Speaker 1: Hello, creatures. Welcome to the feature, The Creature Feature. I'm
Speaker 1: your host of many parasites, Katie Golden. I studied psychology
Speaker 1: and evolutionary biology, and some people say I'm the mouthpiece
Speaker 1: for a hive mind consisting of hundreds of tiny spiders.
Speaker 1: These allegations are untrue, slender and we I mean, I
Speaker 1: won't stand for it on any of my many, many legs.
Speaker 1: Today we'll be talking about tools, tools of the trade,
Speaker 1: tools of torture, and tools so well you know, uh so,
Speaker 1: what's a butcher, a tailor, and a bendy stickmaker? Gotten common?
Speaker 1: They're all birds? Sorry spoilers, Well discover this and more
Speaker 1: as we answer the angel question, what's the most humiliating
Speaker 1: thing to ever happen to an eel? So when you
Speaker 1: think of animal tool use, you may think of that
Speaker 1: scene in two thousand one A Space Odyssey where the
Speaker 1: apes discover how bones can be used to smash each
Speaker 1: other's faces in the truth is that primate tool use
Speaker 1: can be much more sophisticated. Gorillas turn wood and woolen
Speaker 1: scraps and to make shift slippers so they don't have
Speaker 1: to walk on the snow, orangatans use leaves as a
Speaker 1: safety whistle, holding them in front of their lips as
Speaker 1: they make an alarm call, lowering the frequency of sound
Speaker 1: and making them sound bigger mandrils. And if you're not
Speaker 1: sure what a mandrilla is, it's what raffici is from
Speaker 1: the lime king Uh, they'll make Q tips out of
Speaker 1: twigs to clean their ears. So as we'll discover, primates
Speaker 1: including humans, aren't the only animals out there who use tools,
Speaker 1: and there are surprisingly sophisticated, cunning, cruel, and well perverted
Speaker 1: tools used by members of the animal kingdom. So joining
Speaker 1: me today is comedian, writer, director, lip bomb collector and
Speaker 1: overall great galcarbon Angelica agreed to have you. Uh I
Speaker 1: read about you collecting lip bomb on your Twitter. Are
Speaker 1: you sort of like, is this kind of like a
Speaker 1: magpie or raven kind of thing where you just have
Speaker 1: like a nest full of lip bomb. It's like a
Speaker 1: magpie if they didn't collect it. Well, Like, it's like
Speaker 1: I feel like magpies like create a nest, Yeah, and
Speaker 1: it's full of all and they know exactly where all
Speaker 1: of their stuff placed it meaningfully. Yeah, where I, on
Speaker 1: the other hand, accidentally find lip everywhere because I always
Speaker 1: lose it and buy more. Right now, I totally understand
Speaker 1: that I have a few purses where sometimes it's fun
Speaker 1: to go through my old purses because I'll just find
Speaker 1: money and al toys and various bombs. Just it's, you know,
Speaker 1: it's kind of it's fun. It's like I leave myself
Speaker 1: Easter eggs. Agreed. I I think if you look at
Speaker 1: it that way, it's it's never there when you need it,
Speaker 1: but when you happen upon it, it's always there. So
Speaker 1: we're talking today about tools of the trade. Do you have,
Speaker 1: like a favorite tool or is it lip um favorite
Speaker 1: tool besides lip bomb um? I would U minds a
Speaker 1: Philips head screwdriver. This is Philip head screw You know what?
Speaker 1: I like? A measuring tape. Those are good, aren't they?
Speaker 1: What do you use it for? Um? I like just
Speaker 1: so that's part time. So I have a little measuring
Speaker 1: tape that I carry around with me. But then also
Speaker 1: it's coming handy for many things, like you never know
Speaker 1: when you need to measure something said as rope. Yes,
Speaker 1: you can look it at people, right, you can measure
Speaker 1: like a door and an item you're carrying, and no,
Speaker 1: if it's gonna it's instead of getting stuck there. I
Speaker 1: always used to Yeah, like, I'm carrying like groceries and
Speaker 1: then you measure their circumference and with like is this
Speaker 1: going to work? And it makes the job quicker? But
Speaker 1: also not right? They say, uh, cut your groceries once
Speaker 1: measure So I'm not sure what my dad told me.
Speaker 1: I think that's no, that sounds right, that sounds exactly right,
Speaker 1: And I'm not going to make any change the circumcisions.
Speaker 1: Cut wants you forgot to measure circumcisions. Wait did it? Well?
Speaker 1: So the favorite tool of dolphins is actually a sponge,
Speaker 1: and not in the way you're thinking, not like, not
Speaker 1: like a kitchen sponge, although I mean they are so
Speaker 1: sea sponges are an actual animal ye like SpongeBob. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I used I used to have one. Really you had,
Speaker 1: like did you? It wasn't alive. It was a dad
Speaker 1: used the corpse of a sea spoon in your devious deeds.
Speaker 1: I mean you talked about favorite tools, you know. I
Speaker 1: love to rub dead sea animals all over my body. Um.
Speaker 1: They they use these sea sponges and they don't look
Speaker 1: like SpongeBob. They're kind of you know, they're roundish and
Speaker 1: lump um, and they rip it apart and they cover
Speaker 1: their little snowts with it like they're wearing a glove
Speaker 1: on their face. Um. And they do this not just
Speaker 1: to be fashionable, although they do look pretty. It's very
Speaker 1: fetch like the dolphins, which translates to stop trying to
Speaker 1: make fetch happen. Um. So they use these sponges to
Speaker 1: probe the sea floor to unearthed fish like sand perch,
Speaker 1: which is a dolphin delicacy um, so that they can
Speaker 1: eat them. But the issues the sea floor is you know,
Speaker 1: sharp and full of pokey. Yeah, pokey will not sticks,
Speaker 1: sometimes sticks, shells, various assorted corals, maybe a biting fish.
Speaker 1: Maybe like maybe some cutco knives that someone's angrily threw
Speaker 1: into the ocean where they realized how cheaply made they are.
Speaker 1: I don't I don't mean it. I don't actually know
Speaker 1: anything about. But you know what people might have angrily
Speaker 1: throw on the right ocean because that happened right like
Speaker 1: like they cut themselves in they're like, fie on you
Speaker 1: knife and throw it in the ocean, and now you've
Speaker 1: got knife proliferation among dolphins fish. You know, they cut
Speaker 1: pennies you gotta be careful with the stuff, right, Like,
Speaker 1: can you imagine a dolphin like like sort of like
Speaker 1: tossing a knife from handhand me Like the game has changed.
Speaker 1: I hope to see that one. Yes. Um. But you know,
Speaker 1: so they got to protect their snoots, so they wear
Speaker 1: the sponge and then that um protects them from getting
Speaker 1: sand up up their nose snoots. Well it's not really
Speaker 1: a nose because their noses on their their blowhole, but
Speaker 1: they're snoop's. Yeah, you don't want to boop the snoot. No,
Speaker 1: they boop with a sponge sponge. You gotta have a
Speaker 1: soft boop, not a sharp pokey boop. They spoop sponge
Speaker 1: boop um. And so, you know, researchers kind of wondered, well,
Speaker 1: why go to all this trouble when you can just
Speaker 1: eat fish that aren't on the bottom. Well they think
Speaker 1: that maybe it's because these fish have more nutrients that
Speaker 1: they wouldn't get from other fish, like they have really
Speaker 1: high lipid content. Um. Because because of the physiology of
Speaker 1: these bottom dwelling fish. Um. And what's really cool is
Speaker 1: this is this is very feminism. Ah, this is a
Speaker 1: very boss bay tactic because like most of the sponge
Speaker 1: wearing dolphins are females um and they have invented it
Speaker 1: potentially because of the nutritional pressures of bearing calves, which
Speaker 1: makes them crave more high fatty nutrients. UM. And then
Speaker 1: this is a really cool example of cultural learning because
Speaker 1: they passed the knowledge of sponging onto their daughters. That's brilliant.
Speaker 1: I think that makes me like dolphins so much more.
Speaker 1: The fact that they were like, you know what, I
Speaker 1: know where to get the good food, and I know
Speaker 1: it's hard to get it, but I'm gonna problem solve
Speaker 1: around the right right, like like that that trailblazing dolphin
Speaker 1: who put the sponge on. It's like, I'm going to
Speaker 1: teach everybody, ladies. I mean, my mom taught me about
Speaker 1: the sponge, but it's a different guy. It's a different
Speaker 1: It was not for booping, well it was. Yes, it's
Speaker 1: a form of boop. It's a contracept. It wasn't for
Speaker 1: food booping. You remember that Seinfeld episode the sponge worthy
Speaker 1: Elaine like that. I guess that the sponge went off
Speaker 1: the shelves at one point. But it was Elaine's favorite
Speaker 1: form of birth control, and so every time she was
Speaker 1: going to um you know, have sex with a guy
Speaker 1: she was, would have to determine whether he's sponge you worthy.
