Speaker 1: More More, More, More Better.
Speaker 2: Hi, everyone, producer isis here.
Speaker 3: I have some very cool news to share before we
Speaker 3: jump into today's episode, More Better with Stephanie and Melissa
Speaker 3: has been named a finalist in four categories at the
Speaker 3: Signal Awards. We're up for Best Comedy Episode for our
Speaker 3: vindication episode with the amazing Chelsea Peretti, plus Advice and
Speaker 3: how To Diversity, Equity and Inclusion and Buddy Podcast. We're
Speaker 3: so grateful to be recognized alongside so many talented creators,
Speaker 3: and we couldn't have done this without you, our listeners.
Speaker 2: So here's where you come in.
Speaker 3: There's a Listener's Choice Award in each of our four categories,
Speaker 3: which means you can vote for us four times. Here's
Speaker 3: how it works. Head to vote dot Signal Award dot com.
Speaker 3: That's v O T E, dot S I G N
Speaker 3: A l A w a rd dot com. Search for
Speaker 3: More Better and you'll see us pop up in four categories.
Speaker 3: Click into each category one by one and cast your vote.
Speaker 3: Voting is open through October ninth, and it takes just
Speaker 3: a couple of minutes to support us in all four
Speaker 3: We would be so honored and.
Speaker 2: Grateful for your votes.
Speaker 3: Thank you, so much for being the best listeners ever.
Speaker 3: Now let's get into the show.
Speaker 4: We all have those moments.
Speaker 2: We've all punched somebody in the neck.
Speaker 4: Yeah, have you not?
Speaker 3: I would.
Speaker 2: There's a short list of people that I would actually
Speaker 2: punch in the neck, and I would go for it
Speaker 2: one hundred percent. I'm talking like I would collapse trichy
Speaker 2: a thumb out, Like I'm okay to break my own
Speaker 2: thumb if it really gets up in there and does
Speaker 2: some damage. Anyway.
Speaker 1: Next question, I gots so violent.
Speaker 4: More, More, Better.
Speaker 3: Or Better?
Speaker 1: Hi seventy, I'm so excited to be talking to you again.
Speaker 1: And I'm apologies. I'm on vacation right now, so I'm
Speaker 1: doing this on my iPad and I can't figure out
Speaker 1: how to make the mic work. So this is this
Speaker 1: is what you're getting. This is vacation Melissa in my
Speaker 1: mom's friend's house because there's no screaming children here.
Speaker 2: Nice.
Speaker 4: Welcome to More Better a podcast?
Speaker 2: What what voice are we doing?
Speaker 5: What is that?
Speaker 1: But it's kind of we're u in the Star Wars universe.
Speaker 2: Maybe I would love to be in the Star Wars universe. Listen,
Speaker 2: if you guys are listening, I don't know who's listening
Speaker 2: to this that has any power over there? But Melissa
Speaker 2: and I are very interested.
Speaker 1: Where ready. We won't complain about being in the makeup
Speaker 1: chair to nothing, nothing.
Speaker 2: No uncomfortable costume, holding a sword for a long time.
Speaker 1: Lightsaber. Excuse me, excuse me, lightsaber, lightsaber.
Speaker 2: Anyway, if any of you guys have any of that power,
Speaker 2: we're listening. Uh, this podcast is now about Star Wars.
Speaker 1: This this be more better at Star Wars.
Speaker 4: But Jephany and Melissa, oh my god.
Speaker 2: It runs for one episode because everyone tunes out because
Speaker 2: they're like, they don't know anything about the universe.
Speaker 4: They've already changed the channel. They're not here anymore.
Speaker 2: Change the channel. Wow, oh god, that made me sound
Speaker 2: wow channel. You know, my sister is telling me the
Speaker 2: other day she heard a little boy ross is taking
Speaker 2: an art class, and a little boy in the art
Speaker 2: class say we're gonna go home and watch blah blah
Speaker 2: blah on Peacock on Peacock, and she was like, I
Speaker 2: couldn't believe it. He knew, he knew Peacock. And I
Speaker 2: was like, yeah, because like when the TV turns on,
Speaker 2: when you changed the provider there, it goes like up
Speaker 2: on the screen, you know, just training the children like
Speaker 2: And by the way, feel free to tune into Twisted
Speaker 2: Mettle season two. It is only on Peacock. That was
Speaker 2: not an ad. It just really it was a great
Speaker 2: moment for me to but yes, truly it's just weird too.
Speaker 4: I can't wait to watch season two.
Speaker 1: I remember the first time that Enzo saw like commercials
Speaker 1: interrupt a show he was watching, and.
Speaker 4: He was like and he was like, what this bullshit?
Speaker 2: We used to live for them.
Speaker 1: It's a commercial. See they're telling you about this new toy.
Speaker 1: I don't care.
Speaker 6: Oh my god, No, I used to live Surprise Surprise,
Speaker 6: Pupper Surprise. How many puff uppies are They're inside suppress
Speaker 6: Suppressed Puppy Surprise.
Speaker 2: I'm sure we can't get the rights to that. You'll
Speaker 2: have to cut it out. God, do you remember Puppy Surprise.
Speaker 2: It was like you could get I feel like we're
Speaker 2: three or four fun. I was like, no, there's always two,
Speaker 2: it's always two boys.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cabbage Patch dolls, yeah girls. My mom
Speaker 4: wouldn't let me have them because she said they were ugly.
