WEBVTT - BA QA: My Boss Is Being Shady 0:00:06.080 --> 0:00:09.000 Wait, I don't know why I can forget how to 0:00:08.119 --> 0:00:14.280 b a q a. It's time for the b a 0:00:14.760 --> 0:00:17.520 q a a, the b a q a. 0:00:17.680 --> 0:00:20.799 What to say the b a q a man, the 0:00:20.880 --> 0:00:26.320 b a q a the b a q a A. 0:00:27.280 --> 0:00:29.800 I don't know why, but my little, my little brain 0:00:29.840 --> 0:00:32.320 can never remember any of the songs we have already 0:00:32.360 --> 0:00:35.720 requested this some of y'all since sing us up. Those 0:00:35.760 --> 0:00:38.080 songs are when I'm forgetting. You know, we could just 0:00:38.120 --> 0:00:42.200 pull you up anyway, Mandy, Are we doing career money? 0:00:42.200 --> 0:00:43.440 What we doing to that girl? 0:00:44.000 --> 0:00:46.760 Let's do some career some juicy, juicy career questions. By 0:00:46.760 --> 0:00:48.960 the way, your camera finally d blurred for me and 0:00:49.000 --> 0:00:51.000 I was like, look at that Michelle Obama shoulder coming 0:00:51.000 --> 0:00:57.680 out of c Alright, yes, we're going to dive into 0:00:57.680 --> 0:01:00.560 some career questions today. But before we do so, I 0:01:00.560 --> 0:01:03.040 wanted to share an update. I love when y'all send 0:01:03.120 --> 0:01:05.160 us updates, and this I known this story now. So 0:01:05.440 --> 0:01:08.959 this person who we call THEO, submitted a question last summer. 0:01:09.400 --> 0:01:12.200 He was an engineer, a chemical engineer, and he was wondering. 0:01:12.319 --> 0:01:13.840 He'd only been in his job for a couple of 0:01:13.880 --> 0:01:16.000 months and he got another opportunity that was going to 0:01:16.040 --> 0:01:19.679 pay him something like twenty percent more, and we answered 0:01:19.680 --> 0:01:21.920 the question I don't know like a month like I 0:01:21.920 --> 0:01:23.520 don't know a few weeks later. It was pretty quick 0:01:23.520 --> 0:01:26.720 turnaround for us, and THEO slid into my DMS last 0:01:26.760 --> 0:01:28.600 week and was like, I know you guys never answered 0:01:28.600 --> 0:01:30.360 my question, but I wanted to give you an update. 0:01:30.360 --> 0:01:32.319 And I was like, wait a second. THEO, I remember 0:01:32.319 --> 0:01:35.120 your name, and I showed him his episode. I'm like, 0:01:35.160 --> 0:01:39.000 we answered it in September, and he had had no idea, 0:01:39.560 --> 0:01:41.720 but he was so sweet. He gave us an update 0:01:42.200 --> 0:01:44.679 and he said, I'm writing in to update you since 0:01:44.680 --> 0:01:47.800 I accepted my new job offer last September, which increased 0:01:47.840 --> 0:01:51.279 my salary by twenty two percent. Listening to my question 0:01:51.320 --> 0:01:53.480 being answered on the show brought me so much joy 0:01:53.520 --> 0:01:56.480 and personal affirmation. I'm sorry didn't get a chance to 0:01:57.160 --> 0:02:00.520 update you sooner. But the company I resigned for, because 0:02:00.520 --> 0:02:02.720 we had cautioned him, like, if you're going to quit 0:02:02.760 --> 0:02:05.240 after a couple of months, do it respectfully and understand 0:02:05.280 --> 0:02:08.600 they may be, you know, not happy about that. The 0:02:08.639 --> 0:02:11.560 company that I resigned from, he said, respected and understood 0:02:11.560 --> 0:02:14.239 my reasons to leave. In fact, the company president was 0:02:14.280 --> 0:02:17.440 happy for me. He did say that he was hopeful 0:02:17.440 --> 0:02:20.520 I would last at least a year before departing, but 0:02:20.840 --> 0:02:23.080 he also said that they were in no position to 0:02:23.160 --> 0:02:26.120 compete with the new offer, Otherwise he would have extended 0:02:26.160 --> 0:02:29.840 a counter offer to try to keep me. Everyone congratulated me, 0:02:30.000 --> 0:02:33.080 and I worked my last two weeks before transitioning to 0:02:33.480 --> 0:02:36.720 the new firm. Now eight months later, I am expanding 0:02:36.760 --> 0:02:39.519 my