WEBVTT - Positive Possibilities 0:00:01.920 --> 0:00:05.400 Wind down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio podcast. 0:00:06.960 --> 0:00:10.600 Just the two of us. We can make it with 0:00:10.840 --> 0:00:16.360 jah Tra Yeah fine, okay, well this feels so weird. 0:00:16.640 --> 0:00:19.840 I know, it's like a a pregnant hole is missing 0:00:20.040 --> 0:00:21.279 right here so far. 0:00:21.360 --> 0:00:25.680 I know, comes closer, literally, come to you, tiny, come 0:00:25.720 --> 0:00:26.440 a little closer. 0:00:26.440 --> 0:00:27.280 I'm so used to. 0:00:27.280 --> 0:00:29.440 Hanging off the end like I do at night in 0:00:29.480 --> 0:00:29.800 the bed. 0:00:31.680 --> 0:00:32.800 You why do you hang off a minute? 0:00:33.159 --> 0:00:36.199 I don't like to be touched when I'm sleeping, Like 0:00:36.280 --> 0:00:37.120 you can touch. 0:00:36.960 --> 0:00:41.040 Man then Catherine ladies and gentleman's. 0:00:40.520 --> 0:00:43.000 Sleeping, and he gets closer and closer and closer. The 0:00:43.040 --> 0:00:45.440 dog gets closer and closer, and so I have to 0:00:45.520 --> 0:00:47.440 I'm basically off of my king size bed. 0:00:47.960 --> 0:00:50.320 You don't like being touched when you sleep? 0:00:50.880 --> 0:00:51.159 Do you? 0:00:53.800 --> 0:00:53.880 Like? 0:00:53.920 --> 0:00:58.720 Who can sleep with someone touching them? 0:00:58.880 --> 0:00:59.200 I can. 0:01:00.200 --> 0:01:01.000 That sounds about right. 0:01:02.160 --> 0:01:04.480 No, I mean I like my space when I sleep. Yeah, 0:01:04.520 --> 0:01:06.960 But I also like in the middle of the night, 0:01:07.040 --> 0:01:10.880 like sometimes like he'll like start rubbing my head, or 0:01:10.920 --> 0:01:13.600 he'll like grab my hand like and we'll like fall 0:01:13.600 --> 0:01:17.080 asleep like oh like like he'll grab my hand and 0:01:17.120 --> 0:01:19.880 then we like but it's like that's sweet in like 0:01:19.920 --> 0:01:22.320 the middle of the night. Oh yeah, like when when 0:01:22.319 --> 0:01:24.400 we toss our turn or something. We're both tossing her 0:01:24.440 --> 0:01:25.440 and turners. 0:01:25.120 --> 0:01:27.800 So you're like half asleep tossing and turning, and you 0:01:28.360 --> 0:01:31.480 are aware enough to grab and hold hands. 0:01:32.280 --> 0:01:34.960 Yeah it's kind of cute, right, I mean it's kind 0:01:34.959 --> 0:01:35.280 of cute. 0:01:35.400 --> 0:01:37.640 Definitely nothing I've ever done. It's so cute. 0:01:37.880 --> 0:01:39.319 Yeah, I know I haven't done that before. 0:01:40.280 --> 0:01:42.400 Like, I just don't think i'd even be aware enough. 0:01:42.160 --> 0:01:48.360 To, Like, I think it's just like, Hi, good, I know. 0:01:49.880 --> 0:01:52.160 That's sweet. Hey, things she learned that. 0:01:52.160 --> 0:01:53.880 You didn't know, but you didn't know that you were 0:01:54.920 --> 0:01:56.360 bracing for, Like just. 0:01:56.320 --> 0:02:00.440 Literally this much of my bed between the dot he 0:02:00.520 --> 0:02:01.280 sleeps between me. 0:02:01.280 --> 0:02:03.880 How do you let your dog sleep in your bed? 0:02:04.280 --> 0:02:06.520 I'm obsessed with her, but she sleeps literally between me 0:02:06.600 --> 0:02:08.280 in your bed between my life. 0:02:08.320 --> 0:02:09.400 Do you let sleep on the couch? 0:02:10.240 --> 0:02:10.360 No? 0:02:10.440 --> 0:02:14.760 He only she only likes my bed. She doesn't get 0:02:14.840 --> 0:02:15.280 on the couch. 0:02:15.680 --> 0:02:17.760 That doesn't like gross you out. 0:02:18.080 --> 0:02:19.800 I mean I have to wash the sheets and stuff 0:02:19.840 --> 0:02:20.880 like real often. 0:02:21.160 --> 0:02:23.560 I just for some reason. I mean I used to 0:02:23.600 --> 0:02:26.160 be the persons. No, no, I used to be the 0:02:26.200 --> 0:02:27.639 person too, And I think a lot of people will 0:02:27.639 --> 0:02:30.200 agree with you way more than me one thousand percent. 0:02:30.280 --> 0:02:33.800 And I know that, but like once I had kids kids, 0:02:33.840 --> 0:02:36.160 like a dog just became a dog. You're not in 0:02:36.200 --> 0:02:39.919 my space. Get away from me, Like I don't want 0:02:39.960 --> 0:02:42.160 you on my bed, I don't want you on my 0:02:42.320 --> 0:02:43.800 couch like you stink. 0:02:44.680 --> 0:02:48.400 Yeah no, I don't disagree with all of that in general. 0:02:48.880 --> 0:02:52.160 Like I love Leo, love love him. I think he's 0:02:52.200 --> 0:02:55.960 an amazing dog. Lauren trained him, beautiful dog, he's a 0:02:56.000 --> 0:02:57.960 great dog. But you're not getting in my bed and 0:02:58.000 --> 0:03:00.160 we're not snuggling, like I don't want a dog dog 0:03:00.200 --> 0:03:02.640 snuggling with me, and rather, and again, I don't like 0:03:02.680 --> 0:03:05.320 falling asleep snuggling either. I like the random in the 0:03:05.320 --> 0:03:09.040 middle of the night like touch base, but like yeah, 0:03:09.040 --> 0:03:11.120 like we'll snuggle then roll over. I'm fine with that. 0:03:11.160 --> 0:03:12.880 But when it comes to a dog, like I used 0:03:12.919 --> 0:03:16.320 to have my Boston Terrier and Sophie too. Mia and 0:03:16.360 --> 0:03:18.600 Sophie would snuggle in between my legs. Now that was 0:03:18.639 --> 0:03:21.840 like twenties, Yeah, but I could not. Maybe like when 0:03:21.840 --> 0:03:23.320 the kids are out of my house and it's like 0:03:23.360 --> 0:03:25.680 my only baby, but I'm like I want to be 0:03:25.800 --> 0:03:27.360 left alone. 0:03:27.000 --> 0:03:29.320 So I do too, and I was the same way. 0:03:29.600 --> 0:03:32.959 But when I started having baby fever after Ramsey is 0:03:33.000 --> 0:03:35.360 when I got rosy. So she's the only one. So 0:03:35.400 --> 0:03:38.680 she was like my newborn, like my baby, and that 0:03:39.080 --> 0:03:41.240 treated her that way. And now she literally has to 0:03:41.280 --> 0:03:43.040 be up between my legs before we go to sleep. 0:03:43.160 --> 0:03:45.760 Any other dog, no, like Ranger doesn't. He'll get up 0:03:45.760 --> 0:03:47.680 on the bed sometimes will let him, like when he 0:03:47.720 --> 0:03:50.640 falls asleep at first. But like the puppy, you know 0:03:50.680 --> 0:03:52.560 in the crate, the big dog. I got a lot 0:03:52.560 --> 0:03:53.280 of animals, you. 0:03:53.240 --> 0:03:58.040 Know, I couldn't imagine. Yeah, I mean Alan's dog Alba 0:03:58.160 --> 0:04:03.320 is here Shooberman like. But some people have their big 0:04:03.360 --> 0:04:05.520 dogs like that sleep in bed and I'm like, this 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:08.560 is like my only time to myself, like get out. 0:04:09.040 --> 0:04:11.600 Yeah, but like me and Rosie going there like by ourselves. 0:04:12.040 --> 0:04:15.360 She doesn't need anything like everyone else in my life. 0:04:15.920 --> 0:04:19.720 But I kind of do get that piece where it's like, hey, 0:04:19.760 --> 0:04:22.719 you know when the kids are gone or when the kids, 0:04:22.720 --> 0:04:24.719 like when you get that they're getting older, baby fever, 0:04:24.880 --> 0:04:27.960 you're kind of like, all right, you want to mother something, yeah, 0:04:28.000 --> 0:04:29.560 and like have it be your baby. 0:04:29.720 --> 0:04:33.120 Yeah, that's where that's why we'll get there eventually. 0:04:33.440 --> 0:04:34.160 Make fine that. 0:04:34.839 --> 0:04:37.200 I mean he doesn't love it, but no, he doesn't 0:04:37.200 --> 0:04:39.479 really have a choice now. And like at one night, 0:04:39.600 --> 0:04:41.479 you know, because Rangers kind of had a harder time 0:04:41.560 --> 0:04:42.800 going to sleep at night. I mean like just put 0:04:42.880 --> 0:04:44.760 him in the bed. He's like absolutely not, Like there's 0:04:44.800 --> 0:04:46.400 no way we're doing two dogs in the bed. 0:04:46.480 --> 0:04:50.599 Like okay, no, how do you have like fucks with 0:04:50.760 --> 0:04:51.159 the dogs? 0:04:51.400 --> 0:04:54.560 She goes in the crate too, Like, so she sleeps 0:04:54.600 --> 0:04:56.359 really well in the crate too, so she'll go in 0:04:56.400 --> 0:04:58.240 the crate. So she goes in the crate and then 0:04:58.240 --> 0:05:00.320 we put her up on the bed or sometimes she 0:05:00.320 --> 0:05:02.520 she gets a little like she freaks out a little 0:05:02.720 --> 0:05:05.440 there for the Yeah, yeah, she freaks out a little bit, 0:05:05.480 --> 0:05:05.920 like what. 0:05:05.760 --> 0:05:06.640 Are you doing about that? 0:05:08.600 --> 0:05:09.200 Oh? 0:05:09.320 --> 0:05:11.760 I just couldn't have a dog staring me in the eye. 0:05:11.839 --> 0:05:15.839 Well that is uncomfortable. The cry and put the blanket 0:05:15.880 --> 0:05:16.280 over it. 0:05:16.920 --> 0:05:19.080 Yeah. 0:05:19.240 --> 0:05:21.159 I don't know how this came up or how we 0:05:21.200 --> 0:05:21.600 got there. 0:05:21.760 --> 0:05:27.200 Well, we always find a topic we do. So it's interesting, Well, 0:05:27.920 --> 0:05:28.560 did we talk. 0:05:28.440 --> 0:05:30.039 About why we're why we're alone? 