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Speaker 1: Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and

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Speaker 1: the Black Effect, and just like that, be back on

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Speaker 1: the air. Welcome back to yet another Canfully Reckless episode

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Speaker 1: with your Girl.

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Speaker 2: Just hilarious.

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Speaker 1: So I'm fixing mess. Fixing mess is what I do.

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Speaker 1: I also do it on the Breakfast Club as.

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Speaker 2: Well on B E T. Nine Am.

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Speaker 1: Make sure y'all catch that whenever I'm there, which is

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Speaker 1: more than likely almost all the time.

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Speaker 2: All Right, we're gonna jump straight in.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell some stories that I got from fixing

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Speaker 1: people's mess on Breakfast Club, one that I actually was

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Speaker 1: pissed off about.

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Speaker 2: And it's rather quick, so I'm just gonna jump straight

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Speaker 2: in with that.

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Speaker 1: So this woman calls up Ray and she has a boyfriend, okay,

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Speaker 1: but she's upset because he's married.

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Speaker 2: I'm pissed off about it. My boyfriend is married, star duh.

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Speaker 1: And I know I had to do my own sound effect,

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Speaker 1: but duh, someone what should I do?

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Speaker 2: So this is the thing.

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Speaker 1: She met her man in jail. Right, of course, he

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Speaker 1: sold her dreams of what they were going to be

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Speaker 1: when he.

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Speaker 2: Got out of jail. When he got out of jail,

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Speaker 2: he went to get engaged.

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Speaker 1: To someone else, right, And not only did he get engaged,

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Speaker 1: he actually jumped that broom. He got married and then

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Speaker 1: went to go find the girlfriend. Right. So when she

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Speaker 1: found out about the wife, she didn't leave. She tells

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Speaker 1: me she mad at the wife for not holding her

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Speaker 1: man down. How you not mad at your boyfriend because

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Speaker 1: he's somebody else's husband, but she mad at his wife

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Speaker 1: for not holding her husband down?

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Speaker 2: Who just happens to be your boyfriend?

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Speaker 1: And then another fucked up thing about it is, you're

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Speaker 1: mad at this man's wife.

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Speaker 2: But he got married when he came home, he wasn't

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Speaker 2: already married. So you were never first.

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Speaker 1: You were always second and was always gonna be second,

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Speaker 1: and asking me what you should do. What you should

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Speaker 1: do is get some fucking dignity, wake up and go

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Speaker 1: find you your own fucking man. Because he's not yours,

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Speaker 1: he will never be yours. You've already allowed too much.

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Speaker 1: You think a man actually wants to be with someone

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Speaker 1: who was okay with them cheating on their wives, or

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Speaker 1: was okay with being second anyway, you think you'll ever

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Speaker 1: deserve in his eyes to be number one. These men

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Speaker 1: only do to us what we allow mentally, you know

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying. And then some women are not as

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Speaker 1: strong minded as others. But I just couldn't understand like

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Speaker 1: she had some nerve she was upset. Oh, she wouldn't

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Speaker 1: hold him down, And I just felt like that's crazy,

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Speaker 1: Like how could you not hold him down because he

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Speaker 1: wasn't married to a yet?

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Speaker 2: Right? You was holding him down? Did you get a ring?

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Speaker 1: You have to realize who you are, what you are,

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Speaker 1: what you want, what you're gonna take, what you ain't

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Speaker 1: gonna take, and realize the consequences of your actions are

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Speaker 1: because of what you allowed or what you did. So

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Speaker 1: the consequences is you always gonna be the side bitch.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, that's what it is. Get back to me

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Speaker 1: if you can. I know she's gonna be calling up

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Speaker 1: after she had a shit like I ain't tell you

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Speaker 1: going there and say, Audi, well you made yourself look

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Speaker 1: dumber on a huger platform, a bigger player. She said,

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Speaker 1: it's on be et, crazy ass. But I hope she

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Speaker 1: gets the help that she needs because lord, she's delusional.

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Speaker 1: All right, moving on, We got a voice note y'all,

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Speaker 1: y'all know how I feel about these.

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Speaker 2: There we go, Hi, JA.

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Speaker 3: So before, sir, I'm just gonna give you a little

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Speaker 3: background about myself before I ask you the original question

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Speaker 3: that I have for you. So, I am twenty one

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Speaker 3: years old, born and raised in Minnesota. I'm currently worked

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Speaker 3: at three jobs. Also want to goo for nail technician.

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Speaker 3: I have no kids, I am single. I have my

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Speaker 3: own car and apartment that I share with my sister. Okay,

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Speaker 3: the question I have to ask you is, I don't

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Speaker 3: know if anybody else is having this problem, but from

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Speaker 3: my early twenties, I feel like I'm having an identity crisis.

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Speaker 3: I feel like I truly can't find myself. I don't

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Speaker 3: know what direction I want to go in. I'm trying

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Speaker 3: to find love, I'm trying to lose weight, I'm trying

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Speaker 3: to achieve goals.

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Speaker 4: I just feel like I'm.

