WEBVTT - Viola Davis & Julius Tennon 0:00:14.836 --> 0:00:29.876 Pushkin. Hi, I'm Phil Donahue and I'm Marlowe Thomas. We've 0:00:29.916 --> 0:00:33.116 been married for over forty years. But when I was younger, 0:00:33.156 --> 0:00:36.436 I never wanted to be married. It didn't seem possible 0:00:36.716 --> 0:00:39.916 for two people to live together for life. And you 0:00:39.996 --> 0:00:44.196 were half right. Nearly half of all marriages end in divorce. 0:00:44.556 --> 0:00:48.476 But what about the ones at last? What's the secret? Sauce? 0:00:48.956 --> 0:00:51.836 I have no idea, but the best way to find 0:00:51.876 --> 0:00:54.956 out is to talk with some long married couples, you know, 0:00:55.636 --> 0:01:01.836 like a double date, And so we did. We made 0:01:01.916 --> 0:01:07.956 dates with couples we admire actors, athletes, musicians, journalists, And 0:01:08.076 --> 0:01:11.316 you know what I love about it double date? Everybody talks, 0:01:11.796 --> 0:01:15.596 everybody remembers, and you get a real sense of who 0:01:15.676 --> 0:01:21.636 this couple is together exactly. Take Viola Davis and Julius Tennan. 0:01:21.956 --> 0:01:25.476 What a couple. Here are two great actors with all 0:01:25.516 --> 0:01:28.876 the talent and none of the eagle. The first feeling 0:01:28.916 --> 0:01:33.996 you get from them is welcome. Remember Julius was standing 0:01:34.036 --> 0:01:37.156 outside on the street in front of their house, just 0:01:37.316 --> 0:01:41.036 to be sure we didn't get lost. Such a great hello. 0:01:41.396 --> 0:01:44.036 It told us a lot about them right from the start. 0:01:44.476 --> 0:01:46.396 My big thing with me and Julius is we're the 0:01:46.476 --> 0:01:49.836 fun We have the best parties. Oh that's great. Good, 0:01:49.876 --> 0:01:53.356 I'm glad I'm getting to know you. Let's go work out. 0:01:55.316 --> 0:01:58.476 We settled down at their dinner table with these tall, 0:01:58.556 --> 0:02:01.676 comfy chairs that you could just sink into, and we 0:02:01.756 --> 0:02:06.836 started talking. I felt an immediate bond with Viola. Like me, 0:02:07.236 --> 0:02:10.916 she never could imagine herself was a life partner. I 0:02:10.996 --> 0:02:13.996 did not want to get married either. I never had 0:02:14.036 --> 0:02:17.796 any visions of walking down an aisle with a white dress. 0:02:17.836 --> 0:02:21.796 I admired every woman who was alone and happy and 0:02:21.796 --> 0:02:26.036 who had a lot of boyfriends. I was a narcissistic artist, 0:02:26.156 --> 0:02:29.916 That's what I was, right. And then then I read 0:02:29.956 --> 0:02:32.356 somewhere that you prayed for a husband. When I was 0:02:32.436 --> 0:02:35.676 up at Williamstown Theater Festival, I was doing the Raising 0:02:35.676 --> 0:02:37.836 the Sun and a friend of mine said why are 0:02:37.836 --> 0:02:41.116 you alone? And I felt like, oh my god. I 0:02:41.156 --> 0:02:45.276 almost started crying and my eyes were rolling up. He 0:02:45.436 --> 0:02:47.876 was like, is there a reason why you don't have 0:02:47.876 --> 0:02:50.876 a relationship. I said, well, I guess I've just never 0:02:50.876 --> 0:02:54.996 found anyone who loved me, you know. And then he 0:02:55.156 --> 0:02:57.436 was the one, Joseph Edwards. I know because he just 0:02:57.476 --> 0:03:01.436 got married. He just got married. He said, go into 0:03:01.516 --> 0:03:03.116 your room, this is what I want you to do, 0:03:03.156 --> 0:03:05.756 and get on your knees and you ask God for 0:03:05.756 --> 0:03:07.996 blah blah blah blah. I was like, oh, God, another 0:03:08.036 --> 0:03:13.916 on fire for Jesus persons, and you did I did. 0:03:14.036 --> 0:03:16.916 I did it. And there was a specific prayer right 0:03:17.036 --> 0:03:20.036 that you may very specific because he told me to 0:03:20.076 --> 0:03:23.756 be specific and literally, I was like, Okay, this is 0:03:23.756 --> 0:03:26.716 what I want. Now. He really doesn't