WEBVTT - Ep. 29; Be The Sun Not The Salt With Dr. Harry Cohen

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<v Speaker 1>Personal life.

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<v Speaker 2>With growing fueldsmen. One of the most familiar versions of

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<v Speaker 2>the very known Golden rule is do unto others as

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<v Speaker 2>you would have them do unto you. And we learned

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<v Speaker 2>the Golden rule growing up so so much. It's said often,

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<v Speaker 2>and maybe it's not anymore. Maybe it was something that

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<v Speaker 2>was very common when I had nineties baby was growing up.

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<v Speaker 2>But I feel like the Golden rule was something everybody knew.

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<v Speaker 2>And I do feel in a lot of ways, whether

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<v Speaker 2>that be because of where we're at with technology, with

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<v Speaker 2>the experiences of the world after COVID, after so many

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<v Speaker 2>things have drastically shifted in our society, the Golden Rule,

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<v Speaker 2>to me feels like it has kind of slipped, It's

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<v Speaker 2>kind of gone away. And I don't say this knowing

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<v Speaker 2>that everyone has forgotten this. I think a lot of

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<v Speaker 2>people still remember it, but I don't think it ever

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<v Speaker 2>hurts to be reminded of how we interact with the

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<v Speaker 2>world and how the basic human connection evolves around being

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<v Speaker 2>kind to other people. And so this episode is really

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<v Speaker 2>overarching about kindness, but it's also about so much more

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<v Speaker 2>than that, and understanding ourselves is human, how we interact

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<v Speaker 2>and see the world and I'm bringing on doctor Harry Cohen,

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<v Speaker 2>who is an author, a psychologist, and he's just trying

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<v Speaker 2>to help us see things a little bit more simpler,

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<v Speaker 2>and sometimes we need that. I think this is a

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<v Speaker 2>great reminder episode because sometimes life gets a little crazy

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<v Speaker 2>and we forget how we're interacting with ourselves and with

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<v Speaker 2>the world. So we're going to get into this interview.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm going to do a journal entry. Yeah, helped provoke

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<v Speaker 2>some conversations in my brain that I hope will also

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<v Speaker 2>stimulate some things for yourself, whether it be in a

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<v Speaker 2>therapy session or just in a journal entry for yourselves.

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<v Speaker 2>So for the sake of bringing more sunshine into our lives,

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<v Speaker 2>let's do this. I'm really excited to be joined by

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<v Speaker 2>doctor Harry Cohen. Harry, thank you for joining me today.

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<v Speaker 3>My absolute pleasure.

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<v Speaker 2>Now you're an author, But what were you before an author?

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<v Speaker 2>And I have your book right here.

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<v Speaker 1>So I was a shrink for many many years. I

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<v Speaker 1>was a shrink and then executive coach and motivational speaker.

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<v Speaker 2>And what inspired you to write this book? It's called

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<v Speaker 2>Be the Sun Not the Salt. I imagine a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of life experience totally.

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<v Speaker 1>So somebody recently asked me or reminded me. They asked me,

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<v Speaker 1>why did you write the book? And I remember what

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<v Speaker 1>I said, and I was reminded that I I wanted

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<v Speaker 1>to leave my kids something when I die. This is

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<v Speaker 1>the compilation of my entire life's work. I think it'll

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<v Speaker 1>help a ton of people. When I did my TED Talk,

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<v Speaker 1>I ended my Ted Talk with leave people with an afterglow,

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<v Speaker 1>not an after taste. Be the sun, not the salt.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't know that I was going to write that book,

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<v Speaker 1>but that's my attempt. At thirty one page, Okay, if

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<v Speaker 1>I could say something that I think the world could

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<v Speaker 1>benefit from, certainly my kids, certainly stuff I've learned, this

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<v Speaker 1>is it. I didn't want to write another book. I

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<v Speaker 1>wrote a book twenty years ago called Secrets of the

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<v Speaker 1>Obvious about how to live a healthy life. This is

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<v Speaker 1>more the distillation of everything you know.

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<v Speaker 2>When I was reading this book, the thing that I

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<v Speaker 2>really took away from it is that I feel like

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<v Speaker 2>you put into words what should be basic knowledge for.

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<v Speaker 3>People I know.

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<v Speaker 1>Not only should it be basic knowledge, I think it's

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<v Speaker 1>basic knowledge already that most people, when you tell them

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<v Speaker 1>about this.

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<v Speaker 3>They go, oh, I love that they already.

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<v Speaker 1>It doesn't require a lot of explanation. What I get

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<v Speaker 1>excited about as I think about how to explain this

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<v Speaker 1>to your listeners or to anyone, is I want to

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<v Speaker 1>say more by saying less. It's so easy and so powerful.

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<v Speaker 1>Just recently I heard this great line, which I'll now

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<v Speaker 1>say forever. It's so easy. It's easy to forget, it's

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<v Speaker 1>easy to not do. And that is the profound nature.

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<v Speaker 3>Of this, which is whoa.

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<v Speaker 1>If you just do this stuff, your life is going

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<v Speaker 1>to be better. Garren Frickin teed Now, why.

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<v Speaker 2>Do you feel like it is easy to forget these things?

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<v Speaker 2>Why do you like in our day to day lives

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<v Speaker 2>that these lessons and a lot in here really focuses

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<v Speaker 2>on how to be a good person, how to let

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<v Speaker 2>things go, just live very honestly and genuinely to yourself.

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<v Speaker 2>But why do you feel like that's so difficult for people?

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<v Speaker 1>The reason I can say that it's so difficult because

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<v Speaker 1>I watch myself and I'm an expert. I'm a wise sage.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm a seventy year old practitioner of equanimity. I've lived

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<v Speaker 1>my life and I still lose my cool, find myself

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<v Speaker 1>not being extra kind today's chapter is do it anyway.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, when you don't feel like doing something. The

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<v Speaker 1>lesson for today's do it anyway. It's a Mother Teresa quote.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a poem. Well, I can get lost and I

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<v Speaker 1>don't feel like it. Why is it so common for

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<v Speaker 1>us to lose it? It's the ancients. They've been writing

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<v Speaker 1>about this for thousands of years. To be a good person,

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<v Speaker 1>we have to fight against all of the forces that

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<v Speaker 1>are pulling us and tempting us and inviting us to

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<v Speaker 1>be less than a good person. I don't feel like

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<v Speaker 1>getting out of bed. I don't feel like smiling. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't feel like saying please and thank you. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>feel like doing the next right thing.

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<v Speaker 3>That's human nature. That's okay.

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<v Speaker 1>My gift to the world is, yes, you can do

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<v Speaker 1>it anyway. Do the tiniest, tiniest good deed. I'm talking

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<v Speaker 1>about smiling at a stranger. I'm talking about costs you nothing,

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<v Speaker 1>but your life will be better for it. And because

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<v Speaker 1>the world is built to tempt us to do stupid

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<v Speaker 1>and unwise things, we have to work a little bit

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<v Speaker 1>to remind yourself. Don't eat the donut. I mean, I mean, seriously,

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<v Speaker 1>donut I'm not picking on them. For all those people

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<v Speaker 1>who make a living selling donuts, I'm sorry, but they're

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<v Speaker 1>not good food for you.

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<v Speaker 2>They're not good forward for you. But there is something

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<v Speaker 2>good in your soul that happens when you see this.

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<v Speaker 3>Is what happens.

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<v Speaker 1>Look, there's a whole lot of metabolism stuff that happens

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<v Speaker 1>when we eat sugar and fat and fried food. So

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<v Speaker 1>we can talk about that if you want. But I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>deep fried oreos are not good for you. I know

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<v Speaker 1>they taste good, but I'm using this as a metaphor

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<v Speaker 1>and literal, like, why do you want to diet of

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<v Speaker 1>deep fried oreos? Well, you can have them now and then,

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<v Speaker 1>can't you.

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<v Speaker 3>I guess, so I guess.

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<v Speaker 2>So yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I'm I keep saying I'm seventy. I want

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<v Speaker 1>to live till whenever, but I want to live great.

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<v Speaker 1>And if I eat food that's not good for me,

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<v Speaker 1>eventually it's going to find me. And you know, it's

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<v Speaker 1>not that not that complicated. If I'm a bit of

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<v Speaker 1>a dick sometimes, if I'm unkind or unconscious or disrespectful

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<v Speaker 1>or thoughtless, it's not good. So I don't have to

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<v Speaker 1>beat myself up. I can just be deliberate and conscious

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<v Speaker 1>and say have I done any good today?

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<v Speaker 3>Yes? Good? Do some more.

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<v Speaker 1>And that's what I get excited about. Imagine we could

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<v Speaker 1>get millions of people to understand this and practice this

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<v Speaker 1>a tiny bit more. They don't have to change who

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<v Speaker 1>they are, they don't have to change their personality, there

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<v Speaker 1>have to change anything they and we have to do

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<v Speaker 1>just a little bit more of what we already do,

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<v Speaker 1>and the world is a better place.

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<v Speaker 3>And a little bit less.

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<v Speaker 1>Of what we already do when we're a bit of

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<v Speaker 1>a dick.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, I do like that, you know what I mean.

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<v Speaker 3>And I'm not saying I'm not.

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<v Speaker 1>Nobody's perfect, including me. And I just started saying of

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<v Speaker 1>late to my wife, I don't know, months ago, but

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<v Speaker 1>I've been doing it every day. Is there anything you

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<v Speaker 1>need for me to do for you today? Now that's

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<v Speaker 1>a sentence that I can say.

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<v Speaker 2>Every day, and it's a very helpful sentence and you

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<v Speaker 2>don't even realize it.

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<v Speaker 3>It's so fantastic.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, it's like, how come I took me seventy

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<v Speaker 1>years to figure that out? Well, at least I figured

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<v Speaker 1>it out now. I now leave for the airport an

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<v Speaker 1>hour and a half before my flight. How come it

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<v Speaker 1>took me years to figure that out? I finally figured

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<v Speaker 1>it out. I'm talking about basic stuff now. I did

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<v Speaker 1>learn please and thank you as a kid. I got

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<v Speaker 1>that down. But man, am I discovering more stuff, science

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<v Speaker 1>based stuff to improve your relationships, your productivity, your life,

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<v Speaker 1>your happiness, your health, your longevity, your equanimity. It's all

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<v Speaker 1>good And the whole point of this when I get

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<v Speaker 1>so excited. You don't have to take a twelve week course,

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<v Speaker 1>you don't have to sign up for anything. You don't

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<v Speaker 1>even have to buy this book.

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<v Speaker 2>You just have to choose to be a good person

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<v Speaker 2>every single day.

