WEBVTT - “WE’RE DIVORCING AFTER 20 YEARS” 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:02.040 Hello, what's man? How you doing? 0:00:02.640 --> 0:00:04.920 I'm doing good. How are you doing? What's your name? 0:00:05.240 --> 0:00:08.719 I'm all right, I'm I'm Casey. I. Uh. I had 0:00:08.720 --> 0:00:12.200 a dream the other night and it was it kind 0:00:12.240 --> 0:00:14.520 of shook me, you know, mm hmm. 0:00:15.200 --> 0:00:16.599 Do you want do you want to talk about it? 0:00:16.640 --> 0:00:17.280 What was the dream? 0:00:17.720 --> 0:00:21.759 Yeah? So I had this dream that like I was 0:00:21.800 --> 0:00:25.479 just like hanging out right and I sat down wrong 0:00:26.079 --> 0:00:29.600 and my balls like went up my butthole and like 0:00:29.680 --> 0:00:32.000 that doesn't sound so bad, but I was like freaking out. 0:00:32.920 --> 0:00:37.680 So I called the doctor and he uh. Like, I 0:00:37.720 --> 0:00:39.519 went to the doctor and he's like, this is stupid. 0:00:39.560 --> 0:00:43.239 Just fart him out right, So so I tried to 0:00:43.280 --> 0:00:45.800 fart him out and uh and I woke up and 0:00:45.920 --> 0:00:49.960 like I was like, legit, freaking out because like I 0:00:50.000 --> 0:00:52.640 thought my balls would share a up my butthole, but 0:00:52.680 --> 0:00:58.360 they weren't. That happened a couple of days ago. But uh, 0:00:58.960 --> 0:01:01.000 but now every time I wake up, I got to check, 0:01:01.120 --> 0:01:04.080 you know, my underneath the bits. 0:01:04.319 --> 0:01:06.560 Yeah, it's like when you have a dream that you're 0:01:06.680 --> 0:01:11.399 falling and you wake up in the middle of your Yeah, 0:01:11.400 --> 0:01:13.520 your body react. Your body doesn't know the difference. Yeah, 0:01:13.560 --> 0:01:15.880 your body really did believe that your balls went up 0:01:15.880 --> 0:01:19.200 into your into your butthole, and you've been checking every night. 0:01:19.240 --> 0:01:20.960 When did you have the dream? You had it three 0:01:21.040 --> 0:01:21.480 nights ago? 0:01:22.400 --> 0:01:24.120 Yeah, like three nights ago. Like it Like I'm not 0:01:24.280 --> 0:01:28.000 like like having legit existential crises, but like it's just 0:01:28.120 --> 0:01:30.319 like a little check, you know, right when I wake up? 0:01:31.440 --> 0:01:34.959 Mmm? Have you ever what like if you were to 0:01:35.880 --> 0:01:38.920 gape your asshole and then push your balls up into it? 0:01:39.000 --> 0:01:43.399 How far deep do you think you could uh get? 0:01:45.360 --> 0:01:52.800 So? Mm? Because I'm a bigger boy, right, Like I'd 0:01:52.840 --> 0:01:55.440 have to like I have to like spread eagle in 0:01:55.480 --> 0:01:58.720 a warm room to get to max stretch and then 0:01:58.800 --> 0:02:02.320 like really try to uh try to get down there. 0:02:02.320 --> 0:02:04.040 I don't, like, I don't think it would work. Like 0:02:04.400 --> 0:02:08.640 this isn't like a logical fear, right, it is like 0:02:08.639 --> 0:02:12.760 like an irrational one, right, it does like theoretically it 0:02:13.480 --> 0:02:15.840 might be fun, but I don't think I'm gonna try 0:02:15.880 --> 0:02:16.119 it out. 0:02:16.480 --> 0:02:19.079 You think it might be fun? Have you ever had 0:02:19.120 --> 0:02:20.720 anything in your ass? 0:02:21.440 --> 0:02:23.040 I mean every once in a while, yeah, you know 0:02:23.320 --> 0:02:28.520 sometimes you sometimes you get to tickle to go around 0:02:28.560 --> 0:02:32.120 the back door. But like you think the shinter would 0:02:32.160 --> 0:02:37.960 like you know, on unpleasant squeeziness, on the on the 0:02:38.000 --> 0:02:39.480 delicate bits. 0:02:41.680 --> 0:02:43.320 What's your life like outside of this. 0:02:47.800 --> 0:02:53.160 Pretty unhappy? Like I'm I'm you know, suffering under capitalism, 0:02:53.200 --> 0:02:56.480 as we all do, but like, yeah, you know, I'm 0:02:56.560 --> 0:02:57.359 kind of going through it. 0:03:00.160 --> 0:03:03.040 Do you think any of your general life unhappiness was 0:03:03.080 --> 0:03:06.240 manifested in this dream about your balls going into your asshole? 