have to be black, 0:03:26.956 --> 0:03:30.676 but I want him to be black. I want him 0:03:30.676 --> 0:03:34.276 to look like a football player because I love football players, okay. 0:03:34.436 --> 0:03:36.236 And I want him to be from the South because 0:03:36.276 --> 0:03:39.956 I love countrymen and I kind of would appreciate it. 0:03:40.196 --> 0:03:43.036 He's already been married, he's already had kids, because I 0:03:43.036 --> 0:03:46.876 don't want that pressure. And I want him to be like, 0:03:47.116 --> 0:03:53.356 maybe very spiritual, church going, funny, you know, maybe someone 0:03:53.396 --> 0:03:57.556 who is an artist too's he's got those artistic sensibility. 0:03:57.756 --> 0:04:00.876 And I met Julius three and a half weeks later, 0:04:01.156 --> 0:04:03.396 three and a half ways, three and a half weeks 0:04:03.396 --> 0:04:09.916 how on City of Angels and City of Angels. We 0:04:09.996 --> 0:04:13.636 actually met during the pilot episode. I was dating a girl. 0:04:13.676 --> 0:04:17.116 I was really trying to run away from a little monster. 0:04:17.716 --> 0:04:20.876 And so when I met Viola, I gave her my 0:04:20.916 --> 0:04:22.756 card and then she called, and then we went on 0:04:22.756 --> 0:04:25.036 our first date. And twenty years later, here we are, 0:04:25.316 --> 0:04:27.116 and I felt like I had done all the work 0:04:27.156 --> 0:04:29.876 before then. I was in therapy. I finally went to 0:04:29.956 --> 0:04:34.836 therapy because I had screen actors guilt. So when Julius 0:04:34.876 --> 0:04:37.676 came along, I remember telling my therapist, you know, this 0:04:37.716 --> 0:04:40.756 guy gave me a card and he's really good looking. 0:04:41.836 --> 0:04:44.236 And she was like, oh, okay, because you can tell 0:04:44.396 --> 0:04:46.076 she made me a little bit bored. It's what I 0:04:46.116 --> 0:04:50.316 was talking about. She's like, talk about something else. So 0:04:51.076 --> 0:04:53.556 and I said, this guy gave me a card and 0:04:54.116 --> 0:04:57.796 he oh, he invited me to church. And she was like, 0:04:58.196 --> 0:05:00.436 have you called him back? I said no, I don't 0:05:00.436 --> 0:05:03.156 know because I'm struggle. I gotta get my credit off, 0:05:03.796 --> 0:05:07.516 I gotta get my life in order. She said, call him, wow, 0:05:08.276 --> 0:05:11.196 and and I said, yeah, but you know what, there 0:05:11.196 --> 0:05:13.676 made me something wrong with him. She's like, there's something 0:05:13.676 --> 0:05:16.916 wrong with everyone, Viola, there's something wrong with you. It 0:05:16.916 --> 0:05:18.876 took me six weeks to call him because I was 0:05:18.916 --> 0:05:22.476 so nervous. I was having anxiety attacks about La and 0:05:22.516 --> 0:05:24.876 then finally called him. I said, he's never going to 0:05:24.956 --> 0:05:29.276 remember me, and he remembered me, and I remember he 0:05:29.316 --> 0:05:35.596 invited me to his place where he worked. And the openness, 0:05:35.636 --> 0:05:40.196 emotional availability I never had that before. Usually men, it's like, Okay, 0:05:40.196 --> 0:05:42.156 how do you feel? How do you feel about me? 0:05:42.556 --> 0:05:44.476 Do you love me? Do you not love me? Do 0:05:44.476 --> 0:05:48.076 you want to be with me? Na Julious, you never 0:05:48.156 --> 0:05:51.316 had to guess. My mom did a good job. She 0:05:51.436 --> 0:05:54.436 already did because my mom always told me to respect women. 