Speaker 1: This is the DS with Eddie Judge and Edwin Aroyave
Speaker 1: the husbands know best too, Cheese production. Can you believe
Speaker 1: we'rere episode five already?
Speaker 2: Man? It is flying by.
Speaker 1: We are back for episode five, and since Mother's Day
Speaker 1: is right around the corner, we're going to talk about motherhood.
Speaker 3: Yes, and Happy Mother's Day to all the beautiful moms
Speaker 3: out there.
Speaker 1: All the beautiful moms. Hey, real quick before we get going,
Speaker 1: do you have the same holiday as my? Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're Latin American. In Latin American they celebrated on the
Speaker 1: tenth and in America they celebrated every Sunday, right maybe yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: so it's.
Speaker 3: The tenth, But I just always usually celebrated on Sunday.
Speaker 2: You know. Funny story, man.
Speaker 3: So this three days ago, Teddy's assistant sends me a text, Hey,
Speaker 3: Mother's Day's coming up, Mark. I don't know when I
Speaker 3: think of Mother's Day, I still think of my mom. Yeah,
Speaker 3: like I still think of mom my mom first and
Speaker 3: then Teddy. Which I'm probably gonna in trouble for saying.
Speaker 2: That, but yes you will. So I'm like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: can you get give me some stuff from alo My?
Speaker 2: I'm like, she loves alo and then she sends me
Speaker 2: like this black sweatsuit, right, and and I'm like, no,
Speaker 2: she likes colorful. She likes everything very colorful. And anyways,
Speaker 2: I'm on my call and then I'm like, oh, shoot,
Speaker 2: she's talking about Teddy. I'm like, hey, by the way,
Speaker 2: I was talking about my mom, not Teddy. So like seriously,
Speaker 2: I'm just like, I'm such a mama's boy. You know
Speaker 2: my dad, you know, before he went in jail, like
Speaker 2: he said, hey, you got one thing I want you
Speaker 2: to always remember. He's like, you got one mom. You
Speaker 2: need to take care of her.
Speaker 3: And you know, things are you know, one of my
Speaker 3: mentors ed, my lad always says things are caught, not taught.
Speaker 3: And I always saw how much my dad would take
Speaker 3: care of his mom. Yeah, and it's why I've always
Speaker 3: taken care of my mom because as a kid, I'd
Speaker 3: always see my dad like my dad would always get
Speaker 3: in front of, you know, my mom and say, hey,
Speaker 3: don't mess with my mom, right, And I would see that,
Speaker 3: and I've sort of become the same way. And then
Speaker 3: that's why I visit moms every Saturday, my kids. I
Speaker 3: take my kids with me because I want them to see, Hey,
Speaker 3: you got one mom, you take care of her first.
Speaker 3: You know, you know your mom's not going to be
Speaker 3: around as long as maybe your wife, right, so you
Speaker 3: want to make sure that you're taking care of mom.
Speaker 3: So anyways, I have this thing where I'm such a
Speaker 3: big mama's boy that I'm like, Mother's Day is like
Speaker 3: my Mom's Day, but you know Teddy.
Speaker 2: Then I go celebrate with Teddy as well. But yeah,
Speaker 2: I got to get better at it.
Speaker 1: Well, I was just going to say, and it's very
Speaker 1: convenient to have a Latin American Mother's Day and then
Speaker 1: a regular American Mother's Day because you can celebrate it
Speaker 1: in two separate days. I mean, I don't I don't
Speaker 1: know how it goes when you're celebrating your mom and
Speaker 1: your wife and you know, maybe another generation of moms,
Speaker 1: you know, all at the same time.
Speaker 3: Teddy loves them when I celebrate both of them at
Speaker 3: the same time, and they get matching.
Speaker 1: Gifts, so there's no jealousy. That's hilarious. Well, let me
Speaker 1: let me ask you this. When you were looking for
Speaker 1: a partner, how much did motherhood contribute to your decision?
Speaker 1: I think you hit on this a little bit, But
Speaker 1: tell me a little bit more about why Teddy.
Speaker 3: I mean, I think that was one of the number
Speaker 3: one reasons that I decided that I wanted to marry her.
Speaker 3: In fact, now as I look back at pictures, there's
Speaker 3: a picture of her of Teddy basically raising Bella. My
Speaker 3: daughter is a Bella like this when she's a year old,
Speaker 3: and there's like this big smile. I'm looking at Teddy
Speaker 3: the way she's holding my daughter, and I knew that.
Speaker 3: I remember that moment like it was yesterday, because I'm like,
Speaker 3: she's the one I need, because you know, you always
Speaker 3: want to at least for me, I wanted to marry
Speaker 3: someone that I knew would be a good mom. More
Speaker 3: than anything. I wanted that. I wanted to marry someone
Speaker 3: that was going to be a good mom, and.
Speaker 1: Teddy's exceeded all those expectations. Can you tell me a
Speaker 1: little bit about what your mom did to embed that?
Speaker 1: And You're like, well, obviously we get this from our parents.
Speaker 1: We are our parents, right, So what did you learn
Speaker 1: from your mom that that kind of solidified that you
Speaker 1: want that from a partner.
Speaker 3: You know, we had humble beginnings, right, so we didn't
Speaker 3: have much I mentioned on the first episode that we
Speaker 3: lived in this tiny little bedroom without any windows. Right,
Speaker 3: it was four of us living in this bedroom, so
Speaker 3: it wasn't the best living conditions. But I always had love.
Speaker 3: My mom always showed me a lot of love, and
Speaker 3: that's the one part I remembered. And she would always like,
Speaker 3: figure out a way to put me in sports and
Speaker 3: just get me out of like potential t bubble. And
Speaker 3: she just worked her butt off for us, and I
Speaker 3: saw how much she cared, and it.
Speaker 2: Just really I felt the love.
Speaker 3: And I'm like, I want to I want to be
Speaker 3: able to show that, and I want the person I
Speaker 3: marry to be able to show that to my kids.
Speaker 2: Is that love?
Speaker 3: And and Teddy's great with that, And again it's it's
Speaker 3: one of the reasons why I was like, this is
Speaker 3: going to be my wife. Yeah, yeah, what about you?
