker 1: look like? That means that Dad can't be going around 768 00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:29,160 Speaker 1: newterin is underwear and neither get mom for that. You 769 00:38:29,239 --> 00:38:31,520 Speaker 1: know the reason you have to remember that your home 770 00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:34,520 Speaker 1: is a workplace and so you have to do things 771 00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:36,320 Speaker 1: that you might not do in your home. You have 772 00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:39,400 Speaker 1: to remember that you have an employee. She's going to 773 00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:42,359 Speaker 1: work there. She can't be seeing those kind of things. Um, 774 00:38:42,600 --> 00:38:45,480 Speaker 1: and speaking as you should be having conversations about inappropriate 775 00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:49,279 Speaker 1: things either. So I think that what happens sometimes is 776 00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:53,040 Speaker 1: boundaries really good costs sometimes from both sides, and parents 777 00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:55,680 Speaker 1: get too familiar with their nanny because it's their home 778 00:38:55,920 --> 00:38:58,879 Speaker 1: and it feels different than maybe a secretary or someone 779 00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:01,680 Speaker 1: working at your office, because it's a very intimate relationship. 780 00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:04,319 Speaker 1: But you really just have to remember to maintain those 781 00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:07,200 Speaker 1: boundaries that it does never go further than that. I mean, 782 00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:11,280 Speaker 1: do you even think there's a reason why a dad 783 00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:14,360 Speaker 1: should be going to any sort of event with the 784 00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:19,520 Speaker 1: nanny if the children aren't there. No, I don't any 785 00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:23,800 Speaker 1: should be with the kids, Like I can't even imagine, Like, 786 00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:26,759 Speaker 1: do doesn't need a nanny? Yeah, dad doesn't. It's a 787 00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:32,000 Speaker 1: really good point. Sometimes I might need to get my 788 00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:36,840 Speaker 1: husband a nanny. Yeah, exactly. Being said, nanny do frequently 789 00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:39,799 Speaker 1: go to events the families because they're in the public eye. 790 00:39:40,239 --> 00:39:43,000 Speaker 1: If you're going to a function and you're bringing your 791 00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:45,200 Speaker 1: three kids into you're only sally gonna help or it's 792 00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:47,239 Speaker 1: not going to be an enjoyable that for you. So 793 00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:50,480 Speaker 1: nanny to frequently go to events and outing the country 794 00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:53,319 Speaker 1: club whatever with their nanny. That's really common. But there's 795 00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:55,920 Speaker 1: absolutely no calling for a nanny to go just with 796 00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:58,440 Speaker 1: a parent alone to really anything, unless she's an as 797 00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:00,520 Speaker 1: system of some sort. Yeah. I mean, I've had my 798 00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:03,480 Speaker 1: mommy's helper go with my husband and the kids. It's 799 00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:05,440 Speaker 1: like they're going to a roller skating party, and I'm like, 800 00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:07,919 Speaker 1: my husband can't be with three kids at the roller 801 00:40:07,960 --> 00:40:11,960 Speaker 1: skating party and not injure himself and them. But you're 802 00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:13,960 Speaker 1: aware of it. I'm aware of I am setting it 803 00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:16,960 Speaker 1: all up. If Edwin was like, Hey, me and Dan 804 00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:19,040 Speaker 1: are hitting up the roller skating rink with the kids later, 805 00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:22,640 Speaker 1: I'd be like, oh, you're making plans with Dana. Why 806 00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:25,520 Speaker 1: you went off the group chat? Like we're on a 807 00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:27,960 Speaker 1: group chat, the three we have a shared calendar, all 808 00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:31,759 Speaker 1: of the information. So I think any time. I don't know, 809 00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:34,879 Speaker 1: but maybe I'm just crazy, But like, I don't want 810 00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:37,880 Speaker 1: Edwin making all those plans. But where is So it's 811 00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:40,400 Speaker 1: funny because where where is it? So the nanny has 812 00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:41,960 Speaker 1: to be able to get ahold of both of you, 813 00:40:42,080 --> 00:40:43,640 Speaker 1: and so you have to be able to get ahold 814 00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:45,920 Speaker 1: of both of her. Do you then always have to 815 00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:49,120 Speaker 1: put the other person, the husband or wife on the text. 816 00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:52,160 Speaker 1: It's it's a weird fine line because and a lot 817 00:40:52,239 --> 00:40:55,320 Speaker 1: of women pal around with their nanny's and so it 818 00:40:55,440 --> 00:40:56,960 Speaker 1: is a little bit of a double standard because I 819 00:40:57,040 --> 00:40:59,000 Speaker 1: know women that go shopping with the nanny while the 820 00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:05,680 Speaker 1: kids are at school. Yeah, but that's definitely have gone again. 821 00:41:06,280 --> 00:41:08,239 Speaker 1: I mean, I think it's fine to text fananny, husband 822 00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:10,719 Speaker 1: or wife on your own when it's about the kids. 823 00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:13,480 Speaker 1: I think just setting up those appropriate boundaries is so important, 824 00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:16,400 Speaker 1: and I really think just really keeping that front of 825 00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:18,880 Speaker 1: mine that you have to be appropriate. So for example, 826 00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:22,600 Speaker 1: you know, if you're someone that gets too familiar, can 827 00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:24,959 Speaker 1: come off flirty after a couple of glasses of wine, 828 00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:27,080 Speaker 1: then you don't drink when your nanny is there, Like, 829 00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:30,400 Speaker 1: you just have to be more mindful, yes, or absolutely 830 00:41:30,440 --> 00:41:34,120 Speaker 1: because it's someone's workplace. So if that's your issue, if 831 00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:37,279 Speaker 1: you get too flirty or familiar after you drink a couple, 832 00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:40,520 Speaker 1: then you shouldn't be drinking around your nanny. Like, you know, 833 00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:44,520 Speaker 1: the boundaries have to stay intact. And also even you 834 00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:47,320 Speaker 1: mentioned that some moms are close to