1 00:00:01,120 --> 00:00:05,080 Speaker 1: Gosh, what's upby Budy Angela. 2 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:07,640 Speaker 2: Ye, I'm here with my guy main Ou, and of 3 00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:11,000 Speaker 2: course New York Times best selling author Shaka Sangar is 4 00:00:11,039 --> 00:00:13,600 Speaker 2: here with us. You have a new book, How to 5 00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:16,280 Speaker 2: Be Free. So congratulations on that, Thank you. 6 00:00:16,239 --> 00:00:19,680 Speaker 3: Thank you. I'm super excited. Three and ten years is crazy. 7 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:20,800 Speaker 1: That is amazing. 8 00:00:21,239 --> 00:00:24,160 Speaker 2: By the way, on your list of goals of things 9 00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:27,240 Speaker 2: that you wanted to accomplish, you have definitely been checking 10 00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:28,280 Speaker 2: those things off the list. 11 00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:30,760 Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's just one of the things. 12 00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:33,440 Speaker 3: One of my core practices is like writing down what 13 00:00:33,479 --> 00:00:36,120 Speaker 3: I want to manifest in my life and then executing 14 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:37,200 Speaker 3: against what I write down. 15 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:39,640 Speaker 2: All right, so this book is a proven guide to 16 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:44,040 Speaker 2: escaping life's hidden prisons. And I saw, first of all, 17 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:46,640 Speaker 2: I want to say this, you did Joe Rogan's podcast. 18 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,479 Speaker 3: Yeah, I wanted how. 19 00:00:48,479 --> 00:00:49,239 Speaker 1: Was that for you? 20 00:00:49,479 --> 00:00:53,600 Speaker 3: It was actually great. It was Joe is really curious 21 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:57,800 Speaker 3: and he creates space for like real storytelling, the real conversations, 22 00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:00,000 Speaker 3: And it was like one of the most relaxed experience 23 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:01,560 Speaker 3: as I had. I thought going in in to be 24 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:04,280 Speaker 3: a little more intense, but literally he was like super 25 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:06,959 Speaker 3: chill and we vibed for like three hours, you know. 26 00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:08,720 Speaker 3: So that was amazing. 27 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:09,760 Speaker 1: Because I remember you were doing it. 28 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:12,000 Speaker 2: So I searched like to see and I saw that 29 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:13,039 Speaker 2: there were some people that. 30 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,959 Speaker 1: Of course, there was some backlash because I think. 31 00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:18,400 Speaker 2: About different audiences, right, hearing your story for the first time, 32 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:21,479 Speaker 2: because I feel like we know from when Oprah had 33 00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:24,800 Speaker 2: you on, We've heard from writing My Wrongs, the book 34 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:27,800 Speaker 2: that you did a few years ago where you tell 35 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:31,240 Speaker 2: your story, and I feel like, you know, Joe Rogan's 36 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,759 Speaker 2: fans may not have all been privy to hearing that 37 00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:38,240 Speaker 2: and knowing about your experience and being familiar. I saw 38 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:40,360 Speaker 2: some people saying it was amazing, But then there's always 39 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,880 Speaker 2: this type of judgment that can come to Yeah. 40 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:44,559 Speaker 3: I mean, you know the people in the comment section, 41 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,520 Speaker 3: you know, it's kind of like I think I wrote 42 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:48,800 Speaker 3: this new book for them because they're trapped in their 43 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:54,120 Speaker 3: own hidden prisons of being haters and judgmental judgment. Right, 44 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:57,120 Speaker 3: So the comments section, I was just just told my 45 00:01:57,120 --> 00:01:59,120 Speaker 3: wife and my sons they have to comment sec that 46 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:02,360 Speaker 3: all the time. While but you know, the way do 47 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:04,560 Speaker 3: I look at it is like anytime that people are 48 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:07,280 Speaker 3: coming at me, I always think about what is their 49 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:09,080 Speaker 3: real hurt, like, what's behind it? 50 00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:10,880 Speaker 4: Why would they be coming at somebody like you. 51 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:12,840 Speaker 3: I mean, I think I think a lot of them. 52 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:14,880 Speaker 3: People get stuck in my old story. Right. So I 53 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:18,240 Speaker 3: went to prison for nineteen years, seven years of solitary confinement, 54 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,959 Speaker 3: and over the last fifteen years, I've had an incredible 55 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:24,000 Speaker 3: amount of success. And so people don't think that when 56 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:27,880 Speaker 3: you've done made a poor decision, that you're actually deserving 57 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:31,239 Speaker 3: of any type of success, right, And so I don't 58 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:31,480 Speaker 3: mean to. 59 00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:34,079 Speaker 4: Cut you off. So I'm feeling this, right, So I 60 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:35,639 Speaker 4: always say, because I did. 61 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:40,480 Speaker 5: Prison time myself, I did ten years, four year solitary confinement, 62 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:44,200 Speaker 5: I feel like the way you start doesn't determine how 63 00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:44,680 Speaker 5: you finished. 64 00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:46,679 Speaker 3: I want to talk that talk, right, Yeah, So this 65 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:47,240 Speaker 3: is this. 66 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:48,600 Speaker 4: The same thing we were talking about. 67 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:51,280 Speaker 3: Absolutely absolutely, But I think people want us to be 68 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:54,320 Speaker 3: stuck there because they're really stuck in their own kind 69 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:56,120 Speaker 3: of hitting press through that I. 70 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:56,640 Speaker 4: Go through that. 71 00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:58,519 Speaker 5: I go through that all the time with people with 72 00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:03,440 Speaker 5: guys caught up in things that I may have done 73 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:04,639 Speaker 5: and things that I may have been. 74 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:08,720 Speaker 4: Involved in years ago. When they caught up, they're so 75 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:10,520 Speaker 4: caught up in it that they think that that's me. 76 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:13,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, And I mean you know, when you 77 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:16,240 Speaker 3: when you think about people, especially people that don't know you, right, 78 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,520 Speaker 3: and like, you know, we get we have an opportunity. 79 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:21,120 Speaker 3: Either we give people agency and access to our lives 80 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,960 Speaker 3: or we deny them entry. And so when I know 81 00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:26,160 Speaker 3: that people are kind of stuck in that old story, 82 00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:28,520 Speaker 3: it's really more reflection of them than it is me, 83 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:30,280 Speaker 3: because I've moved on with my life, you know what 84 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:32,639 Speaker 3: I'm saying. And like when I left, when I left 85 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:36,160 Speaker 3: physical prison, it was like I was already free, like mentally, 86 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:38,000 Speaker 3: you know what I mean. And so when I see 87 00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:40,960 Speaker 3: those kind of moments where people are trapped, I'm like, 88 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:42,920 Speaker 3: that's their own narrative. That's why I say this book 89 00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:45,280 Speaker 3: really yeah, And that's why I say this book is 90 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:47,880 Speaker 3: really for people like that. It's like it gives them 91 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:50,320 Speaker 3: an opportunity to really look into their lives and say, Okay, well, 92 00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:52,480 Speaker 3: what's what's holding me back to where I want to 93 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:55,480 Speaker 3: hold another human being I don't even know back, you 94 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:56,040 Speaker 3: know what I'm saying. 95 00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:58,720 Speaker 4: Find fault, yeah in them? 96 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,240 Speaker 5: And then I always find that the people that do 97 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:03,960 Speaker 5: that the most are not in like the worst situations. 98 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:06,200 Speaker 1: Well that's their own directed. 99 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:08,920 Speaker 2: I do find that when people like come at you 100 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:11,000 Speaker 2: like that, it's because a lot of times that's like 101 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:14,680 Speaker 2: a self reflection on things about themselves that they're unhappy with. 102 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:18,360 Speaker 2: Or sometimes I think when people are in that space, 103 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:21,839 Speaker 2: they don't want anyone else to be thriving, you know, 104 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:25,000 Speaker 2: or see that in other people. I when I was 105 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:27,880 Speaker 2: reading this book and then I watched the Young Thug 106 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:29,919 Speaker 2: interview that he did with Big Bank, right, this is 107 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:32,000 Speaker 2: all happening like around the same time, because I got 108 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,400 Speaker 2: my copy of the book and then that interview dropped, 109 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:36,480 Speaker 2: and I was thinking about Young Thug talking about his 110 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:41,080 Speaker 2: early life and what shaped him into who he is today, 111 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:45,040 Speaker 2: and like a lot of experiences that he had to have, 112 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,919 Speaker 2: you know, as far as people close to him getting killed, 113 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:52,000 Speaker 2: and you talk about your brother's murder in this book, 114 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:55,159 Speaker 2: you know as well, and the emotions that you went 115 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:58,040 Speaker 2: through after that, And I was just thinking there was 116 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:01,400 Speaker 2: a lot of things we didn't know about him, and 117 00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:05,360 Speaker 2: maybe things that he has not yet even figured out 118 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:08,200 Speaker 2: how he could heal from those things too. And I 119 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:10,360 Speaker 2: saw that in a lot of times, we talk to 120 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,960 Speaker 2: people and we don't know their stories, like what got 121 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:15,400 Speaker 2: them to where they are right now to make these 122 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:16,480 Speaker 2: types of decisions. 