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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute

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Speaker 1: break from the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

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Speaker 2: My father sent me away for his new wife. Now

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Speaker 2: he wants to rekindle. You don't get a second chance, Okay.

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Speaker 2: So I've been attending boarding school since I was ten.

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Speaker 2: I started the fifth grade at my boarding school. The

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Speaker 2: reason why I started going so early is that my

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Speaker 2: dad remarried when I was nine. My mother passed away

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Speaker 2: when I was a baby. When he remarried my stepmom

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Speaker 2: and she got pregnant with my brother, she insisted that

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Speaker 2: I be sent to boarding school so that they could

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Speaker 2: start fresh.

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Speaker 3: That's crazy, insane. You can't just start fresh with a child.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from not that into And

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Speaker 2: if you want us to meet your own stories, go

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Speaker 2: to the r slash okay storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 4: I'm Carly, I'm Sophia, I'm Riley, and Op says.

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Speaker 2: I use quotes because I used to hear them talking

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Speaker 2: about it when I still lived there. I actually heard

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Speaker 2: the discussions they'd have at night when they thought I

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Speaker 2: was sleeping. She said a lot of hurtful things about

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Speaker 2: me potentially being like my mother and possibly being a

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Speaker 2: bad influence on their future children. I guess she convinced

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Speaker 2: him because he gave in and they sent me away.

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Speaker 4: So I went to boarding school.

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Speaker 2: They had my brother and then my sister, and I

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Speaker 2: only see them in the summers and some holidays. In fact,

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Speaker 2: a lot of holidays I spend with my friend's families,

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Speaker 2: which my father has always signed off on. This especially

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Speaker 2: confuses me, considering his change of heart this summer.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I've spent the.

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Speaker 2: Last four Thanksgiving holidays in other people's houses without comment.

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Speaker 3: That's so sad. You don't have a family, man, That's

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Speaker 3: so sad.

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Speaker 2: At first, I was extremely depressed. I was really attached

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Speaker 2: to my father as a kid, and it took me

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Speaker 2: a long time to deal with being sent way, Especially

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Speaker 2: when my siblings were born. I felt a lot of

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Speaker 2: betrayal and resentment, but then I grew to deal with it.

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Speaker 2: What really helped and still helps, is that I have

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Speaker 2: a wonderful group of friends at school, and the adults

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Speaker 2: there are really supportive. My closest to friends have been

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Speaker 2: there since I arrived. I feel like they're my family.

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Speaker 2: Also a lot of the kids I go to school

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Speaker 2: with deal with what I'm dealing with in some form

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Speaker 2: or another, and this has given me a lot of perspective.

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Speaker 3: It's nice that you made friends with the kids whose

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Speaker 3: parents like.

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Speaker 2: Them additionally, and I am really grateful for this and

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Speaker 2: understand that in a lot of ways, I've been given

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Speaker 2: an amazing opportunity and have nothing to complain about in

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Speaker 2: this respect.

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Speaker 3: You a lot you could complain about things. That's okay.

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Speaker 3: You have a really good mentality about it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I go to a really nice school. I love

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Speaker 2: the grounds, I love my classes, I love the extracurriculars,

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Speaker 2: I love my teachers, and I love my friends. The

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Speaker 2: picture people paint of boarding school isn't the one that

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Speaker 2: I experience. It's pretty easy for me to say that

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Speaker 2: I prefer being at school one hundred times more than

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Speaker 2: I prefer being at my father and stepmom's home.

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Speaker 3: Oh you're Harry Potter.

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Speaker 2: Literally, when I'm in their home, I feel like an outsider.

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Speaker 4: They do their thing and I do mine.

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Speaker 2: Is especially awful, though, because I still get the sense

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Speaker 2: that my stepmother doesn't want me around when I'm there.

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Speaker 2: She barely acknowledges me and I know she influences my

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Speaker 2: brother and sister to not interact with me. Dang. I

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Speaker 2: know because I took them to a theme park two

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Speaker 2: weeks back and they told me this after a full

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Speaker 2: day of.

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Speaker 4: Having fun together. That's crazy.

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Speaker 5: Ouch.

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Speaker 2: So as much as I appreciate that I get to

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Speaker 2: that I get to have the experiences I do at school,

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Speaker 2: I can't seem to distance myself from the distaste of

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Speaker 2: my father and stepmom. In order to avoid being disrespectful

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Speaker 2: or coming off as rude, I just try to minimize

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Speaker 2: the time I spend with them. When I'm in their

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Speaker 2: home for the summer, I don't have any friends there,

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Speaker 2: so this means I go on hikes, go on runs,

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Speaker 2: go to the movies, whatever I can, just to be

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Speaker 2: active or out and about without getting into trouble.

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Speaker 4: Which brings me to the problem.

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Speaker 2: Oh, my father kind of blindsided me yesterday. He sat

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Speaker 2: down with me while I was eating breakfast, which never happens,

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Speaker 2: and told me he's concerned that I haven't wanted to

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Speaker 2: spend time with the family.

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Speaker 4: Do you want to be like, Hey, ask your wife

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Speaker 4: why that is?

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Speaker 3: Oh wait, I thought you guys wanted a fresh start.

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Speaker 4: Right, said I've literally heard you guys say that.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: H I was confused because I never perceived this need

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Speaker 2: from him, nor any space for it. He works all

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Speaker 2: year round and all day. My stepmother is always ferrying

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Speaker 2: my brother and sister to something or off with her friends,

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Speaker 2: so I didn't even think they wanted that. Then said

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Speaker 2: that he wants to keep me there for my final

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Speaker 2: two years of high school and enroll me in the

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Speaker 2: nearby private school so that I can be with the family,

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Speaker 2: and I just panicked. I get stellar grades and I'm

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Speaker 2: doing well at school. Every report he's gotten has been good.

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Speaker 2: I expressed this to him, but I was so distraught

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Speaker 2: at the idea of not going back that he insisted

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Speaker 2: my distress was an indication of how unattached from the

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Speaker 2: family I was.

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Speaker 3: The thing is, he's not row like that is true.

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Speaker 4: Why he wants to go back because he has no ope, he.

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Speaker 3: Has no connection to their family, and therefore you're ripping

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Speaker 3: them away from the only family that they have right

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Speaker 3: at this school.

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Speaker 4: It's crazy, like the last two.

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Speaker 3: Years of last school, in two years of high.

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Speaker 4: School, he's not friends.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I know I could have handled it better, but I

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Speaker 2: blew up at him After he said this, I told

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Speaker 2: him he was the reason I wasn't attached to the family,

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Speaker 2: and that removed moving me from school would only remove

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Speaker 2: me from the one place I had any real family.

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Speaker 2: This made him angry and he left, saying he was

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Speaker 2: resolved to remove me. I didn't know what to do.

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Speaker 2: How could I convince him to let me go back.

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Speaker 2: I felt like I was a kid again. It was

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Speaker 2: the same feeling all over again, and I was so angry.

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Speaker 2: We have some relevant comments. Commenter one says, I expect

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Speaker 2: that once your stepmother learns what your father has said,

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Speaker 2: she will convince him to change his mind.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe you can use her against or for you.

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Speaker 2: A Commenter two says the stepmother might actually be a

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Speaker 2: good last resort strategy here. If you try the letter

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Speaker 2: writing or having a friend's parent, having a friend's parent

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Speaker 2: or a teacher talk to your father and he doesn't

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Speaker 2: change his mind, then you've got nothing to lose in

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Speaker 2: trying to enlist your stepmother to convince him for her

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Speaker 2: own selfish reasons. It sounds like she would agree you

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Speaker 2: should go back to the school, and she is probably

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Speaker 2: the person most likely to influence your father. Opie responds

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Speaker 2: Oh god, I really hope. So comment to three says

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Speaker 2: you need to be honest with him. He'll be shocked

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Speaker 2: and deny it, but if you're honest, he'll understand. You

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Speaker 2: need to tell him you heard when you were ten

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Speaker 2: the reason you were shipped to boarding school is so

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Speaker 2: that his family could start fresh. At the time, you

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Speaker 2: resented it being displaced, but you found what you were

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Speaker 2: missing at home acceptance. You are now thriving at school

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Speaker 2: with friends who willingly and wanting have you over for Thanksgiving.

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Speaker 2: You don't feel the same at his house. You feel

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Speaker 2: like an intruder, not a true member of the family.

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Speaker 3: I do think though, that if you go that route,

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Speaker 3: I think he's just gonna be like, well, that's why

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Speaker 3: you need to stay here and connect with the family.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I've like at that point you just be like,

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Speaker 2: it's too late for that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like, oh no, academically this would mess me up. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: maybe that's the route.

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Speaker 2: Even your brother and sister admitted that your stepmom instructed

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Speaker 2: them to treat you this way. Then you drop the

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Speaker 2: truth bombshell. You will always resent him for picking his

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Speaker 2: new family over you, but you will resent him even

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Speaker 2: more if he displaces you from the only place where

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Speaker 2: you felt welcome. This conversation will not be easy, so

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Speaker 2: feel free to write it as a letter instead. You

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Speaker 2: are fifteen. You don't get to call the shots, but

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Speaker 2: you're old enough to demand your opinions be heard. Your

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Speaker 2: father is an absentee parent. He needs to learn the.

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Speaker 4: Truth, Opie says.

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Speaker 2: I really like the idea of writing a letter. I'm

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Speaker 2: going to clear my head and get started on writing

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Speaker 2: it so I can deliver it to him as soon

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Speaker 2: as possible. I really appreciate this feedback. Thanks, Opie says.

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Speaker 2: When asked if the reason the father wants op closer

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Speaker 2: to home at a local school is for financial reasons,

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Speaker 2: I'm not sure. It doesn't appear as if there are

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Speaker 2: any money problems. I know that my tuition is very expensive,

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Speaker 2: but based off the family's lifestyle, it seems like nothing.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if I'm being naive with this assumption,

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Speaker 2: though I don't want to be too detailed for the

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Speaker 2: sake of anonymity, but I know he works in a

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Speaker 2: field and for a company that makes what a lot

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Speaker 2: of people consider problematic amounts of money.

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Speaker 4: I don't know if anything has changed for him.

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Speaker 2: It's just never a thing he's discussed without me, and

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Speaker 2: I've never asked him about his money.

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Speaker 4: We have enough dated.

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Speaker 3: But I will say it does feel like such a

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Speaker 3: rich parent move to be like I'm sending you to

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Speaker 3: boarding school because I don't want to parent you anymore, right,

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Speaker 3: so long child.

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Speaker 6: I am.

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Speaker 4: I just hope that he can go back to his friend.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I really hope they don't, you know, steal you

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Speaker 3: away from your friends. I don't know how you would

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Speaker 3: have that conversation though, with your dad, Kish.

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Speaker 4: I mean I think he they're right, right, but I mean.

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Speaker 2: Technically if things are like that bad at home, and

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Speaker 2: I do feel like a court would need them to

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Speaker 2: be a little bit worse. Unfortunately, there is a way

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Speaker 2: to get like your rights over your parents with the

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Speaker 2: emancipation that you can get emancipated.

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Speaker 5: But I think that.

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Speaker 3: Against theirs because they could just be like, well, we're

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Speaker 3: paying for Obie school, right, you know. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I decided to write an email to my father. In it,

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Speaker 2: I apologize for my outburst, expressed my understanding that we

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Speaker 2: should develop a better relationship, and said that I wanted

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Speaker 2: one as well. I don't know if I really want this,

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Speaker 2: but based on feedback, it seems smart to include. I

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Speaker 2: explained that pulling me out of my school would not

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Speaker 2: result in that goal. I offered alternatives like facetiming regularly

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Speaker 2: and more consistent visits during the holidays like Thanksgiving. I

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Speaker 2: also suggested that maybe we should do something together during

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Speaker 2: this holiday so that we could talk. And we used

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Speaker 2: to hike a lot together when I was a kid,

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Speaker 2: and I suggested we go on one together like this weekend.

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Speaker 4: I feel like I've been a.

