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Speaker 1: So this idea that your weight determines your worth is

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Speaker 1: a lie, and it is a lie that is impacting

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Speaker 1: so many of us Right now as we speak, eighty

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Speaker 1: nine percent of girls and women will opt out of

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Speaker 1: meaningful activities, including interacting with friends or loved ones when

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Speaker 1: they don't like how they look, and self doubt will

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Speaker 1: kill more dreams than almost anything else. Don't wait on

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Speaker 1: your weight to live your best life.

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Speaker 2: Hey everyone, I've got some huge news to share with you.

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Speaker 2: In the last ninety days, seventy nine point four percent

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Speaker 2: of our audience came from viewers and listeners that are

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Speaker 2: not subscribed to this channel. There's research that shows that

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Speaker 2: if you want to create a habit, make it easy

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Speaker 2: to access. By hitting the subscribe button, you're creating a

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Speaker 2: habit of learning how to be happier, healthier, and more healed.

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Speaker 2: This would also mean the absolute world to me and

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Speaker 2: help us make better, bigger, brighter for you in the world.

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Speaker 3: Subscribe right now. The number one health and wellness podcast,

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Speaker 3: Jay Send Jay Shed.

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Speaker 2: Hey everyone, welcome back to on Purpose, the place you

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Speaker 2: come back to listen, learn and grow. I am so

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Speaker 2: excited because today's guest is a guest who's on for

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Speaker 2: her second time, but thankfully this time in person. Last

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Speaker 2: time we recorded, I believe it's during the pandemic, we

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Speaker 2: were doing virtual interviews. I'm so glad we're not doing

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Speaker 2: those anymore. I'm talking about my dear friend, Jamie can Lima,

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Speaker 2: a New York Times best selling author, founder of IT Cosmetics,

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Speaker 2: a company she started in her living room and sold

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Speaker 2: to Lareal in a billion dollar deal, becoming the first

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Speaker 2: female CEO of a brand in its one hundred year history.

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Speaker 2: Jamie is also an active philanthropist who has funded leadership

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Speaker 2: training in more than one hundred prisons and shelters across

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Speaker 2: the United States, and has donated over fourteen million dollars

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Speaker 2: in product and funds to help women face the effects

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Speaker 2: of cancer with confidence. Jamie is donating one hundred percent

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Speaker 2: of her author proceeds of her new book Worthy to

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Speaker 2: charity as well.

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Speaker 3: How to Believe you.

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Speaker 2: Are Enough and transform your life Simple steps, life changing results.

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Speaker 2: This is the book that I want you to go

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Speaker 2: and grab order it right now. The book is available

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Speaker 2: as we speak. Please welcome to the show the author

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Speaker 2: of Worthy, Jamie Canlee, Ma, Jamie, thank you for being here.

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Speaker 1: Yay thank you so much for having me. I am excited.

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Speaker 1: This is going to be an amazing episode.

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Speaker 3: No, I just want to tell people just so you know.

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Speaker 2: Jamie arrived an hour ago and we've spent an hour

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Speaker 2: just chatting.

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Speaker 3: And hanging out.

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Speaker 2: And I love it because I always love spending time

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Speaker 2: with you. We became friends through a mutual friend, Brendan Bouchard,

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Speaker 2: a few years ago, and I've always loved connecting with you,

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Speaker 2: learning from you, hearing about how you have these divine

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Speaker 2: downloads as you call them, and how you channel in

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Speaker 2: your work. Yeah, and I remember when you actually told

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Speaker 2: me when you were divinely downloading this book. Yes, and

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Speaker 2: I wanted to start off by There's so many things

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Speaker 2: I want to talk about in the book, but the

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Speaker 2: thing that's calling me to start with is.

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Speaker 3: Do you feel worthy today?

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Speaker 1: Our self worth is our stealing in every area of life.

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Speaker 1: And Jay, I have to tell you, for the longest

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Speaker 1: time of my life, like I believe this lie that

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Speaker 1: if I achieve enough, I will finally feel enough. And

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Speaker 1: right now I can tell you I feel more worthy

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Speaker 1: than I ever have. But it is a daily it

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Speaker 1: is a daily practice, it's a daily intention and for

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Speaker 1: anyone who is with us right now listening watching, who's

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Speaker 1: ever had a goal, like a big goal or a

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Speaker 1: dream and they thought, you know, once I finally get

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Speaker 1: that thing, then I'm going to feel enough and happy

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Speaker 1: and fulfilled. And then you get that thing, and maybe

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Speaker 1: you worked for like a week or a month or

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Speaker 1: several years, and then you get it and you're like

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Speaker 1: happy for a while, but you're like, why do I

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Speaker 1: still feel like something's missing or like I'm not enough?

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Speaker 1: And that was me most of my entire life. And

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Speaker 1: usually when that happens, we think, oh, I've just got

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Speaker 1: to work harder. I've just got to level up and

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Speaker 1: hustle more and get the next thing and the next thing.

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Speaker 1: And so I spent oh my gosh, decades of my

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Speaker 1: life kind of as an achiever, but deep down inside

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Speaker 1: not feeling like I was enough. Yet I thought I

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Speaker 1: would solve that by doing all these things on the

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Speaker 1: outside that the world told me makes you enough. And

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Speaker 1: what's wild is even after not to like jump way ahead,

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Speaker 1: but even after achieving some of these things that the

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Speaker 1: days I was a Denny's waitress, I could not have

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Speaker 1: imagined selling my company for a one point two billion

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Speaker 1: dollars cash right, or becoming the first CEO, oh of

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Speaker 1: you know, a brand in Loreal's history, any of those things.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't have imagined those happening. And yet I found

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Speaker 1: myself in a moment in my life where I was

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Speaker 1: achieving all of these things and still feeling like I

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Speaker 1: wasn't enough. And here's the thing, what I learned the

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Speaker 1: hard way is when we achieve all these things, we

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Speaker 1: build a lot of self confidence, which is really important,

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Speaker 1: but none of them build self worth, which is different.

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Speaker 1: And when we have a lot of confidence, when we're

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Speaker 1: crushing it on the outside, but deep down inside we

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Speaker 1: don't feel like we're enough, it will show up in

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Speaker 1: our lives and we may not show up in our career,

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Speaker 1: It might show up in our relationships, it might not

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Speaker 1: show up in you know, different areas. And I found

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Speaker 1: myself at this in this moment in time where I

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Speaker 1: was so confident and all these things were going right,

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Speaker 1: and I'd put decades of hard work, and I still

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Speaker 1: didn't feel like I was enough, and I was still

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Speaker 1: sabotaging things in my life. And it was really only

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Speaker 1: three years ago where there was a big moment that

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Speaker 1: happened in my life with Oprah actually where I realized,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I am so confident, but I actually

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Speaker 1: have a lot of self confidence, but I actually don't

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Speaker 1: have a lot of self worth. And they're very different.

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Speaker 1: And you know, our self worth is our ceiling, and

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Speaker 1: it's why, you know, even if we arrive at that goal,

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Speaker 1: whether it's like a career thing or getting married and

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Speaker 1: having kids, or finally getting a six pack abs or

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Speaker 1: you know whatever, the things you still take you with you,

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Speaker 1: which is why you still arrive there. And you're like,

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Speaker 1: why do I still feel like I'm not enough? And

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Speaker 1: as you and I are talking, eighty percent of women

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Speaker 1: don't believe they are enough. Seventy three percent of men

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Speaker 1: feel inadequate and not enough. Right, and then you look

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Speaker 1: at other areas of life. Seventy five percent of women

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Speaker 1: deal with imposter syndrome, more than fifty percent of men

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Speaker 1: deal with it. When we believe we are not enough

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Speaker 1: as we are a it is a lie. It is

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Speaker 1: a lie, but packs almost every area of our life.

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Speaker 1: So a big reason why I wrote worthy is because

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Speaker 1: I realized, oh my goodness, like in life, we don't

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Speaker 1: become what we want. We become what we believe we're

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Speaker 1: worthy of and that is the thing. Our self worth

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Speaker 1: is our ceiling. And so it's really a book about,

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Speaker 1: you know, believe that. My first book was my story

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Speaker 1: of learning to believe in myself. And Worthy is really

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Speaker 1: like a playbook, like how do you believe in you?

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Speaker 1: It's packed with over twenty tools on it on building

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Speaker 1: self worth, and it's just the one thing because it's

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Speaker 1: the identity level, Like our self confidence is really important,

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Speaker 1: but it's it's an internal trait, but it's based so

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Speaker 1: much on the external, on like our willingness to try

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Speaker 1: and go for it. You know, how we feel we

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Speaker 1: stack up and compare to others, and how much of

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Speaker 1: the world's definition of success we have if we're winning

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Speaker 1: or losing, and they show, you know, studies show the

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Speaker 1: boxer who wins the fight is automatically thirty percent more confident.

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Speaker 1: Our confidence is really important. It's an important part of

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Speaker 1: our life, but it's fragile, it fluctuates. You know, our

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Speaker 1: self worth is different. It's that deep internal knowing and

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Speaker 1: belief that we are worthy of love and belonging exactly

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Speaker 1: as we are, not as our past mistakes or failures

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Speaker 1: or regrets, not as our future successes, but like innately

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Speaker 1: and exactly as we are, And a lot of people worry, well,

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Speaker 1: if I believe that was enough as I am, will

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Speaker 1: I lose my ambition while I lose my edge. It's like,

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Speaker 1: oh no, you don't. You actually become more ambitious because

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Speaker 1: when you learn to believe you are enough exactly as

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Speaker 1: you are, you become fearless about going for things because

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Speaker 1: you know, even if you fail or fall flat on

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Speaker 1: your face or your embarrassed or it doesn't go well,

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Speaker 1: like that might shake your confidence, but it cannot touch

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Speaker 1: your self worth because your self worth is your identity,

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Speaker 1: your foundation. It's almost like our self confidence is the

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Speaker 1: house with all the rooms and the art and that

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Speaker 1: we're building in our life, which is so important, but

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Speaker 1: our self worth is the foundation under it, and our

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Speaker 1: house is only ever as stable and secure as that foundation.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, I have been obsessed with self worth, with

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Speaker 1: building it. It is just the one thing that changes

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Speaker 1: everything and for most of us, like we can go

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Speaker 1: into this if you want, but there's like three main

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Speaker 1: areas that shows up in our life when we're struggling

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Speaker 1: with it. So but I'm really passionate about it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I love it.

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Speaker 2: I love the distinction you just made between confidence and

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Speaker 2: self worth. Yeah, because I think we often get those

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Speaker 2: two confused so often, and we feel if I'm confident,

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Speaker 2: then nothing else matters, and we're chasing confidence. And you

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Speaker 2: shared some of these just now, But when I've read this,

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Speaker 2: it really hit me. And it's on the first page

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Speaker 2: of the book, so you can't miss it. But I'm

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Speaker 2: just going to share this if you don't mind, because

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Speaker 2: I looked at these stats and it just was like

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Speaker 2: a punch in the gut when I read it, because

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Speaker 2: I was like, this really hit me. So listen to this.

