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Speaker 1: Swine Down with Jane Kramer. Did I'm Heart Radio podcast?

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Speaker 2: Happy Monday? Guys? Oh?

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Speaker 3: Nothing, I was every time I think on Monday, what happens.

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Speaker 3: I don't know. You probably never watched SpongeBob, but when

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Speaker 3: my brother was little, SpongeBob was like huge and SpongeBob

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Speaker 3: like any day of the week, but especially Mondays. He

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Speaker 3: would wake up and say, it's Monday. I'd love Mondays

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Speaker 3: and like scream it. So that's just what I think

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Speaker 3: about when you say happy Monday.

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Speaker 2: Well, no, I'm never going to say that because I

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Speaker 2: got norphan back. Sorry, honey, You've had a good day.

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Speaker 2: You went golfing, great day, great day.

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Speaker 3: No matter what happens the rest of the day, my day

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Speaker 3: is great.

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Speaker 2: I'm just gonna let you just take it. Thanks, You're welcome, beb. No,

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Speaker 2: I'm excited for today's episode. It's going to be fun.

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Speaker 4: Was it that I say neither of you is feeling

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Speaker 4: well because he's coughing and you're a little raspy today.

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Speaker 2: Thanks dad?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what endless cold.

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Speaker 2: It's I started with the cold and then I passed

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Speaker 2: it to Jason, and then Jace passed it to Jolie

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Speaker 2: and Jolie passed it to Dad and then I was good,

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Speaker 2: and then all of a sudden, I woke up a

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Speaker 2: couple of days ago sniffling again. I'm like, you gotta

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Speaker 2: be kidding me, and Mike goes, this is karma because

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Speaker 2: you were mean to me when I had Michaels.

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Speaker 3: Because you're minimizing my cold. You're fine, You're fine. Oh yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 3: hear what happens. And I still have like cough.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so sorry, sorry, So it's just never ending niffles

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Speaker 2: out there.

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Speaker 3: So, yeah, this is a big day because what we're

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Speaker 3: going to talk about is something pretty deep. Dun dun no.

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Speaker 3: So just to jump into it, So all of you

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Speaker 3: listeners who have heard Jane and I talked through our

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Speaker 3: story and maybe read about our history our story, there's

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Speaker 3: been skepticism throughout things that were printed or written or

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Speaker 3: talked about about me during our time of separation, when

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Speaker 3: everything was happening almost three years ago, that I sought

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Speaker 3: treatment for sex addiction at an impatient treatment facility.

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Speaker 1: Three years, it's coming on.

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Speaker 3: Three years, maybe three years this summer. So I'm at

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Speaker 3: a place now, Jana and I are, and I are

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Speaker 3: at a place to validate that those I guess rumors

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Speaker 3: are skepticism around that that, yes, I did. Janet kind

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Speaker 3: of gave me an ultimatum when everything came out and

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Speaker 3: she discovered everything, and she looked at me and said,

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Speaker 3: you know, you need to go somewhere basically, like you

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Speaker 3: need to figure out what's going on and what this

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Speaker 3: is or I'm gone, period. And so I talked to

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Speaker 3: our then couple's therapists and told me about a in

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Speaker 3: patient treatment facility that was not too far from Nashville,

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Speaker 3: just about half a day's drive. And so I drove

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Speaker 3: down there and checked myself in and was in for

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Speaker 3: sixty days. And that's something. Ever since then, I've been

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Speaker 3: in the twelve step program of sex addiction. It's weird

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Speaker 3: to say right now, I will say that it's kind

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Speaker 3: of been nice to hide behind that curtain of skepticism.

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Speaker 3: You know, all of my closest obviously all my family

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Speaker 3: and friends knew. But yeah, so ever since then, I've

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Speaker 3: been a part of that program, in the twelve step program,

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Speaker 3: it hasn't been perfect. Those of you who are in

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Speaker 3: an addiction program themselves or are close with someone who

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Speaker 3: is an addict in some way, shape or form, I'm

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Speaker 3: sure understands the pain and shame and that goes along

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Speaker 3: for both parties, for all parties in a situation with addiction.

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Speaker 3: And you know, for me, I realized a lot of

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Speaker 3: things throughout my life that sex and sexual acting out

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Speaker 3: was my addictive behavior and that's where I went to

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Speaker 3: hide my feelings, to run away from reality, and.

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Speaker 1: That was my drug.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, it it manifests in different ways for different people.

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Speaker 3: And it's something that I'm approaching, approaching a year's sobriety

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Speaker 3: next week, where now I finally thought it felt like

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Speaker 3: I was at a place to discuss it and own it.

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Speaker 3: Nothing's guaranteed, even though my years next week, I live

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Speaker 3: one day at a time, you know. But yeah, So

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Speaker 3: my whole reason for bringing this up is just to

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Speaker 3: Jane and I have realized we've been able to help

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Speaker 3: people a lot through our story through this podcast, and

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Speaker 3: we just wanted to be even more authentic, vulnerable and

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Speaker 3: open to you guys, and to offer another layer of

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Speaker 3: our story to those out there who deal with addiction

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Speaker 3: in some way, shape or form. So just know that

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Speaker 3: we're here to listen and to talk about it. In

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Speaker 3: addition to everything else that we've been addressing on this

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Speaker 3: podcast over the last year. But yeah, I think that's

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Speaker 3: all I got to say about that for now. I mean,

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Speaker 3: we have I have questions. Yeah, is that okay? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Well, I first just want to say I'm proud of

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Speaker 2: you for speaking your truth. You didn't need to, and

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Speaker 2: you know, you came to me and said you think

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Speaker 2: you were ready, and I was just like, I you

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Speaker 2: don't ever have to say anything because you don't have

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Speaker 2: to say anything to anyone or but I think it's

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Speaker 2: very big of you that you want to use this

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Speaker 2: and help people. You know. That's where almost like the

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Speaker 2: silver lining is You're you're wanting to help people because

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Speaker 2: so many people live in shame, and you know that.

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Speaker 2: It's sad that part of this is you know, it's

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Speaker 2: supposed to be anonymous, but unfortunately it wasn't. And that's

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Speaker 2: where I think it has been unfortunate because so many

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Speaker 2: people in the program get to live anonymously, but because

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Speaker 2: there's been so much speculation, you know, it's.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I can honestly say I don't I probably

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Speaker 3: wouldn't come out with it if there wasn't anything speculated

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Speaker 3: out there because I envy the guys I'm in program

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Speaker 3: with that. Their parents don't even know, their siblings don't know,

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Speaker 3: their closest friends don't know. It's just between them and

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Speaker 3: their spouse. And I'm like, I'm envious of that. I'm like, well,

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Speaker 3: what does that feel like? Because everyone that knows me

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Speaker 3: knows or at least has speculated.

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Speaker 4: That's a good point, the anonymous element. Yeah, the way

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Speaker 4: that those people are going through it is kind of

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Speaker 4: how it's meant to be gone through.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, anonymity is part of the you know, the principles

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Speaker 3: of any twelve step program.

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Speaker 2: And what had happened when I was on Dancing with

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Speaker 2: the Stars is I was on the cover of US

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Speaker 2: Weekly magazine and it's married to a sex addict.

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Speaker 1: And.

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Speaker 2: It was you know, is it? I don't want to

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Speaker 2: take it. It's hard for both sides. But at the

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Speaker 2: same time, it's like I never wanted that to come out. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: at the time that I want people to know that

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Speaker 2: you cheated, sure, you know, because I didn't want I

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Speaker 2: was just as embarrassed. But I didn't want people to

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Speaker 2: know that part because that's that's an addiction element, you know,

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Speaker 2: So to have something plastered like that. My first reaction

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Speaker 2: was I felt bad for you, Like I didn't want

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Speaker 2: that to be out there for you and then for

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Speaker 2: our kids and whoever else.

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Speaker 3: So were you able to You're actually able to feel

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Speaker 3: that in that moment?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I was. Yeah, yeah, even though because I still

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Speaker 2: didn't talk to you yet, you were still in treatment.

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Speaker 2: I wasn't answering your calls.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, i'd just gotten out.

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Speaker 2: Oh you just gotten out? Okay, But yeah, so I

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Speaker 2: I do remember that feeling. But but yeah, so that's

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Speaker 2: the part that I can understand that you would relate

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Speaker 2: to wanting to be anonymous. But then at the same time,

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Speaker 2: I just you can do so much with this too,

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Speaker 2: especially with the platform that we're able to start with.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, Mark, do you want to ask questions?

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Speaker 4: I mean a lot of these questions in none of

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Speaker 4: my business, So just tell me if it's done right.

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Speaker 2: No, But I think people have a people, don't you know.

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Speaker 2: I've I didn't know what it was in the beginning either,

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Speaker 2: and I've learned so much and about sex addiction through

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Speaker 2: this process, but you know, and I've had to then, well,

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Speaker 2: how do I say, educate my mom, my family and

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Speaker 2: my friends about what it is? Because so many people

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Speaker 2: ask me the same questions, and I'm sure, you know,

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Speaker 2: ask him the same question. So I'm sure it'll be

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Speaker 2: those same questions. But I think it's a you know,

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Speaker 2: an addiction that isn't talked about, and it's just kind

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Speaker 2: of on the forefront of people talking about it because

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Speaker 2: it's one of those addictions where you can't I mean,

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Speaker 2: you can stop having alcohol, you can't, right, It's.

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Speaker 3: The one addiction that you still use essentially in your life.

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Speaker 3: So it's like it's like an alcoholic telling an alcoholic, Hey,

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Speaker 3: you're an alcoholic, can't really drink alcohol, but you can

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Speaker 3: still have it sometimes actually, So it's like, but you

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Speaker 3: can have alcohol in a healthy way. What the hell

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Speaker 3: does that look like? I want your whole life drinking

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Speaker 3: in an unhealthy way. What does drinking a healthy way

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Speaker 3: look like? So it's the same thing for sex. It's like, hey,

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Speaker 3: this is like for me, I never, like I've said

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Speaker 3: on here before, sex and love never correlated for me

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Speaker 3: and for my brain. So you know, it's you've had

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Speaker 3: sex due to unhealthy feelings your whole life. Now you

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Speaker 3: hear you need to do it in a healthy way.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, what, what does that look like what that

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Speaker 3: doesn't make sense.

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Speaker 4: Was it the therapy that helped you put together the

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Speaker 4: sex and love problem or did you always know that

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Speaker 4: that was a disconnect for you?

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Speaker 3: No, it was therapy. Yeah, but yeah, I made up

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Speaker 3: that when I was with the when I found the one,

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Speaker 3: the person I was supposed to be with, then all

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Speaker 3: those issues that I would have would go away. I'll

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Speaker 3: just basically excuse it and be like, oh, I cheated

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Speaker 3: because I'm not meant to be with her mm hmm.

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Speaker 3: Or I don't feel like having sex with my significant other.

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Speaker 3: I mean that just that must mean that I'm not

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Speaker 3: supposed to be with her, I don't really like her.

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Speaker 3: It's not necessarily the case.

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Speaker 4: So sex addiction is an interesting thing because I think

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Speaker 4: it also can be used as an excuse yep, And

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Speaker 4: I feel like that's what people are going to ask

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Speaker 4: us about it, not yeah, when you hear about I

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Speaker 4: don't know, Harvey Weinetein, Kevin Spacey, these guys who are

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Speaker 4: accused of these things, Oh, they're going away for sex

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Speaker 4: additional treatment and then everything's going to be fine anything

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Speaker 4: Really is that really the issue? Or are they just

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Speaker 4: kind of right? So I feel like I feel like

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Speaker 4: it's an excuse by some people. It's a legitimate thing

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Speaker 4: for some people. And is that an issue with you?

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Speaker 4: Because are there because I gotta believe there's a lot

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Speaker 4: of people that you think he's just a jerk and

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Speaker 4: using this as an excuse, or he's just.

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Speaker 2: A football player, which is what a lot of people say.

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Speaker 2: You know, he's just an athlete.

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Speaker 3: Right, that's actually probably the best question you can lead

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Speaker 3: off with because that is where a big portion of

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Speaker 3: the initial shame comes from. Because like, for me, I

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Speaker 3: believe I'm a good person and so many other aspects

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Speaker 3: of my life I've been a good person except for

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Speaker 3: you know relation, you know relation in relationships, and so

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Speaker 3: dealing with trying to come to terms with admitting step one,

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Speaker 3: admitting your powerless over addictive behavior. Admitting that is like

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Speaker 3: the hardest part because you're torn. You're like, well, I

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Speaker 3: don't think I'm a sex addict. Like what but I

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Speaker 3: if I'm not an addict, then does that mean I'm

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Speaker 3: just a piece of shit? So it's like it's this

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Speaker 3: shame game of just like what am I? It's like

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Speaker 3: each either direction you go, there's shame. I'm either a

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Speaker 3: sex addict, or I'm a piece of crap and I'm

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Speaker 3: an ahole. You said, I'm just a jerk. I treat

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Speaker 3: women bad, I do bad things. So that is a

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Speaker 3: big issue where people just say I even watched a

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Speaker 3: stand a comedian that I that I like, and he

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Speaker 3: had a bit where he talked about sex addiction and

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Speaker 3: quick and he talked about, you know, that's just a

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Speaker 3: man's excuse for what he did or for cheating or whatever.

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Speaker 3: For some people, maybe sure, but you know, and people

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Speaker 3: still have that speculation. Even when I talk to some

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Speaker 3: of Jana's family, they're like, you know, will support Janna

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Speaker 3: whatever she decides, but I don't believe that this is

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Speaker 3: a real thing. I was like, that's fine, you don't

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Speaker 3: have to.

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Speaker 2: It's also the older generation too, you know.

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Speaker 3: Oh for sure, for sure, it's definitely because that especially

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Speaker 3: when it comes to sex addiction, I feel like alcohol

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Speaker 3: or drugs, well that's like, you know, well that's that's

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Speaker 3: a whole nother ballgame. Where yeah, people that are in

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Speaker 3: AA or NA say they're going to meetings or the

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Speaker 3: sober people are like, they get they get empathy, they

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Speaker 3: get sympathy, like oh, good job, good for you. You say

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Speaker 3: you're in sex addiction. People like, oh shame, whoa what's that?

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Speaker 4: But that's also part of the evolution, right because I

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Speaker 4: feel like thirty forty years ago, if you said you're alcoholic,

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Speaker 4: people are like what, oh, no question.

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Speaker 3: That's how it started.

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Speaker 4: It's all we're learning empathy. As I says it, we're

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Speaker 4: fifteen twenty. The essay program is we're about fifteen years

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Speaker 4: behind in society. So it's going to take another ten

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Speaker 4: to fifteen years for people to understand it and respect

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Speaker 4: it as an addict and addiction. But again, I get

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Speaker 4: back to your point. You know, the whole thing of

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Speaker 4: an excuse first, an actual chemical issue in your brain.

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Speaker 4: You know, if anyone on the outside would go to

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Speaker 4: a could go to an open meeting and see people

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Speaker 4: in there. It's not just a bunch of people that

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Speaker 4: are married. There's people in there for age ranges from eighteen.

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Speaker 1: To eighty female and male.

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Speaker 3: Female and male, that are married, that have never been married,

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Speaker 3: that have been married and are divorced or whatever, and straight, gay,

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Speaker 3: straight like you name it. So it's not just for

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Speaker 3: people that have spouses and it's a way to keep

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Speaker 3: their marriage together. That's not it at all.

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Speaker 1: So you know, it's.

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Speaker 2: Basically identifying the bad habits of what you've done and

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Speaker 2: then realizing that's right.

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Speaker 3: And there's people that were able to see these behaviors

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Speaker 3: in themselves and get into the twelve step program or

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Speaker 3: have a therapist, you know, pursue them in that direction.

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Speaker 3: I mean, for me, I honestly can say that I

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Speaker 3: probably never would have acknowledged a problem and I would

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Speaker 3: have kept the same pattern of behaviors if it wasn't

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Speaker 3: for Jana.