Speaker 3: What do you think about that? Is was obviously yours
Speaker 3: you met, uh. I think when you got married, Tamara
Speaker 3: obviously had kids, right was it three year?
Speaker 2: How many kids? Four?
Speaker 1: She had four, Ryan, Spencer, Sophia, and Sydney. And when
Speaker 1: I first met her, Ryan was already an adult essentially,
Speaker 1: you know, he wasn't a kid kid and Sophia was
Speaker 1: the littlest kid, and she was just so uh, neutral
Speaker 1: and open and loving and and and playful, you know,
Speaker 1: just like most kids are at that age. And Sydney
Speaker 1: and Spencer were about the same age. They were, I
Speaker 1: think in their teenage years, and they were a little
Speaker 1: bit you know, standoffish because of all the negative stuff
Speaker 1: that their father would put in their head. Right, I mean,
Speaker 1: at least the first two years they they didn't want
Speaker 1: to be around me. You can totally see that as
Speaker 1: they got older and things changed between you know, what
Speaker 1: they knew and what they learned, they figured it out
Speaker 1: and they realized, Okay, maybe Eddie is not such a
Speaker 1: bad guy, you know. Yeah.
Speaker 3: You know what I think is is so cool is
Speaker 3: that you know, sometimes women that you know, maybe get
Speaker 3: divorced or have kids, they think, oh, no, one's gonna
Speaker 3: want to marry me because I don't because I have kids.
Speaker 2: Now, what's going to want that? Right? And I think
Speaker 2: it was so great that you didn't even care about that, right?
Speaker 3: Was it was that something that ever crossed your mind, like,
Speaker 3: I don't know if I want to marry her because
Speaker 3: she's got kids.
Speaker 2: Did that ever crossed your mind or was it? Did
Speaker 2: you just know, like, Okay.
Speaker 1: That's actually a very good question, because I've thought about
Speaker 1: that many times, Like, you know, sitting here, how did
Speaker 1: I end up in a relationship with four kids that
Speaker 1: are not mine?
Speaker 2: You know, especially because you didn't have any kids either, right, right?
Speaker 1: Right? I don't have any kids in my own and
Speaker 1: that's because I never wanted kids in my own. Tama
Speaker 1: and I have talked about this before. It was one
Speaker 1: of those kind of things about, well, I didn't have
Speaker 1: a really great upbringing, you know, a stable upbringing, if
Speaker 1: you will. I kind of had to do it all
Speaker 1: on my own. And I always had this thought like
Speaker 1: why would I bring a child into this world that
Speaker 1: is so difficult, so hard, And you know, I had love,
Speaker 1: I had family, I had affection, but you know, we
Speaker 1: didn't get to do a whole lot of things, you know,
Speaker 1: And that was just my mentality growing up. The other part,
Speaker 1: the other side of it, was understanding. When I finally
Speaker 1: understood okay, you need money to do things, I thought, well,
Speaker 1: if I can't support myself, then how the hell am
Speaker 1: I going to support another being? And it wasn't until
Speaker 1: I can make enough money and make a good living
Speaker 1: that I could, you know, afford to have a child.
Speaker 1: And by then, I think I was in my mid
Speaker 1: thirties and I was already kind of thinking I really
Speaker 1: don't want children at this point in my life. You know,
Speaker 1: it would have been nice and maybe in my mid
Speaker 1: twenties if I was financially stable and it all made sense.
Speaker 1: But that's I think those are the two reasons why
Speaker 1: I never had kids of my own. And interestingly enough,
Speaker 1: this is the other thought that always comes through my head.
Speaker 1: I've dated a lot of women in my life that
Speaker 1: have had children, you know, whether it's one or two kids,
Speaker 1: and I never never considered it as a problem. Like,
Speaker 1: you know, I had a relationship with a woman who
Speaker 1: had two kids, and my experience was that she took
Speaker 1: care of them. She was there, her responsibility and her
Speaker 1: mother and when it came to me, I really couldn't
Speaker 1: step in as a father because their father was still
Speaker 1: alive and still in the picture. But she made damn
Speaker 1: sure that those kids respected me, and they respected everybody
Speaker 1: at any adult in their life. Right. So that's kind
Speaker 1: of the only experience I had where Okay, so this
Speaker 1: is how it can work, you know. But I was
Speaker 1: still scared. I was scared that you know, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to be able to afford to raise the child, right,
Speaker 1: It's expensive.
Speaker 3: Seriously, I love that answer so much because there's probably
Speaker 3: a lot of women out there that are in relationships
Speaker 3: right now that they know they wi want to leave,
Speaker 3: but they're like, they're afraid they'll never be able to
Speaker 3: find someone better. And you know, you're you're a great
Speaker 3: testament that there are some great guys out there if
Speaker 3: you're not in a good place, right, because I know
Speaker 3: there's a lot of women that are fearful of that,
Speaker 3: like if I leave, I have three kids, kids, and no,
Speaker 3: they're not I'm not going to be able to find anyone.
Speaker 3: And there's always someone, right, especially if you're not in
Speaker 3: a good relationship. And you know, I know many women
Speaker 3: that stay unfortunately abusive relationships just because they're scared to
Speaker 3: be alone, right, Because again, they're a great example of that.
Speaker 3: So yeah, man, yeah.
Speaker 1: Well that was a deep them.
Speaker 3: By the way, one of the things that you said
Speaker 3: actually makes a lot of sense to me as far
Speaker 3: as like you know, looking at your children as like
Speaker 3: it costs a lot of money to have children, and
Speaker 3: at least for me, I mean, if it was up
Speaker 3: to me, I'd have more kids. But sometimes if you
Speaker 3: have a ton of them, you're kind of taking away
Speaker 3: from the other ones because if you don't have enough
Speaker 3: to support all of them, and you're sort of taking
Speaker 3: some options and opportunities from your other kids.
Speaker 2: If you just decide to have.
Speaker 3: You know, eight kids, all of a sudden, you have
Speaker 3: eight kids. You can't send all of them to private school,
Speaker 3: right or you better be making more money if you're
Speaker 3: gonna have eight kids. Yeah, you know, you just there's
Speaker 3: certain things that get taken away if you have too many.