0:05:54.996 --> 0:05:56.916 I already knew that there was a certain kind of 0:05:56.956 --> 0:05:59.996 decorum around the way you needed to treat women. You know. 0:06:00.076 --> 0:06:02.596 Phil said to me one time, what do you have 0:06:03.036 --> 0:06:06.756 so much against marriage? I said, well, I think that 0:06:07.956 --> 0:06:12.596 people lose courteous and I really don't like that. I 0:06:12.596 --> 0:06:16.516 don't want to be treated in a discourtious or dispersive way. 0:06:16.996 --> 0:06:18.436 And when we do that for each other, I mean, 0:06:18.436 --> 0:06:19.756 I'll say, Tom, I'm want to get you a sweater, 0:06:19.836 --> 0:06:21.796 it's cold out here, or he'll say that to me. 0:06:21.956 --> 0:06:24.556 There's a concern for the other person. Yeah, you know, 0:06:24.876 --> 0:06:28.156 I went to an all boy Catholic high school and 0:06:28.276 --> 0:06:31.436 one of the things that was given to us or 0:06:31.636 --> 0:06:35.196 dancing lessons, and they taught us. You know, you don't 0:06:35.276 --> 0:06:38.996 call the woman. You place your hand gently on her back, 0:06:40.116 --> 0:06:42.756 and you'd be sure to return her to wherever it 0:06:42.916 --> 0:06:45.596 was when you asked her to dance. They were being 0:06:45.636 --> 0:06:48.876 taught grace, you know, and that's a lovely I went 0:06:48.916 --> 0:06:51.556 to a girls school. We both are Catholic. When I 0:06:51.556 --> 0:06:54.316 went to girls school, and I think I think sharing, 0:06:54.436 --> 0:06:57.316 not so much sharing a religion or a faith, but 0:06:57.516 --> 0:07:00.876 sharing the values of that. So when people ask me 0:07:00.916 --> 0:07:03.716 what I think our marriage is lasted, I thought, well, 0:07:04.036 --> 0:07:08.116 we define certain important words the same, like what's fair 0:07:08.156 --> 0:07:12.596 and unfair? Yes, what's acceptable and unacceptable? I Phil says 0:07:12.596 --> 0:07:14.316 to me, that's not fair. I know, I know what 0:07:14.316 --> 0:07:16.116 it means. I don't see what do you mean? It 0:07:16.156 --> 0:07:18.316 is a fair I mean, I got it. You have 0:07:18.356 --> 0:07:21.996 to allow the other person, you know, they're saying, it's 0:07:21.996 --> 0:07:24.836 always kind of this thing of agreeing to disagree, and 0:07:24.836 --> 0:07:27.436 it's okay, but you know, we try to get around 0:07:27.556 --> 0:07:32.396 that thing without it being an impediment. What it is. 0:07:32.476 --> 0:07:35.436 We always we just discuss, you know, and for some 0:07:35.476 --> 0:07:37.716 people it works where if they're angry at each other 0:07:38.116 --> 0:07:40.356 because this whole tongue here can say some things that 0:07:40.396 --> 0:07:42.116 you can never take back, So you have to be 0:07:42.156 --> 0:07:46.556 careful with this um. But some folks have to like 0:07:47.556 --> 0:07:52.356 sleep on it. We never go to sleep on our anger. 0:07:52.756 --> 0:07:55.956 Do you fight? How do you fight? I'm the door slam, 0:07:56.036 --> 0:07:58.636 I say, yeah, And I'm kind of the guy that 0:07:58.716 --> 0:08:01.236 just goes away. I just go away. But then it 0:08:01.276 --> 0:08:06.356 dissipates fast and then it's nothing, honey, like nothing. Yeah, 0:08:06.396 --> 0:08:12.196 I'm the chaser. I follow him until I can get 0:08:12.236 --> 0:08:16.036 him to hear I do that too. He's trying to 0:08:16.076 --> 0:08:21.316 just get away. No, because I think how you fight 0:08:21.596 --> 0:08:24.116 and how you come back from a fight, it is 0:08:24.156 --> 0:08:26.396 a big line in the sand. It is. You gotta 0:08:26.436 --> 0:08:29.236 know how to do that. You really do. My big thing, 0:08:29.476 --> 0:08:32.156 my advice about marriage that I give to all of 0:08:32.196 --> 0:08:35.796 my friends, I say, your marriage does not start when 0:08:35.836 --> 0:08:39.196 you walk down the aisle. Your marriage starts when you 0:08:39.196 --> 0:08:42.116 look over at a person that you love more than anything, 0:08:42.196 --> 0:08:44.916 and there's something about him. You just see just one 0:08:45.036 --> 0:08:48.756 character trait just a glimpse, and you're thinking, oh man, 0:08:49.196 --> 0:08:52.756 that's gonna drive me crazy. I don't know if I 0:08:52.796 --> 0:08:54.996 could deal with this. You're just in your brain. I'm like, 0:08:54.996 --> 0:08:56.436 I don't know if I could deal with this and 0:08:56.476 --> 0:08:58.916 the next minute you're like, you know what, but I 0:08:58.996 --> 0:09:01.636 love them, I'm going to stick it out. What is 0:09:01.676 --> 0:09:04.396 it that's when your marriage starts? That's great. Tell us 0:09:04.396 --> 0:09:08.636 what it is with joyous that that drives you crazy? 