Speaker 1: So this idea that your weight determines your worth is
Speaker 1: a lie, and it is a lie that is impacting
Speaker 1: so many of us Right now as we speak, eighty
Speaker 1: nine percent of girls and women will opt out of
Speaker 1: meaningful activities, including interacting with friends or loved ones when
Speaker 1: they don't like how they look, and self doubt will
Speaker 1: kill more dreams than almost anything else. Don't wait on
Speaker 1: your weight to live your best life.
Speaker 2: Hey everyone, I've got some huge news to share with you.
Speaker 2: In the last ninety days, seventy nine point four percent
Speaker 2: of our audience came from viewers and listeners that are
Speaker 2: not subscribed to this channel. There's research that shows that
Speaker 2: if you want to create a habit, make it easy
Speaker 2: to access. By hitting the subscribe button, you're creating a
Speaker 2: habit of learning how to be happier, healthier, and more healed.
Speaker 2: This would also mean the absolute world to me and
Speaker 2: help us make better, bigger, brighter for you in the world.
Speaker 3: Subscribe right now. The number one health and wellness podcast,
Speaker 3: Jay Send Jay Shed.
Speaker 2: Hey everyone, welcome back to on Purpose, the place you
Speaker 2: come back to listen, learn and grow. I am so
Speaker 2: excited because today's guest is a guest who's on for
Speaker 2: her second time, but thankfully this time in person. Last
Speaker 2: time we recorded, I believe it's during the pandemic, we
Speaker 2: were doing virtual interviews. I'm so glad we're not doing
Speaker 2: those anymore. I'm talking about my dear friend, Jamie can Lima,
Speaker 2: a New York Times best selling author, founder of IT Cosmetics,
Speaker 2: a company she started in her living room and sold
Speaker 2: to Lareal in a billion dollar deal, becoming the first
Speaker 2: female CEO of a brand in its one hundred year history.
Speaker 2: Jamie is also an active philanthropist who has funded leadership
Speaker 2: training in more than one hundred prisons and shelters across
Speaker 2: the United States, and has donated over fourteen million dollars
Speaker 2: in product and funds to help women face the effects
Speaker 2: of cancer with confidence. Jamie is donating one hundred percent
Speaker 2: of her author proceeds of her new book Worthy to
Speaker 2: charity as well.
Speaker 3: How to Believe you.
Speaker 2: Are Enough and transform your life Simple steps, life changing results.
Speaker 2: This is the book that I want you to go
Speaker 2: and grab order it right now. The book is available
Speaker 2: as we speak. Please welcome to the show the author
Speaker 2: of Worthy, Jamie Canlee, Ma, Jamie, thank you for being here.
Speaker 1: Yay thank you so much for having me. I am excited.
Speaker 1: This is going to be an amazing episode.
Speaker 3: No, I just want to tell people just so you know.
Speaker 2: Jamie arrived an hour ago and we've spent an hour
Speaker 2: just chatting.
Speaker 3: And hanging out.
Speaker 2: And I love it because I always love spending time
Speaker 2: with you. We became friends through a mutual friend, Brendan Bouchard,
Speaker 2: a few years ago, and I've always loved connecting with you,
Speaker 2: learning from you, hearing about how you have these divine
Speaker 2: downloads as you call them, and how you channel in
Speaker 2: your work. Yeah, and I remember when you actually told
Speaker 2: me when you were divinely downloading this book. Yes, and
Speaker 2: I wanted to start off by There's so many things
Speaker 2: I want to talk about in the book, but the
Speaker 2: thing that's calling me to start with is.
Speaker 3: Do you feel worthy today?
Speaker 1: Our self worth is our stealing in every area of life.
Speaker 1: And Jay, I have to tell you, for the longest
Speaker 1: time of my life, like I believe this lie that
Speaker 1: if I achieve enough, I will finally feel enough. And
Speaker 1: right now I can tell you I feel more worthy
Speaker 1: than I ever have. But it is a daily it
Speaker 1: is a daily practice, it's a daily intention and for
Speaker 1: anyone who is with us right now listening watching, who's
Speaker 1: ever had a goal, like a big goal or a
Speaker 1: dream and they thought, you know, once I finally get
Speaker 1: that thing, then I'm going to feel enough and happy
Speaker 1: and fulfilled. And then you get that thing, and maybe
Speaker 1: you worked for like a week or a month or
Speaker 1: several years, and then you get it and you're like
Speaker 1: happy for a while, but you're like, why do I
Speaker 1: still feel like something's missing or like I'm not enough?
Speaker 1: And that was me most of my entire life. And
Speaker 1: usually when that happens, we think, oh, I've just got
Speaker 1: to work harder. I've just got to level up and
Speaker 1: hustle more and get the next thing and the next thing.
Speaker 1: And so I spent oh my gosh, decades of my
Speaker 1: life kind of as an achiever, but deep down inside
Speaker 1: not feeling like I was enough. Yet I thought I
Speaker 1: would solve that by doing all these things on the
Speaker 1: outside that the world told me makes you enough. And
Speaker 1: what's wild is even after not to like jump way ahead,
Speaker 1: but even after achieving some of these things that the
Speaker 1: days I was a Denny's waitress, I could not have
Speaker 1: imagined selling my company for a one point two billion
Speaker 1: dollars cash right, or becoming the first CEO, oh of
Speaker 1: you know, a brand in Loreal's history, any of those things.
Speaker 1: I couldn't have imagined those happening. And yet I found
Speaker 1: myself in a moment in my life where I was
Speaker 1: achieving all of these things and still feeling like I
Speaker 1: wasn't enough. And here's the thing, what I learned the
Speaker 1: hard way is when we achieve all these things, we
Speaker 1: build a lot of self confidence, which is really important,
Speaker 1: but none of them build self worth, which is different.
Speaker 1: And when we have a lot of confidence, when we're
Speaker 1: crushing it on the outside, but deep down inside we
Speaker 1: don't feel like we're enough, it will show up in
Speaker 1: our lives and we may not show up in our career,
Speaker 1: It might show up in our relationships, it might not
Speaker 1: show up in you know, different areas. And I found
Speaker 1: myself at this in this moment in time where I
Speaker 1: was so confident and all these things were going right,
Speaker 1: and I'd put decades of hard work, and I still
Speaker 1: didn't feel like I was enough, and I was still
Speaker 1: sabotaging things in my life. And it was really only
Speaker 1: three years ago where there was a big moment that
Speaker 1: happened in my life with Oprah actually where I realized,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I am so confident, but I actually
Speaker 1: have a lot of self confidence, but I actually don't
Speaker 1: have a lot of self worth. And they're very different.
Speaker 1: And you know, our self worth is our ceiling, and
Speaker 1: it's why, you know, even if we arrive at that goal,
Speaker 1: whether it's like a career thing or getting married and
Speaker 1: having kids, or finally getting a six pack abs or
Speaker 1: you know whatever, the things you still take you with you,
Speaker 1: which is why you still arrive there. And you're like,
Speaker 1: why do I still feel like I'm not enough? And
Speaker 1: as you and I are talking, eighty percent of women
Speaker 1: don't believe they are enough. Seventy three percent of men
Speaker 1: feel inadequate and not enough. Right, and then you look
Speaker 1: at other areas of life. Seventy five percent of women
Speaker 1: deal with imposter syndrome, more than fifty percent of men
Speaker 1: deal with it. When we believe we are not enough
Speaker 1: as we are a it is a lie. It is
Speaker 1: a lie, but packs almost every area of our life.
Speaker 1: So a big reason why I wrote worthy is because
Speaker 1: I realized, oh my goodness, like in life, we don't
Speaker 1: become what we want. We become what we believe we're
Speaker 1: worthy of and that is the thing. Our self worth
Speaker 1: is our ceiling. And so it's really a book about,
Speaker 1: you know, believe that. My first book was my story
Speaker 1: of learning to believe in myself. And Worthy is really
Speaker 1: like a playbook, like how do you believe in you?