experience and knowledge base as a oh A construction 0:02:39.639 --> 0:02:42.399 cost estimator. I don't know where Kevin the engineer came from. 0:02:42.440 --> 0:02:44.240 S sister, does that, Carol, she used to do? 0:02:44.280 --> 0:02:48.080 That? Sounds fliancy. I am also utilizing my MBA outside 0:02:48.120 --> 0:02:51.000 of my nine to five to pursue real estate entrepreneurship, 0:02:51.120 --> 0:02:54.080 while also using social media to set a foundation for 0:02:54.200 --> 0:02:58.760 a digital media and consumer finance marketing business. And this 0:02:58.880 --> 0:03:01.680 is the funny PS side note, Tiffany, you are hilarious 0:03:01.720 --> 0:03:05.320 without seeing me. Your visual depiction of my physical appearance 0:03:05.440 --> 0:03:08.520 was spot on. I indeed wear glasses. I don't know 0:03:08.560 --> 0:03:13.520 what you said about him. I thought, just the way 0:03:13.560 --> 0:03:17.000 he's phrasing his email, I'm like he for sure a 0:03:17.120 --> 0:03:21.200 chemical come on, a chemical cost engineer. Estimator. Come on now. 0:03:21.680 --> 0:03:24.079 So that was from THEO. Thank you, THEO I hope 0:03:24.120 --> 0:03:27.280 you hear this episode before eight months go by, and 0:03:27.520 --> 0:03:29.760 congratulations on the on the money moves. 0:03:30.120 --> 0:03:33.360 Yes, I'm really curious to say what I said? What 0:03:33.440 --> 0:03:36.120 did I even say? I don't remember me talking reckless. 0:03:37.280 --> 0:03:41.000 I have no idea, but you were right. Instincts were right. 0:03:41.800 --> 0:03:42.560 That was sweet. 0:03:42.800 --> 0:03:43.880 Yes, we love that. 0:03:45.120 --> 0:03:47.240 And with that, shall we get into our questions? TIF 0:03:47.240 --> 0:03:48.760 you want to read number one? 0:03:48.800 --> 0:03:48.920 Who? 0:03:48.960 --> 0:03:51.080 We both were like, ooh, yes, juicy. 0:03:51.400 --> 0:03:53.960 So we're gonna call this person Fomo because that's what 0:03:54.000 --> 0:03:58.600 they call themselves. Fomo says, Hello, please keep my name 0:03:58.640 --> 0:04:00.520 anonymous call your phone. 0:04:00.560 --> 0:04:02.000 Well, girl, I found. 0:04:01.840 --> 0:04:04.720 Out recently that my supervisor had a social event which 0:04:04.800 --> 0:04:09.320 only certain people on my team were invited and I 0:04:09.440 --> 0:04:12.440 was not invited. Since my supervisor is in charge of 0:04:12.480 --> 0:04:15.960 our annual races. That made me very uncomfortable. What do 0:04:15.960 --> 0:04:18.440 you recommend I do bring up my concerns to the 0:04:18.480 --> 0:04:22.760 supervisor directly a higher up manager or HR. In the past, 0:04:22.800 --> 0:04:25.200 when I discussed things with HR, I just came back. 0:04:25.839 --> 0:04:27.800 It just came back to a manager who pulled me 0:04:27.880 --> 0:04:30.760 aside to discuss I do not feel HR has our backs, 0:04:30.839 --> 0:04:35.119 they don't. Am I overlooking the whole situation and should 0:04:35.120 --> 0:04:38.599 I let it go? Appreciate your expertise and feedback. Thank you, ladies, 0:04:38.640 --> 0:04:43.120 and keep up the good work. Love your podcast. Ooh many, 0:04:43.680 --> 0:04:44.560 who do you think? 0:04:45.760 --> 0:04:47.400 First of all, I think that your manager is a 0:04:47.480 --> 0:04:51.000 dufist and should have some more tact than that, because like, 0:04:51.080 --> 0:04:54.440 if you're gonna do something or you're excluding a part 0:04:54.480 --> 0:04:56.960 of your team, you have to have a really good 0:04:57.040 --> 0:04:58.880 damn reason to be doing that, and you need to 0:04:58.920 --> 0:05:00.440 be candid and open up about it. 0:05:01.000 --> 0:05:01.200 You know. 0:05:01.279 --> 0:05:04.320 I'm all about managers, and honestly wish I bet more 0:05:04.320 --> 0:05:06.080 of y'all. Wish they would do this leave you off 0:05:06.120 --> 0:05:09.160 of meeting invites when they're not relevant to you and 0:05:10.320 --> 0:05:11.880 out of respect for your time and all of that. 