0:09:08.676 --> 0:09:11.276 I know, I can tell you what drives me. Oh, 0:09:11.316 --> 0:09:13.196 I know a lot of things drive me crazy. About 0:09:13.276 --> 0:09:21.716 Julius Um, he's a little OCD. H. Yes, you know, 0:09:21.836 --> 0:09:25.836 I'm let's just say, familiar with this issue. I know, 0:09:25.996 --> 0:09:28.396 I know, I'm sorry, but I think it should be 0:09:28.396 --> 0:09:32.916 called obsessive compulsive order. That drives me a little bit crazy. 0:09:32.996 --> 0:09:35.476 I'm OCD too. That's why people like you and may 0:09:35.516 --> 0:09:41.756 never get but I need take There's all this mess 0:09:41.796 --> 0:09:43.556 on the floor. I'm like, oh my god, and it'll 0:09:43.596 --> 0:09:49.676 be too little from You'll walk into my office talking 0:09:49.716 --> 0:09:56.916 like crazy about everything and straightening up this book, getting 0:09:56.956 --> 0:10:00.516 this magazine over here where along you know, I set 0:10:00.556 --> 0:10:02.676 things down and that's where they are. I mean, you 0:10:02.716 --> 0:10:04.916 can tell where I've been in the house just by looking. 0:10:06.756 --> 0:10:09.676 You know, he had orangese over here because little orange 0:10:09.676 --> 0:10:12.996 castles there. He had a ginger all over there because 0:10:14.556 --> 0:10:17.796 exactly what it is. If he ever murdered anybody I could, like, 0:10:18.036 --> 0:10:25.076 you know exactly. My life got better as soon as 0:10:25.076 --> 0:10:28.636 we got together. And I mean that too, my life 0:10:28.636 --> 0:10:31.956 did get better. I had bad credit when I met Julius. 0:10:32.636 --> 0:10:36.916 I didn't know anything. I had my apartment in New 0:10:36.996 --> 0:10:39.876 York that was the ceiling was caving in because it 0:10:39.956 --> 0:10:43.756 was rent stabilized. The pipes had burst, so I couldn't 0:10:43.756 --> 0:10:46.236 get anyone to sublet it. And then I was here 0:10:46.276 --> 0:10:48.596 doing a TV show and I had to pay rent here, 0:10:49.276 --> 0:10:52.036 and then I was sending my family money. I was 0:10:52.116 --> 0:10:55.676 just all over the place. Julius came in. He was 0:10:55.756 --> 0:10:57.836 making my life easier. It's like, v this is what 0:10:57.836 --> 0:11:00.196 we could do. Me and you could move in together. 0:11:00.556 --> 0:11:02.716 We could share the rent. And I was like, oh 0:11:02.756 --> 0:11:06.116 my god. I started saving my money. This is how 0:11:06.116 --> 0:11:08.716 you build up your credit. I was like, oh really, 0:11:09.196 --> 0:11:12.236 So all of a sudden, I'm like saving money. My 0:11:12.356 --> 0:11:15.196 credit got better. She didn't have to clean I mean, 0:11:15.236 --> 0:11:17.556 I know how to clean baseboards, I know how to 0:11:17.716 --> 0:11:21.116 wash blinds. I can do it all. You know. Viola 0:11:21.236 --> 0:11:23.556 wasn't used to doing that kind of thing. And I 0:11:23.556 --> 0:11:26.076 remember the very first time, but she stayed with me, 0:11:26.556 --> 0:11:28.796 and then I went to the bathroom after she left 0:11:28.796 --> 0:11:30.076 because she had to go to work. And I went 0:11:30.116 --> 0:11:32.916 in there and the tops was they were off everything, 0:11:32.916 --> 0:11:37.196 the toothpaste, the moisturizer, everything. I'm like, going, my god. 0:11:37.236 --> 0:11:41.116 It seemed like the bathroom had been blown up. She 0:11:41.196 --> 0:11:42.996 came back and she saw the bathroom and she said, 0:11:43.356 --> 0:11:45.676 why'd you do that? Why'd you put everything back? I said, 0:11:45.676 --> 0:11:47.756 that's just what I do. And I said, listen, honey, 0:11:47.956 --> 0:11:49.476 you don't ever have to worry about it. Just do 0:11:49.516 --> 0:11:51.836 what you do and I'll do what I do. And 0:11:51.876 --> 0:11:55.436 that's the way we've rolled, oh wow, ever since. And 0:11:55.476 --> 0:11:59.276 so I just what might take her a thirty minutes 0:11:59.316 --> 0:12:01.156 to an hour to do, I can do in fifteen. 