Speaker 1: Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and
Speaker 1: the Black Effect, and just like that, be back on
Speaker 1: the air. Welcome back to yet another Canfully Reckless episode
Speaker 1: with your Girl.
Speaker 2: Just hilarious.
Speaker 1: So I'm fixing mess. Fixing mess is what I do.
Speaker 1: I also do it on the Breakfast Club as.
Speaker 2: Well on B E T. Nine Am.
Speaker 1: Make sure y'all catch that whenever I'm there, which is
Speaker 1: more than likely almost all the time.
Speaker 2: All Right, we're gonna jump straight in.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell some stories that I got from fixing
Speaker 1: people's mess on Breakfast Club, one that I actually was
Speaker 1: pissed off about.
Speaker 2: And it's rather quick, so I'm just gonna jump straight
Speaker 2: in with that.
Speaker 1: So this woman calls up Ray and she has a boyfriend, okay,
Speaker 1: but she's upset because he's married.
Speaker 2: I'm pissed off about it. My boyfriend is married, star duh.
Speaker 1: And I know I had to do my own sound effect,
Speaker 1: but duh, someone what should I do?
Speaker 2: So this is the thing.
Speaker 1: She met her man in jail. Right, of course, he
Speaker 1: sold her dreams of what they were going to be
Speaker 1: when he.
Speaker 2: Got out of jail. When he got out of jail,
Speaker 2: he went to get engaged.
Speaker 1: To someone else, right, And not only did he get engaged,
Speaker 1: he actually jumped that broom. He got married and then
Speaker 1: went to go find the girlfriend. Right. So when she
Speaker 1: found out about the wife, she didn't leave. She tells
Speaker 1: me she mad at the wife for not holding her
Speaker 1: man down. How you not mad at your boyfriend because
Speaker 1: he's somebody else's husband, but she mad at his wife
Speaker 1: for not holding her husband down?
Speaker 2: Who just happens to be your boyfriend?
Speaker 1: And then another fucked up thing about it is, you're
Speaker 1: mad at this man's wife.
Speaker 2: But he got married when he came home, he wasn't
Speaker 2: already married. So you were never first.
Speaker 1: You were always second and was always gonna be second,
Speaker 1: and asking me what you should do. What you should
Speaker 1: do is get some fucking dignity, wake up and go
Speaker 1: find you your own fucking man. Because he's not yours,
Speaker 1: he will never be yours. You've already allowed too much.
Speaker 1: You think a man actually wants to be with someone
Speaker 1: who was okay with them cheating on their wives, or
Speaker 1: was okay with being second anyway, you think you'll ever
Speaker 1: deserve in his eyes to be number one. These men
Speaker 1: only do to us what we allow mentally, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. And then some women are not as
Speaker 1: strong minded as others. But I just couldn't understand like
Speaker 1: she had some nerve she was upset. Oh, she wouldn't
Speaker 1: hold him down, And I just felt like that's crazy,
Speaker 1: Like how could you not hold him down because he
Speaker 1: wasn't married to a yet?
Speaker 2: Right? You was holding him down? Did you get a ring?
Speaker 1: You have to realize who you are, what you are,
Speaker 1: what you want, what you're gonna take, what you ain't
Speaker 1: gonna take, and realize the consequences of your actions are
Speaker 1: because of what you allowed or what you did. So
Speaker 1: the consequences is you always gonna be the side bitch.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, that's what it is. Get back to me
Speaker 1: if you can. I know she's gonna be calling up
Speaker 1: after she had a shit like I ain't tell you
Speaker 1: going there and say, Audi, well you made yourself look
Speaker 1: dumber on a huger platform, a bigger player. She said,
Speaker 1: it's on be et, crazy ass. But I hope she
Speaker 1: gets the help that she needs because lord, she's delusional.
Speaker 1: All right, moving on, We got a voice note y'all,
Speaker 1: y'all know how I feel about these.
Speaker 2: There we go, Hi, JA.
Speaker 3: So before, sir, I'm just gonna give you a little
Speaker 3: background about myself before I ask you the original question
Speaker 3: that I have for you. So, I am twenty one
Speaker 3: years old, born and raised in Minnesota. I'm currently worked
Speaker 3: at three jobs. Also want to goo for nail technician.
Speaker 3: I have no kids, I am single. I have my
Speaker 3: own car and apartment that I share with my sister. Okay,
Speaker 3: the question I have to ask you is, I don't
Speaker 3: know if anybody else is having this problem, but from
Speaker 3: my early twenties, I feel like I'm having an identity crisis.