123 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:16,800 Speaker 1: You know. 124 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:19,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's one of the reasons that I continue to 125 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:21,480 Speaker 3: write and concede to share stories because I think that 126 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:24,080 Speaker 3: part is important. You know, we look at these artists 127 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:27,960 Speaker 3: and we formulate an opinion based on their art, not 128 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:31,400 Speaker 3: based on their real lives, and they're partially responsible for 129 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:33,479 Speaker 3: that as well, because what you communicate to the world 130 00:05:33,839 --> 00:05:37,440 Speaker 3: can oftentimes dictate how people perceive you or grow to 131 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:38,880 Speaker 3: to know who you are. And especially you know, you 132 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,320 Speaker 3: think about young Thug and all the things that's going 133 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:44,200 Speaker 3: on with these different allegations, the leaks from the phone 134 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,640 Speaker 3: and what I you know, what I talk to young 135 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,560 Speaker 3: people would always say is just like you know, you 136 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:51,800 Speaker 3: have to own your own narrative, otherwise the world will 137 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:54,320 Speaker 3: try to tell you who you are. And what I've 138 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:57,200 Speaker 3: realized is that the reasons so many don't own their 139 00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,800 Speaker 3: own narrative because they don't even recognize the way that 140 00:05:59,839 --> 00:06:02,239 Speaker 3: they hitting prisons show up in their lives like trauma. 141 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:04,680 Speaker 3: So when I was writing about my brother, my brother 142 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:08,159 Speaker 3: was murdered in twenty twenty one, I come home. You know, 143 00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,640 Speaker 3: I'm the one of the resourceful ones in the family, 144 00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:14,000 Speaker 3: I'm coming being responsible son make this path as easy 145 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:16,839 Speaker 3: as possible for my step mom, for my dad. And 146 00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:18,680 Speaker 3: I was sitting there and I was watching my mother 147 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:22,800 Speaker 3: go through this grieving process, and I started feeling this 148 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:25,960 Speaker 3: overwhelming sense of guilt, and so I couldn't even fully 149 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:28,360 Speaker 3: grieve for my brother because what I realized in that moment, 150 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:31,480 Speaker 3: I made somebody else's mother feel like that. And so 151 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,560 Speaker 3: that was my hit in prison was that I couldn't 152 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:36,800 Speaker 3: really grievee And what I ended up doing is I 153 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:39,440 Speaker 3: ended up writing a letter to the person responsible for 154 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:43,440 Speaker 3: murdering my brother. And through that process of just exercising 155 00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:46,320 Speaker 3: that emotion, I started to kind of free myself up 156 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:49,359 Speaker 3: and develop this deep sense of gratitude for the experience 157 00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:51,080 Speaker 3: I had with my brother. So that's how I kind 158 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:54,000 Speaker 3: of navigated and that was the unlock for me, was 159 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:57,159 Speaker 3: gratitude is how I navigated grief. 160 00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:00,080 Speaker 2: And yeah, you know, people talk about frek guilt and 161 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,400 Speaker 2: it's a lot because you wrote that letter, right, and 162 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:05,680 Speaker 2: sometimes people are like, how could you forgive somebody who 163 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:08,200 Speaker 2: did something like that? But you I listened to you 164 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:10,640 Speaker 2: on Oprah and you talked about the forgiveness that you 165 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:14,200 Speaker 2: received and a lot of times we want forgiveness from 166 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:17,280 Speaker 2: people and reappreciate that, but then when it's time for 167 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:20,080 Speaker 2: us to turn around and forgive somebody, that's a hard 168 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:20,480 Speaker 2: thing to. 169 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:23,240 Speaker 3: Do, absolutely, And I think one of the things is 170 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:27,200 Speaker 3: when you say that you believe something, the universe is 171 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:30,160 Speaker 3: definitely going to test that belief. And in the book, 172 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:31,880 Speaker 3: one of the things that I talk about is I 173 00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:34,320 Speaker 3: received a letter from the guy who shot me. You know, 174 00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:36,720 Speaker 3: I got shot when I was seventeen years old. This 175 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:40,920 Speaker 3: is three decades later. I get this letter, and my 176 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:45,000 Speaker 3: initial reaction wasn't the thoughtful person that believes in redemption, 177 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:47,720 Speaker 3: Like I was triggered back to that moment of like, oh, 178 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,920 Speaker 3: this is the guy. And one of the things that 179 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,440 Speaker 3: I didn't realize was that the thing that had me 180 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:55,680 Speaker 3: really angry was that I had never saw this guy's face. 181 00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:58,840 Speaker 3: Like our exchange was a quick little word exchange, and 182 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:02,600 Speaker 3: you know, he shot shot multiple times, hit me three times. 183 00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:06,000 Speaker 3: So for all these years, I subconsciously had been carrying 184 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,720 Speaker 3: this kind of mystery person around, like I kind of 185 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:11,679 Speaker 3: knew the name, I knew some affiliations, but I didn't 186 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:14,080 Speaker 3: I never saw his face. And so when I got 187 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:17,760 Speaker 3: the letter. He's in prison. Now he's been he's actually 188 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,560 Speaker 3: been in prison. He was in prison like after he 189 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:23,400 Speaker 3: shot me, he killed somebody, and so he ended up 190 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:25,720 Speaker 3: in prison like right before I ended up in prison. 191 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:28,520 Speaker 3: But we never was at the same prison. So when 192 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:32,200 Speaker 3: I got the letter, I'm like, I'm really respecting in prison. 193 00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:33,800 Speaker 3: It don't take much for me to just be like, 194 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:35,760 Speaker 3: I'm gonna put one thousand dollars on your book. Take 195 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:38,320 Speaker 3: care of dude, right. And what I realized in that 196 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:41,080 Speaker 3: moment was like, this is the universe saying what do 197 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:43,400 Speaker 3: you really believe about second chances? What do you really 198 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:46,640 Speaker 3: believe about forgiveness? And so I started actually to write 199 00:08:46,679 --> 00:08:49,160 Speaker 3: him a letter back. And then I decided to actually 200 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,600 Speaker 3: write my mother, who I was in the process of 201 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:55,079 Speaker 3: healing our relationship with, and I realized I didn't owe 202 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:58,960 Speaker 3: him a letter. I accepted the letter of forgiveness, I 203 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:02,360 Speaker 3: mean apology. I accept that. And for me, it's really 204 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:05,080 Speaker 3: like forgiveness was for me. It wasn't really about him, right, 205 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:06,880 Speaker 3: you know what I mean? And then so with my 206 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:10,080 Speaker 3: mom that became more important. It was like, you know, 207 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:12,520 Speaker 3: how am I healing this relationship with the woman who 208 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:14,800 Speaker 3: gave birth to me and how do we grow together? 209 00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:18,920 Speaker 3: And what I learned from that is that forgiveness is 210 00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:21,520 Speaker 3: very complex, because I thought I had forgave my mother, 211 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:24,320 Speaker 3: you know, and then what I realized I forgave her 212 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,920 Speaker 3: with conditions. I forgive you, but I need you to 213 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:27,760 Speaker 3: act this way. 214 00:09:27,679 --> 00:09:29,719 Speaker 2: Right, you want her to change what she had done 215 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,360 Speaker 2: that was hurtful to you. But when you forget somebody, 216 00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:34,280 Speaker 2: that doesn't mean they're going to be a different person 217 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:35,720 Speaker 2: or the person that you want them to be. 218 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:37,559 Speaker 3: Yeah, that I mean, they could be worse, they can 219 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:39,440 Speaker 3: be better. I mean my mom is not the same, 220 00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:42,080 Speaker 3: you know, right what it's saying, right, But it's really 221 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:44,719 Speaker 3: about like how do we shape it within ourselves? Right? 222 00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:47,080 Speaker 3: And that's the hidden part of it because sometimes we 223 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:50,640 Speaker 3: think that, oh, I forgave you, but then you do 224 00:09:50,679 --> 00:09:53,280 Speaker 3: one thing that I dislike, and now I take fifteen 225 00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:55,920 Speaker 3: steps back to one question. 226 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,600 Speaker 4: The god that wrote you the letter that shot you, 227 00:09:57,920 --> 00:09:58,959 Speaker 4: he was apologetic. 