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Speaker 1: Hey, folks, have you ever heard of an auto pilot relationship? Well?

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Speaker 1: I have not. However, I have been in one with

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Speaker 1: Amy Robot and didn't even know it. But here's the thing.

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Speaker 1: You might be in one right now as well. You

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Speaker 1: don't even know it. And with that, welcome to this

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Speaker 1: episode of Amy and Tsay on location. We should say,

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Speaker 1: Robes right now, we are not work office appropriate right now.

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Speaker 1: Necessarily in our attire, we're not.

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Speaker 2: Can we call this a workcation or a vacation where

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Speaker 2: we decided to do a little bit of work?

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Speaker 1: I was confused by both those things you just said.

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Speaker 2: Is that because for Alice was playing behind you?

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Speaker 1: Wish I had to understand? Sorry, I have that explained

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Speaker 1: to me. But but yes, we are on location right

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Speaker 1: now because we took a little bit of a it

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Speaker 1: is a vacation. But would you say you and I

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Speaker 1: as a couple, you would you say we needed a

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Speaker 1: trip and needed some time alone.

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Speaker 2: Yes, In fact, the other day you said to me,

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Speaker 2: I need a break with you. But when you said

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Speaker 2: that to me, my eyes got really wide, and you

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Speaker 2: could see because the way I was interpreting that was

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Speaker 2: I need a break from you. And I think you

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Speaker 2: there's a Prepositions are important and you always choose your

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Speaker 2: words carefully. I sometimes just hear worst case scenario or whatever.

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Speaker 2: But you recognized it in my eyes, and you said,

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Speaker 2: I didn't say I needed a break from you. I

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Speaker 2: said I needed a break with.

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Speaker 1: So where in that count? Where in that one sentence

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Speaker 1: did you tune out to the point that you missed

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Speaker 1: the most important preposence.

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Speaker 2: When you hear your boyfriend or the man you love

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Speaker 2: say I need a break, you immediately just go into

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Speaker 2: a full on panic. No, you hear nothing else, and

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Speaker 2: then you and you're like what and you go into

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Speaker 2: Panickmoge're like what what did I miss? Like?

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Speaker 1: Wait? What?

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Speaker 2: So that actually happened? And as soon as you clarified

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Speaker 2: that I had not paid attention to the preposition.

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Speaker 1: What would you say, well, relief, Why would you say

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Speaker 1: we needed a break? Why would you have said it? Well?

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Speaker 2: We have been So we went from a year ago

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Speaker 2: to just kind of reintroducing ourselves to or our relationship

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Speaker 2: to our children, to this past year constantly being with

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Speaker 2: them all the time. So and it's been great. We

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Speaker 2: have been with either Sabine or Ava or Anna or

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Speaker 2: all three or a combination of a few all summer long.

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Speaker 2: I don't know that we even had like a date night.

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Speaker 1: Can't shake them.

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Speaker 2: It's been awesome, and also it's funny just from where

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Speaker 2: we were. It's like, wow, one of those not be

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Speaker 2: careful what you wish for, wink wink, but one of

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Speaker 2: those things where it really has been awesome. But we

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Speaker 2: have not had as much alone.

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Speaker 1: Time, so U and anybody that follows us, we just

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Speaker 1: seemingly had a trip not too long ago. I kin'd

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Speaker 1: of remember when Rome was when itally was, but that

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Speaker 1: wasn't too terribly long ago. The weird thing we recognize

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Speaker 1: we only plan trips for ourselves now around when all

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Speaker 1: the kids are going to be busy doing something else, right,

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Speaker 1: they have to be otherwise occupied, and so we had

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Speaker 1: to kind of are are we only made those two

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Speaker 1: trips because of that.

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Speaker 2: Exactly, And I would say, like, funny enough, we are

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Speaker 2: together all the time, but we're either we were with

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Speaker 2: the kids or we were working, and we were working

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Speaker 2: a lot, which is great. We love to work, but

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Speaker 2: we didn't just get to have like us time like

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Speaker 2: it's been an interesting thing. I've never you know, we

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Speaker 2: worked together and we are in a relationship together, so

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Speaker 2: it is a and we were friends before as colleagues,

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Speaker 2: so it's a strange thing, like you've got the work

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Speaker 2: relationship and then you've got the romantic relationship, and the

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Speaker 2: two actually don't coexist. You know, when we're in work mode,

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Speaker 2: it's not about our relationship. It's just been an interesting thing.

