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Speaker 1: Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. Would

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Speaker 1: you like to collapse the Trump regime today? Peacefully? You?

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Speaker 1: The White House Press Corps only really takes one of you,

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Speaker 1: though it would be better with a dozen of you

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Speaker 1: working together. Here's what you do. You go into the

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Speaker 1: next Oval office scrum and you ask him politely for

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Speaker 1: his explanation of something that was just released by his

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Speaker 1: administration by Pam Bondi's office on the government website. Todd

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Speaker 1: Blanche was there, and you read, quoting this FBI three

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Speaker 1: h two interview file quote Maxwell presented her to Trump.

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Speaker 1: By the things Max Well said, it was clear that

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Speaker 1: she was available and don't stop reading and don't make

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Speaker 1: eye contact. And then from the sworn affidavit, read quote,

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Speaker 1: I personally witnessed defendant Trump telling the plaintiff that she

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Speaker 1: couldn't ever say anything if she didn't want to disappear

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Speaker 1: like the twelve year old female redacted, and that he

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Speaker 1: was capable of having her whole family killed. Quote. The

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Speaker 1: physical and sexual abuse that I personally witnessed of minor

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Speaker 1: females at the hands of mister Trump and mister Epstein

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Speaker 1: under penalty of perjury even though I fully understand that

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Speaker 1: the life of myself and my family is now in

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Speaker 1: grave danger unquote, What sir, is your explanation, sir about

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Speaker 1: when you threaten this girl's life, sir? And then if

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Speaker 1: you can still get any more of your colleagues to

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Speaker 1: do their jobs too, Then they read, They don't stop reading,

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Speaker 1: They don't make eye contact, They just keep reading. He talks,

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Speaker 1: they keep talking louder, What sir, is your explanations, sir?

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Speaker 1: Of quote complaint and reported being threatened by Trump's then

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Speaker 1: head of security that if she ever talked of what

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Speaker 1: went on there or who she saw, she would end

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Speaker 1: up as fertilizer for the back nine holes like the

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Speaker 1: other sea words. Then yet another member of the White

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Speaker 1: House Press Corps needs to ask about Epstein's emails telling

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Speaker 1: the ex Prime Minister of Norway how the Russian thug

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Speaker 1: Sergei Lafrov should handle Trump when he handled Trump. And

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Speaker 1: the fourth needs to ask about the calendar girl's contest

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Speaker 1: and measuring and penetration that we know about because Trump's

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Speaker 1: own Department of Justice revealed it in a document production

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Speaker 1: ordered by a law signed by Donald Effing Trump. Then

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Speaker 1: one more member of the White House Press corps if

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Speaker 1: there are any left has to ask, sir, since many

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Speaker 1: of the crimes alluded to in the Epstein document dump

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Speaker 1: do not have statutes of limitations, and since you've been

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Speaker 1: convicted in court of you know, sex stuff, and since

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Speaker 1: there is that access Hollywood tape and that's still on

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Speaker 1: the internet somewhere, where's the special prosecutor for the Epstein conspiracy?

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Speaker 1: I mean, Epstein is dead, but the crimes live on,

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Speaker 1: don't they, Sir? Don't you need to have a big, powerful,

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Speaker 1: beautiful special prosecutor? Sir? Where's your goddamned administration's commitment to

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Speaker 1: put these people in prison? Sir? Why sir are you

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Speaker 1: covering up not the Epstein files anymore? Sir? Why you

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Speaker 1: Donald Trump? Why are you covering up the Epstein criminals?

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Speaker 1: You guys, do this quick enough. We can wrap this

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Speaker 1: up by nightfall, whatever happens next. If the White House

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Speaker 1: Press Corps actually decided, hey, let's try this, because our

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Speaker 1: lives are pretty much wasted doing this as it is,

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Speaker 1: and we have no futures in the industry because either

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Speaker 1: he's going to eliminate the free press or or there's

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Speaker 1: going to be a real, a real news media again

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Speaker 1: in this country, in which case none of us will

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Speaker 1: ever get fired again, because we totally lost it during

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Speaker 1: the Trump administration and we became just props. That's the

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Speaker 1: way they have to think it now. That's the way

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Speaker 1: you have to think it now, White House correspondents, because

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Speaker 1: whatever happens next, White House Correspondence, he swears at you,

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Speaker 1: he threatens you, he screams, he runs away, he craps

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Speaker 1: his pants again, or worst of all possible things, he

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Speaker 1: craps his pants again and runs away. At the same time,

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Speaker 1: what's it going to do? Have you expelled? My god,

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Speaker 1: that gives you a day off. At least, whatever happens next,

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Speaker 1: you will have You will have served your country for

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Speaker 1: the first time, maybe in your careers, certainly in the

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Speaker 1: last year, maybe in the last ten years, maybe in

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Speaker 1: the last twenty five years. The White House Press Corps

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Speaker 1: has been doing a hell in a handbasket for longer

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Speaker 1: than I was a member of it. But whatever happens next,

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Speaker 1: you will have served your country, and you will also

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Speaker 1: be on your job longer than he will. It is

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Speaker 1: a house of cards, and as big as they build it,

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Speaker 1: and as menacingly as they talk about it, and as

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Speaker 1: willing as they are to kill you over it. It's

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Speaker 1: still made out of cards, and knowing his history with casinos,

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Speaker 1: they're probably the cheap cards that aren't even correctly laminated,

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Speaker 1: and they begin to tear when you wash them. Knock

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Speaker 1: down the effing house of cards, won't you. All you

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Speaker 1: have to do, White House Reporters is blow on it.

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Speaker 1: You remember how to blow, don't you? And by the way,

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Speaker 1: for your bosses, tremendous profit in getting people to read

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Speaker 1: your news or why your news videos. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if you knew that the truth. It's actually a tremendous market.

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Speaker 1: That's the whole angry American Nietzsche now lucrative, lucrative. So

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Speaker 1: now do you also want to get Elon Musk expelled

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Speaker 1: from the country today? Peacefully? Next time he's anywhere Tech reporters,

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Speaker 1: mister Musk, excuse me, what do your questions in your

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Speaker 1: emails to Jeffrey Epstein mean? I'm thinking, sir, what day

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Speaker 1: night will be the wildest party on your island? Unquote

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Speaker 1: and quote, I really want to hit the party scene

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Speaker 1: unquote unquote, is there a good time to visit? Unquote?

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Speaker 1: And then the whole thing where he makes the joke

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Speaker 1: about going to see the UN and you're not with

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Speaker 1: it enough to understand he's joking, so you take him

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Speaker 1: seriously and you say you'd never waste your time on

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Speaker 1: the UN, and you imply you just would go for parties.

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Speaker 1: Then and then, sir, why did you contact Epstein after

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Speaker 1: two thousand and eight when Epstein was already convicted of

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Speaker 1: child sex trafficking? And what about you? As in the

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Speaker 1: unreleased half of the Epstein files, mister Musk, whatever happens next,

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Speaker 1: Tech reporters, he sweares, he screams, he runs away, He

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Speaker 1: takes away your starlink, he has you expelled. He takes

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Speaker 1: his Tesla truck back. He gets pale, he gets pale.

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Speaker 1: How could you tell, whatever happens next, you will have

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Speaker 1: served your country for once, and you will be on

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Speaker 1: your job longer than he will. I mean, even just

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Speaker 1: ask him about the deleted tweet from Saturday. That deleted

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Speaker 1: tweet quote. Of course they are trying to deflect responsibility

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Speaker 1: to me from the truly guilty. I have been to

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Speaker 1: any of Epstein's party, is plain or island. Unquote. I

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Speaker 1: have been to any of Epstein's party, his plane, or

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Speaker 1: his island unquote Dr Freud, just ask him about that.

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Speaker 1: It was a typo. Excuse me, I have to get

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Speaker 1: on a plane for Mars. Now. Now while we're at this,

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Speaker 1: do you want to get Marco Rubio fired from the

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Speaker 1: cabinet or Narco Rubio as somebody called him, Love that

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Speaker 1: Narco Rubio. You go to him and you hold up

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Speaker 1: a finger in front of your face so he has

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Speaker 1: something to concentrate on while you're talking, and he'll remember

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Speaker 1: to stop rubbing whatever he's rubbing on his gums. And

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Speaker 1: you ask him State Department, Press Corps. You ask him,

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Speaker 1: what the hell is this? Epstein email to Michael Wolf,

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Speaker 1: your friend Bondi over a justice just released, where Epstein writes, quote,

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Speaker 1: I assume you already know that the original misspelled funder

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Speaker 1: for the dossier misspelled was Rubio? Not sure why it

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Speaker 1: seems so miss serious? And ask him, sir, is that

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Speaker 1: you Rubio he means? Or is that Rubio the footballer

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Speaker 1: on the team in Bucharest or Jorge Rubio of the

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Speaker 1: nineteen sixty seven California Angels? Which Rubio is he talking about?

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Speaker 1: And you want to get Howard Lutnick fired from the cabinet?

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Speaker 1: This might be something that would get bipartisan support. You

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Speaker 1: want to get Howard Lutnick fired from the cabinet after

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Speaker 1: the Epstein files show his email to Epstein seven years

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Speaker 1: and contact twelve years after he claims he cut off

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Speaker 1: his across the hall neighbor Epstein forever. Do you want

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Speaker 1: to get Trump's new pick for the Fed, Kevin Warsch withdrawn?

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Speaker 1: Do you want to bury Steve Bannon and his thousands

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Speaker 1: of texts with Epstein? Do you want to get the

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Speaker 1: disgraced director of the Milenia vanity film or horror film fired,

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Speaker 1: Brett Ratner, the one in the photos with the young girls.

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Speaker 1: Do you want to get the fascist stooge Barry Weiss

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Speaker 1: fired by the Ellisons one of the key people she's

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Speaker 1: hiring to replace the actual journalists at CBS, doctor Peter

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Speaker 1: Attiya Atiya. A thousand emails between Barry Weiss's new journalist

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Speaker 1: Atiya and Epstein. A thousand and at least one between

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Speaker 1: Barry Weiss's wife and Epstein asking her how introducing Barry

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Speaker 1: Weiss to her folks went. You wouldn't even have to

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Speaker 1: ask that question on the air CBS News. You could

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Speaker 1: just remind the Ellisons and suggest where this might be

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Speaker 1: leading and how it's never going to go away unless

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Speaker 1: she goes away, and ask them where would the thousand

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Speaker 1: emails and the one from her wife go to to

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Speaker 1: do the most damaged to them, the Allisons personally, or

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Speaker 1: where would all this stuff that's still unreleased in the

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Speaker 1: files go to damage them the Ellison's worst canna ask

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Speaker 1: the mat You don't have to put it on the air.

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Speaker 1: Do I feel skeevie about any of this? Maybe? I

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Speaker 1: probably will later, But there is more journalism, more honesty,

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Speaker 1: more ethics in the first six hundred words of this

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Speaker 1: podcast today than there has been so far in all

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Speaker 1: of QAnon and what it did with the subject of

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Speaker 1: sex trafficking in which it was weaponized to try to

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Speaker 1: elect a complete asshole like Trump. If I feel better

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Speaker 1: after the cancer is removed from this country, I'll feel better.

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Speaker 1: In the interim, I asked two questions in response to

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Speaker 1: that rhetorical question about do I feel skeeee about this?

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Speaker 1: When the entirety of American media broke laws, broke grand

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Speaker 1: jury precedents, colluded with one political party, staged events, faked

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Speaker 1: newscast to try to force a president to resign and

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Speaker 1: to slander a young woman and vaguely hint that maybe

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Speaker 1: she wasn't the only one, and maybe she wasn't the youngest.

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Speaker 1: Did you feel any thing skeevie about that? You didn't?