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Speaker 2: Responsible and productive student at boarding school, pointing out that

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Speaker 2: I head the Diversity Club, have provided peer tutoring each

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Speaker 2: year since eighth grade, and have maintained a good GPA,

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Speaker 2: I said that disrupting my schooling might be counterproductive. I

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Speaker 2: explained that my outburst was due to these details, rather

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Speaker 2: than my not wanting to be closer to him.

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Speaker 3: Smart that's good.

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Speaker 4: I closed out.

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Speaker 2: By saying, I know he wants what's best for me,

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Speaker 2: and I want to work with him to make that happen.

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Speaker 3: I honestly think this is a way better route than

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Speaker 3: going that like you don't like you know, I'm not

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Speaker 3: connected to you. You'd be pulling me away from the

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Speaker 3: people that I actually care about because I think that

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Speaker 3: the dad would respond right with like we need to

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Speaker 3: then we need to get you home right now.

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Speaker 2: This is good to just be like how involved I am?

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Speaker 2: Like yeah, and like preventing so much growth.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you would actually be connecting with me further by

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Speaker 3: doing right right. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: So now I'm waiting for his reply. I'm pretty anxious

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Speaker 2: because I honestly don't know how he'll respond. I'm taking

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Speaker 2: advice given to me here though, and trying to make

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Speaker 2: plans in my mind for any response. I haven't told

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Speaker 2: any of my friends yet because I know they'll tell

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Speaker 2: their parents, who may contact him, and I can't be

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Speaker 2: sure how he'll react if he refuses after my email,

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Speaker 2: maybe I'll try to have an adult intervene.

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Speaker 4: I'm still thinking it through.

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Speaker 2: We have another update, which I think is the response.

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I mean I think he handled it great.

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Speaker 3: I think you handled it as well as you could

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Speaker 3: handle it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So if he doesn't want you, then that's totally not

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Speaker 3: your fault and it really really sucks. But I feel

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Speaker 3: like that you did all that you could.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, update too, he responded. When we spoke, I told

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Speaker 2: you I had made my decision. Oh that stands not changed.

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Speaker 3: Oh, and I.

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Speaker 2: Am disappointed that you have chosen to ignore my words. No,

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Speaker 2: do not forget that you are still a child under

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Speaker 2: my care, despite what you may feel. One day you

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Speaker 2: will see the wisdom in this and be thankful. I'm

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Speaker 2: currently on my way out on business and will be

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Speaker 2: back on Saturday. Until I return and am able to

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Speaker 2: speak in person, I do not want to hear or

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Speaker 2: read another word.

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Speaker 3: About this issue.

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Speaker 2: Oh day, I'm so sad, so sad, opey. I want

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Speaker 2: to contact my headmaster and dorm parent. I have good

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Speaker 2: relationships with them, but now I really feel if they

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Speaker 2: contact him, that will be the end of it. I

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Speaker 2: think I messed this up. I shouldn't have sent that email.

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Speaker 2: I should have waited.

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Speaker 4: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: My friend's parents are all pretty influential and well known

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Speaker 2: in my dad and stepmom's social circle, and I'm worried

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Speaker 2: it will humiliate them if they find out about this

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Speaker 2: issue or try to intervene.

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Speaker 4: I feel so paralyzed.

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Speaker 3: Oh be, I don't think that you did anything wrong.

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Speaker 3: I think that you handled it the best that you could.

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Speaker 3: And also I think that you had handled it really

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Speaker 3: well considering you're fifteen years old. Yeah, you know, like, wow,

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Speaker 3: the amount of emotional maturity that you have, and also

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Speaker 3: just like tactically very you know, smart moves made in

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Speaker 3: the letter obviously didn't work, but.

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Speaker 4: I think that is the most you could have done.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, so I think that, you know, I really

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Speaker 3: hope that you're able to go back and maybe I

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Speaker 3: don't know, maybe get I think that you should tell

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Speaker 3: a trusted adult, uh, and you know you can tell

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00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:50,160
Speaker 3: them hey, Like, I don't want you to intervene, but like,

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Speaker 3: I do you want advice? Yeah? Of D three.

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Speaker 2: Though I'm going back to school, A lot has happened

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Speaker 2: in a short period of time. I don't think I

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00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,840
Speaker 2: dealt with my father's email in the smartest way, but

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Speaker 2: it worked. Advice telling me to speak to my stepmom

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Speaker 2: really stuck with me. I felt so desperate that I

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Speaker 2: spoke to my stepmom about the situation. It became very obvious,

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00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:20,360
Speaker 2: very quickly that she had no clue that my father

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Speaker 2: had wanted this.

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Speaker 3: Oh, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. I guess.

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Speaker 3: He's like, sorry, your your state?

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Speaker 4: You want to live here?

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Speaker 6: Ope?

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Speaker 3: He's like, oh, I just like really, you know, all

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Speaker 3: my friends and family, like my loved ones are at

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Speaker 3: this school and I really want to go back, and

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Speaker 3: she's like, pas, pas pas. He said that you weren't

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Speaker 3: coming here, You're going back to the boarding school. She

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Speaker 3: called the boarding school immediately take him back.

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Speaker 4: She immediately left the room.

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Speaker 2: After I explained the situation, I could hear her arguing

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Speaker 2: with him, saying it was a deal breaker and that

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Speaker 2: she wouldn't have it. He called me soon after she

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00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:09,640
Speaker 2: hung up and sounded so very angry. He said, it

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Speaker 2: was clear I had made up my mind and didn't

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Speaker 2: want to be part of the family.

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Speaker 3: What do you think was gonna happen when she found out?

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Speaker 4: I'd like that he just wasn't gonna tell her.

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Speaker 3: And also, what a freaking hypocrite. Oh, it's clear that

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Speaker 3: you don't want to be part of the family that

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Speaker 3: I actively kicked you out of and you know, neglected

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Speaker 3: you for years and years.

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Speaker 4: But you're going back to school.

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Speaker 3: You want back to school. You used your mother's wickedness,

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Speaker 3: your stepmother's wickedness to work for your.

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Speaker 4: Benefit, and honestly good.

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Speaker 2: He said that he had wanted time to let my

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Speaker 2: stepmother know and wished I had trusted him. I didn't

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Speaker 2: even know how to start explaining why I feel his

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Speaker 2: view of my feelings is so wrong before he told

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Speaker 2: me that since I didn't even want to try working

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Speaker 2: with him, he's sending me back. He ended the call saying,

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Speaker 2: I hope you can deal with the consequences of your choices.

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00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:08,800
Speaker 2: I'm angry at him because I feel like so much

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00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:12,600
Speaker 2: of this is miscommunication on his part, but I'm happy

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Speaker 2: more than anything because I get to go back.

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Speaker 4: Thank God.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to lay low, be as nice to everyone

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Speaker 2: as possible, and try to ride this out until school starts,

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Speaker 2: which is soon. I'm so relieved. We have a couple

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Speaker 2: final comments. Update three is effing glorious. He throws you

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00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:34,120
Speaker 2: away like garbage, tries to tear you away from your

346
00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:38,120
Speaker 2: friends you made as a coping mechanism after his abandonment.

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00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:42,119
Speaker 2: Then when you suggest a reasonable compromise to meet his

348
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:45,680
Speaker 2: need for affection without hurting you, he tells you that

349
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:49,040
Speaker 2: your feelings don't matter, and he has the gall to

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00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:51,320
Speaker 2: act like you should have kept his secret from his

351
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:55,560
Speaker 2: wife out of what loyalty? Why would he think you

352
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,840
Speaker 2: have any reason to help him destroy everything happy in

353
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Speaker 2: your life?

354
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Speaker 4: What a self absorbed, effing moron.

355
00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:06,359
Speaker 2: I hope you email him this comment of mine and

356
00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:09,879
Speaker 2: some choice others from this thread. Don't actually that a

357
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,679
Speaker 2: whole needs a slap in the face with some perspective.

358
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:15,920
Speaker 2: I'm a grown but adult, and I don't see how

359
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:18,680
Speaker 2: on earth you'd thank him later for what he tried

360
00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:19,000
Speaker 2: to do.

361
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Speaker 4: And that's the end of that.

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00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:25,359
Speaker 3: I agree, great comment, Great comment. Yeah, I mean it's

363
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:29,879
Speaker 3: just just so funny, so funny that he's like, so,

364
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,680
Speaker 3: I think that he feels guilt or I don't even

365
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:34,760
Speaker 3: know if he feels guilt, but I think he knows

366
00:18:35,359 --> 00:18:36,560
Speaker 3: that he's caused.

367
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,800
Speaker 2: This, maybe some guilt, but not in a way of

368
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:41,000
Speaker 2: like actually feeling bad about it.

369
00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:46,960
Speaker 3: No, he's just like, oh, like I created this relationship dynamic,

370
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,720
Speaker 3: and now maybe people are calling him out for it,

371
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:52,760
Speaker 3: or he's realizing that this doesn't look that good still

372
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:57,119
Speaker 3: all for appearance. Yeah, but I've fun at boarding school.

373
00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:00,520
Speaker 3: I want to put my mother on a system living,

374
00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:02,400
Speaker 3: but my brother is against it.

375
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Speaker 5: Your brother is against you.

376
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:08,240
Speaker 3: And this comes from the r slash Okay storytime suparat It.

377
00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:12,000
Speaker 3: I forty four male, am the youngest of my siblings.

378
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:15,320
Speaker 3: I have two brothers, Bob forty seven male and Todd

379
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:19,399
Speaker 3: fifty male. My mother's seventy female is the main focus

380
00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:22,840
Speaker 3: of this post. I'm married with one adult son, twenty

381
00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:25,480
Speaker 3: three male, who doesn't live with us. My wife and

382
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:28,199
Speaker 3: I have been together since twenty nineteen and married in

383
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:31,760
Speaker 3: twenty twenty three. She has two kids currently fourteen male

384
00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:35,080
Speaker 3: and eighteen female, who both live with us, along with

385
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:38,480
Speaker 3: two dogs. By the way, this comes from Substantial Web

386
00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:40,480
Speaker 3: seventy nine sixty four and if you want to submit

387
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,480
Speaker 3: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime,

388
00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:46,680
Speaker 3: Separate it. I'm Sophia, I'm Keon, I'm Riley, and Op says.

389
00:19:47,359 --> 00:19:51,119
Speaker 3: Bob has lived a care free life his entire existence.

390
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:57,320
Speaker 3: No kids, no home, no real job, no responsibilities. He

391
00:19:57,440 --> 00:20:01,639
Speaker 3: goes from touristtown to touristtown, getting on jobs, trying to

392
00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:05,040
Speaker 3: become rich with little effort. He has at least one

393
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:08,399
Speaker 3: get Rich Quick scheme monthly. He usually lives a day

394
00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:10,520
Speaker 3: or two drive away from the rest of the family,

395
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:13,959
Speaker 3: moving around in a vehicle or camper. I've never been

396
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,239
Speaker 3: close with him growing up, and the distance between us

397
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:20,159
Speaker 3: keeps growing. Todd has a strong, secure foothold in life.

398
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:24,199
Speaker 3: He's had a successful, high paying job for decades, owns

399
00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:28,360
Speaker 3: his home and is financially stable. He lives about two

400
00:20:28,359 --> 00:20:31,919
Speaker 3: hours away, but generally stays near family. Todd is a

401
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,919
Speaker 3: half brother with an entire other side of his family.

402
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:38,120
Speaker 3: He's closer to We get along well, but aren't very

403
00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:41,320
Speaker 3: close either. I go to him for big life decisions,

404
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:44,040
Speaker 3: but we only talk a few times a year. Mom

405
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:48,080
Speaker 3: just turns seventy and has numerous medical problems. Her photo

406
00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:52,320
Speaker 3: belongs in the dictionary under stubborn. My father passed away

407
00:20:52,359 --> 00:20:54,560
Speaker 3: twenty five years ago and she currently lives with my

408
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:58,280
Speaker 3: adult son Cho. Mom lives a very limited life due

409
00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:01,280
Speaker 3: to poor health, and her financial state is even worse.

