1 00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:12,840 Speaker 1: You're listening to Alive Again, a production of Psychopia Pictures 2 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:13,960 Speaker 1: and iHeart Podcasts. 3 00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:17,759 Speaker 2: My name is Dory Nolt, and when I was thirty eight, 4 00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:24,960 Speaker 2: I almost died after giving birth to my son. It 5 00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 2: changed me in ways I could never have imagined. It's 6 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:36,720 Speaker 2: very interesting how doctors talk around things because they don't 7 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:39,080 Speaker 2: want to ever be quoted as saying, well, you almost 8 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:43,040 Speaker 2: died because it was their fault. I was working so 9 00:00:43,159 --> 00:00:46,120 Speaker 2: hard to convince myself I was okay, that I was 10 00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:48,080 Speaker 2: going to be okay, and that I would see my son, 11 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:50,199 Speaker 2: and that I would see my husband, and that I 12 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:55,240 Speaker 2: wouldn't have essentially abandoned them. 13 00:00:55,520 --> 00:01:00,360 Speaker 1: Welcome to Alive Again, a podcast that showcases miraculous acounts 14 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:03,800 Speaker 1: of human fragility and resilience from people whose lives were 15 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:08,840 Speaker 1: forever altered after having almost died. These are first hand 16 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:12,720 Speaker 1: accounts of near death experiences and more broadly, brushes with death. 17 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:16,959 Speaker 1: Our mission is simple, find, explore, and share these stories 18 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,839 Speaker 1: to remind us all of our shared human condition. Please 19 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:22,200 Speaker 1: keep in mind these stories are true and maybe triggering 20 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:24,440 Speaker 1: for some listener. Discretion is advised. 21 00:01:32,319 --> 00:01:33,959 Speaker 3: I really did not believe I was pregnant. 22 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:39,000 Speaker 2: I had peede on so many pregnancy tests and none 23 00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:41,160 Speaker 2: of them were ever positive. So I was like, nope, 24 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:45,680 Speaker 2: I'm not getting my hopes up. We tried for six years, 25 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:50,920 Speaker 2: seven years almost The doctors called it unexplained infertility, which 26 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:54,120 Speaker 2: is the most annoying diagnosis on Earth, because it's just 27 00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:57,440 Speaker 2: them shrugging at you, going there's no reason why you're 28 00:01:57,480 --> 00:01:59,400 Speaker 2: not pregnant, You're just not pregnant. 29 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:02,040 Speaker 3: Yet, and it's just like, what do you mean. 30 00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:07,200 Speaker 2: We talked about doing are you why you know, the 31 00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:10,080 Speaker 2: Turkey Baser method I think is what they call it, 32 00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:14,080 Speaker 2: and then obviously IVF we were prepared to go the 33 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:18,040 Speaker 2: full route. As we were talking about all these options, 34 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:22,079 Speaker 2: I started this very intense job and that really shifted 35 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:22,560 Speaker 2: for me. 36 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:24,160 Speaker 3: My focus. 37 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:27,880 Speaker 2: My period was late, and I was like, I am 38 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:31,240 Speaker 2: just stressed out at work, and I actually went out 39 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:33,880 Speaker 2: and had a drink with a friend and then picked 40 00:02:33,919 --> 00:02:37,840 Speaker 2: up the pregnancy test and then went home because I 41 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:40,120 Speaker 2: was so convinced it was going to be negative, and 42 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,560 Speaker 2: I was like, I need a little emotional lubrication to 43 00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:46,360 Speaker 2: take this pregnancy test. And I took it and it 44 00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:48,560 Speaker 2: was positive, and I was like, well, that's not right. 45 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,079 Speaker 3: So I took another one. It was also fos. 46 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:54,040 Speaker 2: I was like, nope, we're going to the doctor. I 47 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:59,000 Speaker 2: really didn't believe it until the doctor confirmed it. So 48 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:01,640 Speaker 2: my husband and I we always wanted kids the whole time. 49 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:06,360 Speaker 2: The images I always had were of my husband and 50 00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:09,400 Speaker 2: whoever the kid was, and me like listening to indie 51 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:11,239 Speaker 2: rock music because I was gonna be a cool mom 52 00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:13,440 Speaker 2: who didn't have to listen to kids bop. My kid 53 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:17,800 Speaker 2: would love Steve John Stevens right, and you know reading. 54 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:20,000 Speaker 2: We were constantly going to be reading books and he 55 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:23,000 Speaker 2: was never gonna have screen time, and my kid was 56 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:26,720 Speaker 2: gonna be a Bonniever fan. He's not just spoiler alert. 57 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:31,040 Speaker 2: I didn't think if thing about if there was gonna 58 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:31,480 Speaker 2: be issues. 59 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:33,959 Speaker 3: I was healthy. 60 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:37,520 Speaker 2: It was actually a really easy, pretty textbook pregnancy. 61 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,120 Speaker 3: I didn't mind it. I liked it. 62 00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:41,120 Speaker 2: It was like weird to see my body doing things 63 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:42,880 Speaker 2: that I was not causing. 64 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:44,839 Speaker 3: It just was doing its own thing. 65 00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:47,320 Speaker 2: And it was fun to see my toes disappear as 66 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:50,680 Speaker 2: my belly got bigger. I think for a lot of 67 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:55,920 Speaker 2: pregnant moms, you don't really think about the birth that much. 68 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,880 Speaker 2: You think it's gonna happen and you're gonna be done, 69 00:03:57,880 --> 00:03:59,360 Speaker 2: and then you're gonna keep going. You're gonna have a 70 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:02,360 Speaker 2: kid and a family like you picture that after so 71 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:05,800 Speaker 2: much more than you picture the actual birth itself. Even 72 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,720 Speaker 2: though all the classes are about the birth, they don't 73 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:10,680 Speaker 2: give you a lot of classes for the after stuff. 74 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:19,719 Speaker 2: He was due May seventeenth, and on the morning of 75 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:24,440 Speaker 2: May fourth, I went to the bathroom and my water 76 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,000 Speaker 2: had broken, and so. 77 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:27,520 Speaker 3: I woke my husband up. 78 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:30,479 Speaker 2: He was sleeping in another room because I was snoring 79 00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:34,880 Speaker 2: really loudly. I woke him up and was like, can 80 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:37,159 Speaker 2: you come in here for a minute. And he's like, 81 00:04:37,279 --> 00:04:39,400 Speaker 2: you're being weirdly calm. What's going on? And I was like, 82 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:43,080 Speaker 2: I think my water broke or my dula was like, 83 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,520 Speaker 2: just hang out at home, relax. 84 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,279 Speaker 3: Because I wasn't in labor yet, you know. 85 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:49,279 Speaker 2: I called the obi's and let them know them They're like, okay, 86 00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:53,240 Speaker 2: just get here when you can. And then around midday 87 00:04:53,839 --> 00:04:56,760 Speaker 2: we were like, okay, we're gonna go to the hospital now. 88 00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:01,160 Speaker 2: So this is a hospital that is it's known for 89 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:02,920 Speaker 2: delivering babies. 