Speaker 3: So I've always been to that thinking as well as like,
Speaker 3: can I afford to have another kid so I could
Speaker 3: give them the things that I want.
Speaker 2: To be able to provide for them, you know.
Speaker 3: So again, some people don't think about that. I'm not
Speaker 3: saying it's right or wrong. I'm just saying I thought
Speaker 3: about it that way, where Okay, four I can handle.
Speaker 3: I don't know if I could finance, well, I might
Speaker 3: be able to handle another one. But that's another story
Speaker 3: for Teddy.
Speaker 1: Well. The interesting thing is that my grandmother, who was
Speaker 1: the one that brought me to the United States, she
Speaker 1: had eight kids, so I have like four or five
Speaker 1: uncles and my aunt and my mom, and they didn't
Speaker 1: grow up with money. You know, they didn't have money.
Speaker 1: But how she and she pretty much raised them on
Speaker 1: her own. So how the hell did she do it?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 1: And and and you know it was love, right raise them? Love? Yeah,
Speaker 1: Love and affection I think is the most valuable commodity
Speaker 1: out there. If you don't And honestly, you can grow
Speaker 1: up with all the money in the world, but if
Speaker 1: you don't have love, it's empty. It's an empty life.
Speaker 1: I have a question for you. I just found out
Speaker 1: that Slate and Cruise were conceived via I v F
Speaker 1: and Dove was natural.
Speaker 2: One.
Speaker 1: What was that like going through I v F.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So Teddy had a hard time with getting pregnant,
Speaker 3: and when we first had Slate, in my head, I
Speaker 3: always thought like, you're gonna have nothing but girls like
Speaker 3: that was literally my thought, right, So when we we're
Speaker 3: gonna do IBF again, I'm.
Speaker 2: Like, man, I gotta have a boy. Like what if
Speaker 2: I end up not having a boy?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: I want my boy.
Speaker 3: So I actually asked Teddy, well, if we're gonna go
Speaker 3: kind of the first level, why don't we take it
Speaker 3: all the way and let's ensure that I have a boy.
Speaker 1: But you can do this in IBF.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can do that in IBF. It's like a
Speaker 3: second you know. I'm sure Teddy can explain it better,
Speaker 3: but yeah, it's like a second level of or third
Speaker 3: level where you can pick the sex of the baby.
Speaker 1: So it sounds like like you can design your own baby.
Speaker 3: Well, that's why I had a problem with it because
Speaker 3: for vanity reasons, I kind of wanted my boy. I
Speaker 3: just wanted a boy that you know, everybody wants their boy. Yeah,
Speaker 3: And the way they do it is obviously they get
Speaker 3: the eggs, they get the sperm, they mix it and
Speaker 3: then it'll tell you you got x many girls, you
Speaker 3: got x many.
Speaker 2: Boys, right, wow.
Speaker 3: Well we did it three different times and it kept failing.
Speaker 3: But each time we did it, I'm not exaggerating, it
Speaker 3: was ninety five percent female and like one boy, so
Speaker 3: we of course put the one boy in. The first
Speaker 3: one she had a miscarriage. Then we did a second
Speaker 3: round and same thing, ninety five percent.
Speaker 2: Girls, one boy.
Speaker 3: We put the boy in didn't make it. So finally
Speaker 3: on the last one we did it again, and this
Speaker 3: time I told Teddy Hey, it doesn't work. It's not
Speaker 3: meant to be. Maybe it's not meant for me to
Speaker 3: have boys, right, And we did it again and it worked.
Speaker 3: And then but the whole time I.
Speaker 2: Was struggling with it because I'm like, am I trying
Speaker 2: to play god here? Like I didn't feel right about it,
Speaker 2: and because every time it was a miscarriage.
Speaker 3: Well, all of a sudden, six months passed by. Everything's
Speaker 3: great anyway. The day of the birth, I'm in my
Speaker 3: head about it and I'm like, I hope nothing goes
Speaker 3: wrong today because I did this because I was struggling
Speaker 3: with it. It wasn't an easy decision for me. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and then sure enough Cruz comes out and he's not breathing.
Speaker 3: And then all of a sudden, I don't know, fifteen
Speaker 3: doctors come in. They pushed me to the side. You know,
Speaker 3: my mom's in there, my sister's in there there crying.
Speaker 3: I can't see. I'm trying to look over to see
Speaker 3: what's up with Cruise, and it's just silence. And then Teddy.
Speaker 3: I just hear Teddy screaming, like, what's wrong with the baby.
Speaker 3: What's wrong with the baby? You don't hear a cry,
Speaker 3: it's silent for I want to say at least a minute.
Speaker 3: It felt like fifteen, and all of a sudden he
Speaker 3: cries and everything's fine, but then they take them immediately
Speaker 3: out and he spent the entire night in the nick
Speaker 3: you and I think he was there for a couple
Speaker 3: of days, and it was just scary. And while that
Speaker 3: was going on, I was like praying to God. I
Speaker 3: was like, God, I'll never do that again. Please, just
Speaker 3: you know, save them. I promise you I'll never do
Speaker 3: it again. And that was it and I'll never do
Speaker 3: it again. And then with Dove, we you know, it
Speaker 3: came natural. We're like, we weren't expecting it were.
Speaker 2: Like, what you could have a baby. And then there
Speaker 2: was this.
Speaker 3: Slight hope that she would be a boy because I
Speaker 3: wanted two boys and two girls, like that would be perfect.
Speaker 3: And I was like, it's going to be a boy.
Speaker 3: I know it's going to be a boy.
Speaker 2: Sure enough.
Speaker 3: Another female. So I'm a female maker, Yes you are.
Speaker 2: I would have had.
Speaker 3: I'm if we would have done if we wouldn't have
Speaker 3: done IBF, I would have had nothing but girls.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And I just have had friends that have had that
Speaker 1: scenario where there's like fifteen girls in the house and
Speaker 1: they're just going crazy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then there's some males that just have nothing,
Speaker 3: but I mean some some guys that just have nothing
Speaker 3: but boys. Yeah, that's funny because I hear the guys
Speaker 3: the one that actually determines what sex comes out this
Speaker 3: from when I yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't know, but I've heard rumors that it depends on,
Speaker 1: you know, how you do it, if it's you know, missionary,
Speaker 1: or if it's you know, other animals.
