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Speaker 1: Pushkin. Hi, I'm Phil Donahue and I'm Marlowe Thomas. We've

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Speaker 1: been married for over forty years. But when I was younger,

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Speaker 1: I never wanted to be married. It didn't seem possible

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Speaker 1: for two people to live together for life. And you

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Speaker 1: were half right. Nearly half of all marriages end in divorce.

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Speaker 1: But what about the ones at last? What's the secret? Sauce?

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Speaker 1: I have no idea, but the best way to find

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Speaker 1: out is to talk with some long married couples, you know,

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Speaker 1: like a double date, And so we did. We made

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Speaker 1: dates with couples we admire actors, athletes, musicians, journalists, And

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Speaker 1: you know what I love about it double date? Everybody talks,

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Speaker 1: everybody remembers, and you get a real sense of who

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Speaker 1: this couple is together exactly. Take Viola Davis and Julius Tennan.

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Speaker 1: What a couple. Here are two great actors with all

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Speaker 1: the talent and none of the eagle. The first feeling

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Speaker 1: you get from them is welcome. Remember Julius was standing

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Speaker 1: outside on the street in front of their house, just

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Speaker 1: to be sure we didn't get lost. Such a great hello.

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Speaker 1: It told us a lot about them right from the start.

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Speaker 1: My big thing with me and Julius is we're the

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Speaker 1: fun We have the best parties. Oh that's great. Good,

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Speaker 1: I'm glad I'm getting to know you. Let's go work out.

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Speaker 1: We settled down at their dinner table with these tall,

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Speaker 1: comfy chairs that you could just sink into, and we

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Speaker 1: started talking. I felt an immediate bond with Viola. Like me,

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Speaker 1: she never could imagine herself was a life partner. I

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Speaker 1: did not want to get married either. I never had

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Speaker 1: any visions of walking down an aisle with a white dress.

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Speaker 1: I admired every woman who was alone and happy and

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Speaker 1: who had a lot of boyfriends. I was a narcissistic artist,

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Speaker 1: That's what I was, right. And then then I read

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Speaker 1: somewhere that you prayed for a husband. When I was

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Speaker 1: up at Williamstown Theater Festival, I was doing the Raising

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Speaker 1: the Sun and a friend of mine said why are

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Speaker 1: you alone? And I felt like, oh my god. I

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Speaker 1: almost started crying and my eyes were rolling up. He

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Speaker 1: was like, is there a reason why you don't have

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Speaker 1: a relationship. I said, well, I guess I've just never

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Speaker 1: found anyone who loved me, you know. And then he

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Speaker 1: was the one, Joseph Edwards. I know because he just

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Speaker 1: got married. He just got married. He said, go into

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Speaker 1: your room, this is what I want you to do,

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Speaker 1: and get on your knees and you ask God for

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Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah. I was like, oh, God, another

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Speaker 1: on fire for Jesus persons, and you did I did.

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Speaker 1: I did it. And there was a specific prayer right

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Speaker 1: that you may very specific because he told me to

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Speaker 1: be specific and literally, I was like, Okay, this is

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Speaker 1: what I want. Now. He really doesn't have to be black,

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Speaker 1: but I want him to be black. I want him

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Speaker 1: to look like a football player because I love football players, okay.

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Speaker 1: And I want him to be from the South because

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Speaker 1: I love countrymen and I kind of would appreciate it.

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Speaker 1: He's already been married, he's already had kids, because I

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Speaker 1: don't want that pressure. And I want him to be like,

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Speaker 1: maybe very spiritual, church going, funny, you know, maybe someone

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Speaker 1: who is an artist too's he's got those artistic sensibility.

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Speaker 1: And I met Julius three and a half weeks later,

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Speaker 1: three and a half ways, three and a half weeks

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Speaker 1: how on City of Angels and City of Angels. We

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Speaker 1: actually met during the pilot episode. I was dating a girl.

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Speaker 1: I was really trying to run away from a little monster.

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Speaker 1: And so when I met Viola, I gave her my

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Speaker 1: card and then she called, and then we went on

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Speaker 1: our first date. And twenty years later, here we are,

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Speaker 1: and I felt like I had done all the work

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Speaker 1: before then. I was in therapy. I finally went to

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Speaker 1: therapy because I had screen actors guilt. So when Julius

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Speaker 1: came along, I remember telling my therapist, you know, this

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Speaker 1: guy gave me a card and he's really good looking.

