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Speaker 1: I want to break up with my girlfriend for having

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Speaker 1: no motivation, but she won't.

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Speaker 2: Let me because she's unmotivated as well.

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Speaker 1: She's like, Wow, we'll get to it.

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Speaker 2: We'll figure it out later.

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Speaker 1: I male twenty four, met a girl female twenty two

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Speaker 1: and a community college class when I was twenty. We

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Speaker 1: came from very different backgrounds. I was middle class trying

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Speaker 1: to find a cheaper way to go to college. She

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Speaker 1: was living in almost poverty going to school because she

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Speaker 1: was forced to by her parents who were threatening to

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Speaker 1: kick her out.

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Speaker 2: Oh wow.

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Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from Coco tub On the

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Speaker 1: Best of editor Updates Suburden. So she dropped out about

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Speaker 1: a year into her schooling while I continued and finished

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Speaker 1: during her first year. We formed a relationship and she

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Speaker 1: moved into my apartment. More or less, her relationship with

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Speaker 1: her parents is pretty much nonexistent, and she has little

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Speaker 1: to know outside friends besides one or two women she

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Speaker 1: knew from high school or dead beats. In my opinion,

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Speaker 1: I make around eighty k years, so we live relatively comfortably,

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Speaker 1: but there's still some strain on finances. I can't say

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Speaker 1: exactly why, and I started losing feelings, but the fact

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Speaker 1: that she refuses to work, will not cook and wants

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Speaker 1: to eat out every day, does not want to go

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Speaker 1: to school, and continuously wants to buy and spend money

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Speaker 1: on clothes and other stuff. Just slowly started grading on me.

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Speaker 2: Or oh, dude, I know someone like this. I know

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Speaker 2: someone like this.

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Speaker 1: This is frustrating.

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Speaker 2: They don't have any hobbies. They just like to eat

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Speaker 2: food and chop.

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Speaker 1: That's boring.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, tell us the name.

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Speaker 2: I can't.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't, I can't.

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Speaker 2: I'm just praying that they don't watch the show.

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Speaker 1: I feel like, when you're you know, with me, you

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Speaker 1: want to have like some hobbies.

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Speaker 2: In Yeah, like to be a foodie, be like a

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Speaker 2: fashion person, cooking so that I can't even go into

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Speaker 2: more detail, I'll start pissing people off.

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Speaker 1: But I work. I work in a female dominated workplace,

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Speaker 1: and seeing having conversations and interacting with the coworkers who

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Speaker 1: have so much going for them, have fun hobbies and

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Speaker 1: aspirations makes it all the more worse. When your girlfriend

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Speaker 1: is chronically online and spends seven hours a day scrolling

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Speaker 1: through Instagram or TikTok feels and thinks having spicy sleep

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Speaker 1: is all she needs to do on her end.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, she's just like low key. She's rotting, dude.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, she didn't rotting.

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Speaker 3: He's just existing. But that's it.

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Speaker 1: Our relationship isn't bad. We have fights every now and

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Speaker 1: then like an average couple, have an active, spicy sleep life.

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Speaker 1: But that's pretty much it. From her perspective. If I

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Speaker 1: broke up with her, it would be out of nowhere.

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Speaker 1: But I'm pretty much done and know I could move

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Speaker 1: on quickly and have nothing to be regretful about. As

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Speaker 1: crappy as it sounds, the problem comes in her having

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Speaker 1: no job, no finances, almost no friends, and no family

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Speaker 1: support unit. Oh I'm not a monster. I don't want

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Speaker 1: to make someone virtually homeless, but I don't want to

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Speaker 1: be stuck with someone who has nothing going for them either.

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Speaker 1: I don't want it. I don't know what to do.

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Speaker 1: And there is an edits.

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Speaker 2: This and an update, so yeah read that.

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Speaker 1: Thank you all for the advice on the post. I

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Speaker 1: don't know if this sub allows updates, but I'll talk

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Speaker 1: to her tomorrow about this and start the process of

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Speaker 1: working this out.

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Speaker 2: Okay, good, good, I because this they care for her

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Speaker 2: as a person and want her well being to be

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Speaker 2: good and it sounds like an intervention.

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Speaker 1: I think so, I think this is something that you

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Speaker 1: could talk to her about. But I also understand that

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Speaker 1: just like wanting to be with someone who has aspirations

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Speaker 1: and their life is going somewhere, like you want someone

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Speaker 1: to excite you and stuff. Yeah, I get like, I

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Speaker 1: think I want to be like with a partner. For me,

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Speaker 1: I want to be impressed by them.

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Speaker 2: Yes, and not be complacent. I refuse to be complacent

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Speaker 2: in my relationship. I it's there will be the death

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Speaker 2: of my life.

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Speaker 1: I don't. I don't want to just sit around, which

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Speaker 1: is not to say that this is not you know,

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Speaker 1: for other people this works, but for me personally.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I you know, if you're you're sitting around, you're

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Speaker 2: watching the New Arcade, you're playing Minecraft exactly. You know,

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Speaker 2: you're still doing something that excites you.

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Speaker 1: Well, that that I think is different. I think there's

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Speaker 1: a difference between having time spending together where like you're

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Speaker 1: playing I mean even video games is a hot yes,

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Speaker 1: it is together, and you're you know, those are things

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Speaker 1: that you can do together that are kind of relaxing things.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think there's a difference between doing it like

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Speaker 3: you know, a couple of days a week rather than

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Speaker 3: seven days a week twenty four to seven. You are

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Speaker 3: just sitting there on your phone and being for seven hours.

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Speaker 1: Well, it doesn't even seem like she's playing vide games.

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Speaker 3: It's just no, she's just on TikTok or Instagram and

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Speaker 3: she's like, all right, let's do spicy stuff and that's

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Speaker 3: our day. That was fun, wasn't it. Let's do this

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Speaker 3: again tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: Yeah I can't. I can't do that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, And I think that's where if you hit

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Speaker 3: that wall, you definitely got to talk to them.

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Speaker 1: You've got to talk.

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Speaker 3: And if they don't change, if that's their person if

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Speaker 3: that is their personality trait, that's draining.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Harriet Spaghetti, they just seem incompatible.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, updates next day. Oh for starters. I want to

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Speaker 1: thank everyone for all the advice I was given on

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Speaker 1: the last thread, as it helped me formulate how I

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Speaker 1: would go about doing this. When I made that post,

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Speaker 1: I was having an extremely bad day and didn't expect

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Speaker 1: it to blow up like it did, so I don't

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Speaker 1: think I was able to her affair defense. Also, I

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Speaker 1: got dozens of messages arranging from asking me to hand

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Speaker 1: out her contact info so they could take her in

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Speaker 1: as a living spicy sleep girlfriend.

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Speaker 3: What the hell that's gross? Thanks Internet disgusting.

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Speaker 1: To helpful advice telling me to start hiding anything valuable.

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Speaker 1: Oh ivop thinks out's helpful. Then is this a problem

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Speaker 1: that's already happened? When I had said that she had

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Speaker 1: come from poverty, Her father is a laborer, while her

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Speaker 1: mother also lives a similar lifestyle to how she lives now.

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Speaker 1: Their home is maybe eleven hundred square feet and in

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Speaker 1: a terrible place in town, and given her father's past ultimatum,

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Speaker 1: I don't think he will take her back, as she

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Speaker 1: hasn't been home in years. Yes, I have talked to

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Speaker 1: her about this since January, maybe three times, either by

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Speaker 1: gently telling her it would be nice if she went

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Speaker 1: out more to find a hobby at the very least

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Speaker 1: to flat out saying she was wasting away on her

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Speaker 1: phone and that she needs to get a job or

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Speaker 1: go back to school. Each time, she either changed the subject,

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Speaker 1: makes it a joke, or follows through with a couple

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Speaker 1: of before going back to her usual self.

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Speaker 2: Oh man, huh.

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Speaker 1: She is a kind partner who asks me about my day,

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Speaker 1: always tries to make me laugh or light in the

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Speaker 1: mood when I get annoyed and generally shows a lot

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Speaker 1: of affection, which makes me feel terrible when none of

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Speaker 1: that works anymore, and I just see her as another person.

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Speaker 1: Uh now for the confrontation real quick.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I feel like for someone that is in their ways,

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Speaker 2: they will not change until something dramatic happens in their life.

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Speaker 2: Like in my last relationship, I was not a good

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Speaker 2: place mentally and I was kind of gaining some weight,

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Speaker 2: and then whenever we broke up, I was able to

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Speaker 2: fix myself mentally and lose a lot of weight. I

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Speaker 2: lost like twenty five pounds after like three months. Wait

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Speaker 2: to go, buddy, thank you, thank you. And I feel

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Speaker 2: like it's gonna be hard and hopefully something dramatic may

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Speaker 2: need to happen in her life and that she can

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Speaker 2: take it. Well. Yeah, that's my hope for this.

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Speaker 3: Yeah it might be it sucks, but a reality check

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Speaker 3: is a reality check. Yeah that's what you need sometimes.

