WEBVTT - Crystal | Betrayal Weekly

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<v Speaker 1>Hi, everyone, It's Andrea Gunning. Before we start this episode,

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<v Speaker 1>I want to let you know that we will be

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<v Speaker 1>talking explicitly about the realities of domestic violence and sexual assault,

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<v Speaker 1>so please be mindful with this episode.

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<v Speaker 2>I came up with my plan, which was I'm going

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<v Speaker 2>to buy a gun. That's my way out. I still

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<v Speaker 2>remember walking into this gun store thinking that I cannot

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<v Speaker 2>believe this is my life. I can't believe this is

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<v Speaker 2>my life.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Betrayal, a show about

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<v Speaker 1>the people we trust the most and the deceptions that

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<v Speaker 1>change everything.

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<v Speaker 2>I have a thick skin. You're not going to be

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<v Speaker 2>able to offend me. I don't ever give off a

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<v Speaker 2>vibe of it's okay to mess with me.

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<v Speaker 1>That's Crystal Harris.

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<v Speaker 2>Her story is.

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<v Speaker 1>One of an intimate and personal betrayal, but it's also

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<v Speaker 1>a story of an institutional one. Crystal grew up in

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<v Speaker 1>the seventies in southern California, which.

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<v Speaker 2>At the time was all orange groves. We lived out

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<v Speaker 2>in the middle of nowhere, and my parents were hippies.

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<v Speaker 1>From an early age, Crystal was confident.

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<v Speaker 2>I have pictured myself as an adult since I was little,

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<v Speaker 2>I mean five years old, and the vision that always

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<v Speaker 2>came to me was a quote business woman. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>I saw myself with a briefcase and high heels.

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<v Speaker 1>She's always been the kind of person who visualizes what

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<v Speaker 1>she wants and makes it happen.

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<v Speaker 2>I had my life all planned out. Just as I

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<v Speaker 2>saw myself as a business woman, I also saw myself

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<v Speaker 2>as a wife and mother. My plan was to graduate

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<v Speaker 2>at twenty one. Hopefully I would have met my husband

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<v Speaker 2>at some point in college, and we would get married

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<v Speaker 2>around twenty three after I started my career, and then

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<v Speaker 2>I wanted to have kids when I was thirty. That

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<v Speaker 2>was my plan.

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<v Speaker 1>Crystal's parents divorced when she was eight and she moved

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<v Speaker 1>in with her dad.

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<v Speaker 2>I saw my mom after the divorce. She didn't really

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<v Speaker 2>have a profession. She had married my dad when she

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<v Speaker 2>was eighteen, and she never went to school, and so

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<v Speaker 2>she had to like scramble a little bit. And it

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<v Speaker 2>made me realize I would never want to be left

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<v Speaker 2>in that position where I had to rely on someone

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<v Speaker 2>else for my financial security. So I entered my high

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<v Speaker 2>school in college years thinking I've got to have a skill,

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<v Speaker 2>I've got to know how to do something. It was

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<v Speaker 2>a formative lesson for Crystal. I was sixteen years old

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<v Speaker 2>and I said, I'm going to be a financial advisor.

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<v Speaker 2>And so once I graduated from high school, I got

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<v Speaker 2>accepted to college and chose finance as my major and

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<v Speaker 2>was off from there.

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<v Speaker 1>During her last summer of college, Crystal was at home

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<v Speaker 1>in southern California working as a server at a restaurant.

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<v Speaker 1>One day, a new guy showed up at work.

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<v Speaker 2>There was this buzz in the restaurant. One day, everyone

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<v Speaker 2>kept going, oh, my gosh, Sean is back. Sean is here?

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<v Speaker 2>Have you seen Sean? And I was like, who's Sean.

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<v Speaker 2>I finally see him over at the bar, and I

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<v Speaker 2>was just blown over. I thought he was gorgeous. He

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<v Speaker 2>was so good looking. He was strong, tan and blonde

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<v Speaker 2>and must skiller.

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<v Speaker 1>Sean quickly became one of her favorite coworkers.

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<v Speaker 2>I was a waitress. He was a bus boy, and like,

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<v Speaker 2>if I was just standing at a table with a

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<v Speaker 2>cup or a plate in my hand, he'd come up

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<v Speaker 2>and take it from me. He would never let me

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<v Speaker 2>walk all the way to the dishwasher.

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<v Speaker 1>He was her type, and he caught her attention. An

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<v Speaker 1>all American boy and a former college athlete.

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<v Speaker 2>He attended a private college and he was on their

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<v Speaker 2>baseball team. He was the pitcher, and I was impressed.

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<v Speaker 2>And then I learned that he was a math major,

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<v Speaker 2>and I was impressed by that too, because I thought, well,

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<v Speaker 2>you can't fudge it, and being a math major, I

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<v Speaker 2>respected it.

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<v Speaker 1>Crystal and Sean spent the whole summer flirting.

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<v Speaker 2>One night, we all decided to go out after work.

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<v Speaker 2>We had been dancing all night and we'd been hanging

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<v Speaker 2>out with our other friends from work, and we were

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<v Speaker 2>kind of bar hopping and there's a little bench outside

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<v Speaker 2>and we were sitting on it and he just kissed me.

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<v Speaker 2>That led into us having this really cute, fun, almost

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<v Speaker 2>magical relationship that first year.

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<v Speaker 1>Crystal still had a year of college left. She drove

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<v Speaker 1>the hour home every weekend to spend time with Sean.

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<v Speaker 2>I would race down after school on Friday and it

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<v Speaker 2>would just be like, oh my god, I missed you.

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<v Speaker 2>It felt like every weekend was a vacation.

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<v Speaker 1>Every time she was around Sean, I.

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<v Speaker 2>Was totally smitten. He was different. I had never dated

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<v Speaker 2>anybody that I thought was smarter than me, but I

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<v Speaker 2>thought he was smarter than me.

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<v Speaker 1>After she graduated from college, Crystal turned her attention to

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<v Speaker 1>her next goal, getting a job. She'd gotten her degree

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<v Speaker 1>in finance and she wanted to be a financial advisor.

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<v Speaker 2>I really worked hard at getting my foot in the

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<v Speaker 2>door somewhere. I interviewed everywhere, all the major firms on

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<v Speaker 2>Wall Street.

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<v Speaker 1>Then she found a firm who gave her a chance,

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<v Speaker 1>but she would have to work for it.

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<v Speaker 2>They said, if you can open twenty five accounts and

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<v Speaker 2>bring in five hundred thousand dollars in assets, then we'll

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<v Speaker 2>put you into our actual training program. And I said, okay,

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<v Speaker 2>fair enough. I worked my ass off and I was

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<v Speaker 2>able to get that done within four months, and so

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<v Speaker 2>I got hired.

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<v Speaker 1>The firm had a branch in her and Shawn's town,

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<v Speaker 1>but before she started working there, they sent her to

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<v Speaker 1>New York City for a training program. Sean and Crystal

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<v Speaker 1>had been dating for two years, and Sean visited her

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<v Speaker 1>in New York when he could.

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<v Speaker 2>They would do New York for the weekend as tourists.

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<v Speaker 2>At some point we were up at the top of

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<v Speaker 2>the Statue of Liberty, like in the Crown, and that's

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<v Speaker 2>where he proposed to me. I quickly said yes, and

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<v Speaker 2>I can remember saying we can get married when like

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<v Speaker 2>next week or a year. He said, whatever you want.

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<v Speaker 1>She planned their wedding in six months. Everything was falling

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<v Speaker 1>into place.

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<v Speaker 2>I felt totally sure. I love him, he loves me.

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<v Speaker 2>We're starting life together, and I was really in a

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<v Speaker 2>happy place in my life.

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<v Speaker 1>Her wedding day was picture perfect.

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<v Speaker 2>It was lovely, beautiful. I was happy to be married,

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<v Speaker 2>but it just it felt like, of course I'm getting married,

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<v Speaker 2>like this is what I do, it's my plan, this

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<v Speaker 2>is a day that's supposed to come. It's here, let's

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<v Speaker 2>do it next on the list. We got married in January,

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<v Speaker 2>and by that June we purchased our first condo. It

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<v Speaker 2>started us like building our life.

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<v Speaker 1>Shawn's dad owned a used car our dealership in town,

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<v Speaker 1>and you got a job working there. But Sean's career

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<v Speaker 1>would be temporary. Early on, the couple made an agreement

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<v Speaker 1>when they were ready to start a family, Crystal would

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<v Speaker 1>be the breadwinner and Sean would stay at home with

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<v Speaker 1>the kids.

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<v Speaker 2>Neither of us believed in daycare, so he had always

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<v Speaker 2>said he'd be happy to stay home with them. And

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<v Speaker 2>I just thought to myself, Wow, great, that lets me

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<v Speaker 2>have my career but I could still have kids.

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<v Speaker 1>Knowing Sean would be a stay at home dad when

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<v Speaker 1>the time came, allowed Crystal to focus on building her career.

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<v Speaker 2>The stock market opens at six thirty am West Coast time.

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<v Speaker 2>It was my job to manage people's portfolios, to figure

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<v Speaker 2>out what a client needed, what their goals were, what

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<v Speaker 2>their risk tolerance was, and invest appropriately. You either make

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<v Speaker 2>it or you don't, and so I always liked that

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<v Speaker 2>aspect that the sky was the limit.

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<v Speaker 1>Her husband supported her career wholeheartedly.

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<v Speaker 2>Sean literally from the time we first met. He seemed

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<v Speaker 2>so proud to be with me. He just loved that

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<v Speaker 2>I was ambitious and that I knew where I was going.

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<v Speaker 2>I'd close some new account and I'd come home and

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<v Speaker 2>he would be just as happy as I was. We

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<v Speaker 2>would totally celebrate together.

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<v Speaker 1>They were a regular couple in their twenties, spending weekends

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<v Speaker 1>with friends. They even joined a Rex softball team together,

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<v Speaker 1>which was especially fun because Sean could show off his

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<v Speaker 1>college baseball skills.

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<v Speaker 2>We played every Wednesday night, and then we would always

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<v Speaker 2>go for pizza and beer after. It gave me a

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<v Speaker 2>chance to watch him be amazing, because he really was

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<v Speaker 2>athletically amazing. He could run faster than any man. He

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<v Speaker 2>could hit the ball further. I was like, Wow, I

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<v Speaker 2>know he loved me, and I loved him very much.

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<v Speaker 2>That was the base of everything at home.