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:14.479 But a social event that you don't invite everyone to, 0:05:15.120 --> 0:05:17.840 it's giving mean girls, it's giving high school crifeteria. It's 0:05:17.880 --> 0:05:20.680 giving thirteen year old bandy who was shattered because no 0:05:20.680 --> 0:05:23.840 one came to her surprise party. Like, why would you 0:05:23.880 --> 0:05:25.960 want to make someone feel that way? It's just bad 0:05:26.000 --> 0:05:29.240 management on the front. I do not think you're overthinking it, Fomo, 0:05:29.360 --> 0:05:31.359 I really don't I think that you're right to feel 0:05:31.400 --> 0:05:34.360 some type of way about being left out. The unfortunate 0:05:34.400 --> 0:05:36.800 thing is, like tiffany kind of muttered HR and got 0:05:36.800 --> 0:05:40.279 your back girl, like at least in this situation, First 0:05:40.320 --> 0:05:42.560 and foremost, HR wants to protect the company. And if 0:05:42.560 --> 0:05:47.719 you've already had great and if you've already gone to 0:05:47.880 --> 0:05:49.720 HR and they've shown you what they will do, I 0:05:49.760 --> 0:05:51.880 don't want to paint HR with a broadbrush. I've had 0:05:51.880 --> 0:05:55.240 the experience of working with some HR partners who would 0:05:55.640 --> 0:05:57.960 like do the right thing and try to get the 0:05:57.960 --> 0:06:00.960 manager pulled aside by their manager and make it a 0:06:01.000 --> 0:06:04.080 situation that they could rectify, but you never know. So 0:06:04.120 --> 0:06:06.240 but in this case, they've shown you before what happens 0:06:06.279 --> 0:06:08.680 if you speak up and speak out about your manager 0:06:09.080 --> 0:06:12.040 and it wasn't the result that you wanted. I think 0:06:12.080 --> 0:06:14.560 in this case, if you were going to speak up 0:06:14.560 --> 0:06:17.320 about it, I would probably go to the head of 0:06:17.520 --> 0:06:19.960 the department where your manager, like whoever they report to, 0:06:20.800 --> 0:06:24.960 and let them know your concern. But I wouldn't necessarily 0:06:25.000 --> 0:06:28.880 make it because I wouldn't say, you know, this is 0:06:28.920 --> 0:06:33.839 because my manager, you know, manages our raises. I would say, hey, 0:06:33.960 --> 0:06:37.440 you know, I'm a little concerned because a social event 0:06:37.520 --> 0:06:41.440 was held and I along with other colleagues were excluded 0:06:41.760 --> 0:06:44.800 and it was not a pleasant experience, and I want 0:06:45.360 --> 0:06:48.920 to understand why it happened, and I'd like to know 0:06:49.000 --> 0:06:51.800 that in the future we'll be given the courtesy of 0:06:51.880 --> 0:06:55.679 either being invited or explained or you know, given candid 0:06:55.760 --> 0:06:59.280 information about why we were excluded, because like, as a 0:06:59.320 --> 0:07:02.400 member of this team, it made me feel excluded, made 0:07:02.400 --> 0:07:06.120 me feel left out. That's if you care enough FOMO 0:07:06.760 --> 0:07:10.880 to try to make things better. The other thing I 0:07:10.960 --> 0:07:14.080 want to say is this is a classic symptom. I 0:07:14.160 --> 0:07:17.800 just wrote about this the other day of being quietly fired. 0:07:18.160 --> 0:07:21.240 Have you ever heard you heard that expression? It's kind 0:07:21.280 --> 0:07:23.600 of lame, but this is what people call it quiet firing. 0:07:23.640 --> 0:07:27.080 Because of quiet quitting became all the rage. But poor 0:07:27.200 --> 0:07:31.840 management when they do not like an employee for whatever reason, 0:07:31.920 --> 0:07:34.040 when the employees work is not what they want, or 0:07:34.080 --> 0:07:37.240 they just have some beef with the employee. Bad leaders, 0:07:38.080 --> 0:07:40.080 poorly trained leaders, people who don't know how to give 0:07:40.120 --> 0:07:43.320 candid feedback to help develop talent. They will find these 0:07:43.320 --> 0:07:46.640 ways of quietly firing you, quietly icing you out and 0:07:46.680 --> 0:07:50.600 making you feel isolated. You know, making you feel like 0:07:50.680 --> 0:07:53.160 no one's paying attention to you, they'll do it. This 0:07:53.200 --> 0:07:55.720 is one great example of being left out of an event. 