1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,880 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercamp. I'm a mother of five, 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:10,200 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah hart Unger. 3 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, a practicing physician and blogger. 4 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,800 Speaker 1: On the side, we are two working parents who love 5 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:19,320 Speaker 1: our careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. 6 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,800 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,360 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:34,080 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. 10 00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:37,200 Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is episode two hundred and seventy three, 11 00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:41,080 Speaker 1: airing in late October of twenty twenty two. Today's episode 12 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:44,080 Speaker 1: is going to be covering family meetings and we will 13 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:46,880 Speaker 1: also be doing a home and family mail bag. Last 14 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:50,080 Speaker 1: week we covered our career mail bag, lots of great 15 00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:54,240 Speaker 1: questions related to the workplace and people's careers. We separated 16 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:56,120 Speaker 1: it out. We got a lot related to people's home 17 00:00:56,200 --> 00:01:00,040 Speaker 1: and personal lives and they're managing of themselves. So we 18 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:03,280 Speaker 1: are going to start with a little discussion of family meetings, 19 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:05,160 Speaker 1: which is a topic that we've heard from a lot 20 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:08,120 Speaker 1: of people about, and then dive into the Q and A. 21 00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:11,640 Speaker 1: But first, real quick, we are a full fledged fall haha. 22 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:15,160 Speaker 1: Lots of fs in Pennsylvania, Hair Sarah, not so much. However, 23 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:20,280 Speaker 1: you are about to start quintile five. Yes, Quintile five 24 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:24,920 Speaker 1: my favorite quintile so in my quintile system trademark, not 25 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:28,920 Speaker 1: really maybe someday. Someday. Quintile five is November first to 26 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,800 Speaker 1: December thirty first, and I mean part of me feels 27 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,520 Speaker 1: like I should start it on Halloween because that's when 28 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:35,440 Speaker 1: all like the fall festivities begin, So I may have 29 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:36,880 Speaker 1: to alter that in the future, but right now it's 30 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:39,200 Speaker 1: November first to December thirty first, and I call it 31 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:43,000 Speaker 1: holiday and celebration season. Time for lots of reflecting and 32 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:47,240 Speaker 1: fun with family, and I just really enjoy quintile five. 33 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:50,480 Speaker 1: I often dedicate a fair chunk of Quintile five to 34 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:53,160 Speaker 1: thinking about the whole upcoming year ahead, because I think 35 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:55,840 Speaker 1: I think it's worth it. Personally, It's always paid off 36 00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:58,880 Speaker 1: for me to really have very thought through goals and 37 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,240 Speaker 1: plans and try and all that kind of stuff, And 38 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:03,360 Speaker 1: this is kind of the time I designate to do that, 39 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,160 Speaker 1: and I get to decide on my planner lineup for 40 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:10,560 Speaker 1: twenty twenty three, so that is always a highlight as well. Yeah, 41 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:13,040 Speaker 1: we can't wait to see what the full planner stack 42 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,800 Speaker 1: will look like, although I know it does shift in 43 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:18,200 Speaker 1: the course of the year as you, oh, yes, decide 44 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,640 Speaker 1: one or another is not working for you at one 45 00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:24,160 Speaker 1: particular time. Real quick, we're we're throwing up bonus question 46 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,320 Speaker 1: here that we got off Instagram. A couple of weeks ago. 47 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:30,079 Speaker 1: I posted a picture of my at a Glance twenty 48 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:33,960 Speaker 1: twenty three calendar, which is a little weak, you know, 49 00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:37,360 Speaker 1: very small sized, pocket sized calendar, and that's where I 50 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:41,280 Speaker 1: put my appointments on. Anything time specific goes on that 51 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:46,120 Speaker 1: calendar because I don't want to use electronic Outlook calendar, 52 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:50,760 Speaker 1: so I'm I'm going hardcore with the paper products. However, 53 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:54,040 Speaker 1: a listener posted a question saying, wait, did you just 54 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:57,960 Speaker 1: go back to like your target brand planners for the 55 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:01,000 Speaker 1: next year because I was a guest on Sarah's Best 56 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:03,520 Speaker 1: Liked Plans a year or so ago, or she chose 57 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:08,160 Speaker 1: a nice Whitney English model for me using the academic year. No, 58 00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:11,040 Speaker 1: I did not. I re upped with Whitney English for 59 00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:15,600 Speaker 1: another year, so I have my July to July twenty 60 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:18,880 Speaker 1: twenty two to twenty twenty three Whitney English Planner, but 61 00:03:18,919 --> 00:03:22,160 Speaker 1: I use a calendar separately from the planner. I could 62 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:25,320 Speaker 1: use the planner as a calendar, obviously, but I like 63 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:27,400 Speaker 1: something little that I can carry around with me, and 64 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:31,440 Speaker 1: so I tend to put time specific stuff on the 65 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:34,280 Speaker 1: calendar and then it makes its way into the planner 66 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:36,280 Speaker 1: more or less because I'm writing down that I'm doing 67 00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:37,800 Speaker 1: it in a given day. But I just like to 68 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:40,160 Speaker 1: have the two places to write this. You know what 69 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:43,800 Speaker 1: that means. It means you have a planner stack. I 70 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:46,600 Speaker 1: have a planner stack too. Well, not just that, because 71 00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:48,400 Speaker 1: I have a notebook too, because much as I love 72 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:51,120 Speaker 1: the Whitney English, it does not serve all my note 73 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,400 Speaker 1: keeping needs. It turns out that I make lots of 74 00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:57,120 Speaker 1: lists that don't actually fit in there because it's weekly 75 00:03:57,160 --> 00:03:59,400 Speaker 1: plages and I can't have daily pages or it just 76 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:02,000 Speaker 1: doesn't work for me. So I have a notebook that 77 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:05,360 Speaker 1: I am using as well, which isn't from Target. Somebody 78 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:08,160 Speaker 1: sent me it as like swag, I guess after something. 79 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,800 Speaker 1: It's got my initials embossed on. It's kind of a 80 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:14,960 Speaker 1: nice one, so yeah, yay, I love it all right, well, 81 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,960 Speaker 1: family meetings. So, as you all know, we do have 82 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,280 Speaker 1: a Patreon, so shout out to that group and the 83 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:23,279 Speaker 1: ladies who join us there. Everyone is invited. It's a 84 00:04:23,279 --> 00:04:26,080 Speaker 1: lot of fun. We try to do a topic every 85 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:28,360 Speaker 1: month that just feels relevant to everyone. We try to 86 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:31,040 Speaker 1: keep things a little bit seasonal as well. And last 87 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:33,800 Speaker 1: month we talked all about family logistics and a big 88 00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:36,920 Speaker 1: part of that discussion was centered around family meetings and 89 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:39,640 Speaker 1: I got some great new ideas from that meeting as 90 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,320 Speaker 1: well as a wonderful Best Laid Plans listener who shared 91 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:46,039 Speaker 1: her entire very detailed family meetings process with me the 92 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:49,279 Speaker 1: other day. And actually there's a BLP that goes into 93 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,160 Speaker 1: drastic detail about what she does as well, but I'm 94 00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:53,760 Speaker 1: going to share a little bit of it with you here. 95 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:58,520 Speaker 1: So the big takeaways were the biggest barrier or the 96 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:01,159 Speaker 1: biggest like bang fru buck about family meetings is simply 97 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:04,000 Speaker 1: having them, Like any kind of a family meeting is 98 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:07,120 Speaker 1: probably