Speaker 2: They were ugly.
Speaker 1: She was like, why do you want that ugly baby?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 2: My god, they were ugly, but I had a little
Speaker 2: I had a little Latina one that had like brown skin,
Speaker 2: and I loved her so much.
Speaker 4: She was so cute.
Speaker 2: Yeah she was bald, but she was cute. She was
Speaker 2: one of those premies. Anyway, guys, welcome to More Better,
Speaker 2: a podcast about toys from the eighties. Ah, we are
Speaker 2: off the rails if you didn't know.
Speaker 1: That's most of a maryl and that's Stephane Beatrice.
Speaker 2: And this is we're I think we're a little off
Speaker 2: the rails because we're gonna do a little male episode.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's also going to be all over the
Speaker 1: place like we are right now. More Better.
Speaker 2: We have been keeping up with all of your emails
Speaker 2: and messages and stuff, and thank you guys so much,
Speaker 2: especially for the nice reviews, the nice comments. It really
Speaker 2: helps us a lot. So today we're gonna answer some
Speaker 2: questions and read some emails. Let's do it.
Speaker 1: Let's do it.
Speaker 4: Number one.
Speaker 1: Roles that changed you from Annabelle. I feel like this
Speaker 1: is a voice note, is it?
Speaker 7: Hey, guys, I love the podcast. I just wanted to
Speaker 7: share how Brooklyn nine nine basically unlocked my bisexual awakening.
Speaker 7: It started, you know, when my roommate knew I was
Speaker 7: going through hard times and she suggested that we watch
Speaker 7: her comfort show together, which is Brooklyn nine nine. And
Speaker 7: at first I was just like, oh, this this show
Speaker 7: is goret It's like witty, it's fun, it's a feel
Speaker 7: good show. And then as I got to know the
Speaker 7: characters more and Rosa came out as bisexual, I was
Speaker 7: like hit by a truck, you know, in a good way.
Speaker 7: Like I've known I'm queer for a while, but like
Speaker 7: never came out to anyone, and so, you know, seeing
Speaker 7: Rosa do it was like was like the universe like
Speaker 7: handing me a permission slip to exist. And what makes
Speaker 7: it even better is like seeing Stephanie talk so openly
Speaker 7: about her bisexuality in real life. That kind of representation
Speaker 7: made me feel like so seeing and safe and validated
Speaker 7: and honestly just like more confident. And I know this
Speaker 7: like all sounds super sappy and maybe cliche, but I
Speaker 7: just wanted to thank you. And I guess my question
Speaker 7: is like, have you ever had a show or character
Speaker 7: that changed the way you know you see yourself in
Speaker 7: a positive way? I mean, I think there's definitely a
Speaker 7: multitude of negative influences the media has on people. So
Speaker 7: I was like wondering if you could reflect characters that
Speaker 7: made you feel represented and validated and the importance of
Speaker 7: that in the work you do. Yeah, and just as
Speaker 7: a side note, after coming out as by to my roommate,
Speaker 7: we have put together a queer altar in our home
Speaker 7: that includes a bisexual oil painting of Rosa Diaz. It
Speaker 7: sounds weirder than it is, but just look at the photo, bye,
Speaker 7: she said.
Speaker 2: It sounds it sounds weirder than it is. It sounds
Speaker 2: weirder than it is. It's not weird.
Speaker 1: It's so cute and it's so cute.
Speaker 4: Also, this really, whoever did this painting of you? Is
Speaker 4: really great.
Speaker 2: Good, that's good. There was the little life flag there.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 2: First of all, Annabel, thanks for saying that. And you know,
Speaker 2: we appreciate your roommate and you so much for I
Speaker 2: don't know, loving the show and loving what we did
Speaker 2: all those many seasons, and it means a lot to us,
Speaker 2: you know. I we never ever ever take it for
Speaker 2: granted that people still really appreciate that show and how
Speaker 2: much joy it brings to people, and how comforted they
Speaker 2: are by it, and how much they feel like they
Speaker 2: know us because of it. It's really a special relationship
Speaker 2: I think that we have with people that love Brooklyn.
Speaker 2: So thank you for that. I don't know, I mean,
Speaker 2: like I like in terms of like watching stuff like
Speaker 2: you and I have talked about this before, but like
Speaker 2: Julia Luis Dreyfus on Seinfeld being this like one woman
Speaker 2: in a room full of like heavy jokes men and
Speaker 2: holding her own and like of course being sexual and
Speaker 2: funny at the same time beautiful and ugly depending on
Speaker 2: what was needed for the joke. And the moment was
Speaker 2: like it was life changing because it was like, oh
Speaker 2: my god, Wow, all of the things I want to
Speaker 2: do all of those things.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you and I have that one in common. The
Speaker 1: other big one for me two is Tina Fey and
Speaker 1: Amy Poehler taking over Weekend Update on SNL.
Speaker 4: I like remember that moment.
Speaker 1: I feel like I even remember their first show me
Speaker 1: or the first time that I watched it, And there
Speaker 1: was just something about these two women, their vibe, the
Speaker 1: style of their comedy, that they could be brash and
Speaker 1: vulgar and all the things like they were just so
Speaker 1: many things, and that particular thing I think always felt
Speaker 1: like a.
Speaker 4: Sort of powerful position on the show.
