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Speaker 1: To see me who would go to jail, get arrested,

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Speaker 1: get into fights, steal stuff, break stuff, trespass, overdose.

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Speaker 2: One hundred times, just a mess.

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Speaker 1: And then to see me be successful, and I'd probably

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Speaker 1: hate me too, should we get Fox is known for

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Speaker 1: many things, a fashion designer, actress, author do you Know

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Speaker 1: from films such as Uncut, Gems and No Sudden News,

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Speaker 1: as well as the host of OMG Fashion on E

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Speaker 1: Juliet Fox.

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Speaker 3: What's a childed experience that you feel left a defining

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Speaker 3: monk on your life?

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Speaker 1: My parents always fighting, like horrible, horrible fights. I would

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Speaker 1: just like go into the bathroom and I would just

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Speaker 1: turn on the hair dryer and I just lay on

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Speaker 1: the floor for like six hours.

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Speaker 3: At seventeen, you decided to become a sex work and.

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Speaker 1: I could really disassociate and detach. I think that's why

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Speaker 1: it was so easy for me to enter an industry

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Speaker 1: like that. And I actually found the whole experience really empowering.

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Speaker 1: For the first time in my life, I actually kind

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Speaker 1: of gained some self worth.

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Speaker 3: Where did you get addicted to heroin in that journey?

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Speaker 1: But it's akin to like what being in your mother's

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Speaker 1: womb would feel like. Heroin kind of became a replacement Mommy.

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Speaker 3: Did you say in the book that motherhood saved you?

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Speaker 1: If there's one thing I'm determined to do is to

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Speaker 1: not give him a childhood.

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Speaker 3: What was that journey for you to actually get clean?

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Speaker 1: I had to do all that messy stuff and be

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Speaker 1: that girl to end up in this chair today.

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Speaker 2: The number one health and wellness podcast.

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Speaker 4: Jay Shetty, Jay Shetty, See Only She.

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Speaker 3: I'm so excited to finally share the live interviews from

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Speaker 3: my very first podcast tour, presented by Chase Sapphire Reserve.

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Speaker 3: The first episode features an unforgettable conversation with none other

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Speaker 3: than Julia Fox, recorded live at the Iconic Theater at

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Speaker 3: Madison Square Garden in New York City, Special thanks to

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Speaker 3: MSG Entertainment and the Theater at Madison Square Garden. I

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Speaker 3: want to start by saying this, me and Julie, we're

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Speaker 3: talking about this on the way down from the green room.

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Speaker 3: We're talking about how you wouldn't expect to see me

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Speaker 3: and Julia on the same stage together, and we're from

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Speaker 3: very different worlds, very different backgrounds. But over the last

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Speaker 3: few days I've been listening to her audiobook down the Drain,

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Speaker 3: her book, her memoir. I listened to it, and I

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Speaker 3: can honestly say that her story was so powerful, it

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Speaker 3: was empowering, it was fascinating, and if I'm completely honest,

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Speaker 3: the reason I built on purpose was to have conversations

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Speaker 3: like this where you might be surprised to find it unexpected,

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Speaker 3: but to find the common tissue that we all look

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Speaker 3: for as humans. And so I'm so grateful you said yes,

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Speaker 3: and thank you so much.

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Speaker 2: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: That's actually something I want to say, is like a

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Speaker 1: lot of times we're more alike than we are different,

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Speaker 1: you know, and you kind of have to make the

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Speaker 1: effort sometimes to find ask questions and be interested. And

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Speaker 1: because a lot of times we're all kind of going

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Speaker 1: through the same stuff, you know, And I feel like

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Speaker 1: we're so programmed to see the differences, and especially you know,

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Speaker 1: we're getting so much influence telling us that these people

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Speaker 1: are bad and that, you know, and we're just constantly

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Speaker 1: being divided. But really we all have very similar feelings,

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Speaker 1: you know.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we're going through so many of the same emotions,

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Speaker 3: the same ups and downs, the same challenges, and I don't

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Speaker 3: want to dive into some of those with you, but

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Speaker 3: I wanted to start off with something funny that I

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Speaker 3: thought you said that I love you's once said I've

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Speaker 3: always been the main character in my head, and I

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Speaker 3: wanted to ask, seeing as we're in New York, how

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Speaker 3: do you channel main character energy.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I think everyone living in New York feels

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Speaker 1: that way.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 1: It's like I think you kind of have to be

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Speaker 1: that way, you know. And also we are that way

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Speaker 1: just naturally, you know. I just some people admit it

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Speaker 1: and some people don't, you know, but totally, you know,

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Speaker 1: especially here in New York, where, like you know, no

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Speaker 1: two days are alike, and some days it feels like

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Speaker 1: everything is going wrong. Like I remember, I would have

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Speaker 1: this game that I would play with myself, where like

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Speaker 1: if I went because I'd go to school, I take

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Speaker 1: the subway and if like I was getting down to

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Speaker 1: the subway and the door would stop right in front

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Speaker 1: of me, then I knew it was going to be

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Speaker 1: a good day, you know, And it really like it

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Speaker 1: did set kind of a precedent for the rest of

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Speaker 1: the day.

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Speaker 3: But well, Julia, before we dive into the deeper work,

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Speaker 3: k I wanted to I have to ask you this question,

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Speaker 3: seeing as you have been a lot of people's muse.

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Speaker 3: Who's your muse?

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Speaker 2: My muse is.

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Speaker 1: Me. No, But like in all seriousness, it changes, you know.

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Speaker 1: I'm just really inspired by the life experience, you know,

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Speaker 1: just the everyday things that we overlook. I think life

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Speaker 1: is just one big gray area, you know. And I

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Speaker 1: think for a long time I really thought in black

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Speaker 1: and white, but now I realize that there is no truth.

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Speaker 1: Everybody's truth is equally valid for the most part, but

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Speaker 1: like there's you know, we're just all experiencing and our perceptions.

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Speaker 1: You know, everyone's valid in some way or the reason

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Speaker 1: that they think that way is valid in some way.

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Speaker 1: I just try to really keep an open mind and

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Speaker 1: especially open eyes and open heart, and I just get

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Speaker 1: inspiration from everywhere.

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Speaker 2: I really love people.

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Speaker 1: I'm definitely like a avid people watcher.

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Speaker 3: People watching in New York sounds fun.

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Speaker 2: It's amazing.

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Speaker 3: Tell me about your latest venture.

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Speaker 1: I mean, even just like going out to the grocery

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Speaker 1: store or like going to a party. Like sometimes I'll

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Speaker 1: just like sit back and watch. I Mean, it's kind

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Speaker 1: of hard because I get a lot of people talking

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Speaker 1: to me all the time, but I prefer to just

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Speaker 1: kind of be like a fly on the wall. I

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Speaker 1: can definitely be the life of the party too, but

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Speaker 1: sometimes I just want to like watch all the little

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Speaker 1: micro things happening all around.

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Speaker 2: It's just like fascinating to me.

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Speaker 3: You've lived an extremely fascinating life. As I was saying

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Speaker 3: when I was listening to your audiobook, I want to

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Speaker 3: dive into that, and I want to start, as I

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Speaker 3: often do on on purpose, talking about childhood because I

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Speaker 3: learned very early on when I was researching and studying

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Speaker 3: just how those years are so formative when we look

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Speaker 3: at the psychology of what we pursue, what we chase,

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Speaker 3: what we fear, what we worry about, and it's something

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Speaker 3: we all go through. We all have a reference point

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Speaker 3: to that time in our life. I wanted to ask you,

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Speaker 3: what's a childed experience that you feel left a defining

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Speaker 3: mark on your life, especially when it comes to your

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Speaker 3: relationship with your parents.

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Speaker 1: You know, there were many experiences, but I think the

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Speaker 1: overall thread throughout all of them was really feeling like unimportant.

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Speaker 1: And I still carry that with me very much today,

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Speaker 1: a feeling like I'm not like worth it, you know,

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Speaker 1: And that is so hard because I could get so

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Speaker 1: much validation and so much affirmation and you know, but

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Speaker 1: I still have that little voice in the back of

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Speaker 1: my head that's like you're nothing, You're not important, You're

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Speaker 1: not worth it. So I just want to say like yes,

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Speaker 1: you know, being in the public eye and it looks

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Speaker 1: like fun and whatever, but it's like, no, we're still

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Speaker 1: just people. And you know, I still definitely have days

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Speaker 1: where like I don't want to get out of bed

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Speaker 1: and I feel like just not worth it, Like life's

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Speaker 1: not worth it and I'm not worth it. And if

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Speaker 1: it weren't for my child, I probably wouldn't get out

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Speaker 1: of bed like most days actually, So I still definitely

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Speaker 1: carry a lot of that trauma, I guess, if you

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Speaker 1: want to call it. I definitely carry that with me today.

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Speaker 1: And people are like, go to therapy, like do something

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Speaker 1: about it, but it's like I'm not worth it, you know.

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Speaker 1: It's that like the same cycle. It's a cycle, you know,

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Speaker 1: but it's not all the time. But I definitely, you know,

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Speaker 1: like even when something good happens to me, I'm like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: but I don't deserve it, you know.

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Speaker 3: That's that's what's fascinating about that thought cycle, is that

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Speaker 3: when something negative happens, it affirms your belief that you're

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Speaker 3: not worth it, and then when something good happens, it's

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Speaker 3: almost a feeling of well I didn't I don't deserve it.

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Speaker 3: I'm still not good enough.

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Speaker 2: It's a fluke.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, lucky.

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Speaker 1: I always say that I just got lucky guys, you know,

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Speaker 1: But then I know that if I really were to, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, look at all the hard work and sacrifice

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Speaker 1: that I do deserve it, you know, And and my

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Speaker 1: logical mind can identify that, but my emotional mind is

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Speaker 1: still very much.

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Speaker 3: Like no, yeah, in those two minds, I mean, how

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Speaker 3: many of you can relate to that? Right? Everyone can relate, Right,

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Speaker 3: It's it's something that that cycle of when something good

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Speaker 3: happens to us as humans were so good at being like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I got lucky this time. Oh, when is it going

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Speaker 3: to go? Righte?

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Speaker 1: When is it going to get taken away from me?

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Speaker 1: When are they going to realize I'm a fraud? When

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Speaker 1: you know, like it's crazy?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, when are people going to find out I'm an imposta?

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Speaker 3: When are people going to find out that this table? Yeah,

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Speaker 3: it's it's such a thing. What was it in your

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Speaker 3: childhood that you think did that? Like what what do

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Speaker 3: you think of when you think of that? Where where

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Speaker 3: is that?

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Speaker 2: You know?

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Speaker 1: I think my parents were dealing with a lot with

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Speaker 1: each other and they couldn't really you know, it's like

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Speaker 1: boom or parents. They were just very caught up in

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Speaker 1: their own stuff and always always fighting, like horrible, horrible fights.

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Speaker 1: And I remember I would just like go into the

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Speaker 1: bathroom because it was the only room in the house

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Speaker 1: that had a lock on the door, and I would

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Speaker 1: just turn on the hair dryer and I just lay

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Speaker 1: on the floor for like six hours until it was

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Speaker 1: like quiet, and then I could go back and like

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Speaker 1: bringing to grade into the household. But it was just

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Speaker 1: a very kind of isolating, oppressive childhood. I mean there

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Speaker 1: were moments like that were great. I had a great

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Speaker 1: relationship with my grandparents. I feel like I would not

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Speaker 1: be here without them. My grandma encouraged me as an artist,

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Speaker 1: like she saw that I had a talent, so we

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Speaker 1: would always be, you know, making art together, going to museums,

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Speaker 1: going to galleries, going to plays, ballets, you know, all

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Speaker 1: the things I didn't do with my parents. And then

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Speaker 1: my grandpa on my mom's side, he just made me

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Speaker 1: feel really loved and kind of that was more of

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Speaker 1: an emotional bond. So if I didn't have that, I

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Speaker 1: don't think I would be alive today.