going to be beneficial compared to no family meeting 99 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:11,599 Speaker 1: anytall because it is a planned, routinized, forced form of 100 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:14,320 Speaker 1: conversation about family activities and if we don't do them 101 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,600 Speaker 1: during a meeting, they're going to happen in a disorganized 102 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:20,320 Speaker 1: ad hoc fashion, and you know, it's like call Newport's 103 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:22,560 Speaker 1: hyperactive HiveMind. It doesn't work for work, and it doesn't 104 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:26,279 Speaker 1: work for family logistics either, So I think family meetings 105 00:05:26,279 --> 00:05:29,680 Speaker 1: are very helpful for most families. Now, there were so 106 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:31,600 Speaker 1: many great ideas about how to do them, and some 107 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:33,760 Speaker 1: hadn't thought of. You could do it as a lunch 108 00:05:33,839 --> 00:05:37,320 Speaker 1: date perhaps during the week. Some people actually put it 109 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:39,200 Speaker 1: in as a zoom meeting on their work calendar and 110 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:41,640 Speaker 1: give it some acronym name and nobody ever questions them. 111 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:44,960 Speaker 1: And you know, one person actually said that her boss's 112 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,719 Speaker 1: boss did it and that's where she got her idea. 113 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:48,520 Speaker 1: So I loved it. In their company's culture, it was 114 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:50,520 Speaker 1: okay to block off an hour with your partner to 115 00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:52,320 Speaker 1: make sure everything was smoothly at home, so that the 116 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:54,800 Speaker 1: rest of the time you could be focused on your work. 117 00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:57,479 Speaker 1: One person called it I think business of us and 118 00:05:57,520 --> 00:06:01,839 Speaker 1: then abbreviated it BOU on the or work calendar. Other 119 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:05,240 Speaker 1: people suggesting using the strategy of pairing to make it fun, 120 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:08,039 Speaker 1: so having a fun dessert or drink available so that 121 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:10,760 Speaker 1: it wasn't just you know, feeling like a slog, but 122 00:06:10,839 --> 00:06:13,840 Speaker 1: something they could look forward to. Maybe an alcoholic drink, 123 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:15,880 Speaker 1: maybe not, depending on the vibe of the meeting and 124 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:18,960 Speaker 1: the family, but just an idea to spice things. I 125 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,200 Speaker 1: have a question here, Sarah, given if there are alcoholic 126 00:06:21,279 --> 00:06:24,240 Speaker 1: drinks involved, is this only an adult meeting, like when 127 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:27,040 Speaker 1: we're talking family meeting? Okay, so we're talking you and 128 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:30,039 Speaker 1: your partner, or possibly if you have like a caregiver 129 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:32,160 Speaker 1: who's involved a lot, would they be involved in it. 130 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:35,720 Speaker 1: I'm yeah, that's great. And also, by the way, the 131 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:37,560 Speaker 1: drinks would not be for the meetings that are done 132 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:40,200 Speaker 1: on zoom during work hours. Just to be clear here, 133 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,520 Speaker 1: I think for most people said that they did it 134 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:46,359 Speaker 1: just with their partner, perhaps with a segment at the 135 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:49,000 Speaker 1: end that involved their kids, so their kids could then 136 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:51,520 Speaker 1: give buy in to different plans and things like that. 137 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:53,760 Speaker 1: But I could I at least where the ages of 138 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:56,159 Speaker 1: my kids are. I would need at least part of 139 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:58,800 Speaker 1: this meeting to be like sterile cockpit, like without my 140 00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:02,280 Speaker 1: kids all around distracting, because you know they're not going 141 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:04,640 Speaker 1: to be able to follow an agenda in a linear fashion. 142 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:08,360 Speaker 1: That might help make a meeting like this run more smoothly. 143 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,800 Speaker 1: So most people do most of the meeting without kids 144 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:13,360 Speaker 1: and then bring in kids potentially at the end. Okay, 145 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:15,400 Speaker 1: got it. So that brings us to our next item, 146 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:18,520 Speaker 1: which is to have an agenda. And this can be 147 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,920 Speaker 1: you know that you collect items over the course of 148 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:25,120 Speaker 1: the week and you add it, or you have a 149 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,840 Speaker 1: stereotyped agenda that you use every single time, or a 150 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:30,920 Speaker 1: template of things that you cover, and maybe a combination 151 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,400 Speaker 1: of both. So your template might include at the end, 152 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:35,840 Speaker 1: you know, ad hoc items for everyone to keep track 153 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:37,920 Speaker 1: of and collect on their phone or notes, app or 154 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:40,400 Speaker 1: and their planner over the course of the week, like oh, 155 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:43,600 Speaker 1: my aunt wants us to visit her and should we 156 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,520 Speaker 1: talk about that? And then you put that as an 157 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:48,280 Speaker 1: item on the meeting as like an on the you know, 158 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:51,240 Speaker 1: list of things to bring up. Some people suggest it 159 00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:53,880 Speaker 1: actually keeping those things in a shared list, like to 160 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,360 Speaker 1: doist so that you like a parking lot, like just 161 00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:58,920 Speaker 1: like you would park things for a work meeting. And 162 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:01,400 Speaker 1: then this one best way Plans listener who I was 163 00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:05,080 Speaker 1: super amazed with, she actually has special agendas. So she 164 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:08,000 Speaker 1: has her regular weekly family meeting agenda and then a 165 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:11,080 Speaker 1: mid month version and an end of month versions, so 166 00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:13,720 Speaker 1: they basically become like monthly reviews and like a mid 167 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,880 Speaker 1: month check in. I was like, that is next level. 168 00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:19,200 Speaker 1: I am definitely not there. I am super impressed. So 169 00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:22,680 Speaker 1: all amazing ideas. I'm super interested to hear if you 170 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,560 Speaker 1: do family meetings, because the confessional part of this is 171 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:28,800 Speaker 1: that we don't actually do family meetings right now. We 172 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:30,320 Speaker 1: do a version of it in that I do a 173 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:32,800 Speaker 1: whiteboard and then I kind of autocratically send it to 174 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:34,800 Speaker 1: everyone and they can reply back to me with comments 175 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:37,880 Speaker 1: and questions. But I would like to carve out time 176 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,959 Speaker 1: to kind of democratize the process a bit, make sure 177 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:44,720 Speaker 1: I get all input from invested players, and move forward 178 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:46,880 Speaker 1: in a more systematic fashion. So I think I'm going 179 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:50,600 Speaker 1: to put this on my goal list for quintile five. Yeah, 180 00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:52,760 Speaker 1: I was gonna say, I mean, we do occasionally have 181 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:55,559 Speaker 1: sort of scheduling meetings. When you said family meeting, I'm 182 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:58,839 Speaker 1: visioned all seven of us sitting around the table, and 183 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:03,080 Speaker 1: that's chaos. You want to talk about some of your 184 00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:06,320 Speaker 1: colleagues are ill behaved. Let's talk about what a what 185 00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:08,320 Speaker 1: a two year old brings the energy a two year 186 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:11,320 Speaker 1: old brings to the family meeting in terms of you know, 187 00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:13,480 Speaker 1: Michael and I will sit down and have discussions of 188 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:15,720 Speaker 1: what we're doing, although I will say a lot of 189 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:18,360 Speaker 1: the time our family scheduling runs as more of a 190 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:25,199 Speaker 1: benevolent dictatorship, which is that guess who is driving that bus, 191 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:29,320 Speaker 1: which is fine, but you know, I do want more 192 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:33,120 Speaker 1: input from the children, and they are starting to do that. 193 00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:36,240 Speaker 1: Like Ruth definitely was making like Christmas