410
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,800
Speaker 3: I was an unruly kid in my early into my

411
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:07,560
Speaker 3: early twenties. I did what I wanted when I wanted,

412
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:11,119
Speaker 3: with little regard for consequences. I was carefree and just

413
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:14,159
Speaker 3: enjoyed life good and hold down a job and just

414
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:18,639
Speaker 3: wanted fun. As the baby child, my mother spoiled me,

415
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:22,440
Speaker 3: hit my transgressions from my father, and I got away

416
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:26,680
Speaker 3: with everything. Our family is large, with extended family everywhere.

417
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:30,680
Speaker 3: Every Christmas, our entire family gathered at our grandparents' house

418
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:35,679
Speaker 3: for genuinely good times, mostly no fighting, just family members

419
00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:37,840
Speaker 3: looking out for each other and catching up. Mostly. No

420
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:41,199
Speaker 3: fighting is also always good reasonable you couldn't ask for

421
00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:44,800
Speaker 3: no fighting. I had a child when I was nineteen

422
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:48,520
Speaker 3: and wasn't ready. My parents stepped up and helped tremendously

423
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:51,640
Speaker 3: for the first two years, as our family dynamic has

424
00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:54,920
Speaker 3: always been to help whenever needed. My son's mother had

425
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:58,600
Speaker 3: substance problems and wasn't in the picture for his first

426
00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:02,520
Speaker 3: fifteen years. When my son was two years old, like

427
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:05,560
Speaker 3: a swift knife, my care free life was torn in

428
00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:09,240
Speaker 3: half as my father suddenly passed away in his prime.

429
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:12,960
Speaker 3: This was huge for our family since my father was

430
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:16,520
Speaker 3: our rock. No matter what you needed or when he

431
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:20,400
Speaker 3: was everyone's first call. He gave up everything for everyone,

432
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:24,080
Speaker 3: was always there for friends and family. Bob traveled back

433
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:27,679
Speaker 3: for the funeral. The entire family and what seemed like

434
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:31,040
Speaker 3: half the state showed up. It was overwhelming how much

435
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:34,640
Speaker 3: one person could affect people's lives. Shortly after the funeral,

436
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:38,720
Speaker 3: Bob left the state again for his care free mountain. Life.

437
00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:41,920
Speaker 3: Can't hold Bob down. Bob's a free spirit.

438
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:44,200
Speaker 5: He's going where the wind takes him.

439
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:47,800
Speaker 3: I found myself stepping into my father's shoes helping my

440
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:51,439
Speaker 3: mother and other family members more than I'd intended. She

441
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:54,760
Speaker 3: needed family more than ever. In those weeks and months,

442
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:57,879
Speaker 3: I told myself she'd bounced back and find a new

443
00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:02,400
Speaker 3: normal and I could return to my adulting life. In reality,

444
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:06,080
Speaker 3: this was the new me forever. In a few months,

445
00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:10,440
Speaker 3: I went from typical troublemaker to responsible adult. I mentally

446
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:14,080
Speaker 3: grew up about twenty years during that period. My family

447
00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:16,520
Speaker 3: must have seen this change because they started calling me

448
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:20,040
Speaker 3: for their needs. I was humbled and partly enjoyed being

449
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:23,440
Speaker 3: respected like that. From the next decade, I stayed close

450
00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:25,760
Speaker 3: to my mother, going to her house and helping with

451
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:29,560
Speaker 3: most things she needed. At this time, she was physically okay.

452
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:32,760
Speaker 3: Todd came and went a few times yearly, and Bob

453
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:37,679
Speaker 3: basically disappeared. He called bom occasionally and would text me,

454
00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:42,639
Speaker 3: usually with get rich quick schemes or from jail needing

455
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:45,000
Speaker 3: someone to bail him out across the country, which I

456
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:46,080
Speaker 3: did numerous times.

457
00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:47,720
Speaker 5: Like the opposite of getting rich.

458
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:53,880
Speaker 3: That's that's not getting thereat. Yeah, that's bad, that's bad rough. Yeah,

459
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 3: Bob is too free spirited. In Bob's defense, he did

460
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:01,520
Speaker 3: help my mom financially several time times when needed he

461
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:05,720
Speaker 3: just wasn't around physically much. Several years ago, both grandparents

462
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:10,480
Speaker 3: passed away, so yearly Christmas gatherings passed with them. They

463
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:14,439
Speaker 3: were the glue holding our entire family dynamic together. Looking

464
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:17,399
Speaker 3: back over the last ten years, I can pinpoint exactly

465
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:20,600
Speaker 3: how and when our family fell apart. I started a

466
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:23,199
Speaker 3: business that took off, and before I knew it, I

467
00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 3: was working roughly seventy plus hours weekly. My mental and

468
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:30,720
Speaker 3: physical health were strained, and I didn't have much extra

469
00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:34,440
Speaker 3: to give others. I started making excuses when asked for help,

470
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:38,280
Speaker 3: not always helping like before. My now wife came into

471
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:41,280
Speaker 3: the picture around this time and helped pick up where

472
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:44,199
Speaker 3: I fell short. She helped my mother a lot, and

473
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:47,640
Speaker 3: her daughter became close with my mom. They'd both visit

474
00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:51,040
Speaker 3: several times weekly, playing games and helping out. But then

475
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:56,000
Speaker 3: my mother started acting differently and having episodes. We discovered

476
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:59,760
Speaker 3: her diabetes was completely out of control. That is so

477
00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:05,000
Speaker 3: dangerous that I yikes, and she had numerous near death

478
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:08,639
Speaker 3: episodes over the next two years. We finally thought that

479
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:11,720
Speaker 3: we had controlled that when one night she tripped and

480
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:14,880
Speaker 3: broke her foot. This was the turning point from her

481
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:18,280
Speaker 3: normal life to what is transpired. Now. My mother has

482
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:21,719
Speaker 3: openly disregarded her doctor's orders for her foot and diabetes.

483
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:25,040
Speaker 3: In her words, I've been doing this for fifty years,

484
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:26,520
Speaker 3: and I'm not passed away yet.

485
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:31,040
Speaker 5: Uh. She's at the age where she just yeah, I

486
00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:33,399
Speaker 5: don't given her. Yeah, Like I'm just gonna be as

487
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:34,280
Speaker 5: stummorn as possible.

488
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:37,400
Speaker 3: And that's frustrating, because you are. You want your parents

489
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:39,800
Speaker 3: to take care of themselves so that you can have

490
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:42,080
Speaker 3: them around for a little longer. Her doctors and I

491
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:45,640
Speaker 3: strongly believe she would have been fine if she'd listened,

492
00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:48,520
Speaker 3: But health wise, her foot has been so bad and

493
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:52,440
Speaker 3: healing so slow that doctors have recommended amputation from the

494
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:53,320
Speaker 3: knee down.

495
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:56,000
Speaker 5: Numerous that bad.

496
00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:59,360
Speaker 3: Wow. At this point, it takes her forever to move

497
00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:03,840
Speaker 3: around and do simple things physically. Her diabetes is getting better,

498
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:07,960
Speaker 3: but still not properly managed. Her foot and leg are terrible,

499
00:26:08,119 --> 00:26:12,359
Speaker 3: requiring weekly doctor visits. Some days she's fine and moves

500
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:16,000
Speaker 3: around slowly but seems okay. Other days she struggles to

501
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:19,399
Speaker 3: use the bathroom in under two hours. Another aspect is

502
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:22,919
Speaker 3: her finances. The easiest way to describe them think of

503
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:25,840
Speaker 3: a thirteen year old getting a few thousand monthly. Her

504
00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:28,000
Speaker 3: money now goes to an account I made that she

505
00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:32,680
Speaker 3: can't access. After deducting rent and cell phone, I send

506
00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:37,240
Speaker 3: her the rest instead of Instead of spending responsibly, she

507
00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:41,800
Speaker 3: drains her monthly money within days on knickknacks, snacks and

508
00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:42,520
Speaker 3: phone games.

509
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:46,240
Speaker 5: Ain't no way she's playing like Bejeweled and spending the Yeah,

510
00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:48,280
Speaker 5: she's hundreds of dollars on that. She's just getting in

511
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:51,800
Speaker 5: game money candy crush. Oh boy, yikes.

512
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:55,919
Speaker 3: If I didn't hold back her rent, she'd be homeless.

513
00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:58,879
Speaker 3: She's already lost a house and two rentals since my

514
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:02,600
Speaker 3: father passed. Basically, she cannot say no to her urges

515
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:08,119
Speaker 3: financially or diabetes wise. Whatever she wants she does. But

516
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:12,320
Speaker 3: she's mentally lucid, loving, caring, and an all around great mother.

517
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:16,320
Speaker 3: She's just very needy. I see it like this. She

518
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:19,199
Speaker 3: lost her oldest son when he moved out, lost her

519
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:22,439
Speaker 3: middle child when he moved across the country, babied me

520
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:25,760
Speaker 3: hoping to keep me around, then lost her husband, lost

521
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:30,040
Speaker 3: both parents, lost her lifelong job to medical issues, lost

522
00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:34,040
Speaker 3: her home of twenty years to financial problems, lost her

523
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:37,720
Speaker 3: baby when I got married, and recently lost her driving

524
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:42,200
Speaker 3: freedom due to medical issues. She lost a tremendous amount. Yeah,

525
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:46,439
Speaker 3: clearly she's you know, not handling any of this well,

526
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:48,680
Speaker 3: which is fair because it's a lot to go through

527
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 3: for one person.

528
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:53,640
Speaker 5: But also you shouldn't be the sole person to take

529
00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:56,360
Speaker 5: the responsibility of yeating that.

530
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:59,440
Speaker 3: That's so hard. A few years ago, I purchased twelve

531
00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:01,320
Speaker 3: acres and bought a home for my wife and me.

532
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:04,560
Speaker 3: I shut my business down because traveling was taking a

533
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:06,760
Speaker 3: toll and went back to the nine to five world.

534
00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:09,359
Speaker 3: I moved my mother closer to my new home so

535
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:12,399
Speaker 3: I could help occasionally, and she purchased a camper to

536
00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:15,960
Speaker 3: park here for weekend visits. The camper itself has become

537
00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:20,359
Speaker 3: problematic due to her neediness and medical issues. Anytime she's here,

538
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:23,400
Speaker 3: I feel like I must oversee her to ensure she's

539
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:26,520
Speaker 3: not doing things she shouldn't If I give her slack.

540
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:30,240
Speaker 3: She calls her texts constantly from her camper with things

541
00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:33,359
Speaker 3: she needs. The fear of her getting hurt in any

542
00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:36,760
Speaker 3: situation has become our new normal. My daughter doesn't even

543
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:39,320
Speaker 3: like visiting my mother anymore because of her nagging and

544
00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 3: the constant worry. Bob came back to the state for

545
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:45,320
Speaker 3: a while and moved in with my mother. There were

546
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:49,640
Speaker 3: many arguments over her finances in health. Bob actually stepped

547
00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:52,480
Speaker 3: up and took on much of the burden. I hate

548
00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:55,600
Speaker 3: to admit it, but I was finally relieved that all

549
00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:59,920
Speaker 3: the weight wasn't on my shoulders anymore. Bob's views matched mine,

550
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:02,040
Speaker 3: and it was a daily battle trying to get her

551
00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:05,240
Speaker 3: to make common sense decisions about her health and finances.

552
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:10,320
Speaker 3: After about two years of constant fighting with Mom trying

553
00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:13,680
Speaker 3: to get her to help herself, Bob finally decided to

554
00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:17,080
Speaker 3: move on with his care free life. My son ran

555
00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:20,040
Speaker 3: into hard times and had a choice stand my couch

556
00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:22,520
Speaker 3: until he got back on his feet or stay with

557
00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:26,440
Speaker 3: my mother, where he'd have his own room. He chose moms,

558
00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:30,640
Speaker 3: probably mainly because he'd have fewer rules there. This was

559
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:33,880
Speaker 3: perfect timing for Bob to move out and escape the situation.

560
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:36,400
Speaker 3: Over the last year, my son has been living with her,

561
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:39,120
Speaker 3: getting called at all hours to help with random things,

562
00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 3: and attempting to manage her diabetes levels. It's interesting that

563
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:46,360
Speaker 3: he chose to live with I mean, yeah, maybe you

564
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:49,080
Speaker 3: have less rules, but also you have way more caretaker

565
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:50,440
Speaker 3: role to fulfill.

