Speaker 1: Hi, everyone, It's Andrea Gunning. Before we start this episode,
Speaker 1: I want to let you know that we will be
Speaker 1: talking explicitly about the realities of domestic violence and sexual assault,
Speaker 1: so please be mindful with this episode.
Speaker 2: I came up with my plan, which was I'm going
Speaker 2: to buy a gun. That's my way out. I still
Speaker 2: remember walking into this gun store thinking that I cannot
Speaker 2: believe this is my life. I can't believe this is
Speaker 2: my life.
Speaker 1: I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Betrayal, a show about
Speaker 1: the people we trust the most and the deceptions that
Speaker 1: change everything.
Speaker 2: I have a thick skin. You're not going to be
Speaker 2: able to offend me. I don't ever give off a
Speaker 2: vibe of it's okay to mess with me.
Speaker 1: That's Crystal Harris.
Speaker 2: Her story is.
Speaker 1: One of an intimate and personal betrayal, but it's also
Speaker 1: a story of an institutional one. Crystal grew up in
Speaker 1: the seventies in southern California, which.
Speaker 2: At the time was all orange groves. We lived out
Speaker 2: in the middle of nowhere, and my parents were hippies.
Speaker 1: From an early age, Crystal was confident.
Speaker 2: I have pictured myself as an adult since I was little,
Speaker 2: I mean five years old, and the vision that always
Speaker 2: came to me was a quote business woman. You know,
Speaker 2: I saw myself with a briefcase and high heels.
Speaker 1: She's always been the kind of person who visualizes what
Speaker 1: she wants and makes it happen.
Speaker 2: I had my life all planned out. Just as I
Speaker 2: saw myself as a business woman, I also saw myself
Speaker 2: as a wife and mother. My plan was to graduate
Speaker 2: at twenty one. Hopefully I would have met my husband
Speaker 2: at some point in college, and we would get married
Speaker 2: around twenty three after I started my career, and then
Speaker 2: I wanted to have kids when I was thirty. That
Speaker 2: was my plan.
Speaker 1: Crystal's parents divorced when she was eight and she moved
Speaker 1: in with her dad.
Speaker 2: I saw my mom after the divorce. She didn't really
Speaker 2: have a profession. She had married my dad when she
Speaker 2: was eighteen, and she never went to school, and so
Speaker 2: she had to like scramble a little bit. And it
Speaker 2: made me realize I would never want to be left
Speaker 2: in that position where I had to rely on someone
Speaker 2: else for my financial security. So I entered my high
Speaker 2: school in college years thinking I've got to have a skill,
Speaker 2: I've got to know how to do something. It was
Speaker 2: a formative lesson for Crystal. I was sixteen years old
Speaker 2: and I said, I'm going to be a financial advisor.
Speaker 2: And so once I graduated from high school, I got
Speaker 2: accepted to college and chose finance as my major and
Speaker 2: was off from there.
Speaker 1: During her last summer of college, Crystal was at home
Speaker 1: in southern California working as a server at a restaurant.
Speaker 1: One day, a new guy showed up at work.
Speaker 2: There was this buzz in the restaurant. One day, everyone
Speaker 2: kept going, oh, my gosh, Sean is back. Sean is here?
Speaker 2: Have you seen Sean? And I was like, who's Sean.
Speaker 2: I finally see him over at the bar, and I
Speaker 2: was just blown over. I thought he was gorgeous. He
Speaker 2: was so good looking. He was strong, tan and blonde
Speaker 2: and must skiller.
Speaker 1: Sean quickly became one of her favorite coworkers.
Speaker 2: I was a waitress. He was a bus boy, and like,
Speaker 2: if I was just standing at a table with a
Speaker 2: cup or a plate in my hand, he'd come up
Speaker 2: and take it from me. He would never let me
Speaker 2: walk all the way to the dishwasher.
Speaker 1: He was her type, and he caught her attention. An
Speaker 1: all American boy and a former college athlete.
Speaker 2: He attended a private college and he was on their
Speaker 2: baseball team. He was the pitcher, and I was impressed.
Speaker 2: And then I learned that he was a math major,
Speaker 2: and I was impressed by that too, because I thought, well,
Speaker 2: you can't fudge it, and being a math major, I
Speaker 2: respected it.
Speaker 1: Crystal and Sean spent the whole summer flirting.
Speaker 2: One night, we all decided to go out after work.
Speaker 2: We had been dancing all night and we'd been hanging
Speaker 2: out with our other friends from work, and we were
Speaker 2: kind of bar hopping and there's a little bench outside
Speaker 2: and we were sitting on it and he just kissed me.
Speaker 2: That led into us having this really cute, fun, almost
Speaker 2: magical relationship that first year.
Speaker 1: Crystal still had a year of college left. She drove
Speaker 1: the hour home every weekend to spend time with Sean.
Speaker 2: I would race down after school on Friday and it
Speaker 2: would just be like, oh my god, I missed you.
Speaker 2: It felt like every weekend was a vacation.
Speaker 1: Every time she was around Sean, I.
Speaker 2: Was totally smitten. He was different. I had never dated
Speaker 2: anybody that I thought was smarter than me, but I
Speaker 2: thought he was smarter than me.
Speaker 1: After she graduated from college, Crystal turned her attention to
Speaker 1: her next goal, getting a job. She'd gotten her degree
Speaker 1: in finance and she wanted to be a financial advisor.
Speaker 2: I really worked hard at getting my foot in the
Speaker 2: door somewhere. I interviewed everywhere, all the major firms on
Speaker 2: Wall Street.
Speaker 1: Then she found a firm who gave her a chance,
Speaker 1: but she would have to work for it.
Speaker 2: They said, if you can open twenty five accounts and
Speaker 2: bring in five hundred thousand dollars in assets, then we'll
Speaker 2: put you into our actual training program. And I said, okay,
Speaker 2: fair enough. I worked my ass off and I was
Speaker 2: able to get that done within four months, and so
Speaker 2: I got hired.
Speaker 1: The firm had a branch in her and Shawn's town,
Speaker 1: but before she started working there, they sent her to
Speaker 1: New York City for a training program. Sean and Crystal
Speaker 1: had been dating for two years, and Sean visited her
Speaker 1: in New York when he could.
