1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,720 Speaker 1: Guy's Welcome to this week's episode of The PhD Podcast. 2 00:00:02,840 --> 00:00:06,840 Speaker 1: It's Sugar Vane and I'm so excited about this week's episode. 3 00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:10,440 Speaker 1: Before we begin, let's do a little housekeeping. If you 4 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:12,720 Speaker 1: want to stay connected with me, please follow me on 5 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:17,040 Speaker 1: all social media platforms at the Professional Home Girl. UM. Also, 6 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:20,599 Speaker 1: you can follow the podcast on all social platforms The 7 00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:24,040 Speaker 1: PhD Podcast and I just launched my beauty line that 8 00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:27,680 Speaker 1: make lactiones are doing really well. Um. You can follow 9 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:30,120 Speaker 1: me on all social media platforms as well at e 10 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:33,279 Speaker 1: b o n e eban a Beauty and you can 11 00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:39,040 Speaker 1: visit the site at www dot n a beauty dot com. 12 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:43,800 Speaker 1: So for this week's episode, UM, I really wanted to 13 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:46,479 Speaker 1: do an episode like this. I wanted to do some research. 14 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,519 Speaker 1: I wanted to find somebody who I feel I can 15 00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:53,599 Speaker 1: be able to be informative and you know, deliver the 16 00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:57,000 Speaker 1: message that goes in with the whole the PhD Podcast. 17 00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:00,280 Speaker 1: And I read my guest blog at her entire blog 18 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:03,720 Speaker 1: and it was amazing and I was just like damn, 19 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:05,840 Speaker 1: Like this girl is really a fighter, and I think 20 00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:07,600 Speaker 1: that we can all be able to relate to her 21 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:11,480 Speaker 1: story because it has so many different layers and I 22 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:13,559 Speaker 1: think this is a really good story on the Hope 23 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:16,400 Speaker 1: And I told her this last night and she was like, hope, 24 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:21,920 Speaker 1: but I really do think like then the listeners will 25 00:01:21,959 --> 00:01:24,840 Speaker 1: be able to really receive something from your story this week. 26 00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:30,800 Speaker 1: So give us a little background of yourself growing up. Okay, 27 00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:35,280 Speaker 1: So I was born in Philly, but I grew up 28 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:39,600 Speaker 1: down south in a small town called Millageville, Georgia. So 29 00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:43,920 Speaker 1: that was an attempt for us to escape the madness 30 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,720 Speaker 1: of the city, which at the time I didn't understand 31 00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:49,080 Speaker 1: exactly what it was, but there were a lot of 32 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:53,840 Speaker 1: followed how things going going, mainly the abuse between my 33 00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:58,440 Speaker 1: father and my mom. So moving down south was like 34 00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:03,440 Speaker 1: a refuge for us. I, um, you know, just have 35 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:08,760 Speaker 1: three children. I was always like the tallest and the 36 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:15,280 Speaker 1: biggest girl in the classroom, very intelligent. Um me in 37 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:19,519 Speaker 1: a a group a population of students that were very 38 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:22,960 Speaker 1: different than me. So here I am this poor ghetto 39 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:25,440 Speaker 1: black girl in the class with all of these rich 40 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:30,959 Speaker 1: white kids, and that was very, very hard. So that 41 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:34,560 Speaker 1: did nothing good for my self esteem and my self worth. 42 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:36,919 Speaker 1: At that time, I was too young to really process 43 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:41,400 Speaker 1: those things, articulate how you was really feeling. Yes, um 44 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:46,960 Speaker 1: that I I am a graduate of the University of Georgia, 45 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:51,320 Speaker 1: I am a mom of an eight year old. I 46 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:54,200 Speaker 1: don't know, it could go so many other ways. So 47 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:57,000 Speaker 1: what what have your views on sex always been like? 48 00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:59,480 Speaker 1: Cause I read your blog you touched on just a 49 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:01,960 Speaker 1: feemale go about your self love and your self worth? 50 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:07,400 Speaker 1: What were your views on sex before um you found 51 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:12,680 Speaker 1: out your results? My view of sex? Okay, So I 52 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:17,000 Speaker 1: was in this really volatile relationship from the age of 53 00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:22,480 Speaker 1: like around thirteen to eighteen, UM and very young, and 54 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:24,880 Speaker 1: that had a lot to do with my development as well. 55 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:29,480 Speaker 1: So I had already lost my virginity by that age 56 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:34,960 Speaker 1: and already yes at thirteen, and it was a voluntary time. UM. 57 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,880 Speaker 1: Previous to that, I had been molested. I didn't put 58 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:41,520 Speaker 1: the term molestation on it until I've been older, but 59 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:46,880 Speaker 1: it was molest station by two different women in my life. 60 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:49,840 Speaker 1: So those were, you know, times that I did not 61 00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:55,000 Speaker 1: agree for those sexual eggs to be committed against me. Um. 62 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:57,840 Speaker 1: So by the time again this relationship, that was five years, 63 00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:01,720 Speaker 1: but there was my whole teenage teenage times. So by 64 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:04,440 Speaker 1: the time I got out of that, I didn't know 65 00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:06,840 Speaker 1: what to do. I didn't have any friends, and I 66 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:09,720 Speaker 1: was very hurt. So and you didn't have anybody else 67 00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:14,880 Speaker 1: that you can confide in. No, I wasn't confided in anyone, 68 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:18,839 Speaker 1: you know, not that I didn't have options, but you know, 69 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:20,479 Speaker 1: at that age, you feel like you know what you're 70 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:29,720 Speaker 1: doing to um. So ah started. You know, I led 71 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:33,840 Speaker 1: a promiscuous life for about a year, if it were 72 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:37,280 Speaker 1: that long, and I felt like, you know, the guys 73 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:40,240 Speaker 1: they accepted me because they were willing to have sex 74 00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:42,719 Speaker 1: with me, So it must have meant that they loved 75 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:45,520 Speaker 1: me because they were willing to do these things, the 76 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,440 Speaker 1: things that I didn't accept about myself, they accepted it 77 00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:55,240 Speaker 1: with their penis. So sex was good. So tell us 78 00:04:55,240 --> 00:05:02,240 Speaker 1: a day you found out you you was diagnosed with HIV. Girl, Okay, 79 00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:06,040 Speaker 1: So I mean I read it and I was like wow, 80 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:12,560 Speaker 1: like but go ahead, go ahead. Okay. So this was 81 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:17,520 Speaker 1: in June two eight years old. I had just turned 82 00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:22,120 Speaker 1: twenty that February, so, um, I had already made up 83 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:24,080 Speaker 1: in my mind that I was going to lead this 84 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:28,080 Speaker 1: better life. Like I wasn't going to want to die anymore. 85 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:30,680 Speaker 1: I wasn't going to try to kill myself anymore. I 86 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:33,760 Speaker 1: was just going to walk this narrow path. So the 87 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:38,400 Speaker 1: thing was always that was preached to me was don't 88 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:41,640 Speaker 1: get pregnant. Don't get pregnant, so cool, don't get pregnant. 89 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:45,200 Speaker 1: I went to the clinic. I went to go get 90 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:49,520 Speaker 1: birth control, and this was on a Friday. They offered 91 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:52,440 Speaker 1: um an HIV test as well as the other tests. 92 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:55,640 Speaker 1: That's as sure that's not a problem like HIV. That's 93 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:58,719 Speaker 1: the test that always comes back neg tub so cool. 94 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:02,839 Speaker 1: I didn't let my life up until that next Wednesday. 