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Speaker 1: Even as are you curious?

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Speaker 2: Yes, start right now.

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Speaker 3: She just said, how have I gotten to this?

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Speaker 2: Oh God?

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Speaker 3: I just said to Chip, I almost ship my pants today.

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Speaker 1: I'm not eating and I was like, hit record right now.

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Speaker 1: That's the first line of the show.

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Speaker 3: If you guys missed last week, We've go listen to

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Speaker 3: that episode before you listen to this clim so you

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Speaker 3: understand what I'm talking about. Okay, So here's what happened.

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Speaker 3: What had happened? Was I?

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Speaker 1: So?

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Speaker 3: First of all, I'm getting over COVID. You know, one

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Speaker 3: of our friends had it recently and didn't tell anyone,

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Speaker 3: and I got it. And I've now had COVID so

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Speaker 3: many times. It's just like it's like almost like saying

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Speaker 3: I have an arm to me, It's like I had

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Speaker 3: COVID again. It was actually not a bad round, but

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Speaker 3: I felt a little flu like, and this weekend I

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Speaker 3: was really struggling, but my stomach stuff started to really

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Speaker 3: activate and I'm feeling better. I'm out of like the

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Speaker 3: window obviously, like way out of it at this point,

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Speaker 3: but I did it. Was doing a podcast today and

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Speaker 3: the lady that I was interviewing was amazing. She had

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Speaker 3: so many good insights that I like kept wanting to

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Speaker 3: talk to her, but as I'm talking to her, I

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Speaker 3: literally was like, oh my god. It was like that

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Speaker 3: scene in Bridesmaids where they all of a sudden their

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Speaker 3: stomach is like and they're just like yeah. So I'm

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Speaker 3: sitting here, I'm like gripping my chair. She's in the

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Speaker 3: middle of like one of the most wonderful rants though,

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Speaker 3: and I could not stop her, and so I'm like

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Speaker 3: kind of listening, but then kind of also like what

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Speaker 3: do I do here? Like? Do I get up from

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Speaker 3: do I press pose? In the podcast? First of all,

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Speaker 3: the podcast was all so late because I had to

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Speaker 3: postpone the interview because of COVID, and so I'm like,

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Speaker 3: you know, want a deadline to get this to my

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Speaker 3: producers who can get it up. And I'm like I

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Speaker 3: can't just like keep having to go in and have

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Speaker 3: him edit all this shit. So I'm like, you gotta

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Speaker 3: sit here, And I was like, do I just sit here?

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Speaker 3: I'm like analyzing how I would just sit here and

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Speaker 3: if I had to just like go go, I was

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Speaker 3: just I'm like, what would happen? Would it shoot up

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Speaker 3: my back? Would I just be sitting in it? Would

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Speaker 3: I like ruin the chair, you know, like I definitely

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Speaker 3: would ruin the sweat room. You would also funk up

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Speaker 3: the room well obviously, but it was towards the end

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Speaker 3: of the podcast, so I was just sort of like

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Speaker 3: willing to like take it. So I kind of started

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Speaker 3: to go there, but I've been I was able to

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Speaker 3: hold it in and like made it through the podcast,

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Speaker 3: and then we chatted for a bit after and I

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Speaker 3: literally was like, Okay, I've got another one. I've got

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Speaker 3: to go eventually, because I was like, Okay, you have

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Speaker 3: got to go. I gotta go, but in a different way,

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Speaker 3: I gotta go. Yeah, you betta go. Anyway, Hey, y'all,

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Speaker 3: have you Friday? Welcome, Welcome to the Velvet Edge podcast.

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Speaker 3: This is obviously the Edge where things are a little

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Speaker 3: more free flowing. And this month's topic is You're welcome everybody.

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Speaker 3: We're here all week every Friday. Actually, yeah, this month's

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Speaker 3: topic was guts, and so we did a lot of

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Speaker 3: different variations of that. We also started a little bit

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Speaker 3: later in the month, so it feels like we just

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Speaker 3: introduced it and now we're already wrapping it up. But

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Speaker 3: July was a short month for us because we were

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Speaker 3: out on vacation. You know, July is like an interesting

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Speaker 3: time of the year for me because it's my birthday.

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Speaker 3: It's also really slow with work, and then I literally

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Speaker 3: get sick at the end of it. Every year I

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Speaker 3: got I don't know. I think it's because I finally

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Speaker 3: stop or something. Maybe I have no idea. But because

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Speaker 3: the topic was guts, we I talked to a couple

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Speaker 3: of different intuitive people on the velvet side of things,

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Speaker 3: which I thought was a really interesting tie in to

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Speaker 3: the word guts, because using your gut to like as

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Speaker 3: guidance is obviously something we all logically know, but there

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Speaker 3: are actual practical ways and tools you can use to

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Speaker 3: tap into that in a spiritual way, also just in

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Speaker 3: a day to day life way. It was I've had

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Speaker 3: some really interesting conversations, and then you and I took

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Speaker 3: a different take on guts. Yeah, did you want to

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Speaker 3: tell the people what we talked about if they missed

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Speaker 3: that episode?