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Speaker 1: And she was like, oh, okay, because you can tell

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Speaker 1: she made me a little bit bored. It's what I

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Speaker 1: was talking about. She's like, talk about something else. So

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Speaker 1: and I said, this guy gave me a card and

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Speaker 1: he oh, he invited me to church. And she was like,

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Speaker 1: have you called him back? I said no, I don't

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Speaker 1: know because I'm struggle. I gotta get my credit off,

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Speaker 1: I gotta get my life in order. She said, call him, wow,

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Speaker 1: and and I said, yeah, but you know what, there

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Speaker 1: made me something wrong with him. She's like, there's something

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Speaker 1: wrong with everyone, Viola, there's something wrong with you. It

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Speaker 1: took me six weeks to call him because I was

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Speaker 1: so nervous. I was having anxiety attacks about La and

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Speaker 1: then finally called him. I said, he's never going to

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Speaker 1: remember me, and he remembered me, and I remember he

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Speaker 1: invited me to his place where he worked. And the openness,

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Speaker 1: emotional availability I never had that before. Usually men, it's like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: how do you feel? How do you feel about me?

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Speaker 1: Do you love me? Do you not love me? Do

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Speaker 1: you want to be with me? Na Julious, you never

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Speaker 1: had to guess. My mom did a good job. She

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Speaker 1: already did because my mom always told me to respect women.

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Speaker 1: I already knew that there was a certain kind of

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Speaker 1: decorum around the way you needed to treat women. You know.

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Speaker 1: Phil said to me one time, what do you have

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Speaker 1: so much against marriage? I said, well, I think that

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Speaker 1: people lose courteous and I really don't like that. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to be treated in a discourtious or dispersive way.

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Speaker 1: And when we do that for each other, I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'll say, Tom, I'm want to get you a sweater,

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Speaker 1: it's cold out here, or he'll say that to me.

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Speaker 1: There's a concern for the other person. Yeah, you know,

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Speaker 1: I went to an all boy Catholic high school and

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Speaker 1: one of the things that was given to us or

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Speaker 1: dancing lessons, and they taught us. You know, you don't

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Speaker 1: call the woman. You place your hand gently on her back,

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Speaker 1: and you'd be sure to return her to wherever it

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Speaker 1: was when you asked her to dance. They were being

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Speaker 1: taught grace, you know, and that's a lovely I went

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Speaker 1: to a girls school. We both are Catholic. When I

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Speaker 1: went to girls school, and I think I think sharing,

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Speaker 1: not so much sharing a religion or a faith, but

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Speaker 1: sharing the values of that. So when people ask me

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Speaker 1: what I think our marriage is lasted, I thought, well,

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Speaker 1: we define certain important words the same, like what's fair

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Speaker 1: and unfair? Yes, what's acceptable and unacceptable? I Phil says

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Speaker 1: to me, that's not fair. I know, I know what

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Speaker 1: it means. I don't see what do you mean? It

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Speaker 1: is a fair I mean, I got it. You have

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Speaker 1: to allow the other person, you know, they're saying, it's

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Speaker 1: always kind of this thing of agreeing to disagree, and

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Speaker 1: it's okay, but you know, we try to get around

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Speaker 1: that thing without it being an impediment. What it is.

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Speaker 1: We always we just discuss, you know, and for some

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Speaker 1: people it works where if they're angry at each other

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Speaker 1: because this whole tongue here can say some things that

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Speaker 1: you can never take back, So you have to be

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Speaker 1: careful with this um. But some folks have to like

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Speaker 1: sleep on it. We never go to sleep on our anger.

