1 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:07,600 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. I'm not going to Steph. 2 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:18,759 Speaker 1: I never told you protection of I Heart Radio. It 3 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:23,239 Speaker 1: is Thursday, which means it is time for another happy hour. 4 00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:26,960 Speaker 1: As always with these drink responsibly, um, if you choose 5 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:30,960 Speaker 1: to do so. For today's drink, it has coffee in it, 6 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:34,600 Speaker 1: and I'm breaking my two cups rule, so you're gonna 7 00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:36,919 Speaker 1: say one of the cups for this episode. I was. 8 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:44,840 Speaker 1: I did it. It's fair. You do what you need to. 9 00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:49,040 Speaker 1: I think it'll be okay. So today we're talking about 10 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:51,720 Speaker 1: cinnamon rolls again, which you can go and find. I 11 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,760 Speaker 1: believe it was my very first happy hour I did. 12 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,920 Speaker 1: It was about cinnamon rolls. The troope, um, where we 13 00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:59,440 Speaker 1: discussed this drink. But Samantha, do you want to describe 14 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:03,440 Speaker 1: on the basics. Yes, I think we've described it before, 15 00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:07,480 Speaker 1: but essentially it is coffee and you get chocolate syrup 16 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:10,319 Speaker 1: or hot chocolate powder, however you want to do it. 17 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:13,280 Speaker 1: Mix it in that hot coffee, add a little dash 18 00:01:13,319 --> 00:01:16,880 Speaker 1: of cinnamon, so the cinnamon roll part, and then you 19 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:20,360 Speaker 1: can use either creamer bailies or not, and add that 20 00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:22,960 Speaker 1: into there. A little bit of whiskey if you desire 21 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,520 Speaker 1: to add a little more punch to it, whipped cream 22 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:28,600 Speaker 1: on top, a little more cinnamon, and there you have 23 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:32,720 Speaker 1: any cinnamon roll? Yes, And I am drinking mine out 24 00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:35,880 Speaker 1: of the cinnamon roll mug Samantha made me, which I adore. 25 00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:37,520 Speaker 1: I want to take it with me everywhere, but I'm 26 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:40,280 Speaker 1: also very afraid it will break. So yeah. Also, it's 27 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:47,600 Speaker 1: fifteen ounces. It's not your regular? Is that more or less? 28 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:52,440 Speaker 1: That's more coffee cup. I'm gonna have a good day then, right, 29 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:54,280 Speaker 1: So I'm like, not only did you add a little 30 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:58,080 Speaker 1: more than your typical m so the three and then 31 00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:02,880 Speaker 1: some oh no, oh you're fine. Fine, Yes, I do 32 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:05,200 Speaker 1: want to say. When I was checking out, one of 33 00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:07,360 Speaker 1: the women asked me what the whip cream was for 34 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:09,239 Speaker 1: and I said, you know, it's just I'd like to 35 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:13,680 Speaker 1: put it on coffee. And she acted like I was 36 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,519 Speaker 1: a genius and was so excited to try it. And 37 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:18,000 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, yeah, I put it on tough coffee, 38 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:21,160 Speaker 1: a little cit of it, and she was like, oh, 39 00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:23,440 Speaker 1: has she never got to that Starbucks over there? They 40 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:27,520 Speaker 1: always put cream on coffee. I'm confused. I think they 41 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:30,600 Speaker 1: were just being nice. Also, why she was asking you 42 00:02:30,639 --> 00:02:32,400 Speaker 1: about whip cream? What are that was super personal and 43 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:37,560 Speaker 1: be like, I have a date, it's a activity. I 44 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:40,760 Speaker 1: have a friend coming over. That's all you say. I mean, 45 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:43,720 Speaker 1: I wasn't looking to mess with the kind women checking 46 00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:50,000 Speaker 1: me out. I see where her head goes. I'm just saying, 47 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:51,960 Speaker 1: that's such a weird question. I guess maybe they're just 48 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:55,360 Speaker 1: being nice, but like, still, you're like, why you never 49 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:59,040 Speaker 1: know what you're gonna get with things like a whipped cream? 