0:05:30.640 --> 0:05:30.839 Oh? 0:05:30.880 --> 0:05:36.839 No, KB is having contractions. She texted and she was like, 0:05:37.760 --> 0:05:41.719 no dilation, but we she's contracting, so she is on 0:05:42.839 --> 0:05:51.840 Baby Baby Baby Watch good. Yeah, but we are very excited. 0:05:52.120 --> 0:05:54.919 We miss KB obviously, but we're excited because we have 0:05:54.920 --> 0:05:56.919 Shreihely coming on the show in a little in a 0:05:56.920 --> 0:05:58.599 little bit, so we'll get her on. But I do 0:05:58.680 --> 0:06:04.480 want to say thank you to everyone who have shown 0:06:04.520 --> 0:06:06.800 love for not only the engagement but the book too, 0:06:07.040 --> 0:06:10.040 Like it's been it's been so great. It's also been 0:06:10.040 --> 0:06:12.240 really fun to block people because the people that have 0:06:12.360 --> 0:06:15.880 just been I mean, here's I was gonna get a 0:06:15.920 --> 0:06:19.159 handful and that's okay, but like it's just been like 0:06:19.400 --> 0:06:22.120 I don't take any offense to any of it good 0:06:22.520 --> 0:06:24.719 or I'm just like it's so easy now just to 0:06:24.800 --> 0:06:29.279 be like boo blah. But no, I think I've only 0:06:29.520 --> 0:06:31.880 you know, normally where when I focused where I would 0:06:31.880 --> 0:06:34.680 always focus on the negative, I focus on the positive 0:06:34.760 --> 0:06:37.400 of like the things people were saying, and that has 0:06:37.440 --> 0:06:39.840 been that's been nice. 0:06:39.960 --> 0:06:42.000 Yeah, I feel like you've gotten a lot, a lot 0:06:42.040 --> 0:06:43.960 of love and I'm very. 0:06:43.920 --> 0:06:46.680 I'm very sweet and I really appreciate it and I'm 0:06:46.760 --> 0:06:49.560 just like, yeah, with the engagement side of things, and 0:06:49.600 --> 0:06:53.800 then the you know, with the book, like it's just 0:06:53.800 --> 0:06:56.120 just feels I appreciate it, so thank you. 0:06:56.920 --> 0:06:59.920 I'm really glad to let me say that, like because 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:02.480 a lot of times when you have announcements or new 0:07:02.520 --> 0:07:04.760 things and people want to attack and people like it 0:07:04.800 --> 0:07:06.839 can kind of get you down, you know, and like 0:07:07.120 --> 0:07:10.320 you you've been great from what I've seen, Like I haven't. 0:07:10.360 --> 0:07:11.280 You've just been awesome. 0:07:11.360 --> 0:07:14.320 I've laughed at the comments. Wow, like I just and 0:07:14.320 --> 0:07:16.200 then I'm like block because I don't need you to 0:07:16.360 --> 0:07:18.840 Well what's so funny though about some of these people 0:07:19.840 --> 0:07:23.760 like well, okay, so like on the engagement side, it's 0:07:23.800 --> 0:07:26.960 like I can't wait for her to be the victim 0:07:27.040 --> 0:07:28.640 of number four or you know what I mean, just 0:07:28.640 --> 0:07:32.800 like of like whatever, like whatever fine, or just being 0:07:32.840 --> 0:07:35.120 like mean. But then I'll go I'm like I wonder 0:07:35.120 --> 0:07:37.440 if they have messaged me before, and then I go 0:07:37.520 --> 0:07:39.240 to like the message like oh my god, I love 0:07:39.280 --> 0:07:42.920 you and like that looks so cool, or like like 0:07:42.920 --> 0:07:43.760 they're so nice. 0:07:44.280 --> 0:07:46.480 They're probably just trying to get attention no matter how 0:07:46.480 --> 0:07:46.920 they do it. 0:07:47.040 --> 0:07:50.000 Yeah, so I was just like, well, block, but and 0:07:50.040 --> 0:07:54.040 then some were like you know, mean always I'm like, oh, block, 0:07:54.240 --> 0:07:57.040 Like yeah, because I just don't need your like negative energy. 0:07:57.160 --> 0:07:59.040 And then on the book side, someone was just like, 0:08:00.880 --> 0:08:04.600 she's like she just found love now she's writing about it. 0:08:04.640 --> 0:08:06.680 I'm like, where did you not read that? I said, 0:08:06.720 --> 0:08:10.960 this does not involve my new relationship whatsoever. People don't 0:08:11.040 --> 0:08:13.560 I say like one sentence because I went back and revised, 0:08:13.560 --> 0:08:15.480 like one day, I hope to find love. It's like, 0:08:15.960 --> 0:08:18.520 you know, I said like something about like finding love, 0:08:18.720 --> 0:08:19.800 like one sentence. 0:08:21.160 --> 0:08:23.320 People don't pay attention. They really don't. 0:08:23.400 --> 0:08:28.200 But I was just like, okay, whatever, bye, Well let's 0:08:28.200 --> 0:08:29.880 get schriy helium. Let's take a break. 0:08:40.960 --> 0:08:46.640 Hey, h hello, Darleene. It's so good to see you both. 0:08:47.120 --> 0:08:51.960 I know it's been a minute. Our middle pregnant mama, 0:08:52.360 --> 0:08:55.040 she's about to have a baby, so we you know, 0:08:55.080 --> 0:08:58.120 want any day now. So she's she's on maternity leave 0:08:58.160 --> 0:09:02.320 from Wine down. Oh rats, woman, you got me and Kat? 0:09:02.360 --> 0:09:02.800 How you been? 0:09:03.120 --> 0:09:04.040 Oh so good? 0:09:04.440 --> 0:09:04.680 Yeah. 0:09:04.760 --> 0:09:06.680 I can't wait to talk about this topic with you 0:09:06.760 --> 0:09:09.079 because the last we talked, I think I told you 0:09:09.960 --> 0:09:12.480 that I was just going to date my face off 0:09:12.520 --> 0:09:15.040 and that I thought that the guy that I was 0:09:15.080 --> 0:09:18.800 with was my one, but then he wasn't right. 0:09:18.800 --> 0:09:22.520 And how long were you guys together for when, Like, 0:09:22.600 --> 0:09:24.040 how long did you guys date for? It was like, 0:09:24.080 --> 0:09:25.839 what was a seven years? So did I make that up? 0:09:26.520 --> 0:09:28.800 We had known each other since twenty nineteen, so it 0:09:28.880 --> 0:09:32.679 was like several years, but we didn't date that whole time, right, 0:09:32.679 --> 0:09:35.280 And I told you I thought he was it, yes, 0:09:35.440 --> 0:09:38.280 and then we broke up. But he is it, as 0:09:38.320 --> 0:09:38.920 it turns out. 0:09:40.080 --> 0:09:42.319 Okay, Wait, so let's go back. So you met in 0:09:42.400 --> 0:09:47.120 nineteen and then you dated for how long until you 0:09:47.120 --> 0:09:47.960 guys called it off? 0:09:49.000 --> 0:09:51.400 Well, we did it for like a minute, and then 0:09:51.480 --> 0:09:54.600 we got back together and dated for six months. Okay, 0:09:54.800 --> 0:09:57.000 but we've been friends for like three years. 0:09:57.080 --> 0:10:00.800 Right? What made you think he was the in the beginning? 0:10:00.880 --> 0:10:02.640 And then what made you guys break it off? 0:10:03.600 --> 0:10:06.640 He knew I was the one in the beginning, but 0:10:06.760 --> 0:10:10.760 I didn't why. And then I thought after that six 0:10:10.840 --> 0:10:14.880 months that he was it. But you know when when 0:10:14.920 --> 0:10:18.080 you know someone is your soulmate and there's there's like 0:10:18.240 --> 0:10:21.520 this deep, unbelievable connection, but there's stuff that they've still 0:10:21.520 --> 0:10:24.360 got to do. There was still growing to do. I 0:10:24.440 --> 0:10:27.120 had big therapy and work to do that first time 0:10:27.120 --> 0:10:31.240 that I met him, and then he took his turn 0:10:31.880 --> 0:10:34.360 and now we're amazing. 0:10:35.200 --> 0:10:39.240 So okay, So then you had the work too, like 0:10:39.360 --> 0:10:41.319 so you realize you still needed stuff to do. And 0:10:41.320 --> 0:10:42.720 then you guys were kind of like, wait a minute, 0:10:42.800 --> 0:10:45.160 like let's try this again. 0:10:46.280 --> 0:10:49.080 Yeah, yeah, And then I broke up with him again. 0:10:52.440 --> 0:10:54.560 Why did you meet up with him? Tell me more? 0:10:54.640 --> 0:10:57.840 Why? Because I think he had work to do? You 0:10:57.880 --> 0:11:00.560 know the story of twin flames, you know when you 0:11:00.600 --> 0:11:02.760 when they say too. So many of us are being 0:11:02.800 --> 0:11:04.800 reconnected in this lifetime and I can't wait to hear 0:11:04.840 --> 0:11:10.160 about yours because we have we have this rule to 0:11:10.160 --> 0:11:12.200 play for each other where we really wake each other up. 0:11:12.200 --> 0:11:15.160 We advance each other and help each other learn. And 0:11:15.200 --> 0:11:17.600 that sometimes looks like coming together and then moving apart, 0:11:17.600 --> 0:11:19.600 and then coming back together and moving apart to do 0:11:19.640 --> 0:11:22.440 the work. But I feel like we've done that core 0:11:22.559 --> 0:11:25.280 work now so we can be together in a really 0:11:25.360 --> 0:11:25.920 healthy way. 0:11:26.440 --> 0:11:26.680 Right. 0:11:26.840 --> 0:11:29.240 And that's something I so thought we'd talk about today, 0:11:29.280 --> 0:11:34.160 because it's that first healthy relationship after all the unhealthy ones, right. 