WEBVTT - Advice from an OG with Trista Sutter 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:04.400 Help We Suck At Being Newlyweds? Halen Miller Keys and 0:00:04.559 --> 0:00:10.200 Jared Haven and I Heart radio podcast. Hello everyone, and 0:00:10.240 --> 0:00:12.880 welcome to an all new episode of Help We Suck 0:00:12.920 --> 0:00:16.759 At Being Newlyweds. I am your co host Kyle Miller Keys. 0:00:16.800 --> 0:00:19.640 I'm here with Jared, and Dean is in Antarctica, so 0:00:19.720 --> 0:00:21.800 he is not here with us. First of all, round 0:00:21.840 --> 0:00:24.799 of applause. What an intro you've already You're already so 0:00:24.880 --> 0:00:27.680 much better at it than teen. It's gonna be It's 0:00:27.720 --> 0:00:30.680 gonna be weird for a while to hear that title. Look, 0:00:30.680 --> 0:00:33.800 because I'm so used to being like, help by suck 0:00:33.920 --> 0:00:38.680 at dating, and now it's like, Hey, help we suck 0:00:38.760 --> 0:00:41.080 at being newlyweds? So you got to figure out the 0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:43.240 cadence a little bit. I thought you did a great job. 0:00:43.240 --> 0:00:45.760 You kidding me? So what the hell is going on 0:00:45.800 --> 0:00:49.720 with team? Um? I am pretty exhausted. I just got 0:00:49.760 --> 0:00:52.959 back from a Super Bowl waste management weekend in Phoenix 0:00:53.760 --> 0:00:56.200 and I was supposed to fly out to Denver today 0:00:56.240 --> 0:00:57.760 and I canceled my flight. I was like, I just 0:00:57.920 --> 0:01:00.319 I can't do it. I can't make it happen. But um, 0:01:00.520 --> 0:01:04.120 super fun weekend and now I'm back home with a 0:01:04.120 --> 0:01:08.000 little al So what's going on is Dean? Like, is 0:01:08.040 --> 0:01:11.200 he on the boat to Antarctica right now? Yeah, I've 0:01:11.240 --> 0:01:14.280 only talked to him. He texts me once every day 0:01:14.280 --> 0:01:16.080 like he I think he gets service like once a 0:01:16.160 --> 0:01:18.360 day at eight am. So I've talked to him. We've 0:01:18.400 --> 0:01:21.959 exchanged like two text messages. But he said yesterday he 0:01:22.040 --> 0:01:26.720 stepped foot on Antartica for the first time. He's already there. Yeah, 0:01:27.720 --> 0:01:30.800 a long time to get there. Um, he's there for 0:01:30.880 --> 0:01:32.560 two weeks, I think, But I don't know if that 0:01:32.600 --> 0:01:34.440 includes the three days on the ship. In three days 0:01:34.480 --> 0:01:37.240 back to USA. Does in for just give you like 0:01:37.319 --> 0:01:40.520 so much anxiety the man you're about to marry, Like 0:01:40.600 --> 0:01:42.119 these are the things you're just gonna have to deal 0:01:42.120 --> 0:01:45.240 with for the rest of your life. He just keeps 0:01:45.280 --> 0:01:47.960 life interesting. You know, I'll always be on my toes. 0:01:48.040 --> 0:01:51.440 It'll it'll always be fun. It will always be fun. 0:01:51.880 --> 0:01:54.400 I know. It is a very fun lof style. I 0:01:54.400 --> 0:01:56.200 was thinking about it earlier because I was just answering 0:01:56.200 --> 0:01:58.720 emails and I was like, I gotta, I gotta go outside. 0:01:58.840 --> 0:02:01.680 I just need soun or fresh air or do something 0:02:02.440 --> 0:02:05.480 so different. He will give he will keep you on 0:02:05.560 --> 0:02:08.800 your toes. But like, I think about it my own relationship, 0:02:08.840 --> 0:02:12.600 because if I didn't, if I did these things, like 0:02:12.680 --> 0:02:15.480 Ashley doesn't want me go into the grocery store by myself, 0:02:15.560 --> 0:02:18.360 you know what I mean. She's so worried that the 0:02:18.440 --> 0:02:22.480 idea of being like the idea or like if I 0:02:22.480 --> 0:02:25.760 have to drive thirty minutes, She's like, Oh, just be careful, 0:02:25.800 --> 0:02:27.680 make sure you pay attention on the road, keep your 0:02:27.720 --> 0:02:29.680 hands on the wheel at all times, don't look at 0:02:29.680 --> 0:02:31.360 your phone. If I told her, I was like, Hey, 0:02:31.400 --> 0:02:34.359 I'm going on a three days ship where I'm probably 0:02:34.360 --> 0:02:35.680 not gonna be able to talk to you, and we're 0:02:35.720 --> 0:02:38.359 going to Antarctica and it's gonna be pretty rough and scary. 