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Speaker 1: I did? I remember I was there. It's why I

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Speaker 1: quit that job. It was also ultimately why the then

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Speaker 1: president got to stay in office and the would be

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Speaker 1: American dictator who had engineered the whole distraction of America

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Speaker 1: from the gathering storm of international terrorism so it could

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Speaker 1: instead watch a soap opera he created dressed up as news.

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Speaker 1: Why that president stayed in office but the would be

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Speaker 1: American dictator got his ass fired a Speaker of the

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Speaker 1: House and why his hand picked successor got fired before

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Speaker 1: he took office as Speaker of the House because he

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Speaker 1: was cheating on his wife and that's when she found out.

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Speaker 1: Remember any of that. Remember where I had to go

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Speaker 1: public and look crazy and threatened to sue to get

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Speaker 1: out of my contract with NBC because it was wrong.

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Speaker 1: That's one question I have in response to the idea

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Speaker 1: of do I feel skeevie about this? The other question is,

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Speaker 1: mister President, rather than address our quotations about you in

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Speaker 1: your justice Department's Epstein files from the other day. You

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Speaker 1: crapped your pants and then threw some of it at us,

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Speaker 1: and then you threw us all out of the Oval office,

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Speaker 1: and you shouted to go ba Iran, which we're told

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Speaker 1: is actually the secret Service call code for potus crapped

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Speaker 1: his pants again. So, sir, with the courtesy here that

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Speaker 1: we're hoping you're feeling better for everyone's sake, what about you?

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Speaker 1: Mister Trump is in the unreleased half of the Epstein files.

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Speaker 1: And while we're here speaking truth to power, we're truth

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Speaker 1: to incontinence. Can we stop reading the regime version of

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Speaker 1: the attempt to disappear this one guy, Don Lemon was

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Speaker 1: arrested for because Trump has always had a boner for him,

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Speaker 1: and because he's black, and because he's gay, and because

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Speaker 1: he covered an anti ice protest that they had disguised

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Speaker 1: as a religious ceremony. He was not arrested for I

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Speaker 1: don't know, questioning why a church is doubling as a

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Speaker 1: political venue and still has tax exempt status, not for

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Speaker 1: denying people their right to worship in the first Church

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Speaker 1: of the Gui Death and Republican Party. Don Lemon was

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Speaker 1: arrested for being at an anti ice protest and publicizing it.

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Speaker 1: And because Trump hates him, I mean he hates others too.

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Speaker 1: Don was just foolish enough to leave his flank open,

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Speaker 1: which is done in a nutshell. For Christ's sakes. I

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Speaker 1: love Don, but he did once ask one of his

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Speaker 1: guests on CNN if that Malaysian airliner might have disappeared

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Speaker 1: into a black hole that was only big enough to

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Speaker 1: only swallow it up, and was not oh the size

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Speaker 1: of the small black holes, you know, forty miles in diameter.

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Speaker 1: That's Don all over. Anyway, This had nothing to do

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Speaker 1: with churches anymore than I had to do with black holes.

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Speaker 1: That lunatic, who is too lunatic even for Maga Valentina Gomez,

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Speaker 1: who was running for something in Missouri and washed out,

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Speaker 1: and now she's running for something else in Texas because

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Speaker 1: I think they threw her out of Missouri. She busted

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Speaker 1: into an LGBTQ friendly church a month ago, like a

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Speaker 1: month ago today in New Bronfels, and they didn't arrest her.

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Speaker 1: And if Trump this religious police were going to judge

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Speaker 1: shop and grand jury shop until they could get some

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Speaker 1: bunch of racists to punish Don Lemon for heresy they

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Speaker 1: sure as shit could find a judge or grand jury

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Speaker 1: to punish Valentina Gomez for heresy, because it couldn't have

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Speaker 1: just been about Don Lemon, could it? Why is it

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Speaker 1: about trying to make an example out of somebody who

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Speaker 1: the president has spired with? Dana Bash said with great

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Speaker 1: enthusiasm in her interview with Todd Blanche yesterday, and Blanche answers, quote,

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Speaker 1: I don't even know that the President's even ever thought

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Speaker 1: of Don Lemon. Ron Philipkowski points out that Trump has

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Speaker 1: posted about Don Lemon just on truth social ten times

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Speaker 1: in three years when he hadn't even had a show,

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Speaker 1: but not more recently than Saturday twenty twenty three. Trump wrote, quote,

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Speaker 1: good news, the dumbest man on television, Don Lemon has

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Speaker 1: finally been fired from fake news. And then my only

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Speaker 1: question is what took them so long? I don't know, Donnie.

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Speaker 1: Maybe they were waiting for you to bribe, threaten, or

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Speaker 1: blackmail them. These seem to be the three animating principles

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Speaker 1: of your administration, Donnie. Corruptim minari x torkerri bribe, threatened, blackmail.

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Speaker 1: Now Don is lucky, little tiny economy size. Greg Bavino,

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Speaker 1: who decided to mock prosecutor's Jewish faith a Trump prosecutor's

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Speaker 1: Jewish faith because gee, guess what, Greg Bavino acts just

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Speaker 1: as Nazi as he looks. Don Lemon is lucky that

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Speaker 1: ICE is now claiming it can enter homes without warrants

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Speaker 1: if they think there's a flight risk, and they didn't

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Speaker 1: do that with him, and Senator Ron Johnson was yet

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Speaker 1: to actually prove by his deeds that he acts on

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Speaker 1: behalf of this country. Says that there's law and then

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Speaker 1: there's immigration law, which is something different. You can do

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Speaker 1: anything you want to under immigration law. In part because

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Speaker 1: the Trump Reich has convinced itself of this, and in

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Speaker 1: part because Ron is fantastically stupid. Also, I'm not convinced

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Speaker 1: any of this is his original language. And on the

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Speaker 1: other hand, some Democratic senators snatched victory out of the

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Speaker 1: jaws of defeat while some of their colleagues were still

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Speaker 1: trying to snatch defeat out of the jaws of victory

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Speaker 1: by manipulating the rules so that the funding of DHS

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Speaker 1: and ICE will only last through a week from Friday,

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Speaker 1: and in the interim they will good help us negotiate,

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Speaker 1: good help us with the fascists over You know how

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Speaker 1: many bullets you get to use when you shoot the

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Speaker 1: next Renee Good and Alex Pretty and break into a

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Speaker 1: home somewhere and take a five year old kid and

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Speaker 1: it takes a week to get him out of the clink.

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Speaker 1: And I still think the best negotiation here starts the

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Speaker 1: same way with this, sir, this document your Department of

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Speaker 1: Justice produce that references penetration. What's all this penetration about?

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Speaker 1: You ever knownice? There was a lot of penetration? And

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Speaker 1: what's this twelve year old girls? And just ask him

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Speaker 1: every day until he craps his pants in front of

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Speaker 1: everybody again in the oval office. Well, no, that only

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Speaker 1: covers like another day. Keep asking it at least all week, everybody.

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Speaker 1: Bring in the old nose pins. We used to have

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Speaker 1: the old pins with which he used to hang up

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Speaker 1: the laundry on the drying line and put them over

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Speaker 1: your nose. Clothes pins were the technical term for them.

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Speaker 1: And somebody somebody go in there to day and get

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Speaker 1: his reaction to one just one social media post, just

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Speaker 1: one please, somebody please read this to him and ask

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Speaker 1: him for his reaction. Quote. Remember when we learned that

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Speaker 1: our wealthiest and most powerful people were connected to a

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Speaker 1: guy who ran a literal child sex trafficking ring, and

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Speaker 1: then that guy died mysteriously in jail, and now we

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Speaker 1: just don't talk about him. Sir? What's your thought of that?

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Speaker 1: About that quote that was a social media post? What

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Speaker 1: do you think about that that was on x What

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Speaker 1: do you think about that? Sir? Remember when we learned

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Speaker 1: that our wealthiest and most powerful people were connected to

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Speaker 1: a guy who ran a literal child sex trafficking ring,

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Speaker 1: and then that guy died mysteriously in jail, and now

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Speaker 1: we just don't talk about it. What's your comment, mister President? JD.

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Speaker 1: Van Sept Third, twenty twenty one. What's your comment, sir?

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Speaker 1: What did the Vice president mean by that? Sir? If

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Speaker 1: you're not too busy being carried out of here on

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Speaker 1: a training party, sir. Oh, and while you're here, mister

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Speaker 1: Vice president, one question about this? Now we just don't

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Speaker 1: talk about it? What now you just don't want to

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Speaker 1: talk about it? Now? To circle back to the seizure

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Speaker 1: of those in Georgia, all the way back last Wednesday

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Speaker 1: years ago with Tulsy Gabbard, the Director of National Intelligence,

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Speaker 1: who is the worst possible advertisement for the product her

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Speaker 1: department supposedly handles. Tulsi Gabbard standing there in Georgia like

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Speaker 1: a lady of the evening who cannot find the right

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Speaker 1: street corner he supposed to be here. I brought my flower.

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Speaker 1: Are you confused that the FBI has seized ballots in

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Speaker 1: Atlanta from six years ago? Are you surprised that the

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Speaker 1: Democrats fixed the twenty twenty election when you didn't know

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Speaker 1: about it while Trump was in charge, but they didn't

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Speaker 1: fix it in twenty twenty four while the Democrats were

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Speaker 1: in charge. Are you wondering, isn't the statute of limitations

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Speaker 1: five years in Georgia? Or is everything just still a

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Speaker 1: little slower in the Great State of Georgia? Are you

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Speaker 1: wondering what the f Tulsa Gabbard was doing there? I mean,

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Speaker 1: like really wondering, Like she was wondering what she was

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Speaker 1: doing there, like she wonders where she's anywhere at a

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Speaker 1: given moment. Are you amazed that Trump reposted fifty six

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Speaker 1: especially crazy conspiracy theories, most of them about the twenty

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Speaker 1: twenty election, in a one hour span last Wednesday night

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Speaker 1: as the raid was taking place. Is that what's bothering you, Bunkie. Well, sorry,

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Speaker 1: but I told you so. The ballot seizure is the

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Speaker 1: setup for what I suggested here a week and a

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Speaker 1: half ago January twenty second. Trump is setting up softening

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Speaker 1: the ground for some big push about twenty twenty arrests

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Speaker 1: if he can do it, indictments, promises to drag in

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Speaker 1: Biden and Obama and Rutherford B. Hayes. I don't know,

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Speaker 1: and not just because Trump's damaged minds inability to accept

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Speaker 1: his defeat, any defeat grows by the hour. I mean,

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Speaker 1: Maga lost a special state Senate election in Texas Saturday night,

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Speaker 1: in a district that Trump had won by seventeen a

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Speaker 1: year ago, and Trump's response was I had nothing to

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Speaker 1: do with it, even though he campaigned for the loser.

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Speaker 1: His name was wham scans by the way, for you

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Speaker 1: baseball fans, wham scants for you succession fans. It's not

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Speaker 1: just that Trump's brain and his ability to accept unwelcome

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Speaker 1: thwarting news is down to zero, but this is also

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Speaker 1: I mean, there was an intention here to fire up

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Speaker 1: the base. None of this has to be true or

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Speaker 1: even not laugh out loud stupid. It just has to be.

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Speaker 1: They just have to say it, and so the bass

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Speaker 1: just has to see it. It is the simplest of

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Speaker 1: dog whistles. So you start talking about it again. Base.

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Speaker 1: It is reassurance that they're not crazy, even though they are.

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Speaker 1: That he did win in twenty twenty, even though he lost.