0:03:10.840 --> 0:03:14.560 Maybe? I don't know, Like I'm I'm in a like 0:03:14.680 --> 0:03:17.480 my my my wife and I are separating and it 0:03:17.680 --> 0:03:21.480 had nothing to do with the you know, the dream, 0:03:21.680 --> 0:03:28.560 but like I don't, like, I don't see a connection. 0:03:28.639 --> 0:03:31.720 But that's you know, subconscious that that's right. It's kind 0:03:31.720 --> 0:03:34.239 of the point of a subconscious. 0:03:33.560 --> 0:03:37.400 Yeah, yeah, it's tricky. It's like we don't understand it, 0:03:38.200 --> 0:03:40.040 but I do. I do think dreams tell us something 0:03:40.080 --> 0:03:42.320 about something, you know, they do tell us about like 0:03:42.320 --> 0:03:47.760 our subconscious fears. And I'm wondering if anything in your 0:03:47.800 --> 0:03:50.560 conscious life is like metaphor you know, like you could 0:03:51.080 --> 0:03:54.320 uh make an allegory of some kind that like your 0:03:54.360 --> 0:04:05.080 balls represents uh an interruption perhaps and your assholes represents 0:04:05.120 --> 0:04:05.600 your life. 0:04:06.200 --> 0:04:12.119 And it wasn't like I'm about to do something that 0:04:12.120 --> 0:04:14.440 that's going to cause you know a lot of this 0:04:15.720 --> 0:04:19.520 sorry distress, and it's trying to be like, hey man, 0:04:20.200 --> 0:04:22.159 don't put your balls up your butthole? Yes? 0:04:22.520 --> 0:04:25.559 Yeah, oh wait, I like that. I like that. Wait, okay, 0:04:25.560 --> 0:04:27.159 hold on, this is this is this is actually an 0:04:27.160 --> 0:04:31.680 important distinction of what you just said. In this dream, 0:04:32.200 --> 0:04:35.279 do you does your do your balls accidentally go into 0:04:35.320 --> 0:04:37.200 your asshole? Or do you push them in there? 0:04:38.240 --> 0:04:42.919 No? I sat down long and it was an unintentional 0:04:43.200 --> 0:04:46.520 un like, this was not an intentional thing. This was 0:04:46.560 --> 0:04:49.159 like a oh fuck, I wait, why did that just happen? 0:04:49.560 --> 0:04:59.560 M So you weren't being careful doing something that you 0:04:59.680 --> 0:05:00.440 do all the time. 0:05:02.080 --> 0:05:07.960 Yeah, and then drastic on unpleasant consequences happened. 0:05:08.839 --> 0:05:11.159 Is that Could that be analogous to anything that you 0:05:12.080 --> 0:05:13.400 going like going on in your life? 0:05:17.200 --> 0:05:20.040 Maybe like I've I've been toasting for a couple of years, 0:05:20.080 --> 0:05:22.039 Like I'm doing good in my job and I'm doing 0:05:22.080 --> 0:05:25.120 good in like other areas, but I haven't really been 0:05:25.120 --> 0:05:29.800 pushing growth. So maybe that's. 0:05:31.080 --> 0:05:36.560 I mean, that's it interesting. What does growth look like 0:05:36.880 --> 0:05:37.120 to you? 0:05:42.680 --> 0:05:44.920 I don't know, Like I'm not one of those people 0:05:44.960 --> 0:05:47.719 that think you should always be trying to find something better, 0:05:47.839 --> 0:05:58.480 but like maybe I'm stuck in a rut like nine 0:05:58.520 --> 0:06:03.320 to five grind, you know, and uh and and I 0:06:03.360 --> 0:06:06.240 think that I can I can start re evaluating some 0:06:06.400 --> 0:06:10.479 things and and maybe look at like, Okay, well, what 0:06:10.520 --> 0:06:13.599 have I been gotten? What have I been getting complacent with? 0:06:14.920 --> 0:06:17.640 What am I What am I ignoring and saying I'll 0:06:17.640 --> 0:06:22.440 do it later, I'll do it later. That I'm you know, 0:06:23.600 --> 0:06:25.280 put my balls up my butt hole with that one? 0:06:25.920 --> 