Speaker 1: O La bian Benigos to Cheeky's and Chill. Today's episode
Speaker 1: is going to be an interesting one. I have some
Speaker 1: news to tell you guys, something that I've been on
Speaker 1: the fence about for quite some time, and today I'm
Speaker 1: going to talk about it. It's about IVF. Okay, So
Speaker 1: spoiler alert, guys. I went through with it. Okay. So
Speaker 1: let me take you guys back, because I have talked
Speaker 1: about this on the pod quite a bit. The last
Speaker 1: episode in which we talked about IVF, I had decided
Speaker 1: not to go through with it. I wasn't feeling it.
Speaker 1: I started the injections. I bought my medication, which was
Speaker 1: very expensive, but I just wasn't ready mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually.
Speaker 1: I just wasn't ready. I remember injecting myself and I
Speaker 1: was just like in a bad mood. I just it
Speaker 1: just didn't feel like the right time, and I said, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm going to give myself a year to get pregnant
Speaker 1: if it happens. I wasn't trying to get pregnant. I
Speaker 1: really wasn't trying to get pregnant at all. I wasn't
Speaker 1: like I'm not on birth control or anything like that.
Speaker 1: I was just like, Okay, if it happens, it happens.
Speaker 1: But it didn't, and I feel that everything happens for
Speaker 1: a reason. I was like, I know my body can
Speaker 1: do this on its own. I know it can because
Speaker 1: I get a period regularly, Like I can do it. Anyways,
Speaker 1: didn't happen. I went to get, you know, a pap smear,
Speaker 1: and then I found out I had pollups and they
Speaker 1: had to remove those. And so my obgyn said, hey,
Speaker 1: you know, if you guys want to have kids, because
Speaker 1: Aamlio was with me, if you guys want to have kids,
Speaker 1: we really have to start figuring out what we're gonna do.
Speaker 1: I remember her telling me you will never regret having
Speaker 1: a kid, but you will regret not having one. So
Speaker 1: I was like, oh shit, that really hit me, and
Speaker 1: I said, oh my god. Okay. So then Emilia and
Speaker 1: I started kind of like talking about it and entertaining
Speaker 1: the conversation a bit more because then I thought, okay,
Speaker 1: I had these poll ups and the polyps were huge.
Speaker 1: You guys, like, there were eight of them at first,
Speaker 1: she only saw three. For those of you that don't
Speaker 1: know what pollups are, so are like this, It's like tissue,
Speaker 1: tissue that's filled with like blood and just like gunk.
Speaker 1: I don't know exactly, but it was in the lining
Speaker 1: of my uterus. So they're just like like chunks of meat,
Speaker 1: really filled with blood. And I had eight of them.
Speaker 1: At first she thought I had three, But when she
Speaker 1: went in and I had to get and removed, she's like,
Speaker 1: you know, cause I was bleeding and usually I was
Speaker 1: like spotting like for two months, kind of NonStop, and
Speaker 1: I was say, what's wrong with me? So that's why
Speaker 1: I went to the doctor to go get that check.
Speaker 1: So anyways, I find out that I have pollups. We
Speaker 1: set a day for the surgery and she cleaned me
Speaker 1: all up and she said, hey, I just wanted to
Speaker 1: let you know you had eight, not three, and they
Speaker 1: were pretty big and they were covering your fallopian tubes.
Speaker 1: They were just all up in there. We don't know
Speaker 1: how long they were there, so maybe that's what was
Speaker 1: keeping you from getting pregnant naturally. So I said, okay, cool,
Speaker 1: So then you know that's what happened. Then Emilia and
Speaker 1: I left and we were talking about it, like talking about, okay,
Speaker 1: are we gonna have kids? Like what are we really
Speaker 1: going to do and more and more as I'm getting older,
Speaker 1: I'm getting more mature. I'm thinking, you know what, I'm
Speaker 1: so happy and I'm so satisfied and content and grateful
Speaker 1: with how things are going in my career that I
Speaker 1: feel like, this year, I want to continue doing music
Speaker 1: and touring and stuff like that, but I am going
Speaker 1: to want to slow down next year, you know, And
Speaker 1: what does that look like? So we thought, you know what,
Speaker 1: I don't want to just have an oops, oops, I'm pregnant.