Speaker 2: I did all kinds of positions didn't work for me.
Speaker 2: It was off. So tell me we saw what a
Speaker 2: robot baby? She's a nine on the show? What was
Speaker 2: that about or whose idea was that?
Speaker 1: Well, you know, it was the same subject about do
Speaker 1: I want kids? I can't tell you. If I had
Speaker 1: a dollar for every time somebody asked me that question,
Speaker 1: I think I'd make a lot of money. But it
Speaker 1: was a scene or an episode. I should say that
Speaker 1: with film where she asked me, do you you sure
Speaker 1: you don't want kids? And I said, no, I don't
Speaker 1: want kids, and they somehow produced a robot child that
Speaker 1: you literally had to carry like a baby and if
Speaker 1: it starts crying, you put your finger in its mouth,
Speaker 1: or you put the bottle in its mouth like a
Speaker 1: real baby, and every single and it's kind of random,
Speaker 1: how it's computerized and it cries randomly, and it was
Speaker 1: probably as real as it could get to having a baby.
Speaker 1: And here's the thing about me and kids. There's there's
Speaker 1: one thing that I do know about me and babies.
Speaker 1: They seem so fragile to me that I was always
Speaker 1: afraid of picking up babies. You know, I was that
Speaker 1: guy like I don't want to pick it up. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna heard it, I'm gonna squeeze it. You know, it's
Speaker 1: so fragile. So I was afraid of babies. But when
Speaker 1: it's a robot baby, I was a little bit more relaxed.
Speaker 1: They're like, okay, I could do with And we ended
Speaker 1: up taking turns, and you know, she took care of
Speaker 1: him when he cried. I took care of when he cried.
Speaker 1: I think we named them astro like, oh, I love that.
Speaker 1: I think it came from the Jetsons.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I remember that.
Speaker 1: But I knew we weren't meant to have kids because
Speaker 1: I think by day three or four, the baby wouldn't
Speaker 1: stop crying. And Tamra took it downstairs, came back to sleep,
Speaker 1: and the next morning I found the baby in the
Speaker 1: couch behind the pillows, not breathing. So I said, yeah,
Speaker 1: we're not gonna have kids. Yeah, it was funny, it
Speaker 1: was a good time. It was interesting to experience that though.
Speaker 1: You know, one thing that I do, I think you've
Speaker 1: shared it with me too. But every guy I know,
Speaker 1: every friend that I know that has ever shared their
Speaker 1: experience about having a kid, and that whole birth experience,
Speaker 1: it's like the most magical experience you ever experienced in life,
Speaker 1: right like, this is this is you, this is part
Speaker 1: of you coming to the world. That's probably something I
Speaker 1: will never experience in my life. And that's probably the
Speaker 1: only thing that I regret not having in life, you know,
Speaker 1: But there's so many other things in life that I
Speaker 1: experience that you know, I am very fortunate to be
Speaker 1: in love and in a relationship where I just I
Speaker 1: adore my wife and I know I can't imagine life
Speaker 1: without her, you know. It's I adore the kid. I
Speaker 1: just this is this is a good life. You know.
Speaker 1: I'm not deprived in any way, you know, But that's
Speaker 1: that's the only thing that every friend of mine, male
Speaker 1: even just male friend of mine just told me like,
Speaker 1: this is the most magical experience you'll ever have in
Speaker 1: your life.
Speaker 3: So, speaking of magical experiences, I decided because it's such
Speaker 3: a magical experience. When Teddy was having the baby, I
Speaker 3: filmed the whole thing.
Speaker 2: Really. I was so excited, like literally filmed the baby's
Speaker 2: head coming out. And I was so excited that I
Speaker 2: sent the video to John, her dad, her sister Mice,
Speaker 2: and he was so upset, Why did you show my
Speaker 2: vagina to everyone? But I was just so excited. I
Speaker 2: was like, oh shit, I got this on video, Like
Speaker 2: dad's gonna want her dad's gonna want to see this
Speaker 2: magical moment. So, like a dumbass, I sent a video
Speaker 2: to her dad or sister, and you know, so they
Speaker 2: still make fun of me because I sent you know, Dad,
Speaker 2: he's jj going baby coming out, So yeah, who knows,
Speaker 2: Maybe I'll send you the video you can watch the
Speaker 2: magical moment. What advice You've obviously been a great step dad,
Speaker 2: what advice would you give to someone that is maybe
Speaker 2: just got married to someone that has you know, kids,
Speaker 2: and you know what, what's I guess the best advice
Speaker 2: you you would give for somebody stepping into that step
Speaker 2: dad role.
Speaker 1: I would say, I mean, it depends on a lot
Speaker 1: of variables. Because if you have a dad who's just
Speaker 1: a but he's still a dad and and is willing
Speaker 1: to be a part of the children's life, you can't
Speaker 1: you can't take that role, you know, those that's the
Speaker 1: father's role. So your role is just to be there
Speaker 1: and be a positive role model for the children and
Speaker 1: if they need anything, you help, you let them come
Speaker 1: to you. Essentially. That's that's just my experience, right. There's
Speaker 1: there's been other you know, friends that are been in
Speaker 1: my shoes that say, you know, opposite, they want to
Speaker 1: take an active role, they want to be there and
Speaker 1: and sort of prevent the kids from going, you know,
Speaker 1: rogue because their father is such a right in other
Speaker 1: circumstances which I've never experienced, where the father is not
Speaker 1: in the picture or he's a deadbeat dad, that's that's
Speaker 1: where I would step in and say, okay, kids, whatever
Speaker 1: you need, anytime you need them, and and and you know,
Speaker 1: follow through as a real like step father where you're
Speaker 1: in there being the father role.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: But I just felt that always if the dad is
Speaker 1: willing to do or be a part, no matter what
Speaker 1: much of it is. If he's willing to be part
Speaker 1: of the children's life, you can't take that role. You
Speaker 1: can't be a step dad, right, You can't really have
Speaker 1: two dads. The father's role is equally as important as
Speaker 1: the mother's role, and you can't. You can't blur that
Speaker 1: by saying, well, I'm your dad too, right, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it'll be mixed signals to the kids.