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Speaker 3: It's so fascinating as I'm listening to you, I can

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Speaker 3: relate to that. So I grew up in a home

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Speaker 3: where me and my sister would wake up to my

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Speaker 3: parents going.

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Speaker 1: And it's crazy how much parents fighting affects kids.

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Speaker 2: Sorry, not too, it's crazy.

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Speaker 3: It was. I grew up in an emotionally physically abusive household.

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Speaker 3: And often when people meet me, they just think I

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Speaker 3: had the most perfect childhood and it's why I do

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Speaker 3: what I do today, And I often explain it's the opposite.

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Speaker 3: I spent my whole childhood mediating my parents' marriage, and

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Speaker 3: so the work I do today comes from having years

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Speaker 3: meaning since I was like seven years old, of listening

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Speaker 3: to challenges, carrying pain, listening to emotions, and thankfully it

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Speaker 3: made me stronger and through the work I've done, it

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Speaker 3: didn't create a lack of It allowed me to create

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Speaker 3: self dependence. Yeah, and that took a lot of work.

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Speaker 3: It didn't just happen. But it's so fascinating when I

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Speaker 3: see how did that affect someone else? I love where

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Speaker 3: there was another family member. And to your point, one

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Speaker 3: thing that stood out, which I recommend anyone who's a

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Speaker 3: parent in this room or wants to be a parent,

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Speaker 3: it's what you just said about the relationship we had

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Speaker 3: with a grandparent. My mom's love was like a shield.

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Speaker 3: Like my mom's love was like this shield where like

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Speaker 3: she just gave me so much love that I would

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Speaker 3: never have to question whether I was worthy of love

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Speaker 3: or lovable, because that's how powerful a mum's love is. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: And when I think about as we're sitting here and

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Speaker 3: finding these similarities and commonalities in our life, I wanted

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Speaker 3: to ask you your life in your teens took a

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Speaker 3: very different turn, and as I heard, at seventeen, you

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Speaker 3: decided to become a sex worker or became one. And

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Speaker 3: I want to understand just what that journey looks like,

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Speaker 3: because for you to go from feeling not enough to

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Speaker 3: feeling unlove to feeling not worthy, talk to me about

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Speaker 3: how that connects to that decision and how you woke

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Speaker 3: that path.

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Speaker 1: Well, I think from a really young age, I just

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Speaker 1: really learned to compartmentalize, so I could take something I

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Speaker 1: didn't like, put it in a little box, and put

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Speaker 1: it in a shelf all the way in the back

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Speaker 1: of my brain, and I could really disassociate and detach

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Speaker 1: and just be on autopilot. And I think that's why

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Speaker 1: it was so easy for me to enter an industry

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Speaker 1: like that, because I could just shut down like that.

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Speaker 1: It was my superpower, actually, and I actually found the

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Speaker 1: whole experience really empowering, especially becoming a dominat trix, where

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Speaker 1: I could really channel a lot of aggression and a

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Speaker 1: lot of anger that I had toward men, or toward

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Speaker 1: me or toward any you know, anything that was going on.

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Speaker 1: I could really kind of find an outlet for it,

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Speaker 1: and I actually, you know, for the first time in

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Speaker 1: my life, I actually kind of gained some self worth. Weirdly,

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Speaker 1: I always say, obviously there's different pockets of the sex industry.

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Speaker 1: I found one that worked for my specific issues and

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Speaker 1: it was very therapeutic. And when people ask me, like,

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Speaker 1: when did you get into acting, I was telling them all,

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Speaker 1: first of all, I've been acting my whole life, you know,

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Speaker 1: acting like you're okay when you're not, you know, acting

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Speaker 1: like the class clown to like make people laugh because

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Speaker 1: you feel like such a piece of shit. And then

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Speaker 1: in the Dominatrix Engine where I play a nurse, a teacher,

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Speaker 1: a mom, a nun, you know, six times a day,

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Speaker 1: different characters. I just became really good at like improv

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Speaker 1: and you know, doing that. So you know, back to

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Speaker 1: what you were saying, how you had this kind of

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Speaker 1: tough childhood, but you were able to then use all

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Speaker 1: those skills that you inadvertently learned to now do this

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Speaker 1: and help so many people. It's like you have to

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Speaker 1: sometimes take those like bad things that happened to you

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Speaker 1: in life, and you know, find your purpose in it

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Speaker 1: in a weird way, because it's the only way that

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Speaker 1: it'll make you feel better for the things that happen,

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Speaker 1: or it'll like make it not as bad or something

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Speaker 1: that you can actually be grateful for. You know, there

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Speaker 1: are times today where I'm like, no, I'm grateful that

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Speaker 1: I went through all those things because I have the

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Speaker 1: wisdom and the experience and I can now pass it

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Speaker 1: on and give other girls hope, you know. And I

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Speaker 1: feel like that's the difference between the people that make

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Speaker 1: it and the people that don't. You know, there's some

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Speaker 1: people that just can never really find a way to

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Speaker 1: make it like their purpose or they're calling or and

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Speaker 1: then it just kind of never finds an outlet from

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Speaker 1: their soul and it just eats them up alive, or

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Speaker 1: then they become the abuser and perpetuate that cycle.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely, as I'm listening to you, I'm actually just how

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Speaker 3: do you even discover the industry? Like how does.

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Speaker 4: Someone craigslist baby Greggs lest Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, really yeah, Oh you're not joking at it?

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Speaker 3: No, no, but like, how did you even So?

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Speaker 1: I knew about it because in the seventh grade, I

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Speaker 1: had this one of my many codependent vesties, and I

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Speaker 1: would live at her house and it was three sisters

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Speaker 1: and an alcoholic mom, and the older sister was a

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Speaker 1: dominatrix and the only full length mirror was in.

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Speaker 2: My besties room. So she would get dressed.

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Speaker 1: She'd buy all this stuff from Link to Sextors and

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Speaker 1: come in and put them on, and it was the

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Speaker 1: black platforms and the thigh highs and the fish nets.

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Speaker 1: And then that's when I was informed, oh, she's a dominatrix.

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Speaker 1: And you know, at that point, like I figured it

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Speaker 1: out or something, so I always kind of knew that

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Speaker 1: it was an option that I could always like just

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Speaker 1: do what she did. And she looked so hot and

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Speaker 1: cool and it just seemed like just seemed fun and exciting.

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Speaker 1: And listen, at the time, I'd already, you know, worked

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Speaker 1: in the service industry. I had so many jobs waitress,

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Speaker 1: pay street shop, ice cream shop, shoes store. Know and listen,

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Speaker 1: You're never going to be able to support yourself on

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Speaker 1: seven dollars and fifteen cents an hour. It's ridiculous, Like

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Speaker 1: raise the minimum wage, God damn it.

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Speaker 2: And I had to move out.

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Speaker 1: Something happened at home, and I literally had to move

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Speaker 1: out with the clothes on my back. And you know,

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Speaker 1: I could only really like stay at friend's houses for

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Speaker 1: so long. I had to contribute in some way, So

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Speaker 1: that's what I did.

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Speaker 3: So it was a fully survival thing.

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Speaker 1: Yes, definitely survival. I don't think I would have just

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Speaker 1: chosen to do it, but I am glad that I did. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I feel like I really kind of learned. It was

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Speaker 1: like a crash course in the male psyche.

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Speaker 2: Tell us that really weird.

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Speaker 3: There's a lot of people tell us about the mouse psyche.

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Speaker 1: I mean, it's just like all the different fetishes and stuff, like.

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Speaker 5: They're just so many and they're so weird, Like belly buttons,

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Speaker 5: blue jeans, hair like on your head, not even down there.

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Speaker 2: Like they just men get so infatuated.

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Speaker 3: With the like.

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Speaker 1: Weird, random things that women possess on them. And I

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Speaker 1: also found, actually, interestingly enough, that the more powerful a

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Speaker 1: man was in his career, in his life, the more

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Speaker 1: submissive he would be with me. Like it was almost

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Speaker 1: like this, these scales were tipped, and in order for

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Speaker 1: him to find that balance, he'd have to come to me,

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Speaker 1: to degrade him and tell him what a piece of

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Speaker 1: shit he was and tell him that his employees hate

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Speaker 1: him and his wife hates him, and you know, and

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Speaker 1: just beat the shit out of him and it and

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Speaker 1: it really got me thinking, like humans really need balance.

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Speaker 2: And I learned that really the life. But I saw

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Speaker 2: that I was able to.

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Speaker 1: See that firsthand, you know, and I thought that was

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Speaker 1: really interesting. You know, how you can go out there

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Speaker 1: and be this tough guy and then here he's like

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Speaker 1: crawling on all fours and drinking drinking my tea out

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Speaker 1: of a dog ball, And it was just really interesting,

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Speaker 1: you know.

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Speaker 3: I love that balance is what you took away from that,

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Speaker 3: And it's just amazing. It's amazing we are I was

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Speaker 3: I was going to say that I learned about balance,

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Speaker 3: but at the monastery and there was it.

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Speaker 4: Was a completely off.

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Speaker 3: We came to the same conclusion though, and uh and

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Speaker 3: and as I'm listening to you, I know that I was.

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Speaker 3: I was going to ask you, actually, how do you even, like,

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Speaker 3: what do you think of the misconceptions about sex workers

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Speaker 3: or what did you learn by actually being in the

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Speaker 3: industry that you think is relevant for people who are

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Speaker 3: not connected, may not understand, may not know, whatever it

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Speaker 3: may be. What would you say those are.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I would just say to anyone thinking about it. Obviously,

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Speaker 1: now today with only fans and there's so many ways

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Speaker 1: to be in the sex industry without ever touching a man,

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Speaker 1: which is.

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Speaker 2: Like amazing, But back in my day that was not

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Speaker 2: the case.

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Speaker 1: I would just say, like, set a firm boundary in

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Speaker 1: your head going into it and don't cross it, and

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Speaker 1: the moment you cross it, just stop because then it'll

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Speaker 1: just keep happening. And I made that mistake, and it

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Speaker 1: kind of does like wear on you a little bit,

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Speaker 1: you know, and then it's like, well, nobody will ever know,

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Speaker 1: but you will know, you know, and that you will

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Speaker 1: never escape.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 1: It's almost easier to some other someone else know and

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Speaker 1: not you, but your clients.

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Speaker 2: They will take and take and take and take.

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Speaker 1: So you just have to be really firm in what

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Speaker 1: line you're not going to cross.

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Speaker 3: Before we dive into the next moment, let's hear from

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Speaker 3: our sponsors, thanks for taking a moment for that. Now

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Speaker 3: back to the discussion. It's quite remarkable you learned so

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Speaker 3: many lessons. You've learned balance boundaries, you know, acting like

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Speaker 3: you were just saying like roll like why and when

402
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Speaker 3: did that end? Like why did that period of your

403
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,399
Speaker 3: life come to a close? And then where did you

404
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Speaker 3: pivot to?

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Speaker 1: And I'll tell you another thing that I learned then

406
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Speaker 1: was manifestation through prayer. So I would pray every single night.

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Speaker 2: I'm not kidding. I would pray for a sugar daddy.

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Speaker 4: Like like long prayers, long long player prayers, a lot

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Speaker 4: of bargaining, a lot.

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Speaker 1: Of bargaining and begging God to please send me a

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Speaker 1: sugar daddy.

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Speaker 2: And he did, he did, He did the best one ever. Also,

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Speaker 2: I got really really lucky. We're still friends. I love

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Speaker 2: them to death.

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Speaker 1: And that's that's kind of how I got out of that.

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Speaker 3: Was that always you'll get out like get out card, Like,

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Speaker 3: was that your thought in your head when you were praying?