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Speaker 3: Everywhere right now, and it's to the point where it's

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Speaker 3: giving me overwhelmed and depressed and drained and feeling like

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Speaker 3: I'm behind in a way.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 3: Like, for example, when I was in school, I was

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Speaker 3: way smaller than what I am now, so I've gained.

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Speaker 4: A little bit more weight.

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Speaker 3: So I just been feeling like, you know, I just

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Speaker 3: don't look as prettier as everybody else. And of course

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Speaker 3: I feel like social media for me, it takes a

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Speaker 3: part of that. So I have took a break from

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Speaker 3: that to help a little bit. Another example is with love.

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Speaker 3: I'm such a freaking.

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Speaker 4: Lover girl, like I love love, but.

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Speaker 3: The relationship is just not going well for me, the

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Speaker 3: dating error, all that stuff like, it's just not going

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Speaker 3: well for me. Even if I want, like a little

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Speaker 3: sneakily like it never works out. And then with my schooling,

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Speaker 3: I've been in school for a two years trying to

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Speaker 3: get my nail license because I'm just like stick. Dis

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Speaker 3: harder for me to pass the quizzes and it's been

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Speaker 3: taking me longer. But everybody else is an entrepreneur at

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Speaker 3: my age, so I just feel like I'm just way

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Speaker 3: behind all the things I need to do.

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Speaker 4: So just give me some clarity to help me. J

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Speaker 4: Just thanks love.

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Speaker 2: You, heyy. First of all, I love you too.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for being vulnerable enough to open up to

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Speaker 1: me about that, because you know what you do. You

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Speaker 1: open up the floor for other younger females, younger women

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Speaker 1: to feel like they're not alone in this, you know,

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Speaker 1: because y'all generation are going through some shit too. Of course,

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Speaker 1: a lot of identity crisis going on. Of course, when

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Speaker 1: you have media constantly shoving in your face, you can

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Speaker 1: change who you are. You can change any part of

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Speaker 1: your body now and everybody has access to these surgeons

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Speaker 1: and just you know, all types of things that can

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Speaker 1: help you rid of your flaws. You know, But I

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Speaker 1: think it's internal for you. You did say exactly what

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Speaker 1: I was going to tell you. Social media will play

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Speaker 1: a big part in this and how the media constantly

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Speaker 1: tries to manipulate our minds with just certain standards that

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Speaker 1: we're supposed to follow, like you know. And then influencers

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Speaker 1: that I thank God for them because I started off

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Speaker 1: as one, but I say their work would be a

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Speaker 1: gift in accurse because they open up your eyes to

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Speaker 1: seeing I can own my own business, I can own something,

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Speaker 1: I can be a young black creator.

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Speaker 2: I don't have to work for nobody for the rest

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Speaker 2: of my life.

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Speaker 1: I am in a position where I can run my

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Speaker 1: own business. At the same time, what it does is

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Speaker 1: it shows another side where it makes working a nine

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Speaker 1: to five or being who you really are off.

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Speaker 2: Of social media, it looks uncool.

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Speaker 1: It makes you uncool, makes you feel that you're not enough,

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Speaker 1: and I really don't agree with anybody having to feel

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Speaker 1: that way. Oh man, I'm very conflicted about your situation

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Speaker 1: just because I don't want you to ever feel like

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Speaker 1: because you are.

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Speaker 2: You know, you consider yourself a.

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Speaker 1: Little overweight or a lot overweight, whatever, you know, whether

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Speaker 1: you're obese, fat, you know, it's levels to it. But

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Speaker 1: however you feel about it, you still shouldn't let that

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Speaker 1: depict how you go on in your love life. And

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Speaker 1: then also listening you're twenty one, you're still trying to

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Speaker 1: figure out you. I wouldn't be asking for love right now.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say you don't know what love is.

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Speaker 2: I would never say that.

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't even say that to an eighteen year old

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Speaker 1: because what love is to you maybe different for what

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Speaker 1: love is to me. Love has no one fucking meaning,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, So it goes by experience

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Speaker 1: of what you feel. But I will say, you have

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Speaker 1: a lot going on, so you can't focus on one thing.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, You can't focus on love

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Speaker 1: right now because you also told me in the same

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Speaker 1: breath you're trying to figure out.

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Speaker 2: Who you are.

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Speaker 1: There's no way that you could be ready for a

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Speaker 1: relationship and you don't know who you are. So what

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Speaker 1: I think is that you love the idea of love.

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Speaker 1: You know, you love what it looks like. You know,

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Speaker 1: you love what it can be. You love all the possibilities.

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Speaker 1: You love what you see visually, what looks good visually

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Speaker 1: to you, and then you probably see a lot of

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Speaker 1: relationship goals too, you know what I'm saying. And that's good.

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Speaker 1: You took a break from social media. I actually have

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Speaker 1: family members that have.

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Speaker 2: To do that.

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Speaker 1: I have friends that have to do that. I know

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Speaker 1: other influencers that have to do that.

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Speaker 2: I do that.

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Speaker 1: We need breaks, you know, because you could kind of

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Speaker 1: like feel like Instagram is the world and it's not,

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Speaker 1: and you're constantly reminded when you exit out the ad. Damn,

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Speaker 1: that's just one part. That's social media, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean. It takes over our lives and it plays

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Speaker 1: a big part in our confidence, you know. So I

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Speaker 1: think you should do a lot more soul searching. You

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Speaker 1: probably will not be in a relationship until you hit thirty.

