WEBVTT - Becoming Mr. & Mrs. Smith (Part 1) 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:02.480 Hey, fam, I'm Jada Pinkett Smith and this is the 0:00:02.480 --> 0:00:05.840 Red Table Talk Podcast, all your favorite episodes from the 0:00:05.880 --> 0:00:10.040 Facebook watch show in audio, produced by Westbrook Audio and 0:00:10.119 --> 0:00:13.080 I Heart Radio. Please don't forget to rate and review 0:00:13.400 --> 0:00:17.759 on Apple Podcasts. Hey, red Table Talk Fam, we are 0:00:17.920 --> 0:00:21.400 back at the table and we got some new bobbing episodes. 0:00:22.400 --> 0:00:26.000 Our journey together is just getting started. I'm so thankful 0:00:26.040 --> 0:00:28.000 to have you here. We feel the love from you, 0:00:28.280 --> 0:00:30.680 and we have a lot more red Hot talks coming 0:00:30.720 --> 0:00:34.160 at you. And we're starting with the one and only 0:00:34.800 --> 0:00:37.280 Will Smith. I'm about to go to the Red table. 0:00:37.479 --> 0:00:39.760 You know what I'm saying. I feel like a fighter 0:00:40.240 --> 0:00:42.920 going to a fight. So I've read somebody screamed you 0:00:42.960 --> 0:00:45.919 the best chance, somebody screams thank you, thank you. I 0:00:45.960 --> 0:00:48.400 just hope that daddy's are making jokes the whole time. 0:00:49.159 --> 0:00:51.239 I said that too. Well, it should be interesting. And 0:00:51.320 --> 0:00:53.120 I mean, this is the first time we're actually talking 0:00:53.120 --> 0:00:58.840 about our unique union. I've been watching all your talks. 0:00:59.200 --> 0:01:02.160 People climb any breaking down. You're not breaking me to day, Jada. 0:01:02.560 --> 0:01:07.760 I've broken you enough well. And I said our vows 0:01:07.800 --> 0:01:10.679 almost twenty one years ago, and it's been an incredible 0:01:10.760 --> 0:01:13.280 journey ever since. But we struggled through a lot of 0:01:13.280 --> 0:01:15.680 pain to get where we are today. Here's the real 0:01:15.760 --> 0:01:23.759 story of becoming Mr and Mrs Smith. Oh my goodness, 0:01:25.000 --> 0:01:32.399 look who we have table, Yes, we got Willard Gerald Smith. Yes, 0:01:33.200 --> 0:01:35.920 excited to be here on the red table with you ladies. 0:01:38.520 --> 0:01:40.120 You know I've been away for a while. I've been 0:01:40.160 --> 0:01:43.040 at work. I was very surprised that the house wasn't 0:01:43.040 --> 0:01:48.160 a house no more. It's read just one part of it. Though. 0:01:48.480 --> 0:01:52.880 You look spectacular today. Thank you, Willard, Thank you so 0:01:53.120 --> 0:01:56.200 very happy to be here, very happy to have you here. 0:01:56.360 --> 0:02:00.040 Will What are we going to talk about today of 0:02:01.120 --> 0:02:03.800 and relating? We're gonna say a whole lot of stuff 0:02:03.840 --> 0:02:06.680 about our relationship. For years and years, there's been a 0:02:06.680 --> 0:02:12.000 lot of speculation about us, and our family has been 0:02:13.040 --> 0:02:22.560 pretty secretive and state. They think, oh, something weird must 0:02:22.560 --> 0:02:25.200 be going in when it's really just we don't be 0:02:25.600 --> 0:02:30.040 putting everything out there like that. We have created a 0:02:30.080 --> 0:02:35.560 marital and family paradigm that has been speculated about for 0:02:35.560 --> 0:02:38.440 a lot of years. So I'm excited to start what 0:02:38.520 --> 0:02:45.520 they want. Let's start with the first time I met 0:02:45.639 --> 0:02:48.760 you was at the Fresh Prince when I came to 0:02:48.800 --> 0:02:52.840 audition I think I was nineteen and they told me 0:02:52.880 --> 0:02:56.239 I was too short, but you were there, yes, So 0:02:56.880 --> 0:03:02.519 I remember you were in Different World and Alfonso knew everybody, 0:03:02.520 --> 0:03:04.799 and I remember the first time I saw you. Actually 0:03:04.800 --> 0:03:06.720 think I dated Alfonso. You went on a date with 0:03:06.960 --> 0:03:12.320 fons I together and he took you on a motorcycle 0:03:12.400 --> 0:03:17.560 or something. My memory is I dated at Yeah, I'm sure, yeah, 0:03:17.680 --> 0:03:24.079 but we went on one day, so Alfonso knew you. 0:03:24.480 --> 0:03:27.480 I was like, yo, dude, I saw this girl on 0:03:27.639 --> 0:03:33.040 Different World last night. I was like, her name is Jada, Dude? 0:03:33.240 --> 0:03:35.120 He said, oh yeah, yeah, my boy knows that he 0:03:35.120 --> 0:03:39.240 can't introduce you. I have a thing I recognize when 0:03:39.280 --> 0:03:43.480 I see a person if our relationship can be exponential. 