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Speaker 2: So when we feel like we've actually said to each other,

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Speaker 2: I miss you and we've been together NonStop.

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Speaker 1: We might be in an autopilot relationship perfectly. Or maybe

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Speaker 1: I set you up.

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Speaker 2: I was going to go sorry, sorry, No led me

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Speaker 2: in the direction you knew I would take care.

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Speaker 1: No, you are right in all of those things. I

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Speaker 1: am not familiar. I hadn't heard the concept, and it

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Speaker 1: it's not necessarily what you would expect when you hear autopilot,

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Speaker 1: but there is a thing out there that people argue

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Speaker 1: an autopilot relationship is one in which the relationship now

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Speaker 1: becomes secondary, that it's almost an afterthought that you are

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Speaker 1: now going through your You're in a rhythm, a routine,

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Speaker 1: and not just that you're stagnant. You're not going anywhere,

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Speaker 1: You're not getting any deeper in your relationsip, you're not

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Speaker 1: falling anymore in love. You're just where you are. And

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Speaker 1: the other part of it is that they say, robes,

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Speaker 1: you're always putting on the appearance that everything is okay, wow,

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Speaker 1: that everything is pert we don't fight, and oftentimes you

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Speaker 1: don't because you just don't even care. You're not focusing

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Speaker 1: on the relationship, so you're not fighting and getting at

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Speaker 1: each other, none of that stuff. You're just going through

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Speaker 1: the motions of a relationship. They call that an autopilot relationship.

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Speaker 1: Now does that sound right or familiar? Make sense? I

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Speaker 1: should say it totally.

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Speaker 2: Makes sense, because yes, you're having to put the needs

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Speaker 2: of your children or the needs of putting food on

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Speaker 2: the table ahead of, yes, the romantic relationship, and that

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Speaker 2: makes sense. And I think that happens to probably most people.

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Speaker 2: And it's been an interesting thing because a lot of

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Speaker 2: times when you're putting the food on the table thing,

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Speaker 2: you're not doing it together. You're doing it in separate offices,

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Speaker 2: and so you have time apart. So you can see

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Speaker 2: how that also feels very distant. And we're even together,

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Speaker 2: and it still feels it's like it's not us, it's

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Speaker 2: work us, And there is a difference. And I hadn't

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Speaker 2: really thought about it until now you can.

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Speaker 1: We can be sitting right next to each other and

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Speaker 1: it's still possible to feel alone. A lot of people

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Speaker 1: can relate to that. I'm not saying that's how I

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Speaker 1: feel with you or have felt with you, but this

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Speaker 1: concept was interesting, and it's interesting that we got to

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Speaker 1: the point we are. This is only a blessing, but

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Speaker 1: the thing we have fought and fought and fought and

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Speaker 1: fought and fought to get to, we got it, which

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Speaker 1: is everybody's good. The kids are good, it's easy, everybody

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Speaker 1: is happy. How celebrating birthdays together, trips to get all

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Speaker 1: this stuff is so great. But with that comes now

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Speaker 1: a co parenting situation that we have together that causes

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Speaker 1: us so oftentimes to be focused on things other than

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Speaker 1: our relationship. And your mom would say, we are making

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Speaker 1: a mistake.

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Speaker 2: Exactly, And you know, and I always appreciated that it

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Speaker 2: was not always easy to hear as a kid, because

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Speaker 2: it definitely put me in my place, so to speak.

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Speaker 2: But it actually makes so much sense having just said

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Speaker 2: goodbye to my baby Annalise, who is minimally texting me

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Speaker 2: at this point for anyone who'd like an update. But

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Speaker 2: it seems like you only hear from them when things

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Speaker 2: are not good. So no news is good news or

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Speaker 2: just like short small yes good those texts mean that

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Speaker 2: everything's actually fantastic. But with that yes it is, it

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Speaker 2: is absolutely on brand unless something, unless something's gone wrong.

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Speaker 2: I get monosyllabic responses. Yes, but I would say, my

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Speaker 2: mom kept always reminding me you you know, yes, your

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Speaker 2: children or your children forever, but truly they live with

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Speaker 2: you for eighteen years and then they're gone. And if

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Speaker 2: you look at the entirety of your life or the

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Speaker 2: lifespan of a marriage or a relationship, that actually can

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Speaker 2: pale in comparison. And so if you haven't invested in

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Speaker 2: or continued to try and reinvest in your relationship, the

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Speaker 2: kids are gonna say bye see ya, and what do

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Speaker 2: you have left? You have to remember that that actual partner,

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Speaker 2: the spouse or whoever that is actually the person who

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Speaker 2: you'll spend the most time with. The older you get,

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Speaker 2: the more that's the case.