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Speaker 1: Allie says, I feel like she is struggling with depression,

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Speaker 1: and because I've been this person before and that was

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Speaker 1: my issue, I mean, I hope that she can get

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Speaker 1: some kind of clarity and stuff about this. Last night

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Speaker 1: when we were oh now for the confrontation. Last night,

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Speaker 1: when we were both getting ready for bed, I didn't

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Speaker 1: take my clothes off and instead just stood there telling

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Speaker 1: her we needed to talk. At first, she was smiling

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Speaker 1: and jumping up up and down on the bed with

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Speaker 1: her knees, thinking I wasn't as serious as I was,

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Speaker 1: But eventually she was able to read the mood. I

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Speaker 1: told her something wasn't feeling right anymore, that I've tried

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Speaker 1: to make this work and be patient with her for

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Speaker 1: the past few years, but I didn't know how much

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Speaker 1: more time I was willing to spend waiting for her

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Speaker 1: to get a job, go back to school, or just

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Speaker 1: get a hobby or anything. I told her that it

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Speaker 1: annoyed and graded me, that she didn't seem to care

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Speaker 1: about herself, and that I hated she had no goals

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Speaker 1: or aspirations. This was probably the first time in a

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Speaker 1: long time. She was as attentive as she's ever been

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Speaker 1: during this conversation and agreed to whatever I was saying,

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Speaker 1: and even also giving suggestions on where she could apply,

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Speaker 1: what courses were starting to interest her, and even said

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Speaker 1: I could look over her as she submitted applications online

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Speaker 1: to make sure she wasn't lying. In her head, it

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Speaker 1: seemed like I was still willing to make this work,

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Speaker 1: and a part of me believed this would finally be

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Speaker 1: the moment that she would change, So it made the

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Speaker 1: next part even harder for me and for her. At first,

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Speaker 1: I told her I didn't love her the same way,

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Speaker 1: which slowly but eventually led to ME saying I didn't

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Speaker 1: feel anything at all about this relationship and was jaded.

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Speaker 1: I was tired and wanted a fresh start with someone

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Speaker 1: who was more goal oriented and wanted something more out

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Speaker 1: of life. When she realized what I was getting at,

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Speaker 1: she started to cry and asked why I didn't mention

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Speaker 1: this sooner, and I've said I've always asked her to cook,

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Speaker 1: to go out with me, to try something out, or

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Speaker 1: to just go back to school, even when I offered

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Speaker 1: to pay for her classes anything. She says she understands

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Speaker 1: that part, but was upset why I didn't say it

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Speaker 1: was leading to me losing interest in her, because from

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Speaker 1: her perspective, it seemed as if I still loved her

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Speaker 1: all the same. She started apologizing, saying she wasn't in

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Speaker 1: the right mental state and say nothing was motivating her,

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Speaker 1: and she genuinely had no interest in any hobbies. The

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Speaker 1: only thing she liked was spending time with me, which

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Speaker 1: is all she looked forward to in the day when

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Speaker 1: I came home. Damn, ooh, this is so tough. This

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Speaker 1: is so tough because I understand what he's saying of, like,

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Speaker 1: like we just I just don't have interest anymore. But

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Speaker 1: also I totally get what she's saying of like you

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Speaker 1: didn't it didn't feel like you brought this up in

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Speaker 1: a way that communicated you had a problem with it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because it was like in passing. Yes. Oh that's

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Speaker 2: so tough. Yeah, and then over time he's resented her.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and communicate, communicate that if you have actual problems,

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Speaker 1: sit down and be like, this is a problem in

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Speaker 1: our relationship, and you like, I need to see some change.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, don't wait for it to wait till the end,

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Speaker 3: be like oh this, wait until the end. Yeah, this

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Speaker 3: is a serious conversation that we should have had two

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Speaker 3: years ago.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Whoops, Oh man, I'm over you now hate this.

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Speaker 1: None of this was really affecting my emotions besides making

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Speaker 1: me feel uncomfortable. So I tried to continue by saying

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Speaker 1: I think her lifestyle would be better with another person,

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Speaker 1: but she immediately cut me off and became more panicked.

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Speaker 1: She started to apologize again for what she's done and

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Speaker 1: said she would be a better girlfriend, that she would

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Speaker 1: go with me tomorrow to wherever I wanted to go

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Speaker 1: and would look for courses in August that she could

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Speaker 1: start doing. But she did not. But she did not

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Speaker 1: want to lose me since she had nothing else in life,

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Speaker 1: and absolutely hated that I stopped loving her. There were

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Speaker 1: so many tears and snot that I said we would

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Speaker 1: have this conversation again when she calmed down, and we

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Speaker 1: eventually did in an hour or so. She pleaded to

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Speaker 1: give her two months to make a change and give

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Speaker 1: her another chance, and promised and promised that she would

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Speaker 1: change again. She listed off all the places she would

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Speaker 1: apply to and said she would be a better partner. No,

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Speaker 1: that's no, that she needs to do it for herself. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: like if she's doing it for another person, it's not

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Speaker 1: going to stick.

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Speaker 3: That.

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Speaker 2: You guys see that. You guys see that I passed

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Speaker 2: it off to her. I was usually giving her my

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Speaker 2: thoughts and expressions and I took them. Yeau, this is

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Speaker 2: not gonna last if you're doing this for something for

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Speaker 2: your boyfriend. You're gonna lose motivations so quickly.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, got to come from within.

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Speaker 3: That happened when he did. She did kind of do

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Speaker 3: it and then immediately went back to doing her old

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Speaker 3: habits immediately, not like a couple weeks. It was like immediately, Yeah.

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Speaker 2: So hey, yah yaike.

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Speaker 1: I never wanted to make her homeless, so this seemed

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Speaker 1: like a good settlement, even though I still had my doubts.

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Speaker 1: I then reaffirmed that I wanted to see other people.

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Speaker 1: But she seemed much more adamant on this issue than

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Speaker 1: the aspiration's issue that she would be able to fix this.

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Speaker 1: She said, just give her a month to try and

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Speaker 1: make the relationship work and ask me again and again

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Speaker 1: on what she could do to make her love her,

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Speaker 1: make me love her again, and that she didn't want

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Speaker 1: me to hate her.

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Speaker 2: Ah.

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Speaker 1: She said that this was the worst part of it

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Speaker 1: all and the only person that she had just being done.

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Speaker 1: It seemed as if she was about to break down again,

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Speaker 1: so I said, Okay, we'll see how the relationship is

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Speaker 1: in a month. In her mind, if I'm allowing her

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Speaker 1: two months to get back on her, then by a

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Speaker 1: month she would already be ready to move on. I

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Speaker 1: also didn't want her to suffer a complete mental breakdown

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Speaker 1: while I was still living with her, so giving her

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Speaker 1: a month to let her fix the relationship would give

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Speaker 1: her enough time to accept things. I slept on the

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Speaker 1: couch last night and will probably continue to do so

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Speaker 1: for a while. She came out at about three am,

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Speaker 1: wanting to talk some more at three am.

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Speaker 2: But I said I was sleeping. She probably can't sleep.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's fair.

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Speaker 2: That's her only support system right there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and also like the person she lives with, like

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Speaker 1: relies on doesn't have a job.

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Speaker 3: Ye yay.

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Speaker 1: But I said I was exhausted and we would do

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Speaker 1: it tomorrow. She then slept on the floor beside me

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Speaker 1: for the rest of the night, apologizing again. When I

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Speaker 1: told her to stop, she silently said okay and sobbed

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Speaker 1: for a bit under her blanket. A A, but that's

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Speaker 1: everything that's happened so far. This was one of the

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Speaker 1: hardest things I've ever had to do, but I regret

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Speaker 1: nothing and feel much better letting everything out. I don't

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Speaker 1: know how this situation will be in two months, but

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Speaker 1: I was firm that it was the deadline. This post

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Speaker 1: will probably get married. So I probably won't do another

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Speaker 1: update since I don't think anyone will care about this

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Speaker 1: in a week or a month. But I will definitely

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Speaker 1: private message you blah blah blah blah blah. But there's

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Speaker 1: an update.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, buddy, you We saved the story for the end

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Speaker 2: of the day because it was the longest one we have.

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Speaker 2: We know you have more.

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Speaker 1: We know you've got more to say. Don't you worry?

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Speaker 2: Real quick poll poll, you got it? Well, what are

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Speaker 2: we gonna pull?

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Speaker 1: You got it up with her? Or don't?

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Speaker 2: Dude? Sophia and I right here, right.

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Speaker 1: Here, I didn't. I Like, for a second, I was like,

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Speaker 1: do I know what you And then I was like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I do, Yeah, you do, Yeah, you do this. It's

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Speaker 1: I think you got to break up with her. There's

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Speaker 1: no sense in like, I mean, I understand wanting to

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Speaker 1: give her a second to you know, find a place

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Speaker 1: to live and find a job and stuff, but I

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Speaker 1: think that conversation needed to be like, you're welcome to

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Speaker 1: stay here for a month while you get back on

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Speaker 1: your feet, yeah, rather than we could fix the relationship.

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Speaker 2: Do you think she has put herself in a tight situation?

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Speaker 1: Absolutely? I mean she's relying completely on someone else, and

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Speaker 1: she has no money, no school, no like nothing. She's

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Speaker 1: not her family, She's completely relying on op and yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's it.

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Speaker 3: She wasn't even she wasn't bringing anything to the relationship.

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Speaker 2: It seemed like, well, that's the one thing. Yeah, but

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Speaker 2: that's still like, that's the relationship. You're not even valuing

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Speaker 2: yourself if you believe that's the only thing you bring

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Speaker 2: to a relationship.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's not a relationship.

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Speaker 1: It's just one aspect.

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Speaker 3: But just my take as well, it's really hard because

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Speaker 3: I've kind of been in that position where you don't

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Speaker 3: want to hurt this person and you want the best

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Speaker 3: for them, But this is also kind of like leading

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Speaker 3: them on. I think, Joseph, if you're leading them on

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Speaker 3: and like, Okay, i'll give you the two months and

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Speaker 3: we'll be still together, like you're giving them false hope.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I'm giving your hope that you you don't you're

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Speaker 1: not interested in.

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Speaker 3: This and you're already out of it. It seems like

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Speaker 3: you you.

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00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:50,240
Speaker 1: Were out of it months ago. Like you should just

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Speaker 1: be honest. It sucks for her, but just be honest.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know, what would we say is that

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Speaker 3: emotional manipulation kind of And it's not manipulating because you're like,

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Speaker 3: I want them to do it.