0:03:45.080 --> 0:03:49.840 The first night with Jazzy Jeff with fifteen minutes, I 0:03:49.880 --> 0:03:53.400 was like, yo, me and that dude can create right. 0:03:53.440 --> 0:03:55.360 I could just I just feel it and I know 0:03:55.480 --> 0:03:59.720 it when somebody is right for me. First night on 0:03:59.840 --> 0:04:02.960 that our findso like we were playing. I was like, 0:04:03.200 --> 0:04:06.680 me and that dude our magic. When I saw you 0:04:06.720 --> 0:04:08.880 on Different World, it was that thing and I don't 0:04:08.880 --> 0:04:11.360 know what it is that the bell rings and I 0:04:11.480 --> 0:04:13.800 knew that there was something in our energy that would 0:04:13.800 --> 0:04:18.720 be magic, and so I was like, I'll hook it up. Uh. 0:04:19.040 --> 0:04:22.480 Fresh Prince taped on Friday nights and Different World taped 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:25.800 on Thursday Thursday, so it was the night before. So 0:04:25.839 --> 0:04:28.400 Alf was like, yo, I can, I can set the 0:04:28.440 --> 0:04:30.720 meeting up. So we went, you know, and it was 0:04:30.800 --> 0:04:34.640 first season. I was Fresh Prince. So I walked up 0:04:34.640 --> 0:04:37.120 in the audience a Different World. I was the fresh Prince, 0:04:37.279 --> 0:04:39.080 you know. So it was you know, I walked in, 0:04:39.680 --> 0:04:44.400 I sat down in the audience and they the taping started, 0:04:44.760 --> 0:04:46.800 and then Alf was like, yo, that's my boy, that 0:04:46.920 --> 0:04:49.800 knows When he sat down and I was like, yo, 0:04:49.839 --> 0:04:54.479 who's that girl he's with? It was like the dude 0:04:54.480 --> 0:04:58.160 that was gonna introduce me was with another girl, and 0:04:58.200 --> 0:05:00.599 I was like, who is that girl? And it was Shari. 0:05:01.960 --> 0:05:06.080 He went to Different World to meet Jada and that 0:05:06.400 --> 0:05:13.839 Sharie and ended up marrying Shari and having with you 0:05:13.880 --> 0:05:16.480 didn't know. I don't think I've heard that before. I 0:05:17.320 --> 0:05:20.000 didn't meet Jada. That day. We had a party at 0:05:20.000 --> 0:05:21.880 our house. I mean, Sharia had a party at the 0:05:21.880 --> 0:05:28.760 house or something. I can't remember. Joka some some two 0:05:28.760 --> 0:05:34.680 bit Joka whatever. We had all of these near misses, 0:05:34.760 --> 0:05:36.960 and every time we saw each other it was always 0:05:36.960 --> 0:05:41.000 a beautiful energy. The real time was probably I think 0:05:41.080 --> 0:05:44.320 Dwayne and T Shirt had a thing at the Baked 0:05:44.320 --> 0:05:48.000 Potato and we sat down at the Baked Potato and 0:05:48.040 --> 0:05:51.960 we talked. There was a really unique, beautiful power. Yeah, 0:05:52.160 --> 0:05:54.680 we just we had that moment and we connected. But 0:05:54.720 --> 0:05:57.800 I was married, and it was, you know, we just 0:05:58.440 --> 0:06:04.039 that was it. We did not having having at all. 0:06:04.320 --> 0:06:06.960 It was just that next night, me and Sharie went 0:06:07.000 --> 0:06:10.960 to dinner and I sat down with Shari and it 0:06:11.040 --> 0:06:13.240 was one of the most bizarre emotions I ever had. 0:06:13.279 --> 0:06:17.240 After we had that talk and we were at the Palm, 0:06:17.279 --> 0:06:19.159 and I remember I had to get up from dinner 0:06:20.040 --> 0:06:24.839 when I had a realization that I wasn't with the 0:06:24.839 --> 0:06:27.920 person I was supposed