0:07:55.880 --> 0:07:59.680 Another example is being forgotten from an email chain that 0:07:59.720 --> 0:08:02.120 maybe you should have been included on, being left off 0:08:02.160 --> 0:08:04.800 a meeting invite for something that directly impacts your team 0:08:04.920 --> 0:08:08.280 or your work, being left out of the loop for 0:08:08.440 --> 0:08:11.160 decisions that affect your everyday work and not given the 0:08:11.240 --> 0:08:14.600 respect and courtesy to be brought into that. And the 0:08:14.680 --> 0:08:19.120 other major symptom of being quietly fired is if they 0:08:19.160 --> 0:08:22.040 are not giving you feedback on a regular basis, if 0:08:22.120 --> 0:08:25.400 your one on ones are getting rescheduled, if they're avoiding them, 0:08:25.400 --> 0:08:27.880 if they're limiting them, if you don't have them at all. 0:08:28.440 --> 0:08:30.400 Because what that opens you up to is all of 0:08:30.400 --> 0:08:33.520 a sudden, they can come to you and say, hey, 0:08:33.559 --> 0:08:35.120 you really screwed this up, and we're going to have 0:08:35.160 --> 0:08:37.960 to put you on a performance improvement plan. And by 0:08:37.960 --> 0:08:40.520 the way, it's your final warning, which happened to one 0:08:40.520 --> 0:08:42.880 of my coaching clients, and I'm just like, and it's 0:08:42.920 --> 0:08:46.000 their cop out. It's what they do when they don't 0:08:46.320 --> 0:08:48.000 either they don't want to or they don't have the 0:08:48.040 --> 0:08:51.920 training themselves to properly manage someone and develop someone and 0:08:51.960 --> 0:08:54.880 get the result that they need out of them. But 0:08:55.240 --> 0:08:57.040 what it does is like it makes you feel shitty, 0:08:57.440 --> 0:09:00.600 and then you end up quitting on your own, which 0:09:00.640 --> 0:09:03.000 takes away their burden of having to be the one 0:09:03.000 --> 0:09:06.520 to fire you and makes their lives easier, you know. 0:09:06.679 --> 0:09:08.760 So this is what that's bringing up for me, and 0:09:08.760 --> 0:09:11.400 I just hope, like, if you've been experiencing this, then 0:09:11.440 --> 0:09:15.080 I would almost I would almost say, like why go 0:09:15.120 --> 0:09:17.640 through the trouble of trying to make them a better 0:09:17.679 --> 0:09:20.800 manager by bringing it up and wanting them to improve, 0:09:22.160 --> 0:09:24.680 then just like getting out of there, you know, which 0:09:24.720 --> 0:09:26.679 is a shame because it's their fault. So it's really 0:09:26.720 --> 0:09:29.400 going to come down to like how bad you want 0:09:29.440 --> 0:09:31.720 to stay with the company, Because if you like the 0:09:31.720 --> 0:09:34.000 work you're doing, and you feel like you're doing great work, 0:09:34.000 --> 0:09:36.880 you like the company, you deserve to stay and you 0:09:36.920 --> 0:09:38.880 deserve to make it work for yourself, and you should, 0:09:39.440 --> 0:09:40.880 you know, talk to the higher ups and see if 0:09:40.880 --> 0:09:43.240 there's another team you can be honor, you know, see 0:09:43.240 --> 0:09:46.920 what can be changed. But if there's other reasons for 0:09:46.960 --> 0:09:49.480 you to be moving on, like they're not giving you 0:09:49.520 --> 0:09:52.760 any reasons to stay fomo, so it might be time 0:09:52.800 --> 0:09:53.160 to go. 0:09:54.280 --> 0:09:56.080 Yeah. So, I mean, the only thing I would add 0:09:56.080 --> 0:10:00.000 to that is if you are thinking, like to Mandy's 0:10:00.160 --> 0:10:02.240 because a friend of mine just got let go and 0:10:02.559 --> 0:10:05.440 she was like, wait, she just just got this big project, 0:10:05.440 --> 0:10:07.079 thought it went well. All of a sudden, her calendar 0:10:07.120 --> 0:10:09.360 