Speaker 1: I love that for her, Yeah, for her. Yeah, that
Speaker 1: makes sense great because it's a limited quantity of great
Speaker 1: birth control. It's got to be the right, got to
Speaker 1: be the right. And in this case, I guess they're
Speaker 1: doing it. They're like, we need the good food is spongeworthy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the fish are sponge worthy, so they're high lipid content
Speaker 1: at nice cavs. So another uh sort of animal entrepreneur
Speaker 1: when it comes to tool use, is called Well, first,
Speaker 1: I'll just say it's a songbird found across tropical Asia,
Speaker 1: and it's called a tailor bird because it is a tailor. Basically,
Speaker 1: this is my kind of saying, this is a bird
Speaker 1: after your own heart. Um, yes, because about this it uh,
Speaker 1: it will so it's self a little like a little
Speaker 1: cradle for its nest um. So it takes a big
Speaker 1: old leaf and pierces very very precise holes into the
Speaker 1: leaf and then stitches them together using their beaks as
Speaker 1: needles with plant fiber or spider silk. Is the that
Speaker 1: is awesome, Like these little these little tim gunbirds. I
Speaker 1: love it, make it work. I love it and they
Speaker 1: their noses are the needles. Yeah, so it's a little
Speaker 1: it's probably a little more difficult than sewing with a
Speaker 1: with a needle because it's your actual nose and they
Speaker 1: can't exactly reach or do they reach their claw over. Well,
Speaker 1: they pass it through with their their face and then
Speaker 1: they tuck their head out around the other side and
Speaker 1: pull it through. Sometimes they use sometimes they do like
Speaker 1: an actual weaving stitch between this the leaves. Sometimes they
Speaker 1: use them as kind of like rivets, so they'll you know,
Speaker 1: stitch them together and kind of like uh no it
Speaker 1: or fluff it out and so it like forms it
Speaker 1: kind of rivet a button um and this will support
Speaker 1: and hide their nest, so it shields it. It gives
Speaker 1: it extra structural support, and it camouflages it on one Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's uh. It's very surgical procedure too, so the puncture
Speaker 1: holes are small enough that it doesn't actually damage the
Speaker 1: leaves and it doesn't cause them to brown, which ensures
Speaker 1: that they stay green and keep it camouflaged amongst the
Speaker 1: rest of the foliage. It's yeah, it's it's amazing. It's uh,
Speaker 1: it's such a cool use of engineering. Seriously, it actually
Speaker 1: kind of reminds me. Um. I think I think this
Speaker 1: is an Indonesia where there are these bridges made out
Speaker 1: of tree roots that people have made, uh, and they
Speaker 1: are they don't actually destroy the trees, they're living roots. Um.
Speaker 1: So as as you know, after a certain amount of time,
Speaker 1: the bridges just get stronger and stronger because the roots
Speaker 1: continue to grow. Um. And it's resistant to like water flow,
Speaker 1: and it's really incredible kind of natural engineering. We should
Speaker 1: do that. We should do that more. I think we
Speaker 1: should really do that more. I think, yeah, yeah, like
Speaker 1: you have some living resources in trees, they're going to
Speaker 1: be stronger. Yeah. Yeah. I like the idea of trying
Speaker 1: that in l A just like one sickly palm tree
Speaker 1: wheezing its way to try to support a bunch of
Speaker 1: cars over the interstate. Yeah yeah, I think we'll need
Speaker 1: at least two palm trees, and I feel like we'll
Speaker 1: need a little more. So. Now, I mean, birds, I
Speaker 1: think you'll find are very intelligent. I'm not just saying
Speaker 1: that because I'm a shell for birds, although that is true,
Speaker 1: I am, um. But New Caledonian crows don't just use
Speaker 1: tools that they find lying on the ground. They actually
Speaker 1: make their own specific tools. Um. So New Caledonian crows
Speaker 1: are crows that are native to New Caledonia. Wow, I
Speaker 1: would not have seen that coming. I think it's pronounced
Speaker 1: Caledonia Caledonia. I'm sorry, I can't verify somewhere in near
Speaker 1: France France, France, so please please correct me on Twitter.
Speaker 1: Not really really, I don't mind that kind of correct Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'd love to clarify. It's a clarification, if any clarification. Um,
Speaker 1: they not only use tools, but they will modify them
Speaker 1: to fit their needs and to make them more efficient. Uh.
Speaker 1: So our researchers first noticed this when they were observing
Speaker 1: a captive crow named Betty. Betty, Yeah, Betty, the crow
Speaker 1: who has observed bending pieces of wire to form hooks
Speaker 1: so she could snatch meat from a tube. What that's brilliant. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because they wanted to see her problem solving skills, so
Speaker 1: they put a little treat down a tube which she
Speaker 1: can't reach. So she made a hook and then fished
Speaker 1: it out of the tube. Uh, like a little bird genius,
Speaker 1: that is, she went fishing. She went fishing. Um. And
Speaker 1: the researchers at the time thought this was a spontaneous
Speaker 1: act of problem solving because she had access to wire. Um.
Speaker 1: But researchers also found this behavior in wild crow populations.
Speaker 1: So these new Caledonian crows in the wild will tear
Speaker 1: off small twigs and craft them into hooks. By first
Speaker 1: they kind of whittled them with their beaks, so there's
Speaker 1: a notch at the end. Um. It's like they're actually
Speaker 1: they're actually carving it um. And then they'll also bend
Speaker 1: the twigs to be more efficient um, so they can
Speaker 1: grab things like grubs and insects and little bits of food. Um.
Speaker 1: And so the combination of both bending it and like
Speaker 1: carving it. To me, this is seems very much like
Speaker 1: a fish hook design because when you look at a
Speaker 1: fish hook, it's like it has that curve and then
Speaker 1: a little hook, like a little notch at the end
Speaker 1: of a barb. So it's like they they've created this
Speaker 1: little twiggy fish hook. Yeah, do you think they came up?
Speaker 1: Do you think? I mean? That makes me wonder is
Speaker 1: this like a tool that because people do that? People
Speaker 1: we learn from birds? Yeah? Do we learn from birds?
Speaker 1: Did they learn from us? Or is it something that
Speaker 1: is a within our like mindset that we're like, this
Speaker 1: is the way it's got a I think the world. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's an interesting question. Definitely. There are cases of parallel
Speaker 1: invention in parallel evolution where you have different things coming
Speaker 1: up just because you stick an intelligent animal in an
Speaker 1: area long enough and it's going to do stuff. But
Speaker 1: it is a good question. I do wonder sometimes because
Speaker 1: birds are very crafty, and whether we looked at those
Speaker 1: birds and thought like, huh, you know they made this hook,
Speaker 1: we should try um, we should try that. Or it
Speaker 1: could be that it's you know, we we all we
Speaker 1: we aren't um descendants of birds, but we are cousins,
Speaker 1: so that that brain being able to develop tool use.
Speaker 1: We share common ancestors, so we have a bit of
Speaker 1: bird brain. We do have a bit of bird brain.
Speaker 1: You know, we are just a bit, just a bit.
Speaker 1: I mean it's more of a smart of a reptile
Speaker 1: brain that we all share. But uh, but it is uh,
Speaker 1: you know, I think we all have birds inside us.
Speaker 1: I just ate some chicken salt. What a doc way
Speaker 1: getting that I had some chicken yum yum um. So
Speaker 1: they'll also create the hooks in a way that I
Speaker 1: think is really interesting. So they have different methods of
Speaker 1: bending the hooks. They'll wedge them into holes, like using
Speaker 1: it as a vice to bend it. Um they'll use
Speaker 1: like rocks is kind of anvil type things where they'll
Speaker 1: sort of push it or or poke it against the
Speaker 1: rock until it binds um, and they'll use their feet
Speaker 1: and just they seem really so it's really interesting because
Speaker 1: they seem to have some kind of sense of it's
Speaker 1: not just a pre programmed um subroutine that runs in
Speaker 1: their heads where they do a certain motion that bends
Speaker 1: the tool. They seem to be actively trying different things
Speaker 1: to bend it more efficiently. I think it's really really smart. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're trying to progress there. They're toolmaking kills, which I get,
Speaker 1: which is a lot smarter than me when I'm faced
Speaker 1: with some kind of physical challenge, because I'll just keep
Speaker 1: trying the same thing over and over, like with a
Speaker 1: with a jar i can't open, or something that's not working,
Speaker 1: I'll just continue to try to force it until I
Speaker 1: yell at the thing, until yell at the thing. Yeah. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: like if I can't if I'm trying to a symbol,
Speaker 1: some my keya furniture and something's not fitting I will
Speaker 1: shove it in and it's like a square thing fitting
Speaker 1: in a round thing. Like those crazy Swedes. Man, they
Speaker 1: did this wrong. I'm right. Why would they? Why would
Speaker 1: they invent a round peg to go in a square hole? Anyways,
Speaker 1: I gotta hammer it some more. Birds are great, They're
Speaker 1: really smart. They are smart. I do like birds. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: When you think of technological advancements of the Neanderthal, you're
Speaker 1: probably thinking like sharp rocks, bones, maybe a spirit too.
