WEBVTT - IVF: The Final Chapter 0:00:03.320 --> 0:00:07.000 O La bian Benigos to Cheeky's and Chill. Today's episode 0:00:07.040 --> 0:00:09.240 is going to be an interesting one. I have some 0:00:09.400 --> 0:00:11.920 news to tell you guys, something that I've been on 0:00:11.920 --> 0:00:15.440 the fence about for quite some time, and today I'm 0:00:15.480 --> 0:00:19.479 going to talk about it. It's about IVF. Okay, So 0:00:19.680 --> 0:00:25.000 spoiler alert, guys. I went through with it. Okay. So 0:00:25.079 --> 0:00:27.280 let me take you guys back, because I have talked 0:00:27.280 --> 0:00:31.160 about this on the pod quite a bit. The last 0:00:31.160 --> 0:00:33.800 episode in which we talked about IVF, I had decided 0:00:33.800 --> 0:00:36.320 not to go through with it. I wasn't feeling it. 0:00:37.000 --> 0:00:40.400 I started the injections. I bought my medication, which was 0:00:40.600 --> 0:00:47.320 very expensive, but I just wasn't ready mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. 0:00:47.360 --> 0:00:50.280 I just wasn't ready. I remember injecting myself and I 0:00:50.320 --> 0:00:51.800 was just like in a bad mood. I just it 0:00:51.880 --> 0:00:55.200 just didn't feel like the right time, and I said, Okay, 0:00:55.200 --> 0:00:57.240 I'm going to give myself a year to get pregnant 0:00:57.400 --> 0:00:59.800 if it happens. I wasn't trying to get pregnant. I 0:00:59.800 --> 0:01:01.880 really wasn't trying to get pregnant at all. I wasn't 0:01:01.960 --> 0:01:03.600 like I'm not on birth control or anything like that. 0:01:03.640 --> 0:01:05.200 I was just like, Okay, if it happens, it happens. 0:01:05.840 --> 0:01:08.840 But it didn't, and I feel that everything happens for 0:01:08.840 --> 0:01:10.280 a reason. I was like, I know my body can 0:01:10.319 --> 0:01:11.800 do this on its own. I know it can because 0:01:11.800 --> 0:01:15.000 I get a period regularly, Like I can do it. Anyways, 0:01:15.319 --> 0:01:19.000 didn't happen. I went to get, you know, a pap smear, 0:01:19.440 --> 0:01:22.400 and then I found out I had pollups and they 0:01:22.440 --> 0:01:25.800 had to remove those. And so my obgyn said, hey, 0:01:26.040 --> 0:01:27.760 you know, if you guys want to have kids, because 0:01:27.760 --> 0:01:29.920 Aamlio was with me, if you guys want to have kids, 0:01:29.920 --> 0:01:32.039 we really have to start figuring out what we're gonna do. 0:01:33.000 --> 0:01:36.119 I remember her telling me you will never regret having 0:01:36.160 --> 0:01:40.320 a kid, but you will regret not having one. So 0:01:40.360 --> 0:01:43.400 I was like, oh shit, that really hit me, and 0:01:43.440 --> 0:01:46.240 I said, oh my god. Okay. So then Emilia and 0:01:46.280 --> 0:01:49.280 I started kind of like talking about it and entertaining 0:01:49.480 --> 0:01:52.160 the conversation a bit more because then I thought, okay, 0:01:52.200 --> 0:01:54.000 I had these poll ups and the polyps were huge. 0:01:54.040 --> 0:01:56.480 You guys, like, there were eight of them at first, 0:01:56.520 --> 0:01:59.040 she only saw three. For those of you that don't 0:01:59.040 --> 0:02:02.080 know what pollups are, so are like this, It's like tissue, 0:02:02.240 --> 0:02:05.520 tissue that's filled with like blood and just like gunk. 0:02:05.560 --> 0:02:08.120 I don't know exactly, but it was in the lining 0:02:08.200 --> 0:02:11.280 of my uterus. So they're just like like chunks of meat, 0:02:11.800 --> 0:02:15.680 really filled with blood. And I had eight of them. 0:02:15.720 --> 0:02:18.720 At first she thought I had three, But when she 0:02:18.800 --> 0:02:20.840 went in and I had to get and removed, she's like, 0:02:20.840 --> 0:02:22.680 you know, cause I was bleeding and usually I was 0:02:22.720 --> 0:02:25.560 like spotting like for two months, kind of NonStop, and 0:02:25.560 --> 0:02:26.800 I was say, what's wrong with me? So that's why 0:02:26.800 --> 0:02:28.320 I went to the doctor to go get that check. 