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Speaker 1: Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional Professional Hey,

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Speaker 1: Professional home Girls is the kid of a name from

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Speaker 1: the PSD podcast, the only place where you would hear

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Speaker 1: interviews from black women an honestly on stories that will

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Speaker 1: enlightened and expand on taboo topics. Now, if you hear

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Speaker 1: someone that sounds familiar, mind the business that pays you child.

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Speaker 1: If you like the PhD podcast, please rate, review and

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Speaker 1: subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Please five star reviews only. Hold

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Speaker 1: Me Down, Don't Hold Me Up is now available on

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Speaker 1: the site as well as my book list, so please

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Speaker 1: make sure you visit the link in the show notes below.

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Speaker 1: You can connect with the kid on Instagram at the

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Speaker 1: Professional home Girl and at the PSD podcast. If you

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Speaker 1: are on Twitter, please follow me at the PhD podcast now.

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Speaker 1: If you are all caught up with episode, listen to

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Speaker 1: the bonus episodes by supporting the PSD podcast Patreon account.

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Speaker 1: To support, please visit www dot Patreon dot com. Forward

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Speaker 1: slash the PSD podcast now. Please keep in mind that

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Speaker 1: all of my guests are nonnes so list again this

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Speaker 1: week's episode, so I am super excited to speak to

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Speaker 1: my guest today who is actually a friend of mine.

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Speaker 1: She will be sharing her journey on being a virgin.

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Speaker 1: So to my guests, how are you feeling? I am good.

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Speaker 1: I hope you didn't hear anything I just did, Yes,

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Speaker 1: I did. You just took a biggest goat with something.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, I can't drink anything. You just like

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Speaker 1: edited out, I'm sorry. I really have to drink. I

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Speaker 1: know my lesson is gonna hear every little bit that

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Speaker 1: we just that you just did because I told you

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Speaker 1: I'm okay, I'm honestly, I'm sorry. I have to drink water,

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Speaker 1: and I'm so sorry. My throat is very sore, so

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Speaker 1: I can't do this without drinking water. Just edited out,

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Speaker 1: You're good. So, yeah, this has been a long time

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Speaker 1: comment because I asked her to be on this show

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Speaker 1: like two or three times and down, Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: we're gonna put all that in there. I just be like, oh,

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Speaker 1: she's a guest blowing up my spot. So before I beginning,

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Speaker 1: how old are you actually remember how old you were? Okay,

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Speaker 1: I thought she was like in your late twenties. So

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Speaker 1: do you think by now you would have lost virginity?

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Speaker 1: I mean I assumed so, I mean I guess I

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Speaker 1: didn't really think like I must lose my virginity at

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Speaker 1: like eighteen. I just figured like it would have happened

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Speaker 1: before this time. I didn't have a time frame. It's

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Speaker 1: not like I was like I need to lose my

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Speaker 1: virginia back college because I went to all go to

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Speaker 1: high school, so like that wasn't really like a a

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Speaker 1: thing that I was expecting to happen when I was

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Speaker 1: in high school. But I thought by college maybe, and

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Speaker 1: they didn't happen in college, so I thought at some

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Speaker 1: point in college I didn't know how to talk to

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Speaker 1: men in college, so it started. I really didn't because

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Speaker 1: I mean, honestly, going to all good Catholic school obviously

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Speaker 1: just stun so in a lot of ways, Like I

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Speaker 1: know a lot of my friends who are still virgins,

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Speaker 1: because I wouldn't just blame it on that. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I Alvius have friends who are not virgins and they

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Speaker 1: went to the same school that I did, but they're

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Speaker 1: obviously like are different people or they attract certain people,

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Speaker 1: and like it was just easier for them for me,

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Speaker 1: Like I was always sort of awkward to like and

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Speaker 1: like that was also just insecurity as well, insecurities as well.

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Speaker 1: And then I went to college and then I was

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Speaker 1: just kind of like, oh my god, no guy's gonna

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Speaker 1: notice me here. Um and then I just, um, I

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Speaker 1: don't know. I guess was when I was a kid,

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Speaker 1: like I just didn't feel like the most, the most,

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Speaker 1: the prettiest person in the room. And that was like

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Speaker 1: a child like maybe like when I was in elementary school,

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Speaker 1: I didn't think I was like the prettiest. And that's

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Speaker 1: just like you know, growing up and having those insecurities. Also,

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Speaker 1: it didn't help that went to like a white school too,

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Speaker 1: so you're brownie, so you'd probably yeah, yeah, being like

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Speaker 1: the only like a real black person probably like out

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Speaker 1: of like the three of black girls there, like you

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Speaker 1: don't think like you're the most. I didn't think that

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Speaker 1: I was the most prettiest person because you're being compared

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Speaker 1: to people who have like nice long hair and like

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Speaker 1: like all this stuff, and I had like little like

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Speaker 1: pig tails. You know, it wasn't like anything, you know,

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Speaker 1: I didn't I got like, you know, perms and stuff

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Speaker 1: like I got my hair relaxed because I thought my

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Speaker 1: hair wasn't good enough and I wish like it was

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Speaker 1: different back then or like I don't know, like it

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Speaker 1: was just treated I was treated differently, or I would

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Speaker 1: I would say it was bullied. I wouldn't say that

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Speaker 1: I had like a terrible experience. I would say eighth

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Speaker 1: grade was like the weirdest time for me. I feel

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Speaker 1: like people were getting meaner at that point. But I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't say that I was like bullied throughout school. I

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Speaker 1: would just think that people would say like my small

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Speaker 1: little things here and there being like oh my god,

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Speaker 1: your hair, or like what I would say, like things

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Speaker 1: about how I'm black or I'm an oreo or whatever,

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Speaker 1: and like I always be kind of insecure about how

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Speaker 1: I sounded or how I looked or stuff like that.

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Speaker 1: And like I knew that I wasn't like I didn't

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Speaker 1: feel like I was the cutest girl. So I was

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Speaker 1: just like always felt down about myself about that. So

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Speaker 1: I went to high school, like I barely talked to

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Speaker 1: any boys because I didn't know how to talk to boys. Um,

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Speaker 1: and then because the elementary school, you don't really think

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Speaker 1: about it, like you have your little crushes and whatever.

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Speaker 1: But like even then, like I had, I had, I

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Speaker 1: had a few crushes like on a few boys in

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Speaker 1: elementary school, but like they all didn't. I mean I

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Speaker 1: didn't say anything, and if I did say something, they'd

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Speaker 1: be like they'd be weird. But that's elementary school, so

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Speaker 1: like like you're a kid, but I can definitely say

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Speaker 1: why how you feel that way in high school because

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Speaker 1: you're a little bit more Yeah. So yeah, So even

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Speaker 1: then when I got older, like I always looked so

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Speaker 1: insecure and like it didn't help that like I went

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Speaker 1: to all girls school, I didn't know how to talk

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Speaker 1: to boys, and like the friends who were pretty, like

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Speaker 1: I guess, like stereotypically like pretty with like you know,

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Speaker 1: long hair, and like they're white or like not even

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Speaker 1: just white, just being like I don't know. I just

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Speaker 1: felt like they had a different presence than me, and

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Speaker 1: I felt like they stood out more in my mind. Um,

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Speaker 1: so I was just very insecure and like the guys

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Speaker 1: always talked to them first, and they were just like whatever.

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Speaker 1: So I never really felt like I was really pretty.

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Speaker 1: Um did you hang around black girls or was there

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Speaker 1: any black girls who you to hang around with you? No?

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Speaker 1: I mean there were black people in my school and

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Speaker 1: I talked to them and we were friends. But there

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Speaker 1: are black people in my grade, but it wasn't anything

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Speaker 1: like I just never had that. I guess I just

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Speaker 1: never had that confidence in myself to even talk to boys.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know how to talk to them. I didn't

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Speaker 1: know anything. I just I was just not comfortable in

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Speaker 1: my own skin to even like talk to people like that.

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Speaker 1: So I just never did. And like, I don't know, usually,

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Speaker 1: like they didn't really talk to me. They always talked

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Speaker 1: to like my friends who are like who were pretty.

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying that I was unattractive, but like I

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Speaker 1: just never felt like I was the most prettiest person

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Speaker 1: in the room. So I just don't really I just

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Speaker 1: didn't really make an effort. I was like, you know whatever,

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Speaker 1: like I'm not gonna see here kind of a crush

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Speaker 1: on somebody when I don't really get chosen. Um So anyway,

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Speaker 1: Like then I went to college and I didn't know

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Speaker 1: how to talk to guys for a very long time.

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Speaker 1: Like I had crushes my freshman year and like I

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Speaker 1: liked a certain person and he was really great, but

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Speaker 1: I didn't think that he would he saw anything in me,

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Speaker 1: so I mean he we were friends. So I just

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Speaker 1: became friends with the guys that I liked, and like

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Speaker 1: whenever I did say that I like them, they weren't

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Speaker 1: really interested. So I just felt like it was just like,

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Speaker 1: what's the point of me keep like telling these guys

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Speaker 1: Like sometimes I wouldn't even say anything. I was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm not even saying anything because I know they're not

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Speaker 1: interested in me. And then I don't know, it was

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Speaker 1: like that for a while and it's just like you

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Speaker 1: don't forget that I'm just gonna be friends with these guys.

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Speaker 1: And then so one thing has changed because a lot

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Speaker 1: of people were assumed that the reason why somebody is

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Speaker 1: still a virgent at this age is because of religious reasons,

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Speaker 1: but obviously yours is a little bit more. It's not

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Speaker 1: really religious. Yeah, I saw religious reason at all. I

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Speaker 1: just never found someone that actually wanted to well, honestly,

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Speaker 1: like high school that was kind of like it was

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Speaker 1: no point in me, Like trying to find somebody was

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Speaker 1: very difficult. And then college, like sure it was like

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Speaker 1: more convenient because I'm in college, but like no guy

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Speaker 1: was really interested in me. That the guys that I

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Speaker 1: was interested in, they didn't really seem interested in me.

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Speaker 1: So I was like, what's the point. Like I just

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Speaker 1: felt again, I just felt super insecure, and I didn't

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Speaker 1: think that was pretty enough. And I just didn't think

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Speaker 1: that even when the even when a guy did call

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Speaker 1: me beautiful, I didn't even know what to say. I'd

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Speaker 1: be like, okay, like I didn't think that was because

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Speaker 1: like no guy ever called me beautiful, like so it

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Speaker 1: would just thrown me off, Like I was like, you

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Speaker 1: know that you're beautiful, and I'm like, what are you

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Speaker 1: talking about? No, I don't know. I'm just like baffled

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Speaker 1: by the fact that they even said that to me. Um,

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Speaker 1: So I just didn't know how to interact. I didn't think.

