1 00:00:00,840 --> 00:00:03,880 Speaker 1: All right, time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if 2 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:07,760 Speaker 1: you need advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting and more, 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:11,320 Speaker 1: please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve Harvey FM and 4 00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:14,640 Speaker 1: click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letter 5 00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:17,000 Speaker 1: on the air, just like we're gonna read this one 6 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:20,800 Speaker 1: right here today, right now. Yeah, buggle up, hold on tight, 7 00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:25,640 Speaker 1: we got for you here. It is letter all right. 8 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:32,560 Speaker 1: Subject Men and women can't be just friends? Okay, can't 9 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:37,240 Speaker 1: do it? Dear Stephen Shirley. I have an old friend 10 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:40,720 Speaker 1: that I've been holding a grudge against for three years. 11 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:43,320 Speaker 1: She was one of my best friends until she ended 12 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:46,920 Speaker 1: up sleeping with my boyfriend. She and my boyfriend were 13 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:50,199 Speaker 1: good friends too, and whenever he and I had problems 14 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:53,120 Speaker 1: in our relationship, he would run to her and tell 15 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:57,040 Speaker 1: his side of the story. A few times he got 16 00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:59,760 Speaker 1: so mad that he left me and stayed overnight with 17 00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:03,000 Speaker 1: her because he didn't want to be around me. Call 18 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:05,840 Speaker 1: me crazy, but at that time I would be so 19 00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:09,280 Speaker 1: mad that I didn't care where he was sleeping. Then 20 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:12,959 Speaker 1: there was the time that my friend's boyfriend threatened her, 21 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:15,839 Speaker 1: so my boyfriend went to her house to make sure 22 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:19,440 Speaker 1: everything was okay, that was the night that my friend 23 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:23,680 Speaker 1: and my boyfriend had sex. She called me the next day, 24 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:26,440 Speaker 1: crying like a fool, and told me how it all 25 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:30,039 Speaker 1: went down. She said she was vulnerable and scared and 26 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:35,399 Speaker 1: my boyfriend was comforting her, and it just happened when 27 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:37,640 Speaker 1: he got home. I tried to knock him all the 28 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:40,840 Speaker 1: way out before I broke up with him. Needless to say, 29 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:43,880 Speaker 1: I tried to fight her too, but never caught her 30 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:47,680 Speaker 1: at the right time. So here we are three years later, 31 00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:50,360 Speaker 1: and she texted me to see if I would talk 32 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:53,720 Speaker 1: to her. I told her no, but my conscience got 33 00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:55,880 Speaker 1: the best of me, and I figured I could at 34 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:59,000 Speaker 1: least hear her out. We met a couple of weeks ago. 35 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:01,960 Speaker 1: We met up a couple of weeks ago, and she 36 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:04,920 Speaker 1: cried a whole lot and asked for my forgiveness. I 37 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:08,480 Speaker 1: recently got engaged to a wonderful man, and I've learned 38 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:11,400 Speaker 1: to never have another female around my man, and I 39 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:14,679 Speaker 1: don't want my man to have female friends because of her. 40 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:17,799 Speaker 1: I have major trust issues with my new man. How 41 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:20,400 Speaker 1: can I get past what she did to me? Should 42 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:24,680 Speaker 1: I let her back into my life? Please advise? Well, 43 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:26,720 Speaker 1: you know, as we always say on the show, the 44 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:31,000 Speaker 1: quickest way, you know, maybe not the easiest way or 45 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:33,560 Speaker 1: anything like that, but the quickest way to get past 46 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:37,079 Speaker 1: stuff is to forgive. And this is hard because this 47 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:42,480 Speaker 1: is one of your best friends. She betrayed you, and understandably, 48 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:44,520 Speaker 1: so you cut her off, tried to beat her up, 49 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:46,280 Speaker 1: all of that, but you couldn't find her. You said, 50 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:48,200 Speaker 1: it was never the right time. Try to beat up 51 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:51,640 Speaker 1: your man too, before you guys, you know, before you 52 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:55,280 Speaker 1: guys broke up. But you have a new man now, 53 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:58,720 Speaker 1: all right, and that's the situation I mean, but you 54 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:02,760 Speaker 1: have trust issues. You don't say that you've gone to 55 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:05,720 Speaker 1: counseling or you've gone to therapy or anything to deal 56 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,520 Speaker 1: with your trust issues. So I gotta tell you you 57 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:11,280 Speaker 1: cannot put that on your new man. You can't put 58 00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:14,519 Speaker 1: that on your your fiance because he wasn't around. He's 59 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:18,600 Speaker 1: a different man. Obviously, you love him enough to get 60 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,280 Speaker 1: engaged to him and possibly be married to him. That's 61 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:25,400 Speaker 1: usually what engagements leads to lead to. But I just 62 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:27,800 Speaker 1: got to tell you you cannot judge him or compare 63 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:29,880 Speaker 1: him with your ex. And a lot of times we 64 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:33,359 Speaker 1: have a tendency to do that with our trust issues. 