1 00:00:00,920 --> 00:00:03,360 Speaker 1: You may not know this, but the original purpose of 2 00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:06,280 Speaker 1: Stuff you Should Know was to change people's minds about 3 00:00:06,320 --> 00:00:10,440 Speaker 1: male order marriages, and we certainly did with this episode. 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,680 Speaker 1: We were so successful that we decided to keep the 5 00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:17,160 Speaker 1: podcast going. I'm just kidding for those of our listeners 6 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:19,960 Speaker 1: who have trouble detecting that kind of thing. What is 7 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:23,240 Speaker 1: true is that it's a surprisingly interesting episode and it 8 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:26,200 Speaker 1: may very well change your mind about male order marriages. 9 00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:29,120 Speaker 1: I was serious, just not for those of our listeners 10 00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:31,920 Speaker 1: who always think I'm kidding. How about we all just 11 00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:38,040 Speaker 1: enjoy this episode? Shall we? 12 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:43,800 Speaker 2: Welcome to Stuff you Should Know, a production of iHeartRadio. 13 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:50,840 Speaker 1: Hey, and welcome to the podcast. I'm Josh, and there's 14 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:53,640 Speaker 1: Chuck and Jerry's here too, and this is Stuff you 15 00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:57,760 Speaker 1: should Know about male order marriages. 16 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:00,840 Speaker 2: Murky Waters. 17 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:04,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, really, yeah. 18 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:05,800 Speaker 2: This is one of those where. 19 00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:11,360 Speaker 3: We researched and researched and read and read, and I 20 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:14,000 Speaker 3: think it's one of those deals for me that's like 21 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:19,880 Speaker 3: and this is just my opening statement where it can 22 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:26,920 Speaker 3: be a positive thing, like a dating service in some ways, 23 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:31,960 Speaker 3: but there is certainly a darker side to the whole situation. 24 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:35,480 Speaker 1: I already know how you feel about it, and I 25 00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:37,040 Speaker 1: feel like it's coming through clearly. 26 00:01:37,959 --> 00:01:39,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, it's just it's very It's one of 27 00:01:39,959 --> 00:01:43,160 Speaker 3: those really murky things where sometimes you hear these really 28 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:46,280 Speaker 3: great stories about people that do find are looking for 29 00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:49,160 Speaker 3: love and find love with someone from another country and 30 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:52,040 Speaker 3: it works out for everybody. And then sometimes you hear 31 00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:57,520 Speaker 3: about stories where it's sort of what the National Organization 32 00:01:57,600 --> 00:02:03,880 Speaker 3: for Women's sonya Asario calls a softer version of human trafficking. 33 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:07,640 Speaker 1: Or even worse, occasionally someone turns up murdered. 34 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:12,799 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, that's the truest dark side. So that's 35 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:15,919 Speaker 3: just me level setting and we can talk about the good, 36 00:02:15,919 --> 00:02:16,640 Speaker 3: the bad, and the ugly. 37 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:19,840 Speaker 1: I think that was a great level saying. I generally 38 00:02:19,919 --> 00:02:23,080 Speaker 1: agree with it. But for me, the jury is still 39 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:26,680 Speaker 1: out in thinking about it as a whole because there's 40 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:30,560 Speaker 1: so little hard data on this stuff. Yeah, almost everything 41 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:34,240 Speaker 1: is anecdotal, true, and when like you condemned something based 42 00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:36,960 Speaker 1: on anecdotal data, what you've got there as a moral panic, 43 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:41,320 Speaker 1: not necessarily something in reality. So I'm a little hesitant 44 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:43,400 Speaker 1: to go all the way. The jury's still out for me, 45 00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:46,320 Speaker 1: but I definitely recognize the same stuff you do. For sure. 46 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:48,959 Speaker 1: It's definitely there. It exists, it's just for me. The 47 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:51,200 Speaker 1: question is how much does it exist and does the 48 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:54,079 Speaker 1: good outweigh the bad? And I don't know. So yeah, 49 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:57,760 Speaker 1: we should probably like actually define what we're talking about here, 50 00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:01,600 Speaker 1: because most people, I would guests are familiar with mail 51 00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:06,600 Speaker 1: order brides. They're more recently they've come to be called 52 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:09,280 Speaker 1: mail order marriages because they've been extended to same sex 53 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:12,400 Speaker 1: couples in the United States. But then also like even 54 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:16,880 Speaker 1: more generally, it's called international marriage brokerage. 55 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:20,440 Speaker 3: Right, yeah, I mean there's a full industry built around this, 56 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:26,200 Speaker 3: with thousands of websites and agencies that are brokering these marriages. 57 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:29,000 Speaker 3: And you know, from looking into it, it seems like 58 00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:33,520 Speaker 3: there are some really above board ones that kind of 59 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:40,280 Speaker 3: act like an international dating surface in some ways where 60 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:43,600 Speaker 3: they group, you know, match like people together. And then 61 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,720 Speaker 3: it seems like there are a lot of really sketchy 62 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:50,000 Speaker 3: ones that charge people a ton of money and aren't 63 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:53,320 Speaker 3: looking out for the men or the women. 64 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:56,960 Speaker 1: And I know that money is sunk back into making 65 00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:00,400 Speaker 1: their website look at all nonclude. 66 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:03,960 Speaker 2: I saw some really really bad websites, I mean so. 67 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:07,320 Speaker 1: Bad, man like comic Sands at one. 68 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:10,360 Speaker 3: Point Yeah, it's hard to see those and not think, well, A, 69 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:13,160 Speaker 3: this is a scam or B this is a front 70 00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:15,680 Speaker 3: for some sort of CD trafficking operation. 71 00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:18,920 Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, it is tough not to think like that. 72 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,960 Speaker 1: But but what we are talking about generally is a 73 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:29,920 Speaker 1: marriage where the husband and the wife are generally unknown 74 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:33,120 Speaker 1: to each other. Maybe have met once, but if they did, 75 00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:35,919 Speaker 1: it's possible it was just a day or two before. 76 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:39,719 Speaker 1: Or maybe they've met once or twice and have done 77 00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:42,840 Speaker 1: some correspondence back and forth for an extended period of time. 78 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:47,600 Speaker 1: But that's pretty new. And the classical definition it's they're 79 00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:52,279 Speaker 1: generally unknown to one another, and one of them, usually 80 00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:55,880 Speaker 1: the bride travels a very long distance from home to 81 00:04:56,000 --> 00:05:00,240 Speaker 1: move to the husband's home and make a life there 82 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:04,839 Speaker 1: and be married. That's not the Webster's definition. There's a 83 00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:07,720 Speaker 1: lot more stumbling in my definition, but I think that 84 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:08,960 Speaker 1: generally gets it across. 85 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:11,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, and you know, the kind of the classic thing 86 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:15,960 Speaker 3: that you think of is lonely American man who has 87 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:19,240 Speaker 3: a little bit of money in his forties or fifties, 88 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:25,080 Speaker 3: can't find American woman and ends up getting a young, beautiful, 89 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:28,640 Speaker 3: young Ukrainian woman who doesn't speak much English. And would 90 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:33,359 Speaker 3: love to live in the United States and fall in 91 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:36,040 Speaker 3: love with an American man and that sort of And 92 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:38,000 Speaker 3: you know, of course it happens from all countries, but 93 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:40,080 Speaker 3: a lot of times you think of Russia and the 94 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:44,320 Speaker 3: Ukraine or maybe in Southeast Asia or something like that. 95 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:47,480 Speaker 3: That is sort of I feel like when people say 96 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:50,320 Speaker 3: that term, most people, that's probably what pops into their head. 97 00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:53,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, or I think you're being rather generous. I think 98 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:55,440 Speaker 1: a lot of people would be like, you know, some 99 00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:58,360 Speaker 1: sad sack who can't like find a woman in America 100 00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:01,360 Speaker 1: has to go look elsewhere to get really judge about it, 101 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:04,400 Speaker 1: and I think people are really judging about male order marriages. 102 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:07,839 Speaker 1: I think there's a long standing tradition in the United 103 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:12,160 Speaker 1: States of considering people who who go outside the traditional 104 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,680 Speaker 1: channels of marriage and basically take it into their own hands, 105 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:19,080 Speaker 1: like through male order marriage are they're very much judged 106 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:23,240 Speaker 1: harshly and criticized, maybe fairly, maybe not. But I think 107 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:26,560 Speaker 1: there's another component too, especially these days, is that the 108 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:30,560 Speaker 1: men who who are looking for women for male order 109 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:36,880 Speaker 1: brides are also dominant, domineering, possibly abusive, and they're looking 110 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:41,560 Speaker 1: for docile women who will do whatever they say, because 111 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:43,440 Speaker 1: they're the husband, so they have to go to other 112 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:46,240 Speaker 1: cultures where that might be more prevalent and where they 113 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:50,440 Speaker 1: can select from women who might respond to that kind 114 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:52,560 Speaker 1: of thing a lot better than an American woman who 115 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:54,200 Speaker 1: wouldn't put up with his guf. Yeah. 116 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:57,520 Speaker 3: I mean that is certainly a part of what happens sometimes, 117 00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:02,119 Speaker 3: and some of these agencies promote that the submissive nature. 