95 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:08,360 Speaker 1: They called me back from the Wednesday. Yes I didn't, 96 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,839 Speaker 1: but I wasn't worried about it because they to test 97 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:12,880 Speaker 1: it and the other stuff you could get rid of 98 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:20,320 Speaker 1: you that ain't nothing um. So that Wednesday they called 99 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:23,680 Speaker 1: me and I was at home with my mom and 100 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,640 Speaker 1: I said, mone, they called me back from the clinic, 101 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:27,800 Speaker 1: and we kind of like blew it off. Maybe it was, 102 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,400 Speaker 1: you know, one of those other stvs, or maybe it 103 00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:33,160 Speaker 1: was just a bacteria infection. Who knows why they're calling back. 104 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:37,279 Speaker 1: So I go and I get to the clinic and 105 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:40,279 Speaker 1: they called me into a room in the back of 106 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:44,680 Speaker 1: the building and the nurse walks in first, and I 107 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:47,200 Speaker 1: go in and I attempt to close the door. But 108 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,760 Speaker 1: then there's this older white man there too, So then 109 00:06:50,839 --> 00:06:54,280 Speaker 1: it starts getting really creepy, like what going Why am 110 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:58,799 Speaker 1: I here? Um? Yeah? So come to find out he's 111 00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:03,239 Speaker 1: from like the Origina Northeast Health Department something like that. 112 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:07,599 Speaker 1: And it's still beenn't dawn on me. So um, the 113 00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:10,400 Speaker 1: lady starts like flipping through my churts or whatever, and 114 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:12,960 Speaker 1: it was like, well, you were worried about you know, 115 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:17,000 Speaker 1: um you're Diana rhea or whatever test it was. She said, 116 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:20,800 Speaker 1: well that came back negative, but your HIV came back positive. 117 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:28,760 Speaker 1: Wow what me? HIV? What? Um? But that was in 118 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:31,640 Speaker 1: a very small city, a city that was not prepared 119 00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:38,960 Speaker 1: to treat nor diagnose h elments such as HIV. Sometimes 120 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:40,880 Speaker 1: I get a little confused at what's to call it? 121 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:44,880 Speaker 1: Like I definitely know it's a virus, but a disease. 122 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:49,160 Speaker 1: I don't know this thing that I'm living with. They 123 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:52,680 Speaker 1: were not prepared to deal with it. I had to 124 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:57,160 Speaker 1: wait a month before that. Then was it really like 125 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,720 Speaker 1: because of course, like most of was like I thought 126 00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:03,080 Speaker 1: that it was only like a homosexual disease. That's what 127 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:05,200 Speaker 1: they taught us, That's what they said everything. So a 128 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:07,600 Speaker 1: lot of times when people were diagnosed that were heterosexual, 129 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,720 Speaker 1: they just they couldn't wrap their mind around it. And 130 00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:12,400 Speaker 1: I feel like back then, because I'm from the South 131 00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:15,320 Speaker 1: to a lot of people, wasn't really talking about it. 132 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:19,200 Speaker 1: Oh no, we definitely wouldn't, you know, Like the the 133 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,640 Speaker 1: jokes would come out because you know, the health department 134 00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:24,280 Speaker 1: puts out a map every now and then with the 135 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:27,680 Speaker 1: little red dots of incidents, so that would be a joke, 136 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:33,280 Speaker 1: but that they never hit home. And um, at that time, 137 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:37,080 Speaker 1: my perception of who was affected by HIV would have been, 138 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:42,040 Speaker 1: you know, the homosexual population or those kids in Africa, 139 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:45,040 Speaker 1: you know, because they were playing commercials around the time 140 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:48,440 Speaker 1: where the kid kids like the big bellies and the 141 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:51,240 Speaker 1: flies flying around them and both of their parents just 142 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:54,240 Speaker 1: died from AIDS. Like so, I was able to totally 143 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:57,959 Speaker 1: disconnect myself from it. I was never a risk at 144 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:01,200 Speaker 1: our at risk because I didn't live in Africa and 145 00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:06,400 Speaker 1: I wasn't gay, you know. So, um, my perception definitely 146 00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:10,040 Speaker 1: changed once I became diagnosed. Then it became real. But 147 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:12,559 Speaker 1: then I needed to start looking for other people that 148 00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:14,640 Speaker 1: looked like me, because if I could get it, I 149 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:18,800 Speaker 1: knew that other people had to have it right. Yeah, 150 00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:21,360 Speaker 1: so when you found out, like, what were your thoughts like, 151 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:24,959 Speaker 1: because I can't I can't imagine how you felt, like, 152 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:27,000 Speaker 1: I mean, by reading your blogs. So I was just 153 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:33,760 Speaker 1: like Jesus, like yeah, like I like, what what were 154 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:38,040 Speaker 1: you going through? I cried? I cried. I cried, UM 155 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:41,000 Speaker 1: cried all the way from the health department back to 156 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:44,040 Speaker 1: my mama's room, which is when I'd been told her. 157 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:47,160 Speaker 1: I walked in. She was like, what was it? I said, 158 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:50,640 Speaker 1: Mama got it? She was like, you got what I said, HIV. 159 00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:54,680 Speaker 1: She sat up off of her being was like no, no, no, 160 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:59,840 Speaker 1: And we cried with each other for three days straight, 161 00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:03,600 Speaker 1: three days, and then after the third day she put 162 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:09,840 Speaker 1: on a gospel song is Yolande Adams Live in Washington? 163 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:14,120 Speaker 1: The Battle is Not Your Sister? Lord's that song right there. 164 00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:18,120 Speaker 1: I can remember that being a pivot and how I 165 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:21,880 Speaker 1: view this situation, how I was going to live the 166 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:24,520 Speaker 1: rest of my life, like it just is what it is, 167 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:27,640 Speaker 1: what I'm I going to do. I was positive probably 168 00:10:27,679 --> 00:10:30,280 Speaker 1: a month ago, and I was able to smile a 169 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:34,600 Speaker 1: month ago, with the difference today like because I know, okay, 170 00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:36,680 Speaker 1: so since I know, what can I do about this 171 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:40,960 Speaker 1: to you know, cope to help other people to live, 172 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,360 Speaker 1: because I'm not about to let this thing take me out. No, 173 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:47,839 Speaker 1: do you know who gave it to you? I'm pretty sure, 174 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:51,240 Speaker 1: Like that's such a big way to put on someone. 175 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:54,760 Speaker 1: But as I said, I was a little promiscuous. Um. 176 00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:57,080 Speaker 1: But I was always in the doctors, Like a matter 177 00:10:57,080 --> 00:11:00,320 Speaker 1: of fact, before I got diagnosed, I was experience at 178 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:04,240 Speaker 1: sing some some issues. Like I had been in the 179 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:06,640 Speaker 1: doctor because of my swollen left notes on the side 180 00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:09,400 Speaker 1: of my neck. I was given the explanation that my 181 00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:12,559 Speaker 1: left noos were swollen because I had put a perm 182 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:15,800 Speaker 1: in my hair and somehow the perms seat down into 183 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:17,880 Speaker 1: my scalp and into my neck. And that's what am 184 00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:22,800 Speaker 1: You know. They always said that perms and stuff is 185 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:26,080 Speaker 1: not good for you, good for yourself. That's crazy. Yes, 186 00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:29,480 Speaker 1: so I sense I have locked now, so I stopped that. 187 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:33,160 Speaker 1: But that definitely wasn't the explanation for why my left 188 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:39,199 Speaker 1: noos were swollen at that time. Um, what other experiences 189 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:46,280 Speaker 1: that I have ever? Look ahead? They tested my white 190 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:49,520 Speaker 1: blood cells that count was low at sometime, but I 191 00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:52,800 