0:02:38.400 --> 0:02:40.040 And then I'll be an Antarctica for two weeks in 0:02:40.080 --> 0:02:42.520 the WiFi, probably in and out, and then I'll be 0:02:42.560 --> 0:02:45.400 back on the ship for three more days. She's like, eating, No, 0:02:45.520 --> 0:02:47.920 you're not You're not doing this voluntarily. This is not 0:02:48.000 --> 0:02:50.720 your life. When you explain it like that, I'm like, yeah, 0:02:50.760 --> 0:02:54.480 it sounds pretty nuts. Is your family that they ever 0:02:54.560 --> 0:02:57.720 like is Dean? Is Dean gonna be doing these things 0:02:57.840 --> 0:03:02.839 for like the rest of time? Um My, so we're 0:03:02.880 --> 0:03:04.760 super close to my grandparents. They live right next to us, 0:03:04.800 --> 0:03:07.680 and they just love him so much and love like 0:03:07.720 --> 0:03:10.600 all the adventures, especially because they were like in the 0:03:10.639 --> 0:03:12.679 FBI and they did all this cool stuff in life. 0:03:12.680 --> 0:03:14.720 So I think they just admire it about him and 0:03:14.720 --> 0:03:18.680 they like what he brings out in me. Your grandparents 0:03:18.720 --> 0:03:23.280 were in the FBI? Yeah, is that how they met? Yeah? 0:03:23.480 --> 0:03:26.560 My grandpa was her boss. Actually, Oh, that's got to 0:03:26.639 --> 0:03:29.919 be illegal. I know, well, definitely now, I don't know 0:03:29.960 --> 0:03:33.760 about back then. Probably. Actually, Wow, that's so cool. Can 0:03:33.800 --> 0:03:35.760 they even admit that they were in the FBI? Re 0:03:35.960 --> 0:03:39.440 breaking news right now? No? No, they can otherwise Yeah, 0:03:39.480 --> 0:03:42.320 I'd be screwed. But it's like they're in My grandma 0:03:42.360 --> 0:03:43.840 was in headlines and stuff. She was actually in the 0:03:43.920 --> 0:03:47.520 James Comee documentary or not documentary, the show. So someone 0:03:47.600 --> 0:03:51.080 was dear to fight my grandma. That's so freaking cool. 0:03:51.160 --> 0:03:54.640 Holy hell, Yeah, they're they're like the coolest people ever. 0:03:55.160 --> 0:03:56.960 Oh wow, I want to meet your grandparents and just 0:03:57.040 --> 0:04:01.040 get stories from the FBI. Did they uh, did they 0:04:01.080 --> 0:04:04.640 ever meet like Jay Gruber? Honestly? Probably? I feel like 0:04:04.640 --> 0:04:09.040 they like know everyone. That's so cool. Holy crapt Wow, 0:04:09.320 --> 0:04:13.440 your grandparents say that they love what Dean brings out 0:04:13.480 --> 0:04:15.480 of you. What does he bring out of you? Just 0:04:15.600 --> 0:04:18.680 an adventurous side and a care free side just because 0:04:18.680 --> 0:04:20.480 of like the way that he is, and he goes 0:04:20.520 --> 0:04:23.120 to Antarctica. I just have to like let loose a 0:04:23.120 --> 0:04:26.400 little bit and not be so uptight. So it's just 0:04:26.440 --> 0:04:29.200 it's a good balance between the two of us. Yeah, 0:04:29.240 --> 0:04:31.839 I need. I need your grandparents talk to Ashley. She 0:04:31.880 --> 0:04:33.480 doesn't even want us to. She doesn't want him to 0:04:33.520 --> 0:04:35.080 go on like a golf trip, you know what I mean. 0:04:35.120 --> 0:04:36.960 She just gets so worried, which is so sweet that 0:04:37.000 --> 0:04:39.320 she cares so much. And I love it. And of course, 0:04:39.360 --> 0:04:41.960 like I get nervous too. Anytime she's on a plane 0:04:42.000 --> 0:04:45.679 or anything. I'm like, okay, like, you know, just be safe, 0:04:45.720 --> 0:04:48.159 be careful, especially if she's traveling to Dawson. Like she 0:04:48.240 --> 0:04:51.280 was thinking about going to see your grandma. Yesterday. We 0:04:51.400 --> 0:04:53.280 were in the car and then out of nowhere, she's like, 0:04:53.320 --> 0:04:55.479 I think I might drive to Jersey this weekend. And 0:04:55.520 --> 0:04:57.520 I was like what, and she's like, yeah, I might 0:04:57.560 --> 0:05:00.719 take Dawson. I just want to see my grandmother. I'm like, okay, 0:05:00.800 --> 0:05:02.320 and then I was like, man, I don't know, because 0:05:02.320 --> 0:05:04.240 I'm supposed to work this weekend. And I was like, 0:05:04.920 --> 0:05:06.440 I don't know. If I like the idea of you 0:05:06.520 --> 0:05:09.479 and Dawson in a car for like four hours, that's 0:05:09.480 --> 0:05:12.560 scary to me. So I don't know. So it's similar 0:05:12.560 --> 0:05:14.760 to you and Ashley. You're both a little Yeah, we're 0:05:14.760 --> 0:05:17.520 just worri wars. It's terrible. It's not a good way 0:05:17.560 --> 0:05:20.080 to live. I'll tell you. We do have a great, 0:05:20.600 --> 0:05:22.960 great episode. We have a very special guest, you know her, 0:05:23.040 --> 0:05:27.320 for being the first bachelorette ever, I'd probably argue the 0:05:27.320 --> 0:05:33.040 most famous bachelorette maybe her or Caitlin. I'd say bristows 0:05:33.120 --> 0:05:37.880 up there, but man, everybody knows Trista. Everybody knows Trista. Um. 0:05:37.880 --> 0:05:39.600 But we have a wonderful guest. It is, of course 0:05:39.720 --> 0:05:42.520 Trista Sutter. So we're super excited. But before we get 0:05:42.560 --> 0:05:56.760 to her, let's take a quick break. Welcome back to 0:05:56.920 --> 0:05:59.920 help we suck at being newlyweds. I'm working on it here. 0:06:00.520 --> 0:06:03.440 We have a very special guest, you know her, she's 0:06:03.440 --> 0:06:05.880 the first bachelor wrette Trista. I said, you probably the 0:06:05.880 --> 0:06:08.839 most famous bachelorette i'd say you are Caitlin Bristow because 0:06:08.839 --> 0:06:11.640 everybody knows who you are, including our audience. It is 0:06:11.800 --> 0:06:20.160 Trista Sutter. Ladies and gentlemen, y, what's your maiden name? Rensto? 0:06:20.800 --> 0:06:23.360 That was me, that was Do you ever miss it? 0:06:24.880 --> 0:06:29.599 I don't actually, um, yeah, I don't even really think 0:06:29.640 --> 0:06:32.320 about it unless, like it came up from my fiftieth 0:06:32.360 --> 0:06:35.680 birthday a friend of mine, Uh was getting She got 0:06:35.720 --> 0:06:38.960 me this like pickle ball bag that had my monogram 0:06:38.960 --> 0:06:42.119 on it, and she was like, what's your monogram? And 0:06:43.120 --> 0:06:46.640 I was like, actually, I don't even know, um, but 0:06:46.760 --> 0:06:50.520 I usually, like legally just put my middle name down um. 0:06:50.560 --> 0:06:54.080 And I had to think about my maiden name for once. 0:06:54.120 --> 0:06:56.880 I'd never think of it. I don't know. It's just 0:06:57.120 --> 0:06:59.920 because I'm now Trista sut Her and happened for twenty years. 0:07:00.760 --> 0:07:04.919 That's so crazy. My sister Uh is married and has 0:07:05.560 --> 0:07:09.880 a daughter, so it is my first niece. And I'm like, oh, 0:07:09.960 --> 0:07:11.920 you know, she's just a little haben. And then my 0:07:11.960 --> 0:07:14.680 brother in law was like, she's a Leary and I'm like, 0:07:14.840 --> 0:07:17.680 oh my god, that's right, Oh my god, that's right. 0:07:17.800 --> 0:07:21.320 That's so weird. I just and then like in years 0:07:21.320 --> 0:07:24.960 it was with Ashley because she technically her her name 0:07:25.000 --> 0:07:26.800 is still I can Eddie. She hasn't changed it, but 0:07:26.880 --> 0:07:29.600 like you know, she goes by Ashley I can Eddie Haben, 0:07:30.000 --> 0:07:32.480 and I wonder if she's ever gonna just go like, oh, 0:07:32.520 --> 0:07:35.400 I'll just be Ashley Habn and then hopefully we're still around, 0:07:35.400 --> 0:07:37.520 like thirty years or now, if she looks back and 0:07:37.600 --> 0:07:40.120 be like, oh my god, like I was Ashley I 0:07:40.160 --> 0:07:42.600 can Eddie one's and now I've been Ashley Haven for 0:07:42.640 --> 0:07:45.960 thirty years. It's just weird, you're right, yeah, I mean 0:07:46.040 --> 0:07:49.480 I was n for thirty of my years and twenty 0:07:49.600 --> 0:07:52.680 has been Setter, So it is weird. It's funny that 0:07:52.720 --> 0:07:55.240 you're asking me this because I was watching a video 0:07:55.480 --> 0:07:57.400 of my kids when they were little. I was just 0:07:57.440 --> 0:07:59.520 going through videos, kind of trying to get rid of 0:07:59.560 --> 0:08:03.000 some um because you know how many photos and videos 0:08:03.000 --> 0:08:06.160 are on the phone and then it stops working anyway. So, um, 0:08:06.200 --> 0:08:10.560 there's this video of my kids and I was asking them, 0:08:10.600 --> 0:08:13.400 you know, their names. Blakesley was like too, and like 0:08:13.440 --> 0:08:15.640 what's your name? Like, tell me your full name, what's 0:08:15.640 --> 0:08:19.640 your brother's name? And Max said Maxwell all Aston Cutter 0:08:19.960 --> 0:08:22.200 or he said Maxwell Allston Holton, which is a friend 0:08:22.200 --> 0:08:24.320 of ours, And I'm like, no, You're actually gonna be 0:08:24.800 --> 0:08:28.480 Maxwell Alston Cutter your whole life. But Blakesley is going 0:08:28.520 --> 0:08:30.840 to be somebody else. And I'm like, that's so weird. 0:08:31.120 --> 0:08:34.600 Like why it's so weird, I don't know. It was 0:08:34.679 --> 0:08:37.440 probably the dumbest reason why the first person did it. 0:08:37.440 --> 0:08:40.880 It was probably there was no there's no purpose of 0:08:40.920 --> 0:08:42.480 doing it. It just did it, and then all of 0:08:42.520 --> 0:08:44.679 a sudden it caught on and people are like, yeah, no, 0:08:44.800 --> 0:08:47.600 this is the way life is meant to be. It's like, 0:08:47.720 --> 0:08:49.720 this is so weird. I don't get it. What are 0:08:49.760 --> 0:08:52.640 you doing, Kitlin? Are you keeping your maiden name? No, 0:08:52.880 --> 0:08:56.559 definitely not. I am getting rid of it soon. Um, 0:08:56.679 --> 0:08:59.360 we're changing our last names to Bell. That's Dean's mom's 0:08:59.360 --> 0:09:03.280 maiden name. Oh yes, right yeah. And then I think 0:09:03.320 --> 0:09:06.080 I'm gonna take my Miller and then make that my 0:09:06.120 --> 0:09:10.600 middle name. So Caylin Miller Bell. That's so I love that. 0:09:10.600 --> 0:09:13.440 That is very nice. That's like you should be in movies. Now. 0:09:13.800 --> 0:09:22.319 That's a lead actress name. That's so true. It's coming 0:09:22.400 --> 0:09:27.280 this February. Ashton Kutcher Kaylin Miller Bell in The love Birds. 0:09:28.400 --> 0:09:30.360 I think that could really work, and I do want 0:09:30.360 --> 0:09:33.040 to play a game though, because I'm curious. You said, like, 0:09:33.080 --> 0:09:38.319 how many videos and photos? I'm oh, you do know? Okay, 0:09:38.440 --> 0:09:41.320 so I've been trying to delete so many before you 0:09:41.360 --> 0:09:44.960 say it. Out of the three of us, who do 0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:49.800 you guys think has the most? I mean me, Yeah, 0:09:49.880 --> 0:09:52.360 you're the one who has all these kids. You're a 0:09:52.480 --> 0:09:56.160 new dad, and if you don't have a million photos, 0:09:56.200 --> 0:09:59.199 like I'm gonna I'm totally betting you, or I mean, 0:09:59.320 --> 0:10:01.400 I guess you. Then you probably use your phone to 0:10:01.480 --> 0:10:04.959 upload your like your videos too. I know you take 0:10:04.960 --> 0:10:07.280 a lot of pictures and videos, but you also use 0:10:07.960 --> 0:10:12.040 like you're heavy duty camera. So I bet, I bet. 0:10:12.880 --> 0:10:18.080 I'm betting you because if you're at the point where 0:10:18.080 --> 0:10:20.600 you're deleting photos and videos because your phone is my 0:10:20.640 --> 0:10:23.360 phone is working, I mean not well, but it's working. 