Speaker 2: They would do New York for the weekend as tourists.
Speaker 2: At some point we were up at the top of
Speaker 2: the Statue of Liberty, like in the Crown, and that's
Speaker 2: where he proposed to me. I quickly said yes, and
Speaker 2: I can remember saying we can get married when like
Speaker 2: next week or a year. He said, whatever you want.
Speaker 1: She planned their wedding in six months. Everything was falling
Speaker 1: into place.
Speaker 2: I felt totally sure. I love him, he loves me.
Speaker 2: We're starting life together, and I was really in a
Speaker 2: happy place in my life.
Speaker 1: Her wedding day was picture perfect.
Speaker 2: It was lovely, beautiful. I was happy to be married,
Speaker 2: but it just it felt like, of course I'm getting married,
Speaker 2: like this is what I do, it's my plan, this
Speaker 2: is a day that's supposed to come. It's here, let's
Speaker 2: do it next on the list. We got married in January,
Speaker 2: and by that June we purchased our first condo. It
Speaker 2: started us like building our life.
Speaker 1: Shawn's dad owned a used car our dealership in town,
Speaker 1: and you got a job working there. But Sean's career
Speaker 1: would be temporary. Early on, the couple made an agreement
Speaker 1: when they were ready to start a family, Crystal would
Speaker 1: be the breadwinner and Sean would stay at home with
Speaker 1: the kids.
Speaker 2: Neither of us believed in daycare, so he had always
Speaker 2: said he'd be happy to stay home with them. And
Speaker 2: I just thought to myself, Wow, great, that lets me
Speaker 2: have my career but I could still have kids.
Speaker 1: Knowing Sean would be a stay at home dad when
Speaker 1: the time came, allowed Crystal to focus on building her career.
Speaker 2: The stock market opens at six thirty am West Coast time.
Speaker 2: It was my job to manage people's portfolios, to figure
Speaker 2: out what a client needed, what their goals were, what
Speaker 2: their risk tolerance was, and invest appropriately. You either make
Speaker 2: it or you don't, and so I always liked that
Speaker 2: aspect that the sky was the limit.
Speaker 1: Her husband supported her career wholeheartedly.
Speaker 2: Sean literally from the time we first met. He seemed
Speaker 2: so proud to be with me. He just loved that
Speaker 2: I was ambitious and that I knew where I was going.
Speaker 2: I'd close some new account and I'd come home and
Speaker 2: he would be just as happy as I was. We
Speaker 2: would totally celebrate together.
Speaker 1: They were a regular couple in their twenties, spending weekends
Speaker 1: with friends. They even joined a Rex softball team together,
Speaker 1: which was especially fun because Sean could show off his
Speaker 1: college baseball skills.
Speaker 2: We played every Wednesday night, and then we would always
Speaker 2: go for pizza and beer after. It gave me a
Speaker 2: chance to watch him be amazing, because he really was
Speaker 2: athletically amazing. He could run faster than any man. He
Speaker 2: could hit the ball further. I was like, Wow, I
Speaker 2: know he loved me, and I loved him very much.
Speaker 2: That was the base of everything at home.
Speaker 1: He was affectionate, doting, and for a while things were
Speaker 1: really great living together. She began to notice they had
Speaker 1: two different approaches to conflict.
Speaker 2: I'm the type of person if I'm mad at you,
Speaker 2: I will tell you right now, but one minute later,
Speaker 2: I'm fine, it's out, it's over. But Sean would do
Speaker 2: things where let's say he got off work at six,
Speaker 2: he wouldn't come home until like nine or ten or whatever,
Speaker 2: and he finally just like strolled through the door and
Speaker 2: I go, what the hell, why are you late? And
Speaker 2: he would be like, well, do you remember last Wednesday
Speaker 2: when you said such and such to me? I've been
Speaker 2: really mad about that.
Speaker 1: Cristel had never seen someone hold onto resentment the way
Speaker 1: that Sean did. Two years into the marriage, one of
Speaker 1: their cars broke down, so for a week, Kristal and
Speaker 1: Sean had to share a car. They both needed it
Speaker 1: to get to work. Cristal started her job at six
Speaker 1: point thirty in the morning. She would take a break
Speaker 1: around eight thirty to pick Sean up and take him
Speaker 1: to his job at the dealership. Within just a few days,
Speaker 1: the car became a source of tension.
Speaker 2: Every day he'd say, come pick me up, let's say
Speaker 2: eight forty five, and I would get there and he
Speaker 2: would still be in bed, or still in the shower,
Speaker 2: whatever it was. He was nowhere near ready every day,
Speaker 2: and I had had it. I was pissed. I didn't
Speaker 2: like how he was just so dismissive of my time.
Speaker 1: But one day the fight over the car became something different.
Speaker 2: We got in a big fight over it. Eventually we
Speaker 2: get in the car and I'm driving him to work
Speaker 2: and we're still fighting. He's in the passenger seat. Next
Speaker 2: thing I know, he took his left hand, it was
Speaker 2: in a fist, and just sort of balked me in
Speaker 2: my eye, on my cheek, and I just was reeling.
Speaker 2: I pulled the car over, and I'm trying to get
Speaker 2: my head together, trying to figure out what just happened.
Speaker 2: I had never been hit before by a man in
Speaker 2: my life. I just remember thinking, get him to work,
Speaker 2: and then you're on your own. You've got the car,
Speaker 2: You've got the safety of the office. Don't provoke him anymore.
Speaker 2: I just shut my mouth, not fighting anymore.
Speaker 1: She had an instinctual reaction, which was to stay calm
Speaker 1: and get him out of her car. Once she was alone,
Speaker 1: she knew what she had to do.
Speaker 2: Get back to the office, Call the police, call an attorney,
Speaker 2: Call my mom. This is huge and my marriage is over.
Speaker 2: That is what I did. I told everybody, and I
Speaker 2: hired a divorce attorney and filed a police report. I
Speaker 2: did everything I ever said I would do if a
Speaker 2: man hit me.
Speaker 1: When Crystal got home that day.
Speaker 2: He had broken the whole sliding glass door.