Speaker 1: never got an explanation, and nor did I ever get 192 00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:56,640 Speaker 1: offered in the HIV test, So it could have been 193 00:11:56,640 --> 00:12:00,440 Speaker 1: a few months that I had the virus. And do 194 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,640 Speaker 1: you think that they this honestly didn't know why he 195 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:07,200 Speaker 1: was getting these tests? Um, it wasn't a big deal 196 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:11,120 Speaker 1: back in the day. I'm not sure. I just something 197 00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:13,679 Speaker 1: in me and I don't have this like back by research, 198 00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:16,240 Speaker 1: but something in me just tells me that they don't 199 00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:20,800 Speaker 1: offer us test, like unless you're explicitly going in there 200 00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:24,520 Speaker 1: requesting an HIV test, that can be something that's often, 201 00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:28,760 Speaker 1: um you know, looked over and me being a university 202 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,640 Speaker 1: student at the time, and you know, just probably that 203 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:37,959 Speaker 1: stigma around or the concept of who I should have been. Um, 204 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:41,120 Speaker 1: I wasn't a risk at risk for contract in HIV. 205 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:46,439 Speaker 1: So I don't think an HIV tests whatever crossed their minds, right. Wow. 206 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:48,680 Speaker 1: Did you ever want to call the person who think 207 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:52,600 Speaker 1: it was? Yeah? I did, But then I ended up 208 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:59,720 Speaker 1: seeing him in He did not see me, but I 209 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:02,000 Speaker 1: saw on him, and as I said, it's such a 210 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:04,520 Speaker 1: big weight to put on someone. But I started like 211 00:13:04,559 --> 00:13:08,400 Speaker 1: putting things together. It was just so eerie. One time 212 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:11,079 Speaker 1: I was gonna say, why do you think it was him? 213 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:14,199 Speaker 1: One time we walked into his house, and his cousin 214 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:17,640 Speaker 1: was like, hmm, this is interesting, and I was like 215 00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:22,679 Speaker 1: yo me And now I'm looking back, you know, of 216 00:13:22,679 --> 00:13:25,800 Speaker 1: course I live in his paranoia when I'm talking about 217 00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:28,520 Speaker 1: that space, like maybe she could have been referring to that. 218 00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:33,000 Speaker 1: Um it was a woman who said that, Yes, yes, 219 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:38,320 Speaker 1: a woman cousin yeah um, And I always wonder what 220 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:40,800 Speaker 1: she meant by that, And I get frustrated stuff like 221 00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:43,480 Speaker 1: that because as a woman, like I mean, I know 222 00:13:43,559 --> 00:13:45,880 Speaker 1: it can go both ways. It's like, girl, you're a woman, 223 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,080 Speaker 1: like you're one of me, like holding down, like let 224 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:51,240 Speaker 1: me know what's going on, like say something. Yeah why 225 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:56,200 Speaker 1: because that could have instantly changed a lot, you know, 226 00:13:57,640 --> 00:13:59,920 Speaker 1: But then maybe that's my path I'm supposed to walk. 227 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:02,920 Speaker 1: So we go into I always think of the movie 228 00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:05,920 Speaker 1: the Butterfly Effects. So if you change one thing, then 229 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:09,640 Speaker 1: it changes everything that comes after it. Then No, I 230 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:14,080 Speaker 1: would never like wish HIV one my worst enemy. But 231 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:17,080 Speaker 1: this is what has been put on my plate and 232 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:19,840 Speaker 1: I'm dealing with and I hope to inspire other people 233 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:23,440 Speaker 1: along the way. Um, So tell us about the medication 234 00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:25,320 Speaker 1: because I know, like when I was in my research, 235 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:28,320 Speaker 1: I mean, there's like a lot of pills that person 236 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:32,640 Speaker 1: would have to take right no extraly from my diagnosis 237 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:35,200 Speaker 1: in two thousand eight, they didn't even put me on 238 00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:39,800 Speaker 1: medication immediately. I hear that they're doing things differently now. 239 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:43,240 Speaker 1: We've waited a while, Like my numbers. My blood got 240 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:46,240 Speaker 1: drawn to see how much virus was in my blood 241 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:48,640 Speaker 1: and how many of those T cells, which are the 242 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:51,120 Speaker 1: good cells we need, how many head and after it 243 00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:54,720 Speaker 1: reached a certain level, that's when medication was introduced. So 244 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:58,600 Speaker 1: I would say maybe a year. Um, it took before 245 00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:01,960 Speaker 1: I got on medication, and I started within that year. 246 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:05,040 Speaker 1: You was on no medication, no medicine. And that may 247 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:08,640 Speaker 1: be a large exaggeration, but I know that within that 248 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:13,800 Speaker 1: first year I was not taking anything. UM. Then I 249 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:17,800 Speaker 1: got onto a regiment that was one pill and a 250 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:20,240 Speaker 1: cup of a liquid, you know, like one of those 251 00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:24,000 Speaker 1: medicine cups. UM. I did it twice a day. That 252 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:28,560 Speaker 1: regiment made me so sick that would keep me in 253 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:32,600 Speaker 1: the bathroom and had me feeling really bad and queasy, 254 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:35,520 Speaker 1: and I hated taking it. I would take the medicine 255 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,320 Speaker 1: at night and I would be able to taste it 256 00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:39,960 Speaker 1: in the morning still when I woke up. Yeah, you know, 257 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,360 Speaker 1: it's so crazy. I read because I love to read, right, 258 00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:46,440 Speaker 1: So I read Magic Johnson's wife's book, Cookie Johnson Believe 259 00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:49,400 Speaker 1: in Magic. You know, such a great book. So she 260 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:51,720 Speaker 1: talks about when he got died and those with HIV, 261 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:55,280 Speaker 1: and you know, back then they didn't have anything, so 262 00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:57,200 Speaker 1: all these doctors and people were trying to come up 263 00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:59,520 Speaker 1: these notusings and stuff. And she said the same thing, 264 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:01,400 Speaker 1: like in the beginning, I don't think he had to 265 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:04,160 Speaker 1: take medicine, but then when he had to, it made 266 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,680 Speaker 1: him so weak, it made him nauseous. He was doing 267 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:10,320 Speaker 1: up all like he's gonna keep nothing down. Yes, yes, yes. 268 00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:14,920 Speaker 1: And it was one day I remember specifically, I had 269 00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:18,920 Speaker 1: my son. He was about too and I couldn't make it. 270 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:21,560 Speaker 1: I was we were trying to travel somewhere and I 271 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:24,040 Speaker 1: had to stop at one fast food restaurant to use 272 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,600 Speaker 1: the bathroom, and within the next five minutes I was 273 00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:28,800 Speaker 1: having to stop again. So now I'm with this two 274 00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:31,480 Speaker 1: year old in a public restroom trying to use it. 275 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:34,640 Speaker 1: It was the most disgusting experience ever. So I was like, 276 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,560 Speaker 1: I'm not taking this no more. I'm not doing this. 277 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:40,320 Speaker 1: So I took myself off the medication, which is probably 278 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:44,040 Speaker 1: it's probably one of the most disastrous things you could do. 279 00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:47,560 Speaker 1: M How was your because I know you have a son, 280 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:51,440 Speaker 1: How was your pregnancy? Yeah, I read that. You said 281 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:54,440 Speaker 1: it was awesome. You had an amazing doctor. Were you 282 00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:58,120 Speaker 1: nervous at any point of course, of course, like just 283 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:02,560 Speaker 1: being a pregnant period like minus HIV that is stressful, 284 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:06,000 Speaker 1: or it can be because all of these changes are happening. 