0:12:01.516 --> 0:12:05.516 She's a slab and that's us. He's a slob. I 0:12:05.556 --> 0:12:07.636 always say, if I feel is a man who doesn't 0:12:07.676 --> 0:12:10.996 know the meaning of the word hamp no idea what 0:12:11.156 --> 0:12:14.516 it mean. And I'm always fixed. And I've gotten better. 0:12:14.996 --> 0:12:17.916 She's gotten better over the years. It took her a while. 0:12:17.916 --> 0:12:21.956 I'm much better, but I still do things. Yeah, So 0:12:21.996 --> 0:12:25.156 then how long did it take to get to, you know, 0:12:25.236 --> 0:12:28.716 seriousness or moving in together? It seemed like we just 0:12:29.116 --> 0:12:31.916 lived together right away. It felt like that. I always 0:12:32.116 --> 0:12:36.396 I always, well, it did, yeah, because he brought his 0:12:36.476 --> 0:12:41.596 clothes to my apartment. I loved it. There was nothing 0:12:41.636 --> 0:12:45.316 about it that I questioned. It was easy, it was right, 0:12:45.996 --> 0:12:48.116 and we had so much fun. It was the first 0:12:48.116 --> 0:12:50.836 time and I was coming from New York with three 0:12:50.836 --> 0:12:55.396 to four roommates, you know, you know, living at Juilliard 0:12:55.436 --> 0:12:58.996 in the dorms. And then finally here I was with 0:12:59.076 --> 0:13:01.796 an apartment in Los Angeles. And it's like, all of 0:13:01.876 --> 0:13:04.876 a sudden, we had a Christmas tree. It's like I 0:13:04.916 --> 0:13:08.156 hadn't had a Christmas tree in years. We had Thanksgiving, 0:13:08.596 --> 0:13:11.196 remember the first Thanksgiving. We must say so much. We 0:13:11.356 --> 0:13:13.516 eat so much food for ten people and we ate 0:13:13.556 --> 0:13:17.436 it in four days. Oh my god. It almost amazes 0:13:17.516 --> 0:13:20.516 me how people know how to trust another person. I 0:13:20.516 --> 0:13:23.996 mean we we too. I mean he came to see me, 0:13:24.836 --> 0:13:27.076 like the first night I was I had moved around. 0:13:27.116 --> 0:13:29.156 I was doing a promotion of a movie. So I 0:13:29.196 --> 0:13:32.716 was in Chicago promoting my movie on his show, and 0:13:32.756 --> 0:13:35.636 then I went on to Denver and to you know, 0:13:35.636 --> 0:13:38.396 to other shows and around the country. And he called 0:13:38.436 --> 0:13:41.836 me and he said, I'd like to see you, and 0:13:42.196 --> 0:13:44.636 where are you us That I'm in Denver. Is Denver 0:13:44.796 --> 0:13:47.636 very far from Chicago? And he said, no, that's far 0:13:47.636 --> 0:13:50.436 at all. So he comes from Denver to to have 0:13:50.516 --> 0:13:55.676 dinner with me and we go together. Was it? That 0:13:55.796 --> 0:13:59.436 was it? And oh, when you think to yourself, how 0:13:59.436 --> 0:14:01.156 did I not know that he would take out a 0:14:01.196 --> 0:14:03.356 knife and kill me? You know, you know what I mean. 0:14:03.396 --> 0:14:06.036 You get into vulnerable place with a person who don't 0:14:06.076 --> 0:14:09.116 know very well. You know, I've always thoughted that as 0:14:09.196 --> 0:14:13.316 the act of faith. My goodness, well, relationships are in 0:14:13.676 --> 0:14:17.516 their faith and vulnerability is the ultimate, you know, level 0:14:17.676 --> 0:14:22.076 of courage and bravery. And you felt awfully vulnerable in 0:14:22.076 --> 0:14:25.516 our early days to be dating an actress. Remember what 0:14:25.636 --> 0:14:28.636 you said to me, I sure do? When do I 0:14:28.716 --> 0:14:32.036 know you're not acting? And it never dawned on me, 0:14:32.076 --> 0:14:35.236 and I thought it was such an innocent, dear question, 0:14:35.556 --> 0:14:37.916 like when you cry, is that you crying? Or that 0:14:38.036 --> 0:14:41.156 like you cry? The day we