seemed real light because she was calling me every day like, 0:10:09.360 --> 0:10:11.280 hey girl, what you doing. I'm like, aren't you usually busy? 0:10:11.360 --> 0:10:13.880 She's like I am, but it's light. She's like, I'm 0:10:13.840 --> 0:10:16.120 met with my director and they were like, oh, we 0:10:16.120 --> 0:10:17.800 don't have anything right now, and then she was like 0:10:17.840 --> 0:10:22.120 what a mint? And then sure enough, you know, I'm 0:10:22.120 --> 0:10:24.839 like about a month or so later she got let go, 0:10:25.280 --> 0:10:28.600 but because she was kind of like prepared, she started 0:10:28.600 --> 0:10:31.439 to like stack a little, you know. So what I 0:10:31.440 --> 0:10:34.000 would do is, whether you're going to leave or you 0:10:34.000 --> 0:10:36.319 think you might be let go, you know, if you 0:10:36.360 --> 0:10:39.120 have not been seriously like looking at your emergency fund, 0:10:39.800 --> 0:10:42.960 just like turn your attentions there to be like, you know, 0:10:43.800 --> 0:10:45.160 is there? You know what can I do to put 0:10:45.160 --> 0:10:47.200 a little extra something here? And honestly I'd be reading 0:10:47.240 --> 0:10:50.560 to see. So for her, thankfully, she was able to 0:10:51.040 --> 0:10:54.920 her company the six days that you have, they pay 0:10:54.960 --> 0:10:56.960 you for them. So she just started to really look 0:10:56.960 --> 0:10:58.960 at like what if I do get let go? Like 0:10:59.000 --> 0:11:00.600 what what is the money? And I kind of look 0:11:00.720 --> 0:11:03.440 like so I could start making moves, and she updated 0:11:03.440 --> 0:11:06.160 her her resume, her cover letter, so she was kind 0:11:06.160 --> 0:11:09.880 of like ready. So literally when her supervisor brought her in, 0:11:10.120 --> 0:11:11.480 so can we just talk, she was like, is this 0:11:11.480 --> 0:11:13.800 where you let me go? And she was They were like, 0:11:13.920 --> 0:11:16.760 oh yeah. So she was ready. So she had her 0:11:16.840 --> 0:11:19.439 cover leather, she had her resume, she had stacked a 0:11:19.480 --> 0:11:20.760 little bit of money in a couple of months where 0:11:20.800 --> 0:11:23.240 she realized things were light, and so I would just 0:11:23.240 --> 0:11:25.280 prepare for the worst, hope for the best, but prepare 0:11:25.320 --> 0:11:25.800 for the worst. 0:11:26.520 --> 0:11:29.360 So when it comes to working for any company, you 0:11:29.520 --> 0:11:33.840 always prepare for the worst because as even if this 0:11:33.920 --> 0:11:36.720 wasn't the situation where like you know, your manager wasn't 0:11:36.720 --> 0:11:39.200 a child and didn't invite people to his or her party, 0:11:39.240 --> 0:11:43.719 I mean like like you can even you can love 0:11:43.760 --> 0:11:47.160 your colleagues, have this whole family vibe, but when the 0:11:48.280 --> 0:11:50.160 when the axe comes to grind that sounds like a 0:11:50.240 --> 0:11:53.480 very violent metaphor. When it comes down to it, the 0:11:53.520 --> 0:11:56.960 bottom line will be the company's success, the company's survival, 0:11:57.080 --> 0:12:00.280 and they will cut you, you know, so I think 0:12:00.360 --> 0:12:03.280 you have to. That's why I'm so grateful that I 0:12:03.320 --> 0:12:05.440 was laid off my first big girl job in New York, 0:12:05.559 --> 0:12:07.160 because it just was that wake up call that I 0:12:07.200 --> 0:12:12.440 needed to never really expect to be different and expect 0:12:12.440 --> 0:12:14.280 to be special, so special that I was one of 0:12:14.280 --> 0:12:17.480 the lucky ones who wasn't let go. And so I 0:12:17.520 --> 0:12:19.840 totally agree to if you have to look for those 0:12:19.880 --> 0:12:23.080 signs and not take it personally, because it's really not 0:12:23.120 --> 0:12:25.920 about you, it's about the company. But then just do 0:12:26.000 --> 0:12:29.240 what you have to do to accept what you can control, 0:12:29.280 --> 0:12:33.640 which