Speaker 3: I feel like I truly can't find myself. I don't
Speaker 3: know what direction I want to go in. I'm trying
Speaker 3: to find love, I'm trying to lose weight, I'm trying
Speaker 3: to achieve goals.
Speaker 4: I just feel like I'm.
Speaker 3: Everywhere right now, and it's to the point where it's
Speaker 3: giving me overwhelmed and depressed and drained and feeling like
Speaker 3: I'm behind in a way.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 3: Like, for example, when I was in school, I was
Speaker 3: way smaller than what I am now, so I've gained.
Speaker 4: A little bit more weight.
Speaker 3: So I just been feeling like, you know, I just
Speaker 3: don't look as prettier as everybody else. And of course
Speaker 3: I feel like social media for me, it takes a
Speaker 3: part of that. So I have took a break from
Speaker 3: that to help a little bit. Another example is with love.
Speaker 3: I'm such a freaking.
Speaker 4: Lover girl, like I love love, but.
Speaker 3: The relationship is just not going well for me, the
Speaker 3: dating error, all that stuff like, it's just not going
Speaker 3: well for me. Even if I want, like a little
Speaker 3: sneakily like it never works out. And then with my schooling,
Speaker 3: I've been in school for a two years trying to
Speaker 3: get my nail license because I'm just like stick. Dis
Speaker 3: harder for me to pass the quizzes and it's been
Speaker 3: taking me longer. But everybody else is an entrepreneur at
Speaker 3: my age, so I just feel like I'm just way
Speaker 3: behind all the things I need to do.
Speaker 4: So just give me some clarity to help me. J
Speaker 4: Just thanks love.
Speaker 2: You, heyy. First of all, I love you too.
Speaker 1: Thank you for being vulnerable enough to open up to
Speaker 1: me about that, because you know what you do. You
Speaker 1: open up the floor for other younger females, younger women
Speaker 1: to feel like they're not alone in this, you know,
Speaker 1: because y'all generation are going through some shit too. Of course,
Speaker 1: a lot of identity crisis going on. Of course, when
Speaker 1: you have media constantly shoving in your face, you can
Speaker 1: change who you are. You can change any part of
Speaker 1: your body now and everybody has access to these surgeons
Speaker 1: and just you know, all types of things that can
Speaker 1: help you rid of your flaws. You know, But I
Speaker 1: think it's internal for you. You did say exactly what
Speaker 1: I was going to tell you. Social media will play
Speaker 1: a big part in this and how the media constantly
Speaker 1: tries to manipulate our minds with just certain standards that
Speaker 1: we're supposed to follow, like you know. And then influencers
Speaker 1: that I thank God for them because I started off
Speaker 1: as one, but I say their work would be a
Speaker 1: gift in accurse because they open up your eyes to
Speaker 1: seeing I can own my own business, I can own something,
Speaker 1: I can be a young black creator.
Speaker 2: I don't have to work for nobody for the rest
Speaker 2: of my life.
Speaker 1: I am in a position where I can run my
Speaker 1: own business. At the same time, what it does is
Speaker 1: it shows another side where it makes working a nine
Speaker 1: to five or being who you really are off.
Speaker 2: Of social media, it looks uncool.
Speaker 1: It makes you uncool, makes you feel that you're not enough,
Speaker 1: and I really don't agree with anybody having to feel
Speaker 1: that way. Oh man, I'm very conflicted about your situation
Speaker 1: just because I don't want you to ever feel like
Speaker 1: because you are.
Speaker 2: You know, you consider yourself a.
Speaker 1: Little overweight or a lot overweight, whatever, you know, whether
Speaker 1: you're obese, fat, you know, it's levels to it. But
Speaker 1: however you feel about it, you still shouldn't let that
Speaker 1: depict how you go on in your love life. And
Speaker 1: then also listening you're twenty one, you're still trying to
Speaker 1: figure out you. I wouldn't be asking for love right now.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say you don't know what love is.
Speaker 2: I would never say that.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't even say that to an eighteen year old
Speaker 1: because what love is to you maybe different for what
Speaker 1: love is to me. Love has no one fucking meaning,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, So it goes by experience
Speaker 1: of what you feel. But I will say, you have
Speaker 1: a lot going on, so you can't focus on one thing.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, You can't focus on love
Speaker 1: right now because you also told me in the same
Speaker 1: breath you're trying to figure out.
Speaker 2: Who you are.
