WEBVTT - Rising From the Depths with Randy Thompson 0:00:08.840 --> 0:00:11.160 Welcome to the Good Stuff. I'm Jacob Schick and I'm 0:00:11.240 --> 0:00:13.880 joined by my co host and wife, Ashley Shick. 0:00:14.640 --> 0:00:17.159 Jake is a third generation combat Marine and I'm a 0:00:17.200 --> 0:00:20.840 gold Star granddaughter. And we work together to serve military veterans, 0:00:20.880 --> 0:00:24.480 first responders, frontline healthcare workers, and their families with mental 0:00:24.480 --> 0:00:26.000 and emotional wellness. 0:00:25.600 --> 0:00:29.680 Through traditional and non traditional therapy. At One Tribe Foundation. 0:00:30.000 --> 0:00:32.400 We believe everyone has a story to tell, not only 0:00:32.400 --> 0:00:34.840 about the peaks, but also the valleys they've been through 0:00:34.880 --> 0:00:36.159 to get them to where they are. To Dick. 0:00:36.840 --> 0:00:39.199 Each week, we invite a guest to tell us their story, 0:00:39.360 --> 0:00:41.600 to share with us the lessons they've learned that shape 0:00:41.600 --> 0:00:43.559 who they are and what they're doing to pay it 0:00:43.600 --> 0:00:44.960 forward and give back. 0:00:45.880 --> 0:00:47.960 Our mission with this show is to dig deep into 0:00:47.960 --> 0:00:50.200 our guest's journey so that we can celebrate the hope 0:00:50.240 --> 0:00:52.360 and inspiration their story has to offer. 0:00:52.600 --> 0:00:54.560 We're thrilled you're joining us again. 0:00:55.200 --> 0:00:56.520 Welcome to the Good Stuff. 0:00:57.000 --> 0:00:58.840 Today, we're joined by Randy Thompson. 0:00:59.280 --> 0:01:02.840 Randy's an actor, father and husband living in Los Angeles, 0:01:02.920 --> 0:01:04.520 and he's here to tell us the story of how 0:01:04.560 --> 0:01:07.920 his lifelong dream of scuba diving finally manifested. 0:01:08.480 --> 0:01:13.000 This episode is a journey of artistic passion, romance, fatherhood, 0:01:13.160 --> 0:01:17.520 underwater adventure, heartbreaking tragedy, and the power of human connection 0:01:17.680 --> 0:01:19.840 in the aftermath of great loss. 0:01:20.360 --> 0:01:22.560 Randy is a student of life who has always been 0:01:22.600 --> 0:01:25.720 fueled by deep curiosity, and it's an honor to bring 0:01:25.760 --> 0:01:29.160 you his story. 0:01:30.280 --> 0:01:32.720 Randy Thompson, thank you so much for joining us here 0:01:32.760 --> 0:01:33.759 on the Good Stuff. 0:01:34.240 --> 0:01:35.400 Thank you so much for having me. 0:01:35.800 --> 0:01:39.119 Absolutely we're excited your story today. It's kind of about 0:01:39.120 --> 0:01:43.959 the intersection of three life paths, fatherhood, acting, and scuba diving, 0:01:44.040 --> 0:01:46.679 all of which were important to you at a young age. 0:01:47.160 --> 0:01:48.840 Tell us about where you grew up and how you 0:01:48.920 --> 0:01:51.240 first started dreaming of scuba diving. 0:01:51.560 --> 0:01:51.640 So. 0:01:51.680 --> 0:01:54.440 I grew up in northeast Ohio, in a small town 0:01:54.560 --> 0:01:58.720 that's directly between Cleveland and Youngstown, but really very rural, 0:01:58.720 --> 0:02:02.360 about three thousand people total, and was raised by my 0:02:02.440 --> 0:02:05.760 mom who my dad left when I was about three, 0:02:06.240 --> 0:02:08.680 and so my mom raised my brother and I until 0:02:09.040 --> 0:02:11.400 she remarried when I was about ten. And when I 0:02:11.480 --> 0:02:14.760 was very little, one of my earlier memories is sitting 0:02:14.800 --> 0:02:16.919 down with my brother on the couch and he had 0:02:16.919 --> 0:02:20.720 to be maybe four, which I was probably like five 0:02:20.919 --> 0:02:24.080 five or six, and I was like, okay, Ty, let's 0:02:24.120 --> 0:02:25.400 talk and he's like, what do we talk about it? 0:02:25.400 --> 0:02:26.720 I said, let's talk about sharks. 