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Speaker 2: This is reading from Worthy by Jamie Kenlema, page one.

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Speaker 2: It says, for the eighty percent of women who don't

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Speaker 2: believe they're enough, the seventy five percent of female executives

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Speaker 2: who deal with imposter syndrome, and the ninety one percent

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Speaker 2: of girls and women who don't love their bodies. For

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Speaker 2: the seventy three percent of men who feel inadequate, and

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Speaker 2: the one hundred percent of men who come from a

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Speaker 2: woman and likely have at least one girl or woman

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Speaker 2: in their lives whom they care about. When you believe

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Speaker 2: you're fundamentally not enough, and unworthy as a person. It's

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Speaker 2: a lie. The time to unlearn that lie has come together.

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Speaker 2: Let's leave no girl, no woman, no person left behind

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Speaker 2: in knowing.

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Speaker 3: They are worthy.

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Speaker 2: Oh wow, Like when I read that, I was like,

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Speaker 2: those stats just put into perspective, because I think we

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Speaker 2: often think of feeling worthy or self worth as kind

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Speaker 2: of like this soft thing, right, and all of a sudden,

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Speaker 2: you read the statistics on it, and you think, but

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Speaker 2: wait a minute, we're all dealing with this like in

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Speaker 2: some way, in some area of our life.

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Speaker 1: And exactly what you said, we and me most I

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Speaker 1: thought self confidence and self worth were the same thing.

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Speaker 1: So when we're struggling with not feeling enough, and maybe

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Speaker 1: so many people listening to us right now, have you

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Speaker 1: know all of this stuff on the outside that everyone

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Speaker 1: tells you should make you feel enough, And it's because

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Speaker 1: we're all confusing. We think we just need more self confidence,

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Speaker 1: but what we really need is more self worth. And

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Speaker 1: they're so different. But we try to solve our feelings

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Speaker 1: of not enoughness with things that just build self confidence,

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Speaker 1: but none of them build self worth, and they're so different. Like,

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Speaker 1: so many people think they need more self confidence, which

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Speaker 1: is important, but it's so so, so different and for

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Speaker 1: self worth. If someone's listening to us right now, they're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: wait a minute, is this why I don't feel fulfilled?

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Speaker 1: Or is this way I feel like it's never I'm

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Speaker 1: never enough for self worth. I'm just getting so fired

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Speaker 1: up on it. But it shows up for so many

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Speaker 1: of us. Like you look at those numbers, it's like,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, three ways it shows up. So if

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Speaker 1: we have low self worth right and again, you can

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Speaker 1: be crushing it on the outside and you can be

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Speaker 1: hiding this really well. But if you have low self worth,

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Speaker 1: for a lot of us, it looks like we're stuck

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Speaker 1: and we don't know why we're stuck, and we don't

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Speaker 1: know why, and we tell ourselves like, for example, maybe

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Speaker 1: we know we want to write a book, or we

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Speaker 1: want to share our ideas at work, or we want

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Speaker 1: to put our art out into the world, or we

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Speaker 1: want to find a life partner, and but we're not

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Speaker 1: putting ourselves on the dating app or we're not like

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Speaker 1: going out and socializing, or we're not raising our hand

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Speaker 1: and sharing our idea on the zoom caller. We haven't

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Speaker 1: written the first word of our book, and we tell

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Speaker 1: ourselves stories like oh, I just need more experience, or

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Speaker 1: I need to get more skill sets, or all these

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Speaker 1: reasons why we're stuck, and they may be true, But

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Speaker 1: what a lot of us don't realize is the reason

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Speaker 1: we're is because deep down inside, we actually don't believe

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Speaker 1: we're worthy of the thing. And that will keep you

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Speaker 1: stuck all day long and not knowing why, because again,

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Speaker 1: your self worth is your ceiling right, and we don't

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Speaker 1: soar to the level of our goals and dreams. We

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Speaker 1: stay stuck at the level of our self worth every time,

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Speaker 1: and that's really how low self worth often shows up.

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Speaker 1: And then when you have a load to medium self worth,

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Speaker 1: what that looks like maybe a lot of people listening

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Speaker 1: can identify with this. It looks like you'll go for

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Speaker 1: the thing, like you'll put yourself out there, but then

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Speaker 1: you'll either hit a ceiling a plateau, and you're trying

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Speaker 1: for a breakthrough and you don't know why, Like maybe

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Speaker 1: you want to grow your follower account, you want to

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Speaker 1: grow your business to six figures, but you're hitting a

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Speaker 1: ceiling at five figures and you don't know why you

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Speaker 1: can't break past it, or or you'll go for it

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Speaker 1: but you'll sabotage it. Right, you'll go for it and

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Speaker 1: you'll sabotage it along the way. You'll meet a potential

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Speaker 1: partner and you'll be like, they're amazing, and then you

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Speaker 1: somehow are attracted to them and you put them in

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Speaker 1: the friend zone. Or you'll write the book and then

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Speaker 1: you won't send it out, like you'll go for the thing,

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Speaker 1: but you'll stabbed it because deep down inside you don't

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Speaker 1: believe you're worthy of it. And the third most common way,

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Speaker 1: and this is for people who are ambitious or achievers.

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Speaker 1: This is very, very common. This is me a lot

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Speaker 1: in my life. You'll go for the thing and you'll

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Speaker 1: actually make it happen, you'll actually achieve it, you'll actually

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Speaker 1: but you arrive at it still feeling like something's missing,

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Speaker 1: still feeling like it's not enough, still feeling like you're

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Speaker 1: not enough, and so you feel unfulfilled. And then you think,

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Speaker 1: I've just got to achieve more and more and more

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Speaker 1: and more and more. And the most beautiful part about

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Speaker 1: building self worth is that you realize, okay, I am

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Speaker 1: which this is the truth, Jay, every single person listening

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Speaker 1: to us right now, this is the most beautiful part

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Speaker 1: every one of us. I do not care mistakes. Your

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Speaker 1: past failure is what you think you got wrong, who

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Speaker 1: you think you hurt, that you wish you didn't any

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Speaker 1: of that. I don't, and I don't care how much

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Speaker 1: success you have. None of that matters. Every person right

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Speaker 1: now is fully, fully worthy, exactly as you are. And

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Speaker 1: this journey isn't about learning some stuff you gotta do

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Speaker 1: to be worried. This is about unlearning the lies that

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Speaker 1: lead to self doubt and then igniting those truths that

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Speaker 1: wake up worthiness in us. And that is the part

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Speaker 1: I'm most excited about when I'm jumping out of my

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Speaker 1: chair because when I think about everybody listening, when I

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Speaker 1: think about everyone listening and watching you and I right now,

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Speaker 1: the moment you learn to believe you are worthy, oh

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Speaker 1: my gosh, like that is the moment where it feels

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Speaker 1: like breakthrough, it feels like joy, it tastes like freedom.

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Speaker 1: It's the moment when and healthy relationships end. It's the

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Speaker 1: moment when you put your dreams and ideas out there,

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Speaker 1: no matter how they are received. It's the moment you

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Speaker 1: share your idea is It's the moment businesses are launched,

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Speaker 1: and I just yeah, I'm so passionate about this because

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Speaker 1: and I talk about this and worthy a lot that like,

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Speaker 1: you know, we don't in life, in life, in our relationships,

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Speaker 1: in in in our friendships and our hopes and dreams,

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Speaker 1: that that we don't rise to what we believe is possible, right,

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Speaker 1: And it's hard to believe things are possible. But even

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Speaker 1: then we don't rise to what we believe is possible,

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Speaker 1: we still fall to what we believe we're worthy of.

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Speaker 1: It is that one thing at an identity level that

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Speaker 1: we will always return to and and building. It is everything.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, I have you ever had a guest jump

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Speaker 1: out of your chair before?

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Speaker 2: No, it comes, of course, And I'm glad that you

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Speaker 2: raised that because what I wanted to do with you,

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Speaker 2: which I think would be really important, which is what

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Speaker 2: resonated so strongly with me about your book, was these lies.

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Speaker 2: Like as I sat here and I read through the lies, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I was just like, I've told myself that one, I've

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Speaker 2: told myself that, one, I've told myself that one.

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Speaker 3: I've told myself that.

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Speaker 2: And I think our community who's listening to on purpose

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Speaker 2: right now or watching will definitely feel like these lies

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Speaker 2: are relatable. So I'd love to dive into some of

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Speaker 2: them that really stick out to me. And I love

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Speaker 2: that you've made about unlearning lies rather than building self worth,

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Speaker 2: because it almost feels so hard to be like, well,

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Speaker 2: how do I build my self worth? But when you

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Speaker 2: recognize that actually we're trying to extract and excavate through

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Speaker 2: all of these lies, it makes a lot of sense.

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Speaker 3: So let's start with I want to start.

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Speaker 2: I'm not going to go through all of them because

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Speaker 2: I want you guys to read the book, but I'm

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Speaker 2: going to pick out a couple that really resonated with me.

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Speaker 2: The first one that really resonated with me was, of course,

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Speaker 2: don't wait on your weight. The lie my weight impacts

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Speaker 2: my worth. This has been conditioned deeply into society and

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Speaker 2: into culture that their weight impacts their worth. Everyone, even

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Speaker 2: if they don't say it, subconsciously feels it in some

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Speaker 2: way or another. There's comparison as envy, there's images that

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Speaker 2: are put in front of you about what you should

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Speaker 2: be aiming for and what you should be woke us

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Speaker 2: through that personally and in how we unlearn.

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Speaker 1: That, yes, the lie your weight determines your worth has

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Speaker 1: cost so many of us, like so much in our

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Speaker 1: life believing that lie. And I talk a lot about

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Speaker 1: this idea of don't wait on your weight to live

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Speaker 1: your best life. And this is a whole chapter in

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Speaker 1: Worthy Like You, Like You Should, I go into all

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Speaker 1: these lies and how do you unlearn them? And this

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Speaker 1: chapter is not about your weight. It's about that if

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Speaker 1: you've been waiting on your weight to live your best life,

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Speaker 1: or by the way, the weight of expectations, other people's expectations,

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Speaker 1: or your own, what weight are you, you know, letting

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Speaker 1: hold you down? So this idea that your weight determines

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Speaker 1: your worth is a lie, and it is a lie

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Speaker 1: that is impacting so many of us right now as

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Speaker 1: we speak, eighty nine percent, eighty nine percent of girls

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Speaker 1: and women will opt out of meaningful activities, including interacting

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Speaker 1: with friends or loved ones, when they don't like how

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Speaker 1: they look. And jay most of my life, I believe

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Speaker 1: this lie, even when I was crushing it by all

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Speaker 1: other measures. I still, even when I built a company

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Speaker 1: that was inspiring and does inspire millions and millions and

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Speaker 1: millions of people to embrace who they are, I was

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Speaker 1: still believing this lie that my weight determined my worth,

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Speaker 1: and I was still waiting on my weight for that

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Speaker 1: and the big way to overcome this lie because first

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Speaker 1: of all, it is a lie. Second of all, for

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Speaker 1: anyone who has hit fitness goals or hit weight goal,

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Speaker 1: they know you still arrive at that goal and you

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Speaker 1: still don't feel in that it does not it does

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Speaker 1: not change who you are, right because because it is

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Speaker 1: an external thing that can fluctuate confidence, but it is

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Speaker 1: it does not impact your worth. That's the first thing.