got I'm a great memorizer, 0:14:41.196 --> 0:14:43.996 it was we all our actors are. We wrote our 0:14:43.996 --> 0:14:47.436 own vows. And my friends were with him at the 0:14:47.476 --> 0:14:52.156 hotel saying he was walking around the courtyard memorizing, memorizing, memorizing, right, 0:14:52.356 --> 0:14:53.876 And you know, I you know, I saw him. I 0:14:53.916 --> 0:14:56.636 learned whatever. I got it right. So it comes time 0:14:56.676 --> 0:14:58.836 for the wedding to do our vows, and he does 0:14:58.876 --> 0:15:01.996 his vows, you know, beautifully, and I got to do 0:15:02.076 --> 0:15:05.276 my vows and I just choked and was like when 0:15:05.316 --> 0:15:08.476 you hear about stage fright. I just couldn't do it, 0:15:08.836 --> 0:15:11.236 and and I was crying, and I was just it 0:15:11.316 --> 0:15:13.556 was just a man. So later we got back to 0:15:13.596 --> 0:15:16.036 the hotel after the wedding and he said, I can't 0:15:16.036 --> 0:15:18.876 believe you didn't learn our vows. I said, I know 0:15:18.956 --> 0:15:21.956 the vows. I've rattled them off right. He said, well, 0:15:22.436 --> 0:15:24.796 why couldn't you do the today? He said, you're an actress. 0:15:24.836 --> 0:15:26.916 I said, I wasn't an actress today. I would a 0:15:27.156 --> 0:15:31.756 terrified bride. I was in a state of panic. Now, 0:15:31.756 --> 0:15:33.156 you know how to know that I'm not a good 0:15:33.196 --> 0:15:36.396 actress when I'm a real person. Couldn't run my lines, 0:15:36.436 --> 0:15:42.556 which is what I'm actually good at. We'll have more 0:15:43.036 --> 0:15:56.276 after a quick break. We're back to our interview with 0:15:56.436 --> 0:16:00.036 Viola Davis and Julius Tennen. And I wanted to know, 0:16:00.276 --> 0:16:02.676 what do you get from each other that you can't 0:16:02.716 --> 0:16:05.356 get from anyone else? Well, what I get? What I 0:16:05.396 --> 0:16:07.276 can tell you. One of the big things I get 0:16:07.356 --> 0:16:11.916 from her is I can tell her anything and she listens, 0:16:11.996 --> 0:16:16.396 and she yeah, she listens, she takes it in. She's 0:16:16.596 --> 0:16:22.756 always interested in my well being and happiness. And Julius 0:16:22.876 --> 0:16:27.276 has Julius has a capacity to love. Not everyone has 0:16:27.276 --> 0:16:30.876 the capacity to love. You know. One of the things 0:16:30.876 --> 0:16:36.916 that Julius did when we first got together is he said, V, 0:16:37.356 --> 0:16:40.436 you know, you've never had a parent who died. I 0:16:40.556 --> 0:16:44.276 find that really interesting. V. I was like, oh, yeah, 0:16:44.316 --> 0:16:46.276 both my parents are still here. He was like, oh, 0:16:46.596 --> 0:16:50.076 it's going to be hard. And you know, my parents 0:16:50.116 --> 0:16:53.476 at that point were raising several of my siblings children 0:16:53.516 --> 0:16:57.076 because of drugs and all of that. And Julius said, V, 0:16:57.356 --> 0:17:00.236 let me tell you something. When parents have a hard life, 0:17:00.356 --> 0:17:03.396 they can go from pretty good health really bad health 0:17:03.716 --> 0:17:07.316 in a very short period of time, and they don't 0:17:07.356 --> 0:17:11.116 have any resources. So do they have any insurance or whatever, 0:17:11.156 --> 0:17:15.436 Because when it happens, it's so devastating, you're so kind 0:17:15.436 --> 0:17:18.276 of inundated with it. You can't make choices. No one 0:17:18.316 --> 0:17:21.236 else in the family can make choices. So I remember 0:17:22.196 --> 0:17:25.636 we got insurance on my parents. I remember my dad 0:17:25.636 --> 0:17:29.356 passed from pancreatic cancer. And the first person I called 0:17:29.476 --> 0:17:33.396 was Julius. I was devastated because I was there at 0:17:33.516 --> 0:17:36.436 hospice when he passed. I was out of my mind 0:17:36.716 --> 0:17:40.556 and I called Julius. I said he's gone, and Julius says, Okay, 0:17:40.596 --> 0:17:43.716 oh