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Speaker 1: When you're in that kind of lifestyle, you're not really

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Speaker 1: thinking long term, you know. I feel like having the

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Speaker 1: ability to plan and do all these things, like that's

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Speaker 1: something for like well adjusted people. When you're living like

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Speaker 1: I was, it was very much like survive the day,

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Speaker 1: get through the day, and maybe something good will happen,

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Speaker 1: you know. So I was really just kind of looking

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Speaker 1: for like a means to an end. And it was

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Speaker 1: really only kind of after my situation with my sugar

427
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Speaker 1: Daddy broke up that I actually started to like live for.

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Speaker 2: Me, you know, and try to make it on my own.

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Speaker 1: And like all my blessings and everything I've been able

430
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Speaker 1: to achieve only happen once I got out of that

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Speaker 1: funny enough, So.

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Speaker 3: And was your faith God something you always had always?

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Speaker 4: Yea?

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Speaker 3: Where did that come from? You know?

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Speaker 2: I'm not really sure. I know, you know, I'm Italian.

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Speaker 1: I've lived in Italy for some of my childhood with

437
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Speaker 1: my grandpa, and and he was very faith based, and

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Speaker 1: we prayed every.

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Speaker 2: Night, and I always kind of knew.

440
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:20,960
Speaker 1: That that God was there, or something was there, a

441
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:23,919
Speaker 1: presence was there, and it's like you can only have

442
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:27,120
Speaker 1: too like so many coincidences before you're like, okay, there's

443
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:31,080
Speaker 1: something cosmic here, you know. And also I feel like

444
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:36,359
Speaker 1: when you're kind of in desperation and not feeling so great,

445
00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:39,199
Speaker 1: I find that those are usually the times or the

446
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:41,880
Speaker 1: people that really turned to God. And I was very

447
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:45,439
Speaker 1: much like unwell for a long time, so I needed

448
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:47,400
Speaker 1: to believe that God was real.

449
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,760
Speaker 3: It's incredible to hear you talk about it from both sides,

450
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:53,439
Speaker 3: like you know, a second ago or like belly laughing.

451
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:55,399
Speaker 3: And then at the same time, there's like this real

452
00:23:55,920 --> 00:24:00,480
Speaker 3: survival desperation, stress, trying to get through every day, as

453
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,280
Speaker 3: you just said, like just trying to make it through

454
00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:04,439
Speaker 3: till the end of the day, and the reality of

455
00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:07,280
Speaker 3: just not how would you feel at the end of

456
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:09,600
Speaker 3: the day, Like what would be going through your mind?

457
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:13,240
Speaker 1: Would it just be I didn't feel no, like I

458
00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:16,440
Speaker 1: did so many drugs, like every single drug under the sun.

459
00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:20,720
Speaker 1: I was smunking pie all the time, like before it

460
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 1: like literally wake up first thing, like digging a roach

461
00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:27,400
Speaker 1: out of an ash tray, you know, like just that

462
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:28,120
Speaker 1: level of.

463
00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:29,760
Speaker 2: Numbness at all times.

464
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:34,119
Speaker 1: So like feeling is still kind of fairly like a

465
00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:37,360
Speaker 1: newer thing for me, and I still have a lot

466
00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:39,480
Speaker 1: of trouble articulating how I'm feeling.

467
00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:41,120
Speaker 2: Like I just kind of shut down.

468
00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:43,520
Speaker 3: Because that was the only way to get through it

469
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:45,919
Speaker 3: was to just be numb, yeah, and to just not

470
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:47,960
Speaker 3: feel because if you were to it would.

471
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:50,120
Speaker 1: Have it would just open a floodgate and who knows

472
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:54,160
Speaker 1: what could happen, you know, because usually when I would

473
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:58,600
Speaker 1: be emotional, it be kind of like a meltdown and

474
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:00,280
Speaker 1: then I'd end up in like a hospital at all

475
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:04,520
Speaker 1: or something. So it was just better to not even

476
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:06,280
Speaker 1: go there at all.

477
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:09,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's so fascinating to hear that. I think so

478
00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:11,800
Speaker 3: many of us feel that in different ways where we

479
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:16,400
Speaker 3: find a numbing agent, whatever that may be for us.

480
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:19,840
Speaker 3: For some of us it's TV, sugar, alcohol, drugs, whatever

481
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:22,399
Speaker 3: it may be. There's some sort of way of just

482
00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:28,080
Speaker 3: kind of not self regulating, but externally regulating our emotions

483
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:30,080
Speaker 3: and feelings because we just don't want to feel that.

484
00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:34,439
Speaker 3: For you, as you were doing that, where did you

485
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:37,679
Speaker 3: get addicted to heroin in that journey? Because that became

486
00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:39,240
Speaker 3: that was.

487
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:42,560
Speaker 1: When I found heroin. It was like I would say

488
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:46,840
Speaker 1: that it's akin to like what being in your mother's

489
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:50,800
Speaker 1: womb would feel like, like the warmth and that everything

490
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:54,760
Speaker 1: is going to be okay. And you know, I think

491
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:57,359
Speaker 1: I probably liked it so much because of the disconnect

492
00:25:57,359 --> 00:26:00,480
Speaker 1: I had with my own mother, so and kind of

493
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:04,560
Speaker 1: became a replacement mommy or something, you know. And yeah,

494
00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:08,000
Speaker 1: I discovered hero in high school and I took it

495
00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:11,119
Speaker 1: all the way into my mid twenties, you know, on

496
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:13,240
Speaker 1: and off, on and off. I sometimes I'd be off

497
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:17,320
Speaker 1: for years and I'd always go back. So, you know,

498
00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:20,239
Speaker 1: it only really took my best friend, the love of

499
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:24,480
Speaker 1: my life overdosing in twenty nineteen for me too, which

500
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:29,000
Speaker 1: is fairly recently for me to really be done, because

501
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:32,040
Speaker 1: that really shook me to my core. And I felt

502
00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:36,320
Speaker 1: like her dying had to had to at least do

503
00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:39,080
Speaker 1: one good thing, you know, And if that could just

504
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:41,600
Speaker 1: be me not getting high anymore, I know that she

505
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:42,520
Speaker 1: would approve of that.

506
00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:44,439
Speaker 2: I know that she it would make I.

507
00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:46,760
Speaker 1: Don't know, it's not that it would make it less horrible,

508
00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:48,800
Speaker 1: but I just had to find some kind of silver

509
00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:53,520
Speaker 1: lining or something to attach myself to. So now I,

510
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:56,840
Speaker 1: you know, don't do that anymore in honor of her.

511
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:05,840
Speaker 3: So, so sorry to hear that. How long did you

512
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:07,439
Speaker 3: both know each other and how were you.

513
00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:11,320
Speaker 1: We actually met in AA and it was a funny story.

514
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:15,720
Speaker 1: We were sitting next to each other and my like

515
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:18,840
Speaker 1: horrible ex boyfriend was also there and we hadn't seen

516
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,080
Speaker 1: each other in a long time, and he was there

517
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:24,800
Speaker 1: with this girl who had like cyber believe me on Instagram.

518
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:28,560
Speaker 1: And I just stood up and I said, this room

519
00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:29,720
Speaker 1: is unsafe for me.

520
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:31,520
Speaker 2: There are abusers in here.

521
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:34,159
Speaker 1: And I just made such a scene, which is like

522
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:38,280
Speaker 1: fairly uncommon and it that doesn't really happen, so but

523
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:42,520
Speaker 1: I did it. And she loved it, like she was

524
00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:43,520
Speaker 1: like yeah.

525
00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:45,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, tell um, tell um, yeah.

526
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:48,200
Speaker 1: And then I just sat back down and it was

527
00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:51,200
Speaker 1: that was it. We were together every single day after that.

528
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:54,600
Speaker 1: It was like we really found each other. But you know,

529
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:57,880
Speaker 1: with every kind of relationship like that, it was only

530
00:27:57,920 --> 00:27:59,400
Speaker 1: a matter of time before we.

531
00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:02,320
Speaker 2: Both left to go get high together. You know.

532
00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:07,160
Speaker 1: So it's pretty cliche, but it's still a beautiful love

533
00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:08,240
Speaker 1: story none the least.

534
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:12,800
Speaker 3: What was that journey for you to actually get clean

535
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:15,959
Speaker 3: from her? And like, what was that journey like for you?

536
00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:18,080
Speaker 3: I can't imagine It's easy, And like you said, you

537
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:22,919
Speaker 3: used the loss of her as fuel, as inspiration, as

538
00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:25,679
Speaker 3: a guiding light during a really, really tough time. But

539
00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:28,639
Speaker 3: what did it actually take from you to now be

540
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:30,680
Speaker 3: able to sit here and say, well, that's not something

541
00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:31,240
Speaker 3: I do anyway.

542
00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:34,080
Speaker 1: Well, she died and then I got pregnant six months

543
00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 1: later and had my son. And if there's one thing

544
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 1: I'm determined to do is to not give him a

545
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:42,600
Speaker 1: shitty childhood.

546
00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:45,560
Speaker 2: And in order for me to do that, I have

547
00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:46,560
Speaker 2: to be sober.

548
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:52,960
Speaker 1: So yeah, so it all happened pretty quick, and honestly,

549
00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:54,920
Speaker 1: I don't think I would have even had my son

550
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:57,800
Speaker 1: if she hadn't passed away. But at that moment, it

551
00:28:57,840 --> 00:29:01,560
Speaker 1: was like anything to fill that and that heartbreak, you know,

552
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:05,000
Speaker 1: it was. I just wanted to feel better. And actually,

553
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:08,400
Speaker 1: funny story, when I was about I can't remember now

554
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:10,280
Speaker 1: I put the the I put it in my book.

555
00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:13,240
Speaker 1: But like a couple of weeks into my pregnancy, I

556
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:15,480
Speaker 1: had a dream. She came to me in a dream

557
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:18,240
Speaker 1: and I told her I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant, I'm having

558
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:21,320
Speaker 1: I want you to come back as my baby. I

559
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:24,360
Speaker 1: want you to be reincarnated as my baby. And she said,

560
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:26,800
Speaker 1: because she was always really funny. She was like, I

561
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:30,080
Speaker 1: don't want to come back as a boy. And that's

562
00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:32,640
Speaker 1: how I found out I was having a boy. I

563
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:34,840
Speaker 1: went to the doctor and I told him I think

564
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:36,719
Speaker 1: I'm having a boy. My dead bess friend came to

565
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:39,280
Speaker 1: me in a dream and he was like, you're psychotic.

566
00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:43,080
Speaker 1: But then we did the test and I was having

567
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:46,640
Speaker 1: a boy. So so she was right. So I still

568
00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:50,200
Speaker 1: feel like like she's with me and everything I do.

569
00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:54,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, you say in the book that motherhood saved you.

570
00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:57,680
Speaker 1: Because I just don't have time to do anything else,

571
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:00,640
Speaker 1: Like it really is like.

572
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:05,240
Speaker 2: Three full time jobs. So but it did it? Did?

573
00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 2: It did save me?

574
00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:06,760
Speaker 1: Yeah?

575
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:09,120
Speaker 3: When you finally found the sugar daddy and you got

576
00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:14,000
Speaker 3: out of you know, sex work from your prayers, where

577
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:18,480
Speaker 3: did that pivot happen? From that getting you out of

578
00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:21,040
Speaker 3: there and then moving into acting? Like how how did

579
00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:21,680
Speaker 3: that happen?

580
00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:22,240
Speaker 4: You know?