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Speaker 1: He just let them completely down on Epstein. He has

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Speaker 1: to give some conspiracy that they're not victims of He's

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Speaker 1: just late getting it ready. They will take those Georgia

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Speaker 1: ballots and do something with them. I'm thinking of the

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Speaker 1: late great art Matrano Da da d da da da Randah,

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Speaker 1: the guy who used to bang his fingers together, and

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Speaker 1: the whole comedy bit was he was a magician who

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Speaker 1: made different numbers of fingers appear on his hands. Da

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Speaker 1: da da da da da da da da da. That's

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Speaker 1: what they're going to do with the ballots. Gabbard is

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Speaker 1: there because to sell this they have to make it international,

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Speaker 1: because there is a statue of limitations, but not for

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Speaker 1: international actions of some kind, acts of war. The idea

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Speaker 1: that the election was fixed domestically has been disproved NonStop

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Speaker 1: for five years and in several hundred courtrooms, and there

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Speaker 1: is no further prosecution possible, so it has to be

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Speaker 1: space lazers, and the perfect front person for this would

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Speaker 1: be the world's dumbest human being, Tulsi Gabbard. She's not

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Speaker 1: a Russian asset because even the Rusians would be offended

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Speaker 1: by the use of the term asset. Asset I thought

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Speaker 1: you said asshole. Only she could read this post by

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Speaker 1: Donald Trump on truth Social and say I can do

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Speaker 1: something with this. A retweet from the skiff with a

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Speaker 1: logo that appears to be an Area fifty one. Alien

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Speaker 1: Maria Zack testified about the stolen twenty twenty election operation

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Speaker 1: connected to Obama, when he had diverted four hundred million

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Speaker 1: dollars from the infamous pallets of cash sent to Iran

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Speaker 1: funneling through the Dubai embassy to operatives in Italy and

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Speaker 1: Merrill Lynch in Geneva, Switzerland. In return, Italian officials at

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Speaker 1: Leonardo SPA used military satellites to help hack US voting machines,

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Speaker 1: flipping votes from Trump to Biden using CIA developed tools

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Speaker 1: like hammer and Scorecard, along with numerous other methods of

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Speaker 1: fraud and manipulation. China reportedly coordinating the whole operation, providing

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Speaker 1: the tech backbone and bribes to corrupt Americans. The CIA

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Speaker 1: oversaw it, the FBI covered it up, all to install

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Speaker 1: Biden as a puppet. This is the global election fraud

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Speaker 1: cartel and the real threat against American democracy and the

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Speaker 1: rest of the world. Got to give trump land credit

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Speaker 1: for making it so diverse. Obama, so that's Kenya, ran

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Speaker 1: to Bai, Italy, Switzerland, the CIA, FBI, Biden. That's pretty good.

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Speaker 1: A lot of DEI hires in this conspiracy. Boys, I

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Speaker 1: find the most interesting part here. It only costs four

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Speaker 1: four hundred million dollars just fix the election. That's the

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00:26:47,835 --> 00:26:51,235
Speaker 1: price of fixing an American election, four hundred million dollars.

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00:26:52,275 --> 00:26:55,795
Speaker 1: Like there aren't donors who could produce that before before

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00:26:55,795 --> 00:26:59,355
Speaker 1: the theme plays, four hundred million dollars, at least make

403
00:26:59,355 --> 00:27:05,275
Speaker 1: it four hundred billion dollars the skiff. Seriously to watch

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00:27:05,315 --> 00:27:09,515
Speaker 1: here is when Trump circles back to Venezuela because he

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Speaker 1: has an asset now to make this sing. He is

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Speaker 1: doubtless offering Maduro this deal. As I said a week

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Speaker 1: and a half ago, confess you helped fix the twenty

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Speaker 1: twenty election for Biden. In other words, make something up.

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Speaker 1: We can go over it and come up with something good.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be that good. And I will

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Speaker 1: pardon you, and you can go live on an island

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Speaker 1: somewhere smoking cigars and getting your haircut, or or you

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Speaker 1: know what else we can do for you. Now. I

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Speaker 1: couldn't have done this before. I can now get you

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Speaker 1: your own public Affairs TV show. I'll call the Allisons

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Speaker 1: and Barry. My wife is in the Epstein Files. Wife,

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Speaker 1: I'll call them. Wait, I've got it. I've got it.

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Speaker 1: I've got it. Nick, I've got it. I've got it,

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00:27:55,675 --> 00:28:04,035
Speaker 1: I got it. This is the CBS Evening News with

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Speaker 1: nickol Maduro. Also of interest here, well, there's another very

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Speaker 1: wise story about maybe hiring Matt Lower, which sounds far

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Speaker 1: fetched even for her, though she is a moron, so

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Speaker 1: who knows. This is the CBS Evening News with Matt

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Speaker 1: Laua and Nicholas Maduro. And wait, do you hear about

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Speaker 1: the pretzel that Bill Maher twisted himself into insisting that

426
00:28:42,195 --> 00:28:46,635
Speaker 1: voters do not listen to Hollywood celebrities. But Bill, if

427
00:28:46,635 --> 00:28:49,715
Speaker 1: they don't listen to Hollywood celebrities, either they don't listen

428
00:28:49,755 --> 00:28:53,795
Speaker 1: to you, or Bill, you just decided that you're not

429
00:28:53,835 --> 00:28:55,915
Speaker 1: a celebrity, and how could you not be a celebrity.

430
00:28:56,115 --> 00:28:58,555
Speaker 1: You've been telling me you were a celebrity since nineteen

431
00:28:58,675 --> 00:29:05,755
Speaker 1: seventy f and eight. That's next. This is compdne. This

432
00:29:05,915 --> 00:29:32,235
Speaker 1: is countdown with Keith Alblemen still ahead on this initiative. Countdown,

433
00:29:32,355 --> 00:29:36,395
Speaker 1: so much Thurber, so little time. If you have felt

434
00:29:36,395 --> 00:29:40,515
Speaker 1: particularly overwhelmed this week by stupid people whose last moment

435
00:29:40,555 --> 00:29:44,915
Speaker 1: of life will be themselves complimenting themselves about how smart

436
00:29:45,075 --> 00:29:48,875
Speaker 1: they themselves are. In other words, if your entire world

437
00:29:50,195 --> 00:29:55,075
Speaker 1: has already become Barry Weiss, this week, may I recommend

438
00:29:55,395 --> 00:30:00,115
Speaker 1: two of Thurber's stories, One of his subtler dismissals of

439
00:30:00,155 --> 00:30:04,555
Speaker 1: the rampant stupidity of what Menken called the Boobwazi the

440
00:30:04,795 --> 00:30:08,435
Speaker 1: Macbeth murder mystery. If you've never heard this before, I'm

441
00:30:08,435 --> 00:30:10,515
Speaker 1: going to go out on a limb here. You will

442
00:30:10,555 --> 00:30:16,235
Speaker 1: love it. The second one, a little less subtle. It

443
00:30:16,315 --> 00:30:20,995
Speaker 1: is called meat Birdie Doggett. It's about a practical joker.

444
00:30:21,515 --> 00:30:27,955
Speaker 1: It's simply it's simply cold eggs in people's pockets, a

445
00:30:27,995 --> 00:30:33,115
Speaker 1: good thing for people like Barrywise coming up first. Believe

446
00:30:33,115 --> 00:30:35,115
Speaker 1: it or not, there's still more new idiots to talk

447
00:30:35,155 --> 00:30:37,435
Speaker 1: about the roundup of the miscreants, morons and done and

448
00:30:37,475 --> 00:30:41,915
Speaker 1: Kruger effects specimens. Who can cons to today's other worst

449
00:30:42,275 --> 00:30:46,715
Speaker 1: persons in the world. Can you tell I have a

450
00:30:46,715 --> 00:30:52,315
Speaker 1: head cold because I can't talk oddly? My voice is

451
00:30:52,475 --> 00:30:55,555
Speaker 1: kind of okay, it's it's the head cold. Is I

452
00:30:55,875 --> 00:30:59,195
Speaker 1: can no longer have a head cold and talk at

453
00:30:59,195 --> 00:31:01,635
Speaker 1: the same time. I can be sick or I can

454
00:31:01,635 --> 00:31:05,355
Speaker 1: make sense. Just read the script, Keith. It's much easier

455
00:31:05,355 --> 00:31:12,835
Speaker 1: that way. Bron's the worse. Harriet Hageman. You know her.

456
00:31:13,595 --> 00:31:16,475
Speaker 1: She's the congresswoman you look at and you go, what

457
00:31:16,795 --> 00:31:21,155
Speaker 1: the hell is that? She is the trumpest who betrayed

458
00:31:21,235 --> 00:31:24,755
Speaker 1: Liz Cheney when Liz did not betray America. She's the

459
00:31:24,795 --> 00:31:28,875
Speaker 1: congresswoman from Wyoming who may best represent the total lack

460
00:31:28,955 --> 00:31:32,435
Speaker 1: of principles and ethics in MAGA and proves that now

461
00:31:32,475 --> 00:31:36,555
Speaker 1: how old you are, it's never too late to sell

462
00:31:36,595 --> 00:31:42,555
Speaker 1: your country out for personal gain. Harriet Efing Hageman. As

463
00:31:42,635 --> 00:31:46,515
Speaker 1: late as twenty sixteen, she was decrying Trump. She was

464
00:31:46,515 --> 00:31:50,395
Speaker 1: saying her great grandfather moved to Wyoming Territory in eighteen

465
00:31:50,475 --> 00:31:52,635
Speaker 1: seventy eight, and he didn't come out here. So this

466
00:31:52,795 --> 00:31:56,395
Speaker 1: Trump guy blah blah blah blah blah. As late as

467
00:31:56,395 --> 00:32:00,315
Speaker 1: twenty twenty one, she was considered just a peripheral, weird

468
00:32:00,435 --> 00:32:05,755
Speaker 1: looking non factor in Trump's bid for vengeance against Liz Cheney.

469
00:32:05,795 --> 00:32:09,595
Speaker 1: And then somehow she convinced him she was the winner.

470
00:32:10,515 --> 00:32:13,475
Speaker 1: And now she is in the House and running for

471
00:32:13,555 --> 00:32:16,995
Speaker 1: the Senate. But you know, you can't fool all the

472
00:32:17,035 --> 00:32:20,475
Speaker 1: people all of the time. Harriet had a town hall

473
00:32:20,595 --> 00:32:25,555
Speaker 1: at Casper College, and she tried to ask about things

474
00:32:25,635 --> 00:32:28,555
Speaker 1: she wanted to talk about, and she was asked about

475
00:32:28,635 --> 00:32:32,955
Speaker 1: things her constituents wanted to talk about about, say the

476
00:32:32,995 --> 00:32:36,395
Speaker 1: Renee Good and Alex Pretty murders, and she tried to

477
00:32:36,435 --> 00:32:40,755
Speaker 1: skip them. Quote, I haven't talked about that. I spoke

478
00:32:40,795 --> 00:32:43,395
Speaker 1: about the Lake and Riley Act because it was one

479
00:32:43,435 --> 00:32:46,635
Speaker 1: of the bills that we passed. I haven't talked about

480
00:32:46,675 --> 00:32:50,195
Speaker 1: what was going on in Minnesota. I think that I

481
00:32:50,275 --> 00:32:53,435
Speaker 1: have to look at the investigation. If there were violations

482
00:32:53,475 --> 00:32:59,555
Speaker 1: of someone's constitutional rights, there is redress, because there's a

483
00:32:59,555 --> 00:33:02,915
Speaker 1: lot of redress for Renee Good and Alex Pretty since

484
00:33:02,955 --> 00:33:07,835
Speaker 1: they're dead. Now, when I say Harriet Hageman looks weird,

485
00:33:08,355 --> 00:33:14,835
Speaker 1: I'm complimenting her. She is weird, she's crazy, she's not Western.

