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Speaker 1: Hello, my love, it is Lala Kit. Welcome back to

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Speaker 1: another episode of my podcast, Give Them La La. What's up,

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Speaker 1: miss Jessica Walter?

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Speaker 2: There are times to charm. I think you've said it

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Speaker 2: three times like that, and it's cheap.

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Speaker 3: So I love it when you say Walter, I can't

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Speaker 3: even say it.

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Speaker 1: I didn't even say it.

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Speaker 2: Nothing's up.

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Speaker 4: We're just chilling in your bedroom, yep, on your bed.

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Speaker 1: I have a full house right now. I have my

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Speaker 1: little brother who was supposed to leave after his birthday

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Speaker 1: and he was like, I don't want to go home.

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Speaker 1: I said you should stay. He said, maybe I'll leave Thursday.

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Speaker 1: I was like, why would you leave Thursday?

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Speaker 5: Right?

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Speaker 1: Like right, get home for right, get home for one

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Speaker 1: day of work, and then the weekend hits like just

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Speaker 1: stay through the weekend. So he's here. He brought his

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Speaker 1: friend out some of all the goings on. It's fun.

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Speaker 1: I love it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I love jam packed house.

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Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, yes, yeah, it's like a comfortable family fun.

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Speaker 1: I like it too. Yeah. So we're in the bedroom

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Speaker 1: because Easton and his homies are downstairs watching The Tinder Swindler.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, watching the Tinder Swindler.

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Speaker 4: How are you doing, Laala? Since we last spoke. Oh

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Speaker 4: this podcast, I'm feeling good. I'm feeling excited and happy.

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Speaker 1: We have doctor Emily Morris from the podcast Sex with Emily.

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Speaker 1: She does a lot of other things. I'm super excited,

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Speaker 1: super horny these days, and I'm like, I'm like, can

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Speaker 1: we let's talk about it please?

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Speaker 3: No.

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Speaker 1: I'm feeling amazing, and you know, I have people that

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Speaker 1: I'm speaking to and I'm like getting to that point

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Speaker 1: where I'm like I could let him hit it.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but I'm like nervous and not just nervous, and

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna get very vulnerable with Emily today. Tell her

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Speaker 1: where my head's at because I need her to like

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Speaker 1: spit mad knowledge on me. Yeah. But one of the

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Speaker 1: reasons I'm nervous is like, so I have an IUD, right,

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Speaker 1: no hormones, I get migraines. But like there is a

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Speaker 1: huge difference between like, Okay, I've got my IUD and

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Speaker 1: people just assume like, oh, but I don't ovulate her.

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Speaker 1: Oh I have my IUD or I'm taking a pill.

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Speaker 1: So like I'm good. I need to know what my

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Speaker 1: body is doing at all times, right, I cannot have

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Speaker 1: any slip ups, any what the fuck, where's my period?

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Speaker 1: You know, if I'm gonna start banging it out, I

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Speaker 1: need to know no children are going to be on

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Speaker 1: the way, right.

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Speaker 2: This isn't a guessing game.

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Speaker 1: This is not a guessing game. So I found this.

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Speaker 1: It's like a thermometer. You download an app. It's called

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Speaker 1: Natural Cycles. I stick it in my mouth green lets

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Speaker 1: me know I'm good to go, And that obviously means

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Speaker 1: like you're not ovulating.

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Speaker 2: So you do the natural cycles thing. With the IUD.

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Speaker 1: You should always know what your body is doing, whether

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Speaker 1: you have an IUD or you're taking a pill, like,

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Speaker 1: know what your body's doing, don't rely on it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: So with Natural Cycles, the reason I do it is

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Speaker 1: because like that I know, it's like I'm a virgo,

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Speaker 1: So I use everything perfectly obviously, and if you use

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Speaker 1: it perfectly, it's ninety eight percent effective. And when you

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Speaker 1: give me a number like that, I'm fucking using it right, right, right,

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Speaker 1: So that thing has been in my like I'm checking

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Speaker 1: all the time, yeah, because who knows when I'm going

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Speaker 1: to like, hey, let's slip it in right.

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Speaker 4: Are you a fan of period sex, because that could

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Speaker 4: be a good way to track like.

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Speaker 2: Like, do you have sex on your period.

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Speaker 4: I feel like that's such a Some women are like, no,

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Speaker 4: absolutely not, and others are like absolutely just that's.

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Speaker 1: What I'm howl down. And I know I'm really safe.

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Speaker 1: You know, I'm fine with it because I just think

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Speaker 1: it's like, I am a woman, yeah who has a period, right,

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Speaker 1: And I'm not going to be ashamed of that. Now,

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Speaker 1: Like some dudes may not be into it. I've had

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Speaker 1: most dudes that are like, I don't give a shit,

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Speaker 1: let's get it pop in yeah, and then you know,

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Speaker 1: you just do it in the shower exactly, don't look down.

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Speaker 4: But I was gonna say that is that could be

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Speaker 4: a good way to even if you're not having sex,

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Speaker 4: or it's just a good way to track your period.

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Speaker 4: And I feel like I should do that. I know

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Speaker 4: Kyle tracks my period because he like wants to know

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Speaker 4: when I'm going to be extra emotional or like when

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Speaker 4: I act like a monster.

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Speaker 2: Heah looks down at his app.

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Speaker 4: And he's like, oh, okay, great, she's this is why

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Speaker 4: right then he's like, you know, brings me chocolate or whatever.

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Speaker 2: But like, I feel like I should do that. That's smart.

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Speaker 1: It is smart, And like I said, because I get

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Speaker 1: the migraines. Like I cannot have any sort of hormone.

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Speaker 1: It heightens your risk of strokes. Oh yeah, I know that.

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Speaker 1: I learned that a while back. So I have a

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Speaker 1: copper IUD which no hormones. Mix that with my natural

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Speaker 1: cycles and I'm like, I'm golden, you know. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: so that's what I love about it. And because there's

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Speaker 1: no hormones in my IUD or with the natural cycles, like,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't stop your ovulation, so you continue to have

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Speaker 1: normal periods, continue to have your normal ovulation cycle. I

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Speaker 1: just I you know me. I love a plan B.

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Speaker 1: I know you. I love a plan B plan A

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Speaker 1: B C.

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Speaker 2: Like you love a good.

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Speaker 1: Good, yes, good backup plan. That's what I live by. Yeah, yes,

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm feeling in great spirits. And this weekend I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna see one of the boys.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, one of the boys. Yeah, how are you

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Speaker 2: feeling about that?

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Speaker 1: I get nervous?

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Speaker 2: You do, yeah, you get Butterfly.

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Speaker 1: Yes, And he's the one that I can get like

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Speaker 1: emotional with and like if I cry if we have sex,

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Speaker 1: because I probably will cry. I'm gonna ask Emily about that.

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Speaker 1: Think you should have you ever cried?

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Speaker 2: During sex, Jess, No, because I'm not a crazy No,

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Speaker 2: I'm just kidding. Oh my god, you guys, I'm kidding.

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Speaker 4: Nervous, of course, I cried when I lost my virginity

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Speaker 4: to my long term boyfriend at the time.

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Speaker 1: But it was sweet. I thought, I mean, why'd you cry?

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Speaker 3: Though?

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Speaker 1: Why'd you cry?

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Speaker 2: Because I felt like it was such a big moment.

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Speaker 2: I feel like I was lucky.

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Speaker 4: I had a nice I had a nice Like when

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Speaker 4: I lost my virginity, it was like with someone special,

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Speaker 4: and it was not that go was your virginity, do

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Speaker 4: whatever you want to whoever. It could be a one

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Speaker 4: night stand like you do you do you. But for me,

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Speaker 4: I was like, it needs to be special and all

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Speaker 4: this shit.

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Speaker 1: I don't agree with that now.

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Speaker 2: But so I cried because I was like so stupid.

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Speaker 2: But I was like, oh my god, I'm like a woman.

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Speaker 2: I think this is such a big moment in my life.

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Speaker 1: I'm better remembrance forever.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but not in a negative way. I was like,

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Speaker 2: this is such a big moment in my life. It

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Speaker 2: was just a lot of emotions.

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Speaker 4: I cried too, Yeah, and you cried the first time, Yeah,

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Speaker 4: And I felt that I was safe.

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Speaker 2: I think if I had.

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Speaker 4: Done it with someone who was like new or I

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Speaker 4: was like, oh, let me just it's a one night

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Speaker 4: stand type of thing, I wouldn't have cried. I would

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Speaker 4: have like kept it inside because I would have been like,

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Speaker 4: this is gonna look really weird, which I don't agree

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Speaker 4: with now, but at the time, and but I felt safe,

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Speaker 4: So I was like emotional and I got you know,

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Speaker 4: I got like a hug and a sweet like whatever.

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Speaker 4: But but why do you think, I mean, because you're

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Speaker 4: not losing your virginity, I am, but you feel like

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Speaker 4: you are.

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Speaker 1: I also think it's I also think that it's going

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Speaker 1: to be like it'll be a happy cry. But you know,

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Speaker 1: when there's so much emotion going through you, whether it's happy, sad,

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Speaker 1: all the feels, and you don't know how to process it,

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Speaker 1: so you cry. Yes, yes, yes, that's what it's going

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Speaker 1: to be. Like. Yeah, who knows. I could bang it

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Speaker 1: out and just be so slyly and not cry at all,

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Speaker 1: but I want to be prepared. And I feel like

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Speaker 1: with this dude, if I were to cry, like he

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Speaker 1: would hug me after and like make me feel all

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Speaker 1: special and sweet.