581
00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:23,880
Speaker 1: People knew who I was, like I was like a

582
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:29,800
Speaker 1: hood celebrity, you know, and these directors heard about me

583
00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:33,080
Speaker 1: and wanted to meet me, and they were writing a

584
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:35,760
Speaker 1: part for this young girl who has kind of a

585
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:38,960
Speaker 1: sugar daddy situation, and that movie would go on to

586
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:43,000
Speaker 1: become uncut gems. So I you know, I auditioned like

587
00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:45,800
Speaker 1: everyone else. Unfortunately, even though they had written it for me,

588
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:48,920
Speaker 1: the studios were like, we don't know her, like what

589
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:52,600
Speaker 1: like they wanted like Scarlet Johanson and you know all

590
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:57,600
Speaker 1: these other women, beautiful women and established actresses. And at

591
00:30:57,600 --> 00:30:59,440
Speaker 1: the time, I didn't even know if I could like

592
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:01,400
Speaker 1: actually act act.

593
00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:03,240
Speaker 2: You know, but I had a hunch.

594
00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:08,720
Speaker 1: And so you know, I did a screen test with

595
00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:11,479
Speaker 1: Adam Sandler and it went really well and they were

596
00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:14,680
Speaker 1: able to convince the studios to let me do it.

597
00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:16,160
Speaker 3: Yeah. Absolutely.

598
00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:21,000
Speaker 1: But that's why I always tell people like like live

599
00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:25,120
Speaker 1: your truth, like even if you're messy or wild or

600
00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:28,560
Speaker 1: cringe like, like, don't hide that because you never know

601
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:32,280
Speaker 1: who's watching, you know. Like I was so embarrassing, like

602
00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:36,920
Speaker 1: like truly so embarrassing, but it caught these people's eyes.

603
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:40,240
Speaker 3: You know what was embarrassing? What were you doing as well?

604
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:42,760
Speaker 1: Well, you know, everyone knew that I was living off

605
00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:45,760
Speaker 1: my sugar daddy's money and every there you go, it

606
00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:48,560
Speaker 1: was like everybody knew it. It was you know, but

607
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:51,640
Speaker 1: they it was like frowned upon, you know, like people

608
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:53,120
Speaker 1: will talk shit about me or didn't want to be

609
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,800
Speaker 1: my friend or it was just like I was always

610
00:31:55,840 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 1: kind of looked at it like as the spectacle, you know.

611
00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:01,480
Speaker 1: And I was known to like cause a scene or

612
00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:04,640
Speaker 1: just be loud and sometimes violent.

613
00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:09,040
Speaker 2: And yeah, definitely tell.

614
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:09,800
Speaker 3: Us about the violent.

615
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:15,080
Speaker 1: Well, I grew up in a violent home, So that's

616
00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:17,520
Speaker 1: kind of how I learned to like problem solve, like

617
00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:21,800
Speaker 1: if I want a problem to go away, you you know,

618
00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 1: so I you know, I've definitely been known to throw hands,

619
00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:31,400
Speaker 1: but you know now I'm like, oh, it's so embarrassing,

620
00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:34,920
Speaker 1: you know, But like I had to do all that

621
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:38,640
Speaker 1: messy stuff and be that girl to end up in

622
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:41,240
Speaker 1: this chair today speaking with all of you.

623
00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:44,880
Speaker 2: So just always be yourselves.

624
00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:49,840
Speaker 3: It's so fascinating for me. Seeing that in my home

625
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:52,160
Speaker 3: made me never want to be angry, never want to

626
00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:55,880
Speaker 3: be violent, never want to raise my voice, and never

627
00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:59,400
Speaker 3: kind of create that atmosphere again. And it's so interesting

628
00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:02,680
Speaker 3: just how it's humans we make those choices at different

629
00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:05,520
Speaker 3: stages in our life and where they go from there.

630
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:08,800
Speaker 3: I one thing that really stood out to me in

631
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 3: your book Down the Drain, that is when you mentioned

632
00:33:15,040 --> 00:33:16,560
Speaker 3: when you were young, you said to your mom you

633
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:19,880
Speaker 3: wanted to be a rock star, and she laughed. And

634
00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:23,600
Speaker 3: then when you booked Uncut Gems, she laughed again.

635
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:24,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, talk to.

636
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:28,040
Speaker 3: Me about those two moments and why you remember them

637
00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:29,880
Speaker 3: so vividly, and because.

638
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:33,280
Speaker 1: It's like you'd expect your parent to be so happy

639
00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:36,280
Speaker 1: and so supportive, but she could just never do it.

640
00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:37,880
Speaker 2: She could never do it.

641
00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:40,720
Speaker 1: And you know, I think, like now that I'm also

642
00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:44,800
Speaker 1: a mom, I can see her as a human and

643
00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:49,280
Speaker 1: I see a woman who came from nothing and did

644
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:52,680
Speaker 1: everything she was supposed to do. She went to college,

645
00:33:52,920 --> 00:33:57,440
Speaker 1: went to university, she worked as a nurse, she did

646
00:33:57,480 --> 00:34:01,400
Speaker 1: all the things to become a doctor, and was just

647
00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:05,920
Speaker 1: always a good girl. And then to see me, who

648
00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:09,600
Speaker 1: literally did the opposite, would go to jail, get arrested,

649
00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:13,520
Speaker 1: get into fight, steal stuff, break stuff, trespass, you know,

650
00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:17,760
Speaker 1: just overdose one hundred times, you know, just a mess.

651
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:21,080
Speaker 1: And then to see me be successful, I'm sure is

652
00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:30,120
Speaker 1: a mind. Yeah, like I'd probably hate me too, Like

653
00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:33,160
Speaker 1: I'm sure there's like a human you know, Jealousy is

654
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:36,440
Speaker 1: very real, even between mothers and daughters. I see it

655
00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:40,440
Speaker 1: all the time, Like I couldn't fathom it because I

656
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:43,439
Speaker 1: see my loved ones as an extension of myself, but

657
00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:45,640
Speaker 1: with my mom and I, it was always very clear

658
00:34:45,719 --> 00:34:48,520
Speaker 1: that we were on two opposite ends for some reason,

659
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:51,480
Speaker 1: and we could never bridge that gap. I don't know

660
00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:54,360
Speaker 1: if we ever will, to be honest, but I know

661
00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:58,439
Speaker 1: that I have to protect my peace and not keep

662
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,760
Speaker 1: trying just to be disappointed all the time.

663
00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:04,239
Speaker 2: You know, I just can't do it anymore.

664
00:35:04,640 --> 00:35:06,279
Speaker 3: As I'm looking at you, it feels like you've tried

665
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:07,000
Speaker 3: a lot.

666
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:12,080
Speaker 1: Not that much, but not that much, but there have

667
00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:13,799
Speaker 1: been a few times, Yeah.

668
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:15,319
Speaker 3: What have you tried? And when did you try?

669
00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:21,359
Speaker 1: And just trying to mimic what a mother daughter relationship

670
00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:24,880
Speaker 1: is supposed to look like and playing that part, playing

671
00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:28,200
Speaker 1: that role, acting that part, only to be met with

672
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:33,799
Speaker 1: not her playing that part back, you know. And I

673
00:35:33,840 --> 00:35:36,040
Speaker 1: realized that, you know, we can't just like turn it

674
00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:38,040
Speaker 1: on and be mother and daughter, and there needs to

675
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:41,839
Speaker 1: be some unpacking. But every time I try to talk

676
00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:47,759
Speaker 1: about things, it's complete denial. It's almost like she lived

677
00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:49,720
Speaker 1: a completely like she lived.

678
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:51,160
Speaker 2: In a different house. Well she really did live in

679
00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:51,719
Speaker 2: a different house.

680
00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:54,080
Speaker 1: She lived in Italy my whole life, so I only

681
00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:56,880
Speaker 1: saw her twice a year, so that also played a

682
00:35:56,880 --> 00:36:01,640
Speaker 1: big part. But there were obviously prolonged periods as well

683
00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:05,520
Speaker 1: that we would be together, but even then, it just

684
00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:08,800
Speaker 1: always felt like she was just very uninterested.

685
00:36:10,120 --> 00:36:13,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I could see that it wasn't like.

686
00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:16,120
Speaker 1: That with my brothers, that she had way more of

687
00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:18,799
Speaker 1: a connection and she put the effort and had more

688
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:21,840
Speaker 1: of a genuine interest for them.

689
00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:25,320
Speaker 2: So and I picked that up very very young.

690
00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:27,320
Speaker 3: How have you reconciled that?

691
00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:27,640
Speaker 2: Now?

692
00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:29,640
Speaker 3: I'm sure there's lots of people in the room who

693
00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:33,560
Speaker 3: have challenges with parents, potentially even challenges with kids, Like

694
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:35,799
Speaker 3: how have you reconciled that? What have you How have

695
00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:38,680
Speaker 3: you come to as close to peace or a boundary

696
00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:40,359
Speaker 3: that you've been able to set with them?

697
00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:43,279
Speaker 1: You know, I wouldn't say it's forgiveness, because how do

698
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:48,200
Speaker 1: you forgive a betrayal like that? But there is an acceptance,

699
00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:51,440
Speaker 1: which I think is the closest thing to forgiveness, And

700
00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:55,239
Speaker 1: it's so hard to accept because it's really hard to

701
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:57,920
Speaker 1: accept things that we can't change. You know, we are

702
00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:00,360
Speaker 1: the control freak and us wants to like change it

703
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:03,239
Speaker 1: and fix it and make it okay. But you need

704
00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:06,120
Speaker 1: the other person to also put in that effort too. So,

705
00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:09,640
Speaker 1: you know, I think really for me, I'm not a

706
00:37:09,920 --> 00:37:12,160
Speaker 1: place of acceptance that this is just the way it's

707
00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:15,880
Speaker 1: going to be. And if if I keep trying to

708
00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:19,040
Speaker 1: fight it or change it, I'm really only hurting myself.

709
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:22,000
Speaker 1: And you know, I have a child I have to

710
00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:26,680
Speaker 1: show up for. I have to be happy and positive.

711
00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:29,440
Speaker 1: So like, why am I going to let her have

712
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:33,120
Speaker 1: that too? You know, like I'm not gonna I'm just

713
00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:33,799
Speaker 1: not going to do that.

714
00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:38,560
Speaker 3: It takes a lot to draw those boundaries with the

715
00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:39,560
Speaker 3: people that we love.

716
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:42,320
Speaker 2: And sadly, especially your parents, especially parents.

717
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:45,000
Speaker 1: Like now that I'm a parent and I have parents,

718
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:47,279
Speaker 1: it's like you can have more than one kid.

719
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:49,320
Speaker 2: You could have ten kids, but you can.

720
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:53,319
Speaker 1: Only have one mom and one dad, like in that way,

721
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:57,640
Speaker 1: Like you know, obviously there's people, there's blended families, but it's.

722
00:37:57,760 --> 00:37:59,520
Speaker 2: Really really, really.

723
00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:04,160
Speaker 1: Important relationship and I take it to the highest level

724
00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:09,080
Speaker 1: of importance. To me, it's sacred. Nothing comes before my child.

725
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:14,080
Speaker 1: So I mean, I just don't understand how for her

726
00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:15,040
Speaker 1: it's not the same.

727
00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:19,760
Speaker 2: Did she ever go to therapy she's a psychologist?

728
00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:24,200
Speaker 1: Wow, Yeah, that's why I don't trust them and I

729
00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:24,759
Speaker 1: don't want to go.

730
00:38:25,239 --> 00:38:30,880
Speaker 3: Wow, that's fascinating. I know when you were addicted to

731
00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:33,560
Speaker 3: drugs or even when you were a sex worket. Did

732
00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:37,080
Speaker 3: you ever have any near death experiences?

733
00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:37,440
Speaker 2: Many?

734
00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:41,160
Speaker 1: And actually, my best friend Brianna once called my mom

735
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:44,640
Speaker 1: in Italy and was like, your daughter's dying coming at her.

736
00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:45,680
Speaker 2: She hung up the phone.