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Speaker 1: I was like, like guys would be interested, So I

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Speaker 1: just didn't really bother did you ever see your mom

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Speaker 1: about this? Or my mom was I didn't talk to

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Speaker 1: my mom just because she's a little bit more, Um,

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Speaker 1: you don't need a man, like it's fine, like whatever,

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Speaker 1: like exactly. She it's not like she doesn't want me

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Speaker 1: to end up with something. She does, but she's very

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Speaker 1: much like you don't need all that stress or struggle

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Speaker 1: or make get yourself hurt. Like she rather me just

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Speaker 1: like be single and find the right one than like

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Speaker 1: go round dating all these random men that's going to

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Speaker 1: hurt me. And like toss me aside, which has happened

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Speaker 1: regardless of me being a virgin or not. Um So,

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Speaker 1: it's not like I know, it's like obviously it's with

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Speaker 1: the best intentions, but she's very like assertive and like

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Speaker 1: aggressive the way that she talks. So it's like it's

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Speaker 1: not really helpful talking to someone that's just kind of

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Speaker 1: like like nitpicking, like me feeling a certain way, like

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Speaker 1: I'll be like sad or like a little bit depressed

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Speaker 1: about it, and she's just be like, you need be

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Speaker 1: a strong woman, and I'm just like, so it's like

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Speaker 1: it's kind of hard to talk to someone that's just

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Speaker 1: like you need to be independent and not care about

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Speaker 1: those types of things, and especially when it's something that's

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Speaker 1: like that's this is yeah. So then I just don't

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Speaker 1: talk to her about those types of things just because

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Speaker 1: it's like I just feel like it's just like this

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Speaker 1: need to be like oh, you're like it's like I'm

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Speaker 1: being weak or something like if I really want something

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Speaker 1: like that, it's like I shouldn't be just focusing on

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Speaker 1: that one thing or whatever. So I just never talked

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Speaker 1: to my mom about it. Um So, we talked to

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Speaker 1: about sex with well, how do you feel about friends? Usually,

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Speaker 1: like I have a therapist. I mean I had a

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Speaker 1: therapist and I talked to her about that too, but

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Speaker 1: I did no. I mean I've only had it for

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Speaker 1: a year, but I don't have her anymore because I

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Speaker 1: moved out here, so I so licensing issues like it

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Speaker 1: just yeah, so she couldn't Yeah, she couldn't help me anymore.

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Speaker 1: So I was like, all right, whatever, and I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to find a new one. But you know how difficult

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Speaker 1: that is. It's like difficult times. I really liked my therapist,

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Speaker 1: but she was great. Um so she trying to help me,

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Speaker 1: but it's just it's hard to find a therapist that's

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Speaker 1: like really so that you feel comfortable with. Like the

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Speaker 1: therapist I had, she was so nice and open and

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Speaker 1: like I feel like I was talking to like a

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Speaker 1: older sister. Um so that's like what I appreciate it.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, I usually talked to friends and stuff, like

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Speaker 1: you know, if I really want to get into it,

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Speaker 1: But usually talked to friends and whatever I feel comfortable

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Speaker 1: talking and stuff about that with and then they'll give

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Speaker 1: me their two cents or advice because they have dated,

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Speaker 1: you know, way more than I have. So it's just

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Speaker 1: nice to hear about what other people perspectives are. Um.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean, you know, like it's not like

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Speaker 1: I'm like dying for communication, Like I I know who

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Speaker 1: I can talk to about certain things. It's mostly just like,

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Speaker 1: I mean, they can't help me if a guy's not interested,

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Speaker 1: you know, like there's only so much that my friend

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Speaker 1: could really help me with. Like you can't force somebody

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Speaker 1: to be interested in with you any you, and you

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Speaker 1: can't force somebody to love you, you know, like the

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Speaker 1: years that I've had, Like I mean, I'm not like

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Speaker 1: self conscious about those. I mean, obviously everyone always has

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Speaker 1: this small insecurites here and there, but like I'm not

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Speaker 1: there a person that is like as insecure as I

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Speaker 1: was when I was back in college, like when I

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Speaker 1: was twenty two. Like honestly, I had my first kiss

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Speaker 1: when I was twenty two, And the only reason why

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Speaker 1: I had my first kiss is because I was gonna play.

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Speaker 1: So it was no I was I only got kissed

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Speaker 1: because I was gonna play, right Wow? Yeah, yeah, no,

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Speaker 1: like it's not That's what I'm saying, Like it wasn't

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Speaker 1: it really wasn't easy for me to like find someone

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Speaker 1: that actually I don't know. It was weird, like no

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Speaker 1: guy was really interested in me. And maybe if a

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Speaker 1: guy was, it didn't really directly say anything, or maybe

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Speaker 1: I just didn't even notice, but like it was just

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Speaker 1: not Everyone thought I was like this innocent little thing

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, okay, well I don't know what to do.

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Speaker 1: And I wasn't even obviously not bullied in college, like

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Speaker 1: I had friends, like I had locks friend friends, I

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Speaker 1: had girlfriends, I had all the friends. You know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. It's not like I was like this side

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Speaker 1: person that wasn't talking to anybody. Like I was very social.

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Speaker 1: Everybody knew me as being social, but like no guy

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Speaker 1: was really like to me like that. Like I don't

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Speaker 1: know if it was I was intimidating or what. I

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Speaker 1: don't know. I was just very like very open and

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Speaker 1: happy to see people. And I don't know if it

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Speaker 1: made it seem like I was just like a friendly

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Speaker 1: person and they couldn't tell me. But the guy, the

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Speaker 1: one guy that I did tell that it's a big,

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Speaker 1: huge crush on for like two years, he like told

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Speaker 1: me that he wasn't interested, and I was like, oh wow,

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Speaker 1: Like like I don't know, I had like crushes, like

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Speaker 1: I like certain guys and like I do things with

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Speaker 1: them and like whatever, and I would feel like, oh maybe,

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Speaker 1: but like either they ended up dating people or like

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Speaker 1: it just wasn't the right time. I don't know it was. Well,

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Speaker 1: how do you view your stuff now? Because I know,

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Speaker 1: you know, younger years he was, you felt like he

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Speaker 1: wasn't pretty enough, or guys saying like because you feel

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Speaker 1: like you just wasn't what I mean Now that I

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Speaker 1: now I'm older, I'm like everyone's you know, we're all

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Speaker 1: pretty and beautiful in our own ways. Like obviously, not

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Speaker 1: everybody is going to appreciate how I am as a

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Speaker 1: person or appreciate my looks. Like I think I'm beautiful

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Speaker 1: in my own I think I'm beautiful in general, but

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Speaker 1: like obviously, like I'm not going to be everyone's like,

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Speaker 1: oh yes, I love this person just because the way

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Speaker 1: that I look like I don't think I have. I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't think I'm the most distinct looking person. But

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Speaker 1: I'm also not like the average generic beautiful person. I'm

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Speaker 1: not the person that people like, Oh that person, like

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Speaker 1: I want her, But like I know that I'm beautiful.

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Speaker 1: I just know that, like not everybody thinks the same way.

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Speaker 1: And I know that beauty is very subjective and like

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Speaker 1: I'm I think that's beautiful, but that doesn't me another person.

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Speaker 1: I think that I'm beautiful, So it's like it's honestly,

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Speaker 1: I don't really put that much pressure on myself anymore.

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Speaker 1: I'm very much like whatever, Like, if you think I'm beautiful,

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Speaker 1: that's great. I'm not going to question it. I'm not

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Speaker 1: gonna feel like super uncomfortable with it. Like even getting

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Speaker 1: a compliment, I'm still kind of weird about it. I'm like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: thank you. But like, you know, if you think that way,

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Speaker 1: that's great because obviously it's subjective and that's what you think.

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Speaker 1: But like for me, I don't tell myself that I'm

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Speaker 1: not good enough anymore. I don't tell myself that I

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Speaker 1: used to think I was so I thought I was

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Speaker 1: so fat. I thought it was huge. Yeah, I thought

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Speaker 1: it was so fat. I thought I was disgusting. I honestly,

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Speaker 1: I thought I was so ugly, Like I was like,

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Speaker 1: I I'm so ugly, like I felt I felt for years.

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Speaker 1: I was like I feel so ugly, Like I just

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Speaker 1: felt really bad about myself for so long, and then

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Speaker 1: it just came to a point where I was like,

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Speaker 1: I can't be bothered thinking about what other people think

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Speaker 1: about me. I'm just gonna be think what I think

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Speaker 1: about myself, and that I just she's not ugly. When

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Speaker 1: I first saw her, I thought it was e's a

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Speaker 1: right and I thought he's a raised Like she's beautiful

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Speaker 1: to me, said, you know, you're a girl. And then

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Speaker 1: you also being around women or young girls that don't

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Speaker 1: look like you can really mess with your psyche because

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Speaker 1: you you're around white girls. So and then that means

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Speaker 1: you're also around white boys that's attracted to white girls.

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Speaker 1: And not to say that most not said that white

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Speaker 1: boys are not attracted the black girls. But I can

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Speaker 1: see how that was really fucking with you because he

333
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Speaker 1: was the only brownie amongst the people in your neighborhood.

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Speaker 1: So that's like, that's very like low key traumatizing. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: But even then, it's like even if I was when

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Speaker 1: I feel like even if I went to all black

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Speaker 1: school too, like I feel like I wouldn't even fit

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Speaker 1: in that, Like I feel like I wouldn't even find

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Speaker 1: a black guy that would even appreciate who I was. Honestly,

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Speaker 1: you can't say that though you don't know. I know,

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00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:14,280
Speaker 1: I definitely do. I've been around black guys before, and

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Speaker 1: I feel like they always choose like because I'm very

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Speaker 1: much in between. Like it's very much like I'm not

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Speaker 1: like super like oh black power, not saying that's not important,

345
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,200
Speaker 1: but I'm not like that type of girl who's like

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Speaker 1: very like well spoken and well dressed and went to

347
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:34,320
Speaker 1: like listen to so Black sorority. Like I don't fall

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Speaker 1: into that line at all. And then I also don't

349
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Speaker 1: fall into like, oh, I'm just like a really cool

350
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:44,040
Speaker 1: black girl who like it's really pretty and like all

351
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:45,880
Speaker 1: this stuff. I don't know if you know what I'm

352
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:50,640
Speaker 1: talking about, but like, but there's multiple ways of being

353
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Speaker 1: black though you know that, No, no, I know it's

354
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:55,360
Speaker 1: multiple is being black. I mean I obviously know that

355
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,440
Speaker 1: because I'm black and I'm definitely not I can't put

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Speaker 1: myself in a box. But I feel like since I don't,

357
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Speaker 1: I can't put myself in a specific box that usual

358
00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:06,959
Speaker 1: black men like, like it's either like that strong independent

359
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:10,399
Speaker 1: black a k A female who like went to all

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00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:14,520
Speaker 1: girl like like Spellman University, or like a very hip

361
00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:17,840
Speaker 1: like a black female who like has a big afro

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00:17:18,119 --> 00:17:20,720
Speaker 1: and like like makes her own cocoa butter. Now you

363
00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:23,800
Speaker 1: know what I'm talking about. Like they're like they're very distinct.

364
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:29,200
Speaker 1: I knows, difficult, I don't know what I mean. Like

365
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,359
Speaker 1: there's very distinct black women that can really attract like

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Speaker 1: a really full fledged black man, and then the other ones,

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Speaker 1: they're usually just taking the white girl, an Asian girl,

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Speaker 1: maybe a Latina, but usually those are the options they

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Speaker 1: pick because they really the black guys are really like anime,

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Speaker 1: like really just picking Asian girl, and like I don't

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Speaker 1: want to put them into sections, Like I don't want

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Speaker 1: to do that because obviously I do want to be

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Speaker 1: put in a box. But that's usually the case. That

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00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,760
Speaker 1: usually is what the case is. Like black girls like

375
00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:59,840
Speaker 1: me end up dating guys black eyes, end up dating

376
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:03,480
Speaker 1: guy to outside their race because black men don't usually

377
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:06,360
Speaker 1: are not attractive to me, which is totally fine. I'm

378
00:18:06,359 --> 00:18:09,000
Speaker 1: not hurt by it. It's whatever. It's just that like

379
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:12,520
Speaker 1: I could not imagine myself being picked by a black man,

380
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:14,440
Speaker 1: being like she's the one, Like I can't imagine. I

381
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:16,920
Speaker 1: definitely know that I'm not doing someone that's inside my race.