486
00:33:15,195 --> 00:33:19,595
Speaker 1: Don't tread on me, Liz Cheney, what is that all about.

487
00:33:19,755 --> 00:33:22,075
Speaker 1: She's not that, she's not the daughter of a guy

488
00:33:22,115 --> 00:33:25,475
Speaker 1: who didn't actually have a functioning heart but just had

489
00:33:25,515 --> 00:33:28,955
Speaker 1: a machine and sounded like a character from a mel

490
00:33:29,155 --> 00:33:32,995
Speaker 1: Brooks picture called young Frankenstein. No, no, no, no, no,

491
00:33:33,555 --> 00:33:39,275
Speaker 1: Harriet is genuinely off this planet. She said, there is redress,

492
00:33:39,515 --> 00:33:43,195
Speaker 1: and a questioner from the audience gave her an impossible

493
00:33:43,275 --> 00:33:46,355
Speaker 1: question in reply to that, Ready, think of this as

494
00:33:46,355 --> 00:33:49,515
Speaker 1: the answer to the question or the statement, if there

495
00:33:49,515 --> 00:33:53,475
Speaker 1: were violations of someone's constitutional rights, there is redress. And

496
00:33:53,515 --> 00:33:57,835
Speaker 1: then the questioner goes, then why is there no redress? Well?

497
00:33:57,875 --> 00:34:02,755
Speaker 1: That was It stumped her. That's when the attendees began

498
00:34:02,795 --> 00:34:05,235
Speaker 1: to wonder again if Hageman might have been a robot,

499
00:34:05,675 --> 00:34:08,035
Speaker 1: or if perhaps she has been carved out of wax,

500
00:34:08,755 --> 00:34:11,875
Speaker 1: or perhaps carved out of an animal based lard of

501
00:34:11,915 --> 00:34:17,235
Speaker 1: some sort. The questioner continued, they are killing American citizens

502
00:34:17,275 --> 00:34:19,915
Speaker 1: in the streets, and you are doing nothing. You were

503
00:34:19,915 --> 00:34:24,315
Speaker 1: not saying a single solitary thing to support constituents or

504
00:34:24,355 --> 00:34:28,275
Speaker 1: to support the American people as a constitutional lawyer. You

505
00:34:28,315 --> 00:34:35,675
Speaker 1: should be infuriated, You should be incensed. Why are you not? Now?

506
00:34:35,715 --> 00:34:38,195
Speaker 1: You could have answered that question, even if your answer

507
00:34:38,235 --> 00:34:40,675
Speaker 1: was kind of bullshit. You could have come something out

508
00:34:40,835 --> 00:34:44,595
Speaker 1: there with, well there was a provocation and blah something

509
00:34:44,635 --> 00:34:48,355
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. Just make the effort, Harriet. Make it

510
00:34:48,355 --> 00:34:51,195
Speaker 1: look like you give one f about people being shot

511
00:34:51,195 --> 00:34:53,075
Speaker 1: in the streets, or you have to come up with

512
00:34:53,115 --> 00:34:56,635
Speaker 1: an excuse or rationalization for it. Just say one thing

513
00:34:56,915 --> 00:35:00,515
Speaker 1: that you don't think of beforehand, how old Donald like

514
00:35:00,635 --> 00:35:06,355
Speaker 1: this or not? As the local reporter covering this event

515
00:35:06,395 --> 00:35:10,435
Speaker 1: at Casper College noted, at that point, Hageman gathered her folders,

516
00:35:10,715 --> 00:35:14,635
Speaker 1: waved goodbye, and left the stage through a side door

517
00:35:15,315 --> 00:35:21,235
Speaker 1: exit stage right. I mean, to be fair, to Hageman's credit,

518
00:35:21,315 --> 00:35:25,035
Speaker 1: she did not run, and unexpectedly, she did not just

519
00:35:25,115 --> 00:35:29,675
Speaker 1: dissolve into a small pool of mercury, which then slid

520
00:35:29,715 --> 00:35:35,715
Speaker 1: off the stage. The runner up worser, Oh, look it's

521
00:35:35,755 --> 00:35:38,315
Speaker 1: our old friend, Bill Maher. It's been a few weeks Bill.

522
00:35:38,915 --> 00:35:41,595
Speaker 1: If you were wondering, they've picked him up for a

523
00:35:41,675 --> 00:35:45,715
Speaker 1: couple of more years. And if you were wondering, when

524
00:35:45,835 --> 00:35:49,395
Speaker 1: is the sinility actually kicking? In with Bill. We are

525
00:35:49,515 --> 00:35:54,475
Speaker 1: here followed this from the New York Post. He said, quote,

526
00:35:54,595 --> 00:35:57,715
Speaker 1: Hollywood is sort of the epicenter of the woke left.

527
00:35:58,075 --> 00:36:04,595
Speaker 1: First off, Bill, nobody who has any contact with America

528
00:36:04,795 --> 00:36:11,475
Speaker 1: anymore says woke. Not even the Maga are saying woke anymore.

529
00:36:11,755 --> 00:36:15,995
Speaker 1: They've already exhausted woke in their own minds, and you're

530
00:36:16,075 --> 00:36:22,075
Speaker 1: just now coming around to saying woke. In any event,

531
00:36:22,275 --> 00:36:24,995
Speaker 1: Hollywood is sort of the epicenter of the woke left.

532
00:36:25,155 --> 00:36:29,195
Speaker 1: He said in his seven year old lingo. I don't

533
00:36:29,195 --> 00:36:33,635
Speaker 1: think they're doing the Democratic Party any favors. Now. Notice

534
00:36:33,675 --> 00:36:37,035
Speaker 1: he did say democratic watch for that. When he starts

535
00:36:37,035 --> 00:36:39,595
Speaker 1: saying Democrat Party, then we know he's fully gone off

536
00:36:39,595 --> 00:36:42,515
Speaker 1: the edge. I think if Democrats want to win elections

537
00:36:42,555 --> 00:36:46,875
Speaker 1: in the future, job one tell the celebrities to just

538
00:36:47,035 --> 00:36:50,875
Speaker 1: shut the f up. You're not helping. You don't strike

539
00:36:50,915 --> 00:36:53,195
Speaker 1: people in most of the country as sensible or in

540
00:36:53,235 --> 00:36:57,595
Speaker 1: touch with reality. Now, it's not a completely ridiculous point

541
00:36:57,595 --> 00:37:01,035
Speaker 1: of view say that it's about fifty years old. It

542
00:37:01,035 --> 00:37:04,035
Speaker 1: has already been expressed by about five thousand fascists before

543
00:37:04,075 --> 00:37:07,275
Speaker 1: Bill did. But here's my point. I have met all

544
00:37:07,355 --> 00:37:12,595
Speaker 1: the egos. I will confess periodically. I even have a

545
00:37:13,515 --> 00:37:18,595
Speaker 1: the ego. But there's a logical flaw here. You don't

546
00:37:18,635 --> 00:37:21,075
Speaker 1: strike people in most of the country as sensible or

547
00:37:21,115 --> 00:37:25,835
Speaker 1: in touch with reality. Oh. Bill Maher thinks of himself

548
00:37:25,875 --> 00:37:28,875
Speaker 1: as a celebrity. I know him since nineteen seventy eight.

549
00:37:28,955 --> 00:37:31,355
Speaker 1: He thought he was a celebrity in nineteen seventy eight. Two.

550
00:37:31,555 --> 00:37:34,835
Speaker 1: He thinks he's a real celebrity. He thinks he's top

551
00:37:34,995 --> 00:37:41,275
Speaker 1: fifty in the world. He is openly bitter about everybody

552
00:37:41,275 --> 00:37:45,435
Speaker 1: else who has ever been praised or recognized. The old

553
00:37:45,475 --> 00:37:47,835
Speaker 1: idea when you went on his show and you got

554
00:37:47,835 --> 00:37:51,595
Speaker 1: a laugh or applause, the old Jack Benny Johnny Carson

555
00:37:51,635 --> 00:37:54,675
Speaker 1: idea that any laugh on my show is my laugh.

556
00:37:55,035 --> 00:37:56,955
Speaker 1: In other words, I want you to do well. I

557
00:37:56,995 --> 00:37:59,155
Speaker 1: want them to laugh at your jokes. I want them

558
00:37:59,155 --> 00:38:01,515
Speaker 1: to respond well to you, because I get the credit

559
00:38:01,555 --> 00:38:05,395
Speaker 1: for that too. That's not Bill's attitude. Bill will say

560
00:38:05,435 --> 00:38:08,435
Speaker 1: things like why were trying to upstage me out there?

561
00:38:09,595 --> 00:38:12,595
Speaker 1: In any event, He's openly bitter about anybody else who's

562
00:38:12,595 --> 00:38:15,595
Speaker 1: ever been praised, who's been recognized. He can tell you

563
00:38:15,635 --> 00:38:18,555
Speaker 1: to the exact number how many Emmy awards he has

564
00:38:18,675 --> 00:38:22,675
Speaker 1: not won, which is thirty three. So celebrity really matters

565
00:38:22,715 --> 00:38:25,795
Speaker 1: to him, it validates him to the degree that it does.

566
00:38:26,435 --> 00:38:31,275
Speaker 1: And he's telling celebrities that they should just shut the

567
00:38:31,555 --> 00:38:34,275
Speaker 1: f up, that they're not sensible, that they're not in

568
00:38:34,315 --> 00:38:36,995
Speaker 1: touch with reality. Well, okay, Bill, we haven't agreed on

569
00:38:37,075 --> 00:38:39,635
Speaker 1: much since twenty twelve. Maybe, But if you want to

570
00:38:39,675 --> 00:38:45,195
Speaker 1: be a self loathing celebrity, semi celebrity, discount celebrity, compact

571
00:38:45,195 --> 00:38:49,315
Speaker 1: size celebrity, okay, or your other choice is you're talking

572
00:38:49,315 --> 00:38:51,755
Speaker 1: about celebrities and it doesn't apply to you because you're

573
00:38:51,755 --> 00:38:55,835
Speaker 1: not shutting up. I mean, just logically speaking, if you're

574
00:38:55,835 --> 00:39:00,675
Speaker 1: telling people in the public eye who should shut up

575
00:39:00,675 --> 00:39:09,955
Speaker 1: on political opinions, then you're not a celebrity. Interesting flex

576
00:39:10,235 --> 00:39:15,435
Speaker 1: as the kids say, Look well at seriously, when was

577
00:39:15,435 --> 00:39:18,995
Speaker 1: the last time you heard the phrase woke used? I mean,

578
00:39:19,115 --> 00:39:22,275
Speaker 1: the turds on Fox News don't even say woke anymore.

579
00:39:23,275 --> 00:39:26,355
Speaker 1: But the winner, I bet she does. Barry Weiss of

580
00:39:26,435 --> 00:39:30,595
Speaker 1: CBS News, I bet she says woke every thirty four seconds.