737
00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:46,879
Speaker 3: What happened to you?

738
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:48,680
Speaker 2: I lived.

739
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:53,520
Speaker 3: That day that she had to make that call to

740
00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:53,879
Speaker 3: your mom.

741
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:56,719
Speaker 1: I honestly don't even remember. I think I probably just

742
00:38:56,719 --> 00:38:58,240
Speaker 1: like odde on heroin or something.

743
00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:01,640
Speaker 3: Was that a regular current? So yeah, but that was

744
00:39:01,680 --> 00:39:03,880
Speaker 3: the only time that they called. She called your mom.

745
00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:06,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it was like the first time it

746
00:39:06,520 --> 00:39:10,000
Speaker 1: ever happened. Yeah, And my friend just got so scared.

747
00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:11,600
Speaker 1: I was living at her house at the time, and

748
00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:14,960
Speaker 1: she just like found me like that and freaked out

749
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:18,680
Speaker 1: and just didn't know what to do. But her mom

750
00:39:18,719 --> 00:39:22,840
Speaker 1: stepped in as my kind of surrogate mother and helped

751
00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:23,319
Speaker 1: me a lot.

752
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:25,560
Speaker 3: Oh her mom, Oh wow.

753
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:26,240
Speaker 4: Yeah.

754
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:30,000
Speaker 1: The beauty of having that kind of void is that

755
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:33,879
Speaker 1: I really attracted so many amazing women with that kind

756
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:37,319
Speaker 1: of instinct or that ability to kind of sniff out like, oh,

757
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:41,799
Speaker 1: this child needs mothering. So I've had so many kind

758
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:45,160
Speaker 1: of you know, pseudo maternal figures in my life, and

759
00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:47,520
Speaker 1: I feel like when I think of my mom, I

760
00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:51,080
Speaker 1: think of all of them. You know, my my advisor

761
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:54,520
Speaker 1: in high school who like saved my life, and a

762
00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:57,919
Speaker 1: lot of them were my friend's parents and they.

763
00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:01,080
Speaker 2: Really took me in. And mom are just amazing.

764
00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:05,600
Speaker 1: Like having a horrible experience of mine doesn't take away

765
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:08,279
Speaker 1: that I can identify that moms really are amazing.

766
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:11,000
Speaker 2: You know, I understand that my mom's like an exception.

767
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:16,319
Speaker 3: Yeah, you have one of the most fascinating minds and

768
00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:19,520
Speaker 3: lives of anyone I've ever interviewed. Honestly, Oh my god.

769
00:40:19,719 --> 00:40:24,799
Speaker 3: I find it so incredible that despite the challenges and

770
00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:28,440
Speaker 3: trials and tribulations that you were going through in your life,

771
00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:31,840
Speaker 3: you were able to at the same time identify goodness

772
00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:36,560
Speaker 3: and pray, look for ways out see sacredness in your

773
00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:37,760
Speaker 3: friends and other people.

774
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:40,759
Speaker 1: And it's a survival instinct. It's like you don't even

775
00:40:40,800 --> 00:40:43,719
Speaker 1: realize you're doing it. It's that will to live that

776
00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:47,400
Speaker 1: we all innately have. Like I didn't set out to

777
00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:49,719
Speaker 1: do any of that stuff. I didn't realize I was

778
00:40:49,719 --> 00:40:52,719
Speaker 1: doing it until after. But I really I think a

779
00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:54,479
Speaker 1: part of me, as much as I wanted to die,

780
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:57,840
Speaker 1: I also really wanted to live, and I had to

781
00:40:57,880 --> 00:41:01,879
Speaker 1: find love and goodness wherever I could, because I think

782
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:04,040
Speaker 1: as people, that's really all we want, you know, we

783
00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:06,400
Speaker 1: want to be seen and we want to be loved.

784
00:41:06,719 --> 00:41:10,040
Speaker 3: Did you have any dangerous encounters as a sex worker

785
00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:12,360
Speaker 3: or were you the one inflicting me?

786
00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:14,840
Speaker 2: I was the one they were in danger?

787
00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:21,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, no. And obviously I understand that my

788
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:24,200
Speaker 1: experience is very unique. You know. Obviously I had some

789
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:27,320
Speaker 1: clients that were better than others, but for the most part,

790
00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:31,319
Speaker 1: I always had very good instincts. If I felt like

791
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:34,440
Speaker 1: something was weird, I would just leave, you know, I'd

792
00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 1: leave the room and go get someone else. You know.

793
00:41:37,719 --> 00:41:39,399
Speaker 2: Also, a C and M is a.

794
00:41:39,440 --> 00:41:42,640
Speaker 1: Very you know, it's really the only place in the

795
00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:46,080
Speaker 1: world where like the women rule, Like I'd never seen

796
00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:49,680
Speaker 1: that before. I'd always kind of seen the opposite of that.

797
00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:53,799
Speaker 1: So I think being able to be in that so

798
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:57,880
Speaker 1: young really kind of shaped how I see the world today,

799
00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:02,399
Speaker 1: because I see so many discrepants and disparities and how

800
00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:06,120
Speaker 1: unfair this world is for women. But in the S

801
00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:10,760
Speaker 1: and M world, we were the people in charge, calling

802
00:42:10,800 --> 00:42:14,080
Speaker 1: the shots and and you know, and men were just

803
00:42:14,280 --> 00:42:17,040
Speaker 1: there to drink.

804
00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:20,760
Speaker 2: Pea out of a dog ball. You know, it was amazing,

805
00:42:20,760 --> 00:42:22,000
Speaker 2: it was heaven, it was paradise.

806
00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:32,640
Speaker 3: It's we'll just let that sit for a second. But first,

807
00:42:32,960 --> 00:42:36,000
Speaker 3: here's a quick word from the brands that support the show.

808
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:39,839
Speaker 3: All right, thank you to our sponsors. Now let's dive

809
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:42,920
Speaker 3: back in. There's this recurring pattern that I could hear

810
00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:45,520
Speaker 3: about when I was listening to your book, this idea

811
00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:50,360
Speaker 3: of proving yourself, proving yourself to your mom, proving yourself

812
00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:54,480
Speaker 3: to men you were dating, proving yourself to the industry,

813
00:42:55,239 --> 00:42:56,000
Speaker 3: proving yourself.

814
00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:59,960
Speaker 2: And I still am all the time. But that's never end.

815
00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:00,719
Speaker 2: You know.

816
00:43:01,719 --> 00:43:04,879
Speaker 1: I think it's so hard for a woman to show

817
00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:07,800
Speaker 1: up in a room and just be given the benefit

818
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:10,279
Speaker 1: of the doubt, you know, whereas men walk in and

819
00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:12,600
Speaker 1: they're just given the benefit of the doubt until they

820
00:43:12,800 --> 00:43:16,360
Speaker 1: prove otherwise. You know, whereasom and it's always the opposite.

821
00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:20,120
Speaker 1: We kind of have to work a little bit harder. So,

822
00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:22,840
Speaker 1: you know, especially if you're like an unconventional woman, or

823
00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:26,560
Speaker 1: a weird woman, or a neurodivergent woman or a lowed woman,

824
00:43:27,440 --> 00:43:30,560
Speaker 1: it's like, oh my god, the odds are so stacked

825
00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:34,080
Speaker 1: against you. But you know, that's not going to stop

826
00:43:34,080 --> 00:43:42,640
Speaker 1: me from being who I am.

827
00:43:42,680 --> 00:43:45,719
Speaker 3: A big part of what we've been talking about here

828
00:43:45,760 --> 00:43:48,239
Speaker 3: this evening before you came out, was this idea of

829
00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:51,000
Speaker 3: how we feel judged when we walk into a room,

830
00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:54,239
Speaker 3: or how we think others think of us, and how

831
00:43:54,280 --> 00:43:57,359
Speaker 3: we worry about that. I'm sure when you're walking into

832
00:43:57,440 --> 00:44:03,480
Speaker 3: rooms to audition actading, directors, producers, I'm sure that there's

833
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:06,479
Speaker 3: so many things you think people think of you. How

834
00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:11,640
Speaker 3: have you found coping mechanisms to that anxiety, stress, nervousness

835
00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:14,960
Speaker 3: that naturally exist and people shared earlier so vulnerably and

836
00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:17,720
Speaker 3: beautifully in front of five thousand people. We had people

837
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:21,080
Speaker 3: standing up and really opening their heart. What goes through

838
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:25,200
Speaker 3: your mind and what technique's abilities practices have you developed

839
00:44:25,239 --> 00:44:28,040
Speaker 3: in order to allow yourself to walk into a room

840
00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:30,520
Speaker 3: and not feel that anxiety and stress.

841
00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:34,760
Speaker 1: Well, first of all, I think everyone's feeling that way,

842
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:38,640
Speaker 1: you know, I think people are so just worried about

843
00:44:38,640 --> 00:44:42,440
Speaker 1: themselves all the time anyway, like they're probably thinking the

844
00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:45,680
Speaker 1: same thing about you. And another thing is also like

845
00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:48,280
Speaker 1: it's really not that deep. We have the attention span

846
00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:52,560
Speaker 1: of a goldfish. People will forget like nothing is serious, Like,

847
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:55,759
Speaker 1: just don't take it so seriously, you know. And also

848
00:44:55,800 --> 00:44:57,239
Speaker 1: if you walk into a room and they don't like you,

849
00:44:57,360 --> 00:45:02,240
Speaker 1: probably because they're whack. You know. I've come to find, honestly,

850
00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:04,800
Speaker 1: like people that don't like me are kind of people

851
00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:07,480
Speaker 1: I wouldn't even really want to like me anyway.

852
00:45:07,640 --> 00:45:12,200
Speaker 2: You know, like they're just not cool. So I think

853
00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:13,759
Speaker 2: just lead with that mindset.

854
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:17,600
Speaker 3: Yeah. I remember seeing this this meme. I don't know

855
00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:19,799
Speaker 3: who wrote to where it came from, but it it

856
00:45:19,840 --> 00:45:25,560
Speaker 3: says confidence isn't everyone will like me, confidences will be okay.

857
00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:27,720
Speaker 2: Even if they don't don't like you. Yeah, And it's.

858
00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:31,200
Speaker 3: That idea of just we think confidence means everyone likes me,

859
00:45:31,239 --> 00:45:33,319
Speaker 3: everyone notices me when I walk in the room, and

860
00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:35,600
Speaker 3: that I can control the crowd. And it's like, well,

861
00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:36,480
Speaker 3: that's not confidence.

862
00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:38,960
Speaker 1: And also if you try to please everyone, you just

863
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:40,200
Speaker 1: end up pleasing no one.

864
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:43,960
Speaker 2: So it's just better to just be genuine because at.

865
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:46,560
Speaker 1: Least, like I always tell people, like, take the mask off,

866
00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:49,799
Speaker 1: be yourself, so then you can attract people that are

867
00:45:49,960 --> 00:45:52,400
Speaker 1: like minded. And then once you have your tribe and

868
00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:55,839
Speaker 1: your people, you're invincible. You know, it doesn't matter what

869
00:45:55,920 --> 00:46:00,000
Speaker 1: happens to you because you'll have your fan that understand you,

870
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:03,800
Speaker 1: I agree with you, and know that you're the bomb.

871
00:46:06,840 --> 00:46:09,960
Speaker 3: You've said that you don't you're not afraid of being alone,

872
00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:15,200
Speaker 3: but you've been afraid of being truly seen, which I

873
00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:17,160
Speaker 3: find to be really interesting because I think a lot

874
00:46:17,200 --> 00:46:20,279
Speaker 3: of us are scared to be truly seen in all

875
00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:24,080
Speaker 3: of who we are. And where are you on that journey?