Speaker 1: There's no way that you could be ready for a
Speaker 1: relationship and you don't know who you are. So what
Speaker 1: I think is that you love the idea of love.
Speaker 1: You know, you love what it looks like. You know,
Speaker 1: you love what it can be. You love all the possibilities.
Speaker 1: You love what you see visually, what looks good visually
Speaker 1: to you, and then you probably see a lot of
Speaker 1: relationship goals too, you know what I'm saying. And that's good.
Speaker 1: You took a break from social media. I actually have
Speaker 1: family members that have.
Speaker 2: To do that.
Speaker 1: I have friends that have to do that. I know
Speaker 1: other influencers that have to do that.
Speaker 2: I do that.
Speaker 1: We need breaks, you know, because you could kind of
Speaker 1: like feel like Instagram is the world and it's not,
Speaker 1: and you're constantly reminded when you exit out the ad. Damn,
Speaker 1: that's just one part. That's social media, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. It takes over our lives and it plays
Speaker 1: a big part in our confidence, you know. So I
Speaker 1: think you should do a lot more soul searching. You
Speaker 1: probably will not be in a relationship until you hit thirty.
Speaker 1: That don't need to scare you, that just needs some
Speaker 1: motivate you, you know, stay on your path and figure
Speaker 1: out what you're doing with your life.
Speaker 2: Girl, You ain't got no kids.
Speaker 1: You work three jobs and you're going to school to
Speaker 1: be a fucking nail tech and you fucking worried about
Speaker 1: some lift.
Speaker 2: You got three jobs? Girl, how the fuck you gonna.
Speaker 1: Spend time with? Girl?
Speaker 2: Listen, A man is a job too. A boyfriend is
Speaker 2: a job, just like we jobs too, you know what
Speaker 2: I'm saying. So that's four jobs. Thank god. You ain't
Speaker 2: got no damn kids. But you know what men do.
Speaker 2: They give you kids.
Speaker 1: So your little twenty one year old, but need to
Speaker 1: stay on this arrow that you're on, Stay on this
Speaker 1: path that you're on.
Speaker 2: Don't worry so much about it. And I'm looking at
Speaker 2: your picture. You are beautiful, all right. It is only
Speaker 2: from your head to the top of your.
Speaker 1: Get chests, but you're beautiful. You're beautiful, probably inside and out.
Speaker 2: I don't know you. I haven't met you, but you
Speaker 2: sound really concerned about nobody loving you. Girl.
Speaker 4: Fuck that.
Speaker 2: You gotta love.
Speaker 1: Yourself because when you learn how to love yourself, and
Speaker 1: I mean the railway because people hear this all the time.
Speaker 1: Oh you gotta love yourself up. People say this to
Speaker 1: people all the time, and they take it the wrong way.
Speaker 1: You gotta love yourself. You gotta love yourself, or I
Speaker 1: do love myself. Like nah, people get more defensive after
Speaker 1: hearing that than just actually listening. No, do you really
Speaker 1: know what it takes to love yourself, because that's probably
Speaker 1: why your relationships fail. You said, you're even just a
Speaker 1: sneaky link. I'm no, you know, even if you want
Speaker 1: some dick, just sometimes sometimes maybe that's not what you need.
Speaker 1: Maybe shit fails for a reason. Start looking at it differently.
Speaker 1: That's not in your timing right now, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. So yeah, like I said, just do some
Speaker 1: more searching for who you are. You know, you're at
Speaker 1: the best time right now. And then you also at
Speaker 1: the best time to lose some more weight if that's
Speaker 1: what you want to do. Shit, if you want to
Speaker 1: lose more weight, go do that. If you feel like
Speaker 1: that's why you ain't getting no no men, lose some
Speaker 1: more and then see, and I guarantee you you'll find
Speaker 1: it wasn't even your weak It probably is your mind.
Speaker 1: It probably is the fact that you, like I said,
Speaker 1: you don't even know what you want out of a relationship.
Speaker 1: You love the idea of love but I do hope
Speaker 1: everything works out for you and you do get everything
Speaker 1: that you want in life.
Speaker 2: Make sure you follow up and update me, keep me posted.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 1: If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and
Speaker 1: then we'll be right back.
Speaker 2: Moving on.
Speaker 1: Last story. Oh my god, I got all the babies today.