0:02:28.360 --> 0:02:30.480 So anyways, I find out that I have pollups. We 0:02:30.720 --> 0:02:34.280 set a day for the surgery and she cleaned me 0:02:34.280 --> 0:02:36.000 all up and she said, hey, I just wanted to 0:02:36.040 --> 0:02:38.040 let you know you had eight, not three, and they 0:02:38.040 --> 0:02:41.440 were pretty big and they were covering your fallopian tubes. 0:02:41.960 --> 0:02:43.600 They were just all up in there. We don't know 0:02:43.600 --> 0:02:46.320 how long they were there, so maybe that's what was 0:02:46.400 --> 0:02:49.480 keeping you from getting pregnant naturally. So I said, okay, cool, 0:02:49.919 --> 0:02:52.519 So then you know that's what happened. Then Emilia and 0:02:52.560 --> 0:02:54.839 I left and we were talking about it, like talking about, okay, 0:02:54.840 --> 0:02:56.399 are we gonna have kids? Like what are we really 0:02:56.400 --> 0:02:59.840 going to do and more and more as I'm getting older, 0:03:00.080 --> 0:03:03.119 I'm getting more mature. I'm thinking, you know what, I'm 0:03:03.160 --> 0:03:11.280 so happy and I'm so satisfied and content and grateful 0:03:11.320 --> 0:03:14.280 with how things are going in my career that I 0:03:14.320 --> 0:03:18.080 feel like, this year, I want to continue doing music 0:03:18.240 --> 0:03:20.840 and touring and stuff like that, but I am going 0:03:20.919 --> 0:03:22.720 to want to slow down next year, you know, And 0:03:22.800 --> 0:03:26.799 what does that look like? So we thought, you know what, 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:30.000 I don't want to just have an oops, oops, I'm pregnant. 0:03:30.160 --> 0:03:31.960 I was like, you know now that the polyps aren't there. 0:03:32.000 --> 0:03:33.720 Then I started talking about I'm like, okay, wait a second, 0:03:33.760 --> 0:03:36.760 now this can really happen. Should I get on birth control? 0:03:36.800 --> 0:03:38.240 We both decided no, we're not going to get on 0:03:38.320 --> 0:03:40.400 birth control. We're just going to use a little mappy thing, 0:03:40.520 --> 0:03:42.640 you know, the period tracker, because that's what I use, 0:03:43.000 --> 0:03:45.680 so whenever I'm ovulating or fertile, let's you know, let's 0:03:45.760 --> 0:03:49.840 be careful sort of thing. And I said, okay, well, 0:03:50.360 --> 0:03:53.800 the clock is ticking. I am going to be a 0:03:53.920 --> 0:03:56.880 year older, and every year you lose more eggs and 0:03:56.960 --> 0:04:00.800 you lose more of the chance of getting pregnant naturally, 0:04:00.880 --> 0:04:02.680 you know. So I said, you know what to take 0:04:02.680 --> 0:04:05.960 the pressure off of me, Let me just do it, 0:04:06.320 --> 0:04:08.200 let me do the IVF. And I had already given 0:04:08.280 --> 0:04:12.760 myself December and January to be off and just say 0:04:12.760 --> 0:04:14.560 even February, but it didn't happen that way. So I 0:04:14.600 --> 0:04:17.200 was like, Okay, we're busy. That's good. Work has come in, 0:04:17.240 --> 0:04:20.240 that's great. But I said, you know what, I'm going 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:23.160 to take January to get my boobs done. I'm also 0:04:23.160 --> 0:04:25.920 going to take January to start IVF. I did quite 0:04:25.960 --> 0:04:27.559 a bit in January. It was very busy, you guys, 0:04:28.880 --> 0:04:31.000 which caused a whole other a whole lot of things 0:04:31.000 --> 0:04:32.680 that I'll all tell you guys about. But I got 0:04:32.680 --> 0:04:34.520 my boobies done first. I got them redone and all 0:04:34.560 --> 0:04:38.240 that whole situation that we already talked about. And then 0:04:38.440 --> 0:04:40.600 I made the appointment to do the IVF. I met 0:04:40.640 --> 0:04:43.120 a new doctor. His name is Andy Wong. He's amazing. 