876
00:46:24,680 --> 00:46:27,000
Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like even being here tonight and

877
00:46:27,120 --> 00:46:30,040
Speaker 1: you know, going so deep and talking about things that

878
00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:34,319
Speaker 1: are you know, kind of things I usually just put

879
00:46:34,440 --> 00:46:37,040
Speaker 1: in a compartment in the back of my brain and

880
00:46:37,080 --> 00:46:38,520
Speaker 1: just pretend like they don't exist.

881
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:40,279
Speaker 2: Like this is a big part of it.

882
00:46:40,400 --> 00:46:43,880
Speaker 1: Also, I find that when you share a secret or

883
00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:47,560
Speaker 1: share something that's been weighing you down, you share it

884
00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:50,520
Speaker 1: with somebody, you're also sharing that the weight with someone else.

885
00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:53,359
Speaker 1: Now we can all carry this together and it's less

886
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:56,960
Speaker 1: of a burden for you. So I think, just like,

887
00:46:57,040 --> 00:46:58,960
Speaker 1: don't hold it in, it'll eat you up.

888
00:46:59,080 --> 00:46:59,840
Speaker 2: Like, just if you're.

889
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:04,799
Speaker 1: Feeling something, tell somebody otherwise you're just gonna it's going

890
00:47:04,880 --> 00:47:06,680
Speaker 1: to eat you up, and you're going to feel so

891
00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:11,000
Speaker 1: isolated and so alone, and it's just no way, no

892
00:47:11,080 --> 00:47:14,800
Speaker 1: way to live well said, I flutely agree.

893
00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:18,120
Speaker 3: It's one of the reasons I've been encouraging everyone tonight

894
00:47:18,400 --> 00:47:21,080
Speaker 3: to share their heart and so many brave, brave soults have.

895
00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:24,200
Speaker 3: I love that you were saying that recently feeling has

896
00:47:24,239 --> 00:47:27,640
Speaker 3: been a new phenomena for you. How recent is that

897
00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:33,400
Speaker 3: and what have been some of the joyful, positive, healthy

898
00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:35,399
Speaker 3: feelings that you've been experiencing.

899
00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:41,040
Speaker 1: Probably when I quit smoking weed two years ago, so

900
00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:44,759
Speaker 1: very very recent. But you know that's not to say

901
00:47:44,760 --> 00:47:47,400
Speaker 1: that I feel things before. I obviously did, but I

902
00:47:47,400 --> 00:47:49,440
Speaker 1: would just feel something and then pick up the pipe.

903
00:47:50,080 --> 00:47:51,080
Speaker 2: Now I just.

904
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:58,520
Speaker 1: Do that. I always say, like I'm strapping my seatbelt

905
00:47:58,600 --> 00:48:01,799
Speaker 1: on and I'm going to and I'm gonna move through it.

906
00:48:01,800 --> 00:48:03,880
Speaker 1: It's gonna move through me. I'm not gonna go over it.

907
00:48:03,920 --> 00:48:06,560
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna go around it. I'm just gonna let

908
00:48:06,640 --> 00:48:09,360
Speaker 1: it do its thing and it's gonna pass.

909
00:48:09,719 --> 00:48:11,080
Speaker 2: It's gonna pass.

910
00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:17,360
Speaker 3: Wow, It's it's pretty remarkable to've gone from that extreme

911
00:48:17,400 --> 00:48:19,440
Speaker 3: to this. And like you just said, you're not on

912
00:48:19,520 --> 00:48:22,960
Speaker 3: drugs anymore, not smoking weed, and I believe you're celibate

913
00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:26,319
Speaker 3: now too. Yeah, I would celibate as a month for

914
00:48:26,360 --> 00:48:26,960
Speaker 3: three years.

915
00:48:27,160 --> 00:48:29,840
Speaker 2: I'm on three years too, You're on three years? Yeah?

916
00:48:29,880 --> 00:48:32,480
Speaker 3: Wow, yeah, all right, so you're gonna you're gonna beat

917
00:48:32,520 --> 00:48:33,040
Speaker 3: my record.

918
00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:34,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think so.

919
00:48:34,719 --> 00:48:39,839
Speaker 2: Unfortunately, what made you make that? I said, unfortunately?

920
00:48:41,320 --> 00:48:44,760
Speaker 3: What made you make? Was it always a commitment long term?

921
00:48:44,840 --> 00:48:45,080
Speaker 3: Was it?

922
00:48:45,280 --> 00:48:45,760
Speaker 2: No?

923
00:48:45,760 --> 00:48:45,920
Speaker 3: No?

924
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:49,200
Speaker 1: I didn't even realize that I was doing it until

925
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:50,840
Speaker 1: I was doing it, you know. For I was like,

926
00:48:50,840 --> 00:48:52,400
Speaker 1: oh my god, it's been six months, and then it

927
00:48:52,480 --> 00:48:54,560
Speaker 1: was like a year, Oh my god, three you know,

928
00:48:54,640 --> 00:48:58,200
Speaker 1: It's just the time goes so fast. But I've honestly

929
00:48:58,280 --> 00:49:02,359
Speaker 1: found that that was another or toxic relationship that I

930
00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:04,720
Speaker 1: had with sex and with men.

931
00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:06,000
Speaker 2: I don't think.

932
00:49:05,840 --> 00:49:10,879
Speaker 1: Right now that I'm able to have a healthy, emotional

933
00:49:10,960 --> 00:49:14,600
Speaker 1: or romantic relationship with anyone, to be honest, you know,

934
00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:17,480
Speaker 1: I think I'm still really coming to terms with who

935
00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:21,480
Speaker 1: I am and learning every day. Like sometimes, you know,

936
00:49:21,520 --> 00:49:24,080
Speaker 1: even though I was so precocious in a lot of ways,

937
00:49:24,120 --> 00:49:26,200
Speaker 1: I feel like I was a late bloomer, you know,

938
00:49:26,360 --> 00:49:31,319
Speaker 1: because I just wasn't really living authentically and I was

939
00:49:31,360 --> 00:49:36,279
Speaker 1: self medicating, and I was just in survival mode for

940
00:49:36,320 --> 00:49:36,880
Speaker 1: so long.

941
00:49:37,480 --> 00:49:40,279
Speaker 2: So now that I can, like you know, sit back,

942
00:49:40,320 --> 00:49:40,680
Speaker 2: I'm okay.

943
00:49:40,680 --> 00:49:42,120
Speaker 1: I have a roof over my head, I have my

944
00:49:42,920 --> 00:49:47,640
Speaker 1: family and everything, but it still feels like fairly new.

945
00:49:47,840 --> 00:49:50,680
Speaker 1: So I think right now I just need to like

946
00:49:51,600 --> 00:49:54,560
Speaker 1: be okay being with me and that's okay.

947
00:49:55,239 --> 00:50:01,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, what did what did you learn from cutting out

948
00:50:01,080 --> 00:50:03,840
Speaker 3: so many of these things you were dependent on or

949
00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:07,480
Speaker 3: had unhealthy toxic relationships within the past. Like what is

950
00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:12,120
Speaker 3: it felt like to almost stop you know, drugs, we'd

951
00:50:12,640 --> 00:50:15,440
Speaker 3: practicing celibacy, Like what is what is that done for you?

952
00:50:15,480 --> 00:50:15,560
Speaker 4: Like?

953
00:50:15,560 --> 00:50:17,600
Speaker 3: What are you experiencing from the detox?

954
00:50:18,040 --> 00:50:22,640
Speaker 1: I mean like I can go grocery shopping, and I

955
00:50:22,760 --> 00:50:25,640
Speaker 1: can go to sleep when I'm supposed to and wake

956
00:50:25,719 --> 00:50:27,279
Speaker 1: up when I'm supposed to do, and I can show

957
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:30,120
Speaker 1: up for people, and I can be reliable and responsible

958
00:50:30,160 --> 00:50:32,960
Speaker 1: and dependable, and you know, I can be someone that

959
00:50:33,080 --> 00:50:36,920
Speaker 1: somebody can count on. And you know, I'm I think

960
00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:40,480
Speaker 1: I'm a great mom. You know, I can just build

961
00:50:40,520 --> 00:50:42,840
Speaker 1: a home, like a healthy, happy home with lots of

962
00:50:42,840 --> 00:50:47,080
Speaker 1: snacks in the kitchen and it's warm and nice and

963
00:50:47,920 --> 00:50:50,920
Speaker 1: you know, just just like all the basic things that

964
00:50:51,280 --> 00:50:53,440
Speaker 1: all of you guys do. For so long, I just

965
00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:58,480
Speaker 1: wasn't participating you know, so like as people were always

966
00:50:58,560 --> 00:51:01,160
Speaker 1: kind of focusing on like the big things, like once

967
00:51:01,200 --> 00:51:03,400
Speaker 1: I lose ten pounds, then I'll be happy. Once I

968
00:51:03,440 --> 00:51:05,520
Speaker 1: get this promotion, I'll be happy. Once I get this car,

969
00:51:05,600 --> 00:51:07,880
Speaker 1: then I'll be happy, or this watch or this bag.

970
00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:12,360
Speaker 1: But really life is all the little things, and you

971
00:51:12,440 --> 00:51:15,319
Speaker 1: have to get those things in order, because yeah, you'll

972
00:51:15,320 --> 00:51:17,800
Speaker 1: get that big thing, but then it'll be okay, what's next,

973
00:51:18,160 --> 00:51:20,920
Speaker 1: you know, because it'll never fill the void.

974
00:51:21,120 --> 00:51:23,520
Speaker 2: You know. You have to get all the little things together.

975
00:51:23,680 --> 00:51:28,800
Speaker 1: And that's as little as eating healthy, sleeping enough, meditating,

976
00:51:29,360 --> 00:51:34,200
Speaker 1: just spending time alone, recharging your batteries and I'm seeing

977
00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:38,960
Speaker 1: your friends and laughing, you know, like those those are

978
00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:43,160
Speaker 1: the things that happiness is built upon. So you know,

979
00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:46,840
Speaker 1: that's where I'm trying to live now because I was

980
00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:48,880
Speaker 1: very much like, well, once i'll get a.

981
00:51:48,880 --> 00:51:50,720
Speaker 2: Nose job, i'll be pretty and then I'll be happy,

982
00:51:51,040 --> 00:51:51,719
Speaker 2: you know, And it.

983
00:51:51,719 --> 00:51:54,799
Speaker 1: Was just always the cycle of trying to find the

984
00:51:54,840 --> 00:51:57,160
Speaker 1: thing that'll make me happy without realizing that it was

985
00:51:57,239 --> 00:51:58,719
Speaker 1: right in front of me. But I just needed to,

986
00:51:58,800 --> 00:52:03,040
Speaker 1: like water the damnse eat. So that's what I'm doing.

987
00:52:02,880 --> 00:52:11,279
Speaker 3: Now, Julia. For our tour, we created a segment that

988
00:52:11,320 --> 00:52:14,000
Speaker 3: we wanted to do with guests called Past, Present, Future,

989
00:52:14,680 --> 00:52:17,360
Speaker 3: and it starts with a series of cards just that

990
00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:23,560
Speaker 3: everyone knows that are marked past, present, and future. And

991
00:52:23,680 --> 00:52:26,600
Speaker 3: Julia has no ideas what these questions are. So, Julie,

992
00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:27,799
Speaker 3: what I'm gonna ask you to do is I'm gonna

993
00:52:27,800 --> 00:52:30,160
Speaker 3: ask you to pick, and these questions will ask you

994
00:52:30,200 --> 00:52:32,279
Speaker 3: either something. I'll come closer to you. They'll ask you

995
00:52:32,320 --> 00:52:34,920
Speaker 3: something either about your past, present, or future. They're marked,

996
00:52:35,280 --> 00:52:36,800
Speaker 3: so we'll see which one you pick. So do you

997
00:52:36,800 --> 00:52:39,399
Speaker 3: want a passcard, present card or a future card?