0:10:24.000 --> 0:10:26.480 So my money's on Trista unfortunately. Can I think you're 0:10:26.520 --> 0:10:28.680 gonna come in third place? I hope I do. That 0:10:28.679 --> 0:10:31.960 would be so embarrassing if that's I have no kids, 0:10:31.960 --> 0:10:33.520 all right, I mean you have Dean. He's pretty much 0:10:33.520 --> 0:10:36.880 a child, all right, So my number right now, if 0:10:36.920 --> 0:10:40.480 I just go over recent I am at. I don't 0:10:40.520 --> 0:10:43.160 know if this is good or bad. Twenty six thousand, 0:10:43.559 --> 0:10:49.280 nine hundred and seventy three Wow, ten thousand, two d 0:10:49.520 --> 0:11:02.000 and thirty something? How many thousand working? Obviously? Wow? Wait 0:11:02.640 --> 0:11:05.280 you don't. I wish Ashley was here. Ashley, I'm pretty 0:11:05.320 --> 0:11:08.679 sure has more than fifty thousand. She would blow us 0:11:08.679 --> 0:11:11.520 all away, yes, agreed. Like anytime we need to go 0:11:11.600 --> 0:11:14.320 get a new phone or computer, it's like she starts 0:11:14.360 --> 0:11:17.920 saying words with amount of storage because like I know, 0:11:18.000 --> 0:11:21.400 like gigabytes and all this, and she's like, I don't 0:11:21.400 --> 0:11:26.480 know what is it? Terrabytes? Yeah, she needs like so 0:11:26.559 --> 0:11:28.960 much terra bytes. And I'm like, and then we bought 0:11:29.000 --> 0:11:32.280 a computer because she needs to download so because her 0:11:32.280 --> 0:11:34.880 phone is not working either. Oh my god, who just 0:11:34.920 --> 0:11:41.480 said they have that? Is crazy? Eastern No, Easton, can 0:11:41.520 --> 0:11:45.600 you hop on here for a second, buddy, Easton Easton Easton, 0:11:45.720 --> 0:11:49.560 our wonderful producer and backbone of this podcast, just message 0:11:49.640 --> 0:11:55.360 us saying he has ninety one thousand? Easton? Why nine 0:11:55.440 --> 0:11:57.200 one thousand? I was just as surprised as you worried 0:11:57.240 --> 0:11:58.880 to see that I have that many? Um and most 0:11:58.880 --> 0:12:00.760 of them are just pictures of Eminem's that I say 0:12:00.800 --> 0:12:04.040 from the internet. So I got to and delete these things. 0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:09.160 That's amazing with like all the pictures kids too, Like 0:12:09.360 --> 0:12:12.320 I missed the days of going photo albums, like you 0:12:12.360 --> 0:12:14.319 go over your grandparents house and then you go through 0:12:14.360 --> 0:12:19.520 photo albums. So, Trista, you have been married for is 0:12:19.520 --> 0:12:24.199 it twenty years in December? Yeah? Whole your twenty anniversary? 0:12:24.200 --> 0:12:26.199 Do you guys have anything like is there anything specific 0:12:26.240 --> 0:12:30.199 you want to do for it? I have been contemplating 0:12:30.280 --> 0:12:34.160 trying to get a plan in place to do avow renewal. 0:12:34.400 --> 0:12:36.800 I haven't done anything about it yet, but at ten 0:12:36.880 --> 0:12:39.560 years we did about renewal here in Beaver Creek and 0:12:39.640 --> 0:12:43.160 the show filmed it UM. I can't remember whose season 0:12:43.240 --> 0:12:45.959 it was back then, but I think they aired it 0:12:46.280 --> 0:12:51.520 during whoever season it was on UM. So I'm contemplating, 0:12:51.600 --> 0:12:54.520 Like we got married in Palm Springs, we did our 0:12:54.520 --> 0:12:57.640 about renewal in Beaver Creek, and I'm thinking maybe we 0:12:57.679 --> 0:13:00.680 need a beach this time. So I don't know, trying 0:13:00.720 --> 0:13:04.280 to think about things that we could do for My 0:13:04.360 --> 0:13:08.040 kids really love to travel, as do we, and any excuse, 0:13:08.360 --> 0:13:14.400 so seriously, no plans yet, but maybe soon that will 0:13:14.440 --> 0:13:18.040 be so sweet. What is the secrets? So we've got 0:13:18.080 --> 0:13:23.360 two newlyweds almost newlywed? Yes, what is the secret for 0:13:23.400 --> 0:13:27.880 a long happy marriage? Oh? Goodness? Um? And well, first 0:13:27.880 --> 0:13:31.200 of all, I have to say, I feel like I 0:13:31.320 --> 0:13:34.839 co hosted this podcast with Molly Mesnick when you guys 0:13:34.840 --> 0:13:38.400 couldn't do it Jared right, Um, And I love that 0:13:38.520 --> 0:13:41.520 it was help. I second dating back then, and I 0:13:41.800 --> 0:13:45.480 and you guys changed it, were