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Speaker 1: How many people would go along with that thinking that

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Speaker 1: my relationship comes first and everything else. The kid I

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Speaker 1: was always fascinating, and I think most people don't say

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Speaker 1: it out loud, but your mom was like she shouldn't

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Speaker 1: give a damn about saying being bold. This is first

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Speaker 1: my relationship. The relationship has to be first.

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Speaker 2: They always told my brother and I that they absolutely.

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Speaker 1: Did, and you all are secondary. Sounds kind of strange,

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Speaker 1: but the priority has to be the relationship and the

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Speaker 1: couple first. Yeah, I don't hear that enough. I like

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Speaker 1: the idea, and we are just now experiencing something together

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Speaker 1: where we are. We have the list, I mean go

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Speaker 1: through I was trying to go through it earlier with you.

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Speaker 1: What was first? Annalice had her big.

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Speaker 2: Birthday, her eighteenth birthday on her last day of school.

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Speaker 2: She had prom two weeks before that.

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Speaker 1: All that was ourgely huge, big big deals, lots of parties.

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Speaker 1: Yea walking through the streets of Manhattan with big balloons,

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Speaker 1: looking silly all on her behalf correct. Party gets thrown.

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Speaker 1: She had graduation, another big party, a.

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Speaker 2: Very big party actually.

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Speaker 1: Ava then came back in with you for the sum.

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Speaker 2: From Berlin and then Yes, and then moved back in

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Speaker 2: for two months because she had to sub let her

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Speaker 2: apartment to make it make sense while she was in

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Speaker 2: Germany studying overseas. So then she moved back in with

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Speaker 2: us for the full two months.

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Speaker 1: So then we got Sabine has been all she had

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Speaker 1: camp this summer, but she has.

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Speaker 2: Been when she came back catch at the hip all summer.

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Speaker 1: And that's wait. You and I talked about this plenty.

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Speaker 1: Everybody else doesn't know. This is as good and it's

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Speaker 1: happened great a relationship I've had with this kid ever

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Speaker 1: and we've always been closed, but now it's I feel

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Speaker 1: it is a codependency, it's all. It's a weird thing

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Speaker 1: where it's we are just in our groove. But that

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Speaker 1: means that you and I are parenting her or dealing

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Speaker 1: with or you know what I'm saying. I go to

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Speaker 1: take a pics to what I'm saying there. But she's

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Speaker 1: now something that's on our mind constantly and has to

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Speaker 1: be factored into our day. We've got marathons we're training for.

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Speaker 1: A lot of people don't know that we are being

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Speaker 1: busy with some possible opportunities coming up that we have

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Speaker 1: actually been in negotiation with and talking about. That's very

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Speaker 1: exciting and moving forward, we're going to be doing a

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Speaker 1: live event in Chicago that we're planning. Yes that we'll

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Speaker 1: be able to give you details about that soon. All

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Speaker 1: that you put all of it together. We have been

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Speaker 1: boom boom boom being this or that to a bunch

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Speaker 1: of other folks. We've been business partners. We haven't done

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Speaker 1: a whole lot.

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Speaker 2: You just the two of us, and we've been together

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Speaker 2: NonStop through I think in I think this entire summer.

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Speaker 2: I believe we have spent two nights apart. And by

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Speaker 2: the way, that was the only like eight hours we

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Speaker 2: weren't together. You know, so we have been I can't

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Speaker 2: think of another human on this planet who I have

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Speaker 2: spent more consecutive time with and still feel like I

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Speaker 2: could say I miss you. That is crazy but true.

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Speaker 1: But should that be the case, It shouldn't be the case.