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Speaker 2: That's that's nice.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and safe and safe the word of life. Feeling safe. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: speaking of period sex again, that takes me back to

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Speaker 1: a time where like, I was dating this football player.

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Speaker 1: He was playing at USC and then he got drafted hot,

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Speaker 1: he was super hot. No, he was flying okay to

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Speaker 1: the Seahawks in Seattle. So he flies me out to

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Speaker 1: see him. Keep in mind, I'm young. I'm so young.

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Speaker 1: I think I was like twenty two, okay, and you're

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Speaker 1: like impressionable at twenty two, especially when you're dating this

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Speaker 1: guy who's now in the NFL and you're kind of

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Speaker 1: intimidated and you're like, oh my god. Okay, Yeah, we

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Speaker 1: had had sex before, So I fly out to see him.

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Speaker 1: We bang it out once right that night, and it's

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Speaker 1: like two seconds because I'm so good at what I do, right,

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Speaker 1: and he was like upset about it. Right Okay, He's

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Speaker 1: like I can do better than that. I can do

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Speaker 1: better than that, So he wants to go again. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I am just wrapping up my period. The first the

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Speaker 1: first time we did it that night, we were good.

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Speaker 1: The second time is when it was like, Okay, something's happening,

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Speaker 1: right and I don't know him like that, Where do

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Speaker 1: I warn him? Because you know when you're wrapping up

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Speaker 1: your period. Yes, I'm so. We're getting real real, right, No,

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Speaker 1: this is great.

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Speaker 2: This is what get real when you're so you're wrapping up.

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Speaker 2: You're not about to start.

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Speaker 1: No, it's like the tail end of it, okay, and

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Speaker 1: you're about to wrap up, but you think you feel

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Speaker 1: it like, oh my god, there's more done.

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Speaker 3: Yeah I thought it was more done than it might be. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: so that happens. Okay, he is not about that life

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Speaker 3: at all. I'm mortified. He goes to practice The next morning.

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Speaker 3: I washed the sheets and everything.

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Speaker 1: I start getting a migraine because I'm so stressed out

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Speaker 1: about what had just happened. Now i'd be like, fuck you, motherfucker. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I got a period.

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Speaker 4: That makes me really sad for you and makes me

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Speaker 4: want to look this Seahawks man in their face and

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Speaker 4: be like, grow up. I've said it two weeks in

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Speaker 4: a row now, just for different reasons, but like that's

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Speaker 4: my thing lately.

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Speaker 1: Grow grow up right right?

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Speaker 3: Me? Sad?

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Speaker 2: What a loser?

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Speaker 1: Okay? So he comes home that night, I've like washed

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Speaker 1: everything whatever, we're laying down. We had banged it out again,

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Speaker 1: so we obviously wasn't that Oh okay, okay, yeah, and

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Speaker 1: he sees a small little sp on the bed and

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Speaker 1: he goes, couldn't get this out, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm never talking to you again. I cannot wait to

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Speaker 1: get the fuck out of here.

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Speaker 5: What a little shit.

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Speaker 2: I know, I've never had a man be upset.

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Speaker 1: I was on my period.

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Speaker 4: The only thing that's happened, I don't know if this

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Speaker 4: has ever happened to you, is that I had a

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Speaker 4: tampon in one night and I was drunk, and I

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Speaker 4: knew I had my period, but I was like, it

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Speaker 4: was just like we were drunk and we started having sex,

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Speaker 4: and I was like, like, almost as the sex was

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Speaker 4: almost done, I was like, I didn't take out my tampon,

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Speaker 4: and his venus has been all the way inside of me,

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Speaker 4: so that tampon is up there.

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Speaker 2: I had to go to the guy no and get

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Speaker 2: it taken out.

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Speaker 1: Wow, good for him, it was that big. Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Well, like I think I was also just like I

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Speaker 4: get like weird and queasy about like my blood getting

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Speaker 4: taken and like if I have to put my leg

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Speaker 4: up on the toilet. I think I fainted multiple times

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Speaker 4: the first time trying to put a tampon in.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so that's a lot. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: So I was like, I'll just go get it taken out.

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Speaker 1: You know, I'm the same way when I see blood. Yeah, automatically,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I'm gonna So I got botox for

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Speaker 1: the first time in a long time. Okay, how did

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Speaker 1: that go? So it went great? Obviously I love my bowtoks.

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Speaker 1: But they didn't do numbing cream this time because I

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Speaker 1: was on a tight schedule. I was like, we don't

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Speaker 1: have time to numb today. Okay. They had to tilt

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Speaker 1: me back and I can feel it coming on the

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Speaker 1: second he was poking. I was like, okay, legs are

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Speaker 1: going numb. You gotta tilt me back like I could

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Speaker 1: feel like working up my body to where my I

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Speaker 1: was gonna be knocked out. Okay, So I should have

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Speaker 1: just had them numb me because the amount of times

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Speaker 1: they had to tilt me back.

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Speaker 2: So wait, what do you Why are they tilting you back?

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Speaker 1: Does that hit the blood back to you so you

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Speaker 1: don't faint or it just so you don't faint? Yes? Okay.

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Speaker 1: And doctor Diamond, by the way, there is no better

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Speaker 1: doctor to make you look natural. He's very conservative. Right

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Speaker 1: mm hm. I learned to go to him after some

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Speaker 1: not so great moments of injection. Right, Okay, yes, he

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Speaker 1: is an artist when it comes to the face, so

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Speaker 1: I only trust him with my face. But he knows

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Speaker 1: at this point like Walla has Faintie's mouth, so like

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Speaker 1: tilt back and of course like in comes the nurse

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Speaker 1: with my little juice box and like the little cookie.

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Speaker 2: So you must have you ever given blood?

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Speaker 1: Yes? And I don't like it?

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Speaker 5: No?

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Speaker 4: Do you faint every time?

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Speaker 1: Most of the time they have to tilt me back

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Speaker 1: and bring in the juice, bringing the juice, tilt.

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Speaker 2: Me back next time, numbing cream.

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Speaker 1: I will never do it again without numbing cream. And

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Speaker 1: by the way, the lips are the hardest.

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Speaker 4: Okay, wait, this is gonna be a weird question. Then

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Speaker 4: did you faint when you were giving birth? If like

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Speaker 4: you faint from like blood and maybe like pain.

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Speaker 1: So I was worried about that. Yeah, I would be

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Speaker 1: because doctor Bart who delivered Ocean, said do you want

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Speaker 1: to feel? And do you want to feel? And I

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Speaker 1: was like no, because if she's here, like I'll pass

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Speaker 1: out if it's if it just isn't you know, like

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Speaker 1: if I realize what's happening to my body it's when

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Speaker 1: pain is involved or poking that I'm like, I associate, oh,

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Speaker 1: there's blood because this is happening. Yeah, oh my god, yes,

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Speaker 1: you know, period blood totally fine, I'm good, right, But

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Speaker 1: with Ocean, I feel like I was so just chilling.

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Speaker 1: Really yeah.

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Speaker 4: See that's so good because I always assume, like like

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Speaker 4: when when Courtney Kardashian gave birth to and she pulled

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Speaker 4: and had the mirror down and she just pulled him out.

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Speaker 5: No.

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Speaker 1: I looked and I saw Ocean coming out like the

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Speaker 1: tail ends. Oh you did. Yes, so fun fact about

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Speaker 1: my birthing experience. Okay, So they give me the epidural

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Speaker 1: and I'm freaking out because I feel like an egg.

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Speaker 1: My legs are gone. I am humpty fucking okay, and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, is this gonna go away? Like I can't

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Speaker 1: feel anything. I cannot feel like it starts fucking with me. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And they're like, do you want something for the anxiety

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Speaker 1: because I was starting to panic and I was like no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm sober. I don't take anything. Keep in mind, remember

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Speaker 1: I never had an issue with pills, drugs. Alcohol was

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Speaker 1: my thing. Okay, That's why I go to AA. Nothing

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Speaker 1: else ever interest interested me, never dabbled in anything. Alcohol

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Speaker 1: was where it started and ended. So I tell them

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Speaker 1: this and they're like, okay, good to know, because sometimes

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Speaker 1: they put fetanyl in the epidural, right, you can opt

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Speaker 1: out of it. And I said, I don't want that.

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Speaker 1: I do not want that. So cut to like three

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Speaker 1: in the morning and I'm like, maybe sooner than that.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, the epidural's not working anymore. I'm feeling a

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Speaker 1: lot of cramping because I'm in labor. Yeah, and there's

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Speaker 1: a new guy that's doing the epidural. So he comes

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Speaker 1: in and does it, and I'm on cloud night. I

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Speaker 1: was like, I don't feel shit. The best sleep I've

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Speaker 1: ever gotten. It was definitely before three am because I

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Speaker 1: slept so great. Really, Jessica, get to the point where

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Speaker 1: they're like, we're gonna break your water. They break my water.

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Speaker 1: They come in, they're like, we're gonna change the bed

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Speaker 1: sheet because there's a lot of water. I said, just

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Speaker 1: leave it. I can't feel shit. I'm so tired.

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Speaker 2: So do you think that then there was fentanylon that.

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Speaker 1: Well, they come in later and they were like, there's

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Speaker 1: an issue, oh, because they were worried because I told

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Speaker 1: them I was sober, and I said, I don't want

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Speaker 1: you to worry. It's all good. If you would have

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Speaker 1: injected vodka into my spine, maybe a different story. But

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Speaker 1: we're all good. We're all good. That's crazy. So my

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Speaker 1: birthing experience was fantastic and you didn't faint. No, Wow,

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Speaker 1: I was in it. Six am. They're like, she's here,

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Speaker 1: don't push another second. Did I tell you that?