Speaker 1: And while it's true that modern human tool development was
Speaker 1: exponentially more advanced than that of Neanderthals, sometimes our old
Speaker 1: blumbering cousins can be surprisingly intelligent. A recent finding by
Speaker 1: archaeologists revealed that Neanderthals used primitive adhesive to glue their
Speaker 1: tools together. Researchers found tools in the western coast of
Speaker 1: Italy that had traces of pine resin that held the
Speaker 1: tools together like a stone head attached to a wooden handle.
Speaker 1: These recent discoveries were aged at fifty five thousand years
Speaker 1: old and were found in an area inhabited only by
Speaker 1: Neanderthals at the time. The use of adhesive to create
Speaker 1: tools paint some more intelligent portrait of Neanderthals. The resin
Speaker 1: had to be heated and cooled in order to be
Speaker 1: used as glue, which demonstrates an understanding of how to
Speaker 1: manipulate fire in different temperatures to change the state of objects.
Speaker 1: One of the artifacts showed resin traces on a stone scraper,
Speaker 1: indicating that the Neanderthals used this tool to help craft
Speaker 1: another tool with adhesives, demonstrating a multifaceted approach to crafting
Speaker 1: that has been traditionally seen as a unique characteristic of
Speaker 1: modern humans. It seems like our assumption has gotten us
Speaker 1: into a real sticky situation. Get it sticky. They use
Speaker 1: glue and also probably sticks, and well, I mean, at
Speaker 1: least we haven't found evidence that Neanderthals we're still we're
Speaker 1: using humor because we're still the apex species in company.
Speaker 1: So when we return, we'll talk about some tools of
Speaker 1: torture aside from my funds, So stay tuned. So now
Speaker 1: we're going to talk about tools of torture. When it
Speaker 1: comes to torture, sadly, humans seem unparalleled. One of the
Speaker 1: most creative uses of tools over time has been well
Speaker 1: to inflect horrible pain on each other. Take for example,
Speaker 1: the brazen bowl, which sounds like an uncomfortable yoga position,
Speaker 1: but it's actually a lot scarier than that. And around
Speaker 1: five sixty b C. In ancient Greece, the wretched tyrant
Speaker 1: Hilaris ruled the land with an iron fist and our
Speaker 1: bronze bowl. You see, Phalaris was a bit of a
Speaker 1: dillweed and like to torture folks. He was rumored to
Speaker 1: eat babies and mixed skittles with M and m's, you know,
Speaker 1: like psychopathic tyrant stuff. According to legend, one of his
Speaker 1: court sculptors wondered what ticket the monster who has everything,
Speaker 1: so he gifted him with the Brazen Bull, a metal
Speaker 1: sculpture of a bowl with a hollow inside, a hatch
Speaker 1: open to the interior of the bowl through which the
Speaker 1: victim would be forced inside. Then a fire would be
Speaker 1: kindled under the bull's belly, and as the metal heated up,
Speaker 1: the victim would begin to be broiled alive. The gimmick
Speaker 1: of this torture device was that the screams of the
Speaker 1: victim and steam of roasting human flesh would bellow forth
Speaker 1: from the bull's open jaws, making it seem as if
Speaker 1: the bull itself was roaring there was some speculation the
Speaker 1: acoustics were especially designed to amplify the victim screams of
Speaker 1: pain and perhaps hypocriphally. The Brazen Bull's first victim was
Speaker 1: the sculptor himself, whom Flaris used to test his new
Speaker 1: horrible toy. Whether this is fact or myth, it still
Speaker 1: remains true that humans seem uniquely and creatively cruel. But
Speaker 1: as we'll soon discuss, animals can be surprisingly twisted in
Speaker 1: their use of tools. So, Carmen, you look terrified. You
Speaker 1: look horrified. Also, it's so, I mean, like too part
Speaker 1: of me when you were like and the first person
Speaker 1: to test out the risin Bull was the sculptor who
Speaker 1: made it. And I'm like, oh no, such irony, so
Speaker 1: much irony. Ironic When when you get boil alive in
Speaker 1: your own ball and your wedding day, you know what,
Speaker 1: I think, we gotta contact, Yeah, we gotta, we gotta
Speaker 1: have that lyric to the song yeah saying get it Yeah.
Speaker 1: Isn't it ironic? You're dead in your own bowl. You
Speaker 1: made a torture device, but you thought it wasn't for you,
Speaker 1: but it was on your wedding name. So, Carmen, what
Speaker 1: I like to do is welcome my guests onto the
Speaker 1: USS Imagination Station train. Mixed metaphors. There, that's a ship thing,
Speaker 1: isn't it. Well, I could see it on a ship
Speaker 1: to USS Imagination Land going for the bearing straight facts. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I love it. Um. What do you think you'd do
Speaker 1: in a Texas chainsaw massacre situation? So, like, imagine there's
Speaker 1: a raving lunatic chasing your round with chains on. He
Speaker 1: wants to hook you up on a meat hook? Like
Speaker 1: what if he's got all? Right? Because you know, isn't
Speaker 1: there a scene in the movie where one of the
Speaker 1: ladies is on a meat hook and she escapes she
Speaker 1: is on a meat there is that? Ye right? I
Speaker 1: don't know what would be your say he's got you?
Speaker 1: If I'm on the meat hood. What would I mean do? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Like what tools would I make to like fight back?
Speaker 1: Or like what I kick real hard? Yeah? Like like
Speaker 1: for me, I would try to try to make maybe
Speaker 1: get a good swinging going. Yeah. I get I'd be
Speaker 1: hanging on a meat hook, so I know it would hurt,
Speaker 1: But I'd also try to get off. You kind of
Speaker 1: get a swing going and then either the force of
Speaker 1: the swing or like then maybe you could grab onto something. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I thought what she does in the movie, I think,
Speaker 1: does she like pull herself off that? No, I think
Speaker 1: they pull her off the meeting. I think they pull
Speaker 1: her off. Yeah, but I wouldn't really or you get
Speaker 1: you like using the mechanical advantage of the meat hook
Speaker 1: to swing real good. So you are I feel like
Speaker 1: you're like coming in with like, here's what we do
Speaker 1: based off of physics and times. I think I'd scream.
Speaker 1: I just I'm ready. I'm ready to be in a
Speaker 1: horror movie situation. I would like i'd hold up a
Speaker 1: bunch of momentum and then when the when the bad
Speaker 1: dude comes in, like like get get a flying kick
Speaker 1: in from just swinging on this meat hook. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I love this. I think you'd kill it. You'd kill it. Literally.
Speaker 1: Well if probably wouldn't be as lucky if I matched
Speaker 1: up with a butcher bird. Gotta say, oh no, her
Speaker 1: name is butcher bird. Butcherbird. They are actually pretty cute.
Speaker 1: They look just like innocent songbirds. Of course they of
Speaker 1: course they do. Innocent songbird does just I innocent bird
Speaker 1: tweet tweets. I'm just he had just sing a song.
Speaker 1: I'm going to sing you a song of murder. I
Speaker 1: knew the butcher name would come in at some point.
Speaker 1: So butcher birds are an Australian magpie sized bird. They're
Speaker 1: on the larger side for songbirds, but still their songbirds
Speaker 1: are not that big. They look innocent enough. Um. They're
Speaker 1: also uh shrikes which are found in your Asian Africa,
Speaker 1: who also are called butcher birds, who do the same behavior,
Speaker 1: but they just are a slightly different species. Um. And
Speaker 1: they're also small, cute, unassuming they got a little bandit
Speaker 1: really got like a little zoro mask, you know. I
Speaker 1: imagine if yeah, if they're doing something a little butchers, Yes,
Speaker 1: maybe they want that man like an executioner in old times,
Speaker 1: like how they would wear masks or antemity. Wouldn't it
Speaker 1: suck if you were an executioner and you were wearing
Speaker 1: a mask but you had a real distinctive voice, you'd
Speaker 1: be like, all right, I don't know why that's like,
Speaker 1: I'm like, that would be great, Like is it? Phil
Speaker 1: Dennis Dennis my neighbor. You christened my child, No, No,
Speaker 1: I didn't christen Todd. When my wife was pregnant, you
Speaker 1: rubbed her feet. No, I would never you know, her.