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Speaker 1: Um not, because like I don't want that or like whatever,

383
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:23,719
Speaker 1: but like I just know that our personalities and like

384
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:27,119
Speaker 1: our interests are different, so like, and that's also because

385
00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:29,080
Speaker 1: like the setting I grew up in and stuff like that.

386
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:32,600
Speaker 1: So like that's I also feel like you probably haven't.

387
00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:34,960
Speaker 1: I mean, you just never know, Like I don't know.

388
00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:40,280
Speaker 1: I'm yeah, I totally get what you're saying because even

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00:18:40,359 --> 00:18:42,800
Speaker 1: sometimes I feel like, I mean, I did outside my

390
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:46,320
Speaker 1: race too, which you was so surprised by. Well, I

391
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:48,600
Speaker 1: don't know because whenever I talked about white guys, You're

392
00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:52,320
Speaker 1: like ill, and I'm like, yes, I did a white

393
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:56,480
Speaker 1: girl guy, no, because I literally be working with you.

394
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,080
Speaker 1: But I mean, I just feel like at this day

395
00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:00,679
Speaker 1: and age, it's just like you know, I feel like

396
00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:02,920
Speaker 1: what black women. A lot of people don't like black women.

397
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,000
Speaker 1: And I hate to say, but some of those people

398
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:08,920
Speaker 1: are exactly That's why it's hard. That's why I ain't

399
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:12,520
Speaker 1: gonna put myself thinking that. Honestly, I if I was

400
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:15,440
Speaker 1: gonna be with this like big, like nice black man,

401
00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:17,760
Speaker 1: and that's and the thing is, I like specific black man,

402
00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:20,199
Speaker 1: like they have to be like tall and like have

403
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:25,440
Speaker 1: a good bye, like you know, like Lawrence, like j Ellis.

404
00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:32,119
Speaker 1: That's like, stop it, stop it. J Ellis Is my husband.

405
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:36,760
Speaker 1: Don't even come after him. I do not care. It

406
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,200
Speaker 1: was gonna be a black man, that's gonna be j

407
00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:42,719
Speaker 1: l Um. Yeah, like him, like that type of man.

408
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:46,120
Speaker 1: I'm like, yes, will definitely date you, like you are

409
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:50,120
Speaker 1: very attractive to me. Um. But like that's just like

410
00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:54,320
Speaker 1: like Michael B. Jordan's same thing. What Michael B. Jordan.

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00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:58,040
Speaker 1: That's the first time. Like I said, I always tell people,

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00:19:58,080 --> 00:19:59,639
Speaker 1: and you are telling myself like you just have to

413
00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:04,840
Speaker 1: be win because you just don't know. Yeah, I'm definitely

414
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:07,000
Speaker 1: me saying that I'm only going to date a certain race.

415
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,639
Speaker 1: But like that's those are the races. That's the Like

416
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:12,240
Speaker 1: white guys is usually the race that I'm like mostly

417
00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:15,240
Speaker 1: attracted to or like you have things in common. I

418
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,720
Speaker 1: have things in common with them. So as usually the

419
00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:20,560
Speaker 1: guy that I usually talked to. UM, not saying I

420
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:25,280
Speaker 1: have nothing for Asian men or Latinos like they're attracted

421
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:27,359
Speaker 1: to I just don't. It's not like I attract them.

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00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:28,880
Speaker 1: It's not like I'm walking out the door and those

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00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:31,680
Speaker 1: are the guys that I see. So if I attracted

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00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:32,960
Speaker 1: to you and you're attracted to me, that's all I

425
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,280
Speaker 1: care about. I don't really care about the rest of

426
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:41,800
Speaker 1: the nonsense honestly, but yeah, like once I left school, um,

427
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:43,639
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I'm gonna date more. And then

428
00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:46,000
Speaker 1: I started to go on apps and like, you know,

429
00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:48,000
Speaker 1: I was in improv and stuff like that, and I

430
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:54,879
Speaker 1: just like involved myself and other activities. Um yeah, you know,

431
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,840
Speaker 1: I just said, thought this is involved myself in activities

432
00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:02,240
Speaker 1: after I graduated school and then you know, it just

433
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:04,439
Speaker 1: never really happened. Like I just you know, I just

434
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:07,119
Speaker 1: hung out with guys, I dated them, and like it,

435
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:09,760
Speaker 1: going on apps is always weird because you never know

436
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:15,000
Speaker 1: you're gonna get and obviously I'm looking the traditional dating experience,

437
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,320
Speaker 1: so it was just hard meaning the right person. And

438
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:21,040
Speaker 1: the thing is like once when I started dating, like

439
00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:22,480
Speaker 1: a lot of the guys just wanted to have sex

440
00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:25,080
Speaker 1: side of the way, and my whole thing is like wow,

441
00:21:25,119 --> 00:21:29,280
Speaker 1: like I really went from like college and then I'm

442
00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:31,520
Speaker 1: I'm a young adult and I'm out here and I'm

443
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:33,439
Speaker 1: I really get up sex with this random person I

444
00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:36,840
Speaker 1: don't even know, and like I feel like I was like,

445
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:38,200
Speaker 1: maybe I have to have a couple of dates. I

446
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:40,199
Speaker 1: definitely up sex with that person then, but by the

447
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:41,560
Speaker 1: time we would have a couple of days, it would

448
00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:44,399
Speaker 1: just be over. So like every single time like I

449
00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:46,520
Speaker 1: hang out with a guy, like either I wasn't really

450
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:50,040
Speaker 1: interested in them, or like we just stopped talking because

451
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:52,919
Speaker 1: they weren't interested in me or whatever, whatever, whatever, And

452
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:55,720
Speaker 1: like every single time, like I did, Like I can't

453
00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:57,359
Speaker 1: even think about how many as I did it right

454
00:21:57,359 --> 00:22:00,480
Speaker 1: now after college was over by day like at least

455
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:04,159
Speaker 1: like ten twelve. I wasn't crazy or anything like that,

456
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:06,879
Speaker 1: but I did like a couple of guys after college

457
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:09,320
Speaker 1: was over, and like they would only last for like

458
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:13,439
Speaker 1: at least at most three dates m hm. A handful

459
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:16,399
Speaker 1: of them were like maybe five, but like nothing was

460
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:20,640
Speaker 1: nothing like oh this was intense or crazy. Um, so

461
00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:24,399
Speaker 1: like I never had a relationship before, never had sex before,

462
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:26,399
Speaker 1: none of that. So it was just like I don't know,

463
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:28,000
Speaker 1: it was just a lot. And then I was just

464
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:29,560
Speaker 1: always in my head, I'm like, am I really gonna

465
00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:31,320
Speaker 1: have sex with this person? I barely even know? Like

466
00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:34,159
Speaker 1: are they gonna talk to me afterwards? Like? Am I

467
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:36,399
Speaker 1: really have sex from random person? Now? Like this is

468
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:38,159
Speaker 1: how it is how I'm gonna lose my virginity, Like

469
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:40,280
Speaker 1: it was just like I just kept putting so much

470
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:42,800
Speaker 1: thought into my head, like I wasn't waiting until marriage,

471
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:44,080
Speaker 1: but I was like, at least want to have such

472
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:48,800
Speaker 1: a my cares about me. I don't want to be like, yeah,

473
00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:50,879
Speaker 1: I wanted to be special, but I also want to

474
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:54,200
Speaker 1: care about this person and not be treated like trash afterwards.

475
00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:56,840
Speaker 1: Like I feel like anybody wants to have sex like that,

476
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,080
Speaker 1: unless they just do having sex to have sex. But

477
00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:01,600
Speaker 1: I feel like if you're somebody and you like this person,

478
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:04,000
Speaker 1: like you would think that eventually have sex with them

479
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:05,760
Speaker 1: and then you know, like see where it goes. But

480
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:08,719
Speaker 1: dating is not that easy and it's honestly trash no

481
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:12,679
Speaker 1: matter where you are. Um, So it's just I don't know,

482
00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:15,120
Speaker 1: Like I tried to be hopeful and positive, but like

483
00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:17,600
Speaker 1: the amount of times I've been told like some nonsense

484
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:20,919
Speaker 1: about connection and like how they feel like they're not ready,

485
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:22,479
Speaker 1: and I'm like, so why are you even dating if

486
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:26,160
Speaker 1: you're not ready to date? It's just frustrating. That's why

487
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:28,159
Speaker 1: I thought that when I first lost my virginity, I

488
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:31,760
Speaker 1: definitely wanted wanted it to be with somebody that I

489
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:33,840
Speaker 1: was in love with. Like I really wanted it to

490
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:37,879
Speaker 1: be special, and it was special. Yeah, So like no,

491
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,200
Speaker 1: it was like we really like that was my boyfriend,

492
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:42,840
Speaker 1: Like even though he hurt my feelings in the end,

493
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:45,159
Speaker 1: but that's need to hear in there. But it was

494
00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:48,760
Speaker 1: really like, like I'm glad because I felt like a

495
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:50,560
Speaker 1: lot of girls in my age at that time, I

496
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:52,000
Speaker 1: was like just trying to have sex, trying to have

497
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:54,320
Speaker 1: sex already we're already having sex and then then mean

498
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,200
Speaker 1: nothing to them. But I was like, no, I wanted

499
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:59,320
Speaker 1: my first time to be with somebody who I really love. Yeah,

500
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:02,560
Speaker 1: so I'm that's like what I wanted, Like it would

501
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:06,119
Speaker 1: have been nice if that could have happened, but it

502
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:10,000
Speaker 1: just happened. You just never know. I mean obviously hopefully

503
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,360
Speaker 1: will happen at some point, but like I'm just like

504
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:14,840
Speaker 1: so over like trying to force this, like oh I

505
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,560
Speaker 1: must lose my originity right now. So now I'm just

506
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:19,240
Speaker 1: kind of over because I feel like once I try

507
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:21,240
Speaker 1: to do that, Like there was one guy that even

508
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:23,560
Speaker 1: trying to set up arrangement with I was like seven

509
00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:25,440
Speaker 1: dates and then we can have then you can take

510
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:29,280
Speaker 1: my riginity because he knew that, like I was a

511
00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:31,959
Speaker 1: virgin because we have like this long conversation on my

512
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:34,760
Speaker 1: first date, like on our first date, and then I

513
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:36,560
Speaker 1: was just kind of like, yeah, like I mean, I

514
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,119
Speaker 1: don't know how you feel about this. He's like, no,

515
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,119
Speaker 1: I've been with people who were virgins before, and he

516
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:42,760
Speaker 1: seemed like he was comfortable with it. So I was like, okay, like,

517
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:45,280
Speaker 1: how about our the seventh date, we can like talk

518
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:49,240
Speaker 1: about like losing virginity or whatever. Um. And then he

519
00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:50,919
Speaker 1: we did it for a little bit, but then he

520
00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:53,320
Speaker 1: got kind of weird with me towards the end, and

521
00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:57,000
Speaker 1: then we just never did it. UM. So I saw

522
00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:59,399
Speaker 1: men about viriginity. Do you tell him like up front

523
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:02,960
Speaker 1: or do you I saw period, I stopped telling them

524
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:05,800
Speaker 1: because the last time I talked to, like like really

525
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:09,000
Speaker 1: talked to, were together for like it's long for me.