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Speaker 1: I mean, if you listened to the beginning of this episode,

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Speaker 1: that's yeah. So hopefully you listened to the beginning of

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Speaker 1: this and if you hadn't listened to the last week's episode,

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Speaker 1: you went back and listened to that, and now you're

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Speaker 1: here and you know that we talked about pooping your

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Speaker 1: pants are near near.

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Speaker 3: Well, we had a couple of those conversations. But we

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Speaker 3: were really talking about was how awkward it is when

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Speaker 3: you first start dating someone and you have to introduce

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Speaker 3: the poop conversation at some point.

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Speaker 1: I mean, it's I was at a shoot this week

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Speaker 1: and you know, you're it's at work and you're in

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Speaker 1: a yeah, and that we were like, it was remote.

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Speaker 1: I was in Ohio and it's like, suddenly you're there,

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Speaker 1: and what if you have to poop?

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Speaker 2: And it's a weird thing, you know, like a struggle.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And I was there with a glam person. I

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Speaker 1: won't say his name, but he was really concerned because

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Speaker 1: he had and poop yet He's like, what if I

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Speaker 1: have to poop during.

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Speaker 2: The day right now?

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Speaker 3: It's a struggle.

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Speaker 1: So we talked about it a lot, like why is

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Speaker 1: poop something that is talked about so often?

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Speaker 3: Well, as we said at the end of the last

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Speaker 3: time we talked about this two weeks ago, everybody does it.

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Speaker 3: It was actually last week. Sorry, everybody poops, So why

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Speaker 3: are we so weird about it? It is funny, though

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Speaker 3: we are very weird about it. I wonder if it'll

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Speaker 3: ever get to a place in the world where poop

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Speaker 3: is equivalent to pee. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: It's just baffling to me because, like I said, when

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Speaker 1: you're a kid, you're not embarrassed to talk about it,

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Speaker 1: so something changes.

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Speaker 3: Well we teach kids to be embarrassed by it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think too, it's like when hormones and

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Speaker 1: things like that and your sexuality starts come into play,

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Speaker 1: Like it's just kind of you.

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Speaker 3: Know, yeah, it's not a topic you don't want to

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Speaker 3: talk about.

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Speaker 1: Belly Yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 3: Hey, you ate poop and eat the problem?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, back to the like being not at home

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Speaker 1: the traveling part. Dex has a theory on this deck shepherds,

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Speaker 1: and he has a.

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Speaker 2: Theory, and I think it's kind of right.

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Speaker 1: Like he thinks it dates back to like our hunter

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Speaker 1: and gather not the embarrassment part, but the like not

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Speaker 1: being able to poop when you're traveling. Okay, he thinks

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Speaker 1: it dates back to like sort of when we were

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Speaker 1: hunter and gatherers, and you know, like when you had

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Speaker 1: to go out and hunt and gather to feed your family.

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Speaker 1: If you had to poop, you would then leave a

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Speaker 1: trail to show that you know whatever might be preying

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Speaker 1: on you. Yeah, they might spell smell you, and then

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Speaker 1: and then they know that you're coming or that you've.

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Speaker 2: Been there, and you might come.

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Speaker 1: Back, and then you become more easily preyed upon. And

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Speaker 1: he thinks it's like a logical like that, like there's

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Speaker 1: something just innate in us that make us not want

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Speaker 1: to exacuate our bodies when we're not out.

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Speaker 3: Let's get back to the topic at hand. I asked

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Speaker 3: you before we started recording if there was any way

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Speaker 3: that you felt like you really tapped into the word

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Speaker 3: guts this month. Did you want to tell me tell

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Speaker 3: the listeners what you told me?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it took me a minute because I

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Speaker 1: was like, got it is my life boring? Or have

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Speaker 1: I already talked about everything? And then I remembered and

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Speaker 1: it's this is also kind of a play on guts.

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Speaker 2: I'm finally taking ozempic And.

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Speaker 3: Let me say finally as if it was because I.

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Speaker 2: Wanted to do it, like I'm okay, get me that thing.

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Speaker 1: And I it like was a work I had to do,

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Speaker 1: like a workaround because they make it hard to get

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Speaker 1: unless you are willing to pay fifteen hundred dollars.

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Speaker 2: A month.

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Speaker 1: I think, yam which I'm not willing to do.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I can't, like I would it broke, but.

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Speaker 1: I mean I have no shame in the game, like

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Speaker 1: I'm and so anyway, the way that it ties back

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Speaker 1: in is like I'm going to try and lose my gut.