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Speaker 1: Do you fight? How do you fight? I'm the door slam,

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Speaker 1: I say, yeah, And I'm kind of the guy that

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Speaker 1: just goes away. I just go away. But then it

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Speaker 1: dissipates fast and then it's nothing, honey, like nothing. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm the chaser. I follow him until I can get

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Speaker 1: him to hear I do that too. He's trying to

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Speaker 1: just get away. No, because I think how you fight

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Speaker 1: and how you come back from a fight, it is

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Speaker 1: a big line in the sand. It is. You gotta

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Speaker 1: know how to do that. You really do. My big thing,

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Speaker 1: my advice about marriage that I give to all of

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Speaker 1: my friends, I say, your marriage does not start when

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Speaker 1: you walk down the aisle. Your marriage starts when you

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Speaker 1: look over at a person that you love more than anything,

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Speaker 1: and there's something about him. You just see just one

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Speaker 1: character trait just a glimpse, and you're thinking, oh man,

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Speaker 1: that's gonna drive me crazy. I don't know if I

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Speaker 1: could deal with this. You're just in your brain. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I could deal with this and

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Speaker 1: the next minute you're like, you know what, but I

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Speaker 1: love them, I'm going to stick it out. What is

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Speaker 1: it that's when your marriage starts? That's great. Tell us

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Speaker 1: what it is with joyous that that drives you crazy?

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Speaker 1: I know, I can tell you what drives me. Oh,

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Speaker 1: I know a lot of things drive me crazy. About

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Speaker 1: Julius Um, he's a little OCD. H. Yes, you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm let's just say, familiar with this issue. I know,

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Speaker 1: I know, I'm sorry, but I think it should be

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Speaker 1: called obsessive compulsive order. That drives me a little bit crazy.

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Speaker 1: I'm OCD too. That's why people like you and may

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Speaker 1: never get but I need take There's all this mess

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Speaker 1: on the floor. I'm like, oh my god, and it'll

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Speaker 1: be too little from You'll walk into my office talking

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Speaker 1: like crazy about everything and straightening up this book, getting

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Speaker 1: this magazine over here where along you know, I set

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Speaker 1: things down and that's where they are. I mean, you

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Speaker 1: can tell where I've been in the house just by looking.

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Speaker 1: You know, he had orangese over here because little orange

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Speaker 1: castles there. He had a ginger all over there because

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Speaker 1: exactly what it is. If he ever murdered anybody I could, like,

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Speaker 1: you know exactly. My life got better as soon as

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Speaker 1: we got together. And I mean that too, my life

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Speaker 1: did get better. I had bad credit when I met Julius.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know anything. I had my apartment in New

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Speaker 1: York that was the ceiling was caving in because it

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Speaker 1: was rent stabilized. The pipes had burst, so I couldn't

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Speaker 1: get anyone to sublet it. And then I was here

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Speaker 1: doing a TV show and I had to pay rent here,

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Speaker 1: and then I was sending my family money. I was

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Speaker 1: just all over the place. Julius came in. He was

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Speaker 1: making my life easier. It's like, v this is what

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Speaker 1: we could do. Me and you could move in together.

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Speaker 1: We could share the rent. And I was like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god. I started saving my money. This is how

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Speaker 1: you build up your credit. I was like, oh really,

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Speaker 1: So all of a sudden, I'm like saving money. My

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Speaker 1: credit got better. She didn't have to clean I mean,

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Speaker 1: I know how to clean baseboards, I know how to

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Speaker 1: wash blinds. I can do it all. You know. Viola

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Speaker 1: wasn't used to doing that kind of thing. And I

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Speaker 1: remember the very first time, but she stayed with me,

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Speaker 1: and then I went to the bathroom after she left

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Speaker 1: because she had to go to work. And I went

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Speaker 1: in there and the tops was they were off everything,

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Speaker 1: the toothpaste, the moisturizer, everything. I'm like, going, my god.

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Speaker 1: It seemed like the bathroom had been blown up. She

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Speaker 1: came back and she saw the bathroom and she said,

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Speaker 1: why'd you do that? Why'd you put everything back? I said,

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Speaker 1: that's just what I do. And I said, listen, honey,

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Speaker 1: you don't ever have to worry about it. Just do

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Speaker 1: what you do and I'll do what I do. And

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Speaker 1: that's the way we've rolled, oh wow, ever since. And

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Speaker 1: so I just what might take her a thirty minutes

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Speaker 1: to an hour to do, I can do in fifteen.

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Speaker 1: She's a slab and that's us. He's a slob. I

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Speaker 1: always say, if I feel is a man who doesn't

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Speaker 1: know the meaning of the word hamp no idea what

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Speaker 1: it mean. And I'm always fixed. And I've gotten better.

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Speaker 1: She's gotten better over the years. It took her a while.