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Speaker 2: Because I'm just curious, like when you say that, because

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Speaker 2: you justify, like you were able to justify in your

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Speaker 2: brain during that six cycle.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, oh, I was just an addictive behavior where I

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Speaker 3: was just everything. I just justified or validated or rationalized

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Speaker 3: every decision I made.

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Speaker 4: I'm sure That's the other thing people throw at you

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Speaker 4: is if you wouldn't have gotten caught, you never would

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Speaker 4: have stopped doing this. You never would have saw it

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Speaker 4: the treatment. But it's similar to other addictions. If you

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Speaker 4: wouldn't have driven into that tree, you wouldn't have gone

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Speaker 4: into AA. You know, like it seems like rock bottom has.

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Speaker 3: To be achieved for sure, and you know, even when

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Speaker 3: you think you're at bottom, you hit another bottom, you know,

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Speaker 3: and that's you know, with JANEA and I had to

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Speaker 3: go through kind of throughout our journey over the last

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Speaker 3: few years.

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Speaker 2: Well, I think one of the questions that might come

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Speaker 2: up is they'll say, Okay, well you got out of

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Speaker 2: program three years ago, but why are you only one

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Speaker 2: year sober?

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Speaker 3: Because at that the point I just made it's it's

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Speaker 3: just because I got out, you're still trying to figure

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Speaker 3: out I spent what was I when I went in.

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Speaker 1: Thirty Yeah, no nine, So I spent.

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Speaker 3: You know, obviously not twenty nine whole years, but essentially

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Speaker 3: twenty nine years thinking or living a day different way

300
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Speaker 3: and then all of a sudden you shock your system

301
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Speaker 3: and say, no, you're actually supposed to think of things

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Speaker 3: this way. And so for people just to cold not

303
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Speaker 3: cold turkey, but flip the switch just you know immediately,

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Speaker 3: that's few and far between. So and there's some people

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Speaker 3: that do, but it's it's you know, it's progress not perfection,

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Speaker 3: which anyone in addictive program knows that's a big mantra.

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Speaker 3: So it's you know, I had my stumbles along the way.

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Speaker 4: So just to get the timeline down the when you

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Speaker 4: went away, that was.

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Speaker 2: That was six months old.

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Speaker 3: That was June of sixteen.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, so that's what we're coming up on.

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Speaker 3: Three years. Wow, that was July twenty sixteen, sorry end

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Speaker 3: of July.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but yes, and three years of him being in

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Speaker 2: treatment but.

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Speaker 3: In the essay program.

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Speaker 2: But he is now one year sober.

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Speaker 3: Got it.

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Speaker 4: So there've been relapses along the way, yes, and.

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Speaker 3: You've had to no no yet relapses, yes, but no

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Speaker 3: sex outside the marriage, like no, I'm not minimized cheating

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Speaker 3: because we have other things in our jana andized discussion

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Speaker 3: our boundaries as cheating, but no sex outside of the marriage.

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Speaker 3: Just so people, I just want you want to be

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Speaker 3: clear that there there wasn't any other affairs since that moment.

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Speaker 4: I just want people know what a relapse is in

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Speaker 4: this scenario, right, and it's different for different people.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So yeah, people, some people have it's a circle plan,

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Speaker 1: circle plan.

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Speaker 2: So in something he should not have done that was

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Speaker 2: in a circle that was very red like bad and

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Speaker 2: could have been awful, and that was a you know,

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Speaker 2: massive relapse. Yes, it wasn't physical out of the marriage,

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Speaker 2: but it was something where the actions the action was

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Speaker 2: basically okay, So that was something.

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Speaker 3: Classic addictive behavior and not being able to articulate my

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Speaker 3: feelings and just internally blowing the f up and just

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Speaker 3: basically hit the ft button.

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Speaker 2: And yeah, we're I'm just basically happy that someone didn't

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Speaker 2: show up.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, basically, so.

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Speaker 2: Yeah I showed up at the whole town instead. Oh dear, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: if we really want to know.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we've been through some sh so that's why even

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Speaker 3: I've been in the program coming on three years on

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Speaker 3: a year.

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Speaker 4: Sob so if I hear let me say, if I

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Speaker 4: can put it this way, so basically, if you put

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Speaker 4: it in a different addiction, he went to the bar

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Speaker 4: and there was a glass in front of him, and

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Speaker 4: luckily you showed up to stop him from drinking from

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Speaker 4: the glass.

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Speaker 3: Yes, okay, I think I understand pretty much. Yeah, so yeah,

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Speaker 3: I mean again, we just want to be able to

356
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Speaker 3: help people with this. And I'm finally to a place

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Speaker 3: where I don't have it an overwhelming amount of shame,

358
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Speaker 3: where I'm able to acknowledge who I am. This is

359
00:20:05,119 --> 00:20:08,880
Speaker 3: part of me, and I'm comfortable with owning the fact

360
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Speaker 3: that I'm a sex addict. And it's still hard to

361
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Speaker 3: say that out loud, but knowing that I can possibly

362
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Speaker 3: help other people, you know, maybe we can save some

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Speaker 3: more relationships.

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Speaker 4: Speaking generally, what are some signs of sex addiction? It

365
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Speaker 4: doesn't have to be yours.

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Speaker 3: Right, So a big part of the addiction in general is,

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Speaker 3: you know, ritualization. You plan something you're used to when

368
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Speaker 3: you get home, you watch porn, or you act out,

369
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:52,440
Speaker 3: or you sleep with somebody, or you start basing your

370
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Speaker 3: whole day around acting out, getting the drink, per se.

371
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Speaker 3: If you don't get it, you get frustrated, It ruins

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Speaker 3: your It just ruins your day if you can't have.

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Speaker 2: It, or if maybe like your wife comes home and

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Speaker 2: you couldn't masturbate or something, or you couldn't do look

375
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Speaker 2: at your like and you get upset about that, right,

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Speaker 2: that something breaks that that action for you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so those are a few things, just kind of

378
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:20,800
Speaker 3: surface level that if you if you schedule your day

379
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Speaker 3: around whatever the behavior is, if you something gets in

380
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Speaker 3: the way of it and just ruins your day and

381
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Speaker 3: you know, you ritualize it, so you plan your day

382
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Speaker 3: and it's like that's just part of your day. You

383
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Speaker 3: can't get through the day unless you do this, whatever

384
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Speaker 3: the the act is. So, yeah, there's a lot more

385
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Speaker 3: that we can go into detail about which we'll get

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Speaker 3: a c SAT on here Certified Sex Addiction Therapist on

387
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Speaker 3: here to talk more about some of that. But those

388
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Speaker 3: are the kind of surface level things for people to

389
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Speaker 3: think about, like, man, maybe I am basing my day

390
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Speaker 3: around this, and maybe when I leave work, the first

391
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Speaker 3: thing I think about is watching porn, or the first

392
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Speaker 3: thing I think about is getting on tender and texting

393
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:06,600
Speaker 3: somebody or whatever it is. You know, if that's like

394
00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:11,160
Speaker 3: the first thing you think about, you know. But that's

395
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:13,600
Speaker 3: where it's hard too, is for a long time in

396
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Speaker 3: my life, I just rationalized it, and I'm like, I'm

397
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Speaker 3: a single guy and I'm in the NFL, and I'm

398
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Speaker 3: just I'm just young and like that whole thing right

399
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Speaker 3: that I said in college, and then I said it

400
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Speaker 3: when I was in my twenties, and then you know,

401
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:30,200
Speaker 3: it's just you just keep rationalizing somehow in your brain.

402
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Speaker 4: There is the athletic lifestyle. Because some people would say,

403
00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:35,120
Speaker 4: like we said before, athletes are like this, Athletes are players,

404
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:37,600
Speaker 4: Athletes just have no respect for women. But would you

405
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:41,159
Speaker 4: also say that You wouldn't say that, of course, but

406
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Speaker 4: you might say that the athletic lifestyle breeds.

407
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:50,080
Speaker 3: It's glorified, glorifies this behavior. Yes, yeah, it's definitely. I Mean,

408
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:54,639
Speaker 3: the thing is, there's plenty of guys that are outside

409
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:56,840
Speaker 3: the realm of the stereotype, plenty of guys that are

410
00:22:56,920 --> 00:23:02,680
Speaker 3: unbelievable family men, unbelievable husbands, unbelievab fathers, like no issues

411
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:09,720
Speaker 3: or anything. But that lifestyle is definitely glorified. You know,

412
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:14,680
Speaker 3: my my rookie year in Jacksonville, I was the only

413
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:18,040
Speaker 3: rookie in the tight end room and all the other

414
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:20,919
Speaker 3: guys were like married too, like I had families and stuff,

415
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:23,960
Speaker 3: and they wanted me, like to tell jokes in the

416
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Speaker 3: meeting room. I was like, I'm not a joke teller.

417
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Speaker 3: But then they're like, all right, we'll tell us like

418
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Speaker 3: a story, like what'd you do this weekend? Because I

419
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:31,600
Speaker 3: was on practice squad, so like when they had away games,

420
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Speaker 3: I'll just go out and like party and stuff. So

421
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:35,679
Speaker 3: instead like they I'll come in, They're like, all right,

422
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,919
Speaker 3: tell us a story from this weekend, like what you do,

423
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:41,320
Speaker 3: And that's what they wanted to hear, you know. So

424
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:44,320
Speaker 3: it's like it's it is, it's glorified. Just feeds it,

425
00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:49,439
Speaker 3: you know. So it definitely doesn't help when that stuff

426
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:55,600
Speaker 3: is all around you, you know, not blaming it, but

427
00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:59,119
Speaker 3: my but my addiction looking back and thinking back on

428
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 3: my timeline and my life actions. It accelerated and flourished

429
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Speaker 3: when I was in the NFL.

430
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Speaker 2: Probably too, because like you had money and you had you.

431
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:15,800
Speaker 3: Know, oh yeah that's money, notoriety, you know, all single

432
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:18,760
Speaker 3: and yeah, yeah, I feel like you're on top of

433
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:19,800
Speaker 3: the world. Everyone knows you.

434
00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:21,960
Speaker 4: And a lot of those guys that they heard you

435
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,639
Speaker 4: talking on this podcast today, they'd be like, what a wuss?

436
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:28,400
Speaker 4: What happened to this guy? Cuckolded? Whatever you want to say, right,

437
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:29,840
Speaker 4: they'd be like, what happened to him?

438
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:30,200
Speaker 5: Yeah?

439
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:34,800
Speaker 3: Maybe some, but I think guys are maybe realizing there's

440
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:35,920
Speaker 3: more to life than football.

441
00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:37,800
Speaker 4: Like guys do grow up at some point.

442
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,439
Speaker 3: They do, they do. And I really feel like with

443
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:43,159
Speaker 3: all like the negative publicity like football is getting in

444
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:46,199
Speaker 3: the last few years, with the health and everything, I

445
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:49,240
Speaker 3: think guys are starting to realize that more, which is

446
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:52,520
Speaker 3: good for sure for young men. But yeah, I'm sure

447
00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:54,439
Speaker 3: there's some guys that if they heard me say this,

448
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:56,160
Speaker 3: or like, come on, dude, no, like you're just having

449
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:59,040
Speaker 3: a good time, right, you know. I look back, and

450
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:01,639
Speaker 3: I was. I was a full blown addict, There's no

451
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:02,520
Speaker 3: question about it.

452
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:07,400
Speaker 2: I think people sometimes I have that hard time differentiating

453
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,720
Speaker 2: a cheater versus an addict. So I think that's where

454
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:11,959
Speaker 2: it's like, you know, people said, like, well, my husband's

455
00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:14,600
Speaker 2: cheated on me twice, does that make them a sex addict?

456
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:17,040
Speaker 2: And so I think that's like one of the hardest

457
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:23,000
Speaker 2: lines to cross because I mean, what's how do you

458
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:27,320
Speaker 2: really differentiate the two when you know a husband has

459
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:29,280
Speaker 2: cheated twice or once.

460
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:31,920
Speaker 3: That's that's going to be another great question for people

461
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:36,560
Speaker 3: to ask. And that's a great one to ask, honey.

462
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:39,000
Speaker 3: You know that's the thing too, where you know you

463
00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:42,280
Speaker 3: don't want people to someone makes a mistake and all

464
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:43,960
Speaker 3: of a sudden they're like, you're an addictor are you

465
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:47,120
Speaker 3: this you need to do? But if it, if it's

466
00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:50,480
Speaker 3: happened a couple of times, go talk to a therapist,

467
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:54,760
Speaker 3: find out find out what, like where this stuff comes from.

468
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:59,880
Speaker 3: Why did you decide to cheat? Is it just because?

469
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:02,840
Speaker 3: And sometimes it is sometimes you're just an a whole.

470
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:05,440
Speaker 3: There are those.

471
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:10,000
Speaker 2: People, but it usually steps from something in the childhood.

472
00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:13,679
Speaker 3: Yeah, it could, you know, it could very well be

473
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:14,840
Speaker 3: just your an a whole.

474
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:18,040
Speaker 4: But because there was also a narcissistic personality disorder, which

475
00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:19,840
Speaker 4: we have an email about too. But sure like those

476
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:21,840
Speaker 4: people tend to only think of themselves, no empathy for

477
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:23,840
Speaker 4: the other people in their lives, and so that wouldn't

478
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:26,119
Speaker 4: necessarily be sex addiction, but it is a disorder of

479
00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:28,280
Speaker 4: some sort, I hope.

480
00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:29,560
Speaker 3: Anyway, Yeah, is.

481
00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:31,000
Speaker 4: It true that people that just are somewhere just a

482
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:33,360
Speaker 4: holes or is it all some sort of distinct.

483
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:35,119
Speaker 3: So I think so, I think some people were just

484
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:37,800
Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, I feel like it has to come

485
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:39,880
Speaker 3: from somewhere. Everything has to come from somewhere, right, right,

486
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:43,320
Speaker 3: But some people just are Some people just don't care

487
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:45,600
Speaker 3: about other people, as we see in the world in

488
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:47,240
Speaker 3: the news every day. Yeah, I mean right.

489
00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:49,560
Speaker 2: There's one thing too, I want to debute. Is it

490
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:55,320
Speaker 2: the right debuke like debunk debunk, debunk or rebuke to

491
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:59,879
Speaker 2: rebuke not one of the things I want to do.

492
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:05,639
Speaker 2: Bunk is or rebuke whatever is. People will say, because

493
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:08,879
Speaker 2: I'm working on something right now around sex addiction with

494
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:13,800
Speaker 2: a girlfriend of mine, and the guy in the meeting said, wait,

495
00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:15,840
Speaker 2: so does that mean that your husband just wants to

496
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:17,640
Speaker 2: have sex with you? All the time, Like that's that's

497
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:19,600
Speaker 2: something that also comes up to when when you say

498
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:22,720
Speaker 2: sex addiction, because again people don't really understand, and I'm like, no.

499
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:24,439
Speaker 4: It's could that be a type of sex addiction.

500
00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:28,400
Speaker 2: I'll let my answer that since he knows more.

501
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:28,639
Speaker 3: I know.

502
00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:32,160
Speaker 2: There's sexual intimacy, which or sexual inerexia, which.

503
00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:35,119
Speaker 1: Is which is like what I have, which is yeah.

504
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:38,199
Speaker 2: Where you don't want to sleep with your wife, and

505
00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:39,960
Speaker 2: so it's it's not not that you don't want to

506
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:41,720
Speaker 2: sleep with your wife, but it's.

507
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:43,840
Speaker 3: It's it's just there's something that goes on, Like for

508
00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 3: for me, it's it was just a level of intimacy,

509
00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:48,720
Speaker 3: and again, intimacy and love and sex not correlating. So

510
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:51,520
Speaker 3: for me, it was like when I felt love and intimacy,

511
00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:55,240
Speaker 3: I was avoidant. I was like sexually inerrectic, like I

512
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,720
Speaker 3: didn't want it because it just with me with her,

513
00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:00,359
Speaker 3: because I was intimate and I loved her. So I

514
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:02,280
Speaker 3: was like, why do I Why would I've never had

515
00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:04,880
Speaker 3: sex with somebody that I love and ammencement with? Why

516
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:06,520
Speaker 3: would I do that? Now? You know?