Speaker 1: But Sean wasn't home. He'd been arrested for assaulting Crystal.
Speaker 1: She wanted to be far away from.
Speaker 2: Him, and I got a restraining order. By the end
Speaker 2: of that day, he was not allowed to come in
Speaker 2: the house.
Speaker 1: They were separated for some time. About a month or
Speaker 1: so went by. Then Crystal got a call from Sean's dad.
Speaker 2: I respected his dad very much, and he was telling
Speaker 2: me how devastated Sean is and how this was such
Speaker 2: a huge wake up call for him. He knows he
Speaker 2: did wrong. His dad kept saying, you know you're a
Speaker 2: part of this family. We love you. Sean's already going
Speaker 2: to anger management classes. I remember thinking, that's great that
Speaker 2: they have such a thing. It was court ordered, and
Speaker 2: it just seemed official.
Speaker 1: This was nineteen ninety eight, when court ordered anger management
Speaker 1: was still new. This was Crystal's first time learning about it,
Speaker 1: and she was relieved to hear he was getting help.
Speaker 1: Despite what Sean had done, anger management sounded like it
Speaker 1: was just what he needed.
Speaker 2: I really thought that could be the key to us
Speaker 2: getting back together.
Speaker 1: After talking to his dad, she was open to hearing
Speaker 1: Sean out. She wanted his apology.
Speaker 2: I was willing to talk to him on the phone.
Speaker 2: Was trying to get a sense of if he understood
Speaker 2: how bad what he did was. He really seemed like
Speaker 2: he was sorry and he did wrong. I thought, I
Speaker 2: love him, he loves me. I love him. All he
Speaker 2: needs is a little bit of help to figure out
Speaker 2: why he did that and we can still have our
Speaker 2: life together.
Speaker 1: But she wanted to let him know he'd messed up
Speaker 1: and he would be held accountable for what he'd done.
Speaker 2: I slowly let him back in the house. It took
Speaker 2: two or three months. We had our divorce proceeding in
Speaker 2: a I dropped everything except what I did not drop.
Speaker 2: Was the actual police charge. He did it. He hit me,
Speaker 2: and it was important to me that that stand. So
Speaker 2: he was prosecuted and pled guilty, and that did go
Speaker 2: on his record, and.
Speaker 1: The consequences he faced were long lasting.
Speaker 2: He was on probation for three years, and I felt
Speaker 2: sufficiently satisfied that he was getting that help he needed
Speaker 2: and that we were going to be okay.
Speaker 1: That moment in the car felt like an outlier, and
Speaker 1: there otherwise steady relationship.
Speaker 2: There's not like an infidelity issue. There was not even
Speaker 2: a jealousy issue. I thought that was good. We never
Speaker 2: fought about money. He was not a drinker, never took drugs,
Speaker 2: didn't smoke, and I just thought that's a great foundation
Speaker 2: for a good mayor mage and we loved each other.
Speaker 1: Over the next three years, they slowly rebuild trust. Crystal
Speaker 1: fell grounded, and her relationship with Sean.
Speaker 2: I just remember thinking we should start thinking about having kids,
Speaker 2: and it was part of my plan anyway. So the
Speaker 2: following January of two thousand and two, I went off
Speaker 2: the pill and we started trying to have a baby,
Speaker 2: and I got pregnant immediately.
Speaker 1: Crystal was thrilled.
Speaker 2: I couldn't wait for Sean to get home and tell
Speaker 2: him in person, Like I call him immediately and I'm like,
Speaker 2: I am pregnant. He was happy. He was so happy.
Speaker 1: Sean and Crystal found out that they were going to
Speaker 1: have a boy. They felt really connected through her entire pregnancy.
Speaker 2: He's treated me great. It was a very sweet time
Speaker 2: in our relationship.
Speaker 1: And in two thousand and two their son was born.
Speaker 2: Sean was there. He was crying and loving and proud
Speaker 2: of me and cheerleading and being perfect.
Speaker 1: Their son became their whole world. That's when Sean quit
Speaker 1: his job and, like the couple had planned, became a
Speaker 1: stay at home dad.
Speaker 2: He was home with the baby and I was on
Speaker 2: maternity leave for like four months and then I went back.
Speaker 2: I thought our plan was working out pretty well.
Speaker 1: But once he quit working, something changed in Sean.
Speaker 2: The whole thing about putting me in my place and
Speaker 2: the passive aggressiveness and that kind of stuff seemed to
Speaker 2: pick up a lot. When Sean and I would fight,
Speaker 2: it would be bigger, things would escalate further than they
Speaker 2: ever had. It just got to a different level after
Speaker 2: our first son was born.
Speaker 1: Like one time a fight got so intense that Crystal
Speaker 1: had to escape to her neighbor's.
Speaker 2: House, and he followed me. He comes in there, he
Speaker 2: grabs me. He opens their fridge and takes milk out
Speaker 2: of the fridge and just pours it all over me,
Speaker 2: right in front of them.
Speaker 1: He had humiliated her in front of her friends, and
Speaker 1: he didn't care. Crystal felt exposed because up until this
Speaker 1: point she had been living with Sean's escalation in private.
Speaker 2: After I took Sean back, I never told anyone in
Speaker 2: my family that my life was anything but perfect. Part
Speaker 2: of it was not even just protecting Sean, was protecting
Speaker 2: my own ego.
Speaker 1: Crystal wouldn't dare engage Sean after an explosive fight. She'd
Speaker 1: wait for him to cool down, but sometimes that would
Speaker 1: take days or weeks.
Speaker 2: I wasn't happy, but I felt like I could tolerate
Speaker 2: a lot to keep my family together for my kids,
Speaker 2: like I could put up with the bullshit.
Speaker 1: Incidents like this started happening more frequently, and oftentimes Crystal
Speaker 1: will get the police involved to help deescalate the situation.
Speaker 2: Never did I get physically assaulted. It was just like
Speaker 2: more scary stuff, and I called the police a number
Speaker 2: of times.
Speaker 1: Things went on like this for two years, and then.
Speaker 2: Shawn's dad got lung cancer and died a month before
Speaker 2: our second child was born, and it sent Sean into deep,
Speaker 2: deep depression. He was playing video games all night and
Speaker 2: then he would sleep all day, even though he's the
Speaker 2: one home with the kids.