581
00:39:30,835 --> 00:39:33,595
Speaker 1: Well you may have heard of her. She's the one

582
00:39:33,635 --> 00:39:36,635
Speaker 1: whose wife is in the Epstein files. I mean, I

583
00:39:36,715 --> 00:39:40,875
Speaker 1: am an ally. I'm for gender equality, and you know,

584
00:39:40,955 --> 00:39:43,595
Speaker 1: anything that's achieved by any part of the community is

585
00:39:43,595 --> 00:39:46,355
Speaker 1: a success for the entire community. But you have to

586
00:39:46,435 --> 00:39:50,115
Speaker 1: admit it is a neat trick to be one of

587
00:39:50,195 --> 00:39:53,555
Speaker 1: only what one tenth of one percent of all the

588
00:39:53,555 --> 00:39:56,515
Speaker 1: people in the Epstein files who are women. I mean,

589
00:39:56,715 --> 00:40:00,595
Speaker 1: there's not a lot of women in there, any who

590
00:40:00,635 --> 00:40:05,355
Speaker 1: About Barry Weiss. Two extremely different news outlets, Lachland Cart

591
00:40:05,435 --> 00:40:08,995
Speaker 1: writes Breaker and also a substack called Naughty Butt Nice

592
00:40:09,035 --> 00:40:12,035
Speaker 1: about which I know nothing other than this quotation. They

593
00:40:12,035 --> 00:40:16,115
Speaker 1: are both suggesting Barry Wise is now looking to exploring,

594
00:40:16,475 --> 00:40:20,115
Speaker 1: maybe planning to fire Margaret Brennan as the host of

595
00:40:20,155 --> 00:40:22,715
Speaker 1: Meet the Press or excuse me of Face the Nation.

596
00:40:23,475 --> 00:40:27,435
Speaker 1: That's how little there is difference between the shows. She's

597
00:40:27,515 --> 00:40:32,795
Speaker 1: on Face the Meet, Meet Your Nation, Your Press, Your Nation,

598
00:40:33,515 --> 00:40:40,235
Speaker 1: Press your Face, Welcome to Press your Face. I would

599
00:40:40,395 --> 00:40:46,595
Speaker 1: watch a political show called Press your Face. Good evening,

600
00:40:48,195 --> 00:40:51,435
Speaker 1: I'm mort Cronkite CBS News back from the Grave to

601
00:40:51,515 --> 00:40:56,195
Speaker 1: host for you are a new show, Press your Face, Artist,

602
00:40:56,835 --> 00:41:01,595
Speaker 1: Press Your Face. Harriet Hageman quoted The Strangers break some

603
00:41:01,715 --> 00:41:08,395
Speaker 1: American Politics. You're twenty twenty and twenty twenty five, twenty

604
00:41:08,475 --> 00:41:11,155
Speaker 1: twenty three. That's the way it is world Cronkry, CBS

605
00:41:11,195 --> 00:41:17,035
Speaker 1: News Hard anyway, Margaret who is the host of Meet

606
00:41:17,115 --> 00:41:21,235
Speaker 1: the Press not Press your Face, She's been pretty overmatched

607
00:41:21,275 --> 00:41:25,275
Speaker 1: by this job from day one, but she has asked

608
00:41:25,435 --> 00:41:31,475
Speaker 1: like six follow up questions in her real life and

609
00:41:31,475 --> 00:41:34,875
Speaker 1: and sort of sometimes I think she's better out. I

610
00:41:34,875 --> 00:41:36,915
Speaker 1: thank Kristin Welker, And sometimes I think it's just a

611
00:41:37,035 --> 00:41:42,835
Speaker 1: tie in any event, the maybe we should just accept

612
00:41:42,875 --> 00:41:44,715
Speaker 1: what we have here and hope she keeps the job,

613
00:41:44,755 --> 00:41:48,915
Speaker 1: because since the replacement could be Matt Lower and wait

614
00:41:48,955 --> 00:41:54,115
Speaker 1: what that's from the National Inquirer. Again, not a great source,

615
00:41:54,195 --> 00:41:58,675
Speaker 1: but who's a great source anymore? Quote Matt Lower has

616
00:41:58,715 --> 00:42:01,715
Speaker 1: his sights set on a TV comeback eight years after

617
00:42:01,755 --> 00:42:04,675
Speaker 1: he was axed from The Today Show. And by the way,

618
00:42:04,835 --> 00:42:06,835
Speaker 1: I worked with people who would have been happy to

619
00:42:06,835 --> 00:42:11,315
Speaker 1: see him actually acted from the Today Show? Can you

620
00:42:11,355 --> 00:42:14,555
Speaker 1: clean that up? I'm bringing in my family later on

621
00:42:14,835 --> 00:42:19,395
Speaker 1: so we can dance on his remains. The insider added,

622
00:42:19,435 --> 00:42:21,675
Speaker 1: Matt wants to get back into the media arena in

623
00:42:21,755 --> 00:42:25,075
Speaker 1: some capacity, if not TV. He has talked to some

624
00:42:25,115 --> 00:42:28,595
Speaker 1: people about it, about buying a transistor radio man. Have

625
00:42:28,635 --> 00:42:33,875
Speaker 1: you thought about that? The insider added well, as reported

626
00:42:33,955 --> 00:42:36,995
Speaker 1: last month in The Inquirer, Laer is already looking at

627
00:42:37,035 --> 00:42:42,075
Speaker 1: possible options, including an unlikely alliance with fellow TV news pariahs.

628
00:42:43,875 --> 00:42:47,155
Speaker 1: It's only like seventy three thousand on them. Multiple sources

629
00:42:47,355 --> 00:42:50,635
Speaker 1: report he's been holding talks with new CBS News boss

630
00:42:50,715 --> 00:42:54,555
Speaker 1: Barry Weiss, who's under intense pressure to deliver a headline

631
00:42:54,595 --> 00:42:57,995
Speaker 1: grabbing win at the struggling network. Quote. She needs a

632
00:42:58,035 --> 00:43:02,715
Speaker 1: game changer fast. One insider says, why not do the

633
00:43:02,755 --> 00:43:07,195
Speaker 1: newscasts in Chinese? That's a game changer. It's not as

634
00:43:07,235 --> 00:43:09,435
Speaker 1: bad an idea as some of her other ideas so far.

635
00:43:10,795 --> 00:43:15,555
Speaker 1: That's a game changer. Quote. Matt has the name recognition

636
00:43:15,635 --> 00:43:20,475
Speaker 1: that could move the needle. So does Charles Manson. This

637
00:43:20,635 --> 00:43:28,835
Speaker 1: is the CBS Evening News with Charles Manson. However, this

638
00:43:28,995 --> 00:43:31,955
Speaker 1: bit about Lour would seemingly be in conflict with that

639
00:43:32,315 --> 00:43:36,075
Speaker 1: earlier substack report I referenced, which is that Barry Weiss

640
00:43:36,155 --> 00:43:39,955
Speaker 1: is quote shopping around for talent that is younger, hotter,

641
00:43:40,115 --> 00:43:44,995
Speaker 1: and mail camera ready men inside the newsroom. The message

642
00:43:44,995 --> 00:43:49,435
Speaker 1: is getting louder by the day, experiences optional, loyalty is irrelevant,

643
00:43:49,595 --> 00:43:53,155
Speaker 1: and looking good on camera is suddenly a job requirement.

644
00:43:55,595 --> 00:43:59,595
Speaker 1: So you may remember how, speaking of looking, Matt lower

645
00:43:59,635 --> 00:44:02,355
Speaker 1: went from being the face of NBC News to utterly

646
00:44:02,435 --> 00:44:08,475
Speaker 1: unemployable after a the number of plausible allegation cases ranging

647
00:44:08,555 --> 00:44:13,475
Speaker 1: from harassment to horrifying. How that number reached such dimensions,

648
00:44:13,515 --> 00:44:15,995
Speaker 1: It reached so high that the number had to be

649
00:44:16,035 --> 00:44:21,075
Speaker 1: expressed as an exponent, like he's been accused two to

650
00:44:21,155 --> 00:44:28,155
Speaker 1: the seventh times, so stand by. Maybe it's that this

651
00:44:28,315 --> 00:44:34,355
Speaker 1: is the CBS Evening News with Matt Lowell when Tony

652
00:44:34,435 --> 00:44:38,835
Speaker 1: Dakoppol just isn't camera ready enough. Courtesy of Barry Weiss.

653
00:44:39,355 --> 00:44:47,315
Speaker 1: Two days worse person. I think my Crockeyde impression is

654
00:44:47,355 --> 00:45:32,075
Speaker 1: getting better in the world The Macbeth Murder Mystery by

655
00:45:32,155 --> 00:45:36,235
Speaker 1: James Thurber. It was a stupid mistake to make, said

656
00:45:36,275 --> 00:45:38,675
Speaker 1: the American woman I had met at my hotel in

657
00:45:38,715 --> 00:45:41,195
Speaker 1: the English Lake Country. But it was on the counter

658
00:45:41,235 --> 00:45:44,275
Speaker 1: with the other Penguin books, the little sixpenny ones, you know,

659
00:45:44,355 --> 00:45:47,155
Speaker 1: with the paper covers, and I supposed, of course, it

660
00:45:47,195 --> 00:45:50,795
Speaker 1: was a detective story. All the others were detective stories.

661
00:45:51,195 --> 00:45:53,715
Speaker 1: I'd read all the others so I bought this one

662
00:45:53,715 --> 00:45:56,675
Speaker 1: without really looking at it carefully. You can imagine how

663
00:45:56,675 --> 00:46:01,955
Speaker 1: mad I was when I found it was Shakespeare. I

664
00:46:02,075 --> 00:46:06,355
Speaker 1: murmured something sympathetically. I don't see why the Penguin Books

665
00:46:06,355 --> 00:46:08,715
Speaker 1: people had to get out Shakespeare's plays in the same

666
00:46:08,835 --> 00:46:12,955
Speaker 1: size and everything as the detective stories went on. My companion,

667
00:46:13,595 --> 00:46:17,315
Speaker 1: I think they have different colored jackets, I said, Well,

668
00:46:17,355 --> 00:46:20,315
Speaker 1: I didn't notice that, she said. Anyway. I got real

669
00:46:20,355 --> 00:46:22,595
Speaker 1: comfy in bed that night and all ready to read

670
00:46:22,595 --> 00:46:26,635
Speaker 1: a good mystery story, and here I had the Tragedy

671
00:46:26,715 --> 00:46:32,075
Speaker 1: of Macbeth, a book for high school students like Ivan

672
00:46:32,195 --> 00:46:38,195
Speaker 1: Hoe or Lorna Doone, I said, exactly, said the American lady,

673
00:46:38,755 --> 00:46:41,555
Speaker 1: And I was just crazy for a good Agatha Christie

674
00:46:41,635 --> 00:46:46,195
Speaker 1: or something. Ercule Poirot is my favorite detective. Is he

675
00:46:46,315 --> 00:46:50,155
Speaker 1: the Rabbity one, I asked? Oh? No, said my crime

676
00:46:50,235 --> 00:46:54,315
Speaker 1: fiction expert. He's the Belgian one you're thinking of, mister Pinkerton,

677
00:46:54,315 --> 00:46:59,395
Speaker 1: the one that helps Inspector Bull. He's good too. Over

678
00:46:59,475 --> 00:47:02,475
Speaker 1: her second cup of tea, my companion began to tell

679
00:47:02,475 --> 00:47:05,355
Speaker 1: me the plot of a detective story that had fooled

680
00:47:05,395 --> 00:47:09,795
Speaker 1: her completely. It seems it was the old family doctor

681
00:47:10,475 --> 00:47:13,955
Speaker 1: all the time. But I cut in on her. Tell me,

682
00:47:14,035 --> 00:47:19,355
Speaker 1: I said, did you read Macbeth? I had to read it,

683
00:47:19,435 --> 00:47:21,715
Speaker 1: she said. There wasn't a scrap of anything else to

684
00:47:21,755 --> 00:47:27,795
Speaker 1: read in the whole room. Did you like it? I asked, no,

685
00:47:27,915 --> 00:47:31,635
Speaker 1: I did not, She said decisively in the first place,

686
00:47:31,795 --> 00:47:33,995
Speaker 1: I don't think for a moment that Macbeth did it.

687
00:47:36,115 --> 00:47:42,475
Speaker 1: I looked at her blankly. Did what I asked? I

688
00:47:42,475 --> 00:47:44,475
Speaker 1: don't think for a moment that he killed the king?