526
00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:11,600
Speaker 1: But we were talking like two months because I don't

527
00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:13,600
Speaker 1: usually talk together for that long, and we were talking

528
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:16,920
Speaker 1: like every day. And then this was like last year,

529
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:19,280
Speaker 1: and we were talking every single day and you would

530
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:21,879
Speaker 1: like text me good morning and all this nonsense, and

531
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:29,720
Speaker 1: then that's what anyway. But then I he like stayed

532
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:32,120
Speaker 1: the night, he came over to my place one night,

533
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:36,320
Speaker 1: and then we had this long conversation and then I

534
00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:37,840
Speaker 1: was just I just told him I was a virgin,

535
00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:42,040
Speaker 1: and then he because like that night too, I was

536
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:44,159
Speaker 1: just kind of like, what had my period? As I

537
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:47,240
Speaker 1: told you, there's a theory I have every single time.

538
00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:50,439
Speaker 1: I remember, No, I'm telling you it is not. It's

539
00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:53,800
Speaker 1: literally every single time I try to have sex with somebody,

540
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:57,160
Speaker 1: I have my period, like every time, like like clockwork.

541
00:25:57,200 --> 00:25:59,000
Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, this is the weekend I got a period.

542
00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:04,000
Speaker 1: You serious? So I told him that I had UM

543
00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:05,400
Speaker 1: and I really don't want to have my first time

544
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:07,560
Speaker 1: with my period because it's already disgusting as it is.

545
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:09,280
Speaker 1: I don't want to. I really don't want to have

546
00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:12,240
Speaker 1: my first time on my period. UM. But yeah, I

547
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:14,560
Speaker 1: told him and then he like I was like, oh,

548
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:16,200
Speaker 1: I'm fine, I'm fine with it. It's not a big deal.

549
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:19,160
Speaker 1: And then he like went home two days like we're

550
00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:22,600
Speaker 1: still chatting and whatever. He told me like the same

551
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:25,399
Speaker 1: like two days later, like the same weekend. He was like, oh,

552
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:27,760
Speaker 1: I don't know if this is gonna work out or

553
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:31,399
Speaker 1: whatever whatever, like I feel like our sexual preferences are

554
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:33,040
Speaker 1: different or something like that. I I don't even know what

555
00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 1: you're trying to say, and I was like whatever, like

556
00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:39,880
Speaker 1: he just was like, I guess scared, like like, honestly,

557
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,560
Speaker 1: it irritates me the most about like the whole virginity thing.

558
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:44,240
Speaker 1: It's like we did not all come out of the

559
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:47,200
Speaker 1: womb not being a virgin, like obviously at certain times

560
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:49,800
Speaker 1: when you're going to lose your virginity obviously, like I'm

561
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:52,399
Speaker 1: in the small percentage of people that still have their

562
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:55,720
Speaker 1: virginity at this age, and it's like fushioning because I'm like,

563
00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:57,600
Speaker 1: obviously I want to have sex, but if you're gonna

564
00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:00,600
Speaker 1: tell me no, I'm gonna be like this for a while. Everything.

565
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:02,320
Speaker 1: I don't think people realize once you say no to

566
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:04,359
Speaker 1: a virgin, there's still gonna be a version afterwards, and

567
00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:06,600
Speaker 1: there's gonna be another person to still say no to no.

568
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:10,200
Speaker 1: Like it's just like an annoying, endless cycle. So I'm

569
00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:13,480
Speaker 1: afraid to like tell any guy that I'm a virgin

570
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:16,199
Speaker 1: now because I'm gonna say I don't have enough sexual

571
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:17,760
Speaker 1: experience and they just have to take it as it is.

572
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:20,159
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say I'm a virgin because it's just

573
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:22,600
Speaker 1: annoying because when you said that word, it's like you're saying, oh,

574
00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:24,480
Speaker 1: I want to get married, and I'm like, I don't.

575
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 1: I don't even know you really that was guy? Well,

576
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 1: maybe because when I was I was younger, I was

577
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:32,720
Speaker 1: my vagina, because I I thought guys like the fact

578
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:34,560
Speaker 1: of being with a virgin. But I guess also now

579
00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:38,159
Speaker 1: I don't know, so maybe guys probably feel like the

580
00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:40,119
Speaker 1: pressure like oh my god, like I gotta be with

581
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:45,160
Speaker 1: her over the case. Maybe I mean, I I mean short,

582
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:46,600
Speaker 1: Maybe they might think. I don't know. I just think

583
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:51,240
Speaker 1: it's like a stupid way to be like somebody. It's

584
00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:53,439
Speaker 1: just it's just a dumb reason, especially when you know

585
00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:55,399
Speaker 1: you like somebody and you have like the guy that

586
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,320
Speaker 1: I'm talking about, like he told me that he liked

587
00:27:57,359 --> 00:27:58,560
Speaker 1: me a week before he's like, oh my god, and

588
00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:01,520
Speaker 1: I really like you. And then I'm like okay, And

589
00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:03,320
Speaker 1: then a week later I told my virgin, He's like, oh,

590
00:28:03,359 --> 00:28:05,159
Speaker 1: I don't know. I can't do with this. I'm like,

591
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:07,399
Speaker 1: what's wrong with you? I'm like, it's wrong, like I

592
00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:10,000
Speaker 1: told you something kind of crazy. Like I feel like

593
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:11,520
Speaker 1: I feel like, as I told him, if I had

594
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:14,359
Speaker 1: an STD, he'd be more comfortable than that. You gotta

595
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:17,680
Speaker 1: lead on white boys longer too, with a real nigga baby.

596
00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:27,520
Speaker 1: Oh please please anyway, I don't know, I don't know.

597
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:33,479
Speaker 1: I all sex, go ahead, sex my question, but go

598
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:35,640
Speaker 1: ahead finish what you were saying. No, no, there's something

599
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:38,520
Speaker 1: else had to say. So when you think about sex,

600
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:41,360
Speaker 1: how do you even envision it for yourself? Like? What

601
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:44,120
Speaker 1: does sex look like for you? What do you mean?

602
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 1: Like when I think about sex, Like, for me, it's

603
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:50,000
Speaker 1: all about romance. I really want to be into that person.

604
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:55,320
Speaker 1: I want intimacy, like I want like the whole nay

605
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,200
Speaker 1: are so, like, what does your sex life look like

606
00:28:57,280 --> 00:29:00,320
Speaker 1: to you? I mean with one person would be nice?

607
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:02,120
Speaker 1: Like one person at a time. I'm not gonna be

608
00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 1: like because like right now, I stopped. I told you

609
00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:06,960
Speaker 1: how it was. I don't want to skip to anything.

610
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:09,280
Speaker 1: I don't I'm not sure if I should skip to

611
00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:13,040
Speaker 1: like saying I was dating two guys at this point. Yeah,

612
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:15,680
Speaker 1: I mean you're like fucking up with those things. Yeah, no,

613
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:17,720
Speaker 1: I would have did. Yeah, I was in two guys

614
00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:20,640
Speaker 1: recently and then one of them got annoying and then

615
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:25,640
Speaker 1: stopped talking to me. Um, but yeah, I that even

616
00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:27,800
Speaker 1: that that overwhelmed me I was like, I can't talk

617
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:30,240
Speaker 1: to I can't have sex with people. At the same time,

618
00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:33,280
Speaker 1: I was like, that's just not something because it would

619
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:35,720
Speaker 1: drive you crazy. It was driving me. I was like,

620
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:37,360
Speaker 1: oh my god, what if Like I was thinking about

621
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:38,760
Speaker 1: all the worst things. I was like, oh my god,

622
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:40,640
Speaker 1: but what if I I don't know, I missed my

623
00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:42,640
Speaker 1: period or whatever reason, like who would be the daddy?

624
00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:46,280
Speaker 1: Like oh god, But first of all, you won't be

625
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:48,880
Speaker 1: having to protected sex. I wouldn't. But then I was like,

626
00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:50,680
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be on birth control. Like that was

627
00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:52,840
Speaker 1: too Like I was like freaking out about if I

628
00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:54,840
Speaker 1: should go on birth control or not. And I was like,

629
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:56,719
Speaker 1: I don't want to be on birth control because like, honestly,

630
00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:59,240
Speaker 1: I have no no, I just don't have any interest

631
00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:01,320
Speaker 1: in being a birth coato. I don't like them. Not

632
00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:03,360
Speaker 1: because the thing is I've never had to do. The

633
00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:05,000
Speaker 1: thing is, I'm twenty seven. I feel like if I

634
00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:08,200
Speaker 1: start putting home hormones in my body, that's just gonna

635
00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:10,520
Speaker 1: mess up my entire body to the point where it's

636
00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:12,120
Speaker 1: like I'm getting older, Like I don't want to put

637
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:15,280
Speaker 1: some other additional thing into my bloodstream and then mess

638
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:18,040
Speaker 1: up my period. First of all, my periods fine, my

639
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:21,640
Speaker 1: weight is Oh my god, you start to overthinker. I

640
00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:24,200
Speaker 1: am an overthinker my periods. But but the thing is,

641
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:26,240
Speaker 1: it saves me a lot of stress. I mean, it

642
00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:27,720
Speaker 1: gives me stress, but it saves me from a lot

643
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:30,000
Speaker 1: of other issues. Like I don't have to worry about

644
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:32,880
Speaker 1: my period. I never really worry about my period. I never.

645
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:34,520
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't want to worry about weight gain.

646
00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:36,560
Speaker 1: That's another thing I just don't want to worry about,

647
00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:39,680
Speaker 1: Like I don't want to worry about as well. Start

648
00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:41,480
Speaker 1: worrying about it. Because once you start having sex, the

649
00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:44,520
Speaker 1: whole body gonna change. People keep saying this to me,

650
00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:47,200
Speaker 1: and I'm like, okay, sure, yeah, like everybody's going to

651
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:52,160
Speaker 1: definitely change. I am like the worst, like overthinker. I

652
00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:55,360
Speaker 1: think everything I'm thinking of my I think I'm gonna

653
00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:58,600
Speaker 1: die just because like it's just because I did one thing.