lists of things 194 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:38,360 Speaker 1: she wants to do over the holidays. She's already thinking 195 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:41,840 Speaker 1: about that, Or people have things related to their birthdays 196 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:45,720 Speaker 1: or whatever. I've started asking that if people have weekend 197 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:48,640 Speaker 1: plans they would like to do that they maybe suggest 198 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:51,959 Speaker 1: those by Wednesday or Thursday. Partly it's just I mean, 199 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:54,959 Speaker 1: you know, especially like Jasper will make plans with his friends, 200 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:56,880 Speaker 1: which is great, Like I want him to do that, 201 00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:59,840 Speaker 1: but if it involves getting a ride somewhere, then I 202 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:01,600 Speaker 1: can kind of need to know that to build it 203 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,760 Speaker 1: into the schedule. And you know, even if it hasn't where, 204 00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:07,000 Speaker 1: He's been very good about getting rides from other families 205 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:09,199 Speaker 1: and all that. So it's not that it's it doesn't 206 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:11,439 Speaker 1: have to happen, but it would be just more you know, orderly, 207 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:13,760 Speaker 1: probably if it did, but you can't. I mean, the 208 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:16,360 Speaker 1: thing with teenagers is you can't expect too much of that, 209 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:17,719 Speaker 1: Like they're not going to know what they want to 210 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:20,240 Speaker 1: do on Saturday by Wednesday. Like it's not did you 211 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:23,040 Speaker 1: ever read that book The Rules, Like you you're supposed 212 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:24,960 Speaker 1: to go, oh god, it Sean says something you would 213 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,040 Speaker 1: not like. No, well that it was the self help 214 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:29,960 Speaker 1: book for like dating. I read it at one point 215 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,640 Speaker 1: because it was so hilarious. But yeah, you were never 216 00:10:31,679 --> 00:10:34,240 Speaker 1: supposed to accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday. But 217 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:36,640 Speaker 1: I'm like, most people don't make their plans for you know, 218 00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:41,200 Speaker 1: Saturday by Wednesday anyway. So I am trying to figure 219 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:44,719 Speaker 1: out how this would work with a handful of preteens 220 00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:47,320 Speaker 1: and teens because I feel like they should be part 221 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:50,680 Speaker 1: of some of the scheduling. So maybe, yeah, it would 222 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:54,520 Speaker 1: be that, you know, we discuss some stuff the two 223 00:10:54,559 --> 00:10:57,440 Speaker 1: of us and then we bring them in, or maybe 224 00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:01,640 Speaker 1: we have a group discussion and then you know, I 225 00:11:01,679 --> 00:11:04,480 Speaker 1: sort through at the end and send out a proposal 226 00:11:04,559 --> 00:11:06,160 Speaker 1: for everyone to look at her. So I don't know 227 00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:08,720 Speaker 1: how that would work, but maybe you could bring your 228 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:13,000 Speaker 1: big three kids in first to lessen the chaos factor. 229 00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:16,120 Speaker 1: So like you and Michael talk and then you come 230 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:17,960 Speaker 1: up with like, you know, your items, and then the 231 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,760 Speaker 1: ones involve the kids. Then you bring the three in 232 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:22,319 Speaker 1: together and then they like go through what they want 233 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:24,160 Speaker 1: to do and whatever. And then at the very end 234 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:26,640 Speaker 1: you bring in the youngest two because you know chaos 235 00:11:26,679 --> 00:11:28,679 Speaker 1: is going to although what are maybe what are they 236 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:31,040 Speaker 1: doing during the other the rest? Well, maybe just Alex 237 00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:34,559 Speaker 1: because he's gonna, you know, want to weigh in to 238 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:36,760 Speaker 1: some extent, but probably isn't going to have the level 239 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:39,560 Speaker 1: of well maybe he will. He's a very special kid. 240 00:11:39,679 --> 00:11:42,160 Speaker 1: So I was going to say, planning that a ten, twelve, 241 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:44,679 Speaker 1: and sixteen, I don't know. I can't even keep track anymore. 242 00:11:44,679 --> 00:11:46,320 Speaker 1: Your kids are growing up too fast. They are, they're 243 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:47,920 Speaker 1: growing up. They're growing up. But yeah, that was a 244 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:50,400 Speaker 1: great idea. We encourage people to give it a try. 245 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:53,319 Speaker 1: Let us know how it works for you. So are 246 00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:55,000 Speaker 1: the second part of this should we Well let's go 247 00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:57,120 Speaker 1: ahead and take our ad break and then we'll start 248 00:11:57,120 --> 00:12:11,400 Speaker 1: with our home and family mail bag. All right, Well, 249 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:13,839 Speaker 1: we are back with the second part of our mail 250 00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:17,720 Speaker 1: bag setup. We did last week our career side of 251 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:21,439 Speaker 1: the mail bag. So here we go. The first question, Sarah, 252 00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:26,120 Speaker 1: how do you stay close to relatives in different cities. Well, 253 00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:30,079 Speaker 1: my family is in Philadelphia, my sister is in North Carolina, 254 00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:34,200 Speaker 1: and the group of us text every single day, multiple 255 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,800 Speaker 1: times a day. So I actually feel like technology has 256 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,560 Speaker 1: brought us closer. I think it all started when wordle 257 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:42,680 Speaker 1: came out, but like somehow that text threat has evolved 258 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:46,480 Speaker 1: to just like contain multitudes, and so I feel like 259 00:12:46,559 --> 00:12:48,320 Speaker 1: I have I'm very on the pulse of what is 260 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:50,800 Speaker 1: going on in both of those places. We also FaceTime 261 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:55,240 Speaker 1: frequently and then do periodic visits as well. I am 262 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:58,920 Speaker 1: actually planning on bringing Annabel to see my sister and 263 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,600 Speaker 1: my niece. Oh my gosh, I'm super excited for that. 264 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:04,160 Speaker 1: And I've brought Genevieve solo to visit my parents, and 265 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,160 Speaker 1: Cameron went with Josh to visit my parents when they 266 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,439 Speaker 1: went snowboarding. So we've actually done a lot of these 267 00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:11,280 Speaker 1: little piecemeal vacations because it's it's a distance that's not 268 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:13,080 Speaker 1: so far, but it you know, it feels like a 269 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:15,960 Speaker 1: real trip for them. And then you know, in terms 270 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:18,280 Speaker 1: of well that was the second part of the question. 271 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:20,439 Speaker 1: Never mind, we're going to save that part for round two. 272 00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:23,520 Speaker 1: The rest of my family does live in South Florida, 273 00:13:23,559 --> 00:13:25,400 Speaker 1: and so I just I don't have a lot to 274 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:28,119 Speaker 1: add there. A lot of the major you know, gatherings 275 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:31,040 Speaker 1: and holidays we automatically spend with them, which might not 276 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:33,040 Speaker 1: be fair. But as long as everyone's happy, it doesn't 277 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:36,160 Speaker 1: have to be fair. That's always a yes. Happiness and 278 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:40,280 Speaker 1: fairness are entirely different conversations. I'm probably not the world's 279 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:44,280 Speaker 1: best example of close stuff with relatives, And partly it's 280 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:47,880 Speaker 1: just I don't like to talk on the phone, so 281 00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:51,000 Speaker 1: that's probably the best way to keep in touch with 282 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:53,880 Speaker 1: people in general. My husband is on the phone constantly 283 00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:57,400 Speaker 1: with his relatives, like he talks to his mom those days. 284 00:13:57,440 --> 00:14:00,600 Speaker 1: I think it's probably this introversion extraversion divide, like it's 285 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:03,680 Speaker 1: you know, I like silence and I should be better 286 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:06,600 Speaker 1: about texting and emailing. Then he likes to be chatting 287 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:09,200 Speaker 1: while doing anything else like walking the dog or taking 288 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,920 Speaker 1: out the trash. So I would also say, though you 289 00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:15,960 Speaker 1: can travel short distances pretty easily, Sarah was saying, like, 290 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:19,200 Speaker 1: especially if both of you live near a major airport, 291 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:21,880 Speaker 1: Like the distances are not that profound. I mean, you 292 00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:24,760 Speaker 1: could definitely. Do you know two trips a year, three 293 00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:26,600 Speaker 1: trips a year, and just even think of it for 294 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:29,920 Speaker 1: a weekend. You know we're going to go when this airs. 295 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:32,800 Speaker 1: We should have hopefully fingers crossed this work. Visited my 296 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:35,280 Speaker 1: little brother in upstate New York, and yeah, it's three 297 00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:37,200 Speaker 1: hour drive, but you know, you drive three hours on 298 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:39,240 Speaker 1: Saturday and then you drive three hours home on Sunday. 