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Speaker 1: That don't need to scare you, that just needs some

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Speaker 1: motivate you, you know, stay on your path and figure

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Speaker 1: out what you're doing with your life.

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Speaker 2: Girl, You ain't got no kids.

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Speaker 1: You work three jobs and you're going to school to

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Speaker 1: be a fucking nail tech and you fucking worried about

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Speaker 1: some lift.

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Speaker 2: You got three jobs? Girl, how the fuck you gonna.

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Speaker 1: Spend time with? Girl?

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Speaker 2: Listen, A man is a job too. A boyfriend is

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Speaker 2: a job, just like we jobs too, you know what

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Speaker 2: I'm saying. So that's four jobs. Thank god. You ain't

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Speaker 2: got no damn kids. But you know what men do.

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Speaker 2: They give you kids.

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Speaker 1: So your little twenty one year old, but need to

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Speaker 1: stay on this arrow that you're on, Stay on this

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Speaker 1: path that you're on.

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Speaker 2: Don't worry so much about it. And I'm looking at

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Speaker 2: your picture. You are beautiful, all right. It is only

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Speaker 2: from your head to the top of your.

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Speaker 1: Get chests, but you're beautiful. You're beautiful, probably inside and out.

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Speaker 2: I don't know you. I haven't met you, but you

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Speaker 2: sound really concerned about nobody loving you. Girl.

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Speaker 4: Fuck that.

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Speaker 2: You gotta love.

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Speaker 1: Yourself because when you learn how to love yourself, and

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Speaker 1: I mean the railway because people hear this all the time.

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Speaker 1: Oh you gotta love yourself up. People say this to

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Speaker 1: people all the time, and they take it the wrong way.

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Speaker 1: You gotta love yourself. You gotta love yourself, or I

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Speaker 1: do love myself. Like nah, people get more defensive after

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Speaker 1: hearing that than just actually listening. No, do you really

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Speaker 1: know what it takes to love yourself, because that's probably

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Speaker 1: why your relationships fail. You said, you're even just a

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Speaker 1: sneaky link. I'm no, you know, even if you want

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Speaker 1: some dick, just sometimes sometimes maybe that's not what you need.

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Speaker 1: Maybe shit fails for a reason. Start looking at it differently.

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Speaker 1: That's not in your timing right now, you know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. So yeah, like I said, just do some

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Speaker 1: more searching for who you are. You know, you're at

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Speaker 1: the best time right now. And then you also at

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Speaker 1: the best time to lose some more weight if that's

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Speaker 1: what you want to do. Shit, if you want to

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Speaker 1: lose more weight, go do that. If you feel like

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Speaker 1: that's why you ain't getting no no men, lose some

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Speaker 1: more and then see, and I guarantee you you'll find

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Speaker 1: it wasn't even your weak It probably is your mind.

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Speaker 1: It probably is the fact that you, like I said,

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Speaker 1: you don't even know what you want out of a relationship.

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Speaker 1: You love the idea of love but I do hope

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Speaker 1: everything works out for you and you do get everything

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Speaker 1: that you want in life.

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Speaker 2: Make sure you follow up and update me, keep me posted.

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Speaker 2: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and

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Speaker 1: then we'll be right back.

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Speaker 2: Moving on.

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Speaker 1: Last story. Oh my god, I got all the babies today.

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Speaker 1: Hey Joss, I'm nineteen and I'm talking to this guy

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Speaker 1: and I have intimacy issues. It's hard for me to

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Speaker 1: open up. I've never been in a relationship before, so

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Speaker 1: this part of intimacy is new and hard. It's hard

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Speaker 1: to talk about my feelings. I had a lot of trauma,

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Speaker 1: so I don't want it to change our dynamic. The

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Speaker 1: guy is amazing. I don't want him to think he

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Speaker 1: is a problem. My question is do you think I'm

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Speaker 1: ready for a relationship or should I just continue to

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Speaker 1: explore being alone for a bit longer. By the way,

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Speaker 1: you can use this for the podcast in case you

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Speaker 1: want consent. Oh that's nice, Thank you. I was gonna

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Speaker 1: use it anyway.

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Speaker 2: Girl.

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Speaker 1: I don't know your name, so that's good, and can't

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Speaker 1: bite see your face, But no, I appreciate you for

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Speaker 1: reaching out and I'm happy that A lot of a

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Speaker 1: lot more younger people are reaching out because this younger

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Speaker 1: generation and they are facing a lot, you know, and

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Speaker 1: they're seeing a lot, and they are much more exposed

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Speaker 1: to a lot of shit too than we ever were

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Speaker 1: that I that I ever was at nineteen, you know,

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Speaker 1: so they could really be the main ones that need

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Speaker 1: some mental tending to.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 2: It's a lot, a lot of shit that these babies

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Speaker 2: are seeing.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, to get into what you have going on,

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Speaker 1: you've never been in a relationship before, so you don't

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Speaker 1: really know what it takes.