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Speaker 1: We spent this much time together. So we were we

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Speaker 1: did this trip. We were saying, we need to spend

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Speaker 1: a little where we do. We need to focus on

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Speaker 1: enjoying ourselves and trying not to we still get pulled

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Speaker 1: here and there for a whole bunch of things. But

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Speaker 1: look we I think what they call the vicious cycle

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Speaker 1: that so many couples they put on this appearance that

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Speaker 1: they are perfect on Instagram. You see all these things,

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Speaker 1: and then some other person looking at that, whose relationship

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Speaker 1: isn't perfect. It's looking at it and go, wow, my

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Speaker 1: relationship must be a disaster because theirs it's perfect mind

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Speaker 1: doesn't look like that. And so then what do you

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Speaker 1: do in your relationship? You go overreact, say this is

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Speaker 1: not the person I'm supposed to be with. You don't

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Speaker 1: go put the work into it. And I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to be that. I don't think everybody

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Speaker 1: thinks it's all incense and candles with us, but we

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Speaker 1: are dealing with this like everybody else. We stopped making

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Speaker 1: our relationship a priority. I think is fair to say yes.

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Speaker 2: And then the first day we actually had it just

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Speaker 2: be the two of us as we're traveling. It wasn't

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Speaker 2: a great first day. I think sometimes the anything that's

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Speaker 2: built up that hasn't been verbalized because you haven't had

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Speaker 2: the alone time to actually have true connections, it all

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Speaker 2: kind of comes out in whatever way it does. And

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Speaker 2: so the first day was a little right, but we're

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Speaker 2: good now.

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Speaker 1: But I think it was rockier than the lotion waves.

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Speaker 2: There doesn't that happen though, Like the first day vacation,

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Speaker 2: you're just if you haven't spent time together. Finally, it

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Speaker 2: just all comes out and you just have to take

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Speaker 2: a deep breath. And it wasn't how I would have

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Speaker 2: wanted to start the vacation. But in a way, maybe

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Speaker 2: it was a purging or a cleansing.

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Speaker 1: You needed it. I didn't know.

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Speaker 2: You needed it. Yeah, yeah, I think you did.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know I needed until you let me know

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Speaker 1: I needed it.

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Speaker 2: I just pushed the right button. What can I say?

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Speaker 2: There was one button and I pushed it. But so yeah,

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Speaker 2: and then you like it does that happen? Like how

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Speaker 2: many other couples can relate? I feel like the first

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Speaker 2: day of vacation might be a little bit of a

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Speaker 2: purging process or a cleansing process.

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Speaker 1: Where are we doing great? That morning we were to

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Speaker 1: the air. Everything was good. Yeah, everything was great.

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Speaker 2: Well, it was a couple of things happened. And then

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Speaker 2: this is this is.

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Speaker 1: Kind of just funny, but this is why. And again

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Speaker 1: a lesson to you all. And I thank my dad

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Speaker 1: for this. He was always early, to the point that

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Speaker 1: he annoyed the hell out of my mom. Always growing up,

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Speaker 1: we are mad early everywhere. He would rather sit there

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Speaker 1: and wait for thirty minutes than to rush in and

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Speaker 1: be thirty seconds, leap and.

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Speaker 2: When you have anything go wrong at the airport you are,

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Speaker 2: or traffic or whatever happens, you're so grateful that you

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Speaker 2: don't have to stress about missing your flight.

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Speaker 1: So here we go, folks. We robes booked the flights.

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Speaker 1: She booked the trip, and she often does. Everything goes fine.

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Speaker 1: But she didn't attach my TSA PreCheck number when she

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Speaker 1: made the reservation. Okay, fine, not a big deal. We

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Speaker 1: got there pretty early.

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Speaker 2: It seemed like it. But it's you know, it's about

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Speaker 2: a thirty minute deal. It can be, and it was

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Speaker 2: we it will and then well, wait, it can be.

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Speaker 1: But it wasn't a big deal that I didn't have

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Speaker 1: TSA pre check on this one. Fine.

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Speaker 2: I told that about it. I felt guilty because I

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Speaker 2: was like, crap, if I had just put I didn't

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Speaker 2: realize if you didn't put it in afterwards, that that

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Speaker 2: somehow you were automatically banned from getting TSA pre check.

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Speaker 2: I didn't know at the time I made the reservation.

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Speaker 2: I had to put it in. I couldn't go back

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Speaker 2: and put it in later.

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Speaker 1: I thought other airline, this particular airline didn't allow.

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Speaker 2: I thought for sure it would have been fine.

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Speaker 1: This is again, this is not a big thing.

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Speaker 2: Okay, but just so you know, I'm feeling a little

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Speaker 2: guilty right now over that. Yeah I did. I was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: the TSA pre check thing, yeah, because it was my fault.