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Speaker 1: I'm much better, but I still do things. Yeah, So

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Speaker 1: then how long did it take to get to, you know,

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Speaker 1: seriousness or moving in together? It seemed like we just

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Speaker 1: lived together right away. It felt like that. I always

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Speaker 1: I always, well, it did, yeah, because he brought his

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Speaker 1: clothes to my apartment. I loved it. There was nothing

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Speaker 1: about it that I questioned. It was easy, it was right,

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Speaker 1: and we had so much fun. It was the first

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Speaker 1: time and I was coming from New York with three

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Speaker 1: to four roommates, you know, you know, living at Juilliard

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Speaker 1: in the dorms. And then finally here I was with

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Speaker 1: an apartment in Los Angeles. And it's like, all of

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Speaker 1: a sudden, we had a Christmas tree. It's like I

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Speaker 1: hadn't had a Christmas tree in years. We had Thanksgiving,

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Speaker 1: remember the first Thanksgiving. We must say so much. We

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Speaker 1: eat so much food for ten people and we ate

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Speaker 1: it in four days. Oh my god. It almost amazes

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Speaker 1: me how people know how to trust another person. I

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Speaker 1: mean we we too. I mean he came to see me,

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Speaker 1: like the first night I was I had moved around.

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Speaker 1: I was doing a promotion of a movie. So I

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Speaker 1: was in Chicago promoting my movie on his show, and

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Speaker 1: then I went on to Denver and to you know,

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Speaker 1: to other shows and around the country. And he called

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Speaker 1: me and he said, I'd like to see you, and

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Speaker 1: where are you us That I'm in Denver. Is Denver

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Speaker 1: very far from Chicago? And he said, no, that's far

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Speaker 1: at all. So he comes from Denver to to have

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Speaker 1: dinner with me and we go together. Was it? That

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Speaker 1: was it? And oh, when you think to yourself, how

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Speaker 1: did I not know that he would take out a

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Speaker 1: knife and kill me? You know, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: You get into vulnerable place with a person who don't

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Speaker 1: know very well. You know, I've always thoughted that as

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Speaker 1: the act of faith. My goodness, well, relationships are in

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Speaker 1: their faith and vulnerability is the ultimate, you know, level

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Speaker 1: of courage and bravery. And you felt awfully vulnerable in

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Speaker 1: our early days to be dating an actress. Remember what

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Speaker 1: you said to me, I sure do? When do I

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Speaker 1: know you're not acting? And it never dawned on me,

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Speaker 1: and I thought it was such an innocent, dear question,

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Speaker 1: like when you cry, is that you crying? Or that

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Speaker 1: like you cry? The day we got I'm a great memorizer,

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Speaker 1: it was we all our actors are. We wrote our

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Speaker 1: own vows. And my friends were with him at the

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Speaker 1: hotel saying he was walking around the courtyard memorizing, memorizing, memorizing, right,

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Speaker 1: And you know, I you know, I saw him. I

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Speaker 1: learned whatever. I got it right. So it comes time

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Speaker 1: for the wedding to do our vows, and he does

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Speaker 1: his vows, you know, beautifully, and I got to do

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Speaker 1: my vows and I just choked and was like when

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Speaker 1: you hear about stage fright. I just couldn't do it,

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Speaker 1: and and I was crying, and I was just it

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Speaker 1: was just a man. So later we got back to

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Speaker 1: the hotel after the wedding and he said, I can't

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Speaker 1: believe you didn't learn our vows. I said, I know

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Speaker 1: the vows. I've rattled them off right. He said, well,

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Speaker 1: why couldn't you do the today? He said, you're an actress.

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Speaker 1: I said, I wasn't an actress today. I would a

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Speaker 1: terrified bride. I was in a state of panic. Now,

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Speaker 1: you know how to know that I'm not a good

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Speaker 1: actress when I'm a real person. Couldn't run my lines,

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Speaker 1: which is what I'm actually good at. We'll have more

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Speaker 1: after a quick break. We're back to our interview with

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Speaker 1: Viola Davis and Julius Tennen. And I wanted to know,

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Speaker 1: what do you get from each other that you can't

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Speaker 1: get from anyone else? Well, what I get? What I

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Speaker 1: can tell you. One of the big things I get

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Speaker 1: from her is I can tell her anything and she listens,