0:04:43.200 --> 0:04:46.440 He has helped many people with their IVF journey and 0:04:46.480 --> 0:04:49.240 having children and people that I just wouldn't feel comfortable mentioning, 0:04:49.279 --> 0:04:51.440 but people that I'm sure you guys know, very famous people. 0:04:52.120 --> 0:04:55.760 And he was great and he made it happen like this. 0:04:56.400 --> 0:04:59.560 I had the appointment with him. While I was in 0:04:59.800 --> 0:05:02.400 Zo for New Years, I was out there with Emilio 0:05:03.480 --> 0:05:06.360 and I had a zoom meeting with him, and everything 0:05:06.440 --> 0:05:08.680 just happened. It just honestly all fell into place. I 0:05:08.680 --> 0:05:10.919 feel like, Okay, this is meant to be you, guys, 0:05:11.200 --> 0:05:13.160 because I wanted to take off the pressure of like 0:05:13.240 --> 0:05:15.640 this year, I want to focus on a new album, 0:05:15.720 --> 0:05:18.600 on a new tour. I have so many golds when 0:05:18.640 --> 0:05:21.200 it comes to my music that I just wanted to 0:05:21.240 --> 0:05:23.240 have the control of saying, Okay, I'm not going to 0:05:23.279 --> 0:05:26.680 get pregnant naturally. I don't want it necessarily. I want 0:05:26.680 --> 0:05:29.560 to have a plan. So now we have a plan. Anyways, 0:05:29.960 --> 0:05:33.560 came back from Zion, did my boobs and did IVF 0:05:33.839 --> 0:05:36.400 and once I swear to you, I went to the 0:05:36.440 --> 0:05:38.560 doctor and he's like, Okay, we'll start in February, and 0:05:38.600 --> 0:05:40.440 I said, damn, I don't want to start in February. 0:05:40.560 --> 0:05:42.239 He's like, well, it's because your period. It all happens 0:05:42.240 --> 0:05:43.719 with your period. You have to be on your period 0:05:43.960 --> 0:05:47.440 when you start. Guys. Why did my period start like 0:05:47.480 --> 0:05:50.400 two days after I saw him. I don't know if 0:05:50.400 --> 0:05:53.200 it was because of my hormones were all crazy because 0:05:53.240 --> 0:05:55.279 of the boob surgery. I have no idea, but my 0:05:55.320 --> 0:05:58.400 period came early, so it all just happened. I called 0:05:58.400 --> 0:05:59.400 to him, he said, call me as soon as you 0:05:59.400 --> 0:06:00.960 get your period. Supposed to get a period at the 0:06:01.040 --> 0:06:02.560 end of the month. I got it in the middle 0:06:02.560 --> 0:06:04.280 of the month, so I was like, okay, this is 0:06:04.320 --> 0:06:07.200 already like too perfect. I really wanted to start it 0:06:07.200 --> 0:06:10.880 and be done with it in January. It happened. So anyways, 0:06:10.960 --> 0:06:13.080 got my period, went in there and started the process. 0:06:13.120 --> 0:06:15.839 I skipped which was the scariest part for me because 0:06:15.960 --> 0:06:18.120 I've never been on birth control pills. The only type 0:06:18.160 --> 0:06:21.560 of birth control I've ever done is the IUD, which is, 0:06:21.960 --> 0:06:23.839 you know, the copper one, the ten year one that 0:06:23.880 --> 0:06:26.280 has no hormones. Because I'm already like, I'm a cancer girl. 0:06:26.560 --> 0:06:29.159 I'm like the moon and I It's just it's a lot. 0:06:29.240 --> 0:06:30.280 So I was like, oh my god, if I'm on 0:06:30.320 --> 0:06:32.279 birth control, I'm going to be like this crazy bitch. 0:06:32.680 --> 0:06:33.800 So I was like, okay, I don't want to do 0:06:33.800 --> 0:06:37.240 birth control pills, and what dude, I didn't have to. 0:06:37.279 --> 0:06:39.680 I skipped that whole thing because He's like, Okay, no worries, 0:06:39.680 --> 0:06:41.440 you started your period. Come in. We started the process. 