0:02:27.000 --> 0:02:30.000 And I think I just had like an ocean creature's 0:02:30.000 --> 0:02:32.160 book on my lap and just like landed on that. 0:02:32.639 --> 0:02:35.240 But it was my kind of opportunity to like be 0:02:35.320 --> 0:02:37.880 a teacher to my little brother at that age, I think, 0:02:38.240 --> 0:02:40.880 and I just walked through that book with him and 0:02:40.919 --> 0:02:43.600 then it never left me. I was just like super obsessed, 0:02:43.600 --> 0:02:46.040 specifically with whale sharks. That was always kind of my thing, 0:02:46.120 --> 0:02:47.760 is that I wanted to see a whale shark in 0:02:47.800 --> 0:02:51.040 real life. But just the idea of the size of 0:02:51.080 --> 0:02:54.960 the oceans, how much we knew and didn't know about it, 0:02:55.080 --> 0:02:57.880 and just kind of all the mystery around it really 0:02:58.240 --> 0:03:00.240 sparked something in me. I had kind of like a 0:03:00.560 --> 0:03:04.000 naturally curious mind already, and it was just kind of 0:03:04.000 --> 0:03:06.079 one of these things like I wanted to be an explorer. 0:03:06.160 --> 0:03:08.359 I wanted to go to space and wanted to dive 0:03:08.400 --> 0:03:09.920 in the sea. You know, It's like I wanted to 0:03:10.000 --> 0:03:13.200 see what was out there kind of at the extreme reaches. 0:03:13.440 --> 0:03:15.440 Even early on, it was one of those things as 0:03:15.480 --> 0:03:17.840 a kid, I think that like, I'm somebody who's always 0:03:17.880 --> 0:03:21.600 had a ton of interests, and I get very obsessed 0:03:21.639 --> 0:03:24.079 with things, and I have ADHD and so like all 0:03:24.120 --> 0:03:27.480 of my attention funnels into one pursuit for a bright 0:03:27.720 --> 0:03:31.160 short time, and then I usually just burn out on 0:03:31.240 --> 0:03:34.240 it and go on to something else. That was one 0:03:34.240 --> 0:03:36.280 of those things that kind of kept creeping up for 0:03:36.320 --> 0:03:39.040 me and kept coming back. Was I'm sure it tied 0:03:39.120 --> 0:03:42.120 on some level just to like this need to explore 0:03:42.200 --> 0:03:45.520 and to mine the depths of the mysteries of the world. 0:03:45.880 --> 0:03:48.600 I got obsessed with space as well. And then there 0:03:48.640 --> 0:03:52.280 was an image of NASA training their astronauts, I think 0:03:52.280 --> 0:03:56.400 in Houston, but training them in a pool with divers, 0:03:56.720 --> 0:03:59.120 and it just kind of blew my mind. Is like 0:03:59.160 --> 0:04:01.000 this amazing connection of the two. 0:04:01.400 --> 0:04:04.360 One of my mentors I've heard them say several times, 0:04:04.360 --> 0:04:07.040 which I'd sell the boys all the time, is like, listen, 0:04:07.480 --> 0:04:12.119 curiosities often disguised as courage, So do not ever lose that. 0:04:12.120 --> 0:04:14.600 That's great. We'll be watching a movie or something and 0:04:14.640 --> 0:04:17.080 we'll be five minutes in and Jackson will ask one 0:04:17.080 --> 0:04:23.040 thousand questions. We don't know. We just started it too we've. 0:04:22.800 --> 0:04:24.720 Seen the same amount of information you. 0:04:24.800 --> 0:04:27.440 Have, but you're like, there are times when I need 0:04:27.480 --> 0:04:29.880 you to be just a little less curious. 0:04:30.760 --> 0:04:33.680 Yeah, but that was another passion of yours as well, 0:04:33.800 --> 0:04:37.000 is that desire to become a father as we sit here. 0:04:36.880 --> 0:04:39.760 And talk about it, Yeah, I have this book. 0:04:39.880 --> 0:04:42.440 It's a book that's like Doctor Seus's character, is called 0:04:42.440 --> 0:04:44.640 My Book about Me, and it's you know, I am 0:04:44.680 --> 0:04:46.599 this tall, this is my favorite color. And there's a 0:04:46.600 --> 0:04:48.320 page that says when I grow up, I want to 0:04:48.360 --> 0:04:51.200 be And it's just two full pages of all of 0:04:51.200 --> 0:04:53.719 these options, you know, to give kids a like guidepost. 