90 00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:04,719 Speaker 3: I just walked in and was like, hello, I'm here 91 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:05,479 Speaker 3: to have a baby. 92 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:08,840 Speaker 2: They checked me and so They're like, Okay, we really 93 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:11,559 Speaker 2: need to put you on potosin because your contractions haven't 94 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:15,240 Speaker 2: started and your water's broken, which is a higher rate 95 00:05:15,279 --> 00:05:17,279 Speaker 2: for infection, so we like really need to like get 96 00:05:17,279 --> 00:05:17,800 Speaker 2: this moving. 97 00:05:18,279 --> 00:05:19,640 Speaker 3: But I was like, okay, let's do it. 98 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:21,960 Speaker 2: So they put me on potosin and I was excited 99 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:23,599 Speaker 2: because it was made the fourth and I'm a big 100 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:25,400 Speaker 2: nerve with my husband, so we're like, we're gonna have a. 101 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:26,239 Speaker 3: Star Wars baby. 102 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:28,760 Speaker 2: All the Star Wars movies were on TV, so I'm 103 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:30,960 Speaker 2: like laying in the hospital bed watching Star Wars. 104 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:32,480 Speaker 3: I was like, this is going to be the best. 105 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:34,560 Speaker 3: We were so naive. 106 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,560 Speaker 2: People were texting me like what's going on, and I'm like, 107 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:40,040 Speaker 2: nothing is going on, and. 108 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:44,760 Speaker 3: That's the problem. It was really not until late afternoon on. 109 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:47,400 Speaker 2: The fifth that my contractions actually picked up and I 110 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:52,960 Speaker 2: started getting dilated. I pushed for two and a half hours, 111 00:05:53,279 --> 00:05:56,160 Speaker 2: which is a very long time to push, you know, 112 00:05:56,279 --> 00:05:59,400 Speaker 2: people holding my legs, lots of breathing and chanting, and 113 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:08,479 Speaker 2: everything's on TV and he was not coming out the 114 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:10,560 Speaker 2: OB And at this point I had had like four 115 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,160 Speaker 2: different OB's because. 116 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:14,880 Speaker 3: You just get whoever's on call. She's like you have 117 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:16,360 Speaker 3: to have a c section period. 118 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,640 Speaker 2: I think the thing that I was so excited about 119 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:20,720 Speaker 2: with the c section, even though it was a bummer, 120 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:23,240 Speaker 2: to had worked that hard and that long to that 121 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:25,359 Speaker 2: point and then to have to go through a sea section. 122 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:27,800 Speaker 3: Once you're in there, you're gonna see your baby. 123 00:06:27,839 --> 00:06:30,520 Speaker 2: So quickly, it was like a fifteen minute thing and 124 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:33,040 Speaker 2: he was out, and that was just incredible to me. 125 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:34,480 Speaker 3: They said, he's here. 126 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:40,200 Speaker 2: They held him up and they unwrapped the umbilical cord one, two, three, 127 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:45,479 Speaker 2: four times from his neck, which is exactly why he 128 00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:47,719 Speaker 2: wasn't coming out of me. The umbilical cord was around 129 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:52,839 Speaker 2: his neck four times. Thankfully, they were able to rev 130 00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:56,320 Speaker 2: him up very quickly, turn him nice and pink. He 131 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:59,640 Speaker 2: was breathing, doing well. So at that point they have 132 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,719 Speaker 2: to get the listen to out. They also have to 133 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:04,760 Speaker 2: put everything back together and sew you up as well. 134 00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:06,520 Speaker 2: So like, there's a lot of stuff that has to 135 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:09,279 Speaker 2: happen once the baby is out that I just didn't 136 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:12,040 Speaker 2: think about. So they had to really knock me out 137 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:16,200 Speaker 2: for that part. There's this really great picture that my 138 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:19,280 Speaker 2: husband snaps. It's a selfie my husband. He's got on 139 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,760 Speaker 2: like the hat and the mask, and he's the scrubs 140 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:23,960 Speaker 2: and then my son's all like snuggled up in a 141 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:26,040 Speaker 2: little burrito baby blanket, you know, and. 142 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:27,080 Speaker 3: He's got his little hat on. 143 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:29,200 Speaker 2: And then I'm laying there and I'm kind of smiling, 144 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,280 Speaker 2: but my eyes are closed, so I look so high. 145 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:35,680 Speaker 2: I'm just like hey, But I kept trying to stay 146 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:37,400 Speaker 2: awake so I could just look at him. And I've 147 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:39,360 Speaker 2: been in labor for so long. I was so happy, 148 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:42,600 Speaker 2: just like relieve, like we did it, We're through it, 149 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:52,920 Speaker 2: we made it. Yay, we go home. And this this 150 00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:55,640 Speaker 2: is all a little blurry because I'm still on pain meds, 151 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:59,960 Speaker 2: also exhausted, so sore, and everything hurt because I had 152 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:03,040 Speaker 2: been fully dilated and pushed for so long. I had 153 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:06,800 Speaker 2: the same sort of vaginal bruising and issues as well 154 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:07,200 Speaker 2: as the. 155 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:10,240 Speaker 3: Sea section, so I had like the best of both worlds, 156 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:10,760 Speaker 3: if you will. 157 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,400 Speaker 2: My parents are with us, and we're just trying to 158 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:18,720 Speaker 2: settle in to a regular routine as much as we can. 159 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,760 Speaker 2: Everything felt weird and new, but also like, oh wow, 160 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:25,400 Speaker 2: he's here. I can stare at his face. I was 161 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:27,880 Speaker 2: just like, look at his little tiny feet, and yeah, 162 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:32,600 Speaker 2: it was just a really lovely time. I've been home 163 00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:37,200 Speaker 2: at this point, like thirty thirty two hours, and I 164 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:43,240 Speaker 2: start feeling weird. I had a low grade fever, very low, 165 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:49,959 Speaker 2: like ninety nine one hundred, and I just feel strangely exhausted, 166 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:54,280 Speaker 2: like exhausted above and beyond what you're is reasonable for 167 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:57,800 Speaker 2: a new mom, which is exhausted. And I also noticed 168 00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:01,680 Speaker 2: a big red spot on my belly, an oval red spot, 169 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,440 Speaker 2: and it kind of covered my whole belly from like 170 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:07,920 Speaker 2: above my belly buttoned down to sort of my lower 171 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:10,640 Speaker 2: belly area, and it was warm. It was really hot, 172 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:15,680 Speaker 2: and I was like, I just feel so strange. And 173 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:17,880 Speaker 2: I kept thinking, like, okay, I'm supposed to feel strange. 