Speaker 1: Maybe I don't know why, not even knowing at the
Speaker 1: time anything about SNL or like the behind the scenes,
Speaker 1: but it was like, oh, that's a big deal, Like
Speaker 1: whoever gets to do that is a big deal totally,
Speaker 1: and that it was two women and those two women
Speaker 1: in particular was just I don't know, yeah, sort of
Speaker 1: how Annabel said, like it gave me permission to be,
Speaker 1: you know, not have to be so lady like, not
Speaker 1: have to be so feminine, you know whatever.
Speaker 4: I could be crass, I could be sarcastic, I could
Speaker 4: be and still be feminine or I don't know.
Speaker 1: It just was like there were in the same as
Speaker 1: you were saying watching Elane on Seinfeld, like things that
Speaker 1: you feel being undone.
Speaker 4: Or unworked in your head.
Speaker 1: You know that it's like, oh I don't have to
Speaker 1: be a certain way right that it just feels impactful. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Daphnie Rubin Vego was another one for me, like
Speaker 2: when Rent first came out, which was like when I
Speaker 2: was still in high school, so google lay Alo, but
Speaker 2: like yeah, she definitely was like oh my god, Like
Speaker 2: her voice doesn't sound like yeah, every other I mean,
Speaker 2: her voice is incredible, super powerful, definitely incredibly distinct, like
Speaker 2: when she's singing, you know, with her right, and up
Speaker 2: until that point in my in my own personal history
Speaker 2: of like and I didn't grow I didn't grow up
Speaker 2: near Broadway or I wasn't really I didn't have access
Speaker 2: to like seeing shows and stuff. So like the only
Speaker 2: recordings that I had heard of, like Broadway musicals were
Speaker 2: like a certain kind of style, right, and so like
Speaker 2: when I heard her doing Rent for the first time,
Speaker 2: I was like, what is this? And Adina Menzel too,
Speaker 2: it was just like what is this? You know, Like,
Speaker 2: but particularly for Daphne because she was Latina, I was like.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, you know.
Speaker 2: But yeah, they're definitely there. Certainly. Of course, there's like
Speaker 2: moments where you're just watching stuff and you're going like,
Speaker 2: this is what I want to do. I want to
Speaker 2: do this, you know.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Sorry, not sorry, but like Ariel and Belle sorry not sorry,
Speaker 2: and Cobbsworth Lumier for that matter, Okay, not even sorry
Speaker 2: about it.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: Next one, This is from a Hannah heimless in Stephanie
Speaker 2: or whoever is reading this email. We're reading it. Hannah.
Speaker 2: I'm a huge fan of you both that's really sweet,
Speaker 2: especially your roles in Brooklyn nin nine. I've watched that
Speaker 2: show at least ten times and your podcasts. You are
Speaker 2: both such huge role models to me growing up. Hannah,
Speaker 2: how old are you? Okay? I must admit I am
Speaker 2: a bit late to the party. However, I am listening
Speaker 2: to your anxiety and I are BFFs episode and I
Speaker 2: have a request. My topic request is for an episode
Speaker 2: on how you deal with rejection or criticism. I mean,
Speaker 2: we could probably do a whole episode on this, we could.
Speaker 1: She said.
Speaker 2: I know it's a pretty broad topic, but hopefully it's
Speaker 2: not too broad. As someone who beats themselves up over
Speaker 2: any sort of rejection and or criticism, I was hoping
Speaker 2: you both might be able to share some tips on
Speaker 2: how you deal with rejection and criticism, as I'm sure
Speaker 2: your path success has not been all butterflies and rainbows.
Speaker 2: Thanks so much for your time, Hannah. Oh, how do
Speaker 2: I deal with rejection from people that I'm dating? Not
Speaker 2: well aggressively? How do you tell?
Speaker 6: You know?
Speaker 2: I just get a little like.
Speaker 1: A fuck you?
Speaker 2: Then from jobs I try. I know this is something
Speaker 2: that I've learned, but and I learned this from our
Speaker 2: mutual friend Lena, but this or something better for the
Speaker 2: good of all concerned. And I know it's hard to
Speaker 2: say to myself and it's hard to believe sometimes, but
Speaker 2: like it, I hold on to that because it is
Speaker 2: I in my life. It has been true. It's like
Speaker 2: maybe that thing didn't come through and I didn't get
Speaker 2: that thing, but there's something else coming for me. You know,
Speaker 2: there's something else that that thing was supposed to go
Speaker 2: to someone else. It wasn't my thing. It was someone
Speaker 2: else's thing, you know, because rejection as an artist is
Speaker 2: really difficult because you feel like, what about this thing
Speaker 2: that I created that's like of my soul and I
Speaker 2: gave it to you and like I want you to
Speaker 2: choose it for your project that you're going to do,
Speaker 2: and it's like very difficult. I was up for a
Speaker 2: mini series that I really was interested in. I really
Speaker 2: wanted it, and I auditioned for it and they the
Speaker 2: thing that they always say to us is they win
Speaker 2: a different way, And like I always hate that, but
Speaker 2: it's it's true. I mean, if you think about the
Speaker 2: best version of that line to me in that moment
Speaker 2: was like they did they win a different way? The
Speaker 2: way that they're going to go is something that you
Speaker 2: weren't the right fit for. And so like by shoving
Speaker 2: a square peg into a round hole, it would have
Speaker 2: been funky, and like who knows why, who knows why,
Speaker 2: you know they went that way, but they did, you know,
Speaker 2: And so like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, my actor friend of mine, who was an actor
Speaker 1: when she was very young, also child actor, shared with
Speaker 1: me that when she was a kid, her mom said
Speaker 1: this great thing when she wouldn't get rolls, she was
Speaker 1: like her mom, her mom was like, it's like flavors
Speaker 1: of ice cream. They just wanted strawberry and you're mint
Speaker 1: chocolate chip. And it doesn't mean that you're any less
Speaker 1: than or not as good. They just wanted They wanted strawberry,
Speaker 1: and you're the most delicious, awesome, best version of mint
Speaker 1: chocolate chip. Totally, but that's that's not what they wanted.