65 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:37,080 Speaker 1: So you know you're gonna be looking at every female 66 00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:39,160 Speaker 1: that comes around him in his life. You're gonna be 67 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:41,240 Speaker 1: looking at him crazy. You said you don't even want 68 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:44,120 Speaker 1: him to have female friends. You probably don't want any 69 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:47,200 Speaker 1: women around him period, and that's gonna be a problem 70 00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:50,680 Speaker 1: because you shouldn't put that on him. Now, as far 71 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:53,320 Speaker 1: as your former best friend goes, you've met with her. 72 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:59,160 Speaker 1: You know she was remorseful. I'm assuming really need of forgiveness. 73 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:02,480 Speaker 1: People can change change, but you know you won't know 74 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:06,200 Speaker 1: that until you give her that second chance, but just 75 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:09,680 Speaker 1: to be her friend. But if you do, you gotta 76 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:12,960 Speaker 1: not let her come around your man. That's a no, no, 77 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:17,560 Speaker 1: no no, Okay, you can't have that kind of relationship 78 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,880 Speaker 1: with her like you had before. You can't let your 79 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,719 Speaker 1: man go around her. I don't care if her what 80 00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:26,400 Speaker 1: happened with her and her boyfriend. That's their business. Okay. 81 00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:28,919 Speaker 1: You gotta have your relationship and they gotta have theirs. 82 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:32,039 Speaker 1: You need to set some boundaries and some ground rules 83 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:34,080 Speaker 1: if you're going to bring this woman back in your life, 84 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:37,920 Speaker 1: and definitely don't let her or any other female until 85 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:43,520 Speaker 1: you deal with your trust issues come around your man. Steve, Well, 86 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:47,960 Speaker 1: this whole thing was kind of sloppy from the very 87 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,960 Speaker 1: beginning all the way through this letter. It just it 88 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:55,440 Speaker 1: all laid up to some foolery. Hill. You've been holding 89 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:58,800 Speaker 1: the grudge against your old friend for three years. She 90 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:04,320 Speaker 1: was your best friend in until she slept with your boyfriend. Now, 91 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:08,839 Speaker 1: she and my boyfriend were good friends too, and whenever 92 00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:12,440 Speaker 1: you and him had problems in y'all relationship, he would 93 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,400 Speaker 1: run to her to tell his side of the story. Pocket. 94 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:19,840 Speaker 1: Right there, that's the worst thing that a man can 95 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:23,320 Speaker 1: do is take the problems he's having with his woman 96 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:27,000 Speaker 1: and go and tell it to another woman that right 97 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:32,039 Speaker 1: there is disrespectful of your woman and your relationship. I 98 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:35,520 Speaker 1: just have to be honest with you, because now this 99 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:38,520 Speaker 1: other woman, who happens to be your best friend but 100 00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:44,159 Speaker 1: also supposedly his friend too, now has the goods. She 101 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:48,160 Speaker 1: knows what's going on in y'all's relationship. You should never 102 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:51,840 Speaker 1: have an outside party that knows everything that's going on 103 00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:57,720 Speaker 1: in your relationship. It's not gonna work out, especially in 104 00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:01,120 Speaker 1: this situation. When you claim she yo frien and he 105 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:05,320 Speaker 1: claims as her friend, he's she's his friend too. Now 106 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:11,200 Speaker 1: and then a few times, he got so mad that 107 00:06:11,279 --> 00:06:14,560 Speaker 1: he left you and went and stayed overnight with her 108 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:19,560 Speaker 1: because he didn't want to be around And what are 109 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:23,279 Speaker 1: you kidding me, a dude, and get mad at you 110 00:06:23,839 --> 00:06:27,360 Speaker 1: and go spend the night at another woman's house. And 111 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,600 Speaker 1: that was okay with you because you was mad and 112 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:33,200 Speaker 1: you didn't care where he was sleeping. What do you 113 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:36,599 