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Speaker 2: But I mean, given the thing and he's now coming

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00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:06,080
Speaker 2: to this realization, I don't think it's emotional manipulation. No,

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Speaker 2: because they are still trying to figure out how they

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Speaker 2: feel and they're like, okay, so I feel how can

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Speaker 2: I explain this to this person with the highest amount

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Speaker 2: of consideration, knowing they have no other place to go? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: so I don't think.

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Speaker 3: So I don't make manipulation. But that's not another word.

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Speaker 3: I just can't think of it. If chat, if you

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Speaker 3: know what I mean I'm trying to say.

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Speaker 2: But it's like, I mean, I think he just wants

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Speaker 2: to leave amicably, yes, but she's kind of guilting into Yeah. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: she's at a dead end.

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Speaker 3: Yeah she can't.

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Speaker 1: She doesn't have anywhere to go right now. But there

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Speaker 1: is an update on July twenty nine.

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Speaker 2: I predict that they break up and then she goes

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Speaker 2: crazy mode. And that's that's the whole story.

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Speaker 3: That's what the whole story is just going to keep using.

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Speaker 3: But you said in two months, just.

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Speaker 1: Give me another month, way more time, long more time.

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Speaker 1: I feel like this will be an easier place to post.

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Speaker 1: I've been doing some self reflecting and I think I

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00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,320
Speaker 1: know how I want to go about this. That will

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Speaker 1: help with my lack of communication skills. I know I'm

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Speaker 1: not a per person, but I still stand by my

377
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:05,000
Speaker 1: decisions I made that night one hundred percent through and through.

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Speaker 1: I might post an update sooner in a week or so,

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Speaker 1: as the day after our fight, I'm filled with a

380
00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:12,000
Speaker 1: bit more hope than usual. Don't know how long it

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Speaker 1: will last, but better make use of it. But again,

382
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:16,720
Speaker 1: just wanted to post this for everyone sharing your stories

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00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:19,720
Speaker 1: with me privately as I can't message you all. As

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00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,880
Speaker 1: it's been helping me make decisions on what to do

385
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Speaker 1: about this all immensely, And there is another update go

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Speaker 1: go into that. Yeah, this is a long post. Hey y'all,

387
00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:30,880
Speaker 1: It's been about a week since my last post, and

388
00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:33,360
Speaker 1: I thought i'd give an update. A lot has happened,

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00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:36,480
Speaker 1: including the explosion of my first update thread. I've had

390
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:40,240
Speaker 1: over fifty dms, YadA, YadA, YadA. I find it easier

391
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:42,880
Speaker 1: to write than to speak in many situations, so this

392
00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:45,040
Speaker 1: has been a great way to help my decisions and

393
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:48,560
Speaker 1: clear my head. Writing everything down has helped tremendously and

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Speaker 1: I will continue to do so.

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Speaker 2: Yaarayada.

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Speaker 1: After the night confrontation, there we go. This is the

397
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Speaker 1: start of the update. After the night confrontation, we didn't

398
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Speaker 1: really speak all too much at home, with it being

399
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Speaker 1: dry and awkward for a day or two. But I've

400
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,600
Speaker 1: been told I'm a workaholic by nature, so it was

401
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,280
Speaker 1: easy for me to stay at the hospital as a distraction.

402
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:10,600
Speaker 1: But in that time she did start to cook again.

403
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:13,720
Speaker 1: We weren't in the mood to go out to eat together. Eventually, though,

404
00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:16,080
Speaker 1: I sat down with her after she asked for a

405
00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:19,520
Speaker 1: more thorough conversation on why I felt her relationship was failing.

406
00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:22,600
Speaker 1: She promised not to cry or get upset, but wanted

407
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Speaker 1: me to be one hundred percent up front so she

408
00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:27,520
Speaker 1: had a better way of understanding, stating she wanted to

409
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:31,520
Speaker 1: try everything to fix this. I was really apprehensive about this,

410
00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:34,879
Speaker 1: and I can't really explain why, but given being together

411
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:38,879
Speaker 1: for four years wow, yeah, four years long, Oh my gosh,

412
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:41,000
Speaker 1: I wanted to at least make an effort myself out

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Speaker 1: of respect, even though a large part of me was

414
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:46,320
Speaker 1: angry for even doing so, as I feel I've never

415
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:49,679
Speaker 1: had the same from her. There have been many different

416
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Speaker 1: camps in my last update, the main ones being kick

417
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Speaker 1: her out immediately and leave her before it gets worse,

418
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,720
Speaker 1: try to find a way to fix our relationship or

419
00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:00,679
Speaker 1: end the relationship altogether. But can and you living with

420
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:04,760
Speaker 1: someone who would probably become absolutely neurotic. If I was

421
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,720
Speaker 1: going to let her stay for two months, I would

422
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:10,320
Speaker 1: absolutely not be dealing with that. I took consideration in

423
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:13,840
Speaker 1: all these main advice discussions and read through almost every reply,

424
00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:18,720
Speaker 1: even the most assumptive, bizarre and downright unhinge reddit or takes.

425
00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:22,760
Speaker 1: More importantly, I took heavy influence of those who have

426
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:25,879
Speaker 1: shared with me their past stories which either led to

427
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:29,440
Speaker 1: them being stuck in loveless relationships for years or eventually

428
00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:32,600
Speaker 1: being able to overcome their problems and have an even

429
00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:35,960
Speaker 1: stronger connection. Thank you again for your private messages. I

430
00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:40,879
Speaker 1: read through a lot of your lives. Now for our conversation.

431
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:41,360
Speaker 2: Okay, Thank goodness.

432
00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:43,960
Speaker 1: She said she saw something on TikTok where couples put

433
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Speaker 1: a phone on a table with a timer and wanted

434
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:48,720
Speaker 1: to do something similar for each person to air what

435
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:51,600
Speaker 1: made them upset. I said, that was dumb. If we

436
00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:53,439
Speaker 1: were going to talk about our problems. It would be

437
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:56,040
Speaker 1: better if there was no time limit. She eventually agreed

438
00:18:56,119 --> 00:18:58,800
Speaker 1: and said I could go first, asking me first, when

439
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,120
Speaker 1: was the time that I completely lost my love in her?

440
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:04,240
Speaker 1: As I said before, it was never one action, but

441
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:06,879
Speaker 1: a grating feeling that got worse and worse until it

442
00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:09,000
Speaker 1: got to the point to this point and I told

443
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,320
Speaker 1: her that. So she then asked when was the time

444
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:13,360
Speaker 1: I felt the most angry. I said it would take

445
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:14,919
Speaker 1: some time to think for me, and she said that

446
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:18,359
Speaker 1: was fine. After a few minutes, something came to my mind.

447
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:21,320
Speaker 1: I couldn't formulate the right words at first, but eventually

448
00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:23,600
Speaker 1: just started to come out. I told her the worst

449
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:26,760
Speaker 1: time was when I first started at my hospital. To

450
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:29,800
Speaker 1: keep it short, the tempo was brutal. It was constant

451
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:32,800
Speaker 1: work with little to no downtime as I was constantly

452
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,280
Speaker 1: learning new things that school would have never taught me

453
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,800
Speaker 1: while being expected to be able to handle it as

454
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:40,560
Speaker 1: a professional. It was, without a doubt, the most stressed

455
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:42,960
Speaker 1: I've ever been, and I feel like other RNs can

456
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:46,000
Speaker 1: relate here. That year hardened the way I think now

457
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,440
Speaker 1: that hard work does pay off if you have the

458
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,720
Speaker 1: drive and passion. I told her I think that was

459
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:53,520
Speaker 1: when I was starting to lose feelings the fastest, seeing

460
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,560
Speaker 1: her at home doing absolutely nothing, coming home to no

461
00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:59,360
Speaker 1: food made, to her not working a job, to her

462
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:02,239
Speaker 1: not learning any thing, completely stuck to the internet with

463
00:20:02,359 --> 00:20:03,320
Speaker 1: nothing to show for it.

464
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:08,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, damn, because you're working your butt off and the partners.

465
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,679
Speaker 1: Like just sitting. I said. It made me even more

466
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,359
Speaker 1: upset when I had given suggestions for jobs with pretty

467
00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:15,240
Speaker 1: easy schedules, or to find a new interest in school

468
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:18,159
Speaker 1: that would pan out better than last time, only to

469
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,960
Speaker 1: be rejected at my every attempt. I told her flat

470
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,879
Speaker 1: out that it disgusted me. She asked me why I

471
00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:25,760
Speaker 1: didn't make this a bigger issue at the time, that

472
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:28,240
Speaker 1: I should have communicated this to her, But I said,

473
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:30,639
Speaker 1: there's some things that shouldn't have to be said. I

474
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:32,680
Speaker 1: shouldn't have to remind her to wash her butt, eat,

475
00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:35,040
Speaker 1: to do something other than mindlessly scroll on her phone

476
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:38,800
Speaker 1: for hours a day every day. Yes, I agree with that,

477
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,080
Speaker 1: but I also think that when you see a partner who's,

478
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:45,040
Speaker 1: you know, just kind of like stuck. Yeah, I feel

479
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,040
Speaker 1: like you can go in and say like, hey, I've noticed,

480
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,119
Speaker 1: like you know, you doesn't seem like there's you have

481
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:51,400
Speaker 1: a passion for anything right now, and I really want

482
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:52,720
Speaker 1: you to like find that for yourself.

483
00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:57,000
Speaker 2: And getting a little glimpse on how he communicates with

484
00:20:57,119 --> 00:20:59,520
Speaker 2: his girlfriend. Their girlfriend came up with an idea, Hey,

485
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:01,120
Speaker 2: let's do this time or thing, and he's like, he's

486
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:04,040
Speaker 2: that dumb. That's dumb. Yeah, that's sort of his communication style.