Speaker 1: It's packed with over twenty tools on it on building
Speaker 1: self worth, and it's just the one thing because it's
Speaker 1: the identity level, Like our self confidence is really important,
Speaker 1: but it's it's an internal trait, but it's based so
Speaker 1: much on the external, on like our willingness to try
Speaker 1: and go for it. You know, how we feel we
Speaker 1: stack up and compare to others, and how much of
Speaker 1: the world's definition of success we have if we're winning
Speaker 1: or losing, and they show, you know, studies show the
Speaker 1: boxer who wins the fight is automatically thirty percent more confident.
Speaker 1: Our confidence is really important. It's an important part of
Speaker 1: our life, but it's fragile, it fluctuates. You know, our
Speaker 1: self worth is different. It's that deep internal knowing and
Speaker 1: belief that we are worthy of love and belonging exactly
Speaker 1: as we are, not as our past mistakes or failures
Speaker 1: or regrets, not as our future successes, but like innately
Speaker 1: and exactly as we are, And a lot of people worry, well,
Speaker 1: if I believe that was enough as I am, will
Speaker 1: I lose my ambition while I lose my edge. It's like,
Speaker 1: oh no, you don't. You actually become more ambitious because
Speaker 1: when you learn to believe you are enough exactly as
Speaker 1: you are, you become fearless about going for things because
Speaker 1: you know, even if you fail or fall flat on
Speaker 1: your face or your embarrassed or it doesn't go well,
Speaker 1: like that might shake your confidence, but it cannot touch
Speaker 1: your self worth because your self worth is your identity,
Speaker 1: your foundation. It's almost like our self confidence is the
Speaker 1: house with all the rooms and the art and that
Speaker 1: we're building in our life, which is so important, but
Speaker 1: our self worth is the foundation under it, and our
Speaker 1: house is only ever as stable and secure as that foundation.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I have been obsessed with self worth, with
Speaker 1: building it. It is just the one thing that changes
Speaker 1: everything and for most of us, like we can go
Speaker 1: into this if you want, but there's like three main
Speaker 1: areas that shows up in our life when we're struggling
Speaker 1: with it. So but I'm really passionate about it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 2: I love the distinction you just made between confidence and
Speaker 2: self worth. Yeah, because I think we often get those
Speaker 2: two confused so often, and we feel if I'm confident,
Speaker 2: then nothing else matters, and we're chasing confidence. And you
Speaker 2: shared some of these just now, But when I've read this,
Speaker 2: it really hit me. And it's on the first page
Speaker 2: of the book, so you can't miss it. But I'm
Speaker 2: just going to share this if you don't mind, because
Speaker 2: I looked at these stats and it just was like
Speaker 2: a punch in the gut when I read it, because
Speaker 2: I was like, this really hit me. So listen to this.
Speaker 2: This is reading from Worthy by Jamie Kenlema, page one.
Speaker 2: It says, for the eighty percent of women who don't
Speaker 2: believe they're enough, the seventy five percent of female executives
Speaker 2: who deal with imposter syndrome, and the ninety one percent
Speaker 2: of girls and women who don't love their bodies. For
Speaker 2: the seventy three percent of men who feel inadequate, and
Speaker 2: the one hundred percent of men who come from a
Speaker 2: woman and likely have at least one girl or woman
Speaker 2: in their lives whom they care about. When you believe
Speaker 2: you're fundamentally not enough, and unworthy as a person. It's
Speaker 2: a lie. The time to unlearn that lie has come together.
Speaker 2: Let's leave no girl, no woman, no person left behind
Speaker 2: in knowing.
Speaker 3: They are worthy.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, Like when I read that, I was like,
Speaker 2: those stats just put into perspective, because I think we
Speaker 2: often think of feeling worthy or self worth as kind
Speaker 2: of like this soft thing, right, and all of a sudden,
Speaker 2: you read the statistics on it, and you think, but
Speaker 2: wait a minute, we're all dealing with this like in
Speaker 2: some way, in some area of our life.
Speaker 1: And exactly what you said, we and me most I
Speaker 1: thought self confidence and self worth were the same thing.
Speaker 1: So when we're struggling with not feeling enough, and maybe
Speaker 1: so many people listening to us right now, have you
Speaker 1: know all of this stuff on the outside that everyone
Speaker 1: tells you should make you feel enough, And it's because
Speaker 1: we're all confusing. We think we just need more self confidence,
Speaker 1: but what we really need is more self worth. And
Speaker 1: they're so different. But we try to solve our feelings
Speaker 1: of not enoughness with things that just build self confidence,
Speaker 1: but none of them build self worth, and they're so different. Like,
Speaker 1: so many people think they need more self confidence, which
Speaker 1: is important, but it's so so, so different and for
Speaker 1: self worth. If someone's listening to us right now, they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: wait a minute, is this why I don't feel fulfilled?
Speaker 1: Or is this way I feel like it's never I'm
Speaker 1: never enough for self worth. I'm just getting so fired
Speaker 1: up on it. But it shows up for so many
Speaker 1: of us. Like you look at those numbers, it's like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, three ways it shows up. So if
Speaker 1: we have low self worth right and again, you can
Speaker 1: be crushing it on the outside and you can be
Speaker 1: hiding this really well. But if you have low self worth,
Speaker 1: for a lot of us, it looks like we're stuck
Speaker 1: and we don't know why we're stuck, and we don't
Speaker 1: know why, and we tell ourselves like, for example, maybe
Speaker 1: we know we want to write a book, or we
Speaker 1: want to share our ideas at work, or we want
Speaker 1: to put our art out into the world, or we
Speaker 1: want to find a life partner, and but we're not
Speaker 1: putting ourselves on the dating app or we're not like
Speaker 1: going out and socializing, or we're not raising our hand
Speaker 1: and sharing our idea on the zoom caller. We haven't
Speaker 1: written the first word of our book, and we tell
Speaker 1: ourselves stories like oh, I just need more experience, or
Speaker 1: I need to get more skill sets, or all these
Speaker 1: reasons why we're stuck, and they may be true, But
Speaker 1: what a lot of us don't realize is the reason
Speaker 1: we're is because deep down inside, we actually don't believe
Speaker 1: we're worthy of the thing. And that will keep you
Speaker 1: stuck all day long and not knowing why, because again,
Speaker 1: your self worth is your ceiling right, and we don't
Speaker 1: soar to the level of our goals and dreams. We
Speaker 1: stay stuck at the level of our self worth every time,
Speaker 1: and that's really how low self worth often shows up.
Speaker 1: And then when you have a load to medium self worth,
Speaker 1: what that looks like maybe a lot of people listening
Speaker 1: can identify with this. It looks like you'll go for
Speaker 1: the thing, like you'll put yourself out there, but then
Speaker 1: you'll either hit a ceiling a plateau, and you're trying
Speaker 1: for a breakthrough and you don't know why, Like maybe
Speaker 1: you want to grow your follower account, you want to
Speaker 1: grow your business to six figures, but you're hitting a
Speaker 1: ceiling at five figures and you don't know why you
Speaker 1: can't break past it, or or you'll go for it
Speaker 1: but you'll sabotage it. Right, you'll go for it and
Speaker 1: you'll sabotage it along the way. You'll meet a potential
Speaker 1: partner and you'll be like, they're amazing, and then you
Speaker 1: somehow are attracted to them and you put them in
Speaker 1: the friend zone. Or you'll write the book and then
Speaker 1: you won't send it out, like you'll go for the thing,
Speaker 1: but you'll stabbed it because deep down inside you don't
Speaker 1: believe you're worthy of it. And the third most common way,
Speaker 1: and this is for people who are ambitious or achievers.