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<v Speaker 1>He was affectionate, doting, and for a while things were

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<v Speaker 1>really great living together. She began to notice they had

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<v Speaker 1>two different approaches to conflict.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm the type of person if I'm mad at you,

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<v Speaker 2>I will tell you right now, but one minute later,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm fine, it's out, it's over. But Sean would do

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<v Speaker 2>things where let's say he got off work at six,

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<v Speaker 2>he wouldn't come home until like nine or ten or whatever,

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<v Speaker 2>and he finally just like strolled through the door and

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<v Speaker 2>I go, what the hell, why are you late? And

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<v Speaker 2>he would be like, well, do you remember last Wednesday

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<v Speaker 2>when you said such and such to me? I've been

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<v Speaker 2>really mad about that.

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<v Speaker 1>Cristel had never seen someone hold onto resentment the way

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<v Speaker 1>that Sean did. Two years into the marriage, one of

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<v Speaker 1>their cars broke down, so for a week, Kristal and

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<v Speaker 1>Sean had to share a car. They both needed it

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<v Speaker 1>to get to work. Cristal started her job at six

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<v Speaker 1>point thirty in the morning. She would take a break

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<v Speaker 1>around eight thirty to pick Sean up and take him

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<v Speaker 1>to his job at the dealership. Within just a few days,

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<v Speaker 1>the car became a source of tension.

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<v Speaker 2>Every day he'd say, come pick me up, let's say

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<v Speaker 2>eight forty five, and I would get there and he

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<v Speaker 2>would still be in bed, or still in the shower,

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<v Speaker 2>whatever it was. He was nowhere near ready every day,

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<v Speaker 2>and I had had it. I was pissed. I didn't

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<v Speaker 2>like how he was just so dismissive of my time.

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<v Speaker 1>But one day the fight over the car became something different.

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<v Speaker 2>We got in a big fight over it. Eventually we

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<v Speaker 2>get in the car and I'm driving him to work

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<v Speaker 2>and we're still fighting. He's in the passenger seat. Next

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<v Speaker 2>thing I know, he took his left hand, it was

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<v Speaker 2>in a fist, and just sort of balked me in

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<v Speaker 2>my eye, on my cheek, and I just was reeling.

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<v Speaker 2>I pulled the car over, and I'm trying to get

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<v Speaker 2>my head together, trying to figure out what just happened.

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<v Speaker 2>I had never been hit before by a man in

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<v Speaker 2>my life. I just remember thinking, get him to work,

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<v Speaker 2>and then you're on your own. You've got the car,

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<v Speaker 2>You've got the safety of the office. Don't provoke him anymore.

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<v Speaker 2>I just shut my mouth, not fighting anymore.

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<v Speaker 1>She had an instinctual reaction, which was to stay calm

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<v Speaker 1>and get him out of her car. Once she was alone,

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<v Speaker 1>she knew what she had to do.

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<v Speaker 2>Get back to the office, Call the police, call an attorney,

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<v Speaker 2>Call my mom. This is huge and my marriage is over.

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<v Speaker 2>That is what I did. I told everybody, and I

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<v Speaker 2>hired a divorce attorney and filed a police report. I

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<v Speaker 2>did everything I ever said I would do if a

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<v Speaker 2>man hit me.

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<v Speaker 1>When Crystal got home that day.

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<v Speaker 2>He had broken the whole sliding glass door.

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<v Speaker 1>But Sean wasn't home. He'd been arrested for assaulting Crystal.

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<v Speaker 1>She wanted to be far away from.

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<v Speaker 2>Him, and I got a restraining order. By the end

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<v Speaker 2>of that day, he was not allowed to come in

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<v Speaker 2>the house.

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<v Speaker 1>They were separated for some time. About a month or

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<v Speaker 1>so went by. Then Crystal got a call from Sean's dad.

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<v Speaker 2>I respected his dad very much, and he was telling

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<v Speaker 2>me how devastated Sean is and how this was such

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<v Speaker 2>a huge wake up call for him. He knows he

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<v Speaker 2>did wrong. His dad kept saying, you know you're a

0:14:24.920 --> 0:14:30.080
<v Speaker 2>part of this family. We love you. Sean's already going

0:14:30.120 --> 0:14:35.920
<v Speaker 2>to anger management classes. I remember thinking, that's great that

0:14:36.040 --> 0:14:40.640
<v Speaker 2>they have such a thing. It was court ordered, and

0:14:40.720 --> 0:14:42.200
<v Speaker 2>it just seemed official.

0:14:43.440 --> 0:14:46.800
<v Speaker 1>This was nineteen ninety eight, when court ordered anger management

0:14:46.920 --> 0:14:50.800
<v Speaker 1>was still new. This was Crystal's first time learning about it,

0:14:51.160 --> 0:14:53.560
<v Speaker 1>and she was relieved to hear he was getting help.

0:14:54.440 --> 0:14:58.000
<v Speaker 1>Despite what Sean had done, anger management sounded like it

0:14:58.040 --> 0:14:59.080
<v Speaker 1>was just what he needed.

0:15:00.160 --> 0:15:03.960
<v Speaker 2>I really thought that could be the key to us

0:15:04.120 --> 0:15:05.000
<v Speaker 2>getting back together.

0:15:06.200 --> 0:15:08.800
<v Speaker 1>After talking to his dad, she was open to hearing

0:15:08.800 --> 0:15:11.600
<v Speaker 1>Sean out. She wanted his apology.

0:15:13.080 --> 0:15:15.400
<v Speaker 2>I was willing to talk to him on the phone.

0:15:16.160 --> 0:15:19.960
<v Speaker 2>Was trying to get a sense of if he understood

0:15:20.240 --> 0:15:24.240
<v Speaker 2>how bad what he did was. He really seemed like

0:15:25.040 --> 0:15:30.440
<v Speaker 2>he was sorry and he did wrong. I thought, I

0:15:30.480 --> 0:15:33.480
<v Speaker 2>love him, he loves me. I love him. All he

0:15:33.560 --> 0:15:36.880
<v Speaker 2>needs is a little bit of help to figure out

0:15:36.920 --> 0:15:40.040
<v Speaker 2>why he did that and we can still have our

0:15:40.080 --> 0:15:40.800
<v Speaker 2>life together.

0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:50.760
<v Speaker 1>But she wanted to let him know he'd messed up

0:15:51.680 --> 0:15:54.200
<v Speaker 1>and he would be held accountable for what he'd done.

0:15:54.680 --> 0:15:57.320
<v Speaker 2>I slowly let him back in the house. It took

0:15:57.320 --> 0:15:59.800
<v Speaker 2>two or three months. We had our divorce proceeding in

0:15:59.800 --> 0:16:05.440
<v Speaker 2>a I dropped everything except what I did not drop.

0:16:06.160 --> 0:16:10.400
<v Speaker 2>Was the actual police charge. He did it. He hit me,

0:16:11.000 --> 0:16:15.080
<v Speaker 2>and it was important to me that that stand. So

0:16:15.760 --> 0:16:20.080
<v Speaker 2>he was prosecuted and pled guilty, and that did go

0:16:20.160 --> 0:16:21.880
<v Speaker 2>on his record, and.

0:16:21.880 --> 0:16:24.560
<v Speaker 1>The consequences he faced were long lasting.

0:16:25.320 --> 0:16:30.000
<v Speaker 2>He was on probation for three years, and I felt

0:16:30.080 --> 0:16:35.600
<v Speaker 2>sufficiently satisfied that he was getting that help he needed

0:16:35.640 --> 0:16:36.880
<v Speaker 2>and that we were going to be okay.

0:16:38.040 --> 0:16:40.600
<v Speaker 1>That moment in the car felt like an outlier, and

0:16:40.680 --> 0:16:42.760
<v Speaker 1>there otherwise steady relationship.

0:16:43.640 --> 0:16:46.680
<v Speaker 2>There's not like an infidelity issue. There was not even

0:16:46.720 --> 0:16:50.640
<v Speaker 2>a jealousy issue. I thought that was good. We never

0:16:50.680 --> 0:16:55.640
<v Speaker 2>fought about money. He was not a drinker, never took drugs,

0:16:55.800 --> 0:16:59.200
<v Speaker 2>didn't smoke, and I just thought that's a great foundation

0:16:59.360 --> 0:17:02.320
<v Speaker 2>for a good mayor mage and we loved each other.

0:17:03.400 --> 0:17:07.360
<v Speaker 1>Over the next three years, they slowly rebuild trust. Crystal

0:17:07.400 --> 0:17:09.560
<v Speaker 1>fell grounded, and her relationship with Sean.

0:17:09.960 --> 0:17:12.600
<v Speaker 2>I just remember thinking we should start thinking about having kids,

0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:16.600
<v Speaker 2>and it was part of my plan anyway. So the

0:17:16.720 --> 0:17:20.120
<v Speaker 2>following January of two thousand and two, I went off

0:17:20.359 --> 0:17:23.520
<v Speaker 2>the pill and we started trying to have a baby,

0:17:24.119 --> 0:17:27.280
<v Speaker 2>and I got pregnant immediately.

0:17:27.800 --> 0:17:29.040
<v Speaker 1>Crystal was thrilled.

0:17:29.640 --> 0:17:31.440
<v Speaker 2>I couldn't wait for Sean to get home and tell

0:17:31.480 --> 0:17:34.600
<v Speaker 2>him in person, Like I call him immediately and I'm like,

0:17:34.760 --> 0:17:37.919
<v Speaker 2>I am pregnant. He was happy. He was so happy.

0:17:38.680 --> 0:17:40.840
<v Speaker 1>Sean and Crystal found out that they were going to

0:17:40.880 --> 0:17:44.959
<v Speaker 1>have a boy. They felt really connected through her entire pregnancy.

0:17:45.520 --> 0:17:49.240
<v Speaker 2>He's treated me great. It was a very sweet time

0:17:49.280 --> 0:17:50.240
<v Speaker 2>in our relationship.

0:17:50.640 --> 0:17:53.080
<v Speaker 1>And in two thousand and two their son was born.

0:17:53.760 --> 0:17:59.560
<v Speaker 2>Sean was there. He was crying and loving and proud

0:17:59.640 --> 0:18:03.640
<v Speaker 2>of me and cheerleading and being perfect.

0:18:05.720 --> 0:18:09.040
<v Speaker 1>Their son became their whole world. That's when Sean quit

0:18:09.080 --> 0:18:12.080
<v Speaker 1>his job and, like the couple had planned, became a

0:18:12.119 --> 0:18:12.960
<v Speaker 1>stay at home dad.