228 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:02,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, because what happened is he came across my book. 229 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,440 Speaker 3: Another brother was reading one of my books in there, 230 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:07,959 Speaker 3: and he started reading the book and he was like, oh, 231 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:11,160 Speaker 3: I exactly know this story. I'm the guy who poured 232 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:13,559 Speaker 3: that trigger. I never knew. I wouldn't even have wrote 233 00:10:13,559 --> 00:10:16,000 Speaker 3: his name even if I did, But I never knew 234 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:18,679 Speaker 3: the guy. I just talked about how that shaped how 235 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:21,760 Speaker 3: I thought about life. And so after I got shot, 236 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:23,959 Speaker 3: I just started carrying a gun every day. And then, 237 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:26,520 Speaker 3: you know, fourteen months later I shot somebody, right, And 238 00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:28,880 Speaker 3: so he got the book and he read it and he 239 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:31,160 Speaker 3: was like, oh, I want to apologize to this guy, 240 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:33,040 Speaker 3: you know, And I thought that was I thought it 241 00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:36,760 Speaker 3: was courateous of him, not only to be in a 242 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:39,520 Speaker 3: state of maturity to think about how do I apologize 243 00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:42,880 Speaker 3: to somebody else, but like his safety could have potentially 244 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,600 Speaker 3: been compromising for him to do that. I was like, 245 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:47,360 Speaker 3: you know, I gotta respect that if nothing else. 246 00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:50,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not doing anything for him. Yeah, to have 247 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:50,800 Speaker 1: done that. 248 00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:54,160 Speaker 2: And your mom for seventeen years, she didn't come and 249 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,520 Speaker 2: see you, Yeah, while you were locked up. 250 00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:58,800 Speaker 1: What was her reason for that? 251 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:01,160 Speaker 2: And I hear a lot of times people feel like 252 00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:03,959 Speaker 2: when they go to prison that they're forgotten about. People 253 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:05,920 Speaker 2: are moving on with their lives, and then when you 254 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:09,280 Speaker 2: come home sometimes people feel like, well, I'm home now. 255 00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:11,120 Speaker 2: This person didn't look out for me that I don't 256 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:15,120 Speaker 2: feel no responsibility to all the people who forgot about 257 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:15,679 Speaker 2: me while I. 258 00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:16,200 Speaker 1: Was locked up. 259 00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:17,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I used to feel like that, you 260 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:19,880 Speaker 3: know that the early part of my incarceration, I was 261 00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:22,880 Speaker 3: very angry at my family. I was very disappointed. I 262 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:24,839 Speaker 3: felt abandoned by my friends. You know, It's one of 263 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:27,559 Speaker 3: the things I tell the young guys when they're out 264 00:11:27,559 --> 00:11:30,239 Speaker 3: on the streets, like it's all good until the handcuffs 265 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:32,719 Speaker 3: go on, and I can guarantee you within sixty eight 266 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:35,760 Speaker 3: almost everybody's gone, right, and you may be lucky to 267 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:40,400 Speaker 3: have a grandma or on or you know, pops like 268 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:42,920 Speaker 3: my dad kind of rolled out the whole nineteen years. 269 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,400 Speaker 1: Man had a lot of women. 270 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:52,160 Speaker 4: You're lucky, Yeah about anybody. Fortunately, I was very fortunate. 271 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,200 Speaker 3: But that's different from like the guys you grew up 272 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:57,720 Speaker 3: on the back right, think of your family. Yeah, I 273 00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:00,120 Speaker 3: had people step in that you wouldn't even thought they 274 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:01,720 Speaker 3: would have been the ones. But the people who you 275 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:05,800 Speaker 3: think will be there, they're the first ones to slide off, 276 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:08,680 Speaker 3: you know. And so with my mom when she finally 277 00:12:08,679 --> 00:12:10,719 Speaker 3: did come to see me, some of them was just 278 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:13,360 Speaker 3: like very logistical. I was a lot of times I 279 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:17,400 Speaker 3: was locked far away you know, Yeah, She's like, I 280 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:20,120 Speaker 3: don't drive on the highway by myself, and you know, 281 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:21,920 Speaker 3: so it was all those things. But for me, I 282 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:25,040 Speaker 3: was like, I don't I didn't want to come home. 283 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:27,800 Speaker 3: Like I talk about in the book, is that I was. 284 00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:31,120 Speaker 3: I was incarcerated before I ever went to prison, because mentally, 285 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:33,560 Speaker 3: I have brought into this idea that my life can 286 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:35,760 Speaker 3: only have two outcomes. You're going to be dead in 287 00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:38,360 Speaker 3: jail before your twenty ones, right, And so I lived 288 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:41,400 Speaker 3: based on that narrative. But I was free way before 289 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:43,000 Speaker 3: I got I was free before I even knew if 290 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:45,080 Speaker 3: I was ever getting out of prison, because I had 291 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:47,320 Speaker 3: unlocked something in my mind that was like, no matter 292 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:50,200 Speaker 3: what the circumstances are, here's the kind of man I'm 293 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:52,800 Speaker 3: gonna be. Here's the kind of person that I'm gonna 294 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:56,000 Speaker 3: be even within this environment, whether I get out or not. 295 00:12:56,280 --> 00:13:00,839 Speaker 3: And so part of that was I had to free 296 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:03,920 Speaker 3: myself from this anger, you know, Like you know, people 297 00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:05,720 Speaker 3: see my story Noine, it's like, oh, this must have 298 00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:08,800 Speaker 3: been like a model prisoner. I'm like, I was wilding 299 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:10,800 Speaker 3: it at the first eight years. I'm like thirty six 300 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:15,400 Speaker 3: missconducts new case. Seven years in solitary confinement. But when 301 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,080 Speaker 3: I got to that place where I was like, you know, 302 00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:20,760 Speaker 3: I want to produce different outcomes anger, giving up that 303 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:23,760 Speaker 3: anger was one of them. And in order to give 304 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,640 Speaker 3: that up, I had to look at who am I 305 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:26,640 Speaker 3: all angry at? You know? 306 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:27,959 Speaker 4: How did you do that? 307 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:32,920 Speaker 5: Because I say things like not giving the fuck is freedom? 308 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:38,079 Speaker 5: Meaning caring less of what people think? Are you not 309 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,760 Speaker 5: worrying about the opinions of others? 310 00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:42,680 Speaker 4: That's freedom? 311 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:43,360 Speaker 3: Right? 312 00:13:43,679 --> 00:13:47,800 Speaker 5: Living your ultimate you know who you are, no matter 313 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:50,600 Speaker 5: what that looks like, no matter what that looks like 314 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,560 Speaker 5: to other people, that's freedom. 315 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:56,160 Speaker 4: So how did you get away from the anger? 316 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,439 Speaker 3: Yeah? For me, it was like recognizing. So I had 317 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:02,720 Speaker 3: this idea that I was like, you know, the kid 318 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:05,360 Speaker 3: who wasn't angry, right, because all my friends' minds be like, oh, 319 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:08,640 Speaker 3: you're so mannable, you're so thoughtful, but they didn't never 320 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,040 Speaker 3: saw the other side, you know what I'm saying. And 321 00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:13,480 Speaker 3: so I had kind of bought into the idea that 322 00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:17,200 Speaker 3: I only get active when somebody has done something offensive, right, 323 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:20,720 Speaker 3: But in reality I realized that I had heard a 324 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:22,400 Speaker 3: lot of people you know what I mean, and that 325 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:25,120 Speaker 3: I was really this angry kid and what happened was 326 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:28,960 Speaker 3: I started journaling, and it's what I call active journaling, right, 327 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,000 Speaker 3: And I really talk about it in the book because 328 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,240 Speaker 3: sometimes people are like, oh, you just write a thing down. 329 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:35,160 Speaker 3: It's like, no, you write it down so you could 330 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,320 Speaker 3: be clear about it. But then what are the action 331 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:39,720 Speaker 3: steps you're going to take to heal from it? And 332 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:41,560 Speaker 3: for me, I would write when I was in solitary, 333 00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:44,320 Speaker 3: whenever I would like find myself like really really angry, 334 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:47,560 Speaker 3: like my neighbor blew the power out one time. I'm 335 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:49,640 Speaker 3: literally writing my journal like, yo, when I get out, 336 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:52,400 Speaker 3: I'm a shank doog blah blah, you know what I mean. 337 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:54,440 Speaker 3: But then I would go back and read it because 338 00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:56,560 Speaker 3: that was the active part, Like don't just write it, 339 00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:58,360 Speaker 3: but go back and read it when you're not angry. 