0:04:53.800 --> 0:04:54.920 You want to be a plumber, you want to be 0:04:54.920 --> 0:04:58.120 an electrician, whatever it is. And I had just did 0:04:58.160 --> 0:05:01.320 like a write in candidate the blank space, just saying 0:05:01.360 --> 0:05:03.760 a daddy. I think I was seven years old, my 0:05:03.800 --> 0:05:05.520 mom said when I wrote that. So when my wife 0:05:05.520 --> 0:05:07.799 and I found out we were going to have our daughter, 0:05:08.360 --> 0:05:09.919 I took a picture of that and send it to 0:05:09.960 --> 0:05:10.320 my mom. 0:05:10.440 --> 0:05:11.719 Just feel like it's happening. 0:05:12.920 --> 0:05:16.680 Yeah, it was pretty awesome. Yeah, I think that part 0:05:16.680 --> 0:05:19.359 of it for me was kind of not even that 0:05:19.400 --> 0:05:21.599 I was conscious of this at seven, but I knew 0:05:21.640 --> 0:05:25.039 that my dad wasn't what I wanted him to be, 0:05:25.760 --> 0:05:28.760 and that's kind of probably where it ended for me, 0:05:28.880 --> 0:05:31.080 is that I wanted more from him. And now I 0:05:31.120 --> 0:05:33.000 can kind of look back and see I was trying 0:05:33.040 --> 0:05:33.880 to right those wrongs. 0:05:33.920 --> 0:05:34.520 On some level. 0:05:34.560 --> 0:05:36.880 I had this idea of, like, I can be a 0:05:36.920 --> 0:05:39.920 father and do right by my kids in the way 0:05:39.960 --> 0:05:41.800 that maybe, you know, I wished that my dad was 0:05:41.839 --> 0:05:42.560 able to do for me. 0:05:43.000 --> 0:05:45.839 That's beautiful. We end up on the spinning ball of chaos, 0:05:45.880 --> 0:05:48.760 and if done correctly, we come to the conclusion of 0:05:48.800 --> 0:05:51.200 we want to leave this better than we found it, right, 0:05:51.240 --> 0:05:56.400 And I think parenthood is a tremendous way to achieve 0:05:56.480 --> 0:05:56.880 that goal. 0:05:57.240 --> 0:05:59.200 Jamison is six and a half and he's already made 0:05:59.240 --> 0:06:02.520 up his mind that he does don't want children, and yeah, 0:06:02.560 --> 0:06:05.040 I'm like why, little Baba, and he because children wake 0:06:05.080 --> 0:06:11.479 you up early? Yeah, And I'm like, pot black, it's 0:06:11.520 --> 0:06:14.120 airtight logic, it is. 0:06:14.400 --> 0:06:17.960 And they're so they haven't had enough life experience to 0:06:18.040 --> 0:06:23.599 be jaded yet, right, And it's such unfiltered just honesty 0:06:23.680 --> 0:06:28.520 and curiosity, and it's so so magnetic. It's like, man, 0:06:28.560 --> 0:06:30.320 I just want to hang out with them, like all day, 0:06:30.400 --> 0:06:32.880 every day because I'm easy. 0:06:33.000 --> 0:06:36.039 It's easy to see when you or someone else has 0:06:36.560 --> 0:06:40.080 blunted that a little bit, even in just really small ways, 0:06:40.120 --> 0:06:43.640 just like moments that I've responded in anger or frustration 0:06:44.160 --> 0:06:47.520 at something. That's a moment when like my daughter comes 0:06:47.520 --> 0:06:49.960 to me with kind of an open heart and open curiosity, 0:06:50.000 --> 0:06:52.479 and for whatever reason, either the timing or the way 0:06:52.480 --> 0:06:56.120 she's expressing or whatever, I respond in frustration and I 0:06:56.200 --> 0:06:59.640 see just like a fraction of that spark start to flicker, 0:07:00.120 --> 0:07:02.320 and I think that it's we're not going to be perfect, 0:07:02.320 --> 0:07:03.960 We're going to screw it up a million times. But 0:07:04.480 --> 0:07:08.080 to me, it's a good kind of reminder whenever that 0:07:08.240 --> 0:07:10.560 happens of just what we're actually dealing with here. 0:07:10.960 --> 0:07:12.280 You know, we're dealing with. 0:07:12.120 --> 0:07:16.320 A very pure lens to look through the world, and 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:18.840 we're trying our best to just like do as much 0:07:18.880 --> 0:07:20.240 as we can to keep it that way, or at 0:07:20.280 --> 0:07:21.120 least encourage it. 0:07:21.160 --> 0:07:24.240 I think, how did your path lead you from smalltown 0:07:24.280 --> 0:07:26.880 Ohio to the big Los Angeles? 