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<v Speaker 1>And if you choose to be a good person, you

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<v Speaker 1>gos that mean? Oh I could tell you, but I

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<v Speaker 1>bet you could too. Whatever somebody would say when you

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<v Speaker 1>ask them, well, what do you mean, how do you

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<v Speaker 1>be a good person? Whatever comes out of their mouth,

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<v Speaker 1>you go, yeah, do more of that? We copyrighted, do

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<v Speaker 1>more of that? Just doing what you already do a

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<v Speaker 1>little bit more. I mean, well, you know when you're

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<v Speaker 1>a good person.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, do that some more? What already do? Great? You

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<v Speaker 3>think you're limited to be thinking?

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<v Speaker 2>Do it more?

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<v Speaker 1>You'll you'll be happier and people around you'll be happier

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<v Speaker 1>and do the obnoxious, uncool things a little bit less,

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<v Speaker 1>like looking at your phone while someone's talking to you.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, that's a very big thing, especially in the last

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<v Speaker 2>couple of decades. Totally now, scientifically talk me through this, Yes,

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<v Speaker 2>like when someone chooses to be a good person versus

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<v Speaker 2>chooses not to, Like, scientifically, what does that look like

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<v Speaker 2>in somebody's brain when they can't wrap their head around

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<v Speaker 2>being a good person.

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<v Speaker 1>So this is great question, which is wrap your head

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<v Speaker 1>around being a good person. Those are a bunch of words.

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<v Speaker 1>All you got to do is hold the door and

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<v Speaker 1>smile at someone. Your actions define who you are. It

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<v Speaker 1>defines your identity. So this good person thing is only

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<v Speaker 1>what you do. Just what does a good person do?

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<v Speaker 1>What do you do as a good person? And then

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<v Speaker 1>do that some more. What happens in your brain and

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<v Speaker 1>body is all kinds of good stuff. I mean, you

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<v Speaker 1>can see it in someone's face, you can see it

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<v Speaker 1>in your face.

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<v Speaker 3>You're smiling as.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm talking to you. That is what happens to the

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<v Speaker 1>body mind when you're around someone who makes you feel good.

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<v Speaker 1>You could measure it in the blood. There's some oxytocin

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<v Speaker 1>in there, there's some dopamine in there. There's all kinds

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<v Speaker 1>of nerve transmitters in the blood of a person with

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<v Speaker 1>whom you are making feel uplifted.

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<v Speaker 3>And I mean literally, if you touch.

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<v Speaker 1>Someone's hand and hold their hand, you can measure the

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<v Speaker 1>impact on them. And the same as when you say

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<v Speaker 1>a kind word, you could literally you put them up.

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<v Speaker 1>If you hook them up to a functional magnetic resonance machine,

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<v Speaker 1>you could watch their brain change. But you don't need

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<v Speaker 1>to do that. Just look at somebody and smile at

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<v Speaker 1>her and say, can I help you? Oh, that's a

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<v Speaker 1>lovely dress you have on. You know, I love what

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<v Speaker 1>you did to the room.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh.

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<v Speaker 1>You can say anything as long as you mean it,

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<v Speaker 1>And authenticity is one of these virtuous qualities that other

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<v Speaker 1>human beings resonate with. It's like the natural smell of

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<v Speaker 1>a flower, which is fragrant, creates in people.

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<v Speaker 3>Ooh that's delightful.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And there's disgusting sense as well, and that creates

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<v Speaker 1>a different kind of reaction, and that's what we're talking about.

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<v Speaker 1>Disgust and fear and anger and sadness. Those are naturally

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<v Speaker 1>occurring emotions, but so is awe and joy and love.

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<v Speaker 2>Now, when you're talking about this too, I hear you

0:12:47.280 --> 0:12:51.080
<v Speaker 2>saying it's to me and to you right. I feel

0:12:51.120 --> 0:12:53.680
<v Speaker 2>it's pretty easy to be a good person. It's easy

0:12:53.720 --> 0:12:56.720
<v Speaker 2>to make a choice. But there are people I've encountered

0:12:56.720 --> 0:12:58.920
<v Speaker 2>in my life who don't feel that that's an easy

0:12:59.000 --> 0:13:04.600
<v Speaker 2>choice for some reason, whether that be past experiences and insecurities.

0:13:04.640 --> 0:13:07.800
<v Speaker 2>For those people, how do you start to get them

0:13:07.800 --> 0:13:12.080
<v Speaker 2>to walk down this much more fulfilling life of goodness?

0:13:12.280 --> 0:13:15.880
<v Speaker 1>You know, I don't know the answer to that. I

0:13:16.000 --> 0:13:21.440
<v Speaker 1>really don't in that real core question. Everybody's different. I

0:13:21.480 --> 0:13:25.360
<v Speaker 1>don't like to generalize if I can, because they don't

0:13:25.400 --> 0:13:29.520
<v Speaker 1>find it helpful. I would find the how do you

0:13:29.600 --> 0:13:33.000
<v Speaker 1>get the person in front of you to make that choice?

0:13:34.000 --> 0:13:38.160
<v Speaker 1>My answer to that is be that person and influence

0:13:38.240 --> 0:13:40.360
<v Speaker 1>him or her in such a way that they are

0:13:40.400 --> 0:13:45.120
<v Speaker 1>moved and motivated and inspired by your example. So they

0:13:45.120 --> 0:13:48.240
<v Speaker 1>don't even know why they're being more kind, but they're

0:13:48.280 --> 0:13:52.600
<v Speaker 1>moved and inspired by your life. I think that's the

0:13:52.640 --> 0:13:56.640
<v Speaker 1>way I mean my words. This podcast is an attempt

0:13:56.640 --> 0:13:59.480
<v Speaker 1>to help somebody who's listening who might be that person,

0:14:00.040 --> 0:14:01.559
<v Speaker 1>But I don't know if that person is going to

0:14:01.600 --> 0:14:04.320
<v Speaker 1>be moved to hold the door and smile and be

0:14:04.360 --> 0:14:08.280
<v Speaker 1>a little bit more kind. I really don't know a man.

0:14:08.360 --> 0:14:11.600
<v Speaker 1>If I could figure that out, I think we should

0:14:12.200 --> 0:14:16.240
<v Speaker 1>tell everybody. But as far as I can tell, it's

0:14:16.280 --> 0:14:21.160
<v Speaker 1>do it yourself. Be so magnificent that your life and

0:14:21.200 --> 0:14:25.760
<v Speaker 1>your example is what makes them go. You know, I

0:14:25.840 --> 0:14:28.840
<v Speaker 1>ran into that guy and I don't even know what

0:14:28.880 --> 0:14:30.920
<v Speaker 1>he said, but I wanted to be a better man.

0:14:31.000 --> 0:14:38.600
<v Speaker 1>Remember that movie Oh with Them, Jack Nicholson and Hellen Hunt.

0:14:39.120 --> 0:14:42.400
<v Speaker 1>You make me want to be a better man? Is

0:14:42.440 --> 0:14:46.880
<v Speaker 1>that line? I want to be a person who makes

0:14:46.880 --> 0:14:49.280
<v Speaker 1>other people want to be a better man or better woman.

0:14:50.040 --> 0:14:52.240
<v Speaker 1>I know not if my words do it. This book

0:14:52.320 --> 0:14:54.200
<v Speaker 1>is an attempt to it. Everything I put out on

0:14:54.800 --> 0:14:57.440
<v Speaker 1>our Be the Sun Not the Soul podcast, and everything

0:14:57.480 --> 0:15:00.800
<v Speaker 1>I write and everything I post on Instagram is an

0:15:00.840 --> 0:15:04.000
<v Speaker 1>attempt to do what you said, which is to nudge

0:15:04.760 --> 0:15:07.640
<v Speaker 1>any listener. You know, I'm going to be nicer to

0:15:07.680 --> 0:15:11.280
<v Speaker 1>my wife. You know I'm going to be nicer to myself.

0:15:12.680 --> 0:15:15.480
<v Speaker 1>You know I'm going to fill in the blank. I'm

0:15:15.480 --> 0:15:18.960
<v Speaker 1>going to eat a healthy meal today. You know, I'm

0:15:18.960 --> 0:15:22.240
<v Speaker 1>going to go for a walk with my dog. I mean,

0:15:22.280 --> 0:15:26.920
<v Speaker 1>there's so many things that if people did more of

0:15:26.960 --> 0:15:31.640
<v Speaker 1>those wonderful things, they would have a better life. I

0:15:31.720 --> 0:15:34.760
<v Speaker 1>want to inspire more people to do this, and man,

0:15:34.800 --> 0:15:37.160
<v Speaker 1>oh man, if you can help me do that, let's

0:15:37.240 --> 0:15:41.720
<v Speaker 1>get it into the hearts and minds and hands of everybody.

0:15:42.600 --> 0:15:46.480
<v Speaker 2>I've started to realize, especially as I've started to have

0:15:46.520 --> 0:15:48.480
<v Speaker 2>a platform with the job that i have and what

0:15:48.560 --> 0:15:51.840
<v Speaker 2>I've done, where a lot of my action and words

0:15:51.880 --> 0:15:54.800
<v Speaker 2>can be seen in so many different ways. But it's

0:15:54.840 --> 0:15:58.080
<v Speaker 2>been very important to me that I connect with human

0:15:58.120 --> 0:16:02.080
<v Speaker 2>beings on a very clothes level, which means messaging with

0:16:02.120 --> 0:16:05.120
<v Speaker 2>a lot of them. And I'm often sharing every moment

0:16:05.200 --> 0:16:07.920
<v Speaker 2>of who I am versus just the good. Everybody sees

0:16:07.920 --> 0:16:11.400
<v Speaker 2>every up and down flow of my life, and it's funny.

0:16:11.440 --> 0:16:16.520
<v Speaker 2>I've shared sometimes the frustrations of people writing and saying

0:16:16.600 --> 0:16:19.600
<v Speaker 2>horrible things when they have no idea who I am

0:16:20.000 --> 0:16:23.440
<v Speaker 2>because I can't fathom it in my brain. I could

0:16:23.480 --> 0:16:26.480
<v Speaker 2>never be that person to somebody else. It's really hard

0:16:26.480 --> 0:16:29.880
<v Speaker 2>for me to comprehend and understand. And somebody wrote me

0:16:29.920 --> 0:16:34.400
<v Speaker 2>and I will always remember this conversation and they were like, well,

0:16:34.560 --> 0:16:36.920
<v Speaker 2>I'm sure you also have thoughts and you say things

0:16:37.000 --> 0:16:40.120
<v Speaker 2>about people. I said, that's the difference. I have a thought,

0:16:40.280 --> 0:16:41.680
<v Speaker 2>but it never leaves my brain.

0:16:41.840 --> 0:16:43.360
<v Speaker 3>I know. I know.

0:16:43.920 --> 0:16:51.880
<v Speaker 1>So when I read nasty, critical, obnoxious, horrible, I guess trolling.