50 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:03,360 Speaker 1: That's true, she thought it was pie, so you know, 51 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:10,320 Speaker 1: pretty innocent. Innocent. Um, speaking of innocent, what we're talking 52 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:14,079 Speaker 1: about today is we're revisiting the idea of cinnamon rolls 53 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:18,960 Speaker 1: again because I've been thinking a lot about this this 54 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:21,800 Speaker 1: topic because obviously I love cinnamon rolls, which is the troupe, 55 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:24,320 Speaker 1: which is essentially someone who's really innocent, who's really sweet, 56 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:27,919 Speaker 1: really bright, like a light a damn sweetheart, as I 57 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:30,840 Speaker 1: like to say, And I also like reading terribly sad 58 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:34,960 Speaker 1: things about them and also writing terribly sad things happening 59 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:39,880 Speaker 1: to them. And I keep finding myself shouting, um, you 60 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:45,440 Speaker 1: can be happy, cinnamon role, let yourself be happy, And 61 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:48,360 Speaker 1: once again I find that that says something about my self. 62 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:51,400 Speaker 1: Trauma and self esteem and particularly in this case, happiness 63 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,840 Speaker 1: and Samantha knows like you, along with a bunch of 64 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:56,480 Speaker 1: my other friends, have been getting my fan fiction updates, 65 00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:59,880 Speaker 1: and this one in particular, where it's just like wreck 66 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:03,240 Speaker 1: kick me so sad, and and the author it sounds 67 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:09,360 Speaker 1: like yes. And I recently had one update where the 68 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,000 Speaker 1: author was like, I'm going to split this chapter in 69 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:13,800 Speaker 1: half because it's so sad and you're gonna want to 70 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:19,160 Speaker 1: take a break in the middle, and I was like, dang, true. Correct. 71 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:23,120 Speaker 1: But I've been thinking about this whole idea for me 72 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:27,920 Speaker 1: when a lot of times in these stories and when 73 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:31,040 Speaker 1: I write them, and I think when I would describe 74 00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:33,640 Speaker 1: them to you, you'd probably think that doesn't sound as 75 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:36,760 Speaker 1: sad as what you've been making it out to be, 76 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:40,280 Speaker 1: because it is really really sad, but it's not like 77 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,960 Speaker 1: the level of crying I have done. And I think 78 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,359 Speaker 1: part of that is it's something I really connect to 79 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:51,880 Speaker 1: where the Cinnamon role doesn't feel like they deserve happiness 80 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:55,520 Speaker 1: or that they are worthy of happiness. And there's something 81 00:04:55,560 --> 00:05:01,880 Speaker 1: about that level of insecurity and low self esteem that 82 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:06,040 Speaker 1: I just connect to really strongly and I find absolutely heartbreaking. 83 00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:10,040 Speaker 1: And I think there is like a level two of selflessness, 84 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:12,720 Speaker 1: like it's selfish to think of your own happiness, and 85 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:15,840 Speaker 1: we've talked about how that's often weaponized against women in 86 00:05:15,839 --> 00:05:19,960 Speaker 1: particular and especially when it comes to raising children. But 87 00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:21,840 Speaker 1: that's something that comes up in a lot of these 88 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:26,320 Speaker 1: two of like a key trade of the Cinnamon role 89 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:31,040 Speaker 1: is they are selfless. But then when they do want 90 00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:33,240 Speaker 1: something for themselves, when I want them like you can 91 00:05:33,279 --> 00:05:36,919 Speaker 1: be happy, they think that that's bad or wrong and 92 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:40,560 Speaker 1: they don't deserve it, and they'll feel guilty about being 93 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:44,080 Speaker 1: happy about like staying in one place, are allowing themselves 94 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:47,279 Speaker 1: to have happiness. And this is my favorite kind of tragedy, 95 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:49,359 Speaker 1: even though it makes me so sad, is when you 96 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:52,559 Speaker 1: could be happy, but you get in your own way, 97 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:55,120 Speaker 1: or you believe you don't deserve it, and even though 98 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:56,719 Speaker 1: people are trying to build you up and support you 99 00:05:56,720 --> 00:06:01,240 Speaker 1: and giving you all these options, you don't choose them 100 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:03,520 Speaker 1: because you don't think you deserve it. And that's the 101 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:06,159 Speaker 1: fan fiction that I've written that I've talked about. My 102 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:09,440 Speaker 1: Quarantine Baby is five plus pages. That's essentially how it ends, 103 00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:14,480 Speaker 1: is like this really tragic deciding that it would be 104 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:18,440 Speaker 1: better for yourself to suffer for like ever essentially to 105 00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:22,880 Speaker 1: help other people as opposed to letting yourself be happy. 