bananny. That's so true. 835 00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:49,879 Speaker 1: Sometimes a lot of times we hire someone we want 836 00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:52,719 Speaker 1: to spend time with um, but at the same time, 837 00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:55,719 Speaker 1: you have to maintain that boundary. Mom shouldn't be talking 838 00:41:55,760 --> 00:41:59,640 Speaker 1: to Fanny about anything inappropriate to their husband, sex life, 839 00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:03,719 Speaker 1: her her dates. You know that's totally inappropriate. And also 840 00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:05,759 Speaker 1: don't ask for Nanny to share that information with you. 841 00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:08,200 Speaker 1: Just really keep that line if you wouldn't do it 842 00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:10,320 Speaker 1: at the office at your workplace, and you shouldn't be 843 00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:15,080 Speaker 1: talked about like the employer employee. I know. I have 844 00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:18,479 Speaker 1: learned through experience. The closer that you get with people 845 00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:20,640 Speaker 1: that work with you, the harder it is to tell 846 00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:22,040 Speaker 1: them what to do. Yeah, to tell them what to 847 00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:24,920 Speaker 1: do and then also maintain proper boundaries when you need them. 848 00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:28,120 Speaker 1: And yeah, and I think you know, and I expect 849 00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:30,680 Speaker 1: her to maintain them with you. So a lot of 850 00:42:30,719 --> 00:42:33,440 Speaker 1: times they'll see what you do and then they'll think, oh, 851 00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:35,960 Speaker 1: that's okay, she's talking to me about that. Then I 852 00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:37,440 Speaker 1: can talk to her about the party, want to on 853 00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:39,800 Speaker 1: party night? And the reality is you don't. You just 854 00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:41,239 Speaker 1: don't want to go there. You want to keep it 855 00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:43,400 Speaker 1: about the kids. That's important. That's what her job is 856 00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:46,239 Speaker 1: and maintain that professionalism. So yes, you could say, oh, 857 00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:49,000 Speaker 1: you know, I saw you relate today. I really do 858 00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:51,320 Speaker 1: need you to be here on time. That conversation is 859 00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:54,759 Speaker 1: a lot more awkward if you cross boundaries so many times. 860 00:42:55,239 --> 00:42:58,560 Speaker 1: And we're talking a lot about women nanny's, but what 861 00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:01,720 Speaker 1: about men nannies. Do you find this becoming a problem 862 00:43:01,920 --> 00:43:05,640 Speaker 1: with the moms or is this solely an issue with 863 00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:11,279 Speaker 1: dad's and nanny's I would have said that we're seeing 864 00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:14,080 Speaker 1: it an issue either way with with men either. I 865 00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:16,640 Speaker 1: think these are stories that are in the media, but 866 00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:20,719 Speaker 1: it's definitely not um you know, something that's going on frequently, 867 00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:24,640 Speaker 1: and it's never something fortunately that we've experienced. We have 868 00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:28,439 Speaker 1: experienced some parents being too flirty and saying some inappropriate things, 869 00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:30,719 Speaker 1: and sometimes the nies have left as a result of it, 870 00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:33,760 Speaker 1: and that's really sad because then it puts the children 871 00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:36,279 Speaker 1: in a place where they've just lost one of their caregivers, 872 00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:39,040 Speaker 1: and the parents isn't a place where they no longer 873 00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:41,640 Speaker 1: have care and they have to scramble and kind of 874 00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:44,480 Speaker 1: make plans. So I just think staying appropriate it is 875 00:43:44,560 --> 00:43:47,680 Speaker 1: so important, even off hand comments that aren't meant to 876 00:43:47,719 --> 00:43:50,080 Speaker 1: be anything I wouldn't want them take in the wrong way. 877 00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:51,680 Speaker 1: So you do have to really be careful. But I 878 00:43:51,719 --> 00:43:57,600 Speaker 1: don't see it as a trend in the industry. Do 879 00:43:57,719 --> 00:44:02,040 Speaker 1: you think the nanny's would tell you we too, we 880 00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:03,920 Speaker 1: have nanny is to call us and let us know, Look, 881 00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:06,160 Speaker 1: look dat got to thirty last night. It was inappropriate. 882 00:44:06,600 --> 00:44:11,160 Speaker 1: I mean, if they're actually having an affair. Yeah, not 883 00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:14,239 Speaker 1: if it's being inappropriate like somebody speaking to them, But 884 00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:16,399 Speaker 1: if they're actually in the affair, I don't think they're 885 00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:17,640 Speaker 1: gonna be like, you know what, I'm gonna call my 886 00:44:17,719 --> 00:44:19,880 Speaker 1: agency and let them know what I'm doing. And then 887 00:44:19,960 --> 00:44:22,879 Speaker 1: also if they do, like with Jim Edmonds, like he's 888 00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:25,480 Speaker 1: obviously being inappropriate with the nanny, what does that do 889 00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:27,560 Speaker 1: to you? How does that fall back on you as 890 00:44:27,600 --> 00:44:30,360 Speaker 1: the agency to put the nanny in the situation. Is 891 00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:35,640 Speaker 1: that any reflection on you? Do you get sued? No? Fortunately, 892 00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:38,400 Speaker 1: we reflecting on us, but it isn't definitely a reflection 893 00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:41,000 Speaker 1: of their poor choices. And that could really affect a 894 00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:43,640 Speaker 1: nanny's career. I don't think she would want to be 895 00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:45,600 Speaker 1: you know, another family would probably want to employ her 896 00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:47,520 Speaker 1: after she's made a decision like that that was so 897 00:44:47,640 --> 00:44:51,800 Speaker 1: inappropriate and really and just you know, not respectful of 898 00:44:51,840 --> 00:44:55,040 Speaker 1: the boundaries of her position, but also on the family side. 899 00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:57,360 Speaker 1: If it gets out like that, they're probably gonna have 900 00:44:57,400 --> 00:44:59,319 Speaker 1: trouble finding someone that wants to work to them. We're 901 00:44:59,320 --> 00:45:00,759 Speaker 1: an agency that a place in me an in that 902 00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:03,200 Speaker 1: position because it is a dangerous position to be in 903 00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:05,720 Speaker 1: if an employee has to be worried about you sexually 904 00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:08,560 Speaker 1: crossing them. So it really can't affect the family, and 905 00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:11,239 Speaker 1: it can affect nanny's career too. And do you think that, 906 00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:12,960 Speaker 1: I mean, I hate to ask this, but do you 907 00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:19,160 Speaker 1: think the kids know? Well? I can't imagine what that 908 00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:21,400 Speaker 1: would be like, because they did, and that would be 909 00:45:21,480 --> 00:45:24,120 Speaker 1: really truly horrific on so many levels. And when I 910 00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:26,400 Speaker 1: hear these stories come out, it's just so sad to me. 911 00:45:26,520 --> 00:45:28,800 Speaker 1: Looks for the parents and the kids and everyone involved. 