0:16:52.160 --> 0:16:54.600
<v Speaker 1>They call it social media posts. People who would comment

0:16:54.640 --> 0:16:58.000
<v Speaker 1>on someone they don't even know. I always think to myself, Oh,

0:16:58.080 --> 0:17:02.400
<v Speaker 1>that poor thing. Oh they don't know, they don't know

0:17:02.480 --> 0:17:05.600
<v Speaker 1>any better. No one ever told them, dude, you don't

0:17:05.640 --> 0:17:08.840
<v Speaker 1>say that. You can think it, don't say it.

0:17:09.440 --> 0:17:10.040
<v Speaker 3>Now. You know.

0:17:10.080 --> 0:17:13.119
<v Speaker 1>I've done wisdom training and teaching and speaking for the year,

0:17:13.200 --> 0:17:16.439
<v Speaker 1>so I have the benefit of knowing that before words

0:17:16.520 --> 0:17:19.440
<v Speaker 1>leave your lips, may they pass through three gates. May

0:17:19.480 --> 0:17:22.440
<v Speaker 1>they be truthful, may they be necessary, and may they

0:17:22.440 --> 0:17:27.199
<v Speaker 1>be kind. And I haven't always followed that recommendation, but

0:17:27.240 --> 0:17:31.560
<v Speaker 1>it's so damn intelligent I should. So when I say

0:17:31.640 --> 0:17:37.439
<v Speaker 1>something obnoxious, inappropriate, cruel in it's like, oh, but but

0:17:37.480 --> 0:17:39.639
<v Speaker 1>for the grace of God, go I I gotta do

0:17:39.680 --> 0:17:43.000
<v Speaker 1>the next right thing. Please know that people who do

0:17:43.119 --> 0:17:46.159
<v Speaker 1>stupid and foolish and hurtful and harmful things they know

0:17:46.240 --> 0:17:46.960
<v Speaker 1>not what they do.

0:17:47.920 --> 0:17:49.040
<v Speaker 3>No one ever told them.

0:17:49.400 --> 0:17:52.239
<v Speaker 1>They weren't socialized, they weren't parented, they weren't trained they

0:17:52.280 --> 0:17:55.240
<v Speaker 1>weren't mentored, they weren't shown.

0:17:55.960 --> 0:17:56.640
<v Speaker 3>So they do that.

0:17:56.600 --> 0:18:00.399
<v Speaker 1>Stuff because they don't know any better. Our job is

0:18:00.440 --> 0:18:03.960
<v Speaker 1>to have compassion for them and see if we can

0:18:04.000 --> 0:18:07.440
<v Speaker 1>help the next person. Not that person, they probably ain't

0:18:07.480 --> 0:18:10.800
<v Speaker 1>gonna get it, but the next person will say. You know,

0:18:10.840 --> 0:18:13.720
<v Speaker 1>I'm not going to post that. I'm not gonna say that.

0:18:14.880 --> 0:18:17.159
<v Speaker 1>I mean, one of my greatest learnings, you know, be

0:18:17.240 --> 0:18:20.200
<v Speaker 1>the sun, don't be the salt. Don't be the salt.

0:18:20.240 --> 0:18:22.679
<v Speaker 1>There's one chapter out of thirties which is if you

0:18:22.760 --> 0:18:25.840
<v Speaker 1>can't be the sun, then just don't be the salt.

0:18:26.200 --> 0:18:30.600
<v Speaker 1>That is as powerful as anything in there. Refraining from

0:18:30.720 --> 0:18:33.280
<v Speaker 1>saying what you're thinking.

0:18:34.320 --> 0:18:38.400
<v Speaker 2>That's a very very difficult skill, especially today exactly.

0:18:38.440 --> 0:18:40.679
<v Speaker 1>But like to your point, it's a difficult skill. So

0:18:40.800 --> 0:18:44.000
<v Speaker 1>what it's difficult to do a lot of things we

0:18:44.040 --> 0:18:46.359
<v Speaker 1>do that. A lot of things are difficult, but it

0:18:46.400 --> 0:18:47.160
<v Speaker 1>just seems.

0:18:46.880 --> 0:18:48.800
<v Speaker 2>To be one that we kind of put in the

0:18:48.800 --> 0:18:51.199
<v Speaker 2>back burner. It's not one that we feel necessary.

0:18:51.520 --> 0:18:54.600
<v Speaker 1>I understand. That's why we have a job to do.

0:18:54.640 --> 0:18:56.720
<v Speaker 1>I have a life purpose and mission. So to you,

0:18:57.359 --> 0:19:00.880
<v Speaker 1>let's join forces and do more good by helping more

0:19:00.920 --> 0:19:04.280
<v Speaker 1>people do more good, so that it becomes the norm,

0:19:05.280 --> 0:19:10.000
<v Speaker 1>and people help other people in a normative way.

0:19:10.040 --> 0:19:12.160
<v Speaker 3>That's not cool. Don't do that. Oh, thank you, You're right,

0:19:12.200 --> 0:19:14.719
<v Speaker 3>I shouldn't. Okay, little correction.

0:19:14.840 --> 0:19:17.960
<v Speaker 1>You know that when I hear people not saying please

0:19:18.000 --> 0:19:23.280
<v Speaker 1>and thank you, I oftentimes will want to say, dude,

0:19:23.320 --> 0:19:24.679
<v Speaker 1>you know you should say please.

0:19:24.480 --> 0:19:25.120
<v Speaker 3>Or thank you.

0:19:26.040 --> 0:19:28.119
<v Speaker 1>And I'd say nine times out of ten I don't,

0:19:29.000 --> 0:19:32.080
<v Speaker 1>but one out of ten, depending on the person, I

0:19:32.119 --> 0:19:37.040
<v Speaker 1>will lovingly remind them.

0:19:36.000 --> 0:19:37.920
<v Speaker 3>Please would be nice. Thank you would be nice.

0:19:38.000 --> 0:19:41.320
<v Speaker 1>Whether it's my grown thirty three year old kids or

0:19:41.840 --> 0:19:45.720
<v Speaker 1>a dear friend who oh I thought I said please,

0:19:46.000 --> 0:19:49.960
<v Speaker 1>No you didn't. And I don't mind reminding them, not

0:19:50.040 --> 0:19:54.080
<v Speaker 1>in a you know, obnoxious judgy way, but come on, dude,

0:19:54.080 --> 0:19:54.680
<v Speaker 1>we can be better.

0:19:54.680 --> 0:19:55.000
<v Speaker 3>In net.

0:19:57.800 --> 0:20:00.239
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I do feel like we've gotten away from this

0:20:01.000 --> 0:20:05.359
<v Speaker 2>self awareness of understanding ourselves and how we interact in

0:20:05.400 --> 0:20:08.960
<v Speaker 2>the world. And some of that comes with just a

0:20:09.040 --> 0:20:10.800
<v Speaker 2>simple please and thank you. Some of it comes with

0:20:11.320 --> 0:20:14.359
<v Speaker 2>keeping your face bright in something that somebody wants to

0:20:14.400 --> 0:20:18.000
<v Speaker 2>see that the self awareness aspect feels like, what is

0:20:18.040 --> 0:20:19.399
<v Speaker 2>the biggest thing that we're missing?

0:20:19.560 --> 0:20:21.280
<v Speaker 1>I couldn't agree with you or what you said something

0:20:21.359 --> 0:20:24.600
<v Speaker 1>so profound and people who can't see this podcast this

0:20:24.720 --> 0:20:28.840
<v Speaker 1>is listening only, they can't see your bright face. Oh seriously,

0:20:29.240 --> 0:20:32.959
<v Speaker 1>they can't see what a bright light you are. And

0:20:33.040 --> 0:20:36.680
<v Speaker 1>you said it with such deliberate intent. I'm so glad

0:20:36.800 --> 0:20:39.560
<v Speaker 1>that you said. So your face is not your own.

0:20:40.359 --> 0:20:43.200
<v Speaker 1>What do you mean you bring it out into the world.

0:20:43.280 --> 0:20:46.159
<v Speaker 3>What are you giving the world? Is it that sour puss?

0:20:46.720 --> 0:20:51.520
<v Speaker 3>Or is it that delighted? What a lovely face? We

0:20:51.560 --> 0:20:52.959
<v Speaker 3>can offer that to the world.

0:20:53.520 --> 0:20:55.639
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and so do you You have the same face.

0:20:55.760 --> 0:20:57.040
<v Speaker 2>You're very happy and.

0:20:57.640 --> 0:20:59.560
<v Speaker 1>Oh but I know that deliberately.

0:20:59.600 --> 0:21:02.200
<v Speaker 3>I know it because it's my life, my job.

0:21:02.440 --> 0:21:04.320
<v Speaker 1>What am I gonna walk around with a sour puss for?

0:21:04.960 --> 0:21:09.000
<v Speaker 1>That would be like walking around with a smelly jacket.

0:21:10.440 --> 0:21:13.560
<v Speaker 1>It's kind of inappropriate. Dude, you should probably clean that.

0:21:13.640 --> 0:21:16.240
<v Speaker 3>It looks like a mess. Oh you think it matters?

0:21:16.320 --> 0:21:18.160
<v Speaker 3>You know, yeah, it kind of does.

0:21:18.840 --> 0:21:22.800
<v Speaker 1>I mean, that's the simplest the way we want to

0:21:22.840 --> 0:21:26.280
<v Speaker 1>make this so that other people can go, Oh, that's good.

0:21:26.320 --> 0:21:28.400
<v Speaker 1>I listened to that podcast. I got something from that,

0:21:28.640 --> 0:21:31.520
<v Speaker 1>would you get you know, I'm gonna watch my face more.

0:21:32.040 --> 0:21:34.160
<v Speaker 3>What do you mean, just gonna be aware of how.

0:21:34.080 --> 0:21:37.959
<v Speaker 1>I show up in the world, good for you, that's great.

0:21:38.720 --> 0:21:41.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And I feel like it's because a lot of

0:21:41.320 --> 0:21:45.439
<v Speaker 2>people wear their life on their face pretty much, and

0:21:45.480 --> 0:21:48.000
<v Speaker 2>they're showing everything that's happening to them in a day

0:21:48.040 --> 0:21:51.120
<v Speaker 2>to day world. The very common RBF if you will,

0:21:51.240 --> 0:21:54.399
<v Speaker 2>yep that, I do know a lot of people are

0:21:54.440 --> 0:21:56.679
<v Speaker 2>like that. And it's very often where I'll meet people

0:21:56.720 --> 0:21:58.679
<v Speaker 2>and I'll say, you know, I wasn't sure if you

0:21:58.720 --> 0:22:00.640
<v Speaker 2>were gonna like me because you did have a RBF.