Speaker 1: I mean her feet were aching, but no, I would
Speaker 1: never off you a kidney. Okay, thank you for that.
Speaker 1: What's not me? Uh? So, as you may have guessed, uh,
Speaker 1: they feed on raw, bloody meat of their tortured victims.
Speaker 1: Actually don't know if you would have guessed that precisely,
Speaker 1: just that would be something bad their tortured victims, because
Speaker 1: they do torture them before they eat them. If you
Speaker 1: consider impalement to be tortured. Oh, I believe in the
Speaker 1: textbook definition of torture, that might be one of the phrases. Yes,
Speaker 1: So they will feed on insects, reptiles, small mammals, or
Speaker 1: even other birds. Uh. Once they capture their prey, they
Speaker 1: impale them on spikes, typically thorns, on branches, but they
Speaker 1: get kind of creative with it. They'll do a sharp plant,
Speaker 1: sharp sticks, whatever they can find. Um. In fact, they
Speaker 1: you sometimes use barbed wire. So you already don't look
Speaker 1: happy about this. So I'm gonna show you some pictures. Okay.
Speaker 1: So here's um one of these butcher birds with its prey.
Speaker 1: You see that spikes just going right through the little
Speaker 1: mouse's skull. Oh um. And here here's one with its
Speaker 1: victim and he's sitting on some barbed wire and he's
Speaker 1: just about to just shunk it right on that wire.
Speaker 1: Why do they want to impale it's so bad? Well, uh,
Speaker 1: it gives them a larger of meat, a larger meat larger. Wait,
Speaker 1: just scrabe what you mean by meat larger? Is it
Speaker 1: like like a pantry full of meat? Oh? And it
Speaker 1: just hangs out. Well, it's like the meat hooks like
Speaker 1: we were talking about earlier. Um with the what's his
Speaker 1: name leather say they eat people. That's the I haven't
Speaker 1: actually seen they eat people. So they got to keep
Speaker 1: people and like a meat larder, and so do these birds.
Speaker 1: So does it. But there's not necessarily like the only
Speaker 1: difference I'm seeing, and maybe you have the answer here
Speaker 1: is in in in the movie they were in like
Speaker 1: a cooling place. Right there. They are these spikes that
Speaker 1: they these birds find in a cooling plane. No, no,
Speaker 1: it's not really refrigeration. It's just that you know, you're
Speaker 1: a smallish bird and you have a big mouse. It's
Speaker 1: hard to eat. So if you put it on a spike,
Speaker 1: not only can you eat it more easily, Uh so
Speaker 1: you can just kind of rip and tear meat off
Speaker 1: of it without it falling down. Um. But you can
Speaker 1: also once you're full, you save it for later and
Speaker 1: or if you want to keep hunting, you can keep hunting.
Speaker 1: Put another thing on come back kind of turns into
Speaker 1: some nice mousey jerky. Uh, you know, just sample different
Speaker 1: little meats you got having snacks on a road trip,
Speaker 1: except the snacks are on spikes. Yeah. No, I mean,
Speaker 1: I guess it's not far off from what we've done.
Speaker 1: You know. Again, maybe we learned it from the birds.
Speaker 1: Maybe the birds learned it from us. Yes, we saw,
Speaker 1: I mean, especially during the crusades and stuff. We saw
Speaker 1: the birds and are like, this gives me a night idea.
Speaker 1: What was it, Theodore? Nothing? Oh nothing, just talking to
Speaker 1: my bird friends. Thanks guys. The birds tell me to
Speaker 1: kill So another animal who's kind of into torture in
Speaker 1: a weird way. God, more than one. Yeah, and it's
Speaker 1: a it's kind of funny and cute but also kind
Speaker 1: of twisted. Wild Maccaux will use human hair as dental floss. Maccaques.
Speaker 1: What is a macca It's a it's a type of monkey. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and they take a human hair for dental fox. Yes,
Speaker 1: you look kind of like this than cute than cute
Speaker 1: little guys. But they like to rip people's hair out
Speaker 1: and use it as dental floss. I mean to be
Speaker 1: fair if it is long hair, and imagine most of
Speaker 1: our hair is longer than their's. Right, that's true. It's
Speaker 1: just kind of a very um sadistic form of tool,
Speaker 1: you for sure. Where So Uh they live in Thailand, um.
Speaker 1: And there's a group, a specific group of them that
Speaker 1: lives at an old Buddhist shrine of the praying some
Speaker 1: yacht I think that's how it's pronounced. Uh. And they're
Speaker 1: seen as holy servants of God. Um. And like most
Speaker 1: people or monkeys, all of this power has gone right
Speaker 1: to their heads. Um so also to unfortunate bystanders heads
Speaker 1: like to they'll ride on people's heads and pull out
Speaker 1: you know, chunction haird um, and then they use these
Speaker 1: hairs to brush their teeth and floss in between them. Uh. Well,
Speaker 1: at least they care about dental hygiene in that, you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: at the expense of everybody's heads. Yeah, that's true. Just like, uh,
Speaker 1: that'd be such a weird social behavior if you just
Speaker 1: just reached over to someone, pulled out their hair and
Speaker 1: started blossing with it. Yeah, i'd be like, I think
Speaker 1: there's something in my teeth that is it gone? Is
Speaker 1: it gone? Yeah? Most of my hair is. Sometimes I
Speaker 1: use my boyfriend's hand to scratch my arm. That's nice. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I don't rip his hand out of its socket. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think that's also scratch that you don't do that.
Speaker 1: I think it's nice that you don't. It is nice.
Speaker 1: It's a low bar. But I have jumped, just barely jumped,
Speaker 1: did it. I've had it and I'm happy. No. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, I guess it is a it's a
Speaker 1: it's a creative solution. But yike, so where do they
Speaker 1: get Just people who are walking by, they'll jump on
Speaker 1: their shoulders. Yeah, so people who visit the shrine and
Speaker 1: they and they. It's also that you know, these monkeys
Speaker 1: are regarded as holy, so they're not gonna like, you're
Speaker 1: not gonna drop kick a holy monkey. So if a
Speaker 1: holy monkey gets on you and starts pulling out your hair,
Speaker 1: it's like it's got God's will, all right, You're welcome. Um,
Speaker 1: just like how we get allow like other people in
Speaker 1: positions of authority away with abuses. You know, I guess
Speaker 1: I guess, but the monkeys they are cuter, though cut
Speaker 1: they are cuter, and at least it's just at least
Speaker 1: it's in the name of good dental hygiene. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: it's well man, oh man, oh man. I'm glad I
Speaker 1: haven't visited that shrine. Then. Frankly, my hair would be fantastic. Oh,
Speaker 1: they would love my hair. It's already like sort of
Speaker 1: a bird's nest of hair, so I think it's it's
Speaker 1: just primo, primo monkey plucking kind of hair. Yeah, although
Speaker 1: it's also kind of um. Each each hair itself is
Speaker 1: kind of thin where it's like easy to break apart,
Speaker 1: So I don't know how if it would be good floss,
Speaker 1: it might be a good toothbrush though. Yeah, that's soft bristles.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, if you like sort of get a big
Speaker 1: chunk out. Yeah, you know, personally my hair is mm hmmm.
Speaker 1: I would say it's actually pretty good for floss, like
Speaker 1: it would be some primo Yeah. I do remember. This
Speaker 1: is bringing back this recovered memory of when I was
Speaker 1: a kid. I did use my own hair at to floss.
Speaker 1: You did that just is not like because I cared
Speaker 1: about flossing, but because I wanted to try it. I
Speaker 1: was curious and it worked. I well, yeah, I mean physically, yeah,
Speaker 1: I could do it. I don't know if it actually
Speaker 1: cleaned my teeth at all, just made him grosser, probably
Speaker 1: floss like smiling at the school picture. Just a bunch
Speaker 1: of hair sticking out of my teeth. You get get
Speaker 1: something that is that human hair, and well you know
Speaker 1: what they were. I mean, I know that. I think
Speaker 1: there was a time when I used to I wasn't
Speaker 1: a kid who ate hair, Thank god. Um, I'm sorry
Speaker 1: to those listeners who worked children who ate her. But
Speaker 1: I definitely chewed on my hair. Yeah, me too, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I chewed on my hair. Yeah, I wouldn't. Actually, when
Speaker 1: people eat a lot of hair, it can become a
Speaker 1: big problem. It's a um have it known as pike
Speaker 1: where you you eat things you're not um and hair
Speaker 1: is one of them. And uh, there was a woman
Speaker 1: who had eaten so much hair it formed an intestinal
Speaker 1: clog and it weighed like as much as a baby.