654
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:01,719
Speaker 1: Like I'm like, I don't even know what happened. So

655
00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:03,880
Speaker 1: I know you make out with men, so like when

656
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:06,640
Speaker 1: you make out, like how do you stop? Like how

657
00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:08,760
Speaker 1: does that work out? Because normally, if I'm kissing, I'm

658
00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:10,600
Speaker 1: into somebody and we're doing everything, Like I want to

659
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:14,200
Speaker 1: have sex and I'm gonna have sex, So what do

660
00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:17,160
Speaker 1: you do? I mean, I guess, I don't know. I

661
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:19,240
Speaker 1: will power, I don't know. I mean, like you just

662
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:24,239
Speaker 1: be like okay. I mean the times that I can

663
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:26,800
Speaker 1: think of again, the times when I can think of

664
00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:30,840
Speaker 1: when I was really really intimate with somebody, we're making out,

665
00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:33,000
Speaker 1: I'm like full blown, like really into it. I'm like

666
00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:36,280
Speaker 1: they're better or whatever. I have my period. Like, so

667
00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:40,000
Speaker 1: I'm saying to you, like every single time, like like

668
00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:42,080
Speaker 1: usually if I'm dating somebody and we like hang out

669
00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 1: a couple of times, and you know, we kissed the

670
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:45,120
Speaker 1: first time, but it's not like we're in their apartment

671
00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:47,680
Speaker 1: and then like you know, we'll make out, but we're

672
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:50,840
Speaker 1: like outside, so I'm not that sex with them outside.

673
00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:53,120
Speaker 1: So like by the time we get to their place

674
00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:56,880
Speaker 1: and whatever, I have my period. And it's every single time,

675
00:31:56,960 --> 00:31:59,480
Speaker 1: like I'm not making up, like every single time, it's

676
00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:01,800
Speaker 1: always around my period when I'm like, oh, they come

677
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:03,480
Speaker 1: to my place or if you go to their place

678
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:05,240
Speaker 1: and I have my period, and I'm like, it's not

679
00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 1: even like the first day either. It's like actually it's

680
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:08,840
Speaker 1: either the first or the third day, and it's like

681
00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:12,000
Speaker 1: the heaviest. It's like it's just not I'm like, I

682
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:15,320
Speaker 1: wouldn't recommend you lose different a period, No, I know.

683
00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:16,920
Speaker 1: That's why I'm like, I'm not going to do that.

684
00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:20,040
Speaker 1: So it's always it's over every single time. So like

685
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:21,800
Speaker 1: we usually to make out the first couple of times

686
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:24,040
Speaker 1: of the person, like we're like outside or like in

687
00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:29,800
Speaker 1: an intimate setting. What it's no, I know, it's like

688
00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:32,240
Speaker 1: we're outside and stuff like that, and like it's like

689
00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:34,280
Speaker 1: an intimate area. It's not like I'm just full blown

690
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:37,280
Speaker 1: making out with someone onto street, but like it's like

691
00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:39,280
Speaker 1: we're on a park bench or something like that, and

692
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:41,760
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna have sex with them outside, so like

693
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:45,640
Speaker 1: you know, like it's not as like oh so crazy,

694
00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:50,480
Speaker 1: Um if I slow down or they slow down or whatever, um,

695
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 1: but you're done. Lead home. I live with my well,

696
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:58,880
Speaker 1: I live with my parents in a day, so like

697
00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:02,560
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna bring to oh my parents plays. And

698
00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:05,480
Speaker 1: then I didn't really go to their place because it

699
00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:07,360
Speaker 1: wasn't like the time setting. They didn't ask me to

700
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:10,600
Speaker 1: come over, like it was it was just like I

701
00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:12,440
Speaker 1: don't know, it was just like one of those again.

702
00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:15,160
Speaker 1: I don't go on dates more than I went on

703
00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:18,760
Speaker 1: like to three dates. Like usually the guys might gonna

704
00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:20,720
Speaker 1: be like come to my place after the second date.

705
00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:24,960
Speaker 1: Those guys that I did it anyway, Um, so like yeah,

706
00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:29,200
Speaker 1: even those type of situations. And then I don't know,

707
00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:32,920
Speaker 1: like when I am with somebody and we aren't that

708
00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:34,640
Speaker 1: setting where it's intimate and stuff like that, I had

709
00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:37,479
Speaker 1: my period, so like usually we just stopped and like

710
00:33:37,560 --> 00:33:39,360
Speaker 1: I feel bad for the guy because half the time

711
00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:42,560
Speaker 1: it's just kind of like balls. Yeah, and then I'm like,

712
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:44,440
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I mean I try to do something

713
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:47,000
Speaker 1: for them, but sometimes they just can't really get off

714
00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:50,920
Speaker 1: with that just hand jobs. I don't, As I told you,

715
00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:55,520
Speaker 1: I do not get suck at anybody's zick without I'm sorry,

716
00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:57,760
Speaker 1: I'm not doing it. I'm paranoid enough as it is.

717
00:33:57,800 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 1: I don't know what they have. I'm not going to

718
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:01,360
Speaker 1: my mouth on your dick, Like I don't know where

719
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:04,200
Speaker 1: you put your dick. I don't really would you let

720
00:34:04,200 --> 00:34:11,480
Speaker 1: them meet you out? Want to have you actually recently,

721
00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:19,279
Speaker 1: so okay checking out? Did you like it? Yeah? I

722
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:23,239
Speaker 1: mean some people might, but I didn't. Um, but yeah,

723
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:25,200
Speaker 1: I want to put he didn't want to put the

724
00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:30,920
Speaker 1: tip in. No. Strangely enough. Strangely enough, I said my

725
00:34:30,920 --> 00:34:32,920
Speaker 1: friends all the time, what's knock on wood? Because I

726
00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:35,640
Speaker 1: don't want that to change. Really, Um, every guy I've

727
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:40,920
Speaker 1: ever dated, they've been like so passive and they're just

728
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:43,840
Speaker 1: kind of like, oh, I'm a pleaser. I'm like, okay,

729
00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:49,439
Speaker 1: so you're dealing with no real nigga. I would it

730
00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:52,320
Speaker 1: is fine with me. I don't need to be be forced.

731
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:54,680
Speaker 1: They're told I had to sir dick. I don't need that.

732
00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:58,000
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I don't want your dick if I don't

733
00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:01,520
Speaker 1: want when I I don't think that a guy is

734
00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:03,600
Speaker 1: gonna make he's gonna force you just like they did.

735
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:06,520
Speaker 1: But it's gonna be it's gonna be something that's like, hey, like,

736
00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:08,040
Speaker 1: why don't you do to me? I did to you,

737
00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:11,040
Speaker 1: and it's not true. What I was gonna get to was.

738
00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:12,840
Speaker 1: I feel like with some guys, they don't want to

739
00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:14,279
Speaker 1: be like all right, like I want to have sex.

740
00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:18,680
Speaker 1: I didn't put the tip in like that. But the

741
00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:21,719
Speaker 1: thing is one the thing is either like I don't know,

742
00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:25,440
Speaker 1: I haven't dealt with that. Yeah, every guy has just

743
00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:28,680
Speaker 1: been really passive with me. There was kind of like okay, yeah, sure,

744
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:31,799
Speaker 1: Like I've never had someone be like oh I want

745
00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:34,759
Speaker 1: to I want to do right now, like like obviously yes,

746
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:37,600
Speaker 1: Like it almost happened the other night, and it was

747
00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:40,120
Speaker 1: very close to happening, but I was like, you're gonna

748
00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:42,040
Speaker 1: leave right afterwards, Like why are you going to have

749
00:35:42,080 --> 00:35:47,040
Speaker 1: sex right now? No? Because like this guy was like okay,

750
00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:48,920
Speaker 1: So the guy that I was seeing, he was I

751
00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:52,399
Speaker 1: mean that I'm seeing. He just kind of like we're

752
00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:54,919
Speaker 1: very close to having sex. But then he I knew

753
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:56,200
Speaker 1: that he was leaving right This is the guy in

754
00:35:56,200 --> 00:36:02,640
Speaker 1: the open lationship I was talking about. Oh wow, yeah,

755
00:36:02,719 --> 00:36:05,279
Speaker 1: and he had to leave. So I was like, well,

756
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:07,240
Speaker 1: I'm not going to have sex with you're literally gonnat.

757
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:09,520
Speaker 1: So you've not head sex with the guys in an

758
00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:15,160
Speaker 1: open relationship. Yeah, oh I probably am, honestly, and a reality,

759
00:36:15,239 --> 00:36:17,600
Speaker 1: I probably will lose it to him, which is whatever

760
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:20,200
Speaker 1: to me. It's not like he doesn't care about me,

761
00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:22,080
Speaker 1: and I care about him and I find him attractive

762
00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:23,920
Speaker 1: when I have fun with him, so like he's like

763
00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:26,400
Speaker 1: the best person honestly to do it with, and like

764
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:28,000
Speaker 1: I don't know if he can skip to this part,

765
00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 1: but like, this open relationship situation I'm in is probably

766
00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:34,319
Speaker 1: the best relationship I've ever been in. And you're in

767
00:36:34,360 --> 00:36:37,960
Speaker 1: an open relationship. There, No, No, I'm not an open relationship.

768
00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:40,520
Speaker 1: He's an open relationship. Oh the way you made it,

769
00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:43,880
Speaker 1: the way you worried it sound like, yeah, So the

770
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:46,400
Speaker 1: relationship I'm in right now with this person, he's in

771
00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:50,440
Speaker 1: a relationship. He's dating somebody and they're in a serious relationship.

772
00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:53,240
Speaker 1: They moved into the house together recently, and all this stuff.

773
00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:55,799
Speaker 1: My whole thing about this is like it's like a

774
00:36:55,800 --> 00:37:00,719
Speaker 1: practice boyfriend. Honestly, Like I'm getting too long. I'm not

775
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:03,160
Speaker 1: even joking. It's like it's like it's like really like

776
00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:05,719
Speaker 1: he's giving me everything that I want without all like

777
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:10,920
Speaker 1: the overbearing relationships stuff Like I've never been a relationship,

778
00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:12,960
Speaker 1: so I can't imagine you just jumping into one right

779
00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:15,200
Speaker 1: away and knowing how to manage a relationship and being

780
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:17,799
Speaker 1: honest and open with the other person. And how do

781
00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:21,560
Speaker 1: you know he's an open relationship? He told me, But

782
00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:24,680
Speaker 1: how do you know that that's true? Well, from the facts,

783
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:26,479
Speaker 1: and when he was telling me, it sounds like he's

784
00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:29,399
Speaker 1: I don't know, the girl knows about me? And he's like, yeah,

785
00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:33,040
Speaker 1: she asked about you, and I'm like okay, and he

786
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:35,160
Speaker 1: she Cafrica this because they can tell you something. I

787
00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:38,040
Speaker 1: mean that there's always true especially I mean, I mean yeah,

788
00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:40,480
Speaker 1: I mean I know that, Like I thought about it ready,

789
00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:43,680
Speaker 1: but I don't know, it doesn't seem like he's lying necessary.

790
00:37:43,760 --> 00:37:45,600
Speaker 1: I don't know. I never got the question that he's lying.

791
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:49,319
Speaker 1: And um, there's a lot of people, especially on this

792
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:50,880
Speaker 1: side of the coast, Like there's a lot of people

793
00:37:50,880 --> 00:37:55,440
Speaker 1: who are relationships. It's not that crazy. But I don't know.

794
00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:58,120
Speaker 1: I thought about that already, like knowing if I mean,

795
00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:00,840
Speaker 1: you feel that it's all about what you feel. No,

796
00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:03,759
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think that he's lying to me.