Speaker 1: I was like, you know now that the polyps aren't there.
Speaker 1: Then I started talking about I'm like, okay, wait a second,
Speaker 1: now this can really happen. Should I get on birth control?
Speaker 1: We both decided no, we're not going to get on
Speaker 1: birth control. We're just going to use a little mappy thing,
Speaker 1: you know, the period tracker, because that's what I use,
Speaker 1: so whenever I'm ovulating or fertile, let's you know, let's
Speaker 1: be careful sort of thing. And I said, okay, well,
Speaker 1: the clock is ticking. I am going to be a
Speaker 1: year older, and every year you lose more eggs and
Speaker 1: you lose more of the chance of getting pregnant naturally,
Speaker 1: you know. So I said, you know what to take
Speaker 1: the pressure off of me, Let me just do it,
Speaker 1: let me do the IVF. And I had already given
Speaker 1: myself December and January to be off and just say
Speaker 1: even February, but it didn't happen that way. So I
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, we're busy. That's good. Work has come in,
Speaker 1: that's great. But I said, you know what, I'm going
Speaker 1: to take January to get my boobs done. I'm also
Speaker 1: going to take January to start IVF. I did quite
Speaker 1: a bit in January. It was very busy, you guys,
Speaker 1: which caused a whole other a whole lot of things
Speaker 1: that I'll all tell you guys about. But I got
Speaker 1: my boobies done first. I got them redone and all
Speaker 1: that whole situation that we already talked about. And then
Speaker 1: I made the appointment to do the IVF. I met
Speaker 1: a new doctor. His name is Andy Wong. He's amazing.
Speaker 1: He has helped many people with their IVF journey and
Speaker 1: having children and people that I just wouldn't feel comfortable mentioning,
Speaker 1: but people that I'm sure you guys know, very famous people.
Speaker 1: And he was great and he made it happen like this.
Speaker 1: I had the appointment with him. While I was in
Speaker 1: Zo for New Years, I was out there with Emilio
Speaker 1: and I had a zoom meeting with him, and everything
Speaker 1: just happened. It just honestly all fell into place. I
Speaker 1: feel like, Okay, this is meant to be you, guys,
Speaker 1: because I wanted to take off the pressure of like
Speaker 1: this year, I want to focus on a new album,
Speaker 1: on a new tour. I have so many golds when
Speaker 1: it comes to my music that I just wanted to
Speaker 1: have the control of saying, Okay, I'm not going to
Speaker 1: get pregnant naturally. I don't want it necessarily. I want
Speaker 1: to have a plan. So now we have a plan. Anyways,
Speaker 1: came back from Zion, did my boobs and did IVF
Speaker 1: and once I swear to you, I went to the
Speaker 1: doctor and he's like, Okay, we'll start in February, and
Speaker 1: I said, damn, I don't want to start in February.
Speaker 1: He's like, well, it's because your period. It all happens
Speaker 1: with your period. You have to be on your period
Speaker 1: when you start. Guys. Why did my period start like
Speaker 1: two days after I saw him. I don't know if
Speaker 1: it was because of my hormones were all crazy because
Speaker 1: of the boob surgery. I have no idea, but my
Speaker 1: period came early, so it all just happened. I called
Speaker 1: to him, he said, call me as soon as you
Speaker 1: get your period. Supposed to get a period at the
Speaker 1: end of the month. I got it in the middle
Speaker 1: of the month, so I was like, okay, this is
Speaker 1: already like too perfect. I really wanted to start it
Speaker 1: and be done with it in January. It happened. So anyways,
Speaker 1: got my period, went in there and started the process.
Speaker 1: I skipped which was the scariest part for me because
Speaker 1: I've never been on birth control pills. The only type
Speaker 1: of birth control I've ever done is the IUD, which is,
Speaker 1: you know, the copper one, the ten year one that
Speaker 1: has no hormones. Because I'm already like, I'm a cancer girl.
Speaker 1: I'm like the moon and I It's just it's a lot.