106 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:27,120 Speaker 1: But yeah, and and this whole idea of like people 107 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:29,599 Speaker 1: feeling that people are better off without you, that you 108 00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:33,280 Speaker 1: want to shrink and not bother anybody I've talked about 109 00:06:33,279 --> 00:06:36,760 Speaker 1: that's how I have operated, and I've like almost lost 110 00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:41,159 Speaker 1: friendships over it because people have misinterpreted it. And also 111 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,600 Speaker 1: it can be very selfish because you're not thinking about 112 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:47,800 Speaker 1: what the other person wants, or you don't believe them 113 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:50,520 Speaker 1: when they say that they want to hang out with 114 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:53,760 Speaker 1: you or that they want you in your lives. Can 115 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,640 Speaker 1: be hard, Like we talked about that a lot to you, 116 00:06:55,800 --> 00:07:00,040 Speaker 1: for for any marginalized person, it can be hard to 117 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:02,839 Speaker 1: tell yourself that you have self worth when there's so 118 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:07,160 Speaker 1: many things telling you that you have no value. And 119 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:11,240 Speaker 1: also like this whole idea of can you be happy 120 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:14,200 Speaker 1: alone and if if you are, what does that say? 121 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:16,600 Speaker 1: And feeling like you need someone to validate you and 122 00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:22,280 Speaker 1: your happiness, your existence, your legitimacy, Like that's not good either. 123 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:27,640 Speaker 1: But I just find it interesting that that's what I've 124 00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:29,960 Speaker 1: been connecting to so strongly, and I feel like I'm 125 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:34,080 Speaker 1: almost on a precipice submit. I feel like I like 126 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:39,560 Speaker 1: I'm at a part of healing because I do I 127 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:44,160 Speaker 1: want this fictional person to be happy. And I think that, 128 00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:46,680 Speaker 1: like we talked about in the original Cinnamon role one, 129 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:50,200 Speaker 1: that's one of the things I think for me, at least, 130 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:54,280 Speaker 1: the connection to trauma is this fictional person is much 131 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:56,120 Speaker 1: easier in a lot of ways to connect to you 132 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:59,120 Speaker 1: and to feel bad forward, to feel like it's not 133 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:03,320 Speaker 1: their faults or x whit like this strong person went 134 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:05,200 Speaker 1: through this and it wasn't I don't think it's their fault. 135 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:07,440 Speaker 1: Than it wasn't my fault either. And so like me 136 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,360 Speaker 1: shouting at my computer, let yourself be happy, said, don't 137 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:13,680 Speaker 1: know what you'd be happy? It does feel like a 138 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:19,560 Speaker 1: step I've made, a step, you think. I think it's 139 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:23,440 Speaker 1: funny because perhaps this is just like owning your own 140 00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:25,840 Speaker 1: self and having a moment of self flection of being 141 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:28,840 Speaker 1: able to root for that mm before you were just 142 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:33,600 Speaker 1: like this is Desolate's not gonna happen. Maybe yeah, yeah, 143 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:38,040 Speaker 1: And I mean that's that's the saddest part for me 144 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:44,280 Speaker 1: of a lot of this is that being as a 145 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:47,240 Speaker 1: reader or as as a writer, in some case, like 146 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:50,800 Speaker 1: it's cruel, but it's almost like you think you could 147 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:52,480 Speaker 1: be happy while you're not going to be happy in 148 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:56,600 Speaker 1: the aids. Yeah, which is terrible, but that is like 149 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:58,600 Speaker 1: my favorite type of tragedy, which I know is weird 150 00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:03,280 Speaker 1: type of favorite type, but that is. But yeah, that 151 00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:06,840 Speaker 1: and there's this kind of the whole idea of being 152 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:09,720 Speaker 1: afraid of your own happiness and letting yourself be happy. 153 00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:12,200 Speaker 1: You've talked about the comparison game, and I feel like, 154 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:15,040 Speaker 1: especially over the past few years that have been so 155 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:19,240 Speaker 1: tough and dark, it is. It is hard. It feels 156 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:24,640 Speaker 1: wrong to be happy or to let yourself be happy, right. 