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Speaker 4: No?

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Speaker 1: They were like, push so we can just see where

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Speaker 1: we're at. Because she comes in and she's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: we're there. We're out of ten.

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Speaker 4: When you say, when she says we're there, does that

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Speaker 4: mean like the head's starting to come out?

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Speaker 1: Well? When I pushed, she goes, do not move until

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Speaker 1: doctor Rothbart gets here, because I'm looking at her head

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Speaker 1: right now.

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Speaker 2: What Yeah, that is wild.

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Speaker 4: See I think about that and I'm like, I'm I

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Speaker 4: will faint when they say that.

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Speaker 2: They say, oh, I see your head. I'm done.

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Speaker 4: My sister took my sister to get her belly button

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Speaker 4: piers She got it pierced and got wobbly.

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Speaker 1: I was down down. That would knock me out too.

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Speaker 1: Belly button peers, I'm telling you, when you give birth,

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Speaker 1: and they say, we're there. I see the head. You

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Speaker 1: are not gonna faint. You're gonna be like, this is

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Speaker 1: like you're gonna meet Like I'm getting emotional. You're gonna

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Speaker 1: meet your baby. Yeah, you won't faint.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because you don't know what they look like.

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Speaker 1: You don't know like anything. They've just been living in

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Speaker 1: you for nine months. And they're finally coming out. And

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Speaker 1: someone says you can see her her head or his head,

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Speaker 1: and you're like, oh my god, I can't wait. That's

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Speaker 1: you know, yeah, like let me fucking push, yeah, her

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Speaker 1: out of there. She's ready to so I can hold

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Speaker 1: her on her mom. I know, speaking of that, it's

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Speaker 1: almost a year.

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Speaker 2: I know, how do you feel about them?

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Speaker 1: I'm so excited.

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Speaker 2: You're a little water baby.

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Speaker 1: My little water baby is going to be one next month.

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Speaker 1: It's it's so much fun. I thought I would be

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Speaker 1: so sad about it, and I look back on pictures

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, I'm so sad about this, But I'm

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Speaker 1: not so sad about this because she is so much fun.

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Speaker 1: She's so cute.

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Speaker 4: She's like she's a baby, she's like a I look

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Speaker 4: at it.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, you're a human. It's wild.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, she's my little person, my little mini all right.

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Speaker 1: So now with all of that sex talk, birth control talk,

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Speaker 1: period talk, let's take a little break and we'll be

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Speaker 1: back with doctor Emily Moores. We are back with a

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Speaker 1: guest that I'm super excited to have on. We have

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Speaker 1: Emily Sex with Emily. So Hi Emily, first and foremost,

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Speaker 1: thank you for being here.

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Speaker 5: Hi Ella.

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Speaker 1: So, I became addicted to you and your podcast when

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Speaker 1: I was lucky enough to go to dinner with a

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Speaker 1: girl by the name of Camilica Bao and she is

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Speaker 1: obsessed with you, and I was like, I have to

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Speaker 1: get on this train, and then I have to have

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Speaker 1: her on the podcast because I'm kind of venturing into

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Speaker 1: new territory when it comes to sex.

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Speaker 5: Okay, I love it.

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Speaker 1: So I want to have you first explained, like to

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Speaker 1: people who maybe are living under a rock and not

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Speaker 1: familiar with you, what your podcast entails, what you're into,

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Speaker 1: and then we're going to dive into all things sex.

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Speaker 5: All right, Well, thank you for having me on. I'm

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Speaker 5: so glad that you found your way to sec to Themily.

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Speaker 5: We've been doing this podcast for over fifteen years. It's

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Speaker 5: our seventeen Beer and I actually shout it up. I

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Speaker 5: know it was one of the first podcasts ever, and

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Speaker 5: it was the first sex podcast. So I've been doing

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Speaker 5: this for a long time. I love what I do.

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Speaker 5: I answer people's questions, I help people. My home mission

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Speaker 5: of Sex with Emily and now it's everything. It's you

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Speaker 5: can find me sex with Emily and on social media,

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Speaker 5: and I have books, and I teach and I speak

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Speaker 5: products all the things. But really my mission is to

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Speaker 5: get people to prioritize their pleasure and liberate the conversation

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Speaker 5: around sex. It's so taboos still in so many circles.

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Speaker 5: Maybe not here in Los Angeles. You can do it

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Speaker 5: with their friends and Camala is going to say, check

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Speaker 5: out this sex podcast. But in a lot of places

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Speaker 5: in the world, we are not comfortable talking about it,

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Speaker 5: and we don't think about pleasure. We think of sex

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Speaker 5: as being this kind of a lot of ways, especially

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Speaker 5: for a lot of women, we feel like we have

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Speaker 5: to be more performative, we have to please our partner,

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Speaker 5: but we don't really know our own bodies. We kind

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Speaker 5: of shame ourselves. And so it's really about opening up

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Speaker 5: that conversation. And I release two podcasts a week, and yeah,

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Speaker 5: it's really just about every topic you can think of

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Speaker 5: answering questions I've guessed sometimes.

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Speaker 1: I am so into it. And actually, so that's where

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Speaker 1: I am right now, because when I think about I

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Speaker 1: almost get nervous. And I don't get nervous because I

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Speaker 1: think it's the other person's gonna be bad. I'm worried

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Speaker 1: that I'm gonna be bad. So like I'm not even

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Speaker 1: worried about if I get off, I'm worried about if

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Speaker 1: the other person gets off. Like I'm all about the

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Speaker 1: other person. Please help me and other women or men

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Speaker 1: who are going through that same thought process.

435
00:21:22,119 --> 00:21:24,240
Speaker 5: Well, okay, so let me tell you this all. I

436
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:27,520
Speaker 5: love that you've said. This is so good because here's

437
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:32,280
Speaker 5: the thing. The best sex is when everyone's having pleasure

438
00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:35,679
Speaker 5: and everyone gets off right or everyone feels good. And

439
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,160
Speaker 5: so I'm gonna say, I'm gonna twist this a little

440
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:40,960
Speaker 5: bit and say, you're gonna be fine with whatever lover

441
00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:44,159
Speaker 5: you have next as long as you were truly having pleasure,

442
00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:47,560
Speaker 5: you're in your body, you know what feels good, and

443
00:21:48,119 --> 00:21:50,639
Speaker 5: so that's the sexiest lover in the world is a

444
00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:52,640
Speaker 5: woman or I always say on my show, I don't

445
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,800
Speaker 5: use gender, I say volva owners and penis owners, but

446
00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:57,480
Speaker 5: we'll just say is a woman a velva owner? A

447
00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:59,520
Speaker 5: lolva is the external part of vaginan you can say

448
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:03,000
Speaker 5: vagina blah blah, who knows her body, knows how to

449
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:05,359
Speaker 5: move it, knows what feels good. So I feel like

450
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:07,360
Speaker 5: this is a lot of people come into my show

451
00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:08,720
Speaker 5: and they're like, tell me how to not make a

452
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:10,920
Speaker 5: weird orgasm phase or how do I get better blow jobs?

453
00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:14,960
Speaker 5: And all that can come, but first you have to come.

454
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,600
Speaker 1: I love that because I think a lot of people

455
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:21,840
Speaker 1: do get in their head about that. I mean more

456
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:25,600
Speaker 1: times than not, Like I'm not getting off because I'm

457
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:27,640
Speaker 1: so in my head about you know. And when you're

458
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,240
Speaker 1: with the same person for a really long time, then

459
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:36,760
Speaker 1: you become like almost comfortable with the dynamic.

460
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:38,479
Speaker 5: You know, Yeah, exactly.

461
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:39,960
Speaker 1: It's mostly just like a chore.

462
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:42,080
Speaker 5: The chur check you out the list. And I don't

463
00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:44,040
Speaker 5: want that. That's my mission is. I don't do not

464
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:46,720
Speaker 5: want sex to be something that is another item mind

465
00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:49,119
Speaker 5: your to do list. And so and I mean I

466
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:50,959
Speaker 5: started this show to give you the history, Like I

467
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:54,080
Speaker 5: started the show over fifteen years ago because I was performative.

468
00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:55,840
Speaker 5: I was like, what's he going to think of me?

469
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:57,520
Speaker 5: How do I give a blow jump? How do I

470
00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,600
Speaker 5: look sexy when I'm giving it? How do And I

471
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:01,960
Speaker 5: was faking orgasms like I was doing all the things

472
00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:03,840
Speaker 5: that I find out that I was not alone, But

473
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:06,119
Speaker 5: at the time there was nobody else talking about this.

474
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:08,280
Speaker 5: I felt there was nobody else like talking about the

475
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:09,840
Speaker 5: reality of it. So I had to do my own

476
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:12,560
Speaker 5: work and figure out what feels good to me. I

477
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:14,360
Speaker 5: had to bring back my master, but I like really

478
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:17,200
Speaker 5: get into my masturbation. I had to learn to communicate

479
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:18,840
Speaker 5: with my partners and say, like, this is what I'm

480
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:20,960
Speaker 5: into because here's the thing. Well, the reason why most

481
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:24,399
Speaker 5: women are more performative or they're like just wanted to

482
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:26,840
Speaker 5: get over with is because we don't really know because

483
00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:29,719
Speaker 5: sex is so focused first off on penetration. Here's one

484
00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:33,520
Speaker 5: of the reasons penetration can feel amazing. Nothing about penetration.