Speaker 1: She got a hairball in her big hairball and they
Speaker 1: had a surgically removed it and it weighed like ten
Speaker 1: pounds or something. Disgusted. I feel so bad for her.
Speaker 1: There's pictures you want to see. I think you're bringing
Speaker 1: them up. Yeah, well, it's like it's like when you imagine,
Speaker 1: like you know, when you you dig in your shower
Speaker 1: drain that times, it's that hundred times with some probably
Speaker 1: internal google it's I mean, it actually looked like sort
Speaker 1: of more like a hairball, just like a big ball
Speaker 1: of hair. All right, well that's that's okay then. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've seen that. I've seen that all the time. I
Speaker 1: mean they cleaned it off first. I don't know that's true.
Speaker 1: They probably didn't want to show would blood. Yeah, they
Speaker 1: like clean it off to shoot all their fellow surgeons like, hey,
Speaker 1: look what I found. Look at this jet hair ball.
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess it's turned around as fair play
Speaker 1: because we use animal parts in weird ways. I guess so,
Speaker 1: like if you think about it, because we use we
Speaker 1: use a boar hair bristles our brushes, We use um
Speaker 1: horse hair in our instruments, right yeah, violins, Uh, we
Speaker 1: use hair, we use other animals hair. I got someone
Speaker 1: gave me a book called Felting with cat hair. I've
Speaker 1: seen that. I haven't done. I haven't done it, but
Speaker 1: I've seen it. Have you felted? With the cat home. No,
Speaker 1: but I do. I have felted with normal wool. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess wool is like the main the main animal
Speaker 1: hair we use. Huh, yeah, that is like cat hair.
Speaker 1: I don't quite understand because I like, oh, you know,
Speaker 1: some people knit with their dog hair and cat hair.
Speaker 1: Dog here and cat hair. It ain't ain't it's nasty.
Speaker 1: It's also not long or anything, so sometimes like they
Speaker 1: were doing. Well, there's dogs that are have long hair
Speaker 1: and cats that have long hair. I don't think it
Speaker 1: worked with the real short hair ones. Yeah, my dog
Speaker 1: definitely generates enough long hair to fill with or to
Speaker 1: knit with if I wove it into yarn. So disgusting. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess it's a way to use all
Speaker 1: of the fluff that's always around the house. I just
Speaker 1: like number one. If a friend has an allergy and
Speaker 1: I'm outside wearing my like cat hair sweater, is that
Speaker 1: just because you have cat hair on you feels wrong?
Speaker 1: I mean I already do always have. I mean, we're
Speaker 1: not anymore. I don't live with cats anymore, but I
Speaker 1: know my my roommate moved away and took the cats.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, it's fine, it's fine. It's fine. They're happy
Speaker 1: where they are. Face time with the cats. I did.
Speaker 1: I did. We faced I FaceTime with my older man
Speaker 1: and then we I saw the cats in the FaceTime
Speaker 1: for I like collected their hair, sort of shaped it
Speaker 1: into the shape of a cat and be like, you
Speaker 1: are my cat now, you know? I keep I keep
Speaker 1: texting my old roommate who has moved away, and I
Speaker 1: keep being like, could you please send me some of
Speaker 1: their hair? I need to really cat? Is this a
Speaker 1: bit okay? You're very convincing you. Yeah, I know. She
Speaker 1: keeps saying no, and I don't know. Why can I
Speaker 1: have some of your cat hair for my purpose? I
Speaker 1: hope this isn't weird. I I'm glad you are all
Speaker 1: happy where you are now, but I'm going to need
Speaker 1: you to send me cat hair because I need to
Speaker 1: make a cat. So have animals themselves ever been used
Speaker 1: as tools of torture by humans? I mean these are
Speaker 1: civilized people were talking about, So yes, absolutely, of course
Speaker 1: they have. Remember that book. You may have heard it
Speaker 1: name dropped a few thousand times, and remember that scene
Speaker 1: where the hero gets torture heard by rats. Well, historically
Speaker 1: rats have been used for torture, and in an even
Speaker 1: more gruesome manner, during the Dutch Revolt from the late
Speaker 1: fifteen hundreds to mid sixteen hundreds, a military leader named
Speaker 1: Die Derek Snoy found a sickening use for rats. He'd
Speaker 1: philo ceramic bulup with rats, placed the bull against his
Speaker 1: victim's stomachs, then heats the bowl. The rats, who were
Speaker 1: getting uncomfortably hot from the hot coals, burrowed into the
Speaker 1: only refuge available to them, the fleshy stomachs and on
Speaker 1: trails of the human victim. This of course kills the human,
Speaker 1: though I'm not really sure what happens to the rats.
Speaker 1: The rats have been used throughout the ages as implements
Speaker 1: of torture, which I think is really unfair to the
Speaker 1: rats here. They are just trying to live their ratty
Speaker 1: Life's getting cheese every day when you're suddenly forced to
Speaker 1: be parted to some ghoulish Rube Goldberg machine of torture.
Speaker 1: Who's the real rats here? The rats are the humans
Speaker 1: who used the rats to torture of the humans. Right,
Speaker 1: So when we come back, be shifting gears from tools
Speaker 1: of torture to tools of love, if you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. We're gonna talk about animal sex, so stay tuned.
Speaker 1: So now we're going to talk about tools of well,
Speaker 1: you know, as sexual nature. We humans have long sought
Speaker 1: to separate the act of sex from that of reproduction
Speaker 1: because sex is fun, while having tons and tons of
Speaker 1: babies can be gotta less fun. So some historians think
Speaker 1: that there are ancient tools of reproductive control, such as
Speaker 1: small rocks, potentially being used as a kind of primitive
Speaker 1: form of I U. D. There's also a myth that
Speaker 1: seems to suggest condoms were used in ancient society. The
Speaker 1: Legend of Minos, written in one tells the sad story
Speaker 1: of King Minos, whose semen was cursed to be made
Speaker 1: out of snakes and scorpions, a huge turn off for
Speaker 1: the ladies. So to protect his lovers, he used a
Speaker 1: goat bladder as a female condom. So, YadA, YadA, YadA,
Speaker 1: history happened, and now we have a bunch of forms
Speaker 1: of cool birth control and other sexual devices that make
Speaker 1: sex safer and more fun. But it's putting a bunch
Speaker 1: of bells and whistles on sex, a uniquely human habit. Nope,
Speaker 1: we got some kinky critters who put their creativity to
Speaker 1: very good use, if you know what I mean. Uh So,
Speaker 1: I like in the Legend of King Minus, they're like,
Speaker 1: what if semen was made out of scorpions and snakes?
Speaker 1: That would be bad, right, but it's I would be
Speaker 1: much more concerned. I mean, like sure you wouldn't, but
Speaker 1: like when that hurt come out, that's gotta those little semen, semen,
Speaker 1: scorpions are crawling out of your tiny little peny hole, right,
Speaker 1: that's well put. Yeah, I just I feel like, right,
Speaker 1: like why would you I like the how the logic
Speaker 1: is like, oh, you know you gotta you gotta protect
Speaker 1: you know, have protective sex. That's all good, But would
Speaker 1: you ever want to have sex again if like every
Speaker 1: time you had sex scorpions came down of your wei hole?
Speaker 1: I mean, listen, how good is the orgasm that is
Speaker 1: paired with like the payoffs seems to pale in comparison
Speaker 1: to like, oh, well, you know, I'm gonna like pass
Speaker 1: an entire snake and a scorpion or like like a
Speaker 1: couple of seconds of like a couple of sex and
Speaker 1: sex sex. Yes, I mean, because I've heard passing stones
Speaker 1: is incredibly painful and those are tiny, right, Passing scorpions.
Speaker 1: Even I guess that the scorpions small enough. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: how a little are these little scorpions? I don't know.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know how little they're. Scorpions come
Speaker 1: in all shapes and sizes. Also, if they're too tiny,
Speaker 1: then pinching on the outside won't really you won't feel it, right,
Speaker 1: that's right. So then it's like the bite of um,
Speaker 1: what do you call those the daddy lung legs? They're
Speaker 1: the poisoness, but they can't really bite you, I think,
Speaker 1: And I don't think they're actually that poisonous to humans.