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Speaker 1: And I do think that there is a bit of

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Speaker 1: the miracle drug situation there, but I don't plan on

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Speaker 1: just letting that be the thing that does it all.

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Speaker 1: Like my goal is to drop some pounds to where

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Speaker 1: I feel healthier, to get back into the running or

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Speaker 1: the gym or something like that. So and it's crazy

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Speaker 1: like the first week, I lost six pounds.

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Speaker 3: Right without doing anything different.

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Speaker 1: Any I mean, I'm certainly eating less, Like it's the

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Speaker 1: main thing that I haven't had any negative side effects,

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Speaker 1: the main thing that I've noticed. And look, I should

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Speaker 1: also preface this with like you should probably talk to

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Speaker 1: a doctor, do as much research as you can.

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Speaker 2: I'm kind of a dummy and just do what I want.

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Speaker 2: And I've put other dumb drugs in my body that are.

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Speaker 3: To check the cocaine I used to put in my

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Speaker 3: body there.

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Speaker 1: So it's like yeah, it's like I've done illicit things

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Speaker 1: that I you know, I wasn't asking my doctor about

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Speaker 1: and so, but I think most people should, you know,

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Speaker 1: I do know like I did. I'm not getting it

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Speaker 1: on the black market. I did it through telemedicine. I

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Speaker 1: sent them my charts. They said they read my blood

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Speaker 1: work like that's all on the up and up. So

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Speaker 1: but you know, I don't. I'm not like, I'm not

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Speaker 1: going to play into like the scary stories. I saw

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Speaker 1: a story the other day about some woman whose stomach

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Speaker 1: like was paralyzed or.

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Speaker 2: Something by it.

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Speaker 1: But you know they're they're they're bad things for aspirin,

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Speaker 1: So I'm not gonna like it seems to be working

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Speaker 1: for me. The main thing is that it like I

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Speaker 1: feel full faster, I don't think about food all the time.

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Speaker 3: Did you find like before so, explain to me what

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Speaker 3: normal life and then life on ozimpic looks like, Like

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Speaker 3: what's the difference, Like, were you like thinking about food constantly?

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Speaker 2: I was.

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Speaker 1: It was in my sub conscious I think because if

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Speaker 1: I was bored or like on a really long phone conversation,

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Speaker 1: I would like get up and move around. I'd open

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Speaker 1: the fridge, I'd do those things, So there was like

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Speaker 1: something subconscious or if like I'm riding in the car

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Speaker 1: and like, ooh, I want some McDonald's like pops into

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Speaker 1: my head, I would have literally no control over, Like

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Speaker 1: I would be like, you don't need it, but I

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Speaker 1: want it.

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Speaker 2: Okay, let's get it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's like that kind of thing, and that's

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Speaker 1: just not happening. And I don't know if it's you know,

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Speaker 1: our subconscious is so wild too, because my subconscious also

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Speaker 1: knows that I'm taking it. So is my subconscious being like,

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Speaker 1: you can't do this and then still act the same way.

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Speaker 1: So I don't know if it's actually the drug that

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Speaker 1: is making me not think about food, or if it's

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Speaker 1: the fact that I finally said I've had enough, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna do something, loose some weight. Yeah you know so

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Speaker 1: U yeah, yeah, I mean I'm certainly like when I

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Speaker 1: am eating, I get full faster, And that's part of

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Speaker 1: what the drug does, is it signals to your brain

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Speaker 1: that you're full. It also causes your your blood sugar

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Speaker 1: nuts like the way that it normally would if there's

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Speaker 1: sugars in your food.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, so that is.

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Speaker 1: Thing, And I do think it's like look, it's it's

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Speaker 1: certainly not revolutionary, but I do think it takes guts

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Speaker 1: to finally say enough is enough, yeah, and and make

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Speaker 1: the choice to get better.

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Speaker 3: So interested they're actually prescribing it for weight loss now,

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Speaker 3: but isn't it a diabetes drug.

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Speaker 1: It is a diabetes drug and so and doctors will

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Speaker 1: prescribe it. Most insurance companies will not cover it.

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Speaker 3: There is because that's like a cosmetic issue, really, is

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Speaker 3: what there is, even though it's because has.

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Speaker 1: Not approved it for a weight loss. Okay, there is

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Speaker 1: a sister drug to it called wagov that is approved

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Speaker 1: for weight loss. My insurance is weird about that too.

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Speaker 3: They won't do that one, yeah, Like, which.

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Speaker 1: Is crazy to me because it's like so many health

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Speaker 1: problems are rooted in the fact that people are overweight.

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Speaker 1: It should be the most covered drug in America. You know,

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Speaker 1: we have an obesity problem.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but that ties back into the whole Like if

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Speaker 3: everyone gets healthy, then nobody needs medicine and nobody needs.

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Speaker 2: One hundred no one needs insurance.

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Speaker 3: Don't even get me fucking started on that. Like I

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Speaker 3: can't deal.