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Speaker 2: I understand. You got to think about it, though.

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Speaker 1: Every person on this earth has been in that situation.

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Speaker 1: Everybody ain't born with boyfriends. Everybody has to have has

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Speaker 1: to jump in it some type of way.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 1: Every guy ain't born with no girlfriend. You know, everybody

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Speaker 1: has to jump into us some type of way. You

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Speaker 1: don't like talking about your feelings. You feel like that

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Speaker 1: will hinder you from a healthy relationship. I think you

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Speaker 1: need to dig deeper and figure out where that comes from.

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Speaker 1: You know, doesn't have anything to do with your upbringing

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Speaker 1: with people that you grew up with. You constantly seeing

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Speaker 1: things because I know you said you had trauma, you know,

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Speaker 1: but you didn't go into depth about the.

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Speaker 2: Trauma, and that's okay.

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Speaker 1: I'm glad that you even you know, we don't have

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Speaker 1: to so obviously you know, I just don't know what

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Speaker 1: the trauma is from. It could it could be something

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Speaker 1: more recent, it could be deeply rooted, but that's probably,

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Speaker 1: you know, more than likely where it comes from. And

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Speaker 1: I understand you said, this guy is amazing, he's understanding.

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Speaker 1: You don't want him to think he's the problem.

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Speaker 2: No, you don't.

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Speaker 1: You don't because then in restrospect, that's not fair to him.

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Speaker 1: But no, I don't think that you're ready for a relationship.

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Speaker 1: I think you should start some counseling, or you should

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Speaker 1: start some therapy. It's nothing wrong with it. You see

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Speaker 1: that you do have issues that you want to move past.

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Speaker 1: You do see that, and that's good that you see that.

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Speaker 1: A lot of people's fear of therapy is because they

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Speaker 1: don't want to open up. They don't even want to

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Speaker 1: go talk to somebody. But this first step for you

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Speaker 1: to come in to me, I think that's amazing. I

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Speaker 1: do think that you should seek further therapy. Because I'm

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Speaker 1: not a licensed professional, I can only give you good advice.

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Speaker 1: Figure yourself out. Then you also still nineteen. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: tell you like I told her the last baby, girl,

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Speaker 1: you're nineteen, two more years til you hit twenty one,

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Speaker 1: but in my eyes, you're still a baby. I got

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Speaker 1: a little sister that's nineteen, you know, and I just

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Speaker 1: watching her navigate through her social life. You know, it's

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Speaker 1: way different than mine was. You know, when I was nineteen,

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Speaker 1: we weren't doing something. The first of all, y'all even

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Speaker 1: look already, and y'all need to look nineteen. Now, y'all

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Speaker 1: starting to look like y'all already got bbls and shit.

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Speaker 2: You know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: And y'all bodies just all just full figure like that,

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Speaker 1: y'all developing more, y'all just exposed to everything.

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Speaker 2: I don't know. So I do think that you just

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Speaker 2: need to explore just being alone for a bit longer.

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Speaker 1: And you already knew that. You just needed to clarity,

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Speaker 1: and I'm here to give it to you, girls, So

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Speaker 1: keep me updated, let me know what's going on. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: don't mess that man up. Girls, that's one good one obviously.

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Speaker 1: Don't mess them up. Just fix yourself and go back

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Speaker 1: and get them. Hold up, Hold up, I know the

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Speaker 1: shit getting good. But listen to just a couple seconds

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Speaker 1: of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. So

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Speaker 1: this last mess, I'm an fix this in person and

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Speaker 1: somebody actually came into the studio and you know this

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Speaker 1: is I'm trying this out because in fourth season, I

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Speaker 1: may bring this to video. You know, I know we

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Speaker 1: have canfulte reckless audio, but for those who want to see,

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Speaker 1: I may just do it. I don't know. I'm raising

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Speaker 1: right now. It's gonna be my first in person mass effix,

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Speaker 1: so we'll see.

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Speaker 2: Let's see.

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Speaker 4: Hey, Jazz, So I have been a long term situationship

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Speaker 4: and I just need some advice on something that I

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Speaker 4: really you know, have been worried about for it. And

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Speaker 4: this is because of my own personal growth. So I'm

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Speaker 4: in my relationship, I'm the more communicated person and the

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Speaker 4: other person is a person who needs time to walk away. Right,

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Speaker 4: That's the thing, like I need, I need to get

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Speaker 4: some space clear my mind. And that's it's understandable, you

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Speaker 4: know that people some people can't just get to the

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Speaker 4: bottom of it real quick. They need a time to

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Speaker 4: see what they going through. But it's like when does

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Speaker 4: it get like okay, now, this is getting played out

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Speaker 4: because if you think about it, the number one answer

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Speaker 4: that older people will have successful relationships say is what

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Speaker 4: communication beyond? Like that's like the number one thing everybody say,

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00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:10,720
Speaker 4: because you have to find a way to really find

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Speaker 4: that balance to communicate. Right, And it's like, well, thank god,

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Speaker 4: both of us is not like that. I can't that's

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Speaker 4: avoid it. But one person is begging to communicating, other

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Speaker 4: person's not. So then that means that it has to