0:06:32.480 Mm hmm, Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Do 0:06:32.520 --> 0:06:38.480 you have an example of something like that that you 0:06:38.480 --> 0:06:40.200 feel like you're putting your balls up your butt hole with? 0:06:41.960 --> 0:06:44.160 Like I don't really talk to my family all that much, 0:06:44.279 --> 0:06:47.039 like not that the you know, get anything bad or 0:06:47.080 --> 0:06:49.200 like we've got bad blood. Like I just don't reach out, 0:06:49.240 --> 0:06:50.840 Like I don't reach out with friends. I don't reach 0:06:50.880 --> 0:06:53.880 out with you know, anything. I just kind of coast 0:06:53.960 --> 0:06:55.400 and take what happens to me. 0:06:58.200 --> 0:06:59.240 Who do you want to reach out to? 0:07:06.120 --> 0:07:07.960 I don't even know, Like most of the people I 0:07:08.000 --> 0:07:10.239 know suck. Like maybe that's part of the problem. 0:07:10.760 --> 0:07:14.880 You're getting separated, right, Yeah, how long have you How 0:07:14.880 --> 0:07:15.880 long were you guys together? 0:07:17.240 --> 0:07:18.119 Like twenty years? 0:07:18.160 --> 0:07:21.800 Broy, Holy fucking shit, really, really, really. 0:07:22.600 --> 0:07:28.480 Yeah, yeah, and it was it was like I was, 0:07:28.520 --> 0:07:30.760 I was putting up a lot of I was putting 0:07:30.800 --> 0:07:33.320 up with a lot of bullshit that I really shouldn't have, 0:07:33.720 --> 0:07:37.320 Like I got twenty years, Yeah, I was. I was 0:07:37.400 --> 0:07:41.040 the I got no self esteem because I kind of 0:07:41.080 --> 0:07:44.520 suck as a person guy in high school, Like, I 0:07:45.000 --> 0:07:46.840 was going through a lot of a lot of problems, 0:07:47.520 --> 0:07:54.840 and I I that parlayed into hey, someone generally nice 0:07:54.880 --> 0:07:57.920 and attractive is showing the attention and telling me that they, 0:07:58.120 --> 0:08:00.320 you know, enjoying my presence. So I'll put up with 0:08:00.960 --> 0:08:05.440 pretty much anything. And and now I'm I'm kind of 0:08:05.480 --> 0:08:05.960 sick of that. 0:08:06.680 --> 0:08:12.000 M Yeah, oh my god. Yeah, okay, I have a 0:08:12.040 --> 0:08:14.960 lot of questions for you. This is interesting. Yeah, I 0:08:14.960 --> 0:08:19.040 want to talk about this. So, yeah, what you're describing 0:08:20.040 --> 0:08:25.920 makes total fucking sense. When did you just when? Like, okay, 0:08:26.160 --> 0:08:28.640 how old were you when you guys got together? It 0:08:28.680 --> 0:08:30.680 was like high school college, seventeen. 0:08:31.720 --> 0:08:36.520 I was seventeen. This was long distance relationship, like over AOL. 0:08:37.000 --> 0:08:42.080 Because I'm i am back an old man and now 0:08:42.120 --> 0:08:45.679 I'm like thirty seven, and I'm like, wow, this uh 0:08:47.000 --> 0:08:49.320 just sucks. 0:08:49.800 --> 0:08:50.320 What is this? 0:08:51.400 --> 0:08:57.120 Putting up with? This? Just like general, like I'll, i'll, 0:08:57.440 --> 0:09:00.000 I will put forth emotional energy and I will put 0:09:00.160 --> 0:09:03.520 forth like effort to make sure things go well, and 0:09:03.600 --> 0:09:05.840 it is just not reciprocated. 0:09:06.440 --> 0:09:08.600 How long when did you first notice that? 0:09:10.840 --> 0:09:12.800 About the third week of the relationship? 0:09:14.080 --> 0:09:18.920 Really? Yeah, seriously, when you were seventeen? 0:09:20.200 --> 0:09:23.199 Yeah. Well, like, just because there's a bunch of really 0:09:23.280 --> 0:09:25.600 bad shit in it doesn't mean I deserve better, is 0:09:25.640 --> 0:09:26.480 what I was thinking. 0:09:27.040 --> 0:09:37.520 And yeah, I saw it a whole lot. I have 0:09:37.960 --> 0:09:40.080 a lot of questions for you, but I'm gonna interject. 