Speaker 2: That's like that Dita Antees quote where she's like, some
Speaker 2: people just you could be the juiciest, ripest peach, and
Speaker 2: some people just don't like peaches, which also always makes
Speaker 2: me think of that thing that he says in Face Off.
Speaker 1: Where he's like I could eat a peacher.
Speaker 2: Sorry, Nicholas Cage we're the greatest actors of our generation. Okay,
Speaker 2: all right, next one, you read the next one, you
Speaker 2: read the next one.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, okay, hold on, all right, Stephanie, Melissa and
Speaker 1: the more better Team. I just listened to the latest episode,
Speaker 1: and I am so grateful that you chose to answer
Speaker 1: my question about boundaries. Ooh, this is a a Oh
Speaker 1: my god?
Speaker 4: What is? What are words? Anyway?
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: It was actually good timing because a couple of weeks
Speaker 1: after I sent this, I tried to set a boundary
Speaker 1: with someone at work who tends to take advantage of
Speaker 1: my resourcefulness, politeness, and patience, and it backfired. They've since
Speaker 1: been super petty. Oh shit, you both were right. Setting
Speaker 1: boundaries is so hard, and in my experience, especially hard
Speaker 1: to do in the workplace side. Anyway, it was validating
Speaker 1: to hear you both confirm it was a challenge for
Speaker 1: you too. Sometimes we're all a work in progress, hugs,
Speaker 1: looping loop same.
Speaker 4: Side.
Speaker 1: But I still believe even when it backfires, like their,
Speaker 1: their pettiness is because you set a boundary, and it's
Speaker 1: like about them, it's not about you. Unfortunately, that pettiness
Speaker 1: is like going to disturb your peace and still like,
Speaker 1: but I think you.
Speaker 4: Just have to like hold to it, and I don't know.
Speaker 4: Have some try to have some fun with their pettiness
Speaker 4: if you can.
Speaker 2: That sucks so hard, though, I'm so sorry that's so hard.
Speaker 1: Can you pet them? Can you match their pettiness?
Speaker 4: I don't know where you.
Speaker 2: Work, but like, can you listen to this super loud
Speaker 2: on your little like tiny speaker at your desk, and like.
Speaker 8: I'm sorry they were being a child about you setting
Speaker 8: a boundary. They probably have never had anyone set a
Speaker 8: boundary in their entire life because they're used to be
Speaker 8: walking all over people.
Speaker 2: That's so weird that that that person that wrote in
Speaker 2: his name Lupin, I have name Lupin. You're petty, more Better,
Speaker 2: More Better, Okay, dear Stephanie Melissa, and my name is
Speaker 2: girt Jan and I live in the Netherlands. Netherlands. I
Speaker 2: said girt Jan really well, though, Okay, now try to
Speaker 2: pronounce my name. Ha ha ha, girl, I couldn't pronounce Netherlands. Okay,
Speaker 2: we're gonna call you GJ. I really enjoyed it. Listening
Speaker 2: to your podcast More Better quickly became my favorite pod
Speaker 2: to listen to your elaiers. Oh that's so sweet. I
Speaker 2: was deeply touched by your final episode. Stephanie. Thank you
Speaker 2: for your honesty about your skin issues. I'm forty one
Speaker 2: now and I've had serious skin troubles too in my
Speaker 2: late teen years and twenties, and even though it's been
Speaker 2: a long time, it still has its impact today. I
Speaker 2: felt really insecure back then, and it still feels like
Speaker 2: a scar that won't heal easily. I don't talk about
Speaker 2: it often, so it was nice to listen to someone
Speaker 2: who was dealing with the same issues. Don't worry, I'm
Speaker 2: doing great now. I'm happy and have a beautiful family. Hey,
Speaker 2: my question for you is how do you get more
Speaker 2: better at dealing with insecurities from the past. Thank you
Speaker 2: and keep up the good work. Girt Jan GJ, GJ
Speaker 2: great question.
Speaker 4: And try You're like nope, no.
Speaker 2: GJ, No, I'm trying.
Speaker 1: Go Yeah, I mean there, it's like it's it's for
Speaker 1: me passing securities. Those are all my triggers, right, like
Speaker 1: the like the ship that comes out of nowhere where
Speaker 1: you're just like, why am I triggered by that? And
Speaker 1: then it's like, oh, right, because I used to feel
Speaker 1: really shitty about this back in the day.
Speaker 5: Yeah, And it's it's I think when it blindsides me
Speaker 5: and I get like very uh anxious or just regulated,
Speaker 5: and you know, and then I don't really know why
Speaker 5: I'm feeling that way, and like it takes me a
Speaker 5: minute to feel like to put together the pieces of like, oh,
Speaker 5: this is something I used.