174 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:19,959 Speaker 2: I went through a lot, I had a baby. But 175 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,920 Speaker 2: we called our OB and whoever was on call called 176 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:24,880 Speaker 2: me back and I was like, Hey, this is how 177 00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:29,440 Speaker 2: I'm feeling. She said, are you in a pain? And 178 00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:31,360 Speaker 2: I said not really, I just feel weird. 179 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:32,839 Speaker 3: And this was. 180 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:37,719 Speaker 2: Probably midnight, and I said should we worry? And she's like, oh, 181 00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:41,120 Speaker 2: just go to the doctor. Like I had already scheduled 182 00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:44,440 Speaker 2: to check up the next day with my OB, like 183 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:46,920 Speaker 2: a regular checkup, and so she's like, just go in 184 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:50,839 Speaker 2: the morning to the office, and I said, okay, so 185 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:56,240 Speaker 2: try to get some sleep. Still feeling really strange, starting 186 00:09:56,280 --> 00:10:00,840 Speaker 2: to have some pain. The pain is starting to build, 187 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:05,120 Speaker 2: the fever's getting worse, and the spot on my stomach 188 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:07,840 Speaker 2: is getting redder and redder, and my stomach is getting bigger, 189 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:14,600 Speaker 2: like it starts expanding. The next morning, we're heading to 190 00:10:14,679 --> 00:10:17,240 Speaker 2: the doctor. It's me and my husband and my son 191 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:21,080 Speaker 2: and my parents were like doing errands for us. And 192 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,720 Speaker 2: at this point I'm having a hard time staying awake 193 00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:27,360 Speaker 2: and the pain is starting to get so much that 194 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:31,120 Speaker 2: I can't sit comfortably or stand comfortably. 195 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:32,199 Speaker 3: Nothing was comfortable. 196 00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:35,880 Speaker 2: I was just having intense abdominal pain, and not the 197 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:37,920 Speaker 2: kind you get like when you have like a stomach bug, 198 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:43,760 Speaker 2: right like, this was like my whole abdomen hurt. And 199 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:49,600 Speaker 2: so we get to the ob. The ob he took 200 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:51,319 Speaker 2: one look at me, he saw I could not get 201 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,240 Speaker 2: up on the table and said get back in the 202 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:55,319 Speaker 2: car and go straight to the ear where you delivered. 203 00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,360 Speaker 2: And we're like, well, we're closer here to and he's like, 204 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:00,559 Speaker 2: don't go to that ar, go to where you delivered him. 205 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:05,360 Speaker 2: My husband is like clearly panicking. He gets my son 206 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:06,959 Speaker 2: in the car seat, which we're not very good at, 207 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:10,600 Speaker 2: so like it takes a lot of rigamarole. I'm having 208 00:11:10,679 --> 00:11:13,600 Speaker 2: such a hard time at this point. I'm sort of 209 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:18,080 Speaker 2: in and out. We're in the driveway of the parking garage, 210 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:22,080 Speaker 2: and I was like stop, and I opened the door 211 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:25,040 Speaker 2: and I just vomit out in the parking garage. 212 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:27,840 Speaker 3: It's gonna get gross. Just FYI. 213 00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:31,760 Speaker 2: At the same time I vomit, I could feel my 214 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:36,920 Speaker 2: stitches in my C section incision loosen a little bit 215 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:38,959 Speaker 2: in one section, and a lot of stuff came out 216 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:45,160 Speaker 2: of me all over the car. My husband, he is 217 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,360 Speaker 2: just like pedal to the metal, get to the er. 218 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,400 Speaker 2: We pull into the er. They wheeled me in. They 219 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:53,400 Speaker 2: took me back immediately. We're in a private bay, but 220 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:56,440 Speaker 2: like a bay of an er. They're having to do 221 00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:59,560 Speaker 2: tests to figure out what's going on, and they could 222 00:11:59,559 --> 00:12:06,240 Speaker 2: see pot of infection throughout my abdomen, so they start 223 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:08,040 Speaker 2: an IV and they put me on a bunch of 224 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:10,240 Speaker 2: antibiotics and pain medicine. 225 00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:11,640 Speaker 3: So I'm very woozy. 226 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:14,400 Speaker 2: I was cracking a lot of jokes because I wanted 227 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,920 Speaker 2: everybody else to feel really comfortable. I felt like if 228 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:18,640 Speaker 2: I worried them, and I could see the worry on 229 00:12:18,679 --> 00:12:20,119 Speaker 2: their faces, then it would. 230 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:20,520 Speaker 3: Be real for me. 231 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:29,360 Speaker 2: We are just what feels like forever, just not getting 232 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:32,800 Speaker 2: any information. The ob that's on call for the er 233 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:36,320 Speaker 2: that day, this dude is he could not communicate with 234 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:38,440 Speaker 2: us what was going on, and so the nurse kept 235 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:39,920 Speaker 2: having to come in and like whisper to me. 236 00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:42,400 Speaker 3: Like okay, I'm not supposed to tell you this. 237 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:45,480 Speaker 2: But because the doctor just like wasn't giving us and 238 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:48,880 Speaker 2: we're like, what is happening. At one point, this doctor 239 00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:53,120 Speaker 2: came into our bay, took his finger, stuck it in 240 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:58,840 Speaker 2: my C section incision and like loosened a stitch and 241 00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:02,640 Speaker 2: like a bunch of more stuff came out, and then 242 00:13:02,679 --> 00:13:05,600 Speaker 2: he left and we were like, what the hell just happened? 243 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:08,560 Speaker 3: All the stuff is coming out of me? And so 244 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:09,319 Speaker 3: the nurse comes. 245 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:11,960 Speaker 2: In, she's like, I'm so sorry, and like he hadn't 246 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,280 Speaker 2: told us anything. He just did it and left, and 247 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:16,520 Speaker 2: obviously it hurt like hell for him to do that, 248 00:13:16,559 --> 00:13:18,320 Speaker 2: but also then like we're like, what is this stuff? 249 00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:20,520 Speaker 2: We don't know anything that's happening. What do I do 250 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,720 Speaker 2: with my son? Can I breastfeed him? You've just put 251 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:25,120 Speaker 2: my own antibiotics. I probably shouldn't brestfeed him. Can you 252 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:28,120 Speaker 2: bring a lactation consultant down from upstairs so I. 253 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,319 Speaker 3: Can talk to them. 254 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:33,160 Speaker 2: That particular time when we just had no information for 255 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:39,960 Speaker 2: me was the scariest because I like a plan. I'm 256 00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:44,000 Speaker 2: in that bay of the er for six or seven hours. 257 00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:47,959 Speaker 2: I think they said, you have an abdominal absess. It's 258 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:52,520 Speaker 2: basically an infection in the cavity around all of your organs. 