285 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:09,560 Speaker 1: But then with the edit factor of HIV. So now 286 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:11,199 Speaker 1: at the age of I belt leave, I was like 287 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:14,639 Speaker 1: twenty two. Um, y'all calling me a high risk pregnancy, 288 00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:18,760 Speaker 1: Like why I'm a high risk pregnancy? And um, I 289 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:21,520 Speaker 1: was being watched very closely and I had to take 290 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:24,760 Speaker 1: you know, they made sure my numbers were okay because 291 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:28,359 Speaker 1: undetectable that means that there is no virus that is 292 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:31,000 Speaker 1: like in your blood. So you was really going through 293 00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:34,320 Speaker 1: a lot in your early twenties. Girl. Yeah, y'all don't 294 00:17:34,359 --> 00:17:38,320 Speaker 1: even know the half of it, you know. Yeah, I 295 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:43,480 Speaker 1: was mavery at this time, as I'm pregnant and everything. 296 00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:47,000 Speaker 1: We're going through a minor separation which turned into a 297 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:50,520 Speaker 1: major separation. So I gave birth to the child without 298 00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:53,800 Speaker 1: my husband by my side, like, yeah, I was really 299 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,560 Speaker 1: going through it and you was married and you all 300 00:17:57,000 --> 00:18:00,119 Speaker 1: gave birth, he was pregnant. Did he know that you 301 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:03,919 Speaker 1: had HIV? Yes, he was the first guy outside of 302 00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:07,760 Speaker 1: HIV and he accepted me. So I thought that that 303 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:12,119 Speaker 1: immediately meant love, Like you're gonna love me with HIV, 304 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:16,600 Speaker 1: you must really mean this? And then it didn't turned 305 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:20,120 Speaker 1: out that way. Wow, Like how did you How were 306 00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:22,840 Speaker 1: you able to like just keep it going? Because like 307 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:27,040 Speaker 1: from your childhood years to we at the age of 308 00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:30,800 Speaker 1: twenty two, that's a lot girl, what you're gonna do? 309 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:34,639 Speaker 1: Like just over? And I, like, I always have this 310 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:39,800 Speaker 1: concept that this mantra of I can't give God conditions 311 00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:41,679 Speaker 1: on how I want to live this life, Like I 312 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:43,520 Speaker 1: can't be like God. The only way I want to 313 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,720 Speaker 1: be here is if I have a house with the 314 00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:48,879 Speaker 1: white picket fence and you know, this perfect family. I 315 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:52,159 Speaker 1: can't do that. So it is what it is. And 316 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:55,720 Speaker 1: I realized that everyone has different, you know, things on 317 00:18:55,840 --> 00:19:00,200 Speaker 1: their plate, and we all have this strength and a 318 00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:04,159 Speaker 1: tenacity within us. Because I could look at your story 319 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,600 Speaker 1: and probably be like, WHOA, how did you make it 320 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:09,720 Speaker 1: through that? While you're looking at me like WHOA, How 321 00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:14,960 Speaker 1: you made it through that? And to me it ain't nothing. Yeah, 322 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:19,159 Speaker 1: So so are you on medication now? Yes? I am 323 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:23,800 Speaker 1: until one today. It's awesome. I have no side effects. 324 00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:29,000 Speaker 1: It is awesome. And that's crazy that that's just within 325 00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:33,320 Speaker 1: the last eleven years. This year's so that they've been 326 00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:36,480 Speaker 1: able to develop the medicine to this extent, Like, I'm 327 00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:39,520 Speaker 1: so grateful. Right, you think they can ever find a 328 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:43,440 Speaker 1: cure for it? Yes, I really do. I don't really do. 329 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:48,240 Speaker 1: We probably aren't even that far outside of a cure. Um. 330 00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:51,000 Speaker 1: If you can get me to the point of being undetectable, 331 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:54,480 Speaker 1: where I not a risk to my child as he 332 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:57,879 Speaker 1: comes out of my vaginal canal, and then I'm not 333 00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:01,840 Speaker 1: a risk to my partner. Um, I felt like a 334 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:07,320 Speaker 1: cure has to be close. Yeah, because I know, um, 335 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:11,120 Speaker 1: one of my gay homeboys, right, he was telling me that, 336 00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:16,199 Speaker 1: Um he was UM, so I guess like him and 337 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:18,320 Speaker 1: when he hook up with guys, he doesn't use condoms. Right, 338 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:21,520 Speaker 1: so he was telling me that he tastes this um 339 00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:27,119 Speaker 1: like this, these pills or something, and he it's pretty 340 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:29,640 Speaker 1: much if the person has HIV or have any other 341 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:36,280 Speaker 1: type of disease, it goes undetectable. Okay, so what I 342 00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,200 Speaker 1: can The only thing I can think of that he's 343 00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:42,919 Speaker 1: referring to is a pill called Prep Wow, and prep 344 00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,399 Speaker 1: is actually it's all I think. The name of it 345 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:47,920 Speaker 1: is true Vida. That is the drug that you're taking. 346 00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:51,639 Speaker 1: True Vida was one of my first HIV pills. When 347 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:55,040 Speaker 1: I hate to take the pill in the liquid um, 348 00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:57,400 Speaker 1: that was the pill that I was taking. So they 349 00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:02,480 Speaker 1: realized that if the person an HIV negative person does 350 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:06,520 Speaker 1: take this medication sort of as prevention, not sort of, 351 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:10,679 Speaker 1: but as prevention, that if you are even exposed to 352 00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:13,080 Speaker 1: the virus, that is able to like kind of kill 353 00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:16,520 Speaker 1: the virus off before it has a chance to wreak 354 00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:20,920 Speaker 1: havoc in your body. So it's like, I don't want 355 00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:24,439 Speaker 1: to call it a plan B, but it's something along 356 00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:26,880 Speaker 1: the line. It's just protecting you and it's just HVV. 357 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:30,320 Speaker 1: I haven't heard that it protects you against any other thing. 358 00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:34,240 Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, Yeah, I think that's what he was talking about. 359 00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:40,480 Speaker 1: Are these pills expensive? Um? Yes, without insurance. I'm saying 360 00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:44,160 Speaker 1: that my medicine is like over three thou dollars a month? 361 00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:49,639 Speaker 1: What month and does does? Does? Mostly all insurance to 362 00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:54,480 Speaker 1: cover that. Um. Mostly from my experience, UM, I have, 363 00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:57,439 Speaker 1: thank God, like I have not been in a situation 364 00:21:57,440 --> 00:22:02,240 Speaker 1: where I was not able to get UM my medication. 365 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:05,280 Speaker 1: So that was whether I was being covered by Medicaid 366 00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:08,920 Speaker 1: insurance or employer insurance. And then I know that some 367 00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:13,560 Speaker 1: states it varies, but they offer programs like out of 368 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:18,159 Speaker 1: Ryan White Funds where you are able to still receive 369 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:20,600 Speaker 1: medicine if you don't hit the insurance or the money 370 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:27,400 Speaker 1: to do a month. Girl, Oh my god, that's crazy. 371 00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:35,480 Speaker 1: That's somebody's salary. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, because it's 372 00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:37,280 Speaker 1: like they really make it hard for people to take 373 00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:43,080 Speaker 1: better parent of themselves. Yes, um, that's that's stressful. And 374 00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:46,400 Speaker 1: that's just the medication. You're not counting the doctor's visits, 375 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:49,200 Speaker 1: the lab work. I believe, like the lad work that 376 00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:52,200 Speaker 1: I do probably three times a year is about four 377 00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:56,680 Speaker 1: dollars a piece just for the lad work. Um, then 378 00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:59,159 Speaker 1: you're not talking like the visits in between where I'm 379 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:02,359 Speaker 1: going to go check in with my doctor, the time 380 00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:04,840 Speaker 1: that I'm missing out from work because I have to 381 00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:09,560 Speaker 1: go do these things. It just changes your life completely, 382 00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:13,959 Speaker 1: think ways that you would never even think. Right, So, 383 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:18,400 Speaker 1: how have people treated you definitely when they found out 384 00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:21,719 Speaker 1: that you was h V positive. Let's start with your 385 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:23,920 Speaker 1: family and friends because we can. I broke it down 386 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:26,000 Speaker 1: to like different parts after reading everything with your blog 387 00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:27,919 Speaker 1: and adults, and if you want to read her blogs, 388 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:32,360 Speaker 1: you can email me at Hello at the Professional home girl, UM, 389 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:34,399 Speaker 1: because I really do want to share her blog that 390 00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:37,120 Speaker 1: since all of my guests are anonymous, but I would 391 00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:40,159 Speaker 1: definitely share her blog with you guys, because it was 392 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:43,159 Speaker 1: really good. Like I was up one night girl just 393 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:48,160 Speaker 1: read it, not stop like because I was just like wow, 394 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:50,400 Speaker 1: like I mean, and like you said, we've all been 395 00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:52,639 Speaker 1: through a lot of stuff. But I think that when 396 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,280 Speaker 1: you look at somebody else and you see that they've 397 00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:57,920 Speaker 1: been through like mash ship and they're constantly going, you're 398 00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:01,920 Speaker 1: just like, yo, how can I give up? Yeah? But 399 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:05,920 Speaker 1: how have your family friends treat you differently? Okay? So 400 00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:09,520 Speaker 1: my family, my family has been so supportive from the 401 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:13,040 Speaker 1: very weekending from the like, I believe that that's where 402 00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:18,160 Speaker 1: my strength comes from period, It's from my family. If 403 00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:20,879 Speaker 1: no one else in the world accepts me, my family 404 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:24,359 Speaker 1: accepts me. They love me, they tolerate me, like HIV 405 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:28,879 Speaker 1: ain't a thing. Um, with friends. I want to say 406 00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:31,639 Speaker 1: that some relationships with some of my friends have been 407 00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:36,199 Speaker 1: affected after my HIV diagnosis. UM, it would never be 408 00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:40,919 Speaker 1: that that was the reason, but there's definitely the the 409 00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:45,960 Speaker 1: nature of the relationship changed after that diagnosis. But it 410 00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:51,080 Speaker 1: is what it is. And I just feel like, if 411 00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:52,520 Speaker 1: you can't be at me doing a something like this, 412 00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:53,680 Speaker 1: and you damn sure don't need to be with me 413 00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:57,800 Speaker 1: at any other times mm hmmm. And what what about 414 00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:02,840 Speaker 1: work work? UM, that has been a struggle of mine 415 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:05,199 Speaker 1: and I don't know if that is something that I 416 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:09,439 Speaker 1: UM I just looked out to be disappointed in. But 417 00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:12,880 Speaker 1: some jobs, like I was a daycare teacher, I felt 418 00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:17,440 Speaker 1: like I couldn't share with them my positive HIV status 419 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,960 Speaker 1: because if they did, then the parents would feel some 420 00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,240 Speaker 1: type of way and they wouldn't want me around their kids. 421 00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:26,760 Speaker 1: Or I UM tried to go teach English in a 422 00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:30,800 Speaker 1: country outside of America and one of the questions on 423 00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:35,040 Speaker 1: the application was, UM, do you have any communicable diseases? 424 00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:38,560 Speaker 1: And once I disclosed that, then I just gave up 425 00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:42,280 Speaker 1: on the opportunity period because the country did not allow 426 00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:48,760 Speaker 1: people with HIV positive status to come to UM. One 427 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:52,399 Speaker 1: job I was working at like the lady wouldn't let 428 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:55,159 Speaker 1: me serve my own pizza one day she jumped in 429 00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,240 Speaker 1: the middle of that because I guess she was afraid 430 00:25:57,280 --> 00:26:01,760 Speaker 1: of my hands being in the pizza box. Yeah, it 431 00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:05,280 Speaker 1: was crazy because I know I was. I read that 432 00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:08,720 Speaker 1: you was. I think it was a guy that was handicapped. Yes, 433 00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:13,920 Speaker 1: he was paralyzed, Yes, yes, And I disclosed to um, 434 00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:16,720 Speaker 1: one of my co workers. She came to relieve me 435 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:19,720 Speaker 1: on like a Monday morning, and I disclosed to her. 436 00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:23,960 Speaker 1: We were talking and whatever, whatever, and I leave and 437 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:27,000 Speaker 1: I go home, and within hours I received a phone 438 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:29,760 Speaker 1: call from the HR department that let me know that 439 00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:33,320 Speaker 1: they had to let me go, and I said okay, 440 00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:35,919 Speaker 1: and I hung up the phone. But then I was like, no, 441 00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:39,880 Speaker 1: wait why. I already know why, but I needed them 442 00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:43,920 Speaker 1: to tell me something. So I called back and I'm like, UM, 443 00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:45,719 Speaker 1: can you give me a reason for why I just 444 00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:47,800 Speaker 1: then let go? She was like, no, no, we can't. 445 00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:51,439 Speaker 1: And for it to be at well to work state like, 446 00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:53,240 Speaker 1: they can just do that, they can let you go, 447 00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:58,880 Speaker 1: but how can you prove it? Though? She never gave 448 00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:03,880 Speaker 1: your reason, so it just would have been too much 449 00:27:04,119 --> 00:27:08,159 Speaker 1: stress and pressure on May and those are types of 450 00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,200 Speaker 1: things that I try to keep away from my life 451 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:13,879 Speaker 1: because stress can take those same cells that HIV is 452 00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:20,600 Speaker 1: trying to take. So the T sales yes, um, and 453 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:23,439 Speaker 1: stress is going after those as well. So if I 454 00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:26,080 Speaker 1: can eliminate some stress and kind of I don't know, 455 00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:29,280 Speaker 1: choose my battles a little differently than that's what I 456 00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:33,240 Speaker 1: ought to do because I'm trying to stay aloud. So 457 00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:38,760 Speaker 1: how has working been? Now? It's been awesome, extremely, I 458 00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,600 Speaker 1: guy has just been so amazing. So I've been a 459 00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:46,000 Speaker 1: caretaker for my family most of my life, and mostly 460 00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:49,200 Speaker 1: without pay. I actually moved back to Philadelphia in two 461 00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:52,800 Speaker 1: thousand twelve to take care of my sick grandmam without pay. 462 00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:55,160 Speaker 1: But now I'm in a position to where I can 463 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,719 Speaker 1: still care for them and get paid to do it. 464 00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:00,760 Speaker 1: So that has been amazed. And so now I'm not 465 00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:04,639 Speaker 1: in the workforce like begging nobody to accept me into 466 00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:08,199 Speaker 1: you know, love me, because I'm with my family and 467 00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:11,720 Speaker 1: I'm doing what I've been doing the whole wild. But 468 00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:17,160 Speaker 1: do you have to tell your employer that your status? No, Um, 469 00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:20,480 Speaker 1: there are certain instances where I think it would be required. 