Speaker 1: I think that's kind of like that might be apocryphal.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure, Um, but I would know, you know
Speaker 1: more about creatures. I wouldn't rub them all over yourself
Speaker 1: and well, then you're ruining my weekend plans. But I
Speaker 1: think that, I mean, their their jaws, their teeth are
Speaker 1: quite tiny. But I'm also not sure if the venom
Speaker 1: is actually that. Do you want me to have a
Speaker 1: happy for us July or not? What do you want?
Speaker 1: There's also difference between harvestman and Daddy long legs, and
Speaker 1: I don't know what it is. So that's helpful. So
Speaker 1: have you ever dated a drummer? Have I ever dated
Speaker 1: a drummer? Oh my god, I think I have, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think once. Yeah, Well, thank you for being on
Speaker 1: a show. CARF. That's that's just so we came here
Speaker 1: to ask an answer. Okay, we'll tell me about that. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm actually I'm actually currently dating a drummer. It's not
Speaker 1: that's not as main, it's not as Yeah. Yeah, my
Speaker 1: drummer wasn't his main gig, right, it was just a
Speaker 1: fun It was a drummy thing. Yeah, it was just
Speaker 1: a drummy thing. But there are drum people. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: there are drum birds. What so cockatoos use drumsticks to
Speaker 1: get the ladies, I get it. So, um they will
Speaker 1: accompany their singing with a rock and drum solo. Um.
Speaker 1: So these are male palm cockatoos. They're found in Australia
Speaker 1: and they actually look pretty metal. They're black with red cheeks. Oh.
Speaker 1: I really want there to be a drummer who dresses
Speaker 1: just like they kind of. I mean it's like it's
Speaker 1: sort of like, you know, it does look very metal bandish.
Speaker 1: It's like you know, you got this jet blackbird, and
Speaker 1: I mean the red cheeks are adorable. Yeah. Yeah, uh.
Speaker 1: And so they will use sticks or rocks to rhythmically
Speaker 1: drum against the branches of trees to attract mates, which
Speaker 1: is um. I think it's one of the first time
Speaker 1: we've seen another animal other than humans use percussive instruments
Speaker 1: that are like a separate tool to use as a
Speaker 1: percussive instrument, truly using the rhythm of the night. And
Speaker 1: each bird has his own characteristic drum solo roof. Oh,
Speaker 1: that's great. I love that. Yeah, and it's I listened
Speaker 1: to a thing of it and it's kind of like
Speaker 1: it kind of sounds like like where wait is that
Speaker 1: just that was one bird? Though that was another bird
Speaker 1: might be like yeah, or like one bird might be like,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. That bird is my boyfriend. I'm sorry or girlfriend.
Speaker 1: I don't know what the agenda. They are males, yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: Oh it is a dude, Okay, so then that's my boyfriend.
Speaker 1: They also have red hairstyle because they're cocka teas. Let
Speaker 1: me just show you a picture of these probably rocker birds.
Speaker 1: I'll probably put up a photo of these on our
Speaker 1: Instagram in her Twitter, but they are they look like
Speaker 1: they look like rock stars. They have a little their
Speaker 1: little red cheeks. They have a mohawk and red cheeks.
Speaker 1: That's so funny, it's really, it's really funny. And actually
Speaker 1: here's one of them holding a twig, probably to use
Speaker 1: as a drumstick. And you know what, he looks real
Speaker 1: rock and roll doing it. He does, well, I mean
Speaker 1: some of them. And it's like they're they're a little
Speaker 1: they're little um mohawks can pop up or go down,
Speaker 1: and so sometimes they look like Emo with their their
Speaker 1: feathers right, and then of times they like punk rock
Speaker 1: where they're like ready to rock? Are you ready to squawk?
Speaker 1: So I don't want to ask you a riddle, Carmen, Okay,
Speaker 1: when is a tool a tool? Where as a tool
Speaker 1: it's like a jerk tool, like like that tool is
Speaker 1: being a real tool. It's a jerk. I mean, that's
Speaker 1: a that's a that's a fun one. But no, that's
Speaker 1: not the answer. But tell me, tell me a penis
Speaker 1: and I don't. And this's and it's actually a tool
Speaker 1: like a tool. Truly did not even I wasn't even
Speaker 1: I should have guessed we are in this actually, like
Speaker 1: I should have known. You should have known. But that's
Speaker 1: it's okay because you may not have known that elephants
Speaker 1: have nearly prehensile penises. What yeah, so they can actually
Speaker 1: use their penis for things other than sex. They have
Speaker 1: used their penises to swat flies, scratch their tummies, or
Speaker 1: even as a third legged, to balance. I can't get over.
Speaker 1: I just think that's so I am sorry. I'm imagining like, uh,
Speaker 1: if humans could do, like if there was a fly nearby,
Speaker 1: and the guy was just like, they can't, but I thought,
Speaker 1: it's just really fun. That's amazing, right, Like, like they've
Speaker 1: been observed using them to manipulate objects to kind of
Speaker 1: balance when they're reaching for something like a like a tripod.
Speaker 1: I mean, so smart and useful. I love that. And
Speaker 1: they're very big, I imagine because they are elephants, and um,
Speaker 1: they're very they look like a small trunk, but it
Speaker 1: is I mean, all right, listen, people be mature about this.
Speaker 1: Animals do need to reproduce, and in order to have
Speaker 1: sexual reproduction, uh, most of the time, you do need
Speaker 1: a penis. Sometime that penis is going to be the
Speaker 1: size of a large pool noodle. It's gonna flop around.
Speaker 1: They're going to use it to swat flies away, and
Speaker 1: I just want you guys to be mature about this. Okay,
Speaker 1: if I see a bunch of jokes about like elf
Speaker 1: and penises, or or a lot of people saying, oh,
Speaker 1: that's so funny, I will be very disappointed. I am laughing,
Speaker 1: but only in straight serious. This is like, absolutely nothing
Speaker 1: is funny and laughs as she learns. When she learns something,
Speaker 1: she laughs because that's just the sound of learning. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's the joy that comes with learning. I do not
Speaker 1: find this funny, pure euphoria at learning, truly. I'm just like,
Speaker 1: I'm so eager to learn. But I agree. I mean,
Speaker 1: I got it, you know once never um, never be
Speaker 1: laughing at the fact that have been used to flats
Speaker 1: wise for you also shouldn't laugh at the fact that
Speaker 1: their sperm has to travel over two meters. I love learning.
Speaker 1: So the reason the uh researchers suspect that the penis
Speaker 1: is so flexible is that the females vaginal opening is
Speaker 1: located one and a half meters into her body. Holy
Speaker 1: mac al, So it has to. And then it's also
Speaker 1: just kind of hard for elephants to have sex because
Speaker 1: they're big and bulky. Um, and it's Actually it's it's
Speaker 1: actually interesting because I read that sometimes um, younger or
Speaker 1: less experienced females can be intimidated by by bowls. Uh
Speaker 1: and um. There it's often consensual, but they're just kind
Speaker 1: of like whoa, what's going on? And so their their
Speaker 1: family will like stay around and be like you go girl. Ah,
Speaker 1: and it's like they're they're a matriarchical society. So it's
Speaker 1: like older females will be around. It's like you get it, honey,
Speaker 1: you get some Yes, yes, you're doing great. So that
Speaker 1: be big elefant t. Did you see him swat fly earlier?
Speaker 1: It was amazing. You're so lucky girl. Um and uh.
Speaker 1: So it's to the male to have a flexible, flexible
Speaker 1: wiener that can you know, reach the female is quite important.
Speaker 1: It has to be and it has to be pretty
Speaker 1: you know agile Yeah, I mean an agile pool noodle
Speaker 1: of the penis um just reach just doing an old
Speaker 1: reach around. Oh man, that's so fun. I don't know
Speaker 1: why the fly swatting is is forever gonna because you've
Speaker 1: probably imagined it with like a with like a tuba
Speaker 1: sola going like rod little swat out of here is
Speaker 1: kind of making a shoe motion like shoes. It's great. Um,
Speaker 1: I want to Actually, I had this idea. I don't
Speaker 1: know if this is gonna work or not, but I
Speaker 1: wanted to try a predictive text game because it's what
Speaker 1: the It's what all the folks are doing on on
Speaker 1: the twitters and stuff, where you you type in some
Speaker 1: text and let it predict what you're about to say.
Speaker 1: So I was gonna say, prehensile elephant penis and then
Speaker 1: just select the predictive text. Prehensile elephant penis is the
Speaker 1: best way to make a difference in the world. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, it's amazing. Way. Should I try? Yeah, you try?
Speaker 1: All right, let's give it a shot. Uh. And what
Speaker 1: was the prehensile elephant penis? Prehend So I'm going to
Speaker 1: text you this too, prehensile elephant penis. All right, then
Speaker 1: here we go. Was the show that you were hilarious
Speaker 1: to do? That you were Wow, that's pretty close to reality.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna send this to you now so that you
Speaker 1: always have it. Yes, please do all right, here we go.