Bee, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Okay, Now 0:17:43.796 --> 0:17:46.276 here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna hang up from me. 0:17:46.596 --> 0:17:48.796 You're gonna pick up the phone. You're gonna call the 0:17:48.836 --> 0:17:52.156 insurance company. You're gonna give them all the information where 0:17:52.156 --> 0:17:54.476 the funeral home is going to be. They will take 0:17:54.476 --> 0:17:57.236 care of everything. I will get on the plane and 0:17:57.276 --> 0:18:00.716 I will be there as soon as I can, step 0:18:00.756 --> 0:18:06.196 by step. That person who literally has a capacity to love, 0:18:06.516 --> 0:18:11.156 has really the capacity to really have your back in 0:18:11.316 --> 0:18:16.476 all of the deep, ugly, messy, but beautiful things that 0:18:16.556 --> 0:18:20.436 happen in your life. That's the elixir as as far 0:18:20.476 --> 0:18:23.356 as I'm concerned, and that's everything with him. How long 0:18:23.396 --> 0:18:26.716 were you together before you got married? Four years? Well, 0:18:26.756 --> 0:18:29.516 there was a little you know, there wasn't fear from me. 0:18:29.836 --> 0:18:34.516 It was just that, um, I wanted to, you know, 0:18:34.916 --> 0:18:37.636 be free of all of my dad. And so when 0:18:37.636 --> 0:18:39.796 we got married, we could start off on the you know, 0:18:39.836 --> 0:18:43.756 even footing, and she said, well, we're we we were together, 0:18:43.796 --> 0:18:46.916 We're gonna be together. So your dad is my dad. 0:18:46.996 --> 0:18:50.876 We're gonna do this together. And I remember not really 0:18:51.276 --> 0:18:54.996 saying anything that night, and then the next day I 0:18:55.076 --> 0:18:57.476 told her, I said, you know what, you're the girl 0:18:57.556 --> 0:19:01.356 for me. That's a very honorable idea that I want 0:19:01.356 --> 0:19:03.956 to be out of dad. I want to be responsible. 0:19:03.996 --> 0:19:07.036 I want to walk into this, you know, without having 0:19:07.036 --> 0:19:09.796 to drag that's right mess behind me. I think that's 0:19:10.596 --> 0:19:14.996 Viola and Julius seem so connected. We wondered what throws 0:19:15.076 --> 0:19:18.396 them out of sync? We couldn't help a dig a little. 0:19:18.996 --> 0:19:21.996 Are you? Are you the jealous type? Do you think? 0:19:21.996 --> 0:19:24.236 I am? Not really, but I think it's good to 0:19:24.236 --> 0:19:27.116 have a little jealousy, but not have a little jealous 0:19:27.156 --> 0:19:31.396 I do because I always pinpoint those women who are 0:19:31.596 --> 0:19:35.996 very questionable. They may come off really nice, but they 0:19:36.236 --> 0:19:39.876 I always feel like we have a radar for those women, right. 0:19:39.956 --> 0:19:43.196 I don't think men do. So I'm like that, And 0:19:43.236 --> 0:19:48.756 then I'm very very articulate about those I said, she 0:19:48.876 --> 0:19:57.276 can't come to the house anymore. A party everywhere everywhere 0:19:57.316 --> 0:20:00.196 I go, I can just go. I can. She's really 0:20:00.236 --> 0:20:02.276 more introverted. But I can walk in a room and 0:20:02.356 --> 0:20:04.516 I can just start having a conversation with anybody. I 0:20:04.516 --> 0:20:07.916 mean anywhere in the subway station, anywhere just comes easy 0:20:08.036 --> 0:20:12.476 for me. I am an introvert. I am like maybe 0:20:12.836 --> 0:20:16.356 a step away from being a straight up loaner. I 0:20:16.396 --> 0:20:20.436 love my alone time. I love getting lost. I could 0:20:20.516 --> 0:20:23.876 drive to you know, a theater, watch a you know, 0:20:23.956 --> 0:20:27.236 a foreign movie, eat my sushi by myself, with my book, 0:20:27.836 --> 0:20:31.436 and that's it. I spent most of my time alone. 