912 00:45:29,719 --> 00:45:32,000 Speaker 1: And people just need to learn that they have to 913 00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:34,560 Speaker 1: make the right choices, even if maybe they feel differently 914 00:45:34,600 --> 00:45:36,480 Speaker 1: in the moment, because if the people are in the 915 00:45:36,520 --> 00:45:39,719 Speaker 1: public eye, like Arnold Sourseninger or Megan and like, the 916 00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:42,320 Speaker 1: kids will know someday one day they're going to go 917 00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:44,200 Speaker 1: they're like, Oh, that girl used to make me lunch. 918 00:45:45,280 --> 00:45:48,279 Speaker 1: I don't think it's about the nanny. I think it's 919 00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:51,000 Speaker 1: about you know, if you are in the public eye 920 00:45:51,640 --> 00:45:55,080 Speaker 1: seeing your parents or even magazine saying they're they're having 921 00:45:55,120 --> 00:45:57,879 Speaker 1: an affair. It's so hurtful and damaging. I mean, even 922 00:45:57,960 --> 00:46:00,520 Speaker 1: if you're not in the public eye. I think that 923 00:46:00,760 --> 00:46:06,040 Speaker 1: my kids are more aware of a personality or what 924 00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:09,040 Speaker 1: things that people say than anybody. Like my kids are 925 00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:13,160 Speaker 1: very intuitive, or they're like, over she seems sad, is 926 00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:15,960 Speaker 1: your friend? So many things. They pick up on so 927 00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:19,040 Speaker 1: many things, even our just attitudes. If we're stressed out, 928 00:46:19,040 --> 00:46:22,000 Speaker 1: our kids pick up on that. So so if there's 929 00:46:22,040 --> 00:46:27,880 Speaker 1: sexual tension, you're happy, they're going to feel it. Well. Absolutely, 930 00:46:28,360 --> 00:46:30,200 Speaker 1: that's a crazy thing to think about. But thank you 931 00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:33,560 Speaker 1: so much for talking to us. And I promise if 932 00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:35,800 Speaker 1: I if I end up hiring you, I need the 933 00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:37,960 Speaker 1: new one. We'll be good in my house. We'll keep 934 00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:45,480 Speaker 1: it kosher. Just find someone very very very undertracted, unattractive 935 00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:48,480 Speaker 1: but nice to be around for the woman, good personality. 936 00:46:50,600 --> 00:47:02,120 Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Quite okay, So now 937 00:47:02,239 --> 00:47:06,000 Speaker 1: we are back with Maya Mollammed and she runs the 938 00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:10,440 Speaker 1: make Love Revolution blog. By finding a way to deeply 939 00:47:10,520 --> 00:47:15,399 Speaker 1: connect with the significant other through sex, Maya gives awareness 940 00:47:15,719 --> 00:47:20,560 Speaker 1: on how to revolutionize your sex lives well give it 941 00:47:20,640 --> 00:47:23,960 Speaker 1: to us right now. I think you're well, what do 942 00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:27,480 Speaker 1: you want to know? Well, can you kind of explain 943 00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:31,759 Speaker 1: to us the uh, polyamory versus monogamy? How do you 944 00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:35,680 Speaker 1: know which is right for you? Um? Yeah, of course. 945 00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:38,360 Speaker 1: So there's quite a few things that you need to 946 00:47:38,560 --> 00:47:43,000 Speaker 1: consider when you are looking into the aspect of polyamorous 947 00:47:43,120 --> 00:47:47,320 Speaker 1: or non monogamy. Um. Because as you said, it's not 948 00:47:47,480 --> 00:47:50,239 Speaker 1: going to suit everyone. The most important thing is to 949 00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:54,120 Speaker 1: bring awareness to it. So obviously both partners need to 950 00:47:54,239 --> 00:47:56,920 Speaker 1: consider it and see if that's if it suits them 951 00:47:57,040 --> 00:48:01,600 Speaker 1: individually and then also what what it's gonna do to 952 00:48:01,680 --> 00:48:05,600 Speaker 1: their relationship as a whole. So some things that people 953 00:48:05,719 --> 00:48:08,520 Speaker 1: need to look at is firstly, and I think this 954 00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:11,800 Speaker 1: is the thing that most people are concerned with, this jealousy. 955 00:48:13,040 --> 00:48:15,640 Speaker 1: So you need to look at your own patterns of 956 00:48:15,840 --> 00:48:18,640 Speaker 1: what makes what triggers your jealousy, you know, thinking of 957 00:48:18,719 --> 00:48:21,040 Speaker 1: your partner being with someone else, How are you going 958 00:48:21,080 --> 00:48:23,640 Speaker 1: to react to that. I mean, some people are actually 959 00:48:23,719 --> 00:48:26,560 Speaker 1: excited by it. Some people it's a very big turn 960 00:48:26,640 --> 00:48:30,200 Speaker 1: on for them, but other people don't mind, and other 961 00:48:30,280 --> 00:48:35,040 Speaker 1: people actually do get jealous. It's quite common. So if 962 00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:37,920 Speaker 1: you are the type that you know that you might 963 00:48:37,960 --> 00:48:39,920 Speaker 1: get jealous. It's something that you need to work on 964 00:48:40,200 --> 00:48:47,480 Speaker 1: the way before you even consider non monogamy. How common 965 00:48:47,800 --> 00:48:50,600 Speaker 1: common is it for somebody just to not have any jealousy? 966 00:48:50,680 --> 00:48:53,719 Speaker 1: And doesn't that mean you just don't like the person? No, 967 00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:58,560 Speaker 1: not necessarily. Actually, some people are turned on by knowing 968 00:48:58,640 --> 00:49:01,800 Speaker 1: that their partner is things someone else. It's it's quite common. 969 00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:05,160 Speaker 1: It's not the norm, but it happens a lot behind 970 00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:08,960 Speaker 1: their back or no, not not, Well, it depends on 971 00:49:09,040 --> 00:49:12,759 Speaker 1: the person. But yeah, some people think it's a big 972 00:49:12,840 --> 00:49:16,160 Speaker 1: turn on knowing that their partner is seeing other people. Yeah, 973 00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:23,080 Speaker 1: well that's so. Well. Look, I think, um, what I 974 00:49:23,160 --> 00:49:25,840 Speaker 1: wrote in the article, which is my next point, is 975 00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:31,759 Speaker 1: that our society is quite quite sure that monogamy is 976 00:49:31,840 --> 00:49:35,080 Speaker 1: the way to go. But that is relatively a new thing. 