Speaker 1: Prehensile elephant penis was the show that you were hilarious
Speaker 1: to do? That you were that's true, that's so true.
Speaker 1: I feel like the more I do this, the more
Speaker 1: the predictive text is just going to curtail itself to
Speaker 1: like my needs, and eventually the show will right itself.
Speaker 1: So I know what you're asking, Carmen. Elephants don't have hands,
Speaker 1: So how do they masturbay? That's so true? The answer
Speaker 1: with whatever they can find? Oh no, so they've masturbated,
Speaker 1: just like rubbing against the ocean floor with decapitated fish,
Speaker 1: hey god, and most bestly, live eels. Oh no. There
Speaker 1: was an observation of a particularly crafty dolphin wrapping a
Speaker 1: live eel around his wiener and just like riding it out. Wait,
Speaker 1: so that it was like wrapped around like a like
Speaker 1: a like a piece of thread around a stick. Let's say,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, And that eel was just like, let's hold
Speaker 1: on for this one. Wouldn't that's so humiliating for the eel? Like,
Speaker 1: wouldn't it suck if you were reincarnated? Uh? You know,
Speaker 1: like in Mowanna, she gets reincarnated as like a manta
Speaker 1: rage big gorgeous sting ray and like, uh, you're like
Speaker 1: reincarnated as a cool sea animal like an eel. You're like, wow,
Speaker 1: I'm in the ocean and like you know, and then
Speaker 1: a horny dolphin just like I'm gonna use it. Oh god,
Speaker 1: I love that now, like horny that's what horny dolphins
Speaker 1: sounds like. It's just like, oh my god, that's at
Speaker 1: more than for your like sounds like, oh god, what's
Speaker 1: the who the actor? The uh you sound like Matthew McConaughey.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, that's the heels keep getting older. My wait,
Speaker 1: I've already made a gross but yeah, dolphins and eels.
Speaker 1: I didn't wonder if it was an electric heel and
Speaker 1: if that would be bad or good. I like, it
Speaker 1: depends on the dolphins. The dolphin into like some of
Speaker 1: this S and M stuff with like electric eels, I mean,
Speaker 1: is it sort of That's another way people do that,
Speaker 1: right where they like attached car batteries to their judget
Speaker 1: People get zapped. I mean like like I'm not I'm
Speaker 1: talking about the consensual No no, I mean people get
Speaker 1: zapped right right. As someone who's never electrocuting myself in
Speaker 1: the name of fun, yeah, I wish I could. I
Speaker 1: wish I could weigh in as somebody who has the
Speaker 1: experience knows, But I don't write. I mean is it
Speaker 1: just because, like I wonder if it's just that it's painful,
Speaker 1: or there's something like more interesting about it. I mean,
Speaker 1: there's it's like the whole dichotomy of pain and pleasure,
Speaker 1: I imagine, I guess so. And I wonder if, like
Speaker 1: if like electrocuting yourself like makes more blood flow out
Speaker 1: in the areas. I mean, that's that's good. I don't
Speaker 1: know it's interesting, but yeah, that would That sucks for
Speaker 1: thee sucks to me. That does the eel just not?
Speaker 1: I mean if the eel doesn't atally doesn't understand, doesn't know,
Speaker 1: it's just like, why am I? All right? I guess
Speaker 1: where I'm gonna chill for a half second. This is
Speaker 1: truly the less This is a bumpy ride, right, I
Speaker 1: guess I'll get somewhere. So dolphins aren't the only ones
Speaker 1: who have found a sort of masturbatory aid. Peter Bruckmann
Speaker 1: of the Natural History Museum at the University of Austin
Speaker 1: claims that orangutans make dildos out of wooden bark. Well,
Speaker 1: all right, get a girl, yeah, get it, girl, empower
Speaker 1: yourself with that wooden dildo. I love like the general
Speaker 1: vibe of this when we are in the sex section
Speaker 1: for women is just like we just imagine all of
Speaker 1: the animal girls being like, get it, girl. I mean sometimes,
Speaker 1: like with elephants, they're very supportive. I love yeah, and
Speaker 1: I love like these orangutans just like um. And I
Speaker 1: don't think it's just exclusively females, if you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. I think, man, sometimes we'll use them, use
Speaker 1: the dildos. I mean, hey, it's all about the sexual pleasure,
Speaker 1: you know. I don't know if they're as sexually liberated
Speaker 1: as Bonobo's who are very much so. They just hump
Speaker 1: everything each other all the time, and it's all fun.
Speaker 1: It's a greeting. It's like it's just like you want
Speaker 1: to borrow cup of sugar. You just you hump your
Speaker 1: neighbors sometimes, you know, um, but orangutans, you know, it's
Speaker 1: it's it's surprisingly progressive. Tree bark dildos. That's nice. I
Speaker 1: mean tree bark to those personally, it doesn't sound terribly
Speaker 1: comfortable for me. I don't know how they get it smooth.
Speaker 1: I would imagine they would sort of pick them out,
Speaker 1: you know, based on smoothness, like uh like kind of
Speaker 1: a smoother you know, like like select I wonder, I
Speaker 1: don't know if there's any evidence that they like actually
Speaker 1: shape it, but they are. They are some of the
Speaker 1: apes that one would they do use tools so so
Speaker 1: that I imagine they get crazy. Who's to say that
Speaker 1: they don't, because they they'll, like we said talked about earlier,
Speaker 1: they use leaves as sort of like safety whistles, and
Speaker 1: they'll use leaves to protect themselves from rain, So they
Speaker 1: have some concept of tool use and so like, it
Speaker 1: wouldn't surprise me that much if they sort of, like
Speaker 1: you know, had their favorite piece of bark that they
Speaker 1: kind of I mean, don't we all, you know, don't
Speaker 1: we all have our favorite I don't know. Uh, but
Speaker 1: it's not just a sort of intelligent primates or intelligent
Speaker 1: um sea mammals like dolphins, but also female porcupines have
Speaker 1: been observed to maybe use sticks as dildos. Well, porcupines.
Speaker 1: I don't blame do you blame them though? No, I
Speaker 1: don't blame them because it's gotta be rough to Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: it's actually it's actually not so it's I don't think
Speaker 1: it's actually so bad for porcupines because I think they're
Speaker 1: um hiny areas are softer, like the there's not really
Speaker 1: that many quills around. I would hope their heiny areas um.
Speaker 1: And you know, their their quills are sort of like
Speaker 1: if you just stroke them one way, they aren't painful,
Speaker 1: like it's only if you write. They can be surprisingly
Speaker 1: soft if you stroke them one way. It's just like
Speaker 1: when they make all their quills erect and it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: this is protection right right. Um. Although hedgehogs have more problems.
Speaker 1: I think they can't hedge and like I read something
Speaker 1: about hedgehogs having sex, like how do hedgehogs have sex?
Speaker 1: And like a biologist was like, very carefully, very as
Speaker 1: we all should, you know, we should be careful but
Speaker 1: have fun. You know, yes, yes, I agree with that. Uh.
Speaker 1: And just to get back on the topic of tool tools,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I'm talking about dragonfly penises
Speaker 1: are like ice cream scoops that remove other dragonfly sperm
Speaker 1: from their partners during mating. Think that through Wait, just
Speaker 1: take a moment. They take out with a sky scream scoop,
Speaker 1: which is their so they take it out like it's
Speaker 1: a condom. So they're like, I don't want to reproduce
Speaker 1: right now scoop it out, put it out well almost,
Speaker 1: but with competitors sements. So they super want to reproduce
Speaker 1: their like but just with me, but just with me
Speaker 1: and my and my seed. Oh my god, that's pretty gross,
Speaker 1: but it's um so. I read this in the book
Speaker 1: called Dragonflies by Cynthia Burger. Uh quote. He uses his
Speaker 1: own shaped penis to either scoop out or tamp down
Speaker 1: the old sperm before he has his own tampdown, like
Speaker 1: like an old timey you know, one of those plant
Speaker 1: in your seeds muskets. Gotta tamp it down, tramp it
Speaker 1: down most of the and she also writes that most
Speaker 1: of the time the two dragonflies are together in copulation wheel,
Speaker 1: they are not actually mating. Instead, the mail is occupied
Speaker 1: with the victing or compressing the sperm deposited by a
Speaker 1: previous mail. Oh so they're trying to they're getting that
Speaker 1: old sperm all away, but they're also tamping it down.
Speaker 1: I think that's also like that's to make room for
Speaker 1: their own spur like scoop throw but any leftover like
Speaker 1: tamp tap tamp right right right, that's crazy. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: like trying to get pixie sticks sugar back in the tube.