487
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:06,359
Speaker 2: I wish we had a little bit more perspective, yeah,

488
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:07,560
Speaker 2: on his communication style.

489
00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:09,320
Speaker 1: Like I I think she's still in the wrong or

490
00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:10,240
Speaker 1: not in the wrong per se.

491
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:14,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, not right for this relationship. But but all

492
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:16,320
Speaker 2: these he didn't give a lot of warnings. He was

493
00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:16,840
Speaker 2: just sort of.

494
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:20,480
Speaker 1: Like, he said, this has been having for a while. Yeah,

495
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:23,679
Speaker 1: it's it's he thought this a long time ago and

496
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:24,560
Speaker 1: didn't bring it up.

497
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:27,119
Speaker 2: They make stop signs really big for a reason.

498
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,600
Speaker 3: He he said he did it like three times in

499
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,119
Speaker 3: let's say, four years, but none of those were like

500
00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:35,159
Speaker 3: a serious sit down conversation. Was like I think you

501
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:36,240
Speaker 3: should go to school.

502
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:36,440
Speaker 2: Yeah.

503
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:39,360
Speaker 1: It wasn't like I need like you need to do this. Yeah,

504
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:40,439
Speaker 1: there needs to be a shift.

505
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:40,879
Speaker 2: Dang.

506
00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:44,600
Speaker 1: Disgusted by her he didn't bring that up, dude, Come on,

507
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:47,080
Speaker 1: I also told her that after coming home from the

508
00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:50,000
Speaker 1: hospital during more stressful days, the last thing I wanted

509
00:21:50,119 --> 00:21:52,399
Speaker 1: was to spend my time begging my girlfriend to do

510
00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:55,440
Speaker 1: something productive. So I held my tongue and settled as

511
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:56,760
Speaker 1: she was still nice and caring.

512
00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:57,240
Speaker 3: MMMM.

513
00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:00,040
Speaker 1: I had no other reasons to end it, and so

514
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:02,359
Speaker 1: the resentment grew worse from then on. It was around

515
00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:04,640
Speaker 1: here that I became more mean to my regret now,

516
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,400
Speaker 1: but I was still input it as I have everything else.

517
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:10,120
Speaker 1: I told her that when she dropped nursing, I was upset,

518
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:12,119
Speaker 1: since I felt that she was more than capable of

519
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:14,440
Speaker 1: doing what I had done. But after spending more time

520
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:16,880
Speaker 1: in the relationship and spending more time getting to know her,

521
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:18,960
Speaker 1: I knew that with the type of person she was,

522
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:22,200
Speaker 1: there was no way she could have ever finished. Sure, damn,

523
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,800
Speaker 1: that's harsh, which is why I suggested easier and more

524
00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:28,320
Speaker 1: laid back jobs, less demanding majors for school crap. Even

525
00:22:28,359 --> 00:22:30,679
Speaker 1: if she just cooked or found an interesting hobby at

526
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:33,560
Speaker 1: that point, I would have appreciated it. Still, she chose

527
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:35,879
Speaker 1: to do nothing for years. It's just the type of

528
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:39,359
Speaker 1: person she was and why I felt done with her romantically.

529
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:41,480
Speaker 1: Over time, she asked me if I hated her, and

530
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:42,399
Speaker 1: I said I didn't know.

531
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:46,719
Speaker 2: Ooh oh ouch. I don't think he actually hates her.

532
00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:49,200
Speaker 2: I think he's just done and over her.

533
00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:52,399
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I told her she was very loving and kind,

534
00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:54,600
Speaker 1: but I hated how she handled her life to this

535
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:56,960
Speaker 1: point that I felt no ill will towards her after

536
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,600
Speaker 1: airing everything out, but I also felt nothing else. I

537
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:02,960
Speaker 1: just felt done and ready to move on. Throughout this conversation,

538
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:05,800
Speaker 1: we kept eye contact, and there were times it seems

539
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:08,320
Speaker 1: like she would break, but like she said, she remained

540
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:10,119
Speaker 1: as calm as she could while I said what I

541
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:12,320
Speaker 1: had to say. I told her I was done and

542
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,919
Speaker 1: she could say her peace now, but she asked if

543
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:18,199
Speaker 1: we can continue their conversation later and locked herself in

544
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:21,399
Speaker 1: her room for the rest of the day. What a tough,

545
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:22,600
Speaker 1: tough conversation.

546
00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:24,160
Speaker 2: Oh what the heck?

547
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:25,480
Speaker 1: Draining? Man?

548
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:28,639
Speaker 2: Oh my goddining. I don't not a lot of progress

549
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:29,320
Speaker 2: was really made.

550
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:32,280
Speaker 1: Like what, I don't know what the solution is here,

551
00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:33,840
Speaker 1: I mean I or not even the solution. I don't

552
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:35,160
Speaker 1: know what the goal is in this conversation.

553
00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:39,000
Speaker 2: I it's just voicing his things that he should have

554
00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:42,400
Speaker 2: voiced ages ago. Yeah, it's too late. Too late.

555
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:44,320
Speaker 1: Like I do think they need to break up, but

556
00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:47,320
Speaker 1: I also think that like communication was a big problem

557
00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:48,119
Speaker 1: in this relationship.

558
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:49,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, I fumbled bag on that one.

559
00:23:50,119 --> 00:23:52,919
Speaker 1: The next day we sat down again and finished the conversation.

560
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:55,159
Speaker 1: She told me that she thinks she's depressed, which a

561
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:56,800
Speaker 1: lot of you guys in the comment said, saying that

562
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,000
Speaker 1: she didn't feel sad before that night, just had no

563
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:01,640
Speaker 1: motivation to do it. I had a couple of messages

564
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:03,919
Speaker 1: telling me to ask her to get tested for ADHD,

565
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:05,959
Speaker 1: but when I started bringing it up, she was very

566
00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:09,120
Speaker 1: adamant that it is not something she's felt comfortable with.

567
00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:11,199
Speaker 1: I knew she didn't like needles or going to the

568
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:14,200
Speaker 1: hospital in general, but her flat out refusing to get

569
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:16,399
Speaker 1: tested for disorders when I told her it was not

570
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:18,679
Speaker 1: at all like a regular hospital does it surprised me.

571
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:21,159
Speaker 1: She asked me, if she was able to change in

572
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:24,120
Speaker 1: her behaviors, would I give her another chance. I said

573
00:24:24,119 --> 00:24:26,840
Speaker 1: I didn't know, as I felt nothing right now and

574
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:29,879
Speaker 1: didn't know if her doing it would bring back any feeling,

575
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,359
Speaker 1: especially since it took my breaking point to do so.

576
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 1: She asked if there was any compromise, and I told

577
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:37,040
Speaker 1: her again, if in a month, I felt like there

578
00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:39,679
Speaker 1: was a reason enough to stay together. I would, but

579
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:41,919
Speaker 1: that there was no guarantee that my feelings would return,

580
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:44,359
Speaker 1: but I would match any effort. She also put out

581
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:46,960
Speaker 1: she was frustrated by my answer, but I said that's

582
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:48,760
Speaker 1: how it would be. She gave me a piece of

583
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:50,920
Speaker 1: paper to look at that she was working on last night.

584
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:53,600
Speaker 1: That at a list of hobbies and interests she wanted

585
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:57,080
Speaker 1: to look into, the two major ones being photography and cooking. Again,

586
00:24:57,200 --> 00:24:59,080
Speaker 1: she told me that she was looking into these, while

587
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:02,040
Speaker 1: also showing me or phone giving proof that she was

588
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:05,480
Speaker 1: putting in applications on Indeed and Glassdoor from for some

589
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:08,240
Speaker 1: entry level positions that she might get hired in. Again,

590
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:10,639
Speaker 1: this is just like it needs to be self motivated.

591
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:13,760
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, yeah, this is I think he needs to

592
00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:16,760
Speaker 1: stop saying like, oh, well, you know, maybe I'll change

593
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:17,120
Speaker 1: my mind.

594
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:19,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe the false hope, false hope.

595
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:22,840
Speaker 2: Also false hope. What I would do in this situation

596
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,800
Speaker 2: is I like to I like to kind of separate,

597
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,359
Speaker 2: Like like sometimes whenever I talk to Angie, I'm like,

598
00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:31,240
Speaker 2: you're talking to a friend right now, You're not talking

599
00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:33,359
Speaker 2: to your boyfriend. Yeah, And in this situation, it's like

600
00:25:33,359 --> 00:25:35,359
Speaker 2: you're talking to your boyfriend, and I feel like you

601
00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:36,840
Speaker 2: need to bring it down to a level like I'm

602
00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:39,040
Speaker 2: talking to you as a friend. I want you to

603
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:42,520
Speaker 2: figure out your life so you're not stuck here because

604
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:44,200
Speaker 2: this is unmaintainable.

605
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:44,720
Speaker 1: Yep.

606
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:47,040
Speaker 2: And he's just sort of like he's not really helpful.

607
00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:50,320
Speaker 2: I mean, I understand he's out, but I don't. I don't.

608
00:25:50,359 --> 00:25:52,200
Speaker 1: I just think they just need your type of conversation

609
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:54,480
Speaker 1: then you. I don't know, I feel like this is

610
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:57,760
Speaker 1: not he's not having a conversation that would lead I

611
00:25:57,800 --> 00:25:59,600
Speaker 1: don't know, Like he's saying that he wants to get

612
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,840
Speaker 1: back to get with her, but this conversation is not

613
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:02,600
Speaker 1: saying that.

614
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:04,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's shown that he doesn't want to get back

615
00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:05,600
Speaker 3: together exactly.

616
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:07,479
Speaker 1: This conversation is showing that he really does not want

617
00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:09,920
Speaker 1: to get back together. So it's like two different things

618
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:10,520
Speaker 1: going on here.