566
00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:54,240
Speaker 5: Yeah, but when you when the phrasing of what Opie said,

567
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:56,880
Speaker 5: you stay on my couch, yeah, or you get your

568
00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:59,800
Speaker 5: own room, yeah, which is like, but you get your

569
00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:02,160
Speaker 5: own but you don't know how long you're gonna stay. Yeah,

570
00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:03,760
Speaker 5: especially just get to get back to get back on

571
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:05,200
Speaker 5: your feet. Or it could be a week, it could

572
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:07,120
Speaker 5: be a month, it could be a year. Yeah, A

573
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:10,720
Speaker 5: room takes the cake over. I have to sleep on

574
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:12,880
Speaker 5: a couch the entire time. I get it.

575
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:16,400
Speaker 3: It's very stressful for him. Bob moved about three hours

576
00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:20,480
Speaker 3: away to a camping area and comes back monthly for mail. Recently,

577
00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:23,040
Speaker 3: I took her vehicle away because she was falling asleep

578
00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:26,200
Speaker 3: at stop signs or going to stores and sleeping in

579
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:29,720
Speaker 3: her car for hours before shopping. It was becoming dangerous

580
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:32,640
Speaker 3: for her and everyone around her. This was a huge

581
00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:36,520
Speaker 3: argument that continues today. She sees this as me parenting

582
00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:39,680
Speaker 3: and grounding her when I have no right to. The

583
00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:44,000
Speaker 3: arguments have calmed, but she's devastated about losing her driving freedom.

584
00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 3: My son and her relationship has dwindled to childish nagging.

585
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:52,120
Speaker 3: So much hidden resentment exists that they argue daily about

586
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:55,600
Speaker 3: random stupid things. She's pushed him to where he won't

587
00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:59,320
Speaker 3: do easy tasks for anymore out of spite. She purposely

588
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:01,200
Speaker 3: pokes at him to see what she can get away

589
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:03,719
Speaker 3: with and how much she can use him. So today

590
00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:07,840
Speaker 3: my brother Bob exploded on me, and honestly, I'm confused.

591
00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:11,600
Speaker 3: He texted me a lengthy message calling me a horrible person.

592
00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:15,600
Speaker 3: Summarized his text said, I should help mom more go

593
00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:18,840
Speaker 3: to her house numerous times weekly to vacuum, wash dishes,

594
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:21,920
Speaker 3: take out garbage, get her male feed or dog, et cetera.

595
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:24,840
Speaker 3: By taking her vehicle away. I should step up to

596
00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:27,680
Speaker 3: help with traveling in store trips. I should call her

597
00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:30,640
Speaker 3: at least once daily asking if she needs anything, and

598
00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:32,720
Speaker 3: go out of my way to get what she needs.

599
00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:35,440
Speaker 3: I need to let her live however she wants and

600
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:39,240
Speaker 3: just accept it. If she passes, she passes living the

601
00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:42,680
Speaker 3: way she wants. Every single fight Bob and I have

602
00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:45,280
Speaker 3: had with our mother over the past decade is now moot,

603
00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:50,000
Speaker 3: and he's arguing with me against every position he previously took.

604
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:52,600
Speaker 3: I actually agree with most of what he said to

605
00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:56,120
Speaker 3: a point, but not to the extent he's implying. I

606
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:59,640
Speaker 3: have a full time job, a newish marriage, to live

607
00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:03,240
Speaker 3: in care it's two dogs, a house, and fairly large

608
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:06,640
Speaker 3: property to maintain. Becoming a daily butler to my mother

609
00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:11,480
Speaker 3: isn't possible. Checking in once weekly and scheduling weekly town

610
00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:16,000
Speaker 3: and grocery store trips is absolutely doable. But daily check ins,

611
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:21,040
Speaker 3: house cleaning, handling daily needs seems excessive. It might be

612
00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:24,160
Speaker 3: excessive for you to do it, but I think that

613
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:24,840
Speaker 3: maybe she.

614
00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:28,520
Speaker 5: Needs it she especially the way she treats you guys,

615
00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:31,320
Speaker 5: and like she's at an age where she just it

616
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:35,120
Speaker 5: looks like she just enjoys nagging and she needs the help.

617
00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:39,680
Speaker 5: But yeah, just like maybe she's tired of you guys too. Yeah,

618
00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:43,479
Speaker 5: but here's my question. I love how Bob was like,

619
00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:46,520
Speaker 5: so what are you going to do? Op? Yeah, I mean, wait, gone,

620
00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:49,240
Speaker 5: you're the carefree guy. You stayed for a little bit,

621
00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:51,800
Speaker 5: but then you flew the coop again, so it's back

622
00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:54,920
Speaker 5: on my shoulders. Yeah, so you know how much work

623
00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:58,480
Speaker 5: and effort and how excessive it is to do this.

624
00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:00,880
Speaker 5: What do you why? Hey, you know you're telling me

625
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:04,240
Speaker 5: to do this, but where are you in this situation?

626
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:07,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, like you're not helping out. Our town is a

627
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:09,760
Speaker 3: small bus that picks people up and brings them anywhere

628
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:12,960
Speaker 3: in town if scheduled a day and advance. My mother

629
00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:16,400
Speaker 3: refuses to plan her life. For example, she'll call saying

630
00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:18,360
Speaker 3: she's been out of milk for two days and needs

631
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 3: to go to the store right now, or the world

632
00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:23,920
Speaker 3: will end right now, will be nine thirty at night,

633
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,280
Speaker 3: when the local store closes at ten and I'm already

634
00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:30,600
Speaker 3: in bed just finding out she's been without milk for days.

635
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:34,360
Speaker 3: She does the same with my son. Everything is always

636
00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:37,840
Speaker 3: an emergency, always last minute, and late at night or

637
00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:40,600
Speaker 3: middle of the night. I strongly feel that if she

638
00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:43,920
Speaker 3: would plan things out, we could work past many problems,

639
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:47,480
Speaker 3: but that argument never resonates with her and nothing changes.

640
00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:51,680
Speaker 3: Bob's opinion is, who cares, she's your mother, Go get

641
00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:53,800
Speaker 3: her milk at the last minute. It's a duty you

642
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:57,400
Speaker 3: need to accept as her son. Honestly, a huge part

643
00:33:57,400 --> 00:34:00,560
Speaker 3: of me agrees with him, but the logical side keeps

644
00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:03,160
Speaker 3: thinking all she has to do is notice she's getting

645
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:06,560
Speaker 3: low on milk and text or call. Then I can

646
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:09,280
Speaker 3: grab it on my way from work before she runs out,

647
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:11,920
Speaker 3: or make arrangements to get her to the store before

648
00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:15,320
Speaker 3: she's out. Last minute, middle of the night emergencies. Because

649
00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:18,560
Speaker 3: she refuses to plan anything. There's also the aspect that

650
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:21,880
Speaker 3: Bob has no current job, lives in a campground a

651
00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:25,640
Speaker 3: few hours away doing some online blog to make money.

652
00:34:25,719 --> 00:34:30,080
Speaker 3: No kids, no animals, no responsibilities. I'm not sure why

653
00:34:30,239 --> 00:34:33,040
Speaker 3: I'm this giant knucklehead in his eyes when he has

654
00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:35,279
Speaker 3: all the extra time in the world to help our mother,

655
00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:37,520
Speaker 3: because he just wants to blame you.

656
00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:40,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, I did my two Nichols.

657
00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:44,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, I did my time. It seems like OPI is

658
00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:47,800
Speaker 3: I mean, from what the title said about the assisted living,

659
00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:51,080
Speaker 3: it seems like OPE is realizing that this is a

660
00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:57,520
Speaker 3: really large undertaking for one person. When you have a

661
00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:01,279
Speaker 3: parent or just any you know, elderly person who has

662
00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:07,400
Speaker 3: so many needs. Uh, it's it's really hard to help

663
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 3: that person when you don't have you know, the training,

664
00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:13,480
Speaker 3: the time, the patience.

665
00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:13,960
Speaker 5: The energy.

666
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:15,760
Speaker 3: The energy is very important.

667
00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:18,640
Speaker 5: It's a second job pretty much at this point. And

668
00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:20,880
Speaker 5: it's it's not fair to you. And I know you're

669
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:24,080
Speaker 5: trying to do your best, but at this point you've

670
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:27,000
Speaker 5: been doing your best, and your best is honestly not

671
00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:27,880
Speaker 5: enough for your mom.

672
00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:30,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, which is not your fault. It's just your mom

673
00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:33,080
Speaker 3: has a lot of needs right now.

674
00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:33,960
Speaker 5: Yeah.

675
00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:36,280
Speaker 3: I called a few close family members and my mother's

676
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:39,320
Speaker 3: best friends to lunch. We got together and I shared

677
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:42,120
Speaker 3: my thoughts. I asked for their opinions on placing my

678
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:46,279
Speaker 3: mother in an assisted living care facility. Not only did

679
00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:50,600
Speaker 3: everyone agree with me, to my surprise, there was absolutely

680
00:35:50,719 --> 00:35:51,600
Speaker 3: zero pushback.

681
00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:56,040
Speaker 5: Wow cool, that's easy, easiest pie.

682
00:35:56,600 --> 00:35:59,560
Speaker 3: Everyone at the table said it's my choice and they'll

683
00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:03,839
Speaker 3: support me however they can, but agree she needs supervision,

684
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:07,440
Speaker 3: to be clear. To be clear, Bob wasn't included in

685
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:10,440
Speaker 3: this conversation since I knew his stance and Todd and

686
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:13,360
Speaker 3: I decided to include him to avoid any public scenes

687
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:16,640
Speaker 3: he might create. So am I wrong for not stepping

688
00:36:16,719 --> 00:36:19,880
Speaker 3: up and supporting my mother more? And any sgestions on

689
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:22,360
Speaker 3: how to talk with my mother about preceding this route.

690
00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:26,080
Speaker 3: I'd rather not force this upon her. I'd rather find

691
00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:28,160
Speaker 3: a way to talk her into it. So it's her

692
00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:31,440
Speaker 3: choice and that is the end of that story.

693
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:36,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, but no, I again, it's it's one of those

694
00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:40,040
Speaker 5: things where it's like it is okay to ask for help. Yeah,

695
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:42,279
Speaker 5: you can't just put everything on you And like I

696
00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:44,120
Speaker 5: got this at a point, At a point, you have

697
00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:48,200
Speaker 5: a breaking point, your cup overfills and you cannot do

698
00:36:48,239 --> 00:36:51,200
Speaker 5: it anymore. And you've been there, You've been doing all

699
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:54,279
Speaker 5: the support. It's okay to get help, and it's okay

700
00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:56,919
Speaker 5: to ask for help in the fact that everyone other

701
00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:00,000
Speaker 5: than Bob, who's not even there, yes, more.

702
00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:04,120
Speaker 3: Than is demanding that you help out. Yeah, and take

703
00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:05,360
Speaker 3: on all this extra burden.

704
00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:08,759
Speaker 5: I think it's I think again, you have to bring

705
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:10,520
Speaker 5: it up to her and be like, hey, I cannot

706
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:12,680
Speaker 5: do the things you need me to do because I

707
00:37:12,719 --> 00:37:15,000
Speaker 5: don't have the time or the energy. It's not fair

708
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:17,680
Speaker 5: to me, it's not fair to you. This is the best,

709
00:37:17,719 --> 00:37:19,680
Speaker 5: This is probably the best thing that we can do

710
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:21,200
Speaker 5: to solve that issue.

711
00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:23,400
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam, your og host here. We're gonna get

712
00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:25,120
Speaker 1: back to the stories. But here's three minutes of ads

713
00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:25,840
Speaker 1: from our sponsors.

714
00:37:26,320 --> 00:37:29,680
Speaker 5: My mother in law sold their house because I snapped

715
00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:30,040
Speaker 5: at her.

716
00:37:30,239 --> 00:37:32,080
Speaker 3: That seems impulsive to.