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Speaker 1: No matter what your weight is or isn't it, it

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Speaker 1: is irrelevant to your self worth and understanding. That's really

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Speaker 1: really important. But then how to break free of this

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Speaker 1: lie is to flip it on its head, which is

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Speaker 1: what happened to me in my life. And as human beings,

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Speaker 1: as you know, we're wired to avoid pain at all costs.

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Speaker 1: And we think, oh if I you know, we're waiting

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Speaker 1: on our weight to to live our best lives. And

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Speaker 1: we think, oh, because I'm not what I think I

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Speaker 1: need to look like, I'm going to skip out on

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Speaker 1: the event. I'm not going to go.

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Speaker 3: To the party, apply for the job.

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to apply for the job. I'm not

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Speaker 1: going to put myself out in the dating world until

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Speaker 1: I'm this or that I'm going to stand in the

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Speaker 1: back of the photo. Right, I'm not going to live

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Speaker 1: my best life. And because I think I attach pain

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Speaker 1: to that attack, the pain of oh I might be

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Speaker 1: judged if I go out in a swimsuit. Oh I

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Speaker 1: might get disapproval, I might be all of these things,

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Speaker 1: and so we hide. When you flip this around, this

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Speaker 1: is for everyone listening right now, and this impacts men

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Speaker 1: in a huge way too, as well as women. But

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Speaker 1: the numbers are just staggering. But when you flip it

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Speaker 1: around and go, well, wait a minute, what has waiting

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Speaker 1: on my weight already cost me in my life? That

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Speaker 1: pain of the regret, when we flip it around and

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Speaker 1: think of it that way, that pain is far more

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Speaker 1: painful than well, what happens if I'm judged at a party.

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Speaker 1: And in my life I spent decades like telling myself, oh,

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Speaker 1: nothing fits, I'm just not going to go I'm just

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Speaker 1: going to miss out on this. And it was having

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Speaker 1: my daughter and I remember this moment, Jay. I was

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Speaker 1: at a public hotel, lots of people there, people I

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Speaker 1: knew were there, and my daughter was one years old

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Speaker 1: and going to go swimming for the first time, and

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Speaker 1: I was literally on the side of the pool. I

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Speaker 1: look so cute, but I was covered up, covered up

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Speaker 1: in a edit swim suit. But I was covered up,

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Speaker 1: covered up, covered up, sunglasses, had all the things. And

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Speaker 1: I was like, I'm just gonna watch my husband take

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Speaker 1: her and swim. And I had this moment where I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I know why I'm gonna sit here and watch. I'm

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Speaker 1: about to miss out on the first moment my daughter's

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Speaker 1: gonna swim because I am still waiting on my weight

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Speaker 1: to live my best life. And when I looked at like,

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Speaker 1: what has this already cost me? The memories, the joy,

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Speaker 1: the all of it, right, And I also realized me

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Speaker 1: doing this is actually me telling her she is not

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Speaker 1: worthy of her of her body, right. And I'm like,

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Speaker 1: the pain of that is far more. And that was

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Speaker 1: the moment I literally took my cover up off. I

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Speaker 1: walked over to the pool in front of everyone. I

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Speaker 1: shook my cellulite with joy, like jiggled my satelite with

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Speaker 1: joy Jashetty and I got right in the pool. I

432
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:07,879
Speaker 1: swam with my daughter wonder and I'm like, I'm done.

433
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:12,639
Speaker 1: I am done waiting on my weight. And here's the thing. Y'all.

434
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:15,679
Speaker 1: First of all, no one cares you know what I

435
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:19,040
Speaker 1: mean about, even even people that are really high profile

436
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,920
Speaker 1: that at the end of the day, it cannot impact

437
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:25,840
Speaker 1: your worth. And to unlearn this lie. The most important

438
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:28,360
Speaker 1: thing first of all is to realize it has been

439
00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:31,800
Speaker 1: a lie impacting you, and then to go, wow, okay,

440
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:35,240
Speaker 1: let me really understand the difference between self worth and

441
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:39,480
Speaker 1: self confidence and understanding the difference and then understanding, okay,

442
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:43,040
Speaker 1: this lies impacting my self confidence. It doesn't touch my worth,

443
00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:45,760
Speaker 1: but it is impacting my self confidence. Now how do

444
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:48,399
Speaker 1: I unlearn it? There? How do I unlearn it? And

445
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,040
Speaker 1: this is how you learn it? And I go deep

446
00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:52,040
Speaker 1: into how to do this in the book because when

447
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:54,600
Speaker 1: we can reframe a lie and believe and not only

448
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:58,000
Speaker 1: associate more pain with believing it than with just going

449
00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:00,719
Speaker 1: for it, that's when as human being will go for it.

450
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:03,600
Speaker 2: No, I think that question that you asked is huge,

451
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:04,720
Speaker 2: that question.

452
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,760
Speaker 3: Of what has it cost me?

453
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:07,320
Speaker 1: Yes?

454
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:11,919
Speaker 2: And to think that you could have never had that

455
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:15,320
Speaker 2: experience with your daughter, who is adorable, but like to

456
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:17,000
Speaker 2: have that moment with her?

457
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:17,800
Speaker 1: Do you remember?

458
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:20,200
Speaker 3: Do you remember? I'm going to share this with you.

459
00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 1: So we were at an airport together and my daughter

460
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:25,919
Speaker 1: the first time she met Jay, she walks up to

461
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:27,080
Speaker 1: you and she calls you dad.

462
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:29,960
Speaker 3: She's adorable as well, so I was like, I'll take you.

463
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:30,560
Speaker 2: I'll tell you.

464
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:31,359
Speaker 3: She's so cute.

465
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 1: She's really shy. She just walks right up to you

466
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:36,880
Speaker 1: and cause you Dad. I'm like, what's happening right now?

467
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:37,959
Speaker 3: That's so funny.

468
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:38,439
Speaker 2: I love it.

469
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:40,800
Speaker 1: You remember my husband poly comesamic pol I promise.

470
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:41,120
Speaker 3: You don't worry.

471
00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:46,040
Speaker 2: So cute And it's like to think, I love that

472
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:48,800
Speaker 2: question because I think it's really practical for everyone listening

473
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:51,320
Speaker 2: and watching right now to ask yourself what does it

474
00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:52,480
Speaker 2: already cost you?

475
00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:54,040
Speaker 3: And what is it going to cost you? That memory

476
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:54,480
Speaker 3: with your.

477
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:58,119
Speaker 2: Child, yes, that potential job that fulfills your dream, that

478
00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:01,960
Speaker 2: great memory with friends, that whatever it may be, like,

479
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:05,080
Speaker 2: we're all missing out on something because of that, and

480
00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:08,159
Speaker 2: that is such a great just that one question, just

481
00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:09,760
Speaker 2: that question is a great.

482
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 3: Way to read.

483
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:11,240
Speaker 1: And I know we're going to dive into some of

484
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:15,000
Speaker 1: the lives this whole book when when, oh my gosh, Jay,

485
00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,479
Speaker 1: this is the thing when you ask yourself what is

486
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:21,040
Speaker 1: self doubt already cost you in your life? Right? And

487
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:23,800
Speaker 1: then you look at it from that perspective, and a

488
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:26,280
Speaker 1: lot of us we spend so much time building skill

489
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,639
Speaker 1: sets and those are important, you know, you know, you

490
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:29,960
Speaker 1: know I was talking about it's important to put in

491
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:32,400
Speaker 1: the reps and get the experience and all the things,

492
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:37,320
Speaker 1: but also learning how to unlearn the lives that lead

493
00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:40,359
Speaker 1: a self doubt. Oh my gosh, because again, our self

494
00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:43,359
Speaker 1: worth is our ceiling and so just it's so powerful.

495
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:46,919
Speaker 2: Yeah. And we've had that doubting voice, whether it's come

496
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:51,200
Speaker 2: through teachers, family members, whether it's come through your friend

497
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:56,920
Speaker 2: at school, whatever it was. We've all adopted doubting voices

498
00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:00,360
Speaker 2: over time. Yes, and now we've replayed them to ourselves

499
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:03,920
Speaker 2: in our own voice, and we think they're us, when

500
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:06,640
Speaker 2: in fact they've just been conditioned and trained.

501
00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:07,280
Speaker 4: Yes.

502
00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:12,399
Speaker 1: And self doubt will kill more dreams than almost anything else,

503
00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:16,240
Speaker 1: like literally, and it is a lie, right, And self

504
00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:18,199
Speaker 1: doubt lives in our head. It's our thoughts, but it

505
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:20,919
Speaker 1: is not you. It is not you. And it's like

506
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:23,560
Speaker 1: our knowing, our truth, our worthiness. I feel like it's

507
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:27,960
Speaker 1: in our soul, it's innate. I remember a moment Jay

508
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:31,760
Speaker 1: where my whole life I as a little girl, I

509
00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:34,040
Speaker 1: was their home alone and I'd watch Oprah and she

510
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 1: was like my hero, right, and I dreamed of meeting

511
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,199
Speaker 1: her one day. So for everyone listening, maybe you had

512
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:40,639
Speaker 1: a like a maybe your hero was Superman or like

513
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:43,600
Speaker 1: we all have different I dreamed of meeting her. I'd

514
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:45,000
Speaker 1: watch her and I'm like, one day I'm going to

515
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:48,000
Speaker 1: host a show and share other people's stories with the world.

516
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:50,600
Speaker 1: And she was just my hero my whole life. And

517
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:52,639
Speaker 1: I remember this moment as a little girl where I'm like,

518
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:55,080
Speaker 1: I'm going to meet her. I just had this knowing

519
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:56,919
Speaker 1: I'm going to meet her, which made no sense. I'm

520
00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:59,280
Speaker 1: in the middle of a suburb of Washington State, like

521
00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:03,080
Speaker 1: I just knew it, and I dared to believe it

522
00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:05,600
Speaker 1: was going to happen. I dared, I prayed it would happen.