Speaker 1: To really struggle with, right, and I've moved and even
Speaker 1: though I've done the work and I've probably and I've grown,
Speaker 1: and it is, like GJ said, where it's it's it
Speaker 1: is a still scar that you carry around with you.
Speaker 1: And scars can be fucked with sometimes sometimes stars can
Speaker 1: be ripped back open. And it's I think it's always
Speaker 1: the moment where I where I make the connection that oh,
Speaker 1: this is, you know, whatever the body issues or the
Speaker 1: I used to like change my outfits a million times
Speaker 1: before school because I thought everything looked terrible on me.
Speaker 1: And like sometimes even as an adult, I'll you be
Speaker 1: getting ready for something and I'm and it's not about
Speaker 1: what I'm wearing. I'm anxious about something about the event
Speaker 1: that manifests into me changing my clothes at gazillion times.
Speaker 1: And it's just like some expression of anxiety and until
Speaker 1: I like take some deep breaths and like usually I
Speaker 1: have to like get present because I'm not present right,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about the thing that I'm scared to do
Speaker 1: or the thing that I'm walking into. And when I
Speaker 1: like pull myself back into the present moment and I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: this is not about what I actually look like, or
Speaker 1: or even if it is, it's like, Okay, well, what
Speaker 1: what in my closet do I love wearing how but
Speaker 1: I just wear something that makes me feel really good
Speaker 1: or really comfortable or you know whatever, and just this
Speaker 1: is actually all about that I'm anxious about this thing
Speaker 1: that I'm about to do or that I'm about to
Speaker 1: walk into, and like let me deal with that, yeah,
Speaker 1: and not you know, not this like because I'm not
Speaker 1: insecure anymore in that way, it's just like an old
Speaker 1: habit kind of like spreading.
Speaker 4: I don't know, that's kind of like it's like it's
Speaker 4: with it.
Speaker 2: It's kind of like you're saying, sometimes it feels like
Speaker 2: it's something from the past, or like because you're dealing
Speaker 2: with something new, the past thing kind of like comes
Speaker 2: up and like.
Speaker 1: Is right, It's like old habits we're big yeah yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, And it's like just and it's always I
Speaker 1: find when I have those moments of past and securities
Speaker 1: coming up, it's usually like about something else and I
Speaker 1: have to check in and figure out, like what what
Speaker 1: is the thing that's actually pulling at me? Because I
Speaker 1: know I've done the work to get past this insecurity.
Speaker 2: I usually know when it's an insecurity about the past.
Speaker 2: New ones surprise surprised me all the time, but the
Speaker 2: past ones, it's a lot of reminding myself like I
Speaker 2: already did this, already know this. Let me just like
Speaker 2: go through the whole movie of what this is, the
Speaker 2: whole movie of what this is. Is that I used
Speaker 2: to be this and now I feel this about this
Speaker 2: and so like yeah, what did I used to be?
Speaker 2: And what am I now? And is it? And it's
Speaker 2: like I examine what's around it, you know, Like I'm
Speaker 2: going to an event and there's going to be you know,
Speaker 2: people there that I want to work with, but I'm
Speaker 2: how to talk to people, you know, which is like
Speaker 2: that that's not going to make or break out unless
Speaker 2: you like, you know, punch somebody in the neck or something.
Speaker 2: So like it's okay, it's okay. You know, there's like
Speaker 2: a it's like parenting yourself a little bit, Like yeah,
Speaker 2: even insecurities, it's like.
Speaker 4: Howbody, it's okay, It's okay.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like even if you mess up and say something dumb, like,
Speaker 2: it's okay. Like most people aren't looking at that, and
Speaker 2: if they are, they're not looking at it for very long,
Speaker 2: you know, Like so you have a pimple, Okay, yep,
Speaker 2: that sucks. I mean this we're talking about, like, you know,
Speaker 2: our own insecurities or whatever, and like listen, like uh,
Speaker 2: gret Jan said, acne is a big struggle. It can
Speaker 2: be really really intense. But like in general, past insecurities,
Speaker 2: how do you I get more better at dealing with them?
Speaker 2: It's like what Melissa said, trying to be aware, really
Speaker 2: trying to tune into like the awareness of like what's
Speaker 2: this about? Why am I all? Why am I freaking out?
Speaker 2: You know? And if I know what it's about telling
Speaker 2: myself like you can do this, you can you can
Speaker 2: handle this. You're not going to punch anybody in the
Speaker 2: neck unless they mouth off.
Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah, it's usually a moment for like right,
Speaker 1: like a some type of affirmation like and just being
Speaker 1: really kind to yourself and like, yeah, giving yourself space
Speaker 1: to be Like I.
Speaker 4: Mean, we all, fuck, we all have those moments.
Speaker 2: We've all punched somebody in the neck.
Speaker 1: Yeah, have you not?
Speaker 2: I would punch I would There's a short list of
Speaker 2: people that I would actually punch in the neck, and
Speaker 2: I would like, oh yeah, like I'm talking like I.
Speaker 4: Would collapse, trickya.
Speaker 2: Thumb out, like I'm okay with my mom if it
Speaker 2: really gets up in there and does some damage anyway,
Speaker 2: next question.
Speaker 4: I gots so violent?