977 00:49:35,400 --> 00:49:39,240 Speaker 1: We haven't experienced it for you know, tons and tons 978 00:49:39,320 --> 00:49:44,920 Speaker 1: of generations. Actually, biologically speaking, not many mammals. Mammals are 979 00:49:45,040 --> 00:49:49,920 Speaker 1: monogamous at all. And from a historical point of view, 980 00:49:50,000 --> 00:49:53,960 Speaker 1: if you look at prehistorical societies and through evidence of 981 00:49:54,640 --> 00:49:59,480 Speaker 1: you know, um, indigenous tribes all over the world, monogamy 982 00:49:59,560 --> 00:50:03,080 Speaker 1: the way we practice it today doesn't actually happen very 983 00:50:03,160 --> 00:50:07,480 Speaker 1: often to say, maybe not even at all. So different 984 00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:12,080 Speaker 1: types of relationships would be having a main partner for 985 00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:16,800 Speaker 1: being the companionship and to help you raise your children, 986 00:50:17,280 --> 00:50:21,440 Speaker 1: but not excuse me, not necessarily to have sexual relationship 987 00:50:21,560 --> 00:50:25,600 Speaker 1: with and definitely not for fifty or years, you know. 988 00:50:25,880 --> 00:50:29,080 Speaker 1: So people never used to live that long, and even 989 00:50:29,480 --> 00:50:33,839 Speaker 1: living shorter lifespans, they would after a while break up. 990 00:50:33,920 --> 00:50:36,239 Speaker 1: It was very normal to break up and move on 991 00:50:36,400 --> 00:50:40,480 Speaker 1: to a different relationship or not to be not to 992 00:50:40,960 --> 00:50:45,520 Speaker 1: remain fidelity, the fidelity when the partner goes away for 993 00:50:45,760 --> 00:50:50,120 Speaker 1: different trips, which are very common in tribal settings. But 994 00:50:50,320 --> 00:50:53,200 Speaker 1: when you said mammals the thing I have a hard 995 00:50:53,239 --> 00:50:57,759 Speaker 1: time with, like do mammals get std s? And like, okay, 996 00:50:57,840 --> 00:51:00,640 Speaker 1: so this this is where when we look get our 997 00:51:01,520 --> 00:51:04,200 Speaker 1: our current society and see how we do fit in 998 00:51:04,840 --> 00:51:07,560 Speaker 1: with this. So you know, there's different ways of being 999 00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:11,320 Speaker 1: cautious not to not to contract any diseases you're not 1000 00:51:11,480 --> 00:51:15,440 Speaker 1: necessarily by abstinent um. And also there's any way of 1001 00:51:15,600 --> 00:51:19,319 Speaker 1: having a sexual relationship that you know is not necessarily 1002 00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:22,760 Speaker 1: going into intercourse, but you can have sex in other ways. 1003 00:51:23,600 --> 00:51:26,919 Speaker 1: So if as these are are your main concern. There's 1004 00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:30,160 Speaker 1: way around it, but in my mind, in my mind, 1005 00:51:30,520 --> 00:51:33,759 Speaker 1: the biggest issue is that most people think that going 1006 00:51:33,960 --> 00:51:37,400 Speaker 1: into a lifelong relationship with someone that's starting to have 1007 00:51:37,600 --> 00:51:41,960 Speaker 1: difficulties and then non monogamy will save it. And I 1008 00:51:42,080 --> 00:51:44,840 Speaker 1: don't think that is true at all, because what happens 1009 00:51:44,960 --> 00:51:48,040 Speaker 1: is is we actually don't know how to do relationships. 1010 00:51:48,160 --> 00:51:50,520 Speaker 1: We're not very good at it, which is why our 1011 00:51:50,600 --> 00:51:54,440 Speaker 1: relationships start to crumble. It doesn't feel anymore and you 1012 00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:58,799 Speaker 1: know that well anymore, and going to find other relationship 1013 00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:01,680 Speaker 1: is not necessarily going to solve it. Actually, you're going 1014 00:52:01,760 --> 00:52:04,160 Speaker 1: to have a few relationships that you need to manage, 1015 00:52:04,280 --> 00:52:07,319 Speaker 1: which will make it even harder. So we should all 1016 00:52:07,400 --> 00:52:14,239 Speaker 1: just excuse me, sorry. That is actually um under the 1017 00:52:14,440 --> 00:52:18,320 Speaker 1: premise that everyone is happy and willing to participate in 1018 00:52:18,400 --> 00:52:23,080 Speaker 1: non monogamy, But even if you are protecting yourself, there 1019 00:52:23,200 --> 00:52:25,480 Speaker 1: is a way that you know, people could get pregnant. 1020 00:52:25,560 --> 00:52:28,400 Speaker 1: There's always those things that can happen, so to go, 1021 00:52:28,560 --> 00:52:31,960 Speaker 1: even if you're using condoms or somebody is on birth control, 1022 00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:35,480 Speaker 1: you just can't control that. So you're willing, just because 1023 00:52:35,560 --> 00:52:39,719 Speaker 1: you want to live a freer lifestyle to put your 1024 00:52:40,120 --> 00:52:44,200 Speaker 1: entire children or families life in jeopardy over something you 1025 00:52:44,320 --> 00:52:47,520 Speaker 1: can't protect. Yeah, it does. It doesn't just affect one 1026 00:52:47,600 --> 00:52:51,120 Speaker 1: person just because somebody doesn't want to be monogamous. You 1027 00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:54,040 Speaker 1: have to think about the collateral damage with that. I'm 1028 00:52:54,080 --> 00:52:58,359 Speaker 1: not saying that monogamy is definitely doable because I don't 1029 00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:00,799 Speaker 1: know necessarily that it is is. I mean, I feel 1030 00:53:00,840 --> 00:53:04,600 Speaker 1: like sometimes relationships might be maybe they should be ten 1031 00:53:04,680 --> 00:53:07,480 Speaker 1: years each, I don't know, but you know, like like 1032 00:53:07,640 --> 00:53:10,640 Speaker 1: maybe have three tenure relationships something like. That's great because 1033 00:53:10,680 --> 00:53:13,680 Speaker 1: you can all be monogamous for those three tenure relationships. 1034 00:53:14,120 --> 00:53:17,240 Speaker 1: But I feel like when if you're in a relationship 1035 00:53:17,280 --> 00:53:19,760 Speaker 1: and you have children and somebody wants to go outside 1036 00:53:19,800 --> 00:53:22,960 Speaker 1: of the relationship, Let's say it's the man, what about 1037 00:53:23,280 --> 00:53:27,680 Speaker 1: the kids and everything that if something happens, and let's 1038 00:53:27,719 --> 00:53:30,319 Speaker 1: say you get a guy pregnant, and god, that would 1039 00:53:30,360 --> 00:53:32,879 Speaker 1: be interesting, that would be really tough. But you get 1040 00:53:32,920 --> 00:53:35,680 Speaker 1: somebody pregnant and like, it just isn't one person that 1041 00:53:35,719 --> 00:53:39,000 Speaker 1: you're affecting. There's you know, friends and family and all 1042 00:53:39,040 --> 00:53:41,520 Speaker 1: of these things involved. So I feel like it would 1043 00:53:41,520 --> 00:53:43,840 Speaker 1: be amazing if we could figure out a way to 1044 00:53:44,000 --> 00:53:46,400 Speaker 1: put you know, parameters on that say all right, we're 1045 00:53:46,440 --> 00:53:48,360 Speaker 1: gonna be monogamous for this amount of time and then 1046 00:53:48,440 --> 00:53:51,560 Speaker 1: we'll revisit it and after a decade. I mean, especially 1047 00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:53,799 Speaker 1: from the woman's side, like even if she's saying I'm 1048 00:53:53,880 --> 00:53:57,040 Speaker 1: not going to be jealous or she might get off 1049 00:53:57,120 --> 00:53:59,880 Speaker 1: on it, it's got to be affecting her confidence and 1050 00:54:00,120 --> 00:54:03,440 Speaker 1: somewhere or another if her husband who she has kids with, 1051 00:54:04,400 --> 00:54:07,879 Speaker 1: as telling her I need this in order to stay 1052 00:54:07,960 --> 00:54:12,120 Speaker 1: with you. Yeah, yeah, well this this what you said 1053 00:54:12,440 --> 00:54:14,759 Speaker 1: right now, it actually sounds like a demand. You know, 1054 00:54:14,840 --> 00:54:18,280 Speaker 1: it's not fair to do it. Well, what I'm talking 1055 00:54:18,480 --> 00:54:21,440 Speaker 1: is something that is more considerate, is more like an 1056 00:54:21,480 --> 00:54:24,800 Speaker 1: ongoing conversation, and you see as a cup as a 1057 00:54:24,920 --> 00:54:28,000 Speaker 1: couple if that suits you. And I know we think 1058 00:54:28,080 --> 00:54:31,120 Speaker 1: that women tend to not like it more than men, 1059 00:54:31,280 --> 00:54:34,359 Speaker 1: but it really is not