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Speaker 1: True, and it's like just giving it like and this

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Speaker 1: is sort of me talking out both sides of my mouth,

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Speaker 1: like there are there are health certainly healthier ways to

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Speaker 1: lose weight, you know, diet, eating right, and exercise, which

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Speaker 1: I plan to do.

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Speaker 3: I just need this little care you needed, like a kickstart.

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Speaker 1: My knees are almost forty eight years old. I'm not

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Speaker 1: just gonna start running on this book, Bucky right is right?

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Speaker 3: Right? Yeah that makes sense.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so it's working.

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Speaker 3: Wow, Okay, well that's an update. You know. What I

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Speaker 3: also really appreciate about you that I would say takes

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Speaker 3: guts is how open you are with me and our

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Speaker 3: friends and all the listeners about your weight loss struggles

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Speaker 3: and journey and all of that stuff. Like I think

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Speaker 3: that takes good to just talk about it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it's Here's the thing is like, it's

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Speaker 1: I think the reason why it's important to talk about

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Speaker 1: it is because food is a drug.

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Speaker 2: You know, Like.

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Speaker 1: Sure, it reacts, it causes your body and your brain

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Speaker 1: to react.

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Speaker 3: And it's what you were just describing as an addictive pattern.

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Speaker 3: It's like anything else.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's obviously it's the hardest drug to kick

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Speaker 1: because we need it to survive totally.

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Speaker 3: You have sex.

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Speaker 1: Is probably different, yeah, I mean, yeah, you could live

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Speaker 1: without I mean obviously as human beings. If no way

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Speaker 1: had sex, we would die as a species. But you

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Speaker 1: physically have to consume food to live. You can die

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Speaker 1: of virgin and live to be ninety six years old

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Speaker 1: and mine, but you have to have food. So it's

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Speaker 1: like that's the that's the the what makes it really complex.

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Speaker 1: And you're constantly being advertised sweet, like you don't you

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Speaker 1: see how how many commercials do you see for healthy

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Speaker 1: food options?

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Speaker 3: Well it depends like your algorithm probably, but like, oh,

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Speaker 3: you're saying commercials, but yeah, but I get served like

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Speaker 3: because of the people I follow.

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Speaker 1: Right right, But if you're watching TV, like, yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: you're not seeing like that goods and and you know

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Speaker 1: the way that our food industry is built, it's about

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Speaker 1: mass production totally stretching the nutrients as much as you can.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, so I think it's like, yeah, that's to me.

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Speaker 1: The other part of the guts is like I'm not

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Speaker 1: gonna like live in shame that I'm doing it, you know,

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Speaker 1: like because it's you know, I was talking with a

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Speaker 1: client and she's lost a lot of weight and people

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Speaker 1: try to shame her by just saying ozembic and I

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00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:46,400
Speaker 1: think it's funny because it's like the literally the best

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Speaker 1: advertisement for ozempic possible for people not even using it,

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Speaker 1: and like for people to like just make the assumption

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Speaker 1: and then write it on social media.

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Speaker 2: It's like, for sure, fucking.

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Speaker 1: Cares, she looks great, She's lost a lot of weight.

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Speaker 1: There's plenty of ways to lose weight, and she's actually

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Speaker 1: doing it the healthy way.

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Speaker 3: So I think that's people's like argument to, well, celebrities

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Speaker 3: can look the way they look because they have access

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Speaker 3: to like all this. That's a good point and that

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Speaker 3: is true, and like the point being we all have

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Speaker 3: access to eating healthy and working out and whatever. But

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Speaker 3: what you're saying, I mean, it does sound like o

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Speaker 3: zimpic is expensive.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, it's very expensive.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, but the active ingredient is called semi glue

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Speaker 1: tide and that is not expensive. You can find it.

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Speaker 1: You just don't want to get it from just anywhere.

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Speaker 1: You want to get it from a reputable pharmacy that

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Speaker 1: can do a compounding pharmacy that can make the same

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Speaker 1: exact cocktail, just not the brand name.

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Speaker 3: Interesting. Yeah, wow, Well, if you guys have any questions

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Speaker 3: about a zimpic, it sounds like you should hit up

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Speaker 3: Chip at Chip dr sch We'll mention that again at

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Speaker 3: the end of the podcast, don't you guys worry. So

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Speaker 3: I was telling you that if I had to pick

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Speaker 3: one thing about guts this month that I did, I

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Speaker 3: actually did it right before this podcast, and I am

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Speaker 3: going to talk about it as a part of the

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Speaker 3: practice of the thing I work doing. But so I

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Speaker 3: like I've talked pretty openly like the last I don't know,

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Speaker 3: would you say, five years pre pandemic for me and

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Speaker 3: then going through the pandemic and whatever, we're just shit years.