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Speaker 1: and she yeah, she listens, she takes it in. She's

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Speaker 1: always interested in my well being and happiness. And Julius

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Speaker 1: has Julius has a capacity to love. Not everyone has

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Speaker 1: the capacity to love. You know. One of the things

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Speaker 1: that Julius did when we first got together is he said, V,

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Speaker 1: you know, you've never had a parent who died. I

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Speaker 1: find that really interesting. V. I was like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: both my parents are still here. He was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: it's going to be hard. And you know, my parents

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Speaker 1: at that point were raising several of my siblings children

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Speaker 1: because of drugs and all of that. And Julius said, V,

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Speaker 1: let me tell you something. When parents have a hard life,

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Speaker 1: they can go from pretty good health really bad health

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Speaker 1: in a very short period of time, and they don't

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Speaker 1: have any resources. So do they have any insurance or whatever,

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Speaker 1: Because when it happens, it's so devastating, you're so kind

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Speaker 1: of inundated with it. You can't make choices. No one

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Speaker 1: else in the family can make choices. So I remember

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Speaker 1: we got insurance on my parents. I remember my dad

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Speaker 1: passed from pancreatic cancer. And the first person I called

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Speaker 1: was Julius. I was devastated because I was there at

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Speaker 1: hospice when he passed. I was out of my mind

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Speaker 1: and I called Julius. I said he's gone, and Julius says, Okay,

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Speaker 1: oh Bee, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Okay, Now

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Speaker 1: here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna hang up from me.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna pick up the phone. You're gonna call the

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Speaker 1: insurance company. You're gonna give them all the information where

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Speaker 1: the funeral home is going to be. They will take

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Speaker 1: care of everything. I will get on the plane and

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Speaker 1: I will be there as soon as I can, step

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Speaker 1: by step. That person who literally has a capacity to love,

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Speaker 1: has really the capacity to really have your back in

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Speaker 1: all of the deep, ugly, messy, but beautiful things that

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Speaker 1: happen in your life. That's the elixir as as far

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Speaker 1: as I'm concerned, and that's everything with him. How long

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Speaker 1: were you together before you got married? Four years? Well,

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Speaker 1: there was a little you know, there wasn't fear from me.

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Speaker 1: It was just that, um, I wanted to, you know,

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Speaker 1: be free of all of my dad. And so when

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Speaker 1: we got married, we could start off on the you know,

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Speaker 1: even footing, and she said, well, we're we we were together,

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Speaker 1: We're gonna be together. So your dad is my dad.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna do this together. And I remember not really

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Speaker 1: saying anything that night, and then the next day I

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Speaker 1: told her, I said, you know what, you're the girl

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Speaker 1: for me. That's a very honorable idea that I want

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Speaker 1: to be out of dad. I want to be responsible.

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Speaker 1: I want to walk into this, you know, without having

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Speaker 1: to drag that's right mess behind me. I think that's

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Speaker 1: Viola and Julius seem so connected. We wondered what throws

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Speaker 1: them out of sync? We couldn't help a dig a little.

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Speaker 1: Are you? Are you the jealous type? Do you think?

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Speaker 1: I am? Not really, but I think it's good to

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Speaker 1: have a little jealousy, but not have a little jealous

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Speaker 1: I do because I always pinpoint those women who are

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Speaker 1: very questionable. They may come off really nice, but they

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Speaker 1: I always feel like we have a radar for those women, right.

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Speaker 1: I don't think men do. So I'm like that, And

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Speaker 1: then I'm very very articulate about those I said, she

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Speaker 1: can't come to the house anymore. A party everywhere everywhere

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Speaker 1: I go, I can just go. I can. She's really

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Speaker 1: more introverted. But I can walk in a room and

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Speaker 1: I can just start having a conversation with anybody. I

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Speaker 1: mean anywhere in the subway station, anywhere just comes easy

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Speaker 1: for me. I am an introvert. I am like maybe

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Speaker 1: a step away from being a straight up loaner. I

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Speaker 1: love my alone time. I love getting lost. I could

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Speaker 1: drive to you know, a theater, watch a you know,

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Speaker 1: a foreign movie, eat my sushi by myself, with my book,

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Speaker 1: and that's it. I spent most of my time alone.

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Speaker 1: I haven't had a lot of boyfriends, had been long term.