517
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:09,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, so is there something that just like have a

518
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:10,520
Speaker 2: lot or no?

519
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:14,639
Speaker 3: Yeah? Uh yeah, sure, I mean there's there's plenty of

520
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:18,760
Speaker 3: guys that are in program that they aren't avoidance or

521
00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:21,320
Speaker 3: interrexic when it comes to sexually and having sex with

522
00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:21,920
Speaker 3: their partners.

523
00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:24,960
Speaker 4: I'm aware of a married couple. I don't wor say how,

524
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:29,239
Speaker 4: but he needs it every day, go day. And so

525
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:30,960
Speaker 4: she just was like, Okay, that's just how he is,

526
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:33,320
Speaker 4: and that's fine, But that seems like a form of

527
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:36,040
Speaker 4: a form of addiction, some sort of an interesting disorder

528
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 4: where it have to happen every day or he gets

529
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:39,360
Speaker 4: really upset.

530
00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:42,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, it's one that would be interesting because

531
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:45,360
Speaker 3: it's like, well, he's not stepping out of his wife, right,

532
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:49,120
Speaker 3: you know, and he's not doing other behaviors that you know,

533
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:52,680
Speaker 3: maybe outside the boundaries of their relationship. So I mean,

534
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:54,720
Speaker 3: I can't really say that's an addiction. Maybe it's just

535
00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:58,040
Speaker 3: something that he just you know, there is a reason

536
00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:00,320
Speaker 3: behind it, something mentally that he makes it in his

537
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:03,719
Speaker 3: head that he needs it, right, he doesn't really actually right,

538
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:05,280
Speaker 3: he's not going to die if he doesn't have it,

539
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:07,360
Speaker 3: And that's a whole that's that is a kind of

540
00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:09,240
Speaker 3: an addictive mindset, like if I don't have this, I'm

541
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:11,920
Speaker 3: going to die, Like you over. You're exaggerating. You're like, no,

542
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:15,080
Speaker 3: I can't. My day is ruined, everything sucks, Like no,

543
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:20,040
Speaker 3: just you just blow up. So you know, it's maybe

544
00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:22,560
Speaker 3: it's some addictive pattern in his in his brain. But

545
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:25,560
Speaker 3: I mean he's not breaking any boundaries. It's not really nice.

546
00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:26,520
Speaker 3: They're a bad thing, right.

547
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:28,520
Speaker 4: If she's okay with it, then that's just them.

548
00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:30,960
Speaker 2: Do you guys have any questions around any of this though?

549
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:34,520
Speaker 2: Email us at Jane Kramer iHeartMedia dot com and hopefully

550
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:36,440
Speaker 2: we'll be able to get someone on here that can

551
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:39,800
Speaker 2: help answer questions. If you or your spouse or anyone

552
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:45,120
Speaker 2: you know needs any advice or tips from a specialized

553
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:49,200
Speaker 2: c SAT and if you have just any questions or

554
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:50,880
Speaker 2: anything around it.

555
00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:55,800
Speaker 4: One more question mark the people you were in group with? Yeah,

556
00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:58,840
Speaker 4: would you say that all or most are victims of abuse?

557
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:00,920
Speaker 2: Interesting question?

558
00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:06,400
Speaker 3: A lot? Yeah. And so I went to like my

559
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:10,920
Speaker 3: when I was in treatment with all the different there's

560
00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:12,400
Speaker 3: a bunch of guys I was in treatment with and

561
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:15,400
Speaker 3: like my individual therapists per se, you're like broken off

562
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:18,320
Speaker 3: into groups. And I after being there a couple of weeks,

563
00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:21,200
Speaker 3: I went met with my therapist there and I asked

564
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:26,120
Speaker 3: her I was like, I feel a lot of guilt

565
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:29,440
Speaker 3: and shame because like, I feel like my story is

566
00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:32,520
Speaker 3: not as bad as others that I hear, Like it

567
00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:35,280
Speaker 3: makes sense when somebody's sexually abused and you hear some

568
00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:39,480
Speaker 3: of these stories and I'm just like holy, like, oh

569
00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:44,320
Speaker 3: my god, and I'm like I would feel bad. I'm like,

570
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:48,240
Speaker 3: I don't. What's like it took me a long time

571
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:51,080
Speaker 3: to get through because I'm like, oh, even sounds like,

572
00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:55,960
Speaker 3: what's my excuse? Am I just a piece of dang? Like?

573
00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:58,959
Speaker 3: Am I am? I really just a bad person? I

574
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:01,920
Speaker 3: wasn't abused, and that's thing, Like I had a great childhood,

575
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:07,480
Speaker 3: but it's you know, for still reasons that happened. This

576
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:09,080
Speaker 3: is just where my brain took me. This is how

577
00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:13,920
Speaker 3: it manifested. And so a lot of a lot of

578
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:18,960
Speaker 3: people are victims of abuse, definitely, and but you don't

579
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:21,640
Speaker 3: have to be and have this and that that's taken me.

580
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:23,480
Speaker 3: That's been one of the biggest things that's taken me

581
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:27,640
Speaker 3: a long time to accept that. Okay, I'm not just

582
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:31,720
Speaker 3: a bad person, you know, but but it's hard when

583
00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:34,040
Speaker 3: you hear these stories. I'm like, do do I belong here?

584
00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:41,000
Speaker 3: You know? So it's yeah, it's you know, it's hard.

585
00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:44,960
Speaker 3: And but then all it takes is it takes one

586
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:49,200
Speaker 3: person that speaks or shares and you're like, you feel

587
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:51,520
Speaker 3: like you're speaking or sharing. You're like, that's my story.

588
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:53,920
Speaker 3: And that's how you start to get close with certain

589
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:56,680
Speaker 3: guys in program. And again, anyone in twelve step program

590
00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:59,200
Speaker 3: will understand that, Like you just start hearing people share

591
00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:01,040
Speaker 3: because you go to the same meetings at the same time,

592
00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:03,760
Speaker 3: at the same day each week, and you learn these

593
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,760
Speaker 3: people and you start to get closer because you're like, man,

594
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:09,160
Speaker 3: we have the same story. Let's go grab breakfast, let's

595
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:09,840
Speaker 3: talk about this.

596
00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:15,040
Speaker 6: You know, I have a question in any twelve step program,

597
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:20,760
Speaker 6: wouldn't it be that no one's pain is more important

598
00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:24,360
Speaker 6: and I'm using quotes than someone else's pain. That I

599
00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:26,200
Speaker 6: hate hearing you say, like, am I just a piece

600
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:29,440
Speaker 6: of beep? Because it's like, your pain is real. Whatever

601
00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:33,600
Speaker 6: you were trying to fill is just as real. It

602
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:35,280
Speaker 6: may be slightly less tragic.

603
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:37,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, I always say you can ever measure someone's pain?

604
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:40,360
Speaker 3: No, you can't, but it's and it's that's the thing.

605
00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:42,880
Speaker 3: No one measures each other's pain. You just measure your own.

606
00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:47,720
Speaker 3: That's what it is. You're like, because you put yourself

607
00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:51,120
Speaker 3: in their shoes, because people share so vulnerably in these

608
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:53,280
Speaker 3: meetings that you're like, oh my gosh, if I went

609
00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:56,920
Speaker 3: through that, And then you start to minimize your story

610
00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:00,080
Speaker 3: and you're like, why am I so effed up? If

611
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:03,040
Speaker 3: this is all I went through? But again, you don't

612
00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:05,320
Speaker 3: measure each other's pain, but you do it to yourself.

613
00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:07,120
Speaker 7: They help you do that.

614
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:11,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, and that that's where you know, I'm amazed.

615
00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:16,200
Speaker 3: I am honestly amazed by people that have gotten sober

616
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:23,000
Speaker 3: just by going to meetings, because I don't I can't

617
00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:26,240
Speaker 3: imagine not kiddings of were not having gone to an

618
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:30,360
Speaker 3: impatient treatment facility only because you, I mean, you dig

619
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:35,600
Speaker 3: deep into your into your you know, your skeletons deep.

620
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:37,800
Speaker 2: The one thing though, that they got to work on

621
00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:42,000
Speaker 2: those in patient treatments is the reality of when you

622
00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:45,320
Speaker 2: get out. Oh my, yeah, he got out of the

623
00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:47,520
Speaker 2: how many how many days of seventy days?

624
00:33:48,120 --> 00:33:50,560
Speaker 3: No, it was sixty sixty days. I was in seventy

625
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:51,920
Speaker 3: that I didn't see Jolie.

626
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:56,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I was here in La doing dancing with

627
00:33:56,720 --> 00:34:03,520
Speaker 2: stars because I need didn't escape. But yeah, she was

628
00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:05,800
Speaker 2: she was young, but I remember, you know, I didn't

629
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:08,239
Speaker 2: and I didn't answer. I think I only answered one

630
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:10,480
Speaker 2: of his calls and treatment because I just didn't want

631
00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:14,200
Speaker 2: to talk to him. But I read every single letter

632
00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:16,279
Speaker 2: that he wrote me. He'd read a letter and I

633
00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:18,359
Speaker 2: would wait at three o'clock for the mailman to come.

634
00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:20,000
Speaker 2: I didn't want to talk to him, but I wanted

635
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:20,760
Speaker 2: to read his letters.

636
00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:22,080
Speaker 1: I wrote her letter every day.

637
00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:27,080
Speaker 2: But I think they didn't properly prepare him for when

638
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:30,000
Speaker 2: he got out because I was still realing.

639
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:32,200
Speaker 1: Sure, I was still upset.

640
00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:34,400
Speaker 2: Because he comes out He's like, I'm basically healed, and

641
00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:37,560
Speaker 2: I'm like, well, I'm a single mom right now. I'm like,

642
00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:41,959
Speaker 2: this is you know. So I think that was well,

643
00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:44,960
Speaker 2: that was the one knock that I have on that no.

644
00:34:44,880 --> 00:34:47,279
Speaker 3: I do too and me and guys that there's only

645
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:49,360
Speaker 3: one guy really that I'm still stay in touch with

646
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:53,440
Speaker 3: from from treatment, but that was our mine of his

647
00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:56,799
Speaker 3: big only knock too, was like we get out and

648
00:34:56,840 --> 00:34:59,160
Speaker 3: it's like they build you up when you're in there

649
00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:02,000
Speaker 3: because it there's just so much shame around all this.

650
00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:06,200
Speaker 3: There's so much I mean, it's crazy, and so they

651
00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:08,239
Speaker 3: build you up so like when you get into the world,

652
00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:11,040
Speaker 3: you feel like you belong and that you're you're a person,

653
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:13,960
Speaker 3: you can do this, but then you come to an

654
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:18,000
Speaker 3: angry spouse who just want to beat you down understandably

655
00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:22,560
Speaker 3: so rightfully so, and then we come out like you

656
00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:25,040
Speaker 3: can't talk to me like that, I have boundaries, and

657
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:29,480
Speaker 3: they're like if you're boundaries, you know, So it's like

658
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:36,200
Speaker 3: that whole thing is it is just so there's something

659
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:38,560
Speaker 3: oh man, that was we can laugh.

660
00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:42,799
Speaker 1: Now, excuse me, you have boundaries.

661
00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:43,960
Speaker 2: So I was like, I have not.

662
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:47,600
Speaker 3: Mother, Jane, you cannot talk to this way.

663
00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:50,040
Speaker 2: Well, I'm really proud of you for sharing market.

664
00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:52,319
Speaker 4: How did your parents find out? Was it honestwekler? Did

665
00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:55,440
Speaker 4: you tell them before you went? No, I called them

666
00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:57,080
Speaker 4: and told them my mom.

667
00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:01,400
Speaker 2: I called your parents. I found out I called his parents.

668
00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:05,359
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, And because I was really close with your

669
00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:11,680
Speaker 2: dad at the time, and I was just like shell shocked. Yeah,

670
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:13,279
Speaker 2: And I didn't know who else do. I didn't want

671
00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:15,000
Speaker 2: to call my parents. I didn't know who to call,

672
00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:16,600
Speaker 2: and I was like, I want to talk to your dad.

673
00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:20,799
Speaker 2: So I called and then his mom. I got home

674
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:22,000
Speaker 2: the next day, I said, I don't want him in

675
00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:24,040
Speaker 2: the house and I threw all of his clothes out

676
00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:26,680
Speaker 2: on the front porch like a good old, good old

677
00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:30,320
Speaker 2: movie scene, and his mom came and got him and

678
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:32,080
Speaker 2: then what two days later you were in treatment?

679
00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:37,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was yeah, yeah, my mom flew down to

680
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:40,439
Speaker 3: be around, and then he had two A few days later.

681
00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:47,319
Speaker 3: I drove drove myself the treatment. So that was that's

682
00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:50,560
Speaker 3: hard too, because like my parents didn't really understand and

683
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:54,240
Speaker 3: like you said, you asked about the abuse. My that's

684
00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:57,759
Speaker 3: people's first reaction. So my parents are like, did you

685
00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:00,439
Speaker 3: get abused by somebody? And we don't know, like tell us,

686
00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:03,080
Speaker 3: like it was it? Who was it? You know, they

687
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:04,719
Speaker 3: start like rattling off names.

688
00:37:04,440 --> 00:37:06,960
Speaker 1: Like was it Joe? Was it? Was it this?

689
00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:09,160
Speaker 3: Or was it that? Like tell us right now, like

690
00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:11,200
Speaker 3: we're ready to go off because they seem a little weird.

691
00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:18,560
Speaker 3: So I was like, no, no, no, you know, so yeah,

692
00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:24,560
Speaker 3: yeah it's And you know, even now, I'll like talk

693
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:27,560
Speaker 3: to like my buddy's back east or something and say

694
00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:31,359
Speaker 3: I'm talking to him on the phone and they'll be like, oh,

695
00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:33,160
Speaker 3: you know, I'll call them, they're on there. Right in

696
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:34,920
Speaker 3: from work, I go to a meeting. That's like first

697
00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:38,439
Speaker 3: thing in the morning out here in LA and they'm like, dude,

698
00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:39,960
Speaker 3: it's like six thirty year time are you doing that.

699
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:42,200
Speaker 3: I was like, I'm going to a meeting or like

700
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:46,279
Speaker 3: what meeting and I still like have hesitation. I'm about

701
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:48,200
Speaker 3: I'm about like fifty fifty when I say I'm going

702
00:37:48,239 --> 00:37:50,400
Speaker 3: to twelve step meeting, I'm not. And they all know,

703
00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:51,680
Speaker 3: but it's.

704
00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:54,520
Speaker 2: Like, I don't know, well even like you're one friends

705
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:56,600
Speaker 2: like you and your mends or what did he say,

706
00:37:56,640 --> 00:37:58,600
Speaker 2: like you're a sex satic? No, yeah, he's kind of

707
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:01,000
Speaker 2: like he was like he said, it's very like a

708
00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:02,360
Speaker 2: little shameful way saying.

709
00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:06,040
Speaker 3: He's like, oh, you're going to your sex sex addict meeting.

710
00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:08,000
Speaker 3: He's like, what do you guys? You just talk about

711
00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:10,440
Speaker 3: like sex addiction stuff. I was like, it's more than that,

712
00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:15,200
Speaker 3: but sure, but the way of diminishing it right, So yeah,

713
00:38:15,239 --> 00:38:19,279
Speaker 3: so yeah, exactly. So you know, I want to get

714
00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:23,120
Speaker 3: to a place where I think I'm at that place

715
00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:25,279
Speaker 3: where I am I'm talking about it, so I better

716
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:27,920
Speaker 3: be at that place to own it more.

717
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:31,160
Speaker 7: It's a very little shame on an AA meeting.

718
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:32,040
Speaker 4: Now.

719
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:34,279
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's taken I think a long time for that

720
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:37,720
Speaker 6: to exist. So I think you speaking out could could

721
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:39,479
Speaker 6: help lessen the shame.