to be with. But you would 0:06:27.920 --> 0:06:29.960 have stayed with her forever, forever, I would have never 0:06:29.960 --> 0:06:34.520 gotten divorced. I went in the bathroom at the Palm 0:06:34.560 --> 0:06:38.360 and I broke down in tears. And I was sitting 0:06:38.400 --> 0:06:41.360 in a stall in the restaurant and I was crying 0:06:41.440 --> 0:06:44.680 uncontrollably and then laughing, like what the heck is wrong 0:06:44.720 --> 0:06:47.479 with me? And I was crying and laughing, and it's 0:06:47.600 --> 0:06:51.080 like I knew that was the woman I was supposed 0:06:51.120 --> 0:06:55.920 to be with, but I was never getting divorced. I 0:06:55.960 --> 0:07:00.560 don't get divorced. All the emotions at one time that 0:07:00.680 --> 0:07:04.480 you figured it out, figured it out, but devastated emotionally. 0:07:04.880 --> 0:07:07.120 And then I had never come to fish. It never 0:07:07.240 --> 0:07:08.839 was never gonna happen. I just had to get my 0:07:08.880 --> 0:07:11.280 gangster back together, and I got myself together, went back 0:07:11.280 --> 0:07:13.720 out and set down with she read and went started 0:07:13.760 --> 0:07:17.960 going back on with my life. And then she divorced you, 0:07:18.120 --> 0:07:22.400 and then she read she filed for divorce. She hit 0:07:22.400 --> 0:07:28.320 me hard. She refiled for divorce on Valentine's There, I 0:07:28.400 --> 0:07:31.400 was like out out and I still told her, I 0:07:31.400 --> 0:07:36.640 say no, you can't have a divorce, and she hit 0:07:36.680 --> 0:07:40.440 me with the so you're gonna make somebody stay with 0:07:40.480 --> 0:07:44.520 you who doesn't love you? And I was like, all right, 0:07:44.720 --> 0:07:48.080 were not? No, I'm not, And I was like that 0:07:48.200 --> 0:07:52.040 was the one that got me. And I remember I 0:07:52.080 --> 0:07:54.960 was like, I'm gon signing divorce papers. I walked out 0:07:54.960 --> 0:07:58.040 of there and I was in the car and I 0:07:58.160 --> 0:08:02.840 had Jada's number. I literally walked right out from there. 0:08:03.240 --> 0:08:06.440 I called Jada because you had moved back to Baltimore, 0:08:07.240 --> 0:08:09.200 bought a house in Baltimore. She was not going to 0:08:09.320 --> 0:08:11.720 live in Hollywood. She had left the business and bought 0:08:11.720 --> 0:08:15.760 a farm in Baltimore. That's amazing about a farm. I said, hey, 0:08:15.880 --> 0:08:18.320 Jada was up as well. She said, hey, how you doing. 0:08:19.000 --> 0:08:21.480 I said good. I said, are you seeing anybody? Oh 0:08:21.520 --> 0:08:27.360 my god, and she said, uh no. I said, cool, 0:08:27.400 --> 0:08:32.680 you're seeing me now, And my dumb mass was like, okay. 0:08:37.120 --> 0:08:40.080 She got on a plane, came back to l A. 0:08:40.480 --> 0:08:44.239 Never never spent one night in her farm in Baltimore, 0:08:44.960 --> 0:08:47.880 never spent one night in the house. Actually kind of sad. 0:08:48.360 --> 0:08:51.320 I always know how much you wanted to have that 0:08:51.440 --> 0:08:56.319 kind of life. You know, it's okay because I got you. 0:08:58.160 --> 0:09:02.840 But it's just like everything happens for a reason, exactly. 0:09:02.960 --> 0:09:06.280 And then we started dating, and then I got pregnant 0:09:07.160 --> 0:09:11.559 two years in. I knew the moment after the act 0:09:12.360 --> 0:09:15.920 that I was pregnant the moment, but I knew that 0:09:16.160 --> 0:09:20.000 night and he didn't believe me, but I knew. And 0:09:20.160 --> 0:09:22.240 it was almost like you know those big locks on 0:09:22.280 --> 0:09:26.080 the bank, that those big turning locks. I could feel 0:09:26.160 --> 0:09:28.360 that in my womb and my uterus. It was like 0:09:28.480 --> 0:09:32.880 It was literally for seconds after we had sex and 0:09:32.920 --> 0:09:39.040 she goes, I said, baby, okay, she's like pregnant. I 0:09:39.160 --> 0:09:44.040 was like, it was like, babe, I think scientifically you 0:09:44.160 --> 0:09:48.600 got