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Speaker 1: Time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if you need

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Speaker 1: advice on relationships, on dating, work, sex, parenting, and more.

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Speaker 1: Please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com

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Speaker 1: and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your

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Speaker 1: letter live on the air, just like we're gonna read

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Speaker 1: this one right here, right now, and you just never know.

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Speaker 1: It could be yours. This one could be you never know.

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Speaker 1: Buckle up and hold on tight. We got it for

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Speaker 1: you here it is Strawberry Letter. Thank you, nephew. Subject

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Speaker 1: What was she doing while I was gone? Dear Stephen Shirley,

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Speaker 1: I'm a thirty three year old black man, married for

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Speaker 1: nine years. When I got married, I was young and

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Speaker 1: still in the streets. Over time, I got an associate's

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Speaker 1: degree and I got a job in a position of leadership,

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Speaker 1: but I was still hanging out with the same crew,

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Speaker 1: and I got caught up and ended up in jail.

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Speaker 1: A friend of mine asked me to drive him to

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Speaker 1: the liquor store, so I did. He went in and

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Speaker 1: came out, and we left. I had no idea that

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Speaker 1: he had committed an armed robbery until I was arrested

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Speaker 1: for being a getaway driver. My wife had just had

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Speaker 1: our third son, but she held me down because she

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Speaker 1: knows I'm not a bad guy. I did my time

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Speaker 1: and I got home six months ago. I listened to

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Speaker 1: the radio show while I was locked up, and this

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Speaker 1: is my favorite subject, so I'm trying to see if

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Speaker 1: you could help me. My wife is a lot different

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Speaker 1: since I got home. She dresses differently, and she smokes weed,

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Speaker 1: which is legal in our area. She dictates if and

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Speaker 1: when we have sex, and she rations out money to me.

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Speaker 1: I feel as if I can't say anything because of

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Speaker 1: what I put her through. While I was locked up.

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Speaker 1: We were watching TV the other night and her phone

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Speaker 1: rang and she left the room to talk. I didn't

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Speaker 1: say a word. The next morning, she got a call

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Speaker 1: and I could hear that it was a man on

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Speaker 1: the phone. She talked for about three minutes, and as

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Speaker 1: soon as she hung up, I told her she has

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Speaker 1: a lot of nerve allowing men to call her while

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Speaker 1: she's home, and there is no way this can continue.

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Speaker 1: She told me to hush and be glad I still

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Speaker 1: have a home because her friends helped her out by

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Speaker 1: doing things in and around the house while I was away.

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Speaker 1: I asked her what in and around the house, meant,

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Speaker 1: and she ignored me. I have to keep cool and

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Speaker 1: not explode on her. What's the best way to approach it, Well,

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Speaker 1: you know, right now, the best thing you can do

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Speaker 1: is get yourself together. Okay, time doesn't stop when you

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Speaker 1: go to prison. Stop expecting things to be the same,

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Speaker 1: and you need to think about the future. What was

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Speaker 1: she doing while you were gone, Well, she was surviving. Obviously,

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Speaker 1: she was taking care of three kids alone. She was

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Speaker 1: probably scared. You said. She held it down while you

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Speaker 1: were in jail, and she did let you come back home. Okay,

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Speaker 1: but the respect and apparently the love are gone out

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Speaker 1: of this relationship. You see and hear what she's doing.

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Speaker 1: She's talking with other men. Of course you don't like it.

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Speaker 1: I mean what man would like that from their wife.

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Speaker 1: So now you need to concentrate on your next move,

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Speaker 1: and that that's being your own man. Because your wife

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Speaker 1: is doing her thing. There's nothing you can do about it.

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Speaker 1: Right now, you said it, You have to keep cool

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Speaker 1: and not explode on her. You need to get your dignity,

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Speaker 1: your self respect back. So I suggest you get a

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Speaker 1: job somewhere, you start making your own money so she

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Speaker 1: won't have to ration it out to you as you say,

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Speaker 1: I mean, you know no man wants that save it

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Speaker 1: for your apartment. You know, then you know, fix the

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Speaker 1: situation with your wife and these kids. You might have

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Speaker 1: to arrange visitation rights if you do eventually get your

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Speaker 1: own apartment, And I say, making sure your kids are okay,

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Speaker 1: that should be your top priority right now anyway, because

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Speaker 1: they missed a lot of time with you. Your youngest

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Speaker 1: son orly even knows your concentrating on the wrong things.

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Speaker 1: I think you expect things to be the same. Clearly

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Speaker 1: your wife has moved on. You need to do the

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Speaker 1: same now, but with purpose. Okay, Steve, this is gonna

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Speaker 1: be a tough one to answer for your young brother.