Speaker 1: This is very, very common. This is me a lot
Speaker 1: in my life. You'll go for the thing and you'll
Speaker 1: actually make it happen, you'll actually achieve it, you'll actually
Speaker 1: but you arrive at it still feeling like something's missing,
Speaker 1: still feeling like it's not enough, still feeling like you're
Speaker 1: not enough, and so you feel unfulfilled. And then you think,
Speaker 1: I've just got to achieve more and more and more
Speaker 1: and more and more. And the most beautiful part about
Speaker 1: building self worth is that you realize, okay, I am
Speaker 1: which this is the truth, Jay, every single person listening
Speaker 1: to us right now, this is the most beautiful part
Speaker 1: every one of us. I do not care mistakes. Your
Speaker 1: past failure is what you think you got wrong, who
Speaker 1: you think you hurt, that you wish you didn't any
Speaker 1: of that. I don't, and I don't care how much
Speaker 1: success you have. None of that matters. Every person right
Speaker 1: now is fully, fully worthy, exactly as you are. And
Speaker 1: this journey isn't about learning some stuff you gotta do
Speaker 1: to be worried. This is about unlearning the lies that
Speaker 1: lead to self doubt and then igniting those truths that
Speaker 1: wake up worthiness in us. And that is the part
Speaker 1: I'm most excited about when I'm jumping out of my
Speaker 1: chair because when I think about everybody listening, when I
Speaker 1: think about everyone listening and watching you and I right now,
Speaker 1: the moment you learn to believe you are worthy, oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, like that is the moment where it feels
Speaker 1: like breakthrough, it feels like joy, it tastes like freedom.
Speaker 1: It's the moment when and healthy relationships end. It's the
Speaker 1: moment when you put your dreams and ideas out there,
Speaker 1: no matter how they are received. It's the moment you
Speaker 1: share your idea is It's the moment businesses are launched,
Speaker 1: and I just yeah, I'm so passionate about this because
Speaker 1: and I talk about this and worthy a lot that like,
Speaker 1: you know, we don't in life, in life, in our relationships,
Speaker 1: in in in our friendships and our hopes and dreams,
Speaker 1: that that we don't rise to what we believe is possible, right,
Speaker 1: And it's hard to believe things are possible. But even
Speaker 1: then we don't rise to what we believe is possible,
Speaker 1: we still fall to what we believe we're worthy of.
Speaker 1: It is that one thing at an identity level that
Speaker 1: we will always return to and and building. It is everything.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I have you ever had a guest jump
Speaker 1: out of your chair before?
Speaker 2: No, it comes, of course, And I'm glad that you
Speaker 2: raised that because what I wanted to do with you,
Speaker 2: which I think would be really important, which is what
Speaker 2: resonated so strongly with me about your book, was these lies.
Speaker 2: Like as I sat here and I read through the lies, yeah,
Speaker 2: I was just like, I've told myself that one, I've
Speaker 2: told myself that, one, I've told myself that one.
Speaker 3: I've told myself that.
Speaker 2: And I think our community who's listening to on purpose
Speaker 2: right now or watching will definitely feel like these lies
Speaker 2: are relatable. So I'd love to dive into some of
Speaker 2: them that really stick out to me. And I love
Speaker 2: that you've made about unlearning lies rather than building self worth,
Speaker 2: because it almost feels so hard to be like, well,
Speaker 2: how do I build my self worth? But when you
Speaker 2: recognize that actually we're trying to extract and excavate through
Speaker 2: all of these lies, it makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 3: So let's start with I want to start.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to go through all of them because
Speaker 2: I want you guys to read the book, but I'm
Speaker 2: going to pick out a couple that really resonated with me.
Speaker 2: The first one that really resonated with me was, of course,
Speaker 2: don't wait on your weight. The lie my weight impacts
Speaker 2: my worth. This has been conditioned deeply into society and
Speaker 2: into culture that their weight impacts their worth. Everyone, even
Speaker 2: if they don't say it, subconsciously feels it in some
Speaker 2: way or another. There's comparison as envy, there's images that
Speaker 2: are put in front of you about what you should
Speaker 2: be aiming for and what you should be woke us
Speaker 2: through that personally and in how we unlearn.
Speaker 1: That, yes, the lie your weight determines your worth has
Speaker 1: cost so many of us, like so much in our
Speaker 1: life believing that lie. And I talk a lot about
Speaker 1: this idea of don't wait on your weight to live
Speaker 1: your best life. And this is a whole chapter in
Speaker 1: Worthy Like You, Like You Should, I go into all
Speaker 1: these lies and how do you unlearn them? And this
Speaker 1: chapter is not about your weight. It's about that if
Speaker 1: you've been waiting on your weight to live your best life,
Speaker 1: or by the way, the weight of expectations, other people's expectations,
Speaker 1: or your own, what weight are you, you know, letting
Speaker 1: hold you down? So this idea that your weight determines
Speaker 1: your worth is a lie, and it is a lie
Speaker 1: that is impacting so many of us right now as
Speaker 1: we speak, eighty nine percent, eighty nine percent of girls
Speaker 1: and women will opt out of meaningful activities, including interacting
Speaker 1: with friends or loved ones, when they don't like how
Speaker 1: they look. And jay most of my life, I believe
Speaker 1: this lie, even when I was crushing it by all
Speaker 1: other measures. I still, even when I built a company
Speaker 1: that was inspiring and does inspire millions and millions and
Speaker 1: millions of people to embrace who they are, I was
Speaker 1: still believing this lie that my weight determined my worth,
Speaker 1: and I was still waiting on my weight for that
Speaker 1: and the big way to overcome this lie because first
Speaker 1: of all, it is a lie. Second of all, for
Speaker 1: anyone who has hit fitness goals or hit weight goal,
Speaker 1: they know you still arrive at that goal and you
Speaker 1: still don't feel in that it does not it does
Speaker 1: not change who you are, right because because it is
Speaker 1: an external thing that can fluctuate confidence, but it is
Speaker 1: it does not impact your worth. That's the first thing.
Speaker 1: No matter what your weight is or isn't it, it
Speaker 1: is irrelevant to your self worth and understanding. That's really
Speaker 1: really important. But then how to break free of this
Speaker 1: lie is to flip it on its head, which is
Speaker 1: what happened to me in my life. And as human beings,
Speaker 1: as you know, we're wired to avoid pain at all costs.
Speaker 1: And we think, oh if I you know, we're waiting
Speaker 1: on our weight to to live our best lives. And
Speaker 1: we think, oh, because I'm not what I think I
Speaker 1: need to look like, I'm going to skip out on
Speaker 1: the event. I'm not going to go.
Speaker 3: To the party, apply for the job.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to apply for the job. I'm not
Speaker 1: going to put myself out in the dating world until
Speaker 1: I'm this or that I'm going to stand in the
Speaker 1: back of the photo. Right, I'm not going to live
Speaker 1: my best life. And because I think I attach pain
Speaker 1: to that attack, the pain of oh I might be
Speaker 1: judged if I go out in a swimsuit. Oh I
Speaker 1: might get disapproval, I might be all of these things,
Speaker 1: and so we hide. When you flip this around, this
Speaker 1: is for everyone listening right now, and this impacts men
Speaker 1: in a huge way too, as well as women. But
Speaker 1: the numbers are just staggering. But when you flip it
Speaker 1: around and go, well, wait a minute, what has waiting
Speaker 1: on my weight already cost me in my life? That
Speaker 1: pain of the regret, when we flip it around and
Speaker 1: think of it that way, that pain is far more
Speaker 1: painful than well, what happens if I'm judged at a party.
Speaker 1: And in my life I spent decades like telling myself, oh,
Speaker 1: nothing fits, I'm just not going to go I'm just
Speaker 1: going to miss out on this. And it was having
Speaker 1: my daughter and I remember this moment, Jay. I was
Speaker 1: at a public hotel, lots of people there, people I
Speaker 1: knew were there, and my daughter was one years old
Speaker 1: and going to go swimming for the first time, and
Speaker 1: I was literally on the side of the pool. I
Speaker 1: look so cute, but I was covered up, covered up
Speaker 1: in a edit swim suit. But I was covered up,
Speaker 1: covered up, covered up, sunglasses, had all the things. And
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm just gonna watch my husband take
Speaker 1: her and swim. And I had this moment where I'm like,
Speaker 1: I know why I'm gonna sit here and watch. I'm
Speaker 1: about to miss out on the first moment my daughter's
Speaker 1: gonna swim because I am still waiting on my weight
Speaker 1: to live my best life. And when I looked at like,
Speaker 1: what has this already cost me? The memories, the joy,
Speaker 1: the all of it, right, And I also realized me
Speaker 1: doing this is actually me telling her she is not
Speaker 1: worthy of her of her body, right. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: the pain of that is far more. And that was
Speaker 1: the moment I literally took my cover up off. I
Speaker 1: walked over to the pool in front of everyone. I
Speaker 1: shook my cellulite with joy, like jiggled my satelite with
Speaker 1: joy Jashetty and I got right in the pool. I
Speaker 1: swam with my daughter wonder and I'm like, I'm done.