Speaker 1: Crystal was doing everything she could to hold their family together,
Speaker 1: but it was getting harder.
Speaker 2: As time went on. I would throw out the divorce
Speaker 2: word pretty often, just because I would say I can't
Speaker 2: live like this. My intention in doing that was to
Speaker 2: hopefully have him go, well, oh my gosh, I don't
Speaker 2: want to lose her. I better straighten up.
Speaker 1: Christel was still in love with Sean. She wanted to
Speaker 1: fight for their family and hope that things could be different,
Speaker 1: and she held on to that hope for five years.
Speaker 2: The shit was happening more and more and more, and
Speaker 2: finally it gets to the point, early fall of two
Speaker 2: thousand and seven, something happened. We got in a fight.
Speaker 1: After the altercation, Sean left the house. He didn't come
Speaker 1: back for days. Christel had no idea where he was
Speaker 1: or what would happen next. Eventually he showed back up, and.
Speaker 2: When he came back in the house, he was different,
Speaker 2: so calm. It was like he had been meditating on
Speaker 2: this whole new plan to keep me in line. He
Speaker 2: came in with intent. He tells me that he is
Speaker 2: sick of me calling the police on him. He is
Speaker 2: sick of me threatening to divorce him, and that is
Speaker 2: all ending now. That's never going to happen again. And
Speaker 2: if I ever do it again, he's going to kill me.
Speaker 1: He was serious, and it was terrifying.
Speaker 2: I believed him. I had never felt so helpless in
Speaker 2: my life. Usually I could come up with a plan.
Speaker 2: I had no plan that decisive, planned out person who's
Speaker 2: got her act together found herself in a box.
Speaker 1: After Sean lost his father, he mentally started to unravel
Speaker 1: worse than before. Verbal abuse was a constant in the
Speaker 1: Harra's household. When things escalated, Crystal would often call the cops.
Speaker 1: But after one particularly explosive altercation, Sean left the house
Speaker 1: and after a few days, Sean came back with a
Speaker 1: clear message he was in control and if she challenged him,
Speaker 1: he would kill her.
Speaker 2: I remember just trying to play it cool at first,
Speaker 2: thinking maybe he's still really mad, but whenever I went
Speaker 2: to revisit it days later, weeks later, months later and
Speaker 2: just say, like, you didn't mean that, You're just mad.
Speaker 2: He would double down on it and say, no, that
Speaker 2: is what I mean.
Speaker 1: So Crystal fell in line. She avoided doing anything that
Speaker 1: could upset him.
Speaker 2: I thought, I'm going to be so nice to him.
Speaker 2: If I'm so nice to him, how could he be
Speaker 2: mean to me? But then he said, the meaner I
Speaker 2: act to you, the nicer you act to me. Anything
Speaker 2: she did to try and regain control backfired. She needed support.
Speaker 2: For the first time in my life, I start going
Speaker 2: to church because I am out of answers, I have
Speaker 2: no plan. I feel helpless.
Speaker 1: Crystal leaned on the church and its community. There she
Speaker 1: felt less alone. A few months later, the church was
Speaker 1: hosting an Easter egg hunt. Crystal wanted to take her sons.
Speaker 1: They were five and two at the time.
Speaker 2: I begged Sean to go to this thing with me.
Speaker 2: Is like, the kids will have so much fun, do
Speaker 2: it for them, and he did not want to go.
Speaker 2: He finally, super begrudgingly agreed to come.
Speaker 1: The whole time, Sean was miserable. He would wander off
Speaker 1: or snap at her. What was the supposed to be
Speaker 1: a fun holiday event ended up being really stressful. After
Speaker 1: the event, Crystal and Sean were pulling out of the
Speaker 1: church parking lot. Crystal sat in the passenger seat, exhausted,
Speaker 1: with the two boys in the back.
Speaker 2: Sewn is starting to like flip off these cars and stuff,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, oh my god, I'm so embarrassed because
Speaker 2: these are people I go to church with. I just said, Sean,
Speaker 2: do not flip these people off. And I had a
Speaker 2: snow cone in my hand and I was looking out
Speaker 2: the passenger window. Next thing I know, the whole thing
Speaker 2: just explodes because Sean's hand has come across and whacked
Speaker 2: it out of my face and hit my face a
Speaker 2: little bit too, and then he takes his finger and
Speaker 2: he puts it right in the soft part of my throat,
Speaker 2: like right in the front, and he just starts pushing
Speaker 2: really hard, and I'm trying to back up, but I'm
Speaker 2: crying and I'm yelling and I'm him to stop. And
Speaker 2: my son is diagonal from me, and my other son's
Speaker 2: behind me and hearing all this. The oldest one he's
Speaker 2: telling his daddy to stop. Nothing had ever happened in
Speaker 2: front of the kids before. And I just realized at
Speaker 2: that moment, how delusional I had been thinking that I
Speaker 2: could keep any of this under control.
Speaker 1: She needed to get out, but she was afraid for
Speaker 1: her life, and now she was afraid for her kids' lives.
Speaker 1: In that moment, Crystal made a decision.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna buy a gun. That's my way out to
Speaker 2: get out of this marriage and stay alive because I
Speaker 2: knew he would come after me. Let's say I called
Speaker 2: the police that moment. Like that night, I truly believed
Speaker 2: that he would just be out the next day and
Speaker 2: come and kill me. I felt like I could not
Speaker 2: make any moves for safety until I had that gun.
Speaker 2: It just felt like a lifeline to me.
Speaker 1: Crystal wasted no time I went.
Speaker 2: That very same night, I still remember walking into this
Speaker 2: gun store thinking that I cannot believe this is my life.
Speaker 2: I can't believe this is my life.
Speaker 1: In California, there's a ten day waiting period between purchasing
Speaker 1: a gun and taking possession of it, So for Crystal,
Speaker 1: it was just a matter of getting through those next
Speaker 1: ten days. Once she did pick up the gun, she
Speaker 1: would take her and her boys and leave Sean forever.
Speaker 1: But within a few days Sean started threatening her again.