689
00:47:44,915 --> 00:47:47,275
Speaker 1: She said, I don't think the Macbeth woman was mixed

690
00:47:47,315 --> 00:47:49,995
Speaker 1: up in it either. You suspect them the most, of course,

691
00:47:50,035 --> 00:47:52,195
Speaker 1: but those are the ones that are never guilty, or

692
00:47:52,235 --> 00:47:57,675
Speaker 1: shouldn't be anyway, I'm afraid I began that. I but

693
00:47:57,755 --> 00:48:01,515
Speaker 1: don't you see, said the American lady. It would spoil

694
00:48:01,595 --> 00:48:03,955
Speaker 1: everything if you could figure out right away who did it.

695
00:48:04,315 --> 00:48:07,475
Speaker 1: Shakes beer was too smart for that. I've read that

696
00:48:07,515 --> 00:48:10,875
Speaker 1: people never have figured out Hamlet, so it isn't likely

697
00:48:10,915 --> 00:48:13,595
Speaker 1: Shakespeare would have made Macbeth as simple as it seems.

698
00:48:15,595 --> 00:48:21,155
Speaker 1: I thought this over while I filled my pipe. Who

699
00:48:21,475 --> 00:48:27,435
Speaker 1: do you suspect? I asked, suddenly Macduff, She said, promptly,

700
00:48:28,675 --> 00:48:33,875
Speaker 1: Good God. I whispered softly. Oh McDuff did it all right,

701
00:48:34,195 --> 00:48:38,075
Speaker 1: said the murder specialist. Erkuo Paro would have got him easily.

702
00:48:39,275 --> 00:48:43,035
Speaker 1: How did you figure it out? I demanded, Well, she

703
00:48:43,155 --> 00:48:46,835
Speaker 1: said I didn't right away. First I suspected Banquo, and

704
00:48:46,875 --> 00:48:49,475
Speaker 1: then of course he was the second person killed. That

705
00:48:49,635 --> 00:48:51,995
Speaker 1: was good right in there, that part. The person you

706
00:48:52,035 --> 00:48:56,035
Speaker 1: suspect of the first murder should always be the second victim.

707
00:48:56,755 --> 00:49:00,435
Speaker 1: Is that so? I murmured, Oh, yes, said my informant.

708
00:49:00,595 --> 00:49:04,195
Speaker 1: They have to keep surprising you. Well after the second murder,

709
00:49:04,235 --> 00:49:06,235
Speaker 1: I didn't know who the killer was for a while.

710
00:49:07,755 --> 00:49:12,355
Speaker 1: H How about Malcolm and Donald Bain, the King's sons,

711
00:49:12,555 --> 00:49:16,115
Speaker 1: I asked, As I remember it, they fled right after

712
00:49:16,155 --> 00:49:20,275
Speaker 1: the first murder. That looks suspicious. Too suspicious, said the

713
00:49:20,275 --> 00:49:25,795
Speaker 1: American lady. Much too suspicious. When they flee. They're never guilty.

714
00:49:25,795 --> 00:49:30,715
Speaker 1: You can count on that, I believe, I said, I'll

715
00:49:30,755 --> 00:49:35,155
Speaker 1: have a brandy, and I summoned the waiter. My companion

716
00:49:35,315 --> 00:49:40,235
Speaker 1: leaned toward me, her eyes bright, her teacup quivering. Do

717
00:49:40,435 --> 00:49:45,395
Speaker 1: you know who discovered Duncan's body? She demanded? I said,

718
00:49:45,435 --> 00:49:49,515
Speaker 1: I was sorry, but I had forgotten McDuff discovers it,

719
00:49:49,795 --> 00:49:53,315
Speaker 1: she said, slipping into the historical presence. Then he comes

720
00:49:53,435 --> 00:49:57,035
Speaker 1: running downstairs and shouts, confusion has broke open the Lord's

721
00:49:57,075 --> 00:50:01,115
Speaker 1: anointed temple, and sacrilegious murder has made his masterpiece, and

722
00:50:01,195 --> 00:50:04,275
Speaker 1: on and on like that. The good lady tapped me

723
00:50:04,275 --> 00:50:08,115
Speaker 1: on the knee. All that stuff was rehearsed. She said,

724
00:50:08,555 --> 00:50:10,875
Speaker 1: you wouldn't say a lot of stuff like that offhand,

725
00:50:10,955 --> 00:50:14,715
Speaker 1: would you, if you'd found a body. She fixed me

726
00:50:14,795 --> 00:50:19,475
Speaker 1: with a glittering eye. I began, you're right, she said,

727
00:50:19,555 --> 00:50:23,875
Speaker 1: you wouldn't unless you had practiced it in advance. My god,

728
00:50:23,915 --> 00:50:26,515
Speaker 1: there's a body in here is what an innocent man

729
00:50:26,555 --> 00:50:32,475
Speaker 1: would say. She sat back with a confident glare. I

730
00:50:32,795 --> 00:50:35,795
Speaker 1: thought for a while, But what do you make of

731
00:50:35,875 --> 00:50:40,195
Speaker 1: the third murderer? I asked. You know, the third murderer

732
00:50:40,235 --> 00:50:45,675
Speaker 1: has puzzled Macbeth's scholars for three hundred years. That's because

733
00:50:45,715 --> 00:50:48,755
Speaker 1: they never thought of McDuff, said the American lady. It

734
00:50:48,835 --> 00:50:51,275
Speaker 1: was McDuff. I'm certain you couldn't have one of the

735
00:50:51,355 --> 00:50:55,115
Speaker 1: victims murdered by two ordinary thugs. The murderer always has

736
00:50:55,155 --> 00:50:59,315
Speaker 1: to be somebody important. But what about the banquet scene?

737
00:50:59,635 --> 00:51:02,115
Speaker 1: I asked after a moment, how do you account for

738
00:51:02,355 --> 00:51:06,755
Speaker 1: Macbeth's guilty actions there? When Banquo's ghosts came in and

739
00:51:06,835 --> 00:51:11,315
Speaker 1: sat in his chair, the lady leaned forward and tapped

740
00:51:11,315 --> 00:51:15,595
Speaker 1: me on the knee again. There wasn't any ghost, she said.

741
00:51:15,875 --> 00:51:18,995
Speaker 1: A big strong man like that doesn't go around seeing ghosts,

742
00:51:19,315 --> 00:51:22,275
Speaker 1: especially in a brightly lighted banquet hall with dozens of

743
00:51:22,315 --> 00:51:28,955
Speaker 1: people around. Macbeth was shielding somebody. Who was he shielding,

744
00:51:29,155 --> 00:51:34,275
Speaker 1: I asked missus Macbeth. Of course, she said, he thought

745
00:51:34,355 --> 00:51:35,875
Speaker 1: she did it, and he was going to take the

746
00:51:35,995 --> 00:51:39,035
Speaker 1: rap himself. The husband always does that when the wife

747
00:51:39,075 --> 00:51:45,235
Speaker 1: is suspected. But what I demanded about the sleepwalking scene,

748
00:51:45,315 --> 00:51:48,635
Speaker 1: then the same thing, only the other way around, said

749
00:51:48,635 --> 00:51:53,635
Speaker 1: my companion. That time she was shielding him. She wasn't

750
00:51:53,635 --> 00:51:56,555
Speaker 1: asleep at all. Do you remember where it says enter

751
00:51:56,715 --> 00:52:01,595
Speaker 1: lady Macbeth with a taper? Yes, I said, Well, people

752
00:52:01,635 --> 00:52:05,035
Speaker 1: who walk in their sleep never carry lights, said my

753
00:52:05,115 --> 00:52:08,595
Speaker 1: fellow traveler. They have a second sight. Did you ever

754
00:52:08,635 --> 00:52:12,955
Speaker 1: hear of a sleepwalker carrying a light? No, I said,

755
00:52:13,635 --> 00:52:16,675
Speaker 1: I never did. Well, then she wasn't asleep. She was

756
00:52:16,795 --> 00:52:23,235
Speaker 1: acting guilty to shield Macbeth I think, I said, I'll

757
00:52:23,235 --> 00:52:26,915
Speaker 1: have another brandy, and I called the waiter. When he

758
00:52:26,955 --> 00:52:29,315
Speaker 1: brought it, I drank it rapidly and rose to go.

759
00:52:30,875 --> 00:52:34,035
Speaker 1: I believe, I said that you have got hold of something.

760
00:52:34,675 --> 00:52:37,355
Speaker 1: Would you lend me that Macbeth. I'd like to look

761
00:52:37,395 --> 00:52:39,835
Speaker 1: it over tonight. I don't feel somehow as if I've

762
00:52:40,115 --> 00:52:43,835
Speaker 1: ever really read it. I'll get it for you, she said,

763
00:52:43,915 --> 00:52:48,235
Speaker 1: but you'll find that I'm right. I read the play

764
00:52:48,275 --> 00:52:51,515
Speaker 1: over carefully that night, and the next morning, after breakfast,

765
00:52:51,555 --> 00:52:54,155
Speaker 1: I sought out the American woman. She was on the

766
00:52:54,275 --> 00:52:57,635
Speaker 1: putting green, and I came up behind her silently and

767
00:52:57,675 --> 00:53:02,515
Speaker 1: took her arm. She gave an exclamation. Could I see

768
00:53:02,515 --> 00:53:05,755
Speaker 1: you alone? I asked, in a low of She nodded

769
00:53:05,795 --> 00:53:09,315
Speaker 1: cautiously and followed me to a secluded spot. You've found

770
00:53:09,355 --> 00:53:14,595
Speaker 1: out something, she breathed. I've found out, I said, triumphantly,

771
00:53:14,795 --> 00:53:19,195
Speaker 1: the name of the murderer. You mean it wasn't McDuff,

772
00:53:19,515 --> 00:53:24,395
Speaker 1: She said. McDuff is as innocent of those murders, I said,

773
00:53:25,075 --> 00:53:30,195
Speaker 1: as Macbeth and the Macbeth woman. I opened the copy

774
00:53:30,235 --> 00:53:32,235
Speaker 1: of the play which I had with me, and turned

775
00:53:32,275 --> 00:53:35,555
Speaker 1: to Act two scene to hear, I said, you will

776
00:53:35,595 --> 00:53:40,595
Speaker 1: see where Lady Macbeth says, I laid their daggers ready,

777
00:53:41,195 --> 00:53:44,915
Speaker 1: he could not miss them. Had he not resembled my

778
00:53:45,075 --> 00:53:48,875
Speaker 1: father as he slept, I had done it. Do you

779
00:53:49,075 --> 00:53:55,835
Speaker 1: see no, said the American woman bluntly. I don't. But

780
00:53:55,875 --> 00:53:58,635
Speaker 1: it's simple, I exclaimed. I wonder I didn't see it

781
00:53:58,795 --> 00:54:03,875
Speaker 1: years ago. The reason Duncan resembled Lady Macbeth's father as

782
00:54:03,875 --> 00:54:10,275
Speaker 1: he slept is it actually was her father. Good God,

783
00:54:10,995 --> 00:54:16,915
Speaker 1: breathed my companion softly. Lady Macbeth's father killed the king,

784
00:54:17,155 --> 00:54:21,115
Speaker 1: I said, and hearing someone coming, thrust the body under

785
00:54:21,155 --> 00:54:24,875
Speaker 1: the bed and crawled into the bed himself. But said

786
00:54:24,875 --> 00:54:27,195
Speaker 1: the lady, you can't have a murderer who only appears

787
00:54:27,235 --> 00:54:30,755
Speaker 1: in the story once. You can't have that. I know that,

788
00:54:31,275 --> 00:54:33,475
Speaker 1: I said, and I turned to Act two, Scene four.