299 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:41,240 Speaker 1: It's not the end of the world. You're not going 300 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:42,520 Speaker 1: to do it every weekend, but you don't need a 301 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:47,080 Speaker 1: special weekend in order to make it happen. But even flying, 302 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:50,160 Speaker 1: like if you need to fly somewhere, especially, I just 303 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:53,080 Speaker 1: continually amazed how many places are within a two hour 304 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:57,000 Speaker 1: flight of Philadelphia, and if it's a direct flight and 305 00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:59,360 Speaker 1: you're not checking bags, how quick it can go. Like 306 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,680 Speaker 1: a couple weeks ago, I flew to Portland, Maine for 307 00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:04,960 Speaker 1: something for work. I left my house at six forty 308 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,920 Speaker 1: five pm and at ten fifteen pm I was in 309 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:11,720 Speaker 1: my hotel room in Portland, Maine, right like, so you 310 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:15,200 Speaker 1: could totally do that as a weekend trip. I think of, 311 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:17,880 Speaker 1: you know, Pennsylvania and Maine are not close to each other, 312 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:22,200 Speaker 1: but like that radius would take you out to like Indiana, 313 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:25,080 Speaker 1: like takes you down to like Georgia from you know, 314 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,480 Speaker 1: when flying works, it really works. And so you could 315 00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:30,600 Speaker 1: definitely do that two to three times a year to 316 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,360 Speaker 1: see somebody and not even have to think of like 317 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,840 Speaker 1: a long weekend for doing it. Just leave Friday, you know, 318 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:36,440 Speaker 1: if you get off work an hour or two early. 319 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,600 Speaker 1: But I'll be on the plane, you know, fly back 320 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:41,040 Speaker 1: Sunday afternoon, and we'll have seen each other. Love it. 321 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:43,240 Speaker 1: And don't forget central meeting places as well. If you're 322 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:45,880 Speaker 1: like a bicoastal family, you could both get to Chicago 323 00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:48,800 Speaker 1: pretty quickly. Yeah, that's true. That's true. So how do 324 00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:52,360 Speaker 1: you manage sharing holidays between sides of the family. So 325 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:55,720 Speaker 1: you were starting to talk about this, Yes, so we 326 00:15:56,440 --> 00:16:00,200 Speaker 1: don't worry about this too much. My family is is 327 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:05,000 Speaker 1: I would categorize them in Gretchen Rubens for tendencies as questioners, 328 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,840 Speaker 1: and therefore everything is an quote unquote arbitrary date. And 329 00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:10,280 Speaker 1: so they don't care if I visit on actual Thanksgiving 330 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:11,920 Speaker 1: or a week after, as long as they see us. 331 00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:14,520 Speaker 1: And even though I don't necessarily feel the same way 332 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:17,080 Speaker 1: about calendar and holidays and occasion, it works out. Really 333 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:19,240 Speaker 1: well in terms of not really feeling guilty that we 334 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:23,360 Speaker 1: miss particular holidays. One thing that we've done is, you know, 335 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:26,920 Speaker 1: take advantage of weather patterns and when it's winter, it's 336 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:29,160 Speaker 1: a great time for them to come here and join 337 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,280 Speaker 1: us in a holiday, either at my in law's house 338 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:33,320 Speaker 1: or with us. So we have also done that in 339 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:36,560 Speaker 1: the past. So kind of combining everybody, but I think 340 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:38,960 Speaker 1: that you got to read the room and see who 341 00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:41,000 Speaker 1: cares about what. Like I have one side that is 342 00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:44,120 Speaker 1: a little bit more particular about wanting our family included 343 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:46,800 Speaker 1: in certain holiday celebrations, and then the other side is like, 344 00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:49,240 Speaker 1: doesn't matter. We do want to see you, doesn't have 345 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:51,360 Speaker 1: to be on a specific date, and so if that's you, 346 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:54,600 Speaker 1: then great. Yeah. I would say it's quite possible to 347 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:57,240 Speaker 1: split sort of any longer periods of time. I mean, 348 00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:59,640 Speaker 1: you know, even if your families aren't that far from 349 00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:01,760 Speaker 1: each other, if you have the four days off for Thanksgiving, 350 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,240 Speaker 1: you could drive to one families on Wednesday night, spend 351 00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:06,920 Speaker 1: Thursday with them, leave Friday morning, go have second Thanksgiving 352 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:10,800 Speaker 1: with the other over Friday through Sunday Christmas. Likewise, if 353 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:13,000 Speaker 1: you have the week off, like you can, you know, 354 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:17,199 Speaker 1: go to one set for you know, the twenty second 355 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:18,840 Speaker 1: to the twenty fifth, the other for the twenty fifth 356 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:20,520 Speaker 1: to the twenty eighth or whatever. I mean. Flying on 357 00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:23,840 Speaker 1: Christmas is actually pretty good because there's fewer people want 358 00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:27,680 Speaker 1: to do it, so it might be slightly less crazy 359 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:30,239 Speaker 1: or driving in the middle just to break things up. 360 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:32,919 Speaker 1: But you know, you can split the holidays. And I 361 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,600 Speaker 1: heard a great tip and I'm wondering if maybe it 362 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:36,479 Speaker 1: was from Gretchen Rubin. Now you just mentioned her, I'm 363 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,359 Speaker 1: wondering if it was maybe this is a tip they shared. 364 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:41,800 Speaker 1: I'm I'm not entirely sure, but the idea of one 365 00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,560 Speaker 1: side of the family could elect to create sort of 366 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:49,600 Speaker 1: a different holiday. So, you know, if you think about 367 00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:53,720 Speaker 1: the whole Christmas season, like if one side of the 368 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:57,040 Speaker 1: family decided to always do their celebration on let's say 369 00:17:57,080 --> 00:18:00,679 Speaker 1: December twenty first, right, they have a Winter Solstice celebration, 370 00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:03,520 Speaker 1: you could go to that, and that would leave Christmas 371 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:05,359 Speaker 1: open to go to the other side of the family 372 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:07,480 Speaker 1: or to stay home. You know, you could do Thanksgiving 373 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:09,080 Speaker 1: with the other side of the family and stay home 374 00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:11,919 Speaker 1: for Christmas itself. It like leaves it as an option 375 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:15,320 Speaker 1: for you to both see your in laws and you know, 376 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:18,720 Speaker 1: have some home time while still creating an occasion that 377 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,400 Speaker 1: everyone will then come see you for that probably isn't 378 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,240 Speaker 1: booked up by the other side of the family, So 379 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,159 Speaker 1: I really like that idea. Or it could be a 380 00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:27,439 Speaker 1: twelfth night sort of thing, so January sixth, right, you 381 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:31,199 Speaker 1: have everyone come see you for that, or you know, 382 00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:34,479 Speaker 1: anything that's not the exact holiday itself but is close 383 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:37,840 Speaker 1: and won't be in competition with the others. You can 384 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:40,520 Speaker 