0:11:34.559 --> 0:11:38.920 And I will say too on that piece, like when 0:11:38.960 --> 0:11:42.120 I look at my fiance now, I don't think we 0:11:42.160 --> 0:11:44.960 would have been right, Oh, I know, we wouldn't have 0:11:44.960 --> 0:11:49.720 been right for each other any years before that, like 0:11:49.800 --> 0:11:53.000 I would have met him even before my ex him 0:11:53.040 --> 0:11:55.880 and I both would have been not good for each other. 0:11:56.960 --> 0:11:57.440 Yeah. 0:11:57.679 --> 0:12:00.040 Yeah, I still have so much of myself to do. 0:12:00.360 --> 0:12:02.319 He had stuff of his stuff to do. So it's 0:12:02.320 --> 0:12:05.160 like we would have not been We would have had 0:12:05.200 --> 0:12:08.720 a great romance and it would have been fun, but 0:12:08.840 --> 0:12:12.160 I would have somehow sabotaged it with my own past stuff. 0:12:12.400 --> 0:12:14.600 He would have had his own stuff, his you know, 0:12:16.000 --> 0:12:18.760 whatever it was, and so it would have never I 0:12:18.760 --> 0:12:21.280 don't think it would have ever worked until Like that's 0:12:21.280 --> 0:12:23.080 where I'm like, the timing of things is interesting, but 0:12:23.120 --> 0:12:25.320 I would But then I go to Catherine's point where 0:12:25.320 --> 0:12:28.360 it's like, you guys, I feel like like when you 0:12:28.360 --> 0:12:30.920 hear the word soulmate, like do you think Nick's your soulmate? 0:12:31.000 --> 0:12:33.400 And also like do you have do you then go 0:12:33.520 --> 0:12:37.040 in and out of the seasons too because of like 0:12:37.120 --> 0:12:39.199 the challenges and ups and downs in your marriage? 0:12:39.440 --> 0:12:42.520 That makes sense, Yeah, that's a very interesting question. You know, 0:12:42.520 --> 0:12:45.280 I don't use the word soulmate that often, but I 0:12:45.320 --> 0:12:46.880 definitely he's definitely my person. 0:12:47.240 --> 0:12:49.200 But what's the difference then for you? 0:12:49.280 --> 0:12:51.000 I guess it's the same I don't know. I just 0:12:51.080 --> 0:12:52.240 don't use that term often. 0:12:52.320 --> 0:12:52.680 Is it true? 0:12:52.760 --> 0:12:57.600 Like dramatic a little bit? I mean, so I get it, 0:13:00.559 --> 0:13:01.000 but like. 0:13:02.840 --> 0:13:05.680 But yeah, I mean, but it also is like yes 0:13:05.760 --> 0:13:08.960 we're yes we're soulmates or where are people? But it 0:13:09.040 --> 0:13:10.960 takes a lot of work, and it's been a lot 0:13:11.040 --> 0:13:14.200 and yes, I think there's been seasons of like, yes, 0:13:14.280 --> 0:13:16.400 he feels like my person, Oh my gosh, now we're 0:13:16.440 --> 0:13:18.240 not great. Yes, you know, I think there's been a 0:13:18.240 --> 0:13:20.160 lot of that ups and downs, and I just think 0:13:20.160 --> 0:13:22.840 that that's you have to continue to do work. I 0:13:22.880 --> 0:13:24.120 guess as part of that. 0:13:24.000 --> 0:13:26.160 Well, because you guys didn't because they married young, so 0:13:26.280 --> 0:13:29.000 like they didn't get the chance to do their own 0:13:29.040 --> 0:13:30.680 work before then they got together and then both like 0:13:30.760 --> 0:13:34.160 super healthy. So it's the people that didn't do that work. 0:13:34.200 --> 0:13:38.040 It's like I could see going because I mean, shoot, 0:13:38.040 --> 0:13:39.840 when I was married to my ex, I'm like, I 0:13:39.840 --> 0:13:41.960 don't think you're I don't think he's my person. Yeah 0:13:42.040 --> 0:13:43.520 you know what I mean, Like I'm gonna keep fighting 0:13:43.559 --> 0:13:45.760 for this, but like this isn't how it's supposed to look, 0:13:46.280 --> 0:13:48.080 this is how I'm supposed to feel, Like this is 0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:51.080 my needs aren't getting met. His needs aren't getting met 0:13:51.120 --> 0:13:52.559 like and. 0:13:52.520 --> 0:13:55.480 Maybe I guess that's interesting because then I wasn't so 0:13:55.600 --> 0:13:57.440 sure if he was my person because we got married 0:13:57.480 --> 0:14:00.720 so young, and then we did it's safe, we were 0:14:00.760 --> 0:14:03.719 going to get divorced. And then that's when we were 0:14:03.720 --> 0:14:07.400 doing our work and realizing, wait, we are meant to 0:14:07.440 --> 0:14:10.000 be together. I don't know, it's just interesting, but it 0:14:10.040 --> 0:14:13.360 took that for us to see it, right, you know, 0:14:13.720 --> 0:14:14.800 at least for me to see. 0:14:14.640 --> 0:14:16.280 It almost like sure, you like with your thing, then 0:14:16.360 --> 0:14:19.240 like you guys taking that break, going, oh, we just 0:14:19.280 --> 0:14:23.080 had to do some deep work work. 0:14:23.400 --> 0:14:26.520 Yeah. And I remember talking to you all the way back, Gwen. 0:14:27.880 --> 0:14:31.160 Are we both willing to do the work? You know, 0:14:31.280 --> 0:14:33.720 because it's not that you have to leave each other 0:14:33.800 --> 0:14:37.360 to do work. It happened to be true for us 0:14:37.720 --> 0:14:40.120 in those moments. But I think ideally you come together 0:14:40.200 --> 0:14:47.440 in relationship to work on yourselves together. It's what relationship does. 0:14:48.240 --> 0:14:50.640 I lived in an ashram when I was twenty five, 0:14:50.760 --> 0:14:51.720 and I asked. 0:14:51.640 --> 0:14:53.200 I should know what that is, but is that what 0:14:53.280 --> 0:14:53.600 is that? 0:14:54.760 --> 0:14:58.080 It's like living with a spiritual teacher. It's okay, sterary, okay, 0:14:58.880 --> 0:15:00.880 And I said, I wanted to be come a swammy. 0:15:01.160 --> 0:15:04.360 I'm like twenty eight. I thought that would be the 0:15:04.400 --> 0:15:07.360 path to growth. What's a swaman, they said, Like a 0:15:07.400 --> 0:15:10.680 swammy is like a priest or a nun. Okay, you know. 0:15:11.480 --> 0:15:13.920 And I had grown up in the Catholic Church, and 0:15:13.960 --> 0:15:18.040 I know you're in your faith so beautifully it's whatever 0:15:18.320 --> 0:15:22.200 path works to have you find the answers that you're 0:15:22.200 --> 0:15:24.640 here to answer, you know. And I remember saying them, 0:15:24.640 --> 0:15:28.040 I want to devote myself to the study. And they said, 0:15:28.680 --> 0:15:31.520 this is not the fast path. Meditating in a cave 0:15:31.760 --> 0:15:34.040 and doing what we do is not the fast path. 0:15:34.080 --> 0:15:36.320 You go get married and have children. That's the one 0:15:37.240 --> 0:15:40.600 because it really has us grow so much. It has 0:15:40.680 --> 0:15:43.920 us it's like the final level of growth to be 0:15:43.960 --> 0:15:44.760 in relationship. 0:15:45.520 --> 0:15:47.360 And I'll say this too, to add to that, is 0:15:47.400 --> 0:15:51.360 like there's I'm not saying that you and your guy 0:15:51.480 --> 0:15:53.800 and mean Alan are not going to have like we're 0:15:53.840 --> 0:15:55.560 going to have our issues. Things will come up from 0:15:55.600 --> 0:15:58.680 our past, but it's how we would have handled things 0:15:58.680 --> 0:16:00.320 in the past that would be different how we handle 0:16:00.360 --> 0:16:02.320 them now. Right, So like where I would go like 0:16:02.440 --> 0:16:05.640 to just be like sabotaging, I can now go Okay, 0:16:05.680 --> 0:16:07.280 like let's have the sit down. Let's have it, and 0:16:07.320 --> 0:16:09.760 I might not do it perfectly right the conversation, but 0:16:10.000 --> 0:16:12.080 it's it still looks different, like there's still going to 0:16:12.120 --> 0:16:14.400 be conflict in relationships. It's not to say that like 0:16:14.720 --> 0:16:16.280 just because we've met at the right time, we're going 0:16:16.360 --> 0:16:19.240 to be perfect. Like nothing has come up as of yet, 0:16:19.360 --> 0:16:21.480 like we've been able to really communicate great and have 0:16:21.520 --> 0:16:25.480 great conversations. But years down the line, you know, I'm 0:16:25.480 --> 0:16:28.360 sure things will come up. Like that's just the like 0:16:29.320 --> 0:16:32.760 that's marriage, that's relationships. It's fighting for you know, it's 0:16:32.800 --> 0:16:33.920 being under the same roof. 0:16:34.600 --> 0:16:37.960 It's hard, yeah, and it's good news if that stuff's 0:16:38.000 --> 0:16:40.320 coming up, yeah, because then that means that you're healing 0:16:40.360 --> 0:16:42.960 things and these things are ready to come up, you know, 0:16:43.040 --> 0:16:46.160 if you have the skills to hold it and the awareness, 0:16:47.000 --> 0:16:47.920 which I feel you do. 0:16:49.600 --> 0:16:49.800 Well. 0:16:49.840 --> 0:16:52.080 I just like something that I said to him, because 0:16:52.200 --> 0:16:55.920 you know, he like he's a big fix to process things, 0:16:55.920 --> 0:16:57.920 and I'm like, I don't want to hold in anything back. 0:16:57.960 --> 0:16:59.720 So if you have like resentment and like let's talk 0:16:59.720 --> 0:17:01.720 about this, like what are your feelings? And I think 0:17:01.840 --> 0:17:03.440 you know he comes from more of like you don't 0:17:03.720 --> 0:17:05.960 share feelings, and so it's very new for him to 0:17:06.000 --> 0:17:08.800 like sit down and like have those discussions with me. 0:17:08.880 --> 0:17:11.919 But it's also I'm like, we need to do that, 0:17:12.160 --> 0:17:15.359 you know, because I'm like, I know what resentment does. 0:17:15.440 --> 0:17:18.200 It kills a relationship. So it's like I don't want 0:17:18.200 --> 0:17:20.439 that does. So I'm like, if anything is coming up 0:17:20.480 --> 0:17:22.320 right now, like I saw you get a little frustrated, 0:17:22.320 --> 0:17:24.639 would you like to talk about it because I don't 0:17:24.680 --> 0:17:25.880 want you to hold anything in. 0:17:26.400 --> 0:17:28.680 Yeah, which is so interesting because I used to be 0:17:28.720 --> 0:17:30.920 the person that held it in and now that I'm 0:17:30.920 --> 0:17:32.919 trying to do better, I'm like, well, I'm just feeling well. 0:17:32.920 --> 0:17:34.399 He almost doesn't even know what to do with that, Like, 0:17:34.440 --> 0:17:35.879 are you mad? I'm not mad. I just want to 0:17:35.880 --> 0:17:37.320 talk about it. I just want to get that out there. 