118 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:05,760 Speaker 3: There was one that literally said that these young women 119 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:09,880 Speaker 3: are quote unspoiled by feminism, and you have potential homemaking 120 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:12,960 Speaker 3: savings of one hundred and fifty dollars a week because 121 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,240 Speaker 3: you're essentially getting a you know, sort of a living 122 00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:16,200 Speaker 3: domestic servant. 123 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:16,800 Speaker 1: Good lord. 124 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:19,640 Speaker 3: So you know, that's the underbelly and the dark side. 125 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,000 Speaker 3: But we you know, I did find some that do 126 00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:25,560 Speaker 3: seem very above board and people that do genuinely look 127 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:28,320 Speaker 3: like they're looking for love and have struck out at 128 00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:29,560 Speaker 3: home so they're looking elsewhere. 129 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, so I said, Chuck, And we should also say 130 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:35,640 Speaker 1: one other thing too, Like, you know, it's pretty like 131 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:38,040 Speaker 1: it's a pretty well known thing in America. It's not 132 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:40,240 Speaker 1: like on everybody's lips. You don't hear it in every 133 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:42,960 Speaker 1: monologue on the Late night talk shows or anything like that. 134 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:48,480 Speaker 1: But like, generally people in America are familiar and know 135 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:52,000 Speaker 1: about male order marriages, but it turns out it's even 136 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:55,800 Speaker 1: bigger in other countries like Taiwan and South Korea have 137 00:07:56,120 --> 00:08:00,800 Speaker 1: huge male order marriage industries that may even dwarf the 138 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:03,360 Speaker 1: United States. And it's pretty I don't want to say 139 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:05,160 Speaker 1: it's huge in the United States, but it's not like 140 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:08,800 Speaker 1: just some small speck of sliver of like an arcane 141 00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:11,040 Speaker 1: group of people. Like it's bigger than you'd think, but 142 00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:13,640 Speaker 1: it's even bigger in some other Asian countries as well. 143 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:17,200 Speaker 3: Yeah, And Dave Ruse helped us put this together, and 144 00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:20,400 Speaker 3: this was a tough assignment for him, but he used 145 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:25,080 Speaker 3: a lot of information from a book by a legal 146 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:28,760 Speaker 3: professor originally from University of South Carolina named Marsha Zugg 147 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:36,280 Speaker 3: called Buying a Bride insert colon music Jerry, an Engaging 148 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:40,480 Speaker 3: History of mail order Matches, where it seems like she 149 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:44,600 Speaker 3: gives a you know, a fair but fairly full throated 150 00:08:44,679 --> 00:08:48,600 Speaker 3: defense of its history through the ages as far as 151 00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:50,800 Speaker 3: and we'll get into this, but as far as an 152 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:53,360 Speaker 3: opportunity for a lot of women to gain more agency 153 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:56,360 Speaker 3: and to gain more rights at a time when they 154 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:59,640 Speaker 3: might not have any, all the way up through today, 155 00:08:59,679 --> 00:09:05,199 Speaker 3: where she still defends it to a certain degree and says, 156 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:08,760 Speaker 3: you know, like, sure, these situations can be bad, but 157 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:13,640 Speaker 3: what's really bad is what undocumented immigrants have to suffer 158 00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:16,559 Speaker 3: through in this country because they have no legal rights. 159 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:19,920 Speaker 3: They can't go to the police, they can't leave their 160 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:26,400 Speaker 3: spouse or their partner for fear of deportation. And it's 161 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:29,760 Speaker 3: an interesting take, I think, and I'm glad that Dave 162 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:32,840 Speaker 3: found this book, you know, because I'm not sure that 163 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:33,800 Speaker 3: I would have been as fair. 164 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:37,199 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, no, she definitely almost I get the impression 165 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:42,680 Speaker 1: that she is defensive on behalf of the industry just 166 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:46,199 Speaker 1: because of how mistreated it's been, in her opinion, unfairly 167 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:47,440 Speaker 1: in large part. 168 00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:50,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, because you know, I think it very much has 169 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:53,200 Speaker 3: an anti feminist rap for good reason. But she does 170 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:56,760 Speaker 3: make some compelling arguments that throughout history it wasn't that 171 00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:58,800 Speaker 3: way at all, And I guess we can go ahead 172 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:02,200 Speaker 3: and dive into some of that. In the early days 173 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:05,840 Speaker 3: of male order marriages in the American colonies, there was 174 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:10,000 Speaker 3: a lack of women problem in the early colonies. 175 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,840 Speaker 1: I mean, like the earliest colonies. We're talking like James 176 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:13,520 Speaker 1: Town here. 177 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:16,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, like you know, the Puritans and Pilgrims, they may 178 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:18,880 Speaker 3: have come over with their families, but there are a 179 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:21,880 Speaker 3: lot of single men that came over, and a lot 180 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:25,200 Speaker 3: of them some of them may like run off with 181 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:28,600 Speaker 3: an indigenous woman and live with among her tribe and 182 00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:31,120 Speaker 3: be like, you know what, I'm kind of done building 183 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:34,680 Speaker 3: things for Jamestown. I'm out of here. So that's no 184 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,559 Speaker 3: good if they're looking for young men to like kind 185 00:10:37,559 --> 00:10:40,360 Speaker 3: of help build up these young colonies. And then other 186 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:44,959 Speaker 3: ones were just lonely and said, hey, like there are 187 00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:46,800 Speaker 3: no women over here, what are we supposed to do? 188 00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:53,880 Speaker 3: So very early on they started sort of advertising and 189 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:58,960 Speaker 3: bringing women, you know, supposedly volunteers over who wanted to 190 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:02,520 Speaker 3: come to the colonies and sort of have maybe even 191 00:11:02,559 --> 00:11:03,920 Speaker 3: more rights than they had back home. 192 00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:06,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, And this is a really good example of kind 193 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:09,600 Speaker 1: of like a thread that ran through the first couple 194 00:11:09,679 --> 00:11:16,920 Speaker 1: centuries of America's founding, which was government sanctioned and supported 195 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:22,520 Speaker 1: mail order marriages in order to help build more stable communities. Right, 196 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:26,959 Speaker 1: So the legislatures did things like create laws that made 197 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:30,040 Speaker 1: it more attractive for a woman to become a male 198 00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:34,600 Speaker 1: order bride in this area, Like apparently in England, if 199 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:37,640 Speaker 1: you became a widow you got a third of the 200 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:40,680 Speaker 1: estate and that was it. And in places like Virginia 201 00:11:40,679 --> 00:11:43,040 Speaker 1: and I think Maryland as well, they set up laws 202 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:46,080 Speaker 1: that basically said, hey, you're going to keep a lot 203 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,360 Speaker 1: more than that, you can run your own business afterward, 204 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:51,160 Speaker 1: like being a widow's going to rock And did we 205 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:54,839 Speaker 1: mention also the men are dropping deadlight flies over here, 206 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:57,880 Speaker 1: so yeah, your husband's probably going to die pretty quick. 207 00:11:57,880 --> 00:11:59,800 Speaker 1: So if you don't like them, who cares. You still 208 00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:02,319 Speaker 1: get to keep all this inheritance and you get to 209 00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:05,360 Speaker 1: keep the business and you can't do quite that well 210 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:08,240 Speaker 1: for yourself in those circumstances back in England. So that 211 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:11,160 Speaker 1: attracted people. And that was like the government saying like, 212 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:13,720 Speaker 1: please come over here and marry these strangers that you've 213 00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:14,600 Speaker 1: never met before. 214 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:16,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, and you know, it made sense for a lot 215 00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:21,000 Speaker 3: of these young women because many of them were you know, 216 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,080 Speaker 3: they were from like the servant class, let's say, so 217 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:26,959 Speaker 3: they were looking at years of servitude in England and 218 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,719 Speaker 3: then they basically were like, well, hey, forget all that, 219 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:32,440 Speaker 3: why don't you just come over here, get married and 220 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:35,320 Speaker 3: like you said, I think the status even one in 221 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,440 Speaker 3: three marriages lasted ten years. 