340 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:01,080 Speaker 3: And I was reading one day and I was like, 341 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:04,040 Speaker 3: this sounds like a mad man. This is not how 342 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:07,640 Speaker 3: I see myself, but this is really who I've become, right, 343 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:09,600 Speaker 3: And so I knew like if I wanted to be 344 00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:12,120 Speaker 3: a different person, I had to heal that person, and 345 00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:14,080 Speaker 3: I had to get down to the roots of like, 346 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:17,160 Speaker 3: you know who I thought I was, but to who 347 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:19,680 Speaker 3: I actually was, and that was a game change, you 348 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,600 Speaker 3: know what I mean, And so I started. I still 349 00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:25,760 Speaker 3: have all my journals from prison. I still really helps you. Yeah, 350 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:28,720 Speaker 3: going back and reading absolutely like. 351 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,440 Speaker 2: You know, in this book you will also talk about 352 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:41,080 Speaker 2: another incident that really shaped you as a kid. The 353 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,880 Speaker 2: neighbor of c. M. Yeah, and I know certain names. 354 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:46,200 Speaker 2: You know you're not going to give absolutely, Yeah, but 355 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,160 Speaker 2: this was a neighbor. You guys would go over there, 356 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:52,040 Speaker 2: all the kids watched the Kung fu flicks, you know, 357 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:56,120 Speaker 2: have a good time. This particular time, you guys were 358 00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:57,760 Speaker 2: They said, some of the kids can come and stay 359 00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:00,760 Speaker 2: the night, and he attempted to molest you. 360 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,920 Speaker 1: And that was something that you did not tell your parents. 361 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,320 Speaker 2: And it's you know, I think that that is a 362 00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:10,320 Speaker 2: hard thing because you feel like, did I do something wrong? 363 00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:16,400 Speaker 2: And that happens right, And you also feel like I've 364 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:19,400 Speaker 2: heard children say this too. They don't want to endanger 365 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:23,000 Speaker 2: their parents. Also, by then the parents go over there, 366 00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:23,800 Speaker 2: they get into a fight. 367 00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:24,760 Speaker 1: Who knows what can happen. 368 00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:28,120 Speaker 2: I've heard people say that things have happened and that's 369 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:31,640 Speaker 2: why they didn't tell their parents. But then you went 370 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:35,480 Speaker 2: on to attempt to break into his home and that 371 00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:38,760 Speaker 2: was kind of your revenge, but nobody knew what had 372 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,840 Speaker 2: happened to you, and it took you a long time 373 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:46,080 Speaker 2: to even be able to reveal that. But we don't 374 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:49,960 Speaker 2: know sometimes, like what children are dealing with and going through. 375 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:52,920 Speaker 3: Yeah. Absolutely, It's one of the reasons that I'm super 376 00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:57,240 Speaker 3: sensitive when it comes to mentoring young people. And you know, 377 00:16:57,280 --> 00:17:00,840 Speaker 3: you see these kids who have been labeled as acting out, 378 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:04,040 Speaker 3: and because of my own experiences, I know that none 379 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:05,960 Speaker 3: of these things are without cause. And so in the 380 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:08,840 Speaker 3: case of Cem, you know, this was a trusted family friend, 381 00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:11,840 Speaker 3: and you know, this guy attempted to molest me, and 382 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:15,600 Speaker 3: you know, as a result of that, I literally broke 383 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:17,080 Speaker 3: into his house and like in my mind, I'm like, 384 00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:19,520 Speaker 3: we're gonna steal all this stuff, We're gonna destroy it. 385 00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:22,480 Speaker 3: And I ended up getting caught. And when I got caught, 386 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,320 Speaker 3: you know, my parents was like, we didn't raise you 387 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:25,679 Speaker 3: like this, and why would you do this? And so 388 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:28,280 Speaker 3: they were really upset. But the thing is they had 389 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:30,920 Speaker 3: never created space for us to tell the full truth. 390 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:34,440 Speaker 3: And so as a kid, you have something that violation 391 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:37,600 Speaker 3: of trust and you internalize that, and it's one of 392 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,840 Speaker 3: the things like when I talk about why I wrote 393 00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:43,119 Speaker 3: this book. I've met so many people who have internalized 394 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:47,400 Speaker 3: the behaviors of others, whether it's childhood trauma, whether it's assault, 395 00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:50,400 Speaker 3: whether it's violence, you take on that identity. That's where 396 00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:54,240 Speaker 3: negative self taught comes from. And so when my parents, 397 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:58,240 Speaker 3: like they punished me for the behavior, I internalized that 398 00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:00,600 Speaker 3: even more of like, well, maybe I did something wrong, 399 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:03,639 Speaker 3: but maybe it was my fault. And so for years 400 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:06,560 Speaker 3: I was angry with them, and you know, and there 401 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:08,919 Speaker 3: was a shame attached to that. Right I had got 402 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:13,120 Speaker 3: arrested in front of our whole block, you know, yeah, 403 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,639 Speaker 3: Like they literally was like, what is you doing? Yeah, 404 00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:19,480 Speaker 3: so now you got that embarrassment, and it's one of 405 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:21,560 Speaker 3: the things that you know, for me, when I got 406 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,520 Speaker 3: to a space where I talked to my parents, this 407 00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:26,199 Speaker 3: was like, I mean, this wasn't that long. It's like 408 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:28,240 Speaker 3: three years ago. I was like fifty years old when 409 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:29,560 Speaker 3: I called my dad and I was like, hey, I 410 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:32,000 Speaker 3: just want to talk to you about something that I 411 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:36,000 Speaker 3: realized I was still carrying this anger about that. They 412 00:18:36,119 --> 00:18:39,200 Speaker 3: never understood my wife and they never even questioned it. 413 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,320 Speaker 3: And I'm like, if you know your kid to be good, 414 00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:45,000 Speaker 3: otherwise and they do something that's so outside of who 415 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:47,119 Speaker 3: you know them to be, Like, you got to be 416 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,400 Speaker 3: patient and interrogate that, you know what I mean, because 417 00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:52,280 Speaker 3: otherwise it kind of imprisons them and it's shame. And 418 00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:54,199 Speaker 3: that's what happened to me. But when I talked to 419 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:58,440 Speaker 3: my parents, it was amazing, you know, that they were 420 00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:02,080 Speaker 3: both present and willing to go on that journey, and 421 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:03,879 Speaker 3: especially like with my dad, like that has to be 422 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:06,679 Speaker 3: hard as a father's like you're trusting your child in 423 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:09,280 Speaker 3: the care of another man who you respect, right, and 424 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:12,000 Speaker 3: then this guy attempts to take advantage of your child. 425 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:14,639 Speaker 2: You know, I just thank god that you were able 426 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,520 Speaker 2: to get out of that situation. 427 00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:19,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I attribute that to like my siblings, 428 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:23,120 Speaker 3: like being being having older siblings, you kind of become 429 00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:25,520 Speaker 3: a little bit more savvy about life than if you're 430 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:27,119 Speaker 3: trying to figure it out on your own, you know. 431 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:30,040 Speaker 3: And so anytime I felt like I was in some 432 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:32,359 Speaker 3: type of danger, I had kind of examples from my 433 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:35,040 Speaker 3: siblings and how to move, yeah, how to move Yeah. 434 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:37,840 Speaker 3: But I think about all the kids who probably didn't. 435 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,840 Speaker 4: That didn't a lot. It's a lot, a lot, it's 436 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:41,000 Speaker 4: a lot. It's a lot. 437 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:43,119 Speaker 5: I'm working on a book, and I've been working on 438 00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:44,600 Speaker 5: this book for a while. 439 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:45,399 Speaker 4: It's almost ready. 440 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:49,560 Speaker 5: I've been talking about it for a while now, and 441 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:52,440 Speaker 5: it kind of reminds me of what you what you 442 00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:54,919 Speaker 5: got going on and what you're doing. The name of 443 00:19:54,920 --> 00:20:00,000 Speaker 5: my book is called All the Freedom Right, and it's 444 00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:03,280 Speaker 5: to me, it's it's like my philosophy in my in 445 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:06,879 Speaker 5: my in my uh my game, and how I feel 446 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:09,359 Speaker 5: about what it takes to to stay out of prison. 