Speaker 1: I am done waiting on my weight. And here's the thing. Y'all.
Speaker 1: First of all, no one cares you know what I
Speaker 1: mean about, even even people that are really high profile
Speaker 1: that at the end of the day, it cannot impact
Speaker 1: your worth. And to unlearn this lie. The most important
Speaker 1: thing first of all is to realize it has been
Speaker 1: a lie impacting you, and then to go, wow, okay,
Speaker 1: let me really understand the difference between self worth and
Speaker 1: self confidence and understanding the difference and then understanding, okay,
Speaker 1: this lies impacting my self confidence. It doesn't touch my worth,
Speaker 1: but it is impacting my self confidence. Now how do
Speaker 1: I unlearn it? There? How do I unlearn it? And
Speaker 1: this is how you learn it? And I go deep
Speaker 1: into how to do this in the book because when
Speaker 1: we can reframe a lie and believe and not only
Speaker 1: associate more pain with believing it than with just going
Speaker 1: for it, that's when as human being will go for it.
Speaker 2: No, I think that question that you asked is huge,
Speaker 2: that question.
Speaker 3: Of what has it cost me?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: And to think that you could have never had that
Speaker 2: experience with your daughter, who is adorable, but like to
Speaker 2: have that moment with her?
Speaker 1: Do you remember?
Speaker 3: Do you remember? I'm going to share this with you.
Speaker 1: So we were at an airport together and my daughter
Speaker 1: the first time she met Jay, she walks up to
Speaker 1: you and she calls you dad.
Speaker 3: She's adorable as well, so I was like, I'll take you.
Speaker 2: I'll tell you.
Speaker 3: She's so cute.
Speaker 1: She's really shy. She just walks right up to you
Speaker 1: and cause you Dad. I'm like, what's happening right now?
Speaker 3: That's so funny.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 1: You remember my husband poly comesamic pol I promise.
Speaker 3: You don't worry.
Speaker 2: So cute And it's like to think, I love that
Speaker 2: question because I think it's really practical for everyone listening
Speaker 2: and watching right now to ask yourself what does it
Speaker 2: already cost you?
Speaker 3: And what is it going to cost you? That memory
Speaker 3: with your.
Speaker 2: Child, yes, that potential job that fulfills your dream, that
Speaker 2: great memory with friends, that whatever it may be, like,
Speaker 2: we're all missing out on something because of that, and
Speaker 2: that is such a great just that one question, just
Speaker 2: that question is a great.
Speaker 3: Way to read.
Speaker 1: And I know we're going to dive into some of
Speaker 1: the lives this whole book when when, oh my gosh, Jay,
Speaker 1: this is the thing when you ask yourself what is
Speaker 1: self doubt already cost you in your life? Right? And
Speaker 1: then you look at it from that perspective, and a
Speaker 1: lot of us we spend so much time building skill
Speaker 1: sets and those are important, you know, you know, you
Speaker 1: know I was talking about it's important to put in
Speaker 1: the reps and get the experience and all the things,
Speaker 1: but also learning how to unlearn the lives that lead
Speaker 1: a self doubt. Oh my gosh, because again, our self
Speaker 1: worth is our ceiling and so just it's so powerful.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And we've had that doubting voice, whether it's come
Speaker 2: through teachers, family members, whether it's come through your friend
Speaker 2: at school, whatever it was. We've all adopted doubting voices
Speaker 2: over time. Yes, and now we've replayed them to ourselves
Speaker 2: in our own voice, and we think they're us, when
Speaker 2: in fact they've just been conditioned and trained.
Speaker 4: Yes.
Speaker 1: And self doubt will kill more dreams than almost anything else,
Speaker 1: like literally, and it is a lie, right, And self
Speaker 1: doubt lives in our head. It's our thoughts, but it
Speaker 1: is not you. It is not you. And it's like
Speaker 1: our knowing, our truth, our worthiness. I feel like it's
Speaker 1: in our soul, it's innate. I remember a moment Jay
Speaker 1: where my whole life I as a little girl, I
Speaker 1: was their home alone and I'd watch Oprah and she
Speaker 1: was like my hero, right, and I dreamed of meeting
Speaker 1: her one day. So for everyone listening, maybe you had
Speaker 1: a like a maybe your hero was Superman or like
Speaker 1: we all have different I dreamed of meeting her. I'd
Speaker 1: watch her and I'm like, one day I'm going to
Speaker 1: host a show and share other people's stories with the world.
Speaker 1: And she was just my hero my whole life. And
Speaker 1: I remember this moment as a little girl where I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm going to meet her. I just had this knowing
Speaker 1: I'm going to meet her, which made no sense. I'm
Speaker 1: in the middle of a suburb of Washington State, like
Speaker 1: I just knew it, and I dared to believe it
Speaker 1: was going to happen. I dared, I prayed it would happen.
Speaker 1: Fast forward thirty nine years and I had a chance
Speaker 1: to meet her at an event which is the long
Speaker 1: story I won't go into. It was amazing. And then
Speaker 1: after it went by so fast, I wrote her a
Speaker 1: letter after and sent it to her chief of staff,
Speaker 1: which is one in a billion that she would read
Speaker 1: that the chief of staff would read it. Amy was
Speaker 1: her name, Then one in a billion she would share it.
Speaker 1: Then one in a billion Oprah would read it. All
Speaker 1: those things happened, and Oprah invite I meet her house
Speaker 1: for lunch. And I'm sharing this because everyone listening, I think,
Speaker 1: is going to have an AHA on their own life
Speaker 1: with how we handle and how we sabotage things we
Speaker 1: don't believe we're worthy of. And now this was my dream,
Speaker 1: my whole life. And I went to her house for lunch,
Speaker 1: which is like what in the world, right, And we
Speaker 1: had a three hour lunch just me and her. At
Speaker 1: the very end, this is my lifelong dream. At the
Speaker 1: very end of it, she gave me her cell phone number.
Speaker 1: She said, call me anytime. You can call me anytime,
Speaker 1: and Jay, in this moment my life, and I just
Speaker 1: want everyone to put theirselves in these shoes because we
Speaker 1: all do this. I was really confident. I did not
Speaker 1: know there is a big difference between self confidence and
Speaker 1: self worth. And everything was going right in my life
Speaker 1: right like I just sold a cosmetic trel to money
Speaker 1: like the Forbes list. All these things were and I
Speaker 1: was really confident. And the day she gave me her number,
Speaker 1: I did not call her for four years, literally didn't
Speaker 1: call her for four years. And in that four year stretch.
Speaker 1: I told myself stories that I thought were true, like, oh,
Speaker 1: I just need to have the perfect thing to say,
Speaker 1: then I'm gonna call her, or I bet everyone wants
Speaker 1: something from her. I'm going to prove I don't need anything.
Speaker 1: I'm not, you know, I tell myself. And literally four
Speaker 1: years later it hit me like this light bulb that
Speaker 1: burst where I was like, the real reason I have
Speaker 1: not called her was because deep down inside I didn't
Speaker 1: believe I was worthy of being her friend. And this
Speaker 1: is what self worth low self worth will do to you.