222 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:39,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, so they. 223 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,560 Speaker 3: Did kind of sell them on the fact that, yeah, 224 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:44,160 Speaker 3: it's not so great, you'll probably be dead soon enough. 225 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:46,160 Speaker 2: Yeah, and then you can have his stuff. 226 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:49,520 Speaker 1: Yeah. And it actually, I mean like that actually did 227 00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:55,040 Speaker 1: like attract some women. I think, at least I don't 228 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:57,760 Speaker 1: know if we have the number, but there definitely were 229 00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:01,920 Speaker 1: what they called tobacco wives who came to marry new 230 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:04,560 Speaker 1: tobacco planters who were setting up their own fortune. And 231 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:07,320 Speaker 1: I actually had to prove that they were of financial 232 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:10,880 Speaker 1: means by donating one hundred and fifty pounds of gold 233 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:14,680 Speaker 1: leaf tobacco to the Virginia Company to take part in 234 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:19,200 Speaker 1: this right. And so that lasted as long as it lasted, 235 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:20,880 Speaker 1: or as long as it needed to. And as the 236 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:25,560 Speaker 1: Eastern colonies started to like become more self sufficient, became 237 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:28,840 Speaker 1: less rowdy, became more family oriented as far as the 238 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:34,240 Speaker 1: Europeans were concerned, the need for like those mail order 239 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:38,800 Speaker 1: schemes kind of went away. But then as America kind 240 00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:43,760 Speaker 1: of expanded further and further west, the frontier kept recreating 241 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:48,000 Speaker 1: itself in different places. So you know, it went from 242 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:51,599 Speaker 1: the eastern colonies to you know, along the Mississippi, and 243 00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:53,560 Speaker 1: then further and further out west. And every time it 244 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:57,000 Speaker 1: did that, this new iteration of the frontier was settled 245 00:13:57,080 --> 00:14:00,520 Speaker 1: by rowdy men, and they would have to figure out 246 00:14:00,559 --> 00:14:02,600 Speaker 1: a way to get women to attract women to come 247 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,360 Speaker 1: out to marry the rowdy men so they would stop 248 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:07,280 Speaker 1: beating each other up in bar fights and become more 249 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:11,640 Speaker 1: productive citizens. And that kept going on throughout the eighteenth 250 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:14,160 Speaker 1: and nineteenth centuries in the United States. 251 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:18,000 Speaker 3: Yeah, and you know, if you're already thinking, guys, this, 252 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:22,280 Speaker 3: this already sounds terrible, these marriages based on these financial arrangements. Yeah, 253 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:25,960 Speaker 3: and you know, despite these promises of a better life, 254 00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:28,880 Speaker 3: like that's kind of what we're talking about, like welcome 255 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:31,560 Speaker 3: to marriage in the seventeenth and eighteenth century. 256 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:32,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, don't be so naive. 257 00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:36,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's not that's kind of what it was. 258 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:39,320 Speaker 3: And they've made a good point, like the notion of 259 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:42,480 Speaker 3: marrying for true love, that's a very much like a 260 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:46,440 Speaker 3: twentieth century proposition. Yeah, even if it wasn't a male 261 00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:51,640 Speaker 3: order bride situation, it was someone's dowry or parents sort 262 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:54,800 Speaker 3: of arranging marriages and saying these family this family should 263 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,280 Speaker 3: marry this family, which still goes on today. I should 264 00:14:57,280 --> 00:15:00,240 Speaker 3: point out among like the blue chip in the high Societ, 265 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:03,480 Speaker 3: like and Arthur had to marry Susan. 266 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:05,120 Speaker 2: You know, let's not forget that. 267 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,680 Speaker 1: Everybody with a Habsburg jaw was an arranged marriage. 268 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:10,160 Speaker 2: He could marry Liza Minelly. 269 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:15,440 Speaker 1: I didn't realize you were making the movie reference. I 270 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:18,800 Speaker 1: thought you were thought Arthur and Susan. I thought you 271 00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:24,760 Speaker 1: were using like Biff and Muffy, like generally Arthur and Okay, yeah, yeah, 272 00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:26,000 Speaker 1: I got it. Now I got it. 273 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:28,520 Speaker 3: But the point is is that marriage was a financial 274 00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:31,800 Speaker 3: arrangement many in most times back then. I'm not saying 275 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:33,440 Speaker 3: no one ever married because they were in love. I'm 276 00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:36,440 Speaker 3: sure that happened, uh, but it had to take a 277 00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:37,560 Speaker 3: lot of boxes back then. 278 00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:39,600 Speaker 2: So it was just sort of the way it was. 279 00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:44,160 Speaker 3: And so this solved problems for early settlers and for 280 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:48,840 Speaker 3: westward expanders. They made things really attractive in California for women. 281 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:52,240 Speaker 3: They made it easier to divorce your husband if you 282 00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:56,400 Speaker 3: wanted to. They made it easier to or just legal 283 00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:59,520 Speaker 3: to own and sell, buy and sell land, which is 284 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:01,760 Speaker 3: not something you could do at other places in the country. 285 00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:05,120 Speaker 3: So they were trying to make it an attractive situation 286 00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:08,760 Speaker 3: for women to move west because they needed men and 287 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:11,880 Speaker 3: women out there. And I think the between eighteen fifty 288 00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:17,720 Speaker 3: and eighteen sixty, the population of women in California increased 289 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:22,440 Speaker 3: from three percent to nineteen percent of the total population. 290 00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:24,680 Speaker 2: So it was working, Yeah. 291 00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:28,080 Speaker 1: It was. And it wasn't just California, but Washington State 292 00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:33,160 Speaker 1: also participated. I think Oregon may have as well. And 293 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:36,400 Speaker 1: there would be these schemes and I don't mean scheme 294 00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:38,720 Speaker 1: like you know, like dastardly scheme, but like a. 295 00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:40,720 Speaker 2: Plant good scheme. 296 00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:44,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, where like a guy would go around to the 297 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:47,520 Speaker 1: bachelors out in like Washington Territory and be like, give 298 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:49,760 Speaker 1: me a one hundred bucks or I think three hundred bucks, 299 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:53,160 Speaker 1: which is about five grand today, and I will bring 300 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:57,560 Speaker 1: you a suitable wife. And at least one guy did this. 301 00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:00,920 Speaker 1: Asa Mercer was a marriage broke and he would go 302 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:05,560 Speaker 1: back east say hey, there's like this great booming economy 303 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,480 Speaker 1: out west, why don't you come with me, And like 304 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:09,959 Speaker 1: he would return with like one hundred women and some 305 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:13,159 Speaker 1: of them would get married immediately, some would wait. But 306 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,560 Speaker 1: it was like another It was another thing where there 307 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:20,280 Speaker 1: was a need for women to stabilize it out of 308 00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:21,719 Speaker 1: control male population. 309 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:22,280 Speaker 2: Yeah. 310 00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:25,199 Speaker 3: And you know, Zug points out very fairly in her 311 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:27,800 Speaker 3: book that some of these Mercer girls from as they 312 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:31,760 Speaker 3: were called, from ace of Mercer's operation, became abolitionists, some 313 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:36,320 Speaker 3: became women's rights advocates and social reformers. One of them's 314 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:42,480 Speaker 3: name was this great name, Mihitable Haskell Elder, and she 315 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:47,000 Speaker 3: organized the eighteen seventy one Women's Rights Conference in Olympia, Washington, 316 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:51,680 Speaker 3: and recruited one Susan B. Anthony as the territory delegate 317 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:55,719 Speaker 3: for the National Women's Suffrage Association convention. So, you know, 318 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:59,640 Speaker 3: in a lot of cases, these women did find agency 319 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:02,959 Speaker 3: and they did get out of a better situation than 320 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,119 Speaker 3: they were in back east. 321 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:06,360 Speaker 1: Hey, So you want to take a break and then 322 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:10,679 Speaker 1: we'll talk about the probably what was the real birth 323 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:15,720 Speaker 1: of mail order marriages? Sure, Okay, we'll be right back, 324 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,800 Speaker 1: all right, Chuck. So we've been talking to this point 325 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:43,080 Speaker 1: about basically like government sanctioned schemes to kind of stabilize 326 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,800 Speaker 1: male populations. There was also at the same time, beginning 327 00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:50,919 Speaker 1: in the nineteenth century, I think starting in England actually 328 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:54,280 Speaker 1: in the eighteenth century, that was kind of simultaneously unfolding. 