722
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:41,160
Speaker 3: That's that's the goal.

723
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:43,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know, I think where you want to

724
00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:45,040
Speaker 2: go with this too, and to be able to go

725
00:38:45,080 --> 00:38:47,480
Speaker 2: out and speak on it and be you know, to

726
00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:48,400
Speaker 2: not make it.

727
00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:53,200
Speaker 1: Be such a stigma and an excuse a place in

728
00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:54,440
Speaker 1: an excuse.

729
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:58,080
Speaker 3: And unfortunately it's still going to be a curtain that

730
00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:03,120
Speaker 3: people use that are and you know, have high notoriety

731
00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:06,600
Speaker 3: and get themselves into situations and oh, I'm a sex

732
00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:10,040
Speaker 3: addict and now I'm okay and I understand and I cheated.

733
00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:11,920
Speaker 4: How about I go to sex addiction therapy and then

734
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:12,920
Speaker 4: we'll be okay.

735
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:14,759
Speaker 3: All right, right, Like you want to take me out

736
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:16,319
Speaker 3: of the company, but well you let me just go

737
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:18,279
Speaker 3: get treat me. Now this is a disorder, Like you

738
00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:21,279
Speaker 3: can't fire me because I you know, so there's going

739
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:24,120
Speaker 3: to be those people that exploit it, but you know

740
00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:27,160
Speaker 3: there's stuff everywhere that people exploit. So I'm just here

741
00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:28,359
Speaker 3: to well.

742
00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:30,400
Speaker 2: I'm really proud of you, and I'm proud of where

743
00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:32,920
Speaker 2: this can go for you and for the people that

744
00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:34,000
Speaker 2: you're going to help along the way.

745
00:39:34,719 --> 00:39:36,279
Speaker 3: Well, I appreciate that, honey, and I want to say

746
00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:39,680
Speaker 3: that I'm proud of you for your end and being

747
00:39:39,719 --> 00:39:44,319
Speaker 3: willing to be an advocate as a spouse who is

748
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:48,840
Speaker 3: with somebody in this program, and think about the women

749
00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:51,799
Speaker 3: or men that you can help, you know, as the

750
00:39:51,800 --> 00:39:55,680
Speaker 3: spouse to this too, and help them understand things. You know.

751
00:39:56,080 --> 00:40:01,920
Speaker 3: I know you're still understanding things, but you've a long way.

752
00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:04,080
Speaker 4: But so many where you were about to make the

753
00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:06,240
Speaker 4: effort to understand it, they would just say bye.

754
00:40:06,600 --> 00:40:10,160
Speaker 1: Oh for sure, for sure, which.

755
00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:11,799
Speaker 2: Is why I'm like, guys, why can't I just be

756
00:40:11,880 --> 00:40:17,960
Speaker 2: sarcastic sometimes? But then they just get on me. No,

757
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:19,799
Speaker 2: but I'm really proud of you, babe. If any of

758
00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:21,480
Speaker 2: any of you guys have questions though, we'd love to

759
00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:23,520
Speaker 2: bring you know, someone on to help you if you

760
00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:25,240
Speaker 2: have any questions your marriage or your spouse.

761
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:26,520
Speaker 7: That was what I was going to ask you, And

762
00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:27,759
Speaker 7: I'm sorry to bring this on you guys.

763
00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:28,720
Speaker 2: Live No, it's okay.

764
00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:32,560
Speaker 6: You're about to announce what we're doing. Oh yeah, and

765
00:40:32,719 --> 00:40:37,040
Speaker 6: I would like to have an expert at that. Oh wow,

766
00:40:37,480 --> 00:40:40,960
Speaker 6: in addition to the expert we're gonna So I'm geting

767
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:42,000
Speaker 6: ahead of myself because I should.

768
00:40:42,080 --> 00:40:43,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was like, what we're doing well because we

769
00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:47,160
Speaker 2: were thinking about maybe having this c SAT therapist and

770
00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:49,799
Speaker 2: become on the show, but you're saying maybe on the live.

771
00:40:49,920 --> 00:40:52,000
Speaker 7: Look, let's dive in head first. We're doing this event.

772
00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:53,120
Speaker 6: You explain what we're doing.

773
00:40:53,239 --> 00:40:56,160
Speaker 2: Okay, and what I'm We are doing a live Thrive

774
00:40:56,400 --> 00:41:00,440
Speaker 2: Market podcast. So Mike and I who are cordially inviting

775
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:02,880
Speaker 2: you to wind down with us on April seconds, So

776
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:05,840
Speaker 2: thanks to Thrive Market, it's from six to eight pm

777
00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:09,320
Speaker 2: at the iHeartRadio Performance Studio in Burbank. Experienced the wind

778
00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:13,359
Speaker 2: Down podcast live and an exclusive acoustic performance by Mike.

779
00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:19,200
Speaker 2: Now I'm just kidding. We'll have snacks. I don't say wine.

780
00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:21,040
Speaker 2: We'll have snacks, and we would love to meet as

781
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:22,040
Speaker 2: many of you as possible.

782
00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:25,120
Speaker 1: And by the way, admit we're having one. Okay, that's right. Sorry,

783
00:41:25,239 --> 00:41:25,680
Speaker 1: Oh good.

784
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:27,480
Speaker 2: And by the way, if you aren't in LA, we

785
00:41:27,480 --> 00:41:29,160
Speaker 2: have an information later in the show about how you

786
00:41:29,160 --> 00:41:31,319
Speaker 2: can see us closer to where you are. So you

787
00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:34,239
Speaker 2: guys again April second, from six to eight iHeart Radio

788
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:37,040
Speaker 2: Performance Studio in Burbank. We're so excited. How do they

789
00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:38,480
Speaker 2: get So you'll go to.

790
00:41:38,520 --> 00:41:42,319
Speaker 6: Thrive Market dot com, slash Janak And what's really cool

791
00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:44,600
Speaker 6: is like when you go there, it's very easy to

792
00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:47,040
Speaker 6: navigate and sign up to enter to get to come.

793
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:47,680
Speaker 2: Amazing.

794
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:50,560
Speaker 6: And so what I'm thinking is doctor Jen Mayn's going

795
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:52,399
Speaker 6: to come, which I think she'll have some really good

796
00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:56,000
Speaker 6: input Yanks Christy Morel, who was on Love last week

797
00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:59,760
Speaker 6: or the week before to talk about nutrition and health

798
00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:02,960
Speaker 6: and eating issues, which look, it's all sort of.

799
00:42:02,880 --> 00:42:03,680
Speaker 7: In the same pile.

800
00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:06,040
Speaker 6: And then you want to do is have sort of

801
00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:09,719
Speaker 6: an intimacy expert so it can touch on this, but

802
00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:12,759
Speaker 6: also people's any questions they have about their relationships and

803
00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:17,000
Speaker 6: the importance of intimacy and intimacy being handled correctly.

804
00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:20,040
Speaker 7: Yes, and then we'll have like a celebrity guest for fun.

805
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:21,560
Speaker 7: It's not all gonna be to be.

806
00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:24,400
Speaker 2: So pumped, it's gonna be so much about April second.

807
00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:28,919
Speaker 2: It's Thrive Market dot com slash Jana April second, six

808
00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:31,799
Speaker 2: to eight here in Burbank, California. Oh, it's gonna be fun.

809
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:35,799
Speaker 2: I'm excited. So we're gonna have Joe Piazza on her

810
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:39,480
Speaker 2: podcast is called Committed. It's available wherever you're listening to podcasts,

811
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:44,040
Speaker 2: and she's awesome again. Talks about relationships. I'm super excited

812
00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:46,760
Speaker 2: to talk to her. But before we talk to Joe,

813
00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:49,400
Speaker 2: I want to tell you about brook Lennon. So, Michael

814
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,600
Speaker 2: and I obviously like you, as you guys know, we're

815
00:42:51,640 --> 00:42:54,440
Speaker 2: moving to Nashville. We're super excited. We're setting up the

816
00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:59,080
Speaker 2: guest rooms right now in our master bedroom, and we're

817
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:02,200
Speaker 2: just like loving Brooklynen in our master right now. So

818
00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:05,400
Speaker 2: that's why every single room in our house is going

819
00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:08,880
Speaker 2: to have Brooklynen sheets. So they make five star hotel

820
00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:12,200
Speaker 2: quality sheets more affordable and easy to order their luxury

821
00:43:12,239 --> 00:43:15,680
Speaker 2: sheets without the luxury markup, which is amazing because if

822
00:43:15,680 --> 00:43:17,680
Speaker 2: you didn't know, most bedding is marked up as much

823
00:43:17,719 --> 00:43:21,920
Speaker 2: as three hundred percent insane. They have amazing colors. You

824
00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:24,520
Speaker 2: can mix and match over twenty five colors and patterns

825
00:43:24,520 --> 00:43:27,600
Speaker 2: to make your bedroom just right. My Brooklynen sheets are

826
00:43:27,640 --> 00:43:30,319
Speaker 2: the best and so comfortable. And again, like I say,

827
00:43:30,360 --> 00:43:32,480
Speaker 2: you spend so much of your life in bed, so

828
00:43:32,520 --> 00:43:35,719
Speaker 2: you might as well sleep good with comfy sheets. Brooklynen

829
00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:38,399
Speaker 2: dot com has an exclusive offer just for you. Get

830
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:41,080
Speaker 2: ten percent off your first order and free shipping when

831
00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:43,879
Speaker 2: you use promo code Jana at Brooklynen dot com. They're

832
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:46,880
Speaker 2: also so confident in their product that all their sheets, comforters,

833
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:50,120
Speaker 2: and towels come with a lifetime warranty. The only way

834
00:43:50,120 --> 00:43:52,439
Speaker 2: to get ten percent off your first order and free

835
00:43:52,440 --> 00:43:56,080
Speaker 2: shipping is to use promo code Jana at brooklynen dot com.

836
00:43:56,120 --> 00:43:59,120
Speaker 2: That's Brooklynen bro Oka l I N E N dot

837
00:43:59,120 --> 00:44:02,080
Speaker 2: com promo co Oh Jana brook Linen. These are really

838
00:44:02,080 --> 00:44:02,839
Speaker 2: the best sheets ever.

839
00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:05,880
Speaker 4: We have one set of Brooklyn brooklyn in sheets, and

840
00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:08,359
Speaker 4: I can always tell the second I get into them

841
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:10,520
Speaker 4: that all we've got around to Brooklyn and again, oh yeah,

842
00:44:10,560 --> 00:44:11,880
Speaker 4: because the other ones just don't.

843
00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:12,839
Speaker 1: Measure up, not at all.

844
00:44:13,680 --> 00:44:15,480
Speaker 2: Real fast, before we talk to Joe, I want to

845
00:44:15,480 --> 00:44:17,600
Speaker 2: tell you guys about Sunbird. So I have a really

846
00:44:17,640 --> 00:44:22,000
Speaker 2: hard time shopping for perfumes. I feel like it's frustrating

847
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:24,920
Speaker 2: to have to commit to the big you know, Chanelle

848
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:28,200
Speaker 2: bottle that's like seventy five one hundred dollars. It's frustrating,

849
00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:30,360
Speaker 2: and what if I don't really like it or I

850
00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:32,319
Speaker 2: really want to commit to it. But this is what

851
00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:36,160
Speaker 2: I love about Sunbird. So basically, they send you a

852
00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:40,120
Speaker 2: sample size of whatever sent you like. So after you

853
00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:42,839
Speaker 2: take a quiz online they'll send you something that is

854
00:44:43,320 --> 00:44:46,640
Speaker 2: like that. You can get anything from tom Ford, Gucci, Versaci.

855
00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:50,600
Speaker 2: They basically just keep you smelling good month after month.

856
00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:55,000
Speaker 2: The bottle lasts for me, lasts an entire month, which

857
00:44:55,040 --> 00:44:57,680
Speaker 2: is really really really great. And then there's more than

858
00:44:57,800 --> 00:44:59,839
Speaker 2: four hundred and fifty designer brands you can choose from.

859
00:44:59,880 --> 00:45:03,240
Speaker 2: Like I said, Productime Forward for Saschi del Changabana, Gucci

860
00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:07,080
Speaker 2: one hundred and twenty sprays in each bottle. Again, that's

861
00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:10,560
Speaker 2: a thirty day supply. So I kind of love it

862
00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:13,000
Speaker 2: and it's great because then you don't have to commit

863
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:15,279
Speaker 2: to the entire bottle and it's a lot cheaper. So

864
00:45:15,840 --> 00:45:18,080
Speaker 2: with this an exclusive offer just for our listeners, you

865
00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:20,879
Speaker 2: can get fifty percent off your first month today. That's

866
00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:23,400
Speaker 2: only seven fifty for your first fragrance. So you go

867
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:25,480
Speaker 2: to Centford dot com slash Jannet and use my promo

868
00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:28,200
Speaker 2: code Jana for fifty percent off your first month. Again,

869
00:45:28,239 --> 00:45:31,719
Speaker 2: that's cent Bird scnt bird dot com slash Jianna for

870
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:34,080
Speaker 2: you to try your first perfume or cologne for just

871
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:36,879
Speaker 2: seven to fifty sign on and smell amazing. And also

872
00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:39,120
Speaker 2: what I love about it too is when I travel,

873
00:45:39,440 --> 00:45:43,040
Speaker 2: I don't like to carry my big perfume bottle because

874
00:45:43,160 --> 00:45:46,040
Speaker 2: it gets taken away and I get really angry. It's like,

875
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:48,000
Speaker 2: do you know how much I spent on that perfume?

876
00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:51,080
Speaker 2: So honestly, now I just use sunburn and it's really easy,

877
00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:53,399
Speaker 2: and it's just you put it in your gym bag

878
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:55,640
Speaker 2: and your purse whatever, and you just pop it out

879
00:45:55,640 --> 00:45:57,759
Speaker 2: of the thing and then put the new one in

880
00:45:57,880 --> 00:46:01,040
Speaker 2: after the month and you twist it spray super ez. Okay,

881
00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:02,719
Speaker 2: So we have Joe Piazza on the phone.

882
00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:04,279
Speaker 8: Joe, I'm here.

883
00:46:04,440 --> 00:46:08,439
Speaker 1: Hey girls, Jan and Mike. Hey, how you just doing good?

884
00:46:08,480 --> 00:46:09,000
Speaker 2: How are you?

885
00:46:09,880 --> 00:46:11,000
Speaker 8: I'm good, I'm good.

886
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:11,560
Speaker 5: I'm so glad.

887
00:46:11,600 --> 00:46:12,480
Speaker 8: We can make this work.

888
00:46:12,600 --> 00:46:13,480
Speaker 1: I know us too.

889
00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:16,640
Speaker 2: We're super pumped and we'd love to just get right

890
00:46:16,680 --> 00:46:17,080
Speaker 2: on in it.

891
00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:18,000
Speaker 1: Do it.

892
00:46:18,200 --> 00:46:20,040
Speaker 8: Let's just do it, just do it.

893
00:46:20,120 --> 00:46:21,560
Speaker 1: Let's just be committed to this.

894
00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:23,800
Speaker 8: We are committed.

895
00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:24,879
Speaker 1: Did you like that little plug?

896
00:46:26,880 --> 00:46:29,920
Speaker 2: So you have obviously you have your podcast called Committed,

897
00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:33,359
Speaker 2: and then you also you have a book out called

898
00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:34,200
Speaker 2: how to Be Married.

899
00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:37,719
Speaker 8: I do, yeah, I'm committed to committed. That kind of

900
00:46:37,800 --> 00:46:39,040
Speaker 8: came out of How to Be Married?

901
00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:40,600
Speaker 1: So how long you been married for?

902
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:43,440
Speaker 8: Oh, I've kind of been married at all. It's funny

903
00:46:43,440 --> 00:46:45,480
Speaker 8: because when you write a book like that, people are like, oh,

904
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:48,000
Speaker 8: you must be a marriage doct bert, and I'm like, no,

905
00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:49,800
Speaker 8: I wrote the book because I have no idea what

906
00:46:49,800 --> 00:46:51,719
Speaker 8: what the hell I'm doing. That's why I wrote it.