0:07:27.160 --> 0:07:30.840 So I developed a passion for acting, and I decided 0:07:30.880 --> 0:07:33.840 that's what I wanted to pursue with my life. In 0:07:33.920 --> 0:07:36.160 elementary or middle school, I had seen a production that 0:07:36.280 --> 0:07:39.480 kind of inspired me and showed me that this was 0:07:39.520 --> 0:07:42.080 something that could really change people's lives. I mean, it 0:07:42.120 --> 0:07:46.280 was just being inside of a theater in absolute silence 0:07:46.320 --> 0:07:48.480 and watching all of these people just riveted and people 0:07:48.520 --> 0:07:52.360 are crying, and I'm just feeling all these incredibly massive 0:07:52.400 --> 0:07:54.880 things that I hadn't really expected. 0:07:55.400 --> 0:07:56.400 It was an eye. 0:07:56.240 --> 0:07:58.920 Opening experience for me, and it led me to this 0:07:59.040 --> 0:08:02.400 idea that I really wanted to pursue acting on some level, 0:08:02.440 --> 0:08:04.560 and so I ended up going to New York. I 0:08:04.600 --> 0:08:07.920 studied at NYU for four years for my undergraduate and 0:08:07.960 --> 0:08:10.200 then stayed in New York for about ten years, and 0:08:10.480 --> 0:08:13.360 I did pursue acting there. My wife and I ended 0:08:13.440 --> 0:08:15.960 up getting cast opposite each other in a play, so 0:08:16.000 --> 0:08:19.040 that's the first time we met, was getting cast, and 0:08:19.520 --> 0:08:22.640 we just became best friends and we were just kind 0:08:22.640 --> 0:08:24.680 of obsessed with each other for a year, even though 0:08:24.720 --> 0:08:27.520 we're I was in a long term relationship at the time, 0:08:27.600 --> 0:08:29.440 she was just getting out of a relationship, and we 0:08:29.440 --> 0:08:32.199 were just really intense friends. We wanted to hang out 0:08:32.240 --> 0:08:34.760 all the time. There was nothing, as far as I 0:08:34.800 --> 0:08:37.800 could tell, romantic about it. Until all of a sudden 0:08:38.000 --> 0:08:40.959 it became very clear to me like, oh, I'm in 0:08:40.960 --> 0:08:43.000 love with this person. So I was honest with my 0:08:43.080 --> 0:08:46.440 partner and we ended that relationship and I started this one. 0:08:46.440 --> 0:08:50.600 And then my wife, about six months after we started dating, 0:08:50.800 --> 0:08:52.839 got into grad school in California, and she had already 0:08:52.840 --> 0:08:56.920 been applying before we were ever in our relationship, and 0:08:56.960 --> 0:08:59.800 so we decided, because I really loved living in New York, 0:09:00.040 --> 0:09:01.520 we were going to do long distance. She was going 0:09:01.559 --> 0:09:03.200 to be in California for a couple of years, I'd 0:09:03.240 --> 0:09:05.800 be in New York. And after about five or six 0:09:05.840 --> 0:09:07.600 months of that, we were just like, I don't want 0:09:07.640 --> 0:09:10.199 to do anything other than be where you are. Everything 0:09:10.200 --> 0:09:12.880 else kind of lost its luster, and I was just like, 0:09:13.640 --> 0:09:16.440 if this means setting aside other dreams that I have 0:09:16.600 --> 0:09:20.880 right now, my number one goal is to not I 0:09:20.920 --> 0:09:23.480 don't mean to say settle in terms of any kind 0:09:23.520 --> 0:09:27.240 of negativity towards my ex, but I had taken on 0:09:27.400 --> 0:09:30.240 certain opinions about the rest of my life that I 0:09:30.280 --> 0:09:33.280 was just like, it's going to be this at this level, 0:09:33.400 --> 0:09:36.160 and that's going to be fine, and maybe some years 0:09:36.160 --> 0:09:38.040 down the line will