485
00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:36,560
Speaker 5: But that goes back to religion and the patriarchy saying

486
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:39,680
Speaker 5: that sex is good about penetration because that's where babies

487
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:43,439
Speaker 5: are made. The majority of women or volva owners are

488
00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:46,080
Speaker 5: not going to have an orgasm with anything to do

489
00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:47,359
Speaker 5: with the penis, so I'm not gonna have the most

490
00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:49,480
Speaker 5: pleasure with the penis, and maybe you do. Only twenty

491
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:52,880
Speaker 5: percent of women have orgasms during penetration. That's first off,

492
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:55,359
Speaker 5: And now that that's not important, that's amazing, But most

493
00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:57,720
Speaker 5: of them need a warm up, they need oral sex,

494
00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:00,760
Speaker 5: they need to make sure that the kitchen clean or

495
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:02,840
Speaker 5: like they finish their items on the to do list.

496
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:06,040
Speaker 5: So there's like all these factors that go into really

497
00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:09,400
Speaker 5: pleasurable sex. So the first thing is realizing that maybe

498
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,040
Speaker 5: you need a lot of oral like I know I do,

499
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,040
Speaker 5: Like I need a lot of warm up, I need foreplay.

500
00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:14,960
Speaker 5: I need to know that my partner and I've connected.

501
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:17,760
Speaker 5: And so it just kind of understanding that sex is

502
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:21,080
Speaker 5: more complex than just like getting it over with and

503
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:22,120
Speaker 5: the old in and out.

504
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:25,760
Speaker 1: Right, Like we're not jack rabbits, let's like make this

505
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:29,160
Speaker 1: a fun event. I totally guys, I'm trying to get

506
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:33,280
Speaker 1: back into that headspace. Now, back to what you said

507
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:35,200
Speaker 1: about the faking of the orgasms.

508
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:36,280
Speaker 5: Okay, let's do it.

509
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:40,199
Speaker 1: Do you think that people should do that? Do you

510
00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:41,880
Speaker 1: think that people should fake an orgasm?

511
00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:44,040
Speaker 5: I don't think people should fake orgasms, but I know

512
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:46,639
Speaker 5: that they do. But we fake them because we're afraid

513
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:48,760
Speaker 5: we're not going to get there. We want our partners

514
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,480
Speaker 5: to feel We don't want them to feel bad, right,

515
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:54,200
Speaker 5: we are embarrassed that we can't. I'm just gonna get

516
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:55,920
Speaker 5: over with We know, we know it's not going to happen,

517
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:58,359
Speaker 5: and all these reasons. But what we're doing is, first off,

518
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:01,240
Speaker 5: we're setting these and I think it's mostly with men

519
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:02,640
Speaker 5: that we fa get to. Let's just say that we're

520
00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:04,639
Speaker 5: setting all these penises off in the world thinking that

521
00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:07,640
Speaker 5: they're great lovers, their masters of the universe, and like, well,

522
00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:09,480
Speaker 5: no woman's ever faked it with me. I'm like, I

523
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:12,480
Speaker 5: guarantee you all the time that like more than half

524
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:15,560
Speaker 5: have faked it, probably because it usually doesn't happen the

525
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:17,760
Speaker 5: first time you're with someone. Like there's just all these factors.

526
00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:20,680
Speaker 5: So no, I think it's a disservice to your partners,

527
00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:22,879
Speaker 5: first off, for the future partners that they're with, but

528
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,879
Speaker 5: also it's a disservice to ourselves. And even if you

529
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:29,080
Speaker 5: stay with them forever, they should know how to please you, right,

530
00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:31,080
Speaker 5: you can know how to please you and you're not.

531
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:34,000
Speaker 5: Then we're almost like we're deciding in that moment we

532
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:36,640
Speaker 5: fake it that their pleasure is more important than ours.

533
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,240
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I mean at the very beginning of this,

534
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,280
Speaker 1: I said that I like, if they get off, then

535
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:42,919
Speaker 1: I know I did my job. Like, I'm more concerned

536
00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:43,639
Speaker 1: with that.

537
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:46,679
Speaker 5: That's what we're switching that I think I have to

538
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:49,560
Speaker 5: we're doing it so into the switchingness for you.

539
00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:55,280
Speaker 1: Do you feel like vulva owners are more in their

540
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:58,040
Speaker 1: head when it comes to sex than penis owners?

541
00:25:58,160 --> 00:25:59,879
Speaker 5: Think that we're all in our heads, to be honest,

542
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:02,280
Speaker 5: And I got to say this my podcast audience is

543
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:04,440
Speaker 5: that it's half men and half women. It always has been,

544
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:07,280
Speaker 5: so it's never been like, which is you know, interesting?

545
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:10,520
Speaker 5: But I think it's just I know this because I

546
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:12,760
Speaker 5: get all big questions all the time. We're all in

547
00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:15,199
Speaker 5: our heads. That women are our heads. Ulva owners are

548
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:16,800
Speaker 5: at our head. Thank you for having me here. Veva

549
00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:20,080
Speaker 5: owners are in their head and they're worried that is

550
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:21,920
Speaker 5: my left boob a lot bigger than my right boob?

551
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:23,879
Speaker 5: Am I doing this right? Or the kids going to

552
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,199
Speaker 5: come in the door? Is my roommate? Can they every

553
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:28,800
Speaker 5: roommate hear me? Is this weird? Whatever was in our mind?

554
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:31,040
Speaker 5: Am I doing this wrong? Am I not going to

555
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:33,479
Speaker 5: get there, And then I think that penis owners are

556
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:35,399
Speaker 5: in their head equally wondering like is she going to

557
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:37,440
Speaker 5: get there? Why aren't I hard enough? I'm going to

558
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:39,760
Speaker 5: lose my direction, I'm going to come too quickly. So yes,

559
00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:41,560
Speaker 5: I think we're all in our heads. And so that's

560
00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:43,160
Speaker 5: how we could just really do a lot of work

561
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:45,040
Speaker 5: around getting out of our heads. I can give you

562
00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:46,320
Speaker 5: some tips on that too.

563
00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:50,439
Speaker 1: So for me going back to being out there like

564
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:56,040
Speaker 1: that again, and obviously I practice safe sex always first

565
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:59,399
Speaker 1: and foremost. I think it's important to be an educated

566
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:05,000
Speaker 1: lover and a smart one at thought. But I fully

567
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,480
Speaker 1: intend on going and living my best life, Emily, I'm

568
00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:11,160
Speaker 1: not even going to lie do it. And what are

569
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:13,600
Speaker 1: some tips that you can Number one, let's talk about

570
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:16,359
Speaker 1: getting out of the head, Like, what what do you

571
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:20,120
Speaker 1: recommend for people in my situation where it's like this

572
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:23,520
Speaker 1: is new territory again, like I used to be great

573
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:26,159
Speaker 1: at what I was doing, but am I still Like

574
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:29,199
Speaker 1: how do I get myself to be like you're freaking awesome?

575
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:32,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly, Well, first by saying that you're freaking awesome

576
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:34,920
Speaker 5: because you are freaking awesome and knowing that, but there's

577
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:37,919
Speaker 5: a few steps that happen here, because if you if

578
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:40,200
Speaker 5: you lie, if you leave it up to your thoughts

579
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:42,600
Speaker 5: to do that for you, it's just not going to happen.

580
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:44,240
Speaker 5: So we just start where did you get ahead of it?

581
00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:46,960
Speaker 5: We need to be more proactive and retraining our brains

582
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:50,240
Speaker 5: and retraining our thoughts so we can really get ourselves

583
00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:52,240
Speaker 5: more for sex. Now, getting out of our head. The

584
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 5: first thing is do you ever do any meditation or

585
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:56,600
Speaker 5: mindfulness work or anything like that?

586
00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:59,680
Speaker 1: No, but teach me. I watch a lot of friends.

587
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:00,600
Speaker 1: Is that mind work?

588
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:04,040
Speaker 5: It's like a little bit of distraction that's good, gets

589
00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:06,200
Speaker 5: you out of your head, but then you're in someone

590
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:10,920
Speaker 5: else's head. Right, you know, here's simple tons of mass

591
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:15,240
Speaker 5: to say. Masturbation. That's important too. Meditation. One of my mantras,

592
00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:18,320
Speaker 5: by the way, is meditate, masturbate, manifest. So the meditation

593
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:20,720
Speaker 5: thing is really just about being present. How do I

594
00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:22,919
Speaker 5: be Because when you're when you're thinking, when you're in

595
00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:25,000
Speaker 5: your head, you're usually worrying about something that can happen

596
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:27,119
Speaker 5: in the future or something that happened in the past.

597
00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:29,240
Speaker 5: But I really want to train people is to stay

598
00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:31,280
Speaker 5: in the moment, is to anchor yourself in the in

599
00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:34,440
Speaker 5: the moment, and that would be like, okay right now

600
00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:36,520
Speaker 5: when I find myself tripping, and I still like, don't

601
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:39,120
Speaker 5: get me wrong, I'm not like perfect during sex. I

602
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 5: worry about things too, and this is my job. So

603
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:45,400
Speaker 5: what I do is I think about the five senses. Right,

604
00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:49,400
Speaker 5: You've got sight, you've got sense, you've got taste, you've

605
00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:52,320
Speaker 5: got hearing, you've got touch, And I think, what are

606
00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:53,040
Speaker 5: the five that?

607
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:54,000
Speaker 1: What are the like?