0:22:00.680 --> 0:22:02.400
<v Speaker 2>And I never want to be that person. I want

0:22:02.440 --> 0:22:05.680
<v Speaker 2>somebody to think automatically, I'm interested in what they're doing.

0:22:05.920 --> 0:22:11.760
<v Speaker 1>I know, because authenticity is very heliotropic. It makes people

0:22:11.840 --> 0:22:16.480
<v Speaker 1>want to gravitate towards us. When we are real, people

0:22:16.600 --> 0:22:20.080
<v Speaker 1>like that. People like it when we're authentic. People like

0:22:20.119 --> 0:22:23.960
<v Speaker 1>it when we're vulnerable. People like it when we're grateful.

0:22:24.040 --> 0:22:27.600
<v Speaker 1>People like it when we're curious. People like it when

0:22:27.640 --> 0:22:31.760
<v Speaker 1>we're kind, people like it when we get shitped done,

0:22:32.000 --> 0:22:33.520
<v Speaker 1>you know what I mean, When we follow through in

0:22:33.560 --> 0:22:36.840
<v Speaker 1>our commitments. These are great qualities. These are wonderful virtues.

0:22:37.600 --> 0:22:41.720
<v Speaker 1>All virtues. Pick a virtue. What about generosity?

0:22:41.960 --> 0:22:42.960
<v Speaker 3>Great?

0:22:43.359 --> 0:22:46.320
<v Speaker 1>I love that we can lean into being more virtuous.

0:22:47.359 --> 0:22:52.240
<v Speaker 1>Everybody wins, mostly ourselves, but everybody wins around us when

0:22:52.280 --> 0:22:56.840
<v Speaker 1>we're just a smidgeon midgeen more thoughtful.

0:22:57.640 --> 0:23:00.760
<v Speaker 2>You mentioned that word heliotropic, which is in your book.

0:23:01.320 --> 0:23:03.640
<v Speaker 2>Can you define that a little bit for me? Because

0:23:03.680 --> 0:23:05.000
<v Speaker 2>that was a new word for me to learn.

0:23:05.200 --> 0:23:07.399
<v Speaker 1>It's a new word for most people, but it's what

0:23:08.480 --> 0:23:13.320
<v Speaker 1>was so exciting for me because it describes what we

0:23:13.440 --> 0:23:18.920
<v Speaker 1>are talking about. Why a plant leans towards the sun

0:23:19.240 --> 0:23:22.440
<v Speaker 1>is because of the heliotropic effect, and it turns out

0:23:22.480 --> 0:23:26.439
<v Speaker 1>that people are like that too. We are drawn to

0:23:26.520 --> 0:23:33.119
<v Speaker 1>the positive energy around us. Heliotropic means the positive energy

0:23:33.119 --> 0:23:37.280
<v Speaker 1>of the sun, and human beings can be positive energizers,

0:23:37.880 --> 0:23:40.600
<v Speaker 1>and we're drawn to them like the plant to the sun.

0:23:41.000 --> 0:23:47.160
<v Speaker 1>That's the heliotropic effect. When we are demonstrating our virtuous

0:23:47.240 --> 0:23:51.520
<v Speaker 1>qualities that your mother and grandmother and father and grandfather

0:23:51.680 --> 0:23:57.239
<v Speaker 1>and you and your brother and spouse already demonstrate, we

0:23:57.280 --> 0:24:00.720
<v Speaker 1>are drawn to those people. We like being around them.

0:24:01.000 --> 0:24:05.199
<v Speaker 1>It is like sun on our leaves makes us feel

0:24:05.240 --> 0:24:11.080
<v Speaker 1>like WHOA great. That's what the heliotropic effect is. And

0:24:11.200 --> 0:24:15.240
<v Speaker 1>all we got to do is do that some more,

0:24:16.520 --> 0:24:18.440
<v Speaker 1>period not be anybody else.

0:24:19.480 --> 0:24:21.080
<v Speaker 3>Just pay attention. You know.

0:24:21.160 --> 0:24:22.560
<v Speaker 1>I could do that some more. I could be on

0:24:22.720 --> 0:24:27.760
<v Speaker 1>timed some more. I could be more forgiving good. I

0:24:27.760 --> 0:24:31.280
<v Speaker 1>could be more dependable good. I could be more curious good.

0:24:32.080 --> 0:24:34.560
<v Speaker 1>You're fill in the blank there. So I mean everything

0:24:34.600 --> 0:24:38.119
<v Speaker 1>that you and your mom and your dad taught you

0:24:38.200 --> 0:24:40.119
<v Speaker 1>about how to be a good person.

0:24:40.320 --> 0:24:43.240
<v Speaker 3>That's our life's work. Great, So do it some more.

0:24:44.240 --> 0:24:48.280
<v Speaker 2>I really love this comparison to plants. How you've found that,

0:24:48.400 --> 0:24:53.240
<v Speaker 2>because it is it's a very We are living beings

0:24:53.400 --> 0:24:57.920
<v Speaker 2>that need sunshine, not even just mentally, but physically emotionally.

0:24:57.960 --> 0:25:03.119
<v Speaker 2>It's a whole experience. Our bodies crave the vitamin that

0:25:03.160 --> 0:25:04.080
<v Speaker 2>comes from the sun.

0:25:04.440 --> 0:25:07.200
<v Speaker 1>That's right, we crave the vitamin that comes from the sun.

0:25:07.440 --> 0:25:11.440
<v Speaker 1>But we crave this good energy from other human beings too.

0:25:11.800 --> 0:25:17.679
<v Speaker 1>Our whole bodies light up when we're around virtuous people

0:25:18.400 --> 0:25:19.320
<v Speaker 1>like ourselves.

0:25:19.920 --> 0:25:21.400
<v Speaker 3>So that's what it's like. Oh my god.

0:25:21.440 --> 0:25:26.480
<v Speaker 1>So I could be a great parent to my living

0:25:26.600 --> 0:25:31.920
<v Speaker 1>breathing for your four legged or two legged or plant.

0:25:32.400 --> 0:25:33.120
<v Speaker 3>You know what I mean.

0:25:33.640 --> 0:25:36.359
<v Speaker 1>I mean, this is how we are great parents and

0:25:36.400 --> 0:25:41.359
<v Speaker 1>great friends and good company by giving that good, positive

0:25:41.480 --> 0:25:46.600
<v Speaker 1>energy to our loved ones and perfect strangers.

0:25:47.160 --> 0:25:50.560
<v Speaker 2>Very important because it's often missed. You know, you can

0:25:50.600 --> 0:25:53.520
<v Speaker 2>be a great person in your life with the people

0:25:53.560 --> 0:25:55.320
<v Speaker 2>that you know, but if you're out existing in the

0:25:55.320 --> 0:25:59.320
<v Speaker 2>world and you're also not continuing that you're not fully

0:25:59.560 --> 0:26:02.440
<v Speaker 2>really in this version of a life correct.

0:26:02.800 --> 0:26:05.879
<v Speaker 1>And if you're let's say you're ninety percent and that

0:26:06.000 --> 0:26:09.560
<v Speaker 1>you're ninety out of one hundred exchanges with other human beings,

0:26:09.560 --> 0:26:14.159
<v Speaker 1>you're fantastic. But ten, yeah, you're less than great. Go

0:26:14.280 --> 0:26:18.560
<v Speaker 1>for ninety one. So this work isn't about perfection. It's

0:26:18.560 --> 0:26:20.560
<v Speaker 1>about you know what, I like trying to be one

0:26:20.560 --> 0:26:25.440
<v Speaker 1>percent better? What do you mean one percent? A little

0:26:25.480 --> 0:26:27.800
<v Speaker 1>bit kind, a little bit more curious, a little bit

0:26:27.840 --> 0:26:30.840
<v Speaker 1>more thoughtful, a little bit more inspiring, a little bit

0:26:30.880 --> 0:26:32.520
<v Speaker 1>more loving.

0:26:32.920 --> 0:26:34.400
<v Speaker 3>A little bit more.

0:26:36.640 --> 0:26:39.920
<v Speaker 1>Effective. You know, am I being effective in this podcast?

0:26:39.960 --> 0:26:42.800
<v Speaker 1>I always worried about talking too much, so I'll stop talking.

0:26:43.240 --> 0:26:45.879
<v Speaker 2>No, you're doing so great On that other flip side

0:26:46.280 --> 0:26:49.439
<v Speaker 2>of being a positive energizer and having the sun on

0:26:49.480 --> 0:26:53.640
<v Speaker 2>our leaves, what is this salt on the roots? I

0:26:53.680 --> 0:26:57.919
<v Speaker 2>loved that saying, like putting salt on the roots. Anytime

0:26:57.960 --> 0:27:01.320
<v Speaker 2>you're not living in that positive energy, doing salt on

0:27:01.359 --> 0:27:01.840
<v Speaker 2>the roots.

0:27:02.240 --> 0:27:05.280
<v Speaker 1>And here's what it means. It's not salt of the earth.

0:27:05.320 --> 0:27:08.000
<v Speaker 1>The salt of the earth is another description of a

0:27:08.040 --> 0:27:13.280
<v Speaker 1>great quality human being. Salting someone's roots is a metaphor

0:27:13.920 --> 0:27:16.520
<v Speaker 1>for making somebody feel crappy.

0:27:18.000 --> 0:27:18.440
<v Speaker 3>Period.

0:27:19.080 --> 0:27:22.240
<v Speaker 1>You can make somebody feel crappy a million different ways.

0:27:22.880 --> 0:27:26.760
<v Speaker 1>Look at your cellphone while they're talking to you, make

0:27:26.800 --> 0:27:33.359
<v Speaker 1>a sarcastic comment after they say something positive, make a

0:27:33.400 --> 0:27:37.919
<v Speaker 1>fake apology. I'm just giving examples of ways that we

0:27:38.000 --> 0:27:44.479
<v Speaker 1>can be salt on roots. Get irritated for something that

0:27:44.560 --> 0:27:48.400
<v Speaker 1>someone did, and let them know. I mean, I'm going

0:27:48.440 --> 0:27:52.480
<v Speaker 1>on and on, but there's so many tiny And the

0:27:52.520 --> 0:27:55.080
<v Speaker 1>reason I bring up tiny because just as being the

0:27:55.119 --> 0:27:58.119
<v Speaker 1>sun is tiny, being the salt can be tiny. You

0:27:58.119 --> 0:28:01.040
<v Speaker 1>can just cop a little bit of an aditude with people.

0:28:01.760 --> 0:28:04.560
<v Speaker 1>I travel a lot, so I'm in a customer service,

0:28:05.160 --> 0:28:07.760
<v Speaker 1>you know, receiving customer services a lot. You know, I'm

0:28:07.800 --> 0:28:11.000
<v Speaker 1>on airplanes or in ubers or at hotel rooms or whatever,

0:28:11.720 --> 0:28:12.080
<v Speaker 1>and I.