Speaker 1: Hey Joss, I'm nineteen and I'm talking to this guy
Speaker 1: and I have intimacy issues. It's hard for me to
Speaker 1: open up. I've never been in a relationship before, so
Speaker 1: this part of intimacy is new and hard. It's hard
Speaker 1: to talk about my feelings. I had a lot of trauma,
Speaker 1: so I don't want it to change our dynamic. The
Speaker 1: guy is amazing. I don't want him to think he
Speaker 1: is a problem. My question is do you think I'm
Speaker 1: ready for a relationship or should I just continue to
Speaker 1: explore being alone for a bit longer. By the way,
Speaker 1: you can use this for the podcast in case you
Speaker 1: want consent. Oh that's nice, Thank you. I was gonna
Speaker 1: use it anyway.
Speaker 2: Girl.
Speaker 1: I don't know your name, so that's good, and can't
Speaker 1: bite see your face, But no, I appreciate you for
Speaker 1: reaching out and I'm happy that A lot of a
Speaker 1: lot more younger people are reaching out because this younger
Speaker 1: generation and they are facing a lot, you know, and
Speaker 1: they're seeing a lot, and they are much more exposed
Speaker 1: to a lot of shit too than we ever were
Speaker 1: that I that I ever was at nineteen, you know,
Speaker 1: so they could really be the main ones that need
Speaker 1: some mental tending to.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 2: It's a lot, a lot of shit that these babies
Speaker 2: are seeing.
Speaker 1: But yeah, to get into what you have going on,
Speaker 1: you've never been in a relationship before, so you don't
Speaker 1: really know what it takes.
Speaker 2: I understand. You got to think about it, though.
Speaker 1: Every person on this earth has been in that situation.
Speaker 1: Everybody ain't born with boyfriends. Everybody has to have has
Speaker 1: to jump in it some type of way.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: Every guy ain't born with no girlfriend. You know, everybody
Speaker 1: has to jump into us some type of way. You
Speaker 1: don't like talking about your feelings. You feel like that
Speaker 1: will hinder you from a healthy relationship. I think you
Speaker 1: need to dig deeper and figure out where that comes from.
Speaker 1: You know, doesn't have anything to do with your upbringing
Speaker 1: with people that you grew up with. You constantly seeing
Speaker 1: things because I know you said you had trauma, you know,
Speaker 1: but you didn't go into depth about the.
Speaker 2: Trauma, and that's okay.
Speaker 1: I'm glad that you even you know, we don't have
Speaker 1: to so obviously you know, I just don't know what
Speaker 1: the trauma is from. It could it could be something
Speaker 1: more recent, it could be deeply rooted, but that's probably,
Speaker 1: you know, more than likely where it comes from. And
Speaker 1: I understand you said, this guy is amazing, he's understanding.
Speaker 1: You don't want him to think he's the problem.
Speaker 2: No, you don't.
Speaker 1: You don't because then in restrospect, that's not fair to him.
Speaker 1: But no, I don't think that you're ready for a relationship.
Speaker 1: I think you should start some counseling, or you should
Speaker 1: start some therapy. It's nothing wrong with it. You see
Speaker 1: that you do have issues that you want to move past.
Speaker 1: You do see that, and that's good that you see that.
Speaker 1: A lot of people's fear of therapy is because they
Speaker 1: don't want to open up. They don't even want to
Speaker 1: go talk to somebody. But this first step for you
Speaker 1: to come in to me, I think that's amazing. I
Speaker 1: do think that you should seek further therapy. Because I'm
Speaker 1: not a licensed professional, I can only give you good advice.
Speaker 1: Figure yourself out. Then you also still nineteen. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: tell you like I told her the last baby, girl,
Speaker 1: you're nineteen, two more years til you hit twenty one,
Speaker 1: but in my eyes, you're still a baby. I got
Speaker 1: a little sister that's nineteen, you know, and I just
Speaker 1: watching her navigate through her social life. You know, it's
Speaker 1: way different than mine was. You know, when I was nineteen,
Speaker 1: we weren't doing something. The first of all, y'all even
Speaker 1: look already, and y'all need to look nineteen. Now, y'all
Speaker 1: starting to look like y'all already got bbls and shit.
Speaker 2: You know what I mean.
Speaker 1: And y'all bodies just all just full figure like that,
Speaker 1: y'all developing more, y'all just exposed to everything.
Speaker 2: I don't know. So I do think that you just
Speaker 2: need to explore just being alone for a bit longer.
Speaker 1: And you already knew that. You just needed to clarity,
Speaker 1: and I'm here to give it to you, girls, So
Speaker 1: keep me updated, let me know what's going on. Yeah,
Speaker 1: don't mess that man up. Girls, that's one good one obviously.