Speaker 1: She wanted evidence of the threats and violence against her
Speaker 1: in case she would ever need it in court. This
Speaker 1: was two thousand and eight, before iPhone's remainstream. Crystal had
Speaker 1: to be resourceful.
Speaker 2: I thought, I'm going to need proof this is happening
Speaker 2: to me. So I decided I was going to get
Speaker 2: a tape recorder.
Speaker 1: As a note for listeners, Crystal is about to describe
Speaker 1: an instance of graphic domestic violence. If you'd prefer not
Speaker 1: to hear this, you can fast forward three and a
Speaker 1: half minutes.
Speaker 2: And so we get to Friday and I get home
Speaker 2: from work and he immediately says to me, I can't
Speaker 2: stand to be around you. Either you need to leave
Speaker 2: or I do. I still had my high heels on
Speaker 2: and my business suit and my nylons and everything, and
Speaker 2: I just was like, okay, fine.
Speaker 1: Crystal decided to give Sean some space. She went up
Speaker 1: to her bedroom she'd stay out of his way for
Speaker 1: the rest of the night.
Speaker 2: I had just gotten in bed, and next thing I know,
Speaker 2: he comes strolling in the room and wants to have sex.
Speaker 2: And I said, no, no, we're not having sex. And
Speaker 2: he starts in on me like, well, we are married,
Speaker 2: aren't we, And then he starts saying this is not
Speaker 2: up for negotiation. I can remember a flood of adrenaline
Speaker 2: going through my body, like, oh my god, what is happening.
Speaker 2: I'm not able to talk my way out of it.
Speaker 2: He's two hundred and twenty pounds. I was one hundred
Speaker 2: and twenty pounds. I couldn't hurt him if I tried,
Speaker 2: whereas he could kill me. And as I realized I'm
Speaker 2: not getting out of this, I remembered I've got that
Speaker 2: tape recorder nearby. I couldn't physically stop this from happening,
Speaker 2: but I could at least have proof that it was happening.
Speaker 2: And so I started begging him to let me go
Speaker 2: to the bathroom. And it took me a little bit,
Speaker 2: but he finally let me go to the bathroom. And
Speaker 2: as I came out of the bathroom, I stopped at
Speaker 2: my underwear drawer and acted like I was getting something out,
Speaker 2: and I hit that play in record button and then
Speaker 2: I closed the drawer, and then I decided to just
Speaker 2: try and act like maybe you didn't mean what you
Speaker 2: were saying before I'm gonna go check on the kids,
Speaker 2: like I was just trying to like get out of
Speaker 2: there like put this off in some way, shape or form,
Speaker 2: and he got super mad that I didn't come back
Speaker 2: to the bed. Then I tried to leave, and he
Speaker 2: jumped over the bed and grabbed me by the arm
Speaker 2: and womped me upside the head and started choking me
Speaker 2: and pulled me back to the bed.
Speaker 1: He raped her that night.
Speaker 2: When he's finished, I'm thinking he's maybe gonna feel bad.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm walking to the bathroom to clean
Speaker 2: up and get a hold of myself, and I'm still
Speaker 2: reeling from what happened. But I said something like I
Speaker 2: can't believe you just fucking raped your own wife. He
Speaker 2: comes into the bathroom and he hits me again upside
Speaker 2: the head, and he's like, don't fucking lie to me.
Speaker 2: I kept saying, okay, I'm sorry. I was confused, okay,
Speaker 2: And he's like, you're not confused. I'm gonna carve that
Speaker 2: on your head when I dump your fucking body in
Speaker 2: a ditch. And he even starts to taunt me about
Speaker 2: calling the police. He's like, are you gonna call the police?
Speaker 2: Go ahead, I wish you would. Please do give me
Speaker 2: a reason.
Speaker 1: Later that night, she checked the tape recorder to see
Speaker 1: if that I captured anything.
Speaker 2: The audio quality was shit, but it was there. Not
Speaker 2: only did it catch the rape on tape, it caught
Speaker 2: his death threat, but caught everything. I kept it like
Speaker 2: it was the most precious jewel ever. I didn't leave
Speaker 2: it anywhere in the house. It would go with me
Speaker 2: wherever I went.
Speaker 1: Now Crystal had proof this was a serious escalation in violence.
Speaker 1: Wednesday was five days away, and that's when she could
Speaker 1: pick up her gun. In the meantime, she was trying
Speaker 1: to lay low and survive.
Speaker 2: I'm just going to be super nice to him and
Speaker 2: just get to Wednesday. The next day, I take the
Speaker 2: kids to Lego Land. That day was fine. I had
Speaker 2: no interaction with Sean. Sunday, I took the kids to
Speaker 2: where my mom lived and visited with her. And that
Speaker 2: was the first time I told anyone what happened, because
Speaker 2: now I have a plan, Like now I can tell
Speaker 2: her this is what's been happening to me, but don't worry,
Speaker 2: I've caught it under control. And so of course she
Speaker 2: didn't want me to go home to him that day,
Speaker 2: but I said I have to. I just have to
Speaker 2: play along until I get this gun. On Wednesday, and
Speaker 2: she agreed.
Speaker 1: She went back home and went to work on Monday.
Speaker 1: The day passed without much interaction between her and Sean.
Speaker 1: I want to mend here again that Krystal is going
Speaker 1: to describe a final escalation in violence. If you'd prefer
Speaker 1: not to hear this, you can fast forward a minute
Speaker 1: and a half.
Speaker 2: Tuesday. I had a long day just in the office,
Speaker 2: and when I got home at like six six thirty,
Speaker 2: he just started in on me immediately, like where have
Speaker 2: you been all day? What have you been doing? And
Speaker 2: he tells me that he was tracking my phone that
Speaker 2: day and that I'm a fucking liar, And he just
Speaker 2: put his hands around my neck and he started choking
Speaker 2: me so hard and so long, and he would not
Speaker 2: let go. I kept having this thought process in my head,
Speaker 2: like is he trying to kill me? Is he gonna
Speaker 2: accidentally kill me? Either way, I'm dead? And his eyes
Speaker 2: were black. He did not care at all what I
Speaker 2: was saying. Nothing I said mattered.