157 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:27,920 Speaker 1: There's definitely guilt and being like, oh everything is okay. 158 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:30,480 Speaker 1: I think we've talked about this before, where my friends 159 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:33,800 Speaker 1: were all in upheaval and then I'm okay. It doesn't 160 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:37,160 Speaker 1: feel natural, right because a I'm typically the one in 161 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:41,400 Speaker 1: crisis or be being okay when everybody else is down. 162 00:09:42,640 --> 00:10:00,600 Speaker 1: Doesn't feel like I'm being supportive for sure. Yeah. Yeah, 163 00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:04,240 Speaker 1: it's an odd aspect of human nature. It makes sense, 164 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:11,120 Speaker 1: especially when you're an empathetic person that feeling happy or 165 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:15,920 Speaker 1: feeling okay when other people aren't does somehow feel selfish 166 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:20,280 Speaker 1: or guilty or wrong when it shouldn't, especially if you're 167 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:23,959 Speaker 1: you're helping and supporting in ways that you can. But yeah, 168 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:28,880 Speaker 1: that's that I feel. It's something I still struggle with 169 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:35,120 Speaker 1: and almost like if I catch myself feeling happy, I'll 170 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:38,679 Speaker 1: come up with reasons not to be happy sometimes or 171 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:43,160 Speaker 1: or just feel like an extreme amount of guilt about it. 172 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:51,320 Speaker 1: And especially because I do live alone, and I'll just 173 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:54,240 Speaker 1: get my head about, like what is any of my 174 00:10:54,320 --> 00:11:01,440 Speaker 1: existence even made? Um? It feels weird. Something else that 175 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:06,360 Speaker 1: we've discussed before is especially I can't speak for other cultures, 176 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:08,040 Speaker 1: but especially in the United States, I feel like there 177 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:13,200 Speaker 1: is an air of like being happy. I don't know 178 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:17,240 Speaker 1: how to word it exactly, but it's you should always 179 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:19,400 Speaker 1: be striving for more, like you're never going to be 180 00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:21,280 Speaker 1: happy with what you have. You should always be pushing 181 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:23,720 Speaker 1: for more. And if you're happy, that's almost like a 182 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:28,360 Speaker 1: weak thing, like a weakness, like we know we kind 183 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:31,600 Speaker 1: of have glorified pain and suffering or working or always 184 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:34,400 Speaker 1: being stressed in an odd way, like kind of going 185 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,920 Speaker 1: back to that whole workaholic thing or never taking a vacation. 186 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:41,480 Speaker 1: Here in the US, it's like we've turned happiness into 187 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:46,440 Speaker 1: or admitting you need these spaces to be happy into 188 00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:50,400 Speaker 1: a weak thing, right. Contentment is not okay, that makes 189 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:54,040 Speaker 1: you given up, yeah, exactly, and you can't really talk 190 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:57,360 Speaker 1: about it, or or if you do, usually it's in 191 00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:00,079 Speaker 1: terms of like something you've accomplished, which is absolutely something 192 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:01,760 Speaker 1: to be happy about and be pleased with it. I 193 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:04,400 Speaker 1: feel like that's sort of the one area. And even 194 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,959 Speaker 1: then sometimes people will be like, oh, she's bragging r 195 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:10,880 Speaker 1: x y Z. I shouldn't have been talking about this, 196 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:15,760 Speaker 1: and oh gosh, it's it's happy. Noess shouldn't be so 197 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:19,120 Speaker 1: complicated that it is. In a lot of ways, of course, 198 00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:24,080 Speaker 1: there's also there's a difference between happiness and contentment and uh, 199 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:28,679 Speaker 1: faking it yeah, and or trying to outdo someone and 200 00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:33,319 Speaker 1: outshine someone. There's always that too, that level of also 201 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:37,960 Speaker 1: reading the room. Yes, that is very important, but it's 202 00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:44,959 Speaker 1: absolutely true. Very good point, very very good point. And 203 00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:49,360 Speaker 1: like I think again, during our really like time of 204 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:54,200 Speaker 1: being just massive upheaval where we're all more connected than ever, 205 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:57,800 Speaker 1: that can be harder than ever as well, because I'll 206 00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:00,400 Speaker 1: just get my head about, like I feel like I 207 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:05,240 Speaker 1: can't post anything on social media because there's so much suffering, 208 