Speaker 1: So I was like, oh my god, if I'm on
Speaker 1: birth control, I'm going to be like this crazy bitch.
Speaker 1: So I was like, okay, I don't want to do
Speaker 1: birth control pills, and what dude, I didn't have to.
Speaker 1: I skipped that whole thing because He's like, Okay, no worries,
Speaker 1: you started your period. Come in. We started the process.
Speaker 1: I went straight to estrogen and I was only on that,
Speaker 1: like on estrogen for like a few days, and everything
Speaker 1: just happened so quickly. He put me on my injections,
Speaker 1: and by the end of the month, we retrieved twelve eggs.
Speaker 1: You guys, twelve eggs is a lot for my age.
Speaker 1: So I was like, oh my god, so I have
Speaker 1: twelve healthy eggs. Well, I don't know if they're healthy yet,
Speaker 1: but I have twelve eggs. And usually it's about forty
Speaker 1: percent of what you get that is healthy, because not
Speaker 1: every egg is gonna be healthy. So I got twelve,
Speaker 1: which is He's like, I just want to be in
Speaker 1: the double digits, and we were thank god. I was
Speaker 1: afraid of having to do another round because honestly, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna tell you guys, it's a lot the injecting. It
Speaker 1: hurts more and more because you have to do it.
Speaker 1: Gets to the point where you do four injections in
Speaker 1: one day. So I started off with one, then two,
Speaker 1: then four. Then you feel bloated and your emotions are everywhere.
Speaker 1: My skin was crazy, you guys, mind you I had
Speaker 1: just got my boobs done, so imagine all these hormones
Speaker 1: in my body, all this stuff that I'm injecting, and
Speaker 1: my boobs are already super super sensitive, so then they
Speaker 1: were like very sensitive, like extremely sensitive with everything. I
Speaker 1: was very bloated. It was just a lot. It was
Speaker 1: a lot. I don't regret it. I'm very happy that
Speaker 1: I did it because now I don't feel that pressure.
Speaker 1: Now I know, okay, there's twelve eggs, so I don't
Speaker 1: regret it. It was great. I'm happy I don't have
Speaker 1: to kind of worry. I have twelve eggs waiting for
Speaker 1: me whenever I want to fertilize them or make embryos
Speaker 1: or put them together. But it was it was a lot,
Speaker 1: and it was very expensive. And the only reason I'm
Speaker 1: telling you guys that it was expensive is just to
Speaker 1: be honest. You guys know, I'm very transparent and honest
Speaker 1: with you guys. But I feel like it was worth
Speaker 1: every single penny, every single penny, mind you. My doctor
Speaker 1: also does payment plans, which I think was awesome, where
Speaker 1: it's like, okay, if you don't want to pay it all,
Speaker 1: we'll do it in like increment's, you know, and installment payments,
Speaker 1: which is awesome. And you know, again, his name is
Speaker 1: doctor Andy Wong. He has an office in Redondo Beach,
Speaker 1: in Beverly Hills, and once somewhere else I don't remember,
Speaker 1: but he's great. The entire staff was awesome. And anyways,
Speaker 1: it was about all in all, about twenty thousand dollars,
Speaker 1: you guys, So it was hefty, and thank goodness, I'm
Speaker 1: going to keep working this year so that we can
Speaker 1: just you know, I'm when I have my kid, i'm'll
Speaker 1: be like you already owe me twenty eight thousand dollars
Speaker 1: a day it's born. I'm like, you aren't in debt
Speaker 1: with me for twenty thousand dollars. I'm just kidding. But
Speaker 1: but yes, it was expensive, but I do feel that
Speaker 1: it is worth it. And again there are payment plans.