0:09:40.120 --> 0:09:44.520 I saw a TikTok that said something like the only 0:09:44.679 --> 0:09:49.320 straight relationships that work are one where a man is 0:09:49.360 --> 0:09:51.960 obsessed with a woman that's a little mean to him. 0:09:54.200 --> 0:09:56.520 And I mean, go. 0:09:56.480 --> 0:10:00.800 Ahead, yeah, Like, okay, here here's. 0:10:00.440 --> 0:10:05.319 The thing, Like I am. I am one of the straits. 0:10:06.160 --> 0:10:12.360 I apologize to to any queers in the community, one 0:10:12.400 --> 0:10:20.440 of y'all. Uh but uh like, I think that what 0:10:20.520 --> 0:10:23.359 people think about when they think of like a dysfunctional 0:10:23.360 --> 0:10:31.600 straight relationship is often uh like like exaggerated to an extent. 0:10:32.559 --> 0:10:34.480 Like I think that a lot of the people that 0:10:34.600 --> 0:10:37.760 are talking about how their their husband is like kind 0:10:37.800 --> 0:10:42.040 of one of their extra kids, like they like, okay, 0:10:42.080 --> 0:10:45.280 has he been checked for like neurodivergence? Like could that 0:10:45.320 --> 0:10:49.160 be in? It? True? If they're complaining about how their 0:10:49.480 --> 0:10:52.400 their wife is you know, Naggie awful, you know typical, 0:10:53.000 --> 0:10:57.200 Oh my ball and chain, Like okay, well is she 0:10:57.280 --> 0:10:59.960 going through something right now? Like you know, like if 0:11:00.160 --> 0:11:02.840 it was it was a non straight relationship, we would 0:11:02.840 --> 0:11:05.400 be digging into why. But because of the straight relationship, 0:11:05.840 --> 0:11:06.520 the straights aren't. 0:11:06.559 --> 0:11:10.640 Okay ooh you know, okay, I I see what, I 0:11:10.679 --> 0:11:12.880 see what you mean because I see what you mean. 0:11:13.120 --> 0:11:16.360 Because yeah, in a straight relationship, there's a there's more 0:11:16.400 --> 0:11:19.880 like labels of like well you know that's happening because 0:11:19.920 --> 0:11:22.280 men are like this or women are like this. 0:11:24.440 --> 0:11:29.240 Yeah, and that that definitely feeds into toxics like gender stereotypes. Yeah, 0:11:29.240 --> 0:11:33.600 because like we've done, we have gone to relationship therapy 0:11:33.640 --> 0:11:37.800 a couple of times, and like one of my therapists, 0:11:38.200 --> 0:11:42.080 the therapists was like, oh, well, clearly you're acting like 0:11:42.120 --> 0:11:46.240 this because you're a dude. I'm like the fuck, Like, 0:11:46.480 --> 0:11:51.760 what what are you talking about? She expect from her, 0:11:51.960 --> 0:11:54.200 but she would expect me to just be like, oh 0:11:54.240 --> 0:11:56.240 the guy tm mm hmm. 0:11:57.559 --> 0:12:03.400 Well I think Here's the thing, is I I I 0:12:02.960 --> 0:12:05.120 I think I think I probably think I think about 0:12:05.160 --> 0:12:07.440 gender roles in the same way that I think about, like, uh, 0:12:08.000 --> 0:12:09.920 a lot of things in life, which is like, you know, 0:12:10.640 --> 0:12:12.600 I kind of explore like there's the yin and yang 0:12:12.640 --> 0:12:16.400 of it, which is like I think it's like you 0:12:16.440 --> 0:12:18.520 have your you have your head in the sand. If 0:12:18.520 --> 0:12:23.440 you're gonna say that there is no generally observed differences 0:12:23.520 --> 0:12:26.520 between men and women, you know what I mean, Like 0:12:26.559 --> 0:12:29.360 that you gotta that's pretty obvious. 0:12:29.400 --> 0:12:36.360 I attribute that to societal influence and prescribed like like 0:12:36.400 --> 0:12:40.640 what we internalize as what we should as X, y 0:12:40.800 --> 0:12:41.959 Z do or. 0:12:41.960 --> 0:12:45.200 Be totally and I And that's the that's to me, 0:12:45.440 --> 0:12:49.240 that's like the Okay, so we have I'm gonna go 0:12:49.240 --> 0:12:51.080 on a tangent real quick. I want I'm gonna go, Okay, 0:12:51.080 --> 0:12:53.560 we're gonna go on this philosophy tangent and then remind 0:12:53.559 --> 0:12:55.000 me that we need to get back to your life 0:12:55.000 --> 0:12:58.440 because I have lots of questions for you. But I 0:12:58.720 --> 0:13:02.760 believe that human beings are this weird thing that we possess, uh, 0:13:03.280 --> 0:13:07.880 like animalistic biology. And I think that there's a lot 0:13:07.920 --> 0:13:12.520 of traditional gender roles that are present in that animalistic biology. 