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Speaker 1: So I'm gonna just take you through this thing step

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Speaker 1: by step, because one of the first things when you're

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Speaker 1: trying to solve his problem is taking full responsibility and

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Speaker 1: knowing what it is that you can do to bring

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Speaker 1: about change. The question is on the subject what was

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Speaker 1: she doing while I was gone? Now, you're thirty three

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Speaker 1: year old black man, married for nine years. When you

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Speaker 1: got married, you were young and still in the streets,

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Speaker 1: so you were twenty four when you got married, same

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Speaker 1: age as me at my first marriage. That is young

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Speaker 1: to be married for anybody. But you were still in

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Speaker 1: the streets. Over time, you got an associate degree and

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Speaker 1: you got a job in a position of leadership. So

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Speaker 1: you're realizing that you got to do better for yourself.

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Speaker 1: Here's the mistake you made. But I was still hanging

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Speaker 1: with the same crew, and I got caught up and

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Speaker 1: ended up in jail. How many times have I said

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Speaker 1: this to people? Everybody come with you can't go with you.

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Speaker 1: In order to grow, you have to go. I've said,

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Speaker 1: it's so many different ways. You can't wear about keeping

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Speaker 1: it real. You got to keep it moving. I've said

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Speaker 1: all of these things that tie us to the hood,

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Speaker 1: that ties to our old relationships and friends, But you

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Speaker 1: can't go get an associate degree. Here's another one I

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Speaker 1: said a long time ago. You can't be a college

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Speaker 1: student and a thug in the same census. It don't match.

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Speaker 1: Thugging and college student don't match. Now, you didn't know

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Speaker 1: what was going on, but you dropped your friend off

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Speaker 1: at a liquor store. He goes in and comes back out.

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Speaker 1: Next thing you know, you're arrested because you to get

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Speaker 1: away car drive you didn't know. This fool went in

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Speaker 1: here and robbed the damn Lisco stop. So now you're

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Speaker 1: out and you're an accomplished to committing an arm robbery.

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Speaker 1: Your wife had just had your third son, but she

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Speaker 1: held you down because she knows I'm not a bad guy,

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Speaker 1: did my time, and I came home six months ago.

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Speaker 1: Now here's a problem. You're not telling me how long

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Speaker 1: you end. You're not saying that, and you're leaving that

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Speaker 1: out of the letter because it helps you. But uncle Steve,

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Speaker 1: no better arm robbery. Even with a plea you year

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Speaker 1: a half two. Even if they believed you, they let

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Speaker 1: they let you plead to this right here? All right,

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Speaker 1: hang on, we'll have part two of Steve's response coming

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Speaker 1: up at twenty three minutes after the hour of subject

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Speaker 1: what was she doing while I was gone? We'll get

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Speaker 1: back into it right after this. You're listening show, all right,

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Speaker 1: Come on, Steve, let's recap today's Strawberry letter, the subject

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Speaker 1: what was she doing while I was gone? Well, thirty

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Speaker 1: three year old black man married for nine years, was

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Speaker 1: in the streets when you got married. But you messed

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Speaker 1: around and got self degree. Congratulations, got you a job

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Speaker 1: of position and leadership. But the mistake you made you

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Speaker 1: was still hanging with the same crew. You got caught

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Speaker 1: up and you got ended up in jail. Now, you

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Speaker 1: drop a friend off at the liquor store a little

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Speaker 1: too you know, he goes in and he robs the place.

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Speaker 1: He comes back and gets in the car. You don't

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Speaker 1: know this until you get arrested because you were driving

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Speaker 1: the getaway car. Okay. Now, your wife had just had

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Speaker 1: your third son, but she held you down in prison

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Speaker 1: jail because she knows you're not a bad guy. You

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Speaker 1: did your time and you got home six months ago.

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Speaker 1: You didn't really say how much time you're doing. I'm

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Speaker 1: assuming a couple of years, you know, eighteen months something

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Speaker 1: on the plea you did because they believe that you

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Speaker 1: just went in there and you didn't know. But let's

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Speaker 1: say you were gone a couple of years, all right.

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Speaker 1: You come out and you listen to the radio show

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Speaker 1: while you was locked up. Thank you and Strawberry Letter

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Speaker 1: one your favorite things. So that got you through. We

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Speaker 1: appreciate y'all brothers. Since is it's on lockdown, I hope

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Speaker 1: we do something to get you through. Not. You come

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Speaker 1: home and you notice that your wife is a lot

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Speaker 1: different since you got home. She dresses differently, she smokes

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Speaker 1: weed push is legal in our area. She dictates if

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Speaker 1: and when we have sex, and she rashes out money

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Speaker 1: to me. I feel as though I can't say anything

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Speaker 1: because of what I put her through while I was

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Speaker 1: locked up. Now, y'all watch the TV. The other night

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Speaker 1: of phone rang and she left the room to talk.