Speaker 1: see the problems before we even get to the why 114 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:41,040 Speaker 1: you wrote the letter? Oh this is crazy? All right, 115 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:43,640 Speaker 1: Hang on, Steve, We'll have part two of your response 116 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:47,320 Speaker 1: coming up at twenty three minutes after the hour. Today's 117 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:50,480 Speaker 1: subject men and women just can't be friends. We'll get 118 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:56,440 Speaker 1: back into it right after this you're listening show, Come on, Steve, 119 00:06:56,560 --> 00:07:00,240 Speaker 1: Let's recap today's Strawberry Letters. Subject men and women can't 120 00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:03,320 Speaker 1: just be friends? Can't be just friends? Lady with friends 121 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:05,840 Speaker 1: with this girl, and she ain't been holding she's been 122 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:07,720 Speaker 1: holding the grudge against her for three years because she 123 00:07:07,839 --> 00:07:14,280 Speaker 1: slept with a boyfriend. Now she and her boyfriend now 124 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:18,080 Speaker 1: a girl that her girlfriend is also her boyfriend's friend too, 125 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:20,960 Speaker 1: And whenever they had problems in our relationship, he would 126 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:24,160 Speaker 1: run over and tell his side of the story. That's fine, 127 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:28,280 Speaker 1: I supposed to do that. Secondly, a few times he 128 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:31,040 Speaker 1: got when he left me, he would stay overnight with 129 00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:33,280 Speaker 1: her because he didn't want to be around me. Call 130 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:35,320 Speaker 1: me crazy, but at the time I would be so 131 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:38,760 Speaker 1: mad I didn't care where he would sleeping. That's another problem. 132 00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:43,280 Speaker 1: A man can leave your bed because he mad and 133 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:48,760 Speaker 1: go sleep at another woman's house. Who does that? Who 134 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,000 Speaker 1: is aware of that? You think you do? You think 135 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:54,120 Speaker 1: we got a problem in here now? Man? If I 136 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:58,000 Speaker 1: go wait a minute, So I got a woman friend 137 00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:00,080 Speaker 1: that I tell all our business too, And when I 138 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:02,720 Speaker 1: get mad at you, I go over. I go over 139 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:07,200 Speaker 1: your girlfriend's house and spend the night. What that don't 140 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:11,480 Speaker 1: make no damn sense. Then that was the time where 141 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:15,200 Speaker 1: your girlfriend's boyfriend threatened her, So your boyfriend went to 142 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,600 Speaker 1: her house to make sure everything was okay. That was 143 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:20,320 Speaker 1: a night that your friend and your boyfriend had sex. 144 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:24,160 Speaker 1: Then she called you the next day crying like a 145 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:26,880 Speaker 1: fool and told me how it all went down. She 146 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,640 Speaker 1: said she was vulnerable and scared, and my boyfriend was 147 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:37,120 Speaker 1: confident in her, and it just happened. What it just hacker, 148 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:40,920 Speaker 1: So you can't just happen to have sex with nobody. 149 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:45,079 Speaker 1: It's a process. Y'all got to take each other clothes off. 150 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:48,040 Speaker 1: Y'all gotta be kissing hard. A whole lot of stuff 151 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:53,080 Speaker 1: started happening when he got home. I tried to knock 152 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:55,400 Speaker 1: him all the way out before I broke up with him, 153 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,559 Speaker 1: and needless to say, I tried to fight her too, 154 00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:00,680 Speaker 1: dister part I like, but never called her the right time. 155 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:03,440 Speaker 1: So that means sister girl was trying to sneak our ass. 156 00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:07,000 Speaker 1: I like that. She was trying to catch her somewhere, 157 00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:10,560 Speaker 1: but I couldn't ever couldn't get the right time. That's 158 00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:15,400 Speaker 1: because she was ducking you. Okay, So here we are. 159 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:17,959 Speaker 1: Three years later, she texted me to see it if 160 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:21,959 Speaker 1: I would talk to him. I told her no, but 161 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:24,000 Speaker 1: my conscience got the best of men. I figured I 162 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:27,200 Speaker 1: could at least hear out, So we met up a 163 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:30,320 Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago. She cried a whole lot and 164 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:33,520 Speaker 1: ask for my forgiveness. She probably needs it, and you 165 00:09:33,559 --> 00:09:36,560 Speaker 1: should give it to her. I recently got engaged to 166 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:39,240 Speaker 1: a wonderful man, and I've learned to never have another 167 00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:42,040 Speaker 1: female around my man, and I don't want my man 168 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:45,640 Speaker 1: to have female friends because of her. I have major 169 00:09:45,679 --> 00:09:48,559 Speaker 1: trust issues with my new man. How can I get 170 