necessarily so, and it's very 1060 00:54:34,480 --> 00:54:38,440 Speaker 1: culturally affected. So in some cultures is actually very common 1061 00:54:39,040 --> 00:54:43,960 Speaker 1: and women don't mind it as much. But um, if 1062 00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:47,200 Speaker 1: you're going and doing something behind the back that is 1063 00:54:47,360 --> 00:54:51,440 Speaker 1: always hurtful, always hurtful. I think that though, do you 1064 00:54:51,480 --> 00:54:54,239 Speaker 1: feel like I feel like, yes, fantasizing about maybe my 1065 00:54:55,040 --> 00:54:57,759 Speaker 1: significant other being with another woman is it would be 1066 00:54:57,840 --> 00:55:00,440 Speaker 1: a turn on the fantasy part of it, but the 1067 00:55:00,560 --> 00:55:03,799 Speaker 1: actuality and that would it be with you know, would 1068 00:55:03,840 --> 00:55:06,840 Speaker 1: you would fantasize about him being with somebody else without 1069 00:55:06,920 --> 00:55:09,759 Speaker 1: you there in fantasy world that would be like maybe 1070 00:55:09,800 --> 00:55:11,560 Speaker 1: that turns me on in the fantasy world, which it 1071 00:55:11,600 --> 00:55:14,799 Speaker 1: does kind of, But in real life if I saw 1072 00:55:14,920 --> 00:55:18,000 Speaker 1: that or that happened, I would murder him. So it's yeah. 1073 00:55:18,160 --> 00:55:20,760 Speaker 1: But see that is also a very valid point because 1074 00:55:20,840 --> 00:55:23,719 Speaker 1: people have lots of different sorts of fantasies and some 1075 00:55:23,880 --> 00:55:27,839 Speaker 1: people are turned on by imagining them only and can't 1076 00:55:27,880 --> 00:55:32,000 Speaker 1: even you know, go there where other people really like 1077 00:55:32,239 --> 00:55:36,200 Speaker 1: to enact them. So I mean, I think it depends 1078 00:55:36,239 --> 00:55:43,000 Speaker 1: on the fantasy. Well, correct, It depends on the fantasy 1079 00:55:43,040 --> 00:55:45,640 Speaker 1: and depends on the person. So you know, some people 1080 00:55:45,760 --> 00:55:48,680 Speaker 1: have a fantasy that is that is really exciting them 1081 00:55:49,000 --> 00:55:51,800 Speaker 1: and they want to try, and some people don't want to. 1082 00:55:52,160 --> 00:55:54,239 Speaker 1: So what do you suggest as far as you know, 1083 00:55:55,200 --> 00:55:58,160 Speaker 1: having this move forward? Like, what are you suggesting that 1084 00:55:58,320 --> 00:56:00,840 Speaker 1: we do in order to make this something that we 1085 00:56:02,160 --> 00:56:05,920 Speaker 1: just well, I think or do well as a couple. 1086 00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:09,040 Speaker 1: You really do need to discuss it thoroughly. You need 1087 00:56:09,080 --> 00:56:11,680 Speaker 1: to think of different scenarios. There are other things to 1088 00:56:11,800 --> 00:56:14,960 Speaker 1: consider apart from what I mentioned. It's not just about jealousy, 1089 00:56:15,360 --> 00:56:19,439 Speaker 1: so it's also about do you let everyone in your 1090 00:56:20,400 --> 00:56:23,560 Speaker 1: in your social circles know about it, because otherwise you're 1091 00:56:23,640 --> 00:56:27,560 Speaker 1: keeping a secret from everyone, which is very difficult. But 1092 00:56:27,760 --> 00:56:31,560 Speaker 1: then again, you know opening up and telling everyone or 1093 00:56:32,160 --> 00:56:35,279 Speaker 1: coming out is also very difficult, So it's something you 1094 00:56:35,360 --> 00:56:38,600 Speaker 1: need to think about in advance. Um and what I 1095 00:56:38,800 --> 00:56:43,160 Speaker 1: mentioned before is maintaining all the relationships is also quite difficult. 1096 00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:45,200 Speaker 1: You think to yourself it's going to be ideal, but 1097 00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:48,160 Speaker 1: at the end of the day, it might not turn 1098 00:56:48,239 --> 00:56:50,400 Speaker 1: out to be that ideal, and you can't control in 1099 00:56:50,480 --> 00:56:53,959 Speaker 1: advance how a relationship that you developed with someone else, 1100 00:56:54,040 --> 00:56:56,319 Speaker 1: how will we end up? And as you mentioned, it's 1101 00:56:56,360 --> 00:56:59,279 Speaker 1: not just about STDs that can ruin your life, but 1102 00:56:59,440 --> 00:57:04,040 Speaker 1: also what happens if that other person becomes mentally unstable 1103 00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:06,520 Speaker 1: that could also ruin your life and all of the 1104 00:57:06,600 --> 00:57:09,360 Speaker 1: people around you. So there's a lot of things you 1105 00:57:09,440 --> 00:57:12,680 Speaker 1: need to consider before you decided that actually suit you. 1106 00:57:13,120 --> 00:57:15,279 Speaker 1: And where do our listeners find out more about this 1107 00:57:15,680 --> 00:57:19,080 Speaker 1: before we wrap up? So I wrote a couple of 1108 00:57:19,280 --> 00:57:22,160 Speaker 1: articles they can find on my website, so it's w 1109 00:57:22,200 --> 00:57:27,480 Speaker 1: w w W dot make Love Revolution dot com. And yeah, 1110 00:57:27,560 --> 00:57:29,920 Speaker 1: if they want to contact me also through the contact 1111 00:57:29,960 --> 00:57:33,200 Speaker 1: me form and ask any questions. Perfect, Thank you so 1112 00:57:33,320 --> 00:57:35,480 Speaker 1: much for talking with us. Nice to nice, Thanks for 1113 00:57:35,600 --> 00:57:40,600 Speaker 1: having me here think about things, even something to think 1114 00:57:40,600 --> 00:57:45,000 Speaker 1: about for a second words. Thank you all right, bye. 1115 00:57:45,120 --> 00:57:47,000 Speaker 1: I wanted to give you guys a couple of statistics. 1116 00:57:48,840 --> 00:57:52,640 Speaker 1: Thoughts are because Americans always say the French, the French, 1117 00:57:52,920 --> 00:57:56,480 Speaker 1: you know, they're they have open marriages, so that's not 1118 00:57:56,600 --> 00:58:02,520 Speaker 1: exactly accurate. But of a Americans say infidelity is unacceptable, 1119 00:58:03,120 --> 00:58:08,000 Speaker 1: but only forty seven percent of French do. Of the French, 1120 00:58:08,400 --> 00:58:11,600 Speaker 1: so I think that's interesting. They also so this woman 1121 00:58:11,640 --> 00:58:14,400 Speaker 1: who has a podcast called Committed Joe Piazza did this, 1122 00:58:14,720 --> 00:58:17,840 Speaker 1: wrote a book about it. And the French believe that 1123 00:58:18,120 --> 00:58:20,680 Speaker 1: the women are more independent and they sort of meet 1124 00:58:20,720 --> 00:58:22,640 Speaker 1: a man to kind of go along with their journey. 1125 00:58:22,720 --> 00:58:25,360 Speaker 1: They're not looking for a man to be happy. And 1126 00:58:25,480 --> 00:58:29,800 Speaker 1: they also believe in both parties work hard to keep 1127 00:58:29,880 --> 00:58:34,600 Speaker 1: the marriages like spicy and exciting, so they sort of 1128 00:58:34,640 --> 00:58:37,160 Speaker 1: have a different mentality about it. And I want to 1129 00:58:37,200 --> 00:58:39,680 Speaker 1: see what you guys think. I do feel like women 1130 00:58:39,840 --> 00:58:42,080 Speaker 1: a lot of the younger women here in America. I 1131 00:58:42,200 --> 00:58:45,440 Speaker 1: have a lot of friends that are French. Actually randomly 1132 00:58:45,560 --> 00:58:49,920 Speaker 1: my ex boyfriend's French. Um yeah, um. I feel like 1133 00:58:50,040 --> 00:58:52,400 Speaker 1: in their early twenties they want to get they see like, 1134 00:58:52,520 --> 00:58:54,760 Speaker 1: they want to get married, have two point five kids 1135 00:58:54,800 --> 00:58:57,840 Speaker 1: and have the white picket fence and ultimately in your 1136 00:58:57,920 --> 00:59:00,720 Speaker 1: twenties now I don't even you know who you are 1137 00:59:00,840 --> 00:59:03,400 Speaker 1: yet I feel sure not. I mean, I got married 1138 00:59:03,600 --> 00:59:05,800 Speaker 1: to my first husband when I was in my early 1139 00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:09,040 Speaker 1: twenties and it got to the point where he was 1140 00:59:09,160 --> 00:59:11,240 Speaker 1: my best friend, but we weren't in love with each other. 