evolving, were ever changing, 0:13:45.480 --> 0:13:50.280 you know. I love it. I think it's awesome. Um. So, 0:13:50.640 --> 0:13:55.600 I that's a big question. But I think that all 0:13:55.640 --> 0:13:59.400 the things that you have heard through the years that 0:13:59.480 --> 0:14:03.800 anyone has heard really stand true. You know, communication, talking 0:14:03.840 --> 0:14:08.959 to each other is key. Um. I think that forgiveness 0:14:09.160 --> 0:14:13.160 is also a huge one. And it's not like forgiveness 0:14:13.200 --> 0:14:18.240 in terms of huge indiscretions or big drama. You know, 0:14:18.760 --> 0:14:22.880 it can be like like today, for example, my husband 0:14:23.480 --> 0:14:26.720 had asked me to go have coffee with a friend 0:14:26.720 --> 0:14:29.400 of his who has a company that he wanted to 0:14:29.400 --> 0:14:33.680 tell us about, and I saw it on the schedule 0:14:34.320 --> 0:14:37.560 totally forgot that I had he had booked it for 0:14:37.680 --> 0:14:39.800 both of us. I thought it was just for him. 0:14:39.840 --> 0:14:42.400 When I looked at the schedule, and when Hannah reached 0:14:42.440 --> 0:14:44.400 out and asked if I could be on the podcast, 0:14:45.080 --> 0:14:48.760 I said, sure, I can. I'm in whatever, And he's 0:14:48.760 --> 0:14:51.760 actually having coffee with his friend right now. So I 0:14:51.840 --> 0:14:54.440 feel like he's gonna need to forgive me for today, 0:14:55.400 --> 0:14:59.520 you know, for double booking. Um. So it can be little, 0:14:59.720 --> 0:15:02.240 you know, little things like that, but I think it's 0:15:02.680 --> 0:15:06.960 constant forgiveness for I don't know, saying something hurtful or 0:15:07.280 --> 0:15:11.920 double booking for something important to the other person, um, 0:15:11.960 --> 0:15:15.040 along with you know, bigger things, but forgiveness I think 0:15:15.120 --> 0:15:18.440 is one of them. Um. Really just trying to have 0:15:18.560 --> 0:15:22.520 fun in life, Like you're doing life together and and 0:15:22.720 --> 0:15:26.640 life gets busy, especially when you have kids, it gets 0:15:26.720 --> 0:15:30.760 really busy, and I end up being like the logistical 0:15:30.960 --> 0:15:34.840 manager and driving everywhere and trying to keep the house 0:15:34.880 --> 0:15:37.600 in order, and then he's off at work, you know, 0:15:37.680 --> 0:15:42.840 doing his thing, and it's just hard to stay connected 0:15:42.920 --> 0:15:45.840 and focused and having fun. So I think making sure 0:15:45.880 --> 0:15:50.080 that you're still making time for fun together, whether it's 0:15:50.080 --> 0:15:53.360 a family or as a couple, um, date nights, to 0:15:53.800 --> 0:16:00.000 just prioritizing your relationship, I think is is extremely extreme. 0:16:00.000 --> 0:16:02.600 Really important, and I think that's probably a big reason 0:16:02.760 --> 0:16:08.200 why after the show we were successful, because we prioritize 0:16:08.880 --> 0:16:13.640 our relationship above everything else. You know, it's a whirlwind 0:16:14.040 --> 0:16:16.520 when you finish the show, and there's a lot of 0:16:16.560 --> 0:16:20.320 opportunity and really fun things, but I think making sure 0:16:20.400 --> 0:16:24.800 that you are prioritizing each other and um, you know, 0:16:24.880 --> 0:16:28.720 the other's priorities and their values and their wants and 0:16:28.800 --> 0:16:43.640 needs is really important. I think one of the issues 0:16:43.720 --> 0:16:47.160 Ashley and I have is that it's so easy just 0:16:47.240 --> 0:16:50.640 to get into this mundane routine because you talk about 0:16:50.680 --> 0:16:54.800 having fun and really setting time aside to ensure that 0:16:54.840 --> 0:16:58.040 we're doing things. But I think especially you know, with 0:16:58.040 --> 0:17:01.560 with having Dawson this year and opening a business and 0:17:01.640 --> 0:17:04.760 her being a r island, there's just been a lot 0:17:04.840 --> 0:17:08.640 of um just stress, you know, So you get into 0:17:08.640 --> 0:17:10.359 the routine of like this is what it is, and 0:17:10.480 --> 0:17:12.480 every day is kind of feeling the same a little bit. 0:17:12.520 --> 0:17:15.960 And so it's tough as well because we want to 0:17:16.000 --> 0:17:19.040 priority we prioritize our relationship and us being as parents, 0:17:19.080 --> 0:17:21.879 but there's also an individuality that we need to prioritize 0:17:21.880 --> 0:17:25.199 as well. Not prioritize, but like there's time because we 0:17:25.240 --> 0:17:26.840 got I talked about in the podcast a couple of times. 