619
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:15,919
Speaker 2: Yeah, choice, Yeah, a mediator would be nice. Yeah, like

620
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:18,800
Speaker 2: a couple's counselor or something. Just sort of like, I

621
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:21,120
Speaker 2: don't know, because this is not productive at all. It's

622
00:26:21,119 --> 00:26:23,760
Speaker 2: not productive. This is not a productive conversation. Just break

623
00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:25,560
Speaker 2: up with her. If you want to break up with her,

624
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:29,199
Speaker 2: you should have done it like ages ago. Yes, I

625
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:30,480
Speaker 2: told her if she was able.

626
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:32,760
Speaker 1: To show enough passion or interest in these hobbies that

627
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,280
Speaker 1: she showed, I would not care about her working just

628
00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:38,719
Speaker 1: anything to improve herself. I also just hate the idea

629
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:42,080
Speaker 1: of like, oh, you need to impress me to stay together.

630
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:45,440
Speaker 1: M Like again, I don't know the Kim kwantsas self

631
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:47,199
Speaker 1: motivation is not the only way, Sofia and not all

632
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:49,119
Speaker 1: of us are able to self motivate, and that is

633
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:51,640
Speaker 1: it is okay until you're able to love yourself enough

634
00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:53,320
Speaker 1: to do it for yourself, for sure, But I think

635
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:56,399
Speaker 1: at some point just doing it for someone else like

636
00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:59,920
Speaker 1: it will it should eventually be self motivated, like yeah, true,

637
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:03,240
Speaker 1: it shouldn't just be for the love and validation of

638
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:06,240
Speaker 1: someone else, because that love and validation is not you know,

639
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:08,440
Speaker 1: it's not given unconditionally.

640
00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:12,440
Speaker 2: Mm hmmmmmmm yeah. And then Harry's forgetting I've been I've

641
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:16,360
Speaker 2: been worth His GF is redepressed. But I haven't pursued

642
00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:18,600
Speaker 2: dating for that reason. I don't want to put myself

643
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:21,359
Speaker 2: in a relationship when I'm not even living my life

644
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:23,720
Speaker 2: as a person. I want to be that too. I

645
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:26,240
Speaker 2: feel like in order to like put yourself out there.

646
00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:29,000
Speaker 2: You want to be the best version of yourself, or

647
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:31,679
Speaker 2: you even want to be like you know, datable, you know,

648
00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:33,720
Speaker 2: like dude a year and a half ago. Me, No,

649
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:37,679
Speaker 2: gosh no, but yeah, this is so this It's just

650
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:40,359
Speaker 2: like these people now, Yeah, I mean neither.

651
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:42,560
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I mean like I start.

652
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:44,600
Speaker 2: Watching a dog die slowly. I have a little puppy

653
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:46,520
Speaker 2: dying very not even he's kicking her.

654
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:51,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm doing it with love and harsh harsh words.

655
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:53,120
Speaker 3: That's what it seems like her. Yeah.

656
00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:56,000
Speaker 1: Sure, but if she didn't do anything at all, then

657
00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:57,680
Speaker 1: it would be best to look for a new job

658
00:27:57,720 --> 00:27:59,040
Speaker 1: to help her if she moves out.

659
00:27:59,119 --> 00:27:59,239
Speaker 2: Oh.

660
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:01,240
Speaker 1: I've also been asked did private messages? If I have

661
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:04,600
Speaker 1: any personal friends to talk to. There's two female coworkers

662
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:07,000
Speaker 1: I can find some information in, given how many hours

663
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:10,000
Speaker 1: we work together at our hospital, and who I completely

664
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:12,600
Speaker 1: trust as in my opinion, they're extremely grounded.

665
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:13,639
Speaker 2: Uh oh, I see you.

666
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:16,159
Speaker 1: They both said I would eventually get love bombed and

667
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:17,800
Speaker 1: this would all go back to out at once was

668
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:21,760
Speaker 1: and that I needed to stand firm with moving on. Yes, yes,

669
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:25,399
Speaker 1: move on. They're very helpful friends who have even offered

670
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:27,840
Speaker 1: to let me stay over for a few nights, giving

671
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:30,520
Speaker 1: the reason that I would fall for her manipulation if

672
00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:33,280
Speaker 1: I continued being anywhere near her, in their own words,

673
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:36,240
Speaker 1: but it didn't feel right since I'm still technically in

674
00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:38,680
Speaker 1: a relationship that I said I would consider it if

675
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 1: the situation worsened. But again, I find them grounded, so

676
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:45,280
Speaker 1: I always try to take their advice to heart. Despite

677
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:48,800
Speaker 1: numerous messages from you, all privately or openly telling me

678
00:28:48,880 --> 00:28:50,720
Speaker 1: that this will be a mistake, I want to make

679
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:53,200
Speaker 1: the attempt to give this one least try, though I

680
00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:56,960
Speaker 1: feel heavily closed and guarded and still feel indifferent with

681
00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:59,400
Speaker 1: our current situation. But a lot of you have told

682
00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:01,480
Speaker 1: me this kind of a changed with enough work from

683
00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:04,840
Speaker 1: both parties. No, oh, stop.

684
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:06,760
Speaker 2: I don't think you even want this for yourself.

685
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:08,720
Speaker 1: Man, I want this. Stop.

686
00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:11,520
Speaker 2: You're trying to turn into a woman that she's not

687
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:13,960
Speaker 2: right now. Yeah, she can't be that right now, she can.

688
00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:16,480
Speaker 2: I've also taken the advice of those saying to cut

689
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:19,480
Speaker 2: off spicy sleep, which was my intention from the start anyway,

690
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:22,240
Speaker 2: by continuing to sleep in the living room, But each

691
00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:24,480
Speaker 2: day she has been sleeping on the floor right below me,

692
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:26,680
Speaker 2: even when I tell her I'd rather be alone with

693
00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:29,520
Speaker 2: my thoughts telling me this is something she would not accept.

694
00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:35,520
Speaker 1: Dude, just break up with her and Emma fourteen oh eight.

695
00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:37,280
Speaker 1: Thank you for the five bucks. He said it was

696
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:39,680
Speaker 1: his breaking point that took her trying to change, yet

697
00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:42,320
Speaker 1: didn't communicate prior about his feelings unless I z owned

698
00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 1: out during that.

699
00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:47,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, really, and then we got Josephine. Don't know that

700
00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:48,520
Speaker 2: relates to the story if you want to pull that

701
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:49,240
Speaker 2: up real quick on the.

702
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:52,040
Speaker 1: Top, Josephine, thank you for sixty five sec. She sounds

703
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:55,400
Speaker 1: like she might have BBD or just normally strong abandonment issues,

704
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:58,200
Speaker 1: and giving her false, false hope and leading on can

705
00:29:58,280 --> 00:29:59,200
Speaker 1: make it worse for her.

706
00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:00,960
Speaker 3: Yes it is.

707
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:03,920
Speaker 1: It's actively making it worse for her. But that's everything

708
00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 1: so far. Next update will probably be at the month

709
00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:08,640
Speaker 1: park as there's nothing else I feel like I need

710
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:12,880
Speaker 1: to say for now, and there are some other updates.

711
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:16,920
Speaker 2: Sixteen days later. It's days later, okay. I just hope

712
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:21,760
Speaker 2: for a little inkling of positivity in this next update.

713
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:27,520
Speaker 1: I want them to break up. Get please go stop

714
00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:28,200
Speaker 1: dragging it.

715
00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:31,640
Speaker 3: Out like it's funny because he's wanting her to change.

716
00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:33,960
Speaker 3: But I don't think, oh he's changing at all either.

717
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:37,680
Speaker 1: It's just like stuck. Everyone's stuck here.

718
00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:38,640
Speaker 2: Everyone's complacent.

719
00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:40,320
Speaker 1: Everyone's complacent here.

720
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:43,040
Speaker 3: I'll be an a hole to you because you're just

721
00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:45,480
Speaker 3: not doing anything, which is making me be an a hole.

722
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:47,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like, it's just why would you want to

723
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:48,880
Speaker 1: treat your partner like that?

724
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:51,760
Speaker 3: It's rins for Pete recycle at this point, and with

725
00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:52,400
Speaker 3: false hope.

726
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:55,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, but they're I kind of want to stop reading it.

727
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:59,760
Speaker 1: You know this is just sad, just just depressing. But

728
00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:01,160
Speaker 1: they're there is another update.

729
00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:03,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, don't don't you got don't you guys like how

730
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:08,120
Speaker 3: I started the first story? Really positive? Yeah? Happy, I

731
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:09,320
Speaker 3: know that's how I got you.

732
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:12,040
Speaker 2: Oh jinx. Thinking about buying my husband a membership. He's

733
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:15,760
Speaker 2: a psych major. Just watched together and get him a membership. Yeah,

734
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:16,280
Speaker 2: that'd be.

735
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:19,240
Speaker 1: Cool, Susan s. I love seeing Riley and Sophia together.

736
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:20,400
Speaker 1: You guys work well, dude.

737
00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:23,400
Speaker 2: I am going to say, with the thing happening in

738
00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:26,040
Speaker 2: like a week or so, you'll see more. That's all

739
00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:26,560
Speaker 2: I'm gonna say.

740
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:28,720
Speaker 1: I don't even know what's how I know you do.

741
00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:31,400
Speaker 2: What's going on here?

742
00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:32,480
Speaker 1: You'll have to tell me again.

743
00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:36,280
Speaker 2: Okay, you do know are pretty effective.