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:09,560 Speaker 1: which again there's a difference between like reading the room 209 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:16,240 Speaker 1: and just shutting down completely, but yeah, that's definitely important 210 00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:18,560 Speaker 1: to this whole thing. And also, you know, happiness looks 211 00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:21,200 Speaker 1: different for different people, and and finding out what that 212 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:23,800 Speaker 1: means to you can just be a whole thing. And 213 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:26,120 Speaker 1: especially you know, as I've gone through like how do 214 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:32,360 Speaker 1: I identify sexually and what does like my being being 215 00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:34,640 Speaker 1: happy in a relationship or not being in a relationship 216 00:13:34,679 --> 00:13:36,680 Speaker 1: looks like, and all of that stuff, I've been thinking 217 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,720 Speaker 1: about it. And you can't be happy all the time, 218 00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:44,800 Speaker 1: of course, but it's it's this idea that I've been 219 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:48,480 Speaker 1: too afraid to even let myself believe that's an option 220 00:13:48,559 --> 00:13:52,600 Speaker 1: to be happy, and and then the idea that maybe 221 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:55,920 Speaker 1: I could be but I'm just too afraid to do 222 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,920 Speaker 1: it or too afraid to fight for it, or whatever 223 00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:00,280 Speaker 1: it is. I'm making it sound like I'm is rule 224 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:02,559 Speaker 1: all the time. But this is kind of what has 225 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,600 Speaker 1: been going through my head as I'm like reading these 226 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:06,640 Speaker 1: stories and connecting with them so hard and trying to 227 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:08,560 Speaker 1: figure out why I'm connecting with them so hard and 228 00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:11,240 Speaker 1: why this is what I write, is that the people 229 00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:14,080 Speaker 1: that I write consistently don't let themselves be happy and 230 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,840 Speaker 1: don't choose happiness. And so I've just been trying to 231 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:20,440 Speaker 1: work through why that is and why that does resonate 232 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:26,240 Speaker 1: with me so much, And I think, I think that's 233 00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:28,120 Speaker 1: good to think about. And I think a lot of 234 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:31,120 Speaker 1: people have been thinking about what happiness really means to 235 00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:33,200 Speaker 1: them instead of like what they think it should be, 236 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:38,080 Speaker 1: what they think it should look like. And obviously again 237 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:40,320 Speaker 1: with the whole cinnamon roll trip, but I personally do 238 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:42,800 Speaker 1: think a lot of trauma is involved in that whole thing. 239 00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:49,280 Speaker 1: And the idea is almost like they they go through 240 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:54,520 Speaker 1: all this stuff and yet they are still this you know, beautiful, bright, happy, whatever, whatever, whatever, 241 00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:57,760 Speaker 1: But this is the one area where they can't The 242 00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:01,600 Speaker 1: trauma shines is that they have low self worth. They 243 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:06,280 Speaker 1: can't be they can't allow themselves to be quote unquote 244 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,800 Speaker 1: selfish or to choose something for them that they want 245 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:11,840 Speaker 1: that would make them happy because they think they don't 246 00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:18,360 Speaker 1: deserve it because they haven't done enough or whatever. It is. Anyway, No, 247 00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:21,000 Speaker 1: I mean it could be I mean not necessarily about you, 248 00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:22,600 Speaker 1: but for a lot of people it could be. Also 249 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:25,640 Speaker 1: the difference in seeing themselves in a more dramatic manner 250 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:28,280 Speaker 1: than it is the reality. And so this was like, yes, 251 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:31,120 Speaker 1: this is me, even though it's really not you, but 252 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:34,800 Speaker 1: it could be had you been in this fantasy life. 253 00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:39,280 Speaker 1: But also being that if you have a sadder, more 254 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:42,400 Speaker 1: disposition that if you want to be a main character, 255 00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:44,880 Speaker 1: this would be the main character that you see yourself being. 