0:18:13.840 --> 0:18:16.239
<v Speaker 2>He was home with the baby and I was on

0:18:16.320 --> 0:18:19.160
<v Speaker 2>maternity leave for like four months and then I went back.

0:18:20.400 --> 0:18:22.920
<v Speaker 2>I thought our plan was working out pretty well.

0:18:24.200 --> 0:18:27.600
<v Speaker 1>But once he quit working, something changed in Sean.

0:18:29.240 --> 0:18:31.720
<v Speaker 2>The whole thing about putting me in my place and

0:18:31.800 --> 0:18:34.919
<v Speaker 2>the passive aggressiveness and that kind of stuff seemed to

0:18:35.040 --> 0:18:38.400
<v Speaker 2>pick up a lot. When Sean and I would fight,

0:18:38.440 --> 0:18:42.440
<v Speaker 2>it would be bigger, things would escalate further than they

0:18:42.480 --> 0:18:47.080
<v Speaker 2>ever had. It just got to a different level after

0:18:47.280 --> 0:18:48.400
<v Speaker 2>our first son was born.

0:18:49.720 --> 0:18:53.080
<v Speaker 1>Like one time a fight got so intense that Crystal

0:18:53.320 --> 0:18:55.440
<v Speaker 1>had to escape to her neighbor's.

0:18:55.000 --> 0:18:59.399
<v Speaker 2>House, and he followed me. He comes in there, he

0:18:59.440 --> 0:19:03.959
<v Speaker 2>grabs me. He opens their fridge and takes milk out

0:19:04.000 --> 0:19:05.399
<v Speaker 2>of the fridge and just pours it all over me,

0:19:05.520 --> 0:19:06.720
<v Speaker 2>right in front of them.

0:19:07.200 --> 0:19:10.359
<v Speaker 1>He had humiliated her in front of her friends, and

0:19:10.400 --> 0:19:14.720
<v Speaker 1>he didn't care. Crystal felt exposed because up until this

0:19:14.840 --> 0:19:18.280
<v Speaker 1>point she had been living with Sean's escalation in private.

0:19:18.840 --> 0:19:23.919
<v Speaker 2>After I took Sean back, I never told anyone in

0:19:23.960 --> 0:19:28.400
<v Speaker 2>my family that my life was anything but perfect. Part

0:19:28.400 --> 0:19:31.120
<v Speaker 2>of it was not even just protecting Sean, was protecting

0:19:31.119 --> 0:19:31.760
<v Speaker 2>my own ego.

0:19:34.359 --> 0:19:38.600
<v Speaker 1>Crystal wouldn't dare engage Sean after an explosive fight. She'd

0:19:38.640 --> 0:19:41.640
<v Speaker 1>wait for him to cool down, but sometimes that would

0:19:41.680 --> 0:19:43.320
<v Speaker 1>take days or weeks.

0:19:43.760 --> 0:19:48.320
<v Speaker 2>I wasn't happy, but I felt like I could tolerate

0:19:48.400 --> 0:19:51.919
<v Speaker 2>a lot to keep my family together for my kids,

0:19:52.359 --> 0:19:54.720
<v Speaker 2>like I could put up with the bullshit.

0:19:55.600 --> 0:20:00.480
<v Speaker 1>Incidents like this started happening more frequently, and oftentimes Crystal

0:20:00.480 --> 0:20:03.480
<v Speaker 1>will get the police involved to help deescalate the situation.

0:20:04.560 --> 0:20:09.560
<v Speaker 2>Never did I get physically assaulted. It was just like

0:20:09.680 --> 0:20:13.080
<v Speaker 2>more scary stuff, and I called the police a number

0:20:13.080 --> 0:20:13.560
<v Speaker 2>of times.

0:20:14.800 --> 0:20:18.280
<v Speaker 1>Things went on like this for two years, and then.

0:20:18.640 --> 0:20:22.720
<v Speaker 2>Shawn's dad got lung cancer and died a month before

0:20:22.720 --> 0:20:30.040
<v Speaker 2>our second child was born, and it sent Sean into deep,

0:20:30.760 --> 0:20:36.879
<v Speaker 2>deep depression. He was playing video games all night and

0:20:36.920 --> 0:20:40.359
<v Speaker 2>then he would sleep all day, even though he's the

0:20:40.400 --> 0:20:41.480
<v Speaker 2>one home with the kids.

0:20:42.240 --> 0:20:45.359
<v Speaker 1>Crystal was doing everything she could to hold their family together,

0:20:45.800 --> 0:20:47.480
<v Speaker 1>but it was getting harder.

0:20:48.240 --> 0:20:53.160
<v Speaker 2>As time went on. I would throw out the divorce

0:20:53.240 --> 0:20:56.480
<v Speaker 2>word pretty often, just because I would say I can't

0:20:56.520 --> 0:21:01.280
<v Speaker 2>live like this. My intention in doing that was to

0:21:01.560 --> 0:21:04.040
<v Speaker 2>hopefully have him go, well, oh my gosh, I don't

0:21:04.080 --> 0:21:06.120
<v Speaker 2>want to lose her. I better straighten up.

0:21:06.800 --> 0:21:10.040
<v Speaker 1>Christel was still in love with Sean. She wanted to

0:21:10.080 --> 0:21:13.360
<v Speaker 1>fight for their family and hope that things could be different,

0:21:13.960 --> 0:21:16.600
<v Speaker 1>and she held on to that hope for five years.

0:21:19.359 --> 0:21:22.520
<v Speaker 2>The shit was happening more and more and more, and

0:21:23.800 --> 0:21:26.360
<v Speaker 2>finally it gets to the point, early fall of two

0:21:26.400 --> 0:21:29.399
<v Speaker 2>thousand and seven, something happened. We got in a fight.

0:21:30.320 --> 0:21:33.720
<v Speaker 1>After the altercation, Sean left the house. He didn't come

0:21:33.760 --> 0:21:37.119
<v Speaker 1>back for days. Christel had no idea where he was

0:21:37.320 --> 0:21:42.520
<v Speaker 1>or what would happen next. Eventually he showed back up, and.

0:21:42.520 --> 0:21:47.000
<v Speaker 2>When he came back in the house, he was different,

0:21:48.760 --> 0:21:52.080
<v Speaker 2>so calm. It was like he had been meditating on

0:21:52.200 --> 0:21:55.800
<v Speaker 2>this whole new plan to keep me in line. He

0:21:55.840 --> 0:22:01.760
<v Speaker 2>came in with intent. He tells me that he is

0:22:01.840 --> 0:22:06.520
<v Speaker 2>sick of me calling the police on him. He is

0:22:06.560 --> 0:22:11.199
<v Speaker 2>sick of me threatening to divorce him, and that is

0:22:11.240 --> 0:22:13.520
<v Speaker 2>all ending now. That's never going to happen again. And

0:22:13.600 --> 0:22:15.720
<v Speaker 2>if I ever do it again, he's going to kill me.

0:22:18.160 --> 0:22:21.040
<v Speaker 1>He was serious, and it was terrifying.

0:22:22.520 --> 0:22:27.119
<v Speaker 2>I believed him. I had never felt so helpless in

0:22:27.160 --> 0:22:30.920
<v Speaker 2>my life. Usually I could come up with a plan.

0:22:31.680 --> 0:22:36.840
<v Speaker 2>I had no plan that decisive, planned out person who's

0:22:36.880 --> 0:22:41.119
<v Speaker 2>got her act together found herself in a box.

0:23:04.560 --> 0:23:07.800
<v Speaker 1>After Sean lost his father, he mentally started to unravel

0:23:08.119 --> 0:23:11.600
<v Speaker 1>worse than before. Verbal abuse was a constant in the

0:23:11.640 --> 0:23:16.360
<v Speaker 1>Harra's household. When things escalated, Crystal would often call the cops.

0:23:16.800 --> 0:23:21.040
<v Speaker 1>But after one particularly explosive altercation, Sean left the house

0:23:21.600 --> 0:23:23.760
<v Speaker 1>and after a few days, Sean came back with a

0:23:23.800 --> 0:23:28.000
<v Speaker 1>clear message he was in control and if she challenged him,

0:23:28.480 --> 0:23:29.280
<v Speaker 1>he would kill her.

0:23:30.359 --> 0:23:33.800
<v Speaker 2>I remember just trying to play it cool at first,

0:23:34.480 --> 0:23:38.440
<v Speaker 2>thinking maybe he's still really mad, but whenever I went

0:23:38.520 --> 0:23:42.199
<v Speaker 2>to revisit it days later, weeks later, months later and

0:23:42.400 --> 0:23:45.040
<v Speaker 2>just say, like, you didn't mean that, You're just mad.

0:23:45.600 --> 0:23:48.399
<v Speaker 2>He would double down on it and say, no, that

0:23:48.600 --> 0:23:49.280
<v Speaker 2>is what I mean.

0:23:50.640 --> 0:23:55.040
<v Speaker 1>So Crystal fell in line. She avoided doing anything that

0:23:55.080 --> 0:23:55.920
<v Speaker 1>could upset him.

0:23:56.680 --> 0:23:59.760
<v Speaker 2>I thought, I'm going to be so nice to him.

0:24:00.160 --> 0:24:03.119
<v Speaker 2>If I'm so nice to him, how could he be

0:24:03.240 --> 0:24:06.679
<v Speaker 2>mean to me? But then he said, the meaner I

0:24:06.720 --> 0:24:09.600
<v Speaker 2>act to you, the nicer you act to me. Anything

0:24:09.680 --> 0:24:14.879
<v Speaker 2>she did to try and regain control backfired. She needed support.

0:24:15.240 --> 0:24:18.200
<v Speaker 2>For the first time in my life, I start going

0:24:18.240 --> 0:24:22.479
<v Speaker 2>to church because I am out of answers, I have

0:24:22.560 --> 0:24:25.280
<v Speaker 2>no plan. I feel helpless.

0:24:27.119 --> 0:24:30.520
<v Speaker 1>Crystal leaned on the church and its community. There she

0:24:30.520 --> 0:24:35.320
<v Speaker 1>felt less alone. A few months later, the church was

0:24:35.400 --> 0:24:38.960
<v Speaker 1>hosting an Easter egg hunt. Crystal wanted to take her sons.

0:24:39.440 --> 0:24:41.000
<v Speaker 1>They were five and two at the time.

0:24:41.480 --> 0:24:43.479
<v Speaker 2>I begged Sean to go to this thing with me.