744
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:39,960
Speaker 1: Yeah title first week. Hello, A lot has happened in

745
00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:42,000
Speaker 1: the past two weeks. It's actually felt more like a

746
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:45,920
Speaker 1: month with how much has gone down. It's like the

747
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:48,920
Speaker 1: months is up. I'm gone. To those I have DMD

748
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:51,040
Speaker 1: with on Reddit about my situations, sorr, I have not

749
00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:57,240
Speaker 1: been replying. My girlfriend was very proactive last week, right.

750
00:31:57,440 --> 00:31:59,920
Speaker 1: It was a mannequ influx of energy as she tried

751
00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:02,440
Speaker 1: to get interested in many different things that she thought

752
00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:04,840
Speaker 1: she could enjoy. I kept my promise in meeting her

753
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:07,320
Speaker 1: off way and tried my best at helping her in

754
00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:10,040
Speaker 1: whatever way I could. The only real interest that she's

755
00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:12,800
Speaker 1: been mainly sticking with is photography. I've said before that

756
00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:14,720
Speaker 1: she has a stock pile of clothes that she's had

757
00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:17,040
Speaker 1: over the years, and she sold a few of them

758
00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:19,240
Speaker 1: on deepop in order to get enough money to get

759
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:21,800
Speaker 1: a Canon two fifty, a camera that she says is

760
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:24,360
Speaker 1: good for starting out. Okay, she's looked a lot more

761
00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:27,440
Speaker 1: into this than me. I strongly assume she's stuck with

762
00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:29,440
Speaker 1: this hobby as it gave her a chance to spend

763
00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:31,640
Speaker 1: more time with me. As she continued asking me to

764
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 1: go out into the city to take pictures and test

765
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:36,680
Speaker 1: out her camera. Given that I had promised to match

766
00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:39,000
Speaker 1: her energy and didn't want to be a hypocrite, I

767
00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:41,560
Speaker 1: did so even I did so even when I came

768
00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:43,320
Speaker 1: home from longer shifts at the hospital.

769
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:44,400
Speaker 2: Just give me his word.

770
00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:48,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, there was a major change in her behavior. However,

771
00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:51,120
Speaker 1: while she usually was a very loving, affectionate partner, it

772
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:53,600
Speaker 1: had been turned up to its max. During the first week.

773
00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:56,080
Speaker 1: She asked me maybe eight times a day, how I

774
00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:58,640
Speaker 1: was doing, if I was upset, what I wanted to

775
00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:00,800
Speaker 1: do for the rest of the day, trying to engage

776
00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:03,760
Speaker 1: my mood. When we went out, her PDA was also maxed.

777
00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:06,800
Speaker 1: She wanted to kiss old hands and spend the night

778
00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:09,240
Speaker 1: out as long as possible, even when I said I

779
00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 1: had to go in early to work the next day.

780
00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:13,320
Speaker 1: It's hard to describe in words what she was doing.

781
00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:16,320
Speaker 1: I don't know if it was exactly love bombing, but

782
00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:19,080
Speaker 1: with the energy she's putting out, I was fully expecting

783
00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:22,200
Speaker 1: crash to come, and it did. During the second week.

784
00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:26,479
Speaker 1: When you say I want like you have to change

785
00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:29,120
Speaker 1: or we're breaking up, and we already know this person

786
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:32,080
Speaker 1: is like having a lot of issues she's gonna take

787
00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:33,560
Speaker 1: that arc god tick that art.

788
00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:35,160
Speaker 3: Just look at Riley's hat.

789
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:39,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, please or dump each other, dump each other. She's

790
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:43,080
Speaker 2: dump him at this point with what the rollercoaster. He's

791
00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:46,200
Speaker 2: like a chemist, He's like, is this exploded? Yeah, that's

792
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:46,960
Speaker 2: not what I wanted.

793
00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:50,000
Speaker 1: Yea yye aye yea yaie. There was only so much

794
00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:52,800
Speaker 1: I could handle before I needed a break, especially with

795
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:55,640
Speaker 1: how I was still feeling after everything that happened prior.

796
00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:57,720
Speaker 1: My friends at work are the only other people I

797
00:33:57,760 --> 00:34:00,040
Speaker 1: have been engaging with, and I've told them everything that

798
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:00,719
Speaker 1: has been happening.

799
00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:03,880
Speaker 2: Oh that's so healthy, especially probably that one girl you

800
00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:07,120
Speaker 2: think is super grounded and you take their advice to heart. Ha.

801
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:10,200
Speaker 1: They warned me again that I was getting love bomb

802
00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:12,920
Speaker 1: like they predicted, and it would only get worse. They

803
00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:14,560
Speaker 1: asked me what I would do if I was stuck

804
00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:16,400
Speaker 1: with her longer than two months, and I said, my

805
00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:18,560
Speaker 1: least would be ending soon, so it was helping ease

806
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:21,200
Speaker 1: my mind, as I wouldn't mind moving if this all

807
00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:23,799
Speaker 1: turned out for the worse. While still giving her enough

808
00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:26,440
Speaker 1: time of the heads up, they stated their concerns that

809
00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:28,680
Speaker 1: I was coming to work more tired than usual, and

810
00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:30,800
Speaker 1: it was getting noticeable, but I told them that I

811
00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:33,319
Speaker 1: felt fine. During the weekend, they had insisted that I

812
00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:35,360
Speaker 1: go out with them to help my mood, stating that

813
00:34:35,400 --> 00:34:37,840
Speaker 1: too much time in my apartment was not good for

814
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:41,720
Speaker 1: my health in this current situation. I decline when first offered,

815
00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:44,200
Speaker 1: but after being asked again the day of I agreed,

816
00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 1: and for most of the day I was with them,

817
00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:49,239
Speaker 1: having a really good time. In fact, it helped to

818
00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:52,600
Speaker 1: regain my mood considerably. Naturally, my girlfriend was wondering where

819
00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:55,480
Speaker 1: I had been on the entire day, but I told

820
00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:57,279
Speaker 1: her I had been with friends, and even though she

821
00:34:57,320 --> 00:34:59,480
Speaker 1: was disappointed we couldn't go out for the day, I

822
00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:05,280
Speaker 1: promised her we would spend all day tomorrow together. That helving, Yeah, alving,

823
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:08,600
Speaker 1: this is not helving. You're just gonna be upset that

824
00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:09,960
Speaker 1: you have to spend all your time with her, and

825
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:13,879
Speaker 1: that's gonna be the new day.

826
00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:17,080
Speaker 3: And she cooked me food and then she was bombing

827
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:17,600
Speaker 3: me and it.

828
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:19,600
Speaker 2: Sucked, and I didn't want to eat that food because

829
00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:21,920
Speaker 2: it was my favorite. Oh my gosh.

830
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:24,719
Speaker 1: I get continued messages that I should immediately drop my

831
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:27,440
Speaker 1: friends and that they are manipulating me and my decisions

832
00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:29,880
Speaker 1: and think what you may. I know they're good people

833
00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:32,200
Speaker 1: who look out for me. They played a large part

834
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:35,080
Speaker 1: in me quitting smoking this year, which, although that has

835
00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:37,279
Speaker 1: made me anxious at times, has helped me with my

836
00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:40,080
Speaker 1: health considerably. There's a different type of bond you form

837
00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:42,640
Speaker 1: with people in our work environment, and I trust my

838
00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:46,400
Speaker 1: coworkers with my life. For a lack of a better term, anyway,

839
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:49,000
Speaker 1: that's most of what happened the first week, putting everything

840
00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:51,839
Speaker 1: for the second week, which ripple this post. And it's

841
00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:54,360
Speaker 1: hard looking back on it as it happened so recently,

842
00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:57,120
Speaker 1: and I still feel heavily raw. But yeah, thank you

843
00:35:57,160 --> 00:35:59,520
Speaker 1: for your messages, and I'll try to reply to those

844
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 1: of you. I promise to keep updated for more relevant details,

845
00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:08,960
Speaker 1: and there is an update. If they're not broken up,

846
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:13,480
Speaker 1: I'm gonna scream. I'm so frustrated right now. I'm so

847
00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:21,600
Speaker 1: frustrated with this man's this logic. The thing that to

848
00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:23,360
Speaker 1: break up with her say.

849
00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:25,200
Speaker 2: The thing that killed me was I need to put

850
00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:28,160
Speaker 2: more effort, more and more and more. She did that

851
00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:32,120
Speaker 2: and he's like, I think she's love bothering me. That's

852
00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:33,120
Speaker 2: what killed me the most.

853
00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:33,840
Speaker 1: It's ridiculous.

854
00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:37,080
Speaker 3: I still want to break up with her. Obviously break up.

855
00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:40,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, she is not in the right here, but coming

856
00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:44,040
Speaker 1: from just purely like looking at the situation. She was

857
00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:46,799
Speaker 1: feeling complacent, or she was complacent, she was going through

858
00:36:46,880 --> 00:36:50,279
Speaker 1: depressive episode. And then you said, I need you to change,

859
00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:52,200
Speaker 1: or I'm breaking up with you. Yeah, and I'm going

860
00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:54,440
Speaker 1: to like monitor your change over the two months, or

861
00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:56,520
Speaker 1: I'm breaking up with you. It doesn't seem like And

862
00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:58,200
Speaker 1: so she's like, I need to do as much as

863
00:36:58,200 --> 00:36:59,359
Speaker 1: I possible to keep you.

864
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:00,960
Speaker 2: And of course she's gonna do that because she has

865
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:03,920
Speaker 2: no one else speaking into her alive since and you're

866
00:37:03,960 --> 00:37:05,240
Speaker 2: speaking of this nonsense.

867
00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:06,520
Speaker 1: And to her, Yeah, and you're telling her that there

868
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:10,000
Speaker 1: is a chance, just break up with her, Just break

869
00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:10,400
Speaker 1: up with her.

870
00:37:10,680 --> 00:37:13,040
Speaker 2: Does she know the lease is ending in two months?