907
00:46:52,440 --> 00:46:55,200
Speaker 1: That's amazing, amazing. So what did you learn then?

908
00:46:56,160 --> 00:46:59,080
Speaker 8: Well, so I got married on the later side, right, Like,

909
00:46:59,160 --> 00:47:01,920
Speaker 8: I was thirty when I got married, my husband was

910
00:47:01,960 --> 00:47:04,200
Speaker 8: forty one, and I had no idea how the hell

911
00:47:04,239 --> 00:47:05,720
Speaker 8: to be a wife. I had no idea how.

912
00:47:05,560 --> 00:47:06,200
Speaker 1: To do this.

913
00:47:06,960 --> 00:47:09,960
Speaker 8: So I would travel editor at the time and traveled

914
00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:13,400
Speaker 8: around the world asking different men and women advice, and

915
00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:15,759
Speaker 8: I'm like, how do you do this? How are you

916
00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:18,480
Speaker 8: actually someone's life? How do you actually live in the

917
00:47:18,480 --> 00:47:22,080
Speaker 8: same house and make a marriage work? And it was awesome.

918
00:47:22,160 --> 00:47:27,000
Speaker 8: I visited thirteen countries on six continents in the course

919
00:47:27,040 --> 00:47:30,359
Speaker 8: of a year in my first year of marriage. And

920
00:47:30,880 --> 00:47:33,440
Speaker 8: what we realized was it was the stories from people

921
00:47:33,440 --> 00:47:35,960
Speaker 8: that teach you how to be married. Then you know,

922
00:47:36,040 --> 00:47:38,279
Speaker 8: as long as humans have been humans and have been

923
00:47:38,320 --> 00:47:40,960
Speaker 8: getting married, we've learned how to do this because people

924
00:47:41,080 --> 00:47:44,040
Speaker 8: pass down these kind of oral histories and these stories, right,

925
00:47:44,400 --> 00:47:46,680
Speaker 8: But we don't do that anymore. We don't talk about

926
00:47:46,680 --> 00:47:49,920
Speaker 8: marriage except to brad like we have brags on Instagram,

927
00:47:49,920 --> 00:47:52,120
Speaker 8: but we don't talk about the nitty gritty, bush hard

928
00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:55,600
Speaker 8: parts of a marriage that our actual, real things that

929
00:47:55,640 --> 00:47:56,839
Speaker 8: can help us get through it.

930
00:47:57,239 --> 00:47:57,719
Speaker 1: Well we do.

931
00:47:58,600 --> 00:48:02,239
Speaker 3: You're right, You're right there, Joe. It's either like the

932
00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:06,240
Speaker 3: glorified aspect on Instagram or it's when you're with your friends.

933
00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:09,200
Speaker 3: It's like more people are just bitching about their spouse

934
00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:12,279
Speaker 3: than exactly. Sorry, So it's like one extreme or the other,

935
00:48:12,360 --> 00:48:13,520
Speaker 3: like no between.

936
00:48:13,880 --> 00:48:15,840
Speaker 8: There's no in between. I mean, you're right, it's like

937
00:48:15,920 --> 00:48:19,520
Speaker 8: Instagram like halftime date night, or you're just like bitching

938
00:48:19,560 --> 00:48:22,680
Speaker 8: in moment moaning. You don't actually actually have real conversations

939
00:48:22,680 --> 00:48:25,080
Speaker 8: about what a marriage is like. And so you know,

940
00:48:25,160 --> 00:48:28,480
Speaker 8: I travel around the world. I interview women from really

941
00:48:28,600 --> 00:48:30,920
Speaker 8: fancy women in Paris who tell me to buy all

942
00:48:30,920 --> 00:48:33,480
Speaker 8: of this expensive lingerie and I'm like, sure, I'll totally

943
00:48:33,520 --> 00:48:36,000
Speaker 8: do it, and then I totally didn't do it. And

944
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:43,120
Speaker 8: Orthodoxyish women in Jerusalem, uh polygamous tribes in Tanzania and Kenya,

945
00:48:43,160 --> 00:48:45,879
Speaker 8: which were the most fascinating, which made me believe that

946
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:48,960
Speaker 8: I would totally be cool with Nick bringing a second

947
00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:51,359
Speaker 8: wife on board if she wants to help me with

948
00:48:51,360 --> 00:48:52,120
Speaker 8: the child care.

949
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:53,480
Speaker 3: Here.

950
00:48:53,640 --> 00:48:57,000
Speaker 6: Not to jump in, but one of our most listened

951
00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:59,800
Speaker 6: to episodes ever was with the Sister Wives.

952
00:49:00,560 --> 00:49:02,080
Speaker 7: It was so fascinating.

953
00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:04,960
Speaker 8: Yeah, I get it. I mean what we learned is

954
00:49:04,960 --> 00:49:08,160
Speaker 8: that it was all about economies of scale, right. It

955
00:49:08,239 --> 00:49:10,560
Speaker 8: was it was women kind of picking over control in

956
00:49:10,640 --> 00:49:13,480
Speaker 8: these relationships, but men were secondary and women are like,

957
00:49:13,480 --> 00:49:15,040
Speaker 8: all right, this is how we're dividing up all of

958
00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:17,680
Speaker 8: the crazy amount of labor we have to do. If

959
00:49:17,680 --> 00:49:19,080
Speaker 8: we can't get it all done, we're gonna bring another

960
00:49:19,080 --> 00:49:21,120
Speaker 8: wife into this situation. And the guy is just over

961
00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:22,800
Speaker 8: there sitting under a palm tree.

962
00:49:23,760 --> 00:49:24,600
Speaker 3: It's crazy.

963
00:49:24,880 --> 00:49:27,719
Speaker 2: What was the like, what was the streamline between both

964
00:49:27,760 --> 00:49:29,440
Speaker 2: the men and women that you saw that was common

965
00:49:29,520 --> 00:49:34,040
Speaker 2: when when you got the stories. Was it communication? Was

966
00:49:34,080 --> 00:49:34,720
Speaker 2: it being a friend?

967
00:49:35,200 --> 00:49:36,879
Speaker 3: Was there any constant through all of this.

968
00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:40,440
Speaker 8: It's one of the one of the things I learned was,

969
00:49:40,520 --> 00:49:43,759
Speaker 8: I mean, it is communication, right, Everyone's like, have better communication,

970
00:49:43,840 --> 00:49:46,000
Speaker 8: have better communication. And then on the sib side of that,

971
00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:50,640
Speaker 8: no one knows how to communicate, so having and it's

972
00:49:50,680 --> 00:49:54,160
Speaker 8: all starting out by having better communication about communications. But

973
00:49:54,440 --> 00:49:57,240
Speaker 8: the streamline, because we were in so many different countries,

974
00:49:57,880 --> 00:50:00,200
Speaker 8: was where Americans really met. It all up us and

975
00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:02,600
Speaker 8: where it all goes to hell for us is that

976
00:50:02,680 --> 00:50:05,680
Speaker 8: we have these expectations going into a marriage that people

977
00:50:05,680 --> 00:50:08,359
Speaker 8: in other countries still tend to have, and we put

978
00:50:08,360 --> 00:50:10,040
Speaker 8: so much weight on a marriage. So we're like, all right,

979
00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:12,280
Speaker 8: we're getting married. That person's going to be my soulmate.

980
00:50:12,280 --> 00:50:14,120
Speaker 8: They're going to be my best friend, they're going to

981
00:50:14,160 --> 00:50:15,719
Speaker 8: be the person I work out with, I took with,

982
00:50:15,760 --> 00:50:17,120
Speaker 8: I have the best steps in my life with. They're

983
00:50:17,120 --> 00:50:19,680
Speaker 8: going to be my shrink. And in other countries they're like,

984
00:50:20,200 --> 00:50:21,840
Speaker 8: you just you marry your husband or your wife and

985
00:50:21,840 --> 00:50:23,600
Speaker 8: they're your husband or your wife and that's their role

986
00:50:23,960 --> 00:50:26,799
Speaker 8: and you don't expect them to solve all of your problems.

987
00:50:27,160 --> 00:50:29,720
Speaker 8: But in the space we do, we have this soulmate

988
00:50:29,760 --> 00:50:32,239
Speaker 8: problem and I think it's a romantic comedy problem, right

989
00:50:32,680 --> 00:50:35,120
Speaker 8: what it is? And then you get married you realize

990
00:50:35,120 --> 00:50:37,480
Speaker 8: that person is in all those things and your expectations

991
00:50:37,480 --> 00:50:39,600
Speaker 8: are just crushed and you're miserable.

992
00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:42,319
Speaker 3: Is there a country that you witness that's doing it

993
00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:46,560
Speaker 3: right or at least has it close to you know, perfection,

994
00:50:46,719 --> 00:50:49,000
Speaker 3: but just more consistent than America.

995
00:50:49,640 --> 00:50:51,760
Speaker 8: Well it's I mean, it's just all of Northern Europe

996
00:50:51,960 --> 00:50:55,840
Speaker 8: get more things right than we do. So we're talking Sweeden,

997
00:50:56,239 --> 00:50:59,959
Speaker 8: Denmark one because they just have equality between the sets

998
00:51:00,239 --> 00:51:04,080
Speaker 8: is a lot more than we do. And two they

999
00:51:04,120 --> 00:51:06,719
Speaker 8: have a lot more of a laws I fair attitude

1000
00:51:06,760 --> 00:51:10,160
Speaker 8: towards marriage. They get divorced, it's probably about the same

1001
00:51:10,239 --> 00:51:12,000
Speaker 8: rate that we do, but they don't put all of

1002
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:14,440
Speaker 8: this pressure on it. Divorce doesn't make or break you.

1003
00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:17,440
Speaker 8: There's not a big stigma. You can get divorced online

1004
00:51:17,480 --> 00:51:21,239
Speaker 8: for about thirty nine dollars. People celebrate their divorce adversary.

1005
00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:25,640
Speaker 8: It's just they don't put all of this weight on

1006
00:51:25,680 --> 00:51:28,560
Speaker 8: a marriage and all of this societal pressure, and because

1007
00:51:28,600 --> 00:51:30,719
Speaker 8: they have a social safety net, a marriage is also

1008
00:51:30,800 --> 00:51:32,400
Speaker 8: not going to make or break them financially.

1009
00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:39,560
Speaker 3: Do other cultures or other countries believe in therapy? Are they?

1010
00:51:39,920 --> 00:51:42,799
Speaker 3: Or is it just America that we just everyone goes therapists?

1011
00:51:43,280 --> 00:51:45,520
Speaker 8: No, no, no, no, no, I mean I thought so many

1012
00:51:45,560 --> 00:51:48,960
Speaker 8: other cultures depend on therapy in all in all kinds

1013
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:54,160
Speaker 8: of forms too, right, So therapy could mean talking to

1014
00:51:55,200 --> 00:51:58,480
Speaker 8: one your sister wife or talking to your mother in law,

1015
00:51:58,600 --> 00:52:02,800
Speaker 8: or or having actual, real meaningful conversations with your friends,

1016
00:52:03,040 --> 00:52:05,040
Speaker 8: or you guys can probably hear my baby right now.

1017
00:52:05,120 --> 00:52:09,600
Speaker 8: He's gonna calm down my mom, miss drabbing it right now.

1018
00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:15,120
Speaker 8: But yeah, I mean, I think other countries actually have

1019
00:52:15,280 --> 00:52:19,440
Speaker 8: less and particular particularly other European countries which are a

1020
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:22,040
Speaker 8: lot more civilized than we are, tend to have less

1021
00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:24,719
Speaker 8: less stigma on therapy. Uh, and it was great. My

1022
00:52:24,800 --> 00:52:27,160
Speaker 8: husband and I started going to therapy before we got married.

1023
00:52:27,239 --> 00:52:29,799
Speaker 8: We still go to therapy once every six months, and

1024
00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:31,840
Speaker 8: I think it's the one good thing we've done for

1025
00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:35,319
Speaker 8: our marriage. Getting getting a lot of childcare.

1026
00:52:36,040 --> 00:52:40,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, so your husband, Nick, obviously is you know, is

1027
00:52:40,840 --> 00:52:42,759
Speaker 2: a huge part of this. So what's one thing that

1028
00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:44,919
Speaker 2: you guys both think that you guys are doing right

1029
00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:46,719
Speaker 2: And what's one thing that you guys both feel like

1030
00:52:46,760 --> 00:52:47,560
Speaker 2: you have to work on.

1031
00:52:48,680 --> 00:52:49,200
Speaker 5: Oh, we have a.

1032
00:52:49,120 --> 00:52:50,560
Speaker 8: Thousand things for work on, So we'll start with what

1033
00:52:50,600 --> 00:52:54,200
Speaker 8: we're doing right. We travel apart, and I got this

1034
00:52:54,320 --> 00:52:57,359
Speaker 8: advice from a lot of women in different countries. We

1035
00:52:57,840 --> 00:53:01,360
Speaker 8: have completely separate vacations where he'll go off with his

1036
00:53:01,480 --> 00:53:03,759
Speaker 8: buddies for a week and go camping and I'll go

1037
00:53:03,800 --> 00:53:06,120
Speaker 8: with my girlfriends and go to a spa, or I

1038
00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:08,120
Speaker 8: did a road trip across the country with one of

1039
00:53:08,120 --> 00:53:11,600
Speaker 8: my friends. And it allows us to be apart so

1040
00:53:11,680 --> 00:53:14,000
Speaker 8: we can come back and like each other again. And

1041
00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:15,560
Speaker 8: I think that's huge, and I got a lot of

1042
00:53:15,560 --> 00:53:17,719
Speaker 8: criticism from it from a lot of my American friends

1043
00:53:17,760 --> 00:53:19,719
Speaker 8: are like, why would you go on separate plications? Is

1044
00:53:19,760 --> 00:53:21,719
Speaker 8: something wrong? And I'm like, no, we shouldn't see together

1045
00:53:21,800 --> 00:53:24,520
Speaker 8: all the time. It's exhausting and we're not interesting to

1046
00:53:24,600 --> 00:53:26,880
Speaker 8: each other if we're together all the time. The French

1047
00:53:26,920 --> 00:53:29,600
Speaker 8: women really stress that in addition to the fancy launde

1048
00:53:29,640 --> 00:53:32,000
Speaker 8: right again, which is just way too expenses. You can

1049
00:53:32,040 --> 00:53:34,200
Speaker 8: get a really cute brought target. You don't need to

1050
00:53:34,200 --> 00:53:37,560
Speaker 8: spend four hundred dollars in bra But they're like, make

1051
00:53:37,560 --> 00:53:39,440
Speaker 8: sure you have some mystery in your marriage, and I

1052
00:53:39,440 --> 00:53:41,680
Speaker 8: means spending time apart. You don't need to be together

1053
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:45,879
Speaker 8: all the time. And I mean there's so many things

1054
00:53:45,880 --> 00:53:49,239
Speaker 8: we're still trying to work on. We're I really think

1055
00:53:49,239 --> 00:53:51,480
Speaker 8: that having a kid blew up our marriage. We're married

1056
00:53:51,560 --> 00:53:54,480
Speaker 8: for a year and then I got pregnant and we're

1057
00:53:54,520 --> 00:53:56,960
Speaker 8: still trying to figure out and I'm pregnant again and

1058
00:53:58,520 --> 00:54:00,719
Speaker 8: thank you. And we're still trying to figure out how

1059
00:54:00,719 --> 00:54:04,120
Speaker 8: to navigate the world as husband and wife and parents.

1060
00:54:04,360 --> 00:54:05,720
Speaker 8: And I think exciting.