608
00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:56,440
Speaker 5: Okay, So if I'm thinking I'm tripping, I'm like, usually

609
00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:57,760
Speaker 5: I just take a deep breath and like, okay, what

610
00:28:57,760 --> 00:29:00,960
Speaker 5: am I hearing right now? I'm like okay, because when

611
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,640
Speaker 5: we breathe like a deep breath during sex, not just

612
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:05,480
Speaker 5: like a shallow breath. But if you do like a

613
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:07,720
Speaker 5: deep into my public floor breath and you do five

614
00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:10,360
Speaker 5: of those, that's going to anchor you in the moment.

615
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:12,280
Speaker 5: So I'm like, I'm hearing my breath? What am I?

616
00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:15,080
Speaker 5: And they're like what do I smell? And I always

617
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:16,760
Speaker 5: light the same candle when I have sex. I like

618
00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:20,720
Speaker 5: this nice vanilla like candle. What am I hearing? Like

619
00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:23,840
Speaker 5: I'm hearing their breath? Maybe I'm hearing my breath I'm

620
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:25,560
Speaker 5: touching them. What am I feeling? Okay, my hands are

621
00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:27,400
Speaker 5: on their body. Oh my god, look at their body.

622
00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:28,920
Speaker 5: It feels really good. And sometimes I can do that

623
00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:30,840
Speaker 5: for a few minutes. What am I hearing? What am

624
00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:33,000
Speaker 5: I smelling? What am I tasting? Like I'm tasting their lips.

625
00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:36,960
Speaker 5: You are immediately present, and then in that moment you

626
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 5: can start to think about breathing, what am I feeling like?

627
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:43,520
Speaker 5: What am I actually feeling in my body? Like, oh, okay,

628
00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:46,160
Speaker 5: actually she feels good, like like if your head goes

629
00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:48,920
Speaker 5: to I'm worried, like I'm not feeling anything. Okay, Well,

630
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:51,160
Speaker 5: how can you start to feel more? Like how can

631
00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:53,920
Speaker 5: I send up moving a way that feels good? Like

632
00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:56,280
Speaker 5: just just sort of And you can practice this during

633
00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:59,320
Speaker 5: masturbation if you do masturbate. I hope you do, of course.

634
00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:00,000
Speaker 1: Okay.

635
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:02,120
Speaker 5: Lube is important to I have a lube on every

636
00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:04,880
Speaker 5: night stand, this luba during masturbation, Luba on the nights

637
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:06,880
Speaker 5: stand because we're worried, like, am I too dry? Am

638
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:09,760
Speaker 5: I too wet? Am I? Lubricant will keep you neutral,

639
00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:12,360
Speaker 5: make sure that you are can actually feel what's going

640
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 5: on in the moment, because I don't leaves a whole

641
00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:18,680
Speaker 5: other thing. So being present in the moment, that's part

642
00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:20,400
Speaker 5: of it. Being with partners, even if it's a one

643
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:23,480
Speaker 5: night stand and you're having fun, which is great, but

644
00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:26,480
Speaker 5: it's like making sure that you're getting your like you are,

645
00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:29,920
Speaker 5: I mean, just asking you for what you want, not

646
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:32,440
Speaker 5: faking it, like really like if you need oral sex

647
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:34,120
Speaker 5: or you want someone to slow down. I mean I

648
00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:35,680
Speaker 5: think that a lot of times we're with partners who

649
00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:38,000
Speaker 5: just kind of rush through things. So let them know

650
00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:39,920
Speaker 5: that I wanted to take this a little bit slower.

651
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:42,600
Speaker 5: And I think affirmations are really helpful. And in fact,

652
00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:44,360
Speaker 5: we're just posting this today on our Instagram, but I

653
00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:46,960
Speaker 5: was just like, looking at this, it's the full moon, right.

654
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:48,920
Speaker 5: I love the full moon because there's like full moon

655
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:51,360
Speaker 5: rituals where you can just like think about what you

656
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:53,000
Speaker 5: want to release in the past and what you want

657
00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:56,440
Speaker 5: to have in the next month or so. So I

658
00:30:56,800 --> 00:30:59,600
Speaker 5: this is like my full These are affirmations for an

659
00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:01,680
Speaker 5: earth during sex life, and I have these are my

660
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:04,840
Speaker 5: notes on my phone, and it's like I'm free to

661
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:08,840
Speaker 5: explore my sexuality and explore my desires. I am balancing sexy,

662
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:14,120
Speaker 5: I deserve pleasure and satisfaction. Pleasure finds me wherever I go.

663
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:17,920
Speaker 5: I'm endlessly grateful for my body that provides me with

664
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:21,560
Speaker 5: sexual pleasure. I am filled with love and sexual energy.

665
00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:25,240
Speaker 5: I mean, if your thoughts are negative in telling you otherwise,

666
00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:27,920
Speaker 5: if you have a daily ritual breeding affirmations, even if

667
00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:30,880
Speaker 5: it's five of them, even if it's ten, you affirm,

668
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:32,800
Speaker 5: you meditate, you just kind of get yourself in the

669
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:36,440
Speaker 5: mindset like I am a sexy, smart, incredible woman. And

670
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:38,520
Speaker 5: it's a practice, and I think it also helps women

671
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:42,160
Speaker 5: being with women men that they feel safe with. Right

672
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:47,240
Speaker 5: we are not going to have Listen, no Volva owners

673
00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:49,920
Speaker 5: have their best sex when they don't trust somebody when

674
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:53,000
Speaker 5: it's new, and it's that's why we fake it too

675
00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:55,720
Speaker 5: sometimes like that I don't know this person, it's new.

676
00:31:55,840 --> 00:31:58,080
Speaker 5: I want them to like me. So then it's also

677
00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:00,720
Speaker 5: okay to slow it down, like we don't need to

678
00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:02,840
Speaker 5: rush right into sex, maybe just for play for a

679
00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:05,040
Speaker 5: while or making out like the more that I'm not

680
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:07,520
Speaker 5: one of these like wait, three dates, so you're permitted, Like, no,

681
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:10,480
Speaker 5: go have sex with someone the first night too. But

682
00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:12,920
Speaker 5: I think if we're talking about pleasure and being more

683
00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:16,400
Speaker 5: in your body and being less in your head. All

684
00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:19,520
Speaker 5: these things matter again being with somebody you feel, you trust,

685
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:21,520
Speaker 5: that you feel safe with, even if it's been a

686
00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:24,200
Speaker 5: few dates. Like is this a good person because it's

687
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:26,719
Speaker 5: your body you're giving to them, so we know this

688
00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:28,720
Speaker 5: if they're not a good part like we kind of know.

689
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:32,640
Speaker 5: And when you're with someone who's safe and who's nurturing,

690
00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:37,360
Speaker 5: and you're going to feel comfortable, more comfortable being yourself

691
00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:39,920
Speaker 5: and acting and letting them know, like this is new

692
00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 5: for me. I haven't been with anyone in a while.

693
00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:44,000
Speaker 5: Let's slow it down. Like the penis orders you're with

694
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:45,440
Speaker 5: and I hope you're going to be with in the future,

695
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:47,840
Speaker 5: are going to want to be incredible lovers to you.

696
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 5: They want that. They don't want women, folks, they're Voda

697
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:55,600
Speaker 5: owners faking and they don't. Yeah, they want a great sex,

698
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:57,520
Speaker 5: but they most importantly want to see a woman in

699
00:32:57,560 --> 00:33:01,720
Speaker 5: ecstasy and a woman having pleasure at their in their

700
00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:04,160
Speaker 5: it's their hands, like on their dime, you know.

701
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:08,360
Speaker 1: Right of course. Yeah. I think I get into my

702
00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:10,720
Speaker 1: head a lot. And you know, I think back to

703
00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:14,240
Speaker 1: when I was in my twenties and I was like

704
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:19,200
Speaker 1: I just was like so into every part of my body, right,

705
00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:22,520
Speaker 1: And it's crazy to me that in your twenties, or

706
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:24,680
Speaker 1: for me at least in my twenties, is when I

707
00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:29,160
Speaker 1: felt like I was just I owned my sexuality so hardcore,

708
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:31,120
Speaker 1: and maybe there was a little bit of you know,

709
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:36,520
Speaker 1: liquid courage to my ownership. Cut to you know, thirty

710
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:40,040
Speaker 1: one years old, where I am now, and I'm questioning everything,

711
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:42,960
Speaker 1: like the thought like I feel like I'm going to

712
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:46,600
Speaker 1: be losing my virginity for the first time, like this

713
00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:50,600
Speaker 1: not losing my virginity again, like I have forgotten to

714
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:52,400
Speaker 1: like how to have sex.

715
00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:55,360
Speaker 5: Well, you know what, this makes sense because you're sober now, right,

716
00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 5: you were not soberer for so obviously you're summer now.

717
00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:01,120
Speaker 5: You were drinking your twenties, and so I know, a

718
00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:02,720
Speaker 5: lot of work, a lot with a lot of people

719
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:04,320
Speaker 5: who are have recently gotten sowhere of a lot of

720
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:07,320
Speaker 5: friends who got sober, and it's almost is like a rebirth.