329 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:59,560 Speaker 1: And that was the matrimonial advertisement industry, which to me 330 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:03,200 Speaker 1: is like the real birth of the mail order marriage 331 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:06,240 Speaker 1: industry that we understand today. But it was basically the 332 00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:07,040 Speaker 1: personal ads. 333 00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:09,639 Speaker 3: Yeah, it was the birth of personal ads, the birth 334 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:16,160 Speaker 3: of dating services. It's really interesting in that women would 335 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:19,040 Speaker 3: put ads in London and then later on in the 336 00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:22,920 Speaker 3: United States, ads in the paper basically saying, you know, hi, 337 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:25,000 Speaker 3: this is who I am, this is what I'm looking for. 338 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:27,199 Speaker 3: I mean, much like you would see these days in 339 00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:30,199 Speaker 3: like a dating profile. And it was a way for 340 00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:33,960 Speaker 3: them to, you know, to take some agency over avoiding 341 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,199 Speaker 3: the arranged marriage that their parents had set up for him, 342 00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:39,360 Speaker 3: and maybe get a little bit of choice of suitors. 343 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:43,040 Speaker 1: Right, And I mean like that is like taking control 344 00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:47,719 Speaker 1: of your own of your own marriage prospects. And it 345 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:50,520 Speaker 1: was I guess radical is probably a pretty good word. 346 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:54,359 Speaker 1: But it picked up. It caught on, especially in the 347 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:57,440 Speaker 1: US by the end of the nineteenth century, it really 348 00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:00,600 Speaker 1: started to catch on to where they were like magazines 349 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:05,639 Speaker 1: that were like dedicated just to matrimonial advertisements. Right. Yeah, 350 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:08,959 Speaker 1: Like there was the Matrimonial News, which is actually the 351 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,600 Speaker 1: most straight ahead of all of them. 352 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:15,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, I like Cupid's Messenger. That sounds like a cute one. 353 00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:18,880 Speaker 1: What about Heart and Hand, Heart. 354 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:21,680 Speaker 3: In Hand, and then to me this one, I guess 355 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:23,320 Speaker 3: they were just trying to play it really safe, the 356 00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:25,320 Speaker 3: standard correspondence club. 357 00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:28,680 Speaker 2: Right, good day to you, right exactly. 358 00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:31,480 Speaker 1: So yeah, so these things were like kind of popular 359 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,600 Speaker 1: by the end of the nineteenth century. But then it's 360 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:36,840 Speaker 1: like you said earlier, by the end of the nineteenth 361 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:39,960 Speaker 1: century the beginning of the twentieth century, our ideas about 362 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:43,879 Speaker 1: what constituted marriage or the reasons for marriage had transitioned 363 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:48,320 Speaker 1: from financial arrangements into love in America, right, And so 364 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:53,520 Speaker 1: there was simultaneously a popularity of matrimonial advertisements and people 365 00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:56,960 Speaker 1: taking control of their own marriage prospects, and at the 366 00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:04,080 Speaker 1: same time a criticism and a society generally looking down 367 00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:07,280 Speaker 1: upon people who did that kind of thing. So there 368 00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:10,560 Speaker 1: would be stories in the paper of people like sad 369 00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:15,760 Speaker 1: sack bachelors or lonely heart widows getting conned or swindled 370 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:19,240 Speaker 1: or getting fool catfished basically is what you'd call it today. 371 00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:22,240 Speaker 1: And people love to read that kind of stuff and 372 00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:25,199 Speaker 1: laugh at their misfortune and look down on these people. 373 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:29,200 Speaker 1: And that's where like the root of what people still 374 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:32,280 Speaker 1: do today to the mail order marriage industry, at least 375 00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:36,960 Speaker 1: in America, really finds its roots in the twentieth century. 376 00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:41,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, and this is when things started transitioning to overseas, 377 00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:46,040 Speaker 3: when American men started bringing in women from foreign countries, 378 00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:50,040 Speaker 3: and that's when I think that's when it became a 379 00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:54,040 Speaker 3: bit more of an industry. And this is when Congress 380 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,920 Speaker 3: got kind of full on racist and trying to control 381 00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:02,840 Speaker 3: this thing because there was you know, there were women saying, 382 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:05,159 Speaker 3: I don't want these women coming into our country and 383 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:09,200 Speaker 3: disrupting our feminist agenda that we're trying to push. There 384 00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:14,800 Speaker 3: were men saying, we don't want this people from China 385 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:18,320 Speaker 3: or Japan coming in here, and you know, they can 386 00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:21,080 Speaker 3: have babies once a year, and they like there were 387 00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:24,080 Speaker 3: senators literally saying these things. Yeah, and so they would 388 00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:27,119 Speaker 3: enact laws like, you know, we're going to be overrun basically, 389 00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:30,960 Speaker 3: So they would enact laws like the Chinese Exclusion Act 390 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:35,760 Speaker 3: of eighteen eighty two to ban Chinese immigration. There was 391 00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:39,119 Speaker 3: a loophole for Japan with a nineteen oh seven Gentlemen's 392 00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:44,000 Speaker 3: Agreement which basically said, I you that a Japanese woman 393 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:47,360 Speaker 3: and their kids could come over if they were married. 394 00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:50,480 Speaker 3: So there were Japanese single men already in the United 395 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:53,560 Speaker 3: States that immigrated over here that would get married sight 396 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:57,120 Speaker 3: unseen from like a catalog basically in order to gain 397 00:22:57,400 --> 00:23:00,159 Speaker 3: immigration status for the Japanese women. 398 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:03,159 Speaker 1: That ultimately got shut down in nineteen twenty four with 399 00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:06,240 Speaker 1: the Immigration Act and they just said no Japanese immigration 400 00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:09,560 Speaker 1: of any kind now after that. So there was a 401 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:13,159 Speaker 1: huge anti Asian thread from the late nineteenth century in 402 00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:17,440 Speaker 1: the early twentieth century based on immigration, and a lot 403 00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:21,840 Speaker 1: of that kind of centered on mail order marriages. But 404 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:25,760 Speaker 1: then one of the other things that really kind of 405 00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:28,880 Speaker 1: cropped up as a result of male order marriages going 406 00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:31,760 Speaker 1: from like women back East or women coming from Europe, 407 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:36,320 Speaker 1: to women coming from Asia to marry white American men. 408 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:41,320 Speaker 1: There was this idea that the women were nothing more 409 00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:46,320 Speaker 1: than like looking for a green cart basically American citizenship, 410 00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:49,200 Speaker 1: trying to escape their own country. And you run into 411 00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:52,439 Speaker 1: that criticism today, I mean just as much as you 412 00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:54,800 Speaker 1: would have back in nineteen twenty four when they passed 413 00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:58,040 Speaker 1: the Immigration Act against Japanese people. 414 00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:02,320 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, because you know, and this is from Zug's book. 415 00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:06,760 Speaker 3: She talks about you know, Mexican women, Greek women, Asian women, 416 00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:10,639 Speaker 3: Jewish women, Italian women, they were much more likely to 417 00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:15,080 Speaker 3: be deported under an LPC charge, which is a person 418 00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:18,480 Speaker 3: that is likely to become a public charge, basically like 419 00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:20,640 Speaker 3: to come over and sort of live off the government. 420 00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:24,399 Speaker 3: If they were from these countries. In a way around 421 00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,399 Speaker 3: that was to get married and get that green card. 422 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:30,120 Speaker 3: So that criticism came pretty straight away, I think, right. 423 00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:33,879 Speaker 1: And then the other one is that they were basically 424 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:37,399 Speaker 1: all just sex workers in disguise, coming over under the 425 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:40,919 Speaker 1: guise of being mail order brides, but really they were 426 00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:46,719 Speaker 1: coming over here to prostitute themselves and behave immrally. And again, 427 00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:50,040 Speaker 1: this is another accusation that you see today, except the 428 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:56,280 Speaker 1: onuss or the focus the empathy, I guess has evolved 429 00:24:56,280 --> 00:25:02,120 Speaker 1: from being put on society being attacked by these immoral 430 00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:07,320 Speaker 1: women to the women themselves being trafficked by international criminals. 431 00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:10,920 Speaker 1: But it's still generally the same accusation. It's just been 432 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:13,800 Speaker 1: it's just altered itself some you know what I'm saying. 433 00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:18,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, absolutely, And you know that sort of anti 434 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:22,600 Speaker 3: feminist charge from American women saying that you know, these 435 00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:25,479 Speaker 3: women from other countries are coming over here and they 436 00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:28,080 Speaker 3: do whatever their husbands tell them, and this is setting 437 00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:28,600 Speaker 3: us back. 438 00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:31,920 Speaker 2: They would say the same thing though, about war brides. 