0:20:31.596 --> 0:20:34.516 I haven't had a lot of boyfriends, had been long term. 0:20:35.036 --> 0:20:39.516 So when I got married, to have to answer to someone, 0:20:39.596 --> 0:20:41.716 to have to say, okay, this is where I'm going 0:20:41.796 --> 0:20:44.916 to be was very difficult for me. It's like I 0:20:44.956 --> 0:20:48.996 almost needed a woman cave someone like and you know, 0:20:49.076 --> 0:20:52.276 the invention of cell phones, it's that that just killed me. 0:20:52.836 --> 0:20:55.916 So that was one thing that I felt like I 0:20:55.956 --> 0:20:59.596 was going to have to give up my independence, you know. 0:20:59.756 --> 0:21:01.396 And I didn't want to give up my name. I 0:21:01.476 --> 0:21:02.996 was like, oh, I don't know if I can give 0:21:03.036 --> 0:21:06.116 up my name. I think that commits you to a stable, 0:21:06.196 --> 0:21:12.196 long term marriage. Yeah, I do more than I think 0:21:12.196 --> 0:21:15.036 the people that are in danger, the people, oh I 0:21:15.076 --> 0:21:19.836 can't live without him her, yeah, breathless to get married 0:21:19.956 --> 0:21:25.036 are the ones that boom, yeah, weeks. How about stress? 0:21:26.076 --> 0:21:29.676 How do you handle stress? We had to really learn 0:21:29.876 --> 0:21:32.916 work on that because in the beginning when he'd panic 0:21:32.956 --> 0:21:35.996 eyed panic right, and it was a disaster. So we 0:21:36.036 --> 0:21:38.396 had to really work on Somebody once said that a 0:21:38.476 --> 0:21:41.036 good marriages were both people don't go crazy at the 0:21:41.076 --> 0:21:43.636 same time. The first thing he told me, it's kind 0:21:43.636 --> 0:21:47.236 of always one of those things where between us, Viola 0:21:47.436 --> 0:21:51.036 does tend to get more stressed out. I had so 0:21:51.156 --> 0:21:54.396 much stress living in Los Angeles. I mean I just 0:21:54.476 --> 0:21:58.596 didn't understand how to connect with people. I felt like 0:21:58.636 --> 0:22:02.636 my funky look, my funky ways, me not really caring 0:22:02.676 --> 0:22:06.076 about being fined or cute or I just didn't have 0:22:06.276 --> 0:22:09.436 all that stuff going on. I just did like I 0:22:09.476 --> 0:22:13.196 didn't fit in, and just New York was my city, 0:22:13.316 --> 0:22:15.996 you know, I was. I never had delusions of becoming 0:22:16.036 --> 0:22:18.436 a star nothing. I never had anything. I was a 0:22:18.516 --> 0:22:22.716 journeyman actor. And then I met Julius and I did 0:22:22.876 --> 0:22:25.556 go back for six months to do a Broadway show. 0:22:25.916 --> 0:22:31.676 Wasn't it Kennedy Center. She gave me goosebumps from the 0:22:31.676 --> 0:22:33.076 top of my head to my toes. And at the 0:22:33.116 --> 0:22:35.196 end of the show, I went backstage and I said, 0:22:35.596 --> 0:22:38.396 You're gonna win the Tony Award for this. I was 0:22:38.516 --> 0:22:41.116 sure of it. Speaking of awards, you wanted to ask 0:22:41.196 --> 0:22:46.876 about that speech, your Ammy speech speech, Mike Harriet Tubman, 0:22:47.036 --> 0:22:51.556 And yeah, oh yeah, I mean it was just very political, 0:22:51.596 --> 0:22:55.836 and wasn't it Tubman speech where you know that she 0:22:56.156 --> 0:22:59.396 talks about having a dream about a line, right and 0:23:00.276 --> 0:23:05.916 white women their hands outstretch, you know, reaching for her 0:23:06.076 --> 0:23:09.036 to come over the line. But then she wakes up 0:23:09.196 --> 0:23:11.796 and she says she can't ever get to that line. 0:23:12.236 --> 0:23:18.036 She couldn't ever so heartbreaking, right, you know, moments like 0:23:18.116 --> 0:23:21.916 that where you know, and Julius just having him in 0:23:21.996 --> 0:23:25.556 my life, it's like my way of sort of saving 0:23:25.596 --> 0:23:29.196 myself of what I what I feel, this is just 0:23:29.236 --> 0:23:32.276 what I feel, is that I don't like about la 0:23:32.396 --> 0:23:37.556 which is trying to retain my authenticity, trying to retain 0:23:37.716 --> 0:23:42.036 something about me that is just myself. This is just 0:23:42.116 --> 0:23:44.796 how I felt about being out here, that everything was 0:23:44.836 --> 0:23:48.116