Speaker 1: You can have a lot of confidence, you could be
Speaker 1: crushing it everywhere, but you sabotage an opportunity, You sabotage
Speaker 1: your marriage, you sabotage your friendship. It shows up in
Speaker 1: different areas. And that was the day you remind me
Speaker 1: of the story because you're talking about our thoughts and
Speaker 1: our self doubt. That was the day when this happened
Speaker 1: and I realized it. I literally I imagine myself turning
Speaker 1: down the dial like almost like a volume dial and
Speaker 1: of a radio of my thoughts and my self doubt
Speaker 1: that says you are not worthy of being her friend.
Speaker 1: And I imagine like turning up the volume on my soul,
Speaker 1: like my knowing, because I am a kick ass friend.
Speaker 1: I know I am worthy of being her or anyway,
Speaker 1: I am such a good friend and I know that,
Speaker 1: and I remember turning the volume up on that knowing.
Speaker 1: And that was the moment I called her, when I
Speaker 1: learned to turn down the volume on the lies that
Speaker 1: tell us we are not enough and unworthy and like
Speaker 1: tune into our soul and to our knowing. And that
Speaker 1: was the day I called her. At first I called her,
Speaker 1: she did not answer. I was like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: for you.
Speaker 3: She didn't answer.
Speaker 1: But then I called again and she did. And that
Speaker 1: was the day I became obsessed with studying self worth
Speaker 1: because I realized, oh my gosh, while self confidence is
Speaker 1: so important, while I've worked so hard and I'm so proud,
Speaker 1: and I believe, we always need to be building self
Speaker 1: confidence and growing and contributing to something bigger than ourselves
Speaker 1: to feel fulfillment. All of those things are multiplied by
Speaker 1: our level of self worth and anything time zero is zero.
Speaker 1: So if we do not feel we are enough deep down,
Speaker 1: it is why we will be perpetually unfulfilled, no matter
Speaker 1: how much we achieve and what is the point of
Speaker 1: all of it if we are unfulfilled and don't enjoy it?
Speaker 1: And so became obsessed with studying self worth. And I
Speaker 1: just think about how, you know, I taught a course
Speaker 1: with her this last year and now it's and it
Speaker 1: almost didn't happen. And when I think about, what does
Speaker 1: self that already cost you? Like for everyone listening and
Speaker 1: watching us right now, what hasn't happened? Like I almost
Speaker 1: so many times Jay doubted myself out of my own destiny, right,
Speaker 1: and like this is why building self worth is so important.
Speaker 1: I'm a little passionate about that.
Speaker 3: Worthy, the little passionate. I love it.
Speaker 2: No, But you have a chapter in here called Change
Speaker 2: your Relationship with Rejection, Yes, And I think what's really
Speaker 2: interesting about that is that rejection is a reminder that
Speaker 2: we don't have self worth. Right.
Speaker 3: That's the root of why it hurts so much, is.
Speaker 2: Because when someone rejects us, it reminds us of how
Speaker 2: we've been rejecting ourselves time and time and time and
Speaker 2: time again. We haven't showed up for ourself, we haven't
Speaker 2: lived our authentic self. We have rejected ourself. And so
Speaker 2: when someone rejects that part of us, it causes so
Speaker 2: much pain. So when you're telling us to change your
Speaker 2: relationship with rejection, yes, how does one even stop? Because
Speaker 2: I think, whether someone's trying to become an actor, whether
Speaker 2: someone's trying to get a job, whether someone's trying to
Speaker 2: find a partner, rejection is almost the path.
Speaker 3: Yes, but we don't always see it that way.
Speaker 1: Yes, And I love what you just said, which is
Speaker 1: so insightful. Every single time we show up inauthentically too,
Speaker 1: every time we're not who we are. Every time we
Speaker 1: show up as our representative in a room or the
Speaker 1: people pleaser and we say yes when we mean no,
Speaker 1: Or any time we show up as someone who we
Speaker 1: think other people want us to be, but not as
Speaker 1: who we are, we are telling ourselves we are unworthy
Speaker 1: of being who we are, and we slowly but surely
Speaker 1: chip away at our self worth. There's a whole chapter
Speaker 1: in here called You're not crazy, You're just first, And
Speaker 1: it's all about the power and the data behind it
Speaker 1: of Oh my gosh, about how so often the things
Speaker 1: that we think are wrong or odd or quirky or
Speaker 1: off or different or strange or or wrong about us
Speaker 1: are actually the things that are most right about us.
Speaker 1: And literally I built a billion dollar business figuring this out.
Speaker 1: Is this tastes like freedom when you embrace this, this
Speaker 1: tastes like freedom. I'm so excited for everyone to read
Speaker 1: that chapter and also the one you're talking about. When
Speaker 1: you change your relationship with rejection, you change your life
Speaker 1: and exactly what you said. So again, so a lot
Speaker 1: of us associate so much pain with getting rejected or
Speaker 1: failing right that will stay stuck and and to your point,
Speaker 1: it can hit deeper. So here's the thing. Whether we've
Speaker 1: been rejecting ourselves by not showing up authentically, or a
Speaker 1: lot of us are unaware of past rejections or failures.
Speaker 1: And when we build self worth, what's beautiful is rejections
Speaker 1: and failures. They just shake our confidence for a bit,
Speaker 1: but they cannot touch our self worth. But for a
Speaker 1: lot of us, we've had past rejections or failures that,
Speaker 1: yes have hurt our confidence, but we've let them take
Speaker 1: real at an identity level, and we've started to believe
Speaker 1: we're a failure or we're a reject, and that is
Speaker 1: when they crush yourself worth. And so I go into
Speaker 1: a four part framework called the four RS. And this chapter,
Speaker 1: and it is, oh my gosh, this might be my
Speaker 1: favorite chapter because this was almost its own book. When
Speaker 1: you change your relationship with the rejection, you change your life.
Speaker 1: I did not want to wait two and a half
Speaker 1: more years to put it out, which, as you know,
Speaker 1: as an author, you have to wait. I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: pe believe this now. So it's now chapter two in
Speaker 1: the book. But here's the thing. When I was building
Speaker 1: it cosmetics, what a lot of people don't know. They
Speaker 1: just kind of read the press headline, oh Denny's waitress
Speaker 1: builds billion dollar company. But it was hundreds and hundreds
Speaker 1: of rejections along the way. It was so many people
Speaker 1: that I just love, and I used to save my
Speaker 1: Denny's tip money to buy a lipstick at Sephora, and
Speaker 1: in the departments are like, I love shopping there, and
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, they're telling me, no, that my
Speaker 1: idea is not going to work, the brand's not going
Speaker 1: to And this was no, after no, after no, after no.
Speaker 1: And from the point I launched this business in my
Speaker 1: living room, it was three years before I could even
Speaker 1: afford to pay myself a penny. But then hundreds and
Speaker 1: hundreds and hundreds of nos And here's the thing. A
Speaker 1: lot of people, maybe they know it cosmetics today and
Speaker 1: they see it at Sephora or at all to Beauty
Speaker 1: or at you know, in the department stores on QVC,
Speaker 1: and they don't realize it was actually years of all
Speaker 1: of them saying no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no, no no, and Jay, sometimes it wasn't just no, it
Speaker 1: was like no come back later, it was like no.
Speaker 1: Like some of the nos were so painful, I would
Speaker 1: cry myself to sleep under the covers. And most of
Speaker 1: us have so much pain attached to rejection that we
Speaker 1: give up after one no or five nos, or we
Speaker 1: start to think that someone else's rejection or no or
Speaker 1: disbelief in us or whatever it might be, is some
Speaker 1: indication of our potential or some indication of our idea
Speaker 1: or our dream or our te and it is not.