871
00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:13,719
Speaker 2: That's what I want?

872
00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:16,520
Speaker 1: He said that he would warm, but there is an

873
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:19,800
Speaker 1: update two months later. Hey yy Yi, this is a

874
00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:23,719
Speaker 1: very long post, just as a forewarning. We know I've

875
00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:25,960
Speaker 1: been holding back posting this for a while as whenever

876
00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:28,600
Speaker 1: I've been getting to write, I cannot continue without having

877
00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:30,840
Speaker 1: to stop. But now that over a month has passed,

878
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:32,839
Speaker 1: I think now is the best time to reflect There

879
00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:34,880
Speaker 1: might be parts in this post that don't make too

880
00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:37,520
Speaker 1: much sense chronologically, but given that I've been writing and

881
00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:41,120
Speaker 1: taking breaks over multiplet tempts, some past tense might be

882
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:43,399
Speaker 1: off as to where I began and left off. When

883
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:46,080
Speaker 1: I said the crash of emotions would come, I was right.

884
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:49,680
Speaker 1: It was ugly, loud and could have been easily prevented

885
00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:52,120
Speaker 1: in parts. When I posted my last update, I was

886
00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:54,279
Speaker 1: not in the right mental state, so reflecting on the

887
00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:57,839
Speaker 1: week before and writing helped to calm my nerves. I'm

888
00:37:57,880 --> 00:37:59,800
Speaker 1: also a bit embarrassed to admit that I started to

889
00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:02,400
Speaker 1: smoke a bit again, but it also helped tremendously in

890
00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:04,879
Speaker 1: my mental state, which was getting close to crashing as

891
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:07,440
Speaker 1: of recent and without the help of my friends, I

892
00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:09,880
Speaker 1: didn't have much else to turn to. This breakdown was

893
00:38:09,880 --> 00:38:11,759
Speaker 1: something I could not tell them, since I didn't want

894
00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:14,160
Speaker 1: them stepping in. There has been a point where my

895
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:16,880
Speaker 1: girlfriend was in a not so well mood during one

896
00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:19,520
Speaker 1: of her outings to the city. After returning home, she

897
00:38:19,520 --> 00:38:21,880
Speaker 1: had said I was being dismissive and if I felt

898
00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:24,919
Speaker 1: angry or upset with her trying to be better with communicating,

899
00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:27,360
Speaker 1: I said that I was getting uncomfortable with her constant

900
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:31,239
Speaker 1: need of affirmation and affection, as it was continually constant

901
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:34,080
Speaker 1: given that she was still sleeping in the living room

902
00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:36,800
Speaker 1: at night. I was getting no time alone to myself

903
00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:40,160
Speaker 1: at all while at home, and after so many outings,

904
00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:43,240
Speaker 1: I was starting to get physically and emotionally drained.

905
00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:45,719
Speaker 3: Why is she still your girlfriend? Bro?

906
00:38:46,239 --> 00:38:48,280
Speaker 2: And donay, this doesn't make any sense.

907
00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:50,960
Speaker 1: I don't get it, and I don't get it. Truthfully,

908
00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:54,000
Speaker 1: I felt physically tired more than anything, and given what

909
00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:56,520
Speaker 1: my coworkers and my girlfriend say, it tends to show

910
00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:59,839
Speaker 1: on my face more worse than it is. My girl

911
00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:02,640
Speaker 1: seemed to take this heavily and didn't attempt to talk

912
00:39:02,680 --> 00:39:04,800
Speaker 1: with me for the remainder of the day along with

913
00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:07,239
Speaker 1: the next, but was in a much more brooding mood

914
00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:09,520
Speaker 1: during the second. Maybe it would have been better to

915
00:39:09,560 --> 00:39:12,560
Speaker 1: apologize or communicate better during that point, as it might

916
00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:14,040
Speaker 1: have been the point that a lot of this could

917
00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:16,680
Speaker 1: have been avoided if I said something that is the

918
00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:20,080
Speaker 1: moral of this story. But instead I took time. I

919
00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:22,600
Speaker 1: took the time to nap and spend time alone, which

920
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:24,719
Speaker 1: I had rarely the chance to for over a week.

921
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:28,200
Speaker 1: Then came the third day. A lot happened over the

922
00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:30,120
Speaker 1: course of this day and a lot was said, and

923
00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:32,760
Speaker 1: this was where the breaking point occurred, which caused further

924
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:35,160
Speaker 1: problems throughout the following week. I will try to be

925
00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:38,160
Speaker 1: as thorough as I can remember everything that happened from

926
00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:40,040
Speaker 1: the start of the day to the end. When I

927
00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:42,640
Speaker 1: had woken up, I had left without saying goodbye or

928
00:39:42,719 --> 00:39:45,040
Speaker 1: speaking to my girlfriend as I was almost running late.

929
00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:47,759
Speaker 1: Normally I at least check in on her to see

930
00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:49,880
Speaker 1: what she's doing before I leave. She's been sleeping in

931
00:39:49,920 --> 00:39:52,160
Speaker 1: her room for the last few days since her mood dropped.

932
00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:54,759
Speaker 1: My mood was higher than usual during work, as I

933
00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:57,600
Speaker 1: was rested at my alone time and was just genuinely

934
00:39:57,600 --> 00:39:59,640
Speaker 1: having a nice time at the hospital, which doesn't happen

935
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:01,760
Speaker 1: too often. There were a few times when my coworkers

936
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:03,320
Speaker 1: would go out to eat after work, and for the

937
00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:05,960
Speaker 1: past few weeks I had been declining, but on this

938
00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:08,680
Speaker 1: given day, I joined them, which led to me arriving

939
00:40:08,719 --> 00:40:12,080
Speaker 1: home around nine or later. It was pretty late and

940
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:14,839
Speaker 1: I had a few drinks. This is where I began

941
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:18,279
Speaker 1: to have trouble writing, and where I usually stop. Arriving home,

942
00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:20,640
Speaker 1: I see my girlfriend sitting down in the living room,

943
00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:23,560
Speaker 1: looking at me directly as I walked in, not saying

944
00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:25,839
Speaker 1: a word. It startled me, and I asked what she

945
00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:28,440
Speaker 1: had been doing, as she wasn't on her phone, nor

946
00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:30,960
Speaker 1: was she watching TV, just sitting as if she was

947
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:33,160
Speaker 1: staring at a wall. Before I had entered, she asked

948
00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:35,000
Speaker 1: me where I had been, and I said I was

949
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:37,920
Speaker 1: out with friends. She immediately asked were they my friends

950
00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:40,440
Speaker 1: from work? My girlfriend is aware that I work alongside

951
00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:42,680
Speaker 1: mostly women, and I had brought up my friends in

952
00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:45,160
Speaker 1: the past before our relationship broke down to this point,

953
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:47,120
Speaker 1: I said yes, I was with them and we had

954
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 1: gone out to eat. She asked me if I had

955
00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:50,719
Speaker 1: been drinking as well. I don't know if it was

956
00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:53,200
Speaker 1: noticeable or not, or just a random question, but I

957
00:40:53,239 --> 00:40:55,640
Speaker 1: said that I had. There was a period of uncomfortable

958
00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:58,640
Speaker 1: silence that felt a lot longer in memory. She eventually

959
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:01,760
Speaker 1: brought up my month deadline on whether my feelings would change,

960
00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:03,759
Speaker 1: and she asked if they had. It took me a

961
00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:06,400
Speaker 1: minute to reply as that question had taken me off guard,

962
00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:09,000
Speaker 1: and I said I appreciated her efforts in what she

963
00:41:09,080 --> 00:41:11,479
Speaker 1: was doing, but I was still unsure of our future together.

964
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:12,800
Speaker 1: And couldn't give her a direct answer.

965
00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:15,480
Speaker 2: Oh my freaking.

966
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:19,719
Speaker 3: God, guy's a monster. I think Caitlin said it the best.

967
00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:24,919
Speaker 1: These two are like toxically like intertwined. Yes, like they're

968
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:27,279
Speaker 1: so they just can't ye.

969
00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:29,440
Speaker 2: I'll say it again. He is keeping her around so

970
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:32,439
Speaker 2: he doesn't feel bad for leaving her, or to get

971
00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:34,680
Speaker 2: some sick ego boost from her affection.

972
00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:38,840
Speaker 1: They both like each other for different reasons, and it's

973
00:41:39,239 --> 00:41:42,160
Speaker 1: exhausting because every time she says, are you like, have

974
00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:45,560
Speaker 1: have I done enough? Have you done enough? He's like, mah, maybe.

975
00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:48,600
Speaker 2: Maybe no, I'll look into it. Yeah no, say no,

976
00:41:48,719 --> 00:41:50,440
Speaker 2: get out of there.

977
00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:53,440
Speaker 3: The fact that he's doing referring to her as his girlfriend.

978
00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:55,280
Speaker 3: There is no relationship here, bro.

979
00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:57,719
Speaker 2: There is no relationship. This is like parasite. This is

980
00:41:57,760 --> 00:42:03,120
Speaker 2: definitely very yeah. Yeah, Toms fucking crazy crazy.

981
00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:05,840
Speaker 1: She told me again that during our outings together that

982
00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:08,000
Speaker 1: I was being dismissive and that she felt I wasn't

983
00:42:08,040 --> 00:42:10,200
Speaker 1: putting in the same effort to make this relationship work.

984
00:42:10,280 --> 00:42:12,239
Speaker 1: I asked what she meant, as I was going out

985
00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:14,640
Speaker 1: with her whenever she asked, and matching her effort in

986
00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:17,680
Speaker 1: finding hobbies whenever she thought of something she enjoyed. To me,

987
00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:19,680
Speaker 1: it just seemed like something she was just saying out

988
00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:21,799
Speaker 1: of neediness. I think it was at this point she

989
00:42:21,840 --> 00:42:25,120
Speaker 1: started to lose her composure, as her voice couldn't remain constant.