0:28:12.040 --> 0:28:13.400
<v Speaker 3>Can cop an attitude.

0:28:14.119 --> 0:28:16.600
<v Speaker 1>You know, you shouldn't make me wait in line, you

0:28:16.640 --> 0:28:19.439
<v Speaker 1>shouldn't make me go through this. But whatever my attitude is,

0:28:19.880 --> 0:28:24.880
<v Speaker 1>that's garbage. I can make somebody uplifted in a split second,

0:28:25.359 --> 0:28:27.520
<v Speaker 1>or I can be a bit of a dick. This

0:28:27.640 --> 0:28:32.640
<v Speaker 1>morning in the TSA line line at the Detroit Airport,

0:28:32.720 --> 0:28:35.720
<v Speaker 1>there was a huge line on Monday morning and there

0:28:35.800 --> 0:28:42.720
<v Speaker 1>were two Delta agents directing people. One was particularly helpful

0:28:43.520 --> 0:28:47.480
<v Speaker 1>and the other was not. And I made a choice

0:28:47.800 --> 0:28:52.240
<v Speaker 1>of pouring on extra scoop of love to the helpful one. Hey, dude,

0:28:52.240 --> 0:28:53.240
<v Speaker 1>you were really helpful.

0:28:53.280 --> 0:28:53.680
<v Speaker 3>Thank you.

0:28:53.920 --> 0:28:57.800
<v Speaker 1>I really appreciate the way you handled me. Now I

0:28:57.880 --> 0:29:01.120
<v Speaker 1>was deliberate and making him feel good. I could have

0:29:02.120 --> 0:29:06.600
<v Speaker 1>just said one nasty, snarky, sarcastic thing to the other woman,

0:29:07.240 --> 0:29:10.480
<v Speaker 1>and I didn't. I don't want to meddle. I'm just

0:29:10.520 --> 0:29:14.360
<v Speaker 1>saying that I think that stuff, but I'm better net.

0:29:15.000 --> 0:29:18.240
<v Speaker 2>Well, just like you said, we're not perfect. You still

0:29:18.280 --> 0:29:21.240
<v Speaker 2>have the thoughts. It's that it never leaves your brain.

0:29:21.480 --> 0:29:24.640
<v Speaker 2>It's there, it exists, and you recognize it, but it

0:29:24.680 --> 0:29:25.280
<v Speaker 2>never comes out.

0:29:25.480 --> 0:29:28.960
<v Speaker 1>That's right, And you know, like, well that's no fun. Yeah,

0:29:29.000 --> 0:29:32.960
<v Speaker 1>I know, that's okay. I like being a better human being.

0:29:33.280 --> 0:29:36.720
<v Speaker 1>That's my life mission. There are people who are listening

0:29:36.760 --> 0:29:37.400
<v Speaker 1>to this going I.

0:29:37.320 --> 0:29:39.880
<v Speaker 3>Don't give it. You know, this is too nice.

0:29:39.880 --> 0:29:42.760
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes you gotta rip people a new one. Yeah, you know,

0:29:42.920 --> 0:29:46.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm not that interested in that. I don't mind holding

0:29:46.680 --> 0:29:51.680
<v Speaker 1>people accountable. I'm talking about making somebody feel crappy is

0:29:51.840 --> 0:29:58.240
<v Speaker 1>not necessary. That's really important because we often do and

0:29:58.360 --> 0:30:03.480
<v Speaker 1>don't even realize that we do. You know, we get oh,

0:30:03.880 --> 0:30:05.479
<v Speaker 1>we get lost in stupid stuff.

0:30:06.640 --> 0:30:09.240
<v Speaker 2>You know what's funny when you talk about you traveling

0:30:09.240 --> 0:30:11.720
<v Speaker 2>a lot and always being in these customer service situations.

0:30:12.160 --> 0:30:13.920
<v Speaker 2>I was on a plane and it was really funny.

0:30:13.920 --> 0:30:15.840
<v Speaker 2>The flight attendants came over, and you know, they always

0:30:15.880 --> 0:30:19.280
<v Speaker 2>make some funny jokes, but one of them said, you know,

0:30:19.400 --> 0:30:23.280
<v Speaker 2>every time, I really hope that everybody says hello and

0:30:23.360 --> 0:30:26.440
<v Speaker 2>has a greeting for us. And every time, I'm very

0:30:26.440 --> 0:30:29.440
<v Speaker 2>disappointed because I can never say that it has happened

0:30:29.520 --> 0:30:32.280
<v Speaker 2>yet where every single person has walked on and said

0:30:32.320 --> 0:30:36.000
<v Speaker 2>hello and smiled at us. And I just thought, what

0:30:36.120 --> 0:30:39.800
<v Speaker 2>a perspective that is. And I always do not because

0:30:39.800 --> 0:30:42.760
<v Speaker 2>of anything. That's just genuinely how I was raised. I

0:30:42.800 --> 0:30:45.520
<v Speaker 2>was taught to interact with people and be aware of

0:30:45.520 --> 0:30:48.360
<v Speaker 2>the world around me, and I am also well aware

0:30:48.400 --> 0:30:51.000
<v Speaker 2>that that's not how everybody was raised, but it was

0:30:51.040 --> 0:30:54.320
<v Speaker 2>such a perspective shift just for me sitting there and

0:30:54.360 --> 0:30:57.280
<v Speaker 2>I was like, wow, really there was people here that

0:30:57.400 --> 0:31:00.320
<v Speaker 2>just walk on with no regard that there's other humans

0:31:00.320 --> 0:31:00.960
<v Speaker 2>in front of them.

0:31:01.240 --> 0:31:03.600
<v Speaker 1>So here's what I would say to her or him,

0:31:04.480 --> 0:31:09.320
<v Speaker 1>that's great, here's a tip. Focus of how many people

0:31:09.440 --> 0:31:13.480
<v Speaker 1>come on this airplane every day that do say good morning,

0:31:13.560 --> 0:31:18.520
<v Speaker 1>good evening, Hello, and focus on those people, not the

0:31:18.560 --> 0:31:22.040
<v Speaker 1>ones who don't, because she or he's focused on all

0:31:22.120 --> 0:31:25.680
<v Speaker 1>the ones who aren't. I get that, Okay, they're there,

0:31:26.320 --> 0:31:28.600
<v Speaker 1>but there how many are there that say hello?

0:31:29.600 --> 0:31:30.440
<v Speaker 3>I said that to the.

0:31:30.560 --> 0:31:34.000
<v Speaker 1>To the flight attendant this morning. She was really sweet

0:31:34.040 --> 0:31:36.880
<v Speaker 1>to me, and I made an extra point of saying

0:31:36.920 --> 0:31:39.760
<v Speaker 1>thank you for making my flight great. I knew that

0:31:39.880 --> 0:31:42.480
<v Speaker 1>made her feel good. Oh, I know what I'm doing

0:31:42.480 --> 0:31:44.920
<v Speaker 1>because I'm a professional, but plenty of times, I mean,

0:31:44.920 --> 0:31:47.160
<v Speaker 1>I've got three million miles on Delta, I've flown a

0:31:47.160 --> 0:31:53.080
<v Speaker 1>lot and don't say boot. And I used to never

0:31:53.760 --> 0:31:57.120
<v Speaker 1>help people with their luggage in the overhead. I would

0:31:57.160 --> 0:32:00.479
<v Speaker 1>always think, well, they should have, they should have, they

0:32:00.480 --> 0:32:04.120
<v Speaker 1>should be able, and you know she's needed help. I've

0:32:04.120 --> 0:32:08.280
<v Speaker 1>got that little attitude about they shouldn't. And now the

0:32:08.320 --> 0:32:11.360
<v Speaker 1>only thing that's changed is I look for opportunities to

0:32:11.400 --> 0:32:16.200
<v Speaker 1>be helpful, and I feel better. Nothing has changed other

0:32:16.280 --> 0:32:18.560
<v Speaker 1>than I'm a slightly better human being.

0:32:19.400 --> 0:32:21.760
<v Speaker 2>Yes, that is the key word. You look for ways

0:32:21.760 --> 0:32:24.600
<v Speaker 2>to be helpful. That is something that I do not

0:32:24.720 --> 0:32:27.000
<v Speaker 2>feel exists. A lot a lot of people aren't looking

0:32:27.000 --> 0:32:27.880
<v Speaker 2>for that opportunity.

0:32:27.960 --> 0:32:30.200
<v Speaker 3>We'll forget about them. You just do it, don't worry

0:32:30.240 --> 0:32:30.680
<v Speaker 3>about them.

0:32:31.520 --> 0:32:33.840
<v Speaker 2>Is this is us trying to educate others, right, We

0:32:33.880 --> 0:32:35.680
<v Speaker 2>want to make sure they're looking for the opportunity.

0:32:35.880 --> 0:32:38.680
<v Speaker 1>I hope anyone who's listening is well, I'm not one

0:32:38.680 --> 0:32:42.080
<v Speaker 1>of those people. Great, whoever's listening to this, which one

0:32:42.080 --> 0:32:44.880
<v Speaker 1>are you? Are you one of the people that like, yeah,

0:32:44.960 --> 0:32:46.800
<v Speaker 1>I don't really want to I don't really want to

0:32:46.840 --> 0:32:47.880
<v Speaker 1>be that helpful to anybody.

0:32:48.280 --> 0:32:48.840
<v Speaker 3>Or are you?

0:32:48.880 --> 0:32:51.040
<v Speaker 1>The person goes, you know what, I'm going to be

0:32:51.040 --> 0:32:54.640
<v Speaker 1>even more helpful than I already am because we're one

0:32:54.680 --> 0:32:56.960
<v Speaker 1>of the other. We're one of the I mean, we're

0:32:57.000 --> 0:32:57.520
<v Speaker 1>either one.

0:32:57.440 --> 0:32:57.760
<v Speaker 3>Or the other.

0:32:59.000 --> 0:33:02.200
<v Speaker 1>And you know, as far as that question like how

0:33:02.200 --> 0:33:04.520
<v Speaker 1>do we get other people to do this?

0:33:05.360 --> 0:33:07.880
<v Speaker 3>Lord? If I know, if we can figure.

0:33:07.600 --> 0:33:13.680
<v Speaker 1>It out, let's bottle it. I think it's lived, talk

0:33:13.720 --> 0:33:18.760
<v Speaker 1>about it. Use our platforms to make it easier. Here's

0:33:18.760 --> 0:33:21.280
<v Speaker 1>a way I think we could do it. Make it

0:33:21.320 --> 0:33:24.760
<v Speaker 1>so that it's not that hard. Oh that's interesting, and

0:33:24.840 --> 0:33:29.000
<v Speaker 1>make it enjoyable. Oh, that's attractive. For people to do

0:33:29.040 --> 0:33:35.200
<v Speaker 1>this so that the habit of being heliotropic, the habit

0:33:35.320 --> 0:33:39.440
<v Speaker 1>of being uplifting and being the sun and not being

0:33:39.480 --> 0:33:47.200
<v Speaker 1>the salt, is easier and enjoyable and attractive and obvious.