1061
00:54:05,719 --> 00:54:07,480
Speaker 2: I know that you're wanting to work. You know, it's

1062
00:54:07,480 --> 00:54:10,560
Speaker 2: like you're you're living life, and that's the together and

1063
00:54:10,600 --> 00:54:12,480
Speaker 2: with the craziness and sometimes you know, Mike and I

1064
00:54:12,520 --> 00:54:15,160
Speaker 2: have obviously we have our our four month old and

1065
00:54:15,160 --> 00:54:17,120
Speaker 2: then our three year old, but you know, it's it's

1066
00:54:17,200 --> 00:54:19,960
Speaker 2: crazy and it's like Jolly's screaming, the babies crying, and

1067
00:54:20,120 --> 00:54:23,440
Speaker 2: you know, we're trying to figure out something. It's just

1068
00:54:23,760 --> 00:54:25,160
Speaker 2: you kind of look and those moments, I'm like, I

1069
00:54:25,200 --> 00:54:28,560
Speaker 2: almost love those moments because that's you're just like you're

1070
00:54:28,600 --> 00:54:31,280
Speaker 2: living you know, you're living it exactly.

1071
00:54:31,280 --> 00:54:33,239
Speaker 8: I mean, it's like it's real life and trying to

1072
00:54:33,239 --> 00:54:35,560
Speaker 8: figure out how the hell this marriage thing works with

1073
00:54:35,719 --> 00:54:38,000
Speaker 8: in the chaos, right, And so we're just trying to

1074
00:54:38,080 --> 00:54:40,160
Speaker 8: we're trying to figure that out. And I'll tind to

1075
00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:41,920
Speaker 8: figure out who the hell we want to be when

1076
00:54:41,920 --> 00:54:45,040
Speaker 8: we grow up. Like now I'm close to the forty

1077
00:54:45,239 --> 00:54:46,880
Speaker 8: next to the mid forties, and we're like, what are

1078
00:54:46,920 --> 00:54:48,960
Speaker 8: we doing? What do we want to do with the

1079
00:54:48,960 --> 00:54:51,080
Speaker 8: rest of our lives, and that takes a lot of communication.

1080
00:54:51,239 --> 00:54:52,839
Speaker 8: So I have to think we need to double down

1081
00:54:52,840 --> 00:54:53,520
Speaker 8: on our therapy.

1082
00:54:53,840 --> 00:54:54,399
Speaker 2: I love that.

1083
00:54:54,480 --> 00:54:55,640
Speaker 1: Where can our listeners sign you?

1084
00:54:55,680 --> 00:55:00,200
Speaker 5: Beib So the kind of podcast is on the iHeart

1085
00:55:00,480 --> 00:55:05,080
Speaker 5: we do app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts,

1086
00:55:05,239 --> 00:55:09,080
Speaker 5: and I'm on Instagram at Joe pa author and jo

1087
00:55:09,600 --> 00:55:10,120
Speaker 5: dot com.

1088
00:55:10,160 --> 00:55:10,560
Speaker 1: Awesome.

1089
00:55:10,719 --> 00:55:13,840
Speaker 2: Well you're the best and we were looking forward to

1090
00:55:13,880 --> 00:55:15,040
Speaker 2: being on your podcast too.

1091
00:55:15,680 --> 00:55:16,480
Speaker 8: Yeah, I can't wait.

1092
00:55:16,760 --> 00:55:19,600
Speaker 1: Awesome, Thanks Joe, Hi, Joe, Bye, guys.

1093
00:55:20,320 --> 00:55:23,719
Speaker 2: Okay, So Joe's really sweet, by the way, She's sweet sweet.

1094
00:55:23,760 --> 00:55:25,360
Speaker 2: I just want to get into we.

1095
00:55:25,400 --> 00:55:28,080
Speaker 3: Got a lot of emails about the whole awesome.

1096
00:55:28,520 --> 00:55:31,960
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, so many emails about that. But now

1097
00:55:31,960 --> 00:55:36,480
Speaker 2: there's like a whole new thing too, called snowplowing snowplow parents.

1098
00:55:36,520 --> 00:55:38,719
Speaker 2: But do you have any thoughts that came up from

1099
00:55:38,920 --> 00:55:40,280
Speaker 2: what we talked about last week?

1100
00:55:41,680 --> 00:55:43,839
Speaker 3: No, I think that the timing of this the whole

1101
00:55:43,880 --> 00:55:47,160
Speaker 3: kind of snowplowing concept, which by definition is a person

1102
00:55:47,239 --> 00:55:50,680
Speaker 3: who constantly forces obstacles out of their kids' paths.

1103
00:55:51,239 --> 00:55:53,640
Speaker 2: So basically, a recent pull by The New York Times

1104
00:55:53,640 --> 00:55:56,160
Speaker 2: in Morning console found that three quarters of parents of

1105
00:55:56,239 --> 00:55:59,200
Speaker 2: children between the ages of eighteen. Guys, this isn't three

1106
00:55:59,200 --> 00:56:02,239
Speaker 2: and five, eighteen and twenty eight. So let me just

1107
00:56:02,239 --> 00:56:08,120
Speaker 2: say again, eighteen so when your child is graduating an

1108
00:56:08,120 --> 00:56:12,840
Speaker 2: adults and twenty eight, when some people are married with kids,

1109
00:56:13,040 --> 00:56:16,880
Speaker 2: had made their children appointments for doctor visits, haircuts, and

1110
00:56:17,239 --> 00:56:20,279
Speaker 2: all their kids' bosses if their child was having an

1111
00:56:20,320 --> 00:56:21,520
Speaker 2: issue at work times.

1112
00:56:21,560 --> 00:56:25,560
Speaker 3: Supported have so many issues with this. Look, let me

1113
00:56:25,680 --> 00:56:26,200
Speaker 3: let me say this.

1114
00:56:26,520 --> 00:56:26,919
Speaker 2: You go first.

1115
00:56:27,120 --> 00:56:28,759
Speaker 3: I had an interesting thought when we were talking off

1116
00:56:28,800 --> 00:56:31,320
Speaker 3: the mic that Amy and Mark, you guys kind of

1117
00:56:31,360 --> 00:56:35,960
Speaker 3: started bringing up. I wonder because like you, like you

1118
00:56:35,960 --> 00:56:38,799
Speaker 3: started saying, Mark, A lot of this is like parent driven, Yeah,

1119
00:56:38,960 --> 00:56:41,359
Speaker 3: because they want to brag or they want to say

1120
00:56:41,360 --> 00:56:42,960
Speaker 3: that their kid has this job, or the kid made

1121
00:56:43,000 --> 00:56:45,319
Speaker 3: this team, or they got this that whatever, they got

1122
00:56:45,280 --> 00:56:47,719
Speaker 3: in to this school, they got this trophy, they got

1123
00:56:47,719 --> 00:56:51,800
Speaker 3: this accolade. I wonder if it's peak none even I wonder.

1124
00:56:51,840 --> 00:56:54,480
Speaker 3: I have to assume that it's because of the social

1125
00:56:54,520 --> 00:56:58,520
Speaker 3: media outbreak. Actually, our parents being the major generation on

1126
00:56:58,600 --> 00:57:01,920
Speaker 3: like Facebook nowadays, the older generation of the ones that

1127
00:57:02,080 --> 00:57:05,040
Speaker 3: use that, they want that so they can post that stuff.

1128
00:57:05,640 --> 00:57:07,120
Speaker 1: That's so funny one.

1129
00:57:07,080 --> 00:57:10,320
Speaker 3: Hundred because what else are they posting. They're not posting

1130
00:57:10,360 --> 00:57:13,240
Speaker 3: there these they're in their late forties and their fifties

1131
00:57:13,280 --> 00:57:13,879
Speaker 3: years on there.

1132
00:57:14,040 --> 00:57:15,520
Speaker 1: What are they posting it on Facebook?

1133
00:57:15,600 --> 00:57:16,240
Speaker 2: Twenty right?

1134
00:57:16,600 --> 00:57:19,160
Speaker 3: What are they posting about themselves? What are our parents

1135
00:57:19,160 --> 00:57:21,920
Speaker 3: posting about themselves? Nothing? Maybe a trip they go on.

1136
00:57:22,320 --> 00:57:24,200
Speaker 3: What's the thing that they can post about their kids

1137
00:57:24,280 --> 00:57:26,240
Speaker 3: and what they're doing? Other than that, they wouldn't have

1138
00:57:26,320 --> 00:57:28,640
Speaker 3: anything to post on because they probably had the same

1139
00:57:28,720 --> 00:57:30,400
Speaker 3: job they've had for the last thirty years, like both

1140
00:57:30,440 --> 00:57:32,400
Speaker 3: of my parents, because they get one job.

1141
00:57:32,440 --> 00:57:34,920
Speaker 2: It's like their Instagram. It's like that they're like their.

1142
00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:37,240
Speaker 3: It's their thing, it's their material to post about is

1143
00:57:37,320 --> 00:57:39,760
Speaker 3: your kids, which we get because we love our kids,

1144
00:57:39,880 --> 00:57:42,960
Speaker 3: right and we love posting stuff about them. But when

1145
00:57:42,960 --> 00:57:45,120
Speaker 3: it gets I just it makes it just kind of

1146
00:57:45,160 --> 00:57:47,480
Speaker 3: makes sense to me why this is happening now, But

1147
00:57:47,560 --> 00:57:48,000
Speaker 3: it's so.

1148
00:57:48,120 --> 00:57:48,880
Speaker 7: Out of control.

1149
00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:51,120
Speaker 6: Like the only word that comes to mind when I

1150
00:57:51,160 --> 00:57:55,800
Speaker 6: saw this article was like how embarrassing? Like you imagine

1151
00:57:56,520 --> 00:57:59,800
Speaker 6: if you're eighteen years old, nineteen, maybe in your twenties,

1152
00:57:59,840 --> 00:58:02,760
Speaker 6: I got your first real job and like something goes

1153
00:58:02,800 --> 00:58:05,640
Speaker 6: awry and your Mommy calls your boss.

1154
00:58:05,840 --> 00:58:08,800
Speaker 3: I follow that boss. I would fire that person. I

1155
00:58:08,840 --> 00:58:09,800
Speaker 3: would fire them.

1156
00:58:09,840 --> 00:58:14,360
Speaker 6: Yahire them. But it's like what goes on, and then

1157
00:58:14,560 --> 00:58:18,080
Speaker 6: I get it. I can see mommy's making their twenty

1158
00:58:18,120 --> 00:58:21,360
Speaker 6: somethings haircut, and there was even like making sure they

1159
00:58:21,360 --> 00:58:23,680
Speaker 6: didn't have sauce or too much spice.

1160
00:58:23,280 --> 00:58:25,880
Speaker 7: On their food, and they're like in their twenties.

1161
00:58:26,480 --> 00:58:29,880
Speaker 2: I mean, look again, I would do anything for my child,

1162
00:58:29,920 --> 00:58:31,600
Speaker 2: but when my daughter's eighteen years old, I'm going to

1163
00:58:31,640 --> 00:58:32,440
Speaker 2: go into the whole thing.

1164
00:58:32,920 --> 00:58:33,200
Speaker 1: Honey.

1165
00:58:33,280 --> 00:58:35,240
Speaker 2: I moved to New York when I was eighteen, on

1166
00:58:35,280 --> 00:58:38,800
Speaker 2: my own right, and then like living on my own

1167
00:58:38,800 --> 00:58:44,440
Speaker 2: in Los Angeles at nineteen, like freaking grow up.

1168
00:58:44,560 --> 00:58:47,880
Speaker 4: It's different with your son, oh interesting, And it will

1169
00:58:47,920 --> 00:58:49,400
Speaker 4: be different with your son time out.

1170
00:58:49,560 --> 00:58:52,120
Speaker 2: That is so true because his mother and nables.

1171
00:58:51,800 --> 00:58:52,880
Speaker 4: Yes, and mine does too.

1172
00:58:53,480 --> 00:58:58,560
Speaker 1: Yes, I mean you're right, yes, Oh my god, it's

1173
00:58:58,600 --> 00:58:59,120
Speaker 1: so true.

1174
00:58:59,280 --> 00:59:01,680
Speaker 4: They go make a I fear yourself when Jace is

1175
00:59:01,720 --> 00:59:03,800
Speaker 4: twenty two and says, Mommy, I don't feel good. You're

1176
00:59:03,800 --> 00:59:06,439
Speaker 4: gonna run over there with soup and pedia life.

1177
00:59:06,560 --> 00:59:08,320
Speaker 1: My god, you're so right.

1178
00:59:08,800 --> 00:59:09,600
Speaker 4: It's just what it is.

1179
00:59:09,680 --> 00:59:12,760
Speaker 2: You're so right, You're so right, But why is that?

1180
00:59:13,320 --> 00:59:15,240
Speaker 4: That's a great question and I don't know.

1181
00:59:15,600 --> 00:59:18,440
Speaker 6: But I can play the other side because Daddy's little girl.

1182
00:59:18,680 --> 00:59:21,520
Speaker 6: Like when I am like, oh, Dad, I need help

1183
00:59:21,560 --> 00:59:21,760
Speaker 6: with this.

1184
00:59:22,040 --> 00:59:25,000
Speaker 3: One hundred percent, I will run while Jana's running to Jay's,

1185
00:59:25,040 --> 00:59:26,680
Speaker 3: I will run to Joey because I'll be like, Jase,

1186
00:59:26,800 --> 00:59:29,000
Speaker 3: suck it up, rub some dirt on it.

1187
00:59:29,280 --> 00:59:31,200
Speaker 2: I'll be like Meanwhile, I'll be like, hy, this is

1188
00:59:31,480 --> 00:59:33,880
Speaker 2: missus Cosson. I'm calling on behalf of Jace. You know,

1189
00:59:34,600 --> 00:59:36,360
Speaker 2: ma'am you mean your twenty seven year old son. Yes,

1190
00:59:36,440 --> 00:59:38,320
Speaker 2: he's sick right now with the fever. He can't come in.

1191
00:59:39,120 --> 00:59:40,600
Speaker 6: So I have a question for you guys, because I

1192
00:59:40,640 --> 00:59:42,560
Speaker 6: have my own opinion on this and I would love

1193
00:59:42,560 --> 00:59:44,480
Speaker 6: to hear what you say. So let's say, let's say

1194
00:59:44,560 --> 00:59:47,760
Speaker 6: twenty three out of college to eighteen, twenty three out

1195
00:59:47,800 --> 00:59:51,400
Speaker 6: of college and your kid's hard worker, right, good grades.

1196
00:59:52,080 --> 00:59:54,280
Speaker 2: Johnson, live at home, not even home.

1197
00:59:54,400 --> 00:59:56,680
Speaker 7: They want you to help them pay for their apartment.

1198
00:59:56,720 --> 00:59:59,440
Speaker 6: They got a job, doesn't pay much though, but it's

1199
00:59:59,440 --> 00:59:59,960
Speaker 6: a good job.

1200
01:00:01,040 --> 01:00:03,200
Speaker 7: Would you help support them?

1201
01:00:02,840 --> 01:00:03,040
Speaker 3: Yeah?

1202
01:00:03,320 --> 01:00:04,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, if they're.

1203
01:00:04,280 --> 01:00:06,880
Speaker 3: Working, because if the results are there, they are they

1204
01:00:06,880 --> 01:00:09,920
Speaker 3: are trying, They're doing what they can. And if you're

1205
01:00:09,960 --> 01:00:12,600
Speaker 3: showing me that, you're showing you're giving that effort. Absolutely.

1206
01:00:13,280 --> 01:00:15,000
Speaker 2: Having said that, Michael and I did just get into

1207
01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:17,760
Speaker 2: an argument because he said he wanted to buy Jolia

1208
01:00:17,840 --> 01:00:20,120
Speaker 2: Carr and I said, no, you are not buying her.

1209
01:00:20,160 --> 01:00:22,240
Speaker 2: We are not buying her a car, and he look

1210
01:00:22,280 --> 01:00:25,800
Speaker 2: as you're rolling ryes right now at me when when

1211
01:00:25,800 --> 01:00:28,120
Speaker 2: she's sixteen. I was like, absolutely not, and he's like

1212
01:00:28,160 --> 01:00:30,840
Speaker 2: why And I was like, because I worked my butt

1213
01:00:30,920 --> 01:00:32,880
Speaker 2: off as a waitress to get ma Alero.