1: sort of just see the day itself while still creating 385 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,720 Speaker 1: an event. So I thought that was a really cool idea. 386 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:48,200 Speaker 1: Love it all right. Question number three Tips for managing sports, 387 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:52,159 Speaker 1: dinner and bedtimes with elementary aged kids. Yeah, so I 388 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,720 Speaker 1: assume what this listener was getting at is that if 389 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:57,720 Speaker 1: you have later practices and yet kids still need to 390 00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:00,919 Speaker 1: get to bed relatively early to get enough sleep, it 391 00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:04,480 Speaker 1: can feel very crunched at the end of the day. 392 00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:07,080 Speaker 1: This is not an issue for me. I guess this 393 00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:10,639 Speaker 1: wimes like my elementary kid doesn't have to be up 394 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:14,119 Speaker 1: until eight am, and so he's in his room with 395 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,840 Speaker 1: a book at nine and lights out at ten. But 396 00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:20,800 Speaker 1: like we don't have elementary age activities that go to 397 00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:23,240 Speaker 1: nine pm, like, there just generally aren't that many that 398 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:26,080 Speaker 1: would go that late. I mean there is one like 399 00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:28,879 Speaker 1: perk core class at his gymnastics at ages five to 400 00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:31,040 Speaker 1: eight went from something like seven twenty to eight twenty, 401 00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:33,000 Speaker 1: but we try not to sign him up for that 402 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:36,280 Speaker 1: one if there is any option. So what we do 403 00:19:36,359 --> 00:19:38,639 Speaker 1: is we often eat. You know, our activities tend to 404 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:41,359 Speaker 1: go till six or so, and then we eat maybe 405 00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:44,280 Speaker 1: six thirty to seven, and so then there's still plenty 406 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:45,919 Speaker 1: of time. But I would say if that is not 407 00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:48,560 Speaker 1: if your activities are done at like seven thirty and 408 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:52,080 Speaker 1: you have a you know eight thirty bedtime, either you know, 409 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:54,600 Speaker 1: feed the kids and shifts like give them a very 410 00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:58,639 Speaker 1: hearty snack before they go to the activity or a 411 00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:00,800 Speaker 1: quick light a dinner and then just give them a 412 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,919 Speaker 1: snack afterwards. Right, So, and dinner doesn't have to be 413 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,880 Speaker 1: this elaborate thing, like it does not have to take 414 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:09,080 Speaker 1: that much time, as we've said many times on this podcast. 415 00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:11,359 Speaker 1: You know, kids will eat very simple things like a 416 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:14,199 Speaker 1: grilled cheese sandwich and fruit is totally dinner and that 417 00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:16,679 Speaker 1: can be done in less than ten minutes. You know, 418 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:20,000 Speaker 1: a hot dog and some fruit or scrambled eggs. I mean, 419 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:24,359 Speaker 1: those are all acceptable in filling dinner options. And you know, 420 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:28,160 Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be a sit down event for everyone, 421 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:31,280 Speaker 1: So either feed them before or feed them right afterwards, 422 00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:34,000 Speaker 1: and then you know, sort of ease them into bed 423 00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:37,359 Speaker 1: at that point. The one thing I will say is 424 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:40,360 Speaker 1: that if you or your partner tends to work late 425 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,959 Speaker 1: and it's a solo parenting dinner, bedtime situation, but then 426 00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:46,480 Speaker 1: there's another kid that needs pick up, this is one 427 00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:48,920 Speaker 1: where we have, I like, our nanny often doesn't come 428 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:51,760 Speaker 1: in till late. So on the days that Annabel has 429 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,760 Speaker 1: gymnastics that goes to like seven, I'll make sure she 430 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:57,040 Speaker 1: stays till then, so I can just go pick her 431 00:20:57,119 --> 00:20:59,320 Speaker 1: up while she's continuing to give the other kids dinner, 432 00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:01,960 Speaker 1: kind of one him down, et cetera. If I were 433 00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:06,200 Speaker 1: managing this by myself, it would be definitely more stressful 434 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:08,520 Speaker 1: because I'd have to pile everybody in the car, including 435 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:10,480 Speaker 1: a four year old who's like ready for bed, and like, 436 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:12,919 Speaker 1: I don't know, it would be a lot. Obviously, if 437 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:16,040 Speaker 1: my husband's home, great, but if he's not, then it's 438 00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:18,840 Speaker 1: really helpful to have that extra hand dinner hasn't been 439 00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:20,480 Speaker 1: as much of an issue for us either, because we 440 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:22,320 Speaker 1: just make what we were planning anyway and then just 441 00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:26,960 Speaker 1: reheat a plate. Like there's no special anything done. It's 442 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:29,119 Speaker 1: just the timing might be a little different, and we 443 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:32,080 Speaker 1: try to make it so not always, but if possible, 444 00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:33,760 Speaker 1: Like I'll wait to eat later with the one kid 445 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:35,879 Speaker 1: that's eating by themselves so they don't have to have 446 00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:39,080 Speaker 1: a lonely dinner. Yeah, as long as you're sitting with 447 00:21:39,119 --> 00:21:41,040 Speaker 1: them or somebody is sitting with them or whatever. Maybe 448 00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:43,320 Speaker 1: the work maybe they were like, ooh, this night, I 449 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:44,919 Speaker 1: get to break the rules and actually watch, you know, 450 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:46,720 Speaker 1: eat in front of the TV or something like, it's 451 00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:48,840 Speaker 1: a special treat to get it done. I don't know. 452 00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:52,359 Speaker 1: If you have an extra driver, obviously that's helpful. Or 453 00:21:52,359 --> 00:21:54,439 Speaker 1: if you can work out a carpool with another family, 454 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,480 Speaker 1: maybe that's great that you can drive them and the 455 00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:58,760 Speaker 1: other family brings them home. If they don't have younger 456 00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:02,600 Speaker 1: kids that much, might be a really good switch to 457 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,040 Speaker 1: have with that. This is where I gotta say, my 458 00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:08,160 Speaker 1: life is getting easier because I have older kids who 459 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:11,200 Speaker 1: can stay home with younger ones if need be, and 460 00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:13,080 Speaker 1: so it's not a big deal to like if I 461 00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:16,040 Speaker 1: needed to go pick up Sam to leave Henry with 462 00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:21,680 Speaker 1: Jasper and would not be an issue. So yeah, that's awesome. 463 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:25,800 Speaker 1: I can't wait to get to that point. So how 464 00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:29,800 Speaker 1: to handle kids who don't handle changes to routine very well? 465 00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:33,480 Speaker 1: Oh man, I think I don't want to give away 466 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,400 Speaker 1: you're part of the answer, because I think it's excellent, 467 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:39,400 Speaker 1: just the main part. But I will say that showing 468 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:42,639 Speaker 1: a kid very specifically and maybe writing out what the 469 00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:45,760 Speaker 1: change is, possibly with visuals if they are somebody who 470 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:48,520 Speaker 1: hasn't gotten to the reading stage, so that they don't 471 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:52,679 Speaker 1: feel like they are flying blind just because the routine changed. Like, Okay, 472 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:54,919 Speaker 1: I know you said we were gonna, you know, go 473 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,720 Speaker 1: to Grandma's and then go to the grocery store, but 474 00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:00,200 Speaker 1: unfortunately we have to we can't go to Grandma's. She's 475 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:02,919 Speaker 1: saying about, Okay, here's what it was before, here's what 476 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:05,040 Speaker 1: we're gonna do now, and then take them through first 477 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:06,520 Speaker 1: we're gonna do this, then we're gonna do this, then 478 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:08,439 Speaker 1: we're gonna do this, so they really really understand it, 479 00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:10,600 Speaker 1: rather than it being