523
00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:10,320
Speaker 1: Fast forward thirty nine years and I had a chance

524
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:12,440
Speaker 1: to meet her at an event which is the long

525
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:14,920
Speaker 1: story I won't go into. It was amazing. And then

526
00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:17,240
Speaker 1: after it went by so fast, I wrote her a

527
00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:19,600
Speaker 1: letter after and sent it to her chief of staff,

528
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:21,360
Speaker 1: which is one in a billion that she would read

529
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:23,240
Speaker 1: that the chief of staff would read it. Amy was

530
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:25,520
Speaker 1: her name, Then one in a billion she would share it.

531
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:28,120
Speaker 1: Then one in a billion Oprah would read it. All

532
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:31,320
Speaker 1: those things happened, and Oprah invite I meet her house

533
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:34,720
Speaker 1: for lunch. And I'm sharing this because everyone listening, I think,

534
00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:37,320
Speaker 1: is going to have an AHA on their own life

535
00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:41,159
Speaker 1: with how we handle and how we sabotage things we

536
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:44,720
Speaker 1: don't believe we're worthy of. And now this was my dream,

537
00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:48,080
Speaker 1: my whole life. And I went to her house for lunch,

538
00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:51,199
Speaker 1: which is like what in the world, right, And we

539
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:54,240
Speaker 1: had a three hour lunch just me and her. At

540
00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:57,119
Speaker 1: the very end, this is my lifelong dream. At the

541
00:27:57,240 --> 00:27:59,399
Speaker 1: very end of it, she gave me her cell phone number.

542
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:03,480
Speaker 1: She said, call me anytime. You can call me anytime,

543
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:06,440
Speaker 1: and Jay, in this moment my life, and I just

544
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:08,800
Speaker 1: want everyone to put theirselves in these shoes because we

545
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:12,919
Speaker 1: all do this. I was really confident. I did not

546
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:15,720
Speaker 1: know there is a big difference between self confidence and

547
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:19,120
Speaker 1: self worth. And everything was going right in my life

548
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:21,400
Speaker 1: right like I just sold a cosmetic trel to money

549
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:23,800
Speaker 1: like the Forbes list. All these things were and I

550
00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:27,399
Speaker 1: was really confident. And the day she gave me her number,

551
00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:32,520
Speaker 1: I did not call her for four years, literally didn't

552
00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:35,679
Speaker 1: call her for four years. And in that four year stretch.

553
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:38,640
Speaker 1: I told myself stories that I thought were true, like, oh,

554
00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:40,880
Speaker 1: I just need to have the perfect thing to say,

555
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:43,520
Speaker 1: then I'm gonna call her, or I bet everyone wants

556
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:45,880
Speaker 1: something from her. I'm going to prove I don't need anything.

557
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:48,440
Speaker 1: I'm not, you know, I tell myself. And literally four

558
00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 1: years later it hit me like this light bulb that

559
00:28:51,840 --> 00:28:54,800
Speaker 1: burst where I was like, the real reason I have

560
00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:58,680
Speaker 1: not called her was because deep down inside I didn't

561
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:02,400
Speaker 1: believe I was worthy of being her friend. And this

562
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:06,280
Speaker 1: is what self worth low self worth will do to you.

563
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:07,960
Speaker 1: You can have a lot of confidence, you could be

564
00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:12,120
Speaker 1: crushing it everywhere, but you sabotage an opportunity, You sabotage

565
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:15,200
Speaker 1: your marriage, you sabotage your friendship. It shows up in

566
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:18,520
Speaker 1: different areas. And that was the day you remind me

567
00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 1: of the story because you're talking about our thoughts and

568
00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:22,760
Speaker 1: our self doubt. That was the day when this happened

569
00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:27,840
Speaker 1: and I realized it. I literally I imagine myself turning

570
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:31,360
Speaker 1: down the dial like almost like a volume dial and

571
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:34,160
Speaker 1: of a radio of my thoughts and my self doubt

572
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:36,360
Speaker 1: that says you are not worthy of being her friend.

573
00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:39,720
Speaker 1: And I imagine like turning up the volume on my soul,

574
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:43,200
Speaker 1: like my knowing, because I am a kick ass friend.

575
00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:46,600
Speaker 1: I know I am worthy of being her or anyway,

576
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:49,000
Speaker 1: I am such a good friend and I know that,

577
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:53,080
Speaker 1: and I remember turning the volume up on that knowing.

578
00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:55,640
Speaker 1: And that was the moment I called her, when I

579
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:59,160
Speaker 1: learned to turn down the volume on the lies that

580
00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:01,760
Speaker 1: tell us we are not enough and unworthy and like

581
00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:04,800
Speaker 1: tune into our soul and to our knowing. And that

582
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:06,959
Speaker 1: was the day I called her. At first I called her,

583
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:08,920
Speaker 1: she did not answer. I was like, oh my gosh,

584
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:09,200
Speaker 1: for you.

585
00:30:09,520 --> 00:30:10,040
Speaker 3: She didn't answer.

586
00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:13,440
Speaker 1: But then I called again and she did. And that

587
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:16,080
Speaker 1: was the day I became obsessed with studying self worth

588
00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:19,720
Speaker 1: because I realized, oh my gosh, while self confidence is

589
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:23,000
Speaker 1: so important, while I've worked so hard and I'm so proud,

590
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:25,520
Speaker 1: and I believe, we always need to be building self

591
00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:29,320
Speaker 1: confidence and growing and contributing to something bigger than ourselves

592
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:33,480
Speaker 1: to feel fulfillment. All of those things are multiplied by

593
00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:37,440
Speaker 1: our level of self worth and anything time zero is zero.

594
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:40,240
Speaker 1: So if we do not feel we are enough deep down,

595
00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:44,040
Speaker 1: it is why we will be perpetually unfulfilled, no matter

596
00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:46,360
Speaker 1: how much we achieve and what is the point of

597
00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:49,600
Speaker 1: all of it if we are unfulfilled and don't enjoy it?

598
00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:53,280
Speaker 1: And so became obsessed with studying self worth. And I

599
00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:56,080
Speaker 1: just think about how, you know, I taught a course

600
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:58,560
Speaker 1: with her this last year and now it's and it

601
00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:02,400
Speaker 1: almost didn't happen. And when I think about, what does

602
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:04,880
Speaker 1: self that already cost you? Like for everyone listening and

603
00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:08,720
Speaker 1: watching us right now, what hasn't happened? Like I almost

604
00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:12,960
Speaker 1: so many times Jay doubted myself out of my own destiny, right,

605
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:16,560
Speaker 1: and like this is why building self worth is so important.

606
00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:18,880
Speaker 1: I'm a little passionate about that.

607
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:22,480
Speaker 3: Worthy, the little passionate. I love it.

608
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:25,640
Speaker 2: No, But you have a chapter in here called Change

609
00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:28,680
Speaker 2: your Relationship with Rejection, Yes, And I think what's really

610
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:34,080
Speaker 2: interesting about that is that rejection is a reminder that

611
00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:35,720
Speaker 2: we don't have self worth. Right.

612
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:38,800
Speaker 3: That's the root of why it hurts so much, is.

613
00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:42,120
Speaker 2: Because when someone rejects us, it reminds us of how

614
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:45,719
Speaker 2: we've been rejecting ourselves time and time and time and

615
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:49,880
Speaker 2: time again. We haven't showed up for ourself, we haven't

616
00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:53,360
Speaker 2: lived our authentic self. We have rejected ourself. And so

617
00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:56,479
Speaker 2: when someone rejects that part of us, it causes so

618
00:31:56,560 --> 00:32:00,560
Speaker 2: much pain. So when you're telling us to change your

619
00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:05,000
Speaker 2: relationship with rejection, yes, how does one even stop? Because

620
00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:09,480
Speaker 2: I think, whether someone's trying to become an actor, whether

621
00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:12,280
Speaker 2: someone's trying to get a job, whether someone's trying to

622
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:16,160
Speaker 2: find a partner, rejection is almost the path.

623
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 3: Yes, but we don't always see it that way.

624
00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:20,800
Speaker 1: Yes, And I love what you just said, which is

625
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:24,720
Speaker 1: so insightful. Every single time we show up inauthentically too,

626
00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:27,960
Speaker 1: every time we're not who we are. Every time we

627
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:31,080
Speaker 1: show up as our representative in a room or the

628
00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:33,760
Speaker 1: people pleaser and we say yes when we mean no,

629
00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:37,160
Speaker 1: Or any time we show up as someone who we

630
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:39,000
Speaker 1: think other people want us to be, but not as

631
00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:42,120
Speaker 1: who we are, we are telling ourselves we are unworthy

632
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:44,560
Speaker 1: of being who we are, and we slowly but surely

633
00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:46,960
Speaker 1: chip away at our self worth. There's a whole chapter

634
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:49,760
Speaker 1: in here called You're not crazy, You're just first, And

635
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:53,200
Speaker 1: it's all about the power and the data behind it

636
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:56,040
Speaker 1: of Oh my gosh, about how so often the things

637
00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:58,239
Speaker 1: that we think are wrong or odd or quirky or

638
00:32:58,240 --> 00:33:00,840
Speaker 1: off or different or strange or or wrong about us

639
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:02,880
Speaker 1: are actually the things that are most right about us.

640
00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:06,240
Speaker 1: And literally I built a billion dollar business figuring this out.

641
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:11,000
Speaker 1: Is this tastes like freedom when you embrace this, this

642
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:13,560
Speaker 1: tastes like freedom. I'm so excited for everyone to read

643
00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:16,400
Speaker 1: that chapter and also the one you're talking about. When

644
00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:19,240
Speaker 1: you change your relationship with rejection, you change your life

645
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:23,400
Speaker 1: and exactly what you said. So again, so a lot

646
00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:28,680
Speaker 1: of us associate so much pain with getting rejected or

647
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:33,280
Speaker 1: failing right that will stay stuck and and to your point,

648
00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:37,120
Speaker 1: it can hit deeper. So here's the thing. Whether we've

649
00:33:37,120 --> 00:33:40,960
Speaker 1: been rejecting ourselves by not showing up authentically, or a

650
00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:44,000
Speaker 1: lot of us are unaware of past rejections or failures.

651
00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:48,840
Speaker 1: And when we build self worth, what's beautiful is rejections

652
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:51,000
Speaker 1: and failures. They just shake our confidence for a bit,

653
00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:53,800
Speaker 1: but they cannot touch our self worth. But for a

654
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:56,800
Speaker 1: lot of us, we've had past rejections or failures that,

655
00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:59,680
Speaker 1: yes have hurt our confidence, but we've let them take

656
00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:02,360
Speaker 1: real at an identity level, and we've started to believe

657
00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:06,840
Speaker 1: we're a failure or we're a reject, and that is

658
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:10,360
Speaker 1: when they crush yourself worth. And so I go into

659
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:14,160
Speaker 1: a four part framework called the four RS. And this chapter,

660
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:17,799
Speaker 1: and it is, oh my gosh, this might be my

661
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:20,560
Speaker 1: favorite chapter because this was almost its own book. When

662
00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:22,759
Speaker 1: you change your relationship with the rejection, you change your life.