Speaker 2: So were you.
Speaker 3: More of had to be a dad or were you
Speaker 3: able to maybe not be as much as involved with
Speaker 3: like dad decisions because dad has been around.
Speaker 1: No, I wasn't as involved with dad decisions because dad
Speaker 1: was around, and that was typically something that that was
Speaker 1: a triage between Tamra and her ex and the kids.
Speaker 1: You know, that was their role. So when it came
Speaker 1: to you know, particularly disciplinary actions, and I understand why
Speaker 1: she made this decisions she's made before, but at the
Speaker 1: time I was like, how come you're not being disciplinary?
Speaker 1: How come you're not you know, disciplining in the kids
Speaker 1: or giving them the structure. Understand it now in hindsight,
Speaker 1: but at the time it was like, well, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't want to get into this with her. Because
Speaker 1: it's her children and it's his children, and unless she
Speaker 1: wants me to give my advice, I really can't step
Speaker 1: in there and say you should do this, because that
Speaker 1: would just cause a fight with us, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. They're not my kids, they're there kids, and
Speaker 1: they still hold that mutual responsibility of making sure the
Speaker 1: kids are healthy and happy. So yeah, my role was
Speaker 1: really just to be a a arm to lean on,
Speaker 1: someone you know, to talk to. But unfortunately for the children,
Speaker 1: their father brainwashed them so much that they were afraid
Speaker 1: to open up to me or ask me for anything.
Speaker 1: And it's not until now like most of the most
Speaker 1: of the kids except for Sophia, and she's getting to
Speaker 1: that point where they're starting to feel like comfortable about
Speaker 1: themselves and comfortable and having conversations with me and asking
Speaker 1: me for stuff. But for a very long time, it
Speaker 1: was very much like no, my dad said, you're a
Speaker 1: bad person, and my dad said, you know, not to
Speaker 1: like you. My dad said, it was ingrained in their heads.
Speaker 1: So I understand, you know, if I totally understand what
Speaker 1: they went.
Speaker 3: Through, well, shout out to step dads that are good guys.
Speaker 3: I've been blessed to have you know, my daughter's got
Speaker 3: a stepdad and he's been completely awesome. I couldn't have
Speaker 3: asked for a better step dad on my end, and
Speaker 3: I know you've been great as well.
Speaker 1: So yeah, and that's actually great. I wish it was
Speaker 1: like that. I wish we could have conversations about the
Speaker 1: kids like that, because it really is for the benefit
Speaker 1: of the kids. You know, just because your relationship doesn't
Speaker 1: work with that person doesn't mean your kids have to suffer.
Speaker 1: So I wish it was like that.
Speaker 2: So I have a.
Speaker 1: Question for you. Tamer was telling me that Teddy has
Speaker 1: been very open about her postpartum struggles. How did you
Speaker 1: show support did that? How do you how do you
Speaker 1: help somebody going through postpartum because I heard that's like
Speaker 1: a severe case of depression.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I man, I'm I didn't even know it was
Speaker 3: going on. I mean I was so into I mean,
Speaker 3: I was working so much that I had no idea
Speaker 3: she was even going through that. I want to say
Speaker 3: that I found out because I think I saw what
Speaker 3: she was researching, and I was like, she depressed, Why
Speaker 3: is she researching this stuff? And then then that's when
Speaker 3: I asked her, and then that's when she told me,
Speaker 3: but I had no idea.
Speaker 2: Well, I just caught.
Speaker 1: It, did you you didn't notice any signs?
Speaker 2: Like she No, I mean she was.
Speaker 3: She was pretty good with like when I got home, like,
Speaker 3: I honestly didn't see her. Maybe I was so into
Speaker 3: my work that I didn't even notice. I mean, it
Speaker 3: was probably more about me not noticing and just you
Speaker 3: know that that's probably my fault on that I probably
Speaker 3: should have seen it. But yeah, no, I That's how
Speaker 3: I found out.
Speaker 1: Is when you found out, how did you handle it
Speaker 1: or did you guys get professional help or did you
Speaker 1: guys just read and research and figure it out?
Speaker 2: Well, so I asked her, Hey, is are you depressed?
Speaker 2: Are you going through? Because you know, I I just
Speaker 2: never I don't know much about that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2: You know. I've always been one that's just kind of like, no,
Speaker 2: you just that stuff doesn't exist, right, Yeah, you know.
Speaker 3: Now obviously I know, But at the time, I had
Speaker 3: no idea. I was just like you, just what do
Speaker 3: you mean you just figure stuff out?
Speaker 2: Like yeah, like, what do you mean, I don't I
Speaker 2: don't get that stuff.
Speaker 3: And no, yeah, then she you know, she started working
Speaker 3: on herself and and but.
Speaker 2: I don't think she I don't think she got therapy.
Speaker 2: If I'm trying to remember, I don't think she got therapy,
Speaker 2: but or maybe she'd. Yeah, there's those years were.
Speaker 3: I want to say that was probably twenty fourteen. Yeah,
Speaker 3: those were those were some of these tough years that
Speaker 3: her and I had. So I was kind of I
Speaker 3: was in laala land myself when that was going on.
Speaker 1: It Do you think that's kind of a normal thing
Speaker 1: when you get married, you build a life together, and
Speaker 1: you have kids, and then it's another struggle, and then
Speaker 1: the kids finally grow up and leave the house, and
Speaker 1: then you're just empty nesters and now it's a struggle
Speaker 1: and you know, all those severe life changes.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's just it's like different cycles I
Speaker 3: guess that you're going through. But we were, you know,
Speaker 3: I was working all the time, and then she was
Speaker 3: staying with the kids.
Speaker 2: You know, she was staying at home.
Speaker 3: And she was kind of like I'd come home and
Speaker 3: she'd have her friends there and they'd be you know,
Speaker 3: you know, hanging out.
Speaker 2: And you know there's a.