pregnant. Scientifically you're not pregnant yet. I cried that 0:09:48.640 --> 0:09:54.280 whole night. She cried all night. I was like, my 0:09:54.320 --> 0:09:58.800 life is never going to be the same. I funny, 0:10:00.320 --> 0:10:03.600 we want to they were funny. I was like, what 0:10:04.200 --> 0:10:08.040 am I gonna do now? I really didn't want to 0:10:08.040 --> 0:10:12.400 get married, but we only got married because Gammy was crying, 0:10:13.800 --> 0:10:18.960 well Gammy when it was almost as if Gammy was like, 0:10:19.120 --> 0:10:22.480 you have to get married, so let's talk about the wedding. 0:10:22.960 --> 0:10:26.120 It was almost like that. And she completely just was like, 0:10:26.200 --> 0:10:29.440 that's not a reality where you're just so much pressure, 0:10:29.480 --> 0:10:31.800 you know, being a young actress, being young, and I 0:10:31.880 --> 0:10:34.520 was just pregnant. I just I was just like, I 0:10:34.559 --> 0:10:36.720 didn't know what to do, but I just knew. I 0:10:36.760 --> 0:10:39.480 was like, I never wanted to be married. I don't 0:10:39.520 --> 0:10:45.160 remember that. I remember feeling very strongly and wanting you 0:10:45.200 --> 0:10:47.839 guys to be married. I do remember that, but I 0:10:47.920 --> 0:10:53.000 don't remember your rejection of the idea of marriage. I 0:10:53.080 --> 0:10:56.600 remember the rejection of the idea of a wedding. I 0:10:56.600 --> 0:10:59.040 didn't want to. I was like, I don't want to 0:10:59.080 --> 0:11:01.400 get married, and now gave me. Then gone to Will 0:11:01.480 --> 0:11:03.960 crying about I don't want to have a wedding and 0:11:04.000 --> 0:11:06.680 now I'm being forced to have a wedding when really 0:11:06.760 --> 0:11:08.480 I just wanted it to be the two of us 0:11:08.640 --> 0:11:11.920 on a mountain, because I was like, this is serious business. Yeah, 0:11:12.120 --> 0:11:14.800 I'm sorry that I didn't respect your wishes. I was 0:11:15.280 --> 0:11:19.200 totally a selfish I never had that experience of my 0:11:19.320 --> 0:11:22.840 daughter getting married because you were my only child. But 0:11:22.920 --> 0:11:27.079 that was so selfish. It's okay, I mean it was 0:11:28.040 --> 0:11:32.440 right for you to marry, but not necessarily that to 0:11:32.520 --> 0:11:34.880 have a wedding. Because the wedding was horrible. It was 0:11:36.160 --> 0:11:39.040 a mess, Jade. It was sick. She was very unpleasant 0:11:41.920 --> 0:11:50.480 when she was sick. She didn't cooperate with anything. Yeah, 0:11:50.520 --> 0:11:54.600 so she was having my first Oh it was horrible, 0:11:55.040 --> 0:11:57.040 and I was so upset that I had to have 0:11:57.080 --> 0:12:01.040 a wedding. I was so pissed. I'm crying down the 0:12:01.280 --> 0:12:15.240 freaking getting married. Cried the whole way because there was 0:12:15.280 --> 0:12:17.920 one question I forgot to ask. She said that she 0:12:18.120 --> 0:12:21.120 never wanted to get married. Did you. There wasn't a 0:12:21.240 --> 0:12:24.480 day in my life that I wanted anything other than 0:12:24.520 --> 0:12:29.640 being married and having a family, like the literally five 0:12:29.800 --> 0:12:34.040 years old, I was picturing what my family would be. 0:12:35.080 --> 0:12:40.760 What was the fundamental bump about the idea of marriage 0:12:40.760 --> 0:12:44.200 in general that you were against. I just never really 0:12:44.240 --> 0:12:49.160 agreed with the constructs. I just don't agree with it. 0:12:49.320 --> 0:12:52.319 I never have. I still don't till death do us part. 0:12:53.200 --> 0:12:58.280 It's real for me, it's just all of the rules. 