447 00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:12,680 Speaker 5: So it's like for people that it's either just got 448 00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:15,080 Speaker 5: out of jail or it's about to write. So you know, 449 00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:17,480 Speaker 5: they got all those pre release programs and stuff like that. 450 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:20,600 Speaker 5: You know, here's a book, not big, but just something 451 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:22,359 Speaker 5: that could you know, you read a chapter day or 452 00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:24,719 Speaker 5: something like that, like Delhi Meditations or something like that, 453 00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:26,800 Speaker 5: and just to help give you some game on how 454 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:31,280 Speaker 5: to stay you know, mentally, you know, prepared for all 455 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,280 Speaker 5: of the things that you gotta deal with. You know, 456 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:39,000 Speaker 5: I like what you did you're doing because that's something 457 00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:42,080 Speaker 5: that I don't think I included that in the book, right, 458 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,520 Speaker 5: about the mental prisons, about some of the things that 459 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:45,880 Speaker 5: kind of hold us back. 460 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,200 Speaker 4: Because you can. 461 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:52,119 Speaker 5: Be free physically but yet still trapped in this in 462 00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:54,879 Speaker 5: this this, this this world where you just locked in. 463 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:57,480 Speaker 3: Absolutely, Yeah, that's That's one of the things. When I 464 00:20:57,480 --> 00:21:00,680 Speaker 3: wrote this book, I was super intentional about making it 465 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:04,879 Speaker 3: accessible to people who have never been incarcerated. And actually 466 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:07,560 Speaker 3: that's more of my audience because I've worked in tech, 467 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:10,000 Speaker 3: you know, I've been an investor in tech, I've worked 468 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,639 Speaker 3: in entertainment, I produced, I've done all types of stuff. 469 00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:15,399 Speaker 3: And I've seen people out here who have never stepped 470 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:18,399 Speaker 3: foot in the jail that are way more incarcerated, Like 471 00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:23,200 Speaker 3: I mean, imposter syndrome, doubt. What is that? Yeah, that's 472 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:24,919 Speaker 3: when you're showing up in the space and you're not 473 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:26,520 Speaker 3: being your authentic self. 474 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:28,680 Speaker 1: And you feel like you don't belong there. 475 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:32,480 Speaker 5: And how about the guy that continuously wants to be 476 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:33,760 Speaker 5: something that you know he's not. 477 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:41,200 Speaker 3: That is it is aspect. 478 00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:50,800 Speaker 2: Is when you really do deserve to be somewhere and 479 00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:53,320 Speaker 2: you feel like you don't. Absolutely, you know, you feel 480 00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:55,760 Speaker 2: like even though you can have all of the accolades 481 00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:58,320 Speaker 2: and the knowledge, and you go in a room and 482 00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:01,680 Speaker 2: you know, it's interesting to me because even your friendship 483 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:04,640 Speaker 2: with and you talk about this, and Ben Harwitz called 484 00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:06,720 Speaker 2: in when you were on with Oprah. 485 00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:07,160 Speaker 3: That's my guy. 486 00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:10,439 Speaker 2: Yeah, and even of how you guys met, but it 487 00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:14,919 Speaker 2: was you know, I even was like, man, when Oprah 488 00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:16,720 Speaker 2: introduced you and then you guys were going to have 489 00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:18,719 Speaker 2: dinner and they were like, oh, this guy did this, 490 00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:20,000 Speaker 2: let's not have him at the house. 491 00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:20,639 Speaker 3: Yeah. 492 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:24,399 Speaker 1: I felt like, I don't know, it bothered me, you 493 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:25,000 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. 494 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:27,240 Speaker 2: I know that'shit brother, and then and that things have 495 00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,120 Speaker 2: come around, and it's so interesting to me to see 496 00:22:29,119 --> 00:22:33,000 Speaker 2: how people can have this perception of somebody who they'll 497 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:35,160 Speaker 2: be like, well, he murdered someone, he went to jail 498 00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:37,119 Speaker 2: to prison for nineteen years. 499 00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:39,480 Speaker 1: I don't know if we should have them. 500 00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:41,840 Speaker 3: I mean, that's not unreasonable. 501 00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:44,440 Speaker 1: Right, I understand that, and it's not unreasonable. 502 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,399 Speaker 3: But from our culture, we're like, oh, that's you know 503 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:50,119 Speaker 3: what I mean, because we have we have proximity to 504 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:53,440 Speaker 3: it quite often, right, And there's different when you don't 505 00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:55,919 Speaker 3: have proximity to it and you're coming from Because I 506 00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:57,720 Speaker 3: think about this all the time, like when you come 507 00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:01,639 Speaker 3: from a different space and don't have proximity to someone 508 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,360 Speaker 3: like me, I can imagine it's not the easiest thing 509 00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:05,600 Speaker 3: to be like come from my home. 510 00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:09,480 Speaker 2: Right, Donald Trunk has done some awful things and been 511 00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:12,320 Speaker 2: convicted of them, and he's the president. 512 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:14,800 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. And I but I. 513 00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:17,879 Speaker 2: Will say when I said that, I also was just 514 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:22,160 Speaker 2: thinking about it in the context of I thought about 515 00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:26,200 Speaker 2: Michael Rubin, right, and how he didn't understand like how 516 00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:30,480 Speaker 2: somebody could be falsely imprisoned until Meek Miles situation and 517 00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:34,879 Speaker 2: seeing how probation can really just keep you like locked 518 00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:38,240 Speaker 2: in forever psychl Yeah, exactly. 519 00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:41,560 Speaker 4: It's coming from such a such a such a. 520 00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:43,280 Speaker 1: Place of privilege, and that's yeah. 521 00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:46,320 Speaker 5: Totally oblivious to this type of lifestyle in the world 522 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:49,720 Speaker 5: for us that we had some body right. 523 00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:55,160 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. 524 00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:58,320 Speaker 5: When she said when she said, uh, he did nine 525 00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:12,639 Speaker 5: years in solitary, I said, he was getting Busyand. 526 00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:10,000 Speaker 2: Do you feel like now it's been a lot more 527 00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:14,000 Speaker 2: people like because I do feel like this whole movement now, 528 00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:17,200 Speaker 2: you know, we see so many different organizations that are 529 00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:19,960 Speaker 2: talking about like the prison system, and there's been a 530 00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:22,960 Speaker 2: lot more stories of people who have been unfairly targeted. 531 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:27,639 Speaker 2: When you see the disparities between who's you know, getting representation, 532 00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:30,800 Speaker 2: who's getting the longer sentences, who's going to prison, And 533 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:33,280 Speaker 2: it's something that has been a lot more awareness about it. 534 00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:35,760 Speaker 2: Do you feel like now since when you first came home, 535 00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:40,200 Speaker 2: it's been a lot more like acceptance and also people 536 00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:41,920 Speaker 2: just feeling like, Wow, that's your story. 537 00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:43,560 Speaker 1: We need to do something together. I feel like it 538 00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:44,520 Speaker 1: used to be like that. 539 00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:44,840 Speaker 5: No. 540 00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:46,600 Speaker 3: I mean we've done a lot of work, you know, 541 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:49,600 Speaker 3: like like outside of the work that I've done more recently, 542 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:53,320 Speaker 3: which has been more focused on business entrepreneurship, early part 543 00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:57,160 Speaker 3: of my career was literally working on changing policies, including 544 00:24:57,440 --> 00:25:00,479 Speaker 3: helping meet meals get out. So I work with fifty 545 00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:03,920 Speaker 3: I work with Reform Alliance, Jessica Van those like we 546 00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:06,240 Speaker 3: was in the trenches. We were like, we're gonna cut 547 00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:09,040 Speaker 3: the prison system and half by fifty percent. And so 548 00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:11,680 Speaker 3: that work, that storytelling that we did, we really brought 549 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:15,560 Speaker 3: people proximate to like what does transformation look like? And 550 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:17,879 Speaker 3: so you think about Topeka, you think about Wilow, you 551 00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:20,840 Speaker 3: think about those of us who've actually put ourselves out 552 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,560 Speaker 3: in the most vulnerable way. Right, I think, out of everybody, 553 00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:26,359 Speaker 3: I probably had a more serious case. So I'm constantly 554 00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:30,560 Speaker 3: getting that, getting that scrutiny. But It's the thing like 555 00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:32,560 Speaker 3: even when even when I think about, even though this 556 00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:35,160 Speaker 3: is not what this book is about, what I realized 557 00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:37,920 Speaker 3: that we had to help people break through their own 558 00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:41,600 Speaker 3: interpretation of who they think is in prison, right, you know, 559 00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:43,960 Speaker 3: because it's easy to just have those judgments. But then 560 00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:46,840 Speaker 3: you started to meet chef Jeff and you realize this guy, 561 00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:49,879 Speaker 3: he's an executive chef, but he was also incarcerated and 562 00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,479 Speaker 3: taught himself how to cook in the kitchen. And so 563 00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:54,720 Speaker 3: being able to share those stories, like that's what really 564 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:57,239 Speaker 3: kind of shifted the narrative. And now you know, but 565 00:25:57,560 --> 00:26:00,399 Speaker 3: there's a there's a downside to that too, because not 566 00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:02,119 Speaker 3: everybody who comes out of prison is going to be 567 00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:05,040 Speaker 3: Shocker or Wallow or Mano or to peak it right, 568 00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:08,480 Speaker 3: because you gotta you have to separate our talent from 569 00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:11,080 Speaker 3: our actual background, you know what I mean. Like I'm 570 00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:14,080 Speaker 3: actually really talented while I'm on book three, not because 571 00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:15,479 Speaker 3: I was in prison, you know what I mean? 572 00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:18,320 Speaker 4: So doesn't get. 573 00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:21,800 Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, Like like to Peaka's really talented, she just 574 00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:24,200 Speaker 3: happened to have been in prison. Wilo is really talented. 