Speaker 1: Don't mess them up. Just fix yourself and go back
Speaker 1: and get them. Hold up, Hold up, I know the
Speaker 1: shit getting good. But listen to just a couple seconds
Speaker 1: of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. So
Speaker 1: this last mess, I'm an fix this in person and
Speaker 1: somebody actually came into the studio and you know this
Speaker 1: is I'm trying this out because in fourth season, I
Speaker 1: may bring this to video. You know, I know we
Speaker 1: have canfulte reckless audio, but for those who want to see,
Speaker 1: I may just do it. I don't know. I'm raising
Speaker 1: right now. It's gonna be my first in person mass effix,
Speaker 1: so we'll see.
Speaker 2: Let's see.
Speaker 4: Hey, Jazz, So I have been a long term situationship
Speaker 4: and I just need some advice on something that I
Speaker 4: really you know, have been worried about for it. And
Speaker 4: this is because of my own personal growth. So I'm
Speaker 4: in my relationship, I'm the more communicated person and the
Speaker 4: other person is a person who needs time to walk away. Right,
Speaker 4: That's the thing, like I need, I need to get
Speaker 4: some space clear my mind. And that's it's understandable, you
Speaker 4: know that people some people can't just get to the
Speaker 4: bottom of it real quick. They need a time to
Speaker 4: see what they going through. But it's like when does
Speaker 4: it get like okay, now, this is getting played out
Speaker 4: because if you think about it, the number one answer
Speaker 4: that older people will have successful relationships say is what
Speaker 4: communication beyond? Like that's like the number one thing everybody say,
Speaker 4: because you have to find a way to really find
Speaker 4: that balance to communicate. Right, And it's like, well, thank god,
Speaker 4: both of us is not like that. I can't that's
Speaker 4: avoid it. But one person is begging to communicating, other
Speaker 4: person's not. So then that means that it has to
Speaker 4: be more of an aggressive like exit, which is, oh,
Speaker 4: I'm gonna hang out, I'm gonna block you or some
Speaker 4: shit like that. Right, It's not like because I'm gonna
Speaker 4: be like no, I want to talk and it's like, nah,
Speaker 4: completely block you out, and you could be literally like
Speaker 4: sending messages like just talk to me. It's like, okay,
Speaker 4: it's fine, let's just get this. Like it's not that
Speaker 4: big of a deal. And you don't hear from them,
Speaker 4: so it's like, how do you deal with that going forward?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's actually a really really good one because I
Speaker 1: can see how both could feel. You know, I feel
Speaker 1: like you just describe introvert versus extrovert, but in a relationship,
Speaker 1: that's not how it's supposed to be. There needs to
Speaker 1: be a willingness to come out of your show.
Speaker 2: A little bit more and open up, like as this guy.
Speaker 1: If I know that I'm with a person who is
Speaker 1: a bit communicator. All she does is communicate it, and
Speaker 1: I know I'm not I'm gonna try to meet her there.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Like you know, and I
Speaker 1: understand because I was even like that.
Speaker 2: I was on both sides.
Speaker 1: I'm on more of your side now where I am
Speaker 1: communicating more, But at first I was the same way.
Speaker 1: I guess that's why I can kind of see where
Speaker 1: he would be coming from. But I had to change that,
Speaker 1: and I was willing to change that meeting the right person.
Speaker 1: I was always aggressive and I was always just like no, yo,
Speaker 1: I don't want to talk about it. I need time
Speaker 1: because some people sometimes some people want to be mad
Speaker 1: that shit is fucked up, but some people want to
Speaker 1: be mad, they want.
Speaker 2: To get it off. That's how some people get shit
Speaker 2: off their chests.
Speaker 1: He's not really a mediator because has he seen that
Speaker 1: shit growing up? Has he always been that way because
Speaker 1: his parents didn't talk to him, or he just has
Speaker 1: never been in a place where he felt safe enough
Speaker 1: to open up. And I don't know your past, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't even know his past. Book, from what you're
Speaker 1: telling me, you kind of had a different upbringing than
Speaker 1: he did.
Speaker 2: I don't know whether that that's household wise.
Speaker 1: Parent schooling, different groups of friends, you know, because anything
Speaker 1: can define who you are as an adult.
Speaker 2: It don't have to always be how you was raised.