721
00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:09,480
Speaker 5: It almost is like a virginity because the reason why

722
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:11,120
Speaker 5: a lot of people drink, and you probably know this

723
00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:14,200
Speaker 5: is because it's liquid courage. It's because we're so afraid

724
00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:15,880
Speaker 5: to talk to that boy in high school or in

725
00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:19,280
Speaker 5: college and then we're just drinking. Weally can't imagine having

726
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:23,600
Speaker 5: sex without alcohol, and so that's congratulations to you, Like

727
00:34:23,680 --> 00:34:26,759
Speaker 5: that's huge that you stopped drinking first thing. And then

728
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:29,240
Speaker 5: now like just honor Like I have friends who got sober,

729
00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:32,479
Speaker 5: and I remember when she first got sober, she would

730
00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:34,400
Speaker 5: bring me on dates with her. She Emily, We just

731
00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:37,000
Speaker 5: like I think I like this guy, but I'm mute,

732
00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:39,279
Speaker 5: like I can't even I can't even use word, and

733
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:41,640
Speaker 5: she's the most she is the most outgoing person and

734
00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:43,960
Speaker 5: it came back and now she's married as kids, but

735
00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:46,160
Speaker 5: like at the time, she's like I don't even know

736
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:48,480
Speaker 5: how to who I am, you know, and you're probably

737
00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:49,719
Speaker 5: going through some of that. So I just want to

738
00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:52,880
Speaker 5: like like honor that and know that, like it's okay

739
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:55,680
Speaker 5: for you to share that too. And maybe we've been

740
00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:57,440
Speaker 5: told like, oh, guys won't think that's sexy, and you

741
00:34:57,560 --> 00:35:00,400
Speaker 5: still may be still associate as like La La, but

742
00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:03,600
Speaker 5: this is like the hotter, better version of Lalla right now,

743
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:06,759
Speaker 5: who's being more mindful and respectful of yourself, And like

744
00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:08,879
Speaker 5: what guy wouldn't want to be the one that's like

745
00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:11,800
Speaker 5: helping you with your sexual I don't love the word virginity.

746
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:13,920
Speaker 5: We all use it, but like it's more of a

747
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:16,480
Speaker 5: like your sexual debut, I think is a much better

748
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:19,000
Speaker 5: way to part it. Like I love that, like this

749
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:21,480
Speaker 5: is your debut world, Like you're out of a bad relationship,

750
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:24,600
Speaker 5: you're sober, Like this is not this is more than

751
00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:27,160
Speaker 5: like even our conversation, like who are you? Like look

752
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:28,920
Speaker 5: at I mean I would also recommend like and I

753
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:30,799
Speaker 5: recommend this to a lot of Volva owners is like

754
00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:33,279
Speaker 5: look in the mirror, like when you're masturbating in your

755
00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:35,880
Speaker 5: home and like walking around naked and like because someoney

756
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:37,759
Speaker 5: was a shamer on our bodies. And there's something called

757
00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:40,319
Speaker 5: the exposure exercise where you're literally like in the mirror,

758
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:42,920
Speaker 5: you're naked. You're like looking at it, like what's going

759
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:45,719
Speaker 5: on between my legs? You're walking out yourself. Well like

760
00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:48,080
Speaker 5: when we get or we get turned on, we put

761
00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:50,360
Speaker 5: a vibrator there and everything, it's like you see like,

762
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:53,080
Speaker 5: oh my my laby has swells, my clitteriest swell like

763
00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:56,919
Speaker 5: you just we're amazing creature. So the more you get

764
00:35:56,920 --> 00:35:58,840
Speaker 5: to know who you are right now as a sexual

765
00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:01,160
Speaker 5: being in this state, if you're life at thirty one,

766
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:04,000
Speaker 5: it's going to be a lot easier for you to

767
00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:05,440
Speaker 5: be in the bedroom with someone because you're going to

768
00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:07,920
Speaker 5: show up as she is part of you, like the

769
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:11,240
Speaker 5: kick ass, badass business woman talent that you are. It's

770
00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:15,640
Speaker 5: also this sexual dynamo that you're starting to get to know,

771
00:36:15,719 --> 00:36:18,719
Speaker 5: and we want to incorporate all those together. It's not like,

772
00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:20,840
Speaker 5: now's the bedroom part. Now's the part where I go

773
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:22,799
Speaker 5: to dinner with them. It's like, you want to bring

774
00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:24,839
Speaker 5: her with you everywhere? Does that make sense?

775
00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:28,720
Speaker 1: I'm like, yes, yes, I want to. I'm looking forward

776
00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:32,080
Speaker 1: to getting into that headspace of just feeling myself again

777
00:36:32,239 --> 00:36:35,839
Speaker 1: and getting out of my head and remembering you give

778
00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:38,520
Speaker 1: a killer blow job. Blah lah, like you know how

779
00:36:38,560 --> 00:36:40,240
Speaker 1: to do this. It's like riding a bike.

780
00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:42,720
Speaker 5: It's like riding a bike, it really is.

781
00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:44,960
Speaker 1: I know. And then then I go there and I'm like, well,

782
00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:46,319
Speaker 1: if I got on a bike, what I even know

783
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:49,680
Speaker 1: remember how to ride one? Like it's like a rabbit

784
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:51,600
Speaker 1: hole for me, and I know that I'm not the

785
00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:54,040
Speaker 1: only one going through this.

786
00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:56,879
Speaker 5: So many people go through this, whether that's the first time,

787
00:36:56,960 --> 00:36:59,800
Speaker 5: whether so many women, so many bubba ow, there's so

788
00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:02,480
Speaker 5: many people are so worried that well, I'm with somebody

789
00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 5: who has more experience than I do. They're gonna be constantly,

790
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:06,799
Speaker 5: They're gonna be lying there thinking about all the other

791
00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:10,520
Speaker 5: blowjobs as it come before. It's so not true. I

792
00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:13,279
Speaker 5: never hear this people like, oh my girlfriendts was better

793
00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:15,359
Speaker 5: than that. Like it's the the stories that we create

794
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:18,360
Speaker 5: our heads to keep us down. So here's the great news.

795
00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:22,040
Speaker 5: Every time we are with a new lover, every time

796
00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:25,400
Speaker 5: is my best tip for you is to pay attention

797
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:29,560
Speaker 5: and to be present with that penis, with that volva

798
00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:33,200
Speaker 5: for whatever body parts you're with, because it's telling you

799
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:37,120
Speaker 5: something like you're gonna know if you're paying attention, is

800
00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:39,759
Speaker 5: there you know, is your partner's breath quickening? Are they

801
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:41,839
Speaker 5: turned off? Like are they comfortable? Like someis I look

802
00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:44,560
Speaker 5: at it? Partners, you can tell them they're like lay that, like, hey,

803
00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:46,759
Speaker 5: you need a pillow, like making sure that they're comfortable.

804
00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:48,560
Speaker 5: Go in and you want to like tease their light.

805
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:50,840
Speaker 5: You want to like have some massage lotion or some

806
00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:53,160
Speaker 5: lube on the table and you're like, we know you

807
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:54,920
Speaker 5: like to be warmed up. I like to be warmed up.

808
00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:56,839
Speaker 1: If I could be warmed up, yes, but.

809
00:37:56,760 --> 00:37:58,920
Speaker 5: Like I believe that penis owners do too. Like I

810
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:00,480
Speaker 5: used to go right in and like start with the

811
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:02,640
Speaker 5: blow job. I'm like, no, I'm gonna like massage or

812
00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:05,839
Speaker 5: inner thighs, I'm gonna tease a little, I'm gonna kiss them,

813
00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:08,360
Speaker 5: I'm going to like slow it down. And then you

814
00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:10,080
Speaker 5: just like start to lick and you start to like

815
00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:12,680
Speaker 5: see like are they responding? Do they like this? You know?

816
00:38:12,719 --> 00:38:15,680
Speaker 5: And you just you know, like it's just when you're

817
00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:17,839
Speaker 5: really focused. And probably in the past you weren't as

818
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:20,480
Speaker 5: much because maybe you were drinking. It was more like

819
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:22,920
Speaker 5: in the moment you were more like just kind of

820
00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:24,640
Speaker 5: doing what you've always done. But now you get to

821
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:26,880
Speaker 5: kind of learn with because every penis is going to

822
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:30,000
Speaker 5: want something different, every volva is gonna watch something different. Right,

823
00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:31,160
Speaker 5: You're gonna.

824
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:36,759
Speaker 1: Know obviously there are people that maybe don't think they're

825
00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:39,680
Speaker 1: great of sex, are nervous to have sex because it's

826
00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:43,480
Speaker 1: been a while all over the board, Right, do you

827
00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:45,640
Speaker 1: have like a go to move that you could be

828
00:38:45,719 --> 00:38:48,920
Speaker 1: a rookie or you could be the baddest at what

829
00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:51,160
Speaker 1: you're doing that is just like a go to move

830
00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:55,359
Speaker 1: where it's like that's the game changer never saw a

831
00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:57,799
Speaker 1: penis or vulva that didn't like this.

832
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:04,120
Speaker 5: Honestly, I would say it's lube. I would say that

833
00:39:04,160 --> 00:39:05,279
Speaker 5: there is such a do you. I don't know if

834
00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:06,960
Speaker 5: you use lube all the time, but there is such

835
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:10,560
Speaker 5: a bad rap lube gets because first of all, there

836
00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:12,640
Speaker 5: was a study that you Indiana University, which is like

837
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:15,400
Speaker 5: the Kissian Institute, the leading place on sex in the country,

838
00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:18,760
Speaker 5: in the world, and they showed that when you added

839
00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:22,360
Speaker 5: a few drops of lube to any sexual situation, that

840
00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:26,480
Speaker 5: BOVA owners were eighty percent more likely to orgasm. Like basically,

841
00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:29,440
Speaker 5: so even if you're like, here's the thing about our

842
00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:32,560
Speaker 5: wetness level is not an indicator of arousal. Like you

843
00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:35,360
Speaker 5: could be wet and not turned on. You could be

844
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:37,480
Speaker 5: so turned on and that wet, or maybe you're wet

845
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:39,279
Speaker 5: the first five minutes and then you're not wet later.