0:12:56.520 --> 0:13:05.640 And as a wife, you know, yeah, exactly right, because 0:13:05.720 --> 0:13:13.959 of this title wife is the conventional definition of wife 0:13:13.960 --> 0:13:16.960 in the paradigm. I'm not that. I don't know if 0:13:17.000 --> 0:13:20.400 I've ever said this, you know how, I'm a scientist, 0:13:20.400 --> 0:13:24.400 so everything is science for me. I read something when 0:13:24.400 --> 0:13:29.440 we first got together that the most successful men in 0:13:29.559 --> 0:13:38.480 history have been married, right, and for me, I knew 0:13:39.080 --> 0:13:42.840 that I would squander my life if I was running 0:13:42.840 --> 0:13:50.079 around the way my mind works, I can only excel 0:13:50.559 --> 0:13:57.480 for a woman like I can't like that though. I 0:13:57.520 --> 0:14:02.280 think that I think women are are true motivators for men. 0:14:02.760 --> 0:14:06.040 And the one thing that I think has has been 0:14:06.720 --> 0:14:12.640 the greatest motivator and asset for me with you is 0:14:12.679 --> 0:14:17.280 your absolute refusal to accept anything from me other than 0:14:17.360 --> 0:14:20.640 the best that I could possibly be, and vice versa. Yeah, 0:14:20.640 --> 0:14:26.480 I remember me and Mommy talk for hours in the morning. 0:14:26.800 --> 0:14:30.600 There's something about that first thing in the morning that 0:14:31.000 --> 0:14:33.880 we we literally can talk for two and a half 0:14:33.880 --> 0:14:36.560 three hours. But you can do that anytime in the day. 0:14:37.200 --> 0:14:39.520 Let me just tell you, because that was one of 0:14:39.560 --> 0:14:44.680 the things that I admired so much about your relationship, 0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:48.160 and I recognized that I didn't have it in mind. 0:14:48.400 --> 0:14:52.120 It's so important. There was a moment that launched our 0:14:52.200 --> 0:14:56.920 communication before we got married. We were having the party 0:14:57.040 --> 0:15:00.120 at the house. Remember that we were playing pictionary, new 0:15:00.200 --> 0:15:05.000 people around the table and Tray is sitting on my lap. 0:15:05.000 --> 0:15:06.960 He's like one, and he's like, team might be just 0:15:07.040 --> 0:15:12.960 about two in some order. She cursed at me in 0:15:13.000 --> 0:15:16.360 front of twenty people at this party. She's like, well, 0:15:16.400 --> 0:15:23.040 would you shut the up with Trey sitting on my lap? Right? 0:15:23.800 --> 0:15:28.000 And I grabbed the newspaper and I said, and I 0:15:28.040 --> 0:15:31.120 talked to you in another room place and I was like, 0:15:31.880 --> 0:15:36.560 this joker just hit me on my head with a newspaper. Dog. 0:15:38.560 --> 0:15:41.360 We went in the other room and I was like, 0:15:41.680 --> 0:15:46.320 I said, Jada, this is the deal. I grew up 0:15:46.320 --> 0:15:48.520 in a household where I watched my father punch my 0:15:48.560 --> 0:15:54.920 mother in the face. And I will not create a 0:15:55.000 --> 0:15:59.760 house space and interaction with a person where there's profanity 0:16:00.200 --> 0:16:04.880 and violence. If you have to talk to me like that, 0:16:04.960 --> 0:16:08.840 we can't be together. We're not going to use any 0:16:09.040 --> 0:16:12.720 profanity in our interactions. We're not going to raise our voice, 0:16:12.760 --> 0:16:15.560 We're not going to be violent. I can't do it. 0:16:16.280 --> 0:16:18.280 She was like, you're not gonna be hit me my head. 0:16:21.160 --> 0:16:24.720 I said, get out, and she was looking that was 0:16:24.760 --> 0:16:27.600 the dumbest crap she had ever heard, and she was like, wait, 0:16:27.600 --> 0:16:31.240 so you would break up with me over some words. 0:16:32.120 --> 0:16:35.960 I was like, yeah, I just did it. I was like, 0:16:36.080 --> 0:16:40.880 we're not cursing, and her eyes welled up with tears 0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:47.520 and she was like, okay. It was twenty years before 0:16:47.600 --> 0:16:51.280 we used profanity in any conversation that we had. We 0:16:51.360 --> 0:16:56.000 didn't use any profanity and any never raised our voices. 