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Speaker 1: So when I got married, to have to answer to someone,

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Speaker 1: to have to say, okay, this is where I'm going

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Speaker 1: to be was very difficult for me. It's like I

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Speaker 1: almost needed a woman cave someone like and you know,

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Speaker 1: the invention of cell phones, it's that that just killed me.

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Speaker 1: So that was one thing that I felt like I

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Speaker 1: was going to have to give up my independence, you know.

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Speaker 1: And I didn't want to give up my name. I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh, I don't know if I can give

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Speaker 1: up my name. I think that commits you to a stable,

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Speaker 1: long term marriage. Yeah, I do more than I think

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Speaker 1: the people that are in danger, the people, oh I

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Speaker 1: can't live without him her, yeah, breathless to get married

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Speaker 1: are the ones that boom, yeah, weeks. How about stress?

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Speaker 1: How do you handle stress? We had to really learn

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Speaker 1: work on that because in the beginning when he'd panic

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Speaker 1: eyed panic right, and it was a disaster. So we

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Speaker 1: had to really work on Somebody once said that a

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Speaker 1: good marriages were both people don't go crazy at the

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Speaker 1: same time. The first thing he told me, it's kind

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Speaker 1: of always one of those things where between us, Viola

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Speaker 1: does tend to get more stressed out. I had so

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Speaker 1: much stress living in Los Angeles. I mean I just

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Speaker 1: didn't understand how to connect with people. I felt like

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Speaker 1: my funky look, my funky ways, me not really caring

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Speaker 1: about being fined or cute or I just didn't have

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Speaker 1: all that stuff going on. I just did like I

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Speaker 1: didn't fit in, and just New York was my city,

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Speaker 1: you know, I was. I never had delusions of becoming

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Speaker 1: a star nothing. I never had anything. I was a

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Speaker 1: journeyman actor. And then I met Julius and I did

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Speaker 1: go back for six months to do a Broadway show.

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Speaker 1: Wasn't it Kennedy Center. She gave me goosebumps from the

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Speaker 1: top of my head to my toes. And at the

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Speaker 1: end of the show, I went backstage and I said,

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Speaker 1: You're gonna win the Tony Award for this. I was

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Speaker 1: sure of it. Speaking of awards, you wanted to ask

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Speaker 1: about that speech, your Ammy speech speech, Mike Harriet Tubman,

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Speaker 1: And yeah, oh yeah, I mean it was just very political,

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Speaker 1: and wasn't it Tubman speech where you know that she

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Speaker 1: talks about having a dream about a line, right and

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Speaker 1: white women their hands outstretch, you know, reaching for her

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Speaker 1: to come over the line. But then she wakes up

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Speaker 1: and she says she can't ever get to that line.

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Speaker 1: She couldn't ever so heartbreaking, right, you know, moments like

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Speaker 1: that where you know, and Julius just having him in

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Speaker 1: my life, it's like my way of sort of saving

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00:23:25,596 --> 00:23:29,196
Speaker 1: myself of what I what I feel, this is just

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Speaker 1: what I feel, is that I don't like about la

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Speaker 1: which is trying to retain my authenticity, trying to retain

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Speaker 1: something about me that is just myself. This is just

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Speaker 1: how I felt about being out here, that everything was

401
00:23:44,836 --> 00:23:48,116
Speaker 1: an audition, even friendships was an audition. Yeah, that you

402
00:23:48,196 --> 00:23:51,316
Speaker 1: had to sort of pass a test in order to be,

403
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Speaker 1: you know, even be the cool friend, to be the

404
00:23:53,956 --> 00:23:57,396
Speaker 1: cool mom. You know, even where does your kid go

405
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Speaker 1: to school? And if it's not the hip, funky school

406
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Speaker 1: that all the celebrities have their kids at, then it's like,

407
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Speaker 1: you're out right. That's my protest, I feel it is.

408
00:24:08,756 --> 00:24:11,796
Speaker 1: It's like, that's my protest. It's like everything, you know,

409
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Speaker 1: even with how to get away with murder taking my

410
00:24:14,316 --> 00:24:19,516
Speaker 1: wig off, everything is my rebellion, you know, was her idea.