717
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:34,880
Speaker 5: Start with some background. Mother in laws lives in Arizona

718
00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:37,480
Speaker 5: and bought a new house site unseen, about an hour

719
00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:40,120
Speaker 5: away from me thirty one female, and my husband thirty

720
00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:43,360
Speaker 5: seven male, in Idaho. About a year and a half ago.

721
00:37:43,760 --> 00:37:46,640
Speaker 5: After closing, she comes up from Arizona and is furious

722
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:49,640
Speaker 5: at the state of the house, which in all honesty

723
00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:54,200
Speaker 5: isn't that bad. It's mostly just cosmetic things. Clean up

724
00:37:54,239 --> 00:37:57,160
Speaker 5: the yard, paint the walls, redo the stained flooring, et cetera.

725
00:37:57,600 --> 00:37:59,839
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from user the Stars who

726
00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:02,840
Speaker 5: live on the r slash Too Hot take subred it,

727
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:04,759
Speaker 5: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

728
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:07,800
Speaker 5: to the r slash Okay storytime. Subrend it and Opie says,

729
00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:11,320
Speaker 5: my husband and I are both very handy with remodels,

730
00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:14,160
Speaker 5: and we offered to help. She calmed down and agreed

731
00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:16,439
Speaker 5: to stay. After a few weeks of making the hour

732
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:19,120
Speaker 5: drive out there. We had done a few things like

733
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:22,799
Speaker 5: removing carpet, trimming trees, cleaning the rooms from ten years

734
00:38:22,840 --> 00:38:26,040
Speaker 5: of dust build up that's gross, and standing the kitchen

735
00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:29,480
Speaker 5: cabinets for painting. Looking back on this, she never actually

736
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:31,640
Speaker 5: thanked us for any of that help. It was more

737
00:38:31,719 --> 00:38:34,400
Speaker 5: like she just expected it. She still did not feel

738
00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:36,439
Speaker 5: like the place was fit to live in, despite again

739
00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:40,120
Speaker 5: just knowing it was only cosmetic work it needed. About

740
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:42,799
Speaker 5: a year ago, my father in law, divorced from mother

741
00:38:42,840 --> 00:38:45,560
Speaker 5: in law and remarried to stepmother in law for sixteen years,

742
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:49,640
Speaker 5: was diagnosed with als, Oh, yeah.

743
00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:52,680
Speaker 3: That's devastating, as is really a hard disease. It is.

744
00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:56,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, my husband and I shifted gears to start helping

745
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:58,200
Speaker 5: father in law and step mother in law with a

746
00:38:58,239 --> 00:39:01,920
Speaker 5: bunch of remodeling to accommodate a wheelchair. Nice on you, guys.

747
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:03,759
Speaker 5: One of the things father in law asked us to

748
00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:06,000
Speaker 5: help with was to build a she shed. Father in

749
00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:08,960
Speaker 5: law passed about three months ago. I'm so sorry. He

750
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:11,480
Speaker 5: was incredibly hard on my husband and stepmother in law

751
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:14,560
Speaker 5: as it was not an easy passing. During this time,

752
00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:16,720
Speaker 5: we obviously had not worked on mother in law's house

753
00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:19,560
Speaker 5: and she was back in Arizona finishing up her job

754
00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:22,919
Speaker 5: before retiring. Anyways, she retired a couple weeks after father

755
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:24,920
Speaker 5: in law passed and came back up to stay with

756
00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:28,080
Speaker 5: us for about five weeks, again not feeling like the

757
00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:31,280
Speaker 5: new house was liveable. My husband was tense during this time,

758
00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:33,960
Speaker 5: really just kind of angry at everything, and mother in

759
00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:37,359
Speaker 5: law kept making negative comments about father in law and

760
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:39,960
Speaker 5: stepmother in law, all of which I tried to shield

761
00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:42,919
Speaker 5: my husband from as best I could. I was playing

762
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:46,000
Speaker 5: referee between them. Now, in the last three months, we

763
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:50,480
Speaker 5: have been trying to finish up the she shed, bloring skylights, drywall,

764
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:53,719
Speaker 5: the works, while also working on our bathroom remodel due

765
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:55,879
Speaker 5: to a leak we had two months ago. I could

766
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:57,799
Speaker 5: tell mother in law has not been happy with the

767
00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:00,319
Speaker 5: time we have been spending at stepmother in law's place

768
00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:04,480
Speaker 5: and not at hers. You're not the priority, mother in law.

769
00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:06,480
Speaker 3: Stepmother in law is the one.

770
00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:08,960
Speaker 5: It's as stepmother in law is the one who lost,

771
00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:11,279
Speaker 5: was the one that married to father in law for

772
00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:11,879
Speaker 5: sixteen years.

773
00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:13,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, she was a one three yeah yeah, yeah,

774
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:17,719
Speaker 3: it's yeah. A lot of extenuating circumstances here, mother in law.

775
00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:18,400
Speaker 2: Yeah.

776
00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:20,680
Speaker 5: Mother in law came up again on Monday and again

777
00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:22,879
Speaker 5: stayed with us with the intention of getting the new

778
00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:25,560
Speaker 5: house in a condition for her to move in. My

779
00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:27,680
Speaker 5: husband and I were putting the finishing touches on the

780
00:40:27,719 --> 00:40:30,080
Speaker 5: she shed on Monday and Tuesday and told her we

781
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:32,239
Speaker 5: would be completely free to work on her place after

782
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:35,000
Speaker 5: this week. To be honest, we were really not paying

783
00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:37,439
Speaker 5: her the level of attention we normally do since we

784
00:40:37,440 --> 00:40:41,320
Speaker 5: were both so busy with work and getting the shed done. Yesterday,

785
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:43,360
Speaker 5: I was making lunch and she came in and wanted

786
00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:45,479
Speaker 5: to chat with me. She made a few comments about

787
00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:50,000
Speaker 5: us helping that woman, referring to stepmother in law and

788
00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:52,840
Speaker 5: how needy she must be, and how her mom husband's

789
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:55,520
Speaker 5: grandma was blaming my husband for her allowing mother in

790
00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:58,240
Speaker 5: law to buy a house that needed too much work,

791
00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:00,640
Speaker 5: and how we did not have time to help her.

792
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:04,120
Speaker 5: I snapped she had made these comments a lot before

793
00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:06,480
Speaker 5: and I brushed them off, so I'm not sure why

794
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:09,080
Speaker 5: they bothered me so much this time. I told her

795
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:11,360
Speaker 5: that my husband and I are doing our best to

796
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:15,160
Speaker 5: help everyone that we care about, including stepmother in law.

797
00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:16,960
Speaker 5: And I told her that she was the one who

798
00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:19,600
Speaker 5: decided to buy that new house sight unseen.

799
00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:25,160
Speaker 3: That's insane. Buying a house sight unseen is crazy.

800
00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:29,239
Speaker 5: Not yeah, that's on you, really, Bob bro buying the

801
00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:33,960
Speaker 5: house sight unseen despite my husband recommending against it, and

802
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:38,359
Speaker 5: she should be taking accountability for her choices and not

803
00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:41,920
Speaker 5: putting them on her son. I also stated that there

804
00:41:42,040 --> 00:41:45,480
Speaker 5: was plenty of neediness going around, that stepmother in law

805
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:48,640
Speaker 5: was not the only one. This might have been the

806
00:41:48,680 --> 00:41:50,719
Speaker 5: a whole part, as I could tell, she was not

807
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:54,239
Speaker 5: happy that I was basically accusing her of being needy too.

808
00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:57,560
Speaker 3: She is, She's literally saying Oh, it's crazy that stepmother

809
00:41:57,600 --> 00:42:01,160
Speaker 3: Elan's so needy as she's actively asking for you guys

810
00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:02,160
Speaker 3: to spend more time with her.

811
00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:03,600
Speaker 5: What about my wants?

812
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:08,400
Speaker 6: What about mines? The house is just a little not

813
00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:12,840
Speaker 6: up to date. I need that up to date now, now,

814
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:13,880
Speaker 6: right now.

815
00:42:14,360 --> 00:42:17,280
Speaker 5: But mother in law decided to immediately pack her bags

816
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:21,640
Speaker 5: and get out of there. She left. I did apologize

817
00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:23,319
Speaker 5: and I told her she did not have to go.

818
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:27,520
Speaker 3: She's being a drama queen. That is not your problem.

819
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:31,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, she said she did, and we could talk to

820
00:42:31,040 --> 00:42:33,440
Speaker 5: her again after we have time and are done with

821
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:37,840
Speaker 5: all our projects. And that woman really hates her yikes,

822
00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:42,000
Speaker 5: that woman just lost her husband. Yeah, she texted today

823
00:42:42,080 --> 00:42:44,200
Speaker 5: to say she is emptying the new house and we'll

824
00:42:44,200 --> 00:42:44,960
Speaker 5: be selling it.

825
00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:50,880
Speaker 3: She literally just bought it. You're so silly.

826
00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:53,960
Speaker 5: Which is honestly fine by me, considering it is less

827
00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:56,680
Speaker 5: work for us. But pardon me. Feels like an a

828
00:42:56,760 --> 00:42:59,560
Speaker 5: hole for snapping yesterday and causing this rash.

829
00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:02,560
Speaker 3: Decision anything she caused her own rash decision.

830
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:05,239
Speaker 5: Part of me also feels guilty for not getting her

831
00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:08,040
Speaker 5: house ready sooner, But then another part of me is

832
00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:10,040
Speaker 5: frustrated that she could not just get over the need

833
00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:13,000
Speaker 5: for fresh paint on the walls, or do it herself

834
00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:14,400
Speaker 5: if she needed it so badly.

835
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:17,239
Speaker 3: Well, it's just insane to be like, I only need

836
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:20,680
Speaker 3: to do a couple renovations and stuff, and instead of

837
00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:23,440
Speaker 3: waiting for that or doing it myself, I'm going to

838
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:25,920
Speaker 3: sell the house I just bought.

839
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:29,719
Speaker 5: Yeah, it was pretty much. This project was like not

840
00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:32,399
Speaker 5: almost done per se, but it was practically there.

841
00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:33,800
Speaker 3: It was practically there.

842
00:43:34,440 --> 00:43:37,279
Speaker 5: Painted walls to make a space livable just does not

843
00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:40,160
Speaker 5: seem as necessary as a wheelchair ramp or a promise

844
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:42,239
Speaker 5: to a passing away man to help him finish up

845
00:43:42,239 --> 00:43:45,120
Speaker 5: a project for his wife. Though I could see where

846
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:48,799
Speaker 5: she felt pushed aside because of this. So am I

847
00:43:48,840 --> 00:43:50,360
Speaker 5: they a whole and we do have an update?

848
00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:53,080
Speaker 3: No, no, you literally were just like, hey, can you

849
00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:55,520
Speaker 3: give me some patience? And she was like, alight, I'm

850
00:43:55,560 --> 00:43:56,160
Speaker 3: selling it.

851
00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:59,400
Speaker 5: And you're also it's from what I recall, seems like

852
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:03,520
Speaker 5: you're doing this out of goodwill. Yeah, exactly. If she

853
00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:05,520
Speaker 5: was paying you to have a deadline by to do this,

854
00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:06,400
Speaker 5: that I'd be different.

855
00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:09,520
Speaker 3: If it was a job different, but it was not.

856
00:44:10,040 --> 00:44:12,440
Speaker 3: You're doing a favor for both of these people, So

857
00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:14,279
Speaker 3: you got to choose who you give the favors to.

858
00:44:14,520 --> 00:44:17,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, we have an update, and it's six months later.

859
00:44:17,719 --> 00:44:20,719
Speaker 5: Oh so, about six months ago I posted about my

860
00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:23,000
Speaker 5: mother in law threatening to sell her house after I

861
00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:25,480
Speaker 5: snapped at her over comments she was making about my

862
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:30,000
Speaker 5: husband and his stepmom after his father passed away. A

863
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:31,880
Speaker 5: lot of you pointed out that she was using us

864
00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:36,160
Speaker 5: for free labor, and you were totally right. Yeah, called it.

865
00:44:36,320 --> 00:44:39,279
Speaker 5: I appreciate all the advice given in words of encouragement.