797
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:06,719
Speaker 1: I mean honestly, just because or I feel comfortable with

798
00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:10,239
Speaker 1: him enough because he's for example, like we've hung out

799
00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:14,240
Speaker 1: for like two months, close to two months at this point,

800
00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:18,920
Speaker 1: actually two months, and he's been like he talks to

801
00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:21,759
Speaker 1: me every day, like do text message and stuff. We

802
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:24,600
Speaker 1: see each other at least once a week or every

803
00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:27,640
Speaker 1: other week or something like that. Um, like even when

804
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:29,640
Speaker 1: he moved into his new house, he like really made

805
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:31,520
Speaker 1: a point to come see me, and he's like, no,

806
00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:33,279
Speaker 1: it's okay, I want to see you, but a lot

807
00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:37,759
Speaker 1: I'm like okay, I'm like whatever, he is older than me.

808
00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:39,719
Speaker 1: That's another thing. He's like the old guy over dating

809
00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:47,680
Speaker 1: these thirty three UM, like he's yes, but he was

810
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:52,560
Speaker 1: the only one, but like, yes, he's he's one of UM.

811
00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:57,920
Speaker 1: So anyway, he is very communicative, very open, like he's

812
00:38:57,920 --> 00:39:00,120
Speaker 1: always asking me how I'm feeling, like once be on

813
00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:03,040
Speaker 1: the same page, like whatever, whatever. And the reason why

814
00:39:03,080 --> 00:39:04,480
Speaker 1: I know he's not, I mean I know it's not

815
00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:06,440
Speaker 1: like a cheating thing is because he always he has

816
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:10,839
Speaker 1: to step badgary for himself too, and he's like and

817
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:13,319
Speaker 1: he's talking about other relationships, relationships that he's been in,

818
00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:17,279
Speaker 1: all the relationships that she's been in. UM, and he

819
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:18,840
Speaker 1: just always wants to be on the same page with me,

820
00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:21,680
Speaker 1: Like any questions I have I could always ask him.

821
00:39:21,719 --> 00:39:23,560
Speaker 1: He's always like hey, like just checking in with you,

822
00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:26,280
Speaker 1: like how are you doing today? Like how are you feeling?

823
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:28,759
Speaker 1: Whenever we hang out, he's always asking me how I'm doing,

824
00:39:28,840 --> 00:39:33,280
Speaker 1: how I'm feeling. Um, he's just a very communicative person

825
00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:37,480
Speaker 1: like he just I obviously know this only could last

826
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:39,640
Speaker 1: a certain amount of time, but I would prefer to

827
00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:41,840
Speaker 1: be with someone that actually cares about me and respects

828
00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:44,920
Speaker 1: me then someone that literally doesn't talk feel comfortable with right,

829
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:46,439
Speaker 1: some of the I'm comfortable with. Some of that I could,

830
00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:49,400
Speaker 1: I can actually have conversations with and not feel uncomfortable

831
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:52,640
Speaker 1: or not whatever. And he's just like very open and

832
00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:57,000
Speaker 1: like willing to like take he he respects my time

833
00:39:57,080 --> 00:40:00,240
Speaker 1: or respects me as a person, like he's not like

834
00:40:00,239 --> 00:40:04,160
Speaker 1: likes Does you feel comfortable with him? That's all that matters. No, No,

835
00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:06,040
Speaker 1: I'm comfortable with him, And like the thing is, like

836
00:40:06,120 --> 00:40:08,120
Speaker 1: the reason why I'm just more on board with it

837
00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:11,719
Speaker 1: is just because like he's just been he makes it

838
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:13,560
Speaker 1: so easy. He doesn't make me feel like I'm like

839
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:17,120
Speaker 1: with somebody that's actually in like a full blown relationship.

840
00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:20,000
Speaker 1: Like he reaches out to me, he talks to me,

841
00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:23,280
Speaker 1: like he'll meet up with me, will hang out for

842
00:40:23,360 --> 00:40:25,400
Speaker 1: more than just like two hours, will hang out for

843
00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:28,799
Speaker 1: a long time, Like I don't know. He's just a

844
00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:31,799
Speaker 1: really nice person and like I get along with him well,

845
00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:35,919
Speaker 1: and there's no like I don't feel jealous in any way.

846
00:40:36,040 --> 00:40:38,279
Speaker 1: I'm surprised, like young Jenale couldn't handle all this, but

847
00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:42,040
Speaker 1: like me at this point. I also feel like, like

848
00:40:42,080 --> 00:40:45,560
Speaker 1: I said, once you start having sex with people, especially

849
00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:48,600
Speaker 1: people that you like and make you feel comfortable, things

850
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:55,840
Speaker 1: will change everyone no matter how much you try to.

851
00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:58,560
Speaker 1: Couldn't you think you can control this neck You can't.

852
00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:01,319
Speaker 1: It's just it's always gonna happen. So you just have

853
00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:03,919
Speaker 1: to be mindful of when you can yourself into Women

854
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:06,320
Speaker 1: have sex all the time and they don't have feelings

855
00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:09,480
Speaker 1: for the person that they're having sex with, and like,

856
00:41:09,719 --> 00:41:12,160
Speaker 1: that's not true. I think women have sex all the time,

857
00:41:12,239 --> 00:41:14,239
Speaker 1: but I think in your case, this is your virginacy,

858
00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:16,440
Speaker 1: so you don't know what to this back. And I

859
00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 1: think that you're trying to have control over the outcome.

860
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:23,120
Speaker 1: It's like you already are over analyzed or overthinking, so

861
00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:25,360
Speaker 1: you're gonna be feeling away if he don't hit you

862
00:41:25,480 --> 00:41:30,400
Speaker 1: up the next day afterwards. But my thing is regard,

863
00:41:30,719 --> 00:41:33,680
Speaker 1: My whole thing is regardless if he's in a relationship

864
00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:37,160
Speaker 1: or not. Guys don't talk to me anyway. Guys are

865
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:40,200
Speaker 1: disrespectful of me anyway, So like, what difference to making

866
00:41:40,239 --> 00:41:42,799
Speaker 1: he's a relationship or not relationship? They're all the same, no,

867
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:46,759
Speaker 1: not if they're you sound like you sound like this

868
00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:49,839
Speaker 1: woman at her in the radio. I'm just standing like

869
00:41:50,239 --> 00:41:53,919
Speaker 1: you say, I rather be the problem than't have the problem,

870
00:41:53,960 --> 00:41:57,680
Speaker 1: just saying like it's all the same like people, I

871
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:01,120
Speaker 1: that you have met everyone that's gonna love you and

872
00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:02,920
Speaker 1: care for you and treat you the way that you

873
00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:05,160
Speaker 1: want to be treated. I think that right now, since

874
00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:09,359
Speaker 1: you do, you are more confident, you are more you're

875
00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:11,920
Speaker 1: a woman now, So I think that you getting to

876
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:14,400
Speaker 1: know yourself you're dating, and that every guy you date

877
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:18,840
Speaker 1: is not gonna be the guy. I don't think you

878
00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:22,560
Speaker 1: met everyone yet that's gonna care for you. I just

879
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:24,360
Speaker 1: think right now you're just trying to figure out what

880
00:42:24,440 --> 00:42:28,080
Speaker 1: you like, trying to meet the prices that's gonna treat you. Right. Yeah,

881
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:30,839
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm just like, but I don't want

882
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:33,480
Speaker 1: to rush into something because that's what you You want

883
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:34,880
Speaker 1: to really have sex, like I really want to a a

884
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:37,640
Speaker 1: good time, But you know I don't want you. You

885
00:42:37,719 --> 00:42:39,920
Speaker 1: just never know what God has a store for you

886
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:41,800
Speaker 1: with the person that can be right around the corner

887
00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:44,640
Speaker 1: from you around I want to lose your You can

888
00:42:44,719 --> 00:42:47,640
Speaker 1: lose it because you know that's that's what you want

889
00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:49,040
Speaker 1: to do. But I just don't want you to think

890
00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:51,759
Speaker 1: that all men are the same, because they're not. I

891
00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:53,560
Speaker 1: don't think that all men are the same. And I

892
00:42:53,640 --> 00:42:55,680
Speaker 1: keep hearing this over and over again. I don't think

893
00:42:55,680 --> 00:42:57,759
Speaker 1: it all men are the same. I just think that

894
00:42:57,880 --> 00:42:59,879
Speaker 1: like I'm not gonna put myself in the setting where

895
00:42:59,880 --> 00:43:02,880
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I'm gonna wait for this magical person

896
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:05,200
Speaker 1: that I have never met yet before and I have

897
00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:08,160
Speaker 1: to wait for them until when like life is short.

898
00:43:08,600 --> 00:43:11,359
Speaker 1: And also just like some people never meet the person

899
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:13,960
Speaker 1: that they're in love with until they're fifty seventy, I

900
00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:18,880
Speaker 1: don't want to wait that long. Pesimistic. I'm not a pessimist.

901
00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:21,600
Speaker 1: I'm just a realist. And honestly, like I I love

902
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:24,400
Speaker 1: I love love, and I love it for other people

903
00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:26,400
Speaker 1: who are in love. But that doesn't mean that, like

904
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:28,200
Speaker 1: you have been walked in my shoes and know how

905
00:43:28,280 --> 00:43:31,560
Speaker 1: much grief and stress and like like how much agony

906
00:43:31,719 --> 00:43:33,759
Speaker 1: and pain I've dealt with. Just because I've never had

907
00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:36,960
Speaker 1: sex before doesn't mean that I've never at heartbreak like constantly,

908
00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:39,520
Speaker 1: So like I'm just not in the mood to be like,

909
00:43:39,680 --> 00:43:41,840
Speaker 1: oh my god, this guy might be the one every

910
00:43:41,840 --> 00:43:44,920
Speaker 1: single not every single time or like or put this fantasy.

911
00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:47,080
Speaker 1: I can't even emotionally attach myself to people like that

912
00:43:47,120 --> 00:43:50,840
Speaker 1: anymore because I just don't want to get hurt anymore. So,

913
00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:53,480
Speaker 1: like it's not about yeah, I'm not trying to be

914
00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:55,239
Speaker 1: a pessimist. I'm just trying to be a realistic with

915
00:43:55,280 --> 00:43:57,440
Speaker 1: my decisions. I'm not gonna be like, oh, well, I'm

916
00:43:57,440 --> 00:43:59,960
Speaker 1: gonna sit around and wait for somebody while everybody are

917
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:01,759
Speaker 1: around me. Is like meeting people that they love and

918
00:44:01,840 --> 00:44:04,160
Speaker 1: life and all this stuff, and I'm sitting here trying

919
00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:05,840
Speaker 1: to wait for some man that I don't even know

920
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:08,440
Speaker 1: if it's gonna calme. Some people never meet people that

921
00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:10,560
Speaker 1: they're in love with. It's a fact. Some people just

922
00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:13,800
Speaker 1: end up being by themselves, which is fine, But like,

923
00:44:13,840 --> 00:44:15,759
Speaker 1: why am I giving myself the option when there's someone

924
00:44:15,880 --> 00:44:18,000
Speaker 1: right here who's willing to spend this time with me?