0:17:26.880 --> 0:17:29.680 We're like, um, I remember last year we got into 0:17:29.680 --> 0:17:30.959 a little bit of fight because I was like, I 0:17:31.000 --> 0:17:32.640 just want to grab a beut with my friends because 0:17:32.680 --> 0:17:34.359 we're watching a movie where like this guy goes back 0:17:34.400 --> 0:17:36.800 to his hometown, goes to like his local dive bar, 0:17:37.000 --> 0:17:39.520 hangs out with his boys, like he hasn't seen him. Like, 0:17:39.640 --> 0:17:42.320 oh man, I would love to do that. And then 0:17:42.400 --> 0:17:43.880 she was like, well, you need to make sure it's 0:17:43.880 --> 0:17:45.360 on a day that I'm not with Dawson all day 0:17:45.359 --> 0:17:47.280 because I don't want to be home alone. And then 0:17:47.280 --> 0:17:48.760 I was like never mind, like I don't even want 0:17:48.760 --> 0:17:50.640 to do it anymore. And then it's just like she's 0:17:50.720 --> 0:17:52.320 like no, like I want you to do it. I'm like, yeah, 0:17:52.320 --> 0:17:54.399 I want you to be with your friends and like figure, 0:17:54.480 --> 0:17:56.600 you know, I want you to have you know, go 0:17:56.800 --> 0:17:59.520 and like get I don't know whatever. She you know, 0:17:59.600 --> 0:18:02.919 she likes to go like just get manicure manicure with 0:18:02.920 --> 0:18:05.000 her friends, like her sister or something like that. So 0:18:05.400 --> 0:18:08.000 it's it's tough. It's tough to like find the time 0:18:08.040 --> 0:18:10.639 to do that, and I think it I want to 0:18:10.680 --> 0:18:13.480 ask you like, what advice do you have for people 0:18:13.480 --> 0:18:16.119 who I know? It's it's so easy to say, like 0:18:16.200 --> 0:18:19.640 you have to set time, like for yourself or for 0:18:19.800 --> 0:18:22.760 you as a couple, because we not to go. We 0:18:22.840 --> 0:18:26.040 spend so much time together. It's weird that we spend 0:18:26.080 --> 0:18:27.919 so much time together and yet it's like, well, we 0:18:27.960 --> 0:18:31.760 have to spend more time together because it's like we're 0:18:31.800 --> 0:18:35.480 not married, you know, we're just like we're we are married, 0:18:35.520 --> 0:18:40.480 but we're not dating. Yeah, and you need to still date. Yeah. 0:18:41.560 --> 0:18:44.159 I think I think it's just doing it, you know, 0:18:44.280 --> 0:18:49.480 like whether it's um, scheduling in advance, being spontaneous, whatever 0:18:49.520 --> 0:18:52.320 works for your relationship. I think that it's just a 0:18:52.359 --> 0:18:55.919 matter of doing it. So if fun to you is 0:18:56.000 --> 0:18:59.040 going out and having beers with your friends, I think 0:18:59.080 --> 0:19:02.960 you do it and you figure out something for Ashley 0:19:03.040 --> 0:19:06.120 to do. Like when in a relationship, you know there 0:19:06.160 --> 0:19:08.720 are times when you know one person is going to 0:19:08.800 --> 0:19:10.840 be super stressed out and one person is going to 0:19:10.920 --> 0:19:12.960 feel calm. You have to meet in the middle. You know, 0:19:13.200 --> 0:19:17.280 you switch roles constantly of who's stressed, who's calm, who 0:19:17.359 --> 0:19:20.520 needs something, who is fine? You know, like all of 0:19:20.520 --> 0:19:23.680 those things need to be in balance, and I think 0:19:23.720 --> 0:19:26.760 it's just a matter of making sure that you do it. 0:19:26.920 --> 0:19:31.040 So um And And I don't know if Ashley likes surprises. 