Speaker 1: If there are any women out there that either are
Speaker 1: in their twenties or in their early thirties or even
Speaker 1: their late thirties, if you're looking into like doing IVF,
Speaker 1: I do highly recommend it. I was on the fence
Speaker 1: for a very long time and I did not feel
Speaker 1: any pressure from a media. It wasn't about that. It
Speaker 1: was more about to be honest about my career. It
Speaker 1: was more about I want this year I'm going to
Speaker 1: be a year older this year. You know, the account
Speaker 1: goes way low every year. We lose so much. So
Speaker 1: I said, you know what, I want to be able
Speaker 1: to work comfortably and do what i'm doing without that
Speaker 1: pressure of, oh my god, what if I do get
Speaker 1: pregnant and it messes up the plan, which, regardless, a
Speaker 1: baby would be a blessing. That's not what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: But if I have that control issue, I'd rather just
Speaker 1: control that a little bit more. And it did remove
Speaker 1: a lot of pressure. I feel like I can breathe
Speaker 1: you guys. I feel like I'm like, oh, I'm glad
Speaker 1: I did it. So whenever we start planning, which I
Speaker 1: think we might do it I don't know next year,
Speaker 1: or we're going to try to do it naturally now
Speaker 1: that we don't have those polyps in the way, I'll
Speaker 1: try to do it naturally and if not, then I
Speaker 1: have my backup plans. So I wanted to share that
Speaker 1: with you guys because it is something super intimate. It
Speaker 1: is something super personal. But I've shared everything with you
Speaker 1: guys on this podcast, and I feel like if I
Speaker 1: can help anybody, anyone that has felt like me, that
Speaker 1: has been kind of like one foot in, one foot out,
Speaker 1: and then both feed out and then that. Because I've
Speaker 1: been like that, I've been like, I don't know, dude.
Speaker 1: So I finally did it, and honestly, I feel so
Speaker 1: good about it. I really do. I think I made
Speaker 1: the right decision for me. I made the right decision
Speaker 1: for me, not for anyone else, Not because I'm meant
Speaker 1: to have a kid, not because I have to, not
Speaker 1: because people are telling you. No, It's for me and
Speaker 1: for Emilia and I and we were both on the
Speaker 1: same page, and he was with me the entire way.
Speaker 1: You guys, like he only missed one doctor's appointment, because
Speaker 1: you have to go almost every other day to go
Speaker 1: get everything checked and get an ultrasound, you know, to
Speaker 1: make sure that the eggs are growing nice and big
Speaker 1: and fluffy, and they call it what do they call it,
Speaker 1: They call it, oh juicy. They're like, okay, oh these
Speaker 1: look juicy, you know, so you have to check them.
Speaker 1: But he was with me every single way. He would
Speaker 1: like mix the medicine for me and sometimes inject me,
Speaker 1: and he was very very patient. So that also helped
Speaker 1: me a lot. But even if you do it by yourself,
Speaker 1: it's okay as long as you have a friend someone
Speaker 1: that can just you can speak to about it and
Speaker 1: express your feelings because it is a rollercoaster of emotions,
Speaker 1: and I definitely felt it. I had hot flashes, like
Speaker 1: a motherfucker hot flashes. I was like, WHOA, I was like,
Speaker 1: I wanted to be naked, and then I wanted to
Speaker 1: be covered, and then most of the time I just
Speaker 1: wanted to be naked. So it was crazy, but it
Speaker 1: was definitely worth it. Definitely worth it. From what I hear.
Speaker 1: When you do IVF, twins are very very common. You
Speaker 1: can either Usually some will transfer two eggs at a
Speaker 1: time to make sure that one stick. Sometimes both sticks.
Speaker 1: Sometimes one egg divides into two. So it's very common,
Speaker 1: especially with like my age and stuff like that, to
Speaker 1: have twins. I wouldn't want twins, but if that's God's
Speaker 1: will for my life, then I will figure it out.
Speaker 1: I figure everything else out in my life. But for
Speaker 1: a long time I wanted a boy. Now I'm okay
Speaker 1: with whatever God wants. I do want to get, like
Speaker 1: the genetic testing, I do want to do that. Emilia
Speaker 1: and I talked about like what if you know, what
Speaker 1: if there's only one healthy egg, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: If we're not able to get pregnant naturally, what would
Speaker 1: we do? And what if that one egg had signs
Speaker 1: of down syndrome. We've thought about that and Emidios more
Speaker 1: of like, damn, I don't know if I want my
Speaker 1: child to go through that. I'm more of like, well,
Speaker 1: if that's the only egg we have, we really want
Speaker 1: to have the baby, then that's what God wanted for me,
Speaker 1: and I would go through with it. It's a lot.