866
00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:42,279
Speaker 5: Now for the update. We had not heard a peep

867
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:45,520
Speaker 5: from mother in law at all these last months until

868
00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:47,920
Speaker 5: a week and a half ago. My husband and I

869
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:50,640
Speaker 5: were on a flight to Peru and she literally texted

870
00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:52,920
Speaker 5: that she was on the way to our house. No

871
00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:56,080
Speaker 5: call now, asking if we were free, just that she

872
00:44:56,239 --> 00:44:59,359
Speaker 5: was already halfway through the sixteen hour drive from her

873
00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:03,440
Speaker 5: Arizonia house to our place. We were on a layover

874
00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:06,440
Speaker 5: at this point and both just stunned. My husband waited

875
00:45:06,440 --> 00:45:08,799
Speaker 5: to respond until the next day because he was so

876
00:45:09,160 --> 00:45:12,799
Speaker 5: upset and just said we are in Peru in a

877
00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:15,320
Speaker 5: text to her, where she just responded that she figured

878
00:45:15,360 --> 00:45:18,719
Speaker 5: we might be gone. That's okay, funny. We talked it

879
00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:22,200
Speaker 5: over that morning and stupidly agreed that we should extend

880
00:45:22,239 --> 00:45:25,000
Speaker 5: in all of Branch since she drove all that way,

881
00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:28,040
Speaker 5: and tell her she could stay at our place, stupidly

882
00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:30,879
Speaker 5: thinking it would be a night or two she said

883
00:45:30,880 --> 00:45:33,720
Speaker 5: she would did not even say thank you, of course,

884
00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:36,479
Speaker 5: since she had a long twenty four hours and would

885
00:45:36,520 --> 00:45:39,600
Speaker 5: be working on her house in Takoa. Apparently she never

886
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:41,320
Speaker 5: sold it, though I am not surprised.

887
00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:43,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, that would be crazy if she had sold it.

888
00:45:43,920 --> 00:45:46,560
Speaker 3: It makes it more sense that she didn't sell it.

889
00:45:47,040 --> 00:45:50,359
Speaker 3: But now it feels like she's just like told you yes,

890
00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:51,839
Speaker 3: She's like, fine, I'm gonna sell it.

891
00:45:51,920 --> 00:45:54,840
Speaker 5: Oh goodness, Oh goodness, golligy, it's gonna be funny because

892
00:45:54,920 --> 00:45:57,799
Speaker 5: I guarantee you Opie and her husband did not work

893
00:45:57,800 --> 00:45:59,920
Speaker 5: on the house anymore. She's gonna show up me like,

894
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:01,319
Speaker 5: why didn't you guys finish the house?

895
00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:03,319
Speaker 3: Of course they didn't. She thought there was she was

896
00:46:03,320 --> 00:46:03,719
Speaker 3: selling it.

897
00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:04,360
Speaker 2: Yeah.

898
00:46:04,440 --> 00:46:06,479
Speaker 5: Since then again, about a week and a half ago,

899
00:46:06,800 --> 00:46:09,120
Speaker 5: she is still at our house.

900
00:46:09,840 --> 00:46:11,040
Speaker 3: Is she in your house?

901
00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:11,759
Speaker 5: She's in their house?

902
00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:13,440
Speaker 3: Does she get in?

903
00:46:13,760 --> 00:46:17,320
Speaker 5: Probably have like a coat or something. We have cameras

904
00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:19,480
Speaker 5: on our place so we can see who comes and goes.

905
00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:22,000
Speaker 5: She has not left for more than an hour, so

906
00:46:22,040 --> 00:46:24,320
Speaker 5: we know she is not going to her Tacoa house

907
00:46:24,560 --> 00:46:27,640
Speaker 5: since that is an hour drive one way. She has

908
00:46:27,719 --> 00:46:29,839
Speaker 5: not said anything to us, not even to ask when

909
00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:32,920
Speaker 5: we will be back. Our cat sitter. Uh, probably that

910
00:46:33,120 --> 00:46:34,920
Speaker 5: our cat sitter is still coming by the house to

911
00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:37,600
Speaker 5: queen the litter box and feed our cats. And mentioned

912
00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:39,520
Speaker 5: to me that mother in law switched the cat food.

913
00:46:39,640 --> 00:46:43,239
Speaker 5: What why don't do that? Why are you doing that?

914
00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:46,439
Speaker 5: My husband immediately texted her and told her to switch

915
00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:49,600
Speaker 5: it back since our cats are on special digestive friendly

916
00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:52,560
Speaker 5: food so they do not puke all over the place.

917
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:55,600
Speaker 5: She never responded to him, but our cat sitter confirmed

918
00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:58,239
Speaker 5: the food was switched back. Thank goodness.

919
00:46:58,560 --> 00:47:01,480
Speaker 3: Uh. Tell her that she needs to deal with her

920
00:47:01,600 --> 00:47:04,839
Speaker 3: other house by herself, and then you're not gonna help

921
00:47:04,840 --> 00:47:07,360
Speaker 3: her because she just wants to cause trouble.

922
00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:12,720
Speaker 5: She only wants problems, She does not want peace. Yeah. Again,

923
00:47:12,880 --> 00:47:15,080
Speaker 5: going back to the first year original post of you

924
00:47:15,160 --> 00:47:17,839
Speaker 5: snapping at her, I would have snapped at her way

925
00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:22,279
Speaker 5: earlier because she was making such rude remarks about.

926
00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:22,520
Speaker 3: The mother in law.

927
00:47:22,600 --> 00:47:24,160
Speaker 5: Yeah, about the in.

928
00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:27,400
Speaker 3: Law who was going through a very you know, awful.

929
00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:30,080
Speaker 5: And you wanted to rush your son because he was

930
00:47:30,120 --> 00:47:34,239
Speaker 5: grieving that I don't know his father passed away. Yeah, again,

931
00:47:34,280 --> 00:47:37,719
Speaker 5: we don't know your relationship between mother, Opie's mother and

932
00:47:38,160 --> 00:47:40,320
Speaker 5: father in law, but still they divorced for a reason.

933
00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:42,880
Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean, I think it's just pretty crazy that

934
00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:46,000
Speaker 3: she's expecting all of this help from Opie and her

935
00:47:46,040 --> 00:47:49,240
Speaker 3: husband when he is grieving the loss of his father.

936
00:47:49,280 --> 00:47:52,759
Speaker 5: And she's completely ungrateful for anything you do. She just

937
00:47:52,840 --> 00:47:54,760
Speaker 5: expects to be expected.

938
00:47:54,920 --> 00:47:57,480
Speaker 3: Really yeah, ay yay yaye.

939
00:47:57,600 --> 00:48:00,359
Speaker 5: Well, let's go ahead and finish the story. So at

940
00:48:00,360 --> 00:48:02,359
Speaker 5: this point, I am at a loss for what to do.

941
00:48:02,920 --> 00:48:04,680
Speaker 5: I know she is still going to be there when

942
00:48:04,719 --> 00:48:07,839
Speaker 5: we get back on Saturday, and I am absolutely dreading it.

943
00:48:08,280 --> 00:48:10,840
Speaker 5: We have had an exhausting, though very fun trip of

944
00:48:10,920 --> 00:48:13,800
Speaker 5: hiking and biking, and I just want to relax before

945
00:48:13,840 --> 00:48:16,800
Speaker 5: going back to work. But I am also torn because

946
00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:18,640
Speaker 5: I do not want to be an a hole and

947
00:48:18,640 --> 00:48:21,160
Speaker 5: tell her she needs to leave. My husband is in

948
00:48:21,200 --> 00:48:23,480
Speaker 5: the same boat, and we both know she's probably going

949
00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:25,319
Speaker 5: to try to get us to work on her house again,

950
00:48:25,640 --> 00:48:28,600
Speaker 5: and we both agreed there is no way in heck

951
00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:31,280
Speaker 5: we will be doing that because of how she has acted,

952
00:48:31,719 --> 00:48:34,399
Speaker 5: She's refused to apologize and has taken advantage of us,

953
00:48:34,760 --> 00:48:38,279
Speaker 5: especially this week and a half. So any advice on

954
00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:40,719
Speaker 5: how I can politely tell her to leave before we

955
00:48:40,760 --> 00:48:43,080
Speaker 5: get back. The last thing I want is to send

956
00:48:43,080 --> 00:48:45,399
Speaker 5: a text that she will forward to my husband's whole

957
00:48:45,440 --> 00:48:48,680
Speaker 5: family to tell them how horrible we are for punting

958
00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:50,880
Speaker 5: her out. Not that he seems too worried by that,

959
00:48:51,160 --> 00:48:53,640
Speaker 5: but he has not had contact with any family on

960
00:48:53,719 --> 00:48:57,120
Speaker 5: her side for months, and it breaks my heart to see. Dang,

961
00:48:57,640 --> 00:49:02,719
Speaker 5: I mean, honesty, be the best, you know, policizer.

962
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:05,160
Speaker 3: I think you have to have like a talk with her,

963
00:49:05,640 --> 00:49:06,799
Speaker 3: set of some boundaries.

964
00:49:07,239 --> 00:49:09,759
Speaker 5: Yeah, here's John yo Og host here. We're gonna get

965
00:49:09,800 --> 00:49:11,319
Speaker 5: back to the stories. But he's a quick three minute

966
00:49:11,320 --> 00:49:12,560
Speaker 5: break of ass from our sponsors.

967
00:49:13,040 --> 00:49:16,440
Speaker 3: My boyfriend's parents are trying to claim his inheritance and

968
00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:17,640
Speaker 3: I'm not okay with it.

969
00:49:17,880 --> 00:49:21,160
Speaker 5: I'm not okay with that either. That's what I'm twenty.

970
00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:24,160
Speaker 3: Four female and my fiance is twenty six mail. We're

971
00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:26,920
Speaker 3: at a tough spot in our relationship because his parents

972
00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:30,960
Speaker 3: want to take his twenty five k from his inheritance

973
00:49:30,960 --> 00:49:33,200
Speaker 3: from his great aunt who he was very close with

974
00:49:33,239 --> 00:49:33,759
Speaker 3: growing up.

975
00:49:34,480 --> 00:49:38,800
Speaker 5: No, just say no, that's not your money.

976
00:49:39,480 --> 00:49:42,160
Speaker 3: When she passed away last March, she left him about

977
00:49:42,360 --> 00:49:47,160
Speaker 3: fifty thousand dollars. Last year's parents had a conversation with

978
00:49:47,239 --> 00:49:49,960
Speaker 3: him about how the money was gonna get distributed without

979
00:49:49,960 --> 00:49:53,040
Speaker 3: me there and basically told him he needs to give

980
00:49:53,080 --> 00:49:56,320
Speaker 3: them thirty thousand dollars was it in writing?

981
00:49:56,600 --> 00:49:58,919
Speaker 5: No, any of that was for them.

982
00:49:59,360 --> 00:50:02,040
Speaker 3: Please keep in that this aunt also left them a

983
00:50:02,080 --> 00:50:04,920
Speaker 3: bunch of money and they are very wealthy even without it.

984
00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:08,160
Speaker 3: Both of his parents are wealthy. By the way. This

985
00:50:08,239 --> 00:50:10,640
Speaker 3: comes from Silver Pins seventy seventy two on the r

986
00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:12,920
Speaker 3: slash two ought take subret it and if you want

987
00:50:12,920 --> 00:50:14,640
Speaker 3: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

988
00:50:14,640 --> 00:50:18,240
Speaker 3: Okay storytime separate it and Op says his dad wanted

989
00:50:18,560 --> 00:50:21,440
Speaker 3: fifteen k at a time so that he wouldn't get

990
00:50:21,520 --> 00:50:24,600
Speaker 3: text more on the money. So without me knowing, my

991
00:50:24,719 --> 00:50:28,520
Speaker 3: fiance gave him the fifteen k last year, I would

992
00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:32,799
Speaker 3: be I would rethink the relationship if my partner, who

993
00:50:32,800 --> 00:50:37,279
Speaker 3: I'm about to get married to, yes, without even mentioning

994
00:50:37,320 --> 00:50:41,000
Speaker 3: it to me, gave away like that totally is his number.