998
00:52:40,120 --> 00:52:41,120
Speaker 2: Do I pick at random?

999
00:52:41,239 --> 00:52:47,600
Speaker 3: Or oh no, it's okay, you chose a present card.

1000
00:52:48,040 --> 00:52:49,040
Speaker 3: What does this say?

1001
00:52:49,080 --> 00:52:51,520
Speaker 1: What's the last photo in your photo role? I didn't

1002
00:52:51,560 --> 00:52:52,720
Speaker 1: bring my phone out here.

1003
00:52:54,080 --> 00:52:54,560
Speaker 4: Weekends.

1004
00:52:54,600 --> 00:52:56,279
Speaker 3: It away when you have to tell you have to

1005
00:52:56,280 --> 00:52:57,080
Speaker 3: post it later?

1006
00:52:57,520 --> 00:53:00,439
Speaker 2: Okay, you have to post it off to the show.

1007
00:53:00,600 --> 00:53:03,239
Speaker 2: You can't. I'm trying to think what.

1008
00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:05,480
Speaker 3: You posted as long as you can post it.

1009
00:53:11,719 --> 00:53:12,080
Speaker 2: Future?

1010
00:53:13,160 --> 00:53:16,480
Speaker 1: What niche hobby will you take way too seriously when

1011
00:53:16,480 --> 00:53:21,360
Speaker 1: you're older? Knitting for sure? I cannot wait to be

1012
00:53:21,400 --> 00:53:22,320
Speaker 1: at the nursing home.

1013
00:53:22,880 --> 00:53:25,279
Speaker 2: Leave me the hell alone. I just want to knit

1014
00:53:25,600 --> 00:53:26,120
Speaker 2: in peace.

1015
00:53:26,640 --> 00:53:28,640
Speaker 3: What's the first thing. You're gonna knit yourself.

1016
00:53:28,840 --> 00:53:31,799
Speaker 1: A blanket so I can like put it on me

1017
00:53:31,960 --> 00:53:32,560
Speaker 1: as I knit.

1018
00:53:32,719 --> 00:53:34,640
Speaker 2: I just want to knit myself.

1019
00:53:34,160 --> 00:53:37,680
Speaker 1: Into a cocoon and be left alone for all eternity.

1020
00:53:38,880 --> 00:53:40,359
Speaker 2: Doesn't that sound amazing?

1021
00:53:42,719 --> 00:53:44,239
Speaker 3: I want you to pick one of the past cuts.

1022
00:53:44,280 --> 00:53:52,359
Speaker 1: Okay, where was your first kiss? Okay, guys, I have

1023
00:53:52,400 --> 00:53:57,880
Speaker 1: a confession. I don't remember my first kiss. I know

1024
00:53:58,480 --> 00:54:01,080
Speaker 1: that's part of like being, you know, in the trauma.

1025
00:54:01,520 --> 00:54:05,120
Speaker 1: I don't remember a lot of stuff like I genuinely.

1026
00:54:04,719 --> 00:54:06,920
Speaker 2: Have no idea who it could be. It could be

1027
00:54:06,960 --> 00:54:08,200
Speaker 2: like one hundred different people.

1028
00:54:11,120 --> 00:54:14,960
Speaker 3: To end a past present future segment, I want to

1029
00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:16,960
Speaker 3: show you a picture if you can get the first

1030
00:54:16,960 --> 00:54:21,319
Speaker 3: one up behind you in a second. Do you remember this?

1031
00:54:21,560 --> 00:54:24,560
Speaker 2: I was always hustling, do you know?

1032
00:54:24,960 --> 00:54:26,319
Speaker 3: Do you know where you were? Do you know?

1033
00:54:26,520 --> 00:54:28,960
Speaker 1: Yeah? I was in front of my dad's building, and

1034
00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:32,000
Speaker 1: I used to sell lemonade all summer long and just

1035
00:54:32,680 --> 00:54:33,600
Speaker 1: stack paper.

1036
00:54:34,960 --> 00:54:36,720
Speaker 2: It's so much money.

1037
00:54:37,920 --> 00:54:39,160
Speaker 3: How old were you you remember that?

1038
00:54:39,200 --> 00:54:41,000
Speaker 2: I'm probably like eight or nine here.

1039
00:54:41,640 --> 00:54:45,000
Speaker 3: What what advice would you give to your younger self

1040
00:54:45,239 --> 00:54:46,480
Speaker 3: that you look at in that picture?

1041
00:54:47,120 --> 00:54:50,480
Speaker 2: Keep stacking paper, girl, No, I'm kidding.

1042
00:54:51,640 --> 00:54:55,000
Speaker 1: To just like everything, It's going to make sense, you know,

1043
00:54:55,560 --> 00:54:56,839
Speaker 1: just hang in there.

1044
00:55:01,360 --> 00:55:06,520
Speaker 3: Second one please, this is your present. What do you

1045
00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:10,560
Speaker 3: need to hear right now? What's the words that you

1046
00:55:10,600 --> 00:55:12,000
Speaker 3: need to hear right now in your life?

1047
00:55:13,120 --> 00:55:13,800
Speaker 2: You are worthy?

1048
00:55:19,600 --> 00:55:21,839
Speaker 3: Do you feel That's like a daily reminder right now?

1049
00:55:22,120 --> 00:55:23,239
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1050
00:55:23,280 --> 00:55:29,560
Speaker 3: And oh god, we have a future thanks to AI,

1051
00:55:30,440 --> 00:55:33,400
Speaker 3: we have a future version behind me.

1052
00:55:36,480 --> 00:55:37,399
Speaker 2: Okay, not so bad.

1053
00:55:37,920 --> 00:55:43,080
Speaker 3: Okay, you look amazing. Yeah, all right? Ah, what do

1054
00:55:43,160 --> 00:55:50,520
Speaker 3: you hope and intend that you'll think of yourself and

1055
00:55:50,560 --> 00:55:52,600
Speaker 3: the people who really know you will say about you

1056
00:55:52,640 --> 00:55:54,600
Speaker 3: at that age? What do you think the people who

1057
00:55:54,600 --> 00:55:57,560
Speaker 3: deeply knew you in life, that really got to know

1058
00:55:57,640 --> 00:56:01,759
Speaker 3: you beneath the surface will say about you at that.

1059
00:56:01,800 --> 00:56:06,400
Speaker 2: Age that I'm a boss? I'm a boss aspect?

1060
00:56:07,480 --> 00:56:22,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, Oh, Julia, you've been. You've been so brave, vulnerable, thoughtful, hilarious,

1061
00:56:22,800 --> 00:56:26,840
Speaker 3: inspiring to come here today. And it was so funny

1062
00:56:26,840 --> 00:56:28,680
Speaker 3: we were walking up when when Julia and I were

1063
00:56:28,680 --> 00:56:30,279
Speaker 3: walking up and she said to me, she is, I'm

1064
00:56:30,320 --> 00:56:32,040
Speaker 3: pretty sure we don't have a lot of crossover in

1065
00:56:32,080 --> 00:56:39,279
Speaker 3: our audience and our community, and I'm hoping that this

1066
00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:41,480
Speaker 3: has been a positive experience.

1067
00:56:41,040 --> 00:56:42,080
Speaker 2: For you, it has.

1068
00:56:42,520 --> 00:56:48,640
Speaker 3: My greatest joy is in all of us learning so

1069
00:56:48,760 --> 00:56:51,080
Speaker 3: much about each other that we're able to see each

1070
00:56:51,080 --> 00:56:56,640
Speaker 3: other's humanity despite how we look, how we present ourselves,

1071
00:56:56,680 --> 00:56:59,000
Speaker 3: how we dress, what country we came from, what background

1072
00:56:59,080 --> 00:57:01,640
Speaker 3: we have, what walks of life and paths that we've

1073
00:57:01,680 --> 00:57:04,759
Speaker 3: been down. Because to me, that's what the world really needs,

1074
00:57:04,840 --> 00:57:07,560
Speaker 3: is the ability to look at someone's heart and soul.

1075
00:57:08,520 --> 00:57:13,600
Speaker 3: And you've allowed me to try and give that opportunity

1076
00:57:13,600 --> 00:57:16,080
Speaker 3: to myself and everyone else who trusts me to do

1077
00:57:16,120 --> 00:57:17,919
Speaker 3: that today. And I just want to say a big,

1078
00:57:17,960 --> 00:57:20,400
Speaker 3: big thank you. And I hope this is going to

1079
00:57:20,400 --> 00:57:21,720
Speaker 3: be a thank you.

1080
00:57:22,080 --> 00:57:23,600
Speaker 2: Thank you guys, someone.

1081
00:57:28,280 --> 00:57:31,320
Speaker 3: And thank you too, can stay up. I hope this

1082
00:57:31,480 --> 00:57:34,360
Speaker 3: is going to be the most surprising friendship of twenty

1083
00:57:34,400 --> 00:57:37,680
Speaker 3: twenty five. And I actually want to ask you one

1084
00:57:37,760 --> 00:57:40,400
Speaker 3: last question because you've talked so beautifully about your son

1085
00:57:40,440 --> 00:57:42,840
Speaker 3: and being a mother, and the audience has, you know,

1086
00:57:42,880 --> 00:57:45,280
Speaker 3: really felt that and responded to that tonight. And you

1087
00:57:45,320 --> 00:57:49,160
Speaker 3: actually went through a miscarriage too, right? And was that

1088
00:57:49,200 --> 00:57:49,960
Speaker 3: before or after?

1089
00:57:50,760 --> 00:57:52,920
Speaker 1: I was seventeen and it happened in a bar. I'm

1090
00:57:52,960 --> 00:57:56,800
Speaker 1: pretty happy I had that miscarriage. I don't even know

1091
00:57:56,840 --> 00:57:59,640
Speaker 1: who the Yeah.

1092
00:57:59,000 --> 00:58:01,520
Speaker 3: How did that experience affect you at that time?

1093
00:58:02,120 --> 00:58:04,800
Speaker 2: Like I even remember that I was once.

1094
00:58:06,240 --> 00:58:08,480
Speaker 1: At a pregame when I got a call that my

1095
00:58:08,560 --> 00:58:13,840
Speaker 1: grandpa had died, and I literally like shut off the

1096
00:58:13,840 --> 00:58:17,960
Speaker 1: phone and went back to the pregame because like there

1097
00:58:18,040 --> 00:58:18,479
Speaker 1: was just.

1098
00:58:18,560 --> 00:58:21,040
Speaker 2: No way that I was going to deal with that.

1099
00:58:21,320 --> 00:58:26,080
Speaker 1: And I still have like breakdowns, like violent breakdowns about it.

1100
00:58:27,040 --> 00:58:29,480
Speaker 1: I'm just I was just very good. I was trained

1101
00:58:30,040 --> 00:58:34,640
Speaker 1: to just shut it off, you know, like shut it off.

1102
00:58:34,680 --> 00:58:38,680
Speaker 1: It didn't happen, nobody knows, It's okay, move on, but

1103
00:58:38,760 --> 00:58:40,800
Speaker 1: you know, like I said, it's like you know, you know,

1104
00:58:41,720 --> 00:58:47,120
Speaker 1: so you know, even though that particular miscarriage was probably

1105
00:58:47,240 --> 00:58:51,320
Speaker 1: God looking out for me because I was no way

1106
00:58:51,800 --> 00:58:56,760
Speaker 1: ready to take on such a sacred role, it still

1107
00:58:56,840 --> 00:58:58,680
Speaker 1: does kind of feel like a little piece of you

1108
00:58:58,960 --> 00:59:01,920
Speaker 1: is chipped away at.