Speaker 3: Part too that I was, you know, not upset, but
Speaker 3: I'm like, man, I'm working all day and every time
Speaker 3: I come home.
Speaker 2: It's just like the girls are all hanging out, you know,
Speaker 2: like and yeah, and there was like no food and
Speaker 2: I was like, what have you been doing all day?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: So there was a part of now that that was
Speaker 3: just me being selfish at the time, Like I wasn't
Speaker 3: you know, I was just not in a good place myself.
Speaker 3: I was, you know, I there was a part of
Speaker 3: me that was just like, Oh, you've been here all day,
Speaker 3: what's going on?
Speaker 2: You know, I've been working all day? And it was
Speaker 2: just this it was a me problem at the time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well I could totally see how that could happen. Yeah,
Speaker 1: when you're when when as an entrepreneur, when you've set
Speaker 1: your mind to accomplish something, everything else kind of fades away.
Speaker 1: It becomes a shadow until you come out of it
Speaker 1: and you're like, where am I? Oh I have a family?
Speaker 1: Yeah exactly, Oh, okay, I have kids. Did you see
Speaker 1: Teddy become a different person when she became a mom,
Speaker 1: like or when she had her own children?
Speaker 2: Did she She's always been?
Speaker 3: I mean she you know, that's the beautiful thing about
Speaker 3: Teddy's that I didn't see really much difference from when
Speaker 3: Bella came out to the way Slate came out.
Speaker 2: She treated them both the same. That's awesome, and I
Speaker 2: mean that's.
Speaker 3: Again I was I saw how much she loved Bella,
Speaker 3: and then again when Slate came out, at least I
Speaker 3: couldn't see the difference, right, And even to this day,
Speaker 3: it's you know, she treats Bella like like if like
Speaker 3: if she's her own, you know, which is.
Speaker 2: Again just a lot of love. So yeah, she's always
Speaker 2: been great.
Speaker 1: I think that's amazing. And one of the most important
Speaker 1: parts about you know, having a family, you know, is
Speaker 1: being able to treat a child that's yours, it's that's
Speaker 1: not yours, like that's yours.
Speaker 2: You know, when you when you uh, now, let me
Speaker 2: ask you this.
Speaker 3: When you were you know, obviously step Dad did you
Speaker 3: was there a part of you that wanted to be
Speaker 3: a little bit of a role model with them, and
Speaker 3: you know, just showing them kind of again, things aren't taught.
Speaker 3: They're caught showing them what a you know, what a
Speaker 3: good person kind of lives by.
Speaker 1: And oh yeah, one hundred percent. I wanted to influence
Speaker 1: them as much as I could, you know, because I
Speaker 1: felt like I've made it through life, I've struggled, and
Speaker 1: you know, and and and I can teach them a
Speaker 1: little bit about that. And the irony is is that
Speaker 1: our kids grew up pretty privileged. You know, we live
Speaker 1: in Orange County in a very beautiful area. You know,
Speaker 1: we have a pretty good living, and they've never ever
Speaker 1: relative to me and relative to even kids that you know,
Speaker 1: let's say kids, this is out of context, but kids
Speaker 1: in Africa, you know who, you know, born in the jungle.
Speaker 1: My struggle was was not like that. But I struggled.
Speaker 1: And when these kids come to me and or they
Speaker 1: tell their mom, you know, life is so hard, like
Speaker 1: I don't get it, you know, Can I can I
Speaker 1: talk to you about this?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 1: Can I teach you? You know what? Can I take
Speaker 1: you down town and show you how people really are
Speaker 1: struggling so you can understand what real struggle is. And
Speaker 1: I never got the opportunity to do that. You know,
Speaker 1: I really think that's a valuable lesson. When you take
Speaker 1: somebody outside their bubble and take them to a community
Speaker 1: where there are people that are really struggling. I think
Speaker 1: it'll open up people's eyes, especially kids, especially when they're
Speaker 1: little and they're impressionable, and they realize, you know what,
Speaker 1: I have it freaking pretty damn good, right, because all
Speaker 1: they have to compare themselves with is other kids in
Speaker 1: the neighborhood who obviously might have ten times more than
Speaker 1: we have. You know, while our kids are getting brand
Speaker 1: new Mas, does you know their friends might be getting
Speaker 1: brand new Lamborghinis, right, right?
Speaker 3: Yeah, It's so important for them to see what it
Speaker 3: looks on the other side, right, because you don't know
Speaker 3: what you don't know, right. And I also think in
Speaker 3: the same way, it's important if you don't grow up
Speaker 3: with much to at least go touch the dream once
Speaker 3: in a while, you know, take your kids to some
Speaker 3: nice areas so that they can see, whoa, there's a
Speaker 3: whole different lifestyle here.
Speaker 2: Maybe I want a piece of this, right Yeah, But
Speaker 2: if you never exposed them to it, why would they
Speaker 2: want it? Exactly?
Speaker 3: If they don't know any different, right, right, It's almost
Speaker 3: like so it goes both ways, yeah right, So you
Speaker 3: know for me, I know that was such a big
Speaker 3: part of me, is that I was exposed to even
Speaker 3: though we didn't grow up with money, I was exposed
Speaker 3: to like nice areas, and being exposed to those nice
Speaker 3: areas made me realize like, wait a minute, this is where.
Speaker 2: I want to live. Yeah, I don't want to live there,
Speaker 2: you know, And I think back, if I wouldn't have
Speaker 2: been exposed to it, you don't know what you don't know, right,
Speaker 2: You can't improve on something you're not aware of. So
Speaker 2: I think it goes both ways on that for sure.
Speaker 3: Yeah, But what do you think as far as like
Speaker 3: what about like I'm big on this is like not
Speaker 3: getting smashed in front of the kids.
Speaker 2: What I mean like I don't drunk drink.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like I yeah, very particular about I can drink.
Speaker 3: They could see me drink, but you'll never see me.
Speaker 2: Smashed in front of my kids.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I'm very particular with that because again,
Speaker 3: things are caught not topped right right, they start seeing
Speaker 3: you get smashed all of a sudden, they're like, oh,
Speaker 3: it's okay to get smashed, right.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So were you did you take that into consideration in
Speaker 3: front of the.