259 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:57,520 Speaker 2: We don't know why, and so we need to admit 260 00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:02,560 Speaker 2: you and try and take care of the infection with 261 00:14:02,679 --> 00:14:07,800 Speaker 2: antibiotics and pain medicine. So they finally they admitted me, 262 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:10,280 Speaker 2: put me on the surgical word, and my son cannot 263 00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:13,840 Speaker 2: stay with me. Very quickly, I looked at my mom 264 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:15,760 Speaker 2: and I was like, I need you with me at 265 00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:18,080 Speaker 2: the hospital. John, you have to be at home with 266 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:20,120 Speaker 2: Hugo and Dad. You have to support him. Like we 267 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:23,480 Speaker 2: just like very quickly had to make a plan. And 268 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,400 Speaker 2: I remember thinking like, I'm not going to see this kid, 269 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:28,280 Speaker 2: and I don't know how long I'm gonna be here. 270 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:32,560 Speaker 2: Oh gosh, I was so scared, more scared than I've 271 00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:33,360 Speaker 2: ever been in my life. 272 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:36,160 Speaker 3: I didn't know anything that was happening. I missed my child. 273 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:39,240 Speaker 2: My body was doing weird stuff, not just because of 274 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:42,720 Speaker 2: the infection, but because I was postnatal and I had 275 00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:44,080 Speaker 2: breast milk, and I was like, what do I do 276 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:47,400 Speaker 2: with this? So I had to get a lactation consultant. 277 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:51,520 Speaker 2: In the dactation consultant pushed me to keep pumping to 278 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,760 Speaker 2: keep my supply up. I tried that for like a 279 00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:57,720 Speaker 2: day and then I just I remember looking at my 280 00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:00,520 Speaker 2: husband and I said, I can't. I can't focus on 281 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:04,840 Speaker 2: getting better and also try and keep my milk supply 282 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,440 Speaker 2: up for whenever I get out of here. So we 283 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:09,560 Speaker 2: knew that meant when I got out, I likely would 284 00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:13,960 Speaker 2: not have enough milk to start breastfeeding. The infection was 285 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:17,400 Speaker 2: getting worse, not better, despite all of the antibiotics. It 286 00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:22,440 Speaker 2: was during this period that the obs started blaming me 287 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:25,880 Speaker 2: for what had happened. One of them told me it's 288 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:29,040 Speaker 2: because my BMI was too high and that's the reason 289 00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:32,280 Speaker 2: I got the infection, and I said, I don't understand 290 00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:34,800 Speaker 2: what my weight has to do with an abdominal infection. 291 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:38,440 Speaker 2: Another OB told me that I had insisted on laboring 292 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:41,600 Speaker 2: too long and that was the reason the infection had happened. 293 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:45,640 Speaker 2: The ob who didn't send me to the er, but 294 00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:48,160 Speaker 2: said just go to the office the next day. She 295 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,800 Speaker 2: came in one day during this period and said, well, 296 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:53,600 Speaker 2: you didn't tell me how much pain you were in, 297 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,680 Speaker 2: and I said, well, I that's sure. I gave you 298 00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:00,720 Speaker 2: the information I had, and so it It's just every 299 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,480 Speaker 2: day there was a new ob on rounds, and every 300 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:06,560 Speaker 2: one of them blamed me for what had happened, to 301 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:09,320 Speaker 2: the point where my mom actually chased one out of 302 00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:09,840 Speaker 2: the room and. 303 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:11,440 Speaker 3: Said, do not come back in my daughter's room. 304 00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:11,720 Speaker 1: Again. 305 00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:17,600 Speaker 2: I just I mean, I was crying. I was delirious 306 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:21,520 Speaker 2: and so unhappy. And what they've been doing was guarding 307 00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:24,440 Speaker 2: against me suing them. They were trying to prevent being sued. 308 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:29,480 Speaker 2: There's a three day period at this point. I don't 309 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:32,000 Speaker 2: really remember. People have had to tell me what happened. 310 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:35,720 Speaker 2: John and Hugo and my dad would come visit. I 311 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:39,000 Speaker 2: couldn't hold Hugo more than five minutes without being exhausted 312 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:42,359 Speaker 2: and having to hand him back. I would cry a lot. 313 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:48,880 Speaker 2: And then finally, after the third day, John, my husband, 314 00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:50,960 Speaker 2: yelled at one of the nurses. He said that my 315 00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:53,680 Speaker 2: mom asked me how I was doing, and he said 316 00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:56,000 Speaker 2: I looked at my mom and said, Mom, I'm in agony. 317 00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:57,880 Speaker 2: And he said he could tell from the look on 318 00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:01,880 Speaker 2: my face that I was just very So he yelled 319 00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:03,720 Speaker 2: at a nurse and just said, you guys aren't fucking 320 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:05,359 Speaker 2: doing anything, and she's getting worse. 321 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,920 Speaker 3: Everything was different the next day with the medical team. 322 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,800 Speaker 2: My obs relinquished the case over to an infectious disease 323 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:18,720 Speaker 2: doctor and a surgeon. That's when the other doctors were like, Okay, 324 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:21,840 Speaker 2: we're doing surgery, let's get this done, let's fix it. 325 00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:26,199 Speaker 2: I felt like grown ups finally entered the room, and 326 00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:29,320 Speaker 2: so it's like as soon as my husband yelled, they listened. 327 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,520 Speaker 2: And I don't know if there's cause and effect there, 328 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:33,479 Speaker 2: but that in my memory, that is the thing that 329 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:39,000 Speaker 2: changed everything. At this point, they're planning a laparoscopic procedure 330 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:43,200 Speaker 2: and then fix the rest with medicine because it's getting worse, 331 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:47,119 Speaker 2: it's growing, and they don't know what's causing it. Mother's 332 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:52,200 Speaker 2: Day morning, I'm in ther prep room and my husband 333 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:54,200 Speaker 2: and son come in and they give me flowers and 334 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:57,080 Speaker 2: a card that I can't take back with me, and 335 00:17:57,600 --> 00:18:03,000 Speaker 2: I remember my husband cried and he never cries, and 336 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:06,800 Speaker 2: he said, you're my person, You're it. 337 00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:12,639 Speaker 3: So I knew he was really scared. I was really scared. 