470 00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:23,560 Speaker 1: But if I'm not putting that person at risk, like 471 00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:26,359 Speaker 1: I don't have to disclose. But then it gets really 472 00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:29,440 Speaker 1: sticky when you get to a part of the application 473 00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:33,600 Speaker 1: where it asks you a question. Then you kind of 474 00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:36,399 Speaker 1: feel like you would be not telling the full truth 475 00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:38,880 Speaker 1: if you didn't answer yes to such as do you 476 00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:42,120 Speaker 1: have any communicople diseases? But if you say no, what 477 00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:50,680 Speaker 1: can something happen? I don't know. I've never tried. Let's 478 00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:56,240 Speaker 1: put that in the universe. I'm always trying to find 479 00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:59,040 Speaker 1: a way. What if I say no? When they find out? 480 00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:05,680 Speaker 1: Let me know? Because run that was funny. Okay. What 481 00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:09,320 Speaker 1: about your relationship with men? How has men treated you differently? 482 00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:17,160 Speaker 1: How he treated me differently? Stories? And I was like, girl, okay, 483 00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:20,000 Speaker 1: let's talk about the experience when you was, um, you 484 00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:26,720 Speaker 1: was at a club or bar yourself? Yes, girl, you 485 00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:30,600 Speaker 1: want somebody, okay, Because I was just like, oh, he 486 00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:34,719 Speaker 1: has some fucking nerves, Yes he did. So you know, 487 00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:38,000 Speaker 1: I'm not, you know, enjoying myself at this little dance 488 00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:42,760 Speaker 1: hall place and this guy we started making eyes whatever whatever. 489 00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:46,120 Speaker 1: I don't know what was said, what was done, just 490 00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:48,320 Speaker 1: a whole lot in between there. But I end up 491 00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:51,680 Speaker 1: at his house in his bid with hardy no clothes on. 492 00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:54,000 Speaker 1: Now that I never told this man from the beginning 493 00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:55,880 Speaker 1: to night, I'm not giving you nothing. I'm not giving 494 00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:58,200 Speaker 1: you nothing. But now I'm in his bid with hardly 495 00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:02,840 Speaker 1: no clothes on. Mistake, my mistake. But um so then 496 00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:06,160 Speaker 1: I disclosed to him my virus because of course I 497 00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:08,280 Speaker 1: have to. I'm not going to sleep with you, whether 498 00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:13,400 Speaker 1: protected or unprotected, without allowing you to make an informed decision. 499 00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:18,400 Speaker 1: So explained to him like, look, I'm undetectable. You wouldn't 500 00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:21,920 Speaker 1: catch it even if we use that kind of whatever whatever. 501 00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:27,920 Speaker 1: So he undetectable because of your medicine that you're taking. Yes, yes, yes, 502 00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:31,440 Speaker 1: so will you always be undetectable? Um, that's what I 503 00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:35,880 Speaker 1: get checked off them. So I've been undetectable for years. Um. 504 00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:39,800 Speaker 1: I have not developed like any medication resistance or anything. 505 00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:44,040 Speaker 1: So my medication is still working for me. Um. Now, 506 00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:46,440 Speaker 1: if I came out from medicine, you know that would 507 00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:48,800 Speaker 1: not be the same thing I would. The virus would 508 00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:52,240 Speaker 1: begin to do what it is in my body to do, 509 00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:55,400 Speaker 1: which is to read their hev it and then I 510 00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:58,320 Speaker 1: would have virus in my blood, which in my fluids 511 00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:02,520 Speaker 1: would would make me susceptible to passing it and stuff. 512 00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:06,840 Speaker 1: So the medication is such a key component to this um. 513 00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:09,400 Speaker 1: But this dude he wasn't hearing none of that. He 514 00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:12,440 Speaker 1: wasn't hear none of it. So now he wants me 515 00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:16,400 Speaker 1: to play with myself in front of him so that 516 00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:23,920 Speaker 1: he can just yes, exactly, you got it, girl. This 517 00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:29,440 Speaker 1: nigga got some nerves so yo, and I just felt 518 00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:34,000 Speaker 1: so like violated in that moment. I felt like, Oh, 519 00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:37,480 Speaker 1: how dare you so you this dude from this club 520 00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:40,120 Speaker 1: that yeah, I probably would have given something that night, 521 00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:44,040 Speaker 1: but you from this club, and you want me to 522 00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:46,200 Speaker 1: do what for you? Like I don't even know you 523 00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:50,840 Speaker 1: like that to want you to get off that much? Like, No, Wow, 524 00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:54,640 Speaker 1: I have been some other situations. I know you had 525 00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:58,560 Speaker 1: another situation that was crazy. I think you know, I'm 526 00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:03,520 Speaker 1: about to say the one with the you was kind 527 00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:05,920 Speaker 1: of like Dani's guy. He wasn't really feeling him and 528 00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:07,760 Speaker 1: then next thing you know, he kind of like locked 529 00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:11,880 Speaker 1: you in the bath room. That was wild. But you 530 00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:13,920 Speaker 1: know what, before you tell the story, you made a 531 00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:18,400 Speaker 1: really good point. Um. You said something about how like 532 00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:21,760 Speaker 1: when people know like certain situations about you. In the 533 00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:24,440 Speaker 1: situation that's very um, that's very dear to you and 534 00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:27,040 Speaker 1: very sensitive. People would kind of use that against you 535 00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:32,400 Speaker 1: because he lied and said that his mother had HIV. Yes, 536 00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:36,320 Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, like your mom had it, 537 00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:40,680 Speaker 1: so you kinda were under understood, right, That's what I thought. 538 00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:43,240 Speaker 1: But it didn't take me very long to put those 539 00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:46,240 Speaker 1: pieces together. He was a whole fault. He was a 540 00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:50,240 Speaker 1: whole liar. Um, don't think his mom ever headed? And 541 00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:53,720 Speaker 1: I go ahead, no, go ahead, because because then he 542 00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:55,719 Speaker 1: said his mom like passed away from it or like 543 00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:58,960 Speaker 1: did he mad? Like a crazy lie. All of it 544 00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:01,080 Speaker 1: was a crazy lie. I don't don't even know which part. 545 00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:05,200 Speaker 1: Like what tell us about it? Tell us about it? Okay, 546 00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:08,200 Speaker 1: So I met this guy. He was the first guy 547 00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:11,160 Speaker 1: that I met since moving back to the city of Philadelphia, 548 00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:15,120 Speaker 1: and I was on like a dating site and I 549 00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:18,160 Speaker 1: had put that out immediately. Look, I'm HIV positive, I'm 550 00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:19,800 Speaker 1: new to the city. I'm just trying to get to 551 00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:24,560 Speaker 1: know friends. So he was in my inbox immediately and 552 00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:28,760 Speaker 1: was like, Hey, my mom, um, she has HIV. I'm 553 00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:30,600 Speaker 1: not sure if he said that she died from it, 554 00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:33,720 Speaker 1: but she has it. Such a beautiful woman, and I 555 00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:36,280 Speaker 1: believe in black love and da da da da. So 556 00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:42,240 Speaker 1: like the conversation started, we eventually began hanging out, and 557 00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:45,880 Speaker 1: it came out over time that he was a little 558 00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:49,840 Speaker 1: thrown off. He had a lot of issues. Not remember 559 00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:53,120 Speaker 1: being in this house one night and he just snapped 560 00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:56,479 Speaker 1: like he snapped, I'm in the bathroom. He's holding me 561 00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:59,640 Speaker 1: by my locks, in my hair, and it's threatening that 562 00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:03,000 Speaker 1: he's cut my hair off right now because I'm not strong, 563 00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:06,600 Speaker 1: like I don't deserve them. He'll take Zillion's mom from 564 00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:10,279 Speaker 1: him right now, and all of this, Like that night 565 00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:11,920 Speaker 1: was a night that I felt like I was going 566 00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:14,680 Speaker 1: to die. If I've never felt that way before, that 