0:24:43.640 --> 0:24:45.760
<v Speaker 2>Is like, the kids will have so much fun, do

0:24:45.840 --> 0:24:48.720
<v Speaker 2>it for them, and he did not want to go.

0:24:49.760 --> 0:24:53.160
<v Speaker 2>He finally, super begrudgingly agreed to come.

0:24:54.520 --> 0:24:58.240
<v Speaker 1>The whole time, Sean was miserable. He would wander off

0:24:58.359 --> 0:25:00.520
<v Speaker 1>or snap at her. What was the supposed to be

0:25:00.600 --> 0:25:06.280
<v Speaker 1>a fun holiday event ended up being really stressful. After

0:25:06.320 --> 0:25:08.439
<v Speaker 1>the event, Crystal and Sean were pulling out of the

0:25:08.480 --> 0:25:12.040
<v Speaker 1>church parking lot. Crystal sat in the passenger seat, exhausted,

0:25:12.440 --> 0:25:13.760
<v Speaker 1>with the two boys in the back.

0:25:14.680 --> 0:25:18.439
<v Speaker 2>Sewn is starting to like flip off these cars and stuff,

0:25:19.040 --> 0:25:21.440
<v Speaker 2>and I'm like, oh my god, I'm so embarrassed because

0:25:21.480 --> 0:25:25.119
<v Speaker 2>these are people I go to church with. I just said, Sean,

0:25:25.800 --> 0:25:29.080
<v Speaker 2>do not flip these people off. And I had a

0:25:29.119 --> 0:25:32.080
<v Speaker 2>snow cone in my hand and I was looking out

0:25:32.160 --> 0:25:35.920
<v Speaker 2>the passenger window. Next thing I know, the whole thing

0:25:36.160 --> 0:25:40.520
<v Speaker 2>just explodes because Sean's hand has come across and whacked

0:25:40.520 --> 0:25:42.520
<v Speaker 2>it out of my face and hit my face a

0:25:42.520 --> 0:25:46.480
<v Speaker 2>little bit too, and then he takes his finger and

0:25:46.560 --> 0:25:49.359
<v Speaker 2>he puts it right in the soft part of my throat,

0:25:49.880 --> 0:25:52.320
<v Speaker 2>like right in the front, and he just starts pushing

0:25:52.359 --> 0:25:58.200
<v Speaker 2>really hard, and I'm trying to back up, but I'm

0:25:58.400 --> 0:26:00.919
<v Speaker 2>crying and I'm yelling and I'm him to stop. And

0:26:00.960 --> 0:26:04.040
<v Speaker 2>my son is diagonal from me, and my other son's

0:26:04.080 --> 0:26:08.600
<v Speaker 2>behind me and hearing all this. The oldest one he's

0:26:08.640 --> 0:26:12.560
<v Speaker 2>telling his daddy to stop. Nothing had ever happened in

0:26:12.640 --> 0:26:15.520
<v Speaker 2>front of the kids before. And I just realized at

0:26:15.520 --> 0:26:21.000
<v Speaker 2>that moment, how delusional I had been thinking that I

0:26:21.080 --> 0:26:23.800
<v Speaker 2>could keep any of this under control.

0:26:26.640 --> 0:26:29.119
<v Speaker 1>She needed to get out, but she was afraid for

0:26:29.160 --> 0:26:33.040
<v Speaker 1>her life, and now she was afraid for her kids' lives.

0:26:33.680 --> 0:26:36.720
<v Speaker 1>In that moment, Crystal made a decision.

0:26:36.800 --> 0:26:40.639
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna buy a gun. That's my way out to

0:26:40.720 --> 0:26:43.159
<v Speaker 2>get out of this marriage and stay alive because I

0:26:43.200 --> 0:26:46.160
<v Speaker 2>knew he would come after me. Let's say I called

0:26:46.160 --> 0:26:49.800
<v Speaker 2>the police that moment. Like that night, I truly believed

0:26:50.080 --> 0:26:52.000
<v Speaker 2>that he would just be out the next day and

0:26:52.040 --> 0:26:55.919
<v Speaker 2>come and kill me. I felt like I could not

0:26:56.280 --> 0:26:58.800
<v Speaker 2>make any moves for safety until I had that gun.

0:26:59.240 --> 0:27:01.439
<v Speaker 2>It just felt like a lifeline to me.

0:27:03.080 --> 0:27:06.800
<v Speaker 1>Crystal wasted no time I went.

0:27:06.920 --> 0:27:11.680
<v Speaker 2>That very same night, I still remember walking into this

0:27:11.800 --> 0:27:18.120
<v Speaker 2>gun store thinking that I cannot believe this is my life.

0:27:18.400 --> 0:27:20.960
<v Speaker 2>I can't believe this is my life.

0:27:21.040 --> 0:27:24.560
<v Speaker 1>In California, there's a ten day waiting period between purchasing

0:27:24.600 --> 0:27:27.800
<v Speaker 1>a gun and taking possession of it, So for Crystal,

0:27:28.040 --> 0:27:30.120
<v Speaker 1>it was just a matter of getting through those next

0:27:30.160 --> 0:27:33.359
<v Speaker 1>ten days. Once she did pick up the gun, she

0:27:33.400 --> 0:27:35.879
<v Speaker 1>would take her and her boys and leave Sean forever.

0:27:36.400 --> 0:27:39.560
<v Speaker 1>But within a few days Sean started threatening her again.

0:27:40.440 --> 0:27:42.960
<v Speaker 1>She wanted evidence of the threats and violence against her

0:27:43.280 --> 0:27:46.320
<v Speaker 1>in case she would ever need it in court. This

0:27:46.480 --> 0:27:51.480
<v Speaker 1>was two thousand and eight, before iPhone's remainstream. Crystal had

0:27:51.480 --> 0:27:52.400
<v Speaker 1>to be resourceful.

0:27:52.880 --> 0:27:55.360
<v Speaker 2>I thought, I'm going to need proof this is happening

0:27:55.400 --> 0:27:58.239
<v Speaker 2>to me. So I decided I was going to get

0:27:58.280 --> 0:27:59.000
<v Speaker 2>a tape recorder.

0:28:01.520 --> 0:28:04.280
<v Speaker 1>As a note for listeners, Crystal is about to describe

0:28:04.280 --> 0:28:07.760
<v Speaker 1>an instance of graphic domestic violence. If you'd prefer not

0:28:07.880 --> 0:28:10.520
<v Speaker 1>to hear this, you can fast forward three and a

0:28:10.560 --> 0:28:11.199
<v Speaker 1>half minutes.

0:28:12.480 --> 0:28:16.040
<v Speaker 2>And so we get to Friday and I get home

0:28:16.160 --> 0:28:20.640
<v Speaker 2>from work and he immediately says to me, I can't

0:28:20.680 --> 0:28:23.120
<v Speaker 2>stand to be around you. Either you need to leave

0:28:23.200 --> 0:28:27.840
<v Speaker 2>or I do. I still had my high heels on

0:28:28.000 --> 0:28:31.719
<v Speaker 2>and my business suit and my nylons and everything, and

0:28:32.600 --> 0:28:34.800
<v Speaker 2>I just was like, okay, fine.

0:28:34.880 --> 0:28:37.919
<v Speaker 1>Crystal decided to give Sean some space. She went up

0:28:37.920 --> 0:28:40.440
<v Speaker 1>to her bedroom she'd stay out of his way for

0:28:40.520 --> 0:28:41.400
<v Speaker 1>the rest of the night.

0:28:42.520 --> 0:28:46.200
<v Speaker 2>I had just gotten in bed, and next thing I know,

0:28:46.440 --> 0:28:50.040
<v Speaker 2>he comes strolling in the room and wants to have sex.

0:28:50.880 --> 0:28:55.680
<v Speaker 2>And I said, no, no, we're not having sex. And

0:28:56.120 --> 0:29:00.800
<v Speaker 2>he starts in on me like, well, we are married,

0:29:00.840 --> 0:29:04.200
<v Speaker 2>aren't we, And then he starts saying this is not

0:29:04.400 --> 0:29:11.560
<v Speaker 2>up for negotiation. I can remember a flood of adrenaline

0:29:11.560 --> 0:29:14.880
<v Speaker 2>going through my body, like, oh my god, what is happening.

0:29:17.200 --> 0:29:19.560
<v Speaker 2>I'm not able to talk my way out of it.

0:29:21.400 --> 0:29:23.920
<v Speaker 2>He's two hundred and twenty pounds. I was one hundred

0:29:23.960 --> 0:29:27.000
<v Speaker 2>and twenty pounds. I couldn't hurt him if I tried,

0:29:27.120 --> 0:29:31.480
<v Speaker 2>whereas he could kill me. And as I realized I'm

0:29:31.560 --> 0:29:34.840
<v Speaker 2>not getting out of this, I remembered I've got that

0:29:34.920 --> 0:29:38.960
<v Speaker 2>tape recorder nearby. I couldn't physically stop this from happening,

0:29:39.000 --> 0:29:41.360
<v Speaker 2>but I could at least have proof that it was happening.

0:29:41.840 --> 0:29:44.800
<v Speaker 2>And so I started begging him to let me go

0:29:45.120 --> 0:29:48.320
<v Speaker 2>to the bathroom. And it took me a little bit,

0:29:48.480 --> 0:29:51.479
<v Speaker 2>but he finally let me go to the bathroom. And

0:29:51.520 --> 0:29:54.320
<v Speaker 2>as I came out of the bathroom, I stopped at

0:29:54.360 --> 0:29:56.600
<v Speaker 2>my underwear drawer and acted like I was getting something out,

0:29:56.600 --> 0:29:58.880
<v Speaker 2>and I hit that play in record button and then

0:29:58.920 --> 0:30:02.880
<v Speaker 2>I closed the drawer, and then I decided to just

0:30:03.000 --> 0:30:05.480
<v Speaker 2>try and act like maybe you didn't mean what you

0:30:05.520 --> 0:30:08.680
<v Speaker 2>were saying before I'm gonna go check on the kids,

0:30:08.720 --> 0:30:10.280
<v Speaker 2>like I was just trying to like get out of

0:30:10.320 --> 0:30:13.480
<v Speaker 2>there like put this off in some way, shape or form,

0:30:13.800 --> 0:30:17.960
<v Speaker 2>and he got super mad that I didn't come back

0:30:18.000 --> 0:30:21.120
<v Speaker 2>to the bed. Then I tried to leave, and he

0:30:21.640 --> 0:30:23.920
<v Speaker 2>jumped over the bed and grabbed me by the arm

0:30:24.040 --> 0:30:28.520
<v Speaker 2>and womped me upside the head and started choking me

0:30:29.520 --> 0:30:31.760
<v Speaker 2>and pulled me back to the bed.