0:13:12.840 --> 0:13:16.720 But then we also have this like bright human part 0:13:16.800 --> 0:13:19.679 of us that's like conscious and kind of evolves beyond that, 0:13:20.040 --> 0:13:24.360 and our brains are are the the wrestling of those 0:13:24.400 --> 0:13:31.679 two forces. And so I do I think that a 0:13:31.760 --> 0:13:36.360 lot of gender roles are like just like innately within 0:13:36.440 --> 0:13:39.160 us and within our biology, but like I don't know, 0:13:39.320 --> 0:13:45.679 so is like you know, murder and like other things 0:13:45.800 --> 0:13:49.880 and we and and the to to say that society 0:13:50.080 --> 0:13:51.840 is that a lot of gender roles are like conditioning 0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:55.320 of society. I think is us using our human our 0:13:55.480 --> 0:13:59.960 higher human brain to look at it and be like, hey, 0:14:00.000 --> 0:14:03.840 you know, it doesn't have to be like this. We're humans. 0:14:03.840 --> 0:14:07.680 We can create and build an the world as we want. 0:14:08.679 --> 0:14:11.719 I hard disagree. I think it is actually the opposite. 0:14:12.480 --> 0:14:20.400 I think that I think that biology and nature and 0:14:20.640 --> 0:14:25.120 all of that stuff like, bro, it's just chaos. Like 0:14:25.440 --> 0:14:28.600 cells don't know what the fuck is going on. Chromosomes 0:14:28.640 --> 0:14:32.080 have no idea what society is, you know, they have 0:14:32.280 --> 0:14:37.040 no fucking clue. But our monkey brains go all pattern recognition, right, 0:14:37.520 --> 0:14:41.080 and they try to find patterns that ain't there, and 0:14:41.120 --> 0:14:45.320 then they ascribe that to whatever it seems like we're finding, 0:14:47.880 --> 0:14:50.200 you know what I mean? So like people are people 0:14:51.200 --> 0:14:57.160 like me? You everybody have both x y and xx chromosomes, 0:14:57.640 --> 0:15:01.960 but it's like literally it's a spect So like my 0:15:02.120 --> 0:15:07.760 chromosomes are mostly x Y, so I'm male presenting, but 0:15:07.840 --> 0:15:10.560 there's a bunch of estrogen in me, you know, like 0:15:10.640 --> 0:15:16.400 it's still there. Yeah, So like genders aren't real, you know, 0:15:16.800 --> 0:15:20.600 like it's it's just a pattern that we're seeing that 0:15:20.680 --> 0:15:21.400 really ain't there. 0:15:22.720 --> 0:15:25.280 Hm hmmm. 0:15:27.600 --> 0:15:30.640 And like people are people, So like if I happen 0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:34.120 to be born at chick, like, I'd probably have a 0:15:34.160 --> 0:15:40.120 lot more habits that aligned to traditional femininity, but I wasn't. 0:15:40.400 --> 0:15:41.239 So I don't. 0:15:42.600 --> 0:15:46.760 But isn't it? But I guess, uh, aren't you if 0:15:46.760 --> 0:15:50.360 you're like born a man or you're born a woman, 0:15:50.400 --> 0:15:53.800 aren't don't you like innately? And then I mean obviously 0:15:53.840 --> 0:15:58.840 like uh everyone's uh, I don't really know. I think 0:15:58.880 --> 0:16:01.320 a lot about what it is that makes people the 0:16:01.360 --> 0:16:03.840 way that they are, And it's of course some combination 0:16:03.960 --> 0:16:07.520 of like who their parents are and like what's like 0:16:07.640 --> 0:16:11.080 in their like literal DNA and then silent conditioning, but 0:16:11.200 --> 0:16:14.440 like within your little DNA, if you're born a man, 0:16:14.520 --> 0:16:18.280 or