567 00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:18,160 Speaker 1: was the night in this instinct of just they say, 568 00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:21,439 Speaker 1: you're either going to fight or fight like I ran, 569 00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:26,319 Speaker 1: He ran outside after me. It was so dramatic, and 570 00:34:26,680 --> 00:34:30,440 Speaker 1: that is something I never thought I would Yes, I 571 00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:34,080 Speaker 1: never thought I would experience that, Like especially I met 572 00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:36,399 Speaker 1: you off the premise of me having HIV. I thought 573 00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:39,719 Speaker 1: that this was going to be like more of a understanding, 574 00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:44,120 Speaker 1: you know, And then the next day he called, you're 575 00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:47,040 Speaker 1: talking about something you gave this one? Oh my god, girl, 576 00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:54,040 Speaker 1: what No, I didn't you like? What is you talking 577 00:34:54,080 --> 00:34:57,719 Speaker 1: about doing like, oh you crazy, crazy, But do you 578 00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:00,640 Speaker 1: think that when you meet people or when you meet man, 579 00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:03,560 Speaker 1: do you think they honestly we wanted to like get 580 00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:06,440 Speaker 1: to know you, or they have a moral curiousy, a 581 00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:10,080 Speaker 1: curiosity of oh wow, let me see, Like I don't know, 582 00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:12,839 Speaker 1: because I'm very weary of people, like I always feel 583 00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:16,120 Speaker 1: like people always have a motive, and it's just like 584 00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:18,640 Speaker 1: to me, it's just like like with the guy who 585 00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:20,680 Speaker 1: interested came to his beds, like why would you have 586 00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:22,560 Speaker 1: me come over there a night if we wasn't gonna 587 00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:28,080 Speaker 1: especially like what are you trying to do? Um? Dude? 588 00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:32,759 Speaker 1: The intent? I often struggle with that, like what is 589 00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:36,560 Speaker 1: your intention with me? Like why here? Where? Like because 590 00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:38,960 Speaker 1: I'm not trying to play no games, all of it. 591 00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:41,440 Speaker 1: But I think that a lot of us women deal 592 00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:44,560 Speaker 1: with that even outside of the scope of HIV. Like 593 00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:48,160 Speaker 1: I was beating myself up for a long time, like, 594 00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:50,719 Speaker 1: oh my god, nobody's gonna want me because I got this, 595 00:35:51,239 --> 00:35:53,160 Speaker 1: nobody gonna want me because I got this other bad 596 00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:56,120 Speaker 1: gas whatever, whatever. But then I talked to some single 597 00:35:56,160 --> 00:35:59,680 Speaker 1: women who are HIV negative and they're dealing with the 598 00:35:59,719 --> 00:36:05,200 Speaker 1: same things like that. But then were you positive or 599 00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:09,080 Speaker 1: my experience of being positive? I attribute everything to HIV, 600 00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:12,480 Speaker 1: So he must not want me because I'm HIV positive 601 00:36:12,719 --> 00:36:15,120 Speaker 1: when no, really, he probably wouldn't want me if I 602 00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:18,719 Speaker 1: was HIV negative either. Um, hell, I probably wouldn't want 603 00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:21,880 Speaker 1: help needs this ship, Yeah, because some of these things 604 00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:28,520 Speaker 1: are crazy. Yes, if you were when you were HIV negative? 605 00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:34,520 Speaker 1: Wh you dad? Somebody else HIV positive? Oh no? No? Like? 606 00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:42,640 Speaker 1: Oh like that is so scary. That's why I understand 607 00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:46,960 Speaker 1: that fight for this is so strong, because that is scary. 608 00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:50,319 Speaker 1: When you say HIV or AIDS, you give a definition 609 00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:53,879 Speaker 1: like that doesn't matter because it's scary. We don't know 610 00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:57,239 Speaker 1: anything about it. We don't like in. The images that 611 00:36:57,320 --> 00:37:00,480 Speaker 1: you see about it are usually like really scary ones 612 00:37:00,640 --> 00:37:03,520 Speaker 1: or pictures of people that you're able to disconnect from 613 00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:06,560 Speaker 1: immediately because they're not like you and they don't depict 614 00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:10,399 Speaker 1: a lot of stories that look like yours. Yes, yes, right, 615 00:37:11,040 --> 00:37:13,640 Speaker 1: but there are so many of us living with it. 616 00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:17,160 Speaker 1: In two thousand and eight, when I started advocating after 617 00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:22,120 Speaker 1: my diagnosis, the fastest growing group of incidents that was 618 00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:25,000 Speaker 1: black and Latino women between the ages of sixteen and 619 00:37:25,040 --> 00:37:28,719 Speaker 1: twenty four. Now we're talking about back in two thousand eight, 620 00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:31,399 Speaker 1: during the time that I got diagnosed. I fit into 621 00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:35,440 Speaker 1: that demographic. So if we're the fastest group of incidents 622 00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:38,600 Speaker 1: at that time, where are we at. I know I'm 623 00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:41,560 Speaker 1: not the only one with it. You probably know somebody 624 00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:43,880 Speaker 1: else living with the virus too, but they just can't 625 00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:46,799 Speaker 1: open up and say anything about it. Which is why 626 00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:50,320 Speaker 1: I talk like I know you. I'm very oest because 627 00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:52,240 Speaker 1: I read that you went. If you feel like somebody's 628 00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:54,000 Speaker 1: being in your life for at least like a day 629 00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:57,720 Speaker 1: or so, you'd be like, boom, my name is positive 630 00:37:57,920 --> 00:38:00,839 Speaker 1: and that's what it is, right, is what it is, 631 00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:03,799 Speaker 1: and that is what makes my story so strong. No, 632 00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:07,399 Speaker 1: HIV doesn't doesn't find me. No, but what it does 633 00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:10,480 Speaker 1: is it does um it makes me move a certain 634 00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:15,279 Speaker 1: type of way, like, um, I don't know. I can't 635 00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:18,719 Speaker 1: even think of an instance right now where Okay, yeah, 636 00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:21,319 Speaker 1: I take time off from work, I disappear for a 637 00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:23,600 Speaker 1: little while because I'm going to the doctor. Like I 638 00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:26,920 Speaker 1: shouldn't have to hide that from someone that I'm close to, 639 00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:29,200 Speaker 1: Like I have a doctor's visit. It ain't nothing like 640 00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:32,239 Speaker 1: I'm gonna go get my blood drawing. I don't want 641 00:38:32,239 --> 00:38:35,120 Speaker 1: to live in it secrecy or oh I need to 642 00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:37,040 Speaker 1: take my pill. I forgot to take it at home. 643 00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:38,759 Speaker 1: I can pop it out in front of y'all, because 644 00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:41,480 Speaker 1: it ain't nothing like, this is my medicine. This is 645 00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:45,120 Speaker 1: my life every day. So it is what it is. Right, 646 00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:48,760 Speaker 1: So are you in a relationship now already know the answer, 647 00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:53,520 Speaker 1: But yes, I got a boot day? And how is 648 00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:55,600 Speaker 1: it going? Like? How has How was it when you 649 00:38:55,640 --> 00:38:57,279 Speaker 1: first told him about your sad? So? How did he 650 00:38:58,239 --> 00:39:02,680 Speaker 1: and be negative? Right? Yes, he is um. So when 651 00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:07,279 Speaker 1: I first told him about my mess, my virus, you know, 652 00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:12,120 Speaker 1: he took a little minute to process it and he 653 00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:15,120 Speaker 1: came back with acceptance. It was fine. I thought that 654 00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:16,719 Speaker 1: that was going to be the moment that you know, 655 00:39:16,920 --> 00:39:19,279 Speaker 1: he went his way and I went mine, But he 656 00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:23,120 Speaker 1: accepted it. He is so supportive. He's in doctor's appointments 657 00:39:23,120 --> 00:39:26,040 Speaker 1: with me. He wants to talk out about how his 658 00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:30,440 Speaker 1: woman is HIV positive and how he's he's always ready 659 00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:32,560 Speaker 1: to defend me. He sent me, I mean yesterday that 660 00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:35,680 Speaker 1: was it was kind of poking fun at HIV positive 661 00:39:35,719 --> 00:39:38,120 Speaker 1: people and he was like all on it mad and 662 00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:40,839 Speaker 1: I was like, yo, bro, calm down, just all right, 663 00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:44,200 Speaker 1: but he's there, and so what they call us are 664 00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:50,319 