789
00:54:33,715 --> 00:54:39,715
Speaker 1: It says here enter Ross with an old man. Now

790
00:54:39,995 --> 00:54:42,755
Speaker 1: that old man is never identified, and it is my

791
00:54:42,915 --> 00:54:46,275
Speaker 1: contention that he was old mister Macbeth, whose ambition it

792
00:54:46,395 --> 00:54:50,435
Speaker 1: was to make his daughter queen. There you'll have your motive.

793
00:54:51,315 --> 00:54:54,315
Speaker 1: But even then, cried the American lady, he's still a

794
00:54:54,355 --> 00:54:59,435
Speaker 1: minor character, not, I said, gleefully. When you realize that

795
00:54:59,515 --> 00:55:02,315
Speaker 1: he was also one of the weird sisters in disguise.

796
00:55:03,355 --> 00:55:07,355
Speaker 1: You mean one of those three, which is precisely I said.

797
00:55:07,715 --> 00:55:10,795
Speaker 1: Listen to this speech of the old man's. On Tuesday

798
00:55:10,915 --> 00:55:14,235
Speaker 1: last a falcon towering in her pride of place was

799
00:55:14,275 --> 00:55:18,075
Speaker 1: by a mousing owl, hawked at and killed. Who does

800
00:55:18,155 --> 00:55:22,875
Speaker 1: that sound like? It sounds like the way the three

801
00:55:22,955 --> 00:55:27,795
Speaker 1: witches talk, said my companion reluctantly. Precisely, I said, again,

802
00:55:28,835 --> 00:55:32,675
Speaker 1: Well said the American woman. Maybe you're right, but I'm

803
00:55:32,795 --> 00:55:35,315
Speaker 1: sure I am, I said, And do you know what

804
00:55:35,355 --> 00:55:40,315
Speaker 1: I'm going to do now? No? She said, what buy

805
00:55:40,475 --> 00:55:45,715
Speaker 1: a copy of Hamlet? I said, and solve that. My

806
00:55:45,875 --> 00:55:52,355
Speaker 1: companion's eyes brightened. Then she said, you don't think Hamlet

807
00:55:52,395 --> 00:55:58,315
Speaker 1: did it? I am? I said, absolutely positive he did not.

808
00:56:00,195 --> 00:56:05,315
Speaker 1: But who? She demanded, Who do you suspect? And I

809
00:56:05,355 --> 00:56:11,355
Speaker 1: looked at her cryptically, everybody, I said, and disappeared into

810
00:56:11,355 --> 00:56:16,155
Speaker 1: a small grove of trees as silently as I had come.

811
00:56:21,395 --> 00:56:24,315
Speaker 1: I believe the first time I ever heard James Thurber

812
00:56:24,435 --> 00:56:28,355
Speaker 1: read aloud, it was by William Windham, the great actor

813
00:56:28,395 --> 00:56:33,475
Speaker 1: who did so much serious stuff drama, comedy. He's a

814
00:56:33,835 --> 00:56:38,395
Speaker 1: star Trek original series key figure. He did a lot

815
00:56:38,435 --> 00:56:41,475
Speaker 1: of great acting in so many different roles, and he

816
00:56:41,595 --> 00:56:44,675
Speaker 1: did a special on PBS when I was in college,

817
00:56:44,675 --> 00:56:48,755
Speaker 1: in which he performed as James Thurber, narrated some of

818
00:56:48,795 --> 00:56:52,155
Speaker 1: the drawings, recited from memory, many of the short stories,

819
00:56:52,155 --> 00:56:54,595
Speaker 1: and many of the longer ones too, And I later

820
00:56:54,635 --> 00:56:56,755
Speaker 1: had the pleasure of telling him that he was my

821
00:56:56,955 --> 00:57:01,915
Speaker 1: inspiration for reading James Thurber aloud, and we corresponded about

822
00:57:01,955 --> 00:57:06,155
Speaker 1: how to possibly improve some of the dicey are parts

823
00:57:06,155 --> 00:57:09,115
Speaker 1: of some of the Thurber stories and make them useful

824
00:57:09,155 --> 00:57:13,635
Speaker 1: for twenty first century America. Mister Wyndham died about ten

825
00:57:13,755 --> 00:57:17,555
Speaker 1: years ago, and I lament him still. I recorded on

826
00:57:17,835 --> 00:57:21,235
Speaker 1: tape his Thurber special on PBS, and I still have it,

827
00:57:21,355 --> 00:57:26,515
Speaker 1: not videotape, audiotape, a cassette. We didn't have home videotape,

828
00:57:26,555 --> 00:57:28,875
Speaker 1: although I'm proud to say he sent me a copy

829
00:57:28,915 --> 00:57:32,395
Speaker 1: of a DVD of the performance, and one of the

830
00:57:32,395 --> 00:57:35,555
Speaker 1: stories he reads, or in fact recites, I will now

831
00:57:35,595 --> 00:57:38,195
Speaker 1: read for you. It is. I like it very much.

832
00:57:38,275 --> 00:57:42,715
Speaker 1: It's not considered part of the great canon of James Thurber,

833
00:57:43,035 --> 00:57:46,755
Speaker 1: but I think it's terrific. And it's called shake Hands

834
00:57:47,035 --> 00:57:54,995
Speaker 1: with Bertie Dogget by James Thurber John Bertie Dogget, known

835
00:57:55,075 --> 00:57:57,795
Speaker 1: as Bertie Do. The few people who speak to him,

836
00:57:58,275 --> 00:58:01,675
Speaker 1: must be fifty three now, but he wears his years

837
00:58:01,715 --> 00:58:03,955
Speaker 1: with a smirk, and he has as bad a practical

838
00:58:04,035 --> 00:58:08,115
Speaker 1: joker as a other American cutups in the Grand tradition

839
00:58:08,195 --> 00:58:11,515
Speaker 1: began to disappear in October nineteen twenty nine, and they

840
00:58:11,555 --> 00:58:15,435
Speaker 1: are as hard to find now as bison. But Doggett's

841
00:58:15,555 --> 00:58:20,075
Speaker 1: waggishness has no calendar. You must have run into him

842
00:58:20,115 --> 00:58:22,315
Speaker 1: at some party or other. He's the man whose right

843
00:58:22,355 --> 00:58:25,155
Speaker 1: hand comes off when you try to shake it. The

844
00:58:25,235 --> 00:58:27,755
Speaker 1: late George Bancroft once pulled that gag in a movie,

845
00:58:27,915 --> 00:58:29,675
Speaker 1: but that was so long ago the picture must be

846
00:58:29,715 --> 00:58:32,915
Speaker 1: a cherished item in the Museum of Modern Arts Film

847
00:58:33,035 --> 00:58:38,275
Speaker 1: Library even now. When everybody else was running the gamut

848
00:58:38,315 --> 00:58:42,195
Speaker 1: of bomb fear from A to H. Birdie Dogget was

849
00:58:42,235 --> 00:58:46,595
Speaker 1: at Grand Central with one roller skate, which he managed

850
00:58:46,635 --> 00:58:48,875
Speaker 1: to attach to the shoe of a man sleeping on

851
00:58:48,915 --> 00:58:51,995
Speaker 1: a bench. When the fellow woke and stood up, He

852
00:58:52,075 --> 00:58:56,875
Speaker 1: described a brief, desperate semi circle, clutched a woman shopper

853
00:58:56,915 --> 00:58:59,555
Speaker 1: about the knees, dragged her and her bundles to the

854
00:58:59,595 --> 00:59:03,715
Speaker 1: cold floor and was attacked by her muzzled Scottie Dogget,

855
00:59:03,955 --> 00:59:07,075
Speaker 1: as always, was the first to lend the hand, helping

856
00:59:07,075 --> 00:59:09,035
Speaker 1: the woman to her feet, and then turning to the man,

857
00:59:09,715 --> 00:59:13,235
Speaker 1: where the hell's your other skate? He demanded, sharply, that's

858
00:59:13,275 --> 00:59:17,075
Speaker 1: what caused all this trouble. He took his skate off

859
00:59:17,115 --> 00:59:19,795
Speaker 1: the victim's foot and disappeared into the crowd that had

860
00:59:19,835 --> 00:59:23,435
Speaker 1: begun to gather. What's the matter over there, a small

861
00:59:23,475 --> 00:59:27,635
Speaker 1: man asked him apprehensively. Dogget shrugged. Uh. They found a

862
00:59:27,675 --> 00:59:31,075
Speaker 1: woman with a ticking package, he said. The other man

863
00:59:31,235 --> 00:59:33,955
Speaker 1: turned and left the station, missing the train he had

864
00:59:33,995 --> 00:59:38,435
Speaker 1: told his wife he would take. Dogget's pranks usually have

865
00:59:38,515 --> 00:59:41,915
Speaker 1: the effect of involving people on their far edges, one

866
00:59:42,035 --> 00:59:45,395
Speaker 1: or two of whom have been divorced as a result.

867
00:59:46,795 --> 00:59:49,555
Speaker 1: A publisher I know thinks Dogget would make a good story.

868
00:59:50,235 --> 00:59:52,755
Speaker 1: I disagree, because I don't think there's anything good about

869
00:59:52,755 --> 00:59:55,395
Speaker 1: the fellow, but I have done some checking up on

870
00:59:55,475 --> 00:59:58,795
Speaker 1: him out of force of habit. His father, the late

871
00:59:58,995 --> 01:00:02,315
Speaker 1: Carol Lamb Dogget, was a Methodist minister, and his mother

872
01:00:02,435 --> 01:00:06,675
Speaker 1: was a witch. Born at aj Yune, Birdie When her

873
01:00:06,675 --> 01:00:08,635
Speaker 1: son was only ten, she taught him how to set

874
01:00:08,675 --> 01:00:13,075
Speaker 1: stranger's umbrellas on fire. After an April shower, she would

875
01:00:13,155 --> 01:00:16,315
Speaker 1: sally forth with the little Hellion. They lived in Dayton

876
01:00:17,115 --> 01:00:20,435
Speaker 1: in search of a citizen with a floppy umbrella. After

877
01:00:20,475 --> 01:00:24,235
Speaker 1: an April shower, Dayton men lower their umbrellas without bothering

878
01:00:24,235 --> 01:00:27,955
Speaker 1: to roll them. Missus dogget would hunt until she found

879
01:00:27,955 --> 01:00:31,155
Speaker 1: a man waiting for a street car, his umbrella sagging

880
01:00:31,195 --> 01:00:34,675
Speaker 1: open at his side. She would then surreptitiously fill the

881
01:00:34,795 --> 01:00:38,755
Speaker 1: umbrella with paper, several dozen kitchen matches, and perhaps one

882
01:00:38,795 --> 01:00:43,075
Speaker 1: or two ping pong balls. As the street car approached,

883
01:00:43,555 --> 01:00:48,875
Speaker 1: she would drop a lighted match into the umbrella. Now, hell,

884
01:00:49,155 --> 01:00:53,435
Speaker 1: hath no dismay like that of a gentleman whose wet

885
01:00:53,635 --> 01:00:59,155
Speaker 1: umbrella suddenly bursts into flame. Instead of rolling the thing

886
01:00:59,235 --> 01:01:02,835
Speaker 1: to smother the blaze or simply throwing it away, nine

887
01:01:02,915 --> 01:01:06,755
Speaker 1: out of ten men, according to Dugget's statistics, will flail

888
01:01:06,795 --> 01:01:11,795
Speaker 1: it around in the air, thus increasing the conflagration. Many

889
01:01:11,795 --> 01:01:14,715
Speaker 1: of Missus Doggett's victims were arrested for disturbing the peace

890
01:01:15,155 --> 01:01:20,715
Speaker 1: or for arson. Bertie Doggett has never been much interested

891
01:01:20,715 --> 01:01:24,835
Speaker 1: in the exasperating paraphernalia of the trick and puzzle shops.