1141 00:59:11,400 --> 00:59:13,280 Speaker 1: And I was at that point and I think he 1142 00:59:13,520 --> 00:59:16,480 Speaker 1: was to were like, if we don't break up, right, 1143 00:59:16,640 --> 00:59:19,280 Speaker 1: we're probably going to cheat on each other because you're 1144 00:59:19,320 --> 00:59:21,919 Speaker 1: not talking. We changed and it wasn't that he wasn't 1145 00:59:21,920 --> 00:59:24,960 Speaker 1: a good guy or that we weren't happy. We just 1146 00:59:25,160 --> 00:59:27,440 Speaker 1: weren't in love with one another and we weren't willing 1147 00:59:27,560 --> 00:59:29,600 Speaker 1: to work on it. Well. I think because we have 1148 00:59:29,760 --> 00:59:31,920 Speaker 1: this old fashioned idea of what marriage is that our 1149 00:59:31,960 --> 00:59:34,280 Speaker 1: parents tell us like, you have to find someone when 1150 00:59:34,320 --> 00:59:37,200 Speaker 1: you're twenty and and unfortunately for us, we do as 1151 00:59:37,240 --> 00:59:40,560 Speaker 1: women have biological clocks that at thirty five it becomes 1152 00:59:40,600 --> 00:59:42,680 Speaker 1: a very scary to have a baby after not I 1153 00:59:42,920 --> 00:59:45,720 Speaker 1: you're obviously going to you don't have a choice to, 1154 00:59:46,040 --> 00:59:48,120 Speaker 1: but I mean, we have a window, you know, that 1155 00:59:48,320 --> 00:59:52,400 Speaker 1: we can actually procreate. So it's difficult because that that 1156 00:59:52,600 --> 00:59:55,240 Speaker 1: age then does fit into what the old fashioned idea 1157 00:59:55,240 --> 00:59:58,880 Speaker 1: of getting married is in their twenties. But really, I like, 1158 00:59:59,160 --> 01:00:01,320 Speaker 1: if to do it all, I'm different now than I 1159 01:00:01,440 --> 01:00:04,960 Speaker 1: was when I was thirty five, and god forbid, I'm forty. 1160 01:00:05,160 --> 01:00:07,560 Speaker 1: I don't want to talk about it, but I'm I'm 1161 01:00:07,720 --> 01:00:12,080 Speaker 1: completely different persons. So I feel like, because the like 1162 01:00:12,240 --> 01:00:16,080 Speaker 1: this thing that Americans, this happily ever after thing, that 1163 01:00:16,560 --> 01:00:18,880 Speaker 1: it's an old fashioned idea. It's an old fashioned idea 1164 01:00:19,000 --> 01:00:21,280 Speaker 1: that you're pressured into from a young age and then 1165 01:00:21,320 --> 01:00:23,800 Speaker 1: you end up making decisions that you probably regret. Right 1166 01:00:23,840 --> 01:00:25,240 Speaker 1: And then the women are the ones that were like, oh, 1167 01:00:25,240 --> 01:00:26,840 Speaker 1: I'm supposed to Mary, you have a man, take care 1168 01:00:26,840 --> 01:00:28,520 Speaker 1: of me, and like their their whole, and then all 1169 01:00:28,520 --> 01:00:30,680 Speaker 1: of a sudden they're not happy because they're like, hold on, 1170 01:00:30,800 --> 01:00:32,760 Speaker 1: I wanted to be all these things. I know we 1171 01:00:32,840 --> 01:00:43,160 Speaker 1: have to break, but all right, we'll come right back, Okay, 1172 01:00:43,240 --> 01:00:47,640 Speaker 1: so now we've got hi, We've got Dr Gary Brown. 1173 01:00:47,920 --> 01:00:51,000 Speaker 1: He is a licensed marriage and family therapist with over 1174 01:00:51,360 --> 01:00:53,920 Speaker 1: twenty five years experience. So we know we got the 1175 01:00:53,960 --> 01:00:59,640 Speaker 1: goods here. Yes, how are you doing? Good morning? Good morning? 1176 01:00:59,760 --> 01:01:02,600 Speaker 1: And with Brandy as well. So we're just gonna spit 1177 01:01:02,800 --> 01:01:07,360 Speaker 1: fire some questions at you. If that's okay, go for it, 1178 01:01:07,480 --> 01:01:08,920 Speaker 1: or we're going to go in order of the uh 1179 01:01:09,720 --> 01:01:11,919 Speaker 1: the questions I got, or you want to stick around 1180 01:01:11,960 --> 01:01:15,520 Speaker 1: what we have to do, I'll go in that order. Um. Okay, 1181 01:01:15,600 --> 01:01:20,600 Speaker 1: do people in good relationships cheat? Um? The answer is yes. 1182 01:01:20,840 --> 01:01:23,680 Speaker 1: And this really goes against probably the most common myth 1183 01:01:23,760 --> 01:01:27,200 Speaker 1: about cheating. Uh, you know, it's a scary thought for 1184 01:01:27,240 --> 01:01:29,360 Speaker 1: a lot of people, but actually, affairs cann and do 1185 01:01:29,520 --> 01:01:34,440 Speaker 1: happen in relationships that you really are otherwise fulfilling. Okay, 1186 01:01:35,240 --> 01:01:39,640 Speaker 1: I see, I'm damn I know that. I'm just about 1187 01:01:41,120 --> 01:01:45,480 Speaker 1: why you gotta be all right? Okay? What are the 1188 01:01:45,640 --> 01:01:51,840 Speaker 1: most common reasons it happens? Um? There's a variety of reasons. Um, 1189 01:01:52,360 --> 01:01:57,560 Speaker 1: Sometimes just feeling bored, feeling insecure, Maybe you're feeling a 1190 01:01:57,600 --> 01:02:00,280 Speaker 1: strain from your partner emotionally and or physically. You know, 1191 01:02:00,400 --> 01:02:03,160 Speaker 1: so it doesn't lack of real emotional physical antimacy. I 1192 01:02:03,160 --> 01:02:06,520 Speaker 1: mean that that's a big reason, particularly for men, um 1193 01:02:07,320 --> 01:02:13,200 Speaker 1: for women. It's it's very interesting. Emotional infidelity is often 1194 01:02:13,800 --> 01:02:18,200 Speaker 1: perceived us even more threatening for women than physical infidelity. UM, 1195 01:02:18,560 --> 01:02:20,360 Speaker 1: So you know, I think that's part of it. And 1196 01:02:20,480 --> 01:02:22,720 Speaker 1: then you know, I think for men, I mean, if 1197 01:02:22,760 --> 01:02:24,520 Speaker 1: you look at the genetics of it, not not to 1198 01:02:24,960 --> 01:02:27,960 Speaker 1: make a moral judgment when we're the other, but you know, 1199 01:02:28,240 --> 01:02:30,560 Speaker 1: some cheaters, men of phytical like the feeling they like 1200 01:02:30,640 --> 01:02:34,800 Speaker 1: to chase. Um. You know, part of this is about procreation. 1201 01:02:35,040 --> 01:02:38,320 Speaker 1: It goes back hundreds of thousands of years. But at 1202 01:02:38,360 --> 01:02:39,920 Speaker 1: the end of the day, if you're going to have 1203 01:02:39,960 --> 01:02:42,080 Speaker 1: an affair, it's still a choice. So you can't really 1204 01:02:42,160 --> 01:02:45,120 Speaker 1: blame genetics, right, And do you think that's why I'm 1205 01:02:45,120 --> 01:02:48,480 Speaker 1: going off script? Is there not any kind of red 1206 01:02:48,640 --> 01:02:53,919 Speaker 1: flag that somebody may be about to cheat, about to cheat, 1207 01:02:54,000 --> 01:02:58,680 Speaker 1: or may actually be cheating? Um. You know, if you 1208 01:02:58,960 --> 01:03:02,840 Speaker 1: walk and into the room and all of a sudden 1209 01:03:02,840 --> 01:03:06,760 Speaker 1: your husband post the phone face down, or they begin 1210 01:03:06,840 --> 01:03:10,040 Speaker 1: to look nervous, or you know, maybe they're spending more 1211 01:03:10,120 --> 01:03:15,360 Speaker 1: time um at work later at work, or they have 1212 01:03:15,480 --> 01:03:23,320 Speaker 1: too many unexpected business trips, things like that, random schedule changes. Yeah, 1213 01:03:23,400 --> 01:03:25,680 Speaker 1: I mean, it does happen in business, It does happen 1214 01:03:26,360 --> 01:03:29,200 Speaker 1: for people. But you know, you know, if you if 1215 01:03:29,240 --> 01:03:31,760 Speaker 1: you're getting that creepy quality feeling in the back of 1216 01:03:31,840 --> 01:03:34,520 Speaker 1: your neck, you know that's that's the sign. I'd tell 1217 01:03:34,600 --> 01:03:39,320 Speaker 1: people that listen to that, even if it is normally right, 1218 01:03:41,960 --> 01:03:45,400 Speaker 1: typically it is, but also sometimes what we call intuition 1219 01:03:45,520 --> 01:03:49,240 Speaker 1: can also just be our fear and maybe we're paranoid 1220 01:03:49,360 --> 01:03:52,240 Speaker 1: when we shouldn't be. And why did cheaters always say 1221 01:03:52,400 --> 01:03:55,040 Speaker 1: right after um, why are you being paranoid? If you care, 1222 01:03:55,600 --> 01:04:00,440 Speaker 1: you shouldn't you trust me? Um? I'm sorry I didn't 1223 01:04:00,480 --> 01:04:03,880 Speaker 1: hear the question. Well, oh, I've noticed there's a pattern 1224 01:04:03,920 --> 01:04:06,760 Speaker 1: when when somebody's cheating, the first thing they say when 1225 01:04:06,760 --> 01:04:09,880 Speaker 1: they're being accused of cheating is, you know, why are 1226 01:04:09,920 --> 01:04:11,560 Speaker 1: you asking? If we were, if you were, if we 1227 01:04:11,640 --> 01:04:13,640 Speaker 1: were in a good place, we you didn't wouldn't need 1228 01:04:13,680 --> 01:04:15,480 Speaker 1: to ask. They kind of turn it around on the 1229 01:04:15,520 --> 01:04:19,320 Speaker 1: other person. Yeah, I mean, you know, it's it's it's 1230 01:04:19,440 --> 01:04:22,920 Speaker 1: it's just part of the whole aspect of deception. It 1231 01:04:23,000 --> 01:04:26,200 Speaker 1: really is teddy. And you know, again, people listen to 1232 01:04:26,240 --> 01:04:29,160 Speaker 1: that little voice and say, look, you know, I'm just scared. 