1109
00:59:02,400 --> 00:59:05,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, whether it's like you said, being protection or whether

1110
00:59:05,440 --> 00:59:09,280
Speaker 3: it happens sadly and tragically, it's it's still a part

1111
00:59:09,280 --> 00:59:11,600
Speaker 3: of you that was, yeah, was connected to it, and

1112
00:59:11,640 --> 00:59:15,040
Speaker 3: it's totally and hearing about it from that perspective, and

1113
00:59:15,880 --> 00:59:18,440
Speaker 3: how you've been able to just this recurring theme in

1114
00:59:18,480 --> 00:59:22,160
Speaker 3: your life of just revisiting, and tonight I feel like

1115
00:59:22,200 --> 00:59:26,400
Speaker 3: you've and in your incredible book, you know, down the Drain,

1116
00:59:26,440 --> 00:59:29,520
Speaker 3: your memoir, You've revisited some of these moments that I

1117
00:59:29,560 --> 00:59:33,240
Speaker 3: can't imagine rethinking, reliving, rebreathing.

1118
00:59:33,240 --> 00:59:35,200
Speaker 2: It was actually so cathartic.

1119
00:59:35,320 --> 00:59:38,360
Speaker 1: It was probably the closest I'd ever gotten to actually

1120
00:59:38,640 --> 00:59:41,600
Speaker 1: because I've had a hundred therapists, but then I stopped going,

1121
00:59:41,760 --> 00:59:44,480
Speaker 1: you know, but having to sit down every day and

1122
00:59:44,520 --> 00:59:47,240
Speaker 1: write that book, I mean, there were so many times.

1123
00:59:46,960 --> 00:59:48,840
Speaker 2: That I was like, I'll just call a ghost writer.

1124
00:59:48,800 --> 00:59:52,000
Speaker 1: Like it's fine, everybody does it, like it's okay, and

1125
00:59:52,040 --> 00:59:54,919
Speaker 1: I would just just force myself to like sit there

1126
00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:58,400
Speaker 1: and sit with the pain. And I remember like I'd

1127
00:59:58,440 --> 01:00:00,520
Speaker 1: be flushed, like my cheeks would be read, I'd be

1128
01:00:00,640 --> 01:00:02,640
Speaker 1: sweating because I'm like, oh my god, I can't believe

1129
01:00:02,640 --> 01:00:05,760
Speaker 1: I'm like actually writing this. And it was like I

1130
01:00:05,760 --> 01:00:09,040
Speaker 1: could have not written it, you know, but a part

1131
01:00:09,080 --> 01:00:11,800
Speaker 1: of me felt like like I needed to, you know,

1132
01:00:12,000 --> 01:00:15,960
Speaker 1: like I needed to talk about it or release it

1133
01:00:16,040 --> 01:00:19,600
Speaker 1: in some way. And actually, ever since writing the book,

1134
01:00:19,640 --> 01:00:23,200
Speaker 1: I do feel like lighter, weirdly, like I'm not carrying

1135
01:00:23,240 --> 01:00:28,760
Speaker 1: all that baggage alone. And also the response that I've

1136
01:00:28,800 --> 01:00:31,760
Speaker 1: gotten from it. And you know, every time a young

1137
01:00:31,800 --> 01:00:33,480
Speaker 1: girl comes up to me and she tells me that

1138
01:00:33,760 --> 01:00:35,960
Speaker 1: she broke up with her boyfriend because she read my book,

1139
01:00:36,000 --> 01:00:37,760
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, you know, doing.

1140
01:00:37,560 --> 01:00:38,600
Speaker 2: God's work out here.

1141
01:00:40,080 --> 01:00:45,120
Speaker 1: Just it doesn't get better than that, guys. But you

1142
01:00:45,160 --> 01:00:47,760
Speaker 1: know what I mean, It's like, that's really what it's

1143
01:00:47,800 --> 01:00:48,400
Speaker 1: all about.

1144
01:00:48,560 --> 01:00:48,800
Speaker 2: You know.

1145
01:00:49,080 --> 01:00:52,920
Speaker 1: I think the most times I've ever felt close to

1146
01:00:53,040 --> 01:00:57,480
Speaker 1: happiness or joy, like real pure joy was when I

1147
01:00:57,600 --> 01:01:00,680
Speaker 1: was able to help somebody without getting any thing back.

1148
01:01:01,440 --> 01:01:05,320
Speaker 1: Like that's really when when I feel so at peace,

1149
01:01:05,520 --> 01:01:08,760
Speaker 1: you know, and so happy and joyful. So you know,

1150
01:01:08,800 --> 01:01:12,400
Speaker 1: I think that's just that's what it's about. And also

1151
01:01:12,440 --> 01:01:13,920
Speaker 1: I have this thing where it's like I don't want

1152
01:01:13,920 --> 01:01:15,840
Speaker 1: to burden anyone. I don't want to be annoying. I

1153
01:01:15,840 --> 01:01:18,120
Speaker 1: don't want to ask. I don't want to be a problem.

1154
01:01:18,160 --> 01:01:20,800
Speaker 1: But it's like, no, people like it. People like it

1155
01:01:20,840 --> 01:01:23,600
Speaker 1: when you ask for help or ask for stuff like

1156
01:01:24,160 --> 01:01:27,200
Speaker 1: that's something I really also would tell my present, really

1157
01:01:27,400 --> 01:01:31,320
Speaker 1: like ask for help, Like people like to be of service,

1158
01:01:31,360 --> 01:01:33,680
Speaker 1: and people like to help you're doing them a favor too,

1159
01:01:34,040 --> 01:01:36,320
Speaker 1: you know. So because I always think like I'll do

1160
01:01:36,360 --> 01:01:37,960
Speaker 1: it myself. I'll do it like that's my whole thing.

1161
01:01:37,960 --> 01:01:41,000
Speaker 1: I did it myself, but like it's not sustainable.

1162
01:01:41,560 --> 01:01:43,760
Speaker 3: I want to thank you so much. Is anything you

1163
01:01:43,800 --> 01:01:45,360
Speaker 3: want to share? Any last words? Any?

1164
01:01:45,720 --> 01:01:48,120
Speaker 1: I actually do want to say one thing, because you

1165
01:01:48,120 --> 01:01:52,160
Speaker 1: were mentioning meditation as I was walking out, and in

1166
01:01:52,200 --> 01:01:56,000
Speaker 1: the third grade, my teachers and social workers told my

1167
01:01:56,080 --> 01:02:00,000
Speaker 1: dad that I was probably ADHD and needed to get medicaid,

1168
01:02:00,320 --> 01:02:04,640
Speaker 1: and my dad actually put me in transcendental meditation classes.

1169
01:02:05,360 --> 01:02:09,320
Speaker 1: And in that same year, I was failing all my classes.

1170
01:02:09,360 --> 01:02:12,120
Speaker 2: I was. I was like a complete one eighty.

1171
01:02:12,160 --> 01:02:14,880
Speaker 1: I started getting a's and sitting at the front of

1172
01:02:14,920 --> 01:02:17,800
Speaker 1: my class and raising my hand. And if only I

1173
01:02:17,800 --> 01:02:20,240
Speaker 1: had stuck with it, That's all I'm going to say.

1174
01:02:20,400 --> 01:02:23,200
Speaker 1: But it really works. Meditation really works.

1175
01:02:23,320 --> 01:02:24,240
Speaker 3: Are you back to it now?

1176
01:02:25,280 --> 01:02:27,400
Speaker 2: It's always on my to do list and I never

1177
01:02:27,480 --> 01:02:27,880
Speaker 2: do it.

1178
01:02:28,440 --> 01:02:31,080
Speaker 1: But now because I've told all of you, and I

1179
01:02:31,120 --> 01:02:33,120
Speaker 1: hope you guys hold me accountable and write in my

1180
01:02:33,160 --> 01:02:35,600
Speaker 1: comments all day, I hope you're meditating today, Julia.

1181
01:02:36,120 --> 01:02:37,680
Speaker 2: Do you guys could do that for me? You have

1182
01:02:37,800 --> 01:02:40,520
Speaker 2: no idea how much I need it.

1183
01:02:41,520 --> 01:02:44,880
Speaker 1: I would definitely pick pick back up all right, that's

1184
01:02:44,920 --> 01:02:46,680
Speaker 1: that's the first thing we're going to do today is meditation.

1185
01:02:46,840 --> 01:02:52,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, Julia, as our ome purpose audience knows, we end

1186
01:02:52,240 --> 01:02:54,320
Speaker 3: every episode with a final five. These have to be

1187
01:02:54,360 --> 01:02:58,240
Speaker 3: answered in one word to one sentence maximum. Okay, So,

1188
01:02:58,480 --> 01:03:01,160
Speaker 3: Julia Fox, these are your final The first question is

1189
01:03:01,320 --> 01:03:04,040
Speaker 3: what is the best advice You've ever heard or received?

1190
01:03:04,760 --> 01:03:09,960
Speaker 1: The best advice I've ever heard or received is actually

1191
01:03:10,000 --> 01:03:13,479
Speaker 1: from my mom, who said, be nice to everyone because

1192
01:03:13,520 --> 01:03:14,920
Speaker 1: you'll never know when you need a favor.

1193
01:03:15,760 --> 01:03:17,880
Speaker 3: Question on the two, what is the worst advice you've

1194
01:03:17,880 --> 01:03:19,080
Speaker 3: ever heard or received?

1195
01:03:19,440 --> 01:03:23,920
Speaker 1: To like stop doing so much? Yeah, to not be

1196
01:03:24,360 --> 01:03:29,240
Speaker 1: so extra? And I think that's horrible advice. You know,

1197
01:03:29,400 --> 01:03:31,960
Speaker 1: that's like asking someone to like dim their light.

1198
01:03:32,160 --> 01:03:34,080
Speaker 2: You know, it's just a wild ask.

1199
01:03:34,840 --> 01:03:37,800
Speaker 1: I think you you have to be extra, and you

1200
01:03:37,840 --> 01:03:39,880
Speaker 1: have to be cringe and you have to be yourself.

1201
01:03:39,960 --> 01:03:42,880
Speaker 1: It's the only way you can really live authentically.

1202
01:03:44,080 --> 01:03:47,000
Speaker 3: Okay, run over the word count on that one. I'll

1203
01:03:49,760 --> 01:03:52,960
Speaker 3: question number three, what's something that you used to value

1204
01:03:53,200 --> 01:03:55,200
Speaker 3: that you no longer value?

1205
01:03:55,440 --> 01:03:58,480
Speaker 2: Drugs?

1206
01:03:58,920 --> 01:04:01,560
Speaker 3: I love it. Question number four, what's the first thing

1207
01:04:01,600 --> 01:04:02,960
Speaker 3: you do in the morning and the last thing you

1208
01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:09,280
Speaker 3: do at night? TikTok, honest Answer and question number five.

1209
01:04:09,320 --> 01:04:11,320
Speaker 3: We asked this to every guest who's ever been on

1210
01:04:11,360 --> 01:04:14,560
Speaker 3: the show. If you could create one law that everyone

1211
01:04:14,560 --> 01:04:16,680
Speaker 3: in the world had to follow, what would.

1212
01:04:16,440 --> 01:04:18,440
Speaker 2: It be be nice to women.

1213
01:04:24,520 --> 01:04:27,200
Speaker 3: If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with

1214
01:04:27,320 --> 01:04:30,880
Speaker 3: Will Smith on owning your truth and unlocking the power

1215
01:04:30,920 --> 01:04:35,200
Speaker 3: of manifestation. Anybody who hasn't spoken to their parents or

1216
01:04:35,240 --> 01:04:38,960
Speaker 3: their brother, call them right now.

1217
01:04:39,160 --> 01:04:40,960
Speaker 1: Don't think you're going to have a chance to call

1218
01:04:41,040 --> 01:04:42,800
Speaker 1: them tomorrow or next week.

1219
01:04:42,920 --> 01:04:48,520
Speaker 3: That opportunity with my father changed every relationship in my life.