439 00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:35,720 Speaker 3: If you are a soldier in Korea or Vietnam and 440 00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:38,560 Speaker 3: brought a woman back over, they would have that same 441 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:41,399 Speaker 3: kind of charge levied against them, saying, the only reason 442 00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:45,040 Speaker 3: you're bringing these women back is because of the power 443 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:48,800 Speaker 3: and balance that is now gained. And you know that 444 00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:51,320 Speaker 3: can be fair to a certain degree. There's a lot 445 00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:57,760 Speaker 3: there is. It's really hard to talk about marriage like 446 00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:02,200 Speaker 3: this without talking about inequity and a power imbalance from 447 00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:06,359 Speaker 3: the beginning. Not to say that that doesn't change and 448 00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:10,880 Speaker 3: that there aren't great success stories where both partners are 449 00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:14,679 Speaker 3: equal and they both contribute and they both respect one 450 00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:15,720 Speaker 3: another's viewpoints. 451 00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:18,720 Speaker 2: But anytime you are. 452 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:24,160 Speaker 3: In a situation where you are bringing someone over from 453 00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:27,440 Speaker 3: another country that is escaping a bad situation and looking 454 00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:30,480 Speaker 3: for a more prosperous situation and you can provide that 455 00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:33,040 Speaker 3: and you are paying the money to the service for 456 00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:36,280 Speaker 3: linking you, there's a power imbalance there from the beginning. 457 00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:38,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, well, there's a power imbalance in that. Like you 458 00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:41,480 Speaker 1: probably don't speak the language as the mail order bride 459 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:43,359 Speaker 1: you don't have any friends, you don't have any family, 460 00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:45,520 Speaker 1: you don't have any social structure to depend on. The 461 00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:49,080 Speaker 1: only person you have to depend on is your husband. Right, 462 00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:51,480 Speaker 1: he's not very nice to you, or even worse abusive 463 00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:55,280 Speaker 1: towards you, you're in big trouble. And then it's also, 464 00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:58,240 Speaker 1: like you said, if you are escaping poverty back home, 465 00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:01,879 Speaker 1: you might show up with basically no money. And so 466 00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:04,240 Speaker 1: if you just found out that this guy is not 467 00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:07,200 Speaker 1: always cracked up to be, or he is abusive, or 468 00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:11,080 Speaker 1: he's actually got a terrible criminal record or terrible credit 469 00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:13,080 Speaker 1: or all sorts of stuff that you wouldn't have otherwise 470 00:27:13,119 --> 00:27:17,800 Speaker 1: come over for, you're stuck here. And according to some 471 00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:22,440 Speaker 1: human trafficking groups, that is a broad definition of human 472 00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:24,560 Speaker 1: trafficking where a person has moved from one place to 473 00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:28,040 Speaker 1: another for financial means and then ends up becoming dependent 474 00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:32,639 Speaker 1: financially in a situation that they otherwise wouldn't want to 475 00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:35,440 Speaker 1: be in, they would not have chosen to put themselves in. 476 00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:38,600 Speaker 1: That's as much trafficking and a broad definition as somebody 477 00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:41,960 Speaker 1: being kidnapped and forced into sex work. 478 00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:46,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, and even if there is no you know, no 479 00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:50,919 Speaker 3: literal violence or abuse, that doesn't mean that it's an 480 00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:56,359 Speaker 3: equitable situation, because someone can essentially be a almost a 481 00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:58,280 Speaker 3: captive in their own home. Like you said, if they 482 00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:00,320 Speaker 3: don't speak the language, they have no advocation, so be 483 00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:03,560 Speaker 3: here for themselves or friends to help them and speak 484 00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:04,080 Speaker 3: up for them. 485 00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:07,520 Speaker 2: And it's you can see why it gets a bad 486 00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:08,280 Speaker 2: rap for sure. 487 00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:12,280 Speaker 1: So on the flip side, though, there have to be 488 00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:17,160 Speaker 1: men out there who just struck out consistently with America 489 00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:21,919 Speaker 1: or American women or men and took matters into their 490 00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:24,720 Speaker 1: own hands and looked abroad. And the best way to 491 00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:28,359 Speaker 1: do that is a marriage broker, and there's plenty of 492 00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:32,080 Speaker 1: places you can do that. And then also the other 493 00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:38,000 Speaker 1: problem with just basically characterizing mallard or brides as nothing 494 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:42,080 Speaker 1: but like victims right for exploitation, is to really miss 495 00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:47,720 Speaker 1: the personalities of a lot of them. Where to put 496 00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:50,640 Speaker 1: yourself out there is a Maillard or bride shows a 497 00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:55,320 Speaker 1: or demonstrates like a lot of initiative compared to just 498 00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:58,160 Speaker 1: staying back home and making do with your lot in life. 499 00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:01,640 Speaker 1: Like if you're a widow in some countries and you 500 00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:05,520 Speaker 1: have kids, you might not be remarriable. There might not 501 00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:07,840 Speaker 1: be anybody who wants to marry you, and so you're 502 00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:12,160 Speaker 1: doomed to a life of solitude and single motherhood, whether 503 00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:15,200 Speaker 1: you like it or not. So if you just say, okay, 504 00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:17,760 Speaker 1: well that's my lot in life, that's what I'm doing, Okay, fine. 505 00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:20,280 Speaker 1: But if you say, you know what, no, there's another 506 00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:22,360 Speaker 1: way out, and it might not be the most tasteful 507 00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:25,680 Speaker 1: thing that I would have chosen for myself before, but 508 00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:27,360 Speaker 1: I really want to make sure my kids are taken 509 00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:30,960 Speaker 1: care of and I'm going to go seek a husband elsewhere. 510 00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:36,400 Speaker 1: That shows that demonstrates a lot of self starterness. I 511 00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:41,520 Speaker 1: guess that I think kind of undermines a lot of 512 00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:44,120 Speaker 1: the view of male ard to brises these kind of 513 00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:51,000 Speaker 1: like simple minded, docile women that can't fend for themselves 514 00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:52,360 Speaker 1: or stick up for themselves. 515 00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:57,200 Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's also a real slippery slope to judge. 516 00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:01,360 Speaker 3: I mean, we all think like, oh, you should only 517 00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:04,760 Speaker 3: fall in love with love at first sight, and that 518 00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:07,400 Speaker 3: should be all it is, and that should be what 519 00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:09,479 Speaker 3: marriage is based on, full stop. 520 00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:11,400 Speaker 2: It's a real slippery slope to. 521 00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:16,480 Speaker 3: Judge someone other's someone else's situation if it's working out 522 00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:19,160 Speaker 3: for both of them, if if it is a rich 523 00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:22,040 Speaker 3: old guy in his sixties who is like, you know what, 524 00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:23,720 Speaker 3: I want to live out the last fifteen years of 525 00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:24,440 Speaker 3: my life. 526 00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:26,520 Speaker 2: With a partner. 527 00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:29,720 Speaker 3: And there's a beautiful young Ukrainian woman who's like, you 528 00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:32,000 Speaker 3: know what, I've got nothing going on over here. I 529 00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:34,400 Speaker 3: don't have a lot of prospects. My country is not, 530 00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:37,400 Speaker 3: you know, doing me any favors. And so I'm going 531 00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:40,440 Speaker 3: to go over and marry some rich guy and we're 532 00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:42,160 Speaker 3: going to be happy for the last fifteen years of 533 00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:45,960 Speaker 3: his life. And they travel and they do take cruises 534 00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:48,080 Speaker 3: and they have a good time together. Like it's a 535 00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:50,720 Speaker 3: real slippery slope for someone to come in and say, well, no, 536 00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:54,080 Speaker 3: that's wrong, because you guys just didn't meet and fall 537 00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:57,200 Speaker 3: in love like, you know, meeting in a bar drunk 538 00:30:57,240 --> 00:30:59,600 Speaker 3: one night like all Americans. 539 00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:02,560 Speaker 1: Again and again. That seems to be a long standing 540 00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:05,240 Speaker 1: criticism that stretches back at least a century here in 541 00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:08,600 Speaker 1: America too, for sure. Okay, so enough of that, Enough 542 00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:10,440 Speaker 1: of that, I feel like we should talk about some 543 00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:14,720 Speaker 1: of the nuts and bolts of the mail order marriage industry. 