Speaker 1: Kids or yes? Yes, between that which was not a
Speaker 1: problem because you know, I wasn't a big drinker. I
Speaker 1: think I've been drunk the two or three times here
Speaker 1: in this house I live in, and two of them
Speaker 1: were when I was single. You know, and usually when
Speaker 1: we have parties, the kids are at their friend's house, right,
Speaker 1: so we had we had we had a few rules.
Speaker 1: One of the biggest rules is we don't fight in
Speaker 1: front of the kids. You know, we don't curse at
Speaker 1: each other and put each other down in front of
Speaker 1: the kids. I think that one thing I don't remember
Speaker 1: how I learned, but one thing I learned is that
Speaker 1: kids will emulate you more than repeat what you say
Speaker 1: than what they learned elsewhere. Right, they can read it
Speaker 1: in a book how to be, but if they grow
Speaker 1: up in an abusive household, they're going to be abusive too,
Speaker 1: regardless of you know, what they've read or what they've
Speaker 1: learned in school. So it was important to me to
Speaker 1: understanding that, to know that the kids are very impressionable,
Speaker 1: and I believe from what I understand, it's the first
Speaker 1: six to eight years of their life where they're the
Speaker 1: most absorbent of everything, you know, and once they absorb it,
Speaker 1: it's not going anywhere. No amount of therapy is gonna
Speaker 1: take it away.
Speaker 2: That's so true.
Speaker 3: And by the way, no one, no matter, no one's perfect.
Speaker 3: So the idea is it happens less and less and
Speaker 3: less but like once in a while, I'll still blur
Speaker 3: like a bad word and I don't realize that the kids.
Speaker 3: So this last Sunday, I'm taking uh.
Speaker 2: Uh, we're going to church.
Speaker 3: It's dub and I and cruise and someone cuts me
Speaker 3: off and I'm like and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 3: in the back.
Speaker 2: Seat, she didn't skip a beat. She's like, I'm like,
Speaker 2: oh no, no, starts laughing. I start laughing. I'm just sorry, kids,
Speaker 2: I did not mean to say that.
Speaker 1: Sorry, sorry, sorry funny.
Speaker 2: And right away she says it. She's like a freaking parrot.
Speaker 2: She repeats anything funny.
Speaker 1: The best ones there when they go to school and
Speaker 1: say it, and the teacher is like, what are you
Speaker 1: teaching your kids?
Speaker 2: Exactly?
Speaker 1: Kids are funny, so funny. I think that's all I
Speaker 1: got for you.
Speaker 2: Uh yeah, I think you know what. I have a
Speaker 2: couple ones for you. Still, so no, So.
Speaker 3: Was there ever any part of you that wanted biological children?
Speaker 1: The only time, like I said earlier, is when my
Speaker 1: friends would share that, Like you could really see that
Speaker 1: magic in their eyes when they're telling me the story
Speaker 1: about what it's like having your own kid right and
Speaker 1: watching the birth. That's it. That's the only time I've
Speaker 1: ever thought, you know, maybe it would be nice to
Speaker 1: have my own kid another time. And this was recently.
Speaker 1: Now that I'm in my fifties, I'm thinking, well, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm starting I have a lot of friends that are older.
Speaker 1: Some of the guys that I ride dirt bikes with
Speaker 1: are in their mid sixties to late sixties, and they're badasses,
Speaker 1: but their parents are older and they're starting to, you know,
Speaker 1: either live in a home or die of cancer or
Speaker 1: you know, shit like that is happening. So it led
Speaker 1: me to believe, like, what's going to happen to me,
Speaker 1: you know, when I get to that point. And that's
Speaker 1: thinking way way down the line. Because my grandmother is
Speaker 1: going to be ninety nine years old this year. So
Speaker 1: I know, my jeans are good and I take care
Speaker 1: of myself, so I might live to one hundred and four.
Speaker 1: But these are the thoughts that I've been having and
Speaker 1: conversations I've been having with my wife, Like even with
Speaker 1: my buddy yesterday, sitting at lunch after a ride, we
Speaker 1: looked across the table and there's probably an eighty five
Speaker 1: year old couple. Like both of them are in their eighties.
Speaker 1: And they're still eating dinner together and they're still enjoying
Speaker 1: each other's time, and it just makes me reflect like,
Speaker 1: is that are we going to still? I hope we're
Speaker 1: still going to be doing that, you know, in our eighties.
Speaker 1: And how long are we going to be doing that
Speaker 1: before we get to the point where we're either getting
Speaker 1: help to go to the bathroom or getting help to
Speaker 1: you know, get up? You know, it's it's it's I'm
Speaker 1: struggling with it a little bit because my mother is
Speaker 1: ninety nine, or my grandmother is ninety nine, and she
Speaker 1: has more good days than bad, but she still is
Speaker 1: having bad days that I've never seen before, right, So
Speaker 1: I'm wondering, like, is it any time now? I mean,
Speaker 1: she is ninety nine years old? But when when it happens,
Speaker 1: who's going to be there for me?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Is it?
Speaker 1: Kind? I don't have any kids. Is Ryan, Sophia, Sidney
Speaker 1: or Spencer going to be there for me? I don't know,
Speaker 1: It's I guess will I guess It's to be determined.
Speaker 2: And so are you going to celebrate with grandma? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, ninety nine years old?
Speaker 2: I wish you did you take the tenth or how
Speaker 2: do you how do you do it?
Speaker 1: I usually do because that's where when she wants to
Speaker 1: she's still and she's starting to have some amnesia or
Speaker 1: signs dementia, because every time I go see her, she's
Speaker 1: just like, so, do you still live in New Mexico? Like, Mom, no,
Speaker 1: I'm only twenty five minutes away. That's that's that's not
Speaker 1: very far. It's like, wait, you rode your bike from Mexico.
Speaker 1: So it's it's happening. And you know, not just the
Speaker 1: fear of losing her, but the fear of getting to
Speaker 1: that point in my life is kind of scaring me, Like,
Speaker 1: you know, what's going to happen? You know, I And
Speaker 1: no matter how much money you have in your life
Speaker 1: and you have, you know, all the nurses to take
Speaker 1: care of you, it's not the same as having somebody
Speaker 1: who loves you really take care of you, right, And
Speaker 1: that that, to me is going to be Probably the
Speaker 1: hardest part is like is there going to be somebody there?