0:16:56.280 --> 0:17:00.400 We took communication courses all of that, and never had 0:17:00.640 --> 0:17:05.919 a violent never voices. We couldn't afford to. We just 0:17:05.960 --> 0:17:09.320 couldn't because it could get ugly. We wouldn't have been 0:17:09.359 --> 0:17:16.600 able to nurture kindness love. What do you do with 0:17:16.640 --> 0:17:21.320 our feelings. With the emotion that comes when you're angry, 0:17:21.520 --> 0:17:24.679 you really have to discipline yourself. Like for me, I 0:17:24.720 --> 0:17:29.360 had to discipline myself and really handle that within myself 0:17:29.440 --> 0:17:31.760 to say, Okay, what are you angry about? And then 0:17:31.880 --> 0:17:34.920 come to peace and then go and talk to Will 0:17:34.960 --> 0:17:38.480 when I can actually have a communication, because really you're 0:17:38.520 --> 0:17:42.240 not communicating when you're talking to anger. Yeah, what I 0:17:42.359 --> 0:17:45.920 realized is like you're beating up on someone you say 0:17:45.960 --> 0:17:50.800 you love, right versus handle that with yourself. There's been 0:17:50.840 --> 0:17:52.399 plenty of times we have to go, I can't do 0:17:52.440 --> 0:17:56.440 this right through your thoughts and gos, go cry, go curse, 0:17:56.560 --> 0:18:01.120 go kick a tree, deal back in the situation when 0:18:01.160 --> 0:18:05.320 you're calm and peasable, because then you just create more 0:18:06.080 --> 0:18:11.320 problems mad about how you got to the argument, what happened, 0:18:11.960 --> 0:18:14.840 what you said, what you did, because you can never 0:18:14.960 --> 0:18:16.600 put it back. And that was one of the things 0:18:16.640 --> 0:18:22.280 we learned really early. Apologize a thousand times. You never 0:18:22.440 --> 0:18:25.800 get it back and you get addicted to it. Also, Yeah, 0:18:25.880 --> 0:18:28.080 and not that you get addicted, like like if you 0:18:28.200 --> 0:18:31.080 keep on doing it once you call somebody a couple 0:18:31.080 --> 0:18:36.560 of times, it's real easy. It's easy to telling you, 0:18:36.800 --> 0:18:39.040 we will were not the ones. We were not the ones. 0:18:39.240 --> 0:18:42.160 We would get hurt all kinds of stuff. It would 0:18:42.160 --> 0:18:45.680 have gone bad, and we both instinctually we knew that 0:18:45.760 --> 0:18:49.239 it could go wrong. I pre planned the things that 0:18:49.280 --> 0:18:51.600 I would say when I was in that place, so 0:18:51.920 --> 0:18:55.280 I had stock things. I would say, Um, I'm impaired. 0:18:58.040 --> 0:19:01.280 I can't I can't be loving right now, I can't 0:19:01.320 --> 0:19:04.080 be kind right now, So you have to let me 0:19:04.160 --> 0:19:07.360 go and when I come back, I will come back 0:19:07.400 --> 0:19:10.040 in a way that is the way you deserve me 0:19:10.200 --> 0:19:12.560 to deliver myself to you. Or he would just be like, 0:19:12.880 --> 0:19:19.639 I'm a lead before I knock your head off. You 0:19:19.680 --> 0:19:22.920 know what I think is really strong. And the thing 0:19:22.960 --> 0:19:25.439 with the two of us that never got out is 0:19:25.480 --> 0:19:29.119 the intention. We were always in sync on a couple 0:19:29.119 --> 0:19:33.320 of really powerful ideas. We were always building a family. Always, 0:19:33.440 --> 0:19:36.399 we were always that was our number one priority with 0:19:36.920 --> 0:19:42.840 family that until this day, no matter what, family, no 0:19:42.880 --> 0:19:47.199 matter what, so everything else that might have gone awry 0:19:47.440 --> 0:19:52.400 or crazy, we had cross intentions sometimes that that made 0:19:52.440 --> 0:19:57.160 us collide right. That was one of the major difficulties 0:19:57.200 --> 0:20:02.280 that we had because externally every was beautiful. As a couple, 0:20:02.840 --> 0:20:07.680 we are magical. We win in the material world, and 0:20:07.880 --> 0:20:12.640 we do it together. We win right, the Karate Kid 0:20:13.240 --> 0:20:18.680 with my Hair Hawthorne and the Nobel Peace Prize. Our 0:20:18.800 --> 0:20:23.639 family did that within a six month period. Right. I 0:20:23.720 --> 0:20:26.960 was like, I'm parenting to hell out these kids, like 0:20:27.680 --> 