0:06:41.480 --> 0:06:43.920 I went straight to estrogen and I was only on that, 0:06:44.040 --> 0:06:46.560 like on estrogen for like a few days, and everything 0:06:46.640 --> 0:06:49.240 just happened so quickly. He put me on my injections, 0:06:50.000 --> 0:06:54.200 and by the end of the month, we retrieved twelve eggs. 0:06:54.200 --> 0:06:56.640 You guys, twelve eggs is a lot for my age. 0:06:57.000 --> 0:06:58.919 So I was like, oh my god, so I have 0:06:59.279 --> 0:07:01.280 twelve healthy eggs. Well, I don't know if they're healthy yet, 0:07:01.320 --> 0:07:05.599 but I have twelve eggs. And usually it's about forty 0:07:05.600 --> 0:07:07.680 percent of what you get that is healthy, because not 0:07:07.760 --> 0:07:10.400 every egg is gonna be healthy. So I got twelve, 0:07:10.400 --> 0:07:12.040 which is He's like, I just want to be in 0:07:12.080 --> 0:07:15.120 the double digits, and we were thank god. I was 0:07:15.160 --> 0:07:17.840 afraid of having to do another round because honestly, I'm 0:07:17.840 --> 0:07:21.640 gonna tell you guys, it's a lot the injecting. It 0:07:21.720 --> 0:07:24.480 hurts more and more because you have to do it. 0:07:24.480 --> 0:07:26.200 Gets to the point where you do four injections in 0:07:26.240 --> 0:07:28.680 one day. So I started off with one, then two, 0:07:28.880 --> 0:07:32.920 then four. Then you feel bloated and your emotions are everywhere. 0:07:32.960 --> 0:07:36.080 My skin was crazy, you guys, mind you I had 0:07:36.080 --> 0:07:38.600 just got my boobs done, so imagine all these hormones 0:07:38.600 --> 0:07:41.480 in my body, all this stuff that I'm injecting, and 0:07:41.720 --> 0:07:44.400 my boobs are already super super sensitive, so then they 0:07:44.400 --> 0:07:48.160 were like very sensitive, like extremely sensitive with everything. I 0:07:48.200 --> 0:07:50.400 was very bloated. It was just a lot. It was 0:07:50.480 --> 0:07:53.120 a lot. I don't regret it. I'm very happy that 0:07:53.160 --> 0:07:54.800 I did it because now I don't feel that pressure. 0:07:54.840 --> 0:07:57.920 Now I know, okay, there's twelve eggs, so I don't 0:07:57.920 --> 0:08:01.480 regret it. It was great. I'm happy I don't have 0:08:01.560 --> 0:08:04.120 to kind of worry. I have twelve eggs waiting for 0:08:04.160 --> 0:08:07.520 me whenever I want to fertilize them or make embryos 0:08:07.640 --> 0:08:10.920 or put them together. But it was it was a lot, 0:08:11.760 --> 0:08:14.120 and it was very expensive. And the only reason I'm 0:08:14.160 --> 0:08:16.000 telling you guys that it was expensive is just to 0:08:16.040 --> 0:08:18.840 be honest. You guys know, I'm very transparent and honest 0:08:18.840 --> 0:08:21.200 with you guys. But I feel like it was worth 0:08:21.200 --> 0:08:24.440 every single penny, every single penny, mind you. My doctor 0:08:24.960 --> 0:08:27.840 also does payment plans, which I think was awesome, where 0:08:27.880 --> 0:08:29.160 it's like, okay, if you don't want to pay it all, 0:08:29.200 --> 0:08:32.000 we'll do it in like increment's, you know, and installment payments, 0:08:32.160 --> 0:08:34.320 which is awesome. And you know, again, his name is 0:08:34.400 --> 0:08:37.840 doctor Andy Wong. He has an office in Redondo Beach, 0:08:37.920 --> 0:08:40.520 in Beverly Hills, and once somewhere else I don't remember, 0:08:41.120 --> 0:08:46.080 but he's great. The entire staff was awesome. And anyways, 0:08:46.120 --> 0:08:50.640 it was about all in all, about twenty thousand dollars, 0:08:50.720 --> 0:08:54.120 you guys, So it was hefty, and thank goodness, I'm 0:08:54.120 --> 0:08:56.320 going to keep working this year so that we can 0:08:56.440 --> 0:08:58.800 just you know, I'm when I have my kid, i'm'll 0:08:58.880 --> 0:09:00.680 be like you already owe me twenty eight thousand dollars 0:09:00.720 --> 0:09:03.000 a day it's born. I'm like, you aren't in debt 0:09:03.040 --> 0:09:06.520 with me for twenty thousand dollars. I'm just kidding. But 0:09:06.520 --> 0:09:08.640 but yes, it was expensive, but I do feel that 0:09:08.720 --> 0:09:10.840 it is worth it. And again there are payment plans. 