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Speaker 4: be more of an aggressive like exit, which is, oh,

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna hang out, I'm gonna block you or some

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Speaker 4: shit like that. Right, It's not like because I'm gonna

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Speaker 4: be like no, I want to talk and it's like, nah,

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Speaker 4: completely block you out, and you could be literally like

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Speaker 4: sending messages like just talk to me. It's like, okay,

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Speaker 4: it's fine, let's just get this. Like it's not that

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Speaker 4: big of a deal. And you don't hear from them,

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Speaker 4: so it's like, how do you deal with that going forward?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's actually a really really good one because I

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Speaker 1: can see how both could feel. You know, I feel

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Speaker 1: like you just describe introvert versus extrovert, but in a relationship,

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Speaker 1: that's not how it's supposed to be. There needs to

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Speaker 1: be a willingness to come out of your show.

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Speaker 2: A little bit more and open up, like as this guy.

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Speaker 1: If I know that I'm with a person who is

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Speaker 1: a bit communicator. All she does is communicate it, and

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Speaker 1: I know I'm not I'm gonna try to meet her there.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Like you know, and I

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Speaker 1: understand because I was even like that.

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Speaker 2: I was on both sides.

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Speaker 1: I'm on more of your side now where I am

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Speaker 1: communicating more, But at first I was the same way.

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Speaker 1: I guess that's why I can kind of see where

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Speaker 1: he would be coming from. But I had to change that,

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Speaker 1: and I was willing to change that meeting the right person.

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Speaker 1: I was always aggressive and I was always just like no, yo,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to talk about it. I need time

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Speaker 1: because some people sometimes some people want to be mad

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Speaker 1: that shit is fucked up, but some people want to

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Speaker 1: be mad, they want.

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Speaker 2: To get it off. That's how some people get shit

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Speaker 2: off their chests.

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Speaker 1: He's not really a mediator because has he seen that

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Speaker 1: shit growing up? Has he always been that way because

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Speaker 1: his parents didn't talk to him, or he just has

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00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:04,040
Speaker 1: never been in a place where he felt safe enough

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Speaker 1: to open up. And I don't know your past, you know,

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00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:09,240
Speaker 1: I don't even know his past. Book, from what you're

403
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:12,480
Speaker 1: telling me, you kind of had a different upbringing than

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00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:12,920
Speaker 1: he did.

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Speaker 2: I don't know whether that that's household wise.

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Speaker 1: Parent schooling, different groups of friends, you know, because anything

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Speaker 1: can define who you are as an adult.

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Speaker 2: It don't have to always be how you was raised.

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Speaker 2: It could be you raise yourself, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: It could be different people, different people that you met

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Speaker 1: on your journey to becoming an adult and how they

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Speaker 1: prophesied to you, or seeing this person come from this

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Speaker 1: walk of life, so like it's just figuring out a

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Speaker 1: person is this way you want to be? And you said,

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Speaker 1: y'all been in a relationship for a long time. Y'all

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Speaker 1: not together now, but y'all were in a long term relationship.

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Speaker 1: Is this a place where you see yourself going back

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Speaker 1: to or do you not?

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Speaker 2: Are you conflicted at times? Because that can make you

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Speaker 2: be with a person. I don't want to be with

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Speaker 2: him this time, but I didn't.

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Speaker 1: I do want to be with him, though, But when

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Speaker 1: he does something to make you mad, goes out the window,

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Speaker 1: and then he comes around and y'all talk about it,

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Speaker 1: and then now you want to be with him again?

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Speaker 2: Is that?

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Speaker 1: How do you know you want to move forward with

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Speaker 1: this person? Do you see a future with this person?

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Speaker 4: And I'm gaining more self worth, I don't because, like

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Speaker 4: you said, when you just respond to back, it's like

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Speaker 4: you move differently now because of this love that you

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Speaker 4: don't want to miss out on it. So I'm at

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Speaker 4: a place where it's like I'm gonna have to be

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Speaker 4: okay with realizing that maybe I can't bring that out

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Speaker 4: of him mm hm. And and that hurts right, like

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Speaker 4: that this man don't love me enough to be like

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Speaker 4: I want to work it's out with her. I want

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Speaker 4: to talk to her. So I'm at a place now

439
00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:36,720
Speaker 4: I know my worth, like yes, I do have my

440
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:40,760
Speaker 4: shit right, like I know. And even though in my communication,

441
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,560
Speaker 4: like you you know, I sometimes I can talk around

442
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:45,239
Speaker 4: to get to a point because I wanted us to

443
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:48,040
Speaker 4: get to a page without letting somebody go through it, right,

444
00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:49,840
Speaker 4: And I'm learning that and I'm more than help. That's

445
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,880
Speaker 4: why I was like, you gotta walk away. I get it.

446
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:56,679
Speaker 4: But it's the extra shit hang out answering like it's

447
00:19:56,359 --> 00:19:58,880
Speaker 4: it's it's it creates too much of a like I get,

448
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,479
Speaker 4: I be hurt. I don't even I've heard like yo,

449
00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:03,359
Speaker 4: this person. Now, I'm not gonna talk to them for

450
00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:08,400
Speaker 4: days now, i gotta be left here just like yeah,

451
00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:10,560
Speaker 4: until when they calmed down, like a few days later,

452
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:11,680
Speaker 4: and I'm just like over it.