575 00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:26,000 Speaker 3: It just happened to be in prison. And so we 576 00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:29,159 Speaker 3: have to really separate that part because everybody think the 577 00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:30,879 Speaker 3: next person coming out is going to be the next 578 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:32,600 Speaker 3: so and so. And it's like, I've been writing for 579 00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:35,679 Speaker 3: twenty five years. You know, I wrote my first journal 580 00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:39,440 Speaker 3: twenty five years ago when I was transforming my life. 581 00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:42,399 Speaker 3: So all of this this is like the hard earned wisdom. 582 00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:45,840 Speaker 3: This is like, this isn't like recent. This is like, hey, 583 00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:49,240 Speaker 3: for twenty five years, I've been on this journey. Here's 584 00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:52,359 Speaker 3: what i learned from prison. Here's what I've learned from entrepreneurship, 585 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:55,000 Speaker 3: Here's what I learned from investing, and here's what I've 586 00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:59,119 Speaker 3: learned in corporate And everybody has a hidden prison, but 587 00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:00,760 Speaker 3: every prison has a right. 588 00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:04,879 Speaker 1: You know, this writing. I think the talent that you 589 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:05,200 Speaker 1: have with that. 590 00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:06,720 Speaker 2: Now, there's one part of the book where you talk 591 00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:10,600 Speaker 2: about writing a letter to the warden, which I was like, 592 00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:12,960 Speaker 2: you would even think to do such a thing, but 593 00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:15,800 Speaker 2: you wanted to see if you could get out of solitary. 594 00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:19,720 Speaker 2: But you also wanted to say, look, I did everything 595 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:21,080 Speaker 2: I said I was going to do, and those were 596 00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:24,119 Speaker 2: the bad things, you know. But now I'm saying, instead 597 00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:25,879 Speaker 2: of the negative things that I want to do, I 598 00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:27,640 Speaker 2: want you to believe that I'm going to be able 599 00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:27,960 Speaker 2: to do. 600 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:29,000 Speaker 1: These positive things. 601 00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:31,480 Speaker 2: He said, you said, if truth is what matters most 602 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:33,359 Speaker 2: in our dialogue, I encourage you to reflect on what 603 00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:36,040 Speaker 2: I'm about to propose should do. On the off chance 604 00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:39,040 Speaker 2: allow me to re enter general population. I give you 605 00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,639 Speaker 2: my word that for the remainder of my incarceration, I 606 00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:45,040 Speaker 2: will dedicate myself solely to nurturing my writing talent and 607 00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:45,760 Speaker 2: mentoring the. 608 00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:46,879 Speaker 1: Young guys on the yard. 609 00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:49,280 Speaker 2: Gifts I discovered in this place and wish to share 610 00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:50,840 Speaker 2: with prisoners and then the world. 611 00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:51,920 Speaker 1: That's amazing. 612 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:55,040 Speaker 3: That were absolutely it was the only kind of war. 613 00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:58,359 Speaker 1: It was the only time that because when I was reading, 614 00:27:58,400 --> 00:27:59,360 Speaker 1: I said, they're. 615 00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:00,840 Speaker 4: Not letting that word. 616 00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:03,240 Speaker 3: But here's the thing. I was reading all this philosophy right, 617 00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:07,000 Speaker 3: and I was like, okay, if the truth is what matter, 618 00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:09,480 Speaker 3: Like I told you when I came to prison, I'm 619 00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:12,119 Speaker 3: never following the rules. Here's the proof of that. I 620 00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:15,199 Speaker 3: got thirty five minutes conducts. Only things that matter? Is 621 00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:17,000 Speaker 3: am I a man of my word? Clearly I'm a 622 00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,120 Speaker 3: man of my words. If you believe me in the negative, 623 00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:21,680 Speaker 3: can you believe me in a postive? And you should 624 00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:22,200 Speaker 3: be able. 625 00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:25,520 Speaker 1: To yeah to myself. This philosophical shit really was. 626 00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:30,760 Speaker 4: Well, he advocated for me and I had you had 627 00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:32,000 Speaker 4: nine in there already. 628 00:28:32,119 --> 00:28:34,119 Speaker 3: Yeah, so at that time I had I had been 629 00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:36,800 Speaker 3: in solitary about two and a half and I had 630 00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:39,040 Speaker 3: been in prison about ten and a half and then 631 00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:41,440 Speaker 3: but it still took some time for me to get out. 632 00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:43,840 Speaker 3: But he advocated for me for the next couple of years. 633 00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:44,520 Speaker 1: That's amazing. 634 00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:46,320 Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, And then I got out of I was 635 00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:48,600 Speaker 3: a man of my word. I literally focused on writing. 636 00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:51,880 Speaker 3: I wrote. I wrote a total of six books before 637 00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:54,160 Speaker 3: I got out of prison. I started off writing fiction 638 00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:57,280 Speaker 3: and I mentored a young young man on the block. 639 00:28:57,400 --> 00:28:59,080 Speaker 3: Like a lot of those guys, they even look up 640 00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:01,360 Speaker 3: to me to this day. And I go back and sat, 641 00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:04,040 Speaker 3: I was, I was like, you Records Island yesterday, I 642 00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:06,080 Speaker 3: could I kicked the project. Yeah, we kicked the book 643 00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:06,760 Speaker 3: to off. 644 00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:09,040 Speaker 1: And you're donating books for the prisons. 645 00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:12,840 Speaker 3: So we've donated books to thirteen hundred prisons, which comes 646 00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:16,360 Speaker 3: around to almost a million people who are incarcerated. And 647 00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:18,080 Speaker 3: so they got the book before the rest of the 648 00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:21,440 Speaker 3: world because their life is a metaphor. And I wanted 649 00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:24,240 Speaker 3: to make sure that people are incarcerated. 650 00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:29,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, you better signed the publishing company. But even look, 651 00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:33,200 Speaker 2: even when Shaka came home and you know, had the book, 652 00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:35,920 Speaker 2: he had to push those books himself on the streets. 653 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:40,400 Speaker 3: Yeah. I was really out the trunk with us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 654 00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:44,440 Speaker 3: I started off hustling books all around Detroit parks, gentlemen clubs, 655 00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:48,160 Speaker 3: you name it. I was there and eventually, yeah, yeah, 656 00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:49,440 Speaker 3: I used to. 657 00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:52,480 Speaker 1: Be there every Saturday starlet party. 658 00:29:57,120 --> 00:30:00,520 Speaker 3: They sim Detroit is a whole back I'm chop to 659 00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:05,680 Speaker 3: slangy books and yeah, yeah, but that was the path. 660 00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:08,560 Speaker 3: And eventually one of those books made it to Oprah, 661 00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:09,760 Speaker 3: and then that was a game changer. 662 00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:12,680 Speaker 1: You never know what can happen. Boy, let me tell you. 663 00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:14,280 Speaker 4: That's all. You got to do it. 664 00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:17,240 Speaker 2: Just like Shaka said, He'll set down the intention and 665 00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:18,440 Speaker 2: you just got to finish it. 666 00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:20,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, because I wrote, I literally wrote that down, so 667 00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:22,640 Speaker 3: all the things I live now, because I really want 668 00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:25,760 Speaker 3: people to understand this about what makes this book so 669 00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:29,800 Speaker 3: amazing to me is that I'm not just pulling stories 670 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:32,000 Speaker 3: from out of the thin air and saying, hey, you 671 00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:33,880 Speaker 3: see what Lebron did, you can do it too. I 672 00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:35,680 Speaker 3: don't know what that's like. I'm not a forty year 673 00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:38,840 Speaker 3: old hooper with a twenty year history. Right. What I 674 00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:40,640 Speaker 3: do know is that the things that I said I 675 00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:42,760 Speaker 3: was going to do when I got out, I wrote 676 00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:46,959 Speaker 3: those things down. I practice mindfulness. I practiced meditation, and 677 00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:49,400 Speaker 3: I practiced it in a way that requires a lot 678 00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:52,440 Speaker 3: of activation. Like you can't just write something down and 679 00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:55,400 Speaker 3: forget it. Right, I'm in solitary. I write my first book. 680 00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:56,920 Speaker 3: I asked a guy's on the cell block. You want 681 00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:59,000 Speaker 3: to read this book? A guy was like, Yo, this 682 00:30:59,040 --> 00:30:59,840 Speaker 3: ain't Oprah. 