Speaker 1: It is not. And so what I my intention behind
Speaker 1: this chapter was, I was like, Okay, let me break
Speaker 1: down at a granular level, what are the tools on
Speaker 1: how to reframe rejection so that you actually embrace it
Speaker 1: in a way where you become fearless over it? And
Speaker 1: I break down the four rs, which is how I
Speaker 1: went from you know, going through hundreds of rejections and
Speaker 1: literally not letting them take root, literally deciding like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, this is no indication if my business is
Speaker 1: going to make it, if my idea is right. And
Speaker 1: there was one moment after this really painful rejection from QVC,
Speaker 1: and I knew in my knowing, right we talk about
Speaker 1: our knowing. In my knowing, Jay, I knew like I'm
Speaker 1: supposed to be doing this, And every time i'd pray
Speaker 1: or get still, I just felt this knowing like I'm
Speaker 1: supposed to be doing it. But everyone around me was
Speaker 1: telling me no. Potential investors were telling me no. All
Speaker 1: these retailers were telling me no. And two things for
Speaker 1: anyone who needs this today, what I realized is, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm getting all these nos. But when I get still,
Speaker 1: and for some people that's meditation, for some people that's prayer.
Speaker 1: When I get still and I pray, I will hear
Speaker 1: a knowing. And every one of us has a knowing,
Speaker 1: and your knowing is more powerful than anyone else's advice.
Speaker 1: And in this case, I had this journey of all
Speaker 1: these nos, and I had my knowing, and I believe
Speaker 1: which one you listen to? Do you listen to the nose,
Speaker 1: and sometimes our thoughts we're the ones telling ourselves the
Speaker 1: most painful nose or do you listen to your knowing? Right,
Speaker 1: And whether you listen to the nose or the knowing,
Speaker 1: I think your life, your business, your relationships can come
Speaker 1: down to which one you listen to. But when we're
Speaker 1: in the journey of understanding that, the nose can be
Speaker 1: really painful. So there was one particular moment I was
Speaker 1: crying under my covers from another rejection from KVC, and
Speaker 1: I started googling every thought leader, every person who has
Speaker 1: helped me with humanity forward, every person in business who's
Speaker 1: ever built incredible things. Every single one of them has
Speaker 1: faced countless rejections, countless failures, countless setbacks. They're just the
Speaker 1: brave ones willing to keep going anyways. And what I
Speaker 1: realized in that moment was every time I had been
Speaker 1: getting a no up till then, the first thought I'd
Speaker 1: have is yet there's proof I'm not enough right So,
Speaker 1: and why that's important is for everyone listening, if you
Speaker 1: imagine yourself getting rejected, or imagine yourself putting yourself out
Speaker 1: there telling the person you want to be more than
Speaker 1: just friends, or putting an idea on social media, or
Speaker 1: going for the business or applying for the job, and
Speaker 1: you imagine yourself getting rejected or failure or failing at it.
Speaker 1: Think about the first thought you think, Like for me
Speaker 1: most of my whole life, it was Yep, I'm not enough.
Speaker 1: Proof I'm not. For a lot of us, that first
Speaker 1: thought is so painful. And by the way, that first
Speaker 1: thought is actually your current definition of rejection or failure.
Speaker 1: That is the meaning, whether you know it or not,
Speaker 1: that you're assigning to rejection or failure. And that meaning
Speaker 1: for so many of us is so painful that it
Speaker 1: will keep us stuck. We will quit, we will give up,
Speaker 1: right And so for me my whole life, it was, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: there's proof I'm not enough. And in this single moment
Speaker 1: crying under the covers, then googling all these people and realizing, wow,
Speaker 1: they've all had a million rejections. They're just the brave
Speaker 1: ones willing to keep going anyways, And that day I
Speaker 1: wrote down, rejection does not mean I'm not enough. Rejection
Speaker 1: means I'm one of the brave ones. Like it's a victory.
Speaker 1: I'm one of the brave ones willing to keep going.
Speaker 1: Forward anyway, I am not one of the ones sitting
Speaker 1: on the sidelines in regret, right, No, I'm one of
Speaker 1: the brave ones. And so I reframed it, and then
Speaker 1: every time I got another no, I committed right, because
Speaker 1: right away I would think, oh, yeah, proof I'm not enough,
Speaker 1: like no, no, no, no, I'd intercept that thought replace it
Speaker 1: with this new definition, like this is a victory means
Speaker 1: I'm one of the brave ones willing to go for it,
Speaker 1: and I believe that to be true. And so this
Speaker 1: four part our framework is to reveal your current definition
Speaker 1: of rejection, which we all did right the first thought
Speaker 1: you have and you rejected or failure, that's actually your
Speaker 1: current definition. And for a lot of us, it's real
Speaker 1: painful when I ask groups of people this. It's like
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have even tried. I'm a loser, I'm stupid.
Speaker 1: Why did I go for it? That's your current definition exactly.
Speaker 1: And so then when you redefine it, which is what
Speaker 1: I started to do in that moment where I wrote out, oh,
Speaker 1: rejection doesn't mean I'm not enough, it means I'm one
Speaker 1: of the brave ones willing to go for it. And
Speaker 1: then I started building a toolbox in my life. That's
Speaker 1: great of new definitions. So another one I love is rejections.
Speaker 1: God's protection, right, Rejection is the Universe's protection. Rejection means
Speaker 1: I'm one step closer to that. Yes, Rejection is that
Speaker 1: I'm putting in the reps. I'm getting strong enough to
Speaker 1: carry the weight of my success when it does happen.
Speaker 1: Rejection means like, Okay, I'm excited for what's coming because
Speaker 1: this is not happening to me, it's happening for me,
Speaker 1: and I cannot wait to write. So I go through
Speaker 1: in the book how you do this and build this
Speaker 1: new set of definitions that you're committed to. And then
Speaker 1: the third R is my favorite, and it is called revisit.
Speaker 1: And this is the one that will change everything. It's
Speaker 1: going to be really emotional for everyone likely who does it.
Speaker 1: But Jay, a lot of us have past rejections or failures.
Speaker 1: The person that broke our heart, the person that we
Speaker 1: wanted it to work out so bad and it didn't,
Speaker 1: or the job we wanted so bad and they didn't
Speaker 1: see our value and we don't know why, or the
Speaker 1: partner who betrayed us, or the friend that pulled the
Speaker 1: rug out from underneath you, or the new friend that
Speaker 1: did not invite you to the party and you don't
Speaker 1: know why. And the third R is revisit And this
Speaker 1: is where you go to rejections that have happened that
Speaker 1: you've let take root into your identity and convinced you
Speaker 1: you're somehow a rejector you're somehow a failure. And then
Speaker 1: you apply these first two steps to them, reveal what
Speaker 1: your meaning is you're giving to them, and then you
Speaker 1: redefine them. And this is like, oh my gosh, so
Speaker 1: many of us are letting past rejections and failures stick
Speaker 1: to us like labels that we think are permanent, that
Speaker 1: are like lead balloons on our wings when we're trying
Speaker 1: to fly and we're trying to soar, but we're holding
Speaker 1: ourselves down. And I have done this with so many
Speaker 1: things in my life and it has been huge because
Speaker 1: two quick things. I'm so excited. But you know, I
Speaker 1: was adopted and I was raised by parents who, oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, I feel so blessed, but they worked a lot,
Speaker 1: and I was always home alone watching Oprah in my
Speaker 1: living room. But all growing up and later in life
Speaker 1: I found out I was adopted and I always had
Speaker 1: this told myself the story that or I always felt
Speaker 1: abandoned or unwanted, and the way that that came out
Speaker 1: in my life, Oh my gosh, Like I would stay
Speaker 1: in toxic relationships because I didn't want to abandon the person.
Speaker 1: Later on, when I'm crushing it in business and have
Speaker 1: over a thousand employees in my company, I would not
Speaker 1: fire employees soon enough when like they really really deserved it,
Speaker 1: because I didn't want to abandon them. And I went
Speaker 1: through this process in the book, and I realized the
Speaker 1: meaning I was giving to being adopted, the meaning I
Speaker 1: was given to growing up alone a lot. And I realized, Okay,
Speaker 1: I can tell myself that story or I can actually
Speaker 1: redefine it in a way I know is true. And
Speaker 1: I just decided, okay, you know what, my birth mom
Speaker 1: and dad were together one time. Ever, like God chose
Speaker 1: me to be conceived, and then my birth mom's life
Speaker 1: would have been so much easier if she did not
Speaker 1: have me, but she chose to bring me in the world,
Speaker 1: and my parents chose to raise me. I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: not unwanted, I'm chosen, and like I believe that to
Speaker 1: be true, and it has shifted how I show up
Speaker 1: in friendships. It has shifted how I believe I'm worthy
Speaker 1: of friendships and my all time favorite just in case
Speaker 1: someone needs this today, because I think so many of
Speaker 1: us have been hurt by other people, have been hurt,
Speaker 1: have people have not loved us the way we need,
Speaker 1: or we're just hurt because we feel like we're not included,
Speaker 1: or our friend doesn't see our value, or we're trying
Speaker 1: so hard to put ourselves out there and it's not working.