0:30:36.280 --> 0:30:37.360
<v Speaker 1>He raped her that night.

0:30:38.680 --> 0:30:42.520
<v Speaker 2>When he's finished, I'm thinking he's maybe gonna feel bad.

0:30:42.640 --> 0:30:45.640
<v Speaker 2>I don't know. I'm walking to the bathroom to clean

0:30:45.760 --> 0:30:48.360
<v Speaker 2>up and get a hold of myself, and I'm still

0:30:48.400 --> 0:30:51.400
<v Speaker 2>reeling from what happened. But I said something like I

0:30:51.440 --> 0:30:55.719
<v Speaker 2>can't believe you just fucking raped your own wife. He

0:30:56.200 --> 0:30:59.560
<v Speaker 2>comes into the bathroom and he hits me again upside

0:30:59.560 --> 0:31:03.520
<v Speaker 2>the head, and he's like, don't fucking lie to me.

0:31:04.440 --> 0:31:07.080
<v Speaker 2>I kept saying, okay, I'm sorry. I was confused, okay,

0:31:07.080 --> 0:31:10.800
<v Speaker 2>And he's like, you're not confused. I'm gonna carve that

0:31:10.880 --> 0:31:13.400
<v Speaker 2>on your head when I dump your fucking body in

0:31:13.480 --> 0:31:20.000
<v Speaker 2>a ditch. And he even starts to taunt me about

0:31:20.000 --> 0:31:22.040
<v Speaker 2>calling the police. He's like, are you gonna call the police?

0:31:22.880 --> 0:31:25.719
<v Speaker 2>Go ahead, I wish you would. Please do give me

0:31:25.760 --> 0:31:26.320
<v Speaker 2>a reason.

0:31:27.440 --> 0:31:30.280
<v Speaker 1>Later that night, she checked the tape recorder to see

0:31:30.280 --> 0:31:31.560
<v Speaker 1>if that I captured anything.

0:31:32.080 --> 0:31:37.360
<v Speaker 2>The audio quality was shit, but it was there. Not

0:31:37.400 --> 0:31:39.440
<v Speaker 2>only did it catch the rape on tape, it caught

0:31:39.440 --> 0:31:45.280
<v Speaker 2>his death threat, but caught everything. I kept it like

0:31:45.360 --> 0:31:50.720
<v Speaker 2>it was the most precious jewel ever. I didn't leave

0:31:50.760 --> 0:31:53.160
<v Speaker 2>it anywhere in the house. It would go with me

0:31:53.360 --> 0:31:54.120
<v Speaker 2>wherever I went.

0:31:56.200 --> 0:32:00.000
<v Speaker 1>Now Crystal had proof this was a serious escalation in violence.

0:32:00.600 --> 0:32:03.720
<v Speaker 1>Wednesday was five days away, and that's when she could

0:32:03.760 --> 0:32:06.680
<v Speaker 1>pick up her gun. In the meantime, she was trying

0:32:06.680 --> 0:32:07.920
<v Speaker 1>to lay low and survive.

0:32:08.680 --> 0:32:11.760
<v Speaker 2>I'm just going to be super nice to him and

0:32:12.160 --> 0:32:15.880
<v Speaker 2>just get to Wednesday. The next day, I take the

0:32:15.960 --> 0:32:18.840
<v Speaker 2>kids to Lego Land. That day was fine. I had

0:32:18.840 --> 0:32:22.600
<v Speaker 2>no interaction with Sean. Sunday, I took the kids to

0:32:22.640 --> 0:32:26.520
<v Speaker 2>where my mom lived and visited with her. And that

0:32:26.720 --> 0:32:30.520
<v Speaker 2>was the first time I told anyone what happened, because

0:32:31.720 --> 0:32:33.960
<v Speaker 2>now I have a plan, Like now I can tell

0:32:34.040 --> 0:32:38.160
<v Speaker 2>her this is what's been happening to me, but don't worry,

0:32:38.520 --> 0:32:44.160
<v Speaker 2>I've caught it under control. And so of course she

0:32:44.200 --> 0:32:46.120
<v Speaker 2>didn't want me to go home to him that day,

0:32:46.240 --> 0:32:47.880
<v Speaker 2>but I said I have to. I just have to

0:32:47.880 --> 0:32:51.120
<v Speaker 2>play along until I get this gun. On Wednesday, and

0:32:51.200 --> 0:32:51.800
<v Speaker 2>she agreed.

0:32:53.080 --> 0:32:55.080
<v Speaker 1>She went back home and went to work on Monday.

0:32:55.680 --> 0:32:58.600
<v Speaker 1>The day passed without much interaction between her and Sean.

0:32:59.320 --> 0:33:01.320
<v Speaker 1>I want to mend here again that Krystal is going

0:33:01.360 --> 0:33:05.000
<v Speaker 1>to describe a final escalation in violence. If you'd prefer

0:33:05.040 --> 0:33:07.520
<v Speaker 1>not to hear this, you can fast forward a minute

0:33:07.560 --> 0:33:08.480
<v Speaker 1>and a half.

0:33:09.960 --> 0:33:12.920
<v Speaker 2>Tuesday. I had a long day just in the office,

0:33:13.320 --> 0:33:15.840
<v Speaker 2>and when I got home at like six six thirty,

0:33:16.200 --> 0:33:20.960
<v Speaker 2>he just started in on me immediately, like where have

0:33:21.000 --> 0:33:24.080
<v Speaker 2>you been all day? What have you been doing? And

0:33:24.120 --> 0:33:26.840
<v Speaker 2>he tells me that he was tracking my phone that

0:33:26.960 --> 0:33:30.280
<v Speaker 2>day and that I'm a fucking liar, And he just

0:33:30.680 --> 0:33:36.160
<v Speaker 2>put his hands around my neck and he started choking

0:33:36.160 --> 0:33:41.120
<v Speaker 2>me so hard and so long, and he would not

0:33:41.200 --> 0:33:44.960
<v Speaker 2>let go. I kept having this thought process in my head,

0:33:45.000 --> 0:33:48.160
<v Speaker 2>like is he trying to kill me? Is he gonna

0:33:48.160 --> 0:33:52.920
<v Speaker 2>accidentally kill me? Either way, I'm dead? And his eyes

0:33:52.920 --> 0:33:55.280
<v Speaker 2>were black. He did not care at all what I

0:33:55.400 --> 0:33:57.920
<v Speaker 2>was saying. Nothing I said mattered.

0:34:00.080 --> 0:34:03.760
<v Speaker 1>He raved Crystal again. This time he was even more

0:34:03.880 --> 0:34:04.960
<v Speaker 1>violent than before.

0:34:05.840 --> 0:34:11.520
<v Speaker 2>He finally finishes and I just remember getting up completely

0:34:11.600 --> 0:34:16.360
<v Speaker 2>naked and just walking like a zombie almost to the

0:34:16.400 --> 0:34:22.080
<v Speaker 2>bathroom and just getting in the shower and crying like

0:34:22.160 --> 0:34:25.560
<v Speaker 2>the most I've ever cried in my life, because I just.

0:34:25.560 --> 0:34:31.080
<v Speaker 3>Candn't believe all this happened to me. I also had

0:34:31.120 --> 0:34:36.719
<v Speaker 3>like a complete revelation, which was I'm not gonna die

0:34:36.800 --> 0:34:41.840
<v Speaker 3>if I leave. I'm gonna die if I stay.

0:34:50.719 --> 0:34:54.000
<v Speaker 1>Crystal was right to believe that her situation was life threatening.

0:34:54.560 --> 0:34:57.160
<v Speaker 1>A report from the Journal of Emergency Medicine in two

0:34:57.200 --> 0:35:00.080
<v Speaker 1>thousand and eight shows that strangulation is one of the

0:35:00.000 --> 0:35:03.920
<v Speaker 1>the strongest predictors of future lethal violence. Victims who have

0:35:03.960 --> 0:35:07.360
<v Speaker 1>been strangled by a partner are seven hundred and fifty

0:35:07.400 --> 0:35:10.520
<v Speaker 1>percent more likely to be killed by that same partner.

0:35:11.520 --> 0:35:18.640
<v Speaker 1>Crystal was violated, almost died. Sean seemed unbothered, as if

0:35:18.640 --> 0:35:21.640
<v Speaker 1>it was any other night. He logged onto play video

0:35:21.640 --> 0:35:22.640
<v Speaker 1>games with his friends.

0:35:24.120 --> 0:35:28.560
<v Speaker 2>Sean was playing this online role playing game called World

0:35:28.560 --> 0:35:29.239
<v Speaker 2>of Warcraft.

0:35:30.320 --> 0:35:33.360
<v Speaker 1>He always played on the third floor wearing headphones, so

0:35:33.480 --> 0:35:35.960
<v Speaker 1>Crystal hoped he wouldn't be able to hear.

0:35:35.800 --> 0:35:38.560
<v Speaker 2>What she was doing. He thought, I was going to

0:35:38.600 --> 0:35:42.520
<v Speaker 2>bed like normal. I put pillows in the bed, then

0:35:42.560 --> 0:35:46.040
<v Speaker 2>I just walked out the front door. I went all

0:35:46.080 --> 0:35:48.880
<v Speaker 2>the way out of our gate and I hid in

0:35:48.920 --> 0:36:09.080
<v Speaker 2>some bushes and I called nine one one.

0:36:09.840 --> 0:36:13.560
<v Speaker 1>After surviving multiple violent attacks at the hands of her husband, Sean,

0:36:14.120 --> 0:36:17.560
<v Speaker 1>Crystal knew she needed to act quickly. That night, while

0:36:17.560 --> 0:36:20.480
<v Speaker 1>Sean played video games, Crystal snuck out of the house,

0:36:20.840 --> 0:36:23.640
<v Speaker 1>hid in some bushes in her neighborhood, and called nine

0:36:23.680 --> 0:36:24.880
<v Speaker 1>one one.

0:36:25.040 --> 0:36:26.799
<v Speaker 2>I had left the door unlocked, and I gave him

0:36:26.800 --> 0:36:29.799
<v Speaker 2>permission to go in, and I told them where he

0:36:29.960 --> 0:36:34.040
<v Speaker 2>was and they just went up there to the third

0:36:34.040 --> 0:36:37.800
<v Speaker 2>floor and arrested him.