1214
01:00:33,120 --> 01:00:34,800
Speaker 3: Quit every job as a waitress.

1215
01:00:34,800 --> 01:00:37,000
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter. I still made my least payments.

1216
01:00:36,600 --> 01:00:38,240
Speaker 4: In twenty thirty two. It's all going to be self

1217
01:00:38,280 --> 01:00:40,440
Speaker 4: driving cars anyway. True, really true.

1218
01:00:40,480 --> 01:00:42,920
Speaker 6: But I'm just saying, like that's like the family truckster,

1219
01:00:43,160 --> 01:00:44,440
Speaker 6: like the hand me down totally.

1220
01:00:44,640 --> 01:00:47,000
Speaker 2: And here's the thing I have no problem again, Like

1221
01:00:47,040 --> 01:00:50,080
Speaker 2: I would help her with the payments if she was working,

1222
01:00:50,240 --> 01:00:53,160
Speaker 2: if she was, but I would never buy her a

1223
01:00:53,200 --> 01:00:55,520
Speaker 2: new car. I would buy her or a used car,

1224
01:00:56,160 --> 01:00:58,600
Speaker 2: like she needs to help pay for those payments the

1225
01:00:58,640 --> 01:01:01,120
Speaker 2: car I got now, Jase, I will buy him a Mercedes.

1226
01:01:03,160 --> 01:01:04,600
Speaker 1: He will have the brand new Jeep.

1227
01:01:04,920 --> 01:01:07,120
Speaker 4: Why is that? Why are we so hard on the

1228
01:01:07,160 --> 01:01:07,960
Speaker 4: same gender.

1229
01:01:08,200 --> 01:01:10,840
Speaker 1: That's a really good question. I don't know, you know what.

1230
01:01:10,920 --> 01:01:12,880
Speaker 2: I would love to maybe like get your mom on

1231
01:01:12,920 --> 01:01:16,240
Speaker 2: the show to ask her, like why, because I'm sure

1232
01:01:16,240 --> 01:01:18,840
Speaker 2: she only did that for you and not for for Tara.

1233
01:01:20,680 --> 01:01:26,840
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, but my dad was harder on me. Mm hmm.

1234
01:01:27,040 --> 01:01:29,720
Speaker 2: Way, so my my dad was hard on my brother too,

1235
01:01:29,760 --> 01:01:31,160
Speaker 2: And so is that is that? Why?

1236
01:01:31,200 --> 01:01:31,360
Speaker 3: Then?

1237
01:01:31,560 --> 01:01:32,480
Speaker 1: Is it because.

1238
01:01:32,320 --> 01:01:35,680
Speaker 4: Itselves in our same sex children and that's why?

1239
01:01:35,760 --> 01:01:35,920
Speaker 3: Or no?

1240
01:01:36,040 --> 01:01:39,000
Speaker 2: Is it because we see them being so hard on

1241
01:01:39,120 --> 01:01:40,880
Speaker 2: so like he's going to be harder on Jason, he's

1242
01:01:40,920 --> 01:01:43,440
Speaker 2: with Jolie. I'm going to be harder on Jolie than

1243
01:01:43,760 --> 01:01:45,760
Speaker 2: you know, than he is. So is it maybe?

1244
01:01:46,000 --> 01:01:46,400
Speaker 1: Is that it?

1245
01:01:46,440 --> 01:01:46,600
Speaker 3: Then?

1246
01:01:46,840 --> 01:01:48,480
Speaker 4: I don't think so, because I think even if if

1247
01:01:48,560 --> 01:01:50,560
Speaker 4: if you were raising these kids by yourself, if it's

1248
01:01:50,560 --> 01:01:52,680
Speaker 4: the exact same dynamic, really I think.

1249
01:01:52,560 --> 01:01:56,440
Speaker 2: So interesting, it's so interesting if I'm curious to know

1250
01:01:56,480 --> 01:01:58,600
Speaker 2: what you guys think. Jana kramant iHeartMedia dot com.

1251
01:01:58,600 --> 01:01:59,160
Speaker 1: But that is.

1252
01:01:59,160 --> 01:02:02,840
Speaker 3: Really see my parents went like Havesi's with me on

1253
01:02:03,360 --> 01:02:06,960
Speaker 3: like a seven thousand dollars two thousand and one tours, Honey,

1254
01:02:07,000 --> 01:02:07,560
Speaker 3: I'm sick and.

1255
01:02:07,640 --> 01:02:08,479
Speaker 4: Still on the car.

1256
01:02:08,920 --> 01:02:10,320
Speaker 7: It's all like I'm gonna wear.

1257
01:02:10,240 --> 01:02:14,520
Speaker 3: We're gonna buy Jolie a car. It's gonna be a beater, honey.

1258
01:02:14,560 --> 01:02:16,600
Speaker 2: I'm just saying I want her to help.

1259
01:02:17,240 --> 01:02:17,600
Speaker 3: That's why.

1260
01:02:17,640 --> 01:02:18,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, she can have a job.

1261
01:02:18,880 --> 01:02:21,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, she's not if she's not in extracurricular activities

1262
01:02:21,520 --> 01:02:22,600
Speaker 3: that don't allow her to have a job.

1263
01:02:22,680 --> 01:02:24,920
Speaker 2: I'm just saying with this whole snowplow thing, I'm just

1264
01:02:24,960 --> 01:02:28,120
Speaker 2: not going to be one hundred percent like, here is

1265
01:02:28,480 --> 01:02:28,840
Speaker 2: your car.

1266
01:02:29,600 --> 01:02:32,960
Speaker 3: Help, She's like no, if she's if she's doing extracurricular

1267
01:02:33,000 --> 01:02:35,520
Speaker 3: activities to doing something she shouldn't have a job, but

1268
01:02:35,520 --> 01:02:37,600
Speaker 3: she's in like clubs or whatever it may be. Not

1269
01:02:37,680 --> 01:02:39,280
Speaker 3: if she just comes home from school and goes to

1270
01:02:39,280 --> 01:02:41,080
Speaker 3: her room sitting on her phone talking to her friends.

1271
01:02:41,120 --> 01:02:42,560
Speaker 3: Here he says, Mommy, I want a car.

1272
01:02:42,640 --> 01:02:45,000
Speaker 2: Yeah. And here's what I'll say. What my grandpa did

1273
01:02:45,000 --> 01:02:46,760
Speaker 2: with my brother was the best example. And this is

1274
01:02:46,760 --> 01:02:48,840
Speaker 2: what I would do. I would say, you have do

1275
01:02:48,880 --> 01:02:49,280
Speaker 2: you guys.

1276
01:02:49,200 --> 01:02:50,560
Speaker 3: Just have it all figured out? Don't know?

1277
01:02:50,960 --> 01:02:53,640
Speaker 2: I would say, come on, someone attack Mike for being

1278
01:02:53,640 --> 01:02:54,320
Speaker 2: me to be right there.

1279
01:02:55,480 --> 01:02:56,560
Speaker 3: She'll still get my back.

1280
01:02:58,000 --> 01:03:03,560
Speaker 2: When my my my brother paid for the car payments

1281
01:03:04,160 --> 01:03:08,480
Speaker 2: and my grandpa kept the checks and the money and

1282
01:03:08,560 --> 01:03:11,520
Speaker 2: when the car was paid off, he gave him the twenty.

1283
01:03:11,360 --> 01:03:14,959
Speaker 1: Five grand Oh wow. And that is what I would

1284
01:03:14,960 --> 01:03:15,919
Speaker 1: do because.

1285
01:03:15,600 --> 01:03:20,160
Speaker 2: You you grew up my grandpa Martin. That's he's you know,

1286
01:03:20,920 --> 01:03:23,520
Speaker 2: he was my everything. Like love him. He's my grandpa

1287
01:03:23,560 --> 01:03:25,240
Speaker 2: that watches me every day. I know that with every

1288
01:03:25,280 --> 01:03:27,000
Speaker 2: part of me. That is what I would do. As

1289
01:03:27,040 --> 01:03:28,760
Speaker 2: I would say, Joel, you need to pay for this car.

1290
01:03:28,800 --> 01:03:31,280
Speaker 2: He wants you. Probably, I was like, you, you will

1291
01:03:31,280 --> 01:03:32,520
Speaker 2: pay for this car. But at the end of it,

1292
01:03:32,560 --> 01:03:34,600
Speaker 2: I will give her all of the money. That's because

1293
01:03:34,640 --> 01:03:36,720
Speaker 2: she worked really hard. I didn't know that that was

1294
01:03:36,760 --> 01:03:38,560
Speaker 2: going to ask zero idea.

1295
01:03:38,760 --> 01:03:39,240
Speaker 7: Well done.

1296
01:03:39,760 --> 01:03:40,919
Speaker 3: Yeah, that is a good one.

1297
01:03:41,080 --> 01:03:44,280
Speaker 2: Zero idea. And I think money for college or whatever

1298
01:03:44,360 --> 01:03:46,360
Speaker 2: he wanted. And I don't know what he used it on,

1299
01:03:46,440 --> 01:03:50,200
Speaker 2: but that was the greatest example that I could. That's

1300
01:03:50,320 --> 01:03:53,200
Speaker 2: showed hard work, that he paid for his commitment and

1301
01:03:53,280 --> 01:03:54,360
Speaker 2: his work his word.

1302
01:03:55,280 --> 01:03:57,000
Speaker 3: And that's that's the really and we should do that.

1303
01:03:57,440 --> 01:04:01,640
Speaker 3: And I will say yeah on Snoop flowing. So we

1304
01:04:01,680 --> 01:04:03,840
Speaker 3: move back to Tennessee eventually. I want to just for

1305
01:04:03,880 --> 01:04:05,960
Speaker 3: a front for me, like I never wanted to get

1306
01:04:05,960 --> 01:04:08,280
Speaker 3: into coaching, but I would love to coach high school.

1307
01:04:08,360 --> 01:04:09,320
Speaker 3: I think it'd be a lot of fun in coach

1308
01:04:09,360 --> 01:04:13,960
Speaker 3: high school football. And again, call me old fashioned. I

1309
01:04:14,080 --> 01:04:19,520
Speaker 3: dare a parent to come talk to me about their

1310
01:04:19,520 --> 01:04:23,080
Speaker 3: son or I guess I gotta be political, politically correct,

1311
01:04:23,160 --> 01:04:27,080
Speaker 3: or daughter playing football, their child playing football. I dare

1312
01:04:27,200 --> 01:04:29,320
Speaker 3: a parent to come talk to me. I can't wait

1313
01:04:29,400 --> 01:04:31,960
Speaker 3: for that. I might come home without being a coach anymore.

1314
01:04:32,000 --> 01:04:34,360
Speaker 3: I might get fired, but I will let it be

1315
01:04:34,480 --> 01:04:37,680
Speaker 3: known that this is not gonna fly. I relish. I

1316
01:04:37,760 --> 01:04:41,520
Speaker 3: hope that happens. I can't wait. I can't wait.

1317
01:04:42,440 --> 01:04:48,000
Speaker 6: That's you want to hear nuggets like that or about

1318
01:04:48,200 --> 01:04:49,480
Speaker 6: Grandpa Martin in person.

1319
01:04:49,640 --> 01:04:51,840
Speaker 7: Janna and Michael have a big announcement right now.

1320
01:04:52,360 --> 01:04:57,400
Speaker 6: Act if you're in New York, New York, Boston, Alexander, Virginia,

1321
01:04:57,640 --> 01:05:03,520
Speaker 6: listen up, guys.

1322
01:05:03,400 --> 01:05:06,440
Speaker 2: Really big announcement. We are taking Wine down on the

1323
01:05:06,520 --> 01:05:10,120
Speaker 2: road for a wind down podcast tour, live tour, live tour.

1324
01:05:10,760 --> 01:05:14,800
Speaker 2: We're going on the road May sixteenth, the Birchmere, Alexandria, Virginia.

1325
01:05:15,160 --> 01:05:20,600
Speaker 2: May seventeenth, Sony Hall, May seventeenth, Sony Hall, New York,

1326
01:05:20,640 --> 01:05:24,040
Speaker 2: New York, May eighteenth, the Wilburg, Boston, Massachusetts. The pre

1327
01:05:24,240 --> 01:05:28,880
Speaker 2: sale starts March twenty six at janakramer dot com. You

1328
01:05:28,920 --> 01:05:34,600
Speaker 2: guys tickets, so we're gonna be talking about all this stuff.

1329
01:05:34,640 --> 01:05:37,200
Speaker 2: We might even bring some of you guys up on

1330
01:05:37,440 --> 01:05:38,320
Speaker 2: stage with that.

1331
01:05:38,600 --> 01:05:43,840
Speaker 3: Interactive it's going to be interact. Come be prepared to talk.

1332
01:05:44,320 --> 01:05:45,200
Speaker 3: We might pull you up.

1333
01:05:45,360 --> 01:05:47,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, but we really really want you guys to come

1334
01:05:47,200 --> 01:05:50,080
Speaker 2: see us, so please. Presale starts March twenty sixth, tomorrow

1335
01:05:50,120 --> 01:05:54,080
Speaker 2: at janakramer dot com. And guys, I'm doing it again.

1336
01:05:54,160 --> 01:05:55,480
Speaker 2: My new single Beautiful Live.

1337
01:05:55,560 --> 01:05:56,600
Speaker 3: It's so good.

1338
01:05:56,800 --> 01:05:59,840
Speaker 2: We'll be available everywhere on Friday, March twenty ninth. From

1339
01:06:00,080 --> 01:06:02,840
Speaker 2: information go to janakramer dot com. We're super pumped.

1340
01:06:03,040 --> 01:06:05,320
Speaker 6: Will we be able to hear your new song on

1341
01:06:05,400 --> 01:06:07,680
Speaker 6: April second here in LA And will these guys be

1342
01:06:07,680 --> 01:06:09,479
Speaker 6: able to hear it when they show up at your show?

1343
01:06:10,640 --> 01:06:13,800
Speaker 2: So another yes. So for everyone who goes to the

1344
01:06:13,840 --> 01:06:17,080
Speaker 2: Wine Down Podcast tour May sixteenth, some to their eighteenth,

1345
01:06:17,600 --> 01:06:20,360
Speaker 2: and on April second, I'm going to do a performance

1346
01:06:20,680 --> 01:06:22,720
Speaker 2: and you'll be able to hear Beautiful Eyes, my new single,

1347
01:06:23,320 --> 01:06:25,520
Speaker 2: and a few other songs. So it's only It's going

1348
01:06:25,600 --> 01:06:28,840
Speaker 2: to be a great intimate night with Mike and Mike

1349
01:06:28,880 --> 01:06:32,000
Speaker 2: and I thanks, thanks guys.

1350
01:06:31,920 --> 01:06:33,840
Speaker 4: And you should mention the Napa Valley Wine Train.

1351
01:06:34,440 --> 01:06:36,440
Speaker 2: Yes please, and Amy, I would like for you to

1352
01:06:36,640 --> 01:06:39,520
Speaker 2: many thanks, so many things. I'm excited. I know this

1353
01:06:39,680 --> 01:06:41,920
Speaker 2: is this is good. This is probably one of my

1354
01:06:41,960 --> 01:06:44,800
Speaker 2: most favorite exciting ones. Go ahead, So here's.

1355
01:06:44,600 --> 01:06:48,600
Speaker 6: One more opportunity to see Janna and Mike. If you

1356
01:06:48,720 --> 01:06:52,680
Speaker 6: are in the Bay Area, northern California, even southern take

1357
01:06:52,680 --> 01:06:56,320
Speaker 6: a trip to Napa. So on April sixth, we are

1358
01:06:56,360 --> 01:06:58,440
Speaker 6: going on the Napa Valley Wine Train, which.

1359
01:06:58,280 --> 01:06:59,800
Speaker 7: Is so awesome.