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Speaker 3: Like I just had back to back to back super

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Speaker 3: traumatic events happen, and a lot of mine are really

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Speaker 3: really public, and that added like a whole other element

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Speaker 3: to it that I don't think I've fully understood how

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Speaker 3: to navigate, or you know, like I think that people

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Speaker 3: really discount when something like that happens on a scale

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Speaker 3: where people are watching, or like you have people who

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Speaker 3: don't know you weighing in on a situation like what

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00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,480
Speaker 3: that would feel like, because it's really hard to explain

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Speaker 3: if you've never gone through it. And I feel like

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Speaker 3: I've done a really good amount of work on the

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Speaker 3: relationship portion of that, like romantic relationship specifically, so and

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Speaker 3: I've seen the benefits of that, Like in my dating world,

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Speaker 3: it's been completely different this time around. Yeah, I don't

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Speaker 3: even to get into that anymore. I guess I've done

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Speaker 3: a lot of work around that, and so I'm seeing

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Speaker 3: the benefits of it, and I feel different in dating

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Speaker 3: circumstances now and it's felt really lovely and nice. I

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Speaker 3: feel like I'm operating more from an adult self who

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Speaker 3: knows who she is. And I don't know if I've

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Speaker 3: ever been able to say that, which feels really crazy

361
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Speaker 3: at forty one to say that, but that's the truth.

362
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Speaker 3: But on the flip side, I think my work world

363
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Speaker 3: has been a place where I've just like been stuck,

364
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Speaker 3: you know, Like I feel like because of the public

365
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Speaker 3: nature of some of the stuff and not feeling like

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Speaker 3: it was true to who I am at all, I

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Speaker 3: feel like I lost my voice somewhere in there, and

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Speaker 3: I don't feel comfortable trying to find it again publicly,

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Speaker 3: Like it feels very scary to put myself back out there.

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Speaker 3: There's a lot of exposure shame happening. I feel like

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Speaker 3: a fear of exposure, Like I was telling well, I'll

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Speaker 3: get to that in a second, but yeah, I just

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Speaker 3: feel like there's this thing that happens for me, Like

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Speaker 3: even when I go to posts on Instagram, I have

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Speaker 3: so many people messaging me all the time. I didn't

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Speaker 3: even know you were still around every time I post,

377
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Speaker 3: because I just like don't post. But it's because I'm

378
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Speaker 3: like working through some of this trauma with social media,

379
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Speaker 3: Like I was getting fucking death threats. Like it's really

380
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Speaker 3: hard to like walk back into that and be like

381
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Speaker 3: happy about it, or it's just like it's just not easier.

382
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Speaker 3: It hasn't been for me. I don't know how it

383
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:48,920
Speaker 3: is for everyone. And then I'll go into this shame

384
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Speaker 3: spiral of you know, well, why can't I just like

385
00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:54,879
Speaker 3: fight back or whatever. But that wasn't the way that

386
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:58,000
Speaker 3: worked for me, And it was very personal and very

387
00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:02,199
Speaker 3: painful because of that, and emotional and false and all

388
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:06,639
Speaker 3: the things. And I feel like I'm getting a better

389
00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:11,400
Speaker 3: understanding of what happened, like why it's affected me that way,

390
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:13,399
Speaker 3: but I still like, I'm just like I want to

391
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Speaker 3: work more and I want to put myself out of there,

392
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Speaker 3: but I get I keep getting so blocked and like

393
00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:19,800
Speaker 3: I'm creatively blocked and emotionally blocked and all this stuff.

394
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Speaker 3: So anyway, I met with this girl who actually was

395
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Speaker 3: a guest on the podcast. Her name's Ali Kates if

396
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Speaker 3: you guys listen to that episode, and she does like

397
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Speaker 3: somatic therapy, and so we just were going to do

398
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Speaker 3: She was like, I'll just gift you a session if

399
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:35,399
Speaker 3: you want to just try it and we'll see if

400
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:38,080
Speaker 3: it's something that resonates. And I was like, not really

401
00:19:38,119 --> 00:19:40,719
Speaker 3: in the headspace today, like I'm getting over COVID. I

402
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:44,200
Speaker 3: literally have had back to back to back things today.

403
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:47,439
Speaker 3: I'm still in pajamas it's like four o'clock, but not

404
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,240
Speaker 3: because I've been lazy. It's just because I've been like

405
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:50,919
Speaker 3: on a call after call after you know, like I

406
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:54,119
Speaker 3: have not stopped. And so I was kind of in

407
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,879
Speaker 3: that like erratic headspace. And so she was like, hey, well,

408
00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:58,880
Speaker 3: do you want to reschedule? And I was like maybe

409
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:01,600
Speaker 3: what would this even look like? So we just start

410
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:04,760
Speaker 3: talking and I literally like start doing the session with her,

411
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:08,639
Speaker 3: and she has me doing these exercises to like do