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:51,400 Speaker 1: past what she did to me? Should I let her 171 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:54,160 Speaker 1: back into my life? Well, this is easy right here. 172 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:59,040 Speaker 1: First of all, like Shirley said, your new man ain't 173 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:02,520 Speaker 1: slept with your friend or nobody else for that matter, 174 00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:06,040 Speaker 1: and you got a life. Sometimes we block out blessings 175 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:08,320 Speaker 1: of what God really gave us, that he had for 176 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,880 Speaker 1: us in the first place by hanging on the stuff 177 00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:13,320 Speaker 1: from the past. But you're not only hanging on the 178 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:15,960 Speaker 1: stuff from the past, you're bringing it along on the 179 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:18,840 Speaker 1: new ride too, which is what a lot of people do, 180 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:22,199 Speaker 1: and that's called baggage. Men do it and women do it. 181 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:24,880 Speaker 1: And until you learn how to let go of baggage, 182 00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:27,680 Speaker 1: you can never be the full recipient and benefit of 183 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:30,200 Speaker 1: the new thing that God has for you. This guy 184 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:32,360 Speaker 1: could be a great guy you got, and you may 185 00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:35,040 Speaker 1: run him off with a bunch of your insecurities and 186 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:38,280 Speaker 1: false things. Your man ain't cheated on you, slept with you, 187 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:41,839 Speaker 1: or nothing. Your man don't even know your friend, so 188 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:45,079 Speaker 1: why you got that? Now you got two trust issues. 189 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:48,960 Speaker 1: Now you don't trust men or women. So now you 190 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,320 Speaker 1: may never have another friend in your life, and you 191 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,800 Speaker 1: may never have another man in your life. If you 192 00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:56,400 Speaker 1: don't let go of some of these trust issues. Now, 193 00:10:56,679 --> 00:10:59,000 Speaker 1: your girlfriend, that's what you ought to do. You are 194 00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:01,880 Speaker 1: to forgive, because then that way you ain't got a 195 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:04,280 Speaker 1: trip every time you hear her name. You ain't got 196 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:07,240 Speaker 1: a trip every time you see her. But all you 197 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:10,800 Speaker 1: should do is forgive her. Letting her back in your 198 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:16,120 Speaker 1: life is plain out it's flat out stupidity. Why do 199 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:20,480 Speaker 1: you need a person like that in your life? And 200 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:23,520 Speaker 1: so she probably made a mistake, she probably regrets it, 201 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:29,240 Speaker 1: she probably wants forgiveness. Give her all of that. But 202 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:34,400 Speaker 1: your forgiveness don't mean you forget now it's time. So 203 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:37,240 Speaker 1: how in the world are you gonna sit around her 204 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:41,200 Speaker 1: knowing what she did and be okay with it because 205 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:44,240 Speaker 1: it caused you some major hurting pain. Now a blessing 206 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:47,080 Speaker 1: of it is you discovered that your man really wasn't 207 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:50,640 Speaker 1: all of that, and God and gave you a new man. 208 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:55,800 Speaker 1: So now don't blow it. And this wasn't better because 209 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,959 Speaker 1: he your feet, I'll say the other one was just 210 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:01,960 Speaker 1: your boyfriend. You got a new love in your life, 211 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:05,560 Speaker 1: and you got rid of two people who really weren't 212 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,560 Speaker 1: good and healthy for your life. So you got rid 213 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:11,719 Speaker 1: of two people that wasn't that. That doesn't mean you 214 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:15,200 Speaker 1: will never have another good girlfriend, and that doesn't mean 215 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:20,000 Speaker 1: you'll never have another man because you got the man period. 216 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:23,560 Speaker 1: But I would forgive huh tell a look, I love you, 217 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:27,719 Speaker 1: I forgive what you did and we cool. Girl, Can 218 00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:33,320 Speaker 1: we go get something to drink? I'm busy never girl. 219 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:36,400 Speaker 1: You forgave me, but you're always busy. I stayed busy. 220 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:45,560 Speaker 1: Girls your comments today Strawberry Letter and Steve Harvey FM 221 00:12:45,679 --> 00:12:48,839 Speaker 1: on Instagram and Facebook, and hey, can we got to 222 00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:57,760 Speaker 1: check out I'm out of sanitizers und demand coming up 223 00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:00,600 Speaker 1: in forty six minutes after the hour, I girl from 224 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:03,400 Speaker 1: the Talk, the one in them the Ryl Underwood will 225 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:06,800 Speaker 1: be right here right after this. You're listening to the 226 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,400 Speaker 1: Stave Harvey Morning Show.