1360
01:07:00,080 --> 01:07:04,640
Speaker 6: It's basically this beautiful train, four course gourmet meal, drinking wine.

1361
01:07:04,640 --> 01:07:07,040
Speaker 6: We're gonna stop at the Mondavi Winery. You're gonna be

1362
01:07:07,080 --> 01:07:08,600
Speaker 6: with jan and Mike, You're gonna be with a ton

1363
01:07:08,600 --> 01:07:10,960
Speaker 6: of people from The Bachelor, even Tanya rad from Ryan

1364
01:07:11,000 --> 01:07:14,840
Speaker 6: Seacrest Morning Show. And this one's special because every penny

1365
01:07:14,880 --> 01:07:17,040
Speaker 6: we raise will go to the Red Cross. So you

1366
01:07:17,080 --> 01:07:19,960
Speaker 6: go to if Only dot Com just search Jana and

1367
01:07:20,040 --> 01:07:24,240
Speaker 6: it'll come up, and we are covering all the costs

1368
01:07:24,520 --> 01:07:27,320
Speaker 6: so that every penny you donate, let's all go right

1369
01:07:27,360 --> 01:07:30,840
Speaker 6: to the Red Cross and it is to prepare California

1370
01:07:30,880 --> 01:07:31,560
Speaker 6: for earthquakes.

1371
01:07:32,680 --> 01:07:35,320
Speaker 2: That's huge, Thank you Amy for doing that. Y April

1372
01:07:35,400 --> 01:07:38,000
Speaker 2: second April second April sixth, April, six.

1373
01:07:38,000 --> 01:07:41,040
Speaker 6: May sixteen, seventeen eighteen. If you're on the East coast,

1374
01:07:41,040 --> 01:07:44,640
Speaker 6: go to Janakramer dot com for all the info, all

1375
01:07:44,680 --> 01:07:45,040
Speaker 6: the info.

1376
01:07:45,160 --> 01:07:46,840
Speaker 7: Yeah, she'll help you out.

1377
01:07:47,360 --> 01:07:49,120
Speaker 2: You guys, a big thank you to Brooklyn and get

1378
01:07:49,120 --> 01:07:51,160
Speaker 2: ten percent off your first order and for shipping with

1379
01:07:51,160 --> 01:07:53,560
Speaker 2: promo code Jana at Brooklyn dot com. That's Brooklyn and

1380
01:07:53,600 --> 01:07:55,400
Speaker 2: b r O ok L I n e N dot

1381
01:07:55,400 --> 01:07:58,240
Speaker 2: com promo code Jana sent BERD. Get fifty percent off

1382
01:07:58,240 --> 01:08:00,920
Speaker 2: your first month today. That's only seven fifty for your

1383
01:08:00,920 --> 01:08:03,720
Speaker 2: first fragrance. Go to sempord dot com slash Jana and

1384
01:08:03,800 --> 01:08:06,400
Speaker 2: use the code Jana for fifty percent off your first month.

1385
01:08:06,960 --> 01:08:09,840
Speaker 2: I think that's a show, guys, you.

1386
01:08:09,880 --> 01:08:10,720
Speaker 1: Want to now.

1387
01:08:12,320 --> 01:08:15,000
Speaker 4: Earlier, Marissa says she found out her husband as a narcissist.

1388
01:08:15,480 --> 01:08:17,760
Speaker 2: I just love that the title. You've found out your

1389
01:08:17,800 --> 01:08:21,519
Speaker 2: husband's a narcissists. I mean, did you not know?

1390
01:08:21,720 --> 01:08:23,760
Speaker 4: Like well, she started going to therapy and learned that

1391
01:08:23,760 --> 01:08:27,040
Speaker 4: her husband is narciss sarstrastistic personality disorder.

1392
01:08:27,560 --> 01:08:28,559
Speaker 3: If you don't know what you're looking for.

1393
01:08:28,680 --> 01:08:29,879
Speaker 1: Ye, that's true, because.

1394
01:08:29,840 --> 01:08:31,360
Speaker 4: Learning about this has been so free and yet and

1395
01:08:31,400 --> 01:08:33,759
Speaker 4: trapping all at once. He doesn't have empathy in tough times.

1396
01:08:33,760 --> 01:08:35,519
Speaker 4: He has a public face and a private face, and

1397
01:08:35,520 --> 01:08:39,720
Speaker 4: the private face is not pretty. He has haughty behaviors. Mean,

1398
01:08:41,600 --> 01:08:44,719
Speaker 4: I'm gonna looking that one up. Yeah, Hi, Horsey, that's.

1399
01:08:44,600 --> 01:08:48,519
Speaker 1: All I close on the thing that's true, could use.

1400
01:08:48,760 --> 01:08:50,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, we've been going to marriage counseling, but I just

1401
01:08:50,680 --> 01:08:52,719
Speaker 4: feel nothing is coming of it, and he doesn't believe

1402
01:08:52,720 --> 01:08:55,320
Speaker 4: anything I say is true. I consider staying married because,

1403
01:08:55,360 --> 01:08:57,400
Speaker 4: like Jana, I have always felt my purpose in life

1404
01:08:57,479 --> 01:08:59,360
Speaker 4: is to be a mom and I want that so badly.

1405
01:08:59,520 --> 01:09:01,599
Speaker 4: But wouldn't that make me a bad mom by having

1406
01:09:01,680 --> 01:09:03,040
Speaker 4: children with somebody like this?

1407
01:09:03,760 --> 01:09:06,639
Speaker 3: Oh and they don't have kids later?

1408
01:09:07,680 --> 01:09:12,200
Speaker 2: Time out, time out, I mean depends how old she is,

1409
01:09:13,600 --> 01:09:17,599
Speaker 2: they're bad. I mean I get to question that with you,

1410
01:09:17,600 --> 01:09:19,640
Speaker 2: you know, and be like, all right, it's gonna take

1411
01:09:19,680 --> 01:09:21,120
Speaker 2: me this long to find somebody else.

1412
01:09:22,720 --> 01:09:25,800
Speaker 4: Well, many would have said to Jianna later in her situation,

1413
01:09:26,160 --> 01:09:28,439
Speaker 4: but you acknowledge you edit a problem, and you saw it.

1414
01:09:28,520 --> 01:09:28,720
Speaker 3: Help.

1415
01:09:28,800 --> 01:09:30,160
Speaker 4: This guy's not seeking.

1416
01:09:29,840 --> 01:09:32,120
Speaker 2: Help here's the thing. If your husband's not seeking help,

1417
01:09:32,280 --> 01:09:34,559
Speaker 2: then yes, my advice is to not to have children

1418
01:09:34,600 --> 01:09:38,000
Speaker 2: with something someone that's not wanting to get help, is

1419
01:09:38,040 --> 01:09:40,840
Speaker 2: my personal opinion. You have to follow your heart, though,

1420
01:09:41,080 --> 01:09:44,360
Speaker 2: if you think that it hasn't has it in him

1421
01:09:44,400 --> 01:09:47,479
Speaker 2: to change. Sometimes guys just take a longer road to

1422
01:09:47,520 --> 01:09:47,920
Speaker 2: get there.

1423
01:09:49,160 --> 01:09:56,720
Speaker 3: Narcissism is tough to break. Well said tough, just from

1424
01:09:57,040 --> 01:10:01,240
Speaker 3: my experience of just therapy and counseling and knowing a

1425
01:10:01,280 --> 01:10:06,160
Speaker 3: lot of different guys. And this it's a beast. I mean,

1426
01:10:06,200 --> 01:10:10,000
Speaker 3: it's it's true. It's basically telling someone to believe in

1427
01:10:10,040 --> 01:10:11,080
Speaker 3: a whole different reality.

1428
01:10:11,840 --> 01:10:13,040
Speaker 2: Well then how do they get help?

1429
01:10:13,120 --> 01:10:13,280
Speaker 3: Then?

1430
01:10:14,600 --> 01:10:18,120
Speaker 6: So if you heavily researched narcissism, which I suggest anyone

1431
01:10:18,200 --> 01:10:19,400
Speaker 6: with a narcissist in there.

1432
01:10:19,760 --> 01:10:21,160
Speaker 1: I know we've talked about it before.

1433
01:10:21,320 --> 01:10:24,439
Speaker 7: Yeah, I have almost impossible to quote cure.

1434
01:10:25,280 --> 01:10:29,200
Speaker 6: If the person is so devoted to working on it,

1435
01:10:29,240 --> 01:10:30,320
Speaker 6: they can improve.

1436
01:10:31,400 --> 01:10:34,479
Speaker 7: But that's if it. You know, we're we got five

1437
01:10:34,560 --> 01:10:36,400
Speaker 7: sentences here, so I don't want to like.

1438
01:10:37,400 --> 01:10:39,320
Speaker 2: Arm well, and you have to see remember remember remember

1439
01:10:39,320 --> 01:10:41,280
Speaker 2: the narcissist expert that came on. If there's like if

1440
01:10:41,280 --> 01:10:43,960
Speaker 2: you have all eight. So I would go through the

1441
01:10:44,040 --> 01:10:46,760
Speaker 2: checklist and see how many he has to go to

1442
01:10:46,760 --> 01:10:49,439
Speaker 2: the checklist. This is a narciss checklist, and see if

1443
01:10:49,439 --> 01:10:50,960
Speaker 2: he's got all eight. That's going to be a tough

1444
01:10:50,960 --> 01:10:51,439
Speaker 2: one to break.

1445
01:10:51,479 --> 01:10:56,240
Speaker 6: Harm that people use loosely when that's more inaccurate. If

1446
01:10:56,240 --> 01:10:59,520
Speaker 6: it's actually legit, then I'm concerned.

1447
01:10:59,720 --> 01:11:02,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, if there's just if there's there's a different

1448
01:11:02,560 --> 01:11:05,280
Speaker 3: great point. I mean, there's a huge difference between narcissistic

1449
01:11:05,360 --> 01:11:08,800
Speaker 3: tendencies and being a full blown narcissist.

1450
01:11:08,960 --> 01:11:11,640
Speaker 4: But also the definition of a narcissist to someone who

1451
01:11:11,680 --> 01:11:14,719
Speaker 4: thinks they're perfect and doesn't require right exactly.

1452
01:11:14,760 --> 01:11:18,400
Speaker 3: So that's that's exactly my point, Like you're trying to

1453
01:11:18,479 --> 01:11:21,839
Speaker 3: explain to someone who thinks they're perfect that their reality

1454
01:11:22,040 --> 01:11:25,120
Speaker 3: is actually not reality. It's like a twilight zone.

1455
01:11:25,640 --> 01:11:29,439
Speaker 2: I mean, I feel like Marissa, maybe maybe you, like

1456
01:11:29,479 --> 01:11:31,240
Speaker 2: you said, learning this has been so freeing for you,

1457
01:11:31,280 --> 01:11:35,240
Speaker 2: So maybe this is your realization that thank goodness you

1458
01:11:35,280 --> 01:11:37,519
Speaker 2: found this out now and just learn.

1459
01:11:37,840 --> 01:11:39,519
Speaker 3: Like Janet, I think there's a good point. Go through

1460
01:11:39,520 --> 01:11:43,439
Speaker 3: that checklist. You can find that online and do your research,

1461
01:11:43,520 --> 01:11:47,639
Speaker 3: talk to your therapist, determine what you can live with.

1462
01:11:48,200 --> 01:11:51,000
Speaker 3: So maybe instead of trying to maybe he has four

1463
01:11:51,040 --> 01:11:55,439
Speaker 3: things out of the eight, just pick specific ones that

1464
01:11:55,479 --> 01:11:59,679
Speaker 3: you know you can't live with and attack just those, like, Okay,

1465
01:11:59,680 --> 01:12:02,439
Speaker 3: if I'm able to convince him or change him, alter

1466
01:12:02,520 --> 01:12:05,240
Speaker 3: him in some way with those ones, those non negotiables,

1467
01:12:05,560 --> 01:12:08,680
Speaker 3: all right, maybe I can do this. But determine what

1468
01:12:08,720 --> 01:12:09,120
Speaker 3: those are.

1469
01:12:09,560 --> 01:12:13,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I also say too. I mean, at the

1470
01:12:13,640 --> 01:12:15,160
Speaker 2: end of the day, though, you got to do it's

1471
01:12:15,240 --> 01:12:20,639
Speaker 2: right for you and don't settle too.

1472
01:12:20,760 --> 01:12:22,759
Speaker 3: But to your point, it's like you want in our relationship,

1473
01:12:22,800 --> 01:12:24,479
Speaker 3: you want to do everything you could, so you know,

1474
01:12:24,520 --> 01:12:26,640
Speaker 3: you could look yourself in the mirror, look at our

1475
01:12:26,720 --> 01:12:29,160
Speaker 3: kids and say I tried. Yeah, maybe same thing for.

1476
01:12:29,120 --> 01:12:32,760
Speaker 2: Her and also too, but and the same point. Yes,

1477
01:12:32,840 --> 01:12:34,559
Speaker 2: I totally agree with you, honey. But if he's not

1478
01:12:34,640 --> 01:12:36,240
Speaker 2: willing to do the work, and he's not willing to

1479
01:12:36,280 --> 01:12:38,280
Speaker 2: look in the mirror, oh yeah, I mean that's your

1480
01:12:38,360 --> 01:12:40,640
Speaker 2: quick you both people answer right there.

1481
01:12:40,640 --> 01:12:43,360
Speaker 3: If he's not willing to do anything, then yeah, yeah, all.

1482
01:12:43,360 --> 01:12:45,000
Speaker 2: Right, that was a good one. Hey, I just want

1483
01:12:45,040 --> 01:12:46,960
Speaker 2: to circle back around and say, I'm really proudy and

1484
01:12:47,040 --> 01:12:49,680
Speaker 2: I'm really looking forward to seeing all the things that

1485
01:12:49,720 --> 01:12:52,200
Speaker 2: you're going to do with us in the platform you're building.

1486
01:12:52,640 --> 01:12:54,719
Speaker 3: Thank you. I appreciate it, and I appreciate you guys

1487
01:12:54,760 --> 01:12:57,599
Speaker 3: giving me the platform to talk about it, and Amy

1488
01:12:57,640 --> 01:12:59,800
Speaker 3: and Mark, you guys willing to let that happen on

1489
01:12:59,840 --> 01:13:02,679
Speaker 3: this show. And I hope, I hope.

1490
01:13:02,760 --> 01:13:04,960
Speaker 7: I just hate no shame in anything.

1491
01:13:05,000 --> 01:13:07,280
Speaker 6: That's why I love that you guys say what you say,

1492
01:13:07,720 --> 01:13:10,400
Speaker 6: because you remove shame, which is the worst.

1493
01:13:10,520 --> 01:13:12,760
Speaker 3: I hope our listeners have been great. I hope you

1494
01:13:12,800 --> 01:13:17,960
Speaker 3: guys receive this with grace and treat it as such

1495
01:13:18,000 --> 01:13:22,040
Speaker 3: and respond as such. And just know that Jane and

1496
01:13:22,120 --> 01:13:25,439
Speaker 3: I are opening up about this to help people out there,

1497
01:13:25,680 --> 01:13:28,320
Speaker 3: and there's a there's so much more we can we

1498
01:13:28,360 --> 01:13:31,639
Speaker 3: will dive into on this topic on the addiction sex

1499
01:13:31,640 --> 01:13:34,760
Speaker 3: addiction topic. We'll get specialists on here. We'll got people

1500
01:13:34,760 --> 01:13:35,599
Speaker 3: who have gone through this.

1501
01:13:36,280 --> 01:13:38,679
Speaker 2: And again, if you're at the LA area April second,

1502
01:13:39,120 --> 01:13:43,200
Speaker 2: Thrive Market dot com slash Jana to come see us podcast.

1503
01:13:43,280 --> 01:13:43,840
Speaker 2: It's gonna be.

1504
01:13:43,760 --> 01:13:47,960
Speaker 1: Fun, all right, see you then, love you, Love you guys.

1505
01:13:53,600 --> 01:13:55,479
Speaker 2: Good job, good job,