412
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,960
Speaker 3: motions in my body as I'm talking about what's coming up,

413
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:15,320
Speaker 3: and it was wild. It's just like you do not

414
00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:18,240
Speaker 3: realize what is stored in your body even when you

415
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:21,440
Speaker 3: can like logically make sense of the things that happened,

416
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:25,880
Speaker 3: like I logically can understand this, I can illogically understand

417
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,880
Speaker 3: why it's hard for me, like I logically understand all

418
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:31,960
Speaker 3: of the things, but there is something happening in my

419
00:20:32,119 --> 00:20:36,040
Speaker 3: body still. That's like my body's response to everything that

420
00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:38,680
Speaker 3: happen is like, no, bitch, we ain't going back out there,

421
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:43,080
Speaker 3: Like no, get in your bed, turn on Love Island

422
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:45,919
Speaker 3: and stop this shit, Like why the fuck would you

423
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,480
Speaker 3: set us up for that again? You know?

424
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Speaker 2: Right right?

425
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:51,240
Speaker 3: And in that I'm losing like so much of my

426
00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:54,719
Speaker 3: voice or what I feel like I really want to

427
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:58,479
Speaker 3: bring to the world or like tell people about, you know,

428
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:00,359
Speaker 3: just like anything I could just don't. I don't have

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Speaker 3: a voice, and it's very frustrating. I would say, is

430
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:07,959
Speaker 3: it the thing I feel defeated on a lot of days,

431
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:11,679
Speaker 3: Like I want to feel like really passionate and excited

432
00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:14,439
Speaker 3: about the things I'm doing again, and that feeling is

433
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:18,320
Speaker 3: like overtaken when I can't do it, you know, and

434
00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:20,080
Speaker 3: like I can't do anything the way I used to,

435
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,960
Speaker 3: but like I would like to find the new path,

436
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:26,200
Speaker 3: and I just have felt really blocked to that. So anyway,

437
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:28,399
Speaker 3: I'm just gonna fucking talk about it. I'll just be open.

438
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:32,199
Speaker 3: But that's it's like what's happened. And I feel kind

439
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:35,239
Speaker 3: of ridiculous because you go, well this, you know, some

440
00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:39,080
Speaker 3: of this happened in twenty nineteen, like whatever. But I

441
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:41,560
Speaker 3: think what people don't understand always with that stuff too,

442
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:43,840
Speaker 3: is like it never leaves you, Like that narrative is

443
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:47,000
Speaker 3: never going to leave my life. Unfortunately, anytime I put

444
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:50,280
Speaker 3: myself out there, it somehow comes back up. And so

445
00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:53,640
Speaker 3: it's really like a struggle that I want to learn

446
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:58,480
Speaker 3: how to like deal with so that it's not dimming

447
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:01,520
Speaker 3: the light on the other thing that I feel like

448
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:03,439
Speaker 3: I could bring to the table maybe I don't know,

449
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:08,680
Speaker 3: or just enjoy doing even you know, like finding myself again.

450
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:12,639
Speaker 3: So anyway, somatic therapy and I've done some stuff, but

451
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:13,520
Speaker 3: it was really.

452
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:15,960
Speaker 2: Cool to spell somatic.

453
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:19,359
Speaker 3: S O matic.

454
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:19,680
Speaker 2: Okay.

455
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:23,600
Speaker 3: It's really just about like tapping into what is stored

456
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:23,960
Speaker 3: in your.

457
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,000
Speaker 2: Body, like got it?

458
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:28,119
Speaker 3: Okay, I mean a lot of mine is I'm fucking

459
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:31,919
Speaker 3: pissed and like I don't really talk about that, Like

460
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:36,800
Speaker 3: I have not been able to express verbally even what

461
00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:38,959
Speaker 3: I would want to say, you know, because there's always

462
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:43,120
Speaker 3: some caveat that I have, like or even some way

463
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:45,359
Speaker 3: that I'll be like, well, but this how you know

464
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:48,080
Speaker 3: they were going through this or whatever it was, and

465
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,879
Speaker 3: like I have some sort of empathy for them, and

466
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:53,560
Speaker 3: it's like, no, I need to just be fucking mad

467
00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:57,000
Speaker 3: because it did major damage to my life and it

468
00:22:57,119 --> 00:23:00,880
Speaker 3: wasn't fucking true, so right, but.

469
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:04,520
Speaker 1: It was real to you, Like the experience was real.

470
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:09,560
Speaker 1: What you want, that's what you're harboring? Yeah, correct, Well,

471
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:11,960
Speaker 1: and I think too, It's like, in the moment, I

472
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:15,639
Speaker 1: think maybe this is something. And obviously I'm no professional,

473
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:18,480
Speaker 1: but in the moment, a lot of what was happening

474
00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:21,560
Speaker 1: to you was online and you so you're your body's

475
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:24,040
Speaker 1: associating with the posting and what.