846
00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:42,160
Speaker 5: Just having a blube on your nights in like something

847
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:44,879
Speaker 5: beautiful like uber lub makes a really sexy bottle. It's

848
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:47,400
Speaker 5: a glass bottle or some flavored lube whatever, and you

849
00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:49,640
Speaker 5: just put a few pumps on it. Penises love it

850
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:51,640
Speaker 5: when you're giving a handog or a blowdop, because sometimes

851
00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:54,680
Speaker 5: I'm always worried, like is drive enough salva? What it

852
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:58,279
Speaker 5: I I'm always like, I will not masturbate. I will

853
00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:00,920
Speaker 5: have any sex unless I like pump pumped the loube

854
00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:04,000
Speaker 5: so to me and for penises too, it feels amazing.

855
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:07,120
Speaker 5: Like every guy I've been with is like like at first,

856
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:09,640
Speaker 5: there's all this like, oh it's weird and shapel because

857
00:40:09,719 --> 00:40:12,200
Speaker 5: I didn't turn around enough, or why do you need lube? Right?

858
00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:16,239
Speaker 1: It has a stigma that's exactly where my head goes.

859
00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:20,799
Speaker 1: Like for me, I'm like, you start using lube when

860
00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:25,560
Speaker 1: you're like older and things are not as wet down there.

861
00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:29,880
Speaker 1: So even if your cookie gets super freaking wet, the

862
00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:32,640
Speaker 1: lube is always a must, always a must.

863
00:40:32,719 --> 00:40:34,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's a start, it's a starter. It's like, even

864
00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:36,800
Speaker 5: if it's a few drops, put it on his penis

865
00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:39,040
Speaker 5: at first, just when you first start touching it, but

866
00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:40,880
Speaker 5: use it. Put it a little bit inside of you

867
00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:43,040
Speaker 5: because even if you're wet at the beginning, sometimes if

868
00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:46,000
Speaker 5: sex schools a lot longer, right, we just don't stay

869
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:48,440
Speaker 5: as wet and that could cause terrors that could cause

870
00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:51,400
Speaker 5: and if you're using condoms too, it just is a

871
00:40:51,440 --> 00:40:53,120
Speaker 5: safe to put the lube over the condom.

872
00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:55,480
Speaker 1: Wait, and what lube? What loube do you recommend?

873
00:40:55,719 --> 00:40:59,719
Speaker 5: I love luber lube, you be er usually have it

874
00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:02,680
Speaker 5: in my in my desk, and I love pure lube. PJ.

875
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:04,479
Speaker 5: You are like you want to get like the lube

876
00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:07,319
Speaker 5: that you could like breathe the ingredients that are inside

877
00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:08,840
Speaker 5: of it, because you're gonna be putting in your vagina.

878
00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:10,960
Speaker 5: So like buying stuff at the drug store, I don't

879
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:11,840
Speaker 5: always recommend.

880
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:15,040
Speaker 1: Well, I have a rookie question, then I can lube, Like,

881
00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:19,040
Speaker 1: if you put this on your partner, can their fun

882
00:41:19,080 --> 00:41:20,799
Speaker 1: parts go in your mouth? After? Yeah?

883
00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:23,640
Speaker 5: Get a flavor? Those two System Joe, Yes, with those

884
00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:26,920
Speaker 5: they can. But System Joe makes the most delicious flavored lube.

885
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:28,839
Speaker 5: It's called System Joe. And you can find this all

886
00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:30,880
Speaker 5: on my website. It's sex with them me dot com

887
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:35,640
Speaker 5: or google System Joe. But they like cremboulet mint chocolate.

888
00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:37,719
Speaker 5: It's unbelievable, and.

889
00:41:37,719 --> 00:41:41,080
Speaker 1: I just I'm gonna be like, forget the dick. I'm

890
00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:44,280
Speaker 1: staying home all night exactly.

891
00:41:44,719 --> 00:41:46,719
Speaker 5: I usually have it on my desk. I'm like, I'm

892
00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:49,040
Speaker 5: just like eating it and Little Day like it's delicious,

893
00:41:49,239 --> 00:41:51,439
Speaker 5: So use some flavored lube. But honestly that other loobs,

894
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:54,759
Speaker 5: they don't taste bad. Coconut oil woom wore play makes

895
00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:57,160
Speaker 5: a really good one. It's called Wuo more Play. It's

896
00:41:57,200 --> 00:42:00,719
Speaker 5: coconut oil and it has some it's not great with kinda,

897
00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:04,759
Speaker 5: but it's a good massage lubricate and it's cocad oil

898
00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:08,359
Speaker 5: and taseic cinnament like vanilla cinnamon. So I would say

899
00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:09,879
Speaker 5: that that's a good thing. I would say making noise

900
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:12,560
Speaker 5: during sex is another important thing, like letting your partner

901
00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:13,600
Speaker 5: know that you're into it.

902
00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:15,600
Speaker 1: But if you're not into it, do you stay silent

903
00:42:15,719 --> 00:42:18,000
Speaker 1: or do you tell them like, hey, can we like

904
00:42:18,080 --> 00:42:19,840
Speaker 1: switch it up because this is not doing it for me?

905
00:42:19,880 --> 00:42:21,600
Speaker 1: Because then you don't want to kill their heart on.

906
00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:23,839
Speaker 5: I would just say, yeah, that's the thing. I would

907
00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:25,600
Speaker 5: just like kind of pull back. That's the thing. It's

908
00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:27,560
Speaker 5: like we think we keep going. I don't know about you,

909
00:42:27,640 --> 00:42:29,960
Speaker 5: but I would start so many sexual situations and thinking

910
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:32,399
Speaker 5: like I can't stop them because I'm a bad lover.

911
00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:35,279
Speaker 5: I'm leading them on. We can It's o kay to say,

912
00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:39,560
Speaker 5: you know what, babe, let's take a beat for a minute,

913
00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:42,319
Speaker 5: because they need reinforcement. Too, because if you stop in

914
00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:44,239
Speaker 5: the middle, they're like, what I do and it's over

915
00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:46,640
Speaker 5: because sex is so charged and we ever we talk

916
00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:49,080
Speaker 5: about sex. The reason why my whole mission is communication

917
00:42:49,200 --> 00:42:52,120
Speaker 5: is a lubrication is because whenever people talk about sex,

918
00:42:52,360 --> 00:42:54,960
Speaker 5: we go into fight or flight. We think that something's

919
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:56,520
Speaker 5: wrong with us if our partner says we need to

920
00:42:56,520 --> 00:42:58,359
Speaker 5: talk about our sex life, or like, oh shit, what

921
00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:00,640
Speaker 5: I do wrong. So in the middle of sex, if

922
00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:03,080
Speaker 5: you want to stop it and de escalate whatever's happening,

923
00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:05,279
Speaker 5: just be like, put your hand on their heart and

924
00:43:05,320 --> 00:43:08,799
Speaker 5: just say breathing is really important and say, oh, this

925
00:43:08,840 --> 00:43:11,640
Speaker 5: is so hot. I'm getting really turned I just need

926
00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:13,239
Speaker 5: a moment, like can we just take a beat, Can

927
00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:16,719
Speaker 5: we go back to kissing? Okay, slow it down, I'm

928
00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:18,879
Speaker 5: just seeing it some water, and then you can kind

929
00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:21,720
Speaker 5: of like regroup and say I really like going slow

930
00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:23,839
Speaker 5: or this is kind of going fast for me, or

931
00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:27,160
Speaker 5: whatever it was that you were liking. Maybe you were like, like,

932
00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:28,960
Speaker 5: I really like talking. Can we just go back to

933
00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:30,400
Speaker 5: the talking part for a minute.

934
00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:31,960
Speaker 1: Okay, it's the way.

935
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:35,319
Speaker 5: It's our tone, talking about our words, write tone and

936
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:37,239
Speaker 5: look into the eye and using your hands and say

937
00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:39,160
Speaker 5: this is great. I don't want you to like freak out.

938
00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:41,879
Speaker 5: I've just seen them beat. I'm getting back in sex

939
00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:44,719
Speaker 5: shape like and whatever. It is right, but we don't

940
00:43:44,719 --> 00:43:47,239
Speaker 5: own anything. I think we were told like, oh, don't

941
00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:49,960
Speaker 5: leave them with blue balls, like growing up, Like it's

942
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:52,239
Speaker 5: all bullshit. Everyone's gonna be fine if they don't come,

943
00:43:52,280 --> 00:43:54,239
Speaker 5: like if they have an direction and we walk away, like,

944
00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:56,839
Speaker 5: no one's gonna die, Like why do they tell us that?

945
00:43:57,520 --> 00:44:00,200
Speaker 1: I know? I know it's all about, like I don't

946
00:44:00,280 --> 00:44:01,440
Speaker 1: leave him with blue balls.

947
00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:03,600
Speaker 5: He's going to be fine. No one's showing up the

948
00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 5: hospital blue balls. There was Dick's falling off because blueballs.

949
00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:09,400
Speaker 1: Now I have a question that I'm super concerned about.

950
00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:13,160
Speaker 1: I am worried that when I decide to go and

951
00:44:13,200 --> 00:44:20,399
Speaker 1: have sex again that I could possibly cry because when

952
00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:25,000
Speaker 1: you're feeling so much emotion, the only way I know

953
00:44:25,080 --> 00:44:30,279
Speaker 1: how to process a lot of emotion is sobbing. Okay,

954
00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:34,719
Speaker 1: if that happens, Yeah, what do you like do I need?