995
00:50:42,719 --> 00:50:44,560
Speaker 3: I do want to say, like totally valid for him

996
00:50:44,560 --> 00:50:48,080
Speaker 3: to do whatever he wants with his money. However, to

997
00:50:48,160 --> 00:50:52,120
Speaker 3: not have any communication is pretty wild. Over the holidays,

998
00:50:52,120 --> 00:50:54,120
Speaker 3: we were fighting with his parents because we have two

999
00:50:54,239 --> 00:50:57,719
Speaker 3: little children and they would not keep his brother's very

1000
00:50:57,800 --> 00:51:00,960
Speaker 3: unstable and dangerous dog away from them. This dog is

1001
00:51:00,960 --> 00:51:04,719
Speaker 3: trying to buy my kids multiple times. Actually, I'm even

1002
00:51:04,760 --> 00:51:08,720
Speaker 3: more so kind of shocked that he didn't talk to Opie.

1003
00:51:09,239 --> 00:51:10,600
Speaker 5: They have kids together.

1004
00:51:11,400 --> 00:51:15,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, that again rethinking relationship. I mean, it's not over

1005
00:51:15,840 --> 00:51:18,759
Speaker 3: because again you have kids together. Try and work through it.

1006
00:51:18,800 --> 00:51:21,920
Speaker 5: But like these financial decisions for family should be talked to,

1007
00:51:22,600 --> 00:51:25,600
Speaker 5: I don't know. At least the parents agreed this was.

1008
00:51:25,560 --> 00:51:28,080
Speaker 3: An ongoing issue for years and they do not like

1009
00:51:28,120 --> 00:51:32,840
Speaker 3: boundaries or any criticism. They loved to be in control. Anyway,

1010
00:51:32,880 --> 00:51:34,720
Speaker 3: we had to have a talk about the dog issue,

1011
00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:38,200
Speaker 3: and in my opinion, the conversation wasn't really any good.

1012
00:51:38,560 --> 00:51:41,560
Speaker 3: We got no apology. When my mother in law noticed

1013
00:51:41,600 --> 00:51:44,160
Speaker 3: that her son didn't really want to talk to her anymore,

1014
00:51:44,640 --> 00:51:48,799
Speaker 3: she only apologized specifically to him, asking me not to

1015
00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:51,160
Speaker 3: be there because she just wanted him back in her life.

1016
00:51:51,640 --> 00:51:54,120
Speaker 3: If she was really sorry, she would have apologized to

1017
00:51:54,200 --> 00:51:57,200
Speaker 3: me too. Me and my fiance had a conversation while

1018
00:51:57,200 --> 00:51:59,680
Speaker 3: all the dog chaos was going on that if his

1019
00:51:59,760 --> 00:52:02,399
Speaker 3: dad asked for the other fifteen K, he would tell

1020
00:52:02,440 --> 00:52:05,239
Speaker 3: them no, there's no way they're getting it, and he

1021
00:52:05,280 --> 00:52:08,759
Speaker 3: should have never given them the first fifteen K. Well,

1022
00:52:08,800 --> 00:52:11,400
Speaker 3: on Good Friday, his dad secretly pulled him over in

1023
00:52:11,440 --> 00:52:14,520
Speaker 3: the garage to have a conversation while we were celebrating

1024
00:52:14,520 --> 00:52:17,839
Speaker 3: our niece's birthday at their house. His dad told him

1025
00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:21,000
Speaker 3: that he needs the other ten K and he's trying

1026
00:52:21,040 --> 00:52:23,560
Speaker 3: to play it off like he's letting us keep five

1027
00:52:23,680 --> 00:52:27,120
Speaker 3: K as a wedding present. What it's not a wedding present.

1028
00:52:27,280 --> 00:52:28,919
Speaker 5: It's also a rich money.

1029
00:52:29,000 --> 00:52:31,359
Speaker 3: It's his money. Keep in mind that we are getting

1030
00:52:31,400 --> 00:52:33,719
Speaker 3: married in literally a month and trying to pay for

1031
00:52:33,760 --> 00:52:36,080
Speaker 3: a wedding, and this money is in my fiance's name.

1032
00:52:36,520 --> 00:52:39,120
Speaker 3: His parents told him that the bank made a mistake

1033
00:52:39,600 --> 00:52:41,360
Speaker 3: and the money was only supposed to go to my

1034
00:52:41,440 --> 00:52:44,759
Speaker 3: fiance if my fiance's dad passed away, and since he

1035
00:52:44,880 --> 00:52:48,319
Speaker 3: didn't pass away yet, it's technically his money and it

1036
00:52:48,360 --> 00:52:51,040
Speaker 3: needs to go to him. I think this is a lie.

1037
00:52:51,960 --> 00:52:55,319
Speaker 3: I think they are extremely manipulative people, and I don't

1038
00:52:55,360 --> 00:52:58,880
Speaker 3: think banks make mistakes like that. So my fiance agreed

1039
00:52:58,880 --> 00:53:01,480
Speaker 3: to this without me there and then hit it for

1040
00:53:01,640 --> 00:53:04,200
Speaker 3: me for three days because he was scared I would

1041
00:53:04,200 --> 00:53:05,000
Speaker 3: break up with him.

1042
00:53:06,040 --> 00:53:10,319
Speaker 5: You don't stop, Yeah, stop doing it? Why are we

1043
00:53:10,680 --> 00:53:14,279
Speaker 5: if you realize, oh, oh, he's gonna be really mad

1044
00:53:14,280 --> 00:53:15,040
Speaker 5: at me for doing this.

1045
00:53:15,239 --> 00:53:17,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I'm gonna lie to her.

1046
00:53:17,400 --> 00:53:18,399
Speaker 5: So I'm gonna do it.

1047
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:22,080
Speaker 3: Stop. Let me make this clear. It's not so much

1048
00:53:22,080 --> 00:53:24,640
Speaker 3: about the money, but the bigger picture that my fiance

1049
00:53:24,840 --> 00:53:28,520
Speaker 3: cannot stand up to his parents and clearly never will.

1050
00:53:29,239 --> 00:53:31,680
Speaker 3: I feel like I will always be second to what

1051
00:53:31,760 --> 00:53:34,319
Speaker 3: they want, even though he doesn't even like them. It

1052
00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:37,040
Speaker 3: feels like he cares about their respect more. I told

1053
00:53:37,120 --> 00:53:39,640
Speaker 3: him that I'm not gonna fight over money that's not mine,

1054
00:53:40,120 --> 00:53:43,160
Speaker 3: but this is ridiculous. I thought about breaking off the wedding,

1055
00:53:43,200 --> 00:53:45,040
Speaker 3: but I really do want to marry him. I love

1056
00:53:45,120 --> 00:53:48,480
Speaker 3: him so much. It's just it feels like he's never

1057
00:53:48,520 --> 00:53:50,719
Speaker 3: going to be able to put our family first, and

1058
00:53:50,840 --> 00:53:53,640
Speaker 3: I'm always going to be second to what his parents want,

1059
00:53:53,880 --> 00:53:56,600
Speaker 3: even if he knows it's not right, and he hid

1060
00:53:56,680 --> 00:53:59,160
Speaker 3: this from me. I don't know what to do. He

1061
00:53:59,200 --> 00:54:01,880
Speaker 3: hasn't signed an thing or given them money. Yet my

1062
00:54:01,960 --> 00:54:04,359
Speaker 3: fiance's thoughts about this or that he thinks it's wrong

1063
00:54:04,400 --> 00:54:07,160
Speaker 3: of them to take the money, then don't give them

1064
00:54:07,280 --> 00:54:10,160
Speaker 3: the money. But he'd rather just keep the peace because

1065
00:54:10,160 --> 00:54:12,640
Speaker 3: they act crazy when they're upset about something and not

1066
00:54:12,719 --> 00:54:14,000
Speaker 3: getting their way, So.

1067
00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:16,760
Speaker 5: That's an excuse for them to do whatever they want.

1068
00:54:16,760 --> 00:54:18,560
Speaker 3: And he never wants to feel like he has to

1069
00:54:18,640 --> 00:54:21,399
Speaker 3: choose between me or them again. Honestly, I was kind

1070
00:54:21,440 --> 00:54:24,080
Speaker 3: of done with them after the whole dog thing. I'll

1071
00:54:24,120 --> 00:54:27,319
Speaker 3: be respectful, even though I don't respect them, but I

1072
00:54:27,400 --> 00:54:30,200
Speaker 3: try to keep contact to a minimum. I didn't totally

1073
00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:31,719
Speaker 3: want to cut them out of our lives for my

1074
00:54:31,800 --> 00:54:34,359
Speaker 3: kid's sake, even though I don't care if I never

1075
00:54:34,400 --> 00:54:36,600
Speaker 3: see them again. I just feel like, if you can't

1076
00:54:36,640 --> 00:54:39,080
Speaker 3: stand up to them over twenty five thousand dollars, that

1077
00:54:39,239 --> 00:54:43,200
Speaker 3: is his He's never going to I agree he's not.

1078
00:54:43,440 --> 00:54:46,280
Speaker 5: And that's also a bad example to set for your children.

1079
00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:48,880
Speaker 3: Just do whatever mummy and daddy you.

1080
00:54:48,960 --> 00:54:53,440
Speaker 5: Say, Grandma and grandpa college, you know, college tuition.

1081
00:54:53,760 --> 00:54:55,800
Speaker 3: Sorry, you can't go to college because Grandma and Grandpa

1082
00:54:55,880 --> 00:54:58,759
Speaker 3: want to go to Barbados. It's also kind of a

1083
00:54:58,800 --> 00:55:01,280
Speaker 3: turn off to me because I've feel like it's weak.

1084
00:55:01,640 --> 00:55:05,520
Speaker 3: It is comments One says, you do realize this is

1085
00:55:05,520 --> 00:55:08,320
Speaker 3: your future, don't you. You're going to have a husband

1086
00:55:08,320 --> 00:55:10,600
Speaker 3: that will never stand up to his parents. You need

1087
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:13,759
Speaker 3: to have a serious discussion with your fiance before you

1088
00:55:13,800 --> 00:55:19,719
Speaker 3: get married. I would even suggest counseling. Comment to he

1089
00:55:19,800 --> 00:55:22,800
Speaker 3: thinks it's wrong of them to take the money, they aren't.

1090
00:55:23,440 --> 00:55:26,600
Speaker 3: He's willingly handing it over then lying to you so

1091
00:55:26,719 --> 00:55:29,279
Speaker 3: you won't leave him. Yep? Is that any way to

1092
00:55:29,280 --> 00:55:32,000
Speaker 3: start a marriage? Nope. Knowing that he will always put

1093
00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:34,960
Speaker 3: mommy and dadifast over you and his own children and

1094
00:55:35,080 --> 00:55:37,400
Speaker 3: has no problem lying to you about it. You know

1095
00:55:37,480 --> 00:55:40,719
Speaker 3: why he knows you won't leave because he's done this

1096
00:55:40,760 --> 00:55:43,560
Speaker 3: before and you stayed, and you just said you want

1097
00:55:43,600 --> 00:55:45,719
Speaker 3: to stay and marry him even now. He's not the

1098
00:55:45,719 --> 00:55:50,040
Speaker 3: only one who needs a spine here, dang cominer. You

1099
00:55:50,080 --> 00:55:51,839
Speaker 3: need to put your foot down and tell him if

1100
00:55:51,840 --> 00:55:54,520
Speaker 3: he can't grow up and be an adult and set

1101
00:55:54,560 --> 00:55:57,680
Speaker 3: boundaries with his parents, which include not giving them his

1102
00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:02,520
Speaker 3: money just because they hold him to you'll leave. See

1103
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:05,839
Speaker 3: who he chooses, And you're right. Man who can't stand

1104
00:56:05,920 --> 00:56:08,080
Speaker 3: up to their parents to the detriment of their partner

1105
00:56:08,120 --> 00:56:11,560
Speaker 3: and own children. Aren't absolutely weak, just like his parents

1106
00:56:11,640 --> 00:56:14,560
Speaker 3: want him to be, so they'll always have control over him.