0:09:10.840 --> 0:09:14.480 If there are any women out there that either are 0:09:14.520 --> 0:09:16.560 in their twenties or in their early thirties or even 0:09:16.600 --> 0:09:19.600 their late thirties, if you're looking into like doing IVF, 0:09:19.800 --> 0:09:21.920 I do highly recommend it. I was on the fence 0:09:21.960 --> 0:09:24.640 for a very long time and I did not feel 0:09:24.640 --> 0:09:26.679 any pressure from a media. It wasn't about that. It 0:09:26.720 --> 0:09:29.880 was more about to be honest about my career. It 0:09:29.960 --> 0:09:32.800 was more about I want this year I'm going to 0:09:32.880 --> 0:09:35.600 be a year older this year. You know, the account 0:09:35.679 --> 0:09:38.679 goes way low every year. We lose so much. So 0:09:38.720 --> 0:09:39.959 I said, you know what, I want to be able 0:09:40.000 --> 0:09:42.560 to work comfortably and do what i'm doing without that 0:09:42.679 --> 0:09:44.880 pressure of, oh my god, what if I do get 0:09:44.880 --> 0:09:47.280 pregnant and it messes up the plan, which, regardless, a 0:09:47.320 --> 0:09:48.840 baby would be a blessing. That's not what I'm saying. 0:09:48.840 --> 0:09:52.600 But if I have that control issue, I'd rather just 0:09:52.720 --> 0:09:55.320 control that a little bit more. And it did remove 0:09:55.360 --> 0:09:57.200 a lot of pressure. I feel like I can breathe 0:09:57.320 --> 0:10:00.000 you guys. I feel like I'm like, oh, I'm glad 0:10:00.200 --> 0:10:03.560 I did it. So whenever we start planning, which I 0:10:03.600 --> 0:10:07.440 think we might do it I don't know next year, 0:10:07.679 --> 0:10:10.720 or we're going to try to do it naturally now 0:10:10.720 --> 0:10:12.559 that we don't have those polyps in the way, I'll 0:10:12.600 --> 0:10:14.880 try to do it naturally and if not, then I 0:10:14.960 --> 0:10:18.080 have my backup plans. So I wanted to share that 0:10:18.120 --> 0:10:20.720 with you guys because it is something super intimate. It 0:10:20.840 --> 0:10:24.280 is something super personal. But I've shared everything with you 0:10:24.320 --> 0:10:26.160 guys on this podcast, and I feel like if I 0:10:26.200 --> 0:10:30.280 can help anybody, anyone that has felt like me, that 0:10:30.320 --> 0:10:32.400 has been kind of like one foot in, one foot out, 0:10:32.520 --> 0:10:34.560 and then both feed out and then that. Because I've 0:10:34.600 --> 0:10:36.240 been like that, I've been like, I don't know, dude. 0:10:36.240 --> 0:10:39.200 So I finally did it, and honestly, I feel so 0:10:39.280 --> 0:10:41.719 good about it. I really do. I think I made 0:10:41.760 --> 0:10:44.079 the right decision for me. I made the right decision 0:10:44.120 --> 0:10:46.520 for me, not for anyone else, Not because I'm meant 0:10:46.559 --> 0:10:49.160 to have a kid, not because I have to, not 0:10:49.360 --> 0:10:52.600 because people are telling you. No, It's for me and 0:10:52.720 --> 0:10:54.280 for Emilia and I and we were both on the 0:10:54.280 --> 0:10:56.440 same page, and he was with me the entire way. 0:10:56.480 --> 0:10:59.360 You guys, like he only missed one doctor's appointment, because 0:10:59.360 --> 0:11:02.000 you have to go almost every other day to go 0:11:02.040 --> 0:11:04.400 get everything checked and get an ultrasound, you know, to 0:11:04.400 --> 0:11:06.600 make sure that the eggs are growing nice and big 0:11:06.600 --> 0:11:08.720 and fluffy, and they call it what do they call it, 0:11:08.760 --> 0:11:11.839 They call it, oh juicy. They're like, okay, oh these 0:11:11.880 --> 0:11:13.720 look juicy, you know, so you have to check them. 0:11:13.720 --> 0:11:16.160 But he was with me every single way. He would 0:11:16.200 --> 0:11:19.800 like mix the medicine for me and sometimes inject me, 0:11:19.960 --> 0:11:22.640 and he was very very patient. So that also helped 0:11:22.640 --> 0:11:24.160 me a lot. But even if you do it by yourself, 0:11:24.240 --> 0:11:26.680 it's okay as long as you have a friend someone 0:11:26.720 --> 0:11:29.160 that can just you can speak to about it and 0:11:29.240 --> 0:11:32.400 express your feelings because it is a rollercoaster of emotions, 0:11:32.960 --> 0:11:36.400 and I definitely