you're born a woman, is like I don't know, 0:16:18.320 --> 0:16:20.000 I don't, I don't. 0:16:19.800 --> 0:16:25.240 Actually, yeah, like have a lot of Yeah, like chemical 0:16:25.240 --> 0:16:27.600 processes have a lot of influence on like what you're 0:16:27.640 --> 0:16:33.880 going to tend more towards, right exactly. Like propaganda isn't 0:16:34.000 --> 0:16:37.680 just a thing that's intentional, you know, Like propaganda is 0:16:37.720 --> 0:16:40.760 a thing that like happens to everybody all the time. 0:16:40.880 --> 0:16:44.640 Every time anybody says anything, you are going to be 0:16:44.760 --> 0:16:48.920 influenced by that, whether you intentionally reject it and say no, 0:16:49.040 --> 0:16:52.960 fuck that guy, he's a Nazi, or if you're like, oh, yeah, 0:16:53.000 --> 0:16:55.040 that dude. You know that dude really knows where his 0:16:55.120 --> 0:17:01.280 towels at, and you accept that, like it's it's constantly happening, 0:17:01.320 --> 0:17:06.719 and especially when we're children, you know, like you you 0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:10.560 are told this is the way things are. You have 0:17:10.680 --> 0:17:17.560 no reason to like refute it because like you're your 0:17:17.600 --> 0:17:19.680 eight you know, you want to go play legos and shit. 0:17:21.960 --> 0:17:26.560 So if we raised a new group of children with 0:17:26.760 --> 0:17:30.439 like bonkers' gender roles, they're just gonna do it. And 0:17:30.480 --> 0:17:37.320 then they're gonna argue that it's biology. M you know 0:17:37.359 --> 0:17:42.760 what I mean, You've got a bunch of testosterone testosterone 0:17:43.800 --> 0:17:46.680 amps up what do you call it? Adrenaline? It makes 0:17:46.720 --> 0:17:50.160 you act slightly more aggressive. So things are gonna stay 0:17:50.200 --> 0:17:55.679 true generally. But then what we ascribed to that, to 0:17:55.760 --> 0:17:59.520 that is like hard propagandized. 0:18:00.520 --> 0:18:05.359 I I think, hold on, I want to make sure this. 0:18:05.560 --> 0:18:07.760 I'm we're gonna end this philosophy talk in one second. 0:18:07.880 --> 0:18:08.919 I want to get it back through your life. But 0:18:12.080 --> 0:18:15.119 I think it would make it would make sense to 0:18:15.119 --> 0:18:18.159 me that Yeah, yeah, gender roles and things like that 0:18:18.240 --> 0:18:23.439 are like as are our you know, as are like 0:18:24.359 --> 0:18:27.159 everything about the way that we do and things and 0:18:27.200 --> 0:18:31.199 think about things and see things are some combination of 0:18:31.800 --> 0:18:39.439 propaganda or societal conditioning and our DNA, so you know, 0:18:39.840 --> 0:18:43.520 like all like yeah, like all things. I'm like, like 0:18:43.560 --> 0:18:45.560 I am about a lot of things. I'm going to 0:18:45.600 --> 0:18:51.200 be annoyingly agnostic about this one. But okay, okay, okay, okay. 0:18:51.720 --> 0:18:52.120 Tradition. 0:18:52.280 --> 0:19:01.960 Yeah, so when you were seventeen three, see you were like, 0:19:02.160 --> 0:19:04.240 I don't like the way this woman is treating me. 0:19:05.000 --> 0:19:06.240 I don't like how I know it. 0:19:07.160 --> 0:19:09.520 It was more like, oh okay, that's the thing that's happening. 0:19:10.040 --> 0:19:15.440 Uh uh yeah, yes, yeah, yeah, okay. So yeah, so 0:19:15.520 --> 0:19:18.080 you have low self esteem. You're like, you know, a 0:19:18.200 --> 0:19:21.439 lady like you're at you're seventeen years old, You're like, 0:19:21.640 --> 0:19:24.840 oh my god, a lady that I am attracted to 0:19:25.520 --> 0:19:31.480 likes me. This is incredible, This is amazing. I I 0:19:31.760 --> 0:19:35.560 I will do everything in my fucking power and I 0:19:35.600 --> 0:19:40.639 will put up with anything to keep this going. And 0:19:40.720 --> 0:19:44.120 so if she does something that like crosses a boundary 0:19:44.320 --> 0:19:48.440 or you're like, I don't know about that, you're like, yeah, 0:19:48.440 --> 0:19:51.040 that's all, yeah, will Yeah, yeah that's all. 0:19:51.840 --> 0:19:56.400 I'll talk about it. Yeah oh well nope, never again 0:19:56.560 --> 0:19:57.680 by yep. 0:19:57.760 --> 0:20:04.960 Yeah, oh yeah, I know. I know what you're talking about. 