0:17:37.359 --> 0:17:40.040 And he's like what, Like, it's just you know, you 0:17:40.040 --> 0:17:41.480 can change and you can get to a point to 0:17:41.480 --> 0:17:43.320 where you do want to talk about your feelings and 0:17:43.359 --> 0:17:47.080 it not be you fight a fight, Yes, which is 0:17:47.720 --> 0:17:49.960 hard sometimes, but yeah, you definitely can get to be. 0:17:50.160 --> 0:17:51.520 So then where do you struggle then? 0:17:51.560 --> 0:17:51.679 Too? 0:17:51.800 --> 0:17:54.720 Shure like on this new path with your your one. 0:17:55.920 --> 0:17:57.920 You know, it's so wild and I mean, we all 0:17:57.960 --> 0:18:00.800 know there's not necessarily a one, you see. 0:18:00.880 --> 0:18:04.280 I disagree. I think he's my one, like and you do. 0:18:04.520 --> 0:18:07.920 I do. I think I think there's the I think 0:18:07.920 --> 0:18:11.680 there's seasons of people, but I don't think those are 0:18:11.760 --> 0:18:13.360 the ones. Like I don't think you get a one 0:18:13.400 --> 0:18:17.240 each season or however many seasons. I think the one stays, 0:18:18.400 --> 0:18:20.000 the one is like the one that you were like 0:18:20.160 --> 0:18:21.879 destined to be with all along. 0:18:23.160 --> 0:18:31.680 Yeah, I feel like there are potential more ones. That's 0:18:31.760 --> 0:18:35.200 my take on it. You know that there's this unbelievable 0:18:35.200 --> 0:18:39.560 limitless ability for us to love and grow. And but 0:18:39.600 --> 0:18:41.879 I love this because I think where I'm with you 0:18:41.960 --> 0:18:45.320 right now, as I feel like mine is so my 0:18:46.560 --> 0:18:49.240 the male version of me. We are so right for 0:18:49.320 --> 0:18:54.600 each other. It's absolutely unarguable. So where though the challenges 0:18:54.640 --> 0:18:58.159 come up are I think it was so amazing to 0:18:58.200 --> 0:19:01.000 me to see my old patterns come up in the 0:19:01.000 --> 0:19:03.960 way that you're talking about too, when we've had trauma 0:19:04.760 --> 0:19:07.840 and we've had relationships in the past that had our 0:19:07.920 --> 0:19:13.600 nervous system be so dysregulated, so up in fight or flight, 0:19:13.960 --> 0:19:17.560 and the triggers that are there, you know, are ours 0:19:17.600 --> 0:19:22.560 to work on. But it's our partner's love and generosity, 0:19:22.600 --> 0:19:24.840 you know, to know about them and to tread lightly 0:19:25.000 --> 0:19:28.280 so that we can heal. And I think it was 0:19:28.440 --> 0:19:32.359 amazing to see how much of the old fears came 0:19:32.440 --> 0:19:35.200 up for a review with him. I remember walking through 0:19:35.200 --> 0:19:38.119 the kitchen one day and just saying, are you okay? 0:19:38.760 --> 0:19:41.280 Like I could sense, you know, I'm so hyper sensitive 0:19:41.440 --> 0:19:44.760 like we are when we've gone through abusive relationships, And 0:19:44.800 --> 0:19:46.840 he just took me in his hands and he said, 0:19:46.880 --> 0:19:49.639 I just need you to know I'm pretty much always okay, 0:19:50.200 --> 0:19:52.880 and if I'm not, I'll tell you. You know, it 0:19:52.920 --> 0:19:57.760 was like this finding new ways to find safety, to 0:19:57.880 --> 0:20:02.240 relax into this kind of a relationship was really work. 0:20:05.600 --> 0:20:07.399 Yeah, what would you say to the girls that like 0:20:08.920 --> 0:20:12.959 are afraid of you know, they've they've gone through the trauma, 0:20:13.000 --> 0:20:16.639 they've had the mistrust, and the ones that are like 0:20:16.720 --> 0:20:19.479 I don't want to I'm afraid to put my heart 0:20:19.520 --> 0:20:20.880 back out there because I don't want to get hurt. 0:20:20.920 --> 0:20:24.760 Like I know my reasons in my you know what 0:20:24.760 --> 0:20:26.240 I would say to that, But I'm just curious, like 0:20:26.240 --> 0:20:29.159 from your more therapeutic side of like what to do 0:20:29.800 --> 0:20:31.560 in that situation where you're like, I don't want to 0:20:31.560 --> 0:20:33.920 get bamboozled again. I I don't want to be embarrassing, 0:20:33.920 --> 0:20:35.359 and I don't want to be fooled again. I've been 0:20:35.359 --> 0:20:37.560 fooled so many times. 0:20:37.920 --> 0:20:42.920 Yeah. Yeah, it's such a real challenge and I think 0:20:42.960 --> 0:20:44.840 so common. You know that we want to protect our 0:20:44.880 --> 0:20:48.560 heart and build up walls around it, and you can 0:20:48.600 --> 0:20:52.720 see people over lifetimes have just built so many walls. 0:20:53.280 --> 0:20:56.520 And I would always say making a choice from fear 0:20:56.600 --> 0:20:59.879 is never the right choice. We can't make decisions from fear, 0:21:00.400 --> 0:21:02.920 and that is a fear based decision. You know, I'm 0:21:02.960 --> 0:21:08.439 going to avoid and I think there will always be hurt, 0:21:08.800 --> 0:21:13.000 So it's making peace with life is full of that. 0:21:13.520 --> 0:21:16.399 And this was a big lesson for me over the 0:21:16.480 --> 0:21:18.840 years and all my working with people. You know, I've 0:21:18.880 --> 0:21:22.399 never met anybody really amazing who hasn't been through a 0:21:22.440 --> 0:21:25.919 ton of pain. And the lessons and the transformations that 0:21:25.960 --> 0:21:28.720 we go through, what our souls are here to experience, 0:21:28.880 --> 0:21:33.639 really have to come with pain. I think trauma and 0:21:33.720 --> 0:21:38.680 pain are coded into our childhoods for a reason, and 0:21:38.760 --> 0:21:42.640 so to make peace with that means that you will 0:21:42.680 --> 0:21:45.359 be able to know the deepest love. You know you 0:21:45.359 --> 0:21:49.840 and I've talked about the needs before, and these needs 0:21:49.840 --> 0:21:57.320 for certainty and uncertainty. If somebody is really really fighting 0:21:57.359 --> 0:22:01.159 for certainty, they're never going to have the epical, you know, 0:22:01.320 --> 0:22:05.359 because big fat love is messy and it's it's vulnerable, 0:22:05.560 --> 0:22:08.880 and like we're both talking about, you have to bring 0:22:08.880 --> 0:22:10.960 your heart out, talk about it, talk about the things 0:22:10.960 --> 0:22:13.840 that you're holding in there, and that's that's hard. If 0:22:13.840 --> 0:22:17.560 you're really wired for safety and certainty in ways that 0:22:17.600 --> 0:22:21.400 would have you never really know the depth about love. 0:22:21.480 --> 0:22:23.520 So I think it's just being clear about the decision 0:22:23.520 --> 0:22:26.600 you're making. If you don't want to ever get hurt again, 0:22:26.680 --> 0:22:28.520 you put a lid on that, then you put a 0:22:28.560 --> 0:22:29.680 lid on love too. 0:22:30.440 --> 0:22:32.240 That just seems so sad to me too, Like I 0:22:32.240 --> 0:22:34.399 don't I don't want to be the girl that's like, okay, 0:22:34.600 --> 0:22:38.720 just because I've failed, but I've also like I've tried 0:22:38.760 --> 0:22:40.320 and I've loved and it's like I didn't want certain 0:22:40.359 --> 0:22:42.680 things to end and like you, but it's like I 0:22:42.720 --> 0:22:45.480 would hate to be like, all right, well I don't 0:22:45.520 --> 0:22:46.280 want to try again. 0:22:46.440 --> 0:22:49.359 Like that just is like, well, it's interesting. I was 0:22:49.480 --> 0:22:52.240 just thinking about the beginning of this relationship. I can 0:22:52.280 --> 0:22:55.080 remember having a conversation with you because it was like, 0:22:56.240 --> 0:22:59.159 I want to not put boundaries up essentially and not 0:22:59.240 --> 0:23:02.159 be afraid not but like you were struggling with it 0:23:02.200 --> 0:23:06.359 at first because you were scared. Yeah, but you don't 0:23:06.359 --> 0:23:09.359 put those walls up where that's very different from people. 