1107
00:56:14,880 --> 00:56:16,799
Speaker 3: He needs therapy and you need to call off the

1108
00:56:16,800 --> 00:56:18,880
Speaker 3: wedding if he can't stand up to them. Gom And

1109
00:56:18,920 --> 00:56:20,520
Speaker 3: three says, do you have a copy of the will?

1110
00:56:20,760 --> 00:56:23,520
Speaker 3: It will list specifically what was left to whom and

1111
00:56:23,640 --> 00:56:25,719
Speaker 3: in what order you mentioned. They said it was a

1112
00:56:25,760 --> 00:56:28,799
Speaker 3: mistake and only upon the passing of another. The will

1113
00:56:28,880 --> 00:56:31,239
Speaker 3: is the document that should be dictating all of this.

1114
00:56:31,560 --> 00:56:31,880
Speaker 5: Yep.

1115
00:56:32,080 --> 00:56:34,719
Speaker 3: That document will also list the person who is now

1116
00:56:34,719 --> 00:56:37,880
Speaker 3: the executor and can act on behalf of the deceased,

1117
00:56:38,040 --> 00:56:41,359
Speaker 3: making the transactions at the bank, filing the taxes, etc.

1118
00:56:42,200 --> 00:56:45,040
Speaker 3: You need a copy of that. In many states it's

1119
00:56:45,120 --> 00:56:48,320
Speaker 3: public record. Get a copy, show it to your fiance,

1120
00:56:48,520 --> 00:56:51,799
Speaker 3: and act based on what that document says. You can

1121
00:56:51,840 --> 00:56:54,879
Speaker 3: also hold the executor accountable in court if you feel

1122
00:56:54,920 --> 00:56:57,840
Speaker 3: they are not being honest or not fulfilling the terms

1123
00:56:57,880 --> 00:57:01,920
Speaker 3: of the will. Good Luck says, the parents aren't disputing

1124
00:57:01,920 --> 00:57:06,120
Speaker 3: the will, they're manipulating their son into giving them money. Legally,

1125
00:57:06,160 --> 00:57:08,920
Speaker 3: there's no issue here. Son is inherited and is free

1126
00:57:08,960 --> 00:57:11,840
Speaker 3: to dispose of the money. As he wishes. Unless the

1127
00:57:11,840 --> 00:57:14,720
Speaker 3: will specifies how the Sun is to spend the money,

1128
00:57:15,120 --> 00:57:17,160
Speaker 3: then he's free to be stupid and gullible with it.

1129
00:57:17,560 --> 00:57:20,280
Speaker 3: This will happen with any money he has. An opique

1130
00:57:20,280 --> 00:57:22,080
Speaker 3: can't rely on the courts to do what she and

1131
00:57:22,120 --> 00:57:25,720
Speaker 3: her husband to be won't reply, says, you're not even

1132
00:57:25,720 --> 00:57:28,280
Speaker 3: allowed to specify what people do with money you've left them.

1133
00:57:28,720 --> 00:57:30,760
Speaker 3: The only way to make sure your money is spent

1134
00:57:30,800 --> 00:57:34,800
Speaker 3: a certain way after passing is to specify leaving it

1135
00:57:34,840 --> 00:57:37,320
Speaker 3: in a trust set up to distribute it in a

1136
00:57:37,320 --> 00:57:40,439
Speaker 3: certain way. If you just leave money to someone, it's

1137
00:57:40,520 --> 00:57:43,240
Speaker 3: then there's to spend it anyway they deem fit. And

1138
00:57:43,280 --> 00:57:45,800
Speaker 3: you're absolutely right. If the parents think the money was

1139
00:57:45,840 --> 00:57:48,680
Speaker 3: distributed to the Sun unfairly, they could have disputed it

1140
00:57:48,760 --> 00:57:52,600
Speaker 3: in court during probate. I'm sure these greedy people would

1141
00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:55,360
Speaker 3: have done so if they could. All it takes is

1142
00:57:55,360 --> 00:57:57,800
Speaker 3: one visit to his own attorney to clarify it for

1143
00:57:57,960 --> 00:58:01,320
Speaker 3: their son. There is an update, Yes, but what do

1144
00:58:01,440 --> 00:58:02,120
Speaker 3: you think?

1145
00:58:02,920 --> 00:58:06,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, this guy, this guy, I don't know of marriage.

1146
00:58:06,280 --> 00:58:07,840
Speaker 5: I don't know if marriage to go.

1147
00:58:08,040 --> 00:58:11,800
Speaker 3: At least like postpone until you can figure out, Because

1148
00:58:11,840 --> 00:58:14,040
Speaker 3: again you guys have kids together. It's a little bit

1149
00:58:14,080 --> 00:58:17,120
Speaker 3: more complicated it is, you know, getting married.

1150
00:58:17,600 --> 00:58:19,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, that one comments like this is going to be

1151
00:58:19,600 --> 00:58:22,320
Speaker 5: your life most if it changes, and it seems.

1152
00:58:22,000 --> 00:58:23,919
Speaker 3: Like it's not. Yeah, what what else is he willing

1153
00:58:23,960 --> 00:58:26,240
Speaker 3: to give away to his parents? And how will affect

1154
00:58:26,360 --> 00:58:27,120
Speaker 3: you and your kids?

1155
00:58:27,160 --> 00:58:30,160
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, oh get a prenup or something. Yeah, get

1156
00:58:30,200 --> 00:58:31,560
Speaker 5: ready for that. That's gonna be wild.

1157
00:58:33,840 --> 00:58:36,720
Speaker 3: But there is an update, Okay, the moment you've all

1158
00:58:36,760 --> 00:58:38,720
Speaker 3: been waiting for. I know a lot of you are

1159
00:58:38,720 --> 00:58:42,360
Speaker 3: about to lose your minds because I didn't fact still

1160
00:58:42,440 --> 00:58:48,200
Speaker 3: marry Himikes. There's a however, Okay, his parents will not

1161
00:58:48,280 --> 00:58:50,160
Speaker 3: be getting any more money from us, and we went

1162
00:58:50,200 --> 00:58:53,040
Speaker 3: to counseling so my now husband can work through the

1163
00:58:53,040 --> 00:58:57,360
Speaker 3: past emotional and enmeshment. So what actually happened was before

1164
00:58:57,440 --> 00:59:00,120
Speaker 3: is grade on past. She sat my now husban and

1165
00:59:00,480 --> 00:59:02,840
Speaker 3: his parents down and told them how much he was

1166
00:59:02,880 --> 00:59:05,120
Speaker 3: going to give them in the will. Well, when she

1167
00:59:05,240 --> 00:59:08,640
Speaker 3: did pass, the will gave him way more than she

1168
00:59:08,800 --> 00:59:13,080
Speaker 3: said in the conversation, and I'm assuming them a lot less.

1169
00:59:13,640 --> 00:59:17,160
Speaker 3: So they felt entitled to the money and manipulated him

1170
00:59:17,240 --> 00:59:20,800
Speaker 3: into going along with what she originally said yes, it sucks.

1171
00:59:20,840 --> 00:59:23,120
Speaker 3: They still got away with taking the first fifteen K,

1172
00:59:23,840 --> 00:59:27,200
Speaker 3: but they will absolutely not be getting anything else. His

1173
00:59:27,360 --> 00:59:29,520
Speaker 3: dad told him in the garage that day to give

1174
00:59:29,560 --> 00:59:31,919
Speaker 3: it to him after the wedding, but he hasn't brought

1175
00:59:31,920 --> 00:59:34,439
Speaker 3: it up since. If he does, he's getting a big

1176
00:59:34,520 --> 00:59:37,600
Speaker 3: fat note good. I think they know they're wrong, and

1177
00:59:37,640 --> 00:59:40,120
Speaker 3: that's why they haven't asked again. They put on a

1178
00:59:40,160 --> 00:59:43,840
Speaker 3: show that they're kind, loving people, so I think they're scared.

1179
00:59:43,920 --> 00:59:48,200
Speaker 3: I'm gonna expose them, do it, tell everyone that they

1180
00:59:48,240 --> 00:59:50,280
Speaker 3: are greedy little money grabbers.

1181
00:59:50,640 --> 00:59:53,360
Speaker 5: Good on you, op, and good on your hobby. You

1182
00:59:53,400 --> 00:59:56,600
Speaker 5: guys got counseling, and I hope you guys continue the counseling.

1183
00:59:56,600 --> 00:59:59,880
Speaker 5: And yeah, good on him for growing a spine. Yeah, man,

1184
01:00:00,600 --> 01:00:04,200
Speaker 5: that's in while, that's insane. I feel like he was

1185
01:00:04,280 --> 01:00:08,160
Speaker 5: just like I'm reading it, I'm hearing it, I'm thinking it,

1186
01:00:08,520 --> 01:00:11,520
Speaker 5: but I'm just not doing it. It's not I'm gonna

1187
01:00:11,560 --> 01:00:14,400
Speaker 5: keep giving him the money, but like, I know that's not.

1188
01:00:14,480 --> 01:00:16,520
Speaker 3: No, I shouldn't, but I'm just not gonna. I'm just

1189
01:00:16,520 --> 01:00:19,120
Speaker 3: gonna lie and I'm gonna do it anyway. Yeah, but

1190
01:00:19,160 --> 01:00:20,360
Speaker 3: now he's finally figured it out.

1191
01:00:20,440 --> 01:00:25,000
Speaker 5: Good love that, and it seems like he finally. I mean,

1192
01:00:25,080 --> 01:00:27,200
Speaker 5: we haven't gotten any context of him standing up for you,

1193
01:00:27,480 --> 01:00:29,120
Speaker 5: but staying up to his parents is a good start.

1194
01:00:29,320 --> 01:00:33,280
Speaker 5: I mean they still treat you, you know, the way

1195
01:00:33,320 --> 01:00:36,040
Speaker 5: they are still or before what you said in your post.

1196
01:00:36,440 --> 01:00:39,320
Speaker 5: Hopefully he stands up to that too. Agreed, But there's

1197
01:00:39,320 --> 01:00:41,320
Speaker 5: a little good good on that you're gonna start somewhere.

1198
01:00:41,560 --> 01:00:44,200
Speaker 3: Glad that you guys are working on it. Concerns about

1199
01:00:44,200 --> 01:00:46,960
Speaker 3: the dog. If that dog is around, my children will

1200
01:00:47,040 --> 01:00:50,560
Speaker 3: never be That is a non negotiable. My mother in

1201
01:00:50,640 --> 01:00:53,040
Speaker 3: law did write us a letter apologizing for how they

1202
01:00:53,120 --> 01:00:56,440
Speaker 3: handle that. We were shocked, so I hope she meant it.

1203
01:00:56,840 --> 01:00:59,280
Speaker 3: We will still try to have a relationship going forward

1204
01:00:59,280 --> 01:01:02,480
Speaker 3: with them as long as they respect us and our decisions.

1205
01:01:03,040 --> 01:01:05,360
Speaker 3: Thank you all for the comments and messages that came

1206
01:01:05,440 --> 01:01:07,840
Speaker 3: from a place of concern. I knew there had to

1207
01:01:07,840 --> 01:01:10,560
Speaker 3: be a drastic change or I would be miserable forever.

1208
01:01:11,160 --> 01:01:14,080
Speaker 3: That's why I was spiraling enough to post on reddits.

1209
01:01:14,760 --> 01:01:20,360
Speaker 3: And there is nothing left for the story. Good luck, opee.

1210
01:01:20,720 --> 01:01:22,120
Speaker 3: I think you guys are working on it, and that's

1211
01:01:22,160 --> 01:01:22,840
Speaker 3: all you can ask for.

1212
01:01:23,240 --> 01:01:25,920
Speaker 5: Good Luck, on your marriage, good luck on the future

1213
01:01:25,920 --> 01:01:30,840
Speaker 5: for your family, and hopefully your in laws are going

1214
01:01:30,880 --> 01:01:32,919
Speaker 5: to be chill people for the rest of your life.

1215
01:01:33,000 --> 01:01:36,080
Speaker 3: Hopefully they don't ask you more money, crossing my fingers

1216
01:01:36,080 --> 01:01:36,280
Speaker 3: for that.