338 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:15,000 Speaker 2: I was also still on all that medicine, so I 339 00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:23,040 Speaker 2: was like really out of it. So I came out 340 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:26,159 Speaker 2: of surgery, and I remember I woke up and I 341 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:30,159 Speaker 2: just started crying because I felt so much better, immediately 342 00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:34,359 Speaker 2: felt better, like the difference. I couldn't believe how different 343 00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:36,800 Speaker 2: my body felt. You know, there was pain because I 344 00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:38,960 Speaker 2: had an incision, but it wasn't the kind of like 345 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:42,800 Speaker 2: deep pain that I was having before. I felt lucid, 346 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:46,000 Speaker 2: I felt awake. I felt like, oh god, I'm not 347 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:50,159 Speaker 2: fading away. I'm not like drifting away into the darkness. 348 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:52,160 Speaker 1: Now. 349 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:55,119 Speaker 2: They did war me that they could start laproscopically and 350 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:56,640 Speaker 2: it could go into a general surgery. 351 00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,520 Speaker 3: I didn't think that was gonna happen. Then is definitely 352 00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:00,000 Speaker 3: what happened. 353 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:03,840 Speaker 2: So I come out and I have an incision that 354 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:10,000 Speaker 2: goes from above my belly button to almost my pubic area. 355 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:13,280 Speaker 2: And when you have an infection, they can't just close 356 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,800 Speaker 2: you back up because there's still infection in you. So 357 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:18,720 Speaker 2: I have a wound back in the incision. The incision 358 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,560 Speaker 2: is technically still open, but it's got packing around it. 359 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:23,879 Speaker 2: And then I have like a little woundback machine that 360 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:28,200 Speaker 2: is pulling infection out and it makes this weird like 361 00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:37,280 Speaker 2: sound constantly for days on end. It turns out it 362 00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:37,879 Speaker 2: was terrible. 363 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:39,600 Speaker 3: I hated that thing. 364 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:45,800 Speaker 2: So the surgeon came in and told us that she 365 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:49,600 Speaker 2: had removed two big pockets of infection from inside my 366 00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:54,280 Speaker 2: abdominal cavity. That it had been caused by the futures 367 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:58,639 Speaker 2: in my uterus coming loose in one spot, so everything 368 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:01,360 Speaker 2: that was in my uterus from the berth had emptied 369 00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:05,880 Speaker 2: into my abdominal cavity rather than coming out Dada infection. 370 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,119 Speaker 2: My c section decision was still not healed, and they 371 00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:12,440 Speaker 2: had had to redo some of that because there had 372 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:15,040 Speaker 2: been a spot that that doctor had made with his 373 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:18,920 Speaker 2: finger where things were still dicey. But she said, I'm 374 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:20,600 Speaker 2: glad we caught it when we did, because you were 375 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:26,200 Speaker 2: very very ill. I have the wound back for a week, 376 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,440 Speaker 2: and then they take me back into surgery and sew 377 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:31,439 Speaker 2: me up. After they sew me up, I'm in the 378 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:34,959 Speaker 2: hospital another week because I keep spiking fevers and they 379 00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:38,720 Speaker 2: can't figure out why. And that is the most frustrating 380 00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:41,760 Speaker 2: thing about an infection like this. You think all day long, 381 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,879 Speaker 2: no fever. Today, I feel great, I've got energy. I 382 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,840 Speaker 2: actually walked down the hall. They had a pt come 383 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,040 Speaker 2: in and work with me, try and go up and 384 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:50,879 Speaker 2: down the stairs. 385 00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,399 Speaker 3: I almost passed out from that. Like that was that 386 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:54,200 Speaker 3: was a lot. 387 00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:57,480 Speaker 2: But at this point, I feel like a caged animal 388 00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,800 Speaker 2: because there is no plan. I have no idea when 389 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,359 Speaker 2: I'm to get out, and every evening I'm spiking a fever. 390 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:14,680 Speaker 2: So eventually, the brilliant infectious disease doctor said, Okay, sometimes 391 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:18,200 Speaker 2: when somebody has had so many antibiotics like you have, 392 00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:21,480 Speaker 2: your body just starts having a reaction to the antibiotics. 393 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:22,840 Speaker 2: So what we're going to do is we're going to 394 00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:25,560 Speaker 2: try all new ones. I'm just like, please, I will 395 00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:28,920 Speaker 2: anything anything you were willing to try to get me home. 396 00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:29,959 Speaker 3: Yes, do it. 397 00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:40,800 Speaker 2: He switched the antibiotics and the fever stopped. I was 398 00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:42,840 Speaker 2: just I was so ready to get out of there. 399 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:46,280 Speaker 2: And my mom said she knew I was feeling better 400 00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:50,199 Speaker 2: because I started getting sassy with her, and I was like, 401 00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:59,119 Speaker 2: oh good, okay, well that's excellent mom. I remember I 402 00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:02,080 Speaker 2: got my discharge and my husband texted me. He was like, Okay, 403 00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:04,600 Speaker 2: I got the car. I'm downstairs and I'm just sitting 404 00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:07,040 Speaker 2: in my room, and I was like, can I just 405 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:07,720 Speaker 2: can I leave? 406 00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:08,560 Speaker 3: Can I go? 407 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:13,480 Speaker 2: So I just walked out, gone, get me the fuck 408 00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:19,879 Speaker 2: out of here. And it was so strange being at 409 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,720 Speaker 2: home because my dad and my husband and my son 410 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:25,119 Speaker 2: had established a little routine together, a little life, and 411 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:27,679 Speaker 2: I had not been part of any of it. So 412 00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:30,359 Speaker 2: he was born on May fifth, and I was released 413 00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:33,080 Speaker 2: from the hospital on May twenty second. I knew nothing 414 00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:38,840 Speaker 2: about his feeding routine. I felt very distant from Hugo. 415 00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:42,040 Speaker 2: Not only distant from him, but I feel like an 416 00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:46,240 Speaker 2: alien to myself. I certainly don't recognize my body because 417 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,639 Speaker 2: of how sick I was. I lost in two weeks, 418 00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:51,919 Speaker 2: like thirty pounds in the hospital, but it was basically muscle, 419 00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:52,360 Speaker 2: so I. 420 00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:56,480 Speaker 3: Was incredibly weak. It hurt to move around, it hurt 421 00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:57,600 Speaker 3: to hold him. 422 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:02,720 Speaker 2: I slept fourteen fifteen hours a day, So at that time, 423 00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:05,800 Speaker 2: I've not only felt like an alien to myself but 424 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:06,920 Speaker 2: our relationship. 