544 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:18,440 Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, let's do it. 545 00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:23,600 Speaker 1: Well, let's start. So I found this contemporary journalism from. 546 00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:25,600 Speaker 2: Nineteen eighty six you'r CJ. 547 00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:29,240 Speaker 1: Right in the New York Times, and they basically just 548 00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:32,760 Speaker 1: checked in with the mail order marriage industry at the time, 549 00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:35,640 Speaker 1: and it gave a really good snapshot of how things 550 00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:38,560 Speaker 1: used to be. One of the reasons why mail order 551 00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:41,720 Speaker 1: brides were called mail order brides, because time was that 552 00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:44,880 Speaker 1: you would find a mail order marriage service, you would 553 00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:48,000 Speaker 1: subscribe to that service. The New York Times says anywhere 554 00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:53,040 Speaker 1: between fifty to five hundred dollars a year, and well 555 00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:56,160 Speaker 1: that was for a catalog annual subscribe fifty to five hundred. 556 00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:58,600 Speaker 1: And then every month or every couple months, or maybe 557 00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:01,680 Speaker 1: twice a month, probably not twice a month, you would 558 00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:05,440 Speaker 1: get a catalog that was clearly made by somebody who 559 00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:10,400 Speaker 1: didn't major in catalog making in college of pictures of 560 00:32:10,480 --> 00:32:15,440 Speaker 1: the of like a prospective bride, her stats, physical stats, 561 00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:18,479 Speaker 1: her likes, her dislikes, that kind of thing. Basically a blurb, 562 00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:21,760 Speaker 1: and you were you'd flip through a catalog and you'd 563 00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:24,080 Speaker 1: get back in touch with the subscription service and say, 564 00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:28,239 Speaker 1: I like number eight eight, nine, seven to two, and 565 00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:32,160 Speaker 1: I also like thirty seven fifty five, and you just 566 00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:35,120 Speaker 1: give them a list of women that you wanted them 567 00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:37,760 Speaker 1: to reach out to on your behalf, and all of 568 00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:41,680 Speaker 1: a sudden you would start exchanging letters. Little by little 569 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:45,080 Speaker 1: you would narrow down the women that you were talking to, 570 00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:49,160 Speaker 1: and then you would eventually probably go over and meet 571 00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:53,240 Speaker 1: one and maybe in that trip marry them, like have 572 00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:56,040 Speaker 1: your wedding like that the day you meet them or 573 00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:58,280 Speaker 1: the day after you met them. And that was pretty 574 00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:01,800 Speaker 1: standard for the seven tventies and eighties as far as 575 00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:04,360 Speaker 1: mail order goes, and I think into the nineties as well. 576 00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:08,200 Speaker 3: Yeah, and of course it's all online now and depending 577 00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:10,720 Speaker 3: on which agency you go through, and like I said, 578 00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:13,920 Speaker 3: there are thousands. They offer a range of services to 579 00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:16,680 Speaker 3: you know, bleed you of as much money as they 580 00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:21,920 Speaker 3: can in the process, whether it's subscription fees, or will 581 00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:24,760 Speaker 3: will write your letters first letters for you and translate 582 00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:27,720 Speaker 3: them for a fee, or if you want to video 583 00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:29,840 Speaker 3: chat or have phone calls, we can arrange that for 584 00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:33,880 Speaker 3: a fee. Everything has a fee. I think this one 585 00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:38,120 Speaker 3: and this is from an Anti Trafficking International website article. 586 00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:46,280 Speaker 3: They said that estimates show people spend about six to 587 00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:49,719 Speaker 3: ten thousand dollars. Each client spends about six to ten 588 00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:52,680 Speaker 3: thousand dollars, and I think this is for you know 589 00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:56,840 Speaker 3: the I guess more high end, more reputable ones. I 590 00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:59,000 Speaker 3: think I think some of those places are happy if 591 00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:00,600 Speaker 3: they get like five hundred buck out of you and 592 00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:01,160 Speaker 3: then you leave. 593 00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:03,360 Speaker 1: Well, I think you can be like a skin flint 594 00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:07,800 Speaker 1: husband and just do it strictly online and then go 595 00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:10,640 Speaker 1: meet them and marry them. But there are ones that 596 00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:15,839 Speaker 1: offer like tours for like five grand, which depending on 597 00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:19,640 Speaker 1: the country, may or may not be legal where you like, 598 00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:21,759 Speaker 1: if you went to Vietnam, it would be illegal, and 599 00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:26,160 Speaker 1: Vietnam mail order marriages the whole industry is illegal, but 600 00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:31,279 Speaker 1: it's also rampant there. And there are like whole hotels 601 00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:35,680 Speaker 1: that where a woman goes and stays and then tours 602 00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:39,360 Speaker 1: of like guys from Taiwan or South Korea or the 603 00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:44,120 Speaker 1: United States come through and meet them. And I think 604 00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:46,960 Speaker 1: human trafficking people are like and do god knows what 605 00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:53,439 Speaker 1: else for money, and if you hit it off with one, 606 00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:56,040 Speaker 1: maybe you like start talking to them a little more 607 00:34:56,239 --> 00:34:58,600 Speaker 1: or you marry them on the spot, that kind of thing. 608 00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:01,239 Speaker 1: But there's like there's tours you can go on, and 609 00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:03,880 Speaker 1: depending on your view of the mail order marriage industry, 610 00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:06,040 Speaker 1: it's either a tour where you're going and meeting a 611 00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:09,279 Speaker 1: lot of prospective brides or it's basically a sex tour 612 00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:11,000 Speaker 1: at Vietnam. 613 00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:13,879 Speaker 3: Right, And they also will do things where it's really 614 00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:19,040 Speaker 3: hard to not read as a man sort of buying 615 00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:22,760 Speaker 3: a woman, where they say like, well, you know, we'll 616 00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:25,040 Speaker 3: put them up in this hotel and we'll have them 617 00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:27,960 Speaker 3: go checked out by our doctors and our psychologists, the 618 00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:31,440 Speaker 3: hob the psychological evaluation, and all of this information will 619 00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:34,080 Speaker 3: be sent to you, the man with the money, to 620 00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:36,160 Speaker 3: make your decision on whether or not you're going to 621 00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:37,239 Speaker 3: sort of. 622 00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:38,320 Speaker 2: Pay for this bride. 623 00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:41,359 Speaker 3: And it's really hard to look at that any other 624 00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:44,720 Speaker 3: way than that, like you really got to stretch your mind. 625 00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:49,280 Speaker 3: But then you will read a story about a couple 626 00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:53,000 Speaker 3: that are deeply in love for twenty years on and 627 00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:54,799 Speaker 3: who had kids in American and who had a great 628 00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:57,839 Speaker 3: life together, and they were like, no, it was really 629 00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:01,120 Speaker 3: more like an international dating service and they just sort 630 00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:02,160 Speaker 3: of match maked. 631 00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:06,040 Speaker 2: Or matchmated made matched. 632 00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:06,880 Speaker 1: Match maked. 633 00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:08,680 Speaker 2: I love it. 634 00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:11,120 Speaker 3: So it's like it's just I don't know if we've 635 00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:13,920 Speaker 3: ever had a topic where I was so like, all right, 636 00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:16,120 Speaker 3: well this is doesn't sound too bad, and like, oh 637 00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:17,360 Speaker 3: my god, this sounds terrible. 638 00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:20,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, I gotcha, Yeah, I can't remember that. 639 00:36:20,239 --> 00:36:23,000 Speaker 3: Maybe the industry, you know, Yeah, I mean I think 640 00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:24,280 Speaker 3: it can be both those things. 641 00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:27,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, it makes you yes, and it surely is both 642 00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:30,120 Speaker 1: of those things. Again, the question is is one way 643 00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:32,480 Speaker 1: more than the other, and if so, which way is 644 00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:34,360 Speaker 1: it lopsided? And if so, do we need to like 645 00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:38,160 Speaker 1: follow Vietnam's footsteps and outlaw the marriage the mail order 646 00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:40,440 Speaker 1: marriage industry. You know what I'm saying. It's like, sure 647 00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:43,359 Speaker 1: that that may be a really big red flag, like 648 00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:46,719 Speaker 1: why did Vietnam outlaw an entire industry that's totally like 649 00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:48,680 Speaker 1: fine and legal here in the United States? 650 00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:51,640 Speaker 2: Right, So should we take a break. 651 00:36:51,719 --> 00:36:54,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think we should take a break and we'll 652 00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:57,560 Speaker 1: talk about mail order marriages in the Internet age because 653 00:36:57,560 --> 00:36:58,759 Speaker 1: things have changed a little bit. 654 00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:03,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, and some of the Lawsah right, right, all right, 655 00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:04,680 Speaker 3: we'll be right back. 656 00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:26,960 Speaker 2: All right, really quickly. 