like, Okay, the world has been 480 00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:12,720 Speaker 1: yanked out from under them and now they don't have 481 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:15,120 Speaker 1: any idea of what's going on. And then the other 482 00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:17,200 Speaker 1: thing I just wanted to mention is that, like there 483 00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:20,880 Speaker 1: are extreme manifestations of this where nothing is really going 484 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:24,520 Speaker 1: or very few things help, and autism spectrum disorders certainly 485 00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:27,480 Speaker 1: come to mind. I have patients, you know, with these 486 00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:30,040 Speaker 1: where the parents say, like it's so so important to 487 00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:32,560 Speaker 1: make sure things are stable because there aren't that many 488 00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:36,639 Speaker 1: coping mechanisms when they don't, and so if things seem severe, 489 00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:39,960 Speaker 1: I'm not diagnosing anybody's child, but there may be experts 490 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:43,160 Speaker 1: that have tips that work for kids with specific diagnoses, 491 00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:45,479 Speaker 1: and they may be able to help your kid through it. 492 00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:48,280 Speaker 1: So if this is just something that is like always 493 00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:50,560 Speaker 1: a pain point, then it might be time to turn 494 00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:53,800 Speaker 1: to an expert. Yeah, I think that probably wasn't the 495 00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:56,320 Speaker 1: case for this listener, But I mean, I think this 496 00:23:56,359 --> 00:23:58,160 Speaker 1: is more run of the mill, Like normal kid doesn't 497 00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:01,080 Speaker 1: like changeable. I don't like change what it's for me either, right, 498 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,760 Speaker 1: So I think you know, reacting to this with empathy, 499 00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:06,320 Speaker 1: which is that kids don't have nearly as much control 500 00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:08,800 Speaker 1: over their lives as we do, and they may have 501 00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:11,320 Speaker 1: gotten comfortable with something and now here you are coming 502 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:13,800 Speaker 1: in and changing it, So I would be very annoyed 503 00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:15,879 Speaker 1: with you as well, So like, let's just try to 504 00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:18,879 Speaker 1: keep that in mind. So I think if you can 505 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:22,160 Speaker 1: give the kid any advance notice, like sometimes we don't 506 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,240 Speaker 1: want to just because we know they're going to whine 507 00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:25,840 Speaker 1: about it, and so we just don't want to have 508 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:28,919 Speaker 1: the whining. But I think that's not necessarily all that 509 00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:31,960 Speaker 1: respectful if like you know, it's coming up and being 510 00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:34,560 Speaker 1: open about the reason, right, like that you owe them 511 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:37,560 Speaker 1: the explanation like I got a new job and that's 512 00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:41,040 Speaker 1: why our after school routine has to change, and this 513 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:43,320 Speaker 1: is what it's going to be, and you know, or 514 00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:47,000 Speaker 1: if you can ask them for input, right, if there's 515 00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:48,760 Speaker 1: aspects of it that you can give them a choice 516 00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:51,760 Speaker 1: over it, Like I need you to be, you know, 517 00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:54,600 Speaker 1: in a different situation from the hours of three thirty 518 00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:57,480 Speaker 1: to five thirty. Now, what do you think would be better? 519 00:24:57,480 --> 00:25:00,320 Speaker 1: Would you like to do this or the you know, 520 00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:02,240 Speaker 1: I'm not saying that they ultimately get a choice, but 521 00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:04,520 Speaker 1: you know, if I can make it happen, would you 522 00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,680 Speaker 1: prefer to stay at your school and after care? Would 523 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:10,240 Speaker 1: you prefer to you know, come home and have somebody 524 00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:12,520 Speaker 1: here with you, like what do you think you would like? 525 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,000 Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that you can automatically make that happen, 526 00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:17,600 Speaker 1: but it's just helpful to know what they think would 527 00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:20,760 Speaker 1: be better. You know. Obviously, being transparent means hopefully their 528 00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:23,320 Speaker 1: routine isn't being yanked around for no good reason, right, 529 00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:26,280 Speaker 1: Like I think Dan, that's a that's something that we 530 00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:30,040 Speaker 1: should be respectful with kids too, to accommodate any reasonable 531 00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:32,880 Speaker 1: requests that they might have. My hope is that if 532 00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:34,600 Speaker 1: you know that the kids get a struggle and that 533 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:36,800 Speaker 1: that's going to cause everyone pain, you're probably not going 534 00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:39,480 Speaker 1: to make changes unless you feel compelled to do so 535 00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:41,760 Speaker 1: for some reason. Yes, so I guess one never knows. 536 00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:45,480 Speaker 1: One never knows all right. Question five, how does one 537 00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:48,080 Speaker 1: find the time and energy for self care with an 538 00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:51,240 Speaker 1: infant twenty four to seven? Yeah, so this is with 539 00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:53,840 Speaker 1: Instagram questions, you never really get quite the same follow 540 00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:55,159 Speaker 1: up as we do want to get them emailed to 541 00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:57,239 Speaker 1: us because usually there's a little bit of background there too. 542 00:25:57,320 --> 00:25:59,199 Speaker 1: But I guess the question here is what do you 543 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:01,719 Speaker 1: mean by self care? Like do we mean taking a shower? 544 00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:04,479 Speaker 1: Because if that's what I'm saying, like if you've got 545 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:06,920 Speaker 1: a really little baby, like they can't move, so even 546 00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:09,359 Speaker 1: if they're fussing, you can, you know, put them in 547 00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:12,320 Speaker 1: their crib like someplace safe, right and then you know, 548 00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:16,000 Speaker 1: go take your shower and you know it's okay for 549 00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:18,280 Speaker 1: them to be in there for a handful of minutes. 550 00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:22,639 Speaker 1: If we're talking like passive leisure activities, we're talking like 551 00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:25,320 Speaker 1: watching TV or reading. I mean definitely if you're nursing, 552 00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:28,280 Speaker 1: giving a bottle, if you can use that time for 553 00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:32,480 Speaker 1: reading or for watching whatever you like. But actually choosing 554 00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:34,639 Speaker 1: something I think that really helps too, Soue, that you 555 00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:36,679 Speaker 1: notice you're doing it, as opposed to just like random 556 00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:38,919 Speaker 1: Twitter scrolling, Like you know, there's like wow, I just 557 00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:41,280 Speaker 1: spent you know, forty minutes nursing and all I've done 558 00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:43,439 Speaker 1: is read arguments on Twitter. Like it might help to 559 00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:45,240 Speaker 1: be like no, no, I you know, I have a 560 00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:47,160 Speaker 1: ton of books I really like, and you know, ooh, 561 00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:49,320 Speaker 1: I got to read that for forty minutes while while 562 00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:51,480 Speaker 1: I was nursing this baby, or I got to watch, 563 00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:53,760 Speaker 1: you know, an episode of mad Men or whatever it 564 00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:56,440 Speaker 1: is that you want to do, But that you've made 565 00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:58,639 Speaker 1: a conscious choice of what you're doing with that with 566 00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:01,280 Speaker 1: it all possible, trying to get outside and get some 567 00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:03,679 Speaker 1: physical activity each day. I mean, obviously that can mean 568 00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:06,359 Speaker 1: pushing the stroller, but do not feel bad at all 569 00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:08,680 Speaker 1: about like not wanting to be that person out pushing 570 00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:10,200 Speaker 1: the stroller to get your exercise, Like if you want 571 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:12,560 Speaker 1: this as your solo time, I think this is absolutely 572 00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:16,080 Speaker 1: fine to have help from your village, like if you 573 00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:18,520 