0:36:37.960 --> 0:36:40.759
<v Speaker 1>Crystal called the police at nine PM, but her night

0:36:40.760 --> 0:36:42.839
<v Speaker 1>wouldn't end until noon the next day.

0:36:43.840 --> 0:36:46.680
<v Speaker 2>I was with the police and we were waiting on

0:36:46.760 --> 0:36:49.400
<v Speaker 2>search warrants and we were getting the kids out to

0:36:49.440 --> 0:36:51.840
<v Speaker 2>my parents. I had to go to the hospital that

0:36:51.960 --> 0:36:54.440
<v Speaker 2>night for a sexual assault rape test.

0:36:55.239 --> 0:36:58.360
<v Speaker 1>After finishing a medical exam and filing a police report,

0:36:59.040 --> 0:37:02.879
<v Speaker 1>Crystal's attention turned to her kids. They'd been home during

0:37:02.920 --> 0:37:06.520
<v Speaker 1>both attacks, but they were in their bedrooms. Crystal was

0:37:06.560 --> 0:37:10.319
<v Speaker 1>confident that they hadn't seen or heard the attacks, but

0:37:10.360 --> 0:37:12.800
<v Speaker 1>they had been in the car a week earlier after

0:37:12.880 --> 0:37:14.080
<v Speaker 1>the Easter egg hunt.

0:37:14.520 --> 0:37:20.240
<v Speaker 2>Immediately, when I'm back with them, I tell them the truth,

0:37:22.280 --> 0:37:27.719
<v Speaker 2>because here's the thing. My son who saw Sean hit

0:37:28.040 --> 0:37:31.279
<v Speaker 2>that snow cone out of my face and kind of

0:37:31.360 --> 0:37:34.880
<v Speaker 2>choked me. Kept saying, are you gonna do something? We

0:37:34.920 --> 0:37:37.400
<v Speaker 2>need to call the police, but I kept telling him like,

0:37:37.760 --> 0:37:42.840
<v Speaker 2>Mommy has it under control. So this is now like

0:37:42.920 --> 0:37:46.560
<v Speaker 2>a week and a half after that, and now his

0:37:46.640 --> 0:37:50.759
<v Speaker 2>dad's in jail, and I just linked him. I just said,

0:37:50.840 --> 0:37:53.920
<v Speaker 2>remember when daddy hurt mommy. He's in jail. He hurt mommy,

0:37:54.800 --> 0:37:57.640
<v Speaker 2>And it just made complete sense to him. He was like, Okay, yeah,

0:37:57.640 --> 0:38:00.239
<v Speaker 2>I shouldn't have hurt you then.

0:38:00.000 --> 0:38:02.360
<v Speaker 1>And Cristel had to tell the rest of her family

0:38:02.440 --> 0:38:04.800
<v Speaker 1>and close friends what she had been through.

0:38:06.400 --> 0:38:12.200
<v Speaker 2>My dad was just devastated. Everyone just couldn't believe the

0:38:12.239 --> 0:38:15.719
<v Speaker 2>way that my life had been for so long.

0:38:18.040 --> 0:38:21.160
<v Speaker 1>With Sean and jail. Christel felt relieved, but she was

0:38:21.200 --> 0:38:24.600
<v Speaker 1>surprised to find that there was another emotion, grief.

0:38:25.800 --> 0:38:29.439
<v Speaker 2>I made vows to this man. I spent my whole

0:38:29.480 --> 0:38:32.719
<v Speaker 2>adult life with him, I made children with him. I

0:38:32.800 --> 0:38:37.360
<v Speaker 2>actually mourned for quite a long time after he was arrested,

0:38:37.960 --> 0:38:40.439
<v Speaker 2>the life I thought I was going to have with him.

0:38:41.360 --> 0:38:44.160
<v Speaker 1>In order to cope, Cristel threw herself into work.

0:38:45.200 --> 0:38:48.640
<v Speaker 2>Work was keeping me sane and things were so crazy

0:38:48.680 --> 0:38:49.520
<v Speaker 2>every day at work.

0:38:50.320 --> 0:38:53.200
<v Speaker 1>Cristel had always been the breadwinner in her marriage with Sean.

0:38:53.800 --> 0:38:57.800
<v Speaker 1>She managed the family's finances, so when Shawan's bail was posted,

0:38:58.440 --> 0:39:00.759
<v Speaker 1>Cristel was the one in control.

0:39:00.960 --> 0:39:04.239
<v Speaker 2>When they first arrested him, I canceled all of his

0:39:04.280 --> 0:39:07.560
<v Speaker 2>credit cards, so it made whatever was in his wallet

0:39:07.640 --> 0:39:10.880
<v Speaker 2>not work. Because I thought his bail would probably be

0:39:10.960 --> 0:39:14.759
<v Speaker 2>like twenty five grand or ten grand or something. He

0:39:14.800 --> 0:39:18.360
<v Speaker 2>had like a million three point fifty bail. I felt

0:39:18.360 --> 0:39:19.000
<v Speaker 2>safe with that.

0:39:20.440 --> 0:39:23.359
<v Speaker 1>Shawn's criminal trial took multiple years.

0:39:23.920 --> 0:39:25.640
<v Speaker 2>The worst thing that happened during those two and a

0:39:25.680 --> 0:39:30.920
<v Speaker 2>half years is Sean finally did make bail. He's living

0:39:30.920 --> 0:39:33.400
<v Speaker 2>with his mom. He becomes a cab driver.

0:39:34.480 --> 0:39:37.120
<v Speaker 1>While they waited for the criminal trial, Crystal and Sean

0:39:37.160 --> 0:39:40.440
<v Speaker 1>were duking it out in family court negotiating custody of

0:39:40.480 --> 0:39:45.560
<v Speaker 1>the kids. And on top of that, Sean was demanding money.

0:39:45.880 --> 0:39:49.720
<v Speaker 2>Sean wanted spousal support, and we haven't had the criminal

0:39:49.760 --> 0:39:54.680
<v Speaker 2>trial yet, and so my word is the only evidence

0:39:54.800 --> 0:39:58.200
<v Speaker 2>in the case at that point. In family court, the

0:39:58.280 --> 0:40:01.839
<v Speaker 2>judge rules that yes, there was domestic violence and rape

0:40:01.880 --> 0:40:05.680
<v Speaker 2>in this case. That's just one factor, though, and the

0:40:05.719 --> 0:40:08.800
<v Speaker 2>bigger factor is that I'm the breadwinner and it would

0:40:08.920 --> 0:40:14.239
<v Speaker 2>be sexist if I don't order some spousal support for

0:40:14.600 --> 0:40:22.200
<v Speaker 2>the husband. I was just so outraged. I remember leaving

0:40:22.200 --> 0:40:25.920
<v Speaker 2>court that day. Sean passed me in the car and

0:40:26.040 --> 0:40:29.279
<v Speaker 2>had a number one sign like he's the winner. He

0:40:29.400 --> 0:40:31.279
<v Speaker 2>rubbed it in my face. He would like laugh when

0:40:31.280 --> 0:40:34.440
<v Speaker 2>we got out of the courtroom, and I kept saying,

0:40:35.160 --> 0:40:37.399
<v Speaker 2>he's a violent rapist.

0:40:38.160 --> 0:40:40.800
<v Speaker 1>According to the family court judge, Crystal would have to

0:40:40.840 --> 0:40:44.720
<v Speaker 1>pay the man that raped her, violated her, the man

0:40:44.840 --> 0:40:49.120
<v Speaker 1>that almost killed her. At the next hearing, the judge

0:40:49.200 --> 0:40:52.600
<v Speaker 1>ruled on how much Crystal would pay Sean espousal support.

0:40:53.719 --> 0:40:57.080
<v Speaker 2>Sean normally would have been awarded maybe three thousand dollars

0:40:57.080 --> 0:41:01.200
<v Speaker 2>a month, but because of the domestic violence finding in

0:41:01.239 --> 0:41:04.239
<v Speaker 2>this case, the judge said, I'll knock that down to

0:41:04.280 --> 0:41:09.520
<v Speaker 2>one thousand dollars a month. And I remember someone saying,

0:41:09.800 --> 0:41:14.279
<v Speaker 2>what is that the rape discount? And not only did

0:41:14.280 --> 0:41:17.640
<v Speaker 2>I have to pay espousal support, I also was ordered

0:41:17.640 --> 0:41:21.360
<v Speaker 2>to pay half of his attorneys. He's another forty seven

0:41:21.400 --> 0:41:22.440
<v Speaker 2>thousand dollars.

0:41:23.360 --> 0:41:27.560
<v Speaker 1>Crystal knew this wasn't right. Survivors shouldn't be forced to

0:41:27.560 --> 0:41:28.640
<v Speaker 1>pay their abusers.

0:41:29.680 --> 0:41:32.040
<v Speaker 2>Around that same time, I had happened to see a

0:41:32.120 --> 0:41:37.520
<v Speaker 2>dateline where a woman in California was ordered to pay

0:41:37.560 --> 0:41:43.880
<v Speaker 2>spousal support to the man who was convicted of attempting

0:41:43.920 --> 0:41:44.560
<v Speaker 2>to murder her.

0:41:46.000 --> 0:41:48.920
<v Speaker 1>This woman had to pay the man that wanted her debt.

0:41:49.200 --> 0:41:52.160
<v Speaker 1>But instead of accepting the ruling, she had work to

0:41:52.239 --> 0:41:56.440
<v Speaker 1>change the law in California. Crystal thought that survivors espousal

0:41:56.560 --> 0:41:59.920
<v Speaker 1>rape deserved the same protections, and it got her thinking.

0:42:00.880 --> 0:42:02.000
<v Speaker 1>The next time she was.

0:42:01.960 --> 0:42:05.439
<v Speaker 2>In court, I can remember saying to the judge, I said,

0:42:05.440 --> 0:42:08.440
<v Speaker 2>if you order me to pay this, I am going

0:42:08.480 --> 0:42:11.719
<v Speaker 2>to get the law changed. And he was like, you're

0:42:11.800 --> 0:42:12.719
<v Speaker 2>going to change the law.

0:42:14.040 --> 0:42:16.760
<v Speaker 1>When Crystal sets her mind to something, she gets it done.

0:42:17.320 --> 0:42:18.680
<v Speaker 1>She got to work right away.