892
01:01:25,555 --> 01:01:28,235
Speaker 1: He still uses the wax hand, and he has tried

893
01:01:28,275 --> 01:01:32,555
Speaker 1: out dribble glasses, whoopee cushions, the foul smelling stuff you

894
01:01:32,635 --> 01:01:34,755
Speaker 1: put on chair bottoms to make people think they've just

895
01:01:34,795 --> 01:01:38,275
Speaker 1: sat on a lighted cigarette, and other such juvenile props,

896
01:01:39,155 --> 01:01:41,915
Speaker 1: but they never got a real hold on his fancy.

897
01:01:42,035 --> 01:01:46,315
Speaker 1: He likes the elaborate rib involving a lot of people,

898
01:01:46,875 --> 01:01:50,515
Speaker 1: The more the better. He will take a sackful of

899
01:01:50,675 --> 01:01:53,715
Speaker 1: cold poached eggs to some crowded Fifth Avenue store at

900
01:01:53,795 --> 01:01:57,115
Speaker 1: Christmas time and slip them one at a time into

901
01:01:57,115 --> 01:02:02,235
Speaker 1: the pockets of shoppers husbands. And he dreams of bumping

902
01:02:02,275 --> 01:02:05,075
Speaker 1: into a woman visitor in the ancient glass and stool

903
01:02:05,115 --> 01:02:08,635
Speaker 1: room of some museum, dropping an ordinary table tumbler on

904
01:02:08,675 --> 01:02:13,355
Speaker 1: the tile floor, and sobbing, Sweet God, lady, you have

905
01:02:13,515 --> 01:02:18,755
Speaker 1: broken the sacred chalice of King Alexander and making her

906
01:02:18,795 --> 01:02:23,035
Speaker 1: believe it. He has pulled this gag over and over

907
01:02:23,075 --> 01:02:27,515
Speaker 1: since nineteen twenty four, but never successfully, with the result

908
01:02:27,555 --> 01:02:30,355
Speaker 1: that he has appeared sixteen times in Jefferson Market Court

909
01:02:30,355 --> 01:02:35,355
Speaker 1: alone on charges of disturbing the peace jostling and molestation.

910
01:02:37,035 --> 01:02:39,755
Speaker 1: What doug It probably enjoys more than anything else is

911
01:02:39,795 --> 01:02:42,635
Speaker 1: following a couple of women along Fifth Avenue or Madison,

912
01:02:43,075 --> 01:02:47,515
Speaker 1: keeping discreetly out of sight but well within earshot, until

913
01:02:47,675 --> 01:02:50,435
Speaker 1: he hears one of the two ladies call the other

914
01:02:50,635 --> 01:02:54,715
Speaker 1: by name. He says that women are fond of using

915
01:02:54,755 --> 01:02:58,195
Speaker 1: each other's full name, as in Marriam Shirtle, I never

916
01:02:58,235 --> 01:03:00,395
Speaker 1: heard of such a thing in all my born days.

917
01:03:01,835 --> 01:03:05,195
Speaker 1: As soon as miss Shirtle, let us say, has thus

918
01:03:05,235 --> 01:03:08,915
Speaker 1: been fully identified, Doggett will walk briskly ahead for several

919
01:03:08,955 --> 01:03:13,435
Speaker 1: blocks and then retrace his steps. This soon brings him

920
01:03:13,475 --> 01:03:15,835
Speaker 1: face to face with his quarry, upon whom he will

921
01:03:15,915 --> 01:03:19,795
Speaker 1: pounce with a delighted why, Miriam Shirtle, fancy meeting you here?

922
01:03:20,035 --> 01:03:22,595
Speaker 1: Uncross those lovely eyes and tell me I have been

923
01:03:24,075 --> 01:03:27,275
Speaker 1: a young woman he wants accosted like this. In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania,

924
01:03:27,475 --> 01:03:30,115
Speaker 1: asked him to her house for cocktails in the hope

925
01:03:30,115 --> 01:03:32,915
Speaker 1: that some member of her family would know who he was,

926
01:03:34,235 --> 01:03:38,075
Speaker 1: but nobody was home. His hostess turned out to be

927
01:03:38,115 --> 01:03:42,195
Speaker 1: a bore, so Bertie put knockout drops in her second martini,

928
01:03:42,355 --> 01:03:45,475
Speaker 1: and after she had passed out, he stole a marble

929
01:03:45,555 --> 01:03:49,355
Speaker 1: plaque of kitchener from her mother's room, and he went away.

930
01:03:50,475 --> 01:03:53,755
Speaker 1: The next day it arrived at the shirtles, beautifully wrapped

931
01:03:54,035 --> 01:03:58,115
Speaker 1: and bearing a card with the simple legend Merry Christmas

932
01:03:58,555 --> 01:04:05,435
Speaker 1: from the President of the United States. John Bertie Doggett

933
01:04:05,555 --> 01:04:10,035
Speaker 1: married a tapioca brain one afternoon twenty years ago, possibly

934
01:04:10,075 --> 01:04:13,875
Speaker 1: because he'd lost a bet nobody knows. He took her

935
01:04:13,915 --> 01:04:15,635
Speaker 1: to his house and told her to wait in the

936
01:04:15,675 --> 01:04:18,715
Speaker 1: living room while he went upstairs and quieted his two

937
01:04:18,795 --> 01:04:22,395
Speaker 1: great danes. He put a record of a dog fight

938
01:04:22,475 --> 01:04:24,715
Speaker 1: on a phonograph he kept in his bedroom, and slipped

939
01:04:24,755 --> 01:04:28,355
Speaker 1: quietly out the back door. At three in the morning,

940
01:04:28,875 --> 01:04:31,275
Speaker 1: he showed up in the living room with two match players,

941
01:04:31,315 --> 01:04:36,675
Speaker 1: lou Gettling and Vic Talbot. Who is this disconsolate female?

942
01:04:36,715 --> 01:04:42,035
Speaker 1: Talbot demanded fairly, using an incurable antipathy to games of

943
01:04:43,155 --> 01:04:48,315
Speaker 1: chance and cunning, The bride drew herself up stiffly. I

944
01:04:48,595 --> 01:04:54,595
Speaker 1: am missus John Bertie dogget she said, striving for a outeur.

945
01:04:54,915 --> 01:04:59,595
Speaker 1: The name will not sustain I forgot about her wind

946
01:04:59,715 --> 01:05:01,995
Speaker 1: dogg it. After all, we haven't been married twenty or

947
01:05:02,035 --> 01:05:07,315
Speaker 1: thirty years. He's only been married eleven Missus Doggett, the

948
01:05:07,355 --> 01:05:10,555
Speaker 1: former Ann Kueley, went home to her mother, Missus Paul W. Coeley,

949
01:05:10,555 --> 01:05:14,915
Speaker 1: and never saw Bertie again. I join her in the

950
01:05:15,035 --> 01:05:17,795
Speaker 1: fervent hope that he may someday choke on his candied

951
01:05:17,955 --> 01:05:22,715
Speaker 1: dice and pass forever out of our consciousness. He is

952
01:05:22,755 --> 01:05:26,035
Speaker 1: a hard man to forget, though. I never start to

953
01:05:26,035 --> 01:05:28,155
Speaker 1: get out of a chair, no matter where I am,

954
01:05:28,195 --> 01:05:31,715
Speaker 1: without glancing at my shoes to see if I am

955
01:05:31,755 --> 01:05:35,955
Speaker 1: wearing one roller skate and feeling in my pockets for

956
01:05:36,195 --> 01:05:59,755
Speaker 1: old cold eggs. A Thurber doubleheader. Yes. Now back to

957
01:05:59,875 --> 01:06:03,115
Speaker 1: resume our inspection of the area around us and the

958
01:06:03,155 --> 01:06:08,355
Speaker 1: continuing mounting evidence that this is hell, and that the

959
01:06:08,395 --> 01:06:13,595
Speaker 1: traditional Judeo Christian hell is actually like just like a

960
01:06:13,715 --> 01:06:18,435
Speaker 1: large office of the Department of Motor Vehicles. I've done

961
01:06:18,475 --> 01:06:21,275
Speaker 1: all the damage I can do here. Thank you for listening.

962
01:06:21,795 --> 01:06:24,595
Speaker 1: Most of our Countdown music was arranged, produced and performed

963
01:06:24,595 --> 01:06:27,915
Speaker 1: by Brian Ray On guitars, bass and drums by John

964
01:06:27,955 --> 01:06:32,675
Speaker 1: Phillip Schaneil handling, orchestration and keyboards. They are obviously our

965
01:06:32,795 --> 01:06:37,275
Speaker 1: musical directors of Countdown. Their music was produced by Tko Brothers,

966
01:06:37,635 --> 01:06:40,315
Speaker 1: Our satirical and pithy musical comments are by the best

967
01:06:40,355 --> 01:06:44,475
Speaker 1: baseball stadium organists ever, Nancy Faust. The sports music is

968
01:06:44,515 --> 01:06:48,155
Speaker 1: the Olderman theme for ESPN two, written by Mitch Warren

969
01:06:48,195 --> 01:06:52,195
Speaker 1: Davis courtesy of ESPN, Inc. Other music arranged and performed

970
01:06:52,235 --> 01:06:56,635
Speaker 1: by No Horns Allowed James Thurber, written by James Thurber.

971
01:06:57,435 --> 01:07:01,395
Speaker 1: My announcer today was my friend Larry David. This program

972
01:07:01,515 --> 01:07:05,555
Speaker 1: was produced by Ted. Everything else was always my fault.

973
01:07:06,035 --> 01:07:08,795
Speaker 1: That's countdown for today, Day three hundred and seventy nine

974
01:07:09,315 --> 01:07:13,115
Speaker 1: of America held hostage again, but just one thoy eighty

975
01:07:13,195 --> 01:07:15,555
Speaker 1: four days until the scheduled end of his lame duck

976
01:07:15,595 --> 01:07:19,475
Speaker 1: and lame brained term unless he is removed by sooner

977
01:07:19,595 --> 01:07:30,955
Speaker 1: by Epstein, Just Epstein, It's not difficult ask the questions.

978
01:07:31,755 --> 01:07:35,435
Speaker 1: Your major point at this point in news in the

979
01:07:35,475 --> 01:07:39,275
Speaker 1: White House is do you want to get fired after

980
01:07:39,315 --> 01:07:42,515
Speaker 1: you do something that might save the country, or do

981
01:07:42,555 --> 01:07:46,235
Speaker 1: you want to get fired when Barry Weiss decides she

982
01:07:46,435 --> 01:07:52,355
Speaker 1: needs to rehire Matt Lauer instead of you. That's your choice,

983
01:07:52,715 --> 01:07:58,795
Speaker 1: which would you rather do? This does not apply if

984
01:07:58,835 --> 01:08:01,835
Speaker 1: you work at ABC or NBC. They're separate fresh hells.

985
01:08:01,875 --> 01:08:05,875
Speaker 1: There The next scheduled Countdown is throughday. Bulletins is the

986
01:08:05,915 --> 01:08:09,155
Speaker 1: news merits until the next one. I'm Keith Alderman, Good Morning,

987
01:08:09,155 --> 01:08:32,995
Speaker 1: good afternoon, tonight, and good luck. Countdown with Keith Alderman

988
01:08:33,155 --> 01:08:37,635
Speaker 1: is a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,

989
01:08:37,795 --> 01:08:41,795
Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get

990
01:08:41,835 --> 01:08:42,755
Speaker 1: your podcasts.