Speaker 1: are co parenting with someone, I mean, especially if you 574 00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:21,359 Speaker 1: are home with the baby, as you said twenty four seven, 575 00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:23,359 Speaker 1: like you're the one who's doing the primary care of 576 00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:25,720 Speaker 1: the baby. I think when your partner gets home from work, 577 00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:28,040 Speaker 1: like that first thirty minutes could totally be your time, 578 00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:30,800 Speaker 1: right like hand the baby over and then you know, 579 00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:34,560 Speaker 1: go do your thing for a bit, you know, or 580 00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:37,840 Speaker 1: if without a partner available, you obviously know the drill 581 00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:39,840 Speaker 1: for this already, that you swap with family and friends 582 00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:42,240 Speaker 1: and neighbors or hire a sitter for a smart small 583 00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:44,840 Speaker 1: amount of time. But I think you know, having the 584 00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:48,160 Speaker 1: mindset that you should have a little bit of time, 585 00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:51,200 Speaker 1: like you don't have to have twenty four to seven 586 00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:54,600 Speaker 1: baby on you. Yes, it's funny because you called out 587 00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:56,879 Speaker 1: the self care part of this question, and I was like, 588 00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:59,440 Speaker 1: what twenty four to seven? I mean there are rare 589 00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:02,159 Speaker 1: circumstance It is where someone is a solo parent and 590 00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:04,240 Speaker 1: they may not have any options for help, like maybe 591 00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:05,720 Speaker 1: they had that baby in the middle of a pandemic 592 00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:07,879 Speaker 1: and no one could go near them. Like my sister 593 00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:09,600 Speaker 1: there was a lot of twenty four to seven in 594 00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:12,679 Speaker 1: her early days of child rearing, and I it was 595 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:16,080 Speaker 1: really tough. But most of the time it could be 596 00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:20,119 Speaker 1: twenty two two even, which would be you know, twenty 597 00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:22,760 Speaker 1: two like six, I don't know, Oh yeah, serious, Yes, 598 00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:25,600 Speaker 1: you're right, I mean twenty two to seven, Okay, that 599 00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:29,119 Speaker 1: would be like better, right, And if there's a partner, 600 00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:31,160 Speaker 1: if there's a caregiver, if there's someone who can give 601 00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:34,040 Speaker 1: you a break, and most of the time, even with nursing, 602 00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:37,119 Speaker 1: there's some strategic break happening that can happen, then that 603 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:39,760 Speaker 1: would be the obvious time to do quote unquote self care. 604 00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:41,760 Speaker 1: I think setting the bar and ice in low for 605 00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:43,800 Speaker 1: that self care, Like, this is not the time to 606 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:46,760 Speaker 1: start marathon training. You can do that later, I promise, 607 00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:49,840 Speaker 1: Like you don't have to have an elaborate planner. Like 608 00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:52,200 Speaker 1: we talked about the person who wrote in a couple 609 00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:54,960 Speaker 1: episodes ago. It's okay if you're just you know, doing 610 00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:58,280 Speaker 1: a little freehand journal entry once a week. If it 611 00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:00,800 Speaker 1: brings you joy for ten minutes, that could be self care. 612 00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:02,680 Speaker 1: So just making sure you kind of lower the bar 613 00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:06,040 Speaker 1: of what self care needs to be. And if you 614 00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:10,800 Speaker 1: need help, make sure you're getting help. Excellent good advice. 615 00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:15,320 Speaker 1: All right, Oh, this next one's good too, Okay, any 616 00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:20,200 Speaker 1: advice for an over committed adult volunteer positions, boards, et cetera. 617 00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:23,520 Speaker 1: And kind of a related question, how do I prioritize 618 00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:26,280 Speaker 1: when there are so many social opportunities and things to do? 619 00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:28,600 Speaker 1: So I actually combine these two questions that we had. 620 00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:30,240 Speaker 1: This is where from two different people, but I thought 621 00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:32,680 Speaker 1: they're related, so, you know, there's the same sort of thing. 622 00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:35,800 Speaker 1: I would say, first, let's start with a little mindset 623 00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:37,920 Speaker 1: shift here, which we use over committed as the word. 624 00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:40,080 Speaker 1: But I would note that it is not a bad thing, 625 00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:42,720 Speaker 1: per se to have lots of stuff you like to do, 626 00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:45,320 Speaker 1: like to have lots of interests, and if you have 627 00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:47,840 Speaker 1: lots of social opportunities, like how amazing is that you 628 00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:50,800 Speaker 1: have lots of friends? Right? Like? Right? There are a 629 00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:53,440 Speaker 1: lot of lonely people in this world, and there's also 630 00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:55,800 Speaker 1: plenty of folks who have absolutely no idea what they 631 00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:58,280 Speaker 1: would want to put their time into. So I think 632 00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:00,880 Speaker 1: we could start from that perspective that having interests and 633 00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:05,760 Speaker 1: having friends both are blessings. But then if you're feeling 634 00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:09,240 Speaker 1: over committed, it's usually because something feels draining, whether that 635 00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:12,240 Speaker 1: is a person or whether it is an activity. So 636 00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:16,120 Speaker 1: figure out which particular commitment is most draining and see 637 00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:18,320 Speaker 1: if you can wind down over the next six to 638 00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:21,120 Speaker 1: twelve months. Now, obviously, with a nonprofit board, especially if 639 00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:24,960 Speaker 1: it's like a major board, you can't immediately end it usually, 640 00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:28,280 Speaker 1: but most of the time you could say, like after 641 00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:30,440 Speaker 1: my term is up, I would want I want to 642 00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:33,120 Speaker 1: roll off after this. You know, I'm not going to 643 00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:35,920 Speaker 1: reup after this year of it, or I'm not going 644 00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:38,200 Speaker 1: to you know, after the school year is over, I'm 645 00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:40,479 Speaker 1: going to be giving up this position or whatever it is. 646 00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:43,480 Speaker 1: And I think knowing that the end is in sight 647 00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:46,520 Speaker 1: will make you feel a little bit more, a bit 648 00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:49,800 Speaker 1: less drained about the next six months, like Okay, I'm 649 00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:51,840 Speaker 1: only getting through this school year, or you know, I 650 00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:54,200 Speaker 1: will be able to pass this off in you know, 651 00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:57,200 Speaker 1: mid twenty twenty three, when the FIS school year starts. 652 00:30:56,960 --> 00:30:59,120 Speaker 1: For my nonprofit, I will be able to pass this 653 00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:01,520 Speaker 1: off to someone else, and so that will make you 654 00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:04,479 Speaker 1: feel a little bit less drained about it. As for 655 00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:06,440 Speaker 1: social opportunities, you know, I always say like people are 656 00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:09,080 Speaker 1: a good use of time. Obviously, if somebody feels draining 657 00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:11,080 Speaker 1: to you, then that's not necessarily a good use of time. 658 00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:12,880 Speaker 1: And we're talking to people that you really enjoy hanging 659 00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:15,560 Speaker 1: out with. And one way to answer this question, you know, 660 00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,760 Speaker 1: it's always just when you are thinking about various social engagements, 661 00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:21,480 Speaker 1: ask yourself, if you do this tomorrow, Like, would you 662 00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:23,960 Speaker 1: be motivated to try to fit this into your life tomorrow? 