Speaker 1: I will tell myself this definition, and this is for
Speaker 1: someone who needs this today. I feel it my soul.
Speaker 1: I will literally imagine God saying to me, oh, you
Speaker 1: weren't rejected. I hid your value from them because they're
Speaker 1: not assigned to your destiny. And I will believe it.
Speaker 1: And even to this day, it helps me, like, let
Speaker 1: rejections rule right off me. Like if I'm not invited
Speaker 1: to a party, Jay, the old me wants to think
Speaker 1: I'm not enough, and right away I'm like, oh, Okay,
Speaker 1: God's blocking my value from that person because I don't
Speaker 1: know why, but they're not assigned to my destiny. And
Speaker 1: I'm gonna trust it. I'm gonna believe it, and it
Speaker 1: helps me not let these things take root in my
Speaker 1: identity and it helps me just like break free from them.
Speaker 1: And so I go through the whole four part framework
Speaker 1: of how to do this. But I can tell you
Speaker 1: it's almost never an accident when someone has been able
Speaker 1: to create or build or succeed in something. And while
Speaker 1: I have made so many mistakes and I have a
Speaker 1: lot of issues in my life right now, fear of
Speaker 1: rejection and failure is not one of them. It is
Speaker 1: literally one of the tools on how I endured hundreds
Speaker 1: and hundreds and hundreds of rejections. And then Jay like,
Speaker 1: what's so kind of cool? This is cool? Is just
Speaker 1: because I know someone needs to hear this today. That
Speaker 1: someone else's doubt about you is no indication. It's no
Speaker 1: indication of your potential, of if your dream's going to work,
Speaker 1: of if your idea is going to work, if if
Speaker 1: you're gonna make it, if your business is going to succeed.
Speaker 1: And I look back and every single person that told
Speaker 1: me no along the journey of building at Cosmetics, and
Speaker 1: sometimes it was years, even after we built the number
Speaker 1: one brand and QVC number one beauty brand in their history,
Speaker 1: after they said no for years even after that, I
Speaker 1: think it was like know how many more years before
Speaker 1: Sephora finally said yes, it was no after know it forever,
Speaker 1: and every single one of those nos turned into a yes,
Speaker 1: every single one of them. And it's just like, I
Speaker 1: don't know who needs to hear this, but if you
Speaker 1: have a knowing, if you have a knowing that you
Speaker 1: are supposed to be doing what you're doing, whether it's
Speaker 1: putting your art or your talent out there in the world,
Speaker 1: or going for that job or launching that business, like
Speaker 1: other people's nos cannot compete with your knowing. And you've
Speaker 1: got to trust your knowing. The second you start trusting
Speaker 1: all those other nos or the nos that get in
Speaker 1: your head, that will take you down all day long,
Speaker 1: right it will. But those that rejection, those nos are
Speaker 1: no indication of your potential. And so it was just
Speaker 1: really important for me to go through. It's really a
Speaker 1: masterclass in that and worthy on. How do you reframe
Speaker 1: rejection and learn to believe it so it does not
Speaker 1: have power over you and it doesn't take root in
Speaker 1: your self worth and it doesn't hold you back. So
Speaker 1: I hope I can't wait for to hear how this
Speaker 1: blesses people, and I want them to share this first
Speaker 1: of all, any when listening, share this episode with someone
Speaker 1: who's like, oh my gosh, if they knew how to
Speaker 1: like reframe and know a reframe rejection. But then post
Speaker 1: and tag j and tell them how this is impacting
Speaker 1: your life because this is yeah, it just tastes like freedom.
Speaker 1: And it's all a lie. You know, someone else's rejection
Speaker 1: impacts our potential. That is a lie. That is a lie,
Speaker 1: and when we learn not to believe it, it's just
Speaker 1: it's freedom.
Speaker 2: You can see the freedom on your face. And I
Speaker 2: want I want to know just so that you know
Speaker 2: some of the other lies that I think you'll love
Speaker 2: to read when you get the book. Lie, I don't
Speaker 2: have anything special to offer. You're going to love that
Speaker 2: chapter another lie. I need to please them to love me.
Speaker 2: That's going to be another lie. That chapter is going
Speaker 2: to blow your mind. And there are so many other
Speaker 2: phenomenal inside tools. Jamie has just shared a tip of
Speaker 2: the Iceberg version of some of the amazing tools that
Speaker 2: are inside this book. And Jamie, I want to ask
Speaker 2: you one last question that I'm sitting with us, I'm
Speaker 2: looking at your beautiful cover I'm witnessing you like a
Speaker 2: rocket ship flying off of this seat. And which lie
Speaker 2: are you still trying to unlearn?
Speaker 1: Which lie am I still trying to unlearn? I think
Speaker 1: every single day I work to unlearn them. The one
Speaker 1: I will say that I that feels the best to
Speaker 1: be unlearning right now. I mentioned it a little bit
Speaker 1: earlier but didn't go into it. And maybe this is
Speaker 1: exactly for someone right now. It's so funny. I'm not
Speaker 1: even thinking about you and me. I am thinking about
Speaker 1: the person listening who is just going to break free
Speaker 1: with this. That's why I'm getting so excited. But my
Speaker 1: whole life jay for anyone who has felt like they're
Speaker 1: a little odd or different, or maybe they don't quite
Speaker 1: fit in with their family, or they're like the one
Speaker 1: that likes to read books when no one else does,
Speaker 1: or they're the one that you know, I used yes
Speaker 1: podcast or has big dreams. I always felt like I
Speaker 1: had to kind of change who I was to fit in,
Speaker 1: and that who I was, if I was fully me,
Speaker 1: I would not belong And I always kind of felt
Speaker 1: like that, and I always felt a little bit different,
Speaker 1: and I remember growing up I would have these big,
Speaker 1: wild ideas about you know, things that could impact the world.
Speaker 1: And again, I have loving, blessed, loving family, but I
Speaker 1: would often hear things like things like that don't happen
Speaker 1: to people like us, or you know things like that, right,
Speaker 1: And I remember, and I'd always hear like, you're crazy,
Speaker 1: you're crazy, and it was a term of endearment, but
Speaker 1: you know you're crazy. Who do you think you are?
Speaker 1: And I just got really good at dimming my own
Speaker 1: light to make everyone comfortable. I got really good at
Speaker 1: people pleasing, And in my twenties, I was the first
Speaker 1: person in my five families that I'm aware of to
Speaker 1: go to therapy. No one had ever on a therapy
Speaker 1: that I am aware of. And I remember flat out
Speaker 1: asking my therapist. I said, you know, I'm am I crazy,
Speaker 1: Like my family's always said these words as terms of endearment,
Speaker 1: but like I feel like I'm very different and I
Speaker 1: don't fit in. And I asked her and she said,
Speaker 1: You're not crazy, but I'm really glad you're here. And
Speaker 1: she explained to me that when you are the first
Speaker 1: in your family or your peer group, or the people
Speaker 1: you are raised around or your colleagues, when you're the
Speaker 1: first to actually be brave enough to be who you
Speaker 1: authentically are and be willing to think different or love different,
Speaker 1: or vote different or create different right that will. It
Speaker 1: often comes with feeling othered or feeling like you don't
Speaker 1: quite fit in or you don't quite belong because you
Speaker 1: are the first ever you. And I remember this moment
Speaker 1: that hit me like a light bulb, like so bright
Speaker 1: it burst, when I realized I'm not crazy, I'm just first.