Speaker 2: It could be you raise yourself, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It could be different people, different people that you met
Speaker 1: on your journey to becoming an adult and how they
Speaker 1: prophesied to you, or seeing this person come from this
Speaker 1: walk of life, so like it's just figuring out a
Speaker 1: person is this way you want to be? And you said,
Speaker 1: y'all been in a relationship for a long time. Y'all
Speaker 1: not together now, but y'all were in a long term relationship.
Speaker 1: Is this a place where you see yourself going back
Speaker 1: to or do you not?
Speaker 2: Are you conflicted at times? Because that can make you
Speaker 2: be with a person. I don't want to be with
Speaker 2: him this time, but I didn't.
Speaker 1: I do want to be with him, though, But when
Speaker 1: he does something to make you mad, goes out the window,
Speaker 1: and then he comes around and y'all talk about it,
Speaker 1: and then now you want to be with him again?
Speaker 2: Is that?
Speaker 1: How do you know you want to move forward with
Speaker 1: this person? Do you see a future with this person?
Speaker 4: And I'm gaining more self worth, I don't because, like
Speaker 4: you said, when you just respond to back, it's like
Speaker 4: you move differently now because of this love that you
Speaker 4: don't want to miss out on it. So I'm at
Speaker 4: a place where it's like I'm gonna have to be
Speaker 4: okay with realizing that maybe I can't bring that out
Speaker 4: of him mm hm. And and that hurts right, like
Speaker 4: that this man don't love me enough to be like
Speaker 4: I want to work it's out with her. I want
Speaker 4: to talk to her. So I'm at a place now
Speaker 4: I know my worth, like yes, I do have my
Speaker 4: shit right, like I know. And even though in my communication,
Speaker 4: like you you know, I sometimes I can talk around
Speaker 4: to get to a point because I wanted us to
Speaker 4: get to a page without letting somebody go through it, right,
Speaker 4: And I'm learning that and I'm more than help. That's
Speaker 4: why I was like, you gotta walk away. I get it.
Speaker 4: But it's the extra shit hang out answering like it's
Speaker 4: it's it's it creates too much of a like I get,
Speaker 4: I be hurt. I don't even I've heard like yo,
Speaker 4: this person. Now, I'm not gonna talk to them for
Speaker 4: days now, i gotta be left here just like yeah,
Speaker 4: until when they calmed down, like a few days later,
Speaker 4: and I'm just like over it.
Speaker 2: You know, that shit is not fair. Like I said,
Speaker 2: I used to do that.
Speaker 1: I used to do that to people, and that shit
Speaker 1: is not fair because it now it leaves the person
Speaker 1: wondering whether or not you do actually really love them,
Speaker 1: like or do you even respect me?
Speaker 2: Because that's when things getting disrespectful.
Speaker 1: It's the difference between an extrovert and just shutting down
Speaker 1: versus the disrespect.
Speaker 2: You don't have to hang up, you don't have to
Speaker 2: block me, you don't have to not talk to me
Speaker 2: for days.
Speaker 1: What are you trying to prove a point? Because that's
Speaker 1: what it comes to. Now, you're trying to prove a point.
Speaker 1: And then that's the manipulative too, because those type of
Speaker 1: people always know what to do to get back and
Speaker 1: your good graces. Like they're selfish in a way, you know,
Speaker 1: and sometimes subconsciously selfish, and those people don't like to
Speaker 1: be told about themselves. I was selfish. I never like
Speaker 1: to be told about myself. I didn't want to be
Speaker 1: in control, but I just wanted things to go my
Speaker 1: way and people to see shit my way all the time.
Speaker 1: And shit ain't gonna be like that, not in the
Speaker 1: real world, not in your household, not at your job,
Speaker 1: not with your friends, because everybody thinks differently. Communication really
Speaker 1: is a big factor with love. Sometimes you can love
Speaker 1: a motherfucker, but you feel empty because you don't feel
Speaker 1: like you're being loved. If you don't hear me, you
Speaker 1: don't give me an opportunity to be heard. You're not listening.
Speaker 1: You don't want to listen, so you don't even want
Speaker 1: to find out what the problem is, and then you
Speaker 1: don't want to fix it.