663
00:34:22,800 --> 00:34:24,200
Speaker 1: I did not want to wait two and a half

664
00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:26,120
Speaker 1: more years to put it out, which, as you know,

665
00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:28,080
Speaker 1: as an author, you have to wait. I'm like, no,

666
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:30,920
Speaker 1: pe believe this now. So it's now chapter two in

667
00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:34,440
Speaker 1: the book. But here's the thing. When I was building

668
00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:36,399
Speaker 1: it cosmetics, what a lot of people don't know. They

669
00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 1: just kind of read the press headline, oh Denny's waitress

670
00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:43,280
Speaker 1: builds billion dollar company. But it was hundreds and hundreds

671
00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:46,200
Speaker 1: of rejections along the way. It was so many people

672
00:34:46,239 --> 00:34:48,520
Speaker 1: that I just love, and I used to save my

673
00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:51,080
Speaker 1: Denny's tip money to buy a lipstick at Sephora, and

674
00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:53,960
Speaker 1: in the departments are like, I love shopping there, and

675
00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:57,239
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, they're telling me, no, that my

676
00:34:57,320 --> 00:34:59,080
Speaker 1: idea is not going to work, the brand's not going

677
00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:02,200
Speaker 1: to And this was no, after no, after no, after no.

678
00:35:02,719 --> 00:35:05,040
Speaker 1: And from the point I launched this business in my

679
00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:08,000
Speaker 1: living room, it was three years before I could even

680
00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 1: afford to pay myself a penny. But then hundreds and

681
00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:12,960
Speaker 1: hundreds and hundreds of nos And here's the thing. A

682
00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:15,320
Speaker 1: lot of people, maybe they know it cosmetics today and

683
00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:17,800
Speaker 1: they see it at Sephora or at all to Beauty

684
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:20,080
Speaker 1: or at you know, in the department stores on QVC,

685
00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:24,919
Speaker 1: and they don't realize it was actually years of all

686
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:27,160
Speaker 1: of them saying no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

687
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:30,840
Speaker 1: no, no no, and Jay, sometimes it wasn't just no, it

688
00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:34,560
Speaker 1: was like no come back later, it was like no.

689
00:35:34,640 --> 00:35:37,359
Speaker 1: Like some of the nos were so painful, I would

690
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:41,040
Speaker 1: cry myself to sleep under the covers. And most of

691
00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:44,440
Speaker 1: us have so much pain attached to rejection that we

692
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:47,640
Speaker 1: give up after one no or five nos, or we

693
00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:51,560
Speaker 1: start to think that someone else's rejection or no or

694
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:53,920
Speaker 1: disbelief in us or whatever it might be, is some

695
00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:58,560
Speaker 1: indication of our potential or some indication of our idea

696
00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:01,480
Speaker 1: or our dream or our te and it is not.

697
00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:05,640
Speaker 1: It is not. And so what I my intention behind

698
00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:09,280
Speaker 1: this chapter was, I was like, Okay, let me break

699
00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:11,960
Speaker 1: down at a granular level, what are the tools on

700
00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:15,759
Speaker 1: how to reframe rejection so that you actually embrace it

701
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:18,919
Speaker 1: in a way where you become fearless over it? And

702
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:21,200
Speaker 1: I break down the four rs, which is how I

703
00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:25,440
Speaker 1: went from you know, going through hundreds of rejections and

704
00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:30,520
Speaker 1: literally not letting them take root, literally deciding like, oh,

705
00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:33,440
Speaker 1: you know, this is no indication if my business is

706
00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:35,719
Speaker 1: going to make it, if my idea is right. And

707
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:39,960
Speaker 1: there was one moment after this really painful rejection from QVC,

708
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:42,120
Speaker 1: and I knew in my knowing, right we talk about

709
00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:45,359
Speaker 1: our knowing. In my knowing, Jay, I knew like I'm

710
00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:47,440
Speaker 1: supposed to be doing this, And every time i'd pray

711
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:50,080
Speaker 1: or get still, I just felt this knowing like I'm

712
00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:53,000
Speaker 1: supposed to be doing it. But everyone around me was

713
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:56,560
Speaker 1: telling me no. Potential investors were telling me no. All

714
00:36:56,600 --> 00:37:00,120
Speaker 1: these retailers were telling me no. And two things for

715
00:37:00,160 --> 00:37:03,640
Speaker 1: anyone who needs this today, what I realized is, Okay,

716
00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:07,040
Speaker 1: I'm getting all these nos. But when I get still,

717
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:09,760
Speaker 1: and for some people that's meditation, for some people that's prayer.

718
00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:12,080
Speaker 1: When I get still and I pray, I will hear

719
00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:14,680
Speaker 1: a knowing. And every one of us has a knowing,

720
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:18,800
Speaker 1: and your knowing is more powerful than anyone else's advice.

721
00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:21,759
Speaker 1: And in this case, I had this journey of all

722
00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:25,760
Speaker 1: these nos, and I had my knowing, and I believe

723
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:28,040
Speaker 1: which one you listen to? Do you listen to the nose,

724
00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:31,040
Speaker 1: and sometimes our thoughts we're the ones telling ourselves the

725
00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:34,440
Speaker 1: most painful nose or do you listen to your knowing? Right,

726
00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:37,160
Speaker 1: And whether you listen to the nose or the knowing,

727
00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:40,399
Speaker 1: I think your life, your business, your relationships can come

728
00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:43,560
Speaker 1: down to which one you listen to. But when we're

729
00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:45,960
Speaker 1: in the journey of understanding that, the nose can be

730
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:48,279
Speaker 1: really painful. So there was one particular moment I was

731
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:52,400
Speaker 1: crying under my covers from another rejection from KVC, and

732
00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:56,080
Speaker 1: I started googling every thought leader, every person who has

733
00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:59,040
Speaker 1: helped me with humanity forward, every person in business who's

734
00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:02,960
Speaker 1: ever built incredible things. Every single one of them has

735
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:07,839
Speaker 1: faced countless rejections, countless failures, countless setbacks. They're just the

736
00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:11,200
Speaker 1: brave ones willing to keep going anyways. And what I

737
00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:14,399
Speaker 1: realized in that moment was every time I had been

738
00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:17,279
Speaker 1: getting a no up till then, the first thought I'd

739
00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:21,080
Speaker 1: have is yet there's proof I'm not enough right So,

740
00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:24,000
Speaker 1: and why that's important is for everyone listening, if you

741
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:27,879
Speaker 1: imagine yourself getting rejected, or imagine yourself putting yourself out

742
00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:29,920
Speaker 1: there telling the person you want to be more than

743
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:32,719
Speaker 1: just friends, or putting an idea on social media, or

744
00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:35,800
Speaker 1: going for the business or applying for the job, and

745
00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:39,600
Speaker 1: you imagine yourself getting rejected or failure or failing at it.

746
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:43,560
Speaker 1: Think about the first thought you think, Like for me

747
00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:45,600
Speaker 1: most of my whole life, it was Yep, I'm not enough.

748
00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:47,800
Speaker 1: Proof I'm not. For a lot of us, that first

749
00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:50,680
Speaker 1: thought is so painful. And by the way, that first

750
00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:56,080
Speaker 1: thought is actually your current definition of rejection or failure.

751
00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:58,200
Speaker 1: That is the meaning, whether you know it or not,

752
00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:01,920
Speaker 1: that you're assigning to rejection or failure. And that meaning

753
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:04,440
Speaker 1: for so many of us is so painful that it

754
00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:07,040
Speaker 1: will keep us stuck. We will quit, we will give up,

755
00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:10,040
Speaker 1: right And so for me my whole life, it was, oh, yeah,

756
00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:13,120
Speaker 1: there's proof I'm not enough. And in this single moment

757
00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:17,160
Speaker 1: crying under the covers, then googling all these people and realizing, wow,

758
00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:20,800
Speaker 1: they've all had a million rejections. They're just the brave

759
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:24,719
Speaker 1: ones willing to keep going anyways, And that day I

760
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:28,520
Speaker 1: wrote down, rejection does not mean I'm not enough. Rejection

761
00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:31,360
Speaker 1: means I'm one of the brave ones. Like it's a victory.

762
00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:34,000
Speaker 1: I'm one of the brave ones willing to keep going.

763
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:35,959
Speaker 1: Forward anyway, I am not one of the ones sitting

764
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:39,440
Speaker 1: on the sidelines in regret, right, No, I'm one of

765
00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:42,640
Speaker 1: the brave ones. And so I reframed it, and then

766
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:45,919
Speaker 1: every time I got another no, I committed right, because

767
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:47,719
Speaker 1: right away I would think, oh, yeah, proof I'm not enough,

768
00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:50,920
Speaker 1: like no, no, no, no, I'd intercept that thought replace it

769
00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:54,000
Speaker 1: with this new definition, like this is a victory means

770
00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:56,400
Speaker 1: I'm one of the brave ones willing to go for it,

771
00:39:56,440 --> 00:40:00,040
Speaker 1: and I believe that to be true. And so this

772
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:03,400
Speaker 1: four part our framework is to reveal your current definition

773
00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:05,640
Speaker 1: of rejection, which we all did right the first thought

774
00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:08,640
Speaker 1: you have and you rejected or failure, that's actually your

775
00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 1: current definition. And for a lot of us, it's real

776
00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:13,120
Speaker 1: painful when I ask groups of people this. It's like

777
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:16,080
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have even tried. I'm a loser, I'm stupid.

778
00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:20,920
Speaker 1: Why did I go for it? That's your current definition exactly.

779
00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:24,480
Speaker 1: And so then when you redefine it, which is what

780
00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:27,480
Speaker 1: I started to do in that moment where I wrote out, oh,

781
00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:29,600
Speaker 1: rejection doesn't mean I'm not enough, it means I'm one

782
00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:31,319
Speaker 1: of the brave ones willing to go for it. And

783
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:34,120
Speaker 1: then I started building a toolbox in my life. That's

784
00:40:34,239 --> 00:40:38,920
Speaker 1: great of new definitions. So another one I love is rejections.

785
00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:45,040
Speaker 1: God's protection, right, Rejection is the Universe's protection. Rejection means

786
00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:48,360
Speaker 1: I'm one step closer to that. Yes, Rejection is that

787
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:50,800
Speaker 1: I'm putting in the reps. I'm getting strong enough to

788
00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:53,000
Speaker 1: carry the weight of my success when it does happen.

789
00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:57,040
Speaker 1: Rejection means like, Okay, I'm excited for what's coming because

790
00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:59,640
Speaker 1: this is not happening to me, it's happening for me,

791
00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:02,960
Speaker 1: and I cannot wait to write. So I go through

792
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:05,800
Speaker 1: in the book how you do this and build this

793
00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:09,799
Speaker 1: new set of definitions that you're committed to. And then

794
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:13,400
Speaker 1: the third R is my favorite, and it is called revisit.