425 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:10,320 Speaker 3: I just didn't know him. I said, John, what's he like. 426 00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:17,760 Speaker 2: I had been home a week and it was the 427 00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:20,640 Speaker 2: middle of the night and My husband was up with 428 00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:23,600 Speaker 2: my son and I came down the stairs and I said, 429 00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:28,920 Speaker 2: I feel weird, and he's like, you have said that before. 430 00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:30,720 Speaker 2: What do you mean you feel weird? And I was like, 431 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:35,280 Speaker 2: I have significant pain and I don't feel good. 432 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:42,080 Speaker 3: My parents were still with us. This is what six days. 433 00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:44,159 Speaker 2: Seven days after we got home from the hospital, we 434 00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:48,439 Speaker 2: went right back to the er. It was incredibly scary, 435 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:52,000 Speaker 2: especially being back at the hospital where all of this 436 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:58,840 Speaker 2: other stuff had happened. All the hospital noises, and I 437 00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:01,280 Speaker 2: didn't realize home. Still to this day, some of those 438 00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:06,240 Speaker 2: noises trigger me. If I hear a similar noise, I'm immediately. 439 00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:06,760 Speaker 3: Back at the hospital. 440 00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:11,360 Speaker 2: Thankfully, it turned out to be a gallbladder attack, so 441 00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:14,240 Speaker 2: they were able to diagnose it and send me home. 442 00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:18,080 Speaker 3: And so they were like, call your surgeon. She's like, 443 00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:18,760 Speaker 3: oh no. 444 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:22,399 Speaker 2: When she said, okay, well, here's the thing. You've had 445 00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:26,440 Speaker 2: too much abdominal surgery. I don't feel comfortable taking your 446 00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:30,080 Speaker 2: gallbladder out right now. I think you're going to need 447 00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:33,720 Speaker 2: to manage this with your diet. A year later, I 448 00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:42,800 Speaker 2: ended up having my gallbladder out. It's very interesting how 449 00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:46,800 Speaker 2: doctors talk around things because they don't want to ever 450 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:50,439 Speaker 2: be quoted as saying, well, you almost died because it 451 00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:54,720 Speaker 2: was their fault. So they would talk around how close I. 452 00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:55,200 Speaker 3: Was to death. 453 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,040 Speaker 2: They would say things like, oh, it's really good that 454 00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:00,760 Speaker 2: we caught this when we did, or ooh you were 455 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:04,159 Speaker 2: really sick, but they would never say like, oh, you 456 00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:13,679 Speaker 2: almost died. I had a doctor tell me later that 457 00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:15,560 Speaker 2: I almost died. And when I heard that, I mean, 458 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:17,800 Speaker 2: it hits you like a ton of bricks, because at 459 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:20,359 Speaker 2: the time I was working so hard to convince myself 460 00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:24,960 Speaker 2: I was okay, that I was going to be okay, 461 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:26,440 Speaker 2: and that I would see my son and that I 462 00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:29,439 Speaker 2: would see my husband, and that I wouldn't have essentially 463 00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:34,840 Speaker 2: abandoned them. And to hear from a doctor like you 464 00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:40,119 Speaker 2: almost died. Looking back now I can see how close 465 00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:42,600 Speaker 2: I got. I can see how sick I was, but 466 00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:45,600 Speaker 2: at the time I was just trying my best to 467 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:48,720 Speaker 2: muddle through it. But hearing it makes your stomach just drop. 468 00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:54,040 Speaker 2: To hear the words you almost died from a medical professional. 469 00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:03,160 Speaker 2: This changed how oh I saw my own mortality. As 470 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:06,120 Speaker 2: it is with younger people, you see yourself as invincible 471 00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:09,600 Speaker 2: for so long, and I have always been a very strong, healthy, person. 472 00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:16,880 Speaker 2: And so when I was laid out by this infection 473 00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:20,040 Speaker 2: and when I almost died and I was so weak, 474 00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:23,439 Speaker 2: you know, I had to depend on so many other people, 475 00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:28,840 Speaker 2: it certainly made me see how fragile life actually is, 476 00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:31,399 Speaker 2: and my life especially, and it made me want to 477 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:38,119 Speaker 2: take better care of myself coming out of it. You know, 478 00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:40,000 Speaker 2: it would have been easy for me to just be like, no, 479 00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:43,719 Speaker 2: I'm fine, Fuck those guys, I'm good, you know, and 480 00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:46,200 Speaker 2: just like keep sailing, which is how I probably would 481 00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:46,800 Speaker 2: have dealt with it. 482 00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:47,920 Speaker 3: In the past. 483 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:51,840 Speaker 2: But that trauma, that PTSD comes back on you and 484 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:55,520 Speaker 2: it decaps you. You can't do anything but deal with it. 485 00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:57,200 Speaker 2: And if you don't deal with it, it will come 486 00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:02,399 Speaker 2: back and come back and come back. I am still 487 00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:05,840 Speaker 2: doing the mental health work. Let's see, I have flashbacks. 488 00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:08,040 Speaker 2: I'm back in the hospital. I can smell it, I 489 00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:11,240 Speaker 2: can hear it, I can feel it, and I have 490 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,560 Speaker 2: all these techniques that I've worked with my therapist on 491 00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:17,480 Speaker 2: for getting myself out of those flashbacks. Because they'll happen anywhere, 492 00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:21,240 Speaker 2: they usually only come in the spring, when we're leading 493 00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:23,480 Speaker 2: up to my son's birth. His birthday is a very 494 00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:25,719 Speaker 2: hard day for me. I've tried to make it all 495 00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:29,760 Speaker 2: about him. He does not know all of the mental 496 00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:33,359 Speaker 2: anguish that I still go through because of it. That's 497 00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:38,800 Speaker 2: not about him, that's about me and my experience. In 498 00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:42,680 Speaker 2: previous generations, moms who went through traumatic birth did blame 499 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:45,400 Speaker 2: their kids, even if they didn't mean to, it happened, 500 00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:49,800 Speaker 2: and so I've very much wanted that cycle not to happen. 501 00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:55,280 Speaker 2: He's the best kid. He's so funny and kind and 502 00:27:55,359 --> 00:28:02,199 Speaker 2: empathetic and loud and opinionated. Our relationship is amazing. We 503 00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:05,600 Speaker 2: are a tight trio, the three of us. We had 504 00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:08,320 Speaker 2: always talked about having two kids, because I'm an only 505 00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:11,920 Speaker 2: child and I was lonely and I wanted my kid 506 00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:15,480 Speaker 2: to have at least one sibling, so we had always 507 00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:17,960 Speaker 2: talked about having two kids. It took us a long 508 00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:22,160 Speaker 2: time to get pregnant with Hugo, and then this traumatic 509 00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:26,200 Speaker 2: birth happened, and so we decided, Okay, we don't want 510 00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:30,200 Speaker 2: to make a second child, let's think about flustering or adopting. 