0:20:04.960 --> 0:20:06.359 I get I get you, I get you, I get you. 0:20:08.400 --> 0:20:11.200 I've I've never heard of a situation where that lasted 0:20:11.240 --> 0:20:16.359 for twenty whole years though, Yeah, I. 0:20:19.080 --> 0:20:22.720 Like, I really hate this word, but like I think 0:20:22.800 --> 0:20:29.480 I was pre groomed into accepting like pretty much anything, 0:20:29.840 --> 0:20:32.680 because like my parents, like my parents really only talked 0:20:32.720 --> 0:20:35.480 to me when they had to. Yeah, So it was like, 0:20:36.840 --> 0:20:40.720 hey man, like you're getting bullied at school, like, oh well, 0:20:41.119 --> 0:20:42.879 do you like talk to the teacher about it? Not 0:20:43.040 --> 0:20:45.400 like hey man, let's get you. Let's figure out why 0:20:45.440 --> 0:20:47.639 that's happening. And get you, you know, some counseling or 0:20:47.680 --> 0:20:51.160 therapy and work on those issues, not like oh, hey man, 0:20:51.359 --> 0:20:54.640 I'm gonna help you, and and like, oh, it's obvious 0:20:54.720 --> 0:20:58.840 you've got like eight thousand personality problems that you know. 0:20:59.119 --> 0:21:03.320 Even we are like, hey man, what what the fuck 0:21:03.359 --> 0:21:06.439 you got going on here? Yeah, nope, we're just gonna 0:21:06.480 --> 0:21:10.520 we're gonna hang out. Is nobody dead or pregnant? Everything's fine? Yep. 0:21:12.280 --> 0:21:17.240 So like I had no basis on yeah, like what 0:21:17.280 --> 0:21:18.800 I could expect out of other people. 0:21:19.080 --> 0:21:23.000 Yes, you're already you're already uh yeah, to use your word, 0:21:23.000 --> 0:21:29.359 you're already, like we can call it predisposed to this 0:21:29.520 --> 0:21:33.560 notion or actually I guess you're. Yeah, you're predisposed to 0:21:33.640 --> 0:21:35.560 a notion of what your relationships. 0:21:35.720 --> 0:21:37.920 That's better, that's a better way. 0:21:38.040 --> 0:21:41.040 You're predisposed to a notion of what relationships are like 0:21:41.160 --> 0:21:43.840 because of your parents and because of like you know, 0:21:44.200 --> 0:21:48.840 societal whatever. And so now when someone comes along and 0:21:50.760 --> 0:21:54.480 shows you the fucking gives you a crumb, you're like, 0:21:54.640 --> 0:21:57.560 I'm taking this crume. I'm taking this crumb to the bank. 0:21:58.000 --> 0:22:00.400 I'm gonna hold on to this crumb for twenty a year. 0:22:01.440 --> 0:22:06.080 Yeah, Yeah, and like yeah, and so like that, there's 0:22:06.119 --> 0:22:09.640 there's definitely you know, good times and times that it's 0:22:09.680 --> 0:22:11.960 like oh wow, yeah, they're they're like really helping me. 0:22:12.000 --> 0:22:15.240 They're like really, you know, okay, good, we're making progress. 0:22:15.280 --> 0:22:17.360 This is good, this is getting better, this is getting better, 0:22:17.400 --> 0:22:21.880 and then it every goddamn time just goes immediately back 0:22:21.920 --> 0:22:24.479 to still fuck yourself. 