663 00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:26,280 Speaker 1: And if you are busy, you would still try to 664 00:31:26,320 --> 00:31:28,200 Speaker 1: figure out a way to meet an old friend who 665 00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:30,680 Speaker 1: is in town for coffee or you know, talk with 666 00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:32,960 Speaker 1: a really good friend on the phone. Like, you'd still 667 00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:35,480 Speaker 1: try to find a way to make it work. But 668 00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:39,200 Speaker 1: you probably wouldn't go to like a random fundraiser just 669 00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:42,280 Speaker 1: because you might possibly meet and trusting people right Like, 670 00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:45,120 Speaker 1: you probably wouldn't say yes to that tomorrow if you're 671 00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:47,360 Speaker 1: really busy right now, so you might want to put 672 00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:50,560 Speaker 1: it through that rubric. I love it I mean personally, 673 00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:53,560 Speaker 1: my answer has been to quit things when I felt 674 00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:55,080 Speaker 1: like there are too many things on my plate, and 675 00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:57,880 Speaker 1: I've almost never regretted letting something go. I think we 676 00:31:57,960 --> 00:32:00,760 Speaker 1: instinctually know what we want to keep and what we 677 00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:03,280 Speaker 1: want to give up. And once you've done some reflection 678 00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:05,920 Speaker 1: and you've decided that something just doesn't fit in your 679 00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:08,560 Speaker 1: life anymore, then it might be time to let it go. 680 00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:12,440 Speaker 1: I will quote a wise author that I know who wrote, 681 00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:17,800 Speaker 1: expectations are infinite, time is finite. You are always choosing choose. Well, yes, 682 00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:21,080 Speaker 1: that is Laura from Juliet's School of Possibilities. And it's true. 683 00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:23,880 Speaker 1: You can't do everything. You could do a lot, but 684 00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:26,240 Speaker 1: you do have to pick and choose. That is true. 685 00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:27,920 Speaker 1: That is true. And the choice to say yes to 686 00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:30,000 Speaker 1: one thing is a choice to say no to something else, 687 00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:33,000 Speaker 1: whatever that something else might be. So you want to 688 00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:36,360 Speaker 1: just make sure that you are making that choice mindfully. 689 00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:38,720 Speaker 1: All right, Well, this has been a lot of questions. 690 00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:40,760 Speaker 1: We always do one each week, but we did a 691 00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:45,840 Speaker 1: lot the past two weeks. Sarah our love of the week. Yes, 692 00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:48,680 Speaker 1: this is a fun one. So you know you look 693 00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:52,000 Speaker 1: at your phone a lot, and if you subscribe to 694 00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:55,960 Speaker 1: a lot of various product email lists. You will notice 695 00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:58,400 Speaker 1: that some of them will be like, you can download 696 00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:01,200 Speaker 1: your October wallpaper. It tends to like planner companies and 697 00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:04,080 Speaker 1: design companies that offer this. But pretty much every month 698 00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:07,120 Speaker 1: I have my pick of several and I don't always 699 00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:08,920 Speaker 1: do it, but I did it for October, and every 700 00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:11,600 Speaker 1: time I raise my phone, I get this beautiful, curated 701 00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:14,760 Speaker 1: professional leaf photo that just makes me super happy. And 702 00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:16,120 Speaker 1: I think I'm gonna try to make sure I do 703 00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:17,560 Speaker 1: it every month because it's just nice to have a 704 00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:19,760 Speaker 1: reminder of what the seasons are. I think, especially because 705 00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:22,040 Speaker 1: I live somewhere that we don't actually see it outside. 706 00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:24,920 Speaker 1: At least I can see it on my phone background. Yeah, 707 00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:27,240 Speaker 1: I mean obviously, you know, maybe people don't know that 708 00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:29,959 Speaker 1: you could put your own photos there as well. I 709 00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:33,080 Speaker 1: didn't really know that until, you know, like two years ago, 710 00:33:33,120 --> 00:33:36,000 Speaker 1: and I finally put one of a beautiful photo of 711 00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:39,520 Speaker 1: plum trees in full spring blossom, and now it has 712 00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:41,760 Speaker 1: been on my phone for two years. I haven't switched 713 00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:44,160 Speaker 1: out seasonally because I don't know. I like looking at it. 714 00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:46,760 Speaker 1: Probably I should switch it up at some point. But 715 00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:50,080 Speaker 1: my love of the week is mail Chimp, and maybe 716 00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:52,240 Speaker 1: some people listening to this wish I was not so 717 00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:54,640 Speaker 1: into mailchimp. I may have been spamming you with emails 718 00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:58,080 Speaker 1: over the past like two months with the book related stuff, 719 00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:01,360 Speaker 1: but it's been easy to sort of keep lists organized. 720 00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:03,320 Speaker 1: So you know, my team and I have a full 721 00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:05,920 Speaker 1: email list, which is that you know, everyone who's sign 722 00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:08,480 Speaker 1: up for Laura Vanderkamp stuff in general. But then from that, 723 00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:10,200 Speaker 1: you know, when people signed in that they had pre 724 00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:12,319 Speaker 1: ordered the book, we could create a list of the 725 00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:14,480 Speaker 1: people who pre ordered my book, and then you know, 726 00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:17,279 Speaker 1: have another list of something else, and so it's just 727 00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:21,239 Speaker 1: the segmentation. That's actually how we did the Tranquility by 728 00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:23,120 Speaker 1: Tuesday project too, is that you know, we would send 729 00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:24,759 Speaker 1: an email to people who had signed up for the 730 00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:26,880 Speaker 1: project with the survey monkey link. So you know, I 731 00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:29,040 Speaker 1: don't know, we've relied on it a lot. I definitely 732 00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:33,080 Speaker 1: think anyone who's in some sort of personal you brand 733 00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:38,360 Speaker 1: business definitely needs your own newsletter type thing, like a 734 00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:40,799 Speaker 1: way to email people who are interested in you and 735 00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:43,560 Speaker 1: your business and kind of stay in their minds at 736 00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:47,160 Speaker 1: least occasionally. So you know, there's several companies that do it. 737 00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:49,520 Speaker 1: I use I use Mailchimp, but there obviously are several others, 738 00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:51,879 Speaker 1: but it's it's something to start considering if you are 739 00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:57,080 Speaker 1: looking to build your personal brand. I also use Mailchimps, 740 00:34:57,080 --> 00:35:00,319 Speaker 1: So there you go. Not a sponsor. Maybe someday. I 741 00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:02,120 Speaker 1: don't feel like I know any of the tools you're 742 00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:04,120 Speaker 1: talking about. I just kind of like draft an email 743 00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:05,839 Speaker 1: and there's like one giant list, so maybe I need 744 00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:08,719 Speaker 1: to delve into some of the more fancy features. But 745 00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:11,600 Speaker 1: it is a pretty user friendly program exactly. All right, Well, 746 00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:14,520 Speaker 1: this has been Best of Both Worlds. We've been talking 747 00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:17,799 Speaker 1: family meetings and we had some great tips from our 748 00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:22,680 Speaker 1: Patreon community. Sarah led a discussion on family logistics including 749 00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:25,640 Speaker 1: family meetings last month. We would love to have people 750 00:35:25,719 --> 00:35:28,600 Speaker 1: join us there. We have a active discussion forum, we 751 00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:31,520 Speaker 1: have monthly meetups. Love doing that. So Best of Both 752 00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:35,040 Speaker 1: Worlds podcast over on Patreon and we will be back 753 00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:37,480 Speaker 1: next week with more on making work and life fit together. 754 00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:42,279 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the 755 00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:46,680 Speaker 1: shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, 756 00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:51,000 Speaker 1: and you can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. 757 00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:54,720 Speaker 1: This has been the best of both worlds podcasts. Please 758 00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:57,360 Speaker 1: join us next time for more on making work and 759 00:35:57,480 --> 00:36:02,440 Speaker 1: life work together. An out and mea