0:23:09.600 --> 0:23:12.360 You think about it and you you struggle with it, 0:23:12.400 --> 0:23:13.800 but then it's like, you know what, I'm just going 0:23:13.840 --> 0:23:16.680 to dive in and if I get hurt, I get hurt, 0:23:16.880 --> 0:23:18.560 you know, and a lot of people I wouldn't be 0:23:18.560 --> 0:23:21.040 able to do that. I mean, I'm queen of walls. 0:23:21.200 --> 0:23:23.880 But like that's why I think this relationship could work 0:23:23.920 --> 0:23:25.920 so well for you, because you were like, I'm scared, 0:23:26.119 --> 0:23:27.280 but I'm just going to jump in. 0:23:28.119 --> 0:23:30.040 Because I could have missed out on like such a 0:23:30.080 --> 0:23:33.320 great love. Ye if I didn't absolutely go for it 0:23:33.359 --> 0:23:36.200 and really try and like bring my best version to myself. 0:23:36.200 --> 0:23:37.720 If he doesn't want to show up the best version, 0:23:37.720 --> 0:23:39.720 well that's on him. I'm going to show up the 0:23:39.720 --> 0:23:42.560 best version that I can be. And you know it's 0:23:42.600 --> 0:23:46.920 still not anymore. But like it was scary, you know, going, Well, 0:23:47.160 --> 0:23:48.919 I hope I hope he's who he says he was, 0:23:48.960 --> 0:23:51.800 because I've you know, I've just been before like not 0:23:51.920 --> 0:23:54.880 the truth, but I gotta I gotta just I gotta 0:23:54.880 --> 0:23:56.600 believe in my gut that I know a little better 0:23:56.640 --> 0:23:58.720 this time. And if not, well. 0:24:00.640 --> 0:24:04.600 Yeah, oh and if the end is yeah, if the 0:24:04.720 --> 0:24:07.280 end game is to know great of if that's what 0:24:07.320 --> 0:24:11.560 you ultimately want and there's fear in the way, then 0:24:11.600 --> 0:24:14.119 that's where we get help. You know why I had 0:24:14.160 --> 0:24:16.080 to take that time to do em d rart work, 0:24:16.200 --> 0:24:19.320 you know, or healing or we have these talks, we 0:24:19.440 --> 0:24:23.320 have each other to sort through those fears. I'm just 0:24:23.480 --> 0:24:26.199 I'm not a fan of letting things stand in the 0:24:26.200 --> 0:24:27.560 way of me and what I want. 0:24:27.960 --> 0:24:30.000 Yeah, there's a I know. I don't want to quote 0:24:30.000 --> 0:24:33.400 her because I I don't I don't want the headline 0:24:33.440 --> 0:24:38.080 of it. But she's a reality star and she basically 0:24:38.119 --> 0:24:41.560 was like I paraphrasing, like I've been hurt so many times, 0:24:41.600 --> 0:24:43.720 I will never love someone again. And I was like 0:24:43.760 --> 0:24:47.679 that's sad because I'm like they shouldn't get the last 0:24:47.840 --> 0:24:50.960 Like you deserve to be loved, you deserve to try, 0:24:51.040 --> 0:24:52.879 and like, yeah, it might not work out, but like 0:24:53.000 --> 0:24:55.239 I promise you once you get healthier, like you're going 0:24:55.280 --> 0:24:59.679 to pick healthier if not, like, well you know, at 0:24:59.720 --> 0:25:03.200 least you know and move on and think I just 0:25:03.240 --> 0:25:03.760 feel like it's that. 0:25:03.920 --> 0:25:06.040 Don't you think it's why we're here though, I mean 0:25:06.080 --> 0:25:09.000 to love. It's one of the main purposes I think 0:25:09.040 --> 0:25:09.920 of being a human being. 0:25:10.080 --> 0:25:11.639 Yeah, And it's not like you don't have to like 0:25:11.640 --> 0:25:13.800 and I'm not saying like being a relationship is like whatever, 0:25:13.880 --> 0:25:17.359 like I found happiness with that blah, Like yes, one, 0:25:18.359 --> 0:25:21.880 And I still think you shouldn't hold yourself back from 0:25:22.040 --> 0:25:24.960 trying in a relationship just because you've been hurt. I get 0:25:25.000 --> 0:25:30.560 being scared. I totally understand, Like I get it, And yeah, 0:25:30.680 --> 0:25:34.879 you shouldn't like you shouldn't like it's just you know, 0:25:35.320 --> 0:25:38.439 like you said, we're here to love and we deserve 0:25:38.520 --> 0:25:40.120 to be love and to love. 0:25:41.320 --> 0:25:44.240 Yes. In the Book of Joy that Dalai Lama wrote 0:25:44.240 --> 0:25:48.880 about and Desmond Tutu is incredible book about how many 0:25:48.920 --> 0:25:54.320 horrors they've been through, I mean just horrors. 0:25:54.760 --> 0:25:55.800 I'm a horse. 0:26:00.119 --> 0:26:10.080 What oh okay those two or is it just me? 0:26:10.160 --> 0:26:14.040 Did you hear that too? Yeah? You never know what the. 0:26:15.640 --> 0:26:19.760 Horrors of being exiled from your country or being held 0:26:19.800 --> 0:26:22.280 in jailed, or being threatened to die. You know, all 0:26:22.320 --> 0:26:25.800 those things are actually what taught them joy, that those 0:26:25.920 --> 0:26:29.800 were the doorways to knowing great love and joy. So 0:26:30.119 --> 0:26:33.520 I think that's just what gets misunderstood, you know in 0:26:33.600 --> 0:26:35.880 this crazy ride that we're on. 0:26:36.600 --> 0:26:42.399 Yeah, I know, and I I you find out more too, 0:26:42.440 --> 0:26:45.119 like from those relationships, like the worst some of the 0:26:45.119 --> 0:26:48.000 worst relationships that I've been in, the lessons that I'm like, 0:26:48.000 --> 0:26:51.760 oh man, like really they become such teaching moments too, 0:26:52.200 --> 0:26:57.000 to like what you don't want. So I'm almost sometimes 0:26:57.040 --> 0:26:57.760 grateful for them. 0:26:58.280 --> 0:27:00.560 Yeah, I mean, and not even just in love and 0:27:00.680 --> 0:27:03.680 everything in life. I mean, like you make mistakes, that's 0:27:03.680 --> 0:27:05.720 how you learn from them. It's just like kids, you know, 0:27:06.160 --> 0:27:08.840 growing up. They make a mistake, they're going to learn 0:27:08.840 --> 0:27:10.160 from that, They're not going to do it next time. 0:27:10.520 --> 0:27:12.560 I mean, it's just like how we're wired. 0:27:13.840 --> 0:27:17.800 Yeah, how is your it's even with things like does 0:27:17.840 --> 0:27:19.480 your ex husband like the guy? 0:27:20.520 --> 0:27:24.400 Yeah, completely great. You know, we're we're still great friends 0:27:24.440 --> 0:27:27.440 and he's actually finally in a relationship too. So it's 0:27:27.520 --> 0:27:30.800 such an amazing thing, you know, just to see how 0:27:30.840 --> 0:27:31.639 far we've come. 0:27:32.280 --> 0:27:34.119 Isn't that so great? 0:27:34.680 --> 0:27:37.720 Oh? God? You know that's what I'd love for people 0:27:37.760 --> 0:27:39.840 to know is if you are listening and you're in 0:27:39.880 --> 0:27:43.240 that place where it just feels like there's no way out, 0:27:43.800 --> 0:27:45.960 you know, where you and I both have been through 0:27:46.359 --> 0:27:50.359 so much. You know, there is I think something to 0:27:51.000 --> 0:27:53.440 this world that is kind of a natural and perfect 0:27:53.800 --> 0:27:59.480 order towards goodness, towards growth, you know, and if you 0:27:59.720 --> 0:28:02.520 just keeps showing up. I mean, we just kept having 0:28:02.560 --> 0:28:04.719 all the talks, and we just keep showing up for 0:28:04.760 --> 0:28:08.320 the kids and knowing that we're in this to you know, 0:28:08.359 --> 0:28:10.320 be a modern family, like I alway said I didn't 0:28:10.320 --> 0:28:13.000 want to have the broken family, like a really cool 0:28:13.119 --> 0:28:18.320 modern family. Then that's that guiding light that ultimately brought 0:28:18.400 --> 0:28:21.240 us here. And it's not without its ups and downs, 0:28:21.520 --> 0:28:24.200 you know, at all. Like kids go through their different 0:28:24.200 --> 0:28:26.560 phases and it pulls on us as parents in all 0:28:26.600 --> 0:28:30.919 kinds of different ways. And I'm moving in now, so 0:28:30.960 --> 0:28:33.400 we're changing like the whole structure of. 0:28:33.359 --> 0:28:35.920 The wait, moving in the house, moving in with. 0:28:35.920 --> 0:28:41.600 Your with my man and does he have to Yeah, 0:28:41.840 --> 0:28:44.880 but we're older kids, you know. His are twenty seven, 0:28:45.040 --> 0:28:48.600 twenty nine and mine are eighteen and twenty. So it's 0:28:48.640 --> 0:28:50.080 a a whole different phase. 0:28:50.200 --> 0:28:50.520 Sure. 0:29:01.360 --> 0:29:03.520 Yeah. How are your kids doing with all of it? 0:29:04.600 --> 0:29:10.200 Oh, it's great, Like they're everything's great, Like they love Alan, 0:29:11.400 --> 0:29:14.760 Alan and Max. I mean Alan and Alan and uh 0:29:14.800 --> 0:29:17.360 Alan and yeah, Alan and MYX have a great relationship. 0:29:17.520 --> 0:29:21.160 I mean, you know, everything is good, you know. I mean, 0:29:21.240 --> 0:29:24.280 and we have been able to Max and I've been 0:29:24.280 --> 0:29:26.920 able to have when stuff does come up, we're like, hey, 0:29:26.920 --> 0:29:28.800 can we kind of talk this out? And you know, 0:29:28.800 --> 0:29:31.320 we still have our moments where you know, we get frustrated, 0:29:31.360 --> 0:29:34.200 and but we're able to communicate in such a better 0:29:34.280 --> 0:29:39.840 way now. So that's been nice. And it's just we've 0:29:39.840 --> 0:29:44.480 had more respect out of our marriage than in our marriage. 