411
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Speaker 1: I love how supportive he is of her work. I

412
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Speaker 1: know something about that, Yes you do. I guess we

413
00:24:25,676 --> 00:24:29,516
Speaker 1: see you as stable as hell. I mean, you guys

414
00:24:29,556 --> 00:24:33,356
Speaker 1: are solid and talking to you, I am impressed with

415
00:24:33,796 --> 00:24:38,516
Speaker 1: the insights you brought to your union. Not everybody has that.

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Speaker 1: One of the things I did before I met Joyous

417
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Speaker 1: as I was in therapy, because I was not a

418
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Speaker 1: great girlfriend. I had a lot of I would say,

419
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Speaker 1: like bad boyfriends, but I was attracted to them for

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Speaker 1: a reason. So and I remember a friend of mine said, Viola,

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Speaker 1: why do you keep meeting assholes? And I said, I

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Speaker 1: don't know. Isn't that something I keep meeting these assholes?

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Speaker 1: She said, did you ever think it was you? And

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Speaker 1: I remember that was my big AHA moment. And I

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Speaker 1: think that's the best thing that I've brought into my

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Speaker 1: marriage is to really ask myself what am I contributing

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Speaker 1: to it or what am I doing to destroy it

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Speaker 1: at any moment. You know. It's like my first therapist said.

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Speaker 1: What she said was viola, Whenever you're on automatic in

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Speaker 1: your marriage, you're not in it, you know. And so

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00:25:37,476 --> 00:25:41,636
Speaker 1: that that's been my personal responsibility, not to put everything

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Speaker 1: on him, not to say, make me happy, Julius, make

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Speaker 1: the marriage good, Julius, be the great husband, Julius. I

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Speaker 1: also have to step up right. Okay, I'm going to

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Speaker 1: give you one last Okay, my husband is looking really

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00:25:55,236 --> 00:25:57,516
Speaker 1: like you know, you've already take I go. I could

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Speaker 1: go on forever, really good. I'm so fascinated by this.

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Speaker 1: But if there was a young couple here about to

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Speaker 1: be married, is there something you'd want to tell them

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Speaker 1: to make their marriage last? The big thing I would

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Speaker 1: tell them is that you have to listen to the

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Speaker 1: other person. I mean, you really do. You have to

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Speaker 1: really listen let it land, because once you stop listening,

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Speaker 1: you're not You're not there. You're not in it when

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Speaker 1: you're not listening, right, you know. That's a big one

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00:26:31,196 --> 00:26:35,316
Speaker 1: for me. What about you? I would say that commitment

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00:26:35,596 --> 00:26:39,956
Speaker 1: is love, and what I mean by that is you

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00:26:40,036 --> 00:26:43,516
Speaker 1: can't operate separately with your own joy and go on

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00:26:43,676 --> 00:26:46,636
Speaker 1: your own path and your own road. If if in

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00:26:46,716 --> 00:26:50,436
Speaker 1: the end it doesn't honor the big umbrella of the

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Speaker 1: ultimate commitment, the ultimate commitment between Viola Davis and Julius Tennan.

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Speaker 1: It was wonderful for us to experience it until next time.

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Speaker 1: I'm Phil down to you and I'm Marlow Thomas, your love,

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Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, and you got to invite us

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Speaker 1: one of those fabulous parties. Double Day is a production

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00:27:20,236 --> 00:27:24,036
Speaker 1: of Pushkin Industries. The show was created by US and

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00:27:24,156 --> 00:27:29,356
Speaker 1: produced by Sarah Lily. Michael Bahari is associate producer. Musical

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00:27:29,396 --> 00:27:33,516
Speaker 1: adaptations of It Had to Be You by Selwagon, Simfinette,

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Speaker 1: Marlo and I are executive producers, along with Mia Lobell

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00:27:38,596 --> 00:27:44,156
Speaker 1: and Letal Molad from Pushkin. Special thanks to Jacob Wiseburg,

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00:27:44,516 --> 00:27:50,836
Speaker 1: Malcolm Gladwell, Heather Faine, John Snars, Carly Migliori, Eric Sandler,

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00:27:51,156 --> 00:27:57,636
Speaker 1: Emily Rostak, Jason Gambrel, Paul Williams, and Bruce Kluker. If

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00:27:57,636 --> 00:28:02,036
Speaker 1: you like our show, please remember to share, rate and review.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for listening,