925
00:44:18,239 --> 00:44:20,000
Speaker 1: Want me to tell myself, oh, I shouldn't be with

926
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:23,600
Speaker 1: this person because oh, they're not the person to spend

927
00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:25,160
Speaker 1: the rest of my life with. A lot of people

928
00:44:25,560 --> 00:44:28,960
Speaker 1: don't end up splaining the rest of their lives with

929
00:44:29,040 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 1: someone that they lose in virginity with. I'm just a

930
00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:33,879
Speaker 1: girl realistic, Like you might lose your virginity with someone

931
00:44:33,920 --> 00:44:35,719
Speaker 1: that you very much love, but you don't end up

932
00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:39,279
Speaker 1: with that person. They might, you know, I think that

933
00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:41,440
Speaker 1: you just had In my personal opinion, I think you

934
00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:43,759
Speaker 1: just had some really cheaty people that were very mean

935
00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:46,720
Speaker 1: to you and it kind of altered how you feel

936
00:44:47,239 --> 00:44:50,680
Speaker 1: moving forward. And that's natural because I had heartbreak. I

937
00:44:50,719 --> 00:44:53,359
Speaker 1: had heart especially from my first love. He was Yeah,

938
00:44:54,000 --> 00:44:55,960
Speaker 1: so I totally get it, but I just don't want

939
00:44:56,000 --> 00:45:00,560
Speaker 1: that to taint your ideal or what COMPI we happened

940
00:45:00,560 --> 00:45:03,120
Speaker 1: for you, because you just never know what I'm saying honestly.

941
00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:06,000
Speaker 1: But honestly, I could have sex with this person, and honestly,

942
00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:08,400
Speaker 1: I'm things might end between us, and I might mean

943
00:45:08,440 --> 00:45:10,440
Speaker 1: someone I actually liked right afterwards, and I don't have

944
00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:13,719
Speaker 1: to worry about my and like those types of things,

945
00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:16,160
Speaker 1: like yes, I know it's gonna suck once I stopped

946
00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:18,520
Speaker 1: talking to this person. I'm not a robot, Like I

947
00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:20,600
Speaker 1: obviously know that, Like it's gonna be awful no matter

948
00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:24,080
Speaker 1: what happens, But like that's what that's what the situation is.

949
00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:26,600
Speaker 1: Like I can't not open myself to other people because

950
00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:29,000
Speaker 1: I'm afraid there's gonna be heartbreak. And that's why I'm

951
00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:32,040
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm a realist, but obviously know that, Like

952
00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:34,440
Speaker 1: you know, I'm not a pessimist. I'm just a realist.

953
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:36,840
Speaker 1: Like I know that it's gonna be heartbreaking after, but

954
00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:39,439
Speaker 1: it's gonna be heartbreaking no matter what. It doesn't matter

955
00:45:39,480 --> 00:45:43,200
Speaker 1: who it is, Like even if I do and I'm missaying,

956
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:45,759
Speaker 1: like even if like I have don't have sex this

957
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:47,799
Speaker 1: person I have stuck to somebody else and I really

958
00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:49,759
Speaker 1: like this person who really think there's a future there,

959
00:45:50,560 --> 00:45:52,040
Speaker 1: and then they end up telling me they don't like

960
00:45:52,120 --> 00:45:53,560
Speaker 1: me after or they don't want to be with me

961
00:45:53,600 --> 00:45:56,680
Speaker 1: after I lose my virginity virginity to them, I'm gonna

962
00:45:56,680 --> 00:45:59,279
Speaker 1: be so heartbroken, more so than the person that I

963
00:45:59,280 --> 00:46:01,960
Speaker 1: already knows no relationship and I know that there's no

964
00:46:02,040 --> 00:46:04,640
Speaker 1: future there, like because I know there's nothing I can do.

965
00:46:04,719 --> 00:46:06,960
Speaker 1: There's no future there. If I lose my reginating to

966
00:46:07,080 --> 00:46:08,879
Speaker 1: him and he stopped talking to me, it's like, okay, well,

967
00:46:09,120 --> 00:46:11,080
Speaker 1: you know, like I already know there's not a future here,

968
00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:14,600
Speaker 1: so what difference does it make, Like it's still heartbreaking

969
00:46:14,640 --> 00:46:18,400
Speaker 1: and as long as you feel comfortable, that's no, no,

970
00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:22,360
Speaker 1: I'm not saying like you personally, I'm just speaking general,

971
00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:26,239
Speaker 1: like I'm comfortable and like obviously it's something that is

972
00:46:26,280 --> 00:46:28,360
Speaker 1: all new to me and I'm not used to it.

973
00:46:28,400 --> 00:46:30,040
Speaker 1: And don't get me wrong, like I have feelings for

974
00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:32,200
Speaker 1: this person, but like at the end of the day,

975
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:34,320
Speaker 1: I'm like, I know what it is, Like he is

976
00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:37,400
Speaker 1: a relationship and I'm just fere that he spends time

977
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:40,680
Speaker 1: with and he has his girlfriend at home, But like,

978
00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:43,720
Speaker 1: I rather have it like this than me like fawning

979
00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:46,040
Speaker 1: over some guy that doesn't even like Like I was

980
00:46:46,120 --> 00:46:48,760
Speaker 1: dating somebody while I was dating him too, and literally

981
00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:51,040
Speaker 1: he stopped talking to me after he came home to

982
00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:53,600
Speaker 1: my apartment and then he told me some nonsense about

983
00:46:53,600 --> 00:46:56,279
Speaker 1: how like oh he's not ready for anything romantic and

984
00:46:56,360 --> 00:46:58,880
Speaker 1: not hurt me. Wasn't anything else, And I was like,

985
00:46:58,920 --> 00:47:00,239
Speaker 1: then why did you come to my place? And if

986
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:02,479
Speaker 1: you're not ready for anything romantic, if you're not ready

987
00:47:02,520 --> 00:47:05,400
Speaker 1: for a relationship, why did you even come over? Because

988
00:47:05,440 --> 00:47:08,640
Speaker 1: that possibility of something becoming something hurt me more than

989
00:47:08,640 --> 00:47:12,160
Speaker 1: anything else. I can't I can't really think about the

990
00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:14,960
Speaker 1: future with the personal relationship, and that's fine, So I

991
00:47:14,960 --> 00:47:17,799
Speaker 1: don't think about it, but like this person, I'm thinking, oh,

992
00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:19,800
Speaker 1: this could be something I could might lose my reginime.

993
00:47:19,840 --> 00:47:23,200
Speaker 1: You just this person, and I'm so happy I didn't

994
00:47:23,200 --> 00:47:25,239
Speaker 1: because I was about to. I was like, oh, like

995
00:47:25,280 --> 00:47:28,759
Speaker 1: I really care about this. I really like this person.

996
00:47:28,760 --> 00:47:30,600
Speaker 1: I really cared about them. We were talking for a

997
00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:32,560
Speaker 1: little bit. We're talking for not even just a little bit,

998
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:34,400
Speaker 1: We're hanging out for a while. We had a lot

999
00:47:34,440 --> 00:47:36,719
Speaker 1: of things in common, like I was really about to

1000
00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:38,359
Speaker 1: lose my reginion to them, and then they were like.

1001
00:47:39,160 --> 00:47:40,800
Speaker 1: I was like, let's not, let's just I want to

1002
00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:43,440
Speaker 1: wait until the next time because I didn't want to

1003
00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:45,680
Speaker 1: flat out have sex with them. And then they tell

1004
00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:48,080
Speaker 1: me some nonsense about how they're not interested, and he

1005
00:47:48,120 --> 00:47:51,000
Speaker 1: did the same thing. He was like, oh, I'm not

1006
00:47:51,080 --> 00:47:52,640
Speaker 1: I'm not ready to be in relationship. I was like, well,

1007
00:47:52,680 --> 00:47:55,719
Speaker 1: who said who said that? Like what are you talking about?

1008
00:47:55,719 --> 00:47:58,040
Speaker 1: He's like, I just have to think about myself right now,

1009
00:47:58,080 --> 00:48:00,880
Speaker 1: And I was like what so stuff like that, like

1010
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:03,680
Speaker 1: that if I had sex with that person, I would

1011
00:48:03,680 --> 00:48:07,040
Speaker 1: have been devastated. So like, it just doesn't make sense

1012
00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:09,480
Speaker 1: to me to like put myself in this box, being

1013
00:48:09,520 --> 00:48:12,799
Speaker 1: like I must wait for the perfect man. Honestly, there

1014
00:48:12,880 --> 00:48:16,759
Speaker 1: is no perfect man. No, nobody is perfect. No, I know,

1015
00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:18,839
Speaker 1: I'm just saying that, like in general, like I don't

1016
00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:20,960
Speaker 1: want to feel like the wait for somebody that I

1017
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:23,360
Speaker 1: have no ideas even out there, and I have no

1018
00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:25,560
Speaker 1: idea if I'm ever going to meet this person, and

1019
00:48:25,600 --> 00:48:29,160
Speaker 1: like right now I have this option that's working for me,

1020
00:48:29,760 --> 00:48:32,440
Speaker 1: and like I feel comfortable with this person and I

1021
00:48:32,480 --> 00:48:34,640
Speaker 1: feel like this person generally cares about me. Like I

1022
00:48:34,640 --> 00:48:36,520
Speaker 1: felt so bad because the other day I took like

1023
00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:38,840
Speaker 1: not frustration, but I was kind of annoyed because of

1024
00:48:38,840 --> 00:48:41,160
Speaker 1: the guy that I was seeing who was being weird

1025
00:48:41,200 --> 00:48:42,920
Speaker 1: and whatever. I wasn't sure what was going on with him.

1026
00:48:43,160 --> 00:48:45,600
Speaker 1: And then this guy in the relationship, which is very

1027
00:48:45,680 --> 00:48:48,000
Speaker 1: much like trying to talk to me and like very

1028
00:48:48,040 --> 00:48:50,080
Speaker 1: much trying to like we were together and he felt

1029
00:48:50,080 --> 00:48:51,600
Speaker 1: like something was off and I was like, I'm sorry,

1030
00:48:51,600 --> 00:48:52,960
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be like rute to you or

1031
00:48:52,960 --> 00:48:54,880
Speaker 1: anything like that, and he's like, why is it so

1032
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:56,560
Speaker 1: hard for you to actually think I care about you?

1033
00:48:56,960 --> 00:48:59,080
Speaker 1: And I was like, I don't know, like because guys

1034
00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:02,640
Speaker 1: always shoat me like trash, Like that's literally why I

1035
00:49:02,640 --> 00:49:04,239
Speaker 1: said to him, Like it's it's hard for me to

1036
00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:07,560
Speaker 1: even think that someone is remotely interested in me in

1037
00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:10,400
Speaker 1: that way, especially when like I can never tell if

1038
00:49:10,400 --> 00:49:13,279
Speaker 1: it's genuine or not. It's so hard to tell. Even

1039
00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:15,600
Speaker 1: in the moment it seems genuine, but then they go

1040
00:49:15,680 --> 00:49:18,240
Speaker 1: home and think something else, and then it's not interesting anymore.

1041
00:49:19,400 --> 00:49:23,000
Speaker 1: So I don't know. That's basically like I would say,

1042
00:49:23,040 --> 00:49:27,080
Speaker 1: that's why I've been origin for so long. It's just

1043
00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:30,200
Speaker 1: like there's just so many miss opportunities and so many

1044
00:49:30,239 --> 00:49:33,399
Speaker 1: situational things that like it's not like I chose this.