795
00:41:13,840 --> 00:41:18,080
Speaker 1: And this is the one that will change everything. It's

796
00:41:18,120 --> 00:41:21,080
Speaker 1: going to be really emotional for everyone likely who does it.

797
00:41:21,920 --> 00:41:25,960
Speaker 1: But Jay, a lot of us have past rejections or failures.

798
00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:29,000
Speaker 1: The person that broke our heart, the person that we

799
00:41:29,040 --> 00:41:31,240
Speaker 1: wanted it to work out so bad and it didn't,

800
00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:33,600
Speaker 1: or the job we wanted so bad and they didn't

801
00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:36,279
Speaker 1: see our value and we don't know why, or the

802
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:38,600
Speaker 1: partner who betrayed us, or the friend that pulled the

803
00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:41,160
Speaker 1: rug out from underneath you, or the new friend that

804
00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:43,200
Speaker 1: did not invite you to the party and you don't

805
00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:46,960
Speaker 1: know why. And the third R is revisit And this

806
00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:49,920
Speaker 1: is where you go to rejections that have happened that

807
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:54,160
Speaker 1: you've let take root into your identity and convinced you

808
00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:57,040
Speaker 1: you're somehow a rejector you're somehow a failure. And then

809
00:41:57,080 --> 00:42:00,759
Speaker 1: you apply these first two steps to them, reveal what

810
00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:03,400
Speaker 1: your meaning is you're giving to them, and then you

811
00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:08,839
Speaker 1: redefine them. And this is like, oh my gosh, so

812
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 1: many of us are letting past rejections and failures stick

813
00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:16,320
Speaker 1: to us like labels that we think are permanent, that

814
00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:19,400
Speaker 1: are like lead balloons on our wings when we're trying

815
00:42:19,400 --> 00:42:22,000
Speaker 1: to fly and we're trying to soar, but we're holding

816
00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:25,680
Speaker 1: ourselves down. And I have done this with so many

817
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:28,840
Speaker 1: things in my life and it has been huge because

818
00:42:29,239 --> 00:42:32,680
Speaker 1: two quick things. I'm so excited. But you know, I

819
00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:36,279
Speaker 1: was adopted and I was raised by parents who, oh

820
00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:38,759
Speaker 1: my gosh, I feel so blessed, but they worked a lot,

821
00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:41,560
Speaker 1: and I was always home alone watching Oprah in my

822
00:42:41,640 --> 00:42:44,480
Speaker 1: living room. But all growing up and later in life

823
00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:47,000
Speaker 1: I found out I was adopted and I always had

824
00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:49,800
Speaker 1: this told myself the story that or I always felt

825
00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:54,600
Speaker 1: abandoned or unwanted, and the way that that came out

826
00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:56,799
Speaker 1: in my life, Oh my gosh, Like I would stay

827
00:42:56,840 --> 00:42:59,760
Speaker 1: in toxic relationships because I didn't want to abandon the person.

828
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:02,400
Speaker 1: Later on, when I'm crushing it in business and have

829
00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:05,239
Speaker 1: over a thousand employees in my company, I would not

830
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:09,920
Speaker 1: fire employees soon enough when like they really really deserved it,

831
00:43:10,040 --> 00:43:12,839
Speaker 1: because I didn't want to abandon them. And I went

832
00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:17,160
Speaker 1: through this process in the book, and I realized the

833
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:19,719
Speaker 1: meaning I was giving to being adopted, the meaning I

834
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:23,120
Speaker 1: was given to growing up alone a lot. And I realized, Okay,

835
00:43:23,239 --> 00:43:26,040
Speaker 1: I can tell myself that story or I can actually

836
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:29,319
Speaker 1: redefine it in a way I know is true. And

837
00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:32,359
Speaker 1: I just decided, okay, you know what, my birth mom

838
00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:35,480
Speaker 1: and dad were together one time. Ever, like God chose

839
00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:38,000
Speaker 1: me to be conceived, and then my birth mom's life

840
00:43:38,040 --> 00:43:39,880
Speaker 1: would have been so much easier if she did not

841
00:43:39,960 --> 00:43:43,120
Speaker 1: have me, but she chose to bring me in the world,

842
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:46,040
Speaker 1: and my parents chose to raise me. I'm like, I'm

843
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:50,000
Speaker 1: not unwanted, I'm chosen, and like I believe that to

844
00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:53,200
Speaker 1: be true, and it has shifted how I show up

845
00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:56,280
Speaker 1: in friendships. It has shifted how I believe I'm worthy

846
00:43:56,320 --> 00:44:00,319
Speaker 1: of friendships and my all time favorite just in case

847
00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:02,840
Speaker 1: someone needs this today, because I think so many of

848
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:06,040
Speaker 1: us have been hurt by other people, have been hurt,

849
00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:08,120
Speaker 1: have people have not loved us the way we need,

850
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:11,239
Speaker 1: or we're just hurt because we feel like we're not included,

851
00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:13,480
Speaker 1: or our friend doesn't see our value, or we're trying

852
00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:16,040
Speaker 1: so hard to put ourselves out there and it's not working.

853
00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:19,960
Speaker 1: I will tell myself this definition, and this is for

854
00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:22,520
Speaker 1: someone who needs this today. I feel it my soul.

855
00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:27,879
Speaker 1: I will literally imagine God saying to me, oh, you

856
00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:32,959
Speaker 1: weren't rejected. I hid your value from them because they're

857
00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:36,719
Speaker 1: not assigned to your destiny. And I will believe it.

858
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:39,600
Speaker 1: And even to this day, it helps me, like, let

859
00:44:39,680 --> 00:44:42,800
Speaker 1: rejections rule right off me. Like if I'm not invited

860
00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:45,160
Speaker 1: to a party, Jay, the old me wants to think

861
00:44:45,239 --> 00:44:48,160
Speaker 1: I'm not enough, and right away I'm like, oh, Okay,

862
00:44:48,239 --> 00:44:50,520
Speaker 1: God's blocking my value from that person because I don't

863
00:44:50,560 --> 00:44:52,279
Speaker 1: know why, but they're not assigned to my destiny. And

864
00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:54,440
Speaker 1: I'm gonna trust it. I'm gonna believe it, and it

865
00:44:54,520 --> 00:44:56,800
Speaker 1: helps me not let these things take root in my

866
00:44:56,920 --> 00:45:00,839
Speaker 1: identity and it helps me just like break free from them.

867
00:45:01,239 --> 00:45:03,680
Speaker 1: And so I go through the whole four part framework

868
00:45:03,719 --> 00:45:06,319
Speaker 1: of how to do this. But I can tell you

869
00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:10,840
Speaker 1: it's almost never an accident when someone has been able

870
00:45:10,880 --> 00:45:14,359
Speaker 1: to create or build or succeed in something. And while

871
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:16,080
Speaker 1: I have made so many mistakes and I have a

872
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:18,160
Speaker 1: lot of issues in my life right now, fear of

873
00:45:18,200 --> 00:45:21,359
Speaker 1: rejection and failure is not one of them. It is

874
00:45:21,600 --> 00:45:24,520
Speaker 1: literally one of the tools on how I endured hundreds

875
00:45:24,520 --> 00:45:28,080
Speaker 1: and hundreds and hundreds of rejections. And then Jay like,

876
00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:31,320
Speaker 1: what's so kind of cool? This is cool? Is just

877
00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:33,080
Speaker 1: because I know someone needs to hear this today. That

878
00:45:33,160 --> 00:45:37,000
Speaker 1: someone else's doubt about you is no indication. It's no

879
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:39,759
Speaker 1: indication of your potential, of if your dream's going to work,

880
00:45:39,760 --> 00:45:41,399
Speaker 1: of if your idea is going to work, if if

881
00:45:41,400 --> 00:45:43,920
Speaker 1: you're gonna make it, if your business is going to succeed.

882
00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:47,000
Speaker 1: And I look back and every single person that told

883
00:45:47,040 --> 00:45:50,080
Speaker 1: me no along the journey of building at Cosmetics, and

884
00:45:50,120 --> 00:45:53,600
Speaker 1: sometimes it was years, even after we built the number

885
00:45:53,600 --> 00:45:56,160
Speaker 1: one brand and QVC number one beauty brand in their history,

886
00:45:56,280 --> 00:45:59,000
Speaker 1: after they said no for years even after that, I

887
00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:01,360
Speaker 1: think it was like know how many more years before

888
00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:04,760
Speaker 1: Sephora finally said yes, it was no after know it forever,

889
00:46:05,120 --> 00:46:08,399
Speaker 1: and every single one of those nos turned into a yes,

890
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:12,719
Speaker 1: every single one of them. And it's just like, I

891
00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:15,719
Speaker 1: don't know who needs to hear this, but if you

892
00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:18,279
Speaker 1: have a knowing, if you have a knowing that you

893
00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:20,799
Speaker 1: are supposed to be doing what you're doing, whether it's

894
00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:23,160
Speaker 1: putting your art or your talent out there in the world,

895
00:46:23,239 --> 00:46:26,520
Speaker 1: or going for that job or launching that business, like

896
00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:31,960
Speaker 1: other people's nos cannot compete with your knowing. And you've

897
00:46:31,960 --> 00:46:34,080
Speaker 1: got to trust your knowing. The second you start trusting

898
00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:35,680
Speaker 1: all those other nos or the nos that get in

899
00:46:35,719 --> 00:46:38,200
Speaker 1: your head, that will take you down all day long,

900
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:41,399
Speaker 1: right it will. But those that rejection, those nos are

901
00:46:41,440 --> 00:46:44,319
Speaker 1: no indication of your potential. And so it was just

902
00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:46,640
Speaker 1: really important for me to go through. It's really a

903
00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:50,080
Speaker 1: masterclass in that and worthy on. How do you reframe

904
00:46:50,120 --> 00:46:52,640
Speaker 1: rejection and learn to believe it so it does not

905
00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:55,120
Speaker 1: have power over you and it doesn't take root in

906
00:46:55,160 --> 00:46:57,640
Speaker 1: your self worth and it doesn't hold you back. So

907
00:46:58,239 --> 00:47:00,719
Speaker 1: I hope I can't wait for to hear how this

908
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:03,520
Speaker 1: blesses people, and I want them to share this first

909
00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:06,080
Speaker 1: of all, any when listening, share this episode with someone

910
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:08,200
Speaker 1: who's like, oh my gosh, if they knew how to

911
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:12,000
Speaker 1: like reframe and know a reframe rejection. But then post

912
00:47:12,040 --> 00:47:14,240
Speaker 1: and tag j and tell them how this is impacting

913
00:47:14,239 --> 00:47:18,440
Speaker 1: your life because this is yeah, it just tastes like freedom.

914
00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:22,200
Speaker 1: And it's all a lie. You know, someone else's rejection

915
00:47:22,360 --> 00:47:25,600
Speaker 1: impacts our potential. That is a lie. That is a lie,

916
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:27,480
Speaker 1: and when we learn not to believe it, it's just

917
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:29,000
Speaker 1: it's freedom.