Speaker 4: And this is another note, they really really is a
Speaker 4: struggle for me because it's abuse. Yeah, Like you know
Speaker 4: how like if your maybe parent spanks you, right and
Speaker 4: they could have been wrong for it because they was
Speaker 4: doing out of anger. Then they come back I'm so sorry,
Speaker 4: Or somebody who's dating who's going through abuse, it's like, baby,
Speaker 4: next time, I'm gonna do it. It's literally that because
Speaker 4: you're coming back saying you're not even coming back. Apology
Speaker 4: you just come like, hey, and I'm over here, like
Speaker 4: literally was hurt, Like I'm not over here, may like
Speaker 4: a bitch is hurt crying about it, and it's because
Speaker 4: it's like I actually like care about you and you're
Speaker 4: leaving me hanging right all because what you you just
Speaker 4: don't want to talk about it at all. You know,
Speaker 4: it should be small. Even if it was big, it's
Speaker 4: still okay to talk about it.
Speaker 1: Like, you know, do you think that he would need
Speaker 1: any benefited with from any type of therapy?
Speaker 4: Yes? Absolutely, and I recommend it all the time. What
Speaker 4: was his answer to it cost money? Oh?
Speaker 2: Why? But there are a certain therapists you know, therapy y'all,
Speaker 2: lets that just take insurance some of them don't cause.
Speaker 4: And explain that to him and he was like, oh,
Speaker 4: you know, he was into it.
Speaker 1: He was into it, so he did okay, okay, So
Speaker 1: when you did explain it, he did like agree, like
Speaker 1: all right, well I might.
Speaker 2: Look into it now.
Speaker 1: Is that something that do you feel like he needs
Speaker 1: individually or do y'all want that something that you would
Speaker 1: be open to doing with him?
Speaker 3: Naw.
Speaker 4: You need to like seek your own inner piece. And
Speaker 4: that's why I'm getting so a point where my self
Speaker 4: worth that I'm like, no, oh, like I can have him.
Speaker 4: But now it's away to me that a man will
Speaker 4: actually talk to me. So in my next relationship, I'm
Speaker 4: gonna anticipate him being like, I'm gonna I feel I'm
Speaker 4: gonna pull back on my communication because I think he's
Speaker 4: gonna be like, nah, I you know, I don't really
Speaker 4: want to talk about it, instead of me being like
Speaker 4: insaid of him being like, let's let's talk about it,
Speaker 4: like I'm be happy about it, but it's gonna be
Speaker 4: hard like going into it because I'm gonna think they're like,
Speaker 4: it's just gonna create some type of conflict.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So then that's you being scarred, like like subconsciously, like
Speaker 1: you're scarred from that, and that could also build in
Speaker 1: securities for the next man from you. You know, you
Speaker 1: can also project onto other people what you've been through
Speaker 1: in your last relationship. So do you feel like you
Speaker 1: need to heal in this before you even you know, well,
Speaker 1: are you even trying to date?
Speaker 4: First of all, I'm just waiting on go as time
Speaker 4: and I'm not looking no more. I'm not even looking
Speaker 4: for him, you know, I just I just want to
Speaker 4: whatever is meant for me and my energy. That's why
Speaker 4: I'm trying to change my energy around to match. If
Speaker 4: you're not mentioning, then I'm gonna have to, you know,
Speaker 4: but not even as friends at this point, because friends
Speaker 4: don't treat each other that way, all right, yep, And.
Speaker 1: That is what defines a foundation in a relationship to
Speaker 1: actually being that person's friend, because it gets very, very
Speaker 1: toxic when you're in a relationship with somebody and y'all
Speaker 1: get mad at each other and you feel like y'all
Speaker 1: broke up. You feel like he don't love you when
Speaker 1: he mad at you, when you feel like she don't
Speaker 1: love you when she mad at you. It should never
Speaker 1: be that way because friends don't do each other like
Speaker 1: now friends plus friends fight. Friends supposed to get that
Speaker 1: good if you go into it just straight intimacy, you
Speaker 1: skip all that building foundation and all that shit. It's
Speaker 1: never gonna work because you're supposed to know somebody deeper
Speaker 1: than what you can see. Like it's like, I know
Speaker 1: what I want to say, but you know, y'all, y'all
Speaker 1: listeners like bed with me, you know, if you can
Speaker 1: see through all the fucking like intimacy and what's on outside.
Speaker 1: He looks sexy and he's and and oh she can cook,
Speaker 1: and and oh he got his own this, that and
Speaker 1: the other. And if you strip down all that shit,
Speaker 1: y'all didn't have anything together like and y'all go through
Speaker 1: shit together and ship, then that that's what makes your friend,
Speaker 1: you know, like being able to withstand trials and shit
Speaker 1: together and obstacles together and being are when one lax
Speaker 1: like pick up that slag and shit like that. So
Speaker 1: that's what I feel like. No, everything you said was
Speaker 1: was real about the whole friendship thing, and it's.