683 00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:01,120 Speaker 1: I have that right here. 684 00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:05,040 Speaker 2: Yes, I think that is so ironic. You said, does 685 00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:07,000 Speaker 2: anyone to read this book? I just wrote someone down 686 00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:09,080 Speaker 2: to tear? Responded back, don't nobody want to read that shit? 687 00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:12,320 Speaker 2: This ain't Oprah? And look at that next thing. You know, 688 00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:15,920 Speaker 2: you said, I'm gonna write something worthy of Oprah herself 689 00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:17,120 Speaker 2: taking the time out to read it. 690 00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:18,440 Speaker 1: Who would have ever thunk it? 691 00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:20,600 Speaker 3: Yeah? I mean I was in solitary, so I couldn't 692 00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:22,880 Speaker 3: get active. So I'm like, okay, what can I do? 693 00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:25,440 Speaker 3: And I'm like, okay, well, actually this guy just gave 694 00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:27,560 Speaker 3: me a goal, Like I want to write. I don't 695 00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:29,239 Speaker 3: want to just be a good writer for someone's been 696 00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:30,800 Speaker 3: in prison. I want to be one of the best 697 00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:33,400 Speaker 3: in the world. And what's the better measurement is if 698 00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:36,120 Speaker 3: over read it, you rise to that level. And so 699 00:31:36,160 --> 00:31:38,680 Speaker 3: now she's on book number three, which to tell you 700 00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:40,440 Speaker 3: a lot about I got Joe Rogan over here and 701 00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:46,800 Speaker 3: Oprah over here. So wow, I got Pee Aelou. 702 00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:51,160 Speaker 2: Now listen, you talk about the keys to releasing anger, right, 703 00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:56,160 Speaker 2: write down your anger, identify primary emotion, create a counter mantra, 704 00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:59,560 Speaker 2: and then meditate to release anger. So no, just thinking 705 00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:01,680 Speaker 2: about working through that, because what I love is at 706 00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:04,680 Speaker 2: the end of each chapter you are giving people, you know, just. 707 00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:07,120 Speaker 1: Really like the tools to dig deeper. You call it 708 00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:07,880 Speaker 1: digging deeper. 709 00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:10,480 Speaker 3: Absolutely, yeah. And what I love about the Digging Deeper 710 00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:12,520 Speaker 3: chapters that you notice there's like a little door at 711 00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:14,920 Speaker 3: the top. And the door is because I wanted people 712 00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:17,400 Speaker 3: to know that you can access this anytime, you can 713 00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:19,920 Speaker 3: come in and out, because that's life, right. Sometime you're 714 00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:21,960 Speaker 3: going to get it right, and sometimes you're going to 715 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:23,959 Speaker 3: take a little step back, and it's like, once you 716 00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:26,080 Speaker 3: take that step back, just know that you can go 717 00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:28,520 Speaker 3: back to these tools and it'll help release you from 718 00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:29,560 Speaker 3: that that hit in prison. 719 00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:32,240 Speaker 1: Now Another thing that was really impactful in your life 720 00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:34,840 Speaker 1: was marriage. And see Lizy here too. You didn't change 721 00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:36,160 Speaker 1: her name in the book. You didn't have to. 722 00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:37,920 Speaker 5: Now. 723 00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:42,160 Speaker 2: One thing you were gifted was mirrors, right, and the 724 00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:44,320 Speaker 2: elder who gifted the mirror said to you, and marriage, 725 00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:46,680 Speaker 2: you become a mirror to your partner. What you reflect 726 00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:49,040 Speaker 2: is what you will receive in return. If you reflect love, 727 00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:52,160 Speaker 2: patients are understanding, you will get that back. But if 728 00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:55,080 Speaker 2: you reflect anger, resentment, or indifference, that too will come 729 00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:57,760 Speaker 2: back to you. A happy marriage is built not just 730 00:32:57,840 --> 00:33:00,640 Speaker 2: on love, but on the reflections you too to create 731 00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:03,600 Speaker 2: every day. And you talk about love being an active choice. 732 00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:07,360 Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, and it's marital love, but it's also self 733 00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:10,840 Speaker 3: love and it's also relational love and friendship and all 734 00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:14,320 Speaker 3: those things are like really the primary drivers in life. 735 00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:17,200 Speaker 3: To me personally, it's like how much shown up in love? 736 00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:18,800 Speaker 3: How much shwn up in love with my wife, how 737 00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:20,880 Speaker 3: much swn up in love as a father, how much 738 00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:23,720 Speaker 3: shwn up in love as a friend. And it all 739 00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:26,680 Speaker 3: comes back to self love because that's what eradicates self doubt, 740 00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:31,280 Speaker 3: negative self talk, And when you're in relation with anybody, 741 00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:32,600 Speaker 3: like you're only going to get out of it what 742 00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:34,720 Speaker 3: you put into it right, And it doesn't mean it's 743 00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:37,719 Speaker 3: like perfect. Like sometimes that mirror is dirty and dusty 744 00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:39,960 Speaker 3: and strange stuff and you gotta clean it off and 745 00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:41,640 Speaker 3: you got to get back to like, Okay, why don't 746 00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:43,920 Speaker 3: we show up in each other's life in the first place? 747 00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:46,920 Speaker 3: And I'm fortunate and lucky to have a brilliant, beautiful 748 00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:50,440 Speaker 3: wife and that that makes me happy. It's like dope, man. 749 00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:52,960 Speaker 2: I just am blown away by all the work that 750 00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:56,120 Speaker 2: you've been doing every single you know, I've read three 751 00:33:56,120 --> 00:33:57,280 Speaker 2: of your books at this point. 752 00:33:57,480 --> 00:33:59,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, the letters to your sons. 753 00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:02,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, also, which was amazing for you for us to 754 00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:06,360 Speaker 2: be able to read, you know. May now you have 755 00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:09,160 Speaker 2: a son, you have a daughter. Do you ever write, 756 00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:11,479 Speaker 2: like when is the last time you've written anything? Because 757 00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:14,480 Speaker 2: I do think that writing is a really purposeful different 758 00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:15,040 Speaker 2: type of. 759 00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:21,400 Speaker 4: Practice to them. Yeah, no, never other than textas it's. 760 00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:23,920 Speaker 2: Not crazy that text messages makes it like so when's 761 00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:26,920 Speaker 2: the last time somebody wrote you something like physically? 762 00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:29,200 Speaker 3: But it's all writing though, like I mean, like even 763 00:34:29,239 --> 00:34:31,640 Speaker 3: I wrote, I wrote a great percentage of this book, 764 00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:33,920 Speaker 3: like literally in my notes, like I'll be up late 765 00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:36,759 Speaker 3: at night or tak Yeah, and I'll have like a 766 00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:39,080 Speaker 3: thought of like, you know, story, I'm just put it 767 00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:40,840 Speaker 3: in my notes and like and I you know, I 768 00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:44,040 Speaker 3: try to encourage the young people I mentor about the craft, 769 00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:47,200 Speaker 3: right because there is the craft of writing. Then that's storytelling. 