0:20:30.800 we are killing this show on Hawthorne. The only interview 0:20:30.880 --> 0:20:33.440 that Barack Obama did when he won the Nobel Peace 0:20:33.480 --> 0:20:39.440 Prize was me and Mommy. Right externally, our family was winning. Right, 0:20:39.920 --> 0:20:45.760 And there was a period where Mommy woke up and 0:20:46.840 --> 0:20:50.919 cried forty five days straight. I started keeping a diary, 0:20:51.160 --> 0:20:58.200 Damn you miss some days. It was every morning. I 0:20:58.240 --> 0:21:02.840 think that's the worst I've ever in our marriage. I 0:21:02.880 --> 0:21:07.880 was failing miserably, but on the outside, I was winning. 0:21:08.040 --> 0:21:12.960 Like I built the house and called the house her lake, right, 0:21:13.560 --> 0:21:18.520 And during that time is I remember saying like, I 0:21:18.640 --> 0:21:21.720 built this house for you. I called it her lake, 0:21:22.560 --> 0:21:26.600 and she said, you built this house for you? And 0:21:26.680 --> 0:21:33.480 I was like, what did you talk about, Jada. But 0:21:33.760 --> 0:21:37.119 it was devastating for me to accept that I built 0:21:37.119 --> 0:21:41.040 the house for me, because in my mind I was 0:21:41.080 --> 0:21:44.040 saying I was building it for her, but I wasn't. 0:21:45.560 --> 0:21:49.440 I wanted this house I called it her lake as 0:21:49.640 --> 0:21:55.880 an ego cover, right, and Jada was calling me on that. Right. 0:21:56.840 --> 0:22:00.240 What I realized is I was building a pick. Sure. 0:22:01.480 --> 0:22:03.920 I grew up in a household where I was scared 0:22:04.040 --> 0:22:07.360 and watched my father beat my mother up, right, So 0:22:08.480 --> 0:22:11.360 I was going to build the complete opposite of that. 0:22:12.040 --> 0:22:15.160 It's gonna be wonderland. Everybody's going to be happy all 0:22:15.200 --> 0:22:18.760 the time. Come on, well, let's play. I was saying, no, 0:22:18.960 --> 0:22:21.520 all the way, the house is too big, will not 0:22:21.720 --> 0:22:24.520 this will? And he had a picture at a picture, 0:22:24.760 --> 0:22:28.040 and I had a public person had public that wanted 0:22:28.080 --> 0:22:31.720 to projectives of our relationship of the family and what 0:22:31.840 --> 0:22:33.800 my kids are and what my wife is and what 0:22:33.880 --> 0:22:37.119 we are in the world. Didn't you ever feel like 0:22:37.200 --> 0:22:41.680 Jada was ungrateful? Hey, yeah, look at everything that I've 0:22:41.720 --> 0:22:45.639 done for you. Yes, that was another crateful. But that 0:22:45.720 --> 0:22:47.680 was the other thing, because there were times I felt 0:22:47.760 --> 0:22:52.200 ungrateful because I was like, look at your life, How 0:22:52.240 --> 0:22:55.919 could you be so unhappy? I used to think I 0:22:56.000 --> 0:23:00.480 was crazy, and I think that's actually how how I 0:23:00.560 --> 0:23:03.800 felt when I first got wind of your discontent. It 0:23:03.960 --> 0:23:07.080 wasn't that I thought that you were ungrateful. I just 0:23:07.119 --> 0:23:11.800 didn't understand, like, what's wrong? What what? What's what could 0:23:11.840 --> 0:23:14.560 possibly be wrong? But that's why I couldn't talk to it. 0:23:16.040 --> 0:23:21.399 And that's what. But Jada is an actress, but she 0:23:21.480 --> 0:23:25.000 had two babies and she had to be home to 0:23:25.119 --> 0:23:28.159 raise her babies while I got to do everything I 0:23:28.200 --> 0:23:33.480 wanted to do. She was sacrificing herself to fit my picture. 0:23:34.000 --> 0:23:39.960 But my life was it really disrupted in the least, right, 0:23:40.040 --> 0:23:43.919 And I think that was the if there were an individual. 0:23:44.200 --> 0:23:47.919 Most poisonous aspect of our relationship in the past is 0:23:48.040 --> 0:23:52.080 I felt that money and winning made a good relationship. 