Speaker 1: This whole process has brought so many different things. We've
Speaker 1: even thought about, Okay, like you know, we want to
Speaker 1: have a civil wedding. We want to have, you know,
Speaker 1: a spiritual wedding. Would I be okay with getting pregnant
Speaker 1: because a spiritual wedding won't be until next year, So
Speaker 1: what if I am pregnant? Then I was like, I'm fine.
Speaker 1: So many things have changed, things that used to be
Speaker 1: important to me, where it's like, oh my God, I
Speaker 1: needed to look snatch for my wedding blah blah blah,
Speaker 1: And now I'm like, you know what, no time is
Speaker 1: of the essence. But now that I have my eggs,
Speaker 1: I can be pregnant at forty five if I wanted to, like,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. That's one thing that my doctor was like, Look,
Speaker 1: you're young, your body's young, your uterus will never age.
Speaker 1: It's the eggs. Everything else is fine. It's just the
Speaker 1: eggs that are just like, hey, putting a little bit
Speaker 1: more pressure. But now that we have that out of
Speaker 1: the way, even if I wanted to wait to be
Speaker 1: freaking pregnant at fifty, I can do that. I don't
Speaker 1: know if that's what I want to do, but I'm
Speaker 1: just saying, you know what I mean. So things have changed.
Speaker 1: My perspective on things have changed so much, and I
Speaker 1: swear to you guys, I feel like I could just
Speaker 1: I could just breathe. I don't know. I'm just like
Speaker 1: I can sigh and say, Okay, it's done. It taken
Speaker 1: care of. But I did not want to go through
Speaker 1: it again. To be honest, I was praying. I was like, God, no,
Speaker 1: I was like, this is a lot. It's a lot.
Speaker 1: Especially me. I'm so in tune with my body. I
Speaker 1: feel everything. I know when something's wrong, I know when
Speaker 1: I've taken something that's made me feel a certain way.
Speaker 1: I'm very in tune with my body. So I was like,
Speaker 1: it was a lot emotionally, but it was definitely worth it,
Speaker 1: So I do recommend it. It's nothing out of this
Speaker 1: world that you can't handle. Us women are fucking built
Speaker 1: for freaking childbirth, you guys. We are built for so much.
Speaker 1: And not just because I'm a feminist and yeah, but yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, you know, freaking women, we're the badass, you know.
Speaker 1: But honestly, like, we got this, We we got it.
Speaker 1: So it's nothing out of this world, nothing that you
Speaker 1: can't handle if that's what you decide to do, you know.
Speaker 1: With all this IVF and then even this past weekend,
Speaker 1: Emilio and I were talking a lot about baby stuff,
Speaker 1: you know, and I feel that e Media is definitely
Speaker 1: more ready than I am to have a baby. It's
Speaker 1: crazy because I've been a parent to my siblings. I
Speaker 1: feel like I've had freaking four kids, you know, with
Speaker 1: the experience that I've lived with them and I've gone
Speaker 1: through everything with them, as you guys know, I talk
Speaker 1: about this on my podcast every day or all the time.
Speaker 1: So anyways, but he, I think it's something he'd be
Speaker 1: very good at at being a dad. And I know
Speaker 1: you can't compare a dog to an actual real baby.
Speaker 1: But the way that I see that he's with our dogs,
Speaker 1: especially little baby one, ryu like, I'm just like, he's
Speaker 1: so patient ever since we got him, like taking him
Speaker 1: out to potty every four hours. That's a huge commitment.
Speaker 1: I honestly wouldn't do it. I honestly, I was just like,
Speaker 1: I don't know how this guy's doing it, because it
Speaker 1: was like three months of it, of waking up in
Speaker 1: the middle of the night, of being like super insistent.
Speaker 1: I was like, dude, he'd be a great dad, you know,
Speaker 1: to the point where I was even telling my friends,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I feel that it's important to be careful
Speaker 1: or if I have the opportunity to. Obviously has choose
Speaker 1: the father of my child. Now I know, like he
Speaker 1: makes me feel safe, and he makes me feel like
Speaker 1: God forbid something happens to me, you know, I'm no
Speaker 1: longer on earth, or we split up, God forbid, Like,
Speaker 1: I know my child will be in good hands and
Speaker 1: I don't have to worry about any other baby mama drama.