0:29:44.760 --> 0:29:47.800 That's a good hallmark that says you are you made 0:29:47.800 --> 0:29:52.400 the right choice. Yeah, we're better as co parents, better 0:29:52.440 --> 0:29:53.880 as friends than married. Yeah. 0:29:53.960 --> 0:29:56.800 Yeah, And I have a book coming out and I 0:29:56.960 --> 0:29:59.320 talk about that just kind of like that, never thinking 0:29:59.360 --> 0:30:01.440 we'd ever get to that other side of like and 0:30:01.480 --> 0:30:03.120 there's still going to be things that obviously come up. 0:30:03.120 --> 0:30:05.800 There's deep resentments and stuff like that, but then also 0:30:05.960 --> 0:30:08.360 it's like how to how I let go of a 0:30:08.360 --> 0:30:10.920 lot of those things and like, you know, can just 0:30:11.000 --> 0:30:12.560 kind of look at them as you know, the father 0:30:12.640 --> 0:30:14.400 of my kids and not hold that stuff because I'm like, 0:30:14.400 --> 0:30:16.640 I don't want to be walking around with I feel 0:30:16.640 --> 0:30:18.440 like this year just shifted me and like I don't 0:30:18.440 --> 0:30:20.920 want I don't want any bad energy. I just don't 0:30:20.960 --> 0:30:22.200 want it. I don't want I don't want it. I 0:30:22.200 --> 0:30:25.920 don't want hatred, I don't want like heaviness, just too 0:30:26.360 --> 0:30:28.479 like too short. We talk about this all time, like 0:30:28.480 --> 0:30:30.360 it's I feel like a broken record saying it, but 0:30:30.400 --> 0:30:32.280 it is. Life is just too damn short to like 0:30:32.520 --> 0:30:36.400 hold onto any negative energy or put it out there. 0:30:36.440 --> 0:30:38.960 I don't like it, That's what I'm like. I mean, 0:30:39.040 --> 0:30:42.080 I even rewent through my book being like I don't 0:30:42.080 --> 0:30:43.640 need to put that in there anymore. I don't need 0:30:43.680 --> 0:30:45.440 like you know, it's not necessary. I don't need to 0:30:45.440 --> 0:30:47.560 write about that, you know, about my exer about you know, 0:30:47.680 --> 0:30:49.880 don't need it. So it's like I don't want, I 0:30:49.880 --> 0:30:52.680 don't want, I don't want any. 0:30:52.760 --> 0:30:55.920 I remember telling you years ago that all it takes 0:30:56.000 --> 0:31:00.600 is one person to choose the highest choose take the 0:31:00.680 --> 0:31:02.600 higher road, however you want to say it, but it 0:31:02.600 --> 0:31:05.920 takes one person to shift a relationship, and you did 0:31:05.960 --> 0:31:09.760 that right now too, just holding out to stay in 0:31:09.760 --> 0:31:10.760 that higher vibration. 0:31:11.760 --> 0:31:13.920 Yeah, because we could do the meeting, like I know, 0:31:14.200 --> 0:31:17.920 friends that are divorced that meet at you know, a 0:31:17.960 --> 0:31:19.840 certain drop off at And we got there at one 0:31:19.840 --> 0:31:22.080 point almost where it was like Katherine was like, you know, 0:31:22.120 --> 0:31:24.280 you got to set a better boundary because it was ugly, 0:31:24.720 --> 0:31:26.760 you know, and then like all right, fine, we're mean 0:31:26.760 --> 0:31:29.040 net whole foods at this time, you know, like it 0:31:29.120 --> 0:31:30.920 was about to get there, and then it was like, 0:31:31.040 --> 0:31:36.080 you know, as time. But then it's like read about 0:31:36.080 --> 0:31:36.920 it in the next chapter. 0:31:38.480 --> 0:31:38.920 Good place. 0:31:38.960 --> 0:31:40.360 I so excited for this. 0:31:41.040 --> 0:31:43.000 Yeah, but I mean it's just like it it's you know, 0:31:43.040 --> 0:31:46.120 but sometimes and there's still people like we've been able 0:31:46.120 --> 0:31:48.240 to at least kind of hang our hats going, like 0:31:48.280 --> 0:31:50.280 we've done a decent job of like even though there 0:31:50.320 --> 0:31:52.880 was hurt, that we can co parent. And I think 0:31:52.880 --> 0:31:54.239 at the end of the day, it's like kids are 0:31:54.320 --> 0:31:57.400 number at the top, you know. Yeah, so if it's 0:31:57.400 --> 0:31:59.080 going to make my kid happy to have his dad 0:31:59.080 --> 0:32:00.880 here for his birthday party, I'm gonna invite him over, 0:32:01.880 --> 0:32:07.560 you know, put my stuff aside. But yeah, so it's good, 0:32:07.760 --> 0:32:11.960 we're good, We're fine. I mean, he's yeah, I I uh, yeah, 0:32:12.320 --> 0:32:14.240 I fived him today when he took up when he 0:32:14.320 --> 0:32:19.560 dropped off Jolie from the Dennis later as I kissed 0:32:19.600 --> 0:32:20.840 my fiance, like it's good. 0:32:23.320 --> 0:32:25.920 Did it bring up anything for him that you're getting married? 0:32:26.680 --> 0:32:27.040 You know what? 0:32:27.120 --> 0:32:30.400 I said this on the last show when when he 0:32:30.640 --> 0:32:34.520 found out, well, when we told him whatever Jolie I did, 0:32:36.080 --> 0:32:39.560 he was like, after everything, I've after everything I did. 0:32:39.640 --> 0:32:43.440 You deserve like such happiness in love and and you know, 0:32:43.640 --> 0:32:45.760 of all people, you deserve it. And so yeah, it 0:32:45.840 --> 0:32:49.720 was great, amazing, Yeah, healing is that it was beautiful. Yeah, 0:32:49.880 --> 0:32:52.520 it was really really really nice, like his acknowledgment and 0:32:52.560 --> 0:32:55.400 then his like, well wished is like that seemed so genuine. 0:32:55.440 --> 0:32:56.400 So I was like that was cool. 0:32:57.480 --> 0:33:01.400 Yeah, oh you're showing up everybody. What's possible? Lady? 0:33:01.720 --> 0:33:04.240 Well, hey, who knows like in about you know what 0:33:04.280 --> 0:33:06.840 I mean? But yeah, yeah, but I mean like you 0:33:06.920 --> 0:33:09.080 never you know, it's like as long as but you 0:33:09.120 --> 0:33:11.760 just keep every day, You're like, let's just be you know, 0:33:11.880 --> 0:33:15.280 be positive, be be good, happy. 0:33:15.240 --> 0:33:16.480 Literally it's stay by day. 0:33:17.480 --> 0:33:20.680 Yeah, yeah, because I mean anything can set up. 0:33:20.720 --> 0:33:25.200 You know, did you and Alan put together a vision 0:33:25.360 --> 0:33:27.560 for what it is that you're creating, do you do? 0:33:27.600 --> 0:33:29.600 You both have kind of a shared vision for what 0:33:29.640 --> 0:33:32.920 the marriage is going to be, the life that you're creating. 0:33:33.680 --> 0:33:37.240 So no, we haven't like really sat down. But for us, 0:33:37.240 --> 0:33:40.120 it's like just love and respect. Love, respect and trust 0:33:40.120 --> 0:33:45.200 are like the the main three things. It's like respect 0:33:45.560 --> 0:33:47.960 is like our number one thing, and like we respect 0:33:48.000 --> 0:33:51.120 each other so much. And from that respect, like I 0:33:51.120 --> 0:33:55.800 trust him, and the love is is we know how 0:33:55.840 --> 0:33:58.000 special it is, and so we're also like we don't. 0:33:58.040 --> 0:34:00.280 I don't ever want to be in a moment where 0:34:00.280 --> 0:34:02.000 I'm like, I don't trust him, but I don't. I 0:34:02.040 --> 0:34:05.640 don't even I don't fear that one one ounce of 0:34:05.720 --> 0:34:09.000 my body fears that, Like how he loves and respects me, 0:34:09.400 --> 0:34:10.080 I trust him. 0:34:11.360 --> 0:34:13.480 So everything stems from there. 0:34:14.120 --> 0:34:17.200 So I think that's just like the the love and 0:34:17.239 --> 0:34:19.719 respect is at the top, which is also a very 0:34:19.719 --> 0:34:23.600 good book too. Yeah, they say men want respect, women 0:34:23.640 --> 0:34:27.399 want love. Yeah, it's yeah. 0:34:27.480 --> 0:34:31.080 So I remember I did a workshop once with David Data, 0:34:31.640 --> 0:34:36.399 and he teaches sacred relationship and the practice of intimacy, 0:34:36.560 --> 0:34:39.640 and he's an incredible teacher, and he had us do 0:34:39.760 --> 0:34:43.759 this practice where you choose a partner a woman and 0:34:43.800 --> 0:34:47.240 a man sitting in front of each other and say, 0:34:47.800 --> 0:34:50.360 looking into the other person's eyes, over and over and 0:34:50.400 --> 0:34:53.279 over again, the two things that men and women want 0:34:53.280 --> 0:34:57.759 to hear the most, and that's masculine identified feminine identified. 0:34:57.880 --> 0:35:00.560 It's not a gender thing, but to say over and 0:35:00.560 --> 0:35:03.120 over and over again to a man, I trust you, 0:35:03.200 --> 0:35:06.279 I respect you, I trust you, I respect you, I 0:35:06.360 --> 0:35:09.120 trust you, I respect you. I watched this man in 0:35:09.120 --> 0:35:13.080 front of me collapse into tears. It was so profound. 