256 00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:48,000 Speaker 1: So there's a whole lot of reflection on that. Also 257 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:51,680 Speaker 1: to note, for those of you who go into friendships 258 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:55,280 Speaker 1: and relationships who for the most part, feel guilty about 259 00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:58,760 Speaker 1: being happy, there could be something to be said about 260 00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:01,880 Speaker 1: the relationships you're having in there. If they're not celebrating 261 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:04,200 Speaker 1: with you, there's something wrong. There's there's a thing to 262 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:08,160 Speaker 1: be able to, yes, commiserate together, but they should be 263 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:10,200 Speaker 1: able to celebrate with you as well, So there should 264 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:13,600 Speaker 1: be an even instead, even with the worst parts of 265 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,040 Speaker 1: your day, you should be able to celebrate something. There's 266 00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:19,640 Speaker 1: something to be said to have someone in your corner 267 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:23,440 Speaker 1: who sees you and bags you and is able to 268 00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:25,880 Speaker 1: encourage you even in the worst parts of the day. 269 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:28,800 Speaker 1: So there's a lot to every that. Everything to that 270 00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:31,480 Speaker 1: if you only have friendships that only make you feel 271 00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:36,040 Speaker 1: guilty for being happy, there's something wrong with that friendship, Yes, 272 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:38,480 Speaker 1: just to put that out there for sure, And I think, 273 00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:40,320 Speaker 1: I mean most of what I'm talking about is more 274 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:43,560 Speaker 1: what I the whole you are not allowed, Like the 275 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:45,880 Speaker 1: person in the relationship is like, let me help you, 276 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,560 Speaker 1: and you're like no, because I don't deserve it. Right, 277 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:52,280 Speaker 1: But yes, Also if you do make that space and 278 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:54,920 Speaker 1: the other person is making you feel guilty, then that's 279 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:58,440 Speaker 1: a different thing. Not healthy. I mean, neither one is good, right, 280 00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:01,320 Speaker 1: like right, you need to figure out why that is, 281 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:03,760 Speaker 1: do not think. I think more of that on social media, 282 00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:08,639 Speaker 1: where it's constantly how dare you? Yeah? Man, that becomes 283 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:11,879 Speaker 1: a toxic level of like, but it's nice. It's okay 284 00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:15,040 Speaker 1: to have a moment of niceness, whether it's you got 285 00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:18,160 Speaker 1: to sit by yourself ensure. Yeah, we don't necessarily need 286 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:21,840 Speaker 1: the Kim Kardashian renting out island during pandemic and be like, 287 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:23,879 Speaker 1: look at how happy I am. We we don't that 288 00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:26,639 Speaker 1: that's not reading in the room. That's a different level. 289 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:29,960 Speaker 1: But saying I'm with someone and we're happy and we're 290 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:35,280 Speaker 1: content making a bread, that's not a bad thing, right, Yes, Yes, 291 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:39,280 Speaker 1: I mean find happiness where you can that doesn't hurt 292 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:43,800 Speaker 1: other people and it's healthy. Absolutely, But as Samantha knows, 293 00:17:44,119 --> 00:17:48,400 Speaker 1: we're about to embark on a tragedy. Come from here 294 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:54,040 Speaker 1: we go like my favorite my favorite thing obviously in 295 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,840 Speaker 1: the fiction realm, not in the real world. But I 296 00:17:56,880 --> 00:18:00,119 Speaker 1: have been telling people about it and they're like, what 297 00:18:00,119 --> 00:18:02,360 Speaker 1: what are you doing. Basically, We're gonna watch a bunch 298 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:04,000 Speaker 1: of sad things and eat a lot of soup. So 299 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,639 Speaker 1: we're gonna be sad and then comforted lots of soup. People. 300 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:12,040 Speaker 1: I love soup, so I'm very excited. Well listeners, As always, 301 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:16,719 Speaker 1: we would love to hear from you. Cheers er, happy 302 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,280 Speaker 1: happy hour. If you would like to emails, you can 303 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:21,280 Speaker 1: or email Stuffy and mom Stuff at I heart mea 304 00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:23,080 Speaker 1: dot com. You can find us on Twitter at mom 305 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:25,879 Speaker 1: Stuff Podcast or on Instagram at stuff one. Never Told You, 306 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:29,560 Speaker 1: Thanks us, Alice, super producer, Christina, thank you and thanks 307 00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:31,760 Speaker 1: to you for listening Stuff Never told these protection. I 308 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,000 Speaker 1: heart Radio for More podcast and I heard you. I 309 00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:36,000 Speaker 1: Hear Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to 310 00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:36,800 Speaker 1: your favorite shows.