0:33:47.640 --> 0:33:51.240
<v Speaker 1>This is stuff from James Clear, you know, atomic habits.

0:33:51.320 --> 0:33:53.680
<v Speaker 1>Make it obvious, make it attractive, make it enjoyable, make

0:33:53.720 --> 0:34:01.280
<v Speaker 1>it easy for any habit. Let's make these heliotropic habits easy, attractive, enjoyable,

0:34:01.960 --> 0:34:02.800
<v Speaker 1>and obvious.

0:34:03.720 --> 0:34:06.120
<v Speaker 2>I love that. I do. Think that's so beneficial. And

0:34:06.280 --> 0:34:07.920
<v Speaker 2>thank you for sharing all of this. I want to

0:34:08.360 --> 0:34:10.040
<v Speaker 2>leave you as something because I feel like you will

0:34:10.320 --> 0:34:13.319
<v Speaker 2>very much love this compliment and something I hope that

0:34:13.360 --> 0:34:16.040
<v Speaker 2>you steal. One of my good friends. Still one of

0:34:16.120 --> 0:34:19.080
<v Speaker 2>my favorite compliments I've ever received to this day, she goes,

0:34:19.160 --> 0:34:24.759
<v Speaker 2>you are human sunshine, and that compliment will never leave

0:34:24.800 --> 0:34:25.200
<v Speaker 2>my brain.

0:34:25.520 --> 0:34:26.080
<v Speaker 3>And what that.

0:34:26.120 --> 0:34:29.960
<v Speaker 1>Means is you are such a powerful force of goodness

0:34:30.360 --> 0:34:34.239
<v Speaker 1>that what that sunshine does, oh my god, it literally

0:34:34.320 --> 0:34:35.920
<v Speaker 1>makes life on earth.

0:34:37.480 --> 0:34:37.880
<v Speaker 3>Period.

0:34:38.080 --> 0:34:41.239
<v Speaker 1>Without it, we don't exist, so all that energy from

0:34:41.239 --> 0:34:45.120
<v Speaker 1>the sun goes into the plants and turns into fossil

0:34:45.160 --> 0:34:48.319
<v Speaker 1>fuels and food, and why we're here is because of that.

0:34:49.080 --> 0:34:57.480
<v Speaker 1>It's transmuted human sunshine. What a beautiful compliment, awesomeness. Let's

0:34:57.520 --> 0:35:04.760
<v Speaker 1>get more people as human sunshinees plural to create a movement.

0:35:04.840 --> 0:35:10.520
<v Speaker 1>Let's start a thing. Anybody who wants to be a

0:35:10.600 --> 0:35:14.919
<v Speaker 1>human son, let's do something for him.

0:35:15.120 --> 0:35:17.520
<v Speaker 2>I agree, I agree, and I again, I hope you

0:35:17.560 --> 0:35:19.680
<v Speaker 2>take it, and that can be a compliment you have it.

0:35:19.880 --> 0:35:22.839
<v Speaker 2>It was one of my favorites. So doctor Harry Cohen,

0:35:22.880 --> 0:35:24.520
<v Speaker 2>thank you so much for being here with me and

0:35:24.560 --> 0:35:27.680
<v Speaker 2>talking about this and for writing your book, because small

0:35:27.719 --> 0:35:30.480
<v Speaker 2>steps create big change and that's what we're doing. So

0:35:30.760 --> 0:35:31.120
<v Speaker 2>thank you.

0:35:31.600 --> 0:35:32.680
<v Speaker 3>My absolute pleasure.

0:35:37.280 --> 0:35:46.400
<v Speaker 2>Doctor Harry con was just on with us and we

0:35:46.520 --> 0:35:50.279
<v Speaker 2>talked all about kindness and understanding other human beings and

0:35:50.320 --> 0:35:54.000
<v Speaker 2>really interacting with the world in a very authentic and

0:35:54.160 --> 0:35:57.879
<v Speaker 2>kind way. And so many of my questions came from

0:35:57.920 --> 0:36:01.279
<v Speaker 2>why is this so hard for us? Now? After I

0:36:01.360 --> 0:36:04.040
<v Speaker 2>recorded this interview with doctor Harry, my dog Remmy and

0:36:04.120 --> 0:36:06.959
<v Speaker 2>I went on a walk and I was thinking about

0:36:07.040 --> 0:36:12.160
<v Speaker 2>kindness and why it's so difficult for some people to

0:36:12.360 --> 0:36:15.759
<v Speaker 2>not act in kindness. And some of those reasons I

0:36:15.800 --> 0:36:20.839
<v Speaker 2>came up with were past experiences, trauma, unkind people they've

0:36:20.920 --> 0:36:24.319
<v Speaker 2>encountered before, role models who acted in a way that

0:36:24.360 --> 0:36:27.240
<v Speaker 2>weren't kind. And I thought about all of these things,

0:36:27.360 --> 0:36:31.120
<v Speaker 2>and it's really easy when you've had some horrible life

0:36:31.160 --> 0:36:37.520
<v Speaker 2>experiences or interacted with very unkind and just mean people

0:36:37.640 --> 0:36:40.520
<v Speaker 2>in the world, it's very natural for you to want

0:36:40.560 --> 0:36:43.440
<v Speaker 2>to continue in that same direction of these people that

0:36:43.480 --> 0:36:47.120
<v Speaker 2>you've encountered before. But then I was brought back to

0:36:47.200 --> 0:36:51.680
<v Speaker 2>an interview actually on this podcast, episode two, with doctor

0:36:51.760 --> 0:36:54.319
<v Speaker 2>Alexandra Solomon, and we were speaking about some of my

0:36:54.400 --> 0:36:57.520
<v Speaker 2>past experiences. I was bullied in high school, I was

0:36:57.520 --> 0:37:01.480
<v Speaker 2>in an abusive relationship in my early twenties. And as

0:37:01.520 --> 0:37:04.480
<v Speaker 2>I'm talking to her about this, and I just say,

0:37:05.120 --> 0:37:09.319
<v Speaker 2>very passively, well, because of those experiences, now i'm a

0:37:09.320 --> 0:37:12.759
<v Speaker 2>better person and I've learned and grown from those and

0:37:12.800 --> 0:37:15.640
<v Speaker 2>she looked at me very kindly, very soft spoken, and

0:37:15.760 --> 0:37:19.440
<v Speaker 2>just said, you didn't have to choose to be kind

0:37:19.560 --> 0:37:22.839
<v Speaker 2>after those experiences. And I had never really thought about

0:37:22.880 --> 0:37:27.200
<v Speaker 2>it in that capacity. I didn't have to choose after

0:37:27.920 --> 0:37:31.960
<v Speaker 2>girls bullied me and said incredibly unkind things to me

0:37:32.200 --> 0:37:35.480
<v Speaker 2>and made me feel so horrible that I was suicidal

0:37:36.400 --> 0:37:39.880
<v Speaker 2>or being in a relationship with a man who physically

0:37:39.880 --> 0:37:44.960
<v Speaker 2>and emotionally abused me. After both of those experiences, I

0:37:45.000 --> 0:37:48.840
<v Speaker 2>didn't have to choose to be kind to other people

0:37:48.880 --> 0:37:51.840
<v Speaker 2>because of that. As a result of that, actually a

0:37:51.840 --> 0:37:54.080
<v Speaker 2>lot of people would have done the opposite. They would

0:37:54.080 --> 0:37:58.680
<v Speaker 2>have chosen to continue that pattern. And when she said

0:37:58.719 --> 0:38:01.280
<v Speaker 2>that to me, it really gave me a very big

0:38:01.320 --> 0:38:05.960
<v Speaker 2>perspective on my choices as a human being. We all

0:38:05.960 --> 0:38:08.600
<v Speaker 2>get to make our choices, and we all make mistakes

0:38:08.640 --> 0:38:12.839
<v Speaker 2>because we are human. But those choices are ours to make,

0:38:13.719 --> 0:38:16.279
<v Speaker 2>just as it is my choice to have chosen the

0:38:16.320 --> 0:38:20.360
<v Speaker 2>path of positivity and understanding that I don't want anybody

0:38:20.400 --> 0:38:22.960
<v Speaker 2>to ever feel the way that I felt in either

0:38:23.000 --> 0:38:26.960
<v Speaker 2>of those scenarios, and I didn't want to continue those

0:38:27.000 --> 0:38:31.719
<v Speaker 2>patterns of behavior. I chose a different path, just as

0:38:31.760 --> 0:38:34.200
<v Speaker 2>somebody else who might have been in my position chose

0:38:34.239 --> 0:38:38.719
<v Speaker 2>the path that was a little less difficult, and it

0:38:38.760 --> 0:38:41.680
<v Speaker 2>was easier to just continue the path of being me

0:38:41.920 --> 0:38:45.120
<v Speaker 2>to continue the pattern of abuse. Our choices are what

0:38:45.200 --> 0:38:47.520
<v Speaker 2>makes us human. They're what makes us who we are

0:38:47.600 --> 0:38:51.480
<v Speaker 2>as people, but those choices have consequences. So much of

0:38:51.520 --> 0:38:53.800
<v Speaker 2>what I wanted to talk to doctor Harry Cohen about

0:38:53.880 --> 0:38:57.040
<v Speaker 2>is why people choose to be kind or choose not

0:38:57.080 --> 0:39:00.239
<v Speaker 2>to be kind, And maybe in our lifetime, I'm never

0:39:00.320 --> 0:39:03.160
<v Speaker 2>going to have the actual answer of why some people

0:39:03.600 --> 0:39:07.080
<v Speaker 2>choose a certain path versus some others don't, regardless of

0:39:07.080 --> 0:39:11.080
<v Speaker 2>our past experiences. But I know that we as people

0:39:11.320 --> 0:39:15.240
<v Speaker 2>have the power to make the right choices. We also

0:39:15.280 --> 0:39:17.960
<v Speaker 2>have the power to make the wrong choices, and that's

0:39:18.000 --> 0:39:22.600
<v Speaker 2>what this podcast is for. This episode is about having

0:39:22.640 --> 0:39:25.880
<v Speaker 2>the strength to make the right choice. Now, I'm human.