Speaker 1: I've been through that, and I just I feel good
Speaker 1: with him. And yes he's younger, and I feel like
Speaker 1: he's gonna have a lot more energy, and we talked
Speaker 1: about it this weekend. I was like, Hey, are you
Speaker 1: gonna be okay with waking up and feeding the baby
Speaker 1: and all this stuff. He's like, Oh, yeah, I'll do it,
Speaker 1: don't even worry about it. I don't know. Maybe he'll
Speaker 1: say that now to try to convince me to have
Speaker 1: a kid, but it seems like he'll be really, really good,
Speaker 1: and I know the type of mom I will be.
Speaker 1: I can talk all this crap and be like, oh,
Speaker 1: he's gonna do everything and blah blah blah, he's gonna
Speaker 1: change all the diapers. But I already know myself. I
Speaker 1: already know I'm gonna want to, like, you know, make
Speaker 1: sure my baby's okay, and do anything and everything that
Speaker 1: I can to give my baby the best life possible
Speaker 1: before we go. Before we go, I'm gonna pull a card.
Speaker 1: This is a game called We're Not Really Strangers. I'm
Speaker 1: not sure if you guys have heard about it, but
Speaker 1: if you haven't, check it out, I'm just gonna pull
Speaker 1: a card. I feel like this would be different for
Speaker 1: us to just try, and it could be. I don't know.
Speaker 1: We'll see what kind of question that I can quickly
Speaker 1: answer for you guys. Okay, So the question is if
Speaker 1: you could have it your way, who would you be with,
Speaker 1: where would you be what would you be doing? Oh
Speaker 1: that's cute, Okay. So if I had it my way, hmmm,
Speaker 1: I think that I would choose to be with my mother,
Speaker 1: and I would be with her on my last birthday,
Speaker 1: the last birthday that I spent with her, when she
Speaker 1: took me and surprised me to the movie. She took
Speaker 1: all of us to the movies, my siblings and I
Speaker 1: And because that's like so me so janey, you know,
Speaker 1: to go to the movies and have to do something
Speaker 1: relaxing for my birthday, I would definitely go back to
Speaker 1: that moment if I could. Right now, I like this
Speaker 1: and no they're not paying me, you guys. I just
Speaker 1: I love this game, and yeah, I thought it would
Speaker 1: be something different. So yeah, guys, that's it' that's my
Speaker 1: IVF journey. I did want and feel the responsibility to
Speaker 1: let you guys know because I have taken you through everything,
Speaker 1: even my first doctor and then me not doing it
Speaker 1: and I'm trying in the whole thing. So now you
Speaker 1: guys know it's out in the open. I did it,
Speaker 1: so that's that you guys. It's always beautiful to be
Speaker 1: able to speak to you guys about everything on the podcast.
Speaker 1: I feel like this is definitely my safe place. Thank
Speaker 1: you for making it that way. Thank you for listening
Speaker 1: to this new episode. I hope you enjoy it, and
Speaker 1: I hope that it inspires you or it's informative or
Speaker 1: whatever it is. I just hope it touches your heart.
Speaker 1: So yeah, guys, maybe you'll see me as a mommy.
Speaker 1: I don't know if anytime soon, but soon in the
Speaker 1: near future. Okay, guys, all right, well, thank you so much,
Speaker 1: and I will see you on the next episode of
Speaker 1: Cheeks and Chill. Do you need advice on love, relationships,
Speaker 1: health emails? I'm so excited to share with you that
Speaker 1: my Cheeky's and Chill podcast will have an extra episode
Speaker 1: drop each week. I'll be answering all your questions. Just
Speaker 1: leave me a voice message. All you have to do
Speaker 1: is go to speak pipe dot com slash Cheeky's and
Speaker 1: Chill Podcast and record your questions. I can't wait to
Speaker 1: hear from you. This is a production of iHeartRadio and
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