453
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:15,040
Speaker 2: You know, that shit is not fair. Like I said,

454
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:15,919
Speaker 2: I used to do that.

455
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:18,320
Speaker 1: I used to do that to people, and that shit

456
00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:23,200
Speaker 1: is not fair because it now it leaves the person

457
00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:26,600
Speaker 1: wondering whether or not you do actually really love them,

458
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:28,439
Speaker 1: like or do you even respect me?

459
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:31,400
Speaker 2: Because that's when things getting disrespectful.

460
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:33,640
Speaker 1: It's the difference between an extrovert and just shutting down

461
00:20:34,119 --> 00:20:35,639
Speaker 1: versus the disrespect.

462
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:37,080
Speaker 2: You don't have to hang up, you don't have to

463
00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:38,439
Speaker 2: block me, you don't have to not talk to me

464
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:38,800
Speaker 2: for days.

465
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:40,480
Speaker 1: What are you trying to prove a point? Because that's

466
00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:42,960
Speaker 1: what it comes to. Now, you're trying to prove a point.

467
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:45,840
Speaker 1: And then that's the manipulative too, because those type of

468
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:47,440
Speaker 1: people always know what to do to get back and

469
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:50,919
Speaker 1: your good graces. Like they're selfish in a way, you know,

470
00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:55,359
Speaker 1: and sometimes subconsciously selfish, and those people don't like to

471
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:58,080
Speaker 1: be told about themselves. I was selfish. I never like

472
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:00,159
Speaker 1: to be told about myself. I didn't want to be

473
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:03,600
Speaker 1: in control, but I just wanted things to go my

474
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:06,560
Speaker 1: way and people to see shit my way all the time.

475
00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:09,520
Speaker 1: And shit ain't gonna be like that, not in the

476
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:12,320
Speaker 1: real world, not in your household, not at your job,

477
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:18,440
Speaker 1: not with your friends, because everybody thinks differently. Communication really

478
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:21,919
Speaker 1: is a big factor with love. Sometimes you can love

479
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:25,280
Speaker 1: a motherfucker, but you feel empty because you don't feel

480
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:28,080
Speaker 1: like you're being loved. If you don't hear me, you

481
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:31,400
Speaker 1: don't give me an opportunity to be heard. You're not listening.

482
00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:33,800
Speaker 1: You don't want to listen, so you don't even want

483
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:36,280
Speaker 1: to find out what the problem is, and then you

484
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:37,040
Speaker 1: don't want to fix it.

485
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:40,679
Speaker 4: And this is another note, they really really is a

486
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:44,080
Speaker 4: struggle for me because it's abuse. Yeah, Like you know

487
00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:47,760
Speaker 4: how like if your maybe parent spanks you, right and

488
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:49,080
Speaker 4: they could have been wrong for it because they was

489
00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:51,040
Speaker 4: doing out of anger. Then they come back I'm so sorry,

490
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:54,520
Speaker 4: Or somebody who's dating who's going through abuse, it's like, baby,

491
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:56,920
Speaker 4: next time, I'm gonna do it. It's literally that because

492
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,520
Speaker 4: you're coming back saying you're not even coming back. Apology

493
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:02,000
Speaker 4: you just come like, hey, and I'm over here, like

494
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:03,720
Speaker 4: literally was hurt, Like I'm not over here, may like

495
00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:06,480
Speaker 4: a bitch is hurt crying about it, and it's because

496
00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:09,240
Speaker 4: it's like I actually like care about you and you're

497
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:12,879
Speaker 4: leaving me hanging right all because what you you just

498
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:15,840
Speaker 4: don't want to talk about it at all. You know,

499
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:17,920
Speaker 4: it should be small. Even if it was big, it's

500
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:18,879
Speaker 4: still okay to talk about it.

501
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:21,959
Speaker 1: Like, you know, do you think that he would need

502
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:24,600
Speaker 1: any benefited with from any type of therapy?

503
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:28,240
Speaker 4: Yes? Absolutely, and I recommend it all the time. What

504
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:31,160
Speaker 4: was his answer to it cost money? Oh?

505
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:35,560
Speaker 2: Why? But there are a certain therapists you know, therapy y'all,

506
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:38,040
Speaker 2: lets that just take insurance some of them don't cause.

507
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:40,439
Speaker 4: And explain that to him and he was like, oh,

508
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:41,560
Speaker 4: you know, he was into it.

509
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:43,600
Speaker 1: He was into it, so he did okay, okay, So

510
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:45,560
Speaker 1: when you did explain it, he did like agree, like

511
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:46,400
Speaker 1: all right, well I might.

512
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:47,040
Speaker 2: Look into it now.

513
00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:49,240
Speaker 1: Is that something that do you feel like he needs

514
00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:51,480
Speaker 1: individually or do y'all want that something that you would

515
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:52,680
Speaker 1: be open to doing with him?

516
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:53,320
Speaker 3: Naw.