felt it. I had hot flashes, like 0:11:36.440 --> 0:11:40.520 a motherfucker hot flashes. I was like, WHOA, I was like, 0:11:40.559 --> 0:11:42.280 I wanted to be naked, and then I wanted to 0:11:42.320 --> 0:11:43.760 be covered, and then most of the time I just 0:11:43.840 --> 0:11:46.599 wanted to be naked. So it was crazy, but it 0:11:46.679 --> 0:11:54.880 was definitely worth it. Definitely worth it. From what I hear. 0:11:54.920 --> 0:11:58.760 When you do IVF, twins are very very common. You 0:11:58.800 --> 0:12:01.720 can either Usually some will transfer two eggs at a 0:12:01.720 --> 0:12:04.120 time to make sure that one stick. Sometimes both sticks. 0:12:04.120 --> 0:12:08.160 Sometimes one egg divides into two. So it's very common, 0:12:08.320 --> 0:12:10.720 especially with like my age and stuff like that, to 0:12:10.800 --> 0:12:16.840 have twins. I wouldn't want twins, but if that's God's 0:12:16.880 --> 0:12:19.840 will for my life, then I will figure it out. 0:12:19.840 --> 0:12:24.560 I figure everything else out in my life. But for 0:12:24.600 --> 0:12:28.800 a long time I wanted a boy. Now I'm okay 0:12:29.080 --> 0:12:31.960 with whatever God wants. I do want to get, like 0:12:32.000 --> 0:12:35.560 the genetic testing, I do want to do that. Emilia 0:12:35.600 --> 0:12:40.760 and I talked about like what if you know, what 0:12:40.800 --> 0:12:43.480 if there's only one healthy egg, you know what I mean. 0:12:43.480 --> 0:12:46.200 If we're not able to get pregnant naturally, what would 0:12:46.240 --> 0:12:49.680 we do? And what if that one egg had signs 0:12:49.679 --> 0:12:53.920 of down syndrome. We've thought about that and Emidios more 0:12:53.920 --> 0:12:56.120 of like, damn, I don't know if I want my 0:12:56.440 --> 0:12:58.439 child to go through that. I'm more of like, well, 0:12:58.480 --> 0:13:00.640 if that's the only egg we have, we really want 0:13:00.679 --> 0:13:04.120 to have the baby, then that's what God wanted for me, 0:13:04.440 --> 0:13:07.559 and I would go through with it. It's a lot. 0:13:07.720 --> 0:13:10.880 This whole process has brought so many different things. We've 0:13:10.880 --> 0:13:13.040 even thought about, Okay, like you know, we want to 0:13:13.040 --> 0:13:15.240 have a civil wedding. We want to have, you know, 0:13:15.280 --> 0:13:18.360 a spiritual wedding. Would I be okay with getting pregnant 0:13:18.400 --> 0:13:21.200 because a spiritual wedding won't be until next year, So 0:13:21.960 --> 0:13:24.120 what if I am pregnant? Then I was like, I'm fine. 0:13:24.360 --> 0:13:26.480 So many things have changed, things that used to be 0:13:26.520 --> 0:13:28.480 important to me, where it's like, oh my God, I 0:13:28.520 --> 0:13:30.199 needed to look snatch for my wedding blah blah blah, 0:13:30.200 --> 0:13:33.240 And now I'm like, you know what, no time is 0:13:33.240 --> 0:13:36.760 of the essence. But now that I have my eggs, 0:13:36.840 --> 0:13:39.160 I can be pregnant at forty five if I wanted to, like, 0:13:39.200 --> 0:13:42.319 it doesn't matter. That's one thing that my doctor was like, Look, 0:13:42.400 --> 0:13:47.200 you're young, your body's young, your uterus will never age. 0:13:48.040 --> 0:13:50.920 It's the eggs. Everything else is fine. It's just the 0:13:51.000 --> 0:13:53.200 eggs that are just like, hey, putting a little bit 0:13:53.240 --> 0:13:54.880 more pressure. But now that we have that out of 0:13:54.880 --> 0:13:57.160 the way, even if I wanted to wait to be 0:13:57.360 --> 0:13:59.720 freaking pregnant at fifty, I can do that. I don't 0:13:59.720 --> 0:14:01.120 know if that's what I want to do, but I'm 0:14:01.160 --> 0:14:03.120 just saying, you know what I mean. So things have changed. 