Speaker 1: Hi, Sevanie, Melissa. I wanted to write to let you
Speaker 1: know how much the Heartbreak episode helped me. Oh that
Speaker 1: was a that was a deep one. I'm currently going
Speaker 1: through a divorce, and even though it's the right thing
Speaker 1: for us and our daughter, I feel I still feel
Speaker 1: sadness at the loss of what we had, especially the
Speaker 1: marriage being twelve years and the relationship being fourteen. We're
Speaker 1: still friends and co parent very well and doing things together,
Speaker 1: such as attending indiecar races with our daughter when we
Speaker 1: did like we did when we were married. Is this true?
Speaker 1: We are continuing these this year, starting in May, because
Speaker 1: we want our daughter to know that we are still
Speaker 1: a team, even if it looks different now.
Speaker 4: Good for you. That's amazing. Even though this is probably
Speaker 4: the best case.
Speaker 1: Scenario for a divorce, it's still hard, especially when important
Speaker 1: dates come up or events that we would ordinarily go
Speaker 1: to together we now do alone. In October, I went
Speaker 1: to a family reunion and was binging episodes on the
Speaker 1: way there. This was the first event with my extended
Speaker 1: family I was going to alone, and the first time
Speaker 1: I told my family about the divorce besides my parents
Speaker 1: and sister. I was feeling a lot of conflicting emotions
Speaker 1: the whole weekend, and then started thinking and starting about
Speaker 1: starting over in life. I listened to the Heartbreak episode
Speaker 1: on my way home and started to cry because what
Speaker 1: you were saying was exactly how I had been feeling
Speaker 1: about my situation. You helped me realize the way I
Speaker 1: was feeling was normal and valid. When a relationship that
Speaker 1: was important ends, I feel seen. I just want to
Speaker 1: thank you for helping me see that.
Speaker 4: Ben.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Ben, I barely got through reading that
Speaker 1: I started why.
Speaker 2: I'm so thank you so much for writing in and
Speaker 2: like sharing that with us. That's really vulnerable and honest
Speaker 2: and nice of you. To take the time to do that.
Speaker 2: That's really lovely.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I'm really happy for.
Speaker 1: You and your partner that you found a path forward
Speaker 1: that's you know, good for You're going to be so
Speaker 1: good for your daughter, and I think good for the
Speaker 1: both of you. But it's incredibly hard to do. And
Speaker 1: so just like, pat yourself on the back and let
Speaker 1: yourself feel proud about that.
Speaker 4: That's you're being very.
Speaker 1: Adult and mature and evolved approaching it as a team,
Speaker 1: and so braba, it looks it's us, all of it.
Speaker 1: It's too hard, it's not. It's yeah, but we're sending
Speaker 1: you up to love. Yeah, all right, the next one
Speaker 1: before I start crying, Okay.
Speaker 2: Hi, Stephanie, Melissa. I just wanted to say I'm a
Speaker 2: huge fan of both of you, Brooklyn nine nine. It
Speaker 2: has been such a comfort and inspiration in my life.
Speaker 2: I wanted to ask your perspective on something. I'm in
Speaker 2: my early twenties and for a long time I've had
Speaker 2: a specific goal in mind for my future, something I've
Speaker 2: worked hard for and tied a lot of my identity to.
Speaker 2: But lately, as I've grown and changed, I'm finding I
Speaker 2: might want something different. Feels like there's this pressure to
Speaker 2: stay committed to the path I chose years ago, as
Speaker 2: of changing my mind means I've failed. Either of you
Speaker 2: experienced something like that, wanting something new after chasing a
Speaker 2: dream for so long? How do you navigate those feelings
Speaker 2: and make peace with your shifting direction. Thanks so much
Speaker 2: for taking the time to read this, sending love and gratitude.
Speaker 2: I'm excited to continue to see your new projects as
Speaker 2: they released. Thanks Vanessa, Love Vanessa, and sheered a little
Speaker 2: emoji hearts. Love an emoji heart.
Speaker 1: Vanessa in your early twenties, girl, not your mind. Not
Speaker 1: to discount you, but not to discount but you.
Speaker 2: Know, as as a quick Taale, I will say, I
Speaker 2: never ever thought that I would be a person who
Speaker 2: got married or had children. I was pretty dead set
Speaker 2: on I'm you know not I'm. I could be single,
Speaker 2: I could be partnered up, but I don't want anybody's
Speaker 2: finances tied to my own. And I want the freedom
Speaker 2: of a life that I choose for myself and nobody else's.
Speaker 2: You know, nothing is, nothing is dependent on me, and
Speaker 2: I'm doing whatever I want to do. And I changed
Speaker 2: my mind. I had a goal and for my life,
Speaker 2: and I I tied a lot of my identity to
Speaker 2: being like I'm gonna not have kids and and and
Speaker 2: that's fine like for some people. But I changed my mind,
Speaker 2: and I changed it pretty late, and I was really
Speaker 2: scared about like how it was going to affect my career,
Speaker 2: how it was going to affect my relationship, how's going
Speaker 2: to affect my friendships, how was gonna affect my body,
Speaker 2: I was going to affect my brain, and how I
Speaker 2: was going to affect the person the new person. But
Speaker 2: I would say go for it, like I mean, if
Speaker 2: you really are feeling that strongly about it, Like what
Speaker 2: does Mary Oliver say? This is your one beautiful life.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna look up the quote you talk melissa'm'na look
Speaker 2: up this quote.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean I think any age, any stage in life,
Speaker 1: if we feel that pull towards something. And I understand
Speaker 1: the like identity part because this is not the same.
