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Speaker 1: What's Up Its Big loan from It's Up That Podcast.

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Speaker 1: On this episode, we're unpacking the difference between toxic love

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Speaker 1: and a real bond. How so many of us will

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Speaker 1: talk to survive love instead of experiencing it. A lot

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Speaker 1: of men think being solid means being silent. I'm good,

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Speaker 1: I got it. That's the script we memorize before we

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Speaker 1: even know ourselves, because somewhere along the line, expression got

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Speaker 1: label weakness. So now we perform composure while we're falling apart.

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Speaker 1: We rehearse strength until we forget what honesty sounds like.

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Speaker 1: The danger is performance feels powerful. People applaud you, heat

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Speaker 1: don't fold, But endurance ain't the same as evolution. Silence

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Speaker 1: in your relationship looks like silencing your health. You won't

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Speaker 1: ask what's wrong, you won't say what hurts. You will

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Speaker 1: hide the question that can save your life. In the

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Speaker 1: name of pride. You will share bed with someone you

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Speaker 1: wouldn't share a boundary with. You'll share your body, but

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Speaker 1: not a conversation with. And that's not intimacy. That exposure

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Speaker 1: without connection can cost both people. We know love becomes

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Speaker 1: performing if honestly becomes a threat. See we grew up

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Speaker 1: watching chaos and calling a commitment watching survival, I remember

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Speaker 1: calling survival love. So now when something peaceful shows up,

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Speaker 1: it feels suspicious. When accountability shows up, it feels suspicious.

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Speaker 1: We say it's too calm, it's too unfamiliar. The only

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Speaker 1: thing we ever trusted was tension. But real love does

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Speaker 1: not require chaos to confirm its presence. You can't mention

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Speaker 1: connection by how much pain you survive. It's about how

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Speaker 1: much truth you can sustain. If you can say I

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Speaker 1: love you, you can say when were you tested and

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Speaker 1: where were you tested. If you can tell someone what

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Speaker 1: turns you on, you can tell then what keeps you safe.

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Speaker 1: We got to have real conversations with one another. We

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Speaker 1: argue about lordie, please discuss your protection.

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Speaker 2: Silence is not strength. It's self sabotage.

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Speaker 1: With a deep voice, you think you're protecting peace, but

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Speaker 1: you're just providing dysfunction. An APA study says men are

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Speaker 1: half as likely to discuss emotional or physical health with partners,

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Speaker 1: and twice it's likely to suffer from the consequences and

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Speaker 1: to do it in silence. I want you to understand

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Speaker 1: what that means for us, we call it.

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Speaker 2: Being a man. To carry it and deal with it

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Speaker 2: in silence.

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Speaker 1: But what if being a man really means you care

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Speaker 1: enough to communicate. That's how we perform manhood. See, we

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Speaker 1: rehearse strength until we forgot what honesty sounds like. Somewhere

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Speaker 1: beneath I'm good and I got it. We lost the

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Speaker 1: ability to tell the truth. We don't tell her when

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Speaker 1: we're tired. We don't tell her when we're scared. We

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Speaker 1: don't tell them when we unsure. We think love would

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Speaker 1: even see that as weakness, being vulnerable. We think love

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Speaker 1: is see being vulnerable as weakness. You know, besidelencing your

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Speaker 1: relationship looks a lot like silencing your health. You won't

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Speaker 1: ask what's really wrong, you won't talk about what really matters.

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Speaker 1: You'll share your body, but not your truth. That's not intimacy,

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Speaker 1: that's performance. And listen, I get it. We're never talked

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Speaker 1: to be soft, only to survive. So now when we

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Speaker 1: feel that calmness that love brings, that atmosphere that love

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Speaker 1: gives off and radiates from real love, it feels suspicious.

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Speaker 1: When peace shows up, we think it's a setup because

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Speaker 1: the only love we saw growing up was chaotic, loud, competitive, conditional.

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Speaker 1: Somewhere along the lines, we learn that the loudest one

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Speaker 1: in the room is I'll let you finish that. Growing

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Speaker 1: up in chaos, you will want to do anything for

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Speaker 1: your peace, but the conditional love would have you look

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Speaker 1: at things through a different lens. So now we mistake

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Speaker 1: peace for boredom. We mistake understanding for weakness. But love

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Speaker 1: is not supposed to join you. It's supposed to align you.

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Speaker 1: Align you with your truth, align you with your beliefs,

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Speaker 1: align you with your goals, and alignment that even means truth.

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Speaker 1: If you can say I love you, you can say

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Speaker 1: when way you tested. These are the real conversations we

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Speaker 1: must now have with our community and the next generation.

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Speaker 1: And we can create a safe space because if I

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Speaker 1: share my bed with you, I should be able to

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Speaker 1: share my truth.

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Speaker 2: You can't claim lordy if you hide your reality.

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Speaker 1: Stop performing strength and start practicing safety, because silence just

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Speaker 1: doesn't hold the connection.

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Speaker 2: It builds resentment.

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Speaker 1: We think we're protecting peace by not speaking, but really

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Speaker 1: we're protecting dysfunction. You know, there's nothing strong about a

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Speaker 1: man who dies protecting his pride. And I was taught

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Speaker 1: strength is the ability to lead with truth, even when

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Speaker 1: it costs you your image, even when it costs the vibe,

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Speaker 1: even when it costs someone being uncomfortable about the situation.

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Speaker 2: That will in strength is the ability to lead with truth.

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Speaker 1: Love without clarity is just chaos and it's dressed up.

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Speaker 1: And let's be real. The next time you say I'm good,

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Speaker 1: ask yourself, are you really good? Or are you just

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Speaker 1: avoiding the real conversation? Because one will heal you and

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Speaker 1: the other will hunt you again. Being a leader is

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Speaker 1: just not about the image. It's the integrity. Real love

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Speaker 1: isn't loud, it's consistent. It's the small things. The small

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Speaker 1: check in is the shared accountability, the honesty. It feels awkward,

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Speaker 1: but keeps everyone safe, the questions, the real conversation's had.

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Speaker 2: It's what makes you family.

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Speaker 1: Stop confusing numbness with dependability. The quiet one isn't always

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Speaker 1: the solid one. Sometimes he's the scared one. You can't

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Speaker 1: lead in silence because leadership requires clarity, and clarity requires

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Speaker 1: that you prove that you care. You show that you care.

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Speaker 1: And that's the shift we're gonna make from image to integrity.

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Speaker 1: Don't die protecting the idea of manhood that never protected you.

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Speaker 1: Ask the question, start to talk right now. We gotta

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Speaker 1: break the cycle and break the pattern because the next

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Speaker 1: generation deserves to inherit more than just our silence. How

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Speaker 1: do we deal with these things with one another? Healthy

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Speaker 1: love starts with an honest start, and that includes health itself.

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Speaker 1: So when you say I'm good, meaning don't ask it.

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Speaker 1: When you say I love you, let it be in

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Speaker 1: protection in motion, not performance on repeat. Because a man

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Speaker 1: who leads with honesty, he doesn't just protect his partner,

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Speaker 1: he preserves his own legacy. This special episode of It's

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Speaker 1: Up That Podcast with Loan brought to you by Healthy

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Speaker 1: Sexual from mc gilead Sciences