0:14:03.160 --> 0:14:05.760 My perspective on things have changed so much, and I 0:14:05.760 --> 0:14:07.320 swear to you guys, I feel like I could just 0:14:07.360 --> 0:14:10.000 I could just breathe. I don't know. I'm just like 0:14:11.480 --> 0:14:13.839 I can sigh and say, Okay, it's done. It taken 0:14:13.880 --> 0:14:16.719 care of. But I did not want to go through 0:14:16.720 --> 0:14:18.679 it again. To be honest, I was praying. I was like, God, no, 0:14:18.960 --> 0:14:20.520 I was like, this is a lot. It's a lot. 0:14:20.880 --> 0:14:23.680 Especially me. I'm so in tune with my body. I 0:14:23.720 --> 0:14:26.000 feel everything. I know when something's wrong, I know when 0:14:26.000 --> 0:14:28.280 I've taken something that's made me feel a certain way. 0:14:28.360 --> 0:14:32.440 I'm very in tune with my body. So I was like, 0:14:32.560 --> 0:14:37.160 it was a lot emotionally, but it was definitely worth it, 0:14:37.240 --> 0:14:39.160 So I do recommend it. It's nothing out of this 0:14:39.200 --> 0:14:43.160 world that you can't handle. Us women are fucking built 0:14:43.800 --> 0:14:47.240 for freaking childbirth, you guys. We are built for so much. 0:14:48.120 --> 0:14:50.000 And not just because I'm a feminist and yeah, but yeah, 0:14:50.000 --> 0:14:52.240 you know, you know, freaking women, we're the badass, you know. 0:14:52.280 --> 0:14:55.920 But honestly, like, we got this, We we got it. 0:14:56.040 --> 0:14:58.080 So it's nothing out of this world, nothing that you 0:14:58.080 --> 0:15:03.440 can't handle if that's what you decide to do, you know. 0:15:04.120 --> 0:15:07.400 With all this IVF and then even this past weekend, 0:15:08.000 --> 0:15:10.560 Emilio and I were talking a lot about baby stuff, 0:15:10.720 --> 0:15:14.280 you know, and I feel that e Media is definitely 0:15:14.320 --> 0:15:17.840 more ready than I am to have a baby. It's 0:15:17.880 --> 0:15:20.960 crazy because I've been a parent to my siblings. I 0:15:20.960 --> 0:15:24.360 feel like I've had freaking four kids, you know, with 0:15:24.400 --> 0:15:26.880 the experience that I've lived with them and I've gone 0:15:26.880 --> 0:15:28.600 through everything with them, as you guys know, I talk 0:15:28.640 --> 0:15:30.840 about this on my podcast every day or all the time. 0:15:31.640 --> 0:15:34.160 So anyways, but he, I think it's something he'd be 0:15:34.280 --> 0:15:36.640 very good at at being a dad. And I know 0:15:36.680 --> 0:15:40.320 you can't compare a dog to an actual real baby. 0:15:40.360 --> 0:15:43.120 But the way that I see that he's with our dogs, 0:15:43.280 --> 0:15:46.200 especially little baby one, ryu like, I'm just like, he's 0:15:46.240 --> 0:15:50.120 so patient ever since we got him, like taking him 0:15:50.160 --> 0:15:52.600 out to potty every four hours. That's a huge commitment. 0:15:52.680 --> 0:15:55.080 I honestly wouldn't do it. I honestly, I was just like, 0:15:55.120 --> 0:15:56.680 I don't know how this guy's doing it, because it 0:15:56.720 --> 0:15:58.280 was like three months of it, of waking up in 0:15:58.280 --> 0:16:00.400 the middle of the night, of being like super insistent. 0:16:00.920 --> 0:16:03.680 I was like, dude, he'd be a great dad, you know, 0:16:03.720 --> 0:16:05.360 to the point where I was even telling my friends, 0:16:05.640 --> 0:16:09.480 I'm like, I feel that it's important to be careful 0:16:09.760 --> 0:16:12.480 or if I have the opportunity to. Obviously has choose 0:16:12.560 --> 0:16:15.520 the father of my child. Now I know, like he 0:16:15.600 --> 0:16:17.480 makes me feel safe, and he makes me feel like 0:16:17.520 --> 0:16:20.360 God forbid something happens to me, you know, I'm no 0:16:20.440 --> 0:16:23.360 longer on earth, or we split up, God forbid, Like, 0:16:23.440 --> 0:16:25.600 I know my child will be in good hands and 0:16:25.800 --> 0:16:28.120 I don't have to worry about any other baby mama drama. 