517
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:56,119
Speaker 4: You need to like seek your own inner piece. And

518
00:22:56,119 --> 00:22:58,080
Speaker 4: that's why I'm getting so a point where my self

519
00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:01,880
Speaker 4: worth that I'm like, no, oh, like I can have him.

520
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:03,720
Speaker 4: But now it's away to me that a man will

521
00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:06,280
Speaker 4: actually talk to me. So in my next relationship, I'm

522
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:09,040
Speaker 4: gonna anticipate him being like, I'm gonna I feel I'm

523
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:11,360
Speaker 4: gonna pull back on my communication because I think he's

524
00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:14,080
Speaker 4: gonna be like, nah, I you know, I don't really

525
00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:16,199
Speaker 4: want to talk about it, instead of me being like

526
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,440
Speaker 4: insaid of him being like, let's let's talk about it,

527
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:20,560
Speaker 4: like I'm be happy about it, but it's gonna be

528
00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:22,520
Speaker 4: hard like going into it because I'm gonna think they're like,

529
00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:24,720
Speaker 4: it's just gonna create some type of conflict.

530
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:25,199
Speaker 2: Yeah.

531
00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:30,320
Speaker 1: So then that's you being scarred, like like subconsciously, like

532
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:32,840
Speaker 1: you're scarred from that, and that could also build in

533
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:35,439
Speaker 1: securities for the next man from you. You know, you

534
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:38,760
Speaker 1: can also project onto other people what you've been through

535
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:41,919
Speaker 1: in your last relationship. So do you feel like you

536
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:45,119
Speaker 1: need to heal in this before you even you know, well,

537
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:46,120
Speaker 1: are you even trying to date?

538
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:49,200
Speaker 4: First of all, I'm just waiting on go as time

539
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,399
Speaker 4: and I'm not looking no more. I'm not even looking

540
00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:53,240
Speaker 4: for him, you know, I just I just want to

541
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:55,800
Speaker 4: whatever is meant for me and my energy. That's why

542
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:58,320
Speaker 4: I'm trying to change my energy around to match. If

543
00:23:58,359 --> 00:24:01,640
Speaker 4: you're not mentioning, then I'm gonna have to, you know,

544
00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:04,359
Speaker 4: but not even as friends at this point, because friends

545
00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:07,399
Speaker 4: don't treat each other that way, all right, yep, And.

546
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:11,439
Speaker 1: That is what defines a foundation in a relationship to

547
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:16,080
Speaker 1: actually being that person's friend, because it gets very, very

548
00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:20,000
Speaker 1: toxic when you're in a relationship with somebody and y'all

549
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:21,640
Speaker 1: get mad at each other and you feel like y'all

550
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:24,360
Speaker 1: broke up. You feel like he don't love you when

551
00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:26,280
Speaker 1: he mad at you, when you feel like she don't

552
00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:28,360
Speaker 1: love you when she mad at you. It should never

553
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:30,960
Speaker 1: be that way because friends don't do each other like

554
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,720
Speaker 1: now friends plus friends fight. Friends supposed to get that

555
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:39,240
Speaker 1: good if you go into it just straight intimacy, you

556
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:42,720
Speaker 1: skip all that building foundation and all that shit. It's

557
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:45,800
Speaker 1: never gonna work because you're supposed to know somebody deeper

558
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:49,919
Speaker 1: than what you can see. Like it's like, I know

559
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,000
Speaker 1: what I want to say, but you know, y'all, y'all

560
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:54,240
Speaker 1: listeners like bed with me, you know, if you can

561
00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:59,119
Speaker 1: see through all the fucking like intimacy and what's on outside.

562
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,920
Speaker 1: He looks sexy and he's and and oh she can cook,

563
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:04,920
Speaker 1: and and oh he got his own this, that and

564
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:06,960
Speaker 1: the other. And if you strip down all that shit,

565
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:11,160
Speaker 1: y'all didn't have anything together like and y'all go through

566
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:14,080
Speaker 1: shit together and ship, then that that's what makes your friend,

567
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:17,440
Speaker 1: you know, like being able to withstand trials and shit

568
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:20,200
Speaker 1: together and obstacles together and being are when one lax

569
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:22,240
Speaker 1: like pick up that slag and shit like that. So

570
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:24,320
Speaker 1: that's what I feel like. No, everything you said was

571
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:27,000
Speaker 1: was real about the whole friendship thing, and it's.

572
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:30,520
Speaker 4: Top of all of you know, which is the end

573
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:33,240
Speaker 4: of it all is you would think that all of

574
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:37,200
Speaker 4: that meant something when you do have these moments trip

575
00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:41,359
Speaker 4: relationship and in this situation, it's given very much, it

576
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:44,800
Speaker 4: does it. We built this friendship up, like your friendship

577
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:48,480
Speaker 4: is way more of a priority to me than a relationship, right,

578
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,280
Speaker 4: but you know this, right, so you know that this

579
00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:54,560
Speaker 4: is a big thing for me, and you still like,

580
00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:56,360
Speaker 4: so all we went through his friends and still don't

581
00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,040
Speaker 4: make it enough of you want to talk to you

582
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:00,000
Speaker 4: because you should be. If I'm your friend, you're my friend.