Speaker 1: He raved Crystal again. This time he was even more
Speaker 1: violent than before.
Speaker 2: He finally finishes and I just remember getting up completely
Speaker 2: naked and just walking like a zombie almost to the
Speaker 2: bathroom and just getting in the shower and crying like
Speaker 2: the most I've ever cried in my life, because I just.
Speaker 3: Candn't believe all this happened to me. I also had
Speaker 3: like a complete revelation, which was I'm not gonna die
Speaker 3: if I leave. I'm gonna die if I stay.
Speaker 1: Crystal was right to believe that her situation was life threatening.
Speaker 1: A report from the Journal of Emergency Medicine in two
Speaker 1: thousand and eight shows that strangulation is one of the
Speaker 1: the strongest predictors of future lethal violence. Victims who have
Speaker 1: been strangled by a partner are seven hundred and fifty
Speaker 1: percent more likely to be killed by that same partner.
Speaker 1: Crystal was violated, almost died. Sean seemed unbothered, as if
Speaker 1: it was any other night. He logged onto play video
Speaker 1: games with his friends.
Speaker 2: Sean was playing this online role playing game called World
Speaker 2: of Warcraft.
Speaker 1: He always played on the third floor wearing headphones, so
Speaker 1: Crystal hoped he wouldn't be able to hear.
Speaker 2: What she was doing. He thought, I was going to
Speaker 2: bed like normal. I put pillows in the bed, then
Speaker 2: I just walked out the front door. I went all
Speaker 2: the way out of our gate and I hid in
Speaker 2: some bushes and I called nine one one.
Speaker 1: After surviving multiple violent attacks at the hands of her husband, Sean,
Speaker 1: Crystal knew she needed to act quickly. That night, while
Speaker 1: Sean played video games, Crystal snuck out of the house,
Speaker 1: hid in some bushes in her neighborhood, and called nine
Speaker 1: one one.
Speaker 2: I had left the door unlocked, and I gave him
Speaker 2: permission to go in, and I told them where he
Speaker 2: was and they just went up there to the third
Speaker 2: floor and arrested him.
Speaker 1: Crystal called the police at nine PM, but her night
Speaker 1: wouldn't end until noon the next day.
Speaker 2: I was with the police and we were waiting on
Speaker 2: search warrants and we were getting the kids out to
Speaker 2: my parents. I had to go to the hospital that
Speaker 2: night for a sexual assault rape test.
Speaker 1: After finishing a medical exam and filing a police report,
Speaker 1: Crystal's attention turned to her kids. They'd been home during
Speaker 1: both attacks, but they were in their bedrooms. Crystal was
Speaker 1: confident that they hadn't seen or heard the attacks, but
Speaker 1: they had been in the car a week earlier after
Speaker 1: the Easter egg hunt.
Speaker 2: Immediately, when I'm back with them, I tell them the truth,
Speaker 2: because here's the thing. My son who saw Sean hit
Speaker 2: that snow cone out of my face and kind of
Speaker 2: choked me. Kept saying, are you gonna do something? We
Speaker 2: need to call the police, but I kept telling him like,
Speaker 2: Mommy has it under control. So this is now like
Speaker 2: a week and a half after that, and now his
Speaker 2: dad's in jail, and I just linked him. I just said,
Speaker 2: remember when daddy hurt mommy. He's in jail. He hurt mommy,
Speaker 2: And it just made complete sense to him. He was like, Okay, yeah,
Speaker 2: I shouldn't have hurt you then.
Speaker 1: And Cristel had to tell the rest of her family
Speaker 1: and close friends what she had been through.
Speaker 2: My dad was just devastated. Everyone just couldn't believe the
Speaker 2: way that my life had been for so long.
Speaker 1: With Sean and jail. Christel felt relieved, but she was
Speaker 1: surprised to find that there was another emotion, grief.
Speaker 2: I made vows to this man. I spent my whole
Speaker 2: adult life with him, I made children with him. I
Speaker 2: actually mourned for quite a long time after he was arrested,
Speaker 2: the life I thought I was going to have with him.
Speaker 1: In order to cope, Cristel threw herself into work.
Speaker 2: Work was keeping me sane and things were so crazy
Speaker 2: every day at work.
Speaker 1: Cristel had always been the breadwinner in her marriage with Sean.
Speaker 1: She managed the family's finances, so when Shawan's bail was posted,
Speaker 1: Cristel was the one in control.
Speaker 2: When they first arrested him, I canceled all of his
Speaker 2: credit cards, so it made whatever was in his wallet
Speaker 2: not work. Because I thought his bail would probably be
Speaker 2: like twenty five grand or ten grand or something. He
Speaker 2: had like a million three point fifty bail. I felt
Speaker 2: safe with that.
Speaker 1: Shawn's criminal trial took multiple years.
Speaker 2: The worst thing that happened during those two and a
Speaker 2: half years is Sean finally did make bail. He's living
Speaker 2: with his mom. He becomes a cab driver.
Speaker 1: While they waited for the criminal trial, Crystal and Sean
Speaker 1: were duking it out in family court negotiating custody of
Speaker 1: the kids. And on top of that, Sean was demanding money.
Speaker 2: Sean wanted spousal support, and we haven't had the criminal
Speaker 2: trial yet, and so my word is the only evidence
Speaker 2: in the case at that point. In family court, the
Speaker 2: judge rules that yes, there was domestic violence and rape
Speaker 2: in this case. That's just one factor, though, and the
Speaker 2: bigger factor is that I'm the breadwinner and it would
Speaker 2: be sexist if I don't order some spousal support for
Speaker 2: the husband. I was just so outraged. I remember leaving
Speaker 2: court that day. Sean passed me in the car and
Speaker 2: had a number one sign like he's the winner. He
Speaker 2: rubbed it in my face. He would like laugh when
Speaker 2: we got out of the courtroom, and I kept saying,
Speaker 2: he's a violent rapist.
Speaker 1: According to the family court judge, Crystal would have to
Speaker 1: pay the man that raped her, violated her, the man
Speaker 1: that almost killed her. At the next hearing, the judge
Speaker 1: ruled on how much Crystal would pay Sean espousal support.