0:19:31.080 --> 0:19:33.719 I don't know if Dean likes surprises. I feel like 0:19:33.840 --> 0:19:37.679 surprises are always good. Like Ryan, we don't normally like 0:19:38.560 --> 0:19:45.120 celebrate UM holidays on the holiday, so like Valentine's yesterday, UM, 0:19:46.160 --> 0:19:48.919 I wasn't thinking that we would actually do anything. I 0:19:48.960 --> 0:19:51.360 hadn't planned anything. I just thought, you know, we'd get 0:19:51.359 --> 0:19:54.199 each other cards, you know, flowers were part of the 0:19:54.240 --> 0:19:58.200 program whatever. And he was like, he texted me and said, 0:19:58.480 --> 0:20:02.359 will you be my Valentine? Um, I have dinner reservations 0:20:02.400 --> 0:20:06.720 at six thirty, and you know that was I love surprises. 0:20:06.800 --> 0:20:09.720 I love getting a text from my husband out of 0:20:09.880 --> 0:20:13.240 you know, the blue twenty years of marriage almost and 0:20:13.720 --> 0:20:15.800 you know, still having him asked me out on a date. 0:20:15.880 --> 0:20:20.520 So I think just any way that you can, um, 0:20:20.560 --> 0:20:23.040 you can make time for each other and do things 0:20:23.080 --> 0:20:26.160 that are fun even though you are together a lot, 0:20:26.640 --> 0:20:29.560 doing something like I feel like Ashley just posted something 0:20:29.600 --> 0:20:32.200 that you guys were I feel like you just went 0:20:32.240 --> 0:20:37.360 on it. Okay, yeah, yeah, on her story so cute, 0:20:37.760 --> 0:20:41.919 And that's exactly what I feel like I'm talking about, 0:20:42.000 --> 0:20:44.879 you know, just making time to do something out of 0:20:44.880 --> 0:20:48.640 the box that you don't normally do during the day, 0:20:48.960 --> 0:20:53.080 getting a babysitter for Dawson, and making time for whatever 0:20:53.160 --> 0:20:57.399 makes you guys happy. It's important. I love that. Also, 0:20:57.520 --> 0:20:59.639 we were talking about this last week. I wonder what 0:20:59.760 --> 0:21:02.080 you're opinion on it. On it is, do you think 0:21:02.119 --> 0:21:05.359 that the spark goes away? Because I have couples who 0:21:05.440 --> 0:21:08.240 think both ways, like, yes, the spark dies and it's 0:21:08.280 --> 0:21:12.000 just a different relationship, and no, just the better you 0:21:12.000 --> 0:21:14.480 get to know someone, the more you like are sexually 0:21:14.520 --> 0:21:17.919 attracted to them, you know. I think it depends on 0:21:17.920 --> 0:21:21.119 on the people. I think that, yes, life gets in 0:21:21.200 --> 0:21:26.040 the way, honestly, um of a lot of intimacy and 0:21:26.200 --> 0:21:28.880 moments that you did not have or that you did 0:21:28.920 --> 0:21:32.240 have before. It just changes. But I think it's up 0:21:32.280 --> 0:21:37.080 to you, again as a couple, to make sure that 0:21:37.160 --> 0:21:40.400 you are staying in tune with who your partner is 0:21:40.560 --> 0:21:43.760 and what they need and what they want, because individually 0:21:44.000 --> 0:21:48.200 you're changing, you know, Individually you change what you're excited 0:21:48.240 --> 0:21:51.080 about and what you're into, you know, So I think 0:21:51.200 --> 0:21:54.879 just making sure that you're in tune with each other's 0:21:54.960 --> 0:21:59.240 needs and desires and um, and evolving with your relationship 0:21:59.359 --> 0:22:03.520 is is really important. Um, And it's just up to 0:22:03.560 --> 0:22:06.920 you to keep the spark alive. What do you think, Well, 0:22:07.000 --> 0:22:08.679 we talked a little bit about this last week. I 0:22:08.720 --> 0:22:12.199 think I think this spark just gets stronger, but in 0:22:12.240 --> 0:22:15.040 a different way. Yeah, like it's not like the first 0:22:15.080 --> 0:22:18.040 second date type of spark. But I was going to 0:22:18.080 --> 0:22:21.320 ask you that too, Um, how you dealt with that adapting? 0:22:21.400 --> 0:22:24.840 Because Diana and I started dating when I was fairly young, 0:22:25.320 --> 0:22:28.320 and we both have changed and adapted. Did you find 0:22:28.320 --> 0:22:30.640