Speaker 1: You ever spill, you ever spill a pixie sick and
Speaker 1: you get sugar where you're trying to scoop it back
Speaker 1: in there. It doesn't get don't you know what? You
Speaker 1: make a point. You made a beautiful visual point right there.
Speaker 1: It's just so funny to me that they just like
Speaker 1: have this like like you know, spoon, like shovel peans
Speaker 1: and like hi ho, hi ho. I'm otoper high tap
Speaker 1: tip tampa. Oh man, bugs are growth oh, I mean
Speaker 1: with like dragonfly, just that they just that they have
Speaker 1: a peanut spoon. It is I think, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't know where like evolutionarily, I feel like that's
Speaker 1: such a strange. I get it, like it's not a
Speaker 1: choice evolutionarily how you are created. But that's just the
Speaker 1: spoon element of being like no, scoop it out, scoop it. Well.
Speaker 1: I think it's actually that's actually pretty common where a
Speaker 1: strategy for all sorts of creatures to get competitors firm
Speaker 1: out of the reproductive tract of the female so that
Speaker 1: when they deposit, because they don't want to waste their
Speaker 1: reproductive opportunities. Um. So, there are a lot of animal
Speaker 1: penises that will actually act as kind of like I
Speaker 1: don't know, wet wipes or uh, well we'll be able
Speaker 1: to remove I just the the shovel penis is really
Speaker 1: funny to be yours, it's burned out, it's very funny.
Speaker 1: So I want to end the episode with a new
Speaker 1: section that I like to call news. So this is
Speaker 1: it's a news item that it doesn't have as much
Speaker 1: to do with tool use, but it's uh just where
Speaker 1: humans and animals collide um current events. And there's a
Speaker 1: news story out today about a woman who has learned
Speaker 1: to walk, trot, gallop and jump like a horse. Um wait,
Speaker 1: hang on, like with on all fours. Yeah, oh right
Speaker 1: now let me. I'm going to show you a video
Speaker 1: of this. This is very real, all right, yes, it's
Speaker 1: very real. Her name is I like Kirstine. I think
Speaker 1: she's a Norwegian woman, and um, she has figured out
Speaker 1: how to walk and how to trot and it's really
Speaker 1: it's actually quite impressive. Um, oh my god, Oh my god.
Speaker 1: She's trotting like a horse and it's with galloping like
Speaker 1: a horse and she can go fast that yeah, dogs
Speaker 1: are better, I mean, like but look, look she's what
Speaker 1: she just jumped over a picnic table. It's like, I
Speaker 1: can't even jump over a picnic table like a human,
Speaker 1: let alone like a horse. This is the funniest and
Speaker 1: you know, good for her, it is impressive. I can't
Speaker 1: do that. I don't have problems with this. I think
Speaker 1: that if you want to embrace sort of walking like
Speaker 1: a running and jumping like a horse, I mean, live
Speaker 1: your life. You know who's to say? This is amazing.
Speaker 1: She's very good at jumping's very good. And what's interesting too,
Speaker 1: is like her body, Like I can definitely tell she's
Speaker 1: like studied how horse has moved and then copied them
Speaker 1: because she's got like the leg kick after she jumps,
Speaker 1: for like after a horse will jump over the thing,
Speaker 1: that legs kind of will kick in the air to
Speaker 1: just make sure they got that extra oof of clearance. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's also it's gotta she's like, I gotta have a
Speaker 1: lot of arm strength because she's doing this on all
Speaker 1: fours and she's doing the exact like you said, the
Speaker 1: motion of the horse. It's wild. It is really cool.
Speaker 1: It's I do wonder though, how much time she has
Speaker 1: on her hands and feet, if you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: all fours, how much time she has on her hives. Truly, though,
Speaker 1: I will say from a personal perspective, that looks very uncomfortab.
Speaker 1: It does look uncomfortable. That's got to put a lot
Speaker 1: of strains straight on your lumber. Lumber. Yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 1: feel like back hurts watching it. Yeah, my lower back
Speaker 1: just like got thrown out by that video. But you know, hey,
Speaker 1: good for you. That's that's pretty interesting to her. I know,
Speaker 1: that's a skill I could never do. It's so very
Speaker 1: impressive and just like, I don't know, that's that's the
Speaker 1: thing to have in the world. Woman who jumps like
Speaker 1: a horse and just try that follow your passion. When
Speaker 1: you said that, I was like, well, as a kid,
Speaker 1: didn't we all like pretend to be like animals at
Speaker 1: one point? And I'm like, no, no, master does it. Well,
Speaker 1: you may have done it poorly, but she actually does it. Really,
Speaker 1: it's very accurate. She put a lot of work into it.
Speaker 1: So Carben, you've got anything to plug other than dragon fly?
Speaker 1: H man, I hate that I can plated ice cream
Speaker 1: in my head with that. I know, Well, you can't
Speaker 1: help it. Sorry, Scoop, scoop, uh for me. Let's see,
Speaker 1: I guess I'm I'm now helping to host. I guess
Speaker 1: I'm helping out with a stand up show. I wouldn't
Speaker 1: say I'm hosting every now and then. I'm on it,
Speaker 1: but I'm helping out. You're peripheral, Yeah, I'm peripherally involved.
Speaker 1: But they'd like, Um, you're gracing the stand up show.
Speaker 1: Yeah me, Teresa. Oh cool, Jason found of glass. Um,
Speaker 1: they host and it's at the local or it's at
Speaker 1: the public house. Cool, that's all. It's an elly if
Speaker 1: you want to go to see its stand up. They
Speaker 1: have very very good stand ups that go up, so
Speaker 1: you should definitely check it out. Um. And then and
Speaker 1: that's on sorry, that is on Monday at ten pm Monday,
Speaker 1: which Monday, Monday, Any Monday, all Mondays, all the Monday.
Speaker 1: Well yeah, that's so cool. Yeah, just you can come
Speaker 1: any Monday, Yeah, any Monday. And it's free, and there's
Speaker 1: some pizza and you can eat pizza and it's free.
Speaker 1: Is the pizza free? Yeah, the pizza's free. What the heck?
Speaker 1: You gotta be fast that you gotta get there. I
Speaker 1: wasn't going to come to support you as a friend.
Speaker 1: Then I said for pizza. I know, free pizza, so
Speaker 1: you should definitely if you like stand up and you
Speaker 1: should you like stand up and you like free pizza,
Speaker 1: yeah you should go. And it's all free. The show
Speaker 1: is free, and the pizza's pizza with Carmera's Young Cheese.
Speaker 1: That's nine. And then your Twitter handle handle. Where else
Speaker 1: can people find you? You can find me on Instagram.
Speaker 1: I no longer have a Facebook, so don't even bother,
Speaker 1: don't even bother, don't even a hassle with it, because
Speaker 1: she ain't there, not there. You can't find you can't
Speaker 1: find her anywhere. And then yeah, otherwise you can check
Speaker 1: out my website at www dot Carmen and jelic at
Speaker 1: dot com. And I have all my work up there
Speaker 1: point and I do stand up around l A so
Speaker 1: you can see there, you can see you and all
Speaker 1: of your sort of lip palms. Oh my god, you listen.
Speaker 1: I mean, once you've see me a few times, you'll
Speaker 1: have seen all. She leaves a trail I do. You
Speaker 1: can find me that way, and you can find us
Speaker 1: on Creature feature Pod dot com. Our Twitter is Creature
Speaker 1: feet Pod f a t our. Instagram is Creature Feature Pod,
Speaker 1: and uh, you can find me at Katie Golden and
Speaker 1: of course at pro bird writes where I am a
Speaker 1: bird on Twitter? Or is the bird me? Or am
Speaker 1: I the bird who knows you? You decide um. I
Speaker 1: also want to make a special shout out to fan
Speaker 1: and Instagram or Mary Danger, who she's been making some
Speaker 1: amazing and weird comics for the show. She just made
Speaker 1: a comment recently about last week's episode and she'll probably
Speaker 1: have one up on this week's episode too, so check
Speaker 1: those out on Instagram. Those are really awesome. Uh, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for listening. I'm super honored to be
Speaker 1: allowed in your ear holes. If you're enjoying the show,
Speaker 1: please leave a writing comments, subscribe, or gently blew a
Speaker 1: kiss to the next Burgee see. Your support really does
Speaker 1: mean so much to me, and also the conspiracy of
Speaker 1: birds I'm part of really though. Thank you so much
Speaker 1: and I'll see you next Wednesday on Creature Feature. And
Speaker 1: thanks to the Space Classics for their awesome song Exo
Speaker 1: Lumina