Speaker 2: Sean normally would have been awarded maybe three thousand dollars
Speaker 2: a month, but because of the domestic violence finding in
Speaker 2: this case, the judge said, I'll knock that down to
Speaker 2: one thousand dollars a month. And I remember someone saying,
Speaker 2: what is that the rape discount? And not only did
Speaker 2: I have to pay espousal support, I also was ordered
Speaker 2: to pay half of his attorneys. He's another forty seven
Speaker 2: thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: Crystal knew this wasn't right. Survivors shouldn't be forced to
Speaker 1: pay their abusers.
Speaker 2: Around that same time, I had happened to see a
Speaker 2: dateline where a woman in California was ordered to pay
Speaker 2: spousal support to the man who was convicted of attempting
Speaker 2: to murder her.
Speaker 1: This woman had to pay the man that wanted her debt.
Speaker 1: But instead of accepting the ruling, she had work to
Speaker 1: change the law in California. Crystal thought that survivors espousal
Speaker 1: rape deserved the same protections, and it got her thinking.
Speaker 1: The next time she was.
Speaker 2: In court, I can remember saying to the judge, I said,
Speaker 2: if you order me to pay this, I am going
Speaker 2: to get the law changed. And he was like, you're
Speaker 2: going to change the law.
Speaker 1: When Crystal sets her mind to something, she gets it done.
Speaker 1: She got to work right away.
Speaker 2: I went to my local assemblymen and when I went
Speaker 2: into the office, I said, I'm a constituent of yours,
Speaker 2: and I just told them what happened.
Speaker 1: After hearing Crystal's story, her local representatives agreed the law
Speaker 1: needed to be changed to better protect survivors. They began
Speaker 1: the process of writing a bill and sharing crystal story
Speaker 1: with other California lawmakers.
Speaker 2: Every single person that we've talked about it to would
Speaker 2: just be horrified and stunned to find out that this
Speaker 2: could even happen to someone, that they could be forced
Speaker 2: to pay their own rapists spousal support.
Speaker 1: The bill quickly gained track.
Speaker 2: Almost immediately. There was like twenty different lawmakers that had
Speaker 2: their name on this bill. The district attorney also agreed
Speaker 2: that this law should be changed and volunteered to write
Speaker 2: the law. The fact that the district attorney wrote the
Speaker 2: law and it was backed by the entire California District
Speaker 2: Attorney's Association lended a huge amount of weight.
Speaker 1: But the process of introducing the new bill and changing
Speaker 1: California law would take time. While Crystal and Shawn's family
Speaker 1: court case dragged on, John's criminal trial finally began. Crystal
Speaker 1: gathered all the evidence she had, including the tape recording
Speaker 1: of Sean's violent attack.
Speaker 2: I don't know what I expected. I kind of maybe
Speaker 2: expected just to go in and be like, here's the tape,
Speaker 2: and ask me whatever you want and just have them
Speaker 2: believe me.
Speaker 1: During the trial, Crystal discovered a horrible truth.
Speaker 2: When you are a rape victim, you are on trial too,
Speaker 2: your cross examined, and every move you made, every decision
Speaker 2: you made, is scrutinized as much as his.
Speaker 1: Crystal thought the trial would be quick because she had
Speaker 1: a recording of the attack, and on that tape, Sean
Speaker 1: could be heard making explicit threats against her life. The
Speaker 1: recording was played in her trial.
Speaker 2: The fact that I taped what happened to me, just
Speaker 2: for that same reason where I'm thinking, God, how is
Speaker 2: anybody going to believe this? It just was like Wow.
Speaker 2: In two thousand and eight, it was just not done. Nowadays,
Speaker 2: everybody tapes everything.
Speaker 1: As for Shawn's legal defense, what's.
Speaker 2: The only defense you can come up with if there's
Speaker 2: an audio tape? Oh, we were role playing, of course,
Speaker 2: you know, that's his defense that he goes with. Their
Speaker 2: defense was so insulting to me.
Speaker 1: Sean was facing three very serious charges.
Speaker 2: He was charged with for storal copulation, spousal rape, and sodomy.
Speaker 1: When the verdict finally came down, the jury only found
Speaker 1: him guilty on one of those three charges.
Speaker 2: The jury convicted him of the forur storal copulation, which
Speaker 2: is on tape.
Speaker 1: But the jury was deadlocked on the two other charges
Speaker 1: saw toom me by force and forceable spousal rape. Even
Speaker 1: though those acts were caught on tape two. The jury
Speaker 1: wasn't fully convinced, so the court ultimately dismissed the charges.
Speaker 2: I was mad. I was mad at that verdict.
Speaker 1: It raises the question if Crystal hadn't recorded the attacks,
Speaker 1: would there have been a trial at all Because she
Speaker 1: was married to her rapist. Christel felt like the courts
Speaker 1: treated her case differently. After the verdict, he was sentenced
Speaker 1: to six years for the crime, and.
Speaker 2: I remember thinking, what am I going to do when
Speaker 2: he gets out, because like it all starts again, my
Speaker 2: fear of him killing me, my worry for my kids, everything,
Speaker 2: it just will begin again.
Speaker 1: She started thinking of ways she could protect herself when
Speaker 1: that day came, and.
Speaker 2: So I got a security protection trained German shepherd. He
Speaker 2: was amazing that moment on I knew I was safe,
Speaker 2: like between all the other stuff I had, but the dog,
Speaker 2: like I knew Sean couldn't be hiding in my house.
Speaker 2: It finally gave me peace of mind.
Speaker 1: Sean would be locked up for five years. While he
Speaker 1: was still behind bars, she worked hard to change the
Speaker 1: law so she wouldn't have to pay him spousal support
Speaker 1: once he got out in twenty twelve, after a year
Speaker 1: of lobbying, California passed a bill which introduced exceptions to
Speaker 1: spousal support payments in cases of spousal rape. The bill
Speaker 1: protects spousal rape victims whose abusers have been convicted in
Speaker 1: criminal court from being financially obligated to their attackers. Cristel
Speaker 1: was instrumental in getting this legislation passed. She told her
Speaker 1: story again and again to help lawmakers understand.