0:42:19.440 --> 0:42:23.719
<v Speaker 2>I went to my local assemblymen and when I went

0:42:23.800 --> 0:42:27.120
<v Speaker 2>into the office, I said, I'm a constituent of yours,

0:42:27.920 --> 0:42:30.200
<v Speaker 2>and I just told them what happened.

0:42:31.800 --> 0:42:36.000
<v Speaker 1>After hearing Crystal's story, her local representatives agreed the law

0:42:36.239 --> 0:42:40.319
<v Speaker 1>needed to be changed to better protect survivors. They began

0:42:40.440 --> 0:42:43.680
<v Speaker 1>the process of writing a bill and sharing crystal story

0:42:43.719 --> 0:42:45.560
<v Speaker 1>with other California lawmakers.

0:42:46.200 --> 0:42:49.200
<v Speaker 2>Every single person that we've talked about it to would

0:42:49.239 --> 0:42:53.120
<v Speaker 2>just be horrified and stunned to find out that this

0:42:53.120 --> 0:42:55.800
<v Speaker 2>could even happen to someone, that they could be forced

0:42:55.840 --> 0:42:57.960
<v Speaker 2>to pay their own rapists spousal support.

0:42:58.520 --> 0:43:00.000
<v Speaker 1>The bill quickly gained track.

0:43:01.440 --> 0:43:05.920
<v Speaker 2>Almost immediately. There was like twenty different lawmakers that had

0:43:05.960 --> 0:43:10.960
<v Speaker 2>their name on this bill. The district attorney also agreed

0:43:11.000 --> 0:43:14.120
<v Speaker 2>that this law should be changed and volunteered to write

0:43:14.160 --> 0:43:18.239
<v Speaker 2>the law. The fact that the district attorney wrote the

0:43:18.320 --> 0:43:21.160
<v Speaker 2>law and it was backed by the entire California District

0:43:21.160 --> 0:43:25.840
<v Speaker 2>Attorney's Association lended a huge amount of weight.

0:43:26.280 --> 0:43:29.120
<v Speaker 1>But the process of introducing the new bill and changing

0:43:29.160 --> 0:43:33.600
<v Speaker 1>California law would take time. While Crystal and Shawn's family

0:43:33.640 --> 0:43:38.000
<v Speaker 1>court case dragged on, John's criminal trial finally began. Crystal

0:43:38.040 --> 0:43:41.240
<v Speaker 1>gathered all the evidence she had, including the tape recording

0:43:41.239 --> 0:43:42.520
<v Speaker 1>of Sean's violent attack.

0:43:43.640 --> 0:43:46.720
<v Speaker 2>I don't know what I expected. I kind of maybe

0:43:47.760 --> 0:43:50.560
<v Speaker 2>expected just to go in and be like, here's the tape,

0:43:50.600 --> 0:43:54.080
<v Speaker 2>and ask me whatever you want and just have them

0:43:54.120 --> 0:43:54.640
<v Speaker 2>believe me.

0:43:55.719 --> 0:43:59.000
<v Speaker 1>During the trial, Crystal discovered a horrible truth.

0:44:00.480 --> 0:44:02.879
<v Speaker 2>When you are a rape victim, you are on trial too,

0:44:04.040 --> 0:44:09.560
<v Speaker 2>your cross examined, and every move you made, every decision

0:44:09.600 --> 0:44:12.719
<v Speaker 2>you made, is scrutinized as much as his.

0:44:15.480 --> 0:44:18.080
<v Speaker 1>Crystal thought the trial would be quick because she had

0:44:18.120 --> 0:44:21.600
<v Speaker 1>a recording of the attack, and on that tape, Sean

0:44:21.680 --> 0:44:25.080
<v Speaker 1>could be heard making explicit threats against her life. The

0:44:25.160 --> 0:44:26.800
<v Speaker 1>recording was played in her trial.

0:44:27.640 --> 0:44:30.520
<v Speaker 2>The fact that I taped what happened to me, just

0:44:30.560 --> 0:44:33.279
<v Speaker 2>for that same reason where I'm thinking, God, how is

0:44:33.320 --> 0:44:37.120
<v Speaker 2>anybody going to believe this? It just was like Wow.

0:44:38.040 --> 0:44:43.600
<v Speaker 2>In two thousand and eight, it was just not done. Nowadays,

0:44:43.880 --> 0:44:45.160
<v Speaker 2>everybody tapes everything.

0:44:45.920 --> 0:44:49.080
<v Speaker 1>As for Shawn's legal defense, what's.

0:44:48.840 --> 0:44:50.959
<v Speaker 2>The only defense you can come up with if there's

0:44:51.000 --> 0:44:54.960
<v Speaker 2>an audio tape? Oh, we were role playing, of course,

0:44:55.800 --> 0:44:59.520
<v Speaker 2>you know, that's his defense that he goes with. Their

0:44:59.520 --> 0:45:01.120
<v Speaker 2>defense was so insulting to me.

0:45:01.960 --> 0:45:04.680
<v Speaker 1>Sean was facing three very serious charges.

0:45:05.560 --> 0:45:11.400
<v Speaker 2>He was charged with for storal copulation, spousal rape, and sodomy.

0:45:12.320 --> 0:45:16.160
<v Speaker 1>When the verdict finally came down, the jury only found

0:45:16.239 --> 0:45:19.600
<v Speaker 1>him guilty on one of those three charges.

0:45:20.320 --> 0:45:24.000
<v Speaker 2>The jury convicted him of the forur storal copulation, which

0:45:24.040 --> 0:45:27.440
<v Speaker 2>is on tape.

0:45:26.040 --> 0:45:28.920
<v Speaker 1>But the jury was deadlocked on the two other charges

0:45:29.320 --> 0:45:32.799
<v Speaker 1>saw toom me by force and forceable spousal rape. Even

0:45:32.840 --> 0:45:35.640
<v Speaker 1>though those acts were caught on tape two. The jury

0:45:35.760 --> 0:45:39.800
<v Speaker 1>wasn't fully convinced, so the court ultimately dismissed the charges.

0:45:41.000 --> 0:45:43.440
<v Speaker 2>I was mad. I was mad at that verdict.

0:45:44.440 --> 0:45:48.400
<v Speaker 1>It raises the question if Crystal hadn't recorded the attacks,

0:45:49.000 --> 0:45:51.840
<v Speaker 1>would there have been a trial at all Because she

0:45:51.920 --> 0:45:54.680
<v Speaker 1>was married to her rapist. Christel felt like the courts

0:45:54.800 --> 0:45:59.600
<v Speaker 1>treated her case differently. After the verdict, he was sentenced

0:45:59.640 --> 0:46:01.799
<v Speaker 1>to six years for the crime, and.

0:46:01.800 --> 0:46:03.920
<v Speaker 2>I remember thinking, what am I going to do when

0:46:03.920 --> 0:46:07.440
<v Speaker 2>he gets out, because like it all starts again, my

0:46:07.560 --> 0:46:11.520
<v Speaker 2>fear of him killing me, my worry for my kids, everything,

0:46:11.560 --> 0:46:13.240
<v Speaker 2>it just will begin again.

0:46:14.080 --> 0:46:16.680
<v Speaker 1>She started thinking of ways she could protect herself when

0:46:16.680 --> 0:46:18.520
<v Speaker 1>that day came, and.

0:46:18.480 --> 0:46:24.840
<v Speaker 2>So I got a security protection trained German shepherd. He

0:46:26.000 --> 0:46:30.120
<v Speaker 2>was amazing that moment on I knew I was safe,

0:46:30.400 --> 0:46:33.040
<v Speaker 2>like between all the other stuff I had, but the dog,

0:46:33.640 --> 0:46:36.560
<v Speaker 2>like I knew Sean couldn't be hiding in my house.

0:46:37.760 --> 0:46:39.439
<v Speaker 2>It finally gave me peace of mind.

0:46:39.960 --> 0:46:42.719
<v Speaker 1>Sean would be locked up for five years. While he

0:46:42.800 --> 0:46:45.400
<v Speaker 1>was still behind bars, she worked hard to change the

0:46:45.480 --> 0:46:47.920
<v Speaker 1>law so she wouldn't have to pay him spousal support

0:46:47.960 --> 0:46:51.319
<v Speaker 1>once he got out in twenty twelve, after a year

0:46:51.360 --> 0:46:55.600
<v Speaker 1>of lobbying, California passed a bill which introduced exceptions to

0:46:55.680 --> 0:47:00.359
<v Speaker 1>spousal support payments in cases of spousal rape. The bill

0:47:00.400 --> 0:47:03.759
<v Speaker 1>protects spousal rape victims whose abusers have been convicted in

0:47:03.800 --> 0:47:08.800
<v Speaker 1>criminal court from being financially obligated to their attackers. Cristel

0:47:08.920 --> 0:47:12.279
<v Speaker 1>was instrumental in getting this legislation passed. She told her

0:47:12.320 --> 0:47:15.960
<v Speaker 1>story again and again to help lawmakers understand.

0:47:16.040 --> 0:47:18.200
<v Speaker 2>If they can't put a face to the bill, it

0:47:18.239 --> 0:47:21.800
<v Speaker 2>doesn't mean anything. For some reason. You can't just introduce

0:47:21.840 --> 0:47:24.719
<v Speaker 2>this in theory like this could happen. No, you have

0:47:24.760 --> 0:47:26.959
<v Speaker 2>to be like, no, it happened to her, and she's

0:47:26.960 --> 0:47:30.239
<v Speaker 2>sitting right here at the end of it all, I'm

0:47:30.360 --> 0:47:33.880
<v Speaker 2>so proud of what I've done and what I've been

0:47:33.920 --> 0:47:35.120
<v Speaker 2>able to get done.

0:47:37.560 --> 0:47:41.400
<v Speaker 1>But the story doesn't end there. Six years after Shawn's release,

0:47:41.840 --> 0:47:44.400
<v Speaker 1>Kristal got a call from the District Attorney's office.

0:47:44.880 --> 0:47:47.520
<v Speaker 2>The deputy district attorney was sort of like, I'm so

0:47:47.560 --> 0:47:50.400
<v Speaker 2>sorry to bother you. I know this might be upsetting,

0:47:50.840 --> 0:47:53.480
<v Speaker 2>but I wanted to let you know that Sean Harris

0:47:53.520 --> 0:47:54.320
<v Speaker 2>has been arrested.

0:47:55.760 --> 0:47:58.560
<v Speaker 1>After Sean got out of prison, he was arrested for

0:47:58.680 --> 0:48:03.160
<v Speaker 1>raping another woman and sexually abusing that woman's underage daughter.