0:35:13.640 --> 0:35:18.000 And the reverse was you're beautiful. I love you. You're beautiful, 0:35:18.000 --> 0:35:21.400 I love you, And I mean, well, it is true. 0:35:21.920 --> 0:35:23.640 Those are the things that are, at the end of 0:35:23.640 --> 0:35:28.480 the day, so vital to keeping us feeling alive and appreciated. 0:35:29.200 --> 0:35:32.640 You know what is nikto for you that you like feel. 0:35:34.320 --> 0:35:37.560 Oh gosh, I mean I've never questioned for a second 0:35:37.600 --> 0:35:43.919 that he loves me ever, Yeah, honestly, but I think 0:35:43.920 --> 0:35:46.279 the thing that I have. It's funny what was coming 0:35:46.360 --> 0:35:48.200 up for me when she was saying that, I was like, man, 0:35:48.280 --> 0:35:53.320 I bet sometimes I don't come off like I respect him, 0:35:53.360 --> 0:35:56.120 not a lot, but like sometimes you know, like not 0:35:56.200 --> 0:35:58.600 the trust thing we have, trust, like he knows I 0:35:58.640 --> 0:36:01.480 trust him and place, you know, no issues there, But 0:36:01.520 --> 0:36:03.879 I think the respect thing is the harder thing for us. 0:36:04.280 --> 0:36:05.160 Interesting, I could. 0:36:05.040 --> 0:36:07.480 See, like the way I say some things, or the 0:36:07.520 --> 0:36:11.080 way I you know it, control the kids or you know, 0:36:11.160 --> 0:36:13.759 like things like that, I could see where as a 0:36:13.800 --> 0:36:18.280 man could see that as not respecting, like their ability 0:36:18.280 --> 0:36:20.520 to parent, or their ability to make a decision or 0:36:20.600 --> 0:36:24.040 you know whatever. I don't mean it in that way, 0:36:24.400 --> 0:36:25.920 but I can see where that would come off. 0:36:25.960 --> 0:36:27.839 Do you think it's because of like the direct way 0:36:27.840 --> 0:36:29.560 that you're saying it, or I think. 0:36:29.239 --> 0:36:31.200 The way I say things sometimes, which I've gotten a 0:36:31.200 --> 0:36:34.560 lot better at, but also just like the controlling factor, 0:36:34.920 --> 0:36:37.360 like in the like family, like we're going to do 0:36:37.400 --> 0:36:39.239 this and he's like, you know, he's starting to kind 0:36:39.239 --> 0:36:42.080 of I mean after what fourteen years, but like hey, 0:36:42.200 --> 0:36:44.640 like you know, let me make this decision, let me 0:36:44.680 --> 0:36:46.399 do this, and like, you know, I don't know, it's 0:36:46.440 --> 0:36:48.799 just it's interesting. But I mean he's I mean, he 0:36:48.880 --> 0:36:51.240 always shows me that he loves me and thinks I'm beautiful. 0:36:51.360 --> 0:36:53.040 I've never questioned that tree. 0:36:53.080 --> 0:36:53.880 What do you think to that? 0:36:56.080 --> 0:36:59.000 I think this is where it gets interesting. Why I 0:36:59.040 --> 0:37:01.640 asked you about your vision and for the relationship, because 0:37:01.719 --> 0:37:06.000 when you have those shared values, then it's how do 0:37:06.080 --> 0:37:09.160 you get down into the to the cope you know, 0:37:09.200 --> 0:37:11.240 to the co parenting, to the doing of the things 0:37:11.400 --> 0:37:15.239 you know with those values in mind that it gets 0:37:15.280 --> 0:37:18.680 down into how you do your life, you know. And 0:37:18.719 --> 0:37:22.279 I think I think it's it's tricky because I always say, 0:37:22.280 --> 0:37:23.680 the more you want to give, the more you need. 0:37:24.480 --> 0:37:25.719 And so if you want to give a lot of 0:37:25.719 --> 0:37:29.120 trust and respect, then you have to talk about what 0:37:29.200 --> 0:37:32.719 you need. What's the exchange? You know, what fills you up? 0:37:32.719 --> 0:37:37.160 What has you be in your most true self, you know, 0:37:37.400 --> 0:37:40.399 your most resourced self to be able to give those 0:37:40.440 --> 0:37:44.759 things to him? You know what? What what has you 0:37:44.840 --> 0:37:45.920 respect him? 0:37:46.120 --> 0:37:46.319 Well? 0:37:46.400 --> 0:37:49.640 End the question? Then do you do you respect him? Oh? 0:37:49.680 --> 0:37:53.560 Yeah, absolutely, yeah, absolutely I can. I just know my 0:37:53.640 --> 0:37:56.400 personality and at times I can look back and be 0:37:56.480 --> 0:37:59.200 like I could see where that didn't sound like I 0:37:59.280 --> 0:38:00.879 respect him. Does that make sense? 0:38:00.880 --> 0:38:02.600 Do you go then and tell him that I do? 0:38:02.760 --> 0:38:06.080 Now? I am better at that time now I was 0:38:06.120 --> 0:38:08.239 not before. And I think that was a lot of 0:38:08.280 --> 0:38:11.040 our problem. And it's just interesting because I really hadn't 0:38:11.080 --> 0:38:13.480 truly thought about it that much as like a respect 0:38:13.520 --> 0:38:18.480 thing like even like like just even just random things 0:38:18.520 --> 0:38:20.839 like with business stuff, like he may mention something. I'm like, well, 0:38:20.840 --> 0:38:22.840 you maybe you should have done this, or you should 0:38:22.840 --> 0:38:24.200 have done that, or you should and I can see 0:38:24.200 --> 0:38:27.680 that triggers him. And I think that comes from like, Okay, 0:38:27.719 --> 0:38:30.320 you're not like respecting my job and what I'm doing, 0:38:30.360 --> 0:38:33.879 and you know, and so I've noticed that creep back 0:38:33.920 --> 0:38:35.520 in a little bit and then I try to like 0:38:35.680 --> 0:38:37.919 stop myself, like no, no, but that was a great, 0:38:38.000 --> 0:38:40.160 great job or you know whatever, just trying to like 0:38:40.880 --> 0:38:41.680 not criticize it. 0:38:41.760 --> 0:38:44.160 But you know, and that I know, and we can 0:38:44.280 --> 0:38:47.200 criticize because you know, when we get criticized, weaks changed. 0:38:47.239 --> 0:38:49.120 But when you criticize a guy, he just wants to 0:38:49.160 --> 0:38:52.399 go away, right, you know, it creates distance. It's very 0:38:52.400 --> 0:38:55.239 different the way criticism lands on us. Yeah, and what 0:38:55.320 --> 0:39:00.080 it does. So but in those moments where you catch yourself, 0:39:00.600 --> 0:39:02.440 this is where I think it's so great because there's 0:39:02.480 --> 0:39:05.560 also a good reason that you are saying that. There's 0:39:05.600 --> 0:39:07.759 a reason that you feel like you want to say 0:39:07.760 --> 0:39:10.120 a thing like the need for control you said, or 0:39:10.360 --> 0:39:13.480 there's maybe fear popping up, or you want to contribute 0:39:13.520 --> 0:39:16.120 and you want to help, but it's not what he needs. 0:39:16.719 --> 0:39:19.959 And so to check in and say, oh man, what's 0:39:20.040 --> 0:39:22.320 just going on for me there? Or what I'm feeling 0:39:22.400 --> 0:39:25.680 right now is stress and it's like a way that 0:39:25.800 --> 0:39:27.960 I'm dealing with the stress to try to manage you 0:39:28.800 --> 0:39:29.960 like you're one of my kids. 0:39:30.080 --> 0:39:35.879 So true. So sorry, literally nailed all of it right there. Yep, sorry, 0:39:35.920 --> 0:39:37.040 you're not one of my children. 0:39:37.120 --> 0:39:41.279 I know, I know, I know, but I think just 0:39:41.560 --> 0:39:44.759 like I'm being not humble in the moment, but like 0:39:44.800 --> 0:39:47.040 you are humbling them and be like I'm sorry you're 0:39:47.040 --> 0:39:49.560 not Like it's like because then he's like, oh, that's 0:39:49.600 --> 0:39:51.680 where you just stepped in. You're just in that role, 0:39:52.239 --> 0:39:55.280 and so then you just categorize them in that area. 0:39:55.360 --> 0:39:57.399 And it's like if you say in that moment too, 0:39:57.400 --> 0:39:58.840 I think that'd be like so helpful. 0:39:58.920 --> 0:39:59.759 Yeah for sure. 0:40:00.160 --> 0:40:04.600 Yeah. Interesting, Can I offer one little tidbit? 0:40:04.960 --> 0:40:05.280 Sure? 0:40:06.360 --> 0:40:07.600 So I was talking to Nick. 0:40:08.000 --> 0:40:09.680 No no no no no no no. 0:40:10.920 --> 0:40:14.080 I like Nick is a close friend, Like I like 0:40:14.239 --> 0:40:15.560 Nick and I have a great. 0:40:15.480 --> 0:40:19.560 Actually he said, no, no. 0:40:19.320 --> 0:40:22.279 No, no, no no no. I just think this is 0:40:22.280 --> 0:40:25.600 like such a good like such a good thing to 0:40:25.719 --> 0:40:28.920 add going into what you guys are about to do Okay, 0:40:29.440 --> 0:40:34.799 So I we were talking about he was leaving right, 0:40:35.080 --> 0:40:40.040 so he was like cat on vacation. I was like, Oh, 0:40:40.120 --> 0:40:42.520 she's the best. And he's just like, no, she has 0:40:42.560 --> 0:40:43.680 to have she has to do something. 0:40:44.200 --> 0:40:45.240 Oh yeah, I like to be busy. 0:40:45.280 --> 0:40:50.080 You like to be busy and have an activity every 0:40:50.080 --> 0:40:52.520 single day. I go, Cat, I was like, no way, 0:40:52.760 --> 0:40:54.799 she's like He's like, oh no, She's different when it 0:40:54.800 --> 0:40:56.840 comes to like the kid vacation. I was like really. 