Speaker 1: Because I might outlive my wife. You know, I'm the
Speaker 1: crazy one, but I think my genes have shown that
Speaker 1: I'm gonna live longer than her.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, everything I think in life, everything is reciprocal.
Speaker 3: So I think if if you're constantly showing people love,
Speaker 3: you'll get that back. And if you're there for people,
Speaker 3: they'll be there for you. So sure that you know
Speaker 3: there's there's going to be someone there taking care of you.
Speaker 3: And again, I think you know Teddy as much as
Speaker 3: much as she's like now, she knows like, yeah, go
Speaker 3: visit moms because she knows that that eventually my kids
Speaker 3: are going to now eventually be taking care of her
Speaker 3: because they're going to see the way I treated my
Speaker 3: mom exactly. And again everything is sort of reciprocal. And
Speaker 3: but yeah, so now what are your thoughts on You know,
Speaker 3: we're speaking to grandma's Tamra's a grandma, which I still
Speaker 3: don't I can't even understand that she looks so young.
Speaker 2: I would never look at her as a grandma.
Speaker 1: But she had her first child at seventeen years old.
Speaker 3: I know that's that's crazy. So how do you feel
Speaker 3: about her being a grandma?
Speaker 1: Oh, it's no different.
Speaker 2: Do you give her a crap for that grandma?
Speaker 1: Oh? No, she's such a young grandma and even her
Speaker 1: mom is such a young grandma, a great grandma. Actually,
Speaker 1: you know, they always tay you look at the mother
Speaker 1: before you marry the girl, because that's what she's going
Speaker 1: to look like. And I love her mom. She's so
Speaker 1: just full of life and takes good care of herself
Speaker 1: and and just it's always active. So Tama has some
Speaker 1: good genes too, and she's going to be active for
Speaker 1: a long time.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: That's that's what I'm looking forward to. It's like we're
Speaker 1: going to be doing things till we're dead.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And How's what's Tama's role as a grandma? Is
Speaker 3: she like involved? Does she try to maybe just not
Speaker 3: not get involved too much?
Speaker 1: Or is she no? She she does get involved. When
Speaker 1: when her mom used to live here, we used to
Speaker 1: get the opportunity to see Ava once a week. But
Speaker 1: when mom moved away, it's been kind of challenging. And
Speaker 1: especially when Tama films, it's really hard for her to
Speaker 1: stop and do anything with anybody, including myself. But now
Speaker 1: that she's not filming, and she has spent time, you know,
Speaker 1: going and taking Ava out. There was I think her
Speaker 1: her mom, Ava and Sophia went out and hung out yesterday,
Speaker 1: you know, like I was like four different generations and
Speaker 1: that was fun. That was really cool. But she loves
Speaker 1: to do stuff like that she loves Ava. She has
Speaker 1: seen Ava grow up and you know, just become her own.
Speaker 1: And just like the other kids, they to see the
Speaker 1: evolution of a child go from you know to you know,
Speaker 1: give me money, right, you know, it's it's it's a
Speaker 1: great life experience, I think. And I think she's enjoying
Speaker 1: Ava tremendously.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I can't wait to be a grandpa, I think, Oh, definitely.
Speaker 2: I feel like my first kids.
Speaker 3: I you know, I was so in work that I
Speaker 3: you know, I probably well, my first one, I was very,
Speaker 3: very involved, right because you know, it was you know,
Speaker 3: Teddy came into it I think four months or actually
Speaker 3: technically three weeks, but I would I would spend you know,
Speaker 3: like I changed diapers with my first with my first daughter,
Speaker 3: and I like literally took care of but I used
Speaker 3: to take you know, give her bats. Once the second
Speaker 3: one was around and Teddy was you know, now it
Speaker 3: was more like Teddy doing all of it.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: I always tell Teddy I'm a better dad when she's
Speaker 3: not around. She's around, I'm not as good as as
Speaker 3: good of a dad as I probably could be, just because.
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, Teddy's got it. Teddy's got it. I'm
Speaker 2: more the fun dad.
Speaker 3: But but yeah, no, just again, shout out to all moms.
Speaker 3: I mean, we we love you so much. And you know, mother,
Speaker 3: being a mother is not easy. Whenever you think it's easy,
Speaker 3: I was gonna say, whenever you think being a mom
Speaker 3: is easy, stay with your kids for all day and
Speaker 3: take care of them all day. And you tell me
Speaker 3: if that's easy, especially when they're one year or two
Speaker 3: years old.
Speaker 2: That thing is hard.
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, yes, it is hard. I have so much
Speaker 1: respect for moms because you know, they obviously make this
Speaker 1: world go around. They're the ones that have kids. But
Speaker 1: their job is so hard in the first probably eighteen
Speaker 1: years of the kids alive, right, so much work. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I can't imagine what they go through. But I have
Speaker 1: a lot of respect for moms of the world.
Speaker 3: Not to mention the pain they have to go through,
Speaker 3: uh labor like I can't even imagine.
Speaker 2: I can't even imagine. So just much respect.
Speaker 1: Yes, Happy Mother's Day to all.
Speaker 2: Be Mother's Day. I hope you got to have an
Speaker 2: amazing day.
Speaker 1: And that's our podcast. Yes, great catching up brother, Good
Speaker 1: to see you, ye brother, and we will see you
Speaker 1: next podcast. I'm really excited because it's going to be
Speaker 1: our first guest.
Speaker 3: Oh, that's gonna be fun. One yeah, yeah, yes, is yet.
Speaker 3: Or we're just gonna leave, leave them in suspense.
Speaker 1: We'll leave in suspense. It will be a surprise. I'm
Speaker 1: really excited about it. It'll be fine. I think it'll
Speaker 1: be a good time.
Speaker 2: It'll be a house husband.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's just gonna be a house husband.
Speaker 2: Yes.
Speaker 1: All right, until next time.
Speaker 2: Until next time.
Speaker 1: H