476
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:25,800
Speaker 2: Was that on Instagram and all the things.

477
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:29,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, so and in that moment, you had to choose

478
00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:32,480
Speaker 1: what was more important in your life and so you

479
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:34,640
Speaker 1: were able to set that aside. And now going back

480
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:38,119
Speaker 1: to that, it like opens you up to you know,

481
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:41,040
Speaker 1: that pain again and that suffering and your body's like

482
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:44,239
Speaker 1: and a self doubt be like, oh I get this,

483
00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:47,200
Speaker 1: I'm moved past it, but your body, if it hasn't forgotten.

484
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,800
Speaker 3: Body has not let it go. Yeah, my body still

485
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:53,080
Speaker 3: feels really scared or confused or you know, and that

486
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:54,919
Speaker 3: she goes through all the things like you could be

487
00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:59,280
Speaker 3: tapping into like early adolescent child or then your teenager

488
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:01,359
Speaker 3: or your wise and we want you to operate from

489
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,560
Speaker 3: your wives adult and like, it was so interesting when

490
00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:07,040
Speaker 3: she said that because it immediately clicked to me what

491
00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:10,600
Speaker 3: I just said to you about like the relationship piece.

492
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:13,240
Speaker 3: And this isn't to say, oh, I've figured it out, guys,

493
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:16,720
Speaker 3: I've got lot of figured out. This is the perfect deal,

494
00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:20,399
Speaker 3: you know, like whatever, But my experience with myself in

495
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:27,080
Speaker 3: a relationship now has been completely different, and I can

496
00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:32,000
Speaker 3: see where I'm making different decisions from a place of

497
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:36,960
Speaker 3: wisdom and experience versus panic and fight and flight and

498
00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:41,119
Speaker 3: all of those things. And so but that still feels

499
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:44,600
Speaker 3: like maybe how I'm operating and work. And yes, I

500
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:46,320
Speaker 3: could talk about the situation that happened to me, but

501
00:24:46,359 --> 00:24:48,800
Speaker 3: then there was also the pandemic and like life went

502
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:50,600
Speaker 3: away for us, and so I think there's some like

503
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:54,480
Speaker 3: you know, there's the gripping that we all probably feel

504
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:56,600
Speaker 3: a little bit if you lost your job at all

505
00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:59,240
Speaker 3: during the pandemic of just like, oh God, I hope

506
00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:01,639
Speaker 3: this doesn't happen again. It's just like a panic feeling.

507
00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:04,920
Speaker 3: And so I'm just trying to like kind of untangle

508
00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:09,720
Speaker 3: all of those things and then try to maybe navigate

509
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:13,960
Speaker 3: what parts of it, like what parts of it the child,

510
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,080
Speaker 3: what parts of it the adult parts of the teenager,

511
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:20,040
Speaker 3: so that I can move into like my forty one

512
00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:24,119
Speaker 3: year old Wiise adult that actually does have life experience

513
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:26,440
Speaker 3: and maybe is a little more familiar than I try

514
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:29,040
Speaker 3: to pretend that I am with knowing what to do

515
00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:32,000
Speaker 3: or you know, or if not knowing the next steps

516
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:34,280
Speaker 3: to take to go find out, but yeah.

517
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:37,119
Speaker 2: Being okay with not knowing what to do but willing

518
00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:38,200
Speaker 2: to figure.

519
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:40,359
Speaker 3: It out and not just shutting down and freezing and

520
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:43,199
Speaker 3: all the things that I have been doing. So but

521
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:45,960
Speaker 3: mostly I just want to feel satisfied in my own

522
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:48,840
Speaker 3: life and like my own experience, and learn how to

523
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:52,720
Speaker 3: speak up again, like find my voice again and not

524
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:57,159
Speaker 3: be stifled by anyone else's behavior around me, you know,

525
00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:59,880
Speaker 3: which is what I think I feel and fear right,

526
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:03,080
Speaker 3: So anyway, that's the journey that I'm about to start

527
00:26:03,119 --> 00:26:08,479
Speaker 3: going on. So yeah, keeping ghasted. It does take guts.

528
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:11,520
Speaker 3: I think any sort of inner work we do takes guts.