0:39:26.480 --> 0:39:28.440
<v Speaker 2>Just because I made the right choice in both of

0:39:28.440 --> 0:39:31.480
<v Speaker 2>those scenarios and took the harder path doesn't mean I

0:39:31.520 --> 0:39:34.239
<v Speaker 2>haven't made the wrong ones and I wasn't human. You

0:39:34.239 --> 0:39:36.480
<v Speaker 2>should see me driving on a highway. I have horrible

0:39:36.560 --> 0:39:39.360
<v Speaker 2>road rage. I hate when people are inconsiderate of others

0:39:39.360 --> 0:39:42.560
<v Speaker 2>and it bothers me to a t. And I've had

0:39:42.600 --> 0:39:45.440
<v Speaker 2>to really enter look at myself and say why am

0:39:45.480 --> 0:39:48.120
<v Speaker 2>I getting so upset at these people? And take a

0:39:48.160 --> 0:39:52.120
<v Speaker 2>step back and understand that other people are experiencing different

0:39:52.120 --> 0:39:55.280
<v Speaker 2>life experiences and I have to allow them to also

0:39:55.360 --> 0:39:59.719
<v Speaker 2>be human. And that's where I struggle because I'm not

0:39:59.800 --> 0:40:03.160
<v Speaker 2>p perfect. I have problems every day. I'm not somebody

0:40:03.200 --> 0:40:05.960
<v Speaker 2>who's sitting here and going to say just because I

0:40:05.960 --> 0:40:07.840
<v Speaker 2>did it right these few times doesn't mean I have

0:40:08.000 --> 0:40:10.840
<v Speaker 2>done it right every single time. But one thing that

0:40:10.880 --> 0:40:12.879
<v Speaker 2>I do always boil down to is that I never

0:40:13.000 --> 0:40:17.000
<v Speaker 2>want someone to encounter and experience with me and leave

0:40:17.080 --> 0:40:20.120
<v Speaker 2>warse off for it. That's something that I've known to

0:40:20.239 --> 0:40:23.520
<v Speaker 2>my core from who I was born to be as

0:40:23.520 --> 0:40:26.040
<v Speaker 2>a human being, when I was little, and how I

0:40:26.080 --> 0:40:28.239
<v Speaker 2>interacted with the world, and as I grew up and

0:40:28.280 --> 0:40:31.640
<v Speaker 2>I had these horrible experiences, something that always mattered to

0:40:31.680 --> 0:40:34.439
<v Speaker 2>me is that I never wanted other people to walk

0:40:34.480 --> 0:40:38.720
<v Speaker 2>away from an experience with me, whether that be a friendship,

0:40:38.840 --> 0:40:43.480
<v Speaker 2>a relationship, and encounter just for five minutes that it

0:40:43.560 --> 0:40:46.000
<v Speaker 2>was bad that they didn't want to be around me

0:40:46.080 --> 0:40:48.080
<v Speaker 2>for the simple fact that I wasn't a good human.

0:40:49.040 --> 0:40:52.799
<v Speaker 2>And that's why I say we all get to make choices,

0:40:53.800 --> 0:40:56.439
<v Speaker 2>and we all have a say in how we live

0:40:56.480 --> 0:40:59.680
<v Speaker 2>our lives. These are my choices, just as you're going

0:40:59.719 --> 0:41:02.360
<v Speaker 2>to have yours. And there are some things that I

0:41:02.400 --> 0:41:05.200
<v Speaker 2>know for certain. While I am horrible with road rage,

0:41:05.200 --> 0:41:07.960
<v Speaker 2>and it's an active thing that I'm working on. You're

0:41:08.000 --> 0:41:09.960
<v Speaker 2>never going to see me in a comment section on

0:41:10.000 --> 0:41:13.160
<v Speaker 2>somebody's posts, making comments that I can't take back, or

0:41:13.600 --> 0:41:18.120
<v Speaker 2>simply making a rude opinion for the sake of a

0:41:18.400 --> 0:41:21.040
<v Speaker 2>like You're not going to see me out into the

0:41:21.040 --> 0:41:24.440
<v Speaker 2>world pushing somebody down in hopes that I'm lifted back up.

0:41:25.600 --> 0:41:28.640
<v Speaker 2>My flaws are different than other people's. Those are flaws

0:41:28.640 --> 0:41:31.560
<v Speaker 2>for some people. Those are flaws for a lot of

0:41:31.680 --> 0:41:34.640
<v Speaker 2>unfortunately our society and the way that social media works.

0:41:35.360 --> 0:41:37.880
<v Speaker 2>But it's been an active choice of mine not to

0:41:37.960 --> 0:41:40.680
<v Speaker 2>be part of that, just as for some people they

0:41:40.680 --> 0:41:42.799
<v Speaker 2>can actively choose not to have road rage, and they

0:41:42.800 --> 0:41:45.359
<v Speaker 2>have a lot of patients in the roads that they

0:41:45.440 --> 0:41:49.000
<v Speaker 2>drive on. And you know, while I was thinking about kindness,

0:41:49.880 --> 0:41:53.920
<v Speaker 2>especially in regards to this interview with doctor Harry, and

0:41:54.000 --> 0:41:56.120
<v Speaker 2>I was on this walk with Remy. It was a

0:41:56.160 --> 0:41:58.000
<v Speaker 2>whole walk. I'm telling you, guys, this is the way

0:41:58.040 --> 0:41:59.920
<v Speaker 2>that my brain works and the way that I interact

0:41:59.920 --> 0:42:02.640
<v Speaker 2>with the world, and a lot of self awareness that

0:42:02.680 --> 0:42:05.320
<v Speaker 2>I have is just choosing to be on these walks

0:42:05.360 --> 0:42:08.040
<v Speaker 2>and having these thoughts in my brain versus shutting everything

0:42:08.080 --> 0:42:11.000
<v Speaker 2>down or shutting everything out. While I was thinking about kindness,

0:42:11.320 --> 0:42:13.080
<v Speaker 2>I was walking past a bunch of different cars in

0:42:13.080 --> 0:42:15.840
<v Speaker 2>the neighborhood, and there was a whole bunch of different licenses.

0:42:15.880 --> 0:42:18.240
<v Speaker 2>Because I live in Nashville, We're kind of a melting

0:42:18.280 --> 0:42:20.440
<v Speaker 2>pot and all kinds of people move here. And I

0:42:20.480 --> 0:42:23.600
<v Speaker 2>was seeing all these different state license plates, and all

0:42:23.640 --> 0:42:26.560
<v Speaker 2>of them had different mottos, you know. I remember seeing Virginia.

0:42:26.600 --> 0:42:28.160
<v Speaker 2>That was the first one I saw. It was Virginia's

0:42:28.200 --> 0:42:30.160
<v Speaker 2>for Lovers. And then I kind of went down a

0:42:30.200 --> 0:42:32.760
<v Speaker 2>rabbit hole of looking up a bunch of different state

0:42:33.400 --> 0:42:36.680
<v Speaker 2>slogans to see what either they have on their license

0:42:36.680 --> 0:42:38.400
<v Speaker 2>plate or what they stand for. And here's just a

0:42:38.400 --> 0:42:42.680
<v Speaker 2>few of them. So New Hampshire, Live Free or Die, Indiana,

0:42:42.719 --> 0:42:47.239
<v Speaker 2>the Crossroads of America, Alaska, North to the Future, Oklahoma,

0:42:47.360 --> 0:42:52.640
<v Speaker 2>hard work conquers all things, New York Excelsior, Kansas to

0:42:52.680 --> 0:42:56.520
<v Speaker 2>the stars through adversity. Oregon, she flies with her own wings.

0:42:56.800 --> 0:43:01.480
<v Speaker 2>Personal favorite of mine Texas is Friendship. New Mexico it

0:43:01.560 --> 0:43:06.520
<v Speaker 2>grows as it goes, California, Eureka, which apparently means I

0:43:06.560 --> 0:43:10.040
<v Speaker 2>have found it. And Wisconsin Forward. Now these are just

0:43:10.080 --> 0:43:12.400
<v Speaker 2>a few of them, and if any of these are changed,

0:43:12.480 --> 0:43:14.480
<v Speaker 2>I have no idea. This is just what Google says,

0:43:14.960 --> 0:43:19.120
<v Speaker 2>but it had me then processing what is my slogan?

0:43:19.520 --> 0:43:21.440
<v Speaker 2>I look at all these state license plates, and this

0:43:21.520 --> 0:43:24.440
<v Speaker 2>is what these states hope to show when people visit

0:43:24.560 --> 0:43:27.960
<v Speaker 2>their state. This is what they hope our whole country

0:43:27.960 --> 0:43:30.200
<v Speaker 2>in the world sees them as when they look at

0:43:30.280 --> 0:43:33.759
<v Speaker 2>Kansas or Wisconsin or New Hampshire. These are their slogans.

0:43:33.840 --> 0:43:35.319
<v Speaker 2>This is what they want to live by. This is

0:43:35.320 --> 0:43:37.719
<v Speaker 2>what they want their people and their state to live by.

0:43:38.480 --> 0:43:41.279
<v Speaker 2>So what is your slogan? What do you stand for?

0:43:41.800 --> 0:43:45.319
<v Speaker 2>What do you hope that every time somebody encounters you

0:43:45.719 --> 0:43:48.919
<v Speaker 2>in the world, What do you hope they all come

0:43:48.960 --> 0:43:52.160
<v Speaker 2>away with. Your hope is that it's all the same thing, right.

0:43:52.280 --> 0:43:55.799
<v Speaker 2>You hope that when you interact with the world, you

0:43:55.960 --> 0:43:59.840
<v Speaker 2>have a consistency to you. You hope that when people

0:44:00.320 --> 0:44:05.280
<v Speaker 2>to you, it's always going to be a similar experience

0:44:05.640 --> 0:44:08.800
<v Speaker 2>because you, as a person would be consistent. That's the goal.

0:44:09.480 --> 0:44:12.080
<v Speaker 2>Now I'm not saying that's easy. Now, I'm not saying

0:44:12.120 --> 0:44:13.799
<v Speaker 2>we're all at that place in our lives, but that

0:44:13.960 --> 0:44:17.759
<v Speaker 2>is the goal. So I would imagine if we all

0:44:17.800 --> 0:44:24.319
<v Speaker 2>came up with slogans or maybe a mantra for a

0:44:24.360 --> 0:44:26.640
<v Speaker 2>way that you choose to live your life, the way

0:44:26.680 --> 0:44:30.040
<v Speaker 2>that you believe you should be interacting with the world.