918
00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:32,480
Speaker 2: You can see the freedom on your face. And I

919
00:47:32,480 --> 00:47:34,759
Speaker 2: want I want to know just so that you know

920
00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:36,799
Speaker 2: some of the other lies that I think you'll love

921
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:40,120
Speaker 2: to read when you get the book. Lie, I don't

922
00:47:40,160 --> 00:47:42,600
Speaker 2: have anything special to offer. You're going to love that

923
00:47:42,719 --> 00:47:46,360
Speaker 2: chapter another lie. I need to please them to love me.

924
00:47:46,960 --> 00:47:49,120
Speaker 2: That's going to be another lie. That chapter is going

925
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:52,239
Speaker 2: to blow your mind. And there are so many other

926
00:47:52,360 --> 00:47:56,520
Speaker 2: phenomenal inside tools. Jamie has just shared a tip of

927
00:47:56,560 --> 00:47:58,840
Speaker 2: the Iceberg version of some of the amazing tools that

928
00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:01,960
Speaker 2: are inside this book. And Jamie, I want to ask

929
00:48:02,040 --> 00:48:04,440
Speaker 2: you one last question that I'm sitting with us, I'm

930
00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:07,520
Speaker 2: looking at your beautiful cover I'm witnessing you like a

931
00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:12,720
Speaker 2: rocket ship flying off of this seat. And which lie

932
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:14,840
Speaker 2: are you still trying to unlearn?

933
00:48:15,640 --> 00:48:20,040
Speaker 1: Which lie am I still trying to unlearn? I think

934
00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:25,319
Speaker 1: every single day I work to unlearn them. The one

935
00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:29,080
Speaker 1: I will say that I that feels the best to

936
00:48:29,200 --> 00:48:33,680
Speaker 1: be unlearning right now. I mentioned it a little bit

937
00:48:33,680 --> 00:48:35,799
Speaker 1: earlier but didn't go into it. And maybe this is

938
00:48:35,840 --> 00:48:37,880
Speaker 1: exactly for someone right now. It's so funny. I'm not

939
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:39,680
Speaker 1: even thinking about you and me. I am thinking about

940
00:48:39,680 --> 00:48:42,800
Speaker 1: the person listening who is just going to break free

941
00:48:43,200 --> 00:48:46,799
Speaker 1: with this. That's why I'm getting so excited. But my

942
00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:49,080
Speaker 1: whole life jay for anyone who has felt like they're

943
00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:51,960
Speaker 1: a little odd or different, or maybe they don't quite

944
00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:54,440
Speaker 1: fit in with their family, or they're like the one

945
00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:56,400
Speaker 1: that likes to read books when no one else does,

946
00:48:56,719 --> 00:48:59,520
Speaker 1: or they're the one that you know, I used yes

947
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:05,279
Speaker 1: podcast or has big dreams. I always felt like I

948
00:49:05,320 --> 00:49:07,560
Speaker 1: had to kind of change who I was to fit in,

949
00:49:08,400 --> 00:49:12,120
Speaker 1: and that who I was, if I was fully me,

950
00:49:12,840 --> 00:49:16,120
Speaker 1: I would not belong And I always kind of felt

951
00:49:16,160 --> 00:49:18,880
Speaker 1: like that, and I always felt a little bit different,

952
00:49:18,920 --> 00:49:20,880
Speaker 1: and I remember growing up I would have these big,

953
00:49:20,920 --> 00:49:24,640
Speaker 1: wild ideas about you know, things that could impact the world.

954
00:49:24,719 --> 00:49:29,640
Speaker 1: And again, I have loving, blessed, loving family, but I

955
00:49:29,640 --> 00:49:32,080
Speaker 1: would often hear things like things like that don't happen

956
00:49:32,080 --> 00:49:35,120
Speaker 1: to people like us, or you know things like that, right,

957
00:49:35,160 --> 00:49:39,360
Speaker 1: And I remember, and I'd always hear like, you're crazy,

958
00:49:39,400 --> 00:49:41,759
Speaker 1: you're crazy, and it was a term of endearment, but

959
00:49:41,960 --> 00:49:44,000
Speaker 1: you know you're crazy. Who do you think you are?

960
00:49:44,520 --> 00:49:47,520
Speaker 1: And I just got really good at dimming my own

961
00:49:47,600 --> 00:49:51,319
Speaker 1: light to make everyone comfortable. I got really good at

962
00:49:51,360 --> 00:49:55,760
Speaker 1: people pleasing, And in my twenties, I was the first

963
00:49:55,800 --> 00:49:58,319
Speaker 1: person in my five families that I'm aware of to

964
00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:00,600
Speaker 1: go to therapy. No one had ever on a therapy

965
00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:03,359
Speaker 1: that I am aware of. And I remember flat out

966
00:50:03,400 --> 00:50:07,560
Speaker 1: asking my therapist. I said, you know, I'm am I crazy,

967
00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:11,000
Speaker 1: Like my family's always said these words as terms of endearment,

968
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:13,600
Speaker 1: but like I feel like I'm very different and I

969
00:50:13,640 --> 00:50:15,879
Speaker 1: don't fit in. And I asked her and she said,

970
00:50:16,120 --> 00:50:18,840
Speaker 1: You're not crazy, but I'm really glad you're here. And

971
00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:21,800
Speaker 1: she explained to me that when you are the first

972
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:25,960
Speaker 1: in your family or your peer group, or the people

973
00:50:25,960 --> 00:50:28,480
Speaker 1: you are raised around or your colleagues, when you're the

974
00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:31,719
Speaker 1: first to actually be brave enough to be who you

975
00:50:31,800 --> 00:50:36,320
Speaker 1: authentically are and be willing to think different or love different,

976
00:50:36,480 --> 00:50:41,239
Speaker 1: or vote different or create different right that will. It

977
00:50:41,360 --> 00:50:44,480
Speaker 1: often comes with feeling othered or feeling like you don't

978
00:50:44,560 --> 00:50:47,480
Speaker 1: quite fit in or you don't quite belong because you

979
00:50:47,520 --> 00:50:51,720
Speaker 1: are the first ever you. And I remember this moment

980
00:50:52,320 --> 00:50:54,640
Speaker 1: that hit me like a light bulb, like so bright

981
00:50:54,719 --> 00:50:59,000
Speaker 1: it burst, when I realized I'm not crazy, I'm just first.

982
00:50:59,560 --> 00:51:02,239
Speaker 1: Not crazy, I'm just first. I'm the first ever me

983
00:51:02,640 --> 00:51:05,840
Speaker 1: and every person listening to you and me right now,

984
00:51:06,239 --> 00:51:09,520
Speaker 1: like you are the first ever you. And if you

985
00:51:09,680 --> 00:51:12,239
Speaker 1: are one of the brave ones willing to show up

986
00:51:12,239 --> 00:51:15,600
Speaker 1: in this life as who you truly authentically are, you

987
00:51:15,680 --> 00:51:19,359
Speaker 1: are first. There has never been another you before, there

988
00:51:19,400 --> 00:51:21,840
Speaker 1: will never be another you again, Like no one in

989
00:51:21,840 --> 00:51:24,800
Speaker 1: this world has your unique fingerprints or tongue print or

990
00:51:25,360 --> 00:51:28,000
Speaker 1: iris of your eyes, or we all have a unique heartbeat.

991
00:51:28,280 --> 00:51:30,680
Speaker 1: But also, if you think about this, right for everyone listening,

992
00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:33,799
Speaker 1: no one else has you know the experiences you have

993
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:37,040
Speaker 1: and the emotions that you feel or sees art or

994
00:51:37,120 --> 00:51:40,200
Speaker 1: beauty in the world the way you do. And so

995
00:51:40,719 --> 00:51:44,480
Speaker 1: when you show up authentically as who you are, do

996
00:51:44,680 --> 00:51:48,680
Speaker 1: not be surprised if not. Everyone gets it like they've

997
00:51:48,680 --> 00:51:50,400
Speaker 1: never seen another you before.

998
00:51:50,840 --> 00:51:51,000
Speaker 3: Right.

999
00:51:51,080 --> 00:51:53,440
Speaker 1: There's no social proof that your idea is gonna work

1000
00:51:53,480 --> 00:51:56,040
Speaker 1: if you're doing it authentically because it's never been done before.

1001
00:51:56,280 --> 00:51:58,840
Speaker 1: And when we talk about that lie about oh I

1002
00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:03,520
Speaker 1: have nothing special to Okay, I walked into a beauty

1003
00:52:03,520 --> 00:52:07,480
Speaker 1: industry with tens of thousands of brands, and I launched

1004
00:52:07,480 --> 00:52:09,680
Speaker 1: a concealer, then a foundation that has been done a

1005
00:52:09,680 --> 00:52:12,520
Speaker 1: million times before. But guess what I dare to do

1006
00:52:12,600 --> 00:52:15,879
Speaker 1: it authentic to me, right, and that has never been

1007
00:52:15,880 --> 00:52:18,880
Speaker 1: done before. And so for every person listening who thinks

1008
00:52:19,239 --> 00:52:21,600
Speaker 1: someone's done my idea, someone's done it better than me,

1009
00:52:21,719 --> 00:52:24,440
Speaker 1: someone's done it smarter than me, that is a lie.

1010
00:52:24,760 --> 00:52:27,040
Speaker 1: Because when you are willing to be the brave one

1011
00:52:27,080 --> 00:52:30,759
Speaker 1: and show up is who you authentically are, you cannot

1012
00:52:30,800 --> 00:52:33,480
Speaker 1: prove me wrong. It has never been done before. Your

1013
00:52:33,520 --> 00:52:35,799
Speaker 1: idea has never been done before the way you're gonna

1014
00:52:35,840 --> 00:52:38,080
Speaker 1: do it. And that is why it is your superpower

1015
00:52:38,320 --> 00:52:41,439
Speaker 1: to be fully authentically you, because we think, oh, those

1016
00:52:41,480 --> 00:52:43,640
Speaker 1: things are wrong if they found out who I really

1017
00:52:43,719 --> 00:52:46,880
Speaker 1: am of you know, oh h ah, the second you

1018
00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:51,080
Speaker 1: are not you, there's an automatic barrier of disconnection between

1019
00:52:51,160 --> 00:52:54,720
Speaker 1: you and customers, you and a potential partner, you and friends.

1020
00:52:55,040 --> 00:52:57,760
Speaker 1: When you are who you fully are, even the quirks

1021
00:52:57,800 --> 00:53:00,960
Speaker 1: and all that is your superpower. You are not crazy.