657 00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:30,400 Speaker 3: The great article I found that from the Anti Trafficking 658 00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:33,879 Speaker 3: International site they did kind of talk a little bit 659 00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:37,560 Speaker 3: about what it means for your immigration status and how 660 00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:40,440 Speaker 3: because I mentioned earlier that Zug said, you know, who's 661 00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:43,920 Speaker 3: really at risk or undocumented immigrants because they have no 662 00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:47,160 Speaker 3: recourse but even if you do come over as a 663 00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:52,080 Speaker 3: mail order bride. And here's basically what happens. The Immigration 664 00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:56,480 Speaker 3: Marriage Fraud Amendment, which was an acted in eighty six 665 00:37:56,880 --> 00:38:00,600 Speaker 3: is basically, the husband will apply for a spouse or 666 00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:04,839 Speaker 3: a fiance visa and then the bride has to marry 667 00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:07,920 Speaker 3: the husband within three months upon arrival in the US. 668 00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:10,880 Speaker 3: So there's a three month sort of try it out period. 669 00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:15,440 Speaker 3: But the bride only has conditional resident status for two years. 670 00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:19,680 Speaker 3: So in that two year period at the end of 671 00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:22,960 Speaker 3: which they have to apply jointly for her permanent status 672 00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:26,839 Speaker 3: as a resident. In that conditional two year period, that 673 00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:30,200 Speaker 3: is the dodgy territory where they're basically like, the bride 674 00:38:30,239 --> 00:38:33,520 Speaker 3: is completely dependent on the husband. He holds all the cards. 675 00:38:35,040 --> 00:38:38,160 Speaker 3: They're very vulnerable at this point. They may have linguistic 676 00:38:38,239 --> 00:38:42,520 Speaker 3: isolation and or cultural isolation. They may not have that 677 00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:44,960 Speaker 3: social network that we were talking about, or be completely 678 00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:48,720 Speaker 3: economically dependent on the husband, and they might be afraid 679 00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:51,600 Speaker 3: that he'll be like, you know what, it's in that 680 00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:53,520 Speaker 3: two year frame, I can still have you sent home, 681 00:38:54,360 --> 00:38:58,480 Speaker 3: so you better be nice. And this is basically where 682 00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:00,680 Speaker 3: they're saying, this is just sort of a a softer 683 00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:03,919 Speaker 3: version of trafficking, right, even though and there is real 684 00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:07,040 Speaker 3: trafficking attached to this, we're not talking about that. We're 685 00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:10,440 Speaker 3: talking about women who do come over voluntarily, but they 686 00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:12,359 Speaker 3: still see that as a sort of a softer version 687 00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:12,600 Speaker 3: of that. 688 00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:16,400 Speaker 1: So and that power dynamic, and the one where you 689 00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:19,800 Speaker 1: mentioned where the men were supplied with all the information 690 00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:23,520 Speaker 1: where the mail order bride'shead basically none about the men. 691 00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:28,399 Speaker 1: That's changed in the last few years thanks to the 692 00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:32,759 Speaker 1: Internet and thanks to things like video chat and texting 693 00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:37,960 Speaker 1: and Facebook and Skype, and now women are able just 694 00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:42,160 Speaker 1: through the simple tools on the Internet to be much 695 00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:45,439 Speaker 1: more discerning and discriminating in the men they choose. It's 696 00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:47,319 Speaker 1: not just like I'm going to put myself in a 697 00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:52,120 Speaker 1: catalog and cross my fingers. They're putting themselves out there 698 00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:54,640 Speaker 1: much more, at least ones that are are members of 699 00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:57,759 Speaker 1: legitimate mail order marriage brokerages. Right. 700 00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:02,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, and that was there were very sadly a couple 701 00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:07,440 Speaker 3: of high profile murders leading up to the International Marriage 702 00:40:07,480 --> 00:40:10,520 Speaker 3: Broker Regulation Act in two thousand and five, and this 703 00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:12,560 Speaker 3: is where things really kind of changed as far as 704 00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:15,839 Speaker 3: at least trying to help adjust that power dynamic in 705 00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:20,400 Speaker 3: that if you are a legitimate brokerage agency, you're required 706 00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:24,880 Speaker 3: to provide these women with a lot of information now 707 00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:28,400 Speaker 3: about the men, whether or not they're on state or 708 00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:34,680 Speaker 3: national sex offender registries, background on their financials. They're given 709 00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:38,960 Speaker 3: information on domestic violence and like what that looks like, 710 00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:41,120 Speaker 3: you know, and how to go to the police and 711 00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:43,399 Speaker 3: stuff like that, and that you can do stuff like that, 712 00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:50,239 Speaker 3: arrest history, marital history, residence history if they have kids, 713 00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:53,120 Speaker 3: all kinds of stuff now that these agencies have to 714 00:40:53,120 --> 00:40:55,080 Speaker 3: provide about the men for the women. 715 00:40:55,480 --> 00:41:00,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, and so people who are like, hey, that's not 716 00:41:00,280 --> 00:41:02,960 Speaker 1: that's not cool, man, if you were an American woman 717 00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:05,640 Speaker 1: just dating an American man, you wouldn't have access to 718 00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:10,000 Speaker 1: that kind of information. That's truly invasive. It is true. 719 00:41:10,120 --> 00:41:15,239 Speaker 1: It's also almost basically a straw man argument, because an 720 00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:18,200 Speaker 1: American woman is not going to be in the kind 721 00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:22,520 Speaker 1: of isolated, completely dependent situation that a male order bride's 722 00:41:22,560 --> 00:41:25,320 Speaker 1: going to be, and so the mail order bride needs 723 00:41:25,440 --> 00:41:29,680 Speaker 1: a lot more safeguards than just an average American woman 724 00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:32,800 Speaker 1: is going to need. So nice try, but that argument 725 00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:34,120 Speaker 1: doesn't hold water at all. 726 00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:38,200 Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree, you talked earlier at the beginning about 727 00:41:38,239 --> 00:41:41,919 Speaker 3: a lack of data and statistics. They don't even really 728 00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:45,000 Speaker 3: know how often this is happening, much less how many 729 00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:48,760 Speaker 3: are successful and how many times they end like poorly 730 00:41:49,120 --> 00:41:52,279 Speaker 3: or an abuse and things like that. There are a 731 00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:54,960 Speaker 3: few numbers out there, I think the. 732 00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:57,560 Speaker 2: How do you pronounce that? 733 00:41:58,120 --> 00:42:03,400 Speaker 1: I want to say to hear he to hear E. 734 00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:07,960 Speaker 3: Justice Center they estimate between eleven thousand and sixteen thousand 735 00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:09,960 Speaker 3: women immigrate. 736 00:42:09,520 --> 00:42:11,160 Speaker 2: Each year through a marriage broker. 737 00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:14,680 Speaker 3: The I INS has it more like four to six thousand, 738 00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:18,840 Speaker 3: so you kind of can't really tell how much this 739 00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:21,960 Speaker 3: is even going on. So it's really hard to you know, 740 00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:23,920 Speaker 3: like you said, if you don't have the data. For 741 00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:27,120 Speaker 3: nubes like us, it's kind of hard to form a 742 00:42:27,200 --> 00:42:28,240 Speaker 3: hard opinion. 743 00:42:28,120 --> 00:42:30,480 Speaker 1: Right, But it's not just nubes like us who don't 744 00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:33,279 Speaker 1: have the data, Like, no one has the data, so 745 00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:37,360 Speaker 1: it's like, you know, no one can form a hard opinion. 746 00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:39,400 Speaker 1: And if in that case, you have to treat it 747 00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:42,480 Speaker 1: on like a case by case basis, and like if 748 00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:47,120 Speaker 1: you have nothing but anecdotal data or evidence, you can't 749 00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:50,480 Speaker 1: just say like, yes, the mail order marriage industry is 750 00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:54,120 Speaker 1: just a front for human trafficking and sex trafficking. That's 751 00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:57,160 Speaker 1: that is a moral panic that you've just started right there. 752 00:42:58,000 --> 00:42:59,680 Speaker 1: So we have to go out and get the data. 753 00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:02,200 Speaker 1: But at the same time, that doesn't mean you can't 754 00:43:02,239 --> 00:43:07,520 Speaker 1: simultaneously offer support to women who might be suffering from that, 755 00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:09,520 Speaker 1: Like what if it turns out to be true, Like, yeah, 756 00:43:09,600 --> 00:43:12,239 Speaker 1: it's all just a big front for human trafficking, and 757 00:43:12,280 --> 00:43:15,319 Speaker 1: these women need help roll out the red carpet, like 758 00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:17,719 Speaker 1: get those services broadcasts, like figure out how to get 759 00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:19,920 Speaker 1: them help if they need it, and see if anybody 760 00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:22,680 Speaker 1: comes out of the woodwork In the meantime, while you're 761 00:43:22,760 --> 00:43:25,480 Speaker 1: conducting those studies to come up with that data. One 762 00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:27,480 Speaker 1: way or another, it can't hurt. It's just money, and 763 00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:29,239 Speaker 1: that's a pretty good thing to spend money on, if 764 00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:29,680 Speaker 1: you ask me. 765 00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:31,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree. 766 00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:34,880 Speaker 3: There are some studies that show spousal abuse rates are 767 00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:38,880 Speaker 3: about three times higher. But this is just for immigrant 768 00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:42,480 Speaker 3: women married to US husbands. I don't think I think 769 00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:45,120 Speaker 3: that includes all immigrantmen. I don't think it's just mail 770 00:43:45,200 --> 00:43:50,719 Speaker 3: order situations. So that's data that doesn't exactly help, but 771 00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:53,000 Speaker 3: it does shine a light on that power dynamic as 772 00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:53,319 Speaker 3: a whole. 