is your money, your job, prospects, your networking. Like 0:12:33.720 --> 0:12:36.200 your friend did everything right in terms of like getting 0:12:36.200 --> 0:12:40.160 her LinkedIn her resume all up together and fomo, I'd 0:12:40.200 --> 0:12:43.360 be saying the same thing, like, don't make yourself really 0:12:43.400 --> 0:12:46.480 easy to find by recruiters and hiring managers in your field, 0:12:46.520 --> 0:12:49.319 so that you have other options besides staying at a 0:12:49.360 --> 0:12:52.880 place where you're dealing with this baby manager, you know, 0:12:53.600 --> 0:12:56.600 and then let the company see if they're willing to 0:12:56.679 --> 0:12:59.360 retain you, and you know, if they want to, then 0:12:59.400 --> 0:13:01.200 you can be like here, here's what's got to happen. 0:13:01.240 --> 0:13:03.720 We can't be having any more of this, you know, 0:13:03.880 --> 0:13:08.840 exclode exclusion and you know, these behaviors from the manager 0:13:08.880 --> 0:13:11.360 that have made it really hard for you to you know, 0:13:12.200 --> 0:13:16.600 I feel like you're a part of the team. Yes, ma'am, 0:13:16.800 --> 0:13:18.520 but that's a good question. I'm glad you asked. 0:13:18.760 --> 0:13:22.920 Don't worry FROMO. You know we got you and ask 0:13:23.160 --> 0:13:24.720 good like you know, hit us back, let us know, 0:13:25.040 --> 0:13:27.080 like what happened one way one way or the other 0:13:27.400 --> 0:13:34.640 one way? Oh, I know, I know anyway. You want 0:13:34.679 --> 0:13:36.280 to take a break, manager, so we can come back. 0:13:36.120 --> 0:13:39.880 With pay someone, pay someone real for singing that song. 0:13:42.040 --> 0:13:43.760 Let's take a quick break and we'll be right back 0:13:43.800 --> 0:13:49.400 with another juicy career question. All right, So this one 0:13:49.480 --> 0:13:51.520 actually I love it because it's I feel like this 0:13:51.559 --> 0:13:55.040 can cut career, it can cut business owner and TIF. 0:13:55.080 --> 0:13:57.199 I definitely want to hear what you have to say 0:13:57.200 --> 0:13:59.400 about this one, so let me get into it. This 0:13:59.480 --> 0:14:03.880 comes from an anonymous listener, so we'll call her Stephanie. 0:14:03.920 --> 0:14:08.000 Stephanie says, what would you say to a friend and 0:14:08.080 --> 0:14:11.480 colleague who amplifies your ideas but isn't giving you credit 0:14:11.520 --> 0:14:14.640 for them? An acquaintance from college worked as a contractor 0:14:14.760 --> 0:14:17.480 on some projects from my business last year. We hit 0:14:17.520 --> 0:14:19.320 it off right away because we share a lot of 0:14:19.320 --> 0:14:21.720 the same values, and we both started businesses focus on 0:14:21.760 --> 0:14:24.760 helping other women and people of color. We no longer 0:14:24.800 --> 0:14:27.040 work closely together, but we've kept in touch and cheer 0:14:27.120 --> 0:14:30.480 each other on from AFAR by attending each other's workshops 0:14:30.480 --> 0:14:34.920 and speaking events. Recently, though, I've noticed that she's recycled 0:14:35.520 --> 0:14:37.960 a lot of the content I've produced in her speaking 0:14:38.000 --> 0:14:41.520 engagements and on her social media pages promoting her business. 0:14:42.080 --> 0:14:45.040 For example, in a recent speaking engagement, she included an 0:14:45.040 --> 0:14:47.760 idea that I discussed with her, but she took credit 0:14:47.840 --> 0:14:51.640 for it and didn't even mention me. On Instagram, many 0:14:51.680 --> 0:14:54.880 of her posts are incredibly similar to YouTube videos I 0:14:55.000 --> 0:14:58.560 produce for my business page. Her website also appears to 0:14:58.600 --> 0:15:02.360 have lifted language that original appeared on my website. My 0:15:02.480 --> 0:15:05.040 gut is telling me she doesn't mean any harm. She's 0:15:05.080 --> 0:15:07.320 the kind of person who often turns turns to me 0:15:07.400 --> 0:15:09.680 for advice and has said that my work inspires