Speaker 4: Top of all of you know, which is the end
Speaker 4: of it all is you would think that all of
Speaker 4: that meant something when you do have these moments trip
Speaker 4: relationship and in this situation, it's given very much, it
Speaker 4: does it. We built this friendship up, like your friendship
Speaker 4: is way more of a priority to me than a relationship, right,
Speaker 4: but you know this, right, so you know that this
Speaker 4: is a big thing for me, and you still like,
Speaker 4: so all we went through his friends and still don't
Speaker 4: make it enough of you want to talk to you
Speaker 4: because you should be. If I'm your friend, you're my friend.
Speaker 4: She'd be like, shit, No, I don't want us to
Speaker 4: be beefing, right, So that so that's it. That's the
Speaker 4: part of it all is it goes back to like, really,
Speaker 4: he doesn't love me the way I love him right.
Speaker 1: Right, and he's still stuck in that relationship part of
Speaker 1: it that you know, like because even I think that's
Speaker 1: still even bigger you to be like, all right, look,
Speaker 1: we just need to be friends, all right, Like I
Speaker 1: want to focus on the friends. And then like so, ladies,
Speaker 1: look she's still even trying to find a way to
Speaker 1: well she was, you know, was trying to even still
Speaker 1: find a way to make it comfortable for him.
Speaker 2: Do you see how we.
Speaker 1: Like sometimes indirectly bend over backwards for these men, you know,
Speaker 1: and we still don't get the credit.
Speaker 2: We still don't get flowers, We still don't get.
Speaker 1: Even acknowledgment at times like yo, I'm trying to figure
Speaker 1: this shit out for you.
Speaker 2: I know how to fucking communicate, I know.
Speaker 1: And we've been friends for the past what ten plus
Speaker 1: is five plushy is whatever, and we we we've been together.
Speaker 1: You know, it's just like fuck, you would think you
Speaker 1: had some type of respect for me or some type
Speaker 1: of like loyalty to the point where it's like you'll know,
Speaker 1: or it is because we came up like we you know,
Speaker 1: we've been through shit together, so I feel you some
Speaker 1: bonds are supposed to be unbreakable. But like you said,
Speaker 1: ultimately it's you loving him more than he loves you,
Speaker 1: or him not being able to even love you like
Speaker 1: you should be loved, or how you love him. And
Speaker 1: that's just the short end of the stick that us
Speaker 1: women has. We have to bear with that sometimes, or
Speaker 1: we fucking don't. We move on, but then you're still
Speaker 1: mentally held captive to a person who manipulates you into
Speaker 1: never letting them go, you know what I mean, in
Speaker 1: some type of weird way.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna keep this leash on it.
Speaker 1: Not because they just want to torture you, because they
Speaker 1: really fucking want you to. They just don't know how.
Speaker 1: They don't know, they don't know how to say it,
Speaker 1: they don't know how to show it, but they know
Speaker 1: what they want to expect for you to read their
Speaker 1: fucking mind, you know what I mean, Expect for that,
Speaker 1: But no, we want to be coddled. We want to
Speaker 1: be fucking pampered at times. I want you to read
Speaker 1: my fucking mind at times, I want you to say,
Speaker 1: all right, yo, you ain't going away till we talk
Speaker 1: about this. I want you to initiate that fucking communication
Speaker 1: all the time, because then it's gonna feel like I
Speaker 1: wear the fucking pants all the time. I shouldn't have
Speaker 1: to wear the pants. I want a man to lead,
Speaker 1: that's what you want. You want a man to lead you,
Speaker 1: and you talk about it. You're on your spiritual journey
Speaker 1: and you talk about that. You know you want somebody
Speaker 1: else spiritual too. You want to want your man to
Speaker 1: be like, Noah, we ain't leaving up the house until
Speaker 1: we pray together. Where you going that day? You know,
Speaker 1: you know we pull off. You know you want that
Speaker 1: and you're gonna get that. You can get that. You
Speaker 1: know something make us feel like it's impossible, it's not,
Speaker 1: you know. So I want you to check back into
Speaker 1: We come to the end of another carefully workless episode
Speaker 1: with your girl Jess Hilarious. I'm fixing mess not only
Speaker 1: on the Black Effect Network, but on be Et as well.
Speaker 1: Check me out on Breakfast Club. I love you, guys,
Speaker 1: I'll see you next week.
Speaker 4: Peace as name a name