1233 01:04:29,280 --> 01:04:31,360 Speaker 1: I don't know if you're actually having an affair or not, 1234 01:04:32,000 --> 01:04:34,440 Speaker 1: but I need you to know I'm having these feelings 1235 01:04:34,880 --> 01:04:37,120 Speaker 1: and I need to talk about it. That's a good 1236 01:04:37,760 --> 01:04:39,640 Speaker 1: that makes sense. Do you think it happens a lot 1237 01:04:39,760 --> 01:04:42,960 Speaker 1: after um, like a couple has children. I feel like 1238 01:04:43,040 --> 01:04:46,240 Speaker 1: I I've noticed like there's an emotional disconnecting relationships after 1239 01:04:46,480 --> 01:04:50,920 Speaker 1: children are brought into the world. That that is a 1240 01:04:51,040 --> 01:04:53,280 Speaker 1: great question. And I will tell you something I have 1241 01:04:53,400 --> 01:04:57,600 Speaker 1: heard from so many men in particular, is that there's 1242 01:04:57,640 --> 01:04:59,800 Speaker 1: a shift in a in a marriage when you go 1243 01:05:00,200 --> 01:05:04,200 Speaker 1: from being just a couple to starting starting your family, 1244 01:05:04,760 --> 01:05:08,120 Speaker 1: because you know, it was that all the attention got 1245 01:05:08,240 --> 01:05:12,840 Speaker 1: focused on you and your spouse, and now you're have 1246 01:05:12,960 --> 01:05:15,920 Speaker 1: to shower your attention and priority shift and a lot 1247 01:05:15,960 --> 01:05:19,320 Speaker 1: of men feel neglected and abandoned by their wives because 1248 01:05:19,320 --> 01:05:22,520 Speaker 1: they're putting so much attention. And it's a very tough 1249 01:05:22,680 --> 01:05:26,000 Speaker 1: dance both for the husbands, but frankly, it's a really 1250 01:05:26,120 --> 01:05:29,640 Speaker 1: tough dance for for new moms, Like, how do I 1251 01:05:29,840 --> 01:05:32,480 Speaker 1: you know I just had a baby, Dude, I am 1252 01:05:32,600 --> 01:05:34,200 Speaker 1: not in the making love to you. It's not that 1253 01:05:34,280 --> 01:05:36,480 Speaker 1: I don't love you, it's just like I need to 1254 01:05:36,520 --> 01:05:39,400 Speaker 1: recover from that. And I've got this baby to feed 1255 01:05:39,720 --> 01:05:43,680 Speaker 1: and clothed and you know, diaper, and that you have 1256 01:05:43,800 --> 01:05:46,080 Speaker 1: needs that you're not fully probably saying that you know 1257 01:05:46,280 --> 01:05:47,520 Speaker 1: you want because you have the new baby and you 1258 01:05:47,560 --> 01:05:51,120 Speaker 1: don't want to be selfish, and so exactly. I just 1259 01:05:51,200 --> 01:05:55,880 Speaker 1: think it's important again to have the conversation, hey, even 1260 01:05:55,960 --> 01:05:58,760 Speaker 1: before you have the baby, even before you get pregnant 1261 01:05:59,120 --> 01:06:01,760 Speaker 1: as a couple, just to say, hey, listen, let's just 1262 01:06:01,920 --> 01:06:06,640 Speaker 1: assume as a baseline that being parents is going to 1263 01:06:06,720 --> 01:06:09,200 Speaker 1: have an impact on our marriage, and let's talk about 1264 01:06:09,280 --> 01:06:12,720 Speaker 1: that now before we have the baby. It's better for mom, 1265 01:06:12,840 --> 01:06:16,520 Speaker 1: it's better for dad, and frankly, it's better for the baby. Yeah, 1266 01:06:16,640 --> 01:06:20,840 Speaker 1: that makes sense. It sounds like an adult thing to do. Yeah, 1267 01:06:21,800 --> 01:06:25,280 Speaker 1: is it? I know? Right? Is it happening more than 1268 01:06:25,360 --> 01:06:28,680 Speaker 1: we think? One statistic said it's usually not a stranger, 1269 01:06:28,840 --> 01:06:34,400 Speaker 1: it's a close friend or co worker. Yeah. Yeah, And 1270 01:06:34,520 --> 01:06:37,600 Speaker 1: I think it's because of the emotional component. I think, 1271 01:06:37,680 --> 01:06:40,439 Speaker 1: you know, you spend a third of your working life 1272 01:06:40,440 --> 01:06:43,680 Speaker 1: if you're working, you know, with other colleagues and co workers, 1273 01:06:44,000 --> 01:06:48,760 Speaker 1: and so it's only natural. I mean, obviously it's disturbing 1274 01:06:48,800 --> 01:06:51,080 Speaker 1: an upsetting, but you know, if you just look at 1275 01:06:51,120 --> 01:06:53,280 Speaker 1: the math of it, it just kind of makes sense 1276 01:06:53,400 --> 01:06:57,480 Speaker 1: that that's going that that's probably going to be the 1277 01:06:57,520 --> 01:07:01,080 Speaker 1: primary pool, Which kind of leads me to the next question, 1278 01:07:01,120 --> 01:07:04,160 Speaker 1: which is our relationships with the nanny really happening as 1279 01:07:04,200 --> 01:07:05,600 Speaker 1: much as we think we are. We just spoke to 1280 01:07:06,040 --> 01:07:09,000 Speaker 1: somebody who plays nanny's and she seemed to think it right, 1281 01:07:09,160 --> 01:07:12,520 Speaker 1: they aren't, even though I read it all over the 1282 01:07:12,640 --> 01:07:15,880 Speaker 1: media that they are so being on the other side 1283 01:07:15,920 --> 01:07:20,120 Speaker 1: of it. What are your thoughts? You know, I don't know, Teddy, 1284 01:07:20,160 --> 01:07:22,000 Speaker 1: what the data is on that. I just don't know. 1285 01:07:23,040 --> 01:07:25,760 Speaker 1: I mean, obviously, you know a lot of people say, well, 1286 01:07:25,800 --> 01:07:29,040 Speaker 1: the nanny is a cliche affair. Um, you know, well 1287 01:07:29,080 --> 01:07:32,560 Speaker 1: it's it's only a cliche if it hasn't happened to you. Um, 1288 01:07:32,800 --> 01:07:35,280 Speaker 1: if it's happened to you, it's not a cliche. Uh, 1289 01:07:35,480 --> 01:07:38,480 Speaker 1: you know, asked when Stefani Siana Miller Jennifer Garner. I mean, 1290 01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:43,600 Speaker 1: you know, but in terms of frequency, I have no idea. 1291 01:07:43,720 --> 01:07:46,440 Speaker 1: And you know, I actually did a little research on that. 1292 01:07:46,600 --> 01:07:49,040 Speaker 1: I actually could not find any data on the frequency 1293 01:07:49,080 --> 01:07:53,320 Speaker 1: of it, but there was some interesting uh takes on 1294 01:07:54,400 --> 01:07:58,680 Speaker 1: nanny affairs and why some men have affairs with the nanny's. Uh. 1295 01:07:59,120 --> 01:08:04,880 Speaker 1: Men are kind of biologically predisposed to wanting are to 1296 01:08:05,040 --> 01:08:08,000 Speaker 1: be attracted to people who are going to take care 1297 01:08:08,040 --> 01:08:10,240 Speaker 1: of their children. And I don't mean that's so much 1298 01:08:10,280 --> 01:08:14,040 Speaker 1: in a misogynistic way. It's just it's just something embedded 1299 01:08:14,120 --> 01:08:17,920 Speaker 1: within us as as providers and protectors, um. And so 1300 01:08:18,080 --> 01:08:21,200 Speaker 1: we're naturally attracted to caregivers for the most part. So 1301 01:08:21,720 --> 01:08:25,840 Speaker 1: that would include not only one's wife, but also any 1302 01:08:25,880 --> 01:08:29,080 Speaker 1: other caregiver, and to include a nanny, her mom. Yeah, 1303 01:08:29,479 --> 01:08:32,800 Speaker 1: I've I've got some men with some mommy issues. Now 1304 01:08:34,760 --> 01:08:37,800 Speaker 1: it makes sense that, do you think, Um, yeah, it does. 1305 01:08:37,840 --> 01:08:39,599 Speaker 1: I'm not here to make a moral judgment when we're 1306 01:08:39,680 --> 01:08:41,760 Speaker 1: the other I'm just just kind of observing it as 1307 01:08:41,800 --> 01:08:45,439 Speaker 1: a social scientist and as a clinician. And why do 1308 01:08:45,520 --> 01:08:47,960 Speaker 1: you think that, you know, people love to blame the 1309 01:08:48,160 --> 01:08:53,000 Speaker 1: other woman versus the one doing the cheating, the other cheating. 1310 01:08:54,280 --> 01:08:57,040 Speaker 1: I've worked with scores of couples where infidelity has been 1311 01:08:57,080 --> 01:09:02,360 Speaker 1: the presenting problem, and I have to say I to 1312 01:09:02,560 --> 01:09:05,640 Speaker 1: say that to blame the other woman the person to 1313 01:09:05,720 --> 01:09:09,479 Speaker 1: blames the person who had the affair. Um, that's that's 1314 01:09:09,520 --> 01:09:11,559 Speaker 1: where I land with it. Nobody forced them to cheat. 