Speaker 1: Not crazy, I'm just first. I'm the first ever me
Speaker 1: and every person listening to you and me right now,
Speaker 1: like you are the first ever you. And if you
Speaker 1: are one of the brave ones willing to show up
Speaker 1: in this life as who you truly authentically are, you
Speaker 1: are first. There has never been another you before, there
Speaker 1: will never be another you again, Like no one in
Speaker 1: this world has your unique fingerprints or tongue print or
Speaker 1: iris of your eyes, or we all have a unique heartbeat.
Speaker 1: But also, if you think about this, right for everyone listening,
Speaker 1: no one else has you know the experiences you have
Speaker 1: and the emotions that you feel or sees art or
Speaker 1: beauty in the world the way you do. And so
Speaker 1: when you show up authentically as who you are, do
Speaker 1: not be surprised if not. Everyone gets it like they've
Speaker 1: never seen another you before.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: There's no social proof that your idea is gonna work
Speaker 1: if you're doing it authentically because it's never been done before.
Speaker 1: And when we talk about that lie about oh I
Speaker 1: have nothing special to Okay, I walked into a beauty
Speaker 1: industry with tens of thousands of brands, and I launched
Speaker 1: a concealer, then a foundation that has been done a
Speaker 1: million times before. But guess what I dare to do
Speaker 1: it authentic to me, right, and that has never been
Speaker 1: done before. And so for every person listening who thinks
Speaker 1: someone's done my idea, someone's done it better than me,
Speaker 1: someone's done it smarter than me, that is a lie.
Speaker 1: Because when you are willing to be the brave one
Speaker 1: and show up is who you authentically are, you cannot
Speaker 1: prove me wrong. It has never been done before. Your
Speaker 1: idea has never been done before the way you're gonna
Speaker 1: do it. And that is why it is your superpower
Speaker 1: to be fully authentically you, because we think, oh, those
Speaker 1: things are wrong if they found out who I really
Speaker 1: am of you know, oh h ah, the second you
Speaker 1: are not you, there's an automatic barrier of disconnection between
Speaker 1: you and customers, you and a potential partner, you and friends.
Speaker 1: When you are who you fully are, even the quirks
Speaker 1: and all that is your superpower. You are not crazy.
Speaker 1: You are just first. And that has been I think
Speaker 1: of all the lies, that is the one that is
Speaker 1: the most freeing, It is the most liberating. It has
Speaker 1: brought me so much closer in my friendships right and
Speaker 1: walking into this room with you, Jay Sheddy, a friend
Speaker 1: who I love and a door if I am thinking about, oh,
Speaker 1: I need to be a great guest and say the
Speaker 1: right things, and I do. There's now a barrier of
Speaker 1: disconnection between me and you, between me and every single
Speaker 1: person listening and watching right now. And there's probably a
Speaker 1: billion things I've said that I could do such a
Speaker 1: better job at. But guess what I said, am fully me.
Speaker 1: I was jumping out of my chair because that is full.
Speaker 1: But this is how people connect. And so every person
Speaker 1: listening who feels like they have to be something slightly
Speaker 1: other than who they are, ah ah ah, you are
Speaker 1: not crazy or a different You're first, right, And the
Speaker 1: last thing I'll say to that Jay, When I was
Speaker 1: finally got one shot on QVC after years them telling
Speaker 1: me no, and we sold out in ten minutes, which
Speaker 1: is a wild story. And then I eventually did over
Speaker 1: one thousand live shows. Right we were selling over two
Speaker 1: hundred million dollars in product a year just meet to
Speaker 1: a camera on QVC. I mean, the whole thing was wild.
Speaker 1: But I sat in that green room for over eight years,
Speaker 1: over one thousand shows, and I met tens of thousands
Speaker 1: of entrepreneurs, of brand founders, of celebrities, of people that
Speaker 1: came in to sell their product on air. One out
Speaker 1: of every I don't know a thousand ever come back
Speaker 1: because it is so hard to hit the sales numbers
Speaker 1: because you're live on air and they know by the
Speaker 1: second if you're hitting sales numbers. And I remember watching
Speaker 1: this and this is for everyone listening right now. I
Speaker 1: remember watching over an eight year window, going what is
Speaker 1: that commonality with the very few who make it? What
Speaker 1: is that the very few who get you know, hey,
Speaker 1: hit numbers, get invited back another time and eventually build
Speaker 1: something that lasts. What is that commonality? And I would
Speaker 1: just watch watch tens of thousands of from every the
Speaker 1: biggest brands in the world, the most famous people in
Speaker 1: the world, the greatest founders, and literally it was not
Speaker 1: who had the best product, It was not who is
Speaker 1: the most famous. It was not who's giving the best
Speaker 1: discount or deal of the day, none of that. And
Speaker 1: it was not who's the most seasoned salesperson or television professional.
Speaker 1: The only thing they had in common, the very few
Speaker 1: who made it, was that they are the same on
Speaker 1: air when they are talking to customers and selling their
Speaker 1: product as they are off air in the green room.
Speaker 1: And it did not matter if they're extroverted or introverted,
Speaker 1: if they're quirky and out there in big personality or
Speaker 1: like really quiet and very like meticulate, it didn't matter.
Speaker 1: It's the ones that were the exact same, because you
Speaker 1: cannot fake authenticity and customers and people sense it and
Speaker 1: feel it. Whether it's your online community or it's the
Speaker 1: people buying your pric it doesn't matter. And when I
Speaker 1: watch that, I'm like, this is the most freeing thing
Speaker 1: ever because it takes all the pressure off of feeling
Speaker 1: like you got to be something you're not, or you
Speaker 1: got to show up as your representative. And I saw
Speaker 1: proof before my eyes in the form of literally success
Speaker 1: of conversion to sales of people trusting that person, like
Speaker 1: right before my eyes, year after year after year, that
Speaker 1: it does not matter how you show up, you just
Speaker 1: have to be authentic, like that's it, and how few
Speaker 1: people are and what I realized. The last thing I'll
Speaker 1: say is that that I realize this lesson that I
Speaker 1: try to live by every single day because I think
Speaker 1: this applies to every area of our lives. That while
Speaker 1: authenticity alone does not automatically guarantee success, in authenticity guarantees
Speaker 1: failure every time over time in every area of our life.
Speaker 1: But when we embrace that, it's just all the pressure
Speaker 1: comes off and it just tastes like freedom, It feels
Speaker 1: like joy. So when we live in alignment with our assignment.
Speaker 2: Jamie, I want to thank you for revealing and releasing
Speaker 2: so many of the lives I have and within me
Speaker 2: during this conversation too, I really felt that sitting here
Speaker 2: and consuming and deeply immersing myself in what you were saying,
Speaker 2: there were so many wonderful releases that happened just in
Speaker 2: that process. And I'm sure that I'm not the only one.
Speaker 2: And so if you've been listening or watching, I'd love
Speaker 2: for you to grab a copy of Jamie's book Worthy,
Speaker 2: How to believe you are enough and transform your life
Speaker 2: simple steps, life changing results. The book is available now.
Speaker 2: The link is available in the caption below. Please go
Speaker 2: and grab a copy of this book. You're going to
Speaker 2: love it. And I said earlier, Jamie is donating one
Speaker 2: hundred percent of our author proceeds for Worthy as well,
Speaker 2: and so you'll also be supporting a good cause. Jamie,
Speaker 2: thank you for coming onto on Purpose today. So grateful
Speaker 2: to call you a friends, so grateful to have you
Speaker 2: in the studio with us, and.
Speaker 3: So grateful that you put this book together. So thank
Speaker 3: you for being here.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Jay, thank you so much.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 2: If you love this episode, you'll really enjoy my episode
Speaker 2: with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how
Speaker 2: to speak to yourself with more compassion.
Speaker 4: My fears are only going to continue to show me
Speaker 4: what I'm capable of. The more that I face my fears,
Speaker 4: the more that I feel I'm gaining strength, I'm gaining wisdom,
Speaker 4: and I just want to keep doing that.