Speaker 1: But I in my early twenties, I was like, I
Speaker 1: am a New Yorker. I will never leave New York.
Speaker 1: New York is my identity. New York, New Jersey is
Speaker 1: my identity. This is where I grew up, This is
Speaker 1: where I belong, This is where I'll be till the
Speaker 1: end of my days.
Speaker 4: And I had a whole I was like, I'm I'm
Speaker 4: going to work in theater. I'm going to teach at
Speaker 4: some point. Maybe I'm going to like teach it at college.
Speaker 4: Like I had a whole idea of myself.
Speaker 1: I was like, every time I saw those little older
Speaker 1: biddies at the theater, I was like, that's going to
Speaker 1: be me, with my giant jewelry and my flowy shirts
Speaker 1: and my comfortable shoes, still getting to a thousand steps
Speaker 1: a day.
Speaker 4: This is going to be me.
Speaker 1: And then we up and moved and then I started
Speaker 1: working in television, which was took me away from theater
Speaker 1: and it couldn't get theater auditions anymore.
Speaker 4: And then we moved to LA and I kind of
Speaker 4: went kicking and screaming. But then.
Speaker 1: Like all these amazing things happened and this like whole
Speaker 1: new chapter of my life started And my kids are
Speaker 1: Angela little Angelino's and I love my life like and
Speaker 1: I love La and like especially recently seeing the city
Speaker 1: kind of stand up and.
Speaker 4: I've been so proud of it. And so.
Speaker 1: Even though I still feel like such an East Coast
Speaker 1: girl in a lot of ways and not like you know,
Speaker 1: a real like la person like I love. What I'm
Speaker 1: trying to say is like, eventually, if if you stay
Speaker 1: open and if you move with change, only good can
Speaker 1: come of it. If you stay stuck, especially if you
Speaker 1: feel pulled towards something else. Yeah, because out of obligation
Speaker 1: or because this is who I am, or this is
Speaker 1: how people know me, because I have to achieve.
Speaker 2: I have to achieve.
Speaker 4: I have to achieve. Who cares.
Speaker 1: It's like the equivalent of just like walking down a
Speaker 1: hallway and just like shutting all the other doors and
Speaker 1: windows and just like continually walk to like this one
Speaker 1: door even though you have no idea what's behind that door,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, as opposed to like just
Speaker 1: opening all the doors and seeing what's behind them. And
Speaker 1: so you're just I think, shutting off opportunity. You're you're
Speaker 1: shutting off surprises, You're shutting off and you know, And
Speaker 1: I only brought up the age thing because it's like
Speaker 1: this is the time to like try shit out, try
Speaker 1: it out. This thing that's like calling you try it out.
Speaker 1: If it doesn't work out, you can change your mind again.
Speaker 1: You can change your mind a million times. You can
Speaker 1: keep changing your mind. I still change my mind.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean at this point when I'm, you know,
Speaker 2: in my eighties, I do believe I will be getting
Speaker 2: botox in my forehead. But I could change my mind
Speaker 2: there in the retirement home. I might be like, no,
Speaker 2: I don't care.
Speaker 4: I okay.
Speaker 2: So that quote that I was going to say. The
Speaker 2: poem is from the Summer Day by Mary Oliver. Have
Speaker 2: you ever read it, Melsa, No, you've probably heard the
Speaker 2: end of it. It's pretty sure.
Speaker 4: Okay, who made who?
Speaker 2: This is not a poem reading this is not a
Speaker 2: poetry slam. I'm going to go through this. I'm not
Speaker 2: going to act at you, guys. I'm just going to
Speaker 2: say the words boom, who made the world, Who made
Speaker 2: the swan and the black bear? Who made the grasshopper?
Speaker 2: This grasshopper, I mean, the one who's flung herself out
Speaker 2: of the grass, the one who is eating sugar out
Speaker 2: of my hand, who's moving her jaws back and forth
Speaker 2: instead of up and down, who is gazing around with
Speaker 2: her enormous and complicated eyes. Now she lifts her pale
Speaker 2: forearms and thoroughly washes her face. Now she snaps her
Speaker 2: wings open and floats away. I don't know exactly what
Speaker 2: a prayer is. I do know how to pay attention,
Speaker 2: how to fall down into the grass, how to kneel
Speaker 2: down in the grass, how to be idle and blessed,
Speaker 2: how to stroll through the fields, which is what I've
Speaker 2: been doing all day. Tell me what else should I
Speaker 2: have done? Doesn't everything die at last and too soon?
Speaker 2: Tell me what is it you plan to do with
Speaker 2: your one wild and precious life.
Speaker 4: Great?
Speaker 2: I love that you don't have to like run towards
Speaker 2: this thing of those gold this thing whatever. She's just like,
Speaker 2: bro Like, I joke about it all the time, and
Speaker 2: I'm always like, we're all to die someday. And that
Speaker 2: is my very like nihilistic sort of like. But it's
Speaker 2: not because this is it.
Speaker 5: This is the this is it.