770 00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:49,800 Speaker 3: But I think all of it, all of it matters, 771 00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:52,000 Speaker 3: you know. That's that's I outline that in the book. Like, 772 00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:54,680 Speaker 3: use whatever tools you have at your disposal to get 773 00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:55,439 Speaker 3: those stories out. 774 00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:56,240 Speaker 1: So you can talk toil. 775 00:34:56,760 --> 00:34:59,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, I do that too, I do it all. I'll 776 00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:02,080 Speaker 3: be like no because you know, sometimes you move in 777 00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:04,719 Speaker 3: life is happening and you don't want to miss the 778 00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:07,279 Speaker 3: energy at that moment. So get a chance to share 779 00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:09,080 Speaker 3: all these truths in a variety of ways. 780 00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:12,560 Speaker 2: What are some of the things that have happened since 781 00:35:12,600 --> 00:35:15,000 Speaker 2: you've been writing, even from you know, when you first 782 00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:17,640 Speaker 2: came home and writing your wrongs came out. But what 783 00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:19,880 Speaker 2: are some things that people have said to you in 784 00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:22,680 Speaker 2: ways that you've affected their lives, that have touched on 785 00:35:22,719 --> 00:35:23,319 Speaker 2: you know. 786 00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:27,680 Speaker 3: What's really amazing and truly the greatest honor that I've 787 00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:31,200 Speaker 3: ever received is the consistency of feedback from people who 788 00:35:31,239 --> 00:35:34,440 Speaker 3: read my work. You know, every day, like literally every 789 00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:36,880 Speaker 3: day for probably the last ten years, I get a message, 790 00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:40,799 Speaker 3: text message, DM, I get something from somebody saying, hey, 791 00:35:40,800 --> 00:35:43,080 Speaker 3: this really helped me. And you know, when I was 792 00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:45,200 Speaker 3: writing this book, I have like my friends, so I'm like, yo, 793 00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:47,160 Speaker 3: can you read this for me? Can you just let 794 00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:51,440 Speaker 3: me know? Is it resonating? And that hidden prison piece 795 00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:54,960 Speaker 3: has been really opening people up. And I mean I've 796 00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:57,520 Speaker 3: got friends from all walks of life who are like, hey, 797 00:35:57,560 --> 00:36:00,200 Speaker 3: I was trying to work through something deep in my 798 00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:04,719 Speaker 3: life and like joy that's been the brothers in my life. 799 00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:07,680 Speaker 3: They've been like on fire about that chapter because they're like, 800 00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:10,439 Speaker 3: we don't even talk about how do we as men 801 00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:14,680 Speaker 3: access joy? You know. And so that that consistent feedback 802 00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:16,799 Speaker 3: has been credit's been over ten years. I always get 803 00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:20,200 Speaker 3: something positive from all of my different writers, even sometimes 804 00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:23,840 Speaker 3: stuff I've written just online, you know, And so's the 805 00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:26,160 Speaker 3: that's the greatest, you know, part of all of this 806 00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:29,160 Speaker 3: journey is like I'm a writer's writer, and so to 807 00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:31,960 Speaker 3: have people you know, move by my words that that 808 00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:33,000 Speaker 3: means everything to me. 809 00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:36,400 Speaker 2: All right, well, I love it, and you know, lastly, 810 00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:37,759 Speaker 2: I want to end with this part. You said the 811 00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:39,080 Speaker 2: one thing I right for used to do was get 812 00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:42,320 Speaker 2: stuck in a loop of negative negativity. The moment a negative, 813 00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:45,799 Speaker 2: the service, I counted it with positive affirmations. These are 814 00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:48,239 Speaker 2: like real things you know that we can do, you said. 815 00:36:48,239 --> 00:36:51,400 Speaker 2: I meditated on gratitude, grounding myself and the blessings I 816 00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:54,560 Speaker 2: already had, rather than the challenges I faced. It's all 817 00:36:54,600 --> 00:36:57,440 Speaker 2: about a commitment to shifting my mindset. It wasn't just 818 00:36:57,440 --> 00:37:00,440 Speaker 2: about pushing through. It was about creating a found of 819 00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:03,920 Speaker 2: self belief that allowed me to see possibilities instead of 820 00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:07,200 Speaker 2: obstacles and to keep moving forward with hope and purpose. 821 00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:10,319 Speaker 2: And I think that's impactful. There's things that I still 822 00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:13,280 Speaker 2: struggle with myself to these days. I think everybody struggles 823 00:37:13,320 --> 00:37:14,000 Speaker 2: with forgiveness. 824 00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:16,279 Speaker 3: Yeah, would would you think that's like one of your 825 00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:18,200 Speaker 3: bigger hitting prisons that forgiveness. 826 00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:22,839 Speaker 1: I think that it's hard to say. 827 00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:25,359 Speaker 2: There's people that have been like so awful that I 828 00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:27,319 Speaker 2: just never even want to deal with them and forget 829 00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:28,120 Speaker 2: that they exist. 830 00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:31,080 Speaker 1: And so I'm not a vengeful person. 831 00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:32,960 Speaker 2: I'm more of a you don't exist to me at 832 00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:34,280 Speaker 2: all anymore type of person. 833 00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:37,040 Speaker 3: But if you still entertain the pain that they cause, 834 00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:39,840 Speaker 3: they do exist to you, and so real forgiveness is 835 00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:41,160 Speaker 3: about how do you release that? 836 00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:44,200 Speaker 2: So we're not going to sit down and be cool 837 00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:45,719 Speaker 2: like you said, we don't got to kick it. 838 00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:47,319 Speaker 1: But but if you. 839 00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:50,680 Speaker 3: Release it, you're having a whole different free experience. 840 00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:53,520 Speaker 1: It's like pretending it didn't exist releasing it. 841 00:37:54,239 --> 00:37:56,600 Speaker 3: But it's not pretending because if you pretend they always 842 00:37:56,600 --> 00:38:00,160 Speaker 3: come back, they always don't come back. It's really is 843 00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:04,240 Speaker 3: deciding that, hey, you can no longer occupy this space 844 00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:06,799 Speaker 3: in my life and that I'm going to walk out 845 00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:09,680 Speaker 3: of this door to the freest version of myself because 846 00:38:09,719 --> 00:38:14,560 Speaker 3: I've given up all anger, animosity, attachment to this old 847 00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:15,719 Speaker 3: thing that no longer says. 848 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:18,480 Speaker 2: You know what I tell people when it's like a situation, 849 00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:21,080 Speaker 2: because you know, sometimes your friends will have a tendency 850 00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:24,319 Speaker 2: to like send you stuff about a person like you're like, 851 00:38:24,320 --> 00:38:25,839 Speaker 2: oh my god, I cannot stand this person. I don't 852 00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:27,600 Speaker 2: even want to think about it, but they'll send you 853 00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:30,279 Speaker 2: like you see this, Oh they said this, they said that, 854 00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:33,080 Speaker 2: And I'm like, just don't even mention that person to me, 855 00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:36,239 Speaker 2: like just erasing like eternal you've seen eternal Sunshinel, the 856 00:38:36,239 --> 00:38:39,440 Speaker 2: spotless mind, is it like erasing it out of my brain. 857 00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:41,320 Speaker 2: That helped me a lot. 858 00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:43,719 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean that's that's that's, that's part of what 859 00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:45,440 Speaker 3: that's part of what giving it up is. Right as 860 00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:48,680 Speaker 3: you stop entertaining the old story, but you also have 861 00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:50,920 Speaker 3: to like create real boundaries with the people in your 862 00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:53,360 Speaker 3: life who can continue to bring that. 863 00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:58,040 Speaker 1: I don't even that, don't mention their name, it doesn't exist. 864 00:38:58,120 --> 00:38:58,719 Speaker 1: I moved on. 865 00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:02,960 Speaker 2: You know, let's keep going, but definitely practices in here that, 866 00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:05,440 Speaker 2: like you said, this doesn't have to be just for 867 00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:09,200 Speaker 2: people who were justice impacted, but also for somebody like 868 00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:12,280 Speaker 2: myself who is trying to get out of my own free. 869 00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:18,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, your mind, man, two shackles and athletes, executives, entrepreneurs. 870 00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:22,560 Speaker 3: Everyday people are just trying to live free persons themselves. 871 00:39:22,920 --> 00:39:24,120 Speaker 3: That's really who this book is. 872 00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:25,879 Speaker 1: And I'm really hoping he's going to help me, know. 873 00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:31,600 Speaker 3: Praying for the first step were you were already you 874 00:39:31,680 --> 00:39:33,719 Speaker 3: already started the first step by reading it, and now 875 00:39:33,719 --> 00:39:34,080 Speaker 3: you get a. 876 00:39:34,120 --> 00:39:38,640 Speaker 1: Chance to share. Got another copy, you can have this 877 00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:42,560 Speaker 1: one all right? Well, Shaka, thank you so much for 878 00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:43,040 Speaker 1: joining us. 879 00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:46,200 Speaker 2: I really appreciate you and I know you have respect 880 00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:49,360 Speaker 2: all over on tour so people can check you out. 881 00:39:49,239 --> 00:39:52,799 Speaker 3: Right well up only Detroit, I'm coming, Atlanta, all over, 882 00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:55,880 Speaker 3: l A, you name it, I'm there. So I'm super excited. 883 00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:57,960 Speaker 1: I got to pull up somewhere because. 884 00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:01,239 Speaker 3: Come full of the I know I'm not. 885 00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:02,799 Speaker 2: Gonna I want it to come, but I can't because 886 00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:04,480 Speaker 2: I'll be traveling when you're in Detroit. 887 00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:05,960 Speaker 3: But we'll figure it out. 888 00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:07,760 Speaker 1: We're gonna figure it out, please, And we're. 889 00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:09,480 Speaker 3: Gonna relaunch probably at the top of the year too, 890 00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:12,200 Speaker 3: So we're going in like, this work is so important 891 00:40:12,239 --> 00:40:14,440 Speaker 3: to me and I really want as many people in 892 00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:16,600 Speaker 3: the world to have access to it as possible. So 893 00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:18,560 Speaker 3: I'm gonna do a second tour just to make sure 894 00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:21,360 Speaker 3: that I'm touching the people and really sharing these truths 895 00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:21,839 Speaker 3: in this book. 896 00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:23,319 Speaker 1: So all right, come back and see us. 897 00:40:23,360 --> 00:40:25,440 Speaker 2: Let's see what we already know, what type of meditation 898 00:40:25,560 --> 00:40:26,359 Speaker 2: Mano has been doing. 899 00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:29,080 Speaker 1: Stop it's way up