have kids, and maybe some years 0:09:38.080 --> 0:09:40.200 down the line will get a divorce. And that was 0:09:40.360 --> 0:09:43.480 part of my thinking of my future was just like, 0:09:43.559 --> 0:09:45.840 this is inevitably what's going to happen. Because I had 0:09:45.880 --> 0:09:48.440 become very comfortable in this life that we built, and 0:09:48.480 --> 0:09:50.560 then I met Beth and I was just like, I 0:09:50.600 --> 0:09:53.880 can't not be with this person. I can't say to 0:09:53.920 --> 0:09:56.520 the rest of my life, Oh, it's going to be fine. 0:09:56.559 --> 0:09:58.560 Knowing that this person and this feeling that I have 0:09:58.640 --> 0:10:01.080 about this person is out there for me, it was 0:10:01.200 --> 0:10:04.280 the most important thing to shape our lives in a 0:10:04.320 --> 0:10:06.640 way that we could be with each other. And so 0:10:06.679 --> 0:10:09.960 I moved with this expectation that I was going to 0:10:10.000 --> 0:10:11.840 still be able to pursue acting in LA. 0:10:12.200 --> 0:10:14.680 That is amazing, What a beautiful story. 0:10:15.160 --> 0:10:17.680 Well thanks, Yeah. We talk a lot about these moments 0:10:17.679 --> 0:10:19.680 of crossroads that you always have in your life where 0:10:19.720 --> 0:10:20.679 you can look. 0:10:20.520 --> 0:10:22.400 Back and see like, oh, I see these. 0:10:22.480 --> 0:10:25.160 Sliding doors moments I took a right instead of a left, 0:10:25.200 --> 0:10:28.320 and there it was, and with her, it was one 0:10:28.320 --> 0:10:30.800 of the very small handful of moments where you're in 0:10:30.840 --> 0:10:34.120 the crossroads and realizing that you're there. I could see 0:10:34.320 --> 0:10:36.360 my life was either going to take a hard left 0:10:36.480 --> 0:10:38.839 or a hard right, but it couldn't stay the same. 0:10:38.960 --> 0:10:40.720 I can say where we are right now. It's just 0:10:40.800 --> 0:10:43.640 been the best decision I've ever made in my life. 0:10:47.440 --> 0:10:51.679 Way to go with your gut and follow intuition. It's 0:10:51.679 --> 0:10:53.360 like I tell people all the time everything we want 0:10:53.720 --> 0:10:54.640 on the other side. 0:10:54.400 --> 0:10:56.920 Of our fear knowing that being a father, becoming a 0:10:56.920 --> 0:10:59.280 father was so important to you, did y'all decide to 0:10:59.280 --> 0:11:00.480 start a family earlier? 0:11:01.480 --> 0:11:04.080 We talked about it pretty early on in our relationship. 0:11:04.200 --> 0:11:06.120 I think we both kind of knew deep down this 0:11:06.280 --> 0:11:09.160 was the person. We had a feeling we would get married. 0:11:09.520 --> 0:11:13.120 And Beth has said since she knew almost immediately after 0:11:13.120 --> 0:11:15.840 we started dating that she wanted to be married to me, 0:11:15.880 --> 0:11:18.080 and that she wanted to have kids with me, and 0:11:18.120 --> 0:11:20.480 that it wasn't this lifelong dream that she was like, 0:11:20.720 --> 0:11:22.440 I'm going to have this kind of wedding and I'm 0:11:22.440 --> 0:11:25.680 gonna have this number of kids, But really that when 0:11:25.679 --> 0:11:28.520 we met each other, we knew this is the person 0:11:28.520 --> 0:11:30.600 who I wanted to share this with. 0:11:30.640 --> 0:11:31.960 This is the person I want to go on that 0:11:32.040 --> 0:11:32.559 journey with. 0:11:33.080 --> 0:11:34.880 We were married like two and a half to three 0:11:35.000 --> 0:11:39.080 years and just decided it was a good time. We 0:11:39.080 --> 0:11:41.680 were both in a good place with our careers and life. 0:11:42.000 --> 0:11:44.480 We wanted to at least get started in the process, 0:11:44.480 --> 0:11:46.120 and we didn't have any expectations that we were going 0:11:46.160 --> 0:11:49.040 to get pregnant right away, but we didn't want to 0:11:49.440 --> 0:11:52.400 delay it anymore, just with both of us were kind 0:11:52.400 --> 0:11:54.320 of getting started a little bit later than a lot 0:11:54.360 --> 0:11:56.160 of people do. I wouldn't say late in life, even 0:11:56.200 --> 0:11:59.280 though the medical term is like what geriatric pregnancy is 0:11:59.320 --> 0:12:03.600 like thirty two were something ridiculous like that. It's so stupid. 