529
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:14,680
Speaker 3: So if anyone out there is listening, or you see

530
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:17,600
Speaker 3: any of the people that we even bring on the podcast, like,

531
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:19,840
Speaker 3: props to you, because it really does take guts to

532
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:22,600
Speaker 3: look at yourself or try to change the way that

533
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:26,760
Speaker 3: life is working for you anything like that. Yeah, I

534
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:28,760
Speaker 3: did want to just acknowledge this quick little email we

535
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:30,919
Speaker 3: got because it made my day. This is from Aaron

536
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:34,439
Speaker 3: and this was about the podcast that we did at

537
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:36,040
Speaker 3: the beginning of the month. I remember we read a

538
00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:40,280
Speaker 3: couple of listener emails and we were just talking about

539
00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:42,359
Speaker 3: like it was one of the girls and she was

540
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:44,239
Speaker 3: just so upset she had been through a breakthrough, and

541
00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:47,800
Speaker 3: I said something like, I just feel like everyone, like

542
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:49,960
Speaker 3: we have to let go of this narrative that everyone's

543
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:51,520
Speaker 3: life is going to look the same. Like I think

544
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:54,040
Speaker 3: we do such a disservice to ourselves by being like, oh,

545
00:26:54,119 --> 00:26:56,359
Speaker 3: by the time I'm thirty, I'm gonna be married and

546
00:26:56,359 --> 00:26:58,719
Speaker 3: I'm gonna have a kid by thirty four, and you

547
00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:02,440
Speaker 3: know whatever, if that happened for you, fantastic, There's nothing

548
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:05,399
Speaker 3: wrong with anyone's way of life, but everyone is on

549
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:07,560
Speaker 3: their own journey and that's been like the biggest life

550
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:10,200
Speaker 3: lesson that I've taken away from the last couple of

551
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:12,719
Speaker 3: years is really like accepting that and leaning into it

552
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:16,000
Speaker 3: and finding the beauty in that. So Arin just said, Hi,

553
00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:18,000
Speaker 3: I just wanted to say thank you for your vulnerability

554
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:21,359
Speaker 3: in today's episode as a fifty four year old single woman,

555
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:23,840
Speaker 3: I can finally stop trying to control my outcome or

556
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:26,959
Speaker 3: the universe. I've never felt more happy or free than

557
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:29,080
Speaker 3: in the last few weeks. Much love to you and

558
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:32,159
Speaker 3: Chip and all the best. Ah just wanted to give

559
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:34,200
Speaker 3: you last little nugget Chip.

560
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:37,080
Speaker 2: Mm hm. That's lovely, isn't that.

561
00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:39,399
Speaker 3: We just love hearing from you guys. So if you

562
00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:41,600
Speaker 3: ever want to send us an email, the email is

563
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:44,439
Speaker 3: the Edge at velvetsedge dot com. Sometimes when I say

564
00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:46,399
Speaker 3: send me an email, I almost feel like I'm saying, like,

565
00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:49,720
Speaker 3: get your carry your pigeon, write a letter, like it's.

566
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:51,919
Speaker 2: Like call us on your house the landline.

567
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:55,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, doesn't it feel like outdated to say on a podcast?

568
00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:57,879
Speaker 3: I don't know why. It's maybe I feel like a

569
00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:02,080
Speaker 3: DM is more up to date. Why do I have

570
00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:02,639
Speaker 3: that feeling.

571
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:06,280
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know. I guess like an email

572
00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:07,639
Speaker 2: can be a little bit longer.

573
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:10,639
Speaker 3: Although maybe it just takes more effort. You gotta log in.

574
00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:13,080
Speaker 3: I don't know, though it doesn't on your phone, so

575
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:14,919
Speaker 3: I don't even know what I'm saying, y'all, but you

576
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:17,560
Speaker 3: can email us at the edge at velvet edge dot com.

577
00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:20,480
Speaker 3: You can hit me up on Instagram always at Velvet Edge.

578
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 3: Keep it com please. We're working through.

579
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:26,600
Speaker 2: Some ship, so I'm at I'm at chip doors. Ch

580
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:28,880
Speaker 2: I p d r s c H.

581
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:32,359
Speaker 3: Did you spell your last name right, d O R

582
00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:34,760
Speaker 3: s c H. I guess you said it with a

583
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:36,480
Speaker 3: different announcih.

584
00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:38,760
Speaker 1: And maybe I didn't do the ch I P d

585
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:42,000
Speaker 1: O r s H. Normally I'd like bounce it a

586
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:42,640
Speaker 1: little there.

587
00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:43,640
Speaker 2: I don't know.

588
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:46,160
Speaker 1: I have to be really bad and I say I

589
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:47,560
Speaker 1: have to pee. I actually mean I have to be

590
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:48,200
Speaker 1: This time.

591
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:50,719
Speaker 3: He's literally squirming like I was in the podcast earlier.

592
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:53,240
Speaker 3: It was the other end. I'm just gonna keep talking

593
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:59,719
Speaker 3: because it's like, well, you're literally going, all right, we

594
00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:02,400
Speaker 3: gotta go. I guess the ship can go, Pete. We're

595
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:04,840
Speaker 3: starting the combo with poop, and now we end on Pee.

596
00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:07,600
Speaker 3: It feels right though. It's all about the guts, y'all.

597
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:11,000
Speaker 3: As you guys go into the weekend and you're living

598
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:13,200
Speaker 3: on the edge, I hope you always remember too.

599
00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:16,680
Speaker 2: Bye Casual byeye