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Speaker 1: Oh baby, that was nothing. Tsare again. Make sure everybody

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Speaker 1: understands here. She booked our fight and when she booked

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Speaker 1: our flights, she just did not attach my TSA pre

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Speaker 1: check it. And okay, I wasn't available to get don't

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Speaker 1: do that thing.

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Speaker 2: I didn't do it. I was like, I'll do it later.

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Speaker 2: In my mind, I'm like, yeah, we'll just put that in.

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Speaker 1: Like I didn't have it available.

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Speaker 2: I should get that in my phone though.

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Speaker 1: Anyway, the point being, we get there, I don't have

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Speaker 1: TSA pre check. That's not a big deal. I gotta

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Speaker 1: get in the regular line.

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Speaker 2: Fine, it wasn't terrible.

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Speaker 1: This is fine, but we stand in line for it.

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Speaker 1: Decent amountains ray. Okay, Up, she goes through first right

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Speaker 1: with your yep. So she's about to get in the

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Speaker 1: security line. I hand the guy my info and HM.

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Speaker 1: Instead of just handing me my passport back, he hands

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Speaker 1: me a white piece of paper that I've never seen before,

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Speaker 1: with a lot of writing on it, which is directing

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Speaker 1: me to get out of the line and go to

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Speaker 1: the airline help desk.

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Speaker 2: It's always how you want to start your vacation.

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Speaker 1: I have no idea. The guy had no idea. So

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Speaker 1: what's the problem, he said, I don't know. You got

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Speaker 1: a flag. They won't let you through. I said, but

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Speaker 1: what he said? That's not my thing. The airline said,

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Speaker 1: there's a problem here. I can't let you through, so

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Speaker 1: we have to get out of line.

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Speaker 2: Yes, So we walk all the way to the help

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Speaker 2: desk and there's another line. It's quite long. At that point,

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Speaker 2: I look at my phone and I actually thought to myself,

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Speaker 2: thank God be left as early as we did, because

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Speaker 2: I knew we still had two hours before our flight

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Speaker 2: was taking off. So I was like, okay, we'll get

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Speaker 2: through this. And you were calm, and I was calm.

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Speaker 2: I even't like I put my arm around you. We

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Speaker 2: were like staying, they're hugging each other. We were good.

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Speaker 2: We were just being calm. We were like, we're going

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Speaker 2: to paradise. Where we're going. We're fine. So we get

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Speaker 2: up to the receptionist eventually and she is fixing it

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Speaker 2: all and like seems like it's no big deal. She

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Speaker 2: takes this passport, and then teacher said, may I ask?

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Speaker 1: And I had.

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Speaker 2: What was the problem, man? I mean I was curious too.

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Speaker 2: The problem was whoever entered your birth date instead of

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Speaker 2: saying nineteen seventy seven entered nineteen ninety seven, and so

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Speaker 2: it did not match your passport and I clearly made

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Speaker 2: the reservations, so it was completely my fault. So not

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Speaker 2: only did I robb you with the TSA pre check,

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Speaker 2: I then got us flagged or got you FLA because

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Speaker 2: I entered your incorrect.

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Speaker 1: Birth year, and then we have to go back and

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Speaker 1: get in the security line.

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Speaker 2: Now I'm so my state of mind is I'm thinking,

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Speaker 2: oh my god, because I pride myself on getting things,

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Speaker 2: you know, doing those things. And then I know you're

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00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:20,360
Speaker 2: we're all into details, and I was like, I let

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Speaker 2: everybody down. I just cost us now a solid forty

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Speaker 2: five minutes. It's all my fault. I'm feeling totally guilty.

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Speaker 2: And TJ walks up to go ask this kind man

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Speaker 2: who's standing in front of this back entrance to a

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Speaker 2: line so we don't have to go through the whole

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Speaker 2: line again, to explain to him why we are allowed

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Speaker 2: to go through this back way because of what happened,

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Speaker 2: and in my haste of feeling so guilty like I

359
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:49,600
Speaker 2: need to fix the situation, I just jumped into the

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Speaker 2: conversation and completely interrupted it was. It was as rude

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Speaker 2: as it gets, and I, because I was just like

362
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Speaker 2: so wanting to fix it, I made it worse.

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Speaker 1: I was fine, do you know I have I have

364
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Speaker 1: worked on this for years and years, But at that moment,

365
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Speaker 1: there's nothing I could do but surrender to the moment.