0:40:56.920 --> 0:40:59.440 I was like, man, she's like awesome to like vacation 0:40:59.480 --> 0:41:02.719 with him, like play cards and we chill, like because 0:41:02.760 --> 0:41:05.399 I don't have kids her. But he's like, no, she's 0:41:05.440 --> 0:41:07.799 like she always has to have like a plan or 0:41:07.800 --> 0:41:10.440 like an adventure thing to do. So I'd be curious 0:41:10.520 --> 0:41:12.480 what it would be like to try this on and 0:41:12.520 --> 0:41:16.360 so maybe one of the days go hey, Nick, what 0:41:16.360 --> 0:41:18.960 would you like to do today? And or like and 0:41:19.040 --> 0:41:21.520 don't plan anything and just and if it's just they 0:41:21.560 --> 0:41:25.000 just want to whatever and just for one day out 0:41:25.000 --> 0:41:28.759 of the seven days, just don't have a plan and 0:41:28.800 --> 0:41:29.520 just relax. 0:41:30.640 --> 0:41:33.200 Okay. I mean I don't have a plan every day, but. 0:41:33.160 --> 0:41:35.279 You know what I'm saying. As right, or no, is 0:41:35.280 --> 0:41:37.920 this terrible? Is this terrible advisue? It's great, It's great, 0:41:38.320 --> 0:41:42.239 just like you like almost can surprise him in a way. 0:41:42.360 --> 0:41:43.000 He's gonna know. 0:41:44.040 --> 0:41:49.200 No, I don't think you will after vacation when he 0:41:49.280 --> 0:41:52.400 listens to the podcast, but whatever, you can try it 0:41:52.400 --> 0:41:55.239 on and be like I tried it. 0:41:55.239 --> 0:41:58.759 It would be such a gift to him. Yeah, it would, 0:41:58.840 --> 0:42:01.840 because you know, to give him his version of the 0:42:01.920 --> 0:42:06.600 vacation for a day is just yeah, what a gift. 0:42:06.600 --> 0:42:08.960 But you know what beyond what a gift it is 0:42:08.960 --> 0:42:11.840 to him, I kind of want to know what that 0:42:11.880 --> 0:42:14.800 would give you, to be able to just relax. 0:42:14.960 --> 0:42:16.640 Can I answer for because I'm almost thinking she's just 0:42:16.680 --> 0:42:19.640 gonna say stress. Yeah, I don't think you can do it. 0:42:19.760 --> 0:42:21.279 I don't and I don't mean it out of like 0:42:21.320 --> 0:42:23.040 not love, but I'm just like, I think it's gonna 0:42:23.040 --> 0:42:25.440 stress you out more, just not have something to do 0:42:25.520 --> 0:42:27.200 for each of the children. 0:42:27.360 --> 0:42:31.440 If it's just me, I am like the queen of relaxing, 0:42:32.120 --> 0:42:36.520 Like I could binge, watch Netflix and like have no issues. 0:42:36.960 --> 0:42:39.560 But when you get the kids involved and it's mom 0:42:39.600 --> 0:42:42.640 mom mo mo mo, mom mom, I find it just 0:42:42.800 --> 0:42:46.359 much easier to have activities. That's all it really is. 0:42:47.080 --> 0:42:49.680 I can chill now. I don't love just like sunbathing 0:42:49.719 --> 0:42:51.879 all day long if you haven't picked up on that 0:42:51.960 --> 0:42:56.160 by on the beach, because I cannot just sit there 0:42:56.200 --> 0:42:57.799 and lay there in the sun all day long. 0:42:57.960 --> 0:43:00.279 Right, But maybe that's just what they wanted to do 0:43:00.800 --> 0:43:02.560 and go down those fun little slides. 0:43:02.560 --> 0:43:04.160 Oh we'reon'll be going down the fun little. 0:43:03.960 --> 0:43:06.080 You know what I mean? For like in not doing 0:43:06.280 --> 0:43:09.480 something that day and just letting Nick take it over 0:43:09.600 --> 0:43:12.080 because it can be you don't need to carry every 0:43:12.120 --> 0:43:15.200 day of planning. Moms take it on as their thing. True, 0:43:15.840 --> 0:43:17.400 let him have a day and he again then in 0:43:17.480 --> 0:43:19.839 a way thinks he's like cool, you. 0:43:19.760 --> 0:43:20.160 Know what I mean? 0:43:21.080 --> 0:43:22.919 All Right, fine, I'll give him one day to plan. 0:43:23.080 --> 0:43:24.399 I will report back and let. 0:43:24.400 --> 0:43:25.000 Y'all know how. 0:43:26.600 --> 0:43:27.600 She will report that. 0:43:28.000 --> 0:43:30.239 Let's refine it, though, because I think there's this thing 0:43:30.320 --> 0:43:32.400 called making a deal that I love where it's not 0:43:32.440 --> 0:43:35.000 a compromise and it's not like, oh, you're now going 0:43:35.080 --> 0:43:37.080 to have to be stressed all day and it's going 0:43:37.120 --> 0:43:39.160 to be really hard in taxing on you because then 0:43:39.480 --> 0:43:42.960 there'll be fallout from there. Right that it's okay in 0:43:43.080 --> 0:43:45.680 order to give you that this is what I need. 0:43:46.360 --> 0:43:48.239 You know, it's a little bit of like back and 0:43:48.280 --> 0:43:53.120 forth until you know, you get spaw time to you know, 0:43:53.200 --> 0:43:57.640 decompress from it, or there's somebody else, you know, the 0:43:58.080 --> 0:44:01.359 kid daycare, you know at this hotel that takes over. 0:44:01.800 --> 0:44:04.200 But there's got to be a way that you make 0:44:04.280 --> 0:44:06.000 this that really serves you both. 0:44:06.160 --> 0:44:11.880 Yeah, she's speaking my language. Okay, I can do this. Yeah, 0:44:12.000 --> 0:44:13.399 I'm not saying the game. 0:44:15.200 --> 0:44:18.360 This is what I heard. This is not what I said. 0:44:19.080 --> 0:44:21.319 I want you to recovery. 0:44:21.680 --> 0:44:23.960 There's no plan for today except for you get. 0:44:23.840 --> 0:44:24.560 The kids all day. 0:44:24.600 --> 0:44:28.040 Yeah, that was not what I was going for. Oh sure, 0:44:29.800 --> 0:44:32.920 where can our listeners again find you and everything that 0:44:32.960 --> 0:44:33.359 you're doing. 0:44:34.600 --> 0:44:38.120 Oh, they can find me at the sirencall dot com 0:44:38.719 --> 0:44:44.160 or Shari Heally And yeah, there's a whole lot of good, new, 0:44:44.360 --> 0:44:46.880 amazing things coming out of my work. Like what my 0:44:46.920 --> 0:44:49.600 calling is to help you? My calling is to help 0:44:49.640 --> 0:44:53.160 you answer yours. So it's really after all these years, 0:44:53.160 --> 0:44:57.280 sixteen years of coaching and working with people in branding 0:44:57.719 --> 0:45:01.800 and leaders and companies to help them find their purpose, 0:45:02.480 --> 0:45:05.440 it's all come down to Siren and that's the new 0:45:05.960 --> 0:45:08.400 the new brand to really help people find their purpose 0:45:08.440 --> 0:45:08.880 and live it. 0:45:09.400 --> 0:45:11.120 I love that. All right, well, we'll get you back on, 0:45:11.320 --> 0:45:13.000 we'll have the fiance on, and then we can make 0:45:13.040 --> 0:45:17.600 a plan for our our thing. 0:45:17.200 --> 0:45:20.359 I love I would love it. I'd love to meet him. 0:45:20.400 --> 0:45:22.439 Congratulations and thank you you too. 0:45:22.640 --> 0:45:25.200 I'm so excited for you too. Good luck with the moss. 0:45:26.160 --> 0:45:26.719 Thank you. 0:45:26.880 --> 0:45:31.080 Okay, bye bye girl. That was funny. I love her, 0:45:31.360 --> 0:45:32.960 She's so sweet. I want her to do and I 0:45:33.040 --> 0:45:34.320 don't have to look now, but I need her to 0:45:34.400 --> 0:45:36.319 do like some kind of meditation things. I'm real big 0:45:36.360 --> 0:45:41.919 into meditating now. Meditating meditation, Yeah, like Alan will always 0:45:41.960 --> 0:45:44.000 be Katie wanted to like a ten minute meditation? And 0:45:44.200 --> 0:45:47.680 or does this start since I met Alan? Because he 0:45:47.719 --> 0:45:51.839 does like these little like ten minute meditations. They're so relaxing. 0:45:53.280 --> 0:45:55.319 I know we've had this conversation before, but do you 0:45:55.360 --> 0:45:57.200 truly think of nothing in those ten minutes? 0:45:57.320 --> 0:45:59.840 No? Okay, I will be like, oh I got to 0:45:59.880 --> 0:46:02.600 do but then I'm like, oh, go back. So it's 0:46:02.640 --> 0:46:05.080 just like training your brain. Now, I don't think as 0:46:05.320 --> 0:46:08.919 I don't think of as many things. And then there's 0:46:09.000 --> 0:46:11.080 one that's really good. We actually fell asleep to it 0:46:11.160 --> 0:46:13.920 last night. It's like a go to sleep meditation. It's 0:46:13.920 --> 0:46:15.719 so nice because my brain, you know, her brains are 0:46:15.719 --> 0:46:18.160 still like going and stuff. So yeah, it's great. But 0:46:18.200 --> 0:46:19.799 I feel like she's got such a good voice for 0:46:19.880 --> 0:46:22.560 like meditation, so calming. 0:46:22.880 --> 0:46:24.399 Yeah, I want to do that on here one day 0:46:24.800 --> 0:46:25.600 if I can do it. 0:46:25.719 --> 0:46:28.880 The meditation. Yeah, it's really great. I get seriously, I 0:46:29.040 --> 0:46:32.200 never thought I could do it, but because I thought, 0:46:32.200 --> 0:46:34.520 I was like, well, mom, I'm always thinking of something. Yeah, yes, 0:46:34.600 --> 0:46:36.120 and you go right. 0:46:36.040 --> 0:46:37.440 Back right sure makes sense. 0:46:38.120 --> 0:46:42.240 Well, I'm very excited for your vacation. 0:46:43.239 --> 0:46:44.960 Thank you. 0:46:44.960 --> 0:46:46.440 You want to come back on Thursday for some more 0:46:46.520 --> 0:46:50.320 breaking news, I would love to stay tuned.