Speaker 2: If they can't put a face to the bill, it
Speaker 2: doesn't mean anything. For some reason. You can't just introduce
Speaker 2: this in theory like this could happen. No, you have
Speaker 2: to be like, no, it happened to her, and she's
Speaker 2: sitting right here at the end of it all, I'm
Speaker 2: so proud of what I've done and what I've been
Speaker 2: able to get done.
Speaker 1: But the story doesn't end there. Six years after Shawn's release,
Speaker 1: Kristal got a call from the District Attorney's office.
Speaker 2: The deputy district attorney was sort of like, I'm so
Speaker 2: sorry to bother you. I know this might be upsetting,
Speaker 2: but I wanted to let you know that Sean Harris
Speaker 2: has been arrested.
Speaker 1: After Sean got out of prison, he was arrested for
Speaker 1: raping another woman and sexually abusing that woman's underage daughter.
Speaker 1: Cristal felt like she'd been telling the courts for years
Speaker 1: about how dangerous Sean was. She was enraged that it
Speaker 1: took him harming two other people for his violence to
Speaker 1: be taken seriously.
Speaker 2: He is a fucking criminal rapist, and he did it
Speaker 2: to someone else. But here's the thing. When Sean was
Speaker 2: arrested in twenty twenty one again for the same crime
Speaker 2: and charged with five felonies in that case, this time
Speaker 2: he was sentenced to one hundred years to life. Because
Speaker 2: the conviction in my case was in the record, it
Speaker 2: all counts.
Speaker 1: If Crystal hadn't pressed charges or hadn't documented his crimes,
Speaker 1: Sean's sentence could have been much lighter.
Speaker 2: You have to get it on the record. Abusers they
Speaker 2: don't stop. They're gonna keep doing it, and they're gonna
Speaker 2: get worse. They're gonna escalate, and they're gonna get caught,
Speaker 2: and you need to have it on the record all
Speaker 2: along the way so that they can finally get what
Speaker 2: they deserve, like Sean finally has any sentence to one
Speaker 2: hundred years to life.
Speaker 1: That sentence gave Crystal a sense of relief to live
Speaker 1: the rest of her life without fear.
Speaker 2: I'm not sure I would be where I am mentally
Speaker 2: today without that, because there's just this level of I
Speaker 2: would never ever have let my guard down if he
Speaker 2: was out ever, and that's just a hard way to live.
Speaker 1: Crystal never expected to become an advocate for survivors espousal
Speaker 1: rape and domestic violence.
Speaker 2: At this age of fifty three. I just have a
Speaker 2: compassion that I didn't have when I was young. Life
Speaker 2: is hard. I've learned like everybody has something, and it's
Speaker 2: shocking how many people have this, have domestic violence or
Speaker 2: some aspect of domestic violence in their life.
Speaker 1: After she left Sean, she needed a break. She wanted
Speaker 1: to prioritize herself and her kids, so she decided not
Speaker 1: to think about dating until her kids were at least eighteen.
Speaker 2: I ended up going twelve years without dating. In twenty twenty,
Speaker 2: I let myself go on a dating app for the
Speaker 2: first time, and I met an amazing man. We're married
Speaker 2: today and he could not be a better person.
Speaker 1: In the past few years, Crystal has been thriving. She
Speaker 1: and her husband lived together on a beautiful hillside in
Speaker 1: southern California.
Speaker 2: We've got ten acres and built a custom house. We
Speaker 2: can see all the way to the ocean, all the
Speaker 2: city lights below. It's amazing. I feel like the life
Speaker 2: I have today is everything I sacrificed and planned for
Speaker 2: four years ago.
Speaker 1: We end every episode with the same question, why do
Speaker 1: you want to share your story?
Speaker 2: I loved him, I wanted everything with him. And the
Speaker 2: fact that that same man is the one who made
Speaker 2: me so afraid from my life, that's the betrayal. I
Speaker 2: feel like women are not that well served by the
Speaker 2: common advice that's given of just just get out. I
Speaker 2: feel like that's too simplistic. You have to have a
Speaker 2: shield of some sort when you get out, and that
Speaker 2: shield is documentation. You have to think like a chessboard,
Speaker 2: think all the way to the end. I just feel
Speaker 2: like women need to hear that they're not told that
Speaker 2: by the official sources, because it's a little bit counter
Speaker 2: to safety. Sometimes you could get hurt doing the recording.
Speaker 2: You could get hurt by staying long enough to get
Speaker 2: the documentation. And it's like not the legal thing to say,
Speaker 2: but I'm just telling you that's what you need if
Speaker 2: you are victimized the way that I was, and the
Speaker 2: way that so many people are. You should not be
Speaker 2: the one who is living in fear.
Speaker 1: On the next episode of Betrayal Weekly.
Speaker 4: We pull out of our house. We get about two
Speaker 4: blocks from the old house, and he looks at me
Speaker 4: and he says, I think I'm getting ready to be arrested.
Speaker 4: Within seconds of that coming out of his mouth, the
Speaker 4: squad car let us sap and pulled us over.
Speaker 1: If you would like to reach out to the Betrayal
Speaker 1: team or want to tell us your Betrayal story, email
Speaker 1: us at Betrayalpod at gmail dot com. That's Betrayal Pod
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com, or follow us on Instagram at
Speaker 1: Betrayal Pod. You can also connect with me on Instagram
Speaker 1: at It's Andrea Gunning. To access our newsletter, view additional content,
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Speaker 2: A long way.
Speaker 1: A big thank you to all of our listeners. Betrayal
Speaker 1: is a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass
Speaker 1: Entertainment Group and partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show is
Speaker 1: executive produced by Nancy Glass and Jennifer Fasin, hosted and
Speaker 1: produced by me Andrea Gunning. This episode was written and
Speaker 1: produced by Olivia Hewitt and Monique Leboard, with additional production
Speaker 1: from Ben Fetterman, casting support from Curry Richmond. Our iHeart
Speaker 1: team is Ali Perry and Jessica Krincheck. Audio editing and
Speaker 1: mixing by Matt del Vechio. Additional audio editing by Tanner Robbins.
Speaker 1: Betrayal's theme composed by Oliver Bain's music library provided by
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