0:16:28.680 --> 0:16:31.440 I've been through that, and I just I feel good 0:16:31.440 --> 0:16:34.720 with him. And yes he's younger, and I feel like 0:16:34.800 --> 0:16:36.800 he's gonna have a lot more energy, and we talked 0:16:36.800 --> 0:16:38.800 about it this weekend. I was like, Hey, are you 0:16:38.960 --> 0:16:42.440 gonna be okay with waking up and feeding the baby 0:16:42.520 --> 0:16:43.960 and all this stuff. He's like, Oh, yeah, I'll do it, 0:16:43.960 --> 0:16:45.880 don't even worry about it. I don't know. Maybe he'll 0:16:45.920 --> 0:16:47.800 say that now to try to convince me to have 0:16:47.800 --> 0:16:51.440 a kid, but it seems like he'll be really, really good, 0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:54.240 and I know the type of mom I will be. 0:16:54.600 --> 0:16:55.920 I can talk all this crap and be like, oh, 0:16:55.920 --> 0:16:57.800 he's gonna do everything and blah blah blah, he's gonna 0:16:57.840 --> 0:16:59.840 change all the diapers. But I already know myself. I 0:17:00.440 --> 0:17:03.360 already know I'm gonna want to, like, you know, make 0:17:03.360 --> 0:17:06.760 sure my baby's okay, and do anything and everything that 0:17:06.800 --> 0:17:09.360 I can to give my baby the best life possible 0:17:09.960 --> 0:17:12.760 before we go. Before we go, I'm gonna pull a card. 0:17:13.119 --> 0:17:15.200 This is a game called We're Not Really Strangers. I'm 0:17:15.200 --> 0:17:16.760 not sure if you guys have heard about it, but 0:17:16.800 --> 0:17:18.720 if you haven't, check it out, I'm just gonna pull 0:17:18.720 --> 0:17:21.720 a card. I feel like this would be different for 0:17:21.840 --> 0:17:23.960 us to just try, and it could be. I don't know. 0:17:24.000 --> 0:17:26.280 We'll see what kind of question that I can quickly 0:17:26.320 --> 0:17:28.840 answer for you guys. Okay, So the question is if 0:17:28.880 --> 0:17:31.960 you could have it your way, who would you be with, 0:17:32.440 --> 0:17:36.440 where would you be what would you be doing? Oh 0:17:36.440 --> 0:17:41.600 that's cute, Okay. So if I had it my way, hmmm, 0:17:42.920 --> 0:17:45.560 I think that I would choose to be with my mother, 0:17:47.480 --> 0:17:50.560 and I would be with her on my last birthday, 0:17:50.560 --> 0:17:52.439 the last birthday that I spent with her, when she 0:17:52.520 --> 0:17:55.120 took me and surprised me to the movie. She took 0:17:55.119 --> 0:17:57.639 all of us to the movies, my siblings and I 0:17:57.960 --> 0:18:00.840 And because that's like so me so janey, you know, 0:18:00.920 --> 0:18:02.600 to go to the movies and have to do something 0:18:02.600 --> 0:18:06.600 relaxing for my birthday, I would definitely go back to 0:18:06.640 --> 0:18:09.400 that moment if I could. Right now, I like this 0:18:09.960 --> 0:18:11.719 and no they're not paying me, you guys. I just 0:18:11.840 --> 0:18:13.960 I love this game, and yeah, I thought it would 0:18:14.000 --> 0:18:17.040 be something different. So yeah, guys, that's it' that's my 0:18:17.320 --> 0:18:21.200 IVF journey. I did want and feel the responsibility to 0:18:21.280 --> 0:18:24.399 let you guys know because I have taken you through everything, 0:18:24.560 --> 0:18:27.680 even my first doctor and then me not doing it 0:18:27.720 --> 0:18:29.840 and I'm trying in the whole thing. So now you 0:18:29.880 --> 0:18:32.760 guys know it's out in the open. I did it, 0:18:33.400 --> 0:18:36.919 so that's that you guys. It's always beautiful to be 0:18:36.920 --> 0:18:40.080 able to speak to you guys about everything on the podcast. 0:18:40.080 --> 0:18:42.680 I feel like this is definitely my safe place. Thank 0:18:42.720 --> 0:18:45.240 you for making it that way. Thank you for listening 0:18:45.600 --> 0:18:48.040 to this new episode. I hope you enjoy it, and 0:18:48.080 --> 0:18:51.520 I hope that it inspires you or it's informative or 0:18:51.520 --> 0:18:53.520 whatever it is. I just hope it touches your heart. 0:18:53.680 --> 0:18:56.800 So yeah, guys, maybe you'll see me as a mommy. 0:18:56.920 --> 0:18:59.159 I don't know if anytime soon, but soon in the 0:18:59.200 --> 0:19:02.080