773 00:43:53,360 --> 00:43:55,840 Speaker 1: I think, yeah, And I couldn't I couldn't tell that. 774 00:43:56,400 --> 00:44:01,719 Speaker 1: Dave mentioned that there were three murder women male order 775 00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:05,040 Speaker 1: brides in the United States, I think between twenty ten 776 00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:10,120 Speaker 1: and twenty twenty maybe, And if using the high the 777 00:44:10,200 --> 00:44:15,520 Speaker 1: high number that the to hear E Justice Center uses 778 00:44:15,560 --> 00:44:18,319 Speaker 1: for how many came over every year, you got one 779 00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:21,759 Speaker 1: hundred and sixty thousand of them. So three murders out 780 00:44:21,760 --> 00:44:25,000 Speaker 1: of one hundred and sixty thousand population is I thin 781 00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:29,440 Speaker 1: zero point eighteen percent. But out of all the women, 782 00:44:29,719 --> 00:44:32,759 Speaker 1: all the married women in America, it's like sixty four 783 00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:37,600 Speaker 1: million married women seventeen two hundred and fifty on average 784 00:44:37,719 --> 00:44:41,920 Speaker 1: died but were murdered by their partner in that same time, 785 00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:45,879 Speaker 1: which is two point six percent. So I probably got 786 00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:47,880 Speaker 1: the math wrong. But if it is right, then that 787 00:44:47,960 --> 00:44:50,600 Speaker 1: means you're actually less likely to be murdered by your 788 00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:52,600 Speaker 1: husband as a male order bride than you are just 789 00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:56,239 Speaker 1: as an American woman who was married in just part 790 00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:57,280 Speaker 1: of the general population. 791 00:44:58,200 --> 00:45:02,280 Speaker 2: So that's great, right. I think one of those status 792 00:45:02,280 --> 00:45:03,160 Speaker 2: you can't feel good about. 793 00:45:03,320 --> 00:45:05,879 Speaker 1: No, exactly, that's a great That is an excellent point 794 00:45:05,920 --> 00:45:08,560 Speaker 1: for sure, Chuck. I mean, I think anybody you're going 795 00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:10,359 Speaker 1: for sure, it shines the light that we need to 796 00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:14,960 Speaker 1: basically do away with spousal murder. I think we can 797 00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:16,160 Speaker 1: all get behind that, right. 798 00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:16,879 Speaker 2: Yeah. 799 00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:19,080 Speaker 3: What it What it does though, again, is it makes 800 00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:23,719 Speaker 3: you think, maybe let's concentrate on the real problems, right, 801 00:45:23,760 --> 00:45:27,120 Speaker 3: And if that's not, if the male order bride situation 802 00:45:27,239 --> 00:45:30,080 Speaker 3: isn't the real problem, then we just and we all 803 00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:32,680 Speaker 3: know this, but we have a real domestic violence problem 804 00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:33,560 Speaker 3: in this country anyway. 805 00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:35,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's the same thing. What was the last one 806 00:45:35,520 --> 00:45:38,840 Speaker 1: we talked about, Oh, the stranger danger where it was like, oh, no, actually, 807 00:45:39,440 --> 00:45:42,239 Speaker 1: your cousin is going to like rape and murder you 808 00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:45,759 Speaker 1: way more frequently than just some strangers. But let's all 809 00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:50,359 Speaker 1: concentrate on the stranger. Right, your spouse is possibly going 810 00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:52,960 Speaker 1: to murder you, but let's ignore that and concentrate on 811 00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:55,880 Speaker 1: male order brides being murdered instead, even if it's just 812 00:45:55,960 --> 00:46:00,200 Speaker 1: a much less of a chance. Like that's the it's 813 00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:02,520 Speaker 1: the definition of a moral panic, and you got to 814 00:46:02,560 --> 00:46:06,000 Speaker 1: sort those out because they obfuscate important things. 815 00:46:06,560 --> 00:46:08,120 Speaker 3: Yeah, and you know, at the beginning of the episode 816 00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:11,960 Speaker 3: you mentioned LGBTQ rights. That's why we call it male 817 00:46:12,040 --> 00:46:15,280 Speaker 3: order marriages now because in twenty thirteen, with the Supreme 818 00:46:15,320 --> 00:46:19,840 Speaker 3: Court striking down parts of the defensive Marriage Act it allowed. 819 00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:23,640 Speaker 3: And there has been a, you know, since then, a 820 00:46:23,719 --> 00:46:29,120 Speaker 3: sort of a big time rise in LGBTQ people doing 821 00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:31,600 Speaker 3: the exact same thing. And a lot of times these 822 00:46:31,600 --> 00:46:35,320 Speaker 3: people in other countries are literally fleeing for their life 823 00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:39,000 Speaker 3: because they have no rights in their own country as 824 00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:43,120 Speaker 3: a person from that community. So that's one of those 825 00:46:43,120 --> 00:46:45,200 Speaker 3: where you look at and you're like, they could literally 826 00:46:45,200 --> 00:46:47,080 Speaker 3: be saving someone's life by getting them out of their 827 00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:47,759 Speaker 3: country over here. 828 00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:48,640 Speaker 1: Yep, that's right. 829 00:46:49,320 --> 00:46:50,080 Speaker 2: And men do it too. 830 00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:52,480 Speaker 3: I saw there was a I was curious about male 831 00:46:52,560 --> 00:46:55,319 Speaker 3: order husbands and if that was even a thing. And 832 00:46:55,360 --> 00:47:00,200 Speaker 3: apparently Ireland in recent years has got some of this 833 00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:03,839 Speaker 3: going on, where these irishmen are putting themselves out there 834 00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:07,520 Speaker 3: and saying, hey, I'm a strapping young Irishman and I'm 835 00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:10,200 Speaker 3: happy to come marry you and live in your country. 836 00:47:11,200 --> 00:47:11,680 Speaker 1: Very nice. 837 00:47:11,960 --> 00:47:13,560 Speaker 2: It's a thing in Ireland. Did not know that. 838 00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:16,320 Speaker 1: I had no idea either, but leave it to Ireland 839 00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:18,840 Speaker 1: to just try something new. So good for you, Ireland, 840 00:47:19,960 --> 00:47:23,920 Speaker 1: good for you. You got anything else on mail order marriages? 841 00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:25,200 Speaker 2: I got nothing else. 842 00:47:25,280 --> 00:47:27,120 Speaker 3: I can take off of my roller skates now this 843 00:47:27,160 --> 00:47:29,160 Speaker 3: one was it. 844 00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:30,520 Speaker 2: Was danger at every turn. 845 00:47:30,600 --> 00:47:32,399 Speaker 1: I thought you did great. I thought we did great. 846 00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:36,640 Speaker 1: It's good. I'm pretty sure. Oh god, I hope so well. 847 00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:38,840 Speaker 1: If you want to know more about mail order marriages, 848 00:47:38,920 --> 00:47:40,840 Speaker 1: go check it out and see what you think for yourself. 849 00:47:40,920 --> 00:47:43,960 Speaker 1: Don't take our words for it. And since I said 850 00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:46,759 Speaker 1: don't take our words for it, it's time for listener mail. 851 00:47:50,080 --> 00:47:50,719 Speaker 2: Listener mail. 852 00:47:50,880 --> 00:47:53,880 Speaker 3: This is a sad case, so a bit of a 853 00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:57,479 Speaker 3: trigger warning here, especially if you've lost a family member 854 00:47:57,560 --> 00:47:59,920 Speaker 3: to COVID. But I had it back and forth with 855 00:48:00,120 --> 00:48:03,160 Speaker 3: this gentleman, and he really felt strongly about reading this 856 00:48:03,239 --> 00:48:07,520 Speaker 3: on the air in the name of getting people vaccinated. Hey, guys, 857 00:48:07,560 --> 00:48:09,680 Speaker 3: haven't written in quite some time. Been listening since two 858 00:48:09,680 --> 00:48:12,759 Speaker 3: thousand and eight. You've been around for so many personal milestones, 859 00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:16,359 Speaker 3: even though we've never met, even though I did ask 860 00:48:16,400 --> 00:48:18,560 Speaker 3: you the best question ever at your live show in Phoenix. 861 00:48:19,960 --> 00:48:21,840 Speaker 3: My father taught me how to play guitar. I've been 862 00:48:21,840 --> 00:48:25,000 Speaker 3: playing for nearly thirty years because of his influence. There's 863 00:48:25,040 --> 00:48:28,000 Speaker 3: never been a question of Gibson or Fender in my family. 864 00:48:28,040 --> 00:48:30,919 Speaker 3: It's always been clear where a Fender family. He played 865 00:48:30,920 --> 00:48:35,640 Speaker 3: a strat and I played a telly last This last Tuesday, 866 00:48:36,080 --> 00:48:39,279 Speaker 3: I said goodbye to my father. COVID had done its 867 00:48:39,400 --> 00:48:41,600 Speaker 3: job and completely overtaken his body. 868 00:48:42,000 --> 00:48:42,760 Speaker 2: After he passed. 869 00:48:42,800 --> 00:48:44,640 Speaker 3: Later that day, I went into my truck and took 870 00:48:44,680 --> 00:48:47,279 Speaker 3: a few minutes and decided I needed some Josh and 871 00:48:47,360 --> 00:48:49,680 Speaker 3: Chuck to get my mind off of things. And I 872 00:48:49,719 --> 00:48:53,680 Speaker 3: was absolutely shocked. On that day Leo Fender and Les 873 00:48:53,680 --> 00:48:56,759 Speaker 3: Paul came through in my feed. My father and I 874 00:48:56,800 --> 00:48:59,120 Speaker 3: did not have anything we bonded over more than our 875 00:48:59,160 --> 00:49:02,040 Speaker 3: love of music and play guitar, an affinity for Fender, 876 00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:05,879 Speaker 3: and a dislike of all things Gibson. Sorry, Chuck, there 877 00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:07,640 Speaker 3: could not have been more perfect topic to help me 878 00:49:07,680 --> 00:49:09,520 Speaker 3: through one of the hardest days of my life. I 879 00:49:09,600 --> 00:49:11,160 Speaker 3: look forward to someday when I might be able to 880 00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:14,200 Speaker 3: shake your hands after a good hand washing and sanitization, 881 00:49:14,880 --> 00:49:16,640 Speaker 3: and just thank you for being with me through so 882 00:49:16,680 --> 00:49:18,520 Speaker 3: many good days in so many bad days. 883 00:49:19,280 --> 00:49:22,319 Speaker 2: And he included a song that he gave his father 884 00:49:22,400 --> 00:49:23,160 Speaker 2: that he wrote for him. 885 00:49:23,280 --> 00:49:28,120 Speaker 3: It's great and this is from Eddie, and Eddie said, 886 00:49:28,680 --> 00:49:31,600 Speaker 3: please read this on the air. He said, my mother 887 00:49:31,719 --> 00:49:35,359 Speaker 3: decided to get vaccinated because of this, and they were 888 00:49:35,360 --> 00:49:39,840 Speaker 3: not vaccinated and he said, just please send the message 889 00:49:39,840 --> 00:49:42,520 Speaker 3: out to people that it can happen to you and 890 00:49:42,560 --> 00:49:44,360 Speaker 3: your family, and just go out there and get that 891 00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:45,400 Speaker 3: vaccination already. 892 00:49:45,800 --> 00:49:49,480 Speaker 1: Thanks for that, Eddie, and definitely our condolences on your 893 00:49:49,520 --> 00:49:52,359 Speaker 1: father's passing. I'm really sorry to hear that, but I'm 894 00:49:52,400 --> 00:49:54,360 Speaker 1: glad we could bring you a little measure of comfort 895 00:49:54,880 --> 00:49:57,040 Speaker 1: at a terrible time. So thank you for letting us 896 00:49:57,040 --> 00:49:59,479 Speaker 1: a bit about that, and also thank you for telling 897 00:49:59,520 --> 00:50:01,880 Speaker 1: everybody get vaccinated, because it's a pretty good thing to 898 00:50:01,960 --> 00:50:05,600 Speaker 1: use your position for. So I think, like Eddy said, 899 00:50:05,719 --> 00:50:09,120 Speaker 1: go get vaccinated. Yeah, we said it, Go get vaccinated. 900 00:50:10,000 --> 00:50:11,760 Speaker 2: Okay, okay, agreed. 901 00:50:11,840 --> 00:50:13,440 Speaker 1: And in the meantime, if you want to get in 902 00:50:13,440 --> 00:50:15,279 Speaker 1: touch with us, you can send us an email. The 903 00:50:15,280 --> 00:50:19,840 Speaker 1: Stuff podcast at iHeartRadio dot com. 904 00:50:21,320 --> 00:50:23,640 Speaker 2: Stuff you Should Know is a production of iHeartRadio. 905 00:50:24,120 --> 00:50:27,360 Speaker 3: For more podcasts my heart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio app, 906 00:50:27,520 --> 00:50:30,440 Speaker 3: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.