990
00:42:25,280 --> 00:42:26,919
Speaker 1: She told me if I was aware that I wasn't

991
00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:29,640
Speaker 1: smiling when we were outside, that I was quiet and

992
00:42:29,760 --> 00:42:32,479
Speaker 1: rarely talked when we were spending time together. I told

993
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:34,359
Speaker 1: her she already knew how I felt, so for some

994
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:36,520
Speaker 1: of it, my mixed feelings shouldn't come as a surprise.

995
00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:39,200
Speaker 1: But I also explained again my lack of talking was

996
00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:41,200
Speaker 1: just from being tired from work. But I don't think

997
00:42:41,239 --> 00:42:44,960
Speaker 1: she believed me. She told me she's constantly overthinking how

998
00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:47,759
Speaker 1: I feel now that she knows I lost feelings and

999
00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:49,680
Speaker 1: doesn't know what she can do to make them come back.

1000
00:42:49,719 --> 00:42:52,719
Speaker 1: I told her again to just find a passion for something, anything,

1001
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:55,000
Speaker 1: to get out of bed and be active with anything

1002
00:42:55,040 --> 00:43:00,000
Speaker 1: in her life. Stop it, stop it. This is so frustrated,

1003
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:03,960
Speaker 1: because that that's not gonna make it. Like if she

1004
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:08,400
Speaker 1: found a passion, that wouldn't fix the problems in your relationship.

1005
00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:10,719
Speaker 1: Oh gosh, it is too far gone to fix the

1006
00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:14,520
Speaker 1: problems in your relationship. Yeah, like sure, she might need

1007
00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:17,800
Speaker 1: to find a passion, but that's a separate issue relationship.

1008
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:20,800
Speaker 2: And I also think the reason he's going out is

1009
00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:24,680
Speaker 2: because there's girls, and he's probably getting even more attention

1010
00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:27,920
Speaker 2: from that, because, like you know, you all know how

1011
00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:30,680
Speaker 2: we like a good goss. We come here every day

1012
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:34,799
Speaker 2: to commune over some goss, and that's probably why he

1013
00:43:34,920 --> 00:43:36,279
Speaker 2: likes it. He's getting attention from that too.

1014
00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:39,440
Speaker 1: I mean, it's frustrating when you you're actively going to

1015
00:43:39,520 --> 00:43:43,160
Speaker 1: your friends complaining about this relationship that you're still in.

1016
00:43:43,640 --> 00:43:45,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's yeh.

1017
00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:48,600
Speaker 3: He's definitely like anytime she brings up something like, oh,

1018
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:51,120
Speaker 3: am I doing the things that you want, he's annoyed

1019
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:53,319
Speaker 3: by it. Yeah, he's like, I told you to do this,

1020
00:43:53,480 --> 00:43:58,000
Speaker 3: but it's just just though, Yeah, I'll keep telling you

1021
00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:00,399
Speaker 3: you're doing it and I like it, but I can't

1022
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:02,960
Speaker 3: give you a he's leading.

1023
00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:06,680
Speaker 1: Her on because oh, we've reached the two months and he's.

1024
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:09,279
Speaker 3: Like, what and now it's hitting her, like now it's

1025
00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:11,480
Speaker 3: hitting her like he's just leading me on.

1026
00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:14,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, she says, it's been two weeks and she's been

1027
00:44:14,400 --> 00:44:17,279
Speaker 1: active as she can possibly be, to the point that

1028
00:44:17,360 --> 00:44:20,320
Speaker 1: it was causing her mental stress. But my mood wasn't improving,

1029
00:44:20,360 --> 00:44:22,719
Speaker 1: and she's wondering if anything will actually change now that

1030
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:25,480
Speaker 1: it's closer to a month. And then came the full breakdown.

1031
00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:28,040
Speaker 1: Through tears and a broken voice, she tells me how

1032
00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:30,360
Speaker 1: much she loves me, how much affection and love she

1033
00:44:30,360 --> 00:44:32,799
Speaker 1: has given me throughout this relationship, just for me to

1034
00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:35,360
Speaker 1: throw it away over something as stupid as my conditions,

1035
00:44:35,560 --> 00:44:37,480
Speaker 1: as if it was just an excuse to end things,

1036
00:44:37,719 --> 00:44:40,080
Speaker 1: if I really loved her at all while we were together.

1037
00:44:40,360 --> 00:44:42,400
Speaker 1: She goes on to say that even with how upset

1038
00:44:42,480 --> 00:44:44,360
Speaker 1: she is at me and how hurt and betrayed she

1039
00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:46,400
Speaker 1: has felt by the one person she has, that she

1040
00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:48,759
Speaker 1: still loves me and wants to continue her relationship.

1041
00:44:49,600 --> 00:44:51,880
Speaker 2: She tells she just doesn't have anyone else.

1042
00:44:52,120 --> 00:44:53,799
Speaker 1: She tells me there will be nothing for her if

1043
00:44:53,840 --> 00:44:57,680
Speaker 1: I leave, no one, no place, no future. Her will

1044
00:44:57,760 --> 00:44:59,279
Speaker 1: to live will be gone and she won't know what

1045
00:44:59,320 --> 00:45:00,719
Speaker 1: to do with He's all. That's that's the thing. She

1046
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:05,160
Speaker 1: also doesn't love you, she just needs you, and that's different.

1047
00:45:07,760 --> 00:45:08,000
Speaker 2: Now.

1048
00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:10,080
Speaker 1: There's a lot I could have said during this, but

1049
00:45:10,160 --> 00:45:13,239
Speaker 1: I don't think I can accurately convey just how hard

1050
00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:16,080
Speaker 1: she was breaking down emotionally. During this exchange. There are

1051
00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:19,320
Speaker 1: points as to where she was almost screaming, completely bawling,

1052
00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:21,520
Speaker 1: and it all just made me freeze, as this was

1053
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:23,640
Speaker 1: the first time I've ever witnessed her fall apart at

1054
00:45:23,640 --> 00:45:27,000
Speaker 1: this level. Yeah, Lovely Fon says they are sickly codebundent.

1055
00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:28,080
Speaker 2: Yeah. She goes on.

1056
00:45:28,080 --> 00:45:31,040
Speaker 1: Again to say there's no reason to live. Oh, if

1057
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:33,640
Speaker 1: this is the end, it won't matter what job she gets.

1058
00:45:33,920 --> 00:45:36,239
Speaker 1: Another month will not be enough, and she knows I

1059
00:45:36,280 --> 00:45:38,319
Speaker 1: still won't want to be with her and that she

1060
00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:41,480
Speaker 1: will have nothing. After everything was said, she locked herself

1061
00:45:41,520 --> 00:45:43,439
Speaker 1: again in her room and stayed there for a few

1062
00:45:43,480 --> 00:45:46,560
Speaker 1: more days. Whenever I tried to knock to initiate conversation,

1063
00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:48,719
Speaker 1: she screamed for me to go away, and I did.

1064
00:45:48,960 --> 00:45:49,560
Speaker 2: Oh.

1065
00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:51,920
Speaker 1: A few days later, she had finally calmed down enough

1066
00:45:51,920 --> 00:45:53,920
Speaker 1: to where we could speak to each other, and she

1067
00:45:54,040 --> 00:45:57,040
Speaker 1: changed her attitude. One eight. She still was still upset,

1068
00:45:57,280 --> 00:46:00,279
Speaker 1: but extremely apologetic in what she did and said, telling

1069
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:01,440
Speaker 1: me that a lot of it was just in the

1070
00:46:01,480 --> 00:46:02,600
Speaker 1: moment and she didn't mean it.

1071
00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:05,080
Speaker 2: I think she's just trying to keep her a place

1072
00:46:05,120 --> 00:46:07,200
Speaker 2: to live and just trying to keep her safety.

1073
00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:11,400
Speaker 1: Having a breakdown. She's having a breakdown, and you saying

1074
00:46:11,440 --> 00:46:13,200
Speaker 1: that you still want to be with her or maybe

1075
00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:16,560
Speaker 1: still want to be with her, is hurting so much more.

1076
00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:19,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's this is this is wild. This is why

1077
00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:21,719
Speaker 2: you have a sport group, why I have friends. When

1078
00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:23,840
Speaker 2: you don't put yourself in a situation where you just

1079
00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:27,319
Speaker 2: depending on your partner super super big like this, or

1080
00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:29,880
Speaker 2: if you do that, they're a better person, yes than

1081
00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:31,839
Speaker 2: this guy. Oh my gosh.

1082
00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:34,000
Speaker 1: The days that I was finally able to spend alone

1083
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:37,320
Speaker 1: without her or my friends gave me the mental strength

1084
00:46:37,480 --> 00:46:41,480
Speaker 1: to finally do what I should have a month ago. Gosh,

1085
00:46:41,719 --> 00:46:44,880
Speaker 1: Finally I told her as gently and calmly as I

1086
00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:47,480
Speaker 1: could that it was over, that there was no chance

1087
00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:49,400
Speaker 1: that we could be together at this point, and I

1088
00:46:49,520 --> 00:46:51,759
Speaker 1: no longer wanted to be in a relationship. I told

1089
00:46:51,760 --> 00:46:53,719
Speaker 1: her I would let her stay for an additional two

1090
00:46:53,760 --> 00:46:56,080
Speaker 1: months until she could find a job and help her

1091
00:46:56,080 --> 00:46:58,560
Speaker 1: get on her feet. And by the way, you can

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Speaker 1: help us get on our feet by joining us live

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Speaker 1: on YouTube every weekday at three PMPSD. Just tap our

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Speaker 1: profile and there is a little bit more to this story.