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Speaker 1: And there's nothing that me getting upset was going to

367
00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:17,919
Speaker 1: lend itself. There's nothing to get on to you for.

368
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,359
Speaker 1: I know you felt bad about it. There's no reason

369
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Speaker 1: to make you feel worse. It's not like I hope

370
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Speaker 1: you learned your lesson or I'll just do it next time. No,

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00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:28,840
Speaker 1: that's Dirk behavior, don't. It was nothing. And because I

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Speaker 1: always insist that you wanted to get there early enough,

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Speaker 1: there was no problem. There was actually no problem. That

374
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Speaker 1: was just inconvenience. That was where my head was. Here

375
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Speaker 1: she comes to save the DA.

376
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Speaker 2: And then everybody's irritated.

377
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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and then they got but there there goes.

378
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Speaker 1: It wasn't just a moment we've had. I think we

379
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Speaker 1: only fight about one thing. And like doctor, our good friend,

380
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:09,399
Speaker 1: doctor Jeff Gardier, always says, it's never what you're fighting about,

381
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:14,399
Speaker 1: it's how you're fighting, Like it's how you're communicating about money.

382
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:16,960
Speaker 1: It's not your problem is not money. Your problem is

383
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Speaker 1: not this, it's not that. It's how you're communicating about

384
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:24,119
Speaker 1: this and that. And we fail sometimes to communicate about things,

385
00:20:24,119 --> 00:20:28,359
Speaker 1: but we have an ongoing thing. It became a became

386
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Speaker 1: a theme. And then we're not even talking on the

387
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:34,000
Speaker 1: plane and all kinds of foolishness. And I talked to

388
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Speaker 1: the flight attendant born and I talked to you in

389
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Speaker 1: that flight. That is true, for sure. They were pleasant

390
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:38,720
Speaker 1: as well.

391
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Speaker 2: Had you had your AirPods in the entire time too.

392
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Speaker 1: And hear you want to hear the funny part about that.

393
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:44,679
Speaker 2: You didn't have anything playing.

394
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Speaker 1: My AirPods ran out of battery power, Like.

395
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Speaker 2: Well, okay, so when your partner puts AirPods and you're like,

396
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:56,280
Speaker 2: so clearly does not want to talk to me. You

397
00:20:56,320 --> 00:21:01,600
Speaker 2: weren't talking, So I yeah, I actually slept a little

398
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:02,879
Speaker 2: bit on the plane, which I never do.

399
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:04,920
Speaker 1: Oh, I didn't even know. I didn't look your way.

400
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:06,119
Speaker 2: I know you didn't.

401
00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:09,400
Speaker 1: They were laughing about it. Now.

402
00:21:10,119 --> 00:21:12,280
Speaker 2: I just want other couples like we have laughed at

403
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:14,919
Speaker 2: other couples who are invites clearly when they're traveling with

404
00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:18,360
Speaker 2: kids in distress and YadA YadA, and we have laughed like, oh,

405
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:21,359
Speaker 2: look at those poor folks, they're upset. We were those people.

406
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:25,160
Speaker 2: We were those people. It wasn't there was no like anger.

407
00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:29,320
Speaker 2: It was just like it was just but it's real

408
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:31,720
Speaker 2: and it happened and just took some time.

409
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:34,560
Speaker 1: And we're here and that's it's been a hell of

410
00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:38,080
Speaker 1: a summer and it's the thing we wanted most. We

411
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:43,119
Speaker 1: got it. Everybody's good, the kids are good and getting along,

412
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:46,960
Speaker 1: and everybody's happy that we got it. But with that

413
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:53,719
Speaker 1: comes more focused on things other than our relationship. We

414
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:56,680
Speaker 1: can do both, but I can't. It sounds I guess

415
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:59,199
Speaker 1: some people would be dismissive of it or think it

416
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,720
Speaker 1: sounds awful. I just love how your mom always talks

417
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:05,040
Speaker 1: about it and says, the relationship is the priority. This

418
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Speaker 1: is first. The relationship is first.

419
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Speaker 2: I mean, it does set an example, and it does

420
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:16,240
Speaker 2: teach your children you know that if we're good, you're good.