1315 01:09:11,720 --> 01:09:15,120 Speaker 1: You know, in reality, your spouse made a choice blaming 1316 01:09:15,240 --> 01:09:18,360 Speaker 1: the other woman. I just don't know that that's helpful. 1317 01:09:18,520 --> 01:09:23,200 Speaker 1: Can you blame both of them? Be my guest? Thank 1318 01:09:23,240 --> 01:09:27,679 Speaker 1: you so? In our final question, we often talk about 1319 01:09:28,120 --> 01:09:32,000 Speaker 1: men cheating, but we haven't really talked about women cheating. 1320 01:09:32,280 --> 01:09:34,840 Speaker 1: Do women cheat as much as men? Or are women 1321 01:09:35,000 --> 01:09:37,800 Speaker 1: just better at not getting caught? Like? What's the deal here? 1322 01:09:39,160 --> 01:09:41,840 Speaker 1: I think it's it's someone e all of the above, Teddy. I. 1323 01:09:42,160 --> 01:09:44,479 Speaker 1: You know, the research indicates that women do cheat, but 1324 01:09:44,680 --> 01:09:49,160 Speaker 1: but typically they don't cheat quite as much as men do. Um. 1325 01:09:50,600 --> 01:09:52,200 Speaker 1: And it could be that women are better at not 1326 01:09:52,240 --> 01:09:55,800 Speaker 1: getting caught. But I my own take on it and 1327 01:09:55,840 --> 01:09:59,040 Speaker 1: the experience I've had clinically over the years, is that 1328 01:09:59,520 --> 01:10:03,840 Speaker 1: typically it's it's more than men. I don't think women 1329 01:10:03,960 --> 01:10:08,400 Speaker 1: tend to cheat as much. And in your professional just 1330 01:10:08,560 --> 01:10:11,519 Speaker 1: to leave the listeners in like a positive. If you've 1331 01:10:11,600 --> 01:10:14,439 Speaker 1: been in a relationship where your spouse has cheated on you, 1332 01:10:15,040 --> 01:10:18,120 Speaker 1: can you heal and can your your marriage grow from it? 1333 01:10:18,479 --> 01:10:23,639 Speaker 1: Or are you kind of destined to no? I mean, look, 1334 01:10:23,680 --> 01:10:28,240 Speaker 1: every every couple's unique. But but my experience working with 1335 01:10:28,360 --> 01:10:31,920 Speaker 1: couples is that usually typically more than fifty percent of 1336 01:10:31,960 --> 01:10:36,400 Speaker 1: the couples, Uh, if there's been a single affair, can recover. 1337 01:10:36,560 --> 01:10:39,920 Speaker 1: If there's been multiple times that someone's had an affair 1338 01:10:40,280 --> 01:10:44,560 Speaker 1: and uh did not just kept on doing it and 1339 01:10:44,640 --> 01:10:47,400 Speaker 1: promise the wouldn't do it. Uh, you know, I would 1340 01:10:47,439 --> 01:10:50,360 Speaker 1: say the odds are very small that that you're gonna 1341 01:10:50,360 --> 01:10:52,439 Speaker 1: be able to recover from that. I think a larger 1342 01:10:52,560 --> 01:10:54,200 Speaker 1: issue is going to be, you know, where some of 1343 01:10:54,240 --> 01:10:56,560 Speaker 1: the things you can do to lessen the chances of 1344 01:10:56,640 --> 01:10:59,560 Speaker 1: your partner falling in love with someone else. Um, and 1345 01:10:59,760 --> 01:11:01,519 Speaker 1: I would if you want me to go down that road, 1346 01:11:01,560 --> 01:11:05,639 Speaker 1: I can happily go there. Perfect We would love that. Sure, 1347 01:11:06,280 --> 01:11:09,320 Speaker 1: you know, I'm big in prevention. Uh, there's no guarantees, 1348 01:11:09,400 --> 01:11:11,599 Speaker 1: but I mean, definitely, don't take your partner for granted. 1349 01:11:11,840 --> 01:11:14,840 Speaker 1: Don't assume just because everything appears to be okay that 1350 01:11:15,000 --> 01:11:18,400 Speaker 1: things really are. Sometimes they aren't. Make it a point 1351 01:11:18,439 --> 01:11:20,680 Speaker 1: to definitely plan some time with your partner, I mean 1352 01:11:20,800 --> 01:11:25,080 Speaker 1: a minimum of five attemoting each without electronic devices, you know, 1353 01:11:25,200 --> 01:11:27,960 Speaker 1: do typical things like you know, plan to be together, 1354 01:11:28,080 --> 01:11:31,679 Speaker 1: you know, be intentional about it. Um. Also become aware 1355 01:11:31,680 --> 01:11:33,880 Speaker 1: of what your partner brings to your relationship that you 1356 01:11:34,000 --> 01:11:38,720 Speaker 1: truly value, and then express gratitude to your partner. So 1357 01:11:38,880 --> 01:11:41,160 Speaker 1: many men have said they felt like their wives took 1358 01:11:41,240 --> 01:11:43,800 Speaker 1: them for granted and that that led them into the 1359 01:11:43,960 --> 01:11:47,000 Speaker 1: arms of other women. So big heads up, and again 1360 01:11:47,080 --> 01:11:49,120 Speaker 1: for both partners, I would say, you know, if you 1361 01:11:49,160 --> 01:11:51,559 Speaker 1: don't know what your partner's love languages are, whether it's 1362 01:11:51,960 --> 01:11:57,479 Speaker 1: quality time together, words of affirmation, gifts, um, acts of service, 1363 01:11:57,880 --> 01:12:00,720 Speaker 1: physical touch, whatever those things are that are important to 1364 01:12:00,760 --> 01:12:03,519 Speaker 1: each of you, you know, really be mindful of that. 1365 01:12:04,080 --> 01:12:06,680 Speaker 1: Uh and in many instances that that can ward off 1366 01:12:06,760 --> 01:12:09,600 Speaker 1: or at least significantly reduce the chances that there's going 1367 01:12:09,640 --> 01:12:12,559 Speaker 1: to be an affair I had. I learned my husband 1368 01:12:12,720 --> 01:12:14,920 Speaker 1: his was acts of service, and I was like, damn it, 1369 01:12:15,000 --> 01:12:18,880 Speaker 1: that's my least different thing to do. So now I 1370 01:12:18,960 --> 01:12:21,719 Speaker 1: had to really start to make a conscious effort about 1371 01:12:21,760 --> 01:12:24,000 Speaker 1: it because I'm like, that's what he really likes, and mine, 1372 01:12:24,040 --> 01:12:26,200 Speaker 1: I never would have thought, was words of affirmation. Do 1373 01:12:26,240 --> 01:12:32,800 Speaker 1: you know yours Brandy U B J's active service like that? 1374 01:12:34,520 --> 01:12:39,000 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. Well, in closing, learn your significant other's 1375 01:12:39,040 --> 01:12:44,400 Speaker 1: love language or Brandy's love language of blow drop active service. 1376 01:12:46,920 --> 01:12:51,960 Speaker 1: Oh gosh, well, thanks you guys. You guys were at 1377 01:12:52,000 --> 01:12:53,920 Speaker 1: the life. Thank you so much for the interview. It 1378 01:12:54,000 --> 01:12:58,920 Speaker 1: was it was really fun. Thanks. It's always awkward getting 1379 01:12:58,920 --> 01:13:00,839 Speaker 1: on the phone, right, I know that's that like awkward 1380 01:13:00,880 --> 01:13:05,680 Speaker 1: pause like bye bye. Oh my gosh. Well now I 1381 01:13:05,760 --> 01:13:08,880 Speaker 1: have like a million more questions for him, so you know, right, 1382 01:13:09,600 --> 01:13:11,719 Speaker 1: we may do a part two on this, So write 1383 01:13:11,760 --> 01:13:15,280 Speaker 1: in any questions you have. And Brandy, thank you so 1384 01:13:15,479 --> 01:13:19,360 Speaker 1: much for coming today, like for having me. You helped us, 1385 01:13:19,439 --> 01:13:22,360 Speaker 1: you know, dig deep into this, the whole thing. And 1386 01:13:22,360 --> 01:13:24,240 Speaker 1: now we're gonna harass you to come back another time. 1387 01:13:24,320 --> 01:13:26,479 Speaker 1: I will be back. I have so much more to say, 1388 01:13:26,600 --> 01:13:29,320 Speaker 1: I know. But there is a book about people's love languages, 1389 01:13:29,360 --> 01:13:30,519 Speaker 1: and I forgot I read it a long time. I 1390 01:13:30,560 --> 01:13:31,800 Speaker 1: wrote it is a really good book and I'll tell 1391 01:13:31,800 --> 01:13:35,120 Speaker 1: you what it is for. I think it's a secret. Yeah, 1392 01:13:35,200 --> 01:13:37,639 Speaker 1: the love the Yeah, I think it's called the Love Languages. 1393 01:13:38,000 --> 01:13:40,439 Speaker 1: I mean Edwin and I did it. But it is interesting. 1394 01:13:40,560 --> 01:13:43,120 Speaker 1: So take the quiz. Write us in. We want to 1395 01:13:43,160 --> 01:13:45,160 Speaker 1: know what yours are and if yours his active service, 1396 01:13:45,200 --> 01:13:50,559 Speaker 1: any other suggestions pjs. All right, thanks guys, Bye bye, 1397 01:13:51,439 --> 01:13:56,040 Speaker 1: thanks for listening. Subscribe to any radio or wherever you 1398 01:13:56,160 --> 01:13:57,040 Speaker 1: listen to podcast