Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2: Good Morning, This is Laura.
Speaker 3: Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's tip is that
Speaker 3: when you're talking with someone about a challenge they are facing,
Speaker 3: don't assume what they want from you. Instead, ask what
Speaker 3: would be helpful and then go from there. So sometimes
Speaker 3: when a friend or family member or colleague is telling
Speaker 3: you about a struggle, they want you to help them
Speaker 3: figure out how to deal with it, or maybe they
Speaker 3: want you to sort it out yourself. Other times, however,
Speaker 3: they may just want to vent and hear that you understand.
Speaker 3: The problem is that it's not always obvious which to
Speaker 3: direction the person wants you to go. Given that we
Speaker 3: can't read minds, the next best option is to ask.
Speaker 3: When you find yourself listening to another person's struggles, before
Speaker 3: you offer ideas or solutions, you can simply say, would
Speaker 3: it be helpful for me to offer some ideas? Don't
Speaker 3: assume the person wants your advice or even your ideas
Speaker 3: about what options they may have. Wait for their invitation
Speaker 3: before you start sharing your thoughts. This is even more
Speaker 3: important if your first inclination is to get involved in
Speaker 3: dealing with the issue yourself. Don't just jump in and
Speaker 3: start helping. Ask whether they would like you to get
Speaker 3: involved in a specific way. Would it be helpful for
Speaker 3: me to pick up Kate from school this afternoon? Or
Speaker 3: do you want me to bring up Thanksgiving plans with mom?
Speaker 3: Or should I start going through resumes to hire someone new.
Speaker 3: Maybe the person will take you up on this offer
Speaker 3: to help. But if the person tells you that they
Speaker 3: just want you to listen, well you should, in fact
Speaker 3: just listen, don't do anything else. Maybe you have heard
Speaker 3: the admonition don't just stand there, do something, but that
Speaker 3: is not always the best advice. Other times, the best
Speaker 3: way you can be a friend is the opposite, by
Speaker 3: simply listening and being present. Don't just do something. Stand there,
Speaker 3: As the pro listeners among us say, your presence and
Speaker 3: your listening empathetic ear may be exactly what the other
Speaker 3: person needs. A recent article in The New York Times
Speaker 3: shared a question that some teachers at an elementary school
Speaker 3: ask when a student is upset. Do you want to
Speaker 3: be helped, heard or hugged. I love that the teacher
Speaker 3: makes it clear that she is ready to support the student,
Speaker 3: and that the student is the one who gets to
Speaker 3: decide how the teacher provides support, helped, heard, or hugged.
Speaker 3: Of course, sometimes you are on the other side of
Speaker 3: this interaction when you are describing your own challenges tell
Speaker 3: people directly what you would like them to do. You
Speaker 3: might say something like I'd love any ideas you have
Speaker 3: for dealing with this, or I'm not looking for solutions,
Speaker 3: I just need to vent. When you or a person
Speaker 3: you are talking with is experiencing something difficult, emotions may
Speaker 3: be running high. So it's why is not to assume
Speaker 3: that you have a shared understanding of what your roles are. Instead,
Speaker 3: be explicit by telling other person what role you would
Speaker 3: like them to play, or asking the other person what
Speaker 3: role they would like you to play. When we are
Speaker 3: clear and honest about what we need, we can all
Speaker 3: support each other better. In the meantime, this is Laura.
Speaker 3: Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of
Speaker 3: our talks.
Speaker 2: Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear from you. You can
Speaker 2: send me your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just
Speaker 2: connect with me on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at before
Speaker 2: Breakfast Pod that's b E the number four then breakfast Pod.
Speaker 2: You can also shoot me an email.
Speaker 1: At before Breakfast podcasts at iHeartMedia dot com that before
Speaker 1: Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.
Speaker 3: Thanks so much, I look forward to staying in touch.
Speaker 2: Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple
Speaker 2: Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.