her. 0:15:09.880 --> 0:15:14.200 HM seems like it. Given that our businesses are targeting 0:15:14.240 --> 0:15:17.880 similar audiences, I would expect some overlap in themes and ideas, 0:15:17.920 --> 0:15:20.680 but this is making me uncomfortable. Now I've muted her 0:15:20.720 --> 0:15:23.160 on social media for my own peace of mind, but 0:15:23.200 --> 0:15:25.640 I'm wondering if I should address this directly with her. 0:15:25.880 --> 0:15:28.600 I'd feel guilty about doing this, as she's gone out 0:15:28.640 --> 0:15:30.360 of her way to do favors for me in the past, 0:15:30.400 --> 0:15:35.800 and I've helped my career. What would you do well? 0:15:36.320 --> 0:15:40.920 This happened to me day several times, several times, several 0:15:40.960 --> 0:15:45.640 times some super egregious where literally it was copy paste, 0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:48.359 where the person actually. 0:15:48.880 --> 0:15:52.480 Blocked me on their email list. And this happened twice. 0:15:52.640 --> 0:15:54.800 Blocked me on their email list and copied and pasted 0:15:54.840 --> 0:15:57.560 like word for word, like a series of like I 0:15:57.600 --> 0:15:59.840 remember I have my literature challenge. It's still you know, 0:15:59.880 --> 0:16:02.440 like available for free. So they literally took the liverature 0:16:02.520 --> 0:16:05.920 challenge copy pasted so much so one of the emails said, 0:16:06.440 --> 0:16:10.640 or my name is in Tiffany girl. Because at first 0:16:10.720 --> 0:16:13.040 I was like, I literally went to her and was like, 0:16:13.160 --> 0:16:15.640 so well because it was my sister, Because you know, 0:16:15.880 --> 0:16:17.720 the thing is you might block me from your email list, 0:16:17.720 --> 0:16:20.160 but like, my sister just random me on her email list, 0:16:20.200 --> 0:16:21.880 and she was like she literally said to me. She's like, 0:16:21.920 --> 0:16:24.720 I think someone's doing your literature challenge, you know, like 0:16:24.840 --> 0:16:26.160 just like you. I was like, well, I didn't invent 0:16:26.240 --> 0:16:30.560 financial challenges. She's like, no, but it sounds just like you. 0:16:30.600 --> 0:16:32.360 I was like, let me say so. First I was 0:16:32.400 --> 0:16:35.360 reading it and I was like yeah, and then so 0:16:35.400 --> 0:16:37.680 I reached out to her and was like, hey, girl, 0:16:38.280 --> 0:16:39.960 so it's looking like your copy and paste and she 0:16:40.080 --> 0:16:43.040 was like, no, you know you're not the first person 0:16:43.040 --> 0:16:44.840 to ever do a challenge. I said, you're right. So 0:16:44.880 --> 0:16:47.840 I literally screenshotted where my name was still in it. 0:16:48.360 --> 0:16:49.920 And when I tell you, i'd never heard from her. 0:16:50.360 --> 0:16:52.040 It was like seven years and I saw her at an 0:16:51.960 --> 0:16:54.160 event and she came to me and apologized. She like 0:16:54.240 --> 0:16:57.640 never wrote back after she took everything down, but she 0:16:57.920 --> 0:17:00.240 was so when I saw her. What she did say was, 0:17:00.280 --> 0:17:03.120 I was really ashamed. I'm so sorry. She blamed it 0:17:03.160 --> 0:17:06.040 on her her ADMIN from like another country or whatever. 0:17:06.080 --> 0:17:08.040 I was like, girl, but she was just like but 0:17:08.080 --> 0:17:09.760 I was really ashamed, and I didn't really know how 0:17:09.760 --> 0:17:11.800 to like. So I accepted the apology and it was 0:17:11.880 --> 0:17:15.480 just like, okay, and someone else had done that before, 0:17:15.600 --> 0:17:18.639 and honestly, it's happened to me several times, and I 0:17:18.680 --> 0:17:21.760 will say that if it's egregious where it's literally like 0:17:21.800 --> 0:17:23.960 copy paste, I will reach out and just say, hey, 0:17:24.560 --> 0:17:26.399 this seems like a lot of my work. I just 0:17:26.440 --> 0:17:28.919 want to bring it to your attention, you know, you know, 0:17:29.119 --> 0:17:31.200 so I don't accuse, but just like, you know, this 0:17:31.280 --> 0:17:32.600 seems like a lot of my work, and I wanted 0:17:32.600 --> 0:17:35.040 to bring you to your attention. Can we have a conversation. 