511 00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:35,200 Speaker 2: And then the pandemic hit. Just I'm forty four, my 512 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:38,640 Speaker 2: husband's fifty one. Our time has passed like we're past 513 00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:40,440 Speaker 2: the point where it makes sense for us to adopt 514 00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:47,600 Speaker 2: a second child, and I still get very sad when 515 00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:50,160 Speaker 2: I think about it, because I do know how lonely 516 00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:53,200 Speaker 2: it can be to be an only child. So, you know, 517 00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:56,680 Speaker 2: my whole life, I had this vision of two little kids. 518 00:28:56,560 --> 00:29:01,440 Speaker 3: Running around, and that's gone and feels like it was taken. 519 00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:06,840 Speaker 2: Also, he's a really great kid, so I feel like 520 00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:08,680 Speaker 2: if we made another one, that kid would also be 521 00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:11,840 Speaker 2: really great, And it's hard to not have two of 522 00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:16,880 Speaker 2: them because he's so cute. But really, the truth is 523 00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:27,719 Speaker 2: it hurts to admit it. I always get to know 524 00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:31,360 Speaker 2: somebody before I tell them what happened. I don't want 525 00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:35,520 Speaker 2: to be known as the person who had this insane experience, 526 00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:38,080 Speaker 2: and I certainly don't want to tell pregnant women the 527 00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:39,800 Speaker 2: ins and outs of it because I don't want to 528 00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:43,800 Speaker 2: scare them. Friends of mine who know what I've gone 529 00:29:43,800 --> 00:29:46,480 Speaker 2: through in the past and they get newly pregnant, they 530 00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:50,880 Speaker 2: will ask me. I never offer, but they'll ask me like, hey, 531 00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:53,640 Speaker 2: do you have any words of advice? You know ways 532 00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:56,360 Speaker 2: to prevent going through what you went through? And I 533 00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:58,360 Speaker 2: always tell them, you have to listen to your body. 534 00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:02,680 Speaker 2: Research tells us every one women are ignored by medical professionals, 535 00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:04,440 Speaker 2: but also women ignore themselves. 536 00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:05,800 Speaker 3: We ignore the. 537 00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:08,160 Speaker 2: Signs because we just think, oh, this is just what 538 00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:09,880 Speaker 2: it's supposed to be, like, I'm just supposed to be 539 00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:12,360 Speaker 2: in pain, I'm supposed to be miserable. I'm supposed to 540 00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:14,800 Speaker 2: pass out because that's what you do when you have 541 00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:18,080 Speaker 2: a baby. And most of that is just not true. 542 00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:21,160 Speaker 2: Don't let anyone tell you, oh, it's normal for you 543 00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:24,520 Speaker 2: to feel that way because you just had a baby. 544 00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:26,440 Speaker 3: You know when something is not right. 545 00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:49,800 Speaker 2: Listen to your body and you will be fine. 546 00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:53,680 Speaker 1: Welcome back, This is Alive again. Joining me for a 547 00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:56,600 Speaker 1: conversation about today's story are my other Alive Against story 548 00:30:56,600 --> 00:31:01,120 Speaker 1: producers Kate Sweeney, Nicholas Takowski, and Brenta And I'm your host, 549 00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:03,400 Speaker 1: Dan Bush. 550 00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:07,800 Speaker 4: So I know Dorry, I know her socially, but I 551 00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:11,520 Speaker 4: didn't know ever that this happened to her. I could 552 00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:14,720 Speaker 4: tell right away it was a very vulnerable story, and 553 00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:18,360 Speaker 4: I just felt really grateful that she would choose to 554 00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:19,600 Speaker 4: share it with me and with us. 555 00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:22,800 Speaker 1: She says that women are ignored by medical professionals, but 556 00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:27,800 Speaker 1: also women ignore themselves. I have my own experiences with 557 00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:33,280 Speaker 1: when we gave birth to our two children, and we 558 00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:37,640 Speaker 1: honestly had a very similar experience. The audacity of the 559 00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:41,560 Speaker 1: doctors during that experience for my family was pretty horrific, 560 00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:46,000 Speaker 1: and the way they treated my wife was also indescribable. 561 00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:48,520 Speaker 1: I mean, and I think it's a pervasive thing. I 562 00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:52,560 Speaker 1: think it really is something that happens a lot in 563 00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:56,880 Speaker 1: our society and in the medical world, in America in particular. 564 00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:00,240 Speaker 4: I mean, I mean, you're right, Unfortunately, I'm I mean, 565 00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:04,840 Speaker 4: maternal health issues aren't rare in this country, and it's 566 00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:07,840 Speaker 4: actually kind of shocking. I mean, one thing I learned 567 00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:12,160 Speaker 4: doing this story is that the United States, the United States, 568 00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:16,520 Speaker 4: is the only country with high resources with a consistently 569 00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:21,080 Speaker 4: rising mortality rate like USA where we live, right, and 570 00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:25,360 Speaker 4: disparities for women of color are truly stark. And you know, 571 00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:28,040 Speaker 4: of course, what all this points to is, you know, 572 00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:33,440 Speaker 4: it comes down to, as you said, Dan, as you know, 573 00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:37,040 Speaker 4: a person in the world with evolva dealing with the 574 00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:41,960 Speaker 4: medical system consistently, you know, not being taken seriously, not 575 00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:43,040 Speaker 4: being listened to. 576 00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:46,240 Speaker 1: It speaks to this this idea that we are all 577 00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:48,600 Speaker 1: so ready And this is my own sort of showbox. 578 00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:49,840 Speaker 1: I'm not going to go too far on it. But 579 00:32:49,880 --> 00:32:52,720 Speaker 1: we're all so ready to just give away our autonomy 580 00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:55,440 Speaker 1: when in the presence of somebody in a white coat. Absolutely, 581 00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:59,760 Speaker 1: and especially you know, to give away your your autonomy 582 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:03,600 Speaker 1: as a mother when you're giving birth, because we're all 583 00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:07,000 Speaker 1: trained somehow that this that they know better, they are 584 00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:10,200 Speaker 1: the professionals. Don't listen to your own body. Listen to me. 585 00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:12,360 Speaker 1: I know when to put you on potocin. I know 586 00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:14,760 Speaker 1: when to you know, to take you down the different path. 587 00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:17,640 Speaker 1: And we're so ready to just hop on board with 588 00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:20,280 Speaker 1: that and don't. I don't know why that. It's just 589 00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:23,280 Speaker 1: a fascinating phenomenon to me about our culture in particular. 