Speaker 1: several discordinate couples. So that is yes, that's when one 665 00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:54,279 Speaker 1: person is positive and when is negative. Um, and that's 666 00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:56,680 Speaker 1: what we're living right now. I hadn't been pregnant for 667 00:39:56,760 --> 00:40:01,120 Speaker 1: him and everything. I lost the baby, but he um 668 00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:05,560 Speaker 1: so weird. You know, condoms ain't a thing. Um, okay 669 00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:10,640 Speaker 1: girl um. And he's still negative. So they just want 670 00:40:10,719 --> 00:40:13,000 Speaker 1: them to get tested to make sure that it stays 671 00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:16,160 Speaker 1: that way. I continue to take my medications so that 672 00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:21,040 Speaker 1: I remain undetectable. And that option of prep that piled 673 00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:24,880 Speaker 1: it we talked about earlier, that's still an option because 674 00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:27,240 Speaker 1: he could take that every day just as an extra 675 00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:32,680 Speaker 1: layer of protection. So what are some misconceptions that you 676 00:40:32,719 --> 00:40:35,160 Speaker 1: want to clear up? Like, because when I was in 677 00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:38,160 Speaker 1: my research and a lot of stuff I already knew, 678 00:40:38,200 --> 00:40:39,960 Speaker 1: but since I want to be prepared for this episode 679 00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:43,719 Speaker 1: and I'm not, your people are really fucking stupid. They are. 680 00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:50,239 Speaker 1: So some misconceptions, Um, that you can just our contract 681 00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:56,040 Speaker 1: HIV and just casual contake like a hug, a touch, 682 00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:58,719 Speaker 1: even as far as it kiss, like it takes so 683 00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:01,840 Speaker 1: much saliva for TV to be transmitted that it doesn't 684 00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:05,640 Speaker 1: make any sense. So those ways like, you're definitely not 685 00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:10,319 Speaker 1: at risk for contracting the virus. UM. Another misconception is 686 00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:12,719 Speaker 1: that HIV has a certain look to it. You know, 687 00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:17,560 Speaker 1: it is not It does not look like anything like UM. 688 00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:20,600 Speaker 1: It's my biggest advice to treat everyone as if their 689 00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:25,840 Speaker 1: HIV positive like UM, because I know people whose situations 690 00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:29,799 Speaker 1: aren't rent mine, where they've been doing following all the 691 00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:32,720 Speaker 1: rules in a relationship and then their partners still brings 692 00:41:32,719 --> 00:41:35,799 Speaker 1: the devirus to them. So you know, when you go 693 00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:38,799 Speaker 1: to have unprotected sex with someone, you're trusting your whole 694 00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:42,160 Speaker 1: life in their hands. And it's we do get relationships 695 00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:45,400 Speaker 1: where we feel that intimate, in that deep and that's fine, 696 00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:49,880 Speaker 1: but just realized that your life is in their hands. UM. 697 00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:53,680 Speaker 1: And my biggest misconception was because this was my biggest fear, 698 00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:57,680 Speaker 1: was HIV positive women can't give birth to an HIV 699 00:41:57,760 --> 00:42:01,560 Speaker 1: negative baby. It happens. My son came out of my 700 00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:08,240 Speaker 1: body naturally and he's negative. UM. We just you're watched closely, 701 00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:11,200 Speaker 1: make sure that your numbers are where they're supposed to be. 702 00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:13,640 Speaker 1: And then they gave him a medication for like the 703 00:42:13,680 --> 00:42:17,560 Speaker 1: first Steven weeks I believe of him being alive, and 704 00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:20,319 Speaker 1: that just was an extra layer of protection for him 705 00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:25,840 Speaker 1: as well. Mm hmmm when that's really good. You know, 706 00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:29,120 Speaker 1: so funny because uh, I go back to this book 707 00:42:29,160 --> 00:42:31,440 Speaker 1: and when she was pregnant, when Cookie Johnson was pregnant 708 00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:33,520 Speaker 1: with e J. You know, they didn't have tests like 709 00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:35,160 Speaker 1: how they have now to the text if he was 710 00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:40,320 Speaker 1: gonna be um, if her song was gonna be exactly positive, 711 00:42:41,239 --> 00:42:42,920 Speaker 1: and so she had to wait till baby guy a 712 00:42:42,920 --> 00:42:45,680 Speaker 1: certain amount of age or like setting the trymaster whatever 713 00:42:46,080 --> 00:42:49,320 Speaker 1: for them to detect it. And he was HIV negative 714 00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,080 Speaker 1: and everybody was like, well, how is that possible? This 715 00:42:51,160 --> 00:42:52,319 Speaker 1: and that. So it was just like, like you said, 716 00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:53,879 Speaker 1: I think a cure will be on the way soon 717 00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:56,680 Speaker 1: because if they can do all this stuff, like, it 718 00:42:56,800 --> 00:43:01,560 Speaker 1: got to be a cute cure coming soon. What are 719 00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:04,439 Speaker 1: what are some ways that um you worked on your 720 00:43:04,520 --> 00:43:07,279 Speaker 1: self love for yourself? Like what did you do? Because 721 00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:08,840 Speaker 1: I knew that, I mean, I know we all have 722 00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:11,799 Speaker 1: our own damons that we have to work on, but 723 00:43:12,040 --> 00:43:13,279 Speaker 1: and I think that was one of the things that 724 00:43:13,320 --> 00:43:15,440 Speaker 1: you preached about your blog, just like self love and 725 00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:20,880 Speaker 1: all your self worth. Um, what is like along the way, 726 00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:26,440 Speaker 1: it's definitely, um everyday battle or struggle or something that 727 00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:29,399 Speaker 1: I'm working on, because I'll go back and be like, well, 728 00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:32,640 Speaker 1: thanks operating out of self love when you made this decision. 729 00:43:33,120 --> 00:43:35,359 Speaker 1: So it's something that I'm definitely more aware of now. 730 00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:38,840 Speaker 1: I did not have that awareness when I was younger. Um, 731 00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:42,000 Speaker 1: I've definitely started looking at the way that like and 732 00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:45,479 Speaker 1: my relationships with other people like, Okay, I can do this, 733 00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:47,600 Speaker 1: this and this to this person to make them feel 734 00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:49,839 Speaker 1: good and to be feel nice, like am I don't 735 00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:54,000 Speaker 1: th same things for myself? Um, I've accepted every single 736 00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:56,920 Speaker 1: flaw about myself, like it just is what it is. 737 00:43:57,080 --> 00:44:01,040 Speaker 1: It's not changing, it is what it is. And once 738 00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:04,520 Speaker 1: you accepted and have this confidence behind the other people 739 00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:08,000 Speaker 1: just accepted too. Because best believe that person got a 740 00:44:08,040 --> 00:44:14,359 Speaker 1: flaw to that they can't talk about. They got one too, 741 00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:18,280 Speaker 1: and who are you to judge me because my flaws 742 00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:22,680 Speaker 1: can't be hidden? Like no, So, what is some advice 743 00:44:22,719 --> 00:44:26,920 Speaker 1: you will give to your younger self? Mm hmm, love yourself? 744 00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:33,640 Speaker 1: It gets better, you are awesome, like it will pass. Yeah, 745 00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:36,440 Speaker 1: And last but not least, what is some advice you 746 00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:39,239 Speaker 1: will give to someone who just found out that they 747 00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:43,000 Speaker 1: are aged be positive all Ala. Just want to give 748 00:44:43,040 --> 00:44:46,040 Speaker 1: them a hug first off, and to let them know 749 00:44:46,160 --> 00:44:50,160 Speaker 1: that life is not over. You can definitely live on 750 00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:53,719 Speaker 1: to live a meaningful life. This just makes you have 751 00:44:53,920 --> 00:44:57,960 Speaker 1: to operate a little differently. Life is not over. You 752 00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:04,200 Speaker 1: are so loved and you are valuable. Well, guys, I 753 00:45:04,280 --> 00:45:07,120 Speaker 1: hope that you enjoyed this episode. UM. If you have 754 00:45:07,239 --> 00:45:10,799 Speaker 1: any questions for my guests, UM, please email me at 755 00:45:10,880 --> 00:45:13,560 Speaker 1: hello at the professional homegoard dot com. I would make 756 00:45:13,560 --> 00:45:17,120 Speaker 1: sure that she gets though questions. UM. Also, if you 757 00:45:17,120 --> 00:45:19,400 Speaker 1: want to know what her blog is, email me. I 758 00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:21,840 Speaker 1: would send you the link. I'm so happy that my 759 00:45:21,880 --> 00:45:25,319 Speaker 1: guests at the time out to educate everyone. I mean 760 00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:28,279 Speaker 1: I kind of already knew everything because I was up 761 00:45:28,360 --> 00:45:31,279 Speaker 1: late at night reading her blog. Like girl girl, I 762 00:45:31,560 --> 00:45:35,480 Speaker 1: added some more so so I'm gonna be reading tonight. 763 00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:41,319 Speaker 1: So on that note, until next time, guys. Later