0:48:04.040 --> 0:48:06.480
<v Speaker 1>Cristal felt like she'd been telling the courts for years

0:48:06.520 --> 0:48:09.799
<v Speaker 1>about how dangerous Sean was. She was enraged that it

0:48:09.840 --> 0:48:13.040
<v Speaker 1>took him harming two other people for his violence to

0:48:13.080 --> 0:48:14.239
<v Speaker 1>be taken seriously.

0:48:15.040 --> 0:48:18.480
<v Speaker 2>He is a fucking criminal rapist, and he did it

0:48:18.520 --> 0:48:22.360
<v Speaker 2>to someone else. But here's the thing. When Sean was

0:48:22.440 --> 0:48:25.240
<v Speaker 2>arrested in twenty twenty one again for the same crime

0:48:25.600 --> 0:48:30.160
<v Speaker 2>and charged with five felonies in that case, this time

0:48:30.760 --> 0:48:33.840
<v Speaker 2>he was sentenced to one hundred years to life. Because

0:48:33.880 --> 0:48:38.200
<v Speaker 2>the conviction in my case was in the record, it

0:48:38.320 --> 0:48:39.640
<v Speaker 2>all counts.

0:48:40.680 --> 0:48:44.640
<v Speaker 1>If Crystal hadn't pressed charges or hadn't documented his crimes,

0:48:45.160 --> 0:48:48.160
<v Speaker 1>Sean's sentence could have been much lighter.

0:48:49.280 --> 0:48:52.879
<v Speaker 2>You have to get it on the record. Abusers they

0:48:52.880 --> 0:48:56.240
<v Speaker 2>don't stop. They're gonna keep doing it, and they're gonna

0:48:56.239 --> 0:48:58.879
<v Speaker 2>get worse. They're gonna escalate, and they're gonna get caught,

0:48:59.239 --> 0:49:02.520
<v Speaker 2>and you need to have it on the record all

0:49:02.560 --> 0:49:06.239
<v Speaker 2>along the way so that they can finally get what

0:49:06.280 --> 0:49:09.400
<v Speaker 2>they deserve, like Sean finally has any sentence to one

0:49:09.480 --> 0:49:10.400
<v Speaker 2>hundred years to life.

0:49:14.160 --> 0:49:17.000
<v Speaker 1>That sentence gave Crystal a sense of relief to live

0:49:17.000 --> 0:49:18.520
<v Speaker 1>the rest of her life without fear.

0:49:19.400 --> 0:49:21.800
<v Speaker 2>I'm not sure I would be where I am mentally

0:49:22.120 --> 0:49:26.759
<v Speaker 2>today without that, because there's just this level of I

0:49:26.800 --> 0:49:30.040
<v Speaker 2>would never ever have let my guard down if he

0:49:30.120 --> 0:49:33.719
<v Speaker 2>was out ever, and that's just a hard way to live.

0:49:35.080 --> 0:49:39.120
<v Speaker 1>Crystal never expected to become an advocate for survivors espousal

0:49:39.200 --> 0:49:41.320
<v Speaker 1>rape and domestic violence.

0:49:41.640 --> 0:49:45.200
<v Speaker 2>At this age of fifty three. I just have a

0:49:45.239 --> 0:49:50.120
<v Speaker 2>compassion that I didn't have when I was young. Life

0:49:50.239 --> 0:49:54.719
<v Speaker 2>is hard. I've learned like everybody has something, and it's

0:49:54.760 --> 0:49:59.239
<v Speaker 2>shocking how many people have this, have domestic violence or

0:49:59.280 --> 0:50:04.360
<v Speaker 2>some aspect of domestic violence in their life.

0:50:04.480 --> 0:50:07.680
<v Speaker 1>After she left Sean, she needed a break. She wanted

0:50:07.719 --> 0:50:11.200
<v Speaker 1>to prioritize herself and her kids, so she decided not

0:50:11.320 --> 0:50:14.640
<v Speaker 1>to think about dating until her kids were at least eighteen.

0:50:15.600 --> 0:50:19.840
<v Speaker 2>I ended up going twelve years without dating. In twenty twenty,

0:50:20.320 --> 0:50:23.400
<v Speaker 2>I let myself go on a dating app for the

0:50:23.440 --> 0:50:29.480
<v Speaker 2>first time, and I met an amazing man. We're married

0:50:29.480 --> 0:50:35.520
<v Speaker 2>today and he could not be a better person.

0:50:37.560 --> 0:50:41.120
<v Speaker 1>In the past few years, Crystal has been thriving. She

0:50:41.200 --> 0:50:44.000
<v Speaker 1>and her husband lived together on a beautiful hillside in

0:50:44.040 --> 0:50:45.160
<v Speaker 1>southern California.

0:50:46.520 --> 0:50:49.840
<v Speaker 2>We've got ten acres and built a custom house. We

0:50:49.880 --> 0:50:52.200
<v Speaker 2>can see all the way to the ocean, all the

0:50:52.200 --> 0:50:56.560
<v Speaker 2>city lights below. It's amazing. I feel like the life

0:50:56.640 --> 0:51:00.000
<v Speaker 2>I have today is everything I sacrificed and planned for

0:51:00.080 --> 0:51:01.200
<v Speaker 2>four years ago.

0:51:04.320 --> 0:51:07.600
<v Speaker 1>We end every episode with the same question, why do

0:51:07.640 --> 0:51:10.920
<v Speaker 1>you want to share your story?

0:51:12.040 --> 0:51:17.480
<v Speaker 2>I loved him, I wanted everything with him. And the

0:51:17.600 --> 0:51:22.240
<v Speaker 2>fact that that same man is the one who made

0:51:22.239 --> 0:51:30.359
<v Speaker 2>me so afraid from my life, that's the betrayal. I

0:51:30.440 --> 0:51:33.719
<v Speaker 2>feel like women are not that well served by the

0:51:33.800 --> 0:51:38.120
<v Speaker 2>common advice that's given of just just get out. I

0:51:38.200 --> 0:51:44.520
<v Speaker 2>feel like that's too simplistic. You have to have a

0:51:44.719 --> 0:51:48.279
<v Speaker 2>shield of some sort when you get out, and that

0:51:48.360 --> 0:51:54.120
<v Speaker 2>shield is documentation. You have to think like a chessboard,

0:51:54.600 --> 0:51:58.160
<v Speaker 2>think all the way to the end. I just feel

0:51:58.160 --> 0:52:01.440
<v Speaker 2>like women need to hear that they're not told that

0:52:01.480 --> 0:52:05.160
<v Speaker 2>by the official sources, because it's a little bit counter

0:52:05.480 --> 0:52:10.120
<v Speaker 2>to safety. Sometimes you could get hurt doing the recording.

0:52:10.200 --> 0:52:12.160
<v Speaker 2>You could get hurt by staying long enough to get

0:52:12.200 --> 0:52:15.680
<v Speaker 2>the documentation. And it's like not the legal thing to say,

0:52:15.719 --> 0:52:20.000
<v Speaker 2>but I'm just telling you that's what you need if

0:52:20.040 --> 0:52:23.000
<v Speaker 2>you are victimized the way that I was, and the

0:52:23.000 --> 0:52:25.680
<v Speaker 2>way that so many people are. You should not be

0:52:25.760 --> 0:52:28.720
<v Speaker 2>the one who is living in fear.

0:52:39.200 --> 0:52:41.560
<v Speaker 1>On the next episode of Betrayal Weekly.

0:52:43.000 --> 0:52:46.640
<v Speaker 4>We pull out of our house. We get about two

0:52:46.640 --> 0:52:50.120
<v Speaker 4>blocks from the old house, and he looks at me

0:52:50.200 --> 0:52:53.960
<v Speaker 4>and he says, I think I'm getting ready to be arrested.

0:52:55.440 --> 0:52:58.680
<v Speaker 4>Within seconds of that coming out of his mouth, the

0:52:58.760 --> 0:53:01.399
<v Speaker 4>squad car let us sap and pulled us over.

0:53:07.440 --> 0:53:09.240
<v Speaker 1>If you would like to reach out to the Betrayal

0:53:09.280 --> 0:53:12.160
<v Speaker 1>team or want to tell us your Betrayal story, email

0:53:12.239 --> 0:53:16.560
<v Speaker 1>us at Betrayalpod at gmail dot com. That's Betrayal Pod

0:53:16.880 --> 0:53:20.439
<v Speaker 1>at gmail dot com, or follow us on Instagram at

0:53:20.440 --> 0:53:24.600
<v Speaker 1>Betrayal Pod. You can also connect with me on Instagram

0:53:24.719 --> 0:53:29.200
<v Speaker 1>at It's Andrea Gunning. To access our newsletter, view additional content,

0:53:29.400 --> 0:53:32.759
<v Speaker 1>and connect with the Betrayal community, join our substack at

0:53:32.760 --> 0:53:36.600
<v Speaker 1>Betrayal dot substack dot com. We're grateful for your support.

0:53:37.120 --> 0:53:39.319
<v Speaker 1>One way to show support is by subscribing to our

0:53:39.360 --> 0:53:42.080
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0:53:42.080 --> 0:53:44.279
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0:53:44.280 --> 0:53:45.040
<v Speaker 2>A long way.

0:53:45.440 --> 0:53:49.040
<v Speaker 1>A big thank you to all of our listeners. Betrayal

0:53:49.120 --> 0:53:51.640
<v Speaker 1>is a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass

0:53:51.719 --> 0:53:55.320
<v Speaker 1>Entertainment Group and partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show is

0:53:55.360 --> 0:53:59.000
<v Speaker 1>executive produced by Nancy Glass and Jennifer Fasin, hosted and

0:53:59.080 --> 0:54:03.040
<v Speaker 1>produced by me Andrea Gunning. This episode was written and

0:54:03.120 --> 0:54:06.840
<v Speaker 1>produced by Olivia Hewitt and Monique Leboard, with additional production

0:54:07.000 --> 0:54:11.840
<v Speaker 1>from Ben Fetterman, casting support from Curry Richmond. Our iHeart

0:54:11.880 --> 0:54:15.680
<v Speaker 1>team is Ali Perry and Jessica Krincheck. Audio editing and

0:54:15.760 --> 0:54:20.040
<v Speaker 1>mixing by Matt del Vechio. Additional audio editing by Tanner Robbins.

0:54:20.600 --> 0:54:25.359
<v Speaker 1>Betrayal's theme composed by Oliver Bain's music library provided by

0:54:25.400 --> 0:54:29.040
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