0:44:30.640 --> 0:44:33.320
<v Speaker 2>I think it would help all of us, not only ourselves,

0:44:33.360 --> 0:44:37.200
<v Speaker 2>but the way that we exist within the world. You know,

0:44:37.239 --> 0:44:40.760
<v Speaker 2>for me, as I was thinking about these slogans, something

0:44:40.840 --> 0:44:44.720
<v Speaker 2>that I've always really focused on, especially since that situation

0:44:44.800 --> 0:44:49.399
<v Speaker 2>in high school for me being bullied and understanding that

0:44:49.800 --> 0:44:53.239
<v Speaker 2>people do not have to interact with the world in

0:44:53.280 --> 0:44:56.000
<v Speaker 2>the same way as I do, but that I had

0:44:56.040 --> 0:44:59.600
<v Speaker 2>an influence that I could change the way people interact

0:44:59.640 --> 0:45:02.080
<v Speaker 2>with the world because of how I choose to interact

0:45:02.160 --> 0:45:05.680
<v Speaker 2>with the world. So from that point forward, I really

0:45:06.000 --> 0:45:08.719
<v Speaker 2>started to narrow down and take it from someone who's

0:45:08.719 --> 0:45:11.279
<v Speaker 2>been in years of therapy, this was not easy. Who

0:45:11.320 --> 0:45:14.280
<v Speaker 2>I am today and what I have become was never easy.

0:45:14.760 --> 0:45:16.279
<v Speaker 2>It took a lot of pain, It took a lot

0:45:16.280 --> 0:45:19.319
<v Speaker 2>of hard conversations and a lot of deep in our

0:45:19.400 --> 0:45:21.919
<v Speaker 2>work to find who I am as a human being.

0:45:22.480 --> 0:45:24.799
<v Speaker 2>So when I say, for me, these are the things

0:45:24.840 --> 0:45:26.800
<v Speaker 2>that I try to focus on, These are the things

0:45:26.840 --> 0:45:28.799
<v Speaker 2>that I hope, maybe someday I can come up with

0:45:28.840 --> 0:45:32.960
<v Speaker 2>a slogan to represent These are years and years of

0:45:33.040 --> 0:45:35.120
<v Speaker 2>work put into who I am as a human being.

0:45:36.200 --> 0:45:40.200
<v Speaker 2>Something that I want to do is always focus on authenticity,

0:45:40.320 --> 0:45:46.799
<v Speaker 2>being genuine, being compassionate, being strong and very strong human

0:45:46.840 --> 0:45:50.600
<v Speaker 2>being physically and emotionally, Being loyal to the people in

0:45:50.640 --> 0:45:53.320
<v Speaker 2>my circle, being loyal to the people that I encounter,

0:45:53.960 --> 0:45:56.719
<v Speaker 2>and newly because of what you heard, a compliment from

0:45:56.760 --> 0:46:00.080
<v Speaker 2>a friend was sunshine. These are all things that I

0:46:00.239 --> 0:46:03.400
<v Speaker 2>hope to encompass when I interact with the world, not

0:46:03.560 --> 0:46:06.120
<v Speaker 2>just the people in my circle, not just the people

0:46:06.160 --> 0:46:09.839
<v Speaker 2>I say every single day, whether they be coworkers or strangers.

0:46:10.080 --> 0:46:12.600
<v Speaker 2>This is how I choose as a human being that

0:46:12.680 --> 0:46:15.640
<v Speaker 2>I want to interact with the world. Now, what is

0:46:15.640 --> 0:46:19.080
<v Speaker 2>that slogan? What encompasses all of those things? I have

0:46:19.160 --> 0:46:23.160
<v Speaker 2>no idea, but I thought it was a cool exercise

0:46:23.440 --> 0:46:27.280
<v Speaker 2>for us to start to understand ourselves better and how

0:46:27.320 --> 0:46:30.839
<v Speaker 2>we want to believe the world exists around us, how

0:46:30.880 --> 0:46:33.960
<v Speaker 2>we want to walk out each day out of our

0:46:33.960 --> 0:46:35.759
<v Speaker 2>front doors and say this is who I'm going to

0:46:35.800 --> 0:46:41.440
<v Speaker 2>be every single day. Because consistency does matter. Consistency matters

0:46:41.480 --> 0:46:44.560
<v Speaker 2>not just in our own lives, but in the world

0:46:44.600 --> 0:46:48.040
<v Speaker 2>around us, and I think if we can all come

0:46:48.120 --> 0:46:51.600
<v Speaker 2>up with these slogans where we understand ourselves and the

0:46:51.640 --> 0:46:53.680
<v Speaker 2>things that we want for ourselves and the things that

0:46:53.719 --> 0:46:57.560
<v Speaker 2>we want out of this life better, then it makes

0:46:57.719 --> 0:47:02.960
<v Speaker 2>interacting with the world with strain in relationships easier. It

0:47:03.080 --> 0:47:05.520
<v Speaker 2>helps us know what we always want. It's no different

0:47:05.640 --> 0:47:09.680
<v Speaker 2>than maybeing a single person and having to understand what

0:47:09.719 --> 0:47:11.680
<v Speaker 2>I want from a partner, somebody who I want to

0:47:11.680 --> 0:47:14.560
<v Speaker 2>spend my entire life with. You know, we always make

0:47:14.760 --> 0:47:18.719
<v Speaker 2>these pros and con lists or write down characteristics of

0:47:18.800 --> 0:47:20.960
<v Speaker 2>a future partner. Why don't we do that for ourselves.

0:47:22.080 --> 0:47:24.960
<v Speaker 2>Why don't we understand who we are and what we

0:47:25.040 --> 0:47:28.719
<v Speaker 2>want for ourselves better? I think that allows us to

0:47:28.800 --> 0:47:32.160
<v Speaker 2>do what doctor Harry Cohen talks about in this interview

0:47:32.200 --> 0:47:35.560
<v Speaker 2>and in his book, it's how we can be better

0:47:35.600 --> 0:47:38.560
<v Speaker 2>people in the world, Because when we don't understand how

0:47:38.600 --> 0:47:42.200
<v Speaker 2>we're supposed to interact with the world, how the heck

0:47:42.320 --> 0:47:44.839
<v Speaker 2>are we gonna choose to be a better person every

0:47:44.840 --> 0:47:47.560
<v Speaker 2>single day with the people around us that we're interacting with.

0:47:47.600 --> 0:47:54.600
<v Speaker 2>Strangers are not so. Perhaps after this episode sit for

0:47:54.640 --> 0:47:56.640
<v Speaker 2>five minutes, it doesn't have to be for very long

0:47:56.800 --> 0:47:58.799
<v Speaker 2>and try and come up with your slogan. I'm going

0:47:58.840 --> 0:48:02.719
<v Speaker 2>to I know what it should encompass, but what do

0:48:02.800 --> 0:48:05.799
<v Speaker 2>I actually want it to say? Who is Morgan in

0:48:05.880 --> 0:48:08.440
<v Speaker 2>the world of a slogan? If I had to label

0:48:08.520 --> 0:48:10.799
<v Speaker 2>myself as I'm walking out into the world, what do

0:48:10.920 --> 0:48:14.560
<v Speaker 2>I hope people encounter every time that they have an

0:48:14.640 --> 0:48:18.720
<v Speaker 2>experience with me? So the slogan exercise is something fun.

0:48:18.880 --> 0:48:22.040
<v Speaker 2>It's something that I feel like can be a great

0:48:22.120 --> 0:48:25.080
<v Speaker 2>journal entry for anyone. As I'm sitting here with my

0:48:25.200 --> 0:48:27.800
<v Speaker 2>journal that I wrote in after this interview, this is

0:48:27.880 --> 0:48:30.440
<v Speaker 2>kind of a journal entry, if you will, after doctor

0:48:30.440 --> 0:48:34.560
<v Speaker 2>Harry Cohen, and I think it's just an exercise that

0:48:34.680 --> 0:48:38.200
<v Speaker 2>might be beneficial. Maybe it's not. Maybe it's so silly

0:48:38.239 --> 0:48:41.600
<v Speaker 2>and so stupid, and maybe it's how I interact with

0:48:41.640 --> 0:48:43.319
<v Speaker 2>the world and the way that I see things. And

0:48:43.360 --> 0:48:47.319
<v Speaker 2>I thought, hmmm, license plates, slogans, how does that change?

0:48:47.360 --> 0:48:50.799
<v Speaker 2>Just as people? Am I a little bit crazy? Sure? Absolutely,

0:48:50.880 --> 0:48:55.680
<v Speaker 2>a little bit weird also, yes, absolutely, But I also

0:48:55.719 --> 0:48:58.000
<v Speaker 2>think there's a benefit to it. It's no different than

0:48:58.600 --> 0:49:00.320
<v Speaker 2>if you recall back in an episode I did with

0:49:00.400 --> 0:49:03.680
<v Speaker 2>Jared Houston and we were talking about those venn diagrams

0:49:03.719 --> 0:49:07.239
<v Speaker 2>and how you find your center. This is a similar concept,

0:49:07.360 --> 0:49:10.800
<v Speaker 2>but this might be able to give you some concrete words,

0:49:11.080 --> 0:49:17.640
<v Speaker 2>a concrete basis to choose how you interact with the world,

0:49:18.120 --> 0:49:21.400
<v Speaker 2>Because as much as we love to forget it, we

0:49:21.520 --> 0:49:24.399
<v Speaker 2>do have an impact. Every single person in this world

0:49:24.480 --> 0:49:26.799
<v Speaker 2>has an impact. They are impacting the world around them,

0:49:26.800 --> 0:49:30.400
<v Speaker 2>the communities around them, every single day. But how do

0:49:30.400 --> 0:49:36.680
<v Speaker 2>you do that with more strength, with more authenticity that

0:49:37.320 --> 0:49:41.000
<v Speaker 2>you just radiate kindness, and I believe that so much

0:49:41.040 --> 0:49:47.240
<v Speaker 2>of that starts with understanding ourselves that much better. So

0:49:47.280 --> 0:49:50.879
<v Speaker 2>take out your journals, your netbooks, your little notes app

0:49:50.880 --> 0:49:53.080
<v Speaker 2>and your phone, whatever it may be, and come up

0:49:53.120 --> 0:49:55.719
<v Speaker 2>with your slogan. Let me know what yours is. I

0:49:55.880 --> 0:49:58.120
<v Speaker 2>love seeing them, and you know, I might have to

0:49:58.200 --> 0:50:01.480
<v Speaker 2>steal a combination of Kansas in Organs because I really

0:50:01.560 --> 0:50:03.759
<v Speaker 2>loved both of those. I'm gonna be sitting here for

0:50:03.800 --> 0:50:06.760
<v Speaker 2>a while coming up with my slogan, my life motto,

0:50:06.880 --> 0:50:10.279
<v Speaker 2>my mantra, and hopefully you're able to come up with

0:50:10.320 --> 0:50:14.200
<v Speaker 2>one too, And maybe, just maybe, even if there's fifteen

0:50:14.239 --> 0:50:16.719
<v Speaker 2>of us that decide to do this, that means there's

0:50:16.760 --> 0:50:20.160
<v Speaker 2>fifteen more people in the world who are choosing to

0:50:20.239 --> 0:50:21.960
<v Speaker 2>interact in the world with more kindness.