0:23:52.760 --> 0:23:57.000 We're succeeding in the world. That means our relationship is good. 0:23:57.119 --> 0:23:59.040 And I would say to him, I would go, will 0:24:00.119 --> 0:24:04.120 throw away everything that's happening in the outside world, your career, everything, 0:24:04.520 --> 0:24:06.560 and it's just me and you on a on an island. 0:24:07.800 --> 0:24:09.919 The way do we have? And I was like, we 0:24:10.040 --> 0:24:16.040 have an island. We own the island, you know, And 0:24:16.080 --> 0:24:18.679 it was like I so didn't comprehend that. So me 0:24:18.680 --> 0:24:21.639 and you on an island, what do we have? Not 0:24:21.720 --> 0:24:26.640 only did I not understand, I didn't care, right, I 0:24:26.680 --> 0:24:33.520 was unaware of what it meant to truly connect with 0:24:33.560 --> 0:24:36.360 somebody I've been trying to live up to an expectation 0:24:36.520 --> 0:24:40.280 full well, you know, you were trapped in a life 0:24:40.440 --> 0:24:43.880 that you didn't build, didn't want, and that I didn't want, 0:24:43.920 --> 0:24:46.239 but that I had to come to the understanding that 0:24:46.280 --> 0:24:49.800 I allowed myself to have. You accepted all of that 0:24:49.840 --> 0:24:54.719 because of your fear, absolutely, and that's the truth. And fear. Fear, 0:24:55.080 --> 0:24:57.680 just fear of not wanting to rock the boat I 0:24:57.800 --> 0:25:00.840 had kids, you know, and just whatnot, you know, because 0:25:00.840 --> 0:25:02.960 he's a force to be reckoned with just a lot 0:25:03.000 --> 0:25:07.400 of stuff you let slide and go past that angers 0:25:07.440 --> 0:25:11.960 you and you get resentment, you know, but you don't 0:25:12.040 --> 0:25:16.160 change it because you're scared. At the end of the day, 0:25:16.400 --> 0:25:20.440 it's about fear. And that was around the time when 0:25:20.440 --> 0:25:22.359 Willow want, oh, I was so mad at you this 0:25:22.440 --> 0:25:25.960 day when you put your hand on my face. Oh yeah, 0:25:26.680 --> 0:25:28.840 And Willow, me and Jade are going through it and 0:25:28.880 --> 0:25:33.200 Willow was like, oh, Daddy, it's so sad. She's putting 0:25:33.200 --> 0:25:35.240 her hand on my face. She was like nine, and 0:25:35.359 --> 0:25:37.400 Jada was in the kitchen and she's like, Mommy, isn't 0:25:37.400 --> 0:25:43.000 it sad? Jada suit what he said. Daddy has a 0:25:43.000 --> 0:25:52.399 picture of a family in his mind and it's not us. Know. 0:25:52.480 --> 0:25:54.159 The thing is, it was such a deep truth, but 0:25:54.200 --> 0:26:02.760 I was just saying obvious out of me, isn't it. Yeah? 0:26:03.000 --> 0:26:05.960 And I think for me, the turning point in our 0:26:06.000 --> 0:26:11.760 relationship for me happened when I turned forty. Yeah, I 0:26:11.840 --> 0:26:18.000 just couldn't as as like, I just I can't. I 0:26:18.080 --> 0:26:23.760 can't do this like this anymore. Next time at the 0:26:23.760 --> 0:26:27.000 Red Table we broke up, will and I really break 0:26:27.040 --> 0:26:31.400 it down. I was devastated, even worse than a divorce, 0:26:31.600 --> 0:26:33.720 and get ready for the next few weeks of red 0:26:33.760 --> 0:26:38.320 hot table talk. That's real talk. I hated being divorced. 0:26:38.359 --> 0:26:41.800 I hated everything about it. I felt because I was sick. 0:26:41.880 --> 0:26:46.960 He left, he started hitting me and he was in 0:26:47.080 --> 0:26:51.160 a rage, and I went through the bedroom and right 0:26:51.200 --> 0:26:55.159 across the street to neighbor. I was hurt, but Jada 0:26:55.400 --> 0:26:58.920 I wasn't even considering. I know that she would be hurt. 0:27:00.280 --> 0:27:05.000 H If I celebrate anything black, I inevitably get a 0:27:05.160 --> 0:27:12.000 million comments. Where are they coming from? People? Hey, red 0:27:12.040 --> 0:27:15.119 Table Talk family. Head to our Red Table Talk Facebook 0:27:15.119 --> 0:27:18.399 watch show page. Follow the Red Table Talk show page 0:27:18.440 --> 0:27:21.680 for new episodes and updates. Join the conversation and become 0:27:21.720 --> 0:27:53.760 a part of red table Talk. 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