0:12:03.760 --> 0:12:06.480 It just it means nothing. But you know, we were 0:12:06.520 --> 0:12:09.520 anxious to kind of start the next chapter. And it 0:12:09.559 --> 0:12:11.960 took us a long time. Took us a total of 0:12:12.040 --> 0:12:16.359 about two and a half years, with about five losses 0:12:16.679 --> 0:12:20.400 of pregnancy throughout at various stages, so a couple that 0:12:20.440 --> 0:12:22.839 were really early and then a couple were not really early, 0:12:22.960 --> 0:12:27.440 and it just, it truly was the hardest thing I 0:12:27.440 --> 0:12:30.920 think that either of us has ever done. Maybe still 0:12:31.240 --> 0:12:35.600 it just it tested us in such a profound way 0:12:36.360 --> 0:12:39.160 because for a lot of people I think, who have 0:12:39.240 --> 0:12:44.000 gone through miscarriages or pregnancy losses, there's at least in 0:12:44.040 --> 0:12:47.720 the early stage. For us, we felt very private about it. 0:12:47.840 --> 0:12:50.600 I know my wife in particular was having a really 0:12:50.640 --> 0:12:53.720 hard time with just battling the concept of there's something 0:12:53.800 --> 0:12:56.960 wrong with us or something wrong with me, or something 0:12:56.960 --> 0:12:59.600 wrong with her physically. You know, it's just these kind 0:12:59.640 --> 0:13:02.560 of little things that are just chipping away at you 0:13:02.840 --> 0:13:07.000 and for our relationship, so much of this became task 0:13:07.040 --> 0:13:09.480 orient or goal oriented, where we're trying to get to 0:13:09.520 --> 0:13:11.000 this place and so we have to do X, Y 0:13:11.040 --> 0:13:13.760 and Z, and it's just about checking boxes off and 0:13:13.840 --> 0:13:16.760 just putting our heads down and going through it. And 0:13:16.840 --> 0:13:21.440 also we had moments where it was difficult for either 0:13:21.480 --> 0:13:23.080 of us to be there for the other person in 0:13:23.120 --> 0:13:26.000 the way that each of us needed. I think both 0:13:26.040 --> 0:13:28.000 of us maybe we're speaking to therapists at the time, 0:13:28.000 --> 0:13:30.760 but it just, you know, there's moments where you're both 0:13:30.840 --> 0:13:33.320 just so low, and it's like there are times where 0:13:33.360 --> 0:13:35.520 she's down and I can pick her up and vice versa. 0:13:35.559 --> 0:13:37.280 And then there were times where we're both just kind 0:13:37.280 --> 0:13:42.400 of done and just so low about all of it. 0:13:42.480 --> 0:13:45.520 And at various times we thought, Okay, we're done, we're 0:13:45.520 --> 0:13:47.840 not going to try, we're just not meant to have 0:13:48.240 --> 0:13:51.559 biological children, and then laid in the game, someone else 0:13:52.360 --> 0:13:55.319 kind of helped us see that. Every time we got 0:13:55.320 --> 0:13:59.080 a positive pregnancy test. That is something to celebrate, It 0:13:59.160 --> 0:14:02.240 is something to be We invest in the joy of 0:14:02.280 --> 0:14:05.760 that moment, even if that means in two weeks this 0:14:05.880 --> 0:14:10.199 is going to crush us, because grieving for a potential 0:14:10.240 --> 0:14:12.679 loss was never going to help soften that loss. It 0:14:12.720 --> 0:14:15.520 was always going to be horrible. So why not take 0:14:15.559 --> 0:14:18.160 this moment now to just be so excited and happy 0:14:18.200 --> 0:14:20.560 that we made it this far. And so we did that, 0:14:20.680 --> 0:14:23.520 and luckily, a couple weeks later she was still pregnant. 