590 00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:24,560 Speaker 3: But I think you're right. 591 00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:29,000 Speaker 4: You know, we are trained to you know, we see 592 00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:33,000 Speaker 4: the white coat, as you say, and we you know, 593 00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:35,920 Speaker 4: we want to just sort of okay, whatever you say, 594 00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:38,160 Speaker 4: I will do and at you know, sort of as 595 00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:40,760 Speaker 4: she says there near the end of the story, like 596 00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:45,280 Speaker 4: trust yourself, listen to your body, and basically like don't 597 00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:47,520 Speaker 4: shut up when they tell you to shut up. 598 00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:52,040 Speaker 5: A friend of mine had cancer and same thing she said. 599 00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:55,280 Speaker 5: I was a thirty three year old woman and they're like, oh, 600 00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:58,280 Speaker 5: there's nothing wrong with you. You're fit and she's like, well, 601 00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:01,800 Speaker 5: I'm vomiting blood. I'm But then we also have a 602 00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:05,479 Speaker 5: society it's becoming more and more paranoid and conspiratorial. So 603 00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:09,200 Speaker 5: it's like, where do you balance the We have to rely, 604 00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:11,440 Speaker 5: we have to put some trust on experts, but we 605 00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:14,160 Speaker 5: also have to maintain some of our own control. And 606 00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:16,160 Speaker 5: when my own wife was pregnant, she wanted to have 607 00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:18,560 Speaker 5: a natural childbirth, and you look at the cost of 608 00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:21,799 Speaker 5: the hospital makes money by moving people through the room 609 00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:24,319 Speaker 5: as quickly as possible. If it's not happening, let's stick 610 00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:27,439 Speaker 5: that padul in there and let's get it going. Let's 611 00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:29,759 Speaker 5: go for a C section, because then we can get 612 00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:31,440 Speaker 5: the doctor off the clock on time, and we can 613 00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:33,400 Speaker 5: move the next patient in. I mean, maybe that's a 614 00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:36,319 Speaker 5: cynical way of looking at it, but I think those 615 00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:38,360 Speaker 5: are the sort of things that are driving some of 616 00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:39,800 Speaker 5: these decisions under precision. 617 00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:41,400 Speaker 1: I had that experience. I don't know if you had 618 00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:43,839 Speaker 1: that experience, but we got there at the wrong time 619 00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:47,200 Speaker 1: and we wasted probably twenty four hours, which set up 620 00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:53,320 Speaker 1: a whole series of events that of undermining Caroline's autonomy 621 00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:56,319 Speaker 1: as a mother in this process and the birth that 622 00:34:56,400 --> 00:34:58,920 Speaker 1: she wanted to have and the narrative of what was happening. 623 00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:00,560 Speaker 5: And you don't want to make the wrong choice in 624 00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:03,640 Speaker 5: that situation because and it's the first time you've been 625 00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:04,319 Speaker 5: presented with this. 626 00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:07,280 Speaker 6: I also feel like doctors are kind of trained twice. 627 00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:11,120 Speaker 6: I think that doctors are trained by their medical schools 628 00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:15,760 Speaker 6: and by their experiences, but then they're also trained by 629 00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:19,040 Speaker 6: the money people in the hospital, and I think that 630 00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:21,239 Speaker 6: those people are as powerful. 631 00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:22,480 Speaker 7: Yeah, we're more powerful. 632 00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:24,880 Speaker 5: I think it's not even training, it's just you're dealing 633 00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:28,080 Speaker 5: with two masters. Your sincere desire to help the patient 634 00:35:28,719 --> 00:35:32,760 Speaker 5: and then the demands of whatever profitability that the hospital 635 00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:33,480 Speaker 5: has to maintain. 636 00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:40,160 Speaker 1: Next time on a Live Again, we meet Nicholas Bradley, 637 00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:43,560 Speaker 1: a former US Air Force staff sergeant. His vehicle was 638 00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:47,200 Speaker 1: struck by a remote detonated ID during a mission in Afghanistan. 639 00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:50,840 Speaker 1: Left unconscious in a ditch, he will blind, paralyzed, and 640 00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:52,680 Speaker 1: unsure if rescue would come. 641 00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:54,640 Speaker 8: I tried to get my gun out of the holster, 642 00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:57,200 Speaker 8: just in case I needed to defend myself. I couldn't 643 00:35:57,239 --> 00:35:58,879 Speaker 8: get the gun out of the holster, but I'm trying 644 00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:01,320 Speaker 8: to stay calm. You don't want to go into shock 645 00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:04,640 Speaker 8: because then you'll start bleeding faster. The day before I left, 646 00:36:04,719 --> 00:36:06,719 Speaker 8: I was hanging out with my daughter. I just made 647 00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:09,200 Speaker 8: a promise to her that no matter what happens, Daddy. 648 00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:11,000 Speaker 7: Would come home. And in that moment, she handed me 649 00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:13,480 Speaker 7: this little flower and I had it in my pocket, 650 00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:15,880 Speaker 7: and that was the only thing that I could grab 651 00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:19,120 Speaker 7: a hold of in that situation while I was laying 652 00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:19,720 Speaker 7: in that ditch. 653 00:36:20,239 --> 00:36:23,560 Speaker 1: His journey of recovery through immense physical and emotional challenges 654 00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:28,160 Speaker 1: led him to rediscover purpose and hope. Our story producers 655 00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:32,560 Speaker 1: are Dan Bush, Kate Sweeney, Brent Die, Nicholas Dakowski, and 656 00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:37,440 Speaker 1: Lauren Vogelba. Music by Ben Lovett, additional music by Alexander Rodriguez. 657 00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:41,360 Speaker 1: Our executive producers are Matthew Frederick and Trevor Young. Special 658 00:36:41,360 --> 00:36:45,320 Speaker 1: thanks to Alexander Williams for additional production support. Our studio 659 00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:49,360 Speaker 1: engineers are Rima El Kali and Noames Griffin. Our editors 660 00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:54,040 Speaker 1: are Dan Bush, Gerhartslavitchka, Brent Die, and Alexander Rodriguez. Mixing 661 00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:58,920 Speaker 1: by Ben Lovett and Alexander Rodriguez. I'm your host, Dan Bush. 662 00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:03,080 Speaker 1: Thanks to dory Nol for sharing her story. Alive Again 663 00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:05,800 Speaker 1: is a production of i Art Radio and Psychopia Pictures. 664 00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:09,200 Speaker 1: If you have a transformative near death experience to share, 665 00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:12,640 Speaker 1: we'd love to hear your story. Please email us at 666 00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:17,120 Speaker 1: Alive Again Project at gmail dot com. That's a l 667 00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:20,120 Speaker 1: i v e A g A I N P R 668 00:37:20,239 --> 00:37:44,960 Speaker 1: O j e c T at gmail dot com.