421
00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:19,159
Speaker 2: There is a security to it in a way, and

422
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,800
Speaker 2: I appreciate it, and you have to have somebody, you know,

423
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:23,959
Speaker 2: I think to have that mindset, you have to have

424
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:27,240
Speaker 2: both partners have that mindset. And I think unfortunately for me,

425
00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:29,840
Speaker 2: maybe perhaps my mom gave that to me and then

426
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:33,320
Speaker 2: there was an expectation. So, you know, because I do

427
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:35,200
Speaker 2: believe in that, and if you don't, if the other

428
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:38,440
Speaker 2: person doesn't, it's not going to work. You know, it's tough,

429
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:40,040
Speaker 2: and I know a lot of couple struggle with that.

430
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:43,359
Speaker 2: You know, where the children fall in the priority of

431
00:22:43,359 --> 00:22:45,280
Speaker 2: your marriage, it's it. And so when then when your

432
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:47,879
Speaker 2: kids go up and move away as you hope and

433
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:53,119
Speaker 2: want them to, obviously, even though it's sad, you do

434
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,159
Speaker 2: get a reality check. And right now I'm getting that

435
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:58,679
Speaker 2: reality check. Like, I love my girls, They're always going

436
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:00,240
Speaker 2: to be a big part of my life, but they

437
00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:02,720
Speaker 2: are not the people who I am going to be

438
00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:04,960
Speaker 2: with twenty four to seven for the next forty years.

439
00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:08,600
Speaker 1: You know, would you say, or is it offensive? Will

440
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:11,600
Speaker 1: you ask a parent what their priority is in that home? Yeah,

441
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:12,960
Speaker 1: kids are number one?

442
00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:16,480
Speaker 2: Is that That's what I do believe. That is what

443
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:19,080
Speaker 2: most people would say. But I believe my parents would say,

444
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:22,320
Speaker 2: our marriage is first, Our kids are second. Well, I

445
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:25,080
Speaker 2: know they would say that, they've always said that. Yeah,

446
00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:27,520
Speaker 2: and I was raised with that mindset, and maybe that

447
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:31,720
Speaker 2: was an unfair expectation to have in a marriage, but

448
00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:36,000
Speaker 2: for me it was and and I do I actually

449
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:39,680
Speaker 2: am very It doesn't mean that your kids ever get

450
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:42,240
Speaker 2: short changed. Actually, I would just say, I would say

451
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:45,680
Speaker 2: it's the opposite. But it doesn't sound like the right answer,

452
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:50,640
Speaker 2: you know, But I love that you get it, and

453
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:52,480
Speaker 2: that's it's a really good sign.

454
00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:56,840
Speaker 1: You think people generally expect relationships to be easy. Well,

455
00:23:56,880 --> 00:24:01,080
Speaker 1: we've conditioned ourselves to think that, well we clashed on this,

456
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:03,320
Speaker 1: or we thought about this, then that means we must

457
00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:04,240
Speaker 1: not be compatible.

458
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:09,040
Speaker 2: I think that people think everyone else's relationships are easier.

459
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:12,199
Speaker 2: I think people look I think you always think the

460
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,520
Speaker 2: grass is greener. I think you look at other people

461
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:18,000
Speaker 2: friends unless someone's obviously in distress, and then maybe you

462
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:20,120
Speaker 2: take glee and the fact that yours isn't that bad.

463
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,600
Speaker 2: There are always those friends that maybe you keep close

464
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:25,960
Speaker 2: for that reason. But I think a lot of people

465
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:27,960
Speaker 2: I at least felt like a lot of times I

466
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 2: would look at other people and think, what's that like?

467
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:33,480
Speaker 2: That must be awesome? And I think we all kind

468
00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:37,399
Speaker 2: of romanticize what other people's relationships might be like because

469
00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:40,240
Speaker 2: ours didn't live up to our expectations. Yes, I can

470
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,240
Speaker 2: only speak for myself that Yes, I think we all

471
00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:46,320
Speaker 2: get this impression that it's easier or it should be

472
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:47,639
Speaker 2: easier than it is.

473
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:53,040
Speaker 1: We know better obviously, an auto pilot relationship, have you

474
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:58,680
Speaker 1: ever think you've ever been in one?

475
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:04,879
Speaker 2: Yes, think yes, but yes, but almost by choice, you

476
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,280
Speaker 2: know what I mean, not by accident, and that can

477
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:08,480
Speaker 2: also be something.