0:14:23.560 --> 0:14:26.000 And then a couple weeks later we had some tests 0:14:26.080 --> 0:14:28.240 done and everything looked pretty good, and then it just 0:14:28.320 --> 0:14:30.640 kind of, you know, the good news kept on stacking, 0:14:30.960 --> 0:14:34.360 and then all of a sudden, she's nine months and 0:14:34.960 --> 0:14:39.240 almost a day before she's due and it's time, and 0:14:39.280 --> 0:14:42.200 it just was like, looking back on that now, it's 0:14:42.240 --> 0:14:44.200 just it feels like it happened to two different people. 0:14:44.240 --> 0:14:46.920 It's so hard to put myself back in that mindset 0:14:46.920 --> 0:14:49.080 of when all that was going on. But at the time, 0:14:49.080 --> 0:14:51.400 and it was, it was all consuming, it was our 0:14:51.440 --> 0:14:55.040 whole entire lives. Maybe about a year into it, we 0:14:55.120 --> 0:14:57.720 started feeling like we could talk to other people about it, 0:14:57.800 --> 0:15:02.600 and there's this shame of around it that I don't 0:15:02.600 --> 0:15:04.760 even know where it came from. It's like we came 0:15:04.800 --> 0:15:09.400 from two incredibly loving, supportive parents who just didn't pressure 0:15:09.480 --> 0:15:11.680 us at all about having kids. It wasn't like our 0:15:11.720 --> 0:15:13.720 moms were sitting there being like Wenesday, when are you 0:15:13.760 --> 0:15:15.840 gonna give me a friend of time. It didn't happen, 0:15:16.000 --> 0:15:18.680 and so it just felt like it just was there, 0:15:19.120 --> 0:15:22.560 and we felt like I don't own enough of a 0:15:22.640 --> 0:15:25.560 sob story to be able to talk to somebody else 0:15:25.600 --> 0:15:28.120 about this. You know, I have friends who had, from 0:15:28.120 --> 0:15:32.040 the outside seemingly so much harder journeys with getting pregnant, 0:15:32.320 --> 0:15:35.120 and so we always felt very much like, there's nothing wrong, 0:15:35.160 --> 0:15:36.800 it's just taking a long time. Let's just kind of 0:15:36.880 --> 0:15:38.880 keep it to ourselves. And then over time we started 0:15:38.880 --> 0:15:40.840 speaking to more and more people, and it was just 0:15:41.600 --> 0:15:46.480 shocking how many women in our lives, very close family members, 0:15:46.640 --> 0:15:49.680 very close friends, who had gone through this exact same 0:15:49.720 --> 0:15:53.120 thing or similar things and never talk to us about it. 0:15:53.280 --> 0:15:55.640 And it's just like there's just not a mechanism other 0:15:55.720 --> 0:15:59.920 than a podcast about going through ourd stuff, but there's 0:16:00.000 --> 0:16:02.680 just not as much of a societal mechanism to talk 0:16:02.720 --> 0:16:05.320 about hardshit in the same way. And I think that there, 0:16:05.600 --> 0:16:09.840 especially for something that is very personally traumatic but from 0:16:09.880 --> 0:16:12.160 the outside seems like, oh, well, everybody's gone through this. 0:16:12.480 --> 0:16:14.800 It was so hard for us not to judge ourselves 0:16:14.880 --> 0:16:18.560 on this theoretical hierarchy of trauma. 0:16:18.040 --> 0:16:20.840 And then feel the release when you find out there's 0:16:20.880 --> 0:16:22.920 so many others out there that have been the same 0:16:23.000 --> 0:16:25.400 thing exactly one. 0:16:25.640 --> 0:16:29.240 And the fact that you guys had the courage to say, hey, 0:16:29.240 --> 0:16:33.000 we're gonna keep going. Yeah, we're gonna stay committed. And 0:16:33.080 --> 0:16:35.360 like you said, it's very routine. You got in a 0:16:35.440 --> 0:16:41.160 routine and it's just proved positive too that celebrate and 0:16:41.200 --> 0:16:45.440 be completely present regardless of the past. Totally, that's it. 0:16:45.520 --> 0:16:47.200 And the fact that you guys were able to get 0:16:47.240 --> 0:16:50.240 to that point, not to say there weren't hard days. 0:16:50.280 --> 