1022
00:53:01,160 --> 00:53:04,960
Speaker 1: You are just first. And that has been I think

1023
00:53:06,239 --> 00:53:09,640
Speaker 1: of all the lies, that is the one that is

1024
00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:13,000
Speaker 1: the most freeing, It is the most liberating. It has

1025
00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:16,880
Speaker 1: brought me so much closer in my friendships right and

1026
00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:20,720
Speaker 1: walking into this room with you, Jay Sheddy, a friend

1027
00:53:20,719 --> 00:53:24,680
Speaker 1: who I love and a door if I am thinking about, oh,

1028
00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:27,120
Speaker 1: I need to be a great guest and say the

1029
00:53:27,239 --> 00:53:29,759
Speaker 1: right things, and I do. There's now a barrier of

1030
00:53:29,840 --> 00:53:32,680
Speaker 1: disconnection between me and you, between me and every single

1031
00:53:32,680 --> 00:53:36,640
Speaker 1: person listening and watching right now. And there's probably a

1032
00:53:36,719 --> 00:53:39,400
Speaker 1: billion things I've said that I could do such a

1033
00:53:39,400 --> 00:53:42,000
Speaker 1: better job at. But guess what I said, am fully me.

1034
00:53:42,680 --> 00:53:44,799
Speaker 1: I was jumping out of my chair because that is full.

1035
00:53:45,080 --> 00:53:48,080
Speaker 1: But this is how people connect. And so every person

1036
00:53:48,200 --> 00:53:52,000
Speaker 1: listening who feels like they have to be something slightly

1037
00:53:52,080 --> 00:53:56,000
Speaker 1: other than who they are, ah ah ah, you are

1038
00:53:56,000 --> 00:54:00,279
Speaker 1: not crazy or a different You're first, right, And the

1039
00:54:00,360 --> 00:54:02,360
Speaker 1: last thing I'll say to that Jay, When I was

1040
00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:05,479
Speaker 1: finally got one shot on QVC after years them telling

1041
00:54:05,520 --> 00:54:08,520
Speaker 1: me no, and we sold out in ten minutes, which

1042
00:54:08,560 --> 00:54:10,879
Speaker 1: is a wild story. And then I eventually did over

1043
00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:13,359
Speaker 1: one thousand live shows. Right we were selling over two

1044
00:54:13,400 --> 00:54:15,200
Speaker 1: hundred million dollars in product a year just meet to

1045
00:54:15,239 --> 00:54:17,960
Speaker 1: a camera on QVC. I mean, the whole thing was wild.

1046
00:54:18,280 --> 00:54:21,160
Speaker 1: But I sat in that green room for over eight years,

1047
00:54:21,200 --> 00:54:24,280
Speaker 1: over one thousand shows, and I met tens of thousands

1048
00:54:24,280 --> 00:54:29,000
Speaker 1: of entrepreneurs, of brand founders, of celebrities, of people that

1049
00:54:29,120 --> 00:54:32,160
Speaker 1: came in to sell their product on air. One out

1050
00:54:32,160 --> 00:54:35,120
Speaker 1: of every I don't know a thousand ever come back

1051
00:54:35,160 --> 00:54:37,920
Speaker 1: because it is so hard to hit the sales numbers

1052
00:54:38,080 --> 00:54:39,840
Speaker 1: because you're live on air and they know by the

1053
00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:42,520
Speaker 1: second if you're hitting sales numbers. And I remember watching

1054
00:54:42,560 --> 00:54:44,239
Speaker 1: this and this is for everyone listening right now. I

1055
00:54:44,239 --> 00:54:47,920
Speaker 1: remember watching over an eight year window, going what is

1056
00:54:47,960 --> 00:54:51,600
Speaker 1: that commonality with the very few who make it? What

1057
00:54:51,760 --> 00:54:54,520
Speaker 1: is that the very few who get you know, hey,

1058
00:54:54,680 --> 00:54:58,320
Speaker 1: hit numbers, get invited back another time and eventually build

1059
00:54:58,400 --> 00:55:01,399
Speaker 1: something that lasts. What is that commonality? And I would

1060
00:55:01,480 --> 00:55:04,600
Speaker 1: just watch watch tens of thousands of from every the

1061
00:55:04,640 --> 00:55:07,000
Speaker 1: biggest brands in the world, the most famous people in

1062
00:55:07,040 --> 00:55:10,680
Speaker 1: the world, the greatest founders, and literally it was not

1063
00:55:10,760 --> 00:55:13,239
Speaker 1: who had the best product, It was not who is

1064
00:55:13,280 --> 00:55:16,080
Speaker 1: the most famous. It was not who's giving the best

1065
00:55:16,120 --> 00:55:18,560
Speaker 1: discount or deal of the day, none of that. And

1066
00:55:18,560 --> 00:55:22,200
Speaker 1: it was not who's the most seasoned salesperson or television professional.

1067
00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:25,520
Speaker 1: The only thing they had in common, the very few

1068
00:55:25,520 --> 00:55:28,160
Speaker 1: who made it, was that they are the same on

1069
00:55:28,280 --> 00:55:31,120
Speaker 1: air when they are talking to customers and selling their

1070
00:55:31,120 --> 00:55:33,919
Speaker 1: product as they are off air in the green room.

1071
00:55:34,520 --> 00:55:37,080
Speaker 1: And it did not matter if they're extroverted or introverted,

1072
00:55:37,239 --> 00:55:39,840
Speaker 1: if they're quirky and out there in big personality or

1073
00:55:39,880 --> 00:55:43,040
Speaker 1: like really quiet and very like meticulate, it didn't matter.

1074
00:55:43,160 --> 00:55:46,160
Speaker 1: It's the ones that were the exact same, because you

1075
00:55:46,200 --> 00:55:50,920
Speaker 1: cannot fake authenticity and customers and people sense it and

1076
00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:53,880
Speaker 1: feel it. Whether it's your online community or it's the

1077
00:55:54,040 --> 00:55:56,680
Speaker 1: people buying your pric it doesn't matter. And when I

1078
00:55:56,800 --> 00:56:00,160
Speaker 1: watch that, I'm like, this is the most freeing thing

1079
00:56:00,160 --> 00:56:04,280
Speaker 1: ever because it takes all the pressure off of feeling

1080
00:56:04,320 --> 00:56:06,520
Speaker 1: like you got to be something you're not, or you

1081
00:56:06,600 --> 00:56:09,040
Speaker 1: got to show up as your representative. And I saw

1082
00:56:09,239 --> 00:56:14,560
Speaker 1: proof before my eyes in the form of literally success

1083
00:56:14,600 --> 00:56:17,960
Speaker 1: of conversion to sales of people trusting that person, like

1084
00:56:18,440 --> 00:56:21,759
Speaker 1: right before my eyes, year after year after year, that

1085
00:56:22,160 --> 00:56:24,520
Speaker 1: it does not matter how you show up, you just

1086
00:56:24,520 --> 00:56:27,799
Speaker 1: have to be authentic, like that's it, and how few

1087
00:56:27,800 --> 00:56:31,040
Speaker 1: people are and what I realized. The last thing I'll

1088
00:56:31,040 --> 00:56:33,840
Speaker 1: say is that that I realize this lesson that I

1089
00:56:33,840 --> 00:56:36,000
Speaker 1: try to live by every single day because I think

1090
00:56:36,000 --> 00:56:39,080
Speaker 1: this applies to every area of our lives. That while

1091
00:56:39,239 --> 00:56:46,400
Speaker 1: authenticity alone does not automatically guarantee success, in authenticity guarantees

1092
00:56:46,440 --> 00:56:52,200
Speaker 1: failure every time over time in every area of our life.

1093
00:56:52,800 --> 00:56:56,640
Speaker 1: But when we embrace that, it's just all the pressure

1094
00:56:56,680 --> 00:57:01,280
Speaker 1: comes off and it just tastes like freedom, It feels

1095
00:57:01,280 --> 00:57:04,760
Speaker 1: like joy. So when we live in alignment with our assignment.

1096
00:57:04,960 --> 00:57:09,239
Speaker 2: Jamie, I want to thank you for revealing and releasing

1097
00:57:09,280 --> 00:57:11,680
Speaker 2: so many of the lives I have and within me

1098
00:57:11,840 --> 00:57:15,279
Speaker 2: during this conversation too, I really felt that sitting here

1099
00:57:15,360 --> 00:57:20,600
Speaker 2: and consuming and deeply immersing myself in what you were saying,

1100
00:57:21,520 --> 00:57:27,560
Speaker 2: there were so many wonderful releases that happened just in

1101
00:57:27,560 --> 00:57:29,720
Speaker 2: that process. And I'm sure that I'm not the only one.

1102
00:57:29,760 --> 00:57:32,240
Speaker 2: And so if you've been listening or watching, I'd love

1103
00:57:32,240 --> 00:57:34,360
Speaker 2: for you to grab a copy of Jamie's book Worthy,

1104
00:57:34,920 --> 00:57:37,960
Speaker 2: How to believe you are enough and transform your life

1105
00:57:38,440 --> 00:57:42,000
Speaker 2: simple steps, life changing results. The book is available now.

1106
00:57:42,400 --> 00:57:45,840
Speaker 2: The link is available in the caption below. Please go

1107
00:57:45,880 --> 00:57:47,840
Speaker 2: and grab a copy of this book. You're going to

1108
00:57:47,880 --> 00:57:50,920
Speaker 2: love it. And I said earlier, Jamie is donating one

1109
00:57:51,000 --> 00:57:54,000
Speaker 2: hundred percent of our author proceeds for Worthy as well,

1110
00:57:54,360 --> 00:57:57,040
Speaker 2: and so you'll also be supporting a good cause. Jamie,

1111
00:57:57,080 --> 00:58:00,640
Speaker 2: thank you for coming onto on Purpose today. So grateful

1112
00:58:00,680 --> 00:58:02,840
Speaker 2: to call you a friends, so grateful to have you

1113
00:58:03,200 --> 00:58:04,479
Speaker 2: in the studio with us, and.

1114
00:58:04,680 --> 00:58:06,680
Speaker 3: So grateful that you put this book together. So thank

1115
00:58:06,720 --> 00:58:07,320
Speaker 3: you for being here.

1116
00:58:07,440 --> 00:58:09,000
Speaker 1: Thank you, Jay, thank you so much.

1117
00:58:09,400 --> 00:58:09,720
Speaker 3: Thank you.

1118
00:58:10,040 --> 00:58:13,920
Speaker 2: If you love this episode, you'll really enjoy my episode

1119
00:58:13,960 --> 00:58:18,080
Speaker 2: with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how

1120
00:58:18,120 --> 00:58:20,560
Speaker 2: to speak to yourself with more compassion.

1121
00:58:21,000 --> 00:58:24,680
Speaker 4: My fears are only going to continue to show me

1122
00:58:24,760 --> 00:58:27,920
Speaker 4: what I'm capable of. The more that I face my fears,

1123
00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:31,640
Speaker 4: the more that I feel I'm gaining strength, I'm gaining wisdom,

1124
00:58:31,680 --> 00:58:33,560
Speaker 4: and I just want to keep doing that.