478
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:15,320
Speaker 1: Wow. Wow. I wasn't familiar with the with the concept,

479
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:18,199
Speaker 1: but I found it interesting and it went along with

480
00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:21,600
Speaker 1: I don't know, this trip and this summer has been

481
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 1: a wonderful summer, and I don't know it's all onwarded

482
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:27,119
Speaker 1: at this I don't know. It's so much to be

483
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:32,960
Speaker 1: excited and hopeful about. And I even nobody wants to fight.

484
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:37,000
Speaker 1: But man, I feel always better about a relationship when

485
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:38,879
Speaker 1: you get through it and you get past it and

486
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:41,880
Speaker 1: you learn something from it. And I think we'd all

487
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:45,280
Speaker 1: I think even the professionals agree, right, if you're not fighting,

488
00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:46,960
Speaker 1: that's not necessarily a good science.

489
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:51,440
Speaker 2: Yes, and I have had a relationship like that where

490
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:55,400
Speaker 2: I never fought but if you, I think it can

491
00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:59,680
Speaker 2: speak to your level of passion and your level of

492
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:05,800
Speaker 2: because the opposite of love isn't hate or even anger,

493
00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:10,320
Speaker 2: it's indifference. And so if you weren't fighting, you can't

494
00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:12,960
Speaker 2: tell me that things aren't annoying you or whatever. It's

495
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:16,440
Speaker 2: just you're indifferent, and that, to me is the biggest

496
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:17,040
Speaker 2: red flag.

497
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:24,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, listen to you. I've heard you say that blind plenty.

498
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:29,080
Speaker 2: At the opposite it rings true, though it rings true.

499
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:40,240
Speaker 1: All right, Well, before we go, I think is that asege.

500
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:44,359
Speaker 2: No, it's Nicki, Nicky and MORGANA absolutely Nicki and Morgan.

501
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:47,439
Speaker 2: It's not an okay, sorry, I know. Now she's like

502
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:50,800
Speaker 2: my boyfriend who isn't texting me back. She's become that

503
00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:51,199
Speaker 2: for me.

504
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:52,680
Speaker 1: Now when did you have that?

505
00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:55,280
Speaker 2: Yeah?

506
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:56,880
Speaker 1: Just see her face? Oh my god. This is why

507
00:26:56,880 --> 00:27:00,160
Speaker 1: we got to put this podcast on video, because that faces.

508
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:02,680
Speaker 2: Maybe it was worth It's only the text I wait

509
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:03,440
Speaker 2: for from you.

510
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:05,600
Speaker 1: Stop, So I didn't you just explain everybody with to

511
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,080
Speaker 1: get it all the time? I'm going to text you

512
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:09,520
Speaker 1: while you're in the bathroom.

513
00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:11,400
Speaker 2: That is the only time you don't answer me when

514
00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:13,600
Speaker 2: you're in the shower or in the bathroom.

515
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:18,800
Speaker 1: Well, we have a couple more days in paradise here

516
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:24,000
Speaker 1: to enjoy. We are obviously continuing to work, but no,

517
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:26,640
Speaker 1: we just wanted to share. Say, hello, we got some

518
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:31,760
Speaker 1: really fun stuff coming up. We can't share just yet,

519
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:33,359
Speaker 1: but okay, we're excited about it.

520
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:33,960
Speaker 2: We will soon.

521
00:27:36,119 --> 00:27:38,800
Speaker 1: This is where you're supposed to say, everybody, you can

522
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:40,360
Speaker 1: find our official show page.

523
00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:42,080
Speaker 2: It Amy and TJ Podcast.

524
00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:45,119
Speaker 1: You know we should ask We should because we're being lazy.

525
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:47,400
Speaker 1: We need like a tagline. We should have somebody for it.

526
00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:50,399
Speaker 2: You know what, if anyone wants to Oh, I was

527
00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:52,479
Speaker 2: just going to suggest maybe on social media. We'll look

528
00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:56,240
Speaker 2: at the Amy and TJ podcast on Instagram. Just if

529
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:59,520
Speaker 2: anyone wants to share any thoughts on a way to

530
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:02,000
Speaker 2: end the show, show a tagline. We would be so

531
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:05,919
Speaker 2: open to suggestions, so feel free to add that in

532
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,280
Speaker 2: the comments, along with other niceties.

533
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:13,720
Speaker 1: Niceties. Yeah, I heard that right, all right, we'll see

534
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:14,040
Speaker 1: also