0:16:53.640 Those are guaranteed right even now of course even now, Yeah, 0:16:53.680 --> 0:16:57.040 I mean that's life. Yeah, but it's a beautiful thing, man, 0:16:57.120 --> 0:17:00.560 it's a beautiful thing that you guys were able. And 0:17:00.600 --> 0:17:02.960 not to say that you never had an argument or 0:17:03.000 --> 0:17:08.120 got into it about it, because we know you're not unicorns, 0:17:08.440 --> 0:17:10.840 but the fact that at the end of the day 0:17:11.080 --> 0:17:15.800 you're both still here present to beautiful kids. Yeah, I mean, 0:17:17.040 --> 0:17:18.479 was the risk worth the reward? 0:17:19.480 --> 0:17:22.639 Yeah, one hundred percent was. And I think that you 0:17:22.680 --> 0:17:25.879 look at your kids too, and we talk all the 0:17:25.880 --> 0:17:28.679 time about the concept of traveling back in time, and 0:17:28.720 --> 0:17:32.320 it's just like, there's nothing that I would redo because 0:17:32.359 --> 0:17:35.320 I've now met these two kids who are just there. 0:17:35.680 --> 0:17:40.200 Only existence is due to every other decision, every other 0:17:40.600 --> 0:17:43.480 moment that happened before that, and so it just feels like, yeah, 0:17:43.520 --> 0:17:45.560 of course it was worth it, because I would do 0:17:45.600 --> 0:17:47.720 that one hundred times and one hundred times worse to 0:17:47.800 --> 0:17:49.719 get to these two kids. 0:17:49.840 --> 0:17:54.679 It's the biggest, most undescribable blessing in the world. 0:17:55.000 --> 0:17:58.600 So you were able to accomplish that goal, that desire 0:17:58.640 --> 0:18:01.439 that you'd always had to be a father. So to 0:18:01.560 --> 0:18:04.440 bring it back to scuba diving when you got out 0:18:04.440 --> 0:18:07.640 to California, was this something you also pursued like. 0:18:07.600 --> 0:18:10.480 Everything else, especially when you're the parent of a small 0:18:10.560 --> 0:18:13.640 child who just I immediately went into the trash heap 0:18:13.680 --> 0:18:16.480 of like dreams that I have and I'll just revisit 0:18:16.520 --> 0:18:19.680 those when I'm retired. For my fortieth birthday, my brother 0:18:19.720 --> 0:18:22.080 in law, really he was the inspiration to get the 0:18:22.119 --> 0:18:25.680 whole family to basically all contribute and get me a 0:18:25.760 --> 0:18:29.240 first level certification for diving, because there's a dive shop 0:18:29.520 --> 0:18:32.840 fifteen minutes away from my house and they dive twenty 0:18:32.880 --> 0:18:34.720 minutes away from my house. And I'm just like, I've 0:18:34.720 --> 0:18:37.680 been living in California now for almost ten years and 0:18:38.320 --> 0:18:40.560 never even just like gave it a second thought of 0:18:40.600 --> 0:18:42.760 like this thing that I always wanted to do. That 0:18:42.840 --> 0:18:46.600 for several hundred dollars and a weekend, basically you could 0:18:46.640 --> 0:18:49.360 just like check that dream off and make it a reality. 0:18:50.800 --> 0:18:51.960 Now I look back, I'm. 0:18:51.760 --> 0:18:54.960 Like, what going to be like a ten year diver. 0:18:55.760 --> 0:18:57.760 So they got me that gift certificate and it was, 0:18:57.800 --> 0:18:59.919 of course in the middle of the pandemic. Finally I 0:18:59.920 --> 0:19:02.280 was just like, I need to take the time and 0:19:02.400 --> 0:19:04.520 just do this. I mean, I just I need to 0:19:04.560 --> 0:19:08.160 devote two weekends to myself. You know, we got help 0:19:08.240 --> 0:19:11.280 with the kids, and I just went off and made 0:19:11.280 --> 0:19:14.439 it a reality. And it was right away one of 0:19:14.440 --> 0:19:17.120 the most amazing and difficult things that I had ever 0:19:17.160 --> 0:19:22.239 done because I was so bad at it and just 0:19:22.359 --> 0:19:24.280 balancing all over the place even in the pool. On 0:19:24.320 --> 0:19:26.199