0:17:36.520 --> 0:17:39.760 And then there's some people where it's not egregious, but 0:17:39.800 --> 0:17:43.040 it's enough where I'm like hmm, and I don't Honestly, 0:17:43.080 --> 0:17:46.080 I typically don't say anything because it's enough where if 0:17:46.119 --> 0:17:48.640 I say something, it could easily be like, well, girl, 0:17:48.720 --> 0:17:50.360 you're not the only one that ever said that. I'm like, yeah, 0:17:50.359 --> 0:17:51.760 but you know me, if you know me, you know, 0:17:51.840 --> 0:17:54.800 I love a turn of phrase, you know, and like 0:17:54.920 --> 0:17:56.399 I just make up my own and I'm like, you 0:17:56.400 --> 0:17:58.240 don't even talk like that. And so every once in 0:17:58.240 --> 0:18:00.320 a while there'll be someone who I'm like, you seeing 0:18:00.359 --> 0:18:02.600 like my turn of phrases all the time or whatever, 0:18:02.840 --> 0:18:05.040 and I let those go. You know what I don't 0:18:05.119 --> 0:18:08.040 let go is copy paste. This is your work. But 0:18:08.280 --> 0:18:11.119 like mannerisms, turn a phrase or whatever. I kind of 0:18:11.119 --> 0:18:12.800 just let those goes because one of the things that 0:18:13.720 --> 0:18:17.159 my really good friend Cabral always reminds me is people 0:18:17.240 --> 0:18:21.080 can only ever do what you've already done, so they're late, 0:18:22.240 --> 0:18:24.240 you know. And so that's what he reminded me when 0:18:24.240 --> 0:18:26.199 I complained to him about it, and he was just like, now, 0:18:26.240 --> 0:18:29.680 if someone literally copyright a copy paste, you know, girl, 0:18:29.760 --> 0:18:32.880 have your conversation, but these other things, you know, you've 0:18:32.920 --> 0:18:36.280 already done this thing and they can only copy. They 0:18:36.320 --> 0:18:38.320 cannot know one could be more Tiffany than Tiffany. So 0:18:38.359 --> 0:18:40.760 just continue to be yourself. And so that's what I 0:18:40.800 --> 0:18:45.120 would say. You would have to decide how egregious it's 0:18:45.160 --> 0:18:47.480 been and if it felt like a direct copy and 0:18:47.520 --> 0:18:51.199 paste versus like this makes me feel uncomfortable, And it 0:18:51.240 --> 0:18:55.720 doesn't mean that you can't say anything, Like it doesn't 0:18:55.760 --> 0:18:57.359 mean you can't say anything, because I do believe that, 0:18:57.400 --> 0:19:00.560 you know, people should feel free to speak up, but 0:19:00.640 --> 0:19:03.159 just be mindful that, like, you know, there's nothing new 0:19:03.240 --> 0:19:06.560 under the sun, and you know, like how you should 0:19:06.560 --> 0:19:09.760 have that it's not accusatory, especially if it's not a 0:19:09.800 --> 0:19:11.680 direct copy and paste. So that's what I would just say. 0:19:11.720 --> 0:19:13.600 But like gir, you know what she's doing and she 0:19:13.680 --> 0:19:14.320 know what she's doing. 0:19:14.600 --> 0:19:17.320 And it's difficult too because you say that like she's 0:19:17.359 --> 0:19:19.199 turned to you for advice, so like you were in 0:19:19.200 --> 0:19:21.280 a bit of a mentorship role and your work has 0:19:21.320 --> 0:19:25.440 inspired her. And I think a lot of the work 0:19:25.440 --> 0:19:27.360 that I do too, now that I'm getting more into 0:19:27.359 --> 0:19:29.800 this space that Tiffany's occupied for you know, over a 0:19:29.800 --> 0:19:32.359 decade now, and I'm just I'm a couple of years in. 0:19:33.160 --> 0:19:36.719 It is sometimes hard to tell if someone's doing it 0:19:36.760 --> 0:19:39.520 intentionally or because of something that you wrote. And so 0:19:39.600 --> 0:19:42.240 I get your hesitancy to be like, I don't want 0:19:42.280 --> 0:19:45.320 to come out outright accusing her, but you can't. But 0:19:45.359 --> 0:19:47.800