955
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:36,439
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not saying it will. I think there's

956
00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:39,320
Speaker 1: a high chance that it could. And this guy that

957
00:44:39,360 --> 00:44:41,680
Speaker 1: I'm talking to, who I do feel safe with, Okay,

958
00:44:41,880 --> 00:44:46,160
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm definitely gonna fuck him for the first

959
00:44:46,200 --> 00:44:48,279
Speaker 1: one because I'm like, if I cry, like he'll hug

960
00:44:48,320 --> 00:44:51,600
Speaker 1: me after, right, Like I know that, but like do

961
00:44:51,719 --> 00:44:54,680
Speaker 1: women cry if they haven't had sex for a cry?

962
00:44:54,719 --> 00:44:56,319
Speaker 1: I do, so that's like a normal thing.

963
00:44:56,560 --> 00:44:58,080
Speaker 5: Yes, I did have sex for a while and have

964
00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:00,399
Speaker 5: a boyfriend for it. I was like, I cry the time,

965
00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:03,040
Speaker 5: and the guys that I'm with are fucking down. They're like,

966
00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:05,640
Speaker 5: that's so hot, You're so into it. Like I don't

967
00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:07,480
Speaker 5: want to be the guy. I don't. I'm not afraid

968
00:45:07,480 --> 00:45:09,200
Speaker 5: of catching feels anymore. I'm not trying to be the

969
00:45:09,239 --> 00:45:10,719
Speaker 5: cool girl. I spent my whole life trying to be

970
00:45:10,760 --> 00:45:12,600
Speaker 5: the cool girl and trying to be whatever, and like,

971
00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:14,840
Speaker 5: I'm not interested in that. That is to get you anywhere.

972
00:45:15,280 --> 00:45:17,800
Speaker 5: I don't play games. If I have an emotion, I

973
00:45:17,920 --> 00:45:20,480
Speaker 5: better be with someone who can handle emotions. Doesn't mean

974
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:22,080
Speaker 5: that I'm crying because I'm so in love with you.

975
00:45:22,080 --> 00:45:24,279
Speaker 5: You can inform them that I tend to be crying,

976
00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:27,680
Speaker 5: that they're going through a lot because sex listen, sex

977
00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:31,040
Speaker 5: is so connected to so many things, like pleasure and

978
00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:34,080
Speaker 5: pain are so closely related, which is why like people

979
00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:37,200
Speaker 5: like BDSM or spanking like it's pleasure and its pain.

980
00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:41,080
Speaker 5: Sex is like stimulating all of these nerve endings and

981
00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:43,840
Speaker 5: all these emotions come up. It's all related, which is

982
00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:49,040
Speaker 5: why we can cry after during and usually I'm just

983
00:45:49,040 --> 00:45:51,279
Speaker 5: feeling like I'm so what I think when I cry

984
00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:53,680
Speaker 5: during sex, I'm like so happy to be feeling again

985
00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:55,200
Speaker 5: and to be in my body again and to be

986
00:45:55,239 --> 00:45:58,400
Speaker 5: feeling deep pleasure that it gives me so much joy

987
00:45:59,040 --> 00:46:01,440
Speaker 5: and it's not necessary, and usually it's not about the

988
00:46:01,480 --> 00:46:03,879
Speaker 5: person I'm with. It's like, oh my god, and we

989
00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:07,560
Speaker 5: welcome back to yourself, welcome back to sex, welcome back

990
00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:10,719
Speaker 5: to like feeling so good. So I think it's a

991
00:46:10,719 --> 00:46:12,279
Speaker 5: great litmus test. You want to be with someone who

992
00:46:12,320 --> 00:46:15,080
Speaker 5: knows how to handle that. Again, that's such a you thing,

993
00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:17,360
Speaker 5: Like that's so beautiful. I think it's beautiful when a

994
00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:20,279
Speaker 5: woman emotes, and that older, older version of us or

995
00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:22,000
Speaker 5: the younger version of us is like, oh my god,

996
00:46:22,040 --> 00:46:24,080
Speaker 5: he's gonna run. Like I always say if a guy

997
00:46:24,160 --> 00:46:26,279
Speaker 5: leaves you because it's something weird, or you make a

998
00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:28,880
Speaker 5: weird noise in the bedroom, or you cry like he

999
00:46:29,040 --> 00:46:29,960
Speaker 5: just did you a favor.

1000
00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:33,879
Speaker 1: Right like goodbye, right bye, not your guy, not your guy. Yeah,

1001
00:46:34,280 --> 00:46:38,400
Speaker 1: Like it would be that feeling, like a very euphoric

1002
00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:40,759
Speaker 1: feeling if I start crying. It has nothing to do

1003
00:46:40,800 --> 00:46:43,239
Speaker 1: with like me being upset or think about anything other than,

1004
00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:46,719
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, like I'm so reconnected to myself in

1005
00:46:46,760 --> 00:46:48,560
Speaker 1: a way that I haven't been connected in a while.

1006
00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:50,160
Speaker 5: That's a great thing to say to me when you

1007
00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:52,280
Speaker 5: can use that too, you know, And all these hormones

1008
00:46:52,320 --> 00:46:55,040
Speaker 5: that are released, like listen, when we have sex and

1009
00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:56,480
Speaker 5: you probably have it, done it, you have it in

1010
00:46:56,480 --> 00:47:02,240
Speaker 5: a while. We release oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin, all those feel

1011
00:47:02,280 --> 00:47:05,759
Speaker 5: good hormones which relate to happiness, to joy, to like

1012
00:47:05,880 --> 00:47:09,319
Speaker 5: optitosin is a cuddle hormone. And so we react to

1013
00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:12,440
Speaker 5: these changes by tearing up, by thinking how we act

1014
00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:15,040
Speaker 5: like we have all these hormones also like once a

1015
00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:17,479
Speaker 5: month when we're menstruating, So it's kind of the same

1016
00:47:17,480 --> 00:47:20,440
Speaker 5: thing with their all being activated at once. So you know,

1017
00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:22,760
Speaker 5: some people get really hungry after sex, they fall asleep

1018
00:47:22,760 --> 00:47:25,120
Speaker 5: after sex. Ite's all related to the hormone surge.

1019
00:47:25,280 --> 00:47:28,279
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, You've just spit so much knowledge on me,

1020
00:47:28,320 --> 00:47:30,279
Speaker 1: and I'm going to go out there and give them

1021
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:31,400
Speaker 1: my best bang.

1022
00:47:31,280 --> 00:47:33,920
Speaker 5: So you can also text it can realize my number two.

1023
00:47:33,960 --> 00:47:34,919
Speaker 5: I'm like, I got you girl.

1024
00:47:35,040 --> 00:47:38,719
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm definitely going to do that. And where where

1025
00:47:38,719 --> 00:47:41,120
Speaker 1: can people that live under a rock who have just

1026
00:47:41,239 --> 00:47:42,480
Speaker 1: come out find you?

1027
00:47:42,680 --> 00:47:45,080
Speaker 5: The podcast and everything is sex with Emily. You can

1028
00:47:45,080 --> 00:47:48,319
Speaker 5: find it on all podcast platforms where ever you listen

1029
00:47:48,360 --> 00:47:50,640
Speaker 5: to podcasts, and all social media. It's just sex with Emily.

1030
00:47:50,680 --> 00:47:52,560
Speaker 5: And if you've a question, if this sparked interest, you

1031
00:47:52,560 --> 00:47:54,840
Speaker 5: can just the best way to do it is feedback.

1032
00:47:54,840 --> 00:47:56,280
Speaker 5: It's sex with Emily dot com.

1033
00:47:56,320 --> 00:47:59,000
Speaker 1: Okay, You've been amazing. I know, like this is the

1034
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:01,239
Speaker 1: first time that I've really own opened up about not

1035
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:05,120
Speaker 1: having sex in a while and being very nervous about

1036
00:48:05,160 --> 00:48:09,399
Speaker 1: like venturing into that territory again. And I couldn't think

1037
00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:11,359
Speaker 1: of a better person to open up too than you.

1038
00:48:11,440 --> 00:48:13,640
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, of course, thank you for having

1039
00:48:13,719 --> 00:48:13,960
Speaker 1: me on.

1040
00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:16,520
Speaker 5: And I wanted to thank you for being so vulnerable

1041
00:48:16,520 --> 00:48:19,040
Speaker 5: to your audience right now, because this is going to

1042
00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:21,080
Speaker 5: be so helpful. Like I didn't know that you hadn't

1043
00:48:21,080 --> 00:48:23,719
Speaker 5: talked about it before, but there's so many people that

1044
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:26,000
Speaker 5: are in the exact position that you are, and that

1045
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:28,080
Speaker 5: by you being such a leader and they're listening to

1046
00:48:28,160 --> 00:48:31,000
Speaker 5: you and your advice, so it's so brave and it's

1047
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:33,760
Speaker 5: going to really provide a great service to your followers.

1048
00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:36,560
Speaker 1: So I appreciate you so much and you will be

1049
00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:37,839
Speaker 1: hearing from me.

1050
00:48:38,280 --> 00:48:40,040
Speaker 5: I got you. Well, we're all this together, you know.

1051
00:48:40,280 --> 00:48:42,480
Speaker 1: Thank you. You're amazing, Emily, we'll talk soon.

1052
00:48:42,760 --> 00:48:43,239
Speaker 5: Best guest.

1053
00:48:43,360 --> 00:48:43,960
Speaker 1: Thanks, I mean