583
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:02,200
Speaker 4: She'd be like, shit, No, I don't want us to

584
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:05,119
Speaker 4: be beefing, right, So that so that's it. That's the

585
00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:07,440
Speaker 4: part of it all is it goes back to like, really,

586
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:09,680
Speaker 4: he doesn't love me the way I love him right.

587
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:13,639
Speaker 1: Right, and he's still stuck in that relationship part of

588
00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:16,520
Speaker 1: it that you know, like because even I think that's

589
00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:18,240
Speaker 1: still even bigger you to be like, all right, look,

590
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:20,000
Speaker 1: we just need to be friends, all right, Like I

591
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:23,440
Speaker 1: want to focus on the friends. And then like so, ladies,

592
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:27,359
Speaker 1: look she's still even trying to find a way to

593
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:30,440
Speaker 1: well she was, you know, was trying to even still

594
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:33,240
Speaker 1: find a way to make it comfortable for him.

595
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:35,040
Speaker 2: Do you see how we.

596
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:39,159
Speaker 1: Like sometimes indirectly bend over backwards for these men, you know,

597
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:41,000
Speaker 1: and we still don't get the credit.

598
00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:43,760
Speaker 2: We still don't get flowers, We still don't get.

599
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:47,080
Speaker 1: Even acknowledgment at times like yo, I'm trying to figure

600
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:47,800
Speaker 1: this shit out for you.

601
00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:50,159
Speaker 2: I know how to fucking communicate, I know.

602
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:53,360
Speaker 1: And we've been friends for the past what ten plus

603
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:56,840
Speaker 1: is five plushy is whatever, and we we we've been together.

604
00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:59,399
Speaker 1: You know, it's just like fuck, you would think you

605
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:03,480
Speaker 1: had some type of respect for me or some type

606
00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:06,800
Speaker 1: of like loyalty to the point where it's like you'll know,

607
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:10,679
Speaker 1: or it is because we came up like we you know,

608
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:14,360
Speaker 1: we've been through shit together, so I feel you some

609
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:18,320
Speaker 1: bonds are supposed to be unbreakable. But like you said,

610
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:22,119
Speaker 1: ultimately it's you loving him more than he loves you,

611
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 1: or him not being able to even love you like

612
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:28,520
Speaker 1: you should be loved, or how you love him. And

613
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:30,639
Speaker 1: that's just the short end of the stick that us

614
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:34,359
Speaker 1: women has. We have to bear with that sometimes, or

615
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:37,919
Speaker 1: we fucking don't. We move on, but then you're still

616
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:42,520
Speaker 1: mentally held captive to a person who manipulates you into

617
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:45,000
Speaker 1: never letting them go, you know what I mean, in

618
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 1: some type of weird way.

619
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:47,879
Speaker 2: I'm gonna keep this leash on it.

620
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:50,840
Speaker 1: Not because they just want to torture you, because they

621
00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 1: really fucking want you to. They just don't know how.

622
00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:55,439
Speaker 1: They don't know, they don't know how to say it,

623
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:56,840
Speaker 1: they don't know how to show it, but they know

624
00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:58,359
Speaker 1: what they want to expect for you to read their

625
00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:00,640
Speaker 1: fucking mind, you know what I mean, Expect for that,

626
00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:03,520
Speaker 1: But no, we want to be coddled. We want to

627
00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:05,880
Speaker 1: be fucking pampered at times. I want you to read

628
00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:07,520
Speaker 1: my fucking mind at times, I want you to say,

629
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:09,240
Speaker 1: all right, yo, you ain't going away till we talk

630
00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:12,320
Speaker 1: about this. I want you to initiate that fucking communication

631
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:14,199
Speaker 1: all the time, because then it's gonna feel like I

632
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:16,159
Speaker 1: wear the fucking pants all the time. I shouldn't have

633
00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:18,040
Speaker 1: to wear the pants. I want a man to lead,

634
00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:19,880
Speaker 1: that's what you want. You want a man to lead you,

635
00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:22,840
Speaker 1: and you talk about it. You're on your spiritual journey

636
00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:26,040
Speaker 1: and you talk about that. You know you want somebody

637
00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:27,920
Speaker 1: else spiritual too. You want to want your man to

638
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:29,440
Speaker 1: be like, Noah, we ain't leaving up the house until

639
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:31,960
Speaker 1: we pray together. Where you going that day? You know,

640
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:35,040
Speaker 1: you know we pull off. You know you want that

641
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:38,400
Speaker 1: and you're gonna get that. You can get that. You

642
00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:40,880
Speaker 1: know something make us feel like it's impossible, it's not,

643
00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:43,400
Speaker 1: you know. So I want you to check back into

644
00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:45,680
Speaker 1: We come to the end of another carefully workless episode

645
00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:49,320
Speaker 1: with your girl Jess Hilarious. I'm fixing mess not only

646
00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:52,840
Speaker 1: on the Black Effect Network, but on be Et as well.

647
00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:55,000
Speaker 1: Check me out on Breakfast Club. I love you, guys,

648
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 1: I'll see you next week.

649
00:28:56,440 --> 00:29:46,440
Speaker 4: Peace as name a name