1045
00:49:33,520 --> 00:49:35,719
Speaker 1: It's not like I was like, oh, I want to

1046
00:49:35,719 --> 00:49:38,359
Speaker 1: be rigid in this song. It's just like life, Like

1047
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:41,000
Speaker 1: sometimes life can get in a way to be losing

1048
00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:45,200
Speaker 1: a virginity two And no, I'm miss saying like I'm

1049
00:49:45,280 --> 00:49:48,080
Speaker 1: also because people always ask me, and I'm just like

1050
00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:50,920
Speaker 1: I'm like, it's not a religious thing, like you know,

1051
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:55,480
Speaker 1: life goes the problem too, like and also it's just

1052
00:49:55,440 --> 00:49:58,719
Speaker 1: like and I just don't want to like have sex

1053
00:49:58,719 --> 00:50:02,160
Speaker 1: with some random strange so like that's just me. Some

1054
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:03,960
Speaker 1: people can do it. I can't do that. So like

1055
00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:10,279
Speaker 1: that's another thing too. So I don't know, but I'm

1056
00:50:10,360 --> 00:50:12,839
Speaker 1: just curious. Do you have any questions that you want

1057
00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:15,120
Speaker 1: to ask me about sex? Because I know you don't

1058
00:50:15,120 --> 00:50:16,600
Speaker 1: know how to pull a condom on what you need

1059
00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:19,319
Speaker 1: to learn. I don't know if a condom, but like

1060
00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:22,000
Speaker 1: not really like I don't have any questions. I mean

1061
00:50:22,200 --> 00:50:26,759
Speaker 1: I'm pretty well versed with Like you watch more, I mean, yes,

1062
00:50:26,800 --> 00:50:29,600
Speaker 1: that's seen point. I don't watch it often. M hmm.

1063
00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:31,719
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's not something I'm like, I gotta

1064
00:50:31,760 --> 00:50:34,360
Speaker 1: watch porn. Like I'm not saying people like that, but

1065
00:50:34,480 --> 00:50:37,000
Speaker 1: like I don't. It sometimes makes me kind of sad

1066
00:50:37,040 --> 00:50:40,040
Speaker 1: to watch. I don't think it's like you're sad to watch.

1067
00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:43,080
Speaker 1: It just looks kind of sad. Like there's certain times

1068
00:50:43,120 --> 00:50:47,279
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not really watching. I'm not watching sad girl.

1069
00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:50,280
Speaker 1: Point I'm saying, like I just don't like it just depends,

1070
00:50:50,320 --> 00:50:52,759
Speaker 1: like I don't really person I don't like watching porn

1071
00:50:52,840 --> 00:50:54,319
Speaker 1: for a lot of reasons, Like there's just it's just

1072
00:50:54,360 --> 00:50:57,960
Speaker 1: so graphic. It's like vagina, vagina come spewing out. I'm

1073
00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:00,920
Speaker 1: like Jesus Christ, Like it's like it's just so much visual,

1074
00:51:01,160 --> 00:51:03,680
Speaker 1: Like it's just too much sometimes, so I just don't

1075
00:51:04,360 --> 00:51:06,360
Speaker 1: I just can't watch too much of it. It just

1076
00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:08,120
Speaker 1: kind it also kind of makes me sick a little

1077
00:51:08,160 --> 00:51:11,719
Speaker 1: bit to like watch that much. Um usually if it's

1078
00:51:11,719 --> 00:51:14,480
Speaker 1: like it's like usually the guys probably like masturbating and

1079
00:51:14,480 --> 00:51:19,080
Speaker 1: that's literally all that I watched probably, Mum, I just

1080
00:51:19,080 --> 00:51:21,560
Speaker 1: can't watch too much of like the visual presentation of

1081
00:51:21,640 --> 00:51:25,360
Speaker 1: like how gross it looks. I just can't watch that.

1082
00:51:26,080 --> 00:51:29,000
Speaker 1: It's gross, Like I mean, obviously some people can watch

1083
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:31,439
Speaker 1: point that's if you want to watch more and watch more,

1084
00:51:31,440 --> 00:51:33,200
Speaker 1: and but like it's only so much I can take

1085
00:51:33,239 --> 00:51:34,960
Speaker 1: of it. Like I can watch like maybe five minutes,

1086
00:51:34,960 --> 00:51:37,120
Speaker 1: but I can't watch like a whole like thirty minute

1087
00:51:37,160 --> 00:51:40,000
Speaker 1: session of born. Um. I don't know how. I don't know.

1088
00:51:40,400 --> 00:51:42,319
Speaker 1: It just can't It doesn't appeal to me too much.

1089
00:51:42,640 --> 00:51:50,040
Speaker 1: But um and again but nothing crazy. Um yeah, I

1090
00:51:50,040 --> 00:51:53,239
Speaker 1: don't know. I like I know it sex. I know

1091
00:51:53,280 --> 00:51:56,840
Speaker 1: how how sex works, like I know. It's not like

1092
00:51:56,880 --> 00:51:59,480
Speaker 1: I don't know how what sexes are. I've watched videos

1093
00:51:59,480 --> 00:52:01,160
Speaker 1: and document or use. It's not like I'm like not

1094
00:52:01,280 --> 00:52:04,759
Speaker 1: well versed in what sex is or like all the

1095
00:52:04,760 --> 00:52:09,920
Speaker 1: other variations of sex. Um, because I'm pretty like open

1096
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:12,960
Speaker 1: to learning all types of things but I just don't

1097
00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:14,680
Speaker 1: know opponent a column because I never put one on.

1098
00:52:15,200 --> 00:52:19,319
Speaker 1: Um m hmm. But yeah, no, I mean I'm pretty

1099
00:52:20,040 --> 00:52:22,719
Speaker 1: well because if you still follow up once, you lose

1100
00:52:22,760 --> 00:52:24,959
Speaker 1: your verdentic. Because I feel like it's gonna happen real soon.

1101
00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:29,040
Speaker 1: I mean, I think I don't know who knows honestly,

1102
00:52:30,080 --> 00:52:31,560
Speaker 1: because like at first I thought I was gonna lose

1103
00:52:31,600 --> 00:52:33,680
Speaker 1: it with the one guy that I was really interested in,

1104
00:52:33,760 --> 00:52:39,480
Speaker 1: but team he got like cold feet or whatever. So well,

1105
00:52:40,320 --> 00:52:43,680
Speaker 1: I think that you were very informative about this topic,

1106
00:52:44,960 --> 00:52:47,880
Speaker 1: um and also shed light on a lot of things

1107
00:52:48,080 --> 00:52:51,840
Speaker 1: pertaining to it. So definitely keep me posted with your

1108
00:52:52,200 --> 00:52:57,600
Speaker 1: love life. Yes, every day. I'll tell you if you know,

1109
00:52:57,680 --> 00:53:02,600
Speaker 1: I want to know chat a whole play by play, yes,

1110
00:53:04,080 --> 00:53:06,480
Speaker 1: and if you have any questions that we know you

1111
00:53:06,520 --> 00:53:15,480
Speaker 1: know maybe I honestly, Oh god, it's so funny because

1112
00:53:15,640 --> 00:53:17,600
Speaker 1: I don't know. Every guy is so different with like

1113
00:53:18,120 --> 00:53:21,680
Speaker 1: I learned something about every guy's penis. It's so funny,

1114
00:53:21,760 --> 00:53:24,440
Speaker 1: Like some people could get up certain ways. One time,

1115
00:53:24,520 --> 00:53:26,680
Speaker 1: one guy got it off just by humping him and

1116
00:53:26,680 --> 00:53:28,799
Speaker 1: it was like he was so excited. I was like,

1117
00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:32,520
Speaker 1: calm down, that's not the guy you want. So he

1118
00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:36,040
Speaker 1: was like like very like it was like my friend

1119
00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:37,800
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, he got it just by humping.

1120
00:53:37,800 --> 00:53:39,319
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, how did you do that? I was like,

1121
00:53:39,360 --> 00:53:41,000
Speaker 1: I don't know, Like I was just how many dicks

1122
00:53:41,040 --> 00:53:43,560
Speaker 1: have you seen? Have you seen a lot of dicks before? I?

1123
00:53:44,200 --> 00:53:47,279
Speaker 1: I mean, I can't I can't recall how many dicks

1124
00:53:47,320 --> 00:53:52,000
Speaker 1: I've seen. I've seen an amount that's normal. I don't know.

1125
00:53:52,160 --> 00:53:55,520
Speaker 1: I haven't seen Like, it's not one I've seen more

1126
00:53:55,560 --> 00:54:00,759
Speaker 1: than that. You haven't seen addictive, major mouthwater. I mean,

1127
00:54:00,760 --> 00:54:03,640
Speaker 1: it's a I've never wanted to to not give a

1128
00:54:03,680 --> 00:54:07,640
Speaker 1: guy a head. I just don't want a long time.

1129
00:54:08,560 --> 00:54:10,360
Speaker 1: I've never It's not like I'm like a post to

1130
00:54:10,400 --> 00:54:12,600
Speaker 1: sing you guys dick. I just don't want to for

1131
00:54:12,680 --> 00:54:14,799
Speaker 1: a lot of reasons because I've never asked if they

1132
00:54:14,800 --> 00:54:17,040
Speaker 1: were tested, or I just don't feel like that's just

1133
00:54:17,040 --> 00:54:20,000
Speaker 1: that to me, it's just so intimate. I'm putting my

1134
00:54:20,080 --> 00:54:22,080
Speaker 1: mouth that I eat and drink and all this stuff.

1135
00:54:22,080 --> 00:54:23,880
Speaker 1: I put it on your dick and I don't even know.

1136
00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:26,120
Speaker 1: I'm just saying like I don't know where you've been,

1137
00:54:26,320 --> 00:54:28,359
Speaker 1: and we're not even intimate that well, I don't even

1138
00:54:28,400 --> 00:54:30,760
Speaker 1: know you that well. Some girls can do it, obviously,

1139
00:54:30,880 --> 00:54:32,719
Speaker 1: a lot of girls can do it. I'm some type

1140
00:54:32,760 --> 00:54:34,719
Speaker 1: of girl who can't just can't do it right away.

1141
00:54:34,760 --> 00:54:36,480
Speaker 1: I just can't do it. And if you want to

1142
00:54:36,480 --> 00:54:39,319
Speaker 1: give me heads, that's great. I'm not forcing you. There's

1143
00:54:39,320 --> 00:54:42,400
Speaker 1: no forcing. And the guys that I have talked to,

1144
00:54:42,480 --> 00:54:45,040
Speaker 1: they're like, oh, I like doing it. So I'm like, well,

1145
00:54:45,040 --> 00:54:46,880
Speaker 1: I'm not going to force you. Like if you're not,

1146
00:54:47,080 --> 00:54:49,560
Speaker 1: don want to do it, like that's all been well,

1147
00:54:49,760 --> 00:54:52,200
Speaker 1: Like I just don't. I just do not. Just suck

1148
00:54:51,880 --> 00:55:01,000
Speaker 1: through it. Come know y'all concerns flake sure to eat me.

1149
00:55:01,880 --> 00:55:05,399
Speaker 1: Please make sure to email hello at the PhD. Wait

1150
00:55:05,600 --> 00:55:07,240
Speaker 1: all right, you'll be doing it over again that minute.

1151
00:55:07,320 --> 00:55:13,560
Speaker 1: You lisen eat me. Please email me at the professional.

1152
00:55:13,840 --> 00:55:15,680
Speaker 1: I can't even get it out because you're messing me up.

1153
00:55:16,800 --> 00:55:23,680
Speaker 1: You listen to eat me until next time. Everyone Later