0:22:25.520 --> 0:22:30.600 M hmm. You know, I've been thinking a lot about 0:22:31.119 --> 0:22:39.080 whether or not people can like change. I think they can. 0:22:40.119 --> 0:22:42.080 I don't know if everyone can, but I think they 0:22:42.160 --> 0:22:44.960 believe they can. It's weird, it's another it's another one 0:22:44.960 --> 0:22:48.280 of my like things I'm agnostic about. I haven't lived 0:22:48.440 --> 0:22:52.440 enough life to decide this, or maybe I have, and 0:22:52.520 --> 0:22:58.879 maybe this is more of a perspective thing, But it's like, 0:23:00.040 --> 0:23:03.359 to what to what degree do do you sit with 0:23:03.480 --> 0:23:09.800 someone and work on a thing versus X versus? Yeah, 0:23:09.800 --> 0:23:12.720 you got You're never gonna fucking it's always gonna be 0:23:13.640 --> 0:23:14.080 like I. 0:23:14.200 --> 0:23:17.720 See it the same way people see addiction, where it's 0:23:17.760 --> 0:23:24.160 like if if the other person does not have an 0:23:24.320 --> 0:23:32.440 internal motivation to make this change, changing for external motivation 0:23:32.600 --> 0:23:36.280 can only happen for so long before you're like, dude, 0:23:36.280 --> 0:23:38.400 I didn't. I don't even want to do this. I'm 0:23:38.440 --> 0:23:39.880 just not gonna yeah. 0:23:39.680 --> 0:23:54.280 I know you mean yeah now that what? What was it? 0:23:55.840 --> 0:23:57.560 After years? 0:23:58.720 --> 0:24:03.679 It was just eventually feeling better and better and being like, 0:24:03.680 --> 0:24:07.280 oh wait, no, I can I can hold my shit together. 0:24:07.359 --> 0:24:12.000 I can you know, do better and I can you know, 0:24:12.280 --> 0:24:14.600 I I am proving to myself that I can be 0:24:14.680 --> 0:24:20.399 a technically functioning adult, Like I should probably get some 0:24:20.440 --> 0:24:23.719 recognition for that, and I should probably get some effort 0:24:23.720 --> 0:24:28.200 coming back my way. And it didn't happen. And then 0:24:28.359 --> 0:24:32.760 that just for like six years, and I'm like, okay, 0:24:32.880 --> 0:24:38.720 well you know what, Yeah, this ain't happening, like I'll 0:24:38.840 --> 0:24:43.200 I'll still no now we're now we're we're still living 0:24:43.200 --> 0:24:46.879 together for now. But like like I hate it, but 0:24:46.960 --> 0:24:49.960 like I'm still willing to try, like I do not 0:24:50.080 --> 0:24:55.440 have expectations, but like you know, oh. 0:24:55.359 --> 0:24:58.200 You're still You're stillilling to try. You're you're still willing 0:24:58.200 --> 0:24:59.520 to try to work it out with this girl. 0:25:00.520 --> 0:25:05.520 Yeah, because it's probably almost definitely not gonna happen. But 0:25:05.600 --> 0:25:12.159 like what why It is a complicated thing of like 0:25:12.480 --> 0:25:18.600 I it makes me feel bad, the idea of like 0:25:19.600 --> 0:25:22.760 I'm done because I don't want people done with me, 0:25:23.119 --> 0:25:25.000 so I will not do it to someone else, and 0:25:25.040 --> 0:25:29.560 that's probably a bad thing for me. 0:25:32.560 --> 0:25:36.160 Okay, you don't want people being like I'm done. 0:25:36.119 --> 0:25:38.480 Just being like, well, you suck. I'm done. I'm like, 0:25:38.600 --> 0:25:39.440 beat it, you suck. 0:25:41.000 --> 0:25:49.440 Oh my god, I'm about to throw a insane therapy 0:25:50.119 --> 0:25:54.720 reframing on this. You want to explore something, Yeah, let's 0:25:54.720 --> 0:25:58.080 do it. Okay. What if? Okay, you don't want people 0:26:00.280 --> 0:26:03.840 saying to you, I'm giving up on you, right, and 0:26:03.880 --> 0:26:05.080 so that's why you don't want to give up on 0:26:05.080 --> 0:26:05.600 someone else. 0:26:06.840 --> 0:26:08.200 Yeah, but what. 0:26:09.760 --> 0:26:17.560 If you are your best friend in the planet, maybe 0:26:17.600 --> 0:26:27.040 even you're only true friend in the world, not you specifically, 0:26:27.080 --> 0:26:35.280 but just every reason. And what if by continuing over 0:26:35.320 --> 0:26:40.280 and over again to let yourself get back into this, 0:26:41.320 --> 0:26:46.520 you are giving up on yourself, which you would never 0:26:46.600 --> 0:26:48.919 want someone to do to you. But you're doing it 0:26:49.280 --> 0:26:51.320 to yourself and you're your best friend. 0:26:54.440 --> 0:26:59.320