Speaker 2: You know, if you're doing something that you're like, oh, no,
Speaker 2: I was gonna be a whatever. I've been watching a
Speaker 2: lot of sex in the city, so I'm like pr
Speaker 2: Samantha Jones. PR been working to be a pr mamen
Speaker 2: your whole life, and now suddenly you want to be
Speaker 2: a gardener. Okay, obviously there's logistic, but go be a gardener,
Speaker 2: even if you have to do it, like in your
Speaker 2: hobby time like coke, do whatever you want.
Speaker 4: It's life is too short, life is too unpredictable. Life
Speaker 4: is too precious. Yes, if you have a calling, if
Speaker 4: you have something you want to do or explore, fucking
Speaker 4: do it.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna do it. This is gossip, but do you
Speaker 2: want to hear so it's related?
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's okay, so so excited, you.
Speaker 2: Know, like you know, oh, okay, I'm trying to figure
Speaker 2: out how to say this in a way where like
Speaker 2: no one will find out who I'm talking about.
Speaker 4: But okay.
Speaker 2: There was a very high profile couple that had a
Speaker 2: very large wedding and professed a lot of their It's
Speaker 2: like it's like it was like such a big show
Speaker 2: of like we love each other so much, we love
Speaker 2: each other, we love each other, we love each other,
Speaker 2: we love each other. And then they met a divorce
Speaker 2: and like part of me thinks, like was there a
Speaker 2: point where they were like part of me knows that
Speaker 2: there was a point where like this is actually like
Speaker 2: now I'm going to relate it to somebody I know
Speaker 2: who said to me, he's like an old friend and
Speaker 2: he was like when she was walking down the aisle
Speaker 2: like not but his wife or his ex wife X
Speaker 2: when she was walking down the aisle, he was like,
Speaker 2: oh shit, this is a mistake. And he went through
Speaker 2: with it, and like I guess, like I get it
Speaker 2: into like you know.
Speaker 1: Very getting like on the day when there's like like
Speaker 1: ribes vibes.
Speaker 2: Did you not know it beforehand?
Speaker 1: Like you did?
Speaker 2: You probably did maybe like hit really hard that day
Speaker 2: or something.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but like I just know it and all the
Speaker 4: mornings before when we woke.
Speaker 2: Up, we're gonna do stay married to that person like forever,
Speaker 2: like we're gonna do like this.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Anyway is says good luck, good luck on that edit.
Speaker 2: You could just sleep it all in. It's fine, more better, Okay,
Speaker 2: what did we learned today, Melissa? Besides my inside gossip
Speaker 2: about what did we learn today? Melissa?
Speaker 4: Uh, well, we learned.
Speaker 2: I'm never going to get cast in one of our movies.
Speaker 2: It's fine.
Speaker 4: What did we learn?
Speaker 1: We learned? We learned that we have awesome, amazing fans
Speaker 1: to write very lovely voice notes and emails to us
Speaker 1: and very sweet and selfishly personally, my ego needed all
Speaker 1: those compliments today, So thank you, thank you so much,
Speaker 1: thank you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I like these.
Speaker 1: I like these mail bag little episodes. I think we're
Speaker 1: going to do more of them this season. That's what
Speaker 1: I We're to do more of these this season because
Speaker 1: they're fun.
Speaker 2: They're fun, they're really fun, and like they let us
Speaker 2: know what you guys are like really connecting to and
Speaker 2: also what you're interested in. Yeah, and they just make
Speaker 2: us feel like we're getting to know you guys. Yes,
Speaker 2: that's nice, So keith those coming. Also, please send us
Speaker 2: a voice note, send us.
Speaker 1: An email, because we're going to do more of these
Speaker 1: episodes where we go through a bunch of messages as
Speaker 1: many as we can and send us topic.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and don't forget to rate, review and subscribe, Rate
Speaker 2: review and subscribe.
Speaker 1: It really helps us rate review and subscribe.
Speaker 2: MELSA, Do you feel a little more better?
Speaker 4: I always feel more and better? Do you feel more better?
Speaker 2: I feel like I need a snack, but other than
Speaker 2: though I need too Pretty great? Yeah, great, I'll say
Speaker 2: next next time, see.
Speaker 4: You next time.
Speaker 1: Bye, bye, more and more better.
Speaker 2: Do you have something you'd like to be more better
Speaker 2: at that you want us to talk about in a
Speaker 2: future episode? Can you relate to our struggles or have
Speaker 2: you tried one of our tips and tricks. Shoot us
Speaker 2: your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at gmail dot
Speaker 2: com and include a voice note if you want to
Speaker 2: be featured on the pod. Ooh, More Better with Stephanie
Speaker 2: Melissa is a production from WV Sound and iHeartMedia's Mikudura
Speaker 2: podcast network, hosted by Me, Steffie Beatrice, and Melissa Fumero.
Speaker 2: More Better is produced by ISIS Madrid and Sophie Spencer Zagos.
Speaker 2: Our executive producers are Stephanie Beatrice, myself, Melissa Fumero alone
Speaker 2: with Wilmar Valderrama and Leo Clem at w V Sound
Speaker 2: and ISIS Madrid. This episode was edited by ISIS Madrid
Speaker 2: and engineered by Sean Tracy and features original music by
Speaker 2: Madison Davenport and Hello Boy. Our cover art is by
Speaker 2: Vincent Remis and photography by David Abolos. For more podcasts
Speaker 2: from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
Speaker 2: you listen to your favorite shows. See you next week's
Speaker 2: buck Us. Bye