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Speaker 1: You ain't say nothing. Next morning, she got a call

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Speaker 1: and you could hear that it was a man on

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Speaker 1: the phone. She talked for about three minutes. As soon

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Speaker 1: as she hung up, I told her she got a

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Speaker 1: lot of nerve allowing me and to call her while

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Speaker 1: she's home and there's no way this can continue. She

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Speaker 1: told me to hush. Pretty sure that it wasn't hushed.

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Speaker 1: I think it was a little bit more harsh than that.

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Speaker 1: I think it started with shut yeah, okay, Shirley, yeah,

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Speaker 1: and glad that you still have a home. Because her

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Speaker 1: friends helped her out by doing things in and around

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Speaker 1: the house while I was away. I asked her what

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Speaker 1: in and the house meant, and she ignored me. I

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Speaker 1: have to keep cool and not explode on her. What's

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Speaker 1: the best way to approach it? Well, brother, things have changed.

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Speaker 1: She dressing different and she's smoking weed. She's gone through

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Speaker 1: a lot, holding his family down while you was gone.

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Speaker 1: But really, though, brother, these is the consequences of your

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Speaker 1: actions because you didn't leave them streets alone. Well let's

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Speaker 1: say you left the streets alone, but you hang with

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Speaker 1: the same crew. Association brings on participation. So now here

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Speaker 1: we are. One of your ignorant ass friends did something

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Speaker 1: ignorant selfishly didn't tell you. You got caught up. You

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Speaker 1: had to do time. Now your girl been watching you

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Speaker 1: out in this street. She has told you you're leaving

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Speaker 1: that part out the letter. She'd been told you stopped

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Speaker 1: hanging with them fools. You wouldn't do it because you

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Speaker 1: was keeping it real instead of keeping it moving. You

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Speaker 1: was not forgetting where you from. You was getting caught

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Speaker 1: up in all that hood. Then go there. Ain't got

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Speaker 1: nothing to do with your family. So now here's a deal.

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Speaker 1: Shirley said it right. You've got to get yourself together.

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Speaker 1: But now you have a police record. Hard to get

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Speaker 1: employed with a police record. So now you've got everything's

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Speaker 1: all of this you bought on yourself, brother, So now

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Speaker 1: I can't tell you that your marriage will ever get

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Speaker 1: back because you never really allowed it to get off

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Speaker 1: the ground the right way. You stayed out there in

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Speaker 1: the streets. It's your marriage could be over. She has

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Speaker 1: male friends now, she has people that has done things

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Speaker 1: for her to help her out. Now, I'm gonna just

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Speaker 1: tell you flat out, if a man hadn't done something

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Speaker 1: to help you out, then we gotta think about that

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Speaker 1: for a second. I'm not saying she did anything, but

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Speaker 1: you were. Man. But let's be fair. Let's not be

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Speaker 1: angry with this sister because you put this sister in

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Speaker 1: the position where she had to survive. And once you

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Speaker 1: put a person in survival mode, man, you can't get

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Speaker 1: mad at how they choose to survive. You just can't. Now.

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Speaker 1: While she dressing different, I don't know. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if she wearing and your clothes, I

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Speaker 1: don't know what this change or outfits is. That she

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Speaker 1: wear a lot of your clotheses, she wear baseball hats

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Speaker 1: cocked to the sides. I don't I don't know what

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Speaker 1: the clothes is. But she rastion and out sex and

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Speaker 1: money because she don't know how long you're gonna be wrong.

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Speaker 1: You might have to go again. I don't know. What

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Speaker 1: it is, brother, but you gotta get yourself together. Don't

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Speaker 1: be so angry with the woman because she was put

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Speaker 1: in survival mode. I don't think you should explode on

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Speaker 1: her because you left her in a really, really bad

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Speaker 1: situation with your third son. Woman got three kids, she

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Speaker 1: got put in survival mode. She has some male friends,

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Speaker 1: it looks like, and they're not your male friends. Good luck.

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Speaker 1: Don't explode on the sister. Maybe it's time for you

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Speaker 1: to just go somewhere and get yourself together, like Shirley say,

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Speaker 1: take care of your kids. Thank you, all right, Thanks Steve.

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Speaker 1: Post your comments on Today's Strawberry Letter at Steve Harvey

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Speaker 1: UNC and Neff right after this. Yeah, you're listening to

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Speaker 1: the Steve Harvey Morning Show.